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[male narrator]
It's an important and popular fact
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00:00:33,743 --> 00:00:37,663
that things are not always
what they seem.
3
00:00:37,747 --> 00:00:41,542
For instance, on the planet Earth,
man had always assumed
4
00:00:41,626 --> 00:00:45,212
that he was the most intelligent
species occupying the planet,
5
00:00:45,296 --> 00:00:47,965
instead of the third most intelligent.
6
00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:52,553
The second most intelligent creatures
were dolphins, who, curiously enough,
7
00:00:52,637 --> 00:00:56,557
had long known of the impending
destruction of the planet Earth.
8
00:00:56,641 --> 00:00:58,976
They'd made many attempts
to alert mankind,
9
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:02,063
but most of their communications
were misinterpreted
10
00:01:02,146 --> 00:01:05,650
as amusing attempts to punch footballs
or whistle for tidbits.
11
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:10,196
So they eventually decided they would
leave Earth by their own means.
12
00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:13,491
The last ever dolphin message
was misinterpreted
13
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:16,827
as a sophisticated attempt
to do a backward somersault
14
00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:19,956
through a hoop, whistling
The Star-Spangled Banner.
15
00:01:20,039 --> 00:01:21,791
In fact, the message was this:
16
00:01:21,874 --> 00:01:24,794
– [bell rings]
– "So long and thanks for all the fish."
17
00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:28,339
[Up tempo drum intro to big band number]
18
00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:53,489
[male chorus] ♪ So long
and thanks for all the fish
19
00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:55,616
♪ So sad that it should come to this
20
00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:59,829
♪ We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear
21
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:01,956
♪ You may not share our intellect
22
00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:04,166
♪ Which might explain your disrespect
23
00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:08,337
♪ For all the natural wonders
that grow around you
24
00:02:08,379 --> 00:02:12,717
♪ So long, so long
and thanks for all the fish
25
00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:16,804
[female chorus]
♪ Your world's about to be destroyed
26
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:19,015
♪ There's no point
getting all annoyed
27
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:23,561
♪ Lie back and let the planet
dissolve around you
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00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,563
[male chorus]
♪ Despite those nets of tuna fleets
29
00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:27,648
♪ We thought that
most of you were sweet
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00:02:27,732 --> 00:02:29,358
♪ Especially tiny tots
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00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,819
♪ And your pregnant women
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00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:34,071
♪ So long, so long
so long, so long, so long
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00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:36,032
[female chorus] ♪ So long, so long
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00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:40,411
[whole chorus] ♪ So long, so long
and thanks for all the fish
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[girl solo]
♪ If I had just one last wish
36
00:02:47,043 --> 00:02:51,130
♪ I would like a tasty fish
37
00:02:51,213 --> 00:02:55,509
[woman solo]
♪ If we could just change one thing
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00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:59,764
♪ We would all have learned to sing
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00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:03,976
[full chorus]
♪ Come one and all
40
00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:08,355
♪ Man and mammal
41
00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:11,650
♪ Side by side
42
00:03:11,734 --> 00:03:17,740
♪ In life's great gene pool
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00:03:36,801 --> 00:03:39,011
[male chorus]
♪ So long, so long, so long
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00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,971
[female chorus] ♪ So long, so long
45
00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:47,061
[whole chorus] ♪ So long, so long
and thanks for all the fish ♪
46
00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:59,573
[cock crows]
47
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:05,079
[male narrator] The extraordinary story
of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,831
begins very simply.
49
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,834
It begins with a man.
50
00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:18,843
Ooh!
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00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,845
An Earthman, to be precise,
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00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,513
who no more knows his destiny
53
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:26,100
than a tea leaf knows the history
of the East India Company.
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00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:28,310
[buzz]
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00:04:28,394 --> 00:04:31,188
His name is Arthur Dent.
56
00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:34,567
He is a five-foot-eight-inch-tall
ape descendant
57
00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:38,696
and someone is trying to drive
a bypass through his house.
58
00:04:43,993 --> 00:04:46,120
What do I want you to do about it?
Find him
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00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:50,207
and tell him I'm currently lying
flat on my back in front of...
60
00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:51,584
Fine, I'll hold.
61
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:54,378
You can't lie in front
of the bulldozers forever.
62
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:56,589
I'm game. We'll see who rusts first.
63
00:04:56,714 --> 00:05:00,009
This bypass has got to be built
and it is going to be built.
64
00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:04,138
– Why has it got to be built?
– It's a bypass.
65
00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:08,767
You've got to build bypasses. Besides,
you should've protested months ago.
66
00:05:08,893 --> 00:05:12,271
The plans have been on display
at the planning office for a year.
67
00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:15,065
On display?
I had to go down to a cellar.
68
00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:20,446
Mr. Dent, have you any idea how much
damage this bulldozer would suffer
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00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:22,990
if I just let it roll straight over you?
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00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:27,244
– How much?
– None at all.
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[narrator] By a strange coincidence,
none at all
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00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:33,918
is exactly how much suspicion
the ape-descendant Arthur had
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00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:35,753
that one of his closest friends
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00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:39,548
was not descended from an ape,
but was, in fact, from a small planet
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00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:42,927
somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse.
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00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:46,263
Arthur! Arthur!
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00:05:46,305 --> 00:05:48,140
– [Arthur] Ford!
– Yes?
78
00:05:48,224 --> 00:05:49,683
Here.
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00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:51,143
Ah, there you are!
80
00:05:51,227 --> 00:05:53,020
[Ford] Eat, drink. We gotta talk.
81
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:56,357
Now's not the best time.
They're going to demolish my home.
82
00:05:56,440 --> 00:06:00,819
Whoa! You already...
You already know? How?
83
00:06:00,945 --> 00:06:02,821
What do you m...?
84
00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:07,701
Oh, they, they? When you say
"they" you mean they? Got it.
85
00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:12,456
Listen. I got somethin' important
I gotta tell you. Right now.
86
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:15,000
Well, what about my house?
87
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:25,010
[Ford] Workers of the Earth, I bring
good tidings of peanuts and beer!
88
00:06:25,094 --> 00:06:27,805
[workers' excited chatter]
89
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,439
– Good. Let's go to the pub.
– Huh?
90
00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:40,484
They won't demolish it
until they've finished the beers.
91
00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:42,987
– Can we trust 'em?
– To the end of the Earth.
92
00:06:43,112 --> 00:06:45,447
– How far's that?
– About 12 minutes away.
93
00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:46,574
Huh?
94
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:50,659
Barman, six pints of bitter and quickly.
The world's about to end.
95
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,663
Six pints coming up.
96
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:56,417
[Ford] Keep the change.
You got about ten minutes to spend it.
97
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:59,837
Three pints each? At lunchtime?
98
00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:05,134
[loud gulping]
99
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:11,432
Sorry. Ah. Time is an illusion.
100
00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:13,684
Lunchtime, doubly so.
101
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:17,563
And eat those peanuts
because you'll need the salt.
102
00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:20,316
– Look, what is going on, Ford?
– Arthur...
103
00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:25,946
What if I told you
I really wasn't from Guildford?
104
00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:30,409
I was from a small planet
somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse?
105
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,619
Is that something
you're likely to say?
106
00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:34,038
Remember when we met?
107
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– [Ford mimics car]
– [car horn]
108
00:07:41,045 --> 00:07:42,212
[Arthur] Out the way!
109
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:46,925
– [Arthur] Oof!
– Hi.
110
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Wasn't it strange I was trying
to shake hands with a car?
111
00:07:50,054 --> 00:07:51,639
I assumed you were drunk.
112
00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:55,809
I thought cars were the dominant
life form. I was introducing myself.
113
00:07:55,893 --> 00:08:00,356
You saved my life. And now
I'm saving yours. Please drink.
114
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:03,734
It must be Thursday. I could never get
the hang of Thursdays.
115
00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:07,237
– If this is about your house...
– No, it's not about the house.
116
00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:11,116
– [Arthur tuts]
– [phone beeps]
117
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:13,369
– [Ford] Who's he?
– [Arthur] She. She.
118
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:17,081
Tricia McMillan.
We met at a fancy-dress party.
119
00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:20,584
[Arthur] I hate those kind of parties.
120
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,587
I'd rather have stayed at home
and ironed my hankies.
121
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– But there I was.
– [Tricia] Who are you?
122
00:08:25,923 --> 00:08:27,674
– [Arthur] Oh!
– And there she was.
123
00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:32,471
– Uh, Dent. Arthur Dent.
– Oh, no. I mean, who are you?
124
00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:35,766
Oh, the costume? Right.
"Livingstone, I presume!"
125
00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:41,313
Yeah, it's not as clever as Darwin,
but the best I could do at short notice.
126
00:08:41,397 --> 00:08:43,440
You're the first to get that right.
127
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:46,318
– [Arthur] Really?
– Yes. Everyone calls me Santa.
128
00:08:46,402 --> 00:08:48,946
– Right.
– I thought the beagle was a giveaway.
129
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,656
So did I.
130
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:53,158
People at these parties
are drunken idiots.
131
00:08:53,242 --> 00:08:54,660
– What?
– [music stops]
132
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[Arthur] All these people
are idiots! God!
133
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,083
[Tricia laughs]
134
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,918
That's awkward.
135
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,795
[Arthur] Tell me.
136
00:09:06,672 --> 00:09:09,466
She was amazing though, Ford.
137
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:12,553
Beautiful, witty, mad as a balloon.
138
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:17,266
[Arthur] Uh, without the beard,
you look at least 80 years younger.
139
00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:20,102
Maybe I'm de-evolving.
140
00:09:20,144 --> 00:09:22,813
[both laugh]
141
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:25,774
[Arthur] Well, I should tell you
that I do not date
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single-celled organisms, OK?
143
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,490
Let's go somewhere.
144
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:37,703
Yeah. Definitely.
Um, where do you have in mind?
145
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:41,749
– Madagascar.
– Is that that new club on Dean Street?
146
00:09:41,832 --> 00:09:45,169
No, it's a country
off the coast of Africa.
147
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:48,213
That Madagascar?
Why are we waiting here?
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00:09:48,839 --> 00:09:51,341
– Wait a sec.
– [Tricia laughs]
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00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:53,010
Go.
150
00:09:56,138 --> 00:10:00,642
God, you're serious.
Um, I can't go to Madagascar.
151
00:10:00,726 --> 00:10:03,771
– Why not?
– [Arthur] Because, I just, you know...
152
00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:05,230
– You're serious?
– Yeah.
153
00:10:05,314 --> 00:10:08,984
I want to go somewhere I've never been
and I'd like to go with you, so...
154
00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:11,737
...what do you say, Dr. Livingstone?
155
00:10:12,905 --> 00:10:17,701
I say that's
an extraordinary proposition.
156
00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:20,787
I can't go. I mean, I've got a job.
157
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:23,123
Quit. Get a new one
when you come back.
158
00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:25,209
I don't even know your real name.
Ow! Ow!
159
00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:28,670
– Tricia McMillan.
– Well, Tricia McMillan.
160
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:32,174
Um, I have a proposition for you.
161
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:35,719
Why don't we go somewhere
a little closer first,
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00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:39,181
say Cornwall,
163
00:10:39,223 --> 00:10:43,185
and we'll see how it goes.
164
00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:47,815
Right, of course, Cornwall.
165
00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:50,108
[man] Hey, excuse me.
166
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[squeak]
167
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,530
Is this guy boring you?
168
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:57,157
Why don't you talk to me instead?
169
00:10:57,241 --> 00:11:00,536
I'm from a different planet.
170
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:06,375
It's true. You want to see my spaceship?
171
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:07,751
[Tricia laughs]
172
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:11,547
"Do you want to see my spaceship?"
What kind of chat-up line is that?
173
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:14,800
Mm, that does happen.
174
00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:17,845
– Speaking of...
– [beeping]
175
00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:20,222
We've got two minutes.
Drink up.
176
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:22,266
– [rumbling]
– That's my house.
177
00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:34,111
People of Earth, a round of drinks,
for everyone, on me.
178
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,905
[barman] You really think
the world's going to end?
179
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:38,490
Yes.
180
00:11:38,574 --> 00:11:43,036
Shouldn't we lie down, or put a paper
bag over our heads, or something?
181
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:46,081
– If you like.
– Will it help?
182
00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:48,834
Not at all. See you.
183
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,168
[barman] Last orders.
184
00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:51,837
[workmen shouting]
185
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:57,926
[pants]
186
00:11:58,010 --> 00:12:01,013
[engines whir]
187
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:08,812
– [workman 1] What is that?
– [workman 2] Run!
188
00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:10,814
[workman 3] Look out!
189
00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:15,652
[shouts and screams]
190
00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:18,071
[rumbling]
191
00:12:28,332 --> 00:12:30,459
[screeching]
192
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:39,676
Aha! Towel!
193
00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:43,764
Arthur!
194
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:45,807
What the hell are those things?
195
00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:49,436
[Ford] Yeow! They're ships
from a Vogon constructor fleet.
196
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,689
I picked up their signal this morning.
You'll need this.
197
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,107
[whimpers]
198
00:12:54,191 --> 00:12:57,319
– [Arthur] What are you doing?
– [Ford] We're hitching a ride.
199
00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,447
[feedback]
200
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,157
Um, people of Earth,
201
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:07,704
this is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the
Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council.
202
00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:09,331
As you are probably aware,
203
00:13:09,373 --> 00:13:13,043
plans for the development
of the outlying regions of the galaxy
204
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:17,673
involve the building of a hyperspace
express route through your star system.
205
00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:21,927
And your planet is one
of those scheduled for demolition.
206
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:23,637
[screaming]
207
00:13:27,683 --> 00:13:29,893
[sheep bleat]
208
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,479
There's no point
acting surprised about it.
209
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:35,065
The plans have been on display
210
00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:38,902
at your local planning office
in Alpha Centauri for 50 Earth years.
211
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,028
[screaming]
212
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:43,782
If you can't be bothered with
local affairs, that's your lookout.
213
00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:46,326
Apathetic bloody planet.
214
00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:49,413
I've no sympathy at all.
215
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,540
[harsh alien speech]
216
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:53,417
[zapping]
217
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:57,421
[Arthur screams]
218
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:00,549
[Arthur screams]
219
00:14:26,575 --> 00:14:30,871
[boom]
220
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:40,023
[narrator]
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
221
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,109
is a wholly remarkable book
222
00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:45,445
Perhaps the most remarkable,
certainly the most successful,
223
00:15:45,529 --> 00:15:49,616
ever to come out of the great publishing
corporations of Ursa Minor.
224
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:52,994
More popular than
The Celestial Homecare Omnibus,
225
00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:56,873
better selling than
53 More Things to Do in Zero Gravity,
226
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,960
and more controversial than
Oolon Colluphid's trilogy
227
00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:03,213
of philosophical blockbusters,
Where God Went Wrong,
228
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,799
Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes,
229
00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:08,218
and Who Is This God Person Anyway?
230
00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:12,013
It's already supplanted
The Encyclopedia Galactica
231
00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:15,058
as the standard repository
of all knowledge and wisdom
232
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,727
for two important reasons.
233
00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:20,397
First, it's slightly cheaper,
234
00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:23,608
and second, it has the words
"Don't Panic"
235
00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:27,195
printed in large,
friendly letters on its cover.
236
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:38,582
So you're not from Guildford?
237
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:42,794
Which would explain the accent,
which I've always wondered about.
238
00:16:42,878 --> 00:16:46,673
Um, you're not an out-of-work actor,
239
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:52,220
but rather a writer for this...
this book thing.
240
00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:54,723
– [buzzing]
– [Ford] Good, huh?
241
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:57,225
I don't feel well.
I need a cup of tea.
242
00:16:57,267 --> 00:17:00,687
If I asked where we were,
would I regret it?
243
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:04,024
– [Ford] We're safe for now.
– [Arthur] Good.
244
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:07,944
We're in the washroom on one of the
ships of the Vogon constructor fleet.
245
00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:11,573
– Oh, get me home, Ford.
– Arthur, your home is...
246
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:16,244
Oh, God, my home.
My home was demolished.
247
00:17:16,328 --> 00:17:19,873
[hollow clang]
248
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:23,960
You don't remember.
249
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:27,297
OK, Arthur, I've got
something to tell you.
250
00:17:27,339 --> 00:17:30,425
It's unfortunate, but it's true.
251
00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:33,678
Your home planet has been blown up.
252
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:46,358
– Huh, blown up.
– [Ford grunts]
253
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:47,651
[grunts]
254
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:53,448
Couldn't you have done something?
255
00:17:53,490 --> 00:17:57,535
I saved your life.
OK, that makes us even.
256
00:17:57,661 --> 00:18:01,581
It's a tough galaxy. If you want
to survive out here, you've...
257
00:18:01,665 --> 00:18:05,293
...gotta know where your towel is.
258
00:18:05,377 --> 00:18:07,921
OK, give me a hand over here.
259
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:14,386
Careful. It's hot.
We've gotta get off this ship.
260
00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:16,554
Before the Vogons find us.
261
00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:19,683
Vogons, they hate hitchhikers. Pull.
262
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:23,061
– [Arthur] Huh?
– [steam hisses]
263
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,521
[Ford laughs]
264
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:28,817
– Now we'll get a signal.
– What is a Vogon?
265
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,735
Ask the Guide. Say "Vogons".
266
00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:34,572
– [chiming]
– Vogons.
267
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:39,786
[Guide] Vogons are one of the
most unpleasant races in the galaxy.
