Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:03:54,092 --> 00:03:57,928
Headquarters, we are still
in pursuit of the black Lamborghini.
2
00:03:58,012 --> 00:04:00,889
Car 42,
you've been in pursuit for two hours.
3
00:04:00,973 --> 00:04:03,517
Another five minutes
and you'll be in Arizona.
4
00:04:03,601 --> 00:04:07,521
Yeah, and we're gonna
stay in pursuit until we catch him.
5
00:04:07,605 --> 00:04:11,274
It didn't take us that
long to catch Dillinger.
6
00:04:34,257 --> 00:04:37,134
Hi, guys. JJ?
7
00:04:40,972 --> 00:04:42,264
- JJ?
- Victor!
8
00:04:45,059 --> 00:04:47,686
- You're two hours late.
- I'm... I'm-I'm sorry.
9
00:04:47,770 --> 00:04:49,771
- Where the hell you been?
- Oh...
10
00:04:50,815 --> 00:04:52,232
I'm sorry.
11
00:04:54,402 --> 00:04:57,320
The fuel-injection system.
It's driving me crazy.
12
00:04:57,405 --> 00:05:00,991
I'm really sorry I'm late, but one of
my hamsters had an anxiety attack.
13
00:05:01,075 --> 00:05:03,034
I couldn't leave him
till he was settled down.
14
00:05:03,119 --> 00:05:06,037
He was acting so crazy,
he ate a piece of tail,
15
00:05:06,122 --> 00:05:08,498
and Henrietta
wasn't even bothering him.
16
00:05:08,583 --> 00:05:11,251
Then he ate his treadmill. Whoo!
17
00:05:15,006 --> 00:05:17,924
They got vets for that.
We got other things to worry about.
18
00:05:18,009 --> 00:05:20,218
Hamsters are a big responsibility.
19
00:05:21,512 --> 00:05:24,347
Let me paint you a mental picture,
all right, Victor?
20
00:05:24,432 --> 00:05:27,434
I want you to think of your hamsters
as a little army
21
00:05:27,518 --> 00:05:29,644
marching along on a treadmill,
22
00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:33,148
running their little legs off,
just running as fast as they can,
23
00:05:33,232 --> 00:05:36,276
making that engine
just purr right along the road.
24
00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:40,113
Oh, JJ.
What a wonderful way to put it.
25
00:05:43,534 --> 00:05:47,829
Wouldn't it be great if we could share the
glory of winning the Cannonball with them?
26
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:52,959
That would be a real team effort.
You, me, the hamsters and... him.
27
00:06:07,725 --> 00:06:11,853
Don't start with him.
I don't want to talk about him.
28
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:15,690
- If you need any help...
- Damn it, I don't want to talk about him!
29
00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:16,983
OK.
30
00:06:22,281 --> 00:06:23,532
Sir James!
31
00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:25,492
Oh, my God. You again?
32
00:06:25,576 --> 00:06:27,536
Fenderbaum, do me a favor.
33
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:29,704
You're drawing flies.
Get the hell out of here.
34
00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:32,457
No. Wait a minute, Greek.
Only thing I want to know is,
35
00:06:32,542 --> 00:06:36,127
how are you figuring the odds
on this Cannonball cockamamie?
36
00:06:36,212 --> 00:06:38,797
It takes brilliance
and years of hard work.
37
00:06:38,881 --> 00:06:40,799
And you wouldn't understand
any part of that.
38
00:06:40,883 --> 00:06:43,844
Do me a favor.
A race is a race, right?
39
00:06:43,928 --> 00:06:46,805
The only thing you gotta do
in the Cannonball is drive steady,
40
00:06:46,889 --> 00:06:48,890
stay out of trouble
and have a good cover.
41
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:52,185
3,000 miles,
averaging 85 miles an hour.
42
00:06:52,270 --> 00:06:54,104
Do you know what that is?
43
00:06:54,188 --> 00:06:57,023
You want to talk
or do you want a bet?
44
00:06:57,108 --> 00:07:02,821
Anti-radar paint, turbo-charged.
JJ, nobody can stop us now.
45
00:07:02,905 --> 00:07:04,072
Nobody.
46
00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:23,425
What are you, some kind of nut?
Who do you think you are?
47
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:25,844
Dun-dun-dah!
48
00:07:25,928 --> 00:07:28,513
I am Captain Chaos.
49
00:07:30,391 --> 00:07:34,853
And this -
this is my faithful companion, Cato.
50
00:07:34,937 --> 00:07:37,022
Say hello, Cato.
51
00:07:38,774 --> 00:07:40,734
Been a cop long?
52
00:07:43,487 --> 00:07:45,071
That's funny.
53
00:07:45,156 --> 00:07:47,908
- You wanna talk or you wanna bet?
- You've got 50-1.
54
00:07:47,992 --> 00:07:51,620
And you know what you got?
You got yourself a bet.
55
00:07:51,704 --> 00:07:55,081
Twenty big, large ones.
56
00:07:55,166 --> 00:07:59,252
That's a million dollars.
Ha-ha! If you win.
57
00:07:59,337 --> 00:08:03,590
I don't know if you know my partner.
Jamie, you remember Jimmy the Greek.
58
00:08:03,674 --> 00:08:06,718
Ha! Jamie Blake.
59
00:08:06,802 --> 00:08:09,387
You used to drive that Formula One.
60
00:08:09,472 --> 00:08:11,640
When high-buttoned shoes
were in style.
61
00:08:11,724 --> 00:08:15,977
Let me tell you something, Greek.
We got a secret weapon.
62
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:17,979
God is our copilot.
63
00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:19,898
You'll need him.
64
00:08:23,819 --> 00:08:26,905
- God is our copilot?
- Mm-hm.
65
00:08:26,989 --> 00:08:28,198
Remember our car?
66
00:08:28,282 --> 00:08:30,325
- Yeah.
- Two seats.
67
00:08:30,409 --> 00:08:32,202
Two seats.
68
00:08:32,286 --> 00:08:34,454
Where's he gonna sit?
69
00:08:34,538 --> 00:08:35,664
Where?
70
00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:39,459
Listen to me, el Porko.
71
00:08:39,543 --> 00:08:41,711
We're not in the Indianapolis 500.
72
00:08:41,796 --> 00:08:43,755
We can't have a car with numbers on it.
73
00:08:43,839 --> 00:08:47,509
- We have to camouflage the car somehow.
- Like what, JJ?
74
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:51,096
How about a limousine
with diplomatic plates?
75
00:08:51,180 --> 00:08:52,180
- Nah.
- No.
76
00:08:52,264 --> 00:08:54,933
I know. A bloodmobile.
77
00:08:55,017 --> 00:08:57,602
- Never stop a bloodmobile, would they?
- Nah.
78
00:08:57,687 --> 00:09:02,315
Ice-cream truck. An ice-cream truck. You
know, they got to get there before it melts.
79
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,566
Nah.
80
00:09:06,487 --> 00:09:09,197
Terrific.
We're out of beer, Victor.
81
00:09:09,281 --> 00:09:10,281
Sorry.
82
00:09:10,324 --> 00:09:14,035
Take it easy! You're acting crazy
since this Cannonball thing.
83
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:17,580
I'm gonna pull in here
and get some beer, all right?
84
00:09:20,251 --> 00:09:25,088
How about an armored personnel carrier?
They wouldn't stop that, would they?
85
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:43,440
- Hey, don't bother to park!
- I'll be right out.
86
00:09:54,368 --> 00:09:55,368
Thank you.
87
00:09:55,411 --> 00:09:58,455
We could get a black Trans Am.
No, that's been done.
88
00:10:22,855 --> 00:10:26,066
Hello, Mother.
I trust you had a pleasant day.
89
00:10:26,776 --> 00:10:31,446
A nightmare. A living nightmare.
You are killing me, Seymour.
90
00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:36,117
Killing me a slow death
with this idiot spy business.
91
00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:39,996
- Mother, you don't understand.
- What is there to understand?
92
00:10:40,081 --> 00:10:44,042
I'm looking at my son,
Seymour Goldfarb Jr,
93
00:10:44,126 --> 00:10:47,045
son of Seymour Goldfarb,
God rest his soul,
94
00:10:47,129 --> 00:10:50,090
and heir to the Goldfarb Girdles fortune.
95
00:10:50,174 --> 00:10:52,092
And what is he doing?
96
00:10:52,176 --> 00:10:54,219
Walking around, acting,
97
00:10:54,303 --> 00:10:57,680
like he was some goy movie star
named Roger Moore.
98
00:10:57,765 --> 00:11:00,850
And for this
I sent you to the best schools?
99
00:11:00,935 --> 00:11:04,104
For this I'm spending 8,000
on orthodontia work?
100
00:11:04,188 --> 00:11:07,774
For this I'm going broke,
paying that Beverly Hills analyst?
101
00:11:07,858 --> 00:11:09,275
And now... Ha-ha!
102
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,319
...this.
103
00:11:11,403 --> 00:11:15,323
The sleep-in maid found it
under your pillow this morning.
104
00:11:15,407 --> 00:11:17,617
What is the meaning of this?
105
00:11:17,701 --> 00:11:20,537
The meaning, Mother dear,
is a quick death.
106
00:11:20,621 --> 00:11:23,373
I warned you
not to interfere in my affairs.
107
00:11:23,457 --> 00:11:26,167
Seymour, put that away.
It's liable to go off.
108
00:11:27,336 --> 00:11:31,756
I'm terribly sorry, Mother,
but you know too much.
109
00:11:31,841 --> 00:11:33,550
You see, in my business,
110
00:11:33,634 --> 00:11:37,971
even the deepest family relationships
aren't worth a farthing.
111
00:11:38,055 --> 00:11:40,223
Farthing, schmarthing.
112
00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:45,061
- No.
- Zei gezunt, Mama.
113
00:11:46,939 --> 00:11:49,941
Oy! Where did I go wrong?
114
00:11:50,025 --> 00:11:52,527
You know something, Mama?
You're too Jewish.
115
00:11:54,071 --> 00:11:57,115
We could always
go with a nice, plain-Jane Chevy,
116
00:11:57,199 --> 00:11:59,409
with a truckload of Sidewinder missiles!
117
00:11:59,493 --> 00:12:02,162
Maybe you should slow this down
just a little bit!
118
00:12:02,246 --> 00:12:05,331
- I can't hear you!
- I said, you're making waves!
119
00:12:05,416 --> 00:12:07,083
You're bothering the people!
120
00:12:07,168 --> 00:12:12,130
What the hell has going too fast
got to do with being in the Cannonball?
121
00:12:12,214 --> 00:12:14,257
JJ, you're making very big waves!
122
00:12:14,341 --> 00:12:17,719
Hi. How are ya?
123
00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:32,483
You guys are lucky.
You tore the heck out of that boat.
124
00:12:33,694 --> 00:12:36,487
- You all right, Victor?
- Oh, I'm fine, JJ.
125
00:12:36,572 --> 00:12:38,448
It only hurts when I point.
126
00:12:39,658 --> 00:12:41,743
You know,
maybe it would've been better,
127
00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:44,746
if you didn't pay so much attention
to those girls.
128
00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:46,664
- Nobody's perfect.
- That's true.
129
00:12:46,749 --> 00:12:49,751
Nobody's perfect, but him.
130
00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:53,671
Sorry.
131
00:12:53,714 --> 00:12:55,340
How far is it to the hospital?
132
00:12:55,424 --> 00:12:57,300
- About ten miles.
- Oh, yeah?
133
00:12:57,384 --> 00:13:00,803
- How long will it take us to get there?
- About four or five minutes.
134
00:13:00,888 --> 00:13:04,933
You can smoke through traffic
like shot through a gun in this thing.
135
00:13:31,543 --> 00:13:33,544
Jackie Chan.
136
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,714
Here's Johnny!
137
00:13:53,732 --> 00:13:55,984
Jackie Chan.
138
00:14:00,197 --> 00:14:02,156
Godzilla movie.
139
00:14:05,035 --> 00:14:06,869
Michael Hui.
140
00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:30,268
Excuse me.
141
00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:00,590
Camel.
142
00:15:00,674 --> 00:15:03,009
Not the Camel, schmuck.
Winston.
143
00:15:35,459 --> 00:15:38,878
Starting tomorrow, you and George
will be riding in the car with me.
144
00:15:38,962 --> 00:15:40,880
Yes, sir.
145
00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:50,431
How goes your driving, my brother?
146
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:52,683
Allah be praised, dear sister.
147
00:15:52,768 --> 00:15:56,896
My speed is rivaled only by the
lightning bolts from the heavens!
148
00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:06,948
And I suppose you still intend to go through
that race with the infidel Americans.
149
00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:11,327
The Cannonball will
fall to the forces of Islam!
150
00:16:11,412 --> 00:16:14,372
My dear sister. I pledge it!
151
00:16:15,165 --> 00:16:17,291
Drink! Drink!
152
00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:19,627
- The car will be there, correct?
- Yes, Mr. Compton.
153
00:16:19,711 --> 00:16:22,171
Don't forget to cancel
the board meeting on Monday.
154
00:16:22,256 --> 00:16:25,425
I'm going to spend a week in Spain
at the castle.
155
00:16:25,509 --> 00:16:26,509
Yes, Mr. Compton.
156
00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:30,680
I want you to find an old friend
of mine, a Mr. Shakey Finch.
157
00:16:30,764 --> 00:16:34,392
He is the finest long-distance
motorcycle rider in this nation.
158
00:16:34,476 --> 00:16:36,477
- You got it?
- Yes, Mr. Compton.
159
00:16:37,855 --> 00:16:42,191
The board has asked me
to express their concern one more time.
160
00:16:42,276 --> 00:16:45,111
- Please reconsider.
- Not possible, Arthur.
161
00:16:45,195 --> 00:16:49,574
The board will have to permit me
this one indulgence to my ego.
162
00:17:14,683 --> 00:17:17,852
- Boy, ain't he something?
- Are you kidding?
163
00:17:17,936 --> 00:17:22,064
That is the dumbest thing I've seen since
that dimwit tried to jump the Grand Canyon.
