All language subtitles for 40 Year Old Virgins (2013) [1080p]

[female narrator] Sex is
the most natural thing in the world

and most of us lose our virginity
in our teens or early twenties.

But for some,
problems having intercourse

follow them into middle age.

Meet Clive.

[Clive] There are times
when I've cried about it.

There are times when I've hit
various pieces of furniture.

[narrator] And Rosie.

[Rosie] I'm too old to be a virgin
and I feel like

there's probably a lot of fun out there
that I am not having.

[narrator] They're about to take part
in a radical course,

designed to help adult virgins
to have sex.

Vagina, penis, sex.
Vagina...

Do you feel like kissing?

[narrator] They will be guided
by trained professional sex surrogates.

[man] To do this work,
it is important to have

a certain skill level,
sexually speaking.

[Gasps] That is a clitoris!

[woman chuckles]

I've probably had sex
with about 850 people.

Not including my husbands.
[chuckles]

It's made me feel very, very queasy.

[narrator] They will receive
a hands-on sex education

into what goes where...

Oh, yeah, hang on.
I'm in the butt-plug section.

[narrator] ...as they battle to overcome
any issues around sexual intimacy.

[Rosie] I'm actually going to stop now,

cause I don't find this
particularly pleasant.

OK. OK.

-I'm sorry.
-I don't know what's wrong with me.

There's nothing wrong with you.

[narrator] Going all the way
is nerve-wracking enough as a teenager.

So what's it like in your forties?

[Clive] I've been a certain way
for so long...

I'm scared of the change.

[narrator] The average age
to lose your virginity, in the UK,

is now just 16,

and the vast majority of us
have had sex

by the time we reach 25.

But there are still
around three million adult virgins

in this country.

Forty-five-year-old Clive
counts himself among them.

[Clive] It feels unfair,
because I know I am

a loving, thoughtful person...

that I want to give that
to somebody else.

You feel like:

"Is this ever going to happen to me?"

[narrator] Clive is an IT engineer
in Hertfordshire

and to most people,
wouldn't appear to lack confidence.

[piano melody]
♪ White lips, pale face ♪

♪ Breathing in snowflakes ♪

[narrator] But despite
being a keen performer,

he's never managed
to strike the right chord with the ladies.

[Clive] My self-image
is something that I struggle with

because I started to lose my hair
at 23.

That didn't do my confidence
a lot of good.

I had really bad acne,
up until I was 30.

It just never went.

All these things made me feel
very, very unconfident,

and made me almost regress

into, like, a little... shell.

Pie, Fray Bentos. Come on...

Look at that.
That is the food of champions.

[narrator] Clive lived with his mum
until he was 29

and although he's had
some sexual experience,

his issues around penetration
have made it impossible

for him to go all the way.

I get told sometimes...
You know, I'm chatting to somebody

and they say: "Are you gay?"

And I'm going: "No."

I've even questioned it myself,
a couple of times.

And then I've gone:

"No.

No. I fancy women."

[narrator] Clive does have
girls who are friends...

but like Lindsay,
who he's known since college,

they rarely end up as girlfriends.

[Clive] I don't think I give off that vibe

of being a sexual being.

I think girls see me
as more of a friend,

yes, than, er...
Mr Lover Boy.

[Lindsay] If Clive was to lose
his virginity,

I think I would just feel
really chuffed for him.

And I think I would just think

that this massive weight's gone,

and he can chill out

and have fun and just enjoy life.

[narrator] After being alone for so long,

Clive lacks the confidence
to chat up women,

never mind sleep with them.

[Clive] It's really hard
to chat women up in pubs.

You're basically throwing yourself
into the lion's den.

[Clive chuckles]

If you approach a girl.

It locks me up, to such a point,

where I feel paralyzed,

cause my whole body
is just going... [groans]

It's almost like: "Stop, stop, stop!"

Cheers, buddy.

[Clive] And that's not the way...

I should be.

[narrator] Clive's worried
he'll never have sex.

But for 40-year-old virgins like Clive,

there's one final chance.

A place in America, where clients
are helped to lose their virginity

to qualified sex surrogates.

Therapists who are certified
to have sexual intercourse.

I have to do something.

I have to find out
maybe the reasons why

I'm the way I've become.

I feel a bit annoyed with myself
that I've not dealt with it,

probably, the way other people would...

deal with it, by just... doing it.

[narrator] It's not just men
who sometimes have problems

losing their virginity.

