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‐ And that's when I realized I'd been
wrong about my face shape for years.
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00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:11,428
It turns out it is a heart shape.
3
00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:13,847
It's just one of those hearts
that's really round.
4
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:17,017
‐ Wow, that's crazy,
and a very interesting conclusion
5
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,478
to why you thought
the Gilmore Girls revival was a failure.
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00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:21,980
‐ Ladies, join us in the conversation pit.
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We were just sharing
our personal mission statements
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for the employee wellness retreat
this weekend.
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Oh my gosh, amaze.
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00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:34,743
Okay, so mine is gonna be
to be more confident.
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00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:38,038
Wait, no. Um, less indecisive.
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00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,206
Actually, I'm not sure.
13
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,333
Mine's to do a full digital detox.
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Celeste's beach house
has lightning‐fast Wi‐Fi,
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but the only connecting I'll be doing
is with Mother Nature
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00:00:46,505 --> 00:00:49,049
and my gorgeous colleagues.
17
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,885
Jules, it was such a bummer
that you had to miss last year's retreat.
18
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,387
And the one before that.
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00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:56,265
‐ I know. I really hope there's
not another specific reason
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00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:57,975
why you can't come this year.
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‐ Ooh, yeah, um...
about that.
22
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:03,438
Good afternoonand welcome to the fifth annual running
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of "What excuse will Jules use to getout of attending the company retreat?"
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Jules has been making tremendous headwaythese last few months,
25
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,321
getting closer with her friendsin and outside of work.
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But this event really stands to solidify
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00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:15,325
her position as, quote,"one of the girls."
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‐ And they're off!
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‐ Um...
the thing about this weekend is, uh...
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It's Grandma's Funeral up in front
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with Food Poisoning half a length behind!
‐ Come on!
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‐ There's a situation, um,
with my bathroom.
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And here comes Plumbing Issueslooking strong out of the first turn.
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00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:33,051
‐ Obviously I would love, ahem,
to attend the retreat, um...
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Plumbing Issuesis trailed by the rest of the pack.
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00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:39,224
Nephew's Bar Mitzvah, Totally Forgot,and Parents in Town bringing up the rear!
37
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:41,768
Wait a minute, out of nowhere,a dark horse is picking up speed!
38
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It's She's Gonna Go!
39
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,606
Into the final straightaway,it's She's Gonna Go for third!
40
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:48,400
‐ And that's why this year I'm...
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‐ She's Gonna Go for second!‐ ...going.
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‐ She's Gonna Go for the win by a nose!
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00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:00,746
‐ The retreat is gonna be way more fun
with you there, Jules.
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00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:04,791
I was so over being the only one without
a partner for couples' colonics last year.
45
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,251
‐ Uggh!
‐ What?
46
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:08,253
The email said to pack athletic wear.
47
00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:10,255
‐ Did it say pack athletic wear
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00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:12,257
for a nine‐year‐old boy
on his way to soccer practice?
49
00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:13,592
'Cause that's what this is.
50
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:18,597
‐ Uh, can I help you with my mail?
- No, I'm good.
51
00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:21,683
‐ Oh, so we're just committing
casual felonies now.
52
00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:23,644
‐ No, I get my mail sent here
sometimes, you know that.
53
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,145
‐ I feel certain that I didn't.
54
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:28,315
‐ You're just a person that doesn't lose
important bills and documents and stuff.
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00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,441
‐ So, a person?
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00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:33,111
‐ Oh look, time to get your teeth cleaned.
‐ Oh, man.
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00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:34,863
Hey, I liked that.
58
00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:36,365
‐ Oh, no, you're right. It's too cruel.
59
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:39,034
‐ Thank you.
‐ No, I meant for the people of Goodwill.
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00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:43,080
‐ Oh, my God, Stella, are you pen pals
with George Clooney?
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00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,414
‐ No, no. Amal.
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00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:47,292
What I really need are
business school acceptance letters.
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00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,002
‐ Look, you're gonna get somewhere great.
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00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,213
It's all gonna work out,
'cause life is amazing.
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00:02:51,213 --> 00:02:52,673
Holy shitballs, nope!
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00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,467
‐ Okay, you're officially having
too much fun with this.
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00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:56,927
‐ What? I'm in a good mood.
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00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,596
You know, that can happen when
your hot, successful older boyfriend
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00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,473
tells you he loves you.
‐ Oooh!
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00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:03,517
‐ Wow!