164
00:17:26,945 --> 00:17:29,030
He's still on our ass.
165
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:32,325
I don't think... I don't think...
I don't think he's a-bluffing, either.
166
00:17:32,409 --> 00:17:34,118
Now, don't you worry, son.
167
00:17:34,203 --> 00:17:36,537
I'm gonna lose him
right up here at the motel.
168
00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:39,332
Hey, I remember.
There's a spot...
169
00:17:39,416 --> 00:17:44,337
There... There's a spot in... right in
back, and it's a perfect spot to hide.
170
00:17:44,421 --> 00:17:46,756
All right. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
171
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:48,382
Take a... Take...
172
00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:49,467
- Left.
- Oh, hell.
173
00:17:49,510 --> 00:17:50,843
- Take a left.
- Left.
174
00:17:53,764 --> 00:17:57,767
- I can't see shit. Can you?
- No problem, son. No problem.
175
00:18:00,771 --> 00:18:02,104
What was that?
176
00:18:14,243 --> 00:18:16,035
That's... That's...
177
00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:19,247
That's p-p-p-p-perfect.
178
00:18:20,582 --> 00:18:23,793
That's better than hiding it...
That's better than hiding it out back.
179
00:18:23,877 --> 00:18:26,629
I know.
But the only problem we got now,
180
00:18:26,713 --> 00:18:29,257
is we have to go and retune it.
181
00:18:29,341 --> 00:18:30,383
All right?
182
00:18:30,467 --> 00:18:31,717
Let's go get a beer first.
183
00:18:31,802 --> 00:18:33,928
Yeah, let's go get a... Let's... Beer.
184
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:39,517
I'd like to thank Mona Corson of Westport
185
00:18:39,601 --> 00:18:43,521
for that wonderful luncheon of
hemp sandwiches and woodchip consommé.
186
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:48,818
And now,
the moment you've all been waiting for.
187
00:18:48,902 --> 00:18:53,114
This is a titty turn...
Terrific turnout for the meeting.
188
00:18:53,198 --> 00:18:55,283
- Yes, terrific.
- He led the campaign
189
00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:59,495
to ban the use of electric toothbrushes
during peak load hours,
190
00:18:59,580 --> 00:19:01,330
and to sound the alarm...
191
00:19:01,415 --> 00:19:05,668
I suppose you, uh...
came here to hear me speak.
192
00:19:05,752 --> 00:19:08,921
No, no, not really. I'm into trees.
193
00:19:11,383 --> 00:19:12,758
Trees.
194
00:19:14,386 --> 00:19:18,347
Friends of Nature love trees,
so I come to the meetings.
195
00:19:18,432 --> 00:19:20,891
That's very interesting.
196
00:19:20,976 --> 00:19:23,561
I love anybody who loves trees.
197
00:19:23,645 --> 00:19:27,189
Well, they happen
to be a great passion of mine.
198
00:19:27,274 --> 00:19:29,567
You know what I like best about trees?
199
00:19:29,651 --> 00:19:30,818
No, what?
200
00:19:30,902 --> 00:19:33,529
That you can lie under them
on a moonlit night
201
00:19:33,614 --> 00:19:35,239
with the breeze blowing,
202
00:19:35,324 --> 00:19:36,991
bawl your brains out.
203
00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:40,077
Mr. Arthur J Foyt.
204
00:19:42,664 --> 00:19:45,583
Mr. Foyt. Mr. Foyt.
205
00:19:50,672 --> 00:19:52,882
Give that sucker some juice.
206
00:19:52,966 --> 00:19:57,637
The only thing hiding it... hiding it...
hiding it in the... pool
207
00:19:57,721 --> 00:20:00,765
did was... m-make it p-purty.
208
00:20:00,849 --> 00:20:03,059
It ain't running worth a shit.
And it's wet.
209
00:20:03,143 --> 00:20:05,895
I know that.
Just hit it one more time, all right?
210
00:20:07,481 --> 00:20:09,690
Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!
211
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:10,816
I know what's wrong.
212
00:20:10,901 --> 00:20:12,818
Don't think for a minute...
213
00:20:12,903 --> 00:20:16,405
...that we in Washington
214
00:20:16,490 --> 00:20:19,033
don't appreciate your Mothers' March
215
00:20:19,117 --> 00:20:22,620
to ban the sale
of colored toilet paper
216
00:20:22,704 --> 00:20:26,624
to, uh, help reduce
irritation of the, uh...
217
00:20:26,708 --> 00:20:28,626
rectum!
218
00:20:31,213 --> 00:20:35,633
But today,
I want to direct my remarks
219
00:20:35,717 --> 00:20:39,595
to an old and familiar enemy.
220
00:20:41,390 --> 00:20:42,640
The automobile.
221
00:20:42,724 --> 00:20:44,850
All right. One more time.
Let me hear it.
222
00:20:49,022 --> 00:20:50,439
Ha! It's...
223
00:20:50,524 --> 00:20:56,821
I-It reminds me of a, uh... a poem I wrote.
224
00:20:56,905 --> 00:20:59,657
The automobile, the automobile...
225
00:21:11,044 --> 00:21:14,547
- Who was that?
- Get your hand out of my face.
226
00:21:14,631 --> 00:21:16,382
Are you all right?
227
00:21:16,466 --> 00:21:19,009
They picked on the wrong one this time!
228
00:21:19,094 --> 00:21:21,178
I guarantee
they're gonna pay for this,
229
00:21:21,263 --> 00:21:25,516
because when the going gets tough,
the tough get going!
230
00:21:27,811 --> 00:21:29,645
She's running good now, buddy.
231
00:21:30,647 --> 00:21:32,606
I still think we ought to paint it.
232
00:21:32,691 --> 00:21:36,068
If we're gonna paint it, let's go ahead
and Midasize it, all right?
233
00:21:40,282 --> 00:21:41,657
Hey, there's the motel.
234
00:21:41,742 --> 00:21:44,702
Look at the parking lot.
The Cannonballers have it all jammed up.
235
00:21:44,786 --> 00:21:47,455
Man, I can't handle this traffic.
236
00:21:47,539 --> 00:21:48,831
Hold on to your lunch pail.
237
00:21:48,915 --> 00:21:51,500
- This may get a little weird.
- Wait a minute.
238
00:21:53,587 --> 00:21:54,587
Slow down!
239
00:22:01,803 --> 00:22:04,847
- Hey, you the one running this fleabag?
- Huh-uh!
240
00:22:04,931 --> 00:22:07,266
- Where the hookers?
- What?
241
00:22:07,350 --> 00:22:09,685
Hookers, man. Where the hookers?
242
00:22:09,770 --> 00:22:11,562
Excuse me. Excuse me.
243
00:22:13,523 --> 00:22:15,441
- Hello, Mad Dog.
- Hey, JJ.
244
00:22:15,525 --> 00:22:17,985
You probably didn't realize,
but the parking lot's outside.
245
00:22:18,069 --> 00:22:21,322
- I know. Brakes went out.
- Do you think you're the President?
246
00:22:21,406 --> 00:22:25,367
Well, let me make one
thing perfectly clear.
247
00:22:25,452 --> 00:22:29,580
We feel terrible about it.
And if they can't take a joke...
248
00:22:31,666 --> 00:22:34,210
Thank goodness.
We just had a terrible accident.
249
00:22:34,294 --> 00:22:38,839
- We'd like to help you, but we're off duty.
- This man looks bad. Maybe he's dead.
250
00:22:38,924 --> 00:22:41,967
You should call the coroner.
JJ, he don't look too good.
251
00:22:42,052 --> 00:22:43,177
Nah.
252
00:22:45,347 --> 00:22:47,890
- He's just had his bell rung.
- Can't you do something?
253
00:22:47,974 --> 00:22:51,727
- I mean, you're professionals.
- This is our day off.
254
00:22:51,812 --> 00:22:53,395
Will you guys do something?
255
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,940
This man's life is hanging by a thread!
256
00:22:58,068 --> 00:22:59,652
Victor.
257
00:23:04,616 --> 00:23:08,244
You have to be very scientific about this. It
could go up the nostrils, affect the sinuses.
258
00:23:08,328 --> 00:23:09,578
That's true.
259
00:23:19,464 --> 00:23:20,798
There.
260
00:23:20,882 --> 00:23:22,383
Don't bother about the bill.
261
00:23:22,467 --> 00:23:25,886
Just give him a couple of enemas
and call me in the morning.
262
00:23:28,765 --> 00:23:29,932
Hi. How's it going?
263
00:23:30,016 --> 00:23:32,059
- Perfect.
- We'd like two singles.
264
00:23:32,143 --> 00:23:33,686
JJ McClure, Victor Prinzim.
265
00:23:33,770 --> 00:23:35,104
I'll be in the bar.
266
00:23:36,106 --> 00:23:38,440
I always like a couple of drinks
right after surgery.
267
00:23:45,574 --> 00:23:47,825
I wonder why that guy
parked his truck in the lobby.
268
00:23:47,909 --> 00:23:50,202
Only in America.
Get me 12 suites.
269
00:23:50,287 --> 00:23:52,913
- Better yet, the entire floor.
- Yes, sir.
270
00:23:54,499 --> 00:23:56,083
Ah! Too much couscous.
271
00:23:57,669 --> 00:23:59,670
I sure as H
would like to get my hands on
272
00:23:59,754 --> 00:24:02,298
those Hell's Angels
who were driving that truck.
273
00:24:03,884 --> 00:24:05,634
But it's probably just as well,
274
00:24:05,719 --> 00:24:08,762
because I am a wild bull
when I lose my temper.
275
00:24:11,224 --> 00:24:14,059
- I love wild bulls.
- Oh!
276
00:24:16,646 --> 00:24:20,107
It's really funny that you should...
Oh, my God. It's them.
277
00:24:20,191 --> 00:24:22,151
- "Them" who?
- Those Hell's Angels.
278
00:24:22,235 --> 00:24:25,905
- They could be part of a terrorist group.
- I don't know.
279
00:24:26,656 --> 00:24:32,786
But this place is filling up...
with some real hoodlums.
280
00:24:33,496 --> 00:24:35,873
Did you see anything weird back there?
281
00:24:35,957 --> 00:24:38,542
- No.
- I'm gonna find out.
282
00:24:50,180 --> 00:24:53,223
Why is it so difficult for you
to find a doctor?
283
00:24:53,308 --> 00:24:54,892
It's very, very hard.
284
00:24:54,976 --> 00:24:57,603
It's not easy finding a doctor
to take off like that.
285
00:24:57,687 --> 00:25:01,565
- Dr. Gay doesn't even leave his house.
- If you're gonna win the Cannonball
286
00:25:01,650 --> 00:25:04,944
driving an ambulance,
you have to have a doctor in the...
287
00:25:05,028 --> 00:25:06,278
What does Dr. Gay do?
288
00:25:06,363 --> 00:25:09,406
He's my shrink.
He was committed yesterday.
289
00:25:09,491 --> 00:25:11,825
- Why?
- He was smoking bananas.
290
00:25:12,953 --> 00:25:16,080
He gets very upset when he talks to...
him.
291
00:25:16,164 --> 00:25:18,165
- So do I.
- Oh.
292
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,502
Sorry.
I don't want fruit in my drink.
293
00:25:26,132 --> 00:25:29,343
Congratulations. Here's to you.
Good luck.
294
00:25:29,427 --> 00:25:31,720
- Much obliged.
- And to you, Father.
295
00:25:32,889 --> 00:25:34,181
You dumb shits.
296
00:25:34,265 --> 00:25:38,227
They haven't got a chance.
You know what?
297
00:25:38,311 --> 00:25:41,981
I think I'm gonna call the Greek
and put another 10,000 on us.
298
00:25:44,776 --> 00:25:45,901
- JJ.
- Mm.
299
00:25:45,986 --> 00:25:47,403
What about those two?
300
00:25:47,487 --> 00:25:50,823
Maybe... Maybe one of those beauties
could be our patient.
301
00:25:50,907 --> 00:25:52,574
- Both of them could be.
- Woof!
302
00:25:52,659 --> 00:25:59,039
Hm. I could be very patient with those patients.
They're very lickable... very likeable.
303
00:25:59,124 --> 00:26:02,668
Tell you what. Let's, the two of us,
go over there and talk to them.
304
00:26:02,752 --> 00:26:05,170
- OK.
- I'll do all the talking.
305
00:26:05,255 --> 00:26:08,340
- Victor, you just think about the doctor.
- OK.
306
00:26:18,643 --> 00:26:20,436
- Good evening, ladies.
- Evening.
307
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:24,148
My name is JJ McClure. This is
Victor Prinzim, my executive assistant.
308
00:26:24,232 --> 00:26:26,191
- Hi...
- I'll do the talking, Victor.
309
00:26:26,276 --> 00:26:28,527
Terrorists, my dimpled ass.
310
00:26:28,611 --> 00:26:33,073
These people make terrorists
look like the Sisters of Charity.
311
00:26:33,158 --> 00:26:36,410
These guys are Cannonballers.
312
00:26:39,330 --> 00:26:41,206
What is that, a bowling team?
313
00:26:41,291 --> 00:26:43,792
We're the favorites
to win the Cannonball tomorrow,
314
00:26:43,877 --> 00:26:45,837
and I was wondering if one of you,
or both of you,
315
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:48,005
might like to ride in the winning vehicle.
316
00:26:48,089 --> 00:26:50,257
That would be very exciting.
317
00:26:50,341 --> 00:26:51,925
Exciting.
318
00:26:52,010 --> 00:26:54,178
But we're Cannonballers ourselves.
Thank you.
319
00:26:54,262 --> 00:26:56,388
They're Cannonballers?
320
00:26:56,473 --> 00:27:00,517
And, as for the winning vehicle, well,
we'll just have to wait and see.
321
00:27:00,602 --> 00:27:02,603
You haven't seen our equipment.
322
00:27:04,481 --> 00:27:05,481
Equipment?
323
00:27:07,901 --> 00:27:09,234
Equipment.
324
00:27:35,512 --> 00:27:38,639
Hi.