Twenty-nine-year-old Rosie

is also about to begin
a similar course of radical sex therapy

in America.

Only, she will be working
with a male sex surrogate.

For my first time,
for actually losing my virginity,

I think I'd like the other person
to really know what they're doing.

If you want the job done,
get an expert, I suppose.

[narrator] Irish-born Rosie
works in childcare,

but more than anything else,
she wants to have kids of her own.

[toy plays "Brahms' Lullaby"]

[Rosie] Well, it does seem
that a lot of my friends

are kind of moving on
with phases of their life.

They're in serious relationships,
they're thinking about marriage.

They're thinking about children.

And, I mean, I'd like to be married.
I'd like to have children.

I'd really, really like to have children.

That's one of my all-time goals.

[narrator] But Rosie's
early experiences with boys

have put her off physical contact.

My first kiss was horrible.

Erm... My second kiss was actually...
way worse.

And... you know, after that
I was just kind of like...

Yeah, I'm just not interested in boys.

I don't know if anybody else
experiences this,

but I think guys kind of smell
a little bit weird to me.

There's, like, no other smell...

of it, in the world.

It's like kind of a mix between...

aftershave and ham.

[narrator] Rosie suffers
from a debilitating pain disorder.

She's never masturbated
or had an orgasm

and is hoping the therapy will help her
to experience sexual pleasure.

Yeah, I mean, I feel
like I could be a sexual person.

There's probably a lot of fun out there
that I am not having

and I think, at the end of the day,
this is going to be good for me

and... what have I got to lose?

Besides the obvious.

[narrator] California,
on America's West Coast.

A place where dreams come true

and birthplace
of Surrogate Partner Therapy.

There are around 40 sex surrogates
in the US, certified by

the International Professional
Surrogates Association.

Many clients currently seeking
the surrogates' help

are virgins over 40.

The surrogates train for 12 weeks

and when qualified,
can earn up to $300 an hour.

I would estimate that I've probably had...

sex with about 850 people.

Not including my husbands.

[chuckles]

[narrator] Doyenne of
California's sex surrogates

Cheryl Cohen Greene

has worked
with both male and female clients

for nearly 40 years.

Cheryl has a doctorate
in human sexuality

and believes her job is very different
from that of a prostitute.

[Cheryl] If you go to a prostitute,
it's like going to a restaurant.

They hope you'll like it so much,
you enjoy it, you'll come back

and bring friends.

Coming to us
is like going to cooking school.

You get the ingredients, the recipe,
you mix it all together, enjoy it,

and then you go out into the world
and you share it.

[narrator] Surrogate therapy
is not widely available outside the US,

and like other sex surrogates,

Cheryl works with clients who have
a range of different sexual problems.

What I am is somebody
who's a coach, a guide.

I'm taking people to a place
where I want them

to go back into the world
with all of these good experiences.

It's enriching.

[narrator] The inspirational story
of how Cheryl helped a disabled poet

lose his virginity,

has been made into a film
called The Sessions.

Helen Hunt, who plays Cheryl,
was even nominated for an Oscar.

I think the fact
that people are so weird about sex...

This movie is sort of an argument
for the opposite of that

and I get to play a woman
who's really not weird about sex.

[narrator] Despite being 68,

and having overcome breast cancer,

Cheryl has no plans to retire.

[Cheryl] I feel like I'm in good shape.

I work out, I try to stay strong.

You know, who knows? I may be
the only 100-year-old surrogate.

[Clive] Stunning.
Oh, look at the skyline!

Wow!

Wow, look at that!

[narrator] Cheryl will spend
the next two weeks

helping Clive take daily steps
towards losing his virginity

while in America.

[Clive] I'm excited about what's to come.

And also nervous about what's to come.

[narrator] Clive grew up
with Christian beliefs

and was taught
sex before marriage was wrong.

So today is a step into the unknown.

[Clive] It feels partly
like I'm breaking a law.

It feels like I'm doing something wrong.

I feel I've got to that point
where I have to do something.

And it scares me a little bit.

It scares me a lot.

[narrator] Each surrogate program
is tailored around the client

and Clive's bespoke course of therapy
will take place at Cheryl's home,

just outside San Francisco.

-[Cheryl] Hi.
-Hi. Hi.

-Hi, how are you?
-I'm good. Nice to meet you.

It's such a...
Oh, give me a hug!

-It's a pleasure to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.