268
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:44,207
Not evil, but bad-tempered,
bureaucratic, officious and callous.
269
00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:47,794
They wouldn't even lift a finger
to save their own grandmothers
270
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:51,131
from the Ravenous Bug blatter Beast
of Traal without orders
271
00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:53,675
signed in triplicate,
sent in, sent back,
272
00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:57,053
queried, lost, found,
subjected to public inquiry,
273
00:18:57,220 --> 00:19:00,598
lost again and finally buried
in soft peat for three months
274
00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:03,518
and recycled as firelighters.
275
00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:09,649
On no account should you allow
a Vogon to read poetry to you.
276
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:11,192
[screeching]
277
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:15,905
[Ford] They can't think or imagine.
Most can't spell. They just run things.
278
00:19:19,034 --> 00:19:20,577
Hmm?
279
00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:22,078
[grunts]
280
00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:24,205
And if we don't get a ride soon,
281
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:27,709
we won't need the Guide to tell us
how unpleasant the Vogons are.
282
00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:30,128
They've already destroyed
a planet today.
283
00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:32,547
That always makes them a little "eeee!"
284
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:36,259
[unintelligible shouting
over loudspeaker]
285
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,596
Ughh! What is that?
286
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,724
– Put this in your ear.
– Huh?
287
00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:46,394
[Arthur gibbers]
288
00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:50,357
[Vogon] We have unwittingly
picked up a couple of hitchhikers.
289
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,109
The fish is translating for you.
290
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:57,238
[Guide] The Babel fish
is small, yellow, leech-like,
291
00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:01,659
and probably the oddest thing
in the universe.
292
00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:06,206
It feeds on brainwave energy,
absorbing unconscious frequencies,
293
00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:08,833
and excreting a matrix
of conscious frequencies
294
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:11,169
to the speech centers of the brain.
295
00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:14,798
The practical upshot of which is that,
if you stick one in your ear,
296
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:20,470
you instantly understand
anything said to you in any language.
297
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:24,516
[rumbling, crashing]
298
00:20:28,603 --> 00:20:31,064
Resistance is useless.
299
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:36,986
– [Arthur] All right.
– [Vogon 1] Someone's coming.
300
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,489
[Vogon 2] Here we go. Look lively.
301
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:42,659
[door rumbles, crashes]
302
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:45,745
[Vogon grunts]
303
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:51,668
[Vogons chatter]
304
00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:01,594
[crab] Wheee!
305
00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:04,514
– [Vogon grunts]
– [crab squeaks]
306
00:21:06,683 --> 00:21:10,103
– [squeak]
– [Vogon] Ha, ha!
307
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:12,730
[all shriek]
308
00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:14,607
[door clangs]
309
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:18,486
– [Vogon Jeltz] Hmmm.
– [Vogon minion] Sir.
310
00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:21,322
– [Vogon Jeltz] What?
– [Vogon minion] Hitchhikers.
311
00:21:21,406 --> 00:21:23,366
[Vogon Jeltz groans]
312
00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:26,995
[bell rings]
313
00:21:27,036 --> 00:21:30,373
[clang]
314
00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:34,669
[whoosh]
315
00:21:34,752 --> 00:21:36,546
[brakes grind]
316
00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:44,387
[feedback]
317
00:21:49,392 --> 00:21:53,229
[Vogon Jeltz groans]
318
00:21:53,313 --> 00:21:56,733
[Ford gibbers]
319
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:59,110
[Vogon Jeltz clears throat]
320
00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:03,948
"O freddled gruntbuggly..."
321
00:22:04,032 --> 00:22:06,576
No, really, you don't have to read.
322
00:22:06,701 --> 00:22:09,412
We've put you through
enough trouble already.
323
00:22:09,495 --> 00:22:14,626
"...as plerdled gabbleblotchits
on a lurgid bee."
324
00:22:14,709 --> 00:22:20,089
[Guide] Vogon poetry is widely accepted
as the third worst in the universe.
325
00:22:20,131 --> 00:22:21,174
[groans]
326
00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:24,469
[Guide] The second worst
is that of the Azgoths of Kria.
327
00:22:24,552 --> 00:22:28,097
During a recitation by their
Poet Master, Grunthos the Flatulent,
328
00:22:28,223 --> 00:22:31,100
of his poem
Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty
329
00:22:31,226 --> 00:22:33,770
I Found in My Armpit
One Midsummer Morning,
330
00:22:33,937 --> 00:22:37,106
four of his audience
died of internal hemorrhaging,
331
00:22:37,232 --> 00:22:40,777
and the President of the
Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council
332
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:43,238
survived by gnawing
one of his own legs off.
333
00:22:43,279 --> 00:22:48,284
"Or I will rend thee
in the gobberwarts..."
334
00:22:48,326 --> 00:22:51,287
– [Ford screams weakly]
– "...with my blurgle..."
335
00:22:51,371 --> 00:22:55,792
[Guide] The absolute worst poetry was
by Paula Millstone Jennings of Sussex.
336
00:22:55,833 --> 00:22:58,378
Luckily, it was destroyed
when the Earth was.
337
00:22:58,461 --> 00:23:03,132
"See if I don't." Yeah.
338
00:23:03,258 --> 00:23:05,260
[Vogons chortle]
339
00:23:05,301 --> 00:23:10,723
So, Earthlings,
I present you with a choice.
340
00:23:10,807 --> 00:23:13,935
Either die in the vacuum of space,
341
00:23:14,018 --> 00:23:18,815
or tell me what you thought of my poem.
342
00:23:18,898 --> 00:23:20,358
[Vogons chuckle]
343
00:23:20,441 --> 00:23:24,362
A... a... actually, I rather liked it.
344
00:23:24,487 --> 00:23:26,489
– [Jeltz] Hmm?
– [Ford] Yeah.
345
00:23:26,573 --> 00:23:29,284
– That's good. Run with it.
– Hmm.
346
00:23:29,367 --> 00:23:31,786
Uh, some of the words
I didn't understand,
347
00:23:31,869 --> 00:23:35,290
but I found the imagery quite effective.
348
00:23:36,165 --> 00:23:37,500
Continue.
349
00:23:37,584 --> 00:23:41,296
Well, uh, yes,
interesting rhythmic devices,
350
00:23:41,337 --> 00:23:43,840
which seemed to counterpoint
351
00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:46,592
the underlying metaphor
of the humanity of...
352
00:23:46,676 --> 00:23:49,887
– Vogonity!
– Vogonity, sorry. Vogonity...
353
00:23:49,971 --> 00:23:53,308
...of the poet's soul.
354
00:23:53,349 --> 00:23:55,935
[Vogons murmur]
355
00:23:56,019 --> 00:24:00,148
So what you're saying is,
356
00:24:00,189 --> 00:24:02,817
I write poetry because
357
00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:07,322
underneath this mean,
callous, heartless exterior,
358
00:24:07,363 --> 00:24:11,367
I just want to be loved?
359
00:24:12,660 --> 00:24:14,704
[whispers] Yes, yes, yes.
360
00:24:14,746 --> 00:24:17,206
Yes, yes, yeah, please.
361
00:24:17,248 --> 00:24:22,712
Ahh, ooh, ooh, mmm.
362
00:24:22,879 --> 00:24:24,422
Throw them off the ship!
363
00:24:24,547 --> 00:24:27,884
– [Ford] No! No!
– Ford.
364
00:24:27,967 --> 00:24:29,469
Ahh!
365
00:24:29,552 --> 00:24:31,846
All right! All right!
366
00:24:31,888 --> 00:24:35,475
Resistance is useless!
367
00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:42,690
Shut up! Get a job!
Wash your filthy hands!
368
00:24:42,774 --> 00:24:45,485
Don't panic. Don't panic.
369
00:24:45,568 --> 00:24:48,571
So this is it?
370
00:24:48,613 --> 00:24:51,574
We're going to die?
371
00:24:51,699 --> 00:24:55,286
Yeah, we're gonna die.
372
00:24:55,411 --> 00:24:58,331
No, no, what's this?
373
00:24:58,414 --> 00:25:00,041
What is this?
374
00:25:00,083 --> 00:25:04,420
What's this? This is... nothing.
Yeah, we're gonna die.
375
00:25:05,672 --> 00:25:07,465
[Arthur sighs]
376
00:25:07,590 --> 00:25:08,633
[hollow clang]
377
00:25:08,716 --> 00:25:11,511
[Arthur sighs]
378
00:25:11,594 --> 00:25:13,680
– [phone beeps]
– [Arthur grunts]
379
00:25:15,098 --> 00:25:17,225
You're sweating.
380
00:25:20,770 --> 00:25:23,481
[Arthur chuckles]
381
00:25:25,483 --> 00:25:27,777
– [Ford] Would you like a hug?
– [Arthur] No.
382
00:25:27,860 --> 00:25:31,948
[alarm blaring]
383
00:25:31,989 --> 00:25:35,243
[banging, hissing]
384
00:25:38,621 --> 00:25:39,956
[noises stop]
385
00:25:41,290 --> 00:25:44,876
[Guide] "Space," says the introduction
to The Hitchhiker's Guide,
386
00:25:44,961 --> 00:25:47,463
"is big. Really big.
387
00:25:47,505 --> 00:25:52,927
You just won't believe how vastly,
hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is."
388
00:25:52,969 --> 00:25:54,846
A... a... and so on.
389
00:25:54,971 --> 00:25:58,015
It also says that
if you hold a lungful of air,
390
00:25:58,141 --> 00:26:03,479
you can survive in the total vacuum
of space for about 30 seconds.
391
00:26:03,604 --> 00:26:05,815
But with space being really big and all,
392
00:26:05,898 --> 00:26:08,443
the chances of being picked up
within that time
393
00:26:08,484 --> 00:26:10,737
are two to the power of two billion,
394
00:26:10,820 --> 00:26:13,823
79 million, 460 thousand,
395
00:26:13,948 --> 00:26:16,909
347 to one against.
396
00:26:16,993 --> 00:26:18,786
By a staggering coincidence,
397
00:26:18,911 --> 00:26:21,497
it's also the phone number
of the Islington flat,
398
00:26:21,622 --> 00:26:23,833
where Arthur went to a fancy dress party
399
00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:27,253
and met a very nice young woman
whom he totally blew it with.
400
00:26:28,379 --> 00:26:30,673
[boom]
401
00:26:30,756 --> 00:26:34,802
Though the planet Earth,
the Islington flat and telephone
402
00:26:34,844 --> 00:26:40,516
have all now been demolished, Ford
and Arthur were, in fact, rescued.
403
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:43,436
– [Arthur] Ford?
– [Ford] Yes.
404
00:26:43,519 --> 00:26:47,607
– [Arthur] I think I'm a sofa.
– [Ford] I know how you feel.
405
00:26:47,690 --> 00:26:49,108
[both scream]
406
00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:57,742
So much for the laws of physics.
407
00:26:57,867 --> 00:26:59,702
[woman on TV] And our top story.
408
00:26:59,786 --> 00:27:04,040
The sensational theft of the most
coveted ship in the universe,
409
00:27:04,165 --> 00:27:06,083
the starship Heart of Gold.
410
00:27:06,167 --> 00:27:08,711
Stolen at the launch ceremony
by none other
411
00:27:08,795 --> 00:27:11,631
than Galactic President
Zaphod Beeblebrox.
412
00:27:11,714 --> 00:27:17,011
[Zaphod] In the name of people, freedom,
and, uh... democracy, stuff like that,
413
00:27:17,053 --> 00:27:21,182
I hereby kidnap myself
and I'm taking the ship with me. Whoo!
414
00:27:21,224 --> 00:27:23,267
– Come on!
– [crowd gasps]
415
00:27:23,351 --> 00:27:25,811
[TV] Beeblebrox,
universally considered
416
00:27:25,895 --> 00:27:28,856
to be the dimmest star
in several solar systems,
417
00:27:28,981 --> 00:27:32,610
is most famous for his controversial
defeat of Humma Kavula
418
00:27:32,735 --> 00:27:36,697
who claimed many thought they were
voting for the worst-dressed being
419
00:27:36,739 --> 00:27:39,742
in the universe contest.
420
00:27:39,867 --> 00:27:40,952
Great.
421
00:27:41,035 --> 00:27:43,913
Kavula is best remembered
for his slanderous
422
00:27:44,038 --> 00:27:46,624
"Don't Vote for Stupid!" campaign.
423
00:27:46,707 --> 00:27:50,211
[woman] Put your ego aside.
Something important has happened.
424
00:27:50,253 --> 00:27:54,674
If there's anything more important than
my ego, I want it caught and shot now.
425
00:27:54,757 --> 00:27:56,467
Come on, I love it.
426
00:27:56,551 --> 00:27:59,595
[TV] Zaphod's just this guy, you know.
427
00:28:01,013 --> 00:28:03,516
Hey, hey, hey, hey. What d'you...?
428
00:28:03,599 --> 00:28:07,895
– I was just watching myself.
– We have a couple of hitchhikers.
429
00:28:07,979 --> 00:28:10,565
Hitchhikers?
Why'd you pick up hitchhikers?
430
00:28:10,606 --> 00:28:12,525
I didn't. The ship did.
431
00:28:12,608 --> 00:28:14,902
[Zaphod] What? Wh... wh... Say what?
432
00:28:14,944 --> 00:28:19,615
When we engaged the
Improbability Drive... The big button.
433
00:28:19,657 --> 00:28:22,493
– [Zaphod] I know.
– They were picked up here.
434
00:28:22,577 --> 00:28:26,122
In sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha. Wait.
That's where you picked me up.
435
00:28:26,247 --> 00:28:28,165
– On Earth.
– That's impossible.
436
00:28:28,249 --> 00:28:31,586
– No, just very improbable.
– Listen. I don't have time for this.
437
00:28:31,711 --> 00:28:35,965
We've got the police of half the galaxy
after us. We've stopped for hitchhikers.
438
00:28:36,007 --> 00:28:38,426
So ten out of ten for style, but...
439
00:28:38,467 --> 00:28:40,928
...minus several million
for good thinking.
440
00:28:40,970 --> 00:28:44,307
You're too gorgeous, baby, stop it.
You drive me crazy.
441
00:28:45,349 --> 00:28:47,727
Don't. I'll send Marvin.
442
00:28:48,978 --> 00:28:50,730
– Marvin.
– [whirring]
443
00:28:53,858 --> 00:28:56,819
[Marvin] You ought to know,
I'm feeling very depressed.
444
00:28:57,945 --> 00:29:01,282
Well, we have something
that should take your mind off things.
445
00:29:01,324 --> 00:29:06,037
[Marvin] It won't work.
I have an exceptionally large mind.
446
00:29:06,162 --> 00:29:12,084
Yeah, we know. But we need you to go
down to the number two entry bay
447
00:29:12,168 --> 00:29:15,004
and pick up our stowaways
and bring them up here.
448
00:29:15,129 --> 00:29:18,424
[Marvin] Just that? I won't enjoy it.
449
00:29:18,507 --> 00:29:21,135
Yeah, well, that's life.
450
00:29:21,218 --> 00:29:25,514
[Marvin] Life?
Don't talk to me about life.
451
00:29:34,690 --> 00:29:37,151
– [radio] Commander Kwaltz.
– [Kwaltz] Yes.
452
00:29:37,193 --> 00:29:41,530
[radio] We have located the spaceship
Heart of Gold and President Beeblebrox.
453
00:29:41,614 --> 00:29:45,826
– Where?
– Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha.
454
00:29:45,868 --> 00:29:48,371
Requesting hyperspace clearance.
455
00:29:48,496 --> 00:29:54,418
Hold your position, captain,
until clearance is granted.
456
00:29:54,502 --> 00:30:00,216
– Yes, sir.
– Get me Vice-President Questular.
457
00:30:02,176 --> 00:30:06,430
Hyperspace permission granted, captain.
458
00:30:06,555 --> 00:30:08,891
[Vogon crewman] Here we go.
459
00:30:08,933 --> 00:30:14,021
– [engines roar]
– [Vogons scream]
460
00:30:15,481 --> 00:30:16,816
[whoosh of engines]
461
00:30:19,402 --> 00:30:23,572
[door sighs]
462
00:30:27,618 --> 00:30:30,371
[door sighs]
463
00:30:30,454 --> 00:30:33,207
I think that door just sighed.
464
00:30:33,249 --> 00:30:35,751
[Marvin] Ghastly, isn't it?
465
00:30:35,793 --> 00:30:38,212
All the doors have been programmed
466
00:30:38,254 --> 00:30:41,507
to have a cheerful
and sunny disposition.
467
00:30:43,676 --> 00:30:48,472
Anyway, come on. I've been ordered
to take you up to the bridge.
468
00:30:50,307 --> 00:30:52,309
Please yourselves.
469
00:30:52,393 --> 00:30:55,604
Here I am,
brain the size of a planet,
470
00:30:55,688 --> 00:30:58,274
and they ask me to take you
up to the bridge.
471
00:30:58,399 --> 00:31:01,861
Call that job satisfaction?
'Cause I don't.
472
00:31:01,944 --> 00:31:04,947
You can thank
the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation
473
00:31:04,989 --> 00:31:06,949
for building robots with G.P.P.
474
00:31:07,032 --> 00:31:11,245
– [Arthur] What's G.P.P.?
– [Marvin] Genuine People Personalities.
475
00:31:11,370 --> 00:31:15,791
I'm a personality prototype.