325
00:27:40,433 --> 00:27:43,102
Don't tell me your name.
Let me guess.
326
00:27:46,064 --> 00:27:47,064
Melissa.
327
00:27:48,149 --> 00:27:49,274
No.
328
00:27:51,528 --> 00:27:52,986
Juliette.
329
00:27:53,071 --> 00:27:55,864
- No.
- Betty?
330
00:27:55,949 --> 00:27:57,407
No.
331
00:27:59,452 --> 00:28:01,078
I'll just call you Beauty, OK?
332
00:28:01,162 --> 00:28:03,413
Aw. That's nice.
333
00:28:03,498 --> 00:28:04,748
Thank you.
334
00:28:04,833 --> 00:28:06,125
Sit down.
335
00:28:10,922 --> 00:28:14,174
- Are you one of those volleyballers?
- Cannonballers.
336
00:28:14,259 --> 00:28:16,385
- No.
- Why are you dressed up like that?
337
00:28:17,428 --> 00:28:19,596
Humanitarian reasons.
338
00:28:19,681 --> 00:28:22,933
I'm a wealthy philanthropist.
339
00:28:23,017 --> 00:28:25,853
Me and my partner,
we just ride around in an ambulance,
340
00:28:25,937 --> 00:28:28,272
looking for accidents,
trying to help people.
341
00:28:29,399 --> 00:28:31,733
I don't think we were put on this earth
to hurt people,
342
00:28:31,818 --> 00:28:34,653
I think we were put on this earth
to help people.
343
00:28:34,737 --> 00:28:37,197
- That's beautiful.
- Thank you.
344
00:28:38,199 --> 00:28:41,034
You must be a sensitive person.
345
00:28:41,119 --> 00:28:44,621
- I try to be.
- I bet you're a fan of Rod McKuen's.
346
00:28:44,706 --> 00:28:46,331
I listen to him every night.
347
00:28:46,416 --> 00:28:47,875
I'm into trees.
348
00:28:49,210 --> 00:28:51,837
- Have you ever heard of Joyce Kilmer?
- Yeah.
349
00:28:51,921 --> 00:28:55,591
- She wrote a really terrific poem about a tree.
- Uh... He.
350
00:28:55,675 --> 00:28:57,009
Who?
351
00:28:57,093 --> 00:28:59,386
- He.
- He is a she?
352
00:28:59,470 --> 00:29:02,139
- She's a he.
- Oh!
353
00:29:02,223 --> 00:29:06,185
Well, he wrote a really terrific poem
about a tree.
354
00:29:06,269 --> 00:29:07,269
Yeah.
355
00:29:07,312 --> 00:29:10,105
- You know what I like best about trees?
- No, what?
356
00:29:10,190 --> 00:29:13,150
That you can lie under them
on a moonlit night,
357
00:29:13,234 --> 00:29:16,153
the leaves gently blowing...
358
00:29:17,572 --> 00:29:20,157
- Sorry about that.
- It's all right.
359
00:29:22,076 --> 00:29:23,702
What were you saying about trees?
360
00:29:23,786 --> 00:29:27,664
I was saying,
what I like best about trees is that,
361
00:29:27,749 --> 00:29:30,876
on a moonlit night
you can lie under them,
362
00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:33,086
- with the leaves gently blowing...
- JJ?
363
00:29:33,171 --> 00:29:36,798
Hey, JJ, you'll never believe
what just happened to him!
364
00:29:36,883 --> 00:29:39,195
- I don't want to talk about it.
- He had the most wonderful time.
365
00:29:39,219 --> 00:29:42,721
I don't want to talk about...
Victor, Beauty. Beauty, Victor.
366
00:29:42,805 --> 00:29:44,890
- Hello, Victor.
- You really are.
367
00:29:44,974 --> 00:29:48,060
- You wanna hear about the doc?
- He can tell me about the doctor.
368
00:29:48,144 --> 00:29:51,063
- Oh, it's about the doctor.
- It's really important.
369
00:29:51,147 --> 00:29:52,875
- We need a doc for the ambulance.
- It'll keep!
370
00:29:52,899 --> 00:29:56,193
- I'll just leave you two alone.
- But, listen, I think you should hear...
371
00:29:56,277 --> 00:29:59,488
- It'll keep!
- It's really important.
372
00:29:59,572 --> 00:30:01,865
I want to talk to her.
373
00:30:01,950 --> 00:30:03,283
Who?
374
00:30:05,411 --> 00:30:08,163
- Now do you wanna hear about the doc?
- No!
375
00:30:08,248 --> 00:30:09,289
It'll keep.
376
00:30:11,834 --> 00:30:14,670
Hey, Brad, old buddy! Ha-ha!
How the hell are you?
377
00:30:14,754 --> 00:30:19,007
Shakey. My God, it is you.
Hello, Shakey!
378
00:30:21,636 --> 00:30:24,429
Shakey, it's kind of tough
to get close to you.
379
00:30:24,514 --> 00:30:27,891
- Last time I saw you, you were more svelte.
- What can I tell you?
380
00:30:27,976 --> 00:30:31,728
In the pizza business, when things
are slow, you tend to eat the inventory.
381
00:30:31,813 --> 00:30:33,981
Listen, that's not good for the Cannonball.
382
00:30:34,065 --> 00:30:37,234
You know that. You don't need a motorcycle.
You need the Super Chief.
383
00:30:37,318 --> 00:30:41,488
Even with the extra tonnage,
I'm still the best there is.
384
00:30:41,572 --> 00:30:43,865
Yeah? Well, I'll tell you what.
385
00:30:43,950 --> 00:30:47,202
I got a throttle that's been sticking.
Why don't you fix that?
386
00:30:47,287 --> 00:30:53,208
Boss, this is the biggest coup in the
history of the Safety Enforcement Unit.
387
00:30:53,293 --> 00:30:56,586
We're gonna blow
this Cannonball thing wide open
388
00:30:56,671 --> 00:30:59,256
and then we're gonna hit Congress
for a real budget
389
00:30:59,340 --> 00:31:01,717
that will allow us
to play some real hardball.
390
00:31:01,801 --> 00:31:06,221
I mean, this is our Three Mile Island
and Love Canal combined.
391
00:31:08,433 --> 00:31:09,433
Unnnnh!
392
00:31:09,517 --> 00:31:12,894
- What's wrong?
- Look at the chicks.
393
00:31:14,564 --> 00:31:17,482
- What is it?
- Look at those chicks.
394
00:31:17,567 --> 00:31:20,152
Boy, if we were Methodists,
395
00:31:20,236 --> 00:31:23,697
what a shot we could have
of getting laid right here.
396
00:31:25,283 --> 00:31:28,785
Listen, I want to get up there.
I don't want to miss a thing.
397
00:31:28,870 --> 00:31:30,287
No. Yes. Yes.
398
00:31:30,371 --> 00:31:31,830
All right. There you go.
399
00:31:31,914 --> 00:31:33,749
Just as good as new.
Give her a try.
400
00:31:33,833 --> 00:31:35,876
- That's it?
- That's it.
401
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:37,419
All right.
402
00:31:38,463 --> 00:31:40,130
We'll see.
403
00:31:41,257 --> 00:31:44,217
I don't think it's the throttle!
I think it's the clutch!
404
00:31:44,302 --> 00:31:46,511
Goodbye.
405
00:31:46,596 --> 00:31:48,096
Look out!
406
00:31:48,181 --> 00:31:50,724
Hey, watch out! Watch out!
407
00:31:52,352 --> 00:31:54,436
Coming through!
408
00:32:02,111 --> 00:32:03,779
What in the hell was that?!
409
00:32:03,863 --> 00:32:07,324
Oh! That must be the entry
of the National Safety Council.
410
00:32:39,899 --> 00:32:41,108
Good day.
411
00:32:41,192 --> 00:32:44,486
I am here to participate
in your little jaunt to California.
412
00:32:44,570 --> 00:32:47,197
Well, of course.
If you would sign in here, please.
413
00:32:51,494 --> 00:32:53,662
Hold still, Petey. Say cheese.
414
00:32:55,456 --> 00:32:59,876
I realize the novelty of a major celebrity
entering your little race,
415
00:32:59,961 --> 00:33:04,214
but kindly resist the temptation and keep
the media coverage to a minimum.
416
00:33:04,298 --> 00:33:05,298
Thank you.
417
00:33:05,341 --> 00:33:06,883
Will you hurry the hell up?
418
00:33:21,399 --> 00:33:24,734
- Got it?
- I got it. Hurry up, will ya?
419
00:33:38,583 --> 00:33:41,918
Man does not live on... on bread alone.
420
00:33:43,087 --> 00:33:45,839
What concerns me is,
do we have enough ice for all this beer?
421
00:33:45,923 --> 00:33:49,050
- P-p-p-p! Plenty.
- Mm-hm.
422
00:33:49,135 --> 00:33:52,220
Yeah, well, how about food, son?
Did you bring enough food?
423
00:33:53,306 --> 00:33:56,391
- Plenty.
- Get serious. Give me the rest of that beer.
424
00:34:07,111 --> 00:34:08,987
Excuse me, good sisters, if you will.
425
00:34:09,071 --> 00:34:12,407
Father, we do have a race to run,
and we're running a little late.
426
00:34:12,492 --> 00:34:14,993
So, come on.
Will you excuse him, good sisters?
427
00:34:16,746 --> 00:34:19,789
- Bye-bye.
- Don't run off. Tonight's the night.
428
00:34:20,917 --> 00:34:23,084
OK. I'd like to welcome you all
429
00:34:23,169 --> 00:34:25,462
to an event
that's sometimes been called
430
00:34:25,546 --> 00:34:28,215
the automotive counterpart
to the Bay of Pigs.
431
00:34:29,509 --> 00:34:32,469
You all are certainly
the most distinguished group
432
00:34:32,553 --> 00:34:37,557
of highway scofflaws and degenerates
ever gathered together in one place.
433
00:34:37,642 --> 00:34:39,100
We're gonna have a lot of fun.
434
00:34:39,185 --> 00:34:40,977
Of course, certain skeptics note
435
00:34:41,062 --> 00:34:45,190
that perhaps 10,000 of the nation's
most elite highway patrolmen
436
00:34:45,274 --> 00:34:48,735
are out there waiting for us after
we start, but let's think positively.
437
00:34:48,819 --> 00:34:52,113
Think of the fact
that there is not one state in the 50
438
00:34:52,198 --> 00:34:54,533
that has the death penalty
for speeding.
439
00:34:54,617 --> 00:34:57,577
Although I'm not so sure about Ohio.
440
00:34:57,662 --> 00:35:00,455
Everybody is gonna get a card like this.
441
00:35:00,540 --> 00:35:04,084
When you leave, you're gonna
punch out here at this time clock.
442
00:35:04,168 --> 00:35:06,461
3,000 miles, roughly, away from here
443
00:35:06,546 --> 00:35:09,422
is another time clock just like that
at the Portofino Inn.
444
00:35:09,507 --> 00:35:13,385
The difference between the two times
is your time across the country.
445
00:35:13,469 --> 00:35:17,514
The record stands at
32 hours and 51 minutes.
446
00:35:17,598 --> 00:35:18,682
Believe it or not,
447
00:35:18,766 --> 00:35:21,726
those guys did break
the 55-mile-an-hour speed limit.
448
00:35:24,689 --> 00:35:28,191
Let's get that first car up here.
We're gonna get this thing under way.
449
00:35:43,165 --> 00:35:44,374
Go!
450
00:35:48,212 --> 00:35:50,589
- Victor.
- I know.
451
00:35:50,673 --> 00:35:52,215
All right. Where is the doctor?
452
00:35:52,300 --> 00:35:54,384
- I got everything else.
- Where's the doctor?
453
00:35:54,468 --> 00:35:56,678
- I got 60 gallons of gasoline.
- Read my lips.
454
00:35:56,762 --> 00:35:57,804
Where is the doctor?
455
00:35:57,888 --> 00:36:00,932
- The auxiliary tanks are full...
- I gave you one responsibility,
456
00:36:01,017 --> 00:36:03,768
to get a doctor. Now, where is he?
457
00:36:03,853 --> 00:36:05,645
He got sick.
458
00:36:05,730 --> 00:36:07,564
Listen to what I'm telling you.
459
00:36:07,648 --> 00:36:10,108
You go find a doctor. Get me Dr. Kildare,
460
00:36:10,192 --> 00:36:12,110
get me Dr. Livingstone,
get me Dr. Frankenstein.
461
00:36:12,194 --> 00:36:14,946
Just get me a doctor.
Go where the doctors hang out.
462
00:36:15,031 --> 00:36:17,073
- Where's that?
- Bars, golf courses.
463
00:36:17,158 --> 00:36:19,659
Golf course, bar. Where else? Hospital!
464
00:36:19,744 --> 00:36:20,994
Try there too.
465
00:36:21,078 --> 00:36:23,747
My jet will take you to California.
466
00:36:23,831 --> 00:36:25,915
It's time for you to punch out.
467
00:36:30,129 --> 00:36:33,089
I'll see you in California.
I love you!
468
00:36:39,347 --> 00:36:42,390
A toast to us, you and me.
We're gonna win the whole thing.
469
00:36:42,475 --> 00:36:43,475
It's a cinch.
470
00:36:43,517 --> 00:36:47,812
The more I look around
and see these turkeys, I have...
471
00:36:50,900 --> 00:36:54,069
While you're drinking,
that truck to the left.
472
00:36:54,153 --> 00:36:56,321
Isn't that JJ McClure?
473
00:36:57,323 --> 00:37:01,034
He's nothing.
Don't worry about him.
474
00:37:01,118 --> 00:37:03,328
It's the blimp next to him.
The blimp.
475
00:37:03,412 --> 00:37:08,166
When he puts on that mask,
he'll blow your goddamn doors off.
476
00:37:08,250 --> 00:37:10,919
You understand that? The blimp!
477
00:37:20,137 --> 00:37:23,515
- Is that weird?
- Wow!
478
00:37:27,728 --> 00:37:29,854
It's a Nevada license plate.