So... how are you feeling?

Erm... petrified.

That is perfectly natural.

-Yeah?
-Yes.

What I'm wondering is,
what are you most concerned about?

Like today. Do you have
any expectations or concerns?

I feel a bit of, like, a failure.

Having to do something
that's so out of normality,

to get myself back on track.

This is the first part of the process.

And this process is one
of gradual increases of intimacy.

I think one step that we could take today

would be doing a hand caress.

If it sounds alright to you.

Yeah.

[Cheryl, softly] It's OK.
Nobody's done this, right?

-To your fingers.
-Never before.

[Cheryl] Just notice how it feels.

It might feel strange.
It might feel sensual.

For some people, it could feel sexual.

-I want you to touch my hand for me.
-OK.

[Clive exhales deeply]

Can you put words to it?

What you're feeling?

I've got this little battle going on.

Alright.

Who's fighting who?

I'm fighting me.

On the one hand, I feel...

aroused...

but feel that I shouldn't...

You shouldn't feel that?

When you smell a flower,
do you feel guilty,

if it smells good and you find yourself
feeling good about the smell?

-[Clive] No.
- We're allowed to feel.

And arousal is a good thing.

[narrator] Although he's recently begun
to question his religious beliefs...

[man] Would you like some water, Clive?

[narrator] ...Clive's struggled
to overcome the idea

that sex outside marriage is wrong.

[whispers] Let me have a drink first.

I feel my...

my whole brain's scrambled,
at the moment.

Oh, I like him. I really do.

And for him to feel bad
about being aroused

by touching my hand...

I mean, it just made me sad.

It's gonna be difficult for him.

It's gonna take... I...
I hope we have enough time.

[narrator] The vast majority of us
lose our virginity

in our late teens or early twenties.

But for those who miss the boat,

more drastic action may be required.

Forty-five-year-old Clive
has just begun

a two-week course of surrogate
sex therapy in San Francisco,

to help him finally go all the way.

[Clive] I think it's
the start of something.

It's the start of me dealing
with a lot of different issues.

And that's scary and exciting.

But at the moment,
scary's more... more prominent.

[narrator] As well as working
with a sex surrogate,

the therapy also involves daily
sessions with a clinical psychologist.

-[Clive] Hello. Nice to meet you.
-[woman] Hi.

-Nice to meet you, too.
-Nice to meet you.

-Come on in. Have a seat.
-Thank you very much.

[narrator] Dr Naomi O'Keefe
wants to get to the bottom

of why Clive finds it difficult
to even talk about sex.

I was introduced to a... erm...

youth group, when I was younger,

which was affiliated
with a local church.

One of the religious, erm... teachings

was, erm...

no sex before marriage.

What is the definition of sex?

[laughs]

-Yeah...
-[Naomi laughs]

-That's a corker of a question.
-Yeah, it's really important.

I'm kind of pushing you
to tell me what people are doing.

-What are they doing?
-Yeah...

-It's the physical act.
-What physical act?

Oh, don't... It's just hard.

This is really hard.

Tell me what you're experiencing
right now.

Take your time.

-It's the words that just kill me.
-Mm-hm...

-What words are you thinking?
-[Chuckles]

-Penis and vagina.
-Mm-hm.

OK.

-I can see how difficult this is for you.
-[Clive breathes deeply]

[Clive breathes deeply]

Uh... Here's what I would suggest,
if you want to play around with this.

I want you to make a short list
of the most unspeakable words.

Penis, you know.

Clitoris, clitoris, clitoris. You know...

And then, um...
Take those words,

stand in front of the mirror,

and say the word
over and over and over and over

and over again,
till it seems completely ridiculous.

And I have a feeling
that by the time you get

about halfway down the list,

the rest of the words
will have already lost their charge.

[Naomi] He's an excellent candidate
for surrogate therapy.

I can see how he's hurting.

He has a lot of anxiety going on.

[car horn]

But I am concerned
about the severity of what he's feeling

around the language.

That's pretty strong.

[narrator] Three hundred miles away,
in Los Angeles,

virgin Rosie is also about to begin

a two-week course
of surrogate sex therapy.

She's meeting the therapist
who will introduce her

to the male sex surrogate.

[Rosie] The endgame, for me,
would be to actually lose my virginity

in a safe environment
where I have complete control.

And then,
if it turns out that I enjoy sex,

well, then, brilliant!

What was I so worried about?

[knocking]

-Hello.
-Hello!