You can tell, can't you?
476
00:31:15,833 --> 00:31:18,335
[electronic bleeps]
477
00:31:20,629 --> 00:31:23,466
– [bleeps]
– [woman] Arthur?
478
00:31:24,383 --> 00:31:28,971
[Zaphod] Hey, Slim, are you wearing
my underwear? 'Cause I'm wearing yours.
479
00:31:29,013 --> 00:31:31,807
And they ain't doing the trick.
Come on. All right.
480
00:31:33,893 --> 00:31:37,980
– [door sighs]
– [Marvin] Oh, for heaven's sake.
481
00:31:38,063 --> 00:31:40,941
I've brought the aliens.
Don't thank me or anything.
482
00:31:40,983 --> 00:31:43,152
[Zaphod] Ah-ha! Ow!
483
00:31:43,235 --> 00:31:45,279
– Freeze!
– [Ford squeals]
484
00:31:45,362 --> 00:31:48,908
[Marvin] Freeze?
I'm a robot. Not a refrigerator.
485
00:31:48,991 --> 00:31:52,578
– I wasn't talking to you, Giggles.
– [Marvin] Oh, why do I bother?
486
00:31:52,661 --> 00:31:54,455
– Zaphod?
– Ford!
487
00:31:54,580 --> 00:31:59,001
[Zaphod] Is that you?
Ford! Praxibetel Ix!
488
00:31:59,043 --> 00:32:01,086
What the hell are you doing here?
489
00:32:01,170 --> 00:32:04,590
I just stuck out my thumb and here I am.
490
00:32:04,673 --> 00:32:07,510
– [Zaphod] That is so you.
– [Ford] Look at you!
491
00:32:07,635 --> 00:32:12,014
President of the Galaxy.
I can't believe you beat Humma Kavula.
492
00:32:12,056 --> 00:32:13,724
[Zaphod] You zarkin' frood.
493
00:32:13,808 --> 00:32:18,187
I want you to meet a friend.
Arthur, this is Zaphod Beeblebrox.
494
00:32:18,312 --> 00:32:19,355
Oh.
495
00:32:19,396 --> 00:32:24,401
President of the Galaxy. This is my
cousin. He's a semi-half-brother...
496
00:32:24,485 --> 00:32:28,072
– We share three of the same mothers.
– We've met.
497
00:32:28,197 --> 00:32:33,661
[laughs] Have we? I'm sorry.
I've got a terrible memory for species.
498
00:32:33,702 --> 00:32:38,040
This is him, Ford. The "would you
like to see my spaceship" bloke.
499
00:32:38,124 --> 00:32:39,542
– Hmm.
– Yeah.
500
00:32:39,625 --> 00:32:44,880
– Hello, Arthur.
– Tricia!
501
00:32:44,964 --> 00:32:47,341
– How you doin'?
– Hey, Trillian.
502
00:32:47,424 --> 00:32:51,220
This is my semi-half-brother Ix,
I'm sorry, Ford.
503
00:32:51,303 --> 00:32:54,098
– Hi.
– Hi.
504
00:32:54,223 --> 00:32:58,227
Um, would you excuse us
for a second, please?
505
00:32:58,269 --> 00:33:01,522
You went down on that little planet
and didn't call me?
506
00:33:01,564 --> 00:33:04,441
Sorry, I didn't know.
I had a galaxy to run.
507
00:33:04,525 --> 00:33:06,819
[Arthur] Hi, Tricia McMillan, right?
508
00:33:06,902 --> 00:33:10,072
I think he called you Trillian.
Which of us got the right one?
509
00:33:10,156 --> 00:33:12,700
I shortened it.
Something a little more spacey.
510
00:33:12,825 --> 00:33:15,411
Right. I was thinking
of changing mine to,
511
00:33:15,452 --> 00:33:17,454
I don't know, Arthoolia.
512
00:33:17,538 --> 00:33:21,584
[laughs] That's a good one.
Well, this is weird.
513
00:33:21,667 --> 00:33:25,212
– How'd you get here?
– I just stuck out my thumb.
514
00:33:25,254 --> 00:33:28,924
– Right. In your pajamas?
– I was in a hurry.
515
00:33:29,049 --> 00:33:31,093
OK. Did you know I was here?
516
00:33:31,176 --> 00:33:33,888
Don't flatter yourself.
I've got a spaceman too.
517
00:33:34,013 --> 00:33:36,682
Yeah, that's kinda like
the Dingo Shuffle, yeah.
518
00:33:36,765 --> 00:33:38,851
OK, um, look.
519
00:33:38,934 --> 00:33:42,771
I left you at the party. I feel bad, but
I was gonna call you when I got back.
520
00:33:42,897 --> 00:33:45,816
Well, there is no
going back now, is there?
521
00:33:46,942 --> 00:33:48,527
You do know what happened?
522
00:33:48,611 --> 00:33:51,447
Enough small talk.
We're on the run, remember?
523
00:33:51,488 --> 00:33:53,449
Excuse me, we're having a chat.
524
00:33:53,574 --> 00:33:55,993
Well, I think the girl's getting...
Boo!
525
00:33:56,118 --> 00:34:01,373
You blew it with her, Earthman, so shut
your face or I'll kick you in the zatch.
526
00:34:01,457 --> 00:34:03,083
– You wanna fight?
– OK.
527
00:34:03,167 --> 00:34:05,961
– No. No.
– I'm just kidding.
528
00:34:06,003 --> 00:34:09,465
I'm a kidder. Let's be friends.
Let's connect. You and I.
529
00:34:10,341 --> 00:34:12,301
Didn't see that one coming, did you?
530
00:34:12,343 --> 00:34:15,846
Popped right out of the box.
You foxy, yeah!
531
00:34:16,222 --> 00:34:19,433
Teach your pal a lesson, Ford.
He's a guest on my ship.
532
00:34:19,558 --> 00:34:21,894
[sings] He's a guest on my ship!
533
00:34:22,895 --> 00:34:24,939
I thought you said you stole it.
534
00:34:25,022 --> 00:34:26,523
[thud]
535
00:34:26,607 --> 00:34:29,485
Stole what?
What are we talking about?
536
00:34:29,526 --> 00:34:33,113
– [electronic beeping]
– Whoa! That doesn't sound good.
537
00:34:34,448 --> 00:34:37,034
[whoosh]
538
00:34:37,660 --> 00:34:41,038
– Are you OK?
– Just fabulous, thanks, Trill.
539
00:34:41,163 --> 00:34:43,916
A little help over here.
I'm in over my head.
540
00:34:43,999 --> 00:34:47,378
I'll take care of this. Good Zarquon,
do I have to do everything?
541
00:34:47,503 --> 00:34:48,754
[laughing] Yes, I do!
542
00:34:48,837 --> 00:34:51,006
Hey, this is really pretty.
543
00:34:51,090 --> 00:34:53,676
– Don't!
– Whoo! They're on our tail.
544
00:34:53,801 --> 00:34:56,136
Fire a gun. Launch a missile.
Do some damage!
545
00:34:56,262 --> 00:34:58,305
[engines roar]
546
00:35:05,104 --> 00:35:06,689
Ow! Stop that! Ow!
547
00:35:06,814 --> 00:35:08,857
Just kiddin'. I love it rough. Hit me.
548
00:35:08,899 --> 00:35:11,860
– Uh, computer?
– [computer] Hi there.
549
00:35:11,902 --> 00:35:14,029
I'm Eddie, your computer.
550
00:35:14,154 --> 00:35:17,866
I'm pleased to report that it's
a fleet of 100 Vogon battle destroyers.
551
00:35:17,950 --> 00:35:20,244
They're sending you a message.
552
00:35:20,327 --> 00:35:22,705
This is Vice-President Questular Rontok.
553
00:35:22,746 --> 00:35:26,208
I am speaking to the kidnapper
of the president?
554
00:35:26,291 --> 00:35:27,459
[Zaphod] She digs me.
555
00:35:27,543 --> 00:35:29,753
Surrender the stolen vessel at once
556
00:35:29,878 --> 00:35:35,342
or we will take action
as defined and permitted by...
557
00:35:35,384 --> 00:35:39,346
...section 1-8 of the Galactic
Interstellar Space Bylaws...
558
00:35:39,471 --> 00:35:42,850
Zaphod, please come back now.
This is ridiculous.
559
00:35:42,891 --> 00:35:45,686
Leap to hyperspace! Come on!
560
00:35:45,769 --> 00:35:48,397
[computer] Sure thing, fella!
561
00:35:48,439 --> 00:35:49,857
[engines fire up]
562
00:35:52,693 --> 00:35:54,903
[whoosh]
563
00:35:54,945 --> 00:35:56,405
No.
564
00:35:56,530 --> 00:36:01,910
Did they have proper
hyperspace authorization?
565
00:36:01,994 --> 00:36:05,831
– No, commander.
– Oh.
566
00:36:05,914 --> 00:36:11,378
Bring me the request
to pursue fugitive forms.
567
00:36:11,420 --> 00:36:14,298
– [messenger] I'm coming, sir.
– [footsteps]
568
00:36:15,966 --> 00:36:21,096
[panting] I'm boiling!
Oh, oh. Here's the form, sir.
569
00:36:21,764 --> 00:36:26,060
So are you along for the ride
or am I just dropping you somewhere?
570
00:36:26,101 --> 00:36:29,480
That depends. Where are you going?
571
00:36:29,563 --> 00:36:31,565
Where am I going?
572
00:36:32,608 --> 00:36:37,112
– You OK?
– Yeah. Don't suppose there's any tea.
573
00:36:37,196 --> 00:36:40,282
Yes, there is. Come on.
I'll show you the kitchen.
574
00:36:40,365 --> 00:36:44,828
When you see what I'm about to show you,
you'll beg me to take you with us.
575
00:36:44,953 --> 00:36:49,333
[Guide] The best drink in existence
is the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster,
576
00:36:49,416 --> 00:36:54,129
the effect of which is like having your
brains smashed out by a slice of lemon
577
00:36:54,213 --> 00:36:56,799
wrapped round a large gold brick.
578
00:36:56,924 --> 00:36:58,926
[both scream]
579
00:37:01,553 --> 00:37:04,473
– Belgium. Hold it one second.
– Belgium.
580
00:37:05,432 --> 00:37:08,310
Ape-man, Earth dude, sorry,
what's your name again?
581
00:37:08,435 --> 00:37:10,854
– [clears throat] Arthur.
– Right. Gorgeous.
582
00:37:10,979 --> 00:37:14,358
No hard feelings, OK?
Sorry to hear about your planet...
583
00:37:14,441 --> 00:37:16,235
– Earth.
– Yeah. I liked Earth.
584
00:37:16,318 --> 00:37:19,279
Got these boots there.
But don't mention it to the girl.
585
00:37:19,363 --> 00:37:23,158
Because if you do... I'll pull
your spleen out through your throat.
586
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:26,161
– All right. Thanks, buddy.
– OK.
587
00:37:26,203 --> 00:37:29,248
Good stuff. Like those jammies.
588
00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:35,087
Hey, hey, Zaphod,
what's with the two-head thing?
589
00:37:35,838 --> 00:37:39,842
Oh, yeah. Apparently, you can't be
president with a whole brain.
590
00:37:39,925 --> 00:37:41,927
It's crazy.
591
00:37:42,010 --> 00:37:44,179
– Oh, so you carved it up?
– Yes.
592
00:37:44,221 --> 00:37:48,350
Parts of my personality weren't exactly
what you'd call presidential.
593
00:37:48,434 --> 00:37:50,394
You know what I'm talkin' about.
594
00:37:54,064 --> 00:37:56,692
[drinks machine] Your tea is ready.
595
00:38:02,072 --> 00:38:03,282
[gags]
596
00:38:07,452 --> 00:38:08,704
[spits]
597
00:38:08,787 --> 00:38:13,375
I suppose I should've said
it resembles tea. [laughs]
598
00:38:13,500 --> 00:38:16,211
So, two heads
is what does it for a girl?
599
00:38:16,295 --> 00:38:18,714
I mean, if I'd had two heads,
or three...
600
00:38:18,755 --> 00:38:20,883
Or your own spaceship.
601
00:38:22,009 --> 00:38:23,760
Anything else he's got two of?
602
00:38:23,844 --> 00:38:26,346
Come on, Arthur, don't be like that.
603
00:38:26,471 --> 00:38:30,684
What am I supposed to be like?
Green? Bleeping?
604
00:38:30,726 --> 00:38:33,562
I can fold my eyelids
inside out if you like.
605
00:38:33,604 --> 00:38:37,483
OK, look. Do you see this?
606
00:38:37,566 --> 00:38:41,612
This detects what you're craving
and makes it for you.
607
00:38:41,695 --> 00:38:43,947
[machine] Enjoy your doughnut.
608
00:38:47,701 --> 00:38:50,412
– Do you see this?
– [buzzing]
609
00:38:52,831 --> 00:38:57,377
This toasts bread
610
00:38:57,419 --> 00:38:59,296
while you're slicing it.
611
00:39:00,255 --> 00:39:05,177
We're on a spaceship, Arthur. In space.
612
00:39:05,260 --> 00:39:08,222
– I told you I wanted to get away.
– To Madagascar.
613
00:39:08,263 --> 00:39:12,643
That was... some sort of test.
614
00:39:12,726 --> 00:39:14,478
And I failed.
615
00:39:14,561 --> 00:39:18,106
– How badly does it hurt?
– It doesn't feel great.
616
00:39:18,148 --> 00:39:20,234
No, I mean your chin.
617
00:39:20,275 --> 00:39:22,486
– Ah...
– I might have an aspirin.
618
00:39:22,569 --> 00:39:23,946
Right.
619
00:39:26,782 --> 00:39:28,825
– [mice squeak]
– Hey!
620
00:39:30,619 --> 00:39:35,791
Tricia... Trillian, sorry.
There's something I have to tell you.
621
00:39:35,832 --> 00:39:39,127
– Please, don't.
– [Zaphod] Showtime, Trill.
622
00:39:45,884 --> 00:39:48,428
I'm going to set up.
Buttons aren't toys.
623
00:39:48,512 --> 00:39:50,180
Buttons aren't toys.
624
00:39:50,264 --> 00:39:53,350
Anyway... When I saw
what I'm about to show you,
625
00:39:53,433 --> 00:39:58,105
that's when I realized
why I had to do what I did to my brain.
626
00:39:58,188 --> 00:40:01,316
I think. It's all a little...
627
00:40:02,150 --> 00:40:03,151
...shaky.
628
00:40:03,235 --> 00:40:06,154
[whirring]
629
00:40:06,238 --> 00:40:09,366
[Marvin] I've seen it. It's rubbish.
630
00:40:10,325 --> 00:40:12,868
[trumpet fanfare]
631
00:40:12,953 --> 00:40:15,205
[Guide] Many millions of years ago,
632
00:40:15,289 --> 00:40:18,709
a race of hyper-intelligent,
pan-dimensional beings
633
00:40:18,792 --> 00:40:22,713
got so fed up with the constant
bickering about the meaning of life,
634
00:40:22,796 --> 00:40:25,799
that they commissioned
two of their brightest and best
635
00:40:25,882 --> 00:40:29,177
to design and build
a stupendous super-computer
636
00:40:29,261 --> 00:40:33,682
to calculate the answer to life,
the universe and everything.
637
00:40:33,724 --> 00:40:36,727
0 Deep Thought,
638
00:40:36,852 --> 00:40:41,064
we want you to tell us the answer.
639
00:40:41,189 --> 00:40:43,400
[Deep Thought] The answer to what?
640
00:40:43,525 --> 00:40:48,113
[girl 2] The answer to life,
the universe, everything.
641
00:40:48,196 --> 00:40:52,284
[girl 1] We'd really like an answer.
Something simple.
642
00:40:52,367 --> 00:40:55,037
[Deep Thought]
Hmm, I'd have to think about that.
643
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:59,875
Return to this place in exactly
seven-and-a-half million years.
644
00:41:02,044 --> 00:41:05,756
– [Ford] Is it finished?
– No, there's more. They go back.
645
00:41:05,839 --> 00:41:10,927
– Seven-and-a-half million years later?
– That's right, they do.
646
00:41:11,053 --> 00:41:16,058
[cheering, trumpets]
647
00:41:27,611 --> 00:41:30,113
Deep Thought, do you have...?
648
00:41:30,197 --> 00:41:34,618
[Deep Thought] An answer for you?
Yes, but you're not going to like it.
649
00:41:35,786 --> 00:41:38,872
– It doesn't matter. We must know it.
– All right.
650
00:41:38,914 --> 00:41:41,875
The answer to the ultimate question...
651
00:41:41,958 --> 00:41:43,752
[cheering]
652
00:41:43,835 --> 00:41:47,464
...of life, the universe
and everything...
653
00:41:47,547 --> 00:41:49,049
[cheering]
654
00:41:49,132 --> 00:41:50,258
...is...
655
00:41:50,300 --> 00:41:53,261
[cheering]
656
00:41:57,057 --> 00:41:58,642
...42.
657
00:41:58,725 --> 00:42:01,436
[man] Yeah? What?
658
00:42:01,561 --> 00:42:04,106
[woman] 42?
659
00:42:04,189 --> 00:42:08,360
[Deep Thought] Yes, I thought it over
quite thoroughly. It's 42.
660
00:42:08,443 --> 00:42:11,738
It would've been simpler
to have known what the question was.
661
00:42:11,822 --> 00:42:16,702
But it was the question.