479
00:37:29,939 --> 00:37:34,275
And that's whiskey, zebra, alpha,
480
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:36,736
niner, fiver, zero.
481
00:37:36,821 --> 00:37:39,030
- You got that?
- What?
482
00:37:39,115 --> 00:37:42,409
It's...
Just write WZA 9...
483
00:37:42,493 --> 00:37:44,119
Here. Will you let me do it?
484
00:37:44,203 --> 00:37:48,289
WZA 950. See?
485
00:37:48,374 --> 00:37:50,166
Whiskey, zebra, alpha,
486
00:37:50,251 --> 00:37:52,460
- niner, fiver, zero.
- Oh.
487
00:37:57,758 --> 00:38:01,553
OK, so it's Interstate 80
through Pennsylvania.
488
00:38:01,637 --> 00:38:05,640
- Pick up...
- Oh, that's a good-looking piece.
489
00:38:05,725 --> 00:38:09,394
And cunningly disguised
so it won't look like a racing car.
490
00:38:09,478 --> 00:38:13,064
You know, the cops would never
give that a second glance.
491
00:38:13,149 --> 00:38:16,609
220 miles an hour, and they
aren't gonna get a second glance.
492
00:38:16,694 --> 00:38:21,614
Hey, when we get to California,
I got a place out at Palos Verdes...
493
00:38:21,699 --> 00:38:25,201
You boys gonna start this thing or just
sit there and wait for that paint to dry?
494
00:38:26,537 --> 00:38:27,746
Yes, sir.
495
00:38:30,416 --> 00:38:31,708
How long till we stop?
496
00:38:31,792 --> 00:38:35,670
- Eight hours!
- Damn! I... I gotta go to the john!
497
00:38:44,013 --> 00:38:45,221
Go.
498
00:38:49,643 --> 00:38:53,146
Mad Dog, you are gonna take
the shortcut to the interstate, aren't you?
499
00:38:53,230 --> 00:38:55,315
We're here to win, ain't we?
500
00:38:55,399 --> 00:38:59,319
If you gonna be a bear, be a grizzly!
501
00:39:05,826 --> 00:39:09,412
My God, Pamela. Did you see that?
502
00:39:09,497 --> 00:39:12,749
They drove right through those trees.
503
00:39:12,833 --> 00:39:14,375
I love trees. Did I tell you...
504
00:39:14,460 --> 00:39:16,085
We are going right down there
505
00:39:16,170 --> 00:39:19,088
and bring this thing
to a screeching halt, right now.
506
00:39:19,173 --> 00:39:21,591
Buckle up. We're going into action.
507
00:39:24,178 --> 00:39:25,386
Would you mind?
508
00:39:26,555 --> 00:39:27,555
Very civil.
509
00:39:27,598 --> 00:39:29,474
Might be easier with your lights on.
510
00:39:29,558 --> 00:39:31,184
Why advertise?
511
00:39:32,895 --> 00:39:35,188
- Wait a minute, Father.
- What?
512
00:39:35,272 --> 00:39:38,858
That's a no-no. They haven't allowed that
for nearly 2,000 years.
513
00:39:38,943 --> 00:39:43,988
No, look. I'm a liberal wing,
way out, on the other part of the church.
514
00:39:44,073 --> 00:39:46,032
- It's nothing at all.
- Keep flying, Father.
515
00:39:46,116 --> 00:39:47,951
"Keep flying."
516
00:39:51,247 --> 00:39:53,122
How about just one of you?
517
00:39:56,126 --> 00:39:58,461
Who says cops
won't stop honeymooners?
518
00:39:58,546 --> 00:40:00,463
Anyhow, why do I have to be the bride?
519
00:40:00,548 --> 00:40:02,632
Shut up, sweetie, and punch the clock.
520
00:40:03,467 --> 00:40:07,887
- OK, go slow until I get my wig on.
- Yes, dear.
521
00:40:11,308 --> 00:40:13,893
Old pal of mine,
are we all set for California?
522
00:40:13,978 --> 00:40:18,231
Damn you. Next time, Methodist.
You understand? Methodist!
523
00:40:18,315 --> 00:40:21,526
- All right, pal of mine.
- OK, OK. You're all right.
524
00:40:21,610 --> 00:40:24,028
OK, now, who's driving?
525
00:40:24,113 --> 00:40:25,572
- You're driving.
- You are.
526
00:40:25,656 --> 00:40:28,408
- I can't drive.
- Then I'm driving.
527
00:40:28,492 --> 00:40:30,243
- Yeah, I think you are.
- OK.
528
00:40:30,327 --> 00:40:32,078
All right. Put me down.
529
00:40:33,581 --> 00:40:36,082
You drive. You hold this.
I'll get in the car.
530
00:40:43,090 --> 00:40:44,549
- Come on.
- I'm coming.
531
00:40:45,926 --> 00:40:47,927
Somebody's hat.
532
00:40:53,642 --> 00:40:55,435
Hold my drink.
533
00:41:07,698 --> 00:41:09,073
Hit it!
534
00:41:15,831 --> 00:41:17,498
Thank you, good sisters.
535
00:41:18,792 --> 00:41:22,420
May the good Lord take a liking to you,
but not too soon.
536
00:41:22,504 --> 00:41:23,963
Bless you, my children.
537
00:41:24,048 --> 00:41:27,050
Those guys are more juiced up
than that Ferrari.
538
00:41:40,981 --> 00:41:44,067
- JJ! JJ, wait! I got the doc!
- Terrific.
539
00:41:44,151 --> 00:41:47,362
No, wait. He's in the ambulance.
This way.
540
00:41:47,446 --> 00:41:49,030
Come on!
541
00:41:49,114 --> 00:41:51,574
Before I open this,
don't get your hopes up too high.
542
00:41:51,659 --> 00:41:53,701
- I was pressed for time.
- No problem.
543
00:41:58,123 --> 00:41:59,457
Holy shit.
544
00:41:59,541 --> 00:42:01,501
I'm honored, sir!
545
00:42:01,585 --> 00:42:03,795
I'm Doctor Nikol...
546
00:42:03,879 --> 00:42:06,923
Nikolas Van Helsing,
professor of proctology
547
00:42:07,007 --> 00:42:08,758
and other related tendencies.
548
00:42:08,842 --> 00:42:12,929
Graduate of the University of Rangoon
and assorted night classes
549
00:42:13,013 --> 00:42:16,641
at the Knoxville, Tennessee,
College of Faith Healing.
550
00:42:16,725 --> 00:42:19,686
You may be a little overqualified
for this job.
551
00:42:19,770 --> 00:42:21,354
You got your equipment with you?
552
00:42:21,438 --> 00:42:23,940
I never go anywhere without it.
553
00:42:24,024 --> 00:42:29,070
However, in my particular line of work,
I seldom need more than this.
554
00:42:30,114 --> 00:42:32,031
Or this.
555
00:42:38,706 --> 00:42:40,623
We'll talk about this later, huh?
556
00:42:40,708 --> 00:42:44,002
Now, sir,
before we commence this odyssey,
557
00:42:44,086 --> 00:42:47,130
which I understand will carry us
across this grand nation,
558
00:42:47,214 --> 00:42:49,090
from sea to shining sea,
559
00:42:49,174 --> 00:42:51,509
there's the matter of my compensation.
560
00:42:52,428 --> 00:42:56,764
I've determined that my services
will require the payment of $2,000.
561
00:43:00,352 --> 00:43:03,438
I was thinking
more along the lines of $200.
562
00:43:03,522 --> 00:43:08,526
For... Fortunately, my practice
allows me a certain flexibility.
563
00:43:10,863 --> 00:43:14,198
After checking my schedule,
I find I'll be able to make the journey.
564
00:43:14,283 --> 00:43:16,909
As far as the money's concerned,
you got a deal.
565
00:43:20,456 --> 00:43:21,998
We're off.
566
00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:26,210
- Here we go.
- Here we go.
567
00:43:26,295 --> 00:43:29,255
3,000 carefree,
madcap miles to California.
568
00:43:29,339 --> 00:43:33,968
California, here we come,
right back where we started from.
569
00:43:34,053 --> 00:43:37,388
Thanks to you, Victor, we do not
have a female patient in the back.
570
00:43:37,473 --> 00:43:43,561
- Thanks to your wonderful cousin Tessie.
- It's not my fault she didn't fit in the stretcher.
571
00:43:43,645 --> 00:43:47,273
- Doesn't fit in the ambulance.
- I got the doc here, didn't I?
572
00:43:49,109 --> 00:43:51,194
Don't you ever tell me where you got him.
573
00:43:51,278 --> 00:43:53,946
- I don't want to know where you got him.
- OK.
574
00:43:54,031 --> 00:43:56,199
I was just surprised
that all the animals there were...
575
00:43:56,283 --> 00:43:58,659
- I don't want to know where you got him!
- OK.
576
00:43:58,744 --> 00:44:01,746
Hey, maybe I could be the patient.
577
00:44:01,830 --> 00:44:04,832
That's a good idea.
Everybody would believe you were sick.
578
00:44:04,917 --> 00:44:08,127
- Wouldn't you believe he's sick?
- Want me to examine him?
579
00:44:08,212 --> 00:44:12,632
JJ. Him doesn't like it
when you say bad things about me,
580
00:44:12,716 --> 00:44:14,300
and you know that.
581
00:44:15,135 --> 00:44:17,970
Thanks to you, though,
we don't have a female patient.
582
00:44:18,055 --> 00:44:20,139
And we've got to find a female...
583
00:44:21,225 --> 00:44:22,725
JJ.
584
00:44:22,810 --> 00:44:24,352
Damn Cannonballers.
585
00:44:27,731 --> 00:44:30,525
- Hi. I'm so happy you're here.
- Hi.
586
00:44:30,609 --> 00:44:33,820
- Can you help me with Mr, um...
- Foyt.
587
00:44:33,904 --> 00:44:36,864
- Foyt.
- Sure. That's what I'm here for.
588
00:44:36,949 --> 00:44:40,076
Mr. Foyt, go around
and get in the emergency entrance.
589
00:44:41,161 --> 00:44:42,578
Come on right here.
590
00:44:42,663 --> 00:44:44,497
There we go. Hit it!
591
00:44:44,581 --> 00:44:46,040
Wait, I'm not...
592
00:44:49,086 --> 00:44:50,962
This is really terrific,
593
00:44:51,046 --> 00:44:53,673
the way you guys
go around helping people.
594
00:44:53,757 --> 00:44:58,136
Next year we're going for the Nobel Prize.
That's where the big bucks are.
595
00:45:01,140 --> 00:45:02,431
You forgot Mr...
596
00:45:02,516 --> 00:45:04,058
Uh... Mr...
597
00:45:04,143 --> 00:45:05,810
- Foyt.
- ...Foyt!
598
00:45:05,894 --> 00:45:07,770
Mm. Well, we got you.
599
00:45:07,855 --> 00:45:10,565
We're batting.500. Nobody's perfect.
600
00:45:10,649 --> 00:45:12,900
I think you have to go
back and pick him up.
601
00:45:15,112 --> 00:45:17,989
We'd really like to,
but we're on a tight schedule.
602
00:45:18,073 --> 00:45:19,615
We're on our way to California.
603
00:45:19,700 --> 00:45:23,035
You'd be amazed how many sick people
there are out there.
604
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:26,038
They need our help.
We could pick him up on the way back.
605
00:45:29,668 --> 00:45:32,086
Victor, can you help me?
606
00:45:32,171 --> 00:45:34,964
No, I can't. I can't do anything.
607
00:45:35,048 --> 00:45:37,508
But... he can.
608
00:45:37,593 --> 00:45:39,177
Who can?
609
00:45:39,261 --> 00:45:40,678
Him.
610
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:54,525
Excuse me.
611
00:45:56,236 --> 00:45:57,612
Doctor...
612
00:46:02,826 --> 00:46:04,994
My God, the perfect specimen.
613
00:46:05,871 --> 00:46:09,123
JJ, you want me
to start the examination right away?
614
00:46:09,208 --> 00:46:11,542
I'm gonna like this job.
Right here, honey.
615
00:46:11,627 --> 00:46:13,878
No, thank you. Not right now.
616
00:46:22,429 --> 00:46:24,597
Of course, man. This took 30 years.
617
00:46:33,065 --> 00:46:36,651
Never be able to see us,
the son of a guns.
618
00:46:58,423 --> 00:47:01,550
I'm really sorry
about that little lapse, Officer.
619
00:47:01,635 --> 00:47:03,928
Normally,
I drive right around the speed limit.
620
00:47:04,012 --> 00:47:08,307
We all make mistakes, miss, but 160?
That's a little more than a lapse.
621
00:47:17,943 --> 00:47:21,070
What the hell is going on here?
Everybody's driving like maniacs.
622
00:47:21,154 --> 00:47:22,655
I don't know, Officer.
623
00:47:22,739 --> 00:47:24,907
Let me see your driver's license, please.
624
00:47:37,754 --> 00:47:43,175
Ah, what the hell? I can't penalize nice
girls like you for a little indiscretion
625
00:47:43,260 --> 00:47:46,387
with the whole road
packed with speed-crazy lunatics.
626
00:47:48,015 --> 00:47:50,433
Here. You girls have a nice trip.
627
00:47:50,517 --> 00:47:52,935
- Drive carefully and take it easy.
- Thank you.
628
00:47:53,020 --> 00:47:56,022
- Come back and see us next year.
- Bye.
629
00:47:57,482 --> 00:47:58,733
Take care.
630
00:47:58,817 --> 00:48:00,609
Keep it in the road.
631
00:48:04,323 --> 00:48:06,866
I don't know why you're pouting.
I mean, look,
632
00:48:06,950 --> 00:48:09,577
we're taking a nice,
leisurely trip to California.
633
00:48:09,661 --> 00:48:11,912
And we're picking up the bills.
This could be fun.
634
00:48:11,997 --> 00:48:14,123
I can't believe this is happening to me.
635
00:48:14,207 --> 00:48:16,167
This is not a joke anymore.
I'm being kidnapped.
636
00:48:16,251 --> 00:48:18,377
You can call it kidnapping,
if you want to be rude.