-It's good to meet you. Come on in.
-Good to meet you, too.

[narrator] Dr Marilyn Lawrence
has worked as a sex therapist

in Beverly Hills,
for almost 40 years.

[Dr Lawrence]
Tell me, why this, why now?

I guess I'm just at the age
where I kind of think

that it's a bit silly for me

to be afraid of sex,
if I ever want to kind of get married

and have children, which is...

That's my big goal

and it's about time
that I did something about it.

It was just the... sort of the idea,

I think just terrified me.

[narrator] Rosie believes
her fear of intimacy

stems from
a traumatic childhood experience.

[Dr Lawrence] Let's go back
to what's happened in your life.

Well, essentially, I was...

sexually abused, when I was younger.

So...

So your connection to sexuality
is distress?

Yeah.

How are you going to be,
working with a man you don't know?

I think it's a better option for me.

To have somebody
that's actually professional

and would know what to do with me.

Uh-huh.
You're a brave young woman.

Doing this. Good for you.

[Narrator] Dr Lawrence has asked
the surrogate, Gary Mallinckrodt,

to join them.

[Doorbell]

Hello! Come on in!

[narrator] This is the first time
Rosie has seen the man

she hopes to lose her virginity to.

-Hello.
-[Dr Lawrence] Gary and Rosie.

-Hi.
-[Gary] Hi.

[Rosie] Good to meet you.

This is your time, Rosie,
to ask Gary anything you want to ask.

Well, I don't really know
what to ask you.

That's the problem. That's kind of
putting me on the spot a little bit.

[Dr Lawrence] Yes, it did, didn't it?

If I happen to say to you:
"I can't do this

because you just smell off
to me today,"

you're not going to be offended by that?

-No, no.
-OK. Thank goodness.

Yeah, I'll go and take a shower
or whatever needs to be done.

OK. Alright.

Well, he doesn't smell bad. Er..
which is a great thing, erm...

I did have a little moment of
"Oh, God, what am I doing?"

and "If I run now,
maybe I can make it back to the airport".

[narrator] The demand
for male surrogates

is less than for women,

and Gary,
a former tennis pro turned counselor,

is one of just five men in America
certified to work.

[Dr Lawrence] I think
the job of the male surrogate

is more difficult
than the job of the female surrogate.

I think that they really have
to pay attention to, uh...

the psyche of the woman.

[Gary] To do this work,
it is important to have...

a certain skill level,
sexually speaking.

This guy's good.

[Gary] I think it is
a little more difficult,

as a male surrogate,

to work with women,
than the other way around.

And then, of course,

female surrogates
don't have the problem of...

maintaining an erection.

-[Gary] Go ahead and close your eyes.
-[Rosie] OK.

[Gary] All you have to do
is just simply...

feel them, experience them...

[narrator] The therapy involves
increases of intimacy

towards sexual intercourse

and is tailored
around the client's needs.

[Gary] Next object.

The idea here is...

a focus on sensations.

[narrator] Gary's beginning
with an object-touching exercise,

which he hopes will establish
a level of trust.

The core ingredient to this relationship

is the quality of the bond

between the surrogate and the client.

[Gary] How was that for you?

Erm, yeah... That was OK,

but what I did get

- and I think it might've been because
you were facing me more head-on -

was a sense of that smell
that's usually the signal for me

to say to myself:
"How soon can I get away, now?"

Anything that you tell me,

I'm not going to take personally.

OK...

One thing I should really say
is that, erm...

I don't actually feel attracted to you.

Erm...

Which I was kind of worried
about saying,

cause that's kind of
a mean thing to say, really, isn't it?

[Gary] You know,
your honesty is just perfect.

[Rosie] It's not that he's not
a good-looking guy,

because he is
quite a good-looking guy.

He's just not my type.
So I thought that that might be an issue

that might arise
while we were doing the therapy.

I mean, it's a bit rich
for me to be saying this.

I'm no oil painting myself.

[Gary] It's not anything
that will cause problems with this work,

because it's really not about attraction,

so much as it is about
her learning about herself,

her learning about a man: me.

[Clive] Penis. Penis. Penis.

[Giggling] Penis. Penis.

This is so silly.

OK. Vagina.

Vagina. Vagina. Vagina.

Vagina. Vagina.

That's quite hard to say, actually,
quite fast.

Vagina.

Shagging...

My homework was...

to write down, erm...

words that I find difficult to say.