The ultimate question. Of everything!
662
00:42:16,785 --> 00:42:18,662
That's not a question.
663
00:42:18,787 --> 00:42:22,499
Only when you know the question
will you know what the answer means.
664
00:42:22,582 --> 00:42:27,212
– Give us the ultimate question then.
– I can't. But there is one who can.
665
00:42:27,295 --> 00:42:31,258
A computer that will calculate
the ultimate question.
666
00:42:31,341 --> 00:42:33,969
A computer of such infinite complexity,
667
00:42:34,052 --> 00:42:38,140
that life itself will form part
of its operational matrix.
668
00:42:38,265 --> 00:42:42,352
And you yourselves shall take on new,
more primitive forms
669
00:42:42,477 --> 00:42:48,191
and go down into the computer to
navigate its 10-million-year program.
670
00:42:48,316 --> 00:42:52,028
I shall design this computer for you,
and it shall be called...
671
00:42:57,534 --> 00:43:01,121
– That's it?
– That's it.
672
00:43:01,163 --> 00:43:05,000
[Ford] You're looking for
the ultimate question? You? Why?
673
00:43:05,167 --> 00:43:07,919
[Zaphod] I tried that.
Why? 42. Doesn't work.
674
00:43:08,003 --> 00:43:10,881
– Let's get it ready, baby.
– Why...
675
00:43:11,006 --> 00:43:14,509
...do you want to know
the ultimate question?
676
00:43:14,593 --> 00:43:17,179
Partly curiosity,
partly a sense of adventure,
677
00:43:17,304 --> 00:43:20,682
but, uh, mostly I think
it's for the fame and the money.
678
00:43:20,766 --> 00:43:22,934
You're president of the Galaxy.
679
00:43:23,018 --> 00:43:24,853
– [Zaphod] Yes, Arman.
– Arthur.
680
00:43:24,936 --> 00:43:27,355
Whatever.
Presidential fame is temporary.
681
00:43:27,439 --> 00:43:31,234
I find the question, that's permanent.
It sticks.
682
00:43:31,359 --> 00:43:33,862
Plus, everyone thinks you're deep.
Win-win.
683
00:43:34,571 --> 00:43:39,284
We just hit that button and bam,
we're at Magrathea, I think.
684
00:43:39,367 --> 00:43:42,537
We've hit it twice and
we're still not there, but anyway...
685
00:43:42,662 --> 00:43:45,040
– You in?
– Always.
686
00:43:45,165 --> 00:43:47,959
– [Zaphod] All right!
– [Marvin] Uh, I want to get off.
687
00:43:48,043 --> 00:43:51,505
– Uh, sorry, what exactly are we doing?
– This!
688
00:43:51,755 --> 00:43:54,090
[boom]
689
00:43:55,717 --> 00:43:59,429
[Guide] The Infinite Improbability Drive
is a wonderful new method
690
00:43:59,513 --> 00:44:02,390
of crossing interstellar distances
in a few seconds,
691
00:44:02,432 --> 00:44:05,602
without all that tedious
mucking about in hyperspace.
692
00:44:05,727 --> 00:44:08,939
As the Improbability Drive
reaches infinite improbability,
693
00:44:09,022 --> 00:44:13,068
it passes through every conceivable
point in every conceivable universe
694
00:44:13,109 --> 00:44:14,861
almost simultaneously.
695
00:44:14,945 --> 00:44:17,072
So you're never sure
where you'll end up
696
00:44:17,113 --> 00:44:19,741
or even what species you'll be
when you get there.
697
00:44:19,824 --> 00:44:22,786
It's therefore important
to dress accordingly.
698
00:44:22,869 --> 00:44:27,249
The Drive was invented following
research into finite improbability
699
00:44:27,374 --> 00:44:29,417
often used to break the ice at parties
700
00:44:29,501 --> 00:44:32,754
by making all the molecules
in the hostess's undergarments
701
00:44:32,838 --> 00:44:34,881
leap one foot to the left
702
00:44:34,923 --> 00:44:37,509
in accordance with
the theory of indeterminacy.
703
00:44:37,592 --> 00:44:41,221
Many physicists said they
wouldn't stand for that sort of thing,
704
00:44:41,263 --> 00:44:43,390
partly because it debased science,
705
00:44:43,473 --> 00:44:47,435
but mostly because they didn't get
invited to those sort of parties.
706
00:44:48,395 --> 00:44:50,814
[squeaks, clangs]
707
00:44:50,897 --> 00:44:54,818
[engines rumble]
708
00:44:57,696 --> 00:45:01,157
[Zaphod] Wow, is this gonna happen
every time we hit that button?
709
00:45:01,241 --> 00:45:03,118
[Trillian] Very probably, yes.
710
00:45:03,285 --> 00:45:06,246
[Marvin] Ah, I think
the Earthman's about to be sick.
711
00:45:06,329 --> 00:45:09,165
[Zaphod] In the trashcan, ape-man.
This ship's new.
712
00:45:09,291 --> 00:45:11,918
Aw, come on!
713
00:45:12,002 --> 00:45:14,546
[Trillian] We have normality.
714
00:45:14,629 --> 00:45:16,298
Did it work? Are we there?
715
00:45:18,133 --> 00:45:22,304
Yeah. We're here. Magrathea!
716
00:45:22,387 --> 00:45:24,139
I don't think so. Eddie...
717
00:45:24,222 --> 00:45:26,182
– Ow!
– What planet is this?
718
00:45:26,308 --> 00:45:28,101
[Eddie] I'm checking for you.
719
00:45:28,184 --> 00:45:33,189
Did you just pluck
one of my hairs? Off my head?
720
00:45:33,982 --> 00:45:36,818
[Eddie] Thank you for waiting.
Sorry to disappoint,
721
00:45:36,902 --> 00:45:38,987
but this is not Magrathea.
722
00:45:39,112 --> 00:45:42,866
We are currently in orbit around
the planet Viltvodle Six.
723
00:45:42,949 --> 00:45:46,703
– [squelch]
– Humma Kavula!
724
00:45:46,786 --> 00:45:51,708
Magrathea's gonna have to wait.
I got a score to settle on this planet.
725
00:45:52,542 --> 00:45:56,796
– [engines roar]
– [Zaphod] Humma Kavula!
726
00:45:59,716 --> 00:46:03,970
[Guide] In the beginning,
the universe was created.
727
00:46:04,054 --> 00:46:08,850
This made a lot of people very angry,
and is widely regarded as a bad move.
728
00:46:08,934 --> 00:46:10,894
[crowd shouting]
729
00:46:11,019 --> 00:46:14,272
Many races believed it was created
by some sort of god,
730
00:46:14,356 --> 00:46:16,941
though the Jatravartid people
of Viltvodle Six
731
00:46:17,025 --> 00:46:21,988
firmly believe that the entire universe
was sneezed out of the nose of a being
732
00:46:22,072 --> 00:46:24,866
called the Great Green Arkleseizure.
733
00:46:24,950 --> 00:46:26,618
[Zaphod] Humma Kavula!
734
00:46:26,701 --> 00:46:29,037
[Guide] The Jatravartids,
who lived in fear
735
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:32,624
of the time they called the
Coming of the Great White Handkerchief,
736
00:46:32,707 --> 00:46:36,461
were small blue creatures
with more than 50 arms each.
737
00:46:36,544 --> 00:46:39,130
They were unique in being
the only race in history
738
00:46:39,214 --> 00:46:42,884
to have invented
the aerosol deodorant before the wheel.
739
00:46:44,844 --> 00:46:46,846
Mr. President!
740
00:46:46,888 --> 00:46:48,640
Hey, all right. How you doin'?
741
00:46:48,723 --> 00:46:51,393
Hey, what have we here? I love it!
742
00:46:51,476 --> 00:46:54,104
[blasts]
743
00:46:56,272 --> 00:46:58,400
Hey, I love you. Fantastic!
744
00:46:58,441 --> 00:47:01,111
You guys related? Don't go changing.
745
00:47:01,194 --> 00:47:03,279
Arthur, I want a drink.
746
00:47:03,363 --> 00:47:07,534
I think I've been here before.
Have I been here before?
747
00:47:11,121 --> 00:47:13,206
[women] Ixxie!
748
00:47:13,289 --> 00:47:16,292
– I've been here before.
– [Zaphod] Humma Kavula!
749
00:47:16,376 --> 00:47:18,169
Come on.
750
00:47:18,253 --> 00:47:21,047
Tricia! Tricia, I...
751
00:47:22,966 --> 00:47:24,843
[laughter]
752
00:47:26,010 --> 00:47:28,179
[church choir] ♪ Now we await
753
00:47:28,263 --> 00:47:34,144
♪ With eager expectation
754
00:47:34,269 --> 00:47:37,188
♪ Thy handkerchief
755
00:47:37,272 --> 00:47:40,817
♪ To bring us back to Thee
756
00:47:49,617 --> 00:47:51,453
Hello, Humma.
757
00:47:52,954 --> 00:47:57,333
– [priest] Join us. Sit down.
– Good to see you. Thanks. All right.
758
00:47:57,417 --> 00:47:59,544
[Humma] The handkerchief is coming.
759
00:47:59,627 --> 00:48:05,508
Let us pray the Almighty will exhale
a breath of compassion on us all.
760
00:48:07,177 --> 00:48:11,139
So that's Humma Kavula.
I thought he was just swearing.
761
00:48:11,806 --> 00:48:16,144
We lift our noses, clogged and unblown,
762
00:48:16,227 --> 00:48:18,313
in reverence to you.
763
00:48:20,106 --> 00:48:25,028
Send the handkerchief, 0 Blessed One,
so that it may wipe us clean.
764
00:48:25,111 --> 00:48:30,825
We ask this and all things
in Thy precious and alliterative name.
765
00:48:30,909 --> 00:48:33,453
[all sneeze]
766
00:48:35,538 --> 00:48:37,665
[all sniffle]
767
00:48:39,751 --> 00:48:41,628
Bless you.
768
00:48:42,045 --> 00:48:44,422
– [door bangs]
– [Zaphod] We goin' in here?
769
00:48:44,506 --> 00:48:48,343
All right, I like it. It's big,
it's gold, it's fancy. Fancy pants.
770
00:48:48,426 --> 00:48:51,971
[Humma] Zaphod Beeblebrox,
our infamous president.
771
00:48:52,055 --> 00:48:54,766
What brings you to our humble planet?
772
00:48:54,849 --> 00:48:57,393
[Zaphod] Oh, I think you know
why I'm here.
773
00:48:57,477 --> 00:48:59,020
No, I don't think I do.
774
00:48:59,103 --> 00:49:01,689
I think you think you don't.
775
00:49:01,773 --> 00:49:05,568
But we both know... you do.
776
00:49:05,652 --> 00:49:07,445
Eloquent as always.
777
00:49:07,529 --> 00:49:11,366
Your ability to articulate
never ceases to amaze.
778
00:49:11,449 --> 00:49:14,536
[Zaphod] That's funny.
During the campaign, Humma,
779
00:49:14,619 --> 00:49:17,038
when you were my opponent
running against me,
780
00:49:17,121 --> 00:49:20,041
you said I was stupid.
781
00:49:38,726 --> 00:49:44,190
The election is ancient history,
Zaphod, but...
782
00:49:45,608 --> 00:49:47,485
...if memory serves, you won,
783
00:49:47,569 --> 00:49:50,905
proving that good looks
and charm win
784
00:49:50,947 --> 00:49:55,910
over brilliance
and the ability to govern.
785
00:50:00,165 --> 00:50:03,418
And, incidentally, you are stupid.
786
00:50:03,501 --> 00:50:06,087
[Arthur] Excuse me, Mr. Humma, sir.
787
00:50:06,170 --> 00:50:10,383
Uh, I just want to say, there's been
some sort of terrible mix-up
788
00:50:10,425 --> 00:50:12,802
'cause, actually, he's not with us.
789
00:50:12,927 --> 00:50:15,847
We came to worship you.
He followed us and...
790
00:50:15,930 --> 00:50:18,683
He grew, didn't he? He's not that tall.
791
00:50:18,766 --> 00:50:23,771
You didn't come half-way across
the galaxy to settle a campaign grudge.
792
00:50:25,273 --> 00:50:27,317
Why are you here?
793
00:50:28,943 --> 00:50:31,613
Of course not, that's...
that's ridiculous.
794
00:50:31,654 --> 00:50:37,285
I've been stranded on a strange planet
for years. I haven't been avoiding you.
795
00:50:37,368 --> 00:50:40,413
You look great. You're doing well.
796
00:50:40,496 --> 00:50:42,165
You've grown, obviously.
797
00:50:42,290 --> 00:50:46,336
– [Zaphod] Aggh! Oomph!
– Wait! We don't know why we're here.
798
00:50:46,461 --> 00:50:50,006
We were trying to get to Magrathea
and our ship brought us here.
799
00:50:51,633 --> 00:50:55,094
How very, very improbable.
800
00:50:56,679 --> 00:50:58,932
[squelch]
801
00:51:01,267 --> 00:51:02,435
[electronic buzz]
802
00:51:02,518 --> 00:51:05,355
I kept a few souvenirs
from my former life.
803
00:51:05,438 --> 00:51:08,316
Ah, the heady days of space piracy.
804
00:51:09,317 --> 00:51:13,655
But... even
an Infinite Improbability Drive
805
00:51:13,696 --> 00:51:16,115
requires coordinates.
806
00:51:16,199 --> 00:51:18,660
Which I happen to have.
807
00:51:18,743 --> 00:51:20,328
– [Zaphod groans]
– No, no, no.
808
00:51:20,495 --> 00:51:22,872
You don't get something
for nothing, Zaphod.
809
00:51:22,997 --> 00:51:25,625
You must bring me something in return.
810
00:51:25,708 --> 00:51:28,628
– [chuckles] Wh... What?
– [Humma] A gun.
811
00:51:28,670 --> 00:51:30,672
– A gun?
– A very special gun.
812
00:51:30,755 --> 00:51:34,050
Designed by the greatest computer
ever invented.
813
00:51:34,133 --> 00:51:37,095
But the only way to find it
is to go to Magrathea.
814
00:51:37,178 --> 00:51:41,683
Fine. I'll get your gun.
Just give me the coordinates.
815
00:51:41,724 --> 00:51:44,519
And what will you give me
to ensure your return?
816
00:51:45,395 --> 00:51:47,772
My word as president.
817
00:51:49,107 --> 00:51:52,568
No. I need a hostage.
818
00:51:55,113 --> 00:51:56,572
Only...
819
00:51:56,656 --> 00:52:02,287
...what does
Zaphod Beeblebrox treasure?
820
00:52:03,413 --> 00:52:04,914
– [Humma whistles]
– [gulp]
821
00:52:04,998 --> 00:52:08,084
– [whistling]
– Come on.
822
00:52:08,167 --> 00:52:12,964
[Zaphod chuckles hysterically]
Oh, no!
823
00:52:13,047 --> 00:52:15,883
– [Zaphod] Hey, take it easy now.
– [electric saw]
824
00:52:15,925 --> 00:52:19,095
No, stop it.
Ah! Oh, that kind of tickles.
825
00:52:19,220 --> 00:52:22,765
Two heads are better than one.
Double your pleasure.
826
00:52:22,849 --> 00:52:26,644
[Zaphod's second head]
It's not fair. You need me!
827
00:52:26,728 --> 00:52:30,940
Come back! Come back!
Don't leave me alone.
828
00:52:31,024 --> 00:52:33,943
[Hawaiian hula music]
829
00:52:34,068 --> 00:52:36,070
[Zaphod's second head] Come back!
830
00:52:36,154 --> 00:52:39,949
[Arthur] And I thought I was the only
one who considered your boyfriend
831
00:52:40,033 --> 00:52:42,744
a narcissistic moron,
but the whole galaxy does.
832
00:52:42,785 --> 00:52:45,621
What about you?
"Excuse me, Mr. Humma, sir.
833
00:52:45,705 --> 00:52:50,126
We're not with him. We just came
to worship you." Very brave.
834
00:52:50,251 --> 00:52:54,505
– Where the hell is Ford?
– [whoosh]
835
00:52:55,631 --> 00:52:57,342
[Vogon] By the left, march.
836
00:52:57,425 --> 00:53:02,764
Left, right, left, right, left, right.
837
00:53:02,805 --> 00:53:07,060
Mr. President,
we're here for your protection.
838
00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:10,813
[Vogon Kwaltz]
Fire upon the kidnapper!
839
00:53:10,897 --> 00:53:12,273
Hey, come on!
840
00:53:12,357 --> 00:53:14,942
The president is the kidnapper.
You'll kill him!
841
00:53:15,777 --> 00:53:16,944
Bang! Bang!
842
00:53:17,028 --> 00:53:18,988
[Arthur] It's locked!
843
00:53:21,908 --> 00:53:24,285
Thank you, darling. I'll be in touch.
844
00:53:25,370 --> 00:53:27,330
[Ford shrieks]
845
00:53:29,540 --> 00:53:32,043
Come on, Zaphod.
846
00:53:35,546 --> 00:53:38,299
– Hey, what did I miss?
– What have you been doing?
847
00:53:38,382 --> 00:53:41,886
Field research. So they found
where we are? Belgium bummer!
848
00:53:41,969 --> 00:53:44,722
They're shooting at us!
What are we going to do?
849
00:53:44,806 --> 00:53:48,142
– [Trillian] I have an idea.