637
00:48:18,462 --> 00:48:21,339
Just think, we have a professional
physician on board
638
00:48:21,423 --> 00:48:24,133
in case somebody gets swamp fever.
639
00:48:25,927 --> 00:48:27,803
You guys are strange.
640
00:48:31,391 --> 00:48:33,225
- JJ?
- Yeah?
641
00:48:33,310 --> 00:48:35,436
- We got company.
- Yeah, I hear.
642
00:48:36,813 --> 00:48:39,106
OK, Beauty. You lie down
and be a patient for the police.
643
00:48:39,191 --> 00:48:40,733
- No.
- Come on.
644
00:48:40,817 --> 00:48:44,570
Don't! I'm not gonna help you.
You didn't even help Mr...
645
00:48:45,113 --> 00:48:46,530
- Foyt.
- ...Foyt.
646
00:48:47,741 --> 00:48:50,034
Maybe I can help.
647
00:48:50,869 --> 00:48:52,328
Dear God.
648
00:48:52,412 --> 00:48:54,330
It's all right, miss.
It doesn't hurt.
649
00:48:54,414 --> 00:48:56,123
Give it to myself all the time.
650
00:48:56,208 --> 00:48:58,250
Yeah. He gives it to himself all the time.
651
00:49:00,629 --> 00:49:02,588
Show her.
652
00:49:04,424 --> 00:49:06,509
Come on, Doc. Show her.
653
00:49:08,345 --> 00:49:09,804
Show her.
654
00:49:23,443 --> 00:49:25,569
There. You see?
655
00:49:25,654 --> 00:49:26,904
That didn't hurt.
656
00:49:28,740 --> 00:49:30,574
- JJ?
- No, thanks.
657
00:49:30,659 --> 00:49:31,784
Victor?
658
00:49:31,868 --> 00:49:33,285
Oh, no thanks.
659
00:49:34,496 --> 00:49:35,955
No.
660
00:49:57,519 --> 00:49:59,728
Hi, guys. What's up?
661
00:49:59,813 --> 00:50:01,021
- What's up?
- Huh.
662
00:50:01,106 --> 00:50:04,817
You guys are running 120, your little lights
are flashing all over. That's what's up.
663
00:50:04,901 --> 00:50:08,446
- We've got a patient in there.
- You were still speeding.
664
00:50:08,530 --> 00:50:12,741
- She's, uh... She's very sick.
- There's not a hospital within 50 miles.
665
00:50:12,826 --> 00:50:14,452
- Where you headed?
- UCLA.
666
00:50:14,536 --> 00:50:15,786
UCLA?
667
00:50:15,871 --> 00:50:18,122
- UCLA Medical Center.
- LA.
668
00:50:18,206 --> 00:50:19,498
California?
669
00:50:20,792 --> 00:50:25,629
This is gonna sound like a dumb question, but
if she's that sick, why didn't you fly her?
670
00:50:25,714 --> 00:50:27,506
Why didn't we fly her?
671
00:50:30,385 --> 00:50:33,554
I'm just the driver.
We have to ask the doc.
672
00:50:33,638 --> 00:50:34,805
No.
673
00:50:34,890 --> 00:50:37,683
That's a good idea.
Why don't we ask the doc?
674
00:50:39,102 --> 00:50:40,561
I'm sorry.
675
00:50:44,107 --> 00:50:47,234
What's going on out here?
What is this crude interruption?
676
00:50:52,115 --> 00:50:55,284
The patient.
Why can't she be flown to California?
677
00:50:55,368 --> 00:50:59,580
Cysts. On the walls of her lungs.
Very rare.
678
00:50:59,664 --> 00:51:03,000
You see, airplanes are only pressurized
at 10,000 feet.
679
00:51:03,084 --> 00:51:07,254
Anybody who knows anything about medicine
knows that she can't fly.
680
00:51:07,339 --> 00:51:09,590
We couldn't even go through Denver
it's so high.
681
00:51:09,674 --> 00:51:13,552
Tell them to go back and pick up Mr...
682
00:51:14,471 --> 00:51:15,721
- Foyt.
- ...Foyt.
683
00:51:15,805 --> 00:51:17,264
Is that lady all right?
684
00:51:17,349 --> 00:51:18,933
She's in great pain.
685
00:51:19,017 --> 00:51:22,478
Causes her to make certain delirious...
drememium...
686
00:51:22,562 --> 00:51:24,522
I'm deliri...
687
00:51:26,441 --> 00:51:30,986
- Sounds like she's on something to me.
- Let me explain something to you.
688
00:51:31,071 --> 00:51:34,990
We have to get the senator's wife
to California in 72 hours.
689
00:51:35,075 --> 00:51:37,284
Do you understand what I'm saying? We ha...
690
00:51:38,995 --> 00:51:43,958
We have to get the senator's wife
to California in 72 hours.
691
00:51:44,042 --> 00:51:46,126
We're very close.
692
00:51:47,379 --> 00:51:51,549
Well, as long as you're in New Jersey,
I want you fellas to take it easy.
693
00:51:51,633 --> 00:51:54,134
- You got that?
- We sure do.
694
00:51:55,887 --> 00:51:58,556
- Thanks a lot.
- Get this rig outta here.
695
00:52:00,850 --> 00:52:03,852
I'm glad there's no cupcakes like that
in New Jersey.
696
00:52:03,937 --> 00:52:06,480
You haven't met my brother-in-law, Ralph.
697
00:52:15,365 --> 00:52:17,866
I thought that cop
was gonna have a cardiac arrest
698
00:52:17,951 --> 00:52:20,035
when we said
we were going to California.
699
00:52:21,997 --> 00:52:23,664
Wasn't Beauty terrific?
700
00:52:23,748 --> 00:52:25,541
The lady was splendid.
701
00:52:25,625 --> 00:52:29,211
She should have her picture
on the cover of the AMA journal.
702
00:52:29,296 --> 00:52:32,047
AMA journal.
703
00:52:34,676 --> 00:52:37,094
I'm sure that doctor's
a very sweet man, basically.
704
00:52:37,178 --> 00:52:38,178
Thanks.
705
00:52:38,263 --> 00:52:40,848
But don't you ever tell me
where you found him.
706
00:52:40,932 --> 00:52:42,725
Ever.
707
00:52:43,226 --> 00:52:45,477
It's the damn Cannonball for sure.
708
00:52:45,562 --> 00:52:47,855
They blasted away
right in front of my eyes.
709
00:52:47,939 --> 00:52:50,649
And they kidnapped a girl
named Pamela Glover,
710
00:52:50,734 --> 00:52:53,652
just like it was the goddamn
Red Brigade or something.
711
00:52:53,737 --> 00:52:55,779
But I...
No, I've got them.
712
00:52:55,864 --> 00:52:58,240
This time I've got them.
713
00:52:58,325 --> 00:53:01,368
Ohio? Yes. Ohio has been notified.
714
00:53:01,453 --> 00:53:04,204
Yeah. Ohio has been notified.
715
00:53:04,289 --> 00:53:07,708
And Missouri. And California.
716
00:53:07,792 --> 00:53:10,836
We'll get them,
and I'm gonna be there to handle it.
717
00:53:11,671 --> 00:53:13,130
You can count on it.
718
00:53:14,090 --> 00:53:15,090
Yeah.
719
00:53:15,175 --> 00:53:19,053
Listen, I've got two minutes
to catch my flight. Yeah. Bye.
720
00:53:22,682 --> 00:53:24,558
Hey. Hey!
721
00:53:25,935 --> 00:53:27,645
- Madam. Madam!
- Madam?
722
00:53:27,729 --> 00:53:30,314
I'm no madam.
I'm a decent, respectable woman.
723
00:53:30,398 --> 00:53:32,775
I don't even own a house.
I live in an apartment.
724
00:53:32,859 --> 00:53:35,110
Now get off my case.
I'm late for my plane.
725
00:53:49,334 --> 00:53:52,628
- Well, then, after my career in the RAF...
- The what?
726
00:53:52,712 --> 00:53:55,130
- The Royal Air Force.
- Oh.
727
00:53:55,215 --> 00:53:58,717
- Do you mind if I have a cigarette?
- Go ahead. They're your lungs.
728
00:53:58,802 --> 00:54:02,054
Well, I had a chestful of citations,
medals, that sort of thing,
729
00:54:02,138 --> 00:54:04,723
and then I drifted in
playing a rather popular...
730
00:54:04,808 --> 00:54:06,350
Not that one, darling, please.
731
00:54:06,434 --> 00:54:10,145
We don't want you leaving so shortly
after the trip has begun, do we?
732
00:54:10,230 --> 00:54:12,189
No, of course not.
733
00:54:12,273 --> 00:54:17,027
Then I drifted into playing a rather
popular character on a television series.
734
00:54:17,112 --> 00:54:19,113
It's still in syndication, you know.
735
00:54:20,615 --> 00:54:22,199
Puff away.
736
00:54:23,368 --> 00:54:26,829
Thanks a lot, ladies.
But I would take it a little easier.
737
00:54:26,913 --> 00:54:30,499
Some of the officers up the road
might not be as understanding.
738
00:54:30,583 --> 00:54:35,212
Thank you so much, Officer.
We really do appreciate that warning.
739
00:54:35,296 --> 00:54:38,382
And if you're ever up in Duluth,
remember to look me up.
740
00:54:40,009 --> 00:54:43,637
I got the number.
You can count on it.
741
00:54:54,941 --> 00:54:56,984
How's the patient?
742
00:55:00,697 --> 00:55:02,239
She's alive.
743
00:55:02,323 --> 00:55:05,075
Looks like she survived the procedure.
744
00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:06,493
What procedure?
745
00:55:06,578 --> 00:55:09,747
If you guys laid a finger on me...
746
00:55:13,835 --> 00:55:16,503
No, I just gave her a little prick.
747
00:55:17,922 --> 00:55:19,798
With this.
748
00:55:19,883 --> 00:55:23,385
Super Chief, lean forward
so I can get the front wheel on the ground.
749
00:55:23,470 --> 00:55:26,305
Stop kidding. I am.
750
00:55:41,529 --> 00:55:45,866
Pull over!
We want to give you our blessings.
751
00:55:45,950 --> 00:55:49,495
JJ. There are two priests
in that car over there.
752
00:55:49,579 --> 00:55:50,788
What?
753
00:55:53,333 --> 00:55:55,167
They want us to pull over.
754
00:55:55,251 --> 00:55:56,835
- Victor.
- Yeah.
755
00:55:56,920 --> 00:55:58,962
They're two priests driving a Ferrari.
756
00:55:59,047 --> 00:56:02,049
When's the last time you saw
two priests driving a Ferrari?
757
00:56:02,133 --> 00:56:05,511
- They taking the bingo money home?
- They're doing the work of the Lord.
758
00:56:05,595 --> 00:56:08,096
In a Ferrari, they can
do it faster, that's all.
759
00:56:09,098 --> 00:56:12,017
Pull over!
760
00:56:12,101 --> 00:56:14,394
We want to bless you!
761
00:56:16,648 --> 00:56:17,981
- Victor.
- Yeah?
762
00:56:18,066 --> 00:56:20,192
One of the priests is black.
763
00:56:20,276 --> 00:56:23,070
- Oh, yeah. They have black priests.
- They do?
764
00:56:23,154 --> 00:56:24,988
Oh, sure. They have a black cardinal.
765
00:56:25,073 --> 00:56:29,827
Oh! They do want us to pull over.
They want to bless us. Can we?
766
00:56:29,911 --> 00:56:32,371
Let me get this straight.
767
00:56:32,455 --> 00:56:38,585
You want us to pull over and be blessed
by a black priest in a red Ferrari?
768
00:56:38,670 --> 00:56:39,670
Couldn't hurt.
769
00:56:40,964 --> 00:56:42,422
Oy vey!
770
00:56:50,723 --> 00:56:53,308
- Nice car, Father.
- Thank you, asshole.
771
00:56:54,936 --> 00:56:57,145
Hello, Father. Nice-looking car.
772
00:56:57,230 --> 00:56:59,857
That's what everybody...
He even said it.
773
00:56:59,941 --> 00:57:02,317
I want to thank you for stopping, son,
774
00:57:02,402 --> 00:57:07,573
'cause we always stop the ambulance
so we can bless whosever's in there.
775
00:57:07,657 --> 00:57:10,993
And you paramedics
are doing such a wonderful job.
776
00:57:11,077 --> 00:57:14,288
We're in kind of a hurry, so if you
can just bless it and then we can...
777
00:57:15,999 --> 00:57:20,377
- Oh. I gotta bless her.
- I'm sorry, Father. She's a Zen Buddhist.
778
00:57:20,461 --> 00:57:25,173
- You're not, so you can't bless her.
- We specialize in blessing Zen Buddhists.
779
00:57:25,258 --> 00:57:26,592
Yeah.
780
00:57:29,137 --> 00:57:31,930
- Oh...
- Yes?
781
00:57:32,932 --> 00:57:35,475
Second thought, Father,
you want to bless him?
782
00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:38,979
We need all the help we can get.
Just give him a little shot.
783
00:57:41,983 --> 00:57:44,818
- Thank you, Father.
- You're quite welcome.
784
00:57:44,903 --> 00:57:46,737
- You did a good job.
- Thank you.
785
00:57:50,617 --> 00:57:52,159
Thank you, Father.
786
00:57:52,952 --> 00:57:56,538
Why don't you take that piece of shit
back to the junkyard?
787
00:58:03,087 --> 00:58:06,423
- Ooh! JJ, we got a...
- Flat.
788
00:58:06,507 --> 00:58:09,843
- Yeah. And those priests...
- Weren't fathers.
789
00:58:09,928 --> 00:58:11,595
- They were...
- Mothers.
790
00:58:12,263 --> 00:58:13,972
- Come here.
- Oh, jeez.
791
00:58:14,057 --> 00:58:16,934
Ah, shit!
792
00:58:21,022 --> 00:58:24,191
So there you have it,
a rather simple story, actually.