‐ It's no big deal.
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00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:06,979
We're just two mature adults
who just happen to have discovered
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00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:08,355
that our souls mesh perfectly
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00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:11,066
in a delicate symphony of desire
and spiritual fulfillment.
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00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:13,569
‐ Well, I'm very happy for you.
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00:03:13,569 --> 00:03:15,404
‐ Thank you. And I'm very happy for you.
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00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:18,282
Seriously, Jules, it's a big deal
that you're going to this retreat.
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00:03:18,282 --> 00:03:20,367
I mean, you've really been
putting in the effort to be
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00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:23,161
a functioning woman
with actual friends who are not her cat.
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00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:26,623
‐ Yeah, I feel like I have been doing
amazing at being a girl lately.
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00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:28,417
‐ Eeh, no one said that.
‐ Slow your roll.
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00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:31,670
‐ You thought a Bioré strip was that land
between Israel and Egypt.
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00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:34,673
‐ For me. Amazing for me.
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00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:36,550
I just have to go in there
with an open mind.
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00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:40,387
We need to do more than open our minds.
85
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:43,807
We need to release our breath
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00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:47,519
and engage our pelvic floor.
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00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,314
‐
Let the goats absorb
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00:03:50,314 --> 00:03:52,107
the negative energy.
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00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:58,906
Ladies, let's give a warm welcome
to Imelda,
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00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:03,035
who is leading us as retreat mother
for the fourth year in a row.
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00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:09,875
I am so very happy to be back
here at my Malibu home,
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00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:13,795
perfectly situated between beach
and forest,
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00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:16,256
sand and sky...
‐
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00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:21,553
‐ ...the drummer of Imagine Dragons
and the heir to the Capri Sun fortune.
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00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,222
Humble head, Jules.
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00:04:23,222 --> 00:04:27,351
Hosting this retreat every year
is such an honor for you girls
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00:04:27,351 --> 00:04:30,312
that I only wish I had
someone like me in my life
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00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:32,898
to be the person that I am for you.
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00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:38,779
But since I cannot be me, I have Imelda.
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00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:43,367
‐ Every experience is a birth.
101
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:47,579
Except for birth.
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00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:51,625
Which is a continuation. Continuation.
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00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:56,171
Now let's inhale for a violent scream.
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00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,455
‐ Laura's floating pretty far out.
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00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,833
‐ Laura's meditating, Jules.
We shouldn't interrupt her.
106
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,751
‐ She's on her own journey.
107
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:49,850
‐ That is what the ostrich represented,
you do love your sister.
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00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:53,061
‐ I do! I really do!
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00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,400
‐ Nourish yourselves, ladies.
110
00:06:00,903 --> 00:06:02,070
‐ She's ready.
111
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,947
‐ Oh, good.
112
00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:08,827
‐ Um... has anyone seen Laura?
113
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:15,250
‐ Have you ever had
your energy read before?
114
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:18,837
‐ No, actually. But it was either this
or cervical acupuncture.
115
00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:22,132
‐ Shhhh.
Speech disrupts the work.
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00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,510
‐ Sorry. I mean you did ask
me a question‐‐
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00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:25,511
‐ Did I?
‐ Yes.
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00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:26,637
‐ Shhhhh.
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00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:32,100
I'm now going to begin
to penetrate your auric shield.
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00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,103
You may have a very intense reaction.
121
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:39,483
Try to remain calm, even though
this will be very frightening.
122
00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:51,495
I'm sensing something.
Let's try to help it emerge.
123
00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:58,168
There's something inside you.
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00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:00,712
A seed.
125
00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:03,715
It's incubating. Growing.
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00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:07,928
It will get bigger and bigger
until one day, it will be born.
127
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,597
‐ You know what?
Um, as much as I'm loving
128
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,100
this very intense, uh,
scary prolonged face touching,
129
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:16,645
I think we're all late
to stuff a lavender pouch, you know?
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00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:19,731
Because, as you know, uh,
they don't stuff themselves.
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00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:21,775
Shall we, ladies?
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00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,819
One more thing.
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00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:28,407
Once this energy is given life,
everything you know will have to change.
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00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:31,743
‐ Cool, cool.
Very chill note to end on.
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00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:38,166
‐ Wanna know when you're gonna die?
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00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,752
‐ Oh, um, no thank you.
‐ Okay.
137
00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:46,091
‐ Oh, hey, Celeste. Sorry, I was just
gonna get a glass of water.