– Pushing him out and running away?
850
00:53:48,184 --> 00:53:50,645
[Arthur] What? He's the one they want.
851
00:53:50,728 --> 00:53:53,022
You can't go out there.
What are you doing?
852
00:53:54,315 --> 00:53:57,276
– Back off!
– [Vogon] What's going on?
853
00:53:58,945 --> 00:54:02,240
I have the president
and I will kill him, I swear.
854
00:54:02,323 --> 00:54:06,285
– Could that actually kill him?
– I don't think so.
855
00:54:06,369 --> 00:54:08,538
– It's an aerosol can.
– Oh.
856
00:54:08,621 --> 00:54:12,166
[Arthur] OK, frightened now,
frightened.
857
00:54:12,792 --> 00:54:16,254
– [Zaphod] Hi, little guy.
– Get her!
858
00:54:16,337 --> 00:54:19,340
– [Arthur] Zaphod, no, come on!
– [Trillian] Arthur!
859
00:54:20,133 --> 00:54:22,969
– [Trillian] Arthur!
– Tricia!
860
00:54:23,010 --> 00:54:26,013
– Arthur!
– Tricia! Wait!
861
00:54:34,981 --> 00:54:37,525
[Trillian] Arthur!
862
00:54:40,236 --> 00:54:44,157
Resistance is useless!
863
00:54:44,198 --> 00:54:48,411
[engines blasting off]
864
00:54:53,207 --> 00:54:57,003
[Kwaltz] Bring her to Vogsphere
for processing, captain.
865
00:54:57,044 --> 00:55:00,506
– [door sighs]
– [Zaphod] Circus. Circus!
866
00:55:00,548 --> 00:55:03,217
They got her and it's my fault.
We have to go!
867
00:55:03,301 --> 00:55:04,760
[Zaphod] Let's go!
868
00:55:06,721 --> 00:55:10,391
Whoo! Computer, take us to Magrathea!
869
00:55:10,474 --> 00:55:12,935
What? No, no, no.
We've got to go after Tricia.
870
00:55:13,019 --> 00:55:14,437
– Who?
– Trillian.
871
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:18,065
They've got Trillian,
you stupid half-brained git!
872
00:55:18,149 --> 00:55:21,235
Right, you're coming out!
[laughs hysterically]
873
00:55:21,319 --> 00:55:25,239
Computer, we don't want to go to
Magrathea, we want to follow the ships.
874
00:55:25,323 --> 00:55:28,993
[computer] I'd love to, but my
guidance system has been deactivated.
875
00:55:29,076 --> 00:55:30,203
Oh, come on!
876
00:55:30,286 --> 00:55:32,705
[computer] I'm sorry.
It wasn't my fault.
877
00:55:32,788 --> 00:55:34,832
What you doing on this ship?
878
00:55:34,916 --> 00:55:36,542
– Ford?
– Marvin.
879
00:55:36,626 --> 00:55:39,045
I've been talking
to the ship's computer.
880
00:55:39,128 --> 00:55:40,838
And?
881
00:55:40,922 --> 00:55:42,423
It hates me.
882
00:55:42,798 --> 00:55:45,760
No, uh-uh. Eddie, computer,
883
00:55:45,843 --> 00:55:49,347
is there another way
to follow the ships?
884
00:55:49,430 --> 00:55:53,935
[computer] Activating Emergency Escape
Pod. It's super-neat and fun to fly!
885
00:55:54,018 --> 00:55:56,270
[Arthur] Ow!
886
00:55:56,354 --> 00:55:57,813
[Marvin] Unbelievable!
887
00:55:57,897 --> 00:56:02,276
[Arthur] I'm in. I'm in.
OK, Ford, do you have any idea?
888
00:56:02,401 --> 00:56:03,945
[Ford] We'll press this.
889
00:56:04,028 --> 00:56:06,155
[Arthur] Oh, no, no, no, no.
890
00:56:06,239 --> 00:56:09,242
– [Ford] This button.
– OK. Nothing's... OK!
891
00:56:09,325 --> 00:56:12,286
Good man, good man, good man.
892
00:56:12,370 --> 00:56:15,998
– OK, we're wobbling...
– You forgot your towel.
893
00:56:16,082 --> 00:56:18,584
[Arthur] Get him off me! I'll kill him!
894
00:56:18,668 --> 00:56:21,212
– OK, Ford, there's a...
– [Ford] Is that better?
895
00:56:21,295 --> 00:56:23,297
No, that's worse, that's worse.
896
00:56:23,381 --> 00:56:26,717
– Do what... I don't need that.
– OK.
897
00:56:26,801 --> 00:56:29,512
[Arthur] Stop the rocking.
Marvin, any ideas?
898
00:56:29,595 --> 00:56:33,224
[Marvin] I have a million ideas.
They all point to certain death.
899
00:56:33,307 --> 00:56:34,725
[Arthur] Thanks, Marv.
900
00:56:44,235 --> 00:56:46,362
[distant thunder]
901
00:56:46,487 --> 00:56:51,701
[crab] Ooh, ooh. Eee. Ooh, ooh.
902
00:56:53,661 --> 00:56:56,163
[whine of spaceship plummeting]
903
00:56:56,247 --> 00:56:59,834
– [crash]
– [crab] Whoo!
904
00:56:59,917 --> 00:57:01,294
[explosion]
905
00:57:01,377 --> 00:57:04,380
[crab] Wheel Wheel
906
00:57:13,347 --> 00:57:15,057
[crab] Yeah! Yeah!
907
00:57:16,267 --> 00:57:19,645
[coughing]
908
00:57:19,729 --> 00:57:24,859
– Magrathea!
– [Ford] No, we're on the Vogon planet.
909
00:57:24,942 --> 00:57:27,570
– Yes, it is. It's Magrathea!
– This is Vogsphere.
910
00:57:27,653 --> 00:57:30,823
– Yeah, Magrathea. I know it.
– [Ford] No, it's not.
911
00:57:30,906 --> 00:57:34,452
– There is no Magrathea.
– Yes, it is.
912
00:57:35,036 --> 00:57:37,747
– What are you doing?
– They took my head.
913
00:57:37,872 --> 00:57:40,708
They have these
on Arcturan megafreighters.
914
00:57:40,791 --> 00:57:43,294
They use them when
they need to concentrate.
915
00:57:43,377 --> 00:57:45,671
– What is it?
– It's a thinking cap.
916
00:57:45,713 --> 00:57:48,132
[pulsing]
917
00:57:50,384 --> 00:57:52,553
– [Ford] There you go.
– [pulsing stops]
918
00:57:56,557 --> 00:58:00,353
Should give him some zest
for about ten minutes or so.
919
00:58:00,394 --> 00:58:04,857
[Marvin] Now I'm feeling
much better about our predicament.
920
00:58:04,940 --> 00:58:08,736
[crash]
921
00:58:25,211 --> 00:58:29,340
[Ford] I checked the Guide for how
to rescue a prisoner from Vogsphere.
922
00:58:29,423 --> 00:58:32,593
It said don't.
I'm assuming you have a better plan.
923
00:58:32,677 --> 00:58:35,221
Well, I kind of had this idea
that we could... Ow!
924
00:58:37,264 --> 00:58:39,517
– Did anyone see that?
– See what?
925
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:41,519
– What was it?
– [Arthur] Uh...
926
00:58:41,602 --> 00:58:45,940
Nothing, it's, uh, nothing.
It's just my imagination.
927
00:58:46,023 --> 00:58:50,277
OK, right. Now, everyone just stop
a minute, please, and look at me.
928
00:58:50,361 --> 00:58:55,282
There's... definitely
something going on here.
929
00:58:55,324 --> 00:58:59,286
Just... just watch.
930
00:58:59,328 --> 00:59:02,790
Just watch.
931
00:59:04,750 --> 00:59:07,211
OK, I think we...
932
00:59:07,294 --> 00:59:09,380
– Oooh!
– Ah-ha! You too!
933
00:59:11,132 --> 00:59:13,467
Yeah, what was that?
934
00:59:13,551 --> 00:59:15,636
I thi...
935
00:59:16,846 --> 00:59:18,848
Zaphod, what do you think?
936
00:59:22,143 --> 00:59:26,856
I think... Ow! Zarquon!
What was that? Jeez!
937
00:59:26,981 --> 00:59:30,609
I'd make a suggestion,
but you wouldn't listen.
938
00:59:30,693 --> 00:59:33,612
– No one ever does.
– [Ford] I have an idea.
939
00:59:33,696 --> 00:59:36,824
Ooh, ooh, ooh, Ford!
Kill it! Get rid of it!
940
00:59:45,207 --> 00:59:48,043
OK, don't think.
941
00:59:48,169 --> 00:59:50,671
Nobody think. No ideas.
942
00:59:50,713 --> 00:59:52,882
No theories. No nothing.
943
00:59:56,427 --> 00:59:58,971
[All] Ow!
944
00:59:59,054 --> 01:00:01,682
This is crazy.
Trillian is in there somewhere.
945
01:00:01,807 --> 01:00:06,645
– We need an idea to save her.
– [Zaphod] I have an ide...
946
01:00:06,687 --> 01:00:08,856
– Ah! Run!
– Yeeaaghh!
947
01:00:30,669 --> 01:00:33,464
[Zaphod imitates kung-fu cries]
948
01:00:33,547 --> 01:00:35,883
[Arthur] Ooh! Ah!
949
01:00:36,008 --> 01:00:38,093
[tram bell rings]
950
01:00:38,177 --> 01:00:40,304
[Vogon] You're supposed to stop.
951
01:00:41,889 --> 01:00:44,391
[siren blaring]
952
01:00:49,563 --> 01:00:53,817
OK, so I'm not thinking.
Not thinking. No ideas coming.
953
01:00:56,403 --> 01:00:59,782
All right, this isn't an idea
that has any merit at all,
954
01:00:59,907 --> 01:01:03,786
but, Marvin, can you give me a hand?
955
01:01:06,247 --> 01:01:08,374
OK, where is she?!
956
01:01:11,335 --> 01:01:14,171
Who, the director of robot arm repair?
957
01:01:15,881 --> 01:01:20,386
Tricia Yggarstuk McMillanus
of... Blaard?
958
01:01:20,469 --> 01:01:23,722
No, Tricia Marie McMillan of Earth.
959
01:01:23,806 --> 01:01:25,391
Oh. Right.
960
01:01:25,474 --> 01:01:27,977
[keys clank]
961
01:01:28,060 --> 01:01:30,437
[computer squeaks and squeals]
962
01:01:30,521 --> 01:01:35,401
Sorry, no record of Earth.
963
01:01:35,442 --> 01:01:39,280
Galactic sector
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha?
964
01:01:39,363 --> 01:01:42,783
– Oh, yes.
– [Questular] She's lying.
965
01:01:44,285 --> 01:01:47,621
She's skinny, and she's pretty,
and she's lying.
966
01:01:47,788 --> 01:01:51,500
– Mmmm.
– [Vogon clerk] Here we are. Earth.
967
01:01:51,584 --> 01:01:54,962
Oh. Um, "destroyed."
968
01:01:55,129 --> 01:01:58,507
Um, do you have
a second home planet?
969
01:01:58,591 --> 01:02:02,136
– Destroyed? That's impossible.
– That's what it says here.
970
01:02:02,219 --> 01:02:07,391
Says it was destroyed to make way
for a hyperspace expressway.
971
01:02:07,474 --> 01:02:10,477
[pulses]
972
01:02:10,644 --> 01:02:13,230
[explosion]
973
01:02:13,314 --> 01:02:18,027
Who in their right mind
gives an order to destroy a planet?
974
01:02:20,154 --> 01:02:24,158
– He said the grey building, right?
– All the buildings are grey.
975
01:02:24,241 --> 01:02:27,578
"Give me a hand." Ha-ha, very funny.
976
01:02:27,661 --> 01:02:31,165
How am I supposed to drive this pod
with one arm? Stupid human.
977
01:02:36,420 --> 01:02:38,756
[Vogon clerk 2]
Go back and fill that in.
978
01:02:38,839 --> 01:02:42,176
Then, make sure, when you fill in
the facilitating form...
979
01:02:42,259 --> 01:02:47,139
Leave this to me. I'm British.
I know how to queue.
980
01:02:47,181 --> 01:02:51,101
[Vogon clerk 2]
If you'd fill that form in for me,
981
01:02:51,185 --> 01:02:53,896
and return it as soon as possible.
982
01:02:53,979 --> 01:02:58,359
– Writing implements to your left...
– You're president. Can you do anything?
983
01:02:58,442 --> 01:03:03,322
Presidents don't have power. Their job
is to draw attention away from it.
984
01:03:05,366 --> 01:03:07,451
Hey, how you doin'?
985
01:03:07,534 --> 01:03:12,247
Hey, it's me, your president!
What's goin' on? Thanks for coming.
986
01:03:12,331 --> 01:03:15,167
All right. I know that sponge.
All right!
987
01:03:15,250 --> 01:03:17,628
– Next!
– President coming through.
988
01:03:17,711 --> 01:03:20,714
How you doin', Pinhead?
No, really, it's me.
989
01:03:21,548 --> 01:03:23,384
I love kabuki. Look at that.
990
01:03:23,467 --> 01:03:26,387
– [Arthur] Out the way.
– [alien roars]
991
01:03:27,221 --> 01:03:29,515
– Give us a kiss!
– [alien squeals]
992
01:03:30,557 --> 01:03:33,477
Hi, I've come about
release of a prisoner.
993
01:03:33,560 --> 01:03:37,272
Prisoner release form.
994
01:03:37,356 --> 01:03:38,941
Oh, wha...?
995
01:03:39,024 --> 01:03:41,235
I don't believe you.
996
01:03:41,318 --> 01:03:43,946
These are the orders.
997
01:03:48,409 --> 01:03:49,910
"Love and kisses?!"
998
01:03:49,993 --> 01:03:54,665
Mm. Now, according
to the Galactic Penal Code,
999
01:03:54,748 --> 01:03:59,461
the punishment for
a presidential kidnapping
1000
01:03:59,545 --> 01:04:03,298
is to be fed to
the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.
1001
01:04:04,216 --> 01:04:06,176
Good day.
1002
01:04:06,260 --> 01:04:09,012
[Trillian] Ow, get off of me!
1003
01:04:09,096 --> 01:04:12,766
Ow! What the hell is that?
1004
01:04:12,850 --> 01:04:15,352
Ow, no, wait, wait!
1005
01:04:15,436 --> 01:04:19,231
There's been some kind of mistake. Ah!
1006
01:04:20,274 --> 01:04:25,946
– Tick all the boxes on the right.
– Right. Got it.
1007
01:04:25,988 --> 01:04:27,990
Not that one!
1008
01:04:28,073 --> 01:04:32,369
[Guide] What to do if you find yourself
stuck with no hope of rescue.
1009
01:04:32,453 --> 01:04:36,832
Consider how lucky you are
that life has been good to you so far.
1010
01:04:36,915 --> 01:04:40,294
Alternatively, if life
hasn't been good to you so far,
1011
01:04:40,419 --> 01:04:43,589
which, given your current circumstances,
seems more likely,
1012
01:04:43,630 --> 01:04:47,801
consider how lucky you are that
it won't be troubling you much longer.
1013
01:04:47,885 --> 01:04:51,138
[Trillian growls]
1014
01:04:51,221 --> 01:04:54,141
Right, there we go.
1015
01:04:54,224 --> 01:04:56,643
Oh, kidnapping the president.
1016
01:04:56,727 --> 01:05:01,148
Oh, no, she's not eligible
for release at this time.
1017
01:05:01,231 --> 01:05:04,401
OK. Right.
Look, this is the president.
1018
01:05:04,485 --> 01:05:06,653
– [Vogon] Oh!
– OK. See, there?
1019
01:05:06,695 --> 01:05:10,365
He says the kidnapping business
was a horrible misunderstanding.
1020
01:05:10,449 --> 01:05:11,992
Oh, yeah.
1021
01:05:12,075 --> 01:05:15,788
[Arthur] She meant nothing by it.
He's ordering you to let her go.
1022
01:05:15,871 --> 01:05:20,626
But this isn't a presidential
release of prisoner form.
1023
01:05:20,709 --> 01:05:23,921
Those are blue.
1024
01:05:24,004 --> 01:05:28,091
– I'll stay here.
– All right. Hold that. OK. Wai...
1025
01:05:28,175 --> 01:05:30,594
– [roars]
– [Trillian screams]
1026
01:05:32,721 --> 01:05:36,850
Oh, he's hungry today, [chuckles]
1027
01:05:37,684 --> 01:05:39,228
That's blue. Right.
1028
01:05:41,480 --> 01:05:44,441
– I'm not a journalist.
– We're just hanging out.
1029
01:05:44,525 --> 01:05:47,778
OK, this is, uh...
it's for Tricia McMillan.
1030
01:05:47,861 --> 01:05:52,157
Tricia McMillan. Mm. OK.
1031
01:05:53,367 --> 01:05:57,538
[minion] Sir, it's a release form.
1032
01:05:57,621 --> 01:05:58,956
Thank you.
1033
01:05:59,039 --> 01:06:02,125
She's free to go.
1034
01:06:02,209 --> 01:06:05,462
– Release her.
– [Trillian screams]
1035
01:06:07,089 --> 01:06:10,926
Zaphod's here.
Well, then, uh, that's fine then.
1036
01:06:11,051 --> 01:06:13,637
Let's just go and get him.