Words that I think...

feel loaded, to me.

And for me to say them
so many times

that they lose their meaning
and lose their power.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck.

Interesting.

Clitoris. Clitoris. Clitoris.

Wow, that's an interesting exercise.

"Fuck" I found...

actually was OK,

which I thought that I might...
have a problem with that one.

-[man] Cock?
-"Cock"? Yeah.

Just saying it's ridiculous.

You know, it's just words.
Just letters put together

to make a sound,
that's all it is.

[narrator] Clive is two days
into his course of therapy.

With his homework going well,

sex surrogate Cheryl

wants to move things on
from the hand-holding session.

-I was just thinking of something.
-Mm-hm.

See the position we're sitting in?
Really close like this?

Do you feel like kissing?

A little?

I feel like kissing you.

Would...

Would you consider it?

-We don't have to do anything.
-OK.

-Would you?
-OK.

Oh, good.

[whispers]
Oh, I don't know what's wrong with me.

-Not to worry. It's alright.
-I don't know what's wrong with me.

There's nothing wrong with you.

[Clive sobs]

It's OK.

It really is.

People think that the work that I do
is mechanical.

I feel for people
who are as brave as he is.

And he...
Particularly knowing how long

he has struggled with this,

and he's ready and it's so emotionally...

I get all, you know... emotional,

because I see that happening,

and I know what a big step it is for him.

I am crying because I'm so happy...

that you're letting yourself
feel this with me.

And, um...

that I'm privileged enough
to be a part of this journey with you.

Really.

[Clive] I know this whole experience
is going to change me.

I've been a certain way for so long...

I'm scared of the change.

[narrator]
Rosie is on a two-week course

of surrogate sex therapy
in LA,

designed to help her
lose her virginity.

[Gary] Um... may I have permission to...

caress your face and your hair?

-Yes, you may.
-And your neck a little bit?

-Yes, you may.
-OK.

[narrator]
She's attending daily sessions

with professional sex surrogate Gary,

who's beginning to explore
physical contact for the first time.

-How are you doing?
-I'm doing absolutely fine.

Thank you.

If I had to explain how I felt,
it was more like I was kind of annoyed.

OK. OK.

I'm actually going to stop now,

because I don't find this
particularly pleasant.

Oh, that's fine. That's fine.
Absolutely.

You were kind of sweating,
up around your temple, as well,

and that, for me,
was kind of off-putting.

Well...
and you can totally say no to this,

but would you like to try it again
a little bit?

-I don't think so. Not today.
-OK, that's good.

-Would you like to wash your hands?
-Yes, please.

-Go for it.
-Thank you.

[Gary] OK.

[narrator]
Rosie's dislike of touching men

partly stems from the abuse
she suffered as a child

and she's decided
to talk to therapist Dr Lawrence.

[Dr Lawrence] You need to...

give the little girl in you
a voice,

and a voice that you can say:
"I felt abused."

If you were that little girl right now,
what would you want to say to him?

Pretend that I'm him.
Tell me about what I've done to you.

I want to tell you that...

I hate you.

For it. Because you've ruined me.

You have ruined...

-part of me.
-You're giving me too much power.

The time has come to say
"No. Nobody's gonna hurt me anymore".

OK.

-OK?
-Yeah.

Yeah. You know what you might do?
You might take a piece of paper,

write the name,

burn up those pieces.

You do something
or throw 'em in the garbage.

I mean real garbage.

This is where you belong,
right there.

-Mm. OK. I can do that.
-Yeah.

Giving her something to do
around the abuse,

just gives her like:

"I'm going to tear you up
and I'm going to throw you away,

and you're not going to mean anything
and you're gone".

[Rosie] It did force me to grow up,

because it was at a time
when I would've been transitioning

from a little girl
into a young woman.

But I wasn't really ready for that.

So I have to almost kind of reclaim
that part of my childhood that I lost.

[narrator] Clive is halfway through
his course of therapy.

Despite struggling
in a kissing session,

he's upbeat about working towards
having sex with surrogate Cheryl.

Vagina, vagina, vagina,
vagina, vagina, vagina,

vagina, vagina!

Clitoris...

[Clive] It's really weird,
because I do feel I barely know her.

Oh, my God, it's cold!

[Clive] The whole process
is very strange,

but I'm comfortable with her

leading me through it.

Sex! Penis! Vagina! Clitoris!

Er... knob!