793
00:58:24,275 --> 00:58:27,903
International film star,
ruthless assassin,
794
00:58:27,987 --> 00:58:30,906
Casanova, poet, philosopher.
795
00:58:30,990 --> 00:58:33,283
You might say
a legend in my own time.
796
00:58:33,368 --> 00:58:36,286
In fact, you can.
Not that one, darling.
797
00:58:36,371 --> 00:58:38,997
I'm afraid this car is full of surprises.
798
00:58:39,082 --> 00:58:41,416
This is something I've noticed.
799
00:58:41,501 --> 00:58:43,377
How about some champagne, darling?
800
00:58:43,461 --> 00:58:48,715
Little silver four-wheeler that just flew
past, with the good-lookin' seat cover.
801
00:58:48,800 --> 00:58:52,344
Son, back that thing down.
You got smokeys all over my back door.
802
00:58:53,388 --> 00:58:55,097
If you are referring to me,
803
00:58:55,181 --> 00:58:59,393
I request that you speak more clearly
in the Queen's English.
804
00:58:59,477 --> 00:59:02,312
That is, if we are
going to converse on this wireless.
805
00:59:02,397 --> 00:59:04,815
Ah. Bless your heart.
806
00:59:04,899 --> 00:59:06,608
Cheers.
807
00:59:06,693 --> 00:59:08,568
Down the hatch.
808
00:59:38,266 --> 00:59:41,601
What do you think you're doing?
You can't come in here.
809
00:59:41,686 --> 00:59:42,728
You're a man.
810
00:59:42,812 --> 00:59:46,106
- 7-Eleven. How can I help?
- Pumps one and two, hit 'em.
811
00:59:46,190 --> 00:59:49,776
What are you, some kind of nut?
You got one unleaded and one premium.
812
00:59:50,778 --> 00:59:52,904
She goes both ways.
813
00:59:52,989 --> 00:59:56,241
The round orange moon pie
with the white hat on, he'll pay for it.
814
00:59:56,325 --> 00:59:59,327
I'm a doctor, and if I may be
permitted the indelicacy,
815
00:59:59,412 --> 01:00:02,080
you seen one, you've seen 'em all.
816
01:00:09,130 --> 01:00:13,550
A thousand miles on one wheel? We're
trying to win a race, not set a record.
817
01:00:31,277 --> 01:00:32,652
Victor, what have you got?
818
01:00:32,737 --> 01:00:35,947
A lot of goodies for you guys
and a Big Gulp Dr Pepper for me.
819
01:00:40,536 --> 01:00:43,413
- Will you get in here?!
- OK. Here you go.
820
01:00:51,964 --> 01:00:53,423
Officer.
821
01:00:57,553 --> 01:00:59,656
Do you take your law and order
in this town seriously?
822
01:00:59,680 --> 01:01:00,806
Are you kidding?
823
01:01:06,437 --> 01:01:08,063
Excuse me for asking.
824
01:01:08,147 --> 01:01:10,482
Greek! But...
825
01:01:10,566 --> 01:01:12,859
Would you shut up a minute
and listen to me?
826
01:01:27,083 --> 01:01:29,668
Oh, by the way, Greek.
827
01:01:29,752 --> 01:01:33,296
What's the odds on the Japanese team
not finishing?
828
01:01:33,381 --> 01:01:35,966
There's gonna be a red Ferrari
come flying through here
829
01:01:36,050 --> 01:01:40,178
and the two men driving are responsible
for the victim in this ambulance.
830
01:01:40,263 --> 01:01:43,223
- Victim?
- A flasher victim.
831
01:01:44,308 --> 01:01:46,309
- You want to know the worst part?
- What's that?
832
01:01:46,394 --> 01:01:48,645
- They're dressed as priests.
- Go on.
833
01:01:48,729 --> 01:01:51,898
I guess they think it's a little kinkier,
dressed as priests.
834
01:01:51,983 --> 01:01:53,942
Goddamn, that's sick.
835
01:01:54,026 --> 01:01:56,444
- I'll handle this.
- One more thing.
836
01:01:56,529 --> 01:01:57,737
I think they're armed.
837
01:01:58,948 --> 01:02:00,532
Damn, I hope so.
838
01:02:01,450 --> 01:02:02,868
It'll give me an excuse.
839
01:02:11,878 --> 01:02:13,461
Flashers!
840
01:02:14,589 --> 01:02:16,047
Bye-bye!
841
01:02:16,132 --> 01:02:18,133
JJ, you son of a!
842
01:02:18,217 --> 01:02:20,177
Out of the car, both of you.
843
01:02:20,261 --> 01:02:21,636
Now!
844
01:02:25,099 --> 01:02:26,892
All right, hit it.
845
01:02:26,976 --> 01:02:28,435
- Hit it?
- Hit it?
846
01:02:35,651 --> 01:02:39,154
- Freeze, or name your beneficiary.
- Beneficiary?
847
01:02:39,238 --> 01:02:43,116
- Officer, I sincerely hope you're not a Catholic.
- Pay no attention to him.
848
01:02:43,201 --> 01:02:47,120
He's been locked up for six years in that
monastery. He don't know what he's doing.
849
01:02:47,205 --> 01:02:49,414
I don't think both of his paddles
are in the water.
850
01:02:49,498 --> 01:02:51,458
Six years is gonna seem
like a summer vacation
851
01:02:51,542 --> 01:02:53,960
when the state of Missouri
gets through with you.
852
01:02:54,045 --> 01:02:57,047
You, shorty.
Where'd you get all that jewelry?
853
01:02:58,424 --> 01:03:01,092
- Why'd he call me shorty?
- 'Cause you're small.
854
01:03:01,177 --> 01:03:04,346
- Small. S-M-all.
- Oh.
855
01:03:05,890 --> 01:03:07,690
I suggest you take
another route, good buddy.
856
01:03:07,767 --> 01:03:11,853
The smokeys have got traffic all tied
up on 40 looking for them Cannonballers.
857
01:03:11,938 --> 01:03:14,022
That's a big ten-four.
858
01:03:14,106 --> 01:03:15,190
- Hey, JJ.
- Yeah?
859
01:03:15,274 --> 01:03:18,193
There's a lot of talk on the CB
about the roadblock ahead.
860
01:03:18,277 --> 01:03:19,319
What do you think?
861
01:03:19,403 --> 01:03:24,032
I think we're in deep you-know-what.
The transmission is slipping.
862
01:03:24,116 --> 01:03:26,868
We lost a lot of time
because of your two phony priests.
863
01:03:26,953 --> 01:03:29,204
Oh. I'm sorry.
864
01:03:29,956 --> 01:03:32,082
If the transmission does hold together,
865
01:03:32,166 --> 01:03:34,918
you think we're gonna be able to
bluff our way through the roadblock?
866
01:03:35,002 --> 01:03:38,672
I don't know.
Give me a minute to gather my thoughts.
867
01:03:46,264 --> 01:03:48,181
I gathered my thoughts.
868
01:03:48,266 --> 01:03:51,226
Hey, Lowboy!
Look in your rearview mirror.
869
01:03:51,310 --> 01:03:53,103
See this ambulance back here?
870
01:03:53,187 --> 01:03:55,355
We need a piggyback ride.
871
01:03:56,983 --> 01:03:59,651
This one can go by.
There's no problem here.
872
01:03:59,735 --> 01:04:04,489
Uh... Let's just have this one
and that one.
873
01:04:08,160 --> 01:04:11,746
Yeah, that one's OK. Let it go.
874
01:04:15,668 --> 01:04:17,168
Excuse me.
875
01:04:17,253 --> 01:04:18,962
You look very familiar.
Do I know you?
876
01:04:19,046 --> 01:04:21,214
It's quite possible.
Is this going to take long?
877
01:04:21,299 --> 01:04:23,925
You see, we're on our honeymoon,
and she can't wait.
878
01:04:24,010 --> 01:04:25,844
Thank God. Normal people.
879
01:04:25,928 --> 01:04:27,846
We were just looking for Cannonb...
880
01:04:27,930 --> 01:04:30,265
It's not important.
Move along, if you would.
881
01:04:30,349 --> 01:04:32,892
- What is this, anyway?
- It's a stakeout.
882
01:04:32,977 --> 01:04:34,352
Oh. Bon appétit.
883
01:04:36,063 --> 01:04:37,772
English humor.
884
01:04:38,816 --> 01:04:41,609
Come on, guys, keep moving,
will you, please?
885
01:04:44,363 --> 01:04:45,822
Let's see...
886
01:04:48,659 --> 01:04:51,244
Quiet, Victor.
You're gonna blow our cover.
887
01:04:51,329 --> 01:04:56,416
JJ, this is not a nine-to-five job.
I wish him were here.
888
01:04:56,500 --> 01:04:58,209
Hi.
889
01:04:58,294 --> 01:04:59,627
Hello.
890
01:05:03,632 --> 01:05:07,427
- You look tired.
- Ah, more frustrated than tired.
891
01:05:07,511 --> 01:05:09,596
Think you're gonna win this crazy race?
892
01:05:10,514 --> 01:05:11,806
Damn right I am.
893
01:05:12,933 --> 01:05:16,853
I'm sitting here, having a conversation
with somebody who kidnapped me.
894
01:05:16,937 --> 01:05:21,483
Hm! Who can blame anybody
for kidnapping you?
895
01:05:22,485 --> 01:05:24,277
You gave me laughing gas.
896
01:05:24,362 --> 01:05:27,238
Well, you have an awful beautiful laugh.
897
01:05:27,323 --> 01:05:30,367
You made me forget my favorite skirt
back at the motel...
898
01:05:30,451 --> 01:05:33,453
Doesn't matter.
You look terrific without it.
899
01:05:41,837 --> 01:05:43,296
What'd you expect, anyway?
900
01:05:46,384 --> 01:05:49,803
- A gangbang or something like that.
- A gangbang?
901
01:05:49,887 --> 01:05:52,305
We're racers, not rapists.
902
01:05:53,307 --> 01:05:55,433
- Why?
- Why what?
903
01:05:57,812 --> 01:06:01,272
Why all this speed
and trouble and risk and...
904
01:06:01,357 --> 01:06:03,024
I mean, what for?
905
01:06:03,109 --> 01:06:04,526
For the hell of it.
906
01:06:07,113 --> 01:06:09,531
Didn't you ever do anything
just for the hell of it?
907
01:06:09,615 --> 01:06:11,032
I guess so.
908
01:06:11,117 --> 01:06:13,785
My father used to work in the coal mines.
909
01:06:16,414 --> 01:06:17,997
43 years.
910
01:06:20,251 --> 01:06:21,835
He was gonna retire.
911
01:06:23,003 --> 01:06:26,423
Buy a houseboat.
Move down to Florida.
912
01:06:28,050 --> 01:06:31,636
Fish on the back of the boat
and tell my mom lies.
913
01:06:34,974 --> 01:06:37,308
He died two days
before he was gonna retire.
914
01:06:39,395 --> 01:06:41,229
I guess you just never know.
915
01:06:42,022 --> 01:06:43,481
Yeah.
916
01:06:44,775 --> 01:06:49,487
I made up my mind right then,
I was gonna go for it.
917
01:06:49,572 --> 01:06:53,032
I mean, everything I wanted,
I was gonna go for it right then,
918
01:06:54,410 --> 01:06:57,495
'cause you never know when
something's gonna happen to you.
919
01:06:58,539 --> 01:07:00,373
Like talking to you, you know?
920
01:07:01,500 --> 01:07:02,917
I mean, it's really nice.
921
01:07:06,046 --> 01:07:09,966
Uh... Excuse me.
Where are you guys going?
922
01:07:10,050 --> 01:07:14,053
We're just... We're just out-out-out
looking for a pack of cigarettes.
923
01:07:14,138 --> 01:07:17,807
With North Carolina plates,
you're driving to Missouri for cigarettes?
924
01:07:19,643 --> 01:07:21,019
How about a beer?
925
01:07:21,103 --> 01:07:24,022
How about the fact that your paint job
is coming off?
926
01:07:24,106 --> 01:07:27,859
You want to take these guys away?
The good guys strike back.
927
01:07:27,943 --> 01:07:32,197
What is that? Five, eight, three...
Five, eight, three, six...
928
01:07:33,532 --> 01:07:37,785
Hold on. Hold on. Let it go. Come on.
929
01:07:37,870 --> 01:07:40,205
Come on, guys,
keep moving, will you, please?
930
01:07:44,668 --> 01:07:47,045
Howdy, sir.
What seems to be the problem?
931
01:07:47,129 --> 01:07:50,965
You didn't think you'd get away with this?
We're gonna get the whole lot of you now.
932
01:07:51,050 --> 01:07:54,052
Not here, you won't.
The word is out about your roadblock.
933
01:07:54,136 --> 01:07:56,554
They're talking about it
all up and down the "super slab".
934
01:07:56,639 --> 01:08:00,058
Come on, get these traitors
out of here, will you?
935
01:08:00,142 --> 01:08:02,060
You think you're so big.
936
01:08:02,853 --> 01:08:06,814
Do some of you people want to come over
and push this thing out of the way?
937
01:08:06,899 --> 01:08:08,983
Come on. I'll put it in neutral.
938
01:08:10,027 --> 01:08:12,987
Who did that? Make it stop!
939
01:08:28,587 --> 01:08:30,797
Thanks a lot. Keep on truckin'!
940
01:08:44,478 --> 01:08:47,438
George, you remember the good old days
before they got radar?
941
01:08:47,523 --> 01:08:50,817
- We used to chase speeders?
- Yeah. This is really boring.
942
01:09:09,378 --> 01:09:12,130
Smokey. Sayonara. Bye-bye!
943
01:09:12,214 --> 01:09:13,631
What the hell was that?
944
01:09:13,716 --> 01:09:16,384
I don't know, but whatever it was,
it was doing 125.
945
01:09:31,692 --> 01:09:34,152
That's the first time
we took an order by phone.
946
01:09:34,236 --> 01:09:38,823
- It was hard to understand you.
- When I called, I was doing 140 miles an hour.