1037
01:06:21,103 --> 01:06:23,814
Who are we waiting for again?
1038
01:06:27,860 --> 01:06:29,111
No, I'm serious.
1039
01:06:31,822 --> 01:06:34,074
Tricia!
1040
01:06:37,119 --> 01:06:39,705
– Tricia.
– [Zaphod] Trill.
1041
01:06:39,788 --> 01:06:42,749
– Hey, come on.
– You idiot!
1042
01:06:42,791 --> 01:06:44,835
You signed the order to destroy Earth.
1043
01:06:44,918 --> 01:06:46,753
– He did?
– I did?
1044
01:06:46,837 --> 01:06:51,300
Yes. "Love and kisses, Zaphod?"
You didn't even read it, did you?
1045
01:06:51,383 --> 01:06:56,179
Honey, I'm president of the Galaxy.
I don't get a lot of time for reading.
1046
01:06:58,265 --> 01:07:00,100
An entire planet, my home,
1047
01:07:00,183 --> 01:07:03,312
destroyed because you thought
they wanted your autograph.
1048
01:07:03,395 --> 01:07:06,189
– [Zaphod] They framed me!
– Are you an idiot?
1049
01:07:06,273 --> 01:07:10,193
– Trillian.
– You knew. Why didn't you tell me?
1050
01:07:10,277 --> 01:07:14,364
– He threatened me.
– Get a backbone, Arthur.
1051
01:07:14,448 --> 01:07:19,578
Oh, a backbone? What about coming here
to rescue you? Thank you. My idea. Oh!
1052
01:07:20,787 --> 01:07:23,832
Stupid!
1053
01:07:27,127 --> 01:07:29,463
– Got your arm.
– [Marvin] How considerate.
1054
01:07:29,546 --> 01:07:33,884
Right, then, all those lucky enough
to have two arms, hold tight.
1055
01:07:49,316 --> 01:07:53,737
Oh, the president tests my patience.
1056
01:07:53,820 --> 01:07:58,659
This time I shall pursue him myself.
Ready my ship.
1057
01:07:58,742 --> 01:08:01,662
Fantastic. At last.
1058
01:08:01,828 --> 01:08:03,789
[whistle sounds]
1059
01:08:06,291 --> 01:08:10,295
Oh. That's one hour for lunch,
everybody.
1060
01:08:11,129 --> 01:08:14,591
I think I'll have soup today.
1061
01:08:15,342 --> 01:08:18,845
[Guide] The Encyclopedia Galactica,
in its chapter on love,
1062
01:08:18,929 --> 01:08:22,349
states that it is
far too complicated to define.
1063
01:08:22,432 --> 01:08:26,853
The Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy has this to say on love.
1064
01:08:27,020 --> 01:08:29,523
"Avoid, if at all possible."
1065
01:08:29,606 --> 01:08:32,526
Unfortunately,
Arthur Dent has never read
1066
01:08:32,609 --> 01:08:35,028
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
1067
01:08:35,195 --> 01:08:39,157
– Oh, I'm so sorry.
– No, come in.
1068
01:08:39,241 --> 01:08:41,535
I... I didn't...
1069
01:08:41,576 --> 01:08:46,123
Um, look, uh...
1070
01:08:46,206 --> 01:08:49,126
Trillian, I just wanted to say,
you were right,
1071
01:08:49,209 --> 01:08:54,047
I should've told you, and I understand
totally if you're angry with me.
1072
01:08:54,131 --> 01:08:58,552
Um, for what it's worth,
I know how you must be feeling...
1073
01:09:00,303 --> 01:09:04,641
– Can you hand me a towel?
– Yeah, sure, this...
1074
01:09:06,101 --> 01:09:08,103
Thank you.
1075
01:09:08,186 --> 01:09:11,189
[Arthur] Actually,
what I was going to say was...
1076
01:09:12,482 --> 01:09:17,571
...if I'd said yes to you
and gone to Madagascar,
1077
01:09:17,612 --> 01:09:21,491
then neither of us would be here now.
1078
01:09:21,575 --> 01:09:25,370
I just thought that might
count for something.
1079
01:09:28,749 --> 01:09:30,625
It doesn't matter.
1080
01:09:31,209 --> 01:09:33,086
[Arthur sighs]
1081
01:09:35,255 --> 01:09:37,382
[door sighs]
1082
01:09:42,387 --> 01:09:44,931
[door sighs]
1083
01:09:53,774 --> 01:09:59,362
All right, computer, take us to...
Where are we... where we headed again?
1084
01:09:59,446 --> 01:10:02,908
OK, I'm gonna get you
another lemon.
1085
01:10:02,949 --> 01:10:04,951
All right.
1086
01:10:08,538 --> 01:10:11,708
[computer]
Engaging Improbability Drive.
1087
01:10:11,792 --> 01:10:15,670
[Ford] No, Zaphod, no.
Buttons are not toys. What did you do?
1088
01:10:15,754 --> 01:10:17,631
Magrathean coordinates accepted.
1089
01:10:17,714 --> 01:10:21,550
– [blast off]
– [squeaks]
1090
01:10:21,635 --> 01:10:24,721
[blast]
1091
01:10:25,472 --> 01:10:28,100
[computer]
It blows my circuits to tell you
1092
01:10:28,141 --> 01:10:31,561
that we're in orbit,
at an altitude of 300 miles,
1093
01:10:31,645 --> 01:10:35,315
around the legendary planet
of Magrathea.
1094
01:10:35,398 --> 01:10:38,110
Magrathea! Magrathea!
1095
01:10:39,277 --> 01:10:41,780
Magrathea!
1096
01:10:43,573 --> 01:10:45,700
– [sighs]
– [Zaphod] Unbelievable.
1097
01:10:49,246 --> 01:10:52,207
[Marvin] Incredible.
1098
01:10:52,290 --> 01:10:54,751
It's even worse
than I thought it would be.
1099
01:10:55,961 --> 01:11:00,257
[man] Greetings. This is a recorded
announcement as we are all out.
1100
01:11:00,340 --> 01:11:03,802
The Commercial Council of Magrathea
thanks you for your visit,
1101
01:11:03,885 --> 01:11:07,264
but regrets that the entire planet
is temporarily closed.
1102
01:11:07,347 --> 01:11:11,143
If you'd like to leave your name
and a planet where you can be contacted,
1103
01:11:11,226 --> 01:11:13,353
kindly do so at the tone.
1104
01:11:14,437 --> 01:11:18,358
– How can a planet be closed?
– Zarkin' A, cousin.
1105
01:11:18,441 --> 01:11:21,862
OK, computer, keep going.
Take us down.
1106
01:11:21,987 --> 01:11:23,530
[computer] I'd be happy to.
1107
01:11:23,655 --> 01:11:25,115
[electronic tone]
1108
01:11:25,198 --> 01:11:27,868
[message] It is gratifying
that your enthusiasm
1109
01:11:27,951 --> 01:11:30,036
for our planet continues unabated.
1110
01:11:30,370 --> 01:11:32,998
As a token of our appreciation,
1111
01:11:33,081 --> 01:11:36,126
we hope you will enjoy
the two thermo-nuclear missiles
1112
01:11:36,209 --> 01:11:39,504
we've just sent
to converge with your craft.
1113
01:11:40,213 --> 01:11:42,632
To ensure on-going quality of service,
1114
01:11:42,716 --> 01:11:46,970
your death may be monitored
for training purposes. Thank you.
1115
01:11:47,053 --> 01:11:49,014
[computer] I'm delighted to tell you
1116
01:11:49,097 --> 01:11:51,975
there are two nuclear missiles
heading right for us.
1117
01:11:52,058 --> 01:11:55,395
If you don't mind,
I'm going to take evasive action.
1118
01:11:55,729 --> 01:11:57,105
[engines whoosh]
1119
01:11:57,230 --> 01:11:59,107
[shouts and cries]
1120
01:11:59,733 --> 01:12:02,944
[computer] Something's jamming
my guidance system.
1121
01:12:03,028 --> 01:12:04,988
Impact minus 45 seconds.
1122
01:12:08,742 --> 01:12:10,911
Computer, do something!
1123
01:12:11,077 --> 01:12:15,332
[computer] Sure. Handing over
manual control. Good luck.
1124
01:12:17,125 --> 01:12:18,919
[brakes screech]
1125
01:12:19,044 --> 01:12:22,088
[missiles whoosh]
1126
01:12:26,051 --> 01:12:28,762
[Zaphod] I need some help.
1127
01:12:28,887 --> 01:12:31,431
I can't do this without my third arm.
1128
01:12:33,683 --> 01:12:36,478
– [clunk]
– Arthur, grab my hand!
1129
01:12:40,690 --> 01:12:43,860
[shouts and groans]
1130
01:12:43,944 --> 01:12:46,780
[engines roar]
1131
01:12:46,947 --> 01:12:50,659
– Did we lose 'em?
– No, they're coming right at us.
1132
01:12:53,286 --> 01:12:57,040
– Why don't I just press this?
– No, we're not back to normal yet.
1133
01:12:57,123 --> 01:12:59,125
– What will happen?
– I don't know.
1134
01:12:59,209 --> 01:13:03,213
Don't do it! We're here.
No telling where it'll send us.
1135
01:13:06,675 --> 01:13:08,134
– Sod it all.
– No!
1136
01:13:09,261 --> 01:13:12,013
[silence]
1137
01:13:12,138 --> 01:13:15,517
Wow. Where are we?
1138
01:13:17,978 --> 01:13:22,691
Exactly where we were.
1139
01:13:22,816 --> 01:13:24,150
And the missiles?
1140
01:13:25,193 --> 01:13:30,740
Apparently, they've turned...
into a bowl of petunias.
1141
01:13:31,366 --> 01:13:34,869
– [clunk]
– And a very surprised-looking whale.
1142
01:13:34,953 --> 01:13:37,163
[computer] And an improbability factor
1143
01:13:37,205 --> 01:13:42,502
of 8,767,128 to one against.
1144
01:13:43,420 --> 01:13:46,298
We have norm... normality.
1145
01:13:46,381 --> 01:13:48,842
Normality, right. [coughs]
1146
01:13:48,883 --> 01:13:51,845
We can talk about normality
till the cows come home.
1147
01:13:53,013 --> 01:13:56,016
– What is normal?
– What's home?
1148
01:13:56,182 --> 01:13:57,851
What are cows?
1149
01:13:59,019 --> 01:14:01,896
A proper cup of tea
would restore my normality.
1150
01:14:01,980 --> 01:14:06,234
[Guide] It is important to note that
suddenly, and against all probability,
1151
01:14:06,318 --> 01:14:09,195
a sperm whale had been
called into existence
1152
01:14:09,279 --> 01:14:13,366
several miles above
the surface of an alien planet.
1153
01:14:13,450 --> 01:14:16,328
Since this is not a tenable
position for a whale,
1154
01:14:16,369 --> 01:14:21,416
this innocent creature had very little
time to come to terms with its identity.
1155
01:14:21,499 --> 01:14:24,085
This is what it thought as it fell:
1156
01:14:24,169 --> 01:14:27,380
Ah, whoa, what's happening? Who am I?
1157
01:14:27,464 --> 01:14:31,092
Why am I here? What's my purpose?
What do I mean by "who am I"?
1158
01:14:31,217 --> 01:14:33,386
OK, OK, calm down, get a grip now.
1159
01:14:33,470 --> 01:14:37,557
Ooh, this is an interesting sensation.
A sort of tingling in my...
1160
01:14:37,599 --> 01:14:42,687
I better start finding names for things.
Let's call it a tail. Yeah, tail.
1161
01:14:42,771 --> 01:14:46,858
What's this roaring sound whooshing past
what I'm gonna call my head?
1162
01:14:46,941 --> 01:14:49,069
Wind. Is that a good name? That'll do.
1163
01:14:49,152 --> 01:14:52,405
Yay, this is really exciting.
I'm dizzy with anticipation.
1164
01:14:52,489 --> 01:14:55,075
Or is it the wind?
There's a lot of that now.
1165
01:14:55,158 --> 01:14:59,245
And what's this thing coming towards me
very fast? So big and flat and round.
1166
01:14:59,329 --> 01:15:04,417
It needs a big wide-sounding name
like ow, ound, round, ground!
1167
01:15:04,542 --> 01:15:09,089
That's it, ground. I wonder if it will
be friends with me. Hello, ground.
1168
01:15:09,172 --> 01:15:11,383
[thud]
1169
01:15:11,466 --> 01:15:15,261
[Guide] The only thing that went through
the mind of the bowl of petunias
1170
01:15:15,345 --> 01:15:19,391
as it fell was, "Oh, no, not again!"
1171
01:15:20,600 --> 01:15:26,272
Many have speculated that if we knew
why the petunias had thought that,
1172
01:15:26,356 --> 01:15:31,736
we should know a lot more about the
nature of the universe than we do now.
1173
01:15:31,820 --> 01:15:35,990
[wind blows]
1174
01:15:36,074 --> 01:15:38,326
[Arthur] What are those things?
1175
01:15:38,410 --> 01:15:41,788
[Ford] They're portals
to another dimension.
1176
01:15:41,871 --> 01:15:46,334
[Arthur] Right. I don't suppose this
portal has central heating, does it?
1177
01:15:47,585 --> 01:15:51,631
– [Zaphod mumbles]
– [Arthur sighs]
1178
01:15:51,673 --> 01:15:54,175
[Zaphod] Ah, this is the one.
1179
01:15:54,300 --> 01:15:58,763
[Marvin] This will all end in tears,
I just know it.
1180
01:16:01,641 --> 01:16:03,810
– Right here.
– [machine starts up]
1181
01:16:03,893 --> 01:16:08,106
– Hey! Whoa!
– [roaring wind]
1182
01:16:08,189 --> 01:16:10,650
OK, in we go!
1183
01:16:10,733 --> 01:16:15,905
We can't just step into that... that!
We don't know where it leads.
1184
01:16:15,989 --> 01:16:18,116
If we pick the wrong one,
1185
01:16:18,199 --> 01:16:21,953
we just... we come back,
we pick another one. It's no biggie.
1186
01:16:22,036 --> 01:16:25,665
[Arthur] What? Yeah, it's a big biggie,
Ford. A big biggie.
1187
01:16:25,748 --> 01:16:30,753
What if it rips us all into
tiny little atomic particle thingies?
1188
01:16:30,837 --> 01:16:34,382
This is the right one. I have a hunch.
1189
01:16:34,466 --> 01:16:38,678
– Ford!
– His hunches are good.
1190
01:16:38,761 --> 01:16:41,181
Arthur, I say we go.
1191
01:16:41,264 --> 01:16:47,145
Go with the hunch of a man
whose brain is fuelled by lemons?!
1192
01:16:47,187 --> 01:16:48,855
[Arthur] This is suicide!
1193
01:16:48,938 --> 01:16:53,026
– I think I resent that.
– [Arthur] I don't care.
1194
01:16:53,067 --> 01:16:55,987
[Zaphod] I'm getting hostility
from you, Alex...
1195
01:16:56,029 --> 01:16:59,616
– Arthur!
– [Zaphod] Have you ever tried yoga?
1196
01:16:59,699 --> 01:17:00,742
[portal roars]
1197
01:17:00,825 --> 01:17:04,412
– Trillian!
– I think that's supposed to happen.
1198
01:17:09,250 --> 01:17:12,670
[high-pitched] She's gone!
Ford, she's gone!
1199
01:17:12,754 --> 01:17:15,757
Arthur, don't panic!
1200
01:17:17,467 --> 01:17:21,387
– Ford!
– [Zaphod] Hey, wait for me!
1201
01:17:22,138 --> 01:17:24,474
Whoo!
1202
01:17:24,557 --> 01:17:27,435
[Arthur whimpers]
1203
01:17:34,943 --> 01:17:36,736
Come on.
1204
01:17:36,778 --> 01:17:40,281
Idiot! Come on, come on,
come on, come on!
1205
01:17:40,365 --> 01:17:42,408
Come on, come on, come on!
1206
01:17:46,538 --> 01:17:48,915
Ahhh!
1207
01:17:49,916 --> 01:17:51,417
[silence]
1208
01:17:52,168 --> 01:17:55,588
[coughs, splutters]
1209
01:17:58,299 --> 01:18:00,426
[groans, grunts]
1210
01:18:03,846 --> 01:18:07,559
No, no, no, don't leave.
Come on, come on, just start!
1211
01:18:07,600 --> 01:18:10,770
[Marvin]
I told you this would end in tears.
1212
01:18:10,853 --> 01:18:12,939
[Arthur] Did you? Did you?
1213
01:18:15,900 --> 01:18:20,697
[Arthur breathes heavily]
1214
01:18:20,780 --> 01:18:23,950
[Zaphod from above] Geronimo!
1215
01:18:24,075 --> 01:18:26,578
Ooomph! [laughs]
1216
01:18:26,661 --> 01:18:31,165
Far out! Far out! Ha-ha!
1217
01:18:31,249 --> 01:18:35,962
This is it. This is it!
Deep Thought. I'm a-coming.
1218
01:18:38,756 --> 01:18:41,467
[Arthur chuckles]
1219
01:18:41,509 --> 01:18:45,096
This is how
it's all going to end, is it?
1220
01:18:45,138 --> 01:18:50,101
Me, alone on a dead planet,
with a manically depressed robot.
1221
01:18:50,143 --> 01:18:52,645
[Marvin]
You think you've got problems.