I can see the potential.
I can see what...

what possibly is round the corner.

Vagina. Penis. Sex.

Vagina...

[Clive] It's new feelings, new sensations,

and...

I think I'm teaching myself not to...

erm...

beat myself up about...
the way I've been.

[narrator] His confidence growing,
Clive has agreed to join Cheryl

in the bedroom, for today's session,

for which she's planned
a semi-naked body caress.

[Cheryl] It's taking the fear out of it,

and the more he explores,
and he's not hurting anybody...

We're discovering and learning together,

and to normalize it would be ideal.

We're not doing anything wrong.

[Cheryl] Do you want
to stay in your jeans?

[indistinct chatter]

[both laugh]

[soft moaning]

[narrator] For Clive, the session
has been a sexual awakening.

Yeah. I had a feeling
that I'd never had before,

which was... quite...

A bit mind-blowing.

-[man] Can you describe it?
-Just, er...

Pleasure. [chuckles]

But a different... Yeah.

A different type of pleasure,
which was...

very erotic.

[chuckles]

Oh, baby!

[chuckles]

[Gary] You let me know.

[Rosie] This all sounds
really, really dirty.

[Both chuckle]

[narrator] Entering the second phase
of her therapy with Gary,

and Rosie is beginning to conquer
her lifelong fear

of physical intimacy with men.

I imagine you're getting
a little more used to the hairy parts.

[Rosie] Yeah.

[Rosie] I don't see men
as the enemy anymore.

He is making it way, way easier

for me to do these things,
because he's been so understanding

and so... kind of knowledgeable
about my little quirks and things,

so he's able to cope with them.

I'm still not attracted to him,
but I am very comfortable with him.

[narrator] Gary's worked
as a sex surrogate

since the mid-nineties,

and he's optimistic
about Rosie's progress.

[Gary] This work is rewarding.

There's not a caveat

against enjoying oneself.

It's natural. It's part of developing
the relationship with the client.

Sex is fun.

[narrator] Gary's also begun
to explore full nudity with Rosie...

who has never seen a naked man,
in the flesh, before.

[Rosie] I suppose it was not so much
looking at it,

but, like, feeling it against me
was going to be the thing

that would have set me off.

But I did feel it against me and...
you know, it was OK.

-I think that's enough for today.
-Yeah.

[Gary] Having me nude
and her clothed...

Huge stuff for her.

The biggest step she's taken so far.

[Rosie] I suppose it looks
kind of like...

an uncooked sausage,
and it's not the most...

attractive thing in the world.

-You've really done good stuff.
-Thanks.

[Rosie] Yeah, I could probably
get to find it attractive,

after a bit more exposure to it, I guess.

[narrator] Clive is facing
an even bigger step.

Cheryl's plan for today's session
is for them both to be naked.

Clive finds it very difficult

for someone to see him
completely undressed.

Yeah, I'm feeling a little...

Well, very...

self-conscious.

Is that because of
what I suggested that we try?

Just being totally nude.

-Yeah. Being honest.
-OK.

Mm-hm.

I'll tell you, everybody I've ever done
this exploration with

goes through a level of anxiety.

Baring all
makes you feel really vulnerable.

I felt OK yesterday.
Even though I was, you know...

half kit out.

Today is a bit like a...

Yeah...

A moment.

[Clive] I feel so silly.

[narrator] By the end of the session,

Clive has been unable
to remove his underpants.

So are you more physically concerned
about your genitals being exposed?

Or is it that...?

I've probably seen
more men's genitals

than you'll ever see
in your whole life.

[Both chuckle]

-That's true.
-It is true.

I mean, I even had a client
who didn't have a penis.

[Cheryl] Well, we reached that...

We were talking about hurdles

and he had gone over a lot of hurdles
till he got to today,

when we got down to the underpants.

And he just felt...

this is the biggest struggle.

You know,
it's like jumping into the abyss.

Really, we've hit it.

-[Cheryl, soothing] Mmm...
-[Clive takes deep breath]

[Clive] Ahhh...

Yes...

[Cheryl] We have five more days.

I'm not sure whether he'll lose
his virginity, by the end of this process.

I'm really not.

[narrator] There are just a few days
of therapy left.

If Rosie's going to have sex
before leaving,

she needs to learn
how to enjoy sexual pleasure.

Her therapist, Dr Lawrence,
has suggested buying a sex toy.