947
01:09:38,907 --> 01:09:41,284
That was six lamb burgers,
four shish kebabs,
948
01:09:41,368 --> 01:09:43,786
a side order of couscous, and...
949
01:09:43,871 --> 01:09:45,496
two milk.
950
01:09:45,581 --> 01:09:47,373
No! How much?
951
01:09:47,458 --> 01:09:49,542
Six seventy-five.
952
01:09:49,627 --> 01:09:51,628
Here, my desert blossom.
953
01:09:51,712 --> 01:09:53,338
Keep the change.
954
01:09:53,422 --> 01:09:55,840
Have you ever considered
joining a harem?
955
01:09:57,301 --> 01:09:59,969
I shall return for you after the race.
956
01:10:08,854 --> 01:10:12,231
Get a physical.
I shall return, my little fig.
957
01:10:12,316 --> 01:10:13,900
I love you!
958
01:10:20,115 --> 01:10:21,282
Victor...
959
01:10:22,493 --> 01:10:24,285
I don't know how to ask you this.
960
01:10:26,038 --> 01:10:29,499
Isn't it strange having that guy
running around inside your head?
961
01:10:29,583 --> 01:10:32,251
Oh! He's not in here.
962
01:10:32,336 --> 01:10:35,254
He's out there somewhere,
helping people.
963
01:10:35,339 --> 01:10:37,924
He's always helping people.
964
01:10:38,008 --> 01:10:40,593
- He'd help you.
- He would?
965
01:10:40,678 --> 01:10:42,720
He likes you.
966
01:10:44,848 --> 01:10:48,476
Well, how did he find you?
I mean, how did you two get together?
967
01:10:48,560 --> 01:10:50,895
Well, when I was real young,
968
01:10:50,979 --> 01:10:53,439
I didn't have any friends
like I do now.
969
01:10:53,524 --> 01:10:55,233
Like JJ...
970
01:10:56,402 --> 01:10:57,485
Like JJ.
971
01:11:00,614 --> 01:11:05,284
One day I was in the schoolyard, and
nine guys were beating me up pretty good.
972
01:11:05,369 --> 01:11:06,994
There he was.
973
01:11:07,079 --> 01:11:08,955
Dun-dun-dah!
974
01:11:09,039 --> 01:11:11,708
- Captain Chaos?
- Yeah. Out of the blue.
975
01:11:11,792 --> 01:11:15,962
Pow! Slam! Bam! Boff!
976
01:11:17,381 --> 01:11:18,673
I sure was grateful.
977
01:11:18,757 --> 01:11:20,425
- That's great!
- Yeah.
978
01:11:20,509 --> 01:11:23,094
Nobody bothered me at school after that.
979
01:11:23,178 --> 01:11:25,012
I wish I had a friend like that.
980
01:11:25,097 --> 01:11:28,057
Well, first,
you need a mask and a cape.
981
01:11:28,142 --> 01:11:30,893
I think I'd like mine to be pink.
982
01:11:30,978 --> 01:11:32,729
Almost everything I wear is pink.
983
01:11:32,813 --> 01:11:33,938
Everything?
984
01:11:34,857 --> 01:11:36,774
Even? Uh...
985
01:11:36,859 --> 01:11:38,317
Oh, I don't wear any.
986
01:11:38,402 --> 01:11:40,153
- You don't?
- Uh-uh.
987
01:11:41,029 --> 01:11:42,321
Wow.
988
01:11:44,575 --> 01:11:48,995
Victor, I'd like to be your friend.
'Cause I like you.
989
01:11:50,998 --> 01:11:52,999
I like you too, Beauty.
990
01:11:53,083 --> 01:11:54,751
Thank you.
991
01:12:08,515 --> 01:12:10,767
New Mexico.
992
01:12:20,444 --> 01:12:22,987
Texas! Stupid!
993
01:12:52,810 --> 01:12:55,144
I'll take care of this one.
994
01:13:06,865 --> 01:13:08,908
Well, hello, hot pants.
995
01:13:08,992 --> 01:13:13,120
I don't suppose you have a driver's license
tucked down in there somewhere, do you?
996
01:13:13,205 --> 01:13:15,081
Yes, Officer.
997
01:13:23,799 --> 01:13:26,384
That policeman
seems to want us to stop, darling.
998
01:13:26,468 --> 01:13:29,762
Yes. He must be rather upset
with our rapid rate.
999
01:13:29,847 --> 01:13:32,598
Funny. They don't have any sense of humor
about that sort of thing.
1000
01:13:32,683 --> 01:13:35,726
- Aren't you going to pull over?
- I'd rather not.
1001
01:13:35,811 --> 01:13:38,938
Can be such a bore, talking to those chaps.
1002
01:13:39,022 --> 01:13:41,274
Tell you what.
We'll just... slip away.
1003
01:13:41,358 --> 01:13:44,777
- Hit that button, will you?
- Like in your movies!
1004
01:13:49,992 --> 01:13:52,785
And now a little oil, right, darling?
1005
01:14:04,381 --> 01:14:07,258
Well, well.
We are full of tricks, aren't we?
1006
01:14:07,342 --> 01:14:09,427
It's all part of my business, really.
1007
01:14:09,511 --> 01:14:12,305
I've been meaning to ask you,
what movie?
1008
01:14:12,389 --> 01:14:14,891
Wait a minute.
Can you see where you're going?
1009
01:14:14,975 --> 01:14:18,102
- Perfectly.
- This is ridiculous.
1010
01:14:24,234 --> 01:14:29,071
Good sport, isn't it? Would you
mind rolling the window down, old girl?
1011
01:14:29,156 --> 01:14:31,365
We're getting done
like a couple of kippers here.
1012
01:14:31,450 --> 01:14:35,119
- Next time, I bring my mask.
- Like a foggy day in London town.
1013
01:14:46,757 --> 01:14:49,675
You are about to witness
the ravishment of a woman
1014
01:14:49,760 --> 01:14:51,093
who has been abducted.
1015
01:14:51,178 --> 01:14:56,390
A woman whose initial fear
has mellowed into curious expectation.
1016
01:14:56,475 --> 01:15:00,227
In the morning, she will be set free,
unaware of anything,
1017
01:15:00,312 --> 01:15:03,147
except that she has been loved
as never before...
1018
01:15:12,491 --> 01:15:14,408
Oh, no! Please...
1019
01:15:14,493 --> 01:15:17,411
Oh, yes, there! There!
1020
01:15:30,092 --> 01:15:33,052
I've never seen a damn Rolls-Royce
that'd do 140 miles an hour.
1021
01:15:33,136 --> 01:15:34,845
What you fellas got in that thing?
1022
01:15:34,930 --> 01:15:37,098
- Stock.
- Sign here.
1023
01:15:37,182 --> 01:15:39,475
I guess you must have
misconstrued my remark
1024
01:15:39,559 --> 01:15:42,269
about my mother planning to purchase
Southern California
1025
01:15:42,354 --> 01:15:45,231
as an attempt to influence
your giving me a ticket, Officer.
1026
01:15:45,315 --> 01:15:50,403
I am sure that she will still consider keeping
you all on as a member of the Highway Patrol,
1027
01:15:50,487 --> 01:15:53,114
regardless of how shabbily
you treated her son!
1028
01:15:53,198 --> 01:15:55,950
You might want to tell
that to the judge, sir.
1029
01:16:07,462 --> 01:16:10,256
This is for you and the judge!
1030
01:16:10,340 --> 01:16:12,299
Goddamn camel jockey!
1031
01:16:21,560 --> 01:16:25,062
Oh, shit.
We got a smokey on our tail.
1032
01:16:25,147 --> 01:16:26,939
Watch this.
1033
01:16:29,317 --> 01:16:30,693
- Officer.
- Pull it over.
1034
01:16:30,777 --> 01:16:32,403
We got no brakes!
1035
01:16:32,487 --> 01:16:35,614
No brakes! Help us!
Yes, thank you.
1036
01:16:35,699 --> 01:16:37,783
Damn "no brake" gag works every time.
1037
01:16:40,495 --> 01:16:43,831
Oh, no!
We really don't have any brakes!
1038
01:16:43,915 --> 01:16:46,000
- Quit kidding, will you?
- Hang on!
1039
01:16:54,176 --> 01:16:59,847
Evel Knievel...
you've got yourself some competition!
1040
01:17:41,264 --> 01:17:43,516
Route 66. Ha-ha!
1041
01:18:07,958 --> 01:18:09,542
Secret weapon.
1042
01:18:28,728 --> 01:18:30,396
Ready, fire!
1043
01:18:45,871 --> 01:18:48,247
How long we been here?
1044
01:18:48,331 --> 01:18:50,708
20 minutes.
We could have been there by now.
1045
01:18:50,792 --> 01:18:53,419
The road will be open
in five minutes, Father.
1046
01:19:02,929 --> 01:19:05,264
Hey, Father Putz.
1047
01:19:06,141 --> 01:19:08,142
Albert Schweitzer.
1048
01:19:08,226 --> 01:19:11,604
I want to thank you
for being so sweet and so nice,
1049
01:19:11,688 --> 01:19:15,566
and telling those people all about us,
back in Missouri,
1050
01:19:15,650 --> 01:19:19,236
that we were both flashers
and sex maniacs.
1051
01:19:22,157 --> 01:19:24,617
Well, I just wanted to return the favor
1052
01:19:24,701 --> 01:19:27,578
that you and the chocolate monk did for us
back in Ohio.
1053
01:19:28,580 --> 01:19:30,247
"The chocolate monk"?
1054
01:19:33,627 --> 01:19:34,710
He can say that.
1055
01:19:34,794 --> 01:19:36,629
He can say that, he can say that
1056
01:19:36,713 --> 01:19:40,090
'cause he's riding around
with the Goodyear blimp!
1057
01:19:40,175 --> 01:19:43,260
- The Goodyear blimp?
- He can say that. He can say that.
1058
01:19:43,345 --> 01:19:46,847
- Yeah, I can say that.
- Because if I had the time,
1059
01:19:46,932 --> 01:19:50,517
I would take those rosary beads
and stuff 'em up your nose.
1060
01:19:50,602 --> 01:19:52,937
- These rosary beads? My rosary beads?
- Yeah.
1061
01:19:53,021 --> 01:19:56,315
- You're gonna shove 'em up this nose?
- Up that nose, yeah.
1062
01:19:58,276 --> 01:20:01,111
- He can do that.
- He can do that?
1063
01:20:01,196 --> 01:20:03,113
- You take a little advice?
- Sure.
1064
01:20:04,908 --> 01:20:06,533
Bring friends.
1065
01:20:12,082 --> 01:20:14,333
A lot of 'em.
1066
01:20:17,712 --> 01:20:20,506
He wants me to bring...
1067
01:20:22,467 --> 01:20:23,509
Blimp?
1068
01:20:37,857 --> 01:20:41,026
Ah, the bride and groom Cannonballer.
1069
01:20:41,111 --> 01:20:43,320
I told you this honeymoon
scheme would work.
1070
01:20:43,405 --> 01:20:45,531
Good.
Now you wear the wig, sweetheart.
1071
01:20:45,615 --> 01:20:47,574
- It's hot.
- Oh, I don't know.
1072
01:20:47,659 --> 01:20:50,494
When I was in Egypt making
The Fly Who Bugged Me
1073
01:20:50,578 --> 01:20:54,039
it was at least 180 in the shade,
not that there was much shade.
1074
01:20:54,124 --> 01:20:56,333
If CBS woulda had their cameras there
1075
01:20:56,418 --> 01:21:00,296
we'd have made Sports Spectacular.
We just zoomed right over that train.
1076
01:21:00,380 --> 01:21:01,672
You want to try it again?
1077
01:21:22,861 --> 01:21:24,403
All right.
1078
01:21:26,364 --> 01:21:29,491
Don't you look precious?
All dressed up like that.
1079
01:21:29,576 --> 01:21:32,536
And wearing a wig too. Ha-ha!
Ain't he cute?
1080
01:21:32,620 --> 01:21:34,913
Those guys scare me.
1081
01:21:34,998 --> 01:21:37,916
You just stay close to Moore.
There won't be any trouble.
1082
01:21:39,044 --> 01:21:41,754
He looks like Gregory Peck
in that blue flannel suit.
1083
01:21:45,425 --> 01:21:48,677
This is my friend Shakey.
Allow me to present myself.
1084
01:21:48,762 --> 01:21:51,680
I'm on Wall Street.
Maybe we can have lunch sometime.
1085
01:21:51,765 --> 01:21:53,974
We don't ride in Wall Street.
1086
01:21:54,059 --> 01:21:56,477
Nah, we don't ride in Wall Street.
1087
01:21:56,561 --> 01:21:58,228
Why don't we go and help 'em out?
1088
01:21:58,313 --> 01:21:59,521
What do you mean, "we"?
1089
01:21:59,606 --> 01:22:03,609
If we do, then that road opens up
and you're long gone.
1090
01:22:03,693 --> 01:22:05,444
Now, why don't you, huh?
1091
01:22:05,528 --> 01:22:07,988
You're the Good Samaritan.
1092
01:22:09,157 --> 01:22:10,616
Besides, I'm wearing these.
1093
01:22:10,700 --> 01:22:12,993
Maybe you would like
to complete your ensemble.
1094
01:22:13,078 --> 01:22:15,537
No. There's something else
of yours that I want.
1095
01:22:15,622 --> 01:22:17,247
Oh, really? What's that?
1096
01:22:17,332 --> 01:22:18,665
Your ass!
1097
01:22:23,254 --> 01:22:25,381
Dun-dun-dah!
1098
01:22:28,343 --> 01:22:30,344
Oh, shit.
1099
01:22:31,346 --> 01:22:33,305
Well, shall we join the fracas?
1100
01:22:52,033 --> 01:22:54,284
Step back, my dear.
1101
01:22:54,369 --> 01:22:56,495
I must warn you, I'm Roger Moore.
1102
01:22:56,579 --> 01:22:57,830
Who?
1103
01:22:57,914 --> 01:22:59,164
Roger Moore.
1104
01:23:02,794 --> 01:23:04,253
We'll run in there.