1222
01:18:52,729 --> 01:18:55,273
What if you are
a manically depressed robot?
1223
01:18:55,356 --> 01:18:56,566
[man] Excuse me.
1224
01:18:56,649 --> 01:19:00,612
– [Arthur screaming]
– [man] Whoa, whoa.
1225
01:19:03,656 --> 01:19:08,286
– Who are you?
– No, uh, my name is not important.
1226
01:19:08,369 --> 01:19:11,956
Uh, you must come with me.
1227
01:19:11,998 --> 01:19:16,294
– Get away.
– [man] Terrible events are afoot.
1228
01:19:16,377 --> 01:19:19,922
Um, you... you must come
or you'll be late.
1229
01:19:20,006 --> 01:19:22,258
– [Arthur] Late? What for?
– What?
1230
01:19:22,342 --> 01:19:27,847
No, no. What's...
what's your name, Earthman?
1231
01:19:28,848 --> 01:19:31,225
– Dent. Arthur Dent.
– [man] Well,
1232
01:19:31,309 --> 01:19:34,020
late as in "the late Dentarthurdent."
1233
01:19:34,771 --> 01:19:38,691
It's a sort of threat, do you see? No.
1234
01:19:38,775 --> 01:19:41,778
– No.
– [man] Your friends are safe.
1235
01:19:41,861 --> 01:19:45,114
– You can trust me.
– A man who won't tell me his name?
1236
01:19:45,198 --> 01:19:49,952
OK, my name is, um...
1237
01:19:50,036 --> 01:19:53,956
My name is... is...
is... Slartibartfast.
1238
01:19:56,084 --> 01:19:59,212
I... I... I said it wasn't important.
1239
01:20:00,880 --> 01:20:05,051
Well... so my friends are safe?
1240
01:20:05,176 --> 01:20:06,636
Let me show you.
1241
01:20:06,719 --> 01:20:12,600
[Marvin] I could calculate your chances
of survival, but you won't like it.
1242
01:20:21,609 --> 01:20:23,361
[clank]
1243
01:20:37,542 --> 01:20:40,336
Did you know we built planets?
1244
01:20:40,420 --> 01:20:44,465
Oh, yes, fascinating trade.
1245
01:20:44,549 --> 01:20:49,262
Doing the, um... doing the coastlines
was always my favorite.
1246
01:20:49,303 --> 01:20:54,976
We used to have endless fun doing the
little fiddly bits around the fjords.
1247
01:20:55,059 --> 01:21:00,064
But then the galactic economy collapsed,
and seeing that custom-built planets
1248
01:21:00,148 --> 01:21:05,695
are a... are a bit of
a luxury commodity...
1249
01:21:05,778 --> 01:21:09,615
Come with me because there's
been a terrible mix-up with your planet.
1250
01:21:09,699 --> 01:21:11,951
Best laid plans of mice, you know.
1251
01:21:12,076 --> 01:21:15,538
– And men.
– What?
1252
01:21:15,621 --> 01:21:17,623
Best laid plans of mice and men.
1253
01:21:17,665 --> 01:21:22,462
[laughs] Yes, well, I don't think men
have much to do with it. Here.
1254
01:21:25,006 --> 01:21:27,133
[vibrations]
1255
01:21:37,727 --> 01:21:42,231
– [engine starting up]
– [beeps]
1256
01:21:52,950 --> 01:21:54,911
[siren]
1257
01:22:02,460 --> 01:22:05,421
– [explosion]
– Um, I must warn you,
1258
01:22:05,505 --> 01:22:09,008
we're going to pass through,
well, a sort of gateway thing.
1259
01:22:09,091 --> 01:22:11,344
– Huh?
– It may disturb you.
1260
01:22:11,385 --> 01:22:15,181
It scares the willies out of me.
1261
01:22:15,306 --> 01:22:17,308
Aghh! Aghh!
1262
01:22:43,668 --> 01:22:49,507
[Slartibartfast] Ha, ha, ha.
Welcome to our factory floor.
1263
01:23:06,357 --> 01:23:09,610
[grunts, groans]
1264
01:23:10,570 --> 01:23:12,405
[Trillian] OK.
1265
01:23:12,446 --> 01:23:15,908
[Zaphod] All right. All right.
1266
01:23:15,992 --> 01:23:18,870
Yeah, this is it.
1267
01:23:21,914 --> 01:23:24,417
This is it.
1268
01:23:24,542 --> 01:23:28,421
0 great Deep Thought!
1269
01:23:28,504 --> 01:23:30,214
We have traveled long...
1270
01:23:32,300 --> 01:23:34,093
...and far.
1271
01:23:34,176 --> 01:23:39,682
Have you calculated
the ultimate question of life,
1272
01:23:39,765 --> 01:23:42,143
the universe and everything?
1273
01:23:42,226 --> 01:23:43,978
[Deep Thought yawns] No.
1274
01:23:44,061 --> 01:23:46,647
– [Zaphod] What?
– I've been watching TV.
1275
01:23:46,772 --> 01:23:47,815
Oh.
1276
01:23:47,899 --> 01:23:51,611
I designed
another computer to do that.
1277
01:23:51,652 --> 01:23:53,946
Oh, right, I forgot. Is it here?
1278
01:23:54,071 --> 01:23:56,824
No, it's not here. It's another world.
1279
01:23:56,908 --> 01:23:59,076
It's on another world.
1280
01:23:59,160 --> 01:24:02,663
It is another world, stupid.
1281
01:24:02,747 --> 01:24:05,207
Or it was until the Vogons destroyed it
1282
01:24:05,291 --> 01:24:07,627
to make way
for a hyperspace expressway.
1283
01:24:07,793 --> 01:24:10,087
Well... OK.
1284
01:24:10,129 --> 01:24:12,256
You sure you don't have the question,
1285
01:24:12,340 --> 01:24:15,885
or a way to, you know,
access it or something?
1286
01:24:15,968 --> 01:24:17,929
'Cause I think I've done
a lot to get here.
1287
01:24:18,012 --> 01:24:22,475
Oh, shh, shh. The show's back on.
1288
01:24:24,477 --> 01:24:26,687
[hiccup]
1289
01:24:26,812 --> 01:24:30,900
Well, I don't wanna bother you,
so I'm gonna... Good stuff.
1290
01:24:30,983 --> 01:24:35,446
Great. I'm gonna go and find something
else for my entire life to be about.
1291
01:24:35,488 --> 01:24:38,824
[Ford] Zaphod, Zaphod,
there's the... the gun.
1292
01:24:38,866 --> 01:24:41,160
– Gun?
– That Humma sent you for.
1293
01:24:41,285 --> 01:24:45,748
– You gave him your head.
– Why'd I... why'd I do that?
1294
01:24:45,831 --> 01:24:47,500
– OK.
– That's stupid.
1295
01:24:47,625 --> 01:24:52,713
0 Deep Thought,
we were told that there is a gun.
1296
01:24:54,382 --> 01:24:57,718
[crashing, rumbling]
1297
01:25:04,308 --> 01:25:06,268
[cart squeals]
1298
01:25:07,520 --> 01:25:09,814
– There you are.
– Hm?
1299
01:25:09,855 --> 01:25:11,565
Look familiar?
1300
01:25:11,649 --> 01:25:15,152
[Arthur] So it wasn't destroyed?
1301
01:25:15,194 --> 01:25:19,532
Actually, it was.
This is a backup. Earth Mark II.
1302
01:25:22,618 --> 01:25:24,412
So you... you made the Earth?
1303
01:25:24,537 --> 01:25:28,165
[chuckles] Not me alone,
but I... I did my part.
1304
01:25:28,249 --> 01:25:31,544
Ever heard of a place,
I think it's called Norway?
1305
01:25:31,627 --> 01:25:35,506
That was one of mine.
I... I got an award for it.
1306
01:25:36,716 --> 01:25:38,634
[Arthur shrieks]
1307
01:25:39,301 --> 01:25:42,304
[Arthur's shrieks grow louder]
1308
01:25:42,888 --> 01:25:45,099
[Arthur] Oh, hoo!
1309
01:25:45,182 --> 01:25:48,644
[Slartibartfast] All right, Frank?
That's... that's Frank.
1310
01:25:49,562 --> 01:25:54,358
Ah-ha. They...
they've nearly finished the oceans.
1311
01:26:02,533 --> 01:26:03,868
[Ford] Zaphod.
1312
01:26:03,951 --> 01:26:05,953
Here, it's...
1313
01:26:08,456 --> 01:26:11,542
It's just like Humma said.
1314
01:26:11,584 --> 01:26:14,211
– Now you can go get your head back.
– Hey, Ford.
1315
01:26:14,295 --> 01:26:16,756
It's been nice knowing you,
you zarking frood.
1316
01:26:16,839 --> 01:26:17,882
– No!
– [gun blast]
1317
01:26:17,923 --> 01:26:20,217
– Whoa!
– This is a bust too.
1318
01:26:20,301 --> 01:26:25,890
H... H... Hey, man. You know,
you must really be frustrated.
1319
01:26:25,973 --> 01:26:28,893
You go through all you have,
you don't get an answer,
1320
01:26:28,976 --> 01:26:31,604
which means no money or fame,
which you deserve...
1321
01:26:31,687 --> 01:26:34,273
[Guide] The Point-of-View Gun,
conveniently,
1322
01:26:34,398 --> 01:26:36,776
does precisely what its name suggests.
1323
01:26:36,901 --> 01:26:39,445
Fantastic. Fantastic. Fantastic.
1324
01:26:40,529 --> 01:26:43,491
[Guide] If you point it at
someone and pull the trigger,
1325
01:26:43,616 --> 01:26:46,243
they instantly see things
from your point of view.
1326
01:26:46,327 --> 01:26:48,287
Give me that thing.
1327
01:26:48,412 --> 01:26:50,372
It was designed by Deep Thought,
1328
01:26:50,456 --> 01:26:54,335
but commissioned by a consortium
of intergalactic angry housewives
1329
01:26:54,418 --> 01:26:56,504
who, after arguments
with their husbands,
1330
01:26:56,587 --> 01:27:00,299
were sick to the teeth of ending
those arguments with the phrase,
1331
01:27:00,424 --> 01:27:02,468
"You just don't get it, do you?"
1332
01:27:02,551 --> 01:27:03,636
[blast]
1333
01:27:03,719 --> 01:27:07,556
Uh, uh, and you're right,
I shouldn't be so upset
1334
01:27:07,640 --> 01:27:09,892
because life goes on, you know,
1335
01:27:09,975 --> 01:27:12,770
and I should just go on with it.
1336
01:27:12,812 --> 01:27:15,147
Shoot him again.
1337
01:27:15,189 --> 01:27:17,191
– [Zaphod] Whoa.
– [blast]
1338
01:27:18,442 --> 01:27:22,196
Hitchhiking's good. Towels are good too.
1339
01:27:22,279 --> 01:27:25,616
– [Zaphod] Say what?
– That is brilliant.
1340
01:27:25,658 --> 01:27:27,743
[Zaphod] What's goin'...?
1341
01:27:27,827 --> 01:27:30,621
I can see why Humma Kavula
would want one of these.
1342
01:27:31,831 --> 01:27:34,583
– We better get back. Arthur's waiting.
– Who cares?
1343
01:27:34,667 --> 01:27:39,213
I do. Especially since we're somewhat
of an endangered species, thanks to you.
1344
01:27:39,296 --> 01:27:41,423
[Zaphod] Why so edgy, baby doll? Relax.
1345
01:27:41,549 --> 01:27:44,343
– You wanna know why I'm edgy?
– [gun]
1346
01:27:44,426 --> 01:27:48,347
Argh. Of course you're edgy.
Your planet's been blown up
1347
01:27:48,472 --> 01:27:52,101
and you've been tooling around
with the guy who signed the order.
1348
01:27:52,184 --> 01:27:53,727
Huh?
1349
01:27:53,811 --> 01:27:56,605
Ugh! You actually wanted
to know the question
1350
01:27:56,689 --> 01:27:59,567
because you always wondered
if there was more to life
1351
01:27:59,650 --> 01:28:03,529
and now you're crushed
because you find out there really isn't.
1352
01:28:03,612 --> 01:28:08,159
Hey, fantastic. [laughs] Psychedelic.
1353
01:28:08,200 --> 01:28:09,869
[fires again]
1354
01:28:09,952 --> 01:28:13,706
You've got no home, no family,
and you're stuck with me,
1355
01:28:13,831 --> 01:28:17,459
another in a long line of men
who doesn't really get you.
1356
01:28:17,543 --> 01:28:21,172
Huh? That's not true.
1357
01:28:21,839 --> 01:28:24,508
[fires twice more]
1358
01:28:24,550 --> 01:28:28,971
And you're worried you might have blown
it with the one guy who really does.
1359
01:28:30,681 --> 01:28:32,474
Hey, whoops.
1360
01:28:34,560 --> 01:28:37,229
Oh, baby doll.
1361
01:28:37,313 --> 01:28:40,691
Give me that thing.
1362
01:28:42,109 --> 01:28:46,405
[sighs] It won't affect me.
I'm already a woman.
1363
01:28:46,447 --> 01:28:47,990
[boom]
1364
01:28:48,073 --> 01:28:51,243
[rumble of grating stone]
1365
01:28:57,499 --> 01:28:59,793
It's OK.
It's only a couple of little mice!
1366
01:28:59,877 --> 01:29:03,422
[huge rumbling]
1367
01:29:03,547 --> 01:29:07,051
[Slartibartfast] Voilà!
Himalayas. Good, eh?
1368
01:29:10,512 --> 01:29:12,890
Earthman, you must realize
1369
01:29:12,973 --> 01:29:14,475
that the planet you lived on
1370
01:29:14,558 --> 01:29:19,521
was commissioned, paid for
and run by mice.
1371
01:29:22,274 --> 01:29:25,611
When you say mice, do you mean
the little furry white creatures
1372
01:29:25,653 --> 01:29:27,571
with whiskers, ears, cheese?
1373
01:29:27,655 --> 01:29:32,743
Yeah, but they're protrusions into our
dimension of hyper-intelligent beings.
1374
01:29:32,785 --> 01:29:36,288
I don't know this cheese
of which you speak,
1375
01:29:36,413 --> 01:29:40,125
but they were there on Earth
as mice experimenting on you.
1376
01:29:40,251 --> 01:29:45,130
I see where you've become confused now.
You see, we were experimenting on them.
1377
01:29:45,256 --> 01:29:49,134
Ah, no, well, yeah, no.
That's what they wanted you to think,
1378
01:29:49,176 --> 01:29:53,138
but you were actually
elements in their computer program.
1379
01:29:54,848 --> 01:29:57,309
[Arthur] Actually, this explains a lot.
1380
01:29:57,434 --> 01:30:00,062
All my life,
I've had this strange feeling
1381
01:30:00,145 --> 01:30:03,148
there's something big and sinister
going on in the world.
1382
01:30:03,274 --> 01:30:06,986
No, that's normal paranoia.
Everyone in the universe gets that.
1383
01:30:07,111 --> 01:30:09,613
[boom]
1384
01:30:10,322 --> 01:30:13,867
Perhaps I'm old and tired,
but the chances of finding out
1385
01:30:13,951 --> 01:30:16,662
what's actually going on
are so absurdly remote
1386
01:30:16,745 --> 01:30:20,833
that the only thing to do is say hang
the sense of it and keep yourself busy.
1387
01:30:20,958 --> 01:30:23,377
I'd much rather be happy
than right any day.
1388
01:30:23,502 --> 01:30:25,462
– And are you?
– Uh... no.
1389
01:30:25,546 --> 01:30:28,215
[laughs] That's where
it all falls down, of course.
1390
01:30:39,518 --> 01:30:41,603
Here you are then.
1391
01:30:56,118 --> 01:30:57,745
Is this...?
1392
01:31:11,717 --> 01:31:14,011
It's, um... It's all there.
1393
01:31:15,137 --> 01:31:17,389
You know, it all works.
1394
01:31:17,473 --> 01:31:19,558
Welcome home.
1395
01:31:36,283 --> 01:31:38,243
[all cheer]
1396
01:31:39,078 --> 01:31:41,413
– Hey!
– Hey, man!
1397
01:31:41,538 --> 01:31:43,624
– There you are!
– Surprise!
1398
01:31:43,707 --> 01:31:46,627
What are you doing?
What happened to you?
1399
01:31:46,752 --> 01:31:48,253
Is that tea?
1400
01:31:48,295 --> 01:31:52,633
– First, our hosts attacked us.
– Right.
1401
01:31:52,716 --> 01:31:56,220
But then they made up for it
by making us...
1402
01:31:56,261 --> 01:31:58,597
[tearfully] ...this amazing meal.
1403
01:31:59,598 --> 01:32:02,810
It's so... Everything's right.
Everything's delicious.
1404
01:32:04,436 --> 01:32:07,106
Oh, come on, that's lovely.
1405
01:32:07,189 --> 01:32:09,441
We're glad you like it, Earth creature.
1406
01:32:13,654 --> 01:32:18,325
[chuckles nervously]
The, um, talking... talking mice. Cool.
1407
01:32:18,450 --> 01:32:23,580
– Sit, Earthman.
– Oh, thank you. Thank you for that.
1408
01:32:24,540 --> 01:32:27,960
– Please, drink.
– Um, uh, excuse me.
1409
01:32:28,085 --> 01:32:31,463
– Uh, is there anything else?