[Dr Lawrence] Rosie hasn't
really looked at her body,

and so if she looks at

her mons area and her labia

and spreads the lips
and sees if she can find her clitoris,

and finds out where her vagina is and...

You know... And just look.

Er, it's clit sensitizer.

I didn't even know this existed.

[whirring]

Yeah, quite nice.

[narrator]
Rosie has never masturbated

or had an orgasm.

This is kind of terrifying.

[Sighs deeply]

It you look it's actually...

almost the size of my arm.

Where would you even think
of putting that?

Well, I suppose I just think,
because I've never...

I'm still such a beginner
about all this kind of thing.

Erm, I think even
getting my head around

the fact that I might
be having sex soon is...

That's enough for me.
And then, this is just like...

throwing me in at the deep end.

It's trying to figure out
what all of these things do.

"Evil Pink Ass Tickler"...

Oh, yeah, hang on.
I'm in the butt-plug section.

Something like this would be,
I'd say, more my speed.

Kind of like an iPod, I guess.
The iPod of vibrators.

-Thank you.
-Bye.

[narrator] Having bought
the smallest vibrator in the shop,

Rosie is hoping
the Earth will finally move for her.

[Rosie] Yeah. I suppose, for me,
it would be kind of a personal disaster,

if I couldn't feel
some sort of sexual pleasure,

even after doing all of this, but...

I'm not going to know
until I try it, so...

This is what I'm doing. I'm trying.

[whirring]

[narrator] There are now
just a few days left

for these adult virgins to have sex,

before they have to leave America.

Who knows? Today could be
our lucky day. What do you think?

[narrator] After failing to get naked
with his sex surrogate,

45-year-old Clive has been reflecting
on a childhood incident,

which led to his lack of confidence
around women.

[Clive] When I was younger,

I remember going on a, er...

a little, er... trip
with a load of friends.

We just went down to this lake,

had a picnic...

You know, it was all quite good fun.

Until this guy decided
"Hey, this is a really good idea",

and decided to pull my shorts down,

and, basically,
my pants came down with it,

in front of a group of girls,

and then pointed out my penis
and laughed.

I felt like... everybody was watching me.

If felt like everything had slowed down.

It made me feel insecure about...

my bits.

He'd done something
in front of a group of people

that were my friends,
and it was something, like, really...

Just a horrible thing to do.

[exhales deeply]

[narrator] With so little time left,

sex surrogate Cheryl
thinks Clive's therapy

is at a critical stage.

[Cheryl] Um, I'm concerned
that the older he gets,

the more, you know,
he might not go forward.

You know,
I don't want to get in his face

and start making him feel... you know,
"You've got to do this!",

but there's a part of me
that would like to say that.

"Come on, I'm going to pull these pants
down and I'll keep my eyes closed."

It's like with kids,
when they're learning to walk.

[narrator] After years of uncertainty
about being naked,

for Clive, it's now or never.

Oh, these are cute. I love them.

-[Cheryl] Like a bumblebee.
-Yeah. My heart's racing.

-OK.
-Calm down.

-OK. We're down here.
-OK.

Get this over. I'm going down.

-[Clive] After three...
-Oh.

-You've gone. Right. Now...
-Fantastic.

-[Clive] I'm out.
-You're out!

-[Clive chuckles nervously]
-Fantastic! Give me a hug.

Oh, good! OK!

You did it.

Oh, good. Just breathe.

Oh, you have a nice tush.
I can see it in the mirror.

[Clive chuckles]

I feel pretty damn amazing,
actually, at the moment.

I feel really proud, because...

I decided,
"Right, just gonna go ahead and do it,"

and I did.

To me, that's probably like the...

the toughest thing
that I think I've ever had to do.

His penis is like the classic...

It, you know...

Kids teasing you
because your penis looks too small.

But then, let it grow.

It grew. It's beautiful.

It's fine.

[Gasps] That is a clitoris!

[narrator] After his breakthrough
in the practical,

it's time for some theory,

and Cheryl's bringing out
the textbooks.

-Ooh!
-Are you OK?

[Clive titters]

Very different.

This one looks a little sore right there.

But this one... Look at it.

-Are you OK?
-Yeah! [sighs]

This is a friend of mine.

-I know who that is.
-[Clive chuckles]

She's not here!

Clitorises come in different sizes, too.
This book doesn't have

a real big one in it.

-Look at this!
-[Clive chuckles]

Isn't that amazing?
How different she is?

And they're all...

unique.