1105
01:23:04,337 --> 01:23:06,380
Boom-boo-boom, pow! Pow! Pow!
1106
01:23:06,464 --> 01:23:08,173
Knock 'em flat out.
1107
01:23:08,258 --> 01:23:11,176
- Then we go. We could still win it, OK?
- We can do that.
1108
01:23:11,261 --> 01:23:13,554
- We can do that. Yeah.
- We can do that.
1109
01:23:17,308 --> 01:23:19,893
You'll be sorry! Let me down!
1110
01:23:19,978 --> 01:23:22,479
Dun-dun-dah!
1111
01:23:23,189 --> 01:23:24,857
Take that!
1112
01:23:36,494 --> 01:23:38,328
You're so macho.
1113
01:23:38,413 --> 01:23:39,955
Watch this!
1114
01:23:50,341 --> 01:23:52,092
- Need some help, Father?
- Nah.
1115
01:23:55,180 --> 01:23:56,722
Wah! Give me somebody!
1116
01:23:56,806 --> 01:23:58,223
Waaargh!
1117
01:23:58,308 --> 01:24:00,350
What, are you crazy, Greek?
1118
01:24:00,435 --> 01:24:03,562
How could you possibly change odds
in the middle of things?
1119
01:24:05,565 --> 01:24:08,942
Hold it. You wouldn't last five minutes
in the New York subway.
1120
01:24:11,029 --> 01:24:12,529
That's the way it's done.
1121
01:24:22,582 --> 01:24:25,584
- Is that good to drink?
- I don't know. I never tried it.
1122
01:24:37,722 --> 01:24:40,098
Hold it, hold it.
You wanna try this side?
1123
01:24:40,183 --> 01:24:41,558
Yeah.
1124
01:24:44,479 --> 01:24:46,063
Need some help?
1125
01:24:46,147 --> 01:24:48,649
- Get out of here.
- Right.
1126
01:24:48,733 --> 01:24:51,068
Dun-dun-dah!
1127
01:24:52,403 --> 01:24:53,779
Fool!
1128
01:24:57,951 --> 01:25:01,119
- Thanks, Shakey. Excuse me.
- Get this guy, Shakey!
1129
01:25:04,541 --> 01:25:07,918
- Excuse me, Father, the road's open.
- Oh, thanks.
1130
01:25:09,045 --> 01:25:11,547
Fenderbaum, the road's open!
1131
01:25:15,009 --> 01:25:16,343
Bye.
1132
01:25:24,519 --> 01:25:26,144
Let's go! Hit it!
1133
01:25:45,248 --> 01:25:46,540
Ah-so!
1134
01:26:23,202 --> 01:26:25,245
Come on, come on. Faster, faster!
1135
01:26:25,330 --> 01:26:26,622
- I'm trying.
- Faster!
1136
01:26:26,706 --> 01:26:29,583
- Drive it like Captain Chaos would.
- I'll try.
1137
01:26:29,667 --> 01:26:33,211
- What do you take off the mask for?
- I didn't. He took off the mask.
1138
01:26:45,016 --> 01:26:46,975
- We need him.
- I don't know where he is.
1139
01:26:47,060 --> 01:26:49,895
Very interesting fellow.
I'd like to probe his case.
1140
01:26:49,979 --> 01:26:53,565
Don't want him around, he's around.
When we want him, he's not around.
1141
01:26:53,650 --> 01:26:54,775
I'm gonna get a beer!
1142
01:26:54,859 --> 01:26:57,110
Dun-dun-dah!
1143
01:27:29,268 --> 01:27:35,065
It's only ten blocks to the finish! I feel
very confident that we will be triumphant!
1144
01:27:51,124 --> 01:27:52,416
What the hell was that?
1145
01:27:52,500 --> 01:27:55,460
- A Lamborghini.
- Is it in the race?
1146
01:27:55,545 --> 01:27:56,545
Catch it!
1147
01:28:00,925 --> 01:28:03,301
- Will you go faster? Come on!
- I'm trying!
1148
01:28:04,595 --> 01:28:08,515
I've seen every single one of your movies
at least three or four times.
1149
01:28:08,599 --> 01:28:09,808
Four times?
1150
01:28:09,892 --> 01:28:13,645
- I think we got it goin', baby.
- Yeah, we're looking good.
1151
01:28:13,730 --> 01:28:15,814
The Greek's gonna pay us money!
1152
01:28:15,898 --> 01:28:18,108
Gosh! Wait till I tell my friends
1153
01:28:18,192 --> 01:28:21,862
I was sitting next to George Hamilton!
1154
01:28:21,946 --> 01:28:24,239
George Hamilton?
1155
01:28:28,911 --> 01:28:30,328
- We got 'em!
- We got 'em!
1156
01:28:31,831 --> 01:28:33,123
We're not losin' it!
1157
01:28:37,170 --> 01:28:38,754
Look out!
1158
01:28:40,089 --> 01:28:41,757
- Waah!
- OK, it's a foot race!
1159
01:28:41,841 --> 01:28:43,675
- I've got the card.
- No, give me that, Doc.
1160
01:28:43,760 --> 01:28:45,719
Come on! It's a foot race!
1161
01:28:45,803 --> 01:28:50,098
Have no fear, Chaos is here!
Dun-dun-dah!
1162
01:28:50,183 --> 01:28:52,100
Take it and win, Captain!
1163
01:28:52,643 --> 01:28:55,020
Come on, Chaos, you can do it!
1164
01:28:56,272 --> 01:28:58,899
Anyone need medical attention?
1165
01:28:58,983 --> 01:29:02,736
Ah! Ah! Go! Go, Chaos!
1166
01:29:05,114 --> 01:29:06,198
We're gonna win!
1167
01:29:06,282 --> 01:29:09,284
It's not a very sporting way to win.
What do you say, Father?
1168
01:29:09,368 --> 01:29:11,369
No, it's a shitty way to win.
1169
01:29:15,583 --> 01:29:16,917
We're gonna win!
1170
01:29:17,001 --> 01:29:20,295
Help! Help!
Somebody save my baby!
1171
01:29:20,379 --> 01:29:22,005
He's drowning!
1172
01:29:22,089 --> 01:29:24,382
No, Chaos! No!
1173
01:29:25,343 --> 01:29:29,262
No problem, fair lady.
I will save your baby. Have no fe-e-e-ear!
1174
01:29:36,646 --> 01:29:38,980
Oh, my baby, my baby!
1175
01:29:39,065 --> 01:29:41,775
Thank you. You're such a brave man.
1176
01:29:41,859 --> 01:29:45,946
You don't know what this means to me.
Oh, my baby, I love you.
1177
01:29:47,073 --> 01:29:50,408
JJ, I saved that woman's dog.
1178
01:29:52,286 --> 01:29:56,790
Victor, we could have won that race.
You understand? We could have won it!
1179
01:29:56,874 --> 01:30:00,293
You understand that?
You had to go and pull that stupid stunt.
1180
01:30:00,378 --> 01:30:02,420
He's right, Victor.
1181
01:30:02,505 --> 01:30:04,297
We are sick of Captain Chaos.
1182
01:30:04,382 --> 01:30:07,092
We are so sick of Captain Chaos
that we could throw up.
1183
01:30:07,176 --> 01:30:10,804
So, you know what, Victor? There's not
gonna be any more Captain Chaos.
1184
01:30:10,888 --> 01:30:12,639
No more!
1185
01:30:12,723 --> 01:30:18,353
You see what I'm telling you?
No more! No more Captain Chaos ever!
1186
01:30:18,437 --> 01:30:21,273
Now, what do you think of that?
1187
01:30:24,360 --> 01:30:26,987
I don't care... because...
1188
01:30:28,239 --> 01:30:32,617
I've always wanted to be...
Captain USA!
1189
01:30:32,702 --> 01:30:34,286
Dun-dun-dah!
1190
01:30:37,331 --> 01:30:40,542
It's a dirty job,
but somebody's got to do it.
1191
01:30:53,222 --> 01:30:55,891
- Who won the race?
- What do you get for last?
1192
01:30:59,186 --> 01:31:01,396
Well... Well...
1193
01:31:01,480 --> 01:31:05,525
How do you all feel, now that you
have raped the American highways?
1194
01:31:05,610 --> 01:31:07,193
- Beautiful. Wonderful.
- Great.
1195
01:31:07,278 --> 01:31:12,157
Old chap, I suggest you get a grip
on yourself or better, on one of these.
1196
01:31:12,241 --> 01:31:13,575
I'll take anything.
1197
01:31:13,659 --> 01:31:17,203
And feel free to use the lighter
in my car, Mr...
1198
01:31:17,288 --> 01:31:18,622
Foyt.
1199
01:31:18,706 --> 01:31:20,790
F-F-F-Foyt.
1200
01:31:20,875 --> 01:31:23,668
Wait till he touches that lighter.
1201
01:31:30,176 --> 01:31:32,385
Ain't nothin' happening.
1202
01:31:34,013 --> 01:31:36,264
That's funny. Excuse me.
1203
01:31:40,811 --> 01:31:43,855
Mr. Foyt, how did you light that?
1204
01:31:44,774 --> 01:31:47,776
Well, with the lighter, of course.
1205
01:31:49,111 --> 01:31:50,403
That's odd.
1206
01:31:51,989 --> 01:31:54,032
Oy vey!
1207
01:32:00,790 --> 01:32:04,125
If I'm not filming next year,
we'll do this again.
1208
01:32:08,255 --> 01:32:10,966
Oh, JJ, didn't we do good?
1209
01:32:44,667 --> 01:32:46,334
- Stop it.
- Ready?
1210
01:32:49,672 --> 01:32:53,258
- Will you stop it?
- OK. OK.
1211
01:32:54,802 --> 01:32:56,469
What's wrong with you?
1212
01:32:56,554 --> 01:32:58,221
Wait a minute. I got something.
1213
01:32:58,305 --> 01:33:00,640
- No, this will help you.
- No, don't hit me.
1214
01:33:00,725 --> 01:33:05,020
No. I'm not gonna hit you. Listen to me.
1215
01:33:05,104 --> 01:33:07,188
I swear to God.
I'm not gonna hit you.
1216
01:33:07,273 --> 01:33:08,815
Watch. Watch.
1217
01:33:10,609 --> 01:33:15,447
- OK.
- OK. I'm ready now. Here we go.
1218
01:33:22,079 --> 01:33:23,872
Look at that shit.
1219
01:33:26,125 --> 01:33:28,168
I'm ready.
I swear to God, I'm ready!
1220
01:33:28,753 --> 01:33:30,754
We're off.
1221
01:33:35,426 --> 01:33:40,972
Where's he gonna sit?
1222
01:33:42,767 --> 01:33:45,477
I warned you
not to interfere in my affairs.
1223
01:33:45,561 --> 01:33:48,772
Steven, put away...
Seymour. Excuse me.
1224
01:33:48,856 --> 01:33:51,399
That's all right.
I'll answer to anything.
1225
01:33:51,484 --> 01:33:54,903
You see, even in the deepest
family relations...
1226
01:33:56,322 --> 01:34:00,075
My business is not worth a...
1227
01:34:01,077 --> 01:34:02,494
Thank you, Victor.
1228
01:34:02,578 --> 01:34:04,079
Mark.
1229
01:34:04,163 --> 01:34:06,331
As you probably know, we're...
1230
01:34:06,415 --> 01:34:07,874
We're the favorites to...
1231
01:34:07,958 --> 01:34:11,544
be the winning racers tomorrow
in the Cannonball race,
1232
01:34:11,629 --> 01:34:13,296
which is gonna be poured...
1233
01:34:15,424 --> 01:34:17,884
- Good evening, ladies.
- Evening.
1234
01:34:17,968 --> 01:34:20,428
My name is JJ McClure.
And this is my...
1235
01:34:23,557 --> 01:34:27,936
- Next year we're going for the nu-nu-nu...
- Yes? Ooh!
1236
01:34:33,859 --> 01:34:36,027
Perfect. Perfect.
1237
01:34:37,071 --> 01:34:38,530
Hey!
1238
01:34:38,614 --> 01:34:40,073
- Better than...
- Cut!
1239
01:34:40,157 --> 01:34:42,659
We have to get this woman,
1240
01:34:42,743 --> 01:34:44,202
the senator's wife,
1241
01:34:44,286 --> 01:34:46,079
to Philadelphia by...
1242
01:34:46,163 --> 01:34:48,123
Make that California, will you?
1243
01:34:50,209 --> 01:34:52,293
We're very close.
1244
01:34:57,341 --> 01:34:58,967
Don't hit me.
1245
01:35:00,636 --> 01:35:02,804
Because if I had enough time...
1246
01:35:02,888 --> 01:35:06,891
I would take those rosary bleeds
and stuff 'em up your nose.
1247
01:35:06,976 --> 01:35:09,477
- These bleeds?
- Those bleeds, yeah.
1248
01:35:09,562 --> 01:35:11,479
You're gonna take these...
And shove 'em up...
1249
01:35:11,564 --> 01:35:13,982
I'll take these bleeds here...
1250
01:35:14,066 --> 01:35:15,066
Mark.
1251
01:35:15,109 --> 01:35:17,068
I don't care...
1252
01:35:20,865 --> 01:35:23,199
- I don't care...
- Stop laughing!
1253
01:35:24,201 --> 01:35:25,743
I don't care, because...
1254
01:35:27,288 --> 01:35:28,872
You're gonna get a slap.
1255
01:35:28,956 --> 01:35:32,584
I always wanted to be
Captain America!
1256
01:35:36,630 --> 01:35:38,173
It's a living.
1257
01:35:39,717 --> 01:35:41,926
Oh, I'm so sorry.
1258
01:35:42,011 --> 01:35:46,306
He laughed...
He laughed... He laughed first.
1259
01:35:46,390 --> 01:35:48,391
Mr. Martin laughed first.
1260
01:35:51,478 --> 01:35:53,438
Why were you laughing?
1261
01:35:53,522 --> 01:35:55,982
He laughed and you hit me!
1262
01:35:56,734 --> 01:35:58,276
Cut it.
97941
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.