– No, we're quite happy, thank you.
1410
01:32:31,547 --> 01:32:35,300
Um, good, I'll be outside, so...
1411
01:32:35,342 --> 01:32:37,594
You were right.
1412
01:32:37,636 --> 01:32:39,471
– [mouse] Please, drink.
– Yes.
1413
01:32:40,139 --> 01:32:42,057
He was right.
1414
01:32:42,182 --> 01:32:44,017
Now, to business.
1415
01:32:44,101 --> 01:32:45,936
[both] To business!
1416
01:32:45,978 --> 01:32:47,312
[firmly] Eat!
1417
01:32:47,396 --> 01:32:49,148
– Shh.
– Sorry.
1418
01:32:49,273 --> 01:32:51,775
[Mouse] We've spent a lot of time
on your planet
1419
01:32:51,817 --> 01:32:53,819
looking for this ultimate question.
1420
01:32:53,902 --> 01:32:57,489
Only to have it blow up
in our faces. Literally.
1421
01:32:57,531 --> 01:33:01,076
Which is why you're here.
We've been offered a lucrative contract
1422
01:33:01,160 --> 01:33:03,162
to do several 5-D TV chat shows.
1423
01:33:03,245 --> 01:33:05,831
But here's the point.
We must have product.
1424
01:33:05,914 --> 01:33:09,126
We need the ultimate question,
or one that sounds ultimate.
1425
01:33:09,209 --> 01:33:11,295
– Of course.
– We've rebuilt the planet.
1426
01:33:11,336 --> 01:33:14,506
Now all we need
is the missing piece of the puzzle.
1427
01:33:14,590 --> 01:33:16,800
– Which happens to be your brain.
– Right.
1428
01:33:16,842 --> 01:33:18,177
[Mouse] More tea?
1429
01:33:18,260 --> 01:33:21,013
Sorry, did you just say
you need my brain?
1430
01:33:21,054 --> 01:33:23,348
Yes, to complete the program.
1431
01:33:26,310 --> 01:33:29,021
You can't have my brain. I'm using it.
1432
01:33:29,146 --> 01:33:33,984
– Hardly.
– Hardly? Cheeky... Cheeky mouse.
1433
01:33:38,447 --> 01:33:41,033
Zaphod! Trillian!
1434
01:33:41,116 --> 01:33:43,410
– [whirring]
– Ford.
1435
01:33:43,494 --> 01:33:44,995
What was in that food?
1436
01:33:45,078 --> 01:33:48,832
What was in my tea?
1437
01:33:48,874 --> 01:33:51,502
Don't worry. You won't feel a thing.
1438
01:33:51,585 --> 01:33:54,838
[grunts and whimpers]
1439
01:33:54,922 --> 01:33:56,965
Just wait a sodding minute.
1440
01:33:57,090 --> 01:33:59,635
You want a question
that goes with the answer 42?
1441
01:33:59,718 --> 01:34:01,386
What about, what's 6x7?
1442
01:34:01,470 --> 01:34:05,057
Or, um, uh, how many Vogons
does it take to change a light bulb?
1443
01:34:05,098 --> 01:34:08,894
Here's one: how many roads
must a man walk down?
1444
01:34:10,270 --> 01:34:12,231
Hey, that's not bad.
1445
01:34:12,356 --> 01:34:14,024
Fine.
1446
01:34:15,025 --> 01:34:18,737
Fine, take it, 'cause my head
is filled with questions,
1447
01:34:18,862 --> 01:34:21,073
and no answer to any one of them
1448
01:34:21,198 --> 01:34:24,826
has ever brought me
one iota of happiness.
1449
01:34:24,910 --> 01:34:26,495
Except for one.
1450
01:34:26,578 --> 01:34:29,540
The one. The only question
I've ever wanted an answer to.
1451
01:34:29,581 --> 01:34:31,250
Is she the one?
1452
01:34:32,292 --> 01:34:35,754
The answer bloody well isn't 42,
it's yes.
1453
01:34:35,837 --> 01:34:41,385
Undoubtedly, unequivocally,
unabashedly, yes.
1454
01:34:41,426 --> 01:34:44,346
And for one week,
1455
01:34:44,429 --> 01:34:49,226
one week in my sad little...
blip of an existence...
1456
01:34:51,520 --> 01:34:53,981
...it made me happy.
1457
01:34:55,691 --> 01:34:57,109
That's a good answer.
1458
01:34:57,234 --> 01:35:00,445
[mouse] We don't want to be happy.
We want to be famous.
1459
01:35:00,487 --> 01:35:04,199
– What's this "is she the one?" tripe?
– Take his brain!
1460
01:35:04,283 --> 01:35:07,452
No, don't take the brain!
Don't take the brain, mice!
1461
01:35:07,578 --> 01:35:10,539
[grunts]
1462
01:35:13,458 --> 01:35:14,793
[screams]
1463
01:35:16,587 --> 01:35:18,213
– [screams]
– It wasn't me!
1464
01:35:18,297 --> 01:35:20,173
– [gibbers]
– [Zaphod] I'm famous.
1465
01:35:20,257 --> 01:35:22,634
Shoot him, quickly, shoot him!
1466
01:35:22,718 --> 01:35:24,177
Oh, bollocks!
1467
01:35:24,303 --> 01:35:25,804
Agghh!
1468
01:35:33,228 --> 01:35:34,730
I'm gonna be sick.
1469
01:35:37,524 --> 01:35:38,984
[coughs] Belgium.
1470
01:35:39,067 --> 01:35:42,321
[voices]
1471
01:35:42,362 --> 01:35:45,282
[vibrations]
1472
01:35:48,160 --> 01:35:49,620
Follow me.
1473
01:35:50,245 --> 01:35:52,789
[Vogons] Left, right, left, right.
1474
01:35:52,873 --> 01:35:55,375
Attention!
1475
01:35:58,837 --> 01:36:01,840
[Marvin] Thanks a lot
for leaving me behind.
1476
01:36:01,923 --> 01:36:04,176
Though I can't say I blame you.
1477
01:36:04,259 --> 01:36:07,971
Mr. President,
we're here for your protection.
1478
01:36:08,013 --> 01:36:10,349
Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
1479
01:36:10,474 --> 01:36:11,808
Fire!
1480
01:36:13,602 --> 01:36:15,228
No! No!
1481
01:36:18,273 --> 01:36:20,359
[Marvin] What's all the fuss about?
1482
01:36:20,484 --> 01:36:23,320
Vogons are the worst marksmen
in the galaxy. Ooh.
1483
01:36:23,362 --> 01:36:28,533
– For God's sake, stop!
– Cease fire.
1484
01:36:35,165 --> 01:36:39,670
Now I've got a headache...
headache... headache...
1485
01:36:47,886 --> 01:36:49,846
Marvin!
1486
01:36:49,930 --> 01:36:51,223
[Zaphod] Oh, no.
1487
01:36:51,264 --> 01:36:56,728
– [Ford's battle shriek]
– He's got a towel, run away!
1488
01:36:58,939 --> 01:37:01,900
I'm gonna get us outta here.
How do you drive this thing?
1489
01:37:05,737 --> 01:37:08,824
We need that gun.
1490
01:37:08,907 --> 01:37:11,827
Come on. Get this ship started.
Come on. Start!
1491
01:37:12,911 --> 01:37:14,955
Come on. Oh, fire, fire!
1492
01:37:15,080 --> 01:37:16,415
Fire, fire!
1493
01:37:17,416 --> 01:37:19,626
[Arthur] Oo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!
1494
01:37:21,002 --> 01:37:23,255
[Vogon] He's locked it
from the other side.
1495
01:37:23,338 --> 01:37:25,465
We'll have to go the other way.
1496
01:37:25,590 --> 01:37:27,509
Come on, let's go!
1497
01:37:30,262 --> 01:37:31,304
[shouts]
1498
01:37:32,806 --> 01:37:35,308
Stop!
1499
01:37:37,561 --> 01:37:39,604
[Arthur] Oh, no!
1500
01:37:41,356 --> 01:37:45,485
[Zaphod] Stop it! Stop it!
Stop shooting at us!
1501
01:38:01,918 --> 01:38:04,463
[shooting stops]
1502
01:38:04,588 --> 01:38:08,258
Oh, I feel so depressed.
1503
01:38:08,300 --> 01:38:09,509
[Vogons groan]
1504
01:38:09,634 --> 01:38:14,598
I can't face another day.
1505
01:38:16,475 --> 01:38:18,268
What's the point?
1506
01:38:26,318 --> 01:38:28,570
– You all right?
– Yeah.
1507
01:38:34,284 --> 01:38:37,162
Sorry about your spaceship, Arthur.
1508
01:38:37,204 --> 01:38:40,499
[Vogons groaning]
1509
01:38:42,667 --> 01:38:44,920
Marvin, you saved our lives.
1510
01:38:45,003 --> 01:38:48,256
I know. Wretched, isn't it?
1511
01:38:48,340 --> 01:38:51,510
[Vogons moaning]
1512
01:38:53,720 --> 01:38:56,765
You got to ask yourself,
what's the point?
1513
01:38:56,890 --> 01:38:59,643
[workman] Take it away.
1514
01:39:06,942 --> 01:39:10,028
You could do all of that,
but it's not gonna... Well, I'll ask...
1515
01:39:10,111 --> 01:39:12,489
I'll just ask.
1516
01:39:12,572 --> 01:39:16,368
I... I... I've just been informed
by some of the lads
1517
01:39:16,493 --> 01:39:18,912
that since we're so near completion,
1518
01:39:18,995 --> 01:39:21,373
we're gonna go ahead and finish Earth.
1519
01:39:21,456 --> 01:39:22,999
Oh.
1520
01:39:23,083 --> 01:39:27,128
We... well, we can put it back exactly
as it was when you left, you know.
1521
01:39:27,212 --> 01:39:30,549
Unless there's, um...
1522
01:39:30,674 --> 01:39:34,177
There's, you know,
anything you want to change.
1523
01:39:36,304 --> 01:39:41,601
Something you think
your planet could do without.
1524
01:39:43,061 --> 01:39:46,356
Yeah. Me.
1525
01:39:46,815 --> 01:39:49,067
Oh! Um, hello?
1526
01:39:49,150 --> 01:39:52,863
No, as is. Yep, leave it. Yep.
1527
01:39:54,823 --> 01:39:56,408
Let's go somewhere.
1528
01:39:56,491 --> 01:39:59,077
Definitely. Where did you have in mind?
1529
01:39:59,202 --> 01:40:02,414
I know this great restaurant
at the end of the universe.
1530
01:40:02,539 --> 01:40:05,584
I am a little peckish.
1531
01:40:07,586 --> 01:40:10,380
I need to go to Humma's.
He's got something of mine.
1532
01:40:10,463 --> 01:40:16,094
– I think. I'm so confused.
– Don't worry, baby. We'll sort it out.
1533
01:40:16,177 --> 01:40:19,806
All right, let's trip the
light fantastic, baby. Just you and me.
1534
01:40:19,931 --> 01:40:21,766
Come on.
1535
01:40:21,850 --> 01:40:25,937
– You got your towel?
– Yeah. Why? Am I going to need it?
1536
01:40:26,021 --> 01:40:29,441
– Only always.
– Right. Yeah.
1537
01:40:29,566 --> 01:40:33,486
I wouldn't want to go anywhere
without my wonderful towel.
1538
01:40:38,575 --> 01:40:41,453
OK. Hold tight.
1539
01:40:44,956 --> 01:40:50,170
[speaker] Stand by for commencement
of life cycle. In three, two, one...
1540
01:40:50,253 --> 01:40:53,798
[Zaphod] All right! Whoo!
1541
01:41:36,341 --> 01:41:38,677
[Marvin] Not that
anyone cares what I say,
1542
01:41:38,718 --> 01:41:41,972
but the restaurant
is at the other end of the universe.
1543
01:41:42,013 --> 01:41:43,431
[brakes screech]
1544
01:41:44,182 --> 01:41:46,267
[accelerating engines]
1545
01:41:47,477 --> 01:41:48,687
[boom]
1546
01:42:10,917 --> 01:42:14,587
♪ So long and thanks for all the fish
1547
01:42:14,713 --> 01:42:18,800
♪ So sad that it should come to this
1548
01:42:18,883 --> 01:42:23,722
♪ We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear
1549
01:42:26,725 --> 01:42:30,770
♪ You may not share our intellect
1550
01:42:30,895 --> 01:42:34,733
♪ Which might explain your disrespect
1551
01:42:34,858 --> 01:42:37,652
♪ For all the natural wonders
1552
01:42:37,736 --> 01:42:42,240
♪ That grow around you
1553
01:42:42,365 --> 01:42:47,287
♪ So long, so long
and thanks for all the fish
1554
01:42:54,919 --> 01:42:58,798
♪ The world's about to be destroyed
1555
01:42:58,923 --> 01:43:02,761
♪ There's no point getting all annoyed
1556
01:43:02,802 --> 01:43:08,808
♪ Lie back and let the planet dissolve
1557
01:43:10,810 --> 01:43:14,773
♪ Despite those nets of tuna fleets
1558
01:43:14,898 --> 01:43:18,777
♪ We thought that most of you were sweet
1559
01:43:18,860 --> 01:43:21,529
♪ Especially tiny tots
1560
01:43:21,613 --> 01:43:26,201
♪ And your pregnant women
1561
01:43:26,284 --> 01:43:30,246
♪ So long, so long
so long, so long, so long
1562
01:43:34,334 --> 01:43:39,339
♪ So long, so long
and thanks for all the fish
1563
01:43:45,178 --> 01:43:46,471
Yeah!
1564
01:43:57,649 --> 01:43:59,067
Play it!
1565
01:44:02,654 --> 01:44:06,783
♪ So long and thanks for all the fish
1566
01:44:06,825 --> 01:44:10,829
♪ So sad that it should come to this
1567
01:44:10,912 --> 01:44:16,918
♪ We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear
1568
01:44:17,001 --> 01:44:18,670
♪ Oh, dear
1569
01:44:18,795 --> 01:44:22,715
♪ Despite those nets of tuna fleets
1570
01:44:22,841 --> 01:44:26,845
♪ We thought that most of you were sweet
1571
01:44:26,928 --> 01:44:29,514
♪ Especially tiny tots
1572
01:44:29,597 --> 01:44:34,227
♪ And your pregnant women
1573
01:44:34,310 --> 01:44:38,231
♪ So long, so long
so long, so long, so long
1574
01:44:38,356 --> 01:44:42,193
♪ So long, so long
so long, so long, so long
1575
01:44:42,277 --> 01:44:48,283
♪ So long, so long
and thanks for all the fish
1576
01:44:51,202 --> 01:44:53,830
♪ For all the fish ♪
1577
01:44:57,333 --> 01:45:01,546
[Guide] It is, of course, well known
that careless talk costs lives.
1578
01:45:01,671 --> 01:45:04,757
But the full scale of the problem
is not always appreciated.
1579
01:45:04,883 --> 01:45:08,511
For instance, at the very moment
that Arthur Dent said,
1580
01:45:08,595 --> 01:45:12,182
"I wouldn't want to go anywhere
without my wonderful towel",
1581
01:45:12,223 --> 01:45:16,853
a freak wormhole opened up in
the fabric of the space-time continuum
1582
01:45:16,895 --> 01:45:20,398
and carried his words far,
far back in time,
1583
01:45:20,481 --> 01:45:24,569
across almost infinite reaches of space,
to a distant galaxy
1584
01:45:24,611 --> 01:45:28,323
where strange and warlike beings
were poised on the brink
1585
01:45:28,406 --> 01:45:30,909
of frightful interstellar battle.
1586
01:45:30,950 --> 01:45:35,538
The two opposing leaders, resplendent
in their black-jeweled battle shorts
1587
01:45:35,580 --> 01:45:37,624
were meeting for the last time,
1588
01:45:37,749 --> 01:45:40,543
when a dreadful silence fell.
1589
01:45:40,585 --> 01:45:42,587
And at that very moment,
1590
01:45:42,670 --> 01:45:46,674
the words "I wouldn't want to go
anywhere without my wonderful towel"
1591
01:45:46,799 --> 01:45:49,761
drifted across the conference table.
1592
01:45:49,844 --> 01:45:52,555
Unfortunately, in their native tongue,
1593
01:45:52,597 --> 01:45:55,600
this was the most appalling
insult imaginable.
1594
01:45:55,725 --> 01:45:57,352
So the opposing battle fleets
1595
01:45:57,435 --> 01:46:00,021
decided to settle
their remaining differences,
1596
01:46:00,104 --> 01:46:03,483
in order to launch
a joint attack on our galaxy,
1597
01:46:03,608 --> 01:46:07,695
now positively identified
as the source of the offending remark.
1598
01:46:07,779 --> 01:46:11,032
For thousands of years,
the mighty starships tore across
1599
01:46:11,157 --> 01:46:16,621
the empty wastes of space and finally
dived screaming onto the planet Earth,
1600
01:46:16,663 --> 01:46:20,708
where, due to
a terrible miscalculation of scale,
1601
01:46:20,792 --> 01:46:25,630
the entire battle fleet was
accidentally swallowed by a small dog.
1602
01:46:25,713 --> 01:46:29,300
Those who study the complex
interplay of cause and effect
1603
01:46:29,425 --> 01:46:31,135
in the history of the universe
1604
01:46:31,261 --> 01:46:35,807
say that this sort of thing
is going on all the time.
120509
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