I'm all done.

Breathe.

[Clive] Oh...

Ooh...

[Cheryl] The point of showing
the labia photographs

is to show a person
how different we all are.

And when he gets to a point
where he's going to be intimate

with a partner,

it's really good to know
what your partner looks like.

[exhales deeply]

It's made me feel very, very queasy.

[exhales deeply]

[car horn]

[narrator] In Los Angeles,

Rosie's experiment
with the mini sex toy

has not gone well.

[Rosie] I can't really describe it.
It was really weird.

I suppose that's kind of normal,
to feel that way,

if you've never
done anything like that before.

I couldn't say that I felt any pleasure,
you know?

But, erm...

It was really weird.
It might get better, I don't know.

I'm supposed to keep practicing.

[narrator] It's not just the sex toy

which has failed
to get Rosie's motor running.

-Good temperature for the water?
-Yeah. Perfect.

[narrator] After almost two weeks
with Gary,

things have not become sexual.

Well, you see, the problem is
I'm not attracted to Gary.

So it's more a kind
of teacher-student relationship.

I think, if I'm going to be looking
for pleasure of the sexual kind,

I'm going to have to look
elsewhere, really.

[narrator] Rosie feels things
have gone far enough with Gary

and she's ready to go home.

[Dr Lawrence]
Well, women see their sexuality

different than men do.

Women may look to...

the surrogate and think:

"Is this what I want
my partner to look like?"

So, good for her.

She's on the road
to finding out about her sexuality.

I'm pleased with that.

Live your life well.

-I will, I will. I promise I will.
-OK.

Gary. Thank you so much again
for everything.

The sex is the smallest part of this.

It's about relationship,

it's about teaching.

She's developed a level of confidence

that she didn't have...

coming into this.

[Rosie] Well, what I said at the start,
that, ideally, I'd like to get married

and I'd like to have kids,

you know, but...

There's so many other things
I'd like to do, as well.

I've come out of this experience...
I'm still a virgin.

But I actually don't care now.

[narrator] It's Clive's final session
with surrogate Cheryl.

In a few hours' time,
he'll be on a plane home.

I've learnt so much about sex
and my attitude towards it.

Before, my knowledge...

was pretty much zip.

[narrator] For Clive,
the relationship with Cheryl

has gone beyond the physical.

[Clive] It does touch
on emotional levels.

It wouldn't work
if it was just clinical, I don't think.

There has to be
an amount of... love.

[man] Love?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I'd say that.

[Cheryl] With my clients,

I have to really care about them

and I do feel a level of love for them.

Something always happens

and that is a part
of this beautiful process.

[narrator] Clive is the latest

in a list of 850 clients, for Cheryl.

Something made
all the more astonishing

by the fact that she's married.

[Cheryl] I do have
a very understanding husband.

He's secure in how I feel about him,

in our relationship,
and the commitment that we've made

with each other.

And I know there are people
who are thinking:

"Oh, really?

And you're going to bed with people,
and you're helping them,

and you have orgasms sometimes?"

Why not? I mean, that's
a marvelous part of the whole thing.

If a client and I get to that place,

that's a joyful moment.

[whispers]
Why don't you touch me?

-[Clive giggles]
-Do you need help with that?

-No, you're doing good.
-Yeah.

I'll just throw that over there.

[Cheryl]
I would like to try something with you.

How's that?

[Giggles]

[Cheryl] Hello. Hello.

Drop your knees.

-[Cheryl] Hi.
-Hiya.

[Cheryl moans]

[Cheryl pants]

[whispers] You're an amazing person.

Mm, thank you.

[Clive] It just felt right.

It just felt right. I didn't think
about it, I didn't have any thoughts of:

"Ooh, should I be doing this?
Should I not?"

I just went with it.

And it felt totally right.

You are such an amazing person.

You have made me feel so good
and so comfortable.

-Oh, Clive.
-[Clive exhales deeply]

Thank you.

[Cheryl] Personally,
this is why I do this work.

I can't express, I feel that good.

He's a wonderful man
and he deserves all of this.

He deserves an open,
loving relationship in the future,

and I think he's on the path,
heading towards it.

[Clive] If I hadn't have had intercourse,

I would've regretted it.

Because I'd have still had
that scared moment.

But, actually doing it

and experiencing it,

I feel a lot more confident now

that, having done it once,

you know,

I can do it again.

[shouts] I've just had sex!

[yelps]