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00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,886
‐ Jules, the pH water's in the fridge.
139
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,097
So... how's your retreat?
140
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,308
Are you loving
the experience of being here?
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00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:56,226
- Are you thriving?
‐ Oh, yeah.
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00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,853
Um... absolutely.
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00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:02,316
My experience has been the thriviest.
144
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:05,485
‐ Jules, I know you don't
normally join us.
145
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,988
Is it the other girls.
Are you feeling excluded?
146
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,865
‐ No. Um, no, not at all.
147
00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:12,117
I've really liked getting closer
to the girls at work.
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00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:16,038
‐ It is so important to have women
in your life that you can rely on.
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00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:18,957
‐ Yeah, I've definitely
learned that lately.
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00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,794
I actually went through a breakup
earlier this year.
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00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:24,755
Um, I was dating Ramona Hess's brother?
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00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:27,841
‐ Oh, I love Ramona.
She's getting married this spring.
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00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,968
‐ Yeah. Actually she was the one
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00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:32,471
who recommended me
when I first got my job at Woom.
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‐ Well, I'm sorry to hear
about your breakup,
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00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:37,935
but it's really important for you
to focus on your career right now.
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00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:41,188
Relationships are hard,
especially for strong women.
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00:08:41,897 --> 00:08:45,234
I'd be lying if I said that Woom
hadn't gotten in the way of my marriage.
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00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:49,404
‐ Oh, yeah, you're... you're married.
I don't think I've ever met your husband.
160
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:51,573
‐ He's allergic to the limelight,
that one.
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00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:54,076
He mostly hides out here
to be close to the hospital
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00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:56,745
and I stay at our penthouse
to be near work.
163
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:58,539
I mean, it isn't perfect.
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00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:02,292
He wanted kids,
but Woom is my baby, so...
165
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:04,628
I will say this, though:
166
00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:07,881
if someone is your person,
you will find a way to make things work.
167
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,758
That's what Colin and I have done.
168
00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:13,387
‐ Someone talking about me?
169
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:14,721
Were you eavesdropping?
170
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:17,516
I didn't say anything bad
that wasn't true.
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00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:20,727
‐ Just grabbing a beer.
I know, I know, no boys allowed.
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00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:24,690
Whoa! Thank you.
Quite an arm on that one.
173
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When are you going to finally
take my suggestion
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00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:28,318
and start that company softball team?
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00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,320
‐ Don't start
with the softball team again.
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‐ Fine, fine, I get it.
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00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:35,617
You don't want my male energy interrupting
the sacred space of femininity.
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00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:45,169
‐ Oh, Jules. You look sick.
179
00:09:45,169 --> 00:09:48,213
‐ No, I'm, um‐‐ Excuse me.
180
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,395
‐ Poor Jules.
181
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,356
‐ Oh, God,
I can't believe this is happening.
182
00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:08,483
‐ I know. It's unbelievable.
183
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:12,946
‐ Wait. You know?
‐ Yes. It's what Imelda said.
184
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:16,158
The life force growing inside of you,
the puking,
185
00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:18,368
your recent rampant casual sex.
186
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,912
‐ "Rampant" is a strong word.
187
00:10:19,912 --> 00:10:22,539
‐ It's obvious you're pregnant.
188
00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:24,041
I do hope it's a girl.
189
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:26,835
‐ Well, I hope it's a nothing
because that's crazy.
190
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,712
I mean, I don't feel sick
because some woman
191
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:30,672
who makes her own deodorant
thinks I'm pregnant.
192
00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:33,592
I feel sick because I was in the kitchen
with Celeste and I saw...
193
00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:37,179
Um... It doesn't matter. Uh...
194
00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:39,264
I just don't feel good.
195
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:43,685
‐ You know what's not an effective
form of birth control, Jules?
196
00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,020
Denial.
197
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:47,940
This girl I went to college with,
Ashley Zamora,
198
00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:50,734
started gaining all this weight
sophomore winter
199
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:55,072
and everyone was like, "Oh, don't worry,
it's just the stress of finals,"
200
00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:58,492
and then one night she had
really bad stomach cramps...
201
00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:02,204
had a surprise baby
at the Sigma Nu Spaghetti Dinner.
202
00:11:02,204 --> 00:11:04,748
‐ Fine, I'll... take a test,
203
00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:08,293
but "something growing inside me
that needs to come out"
204
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,670
might not be a baby.
205
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:11,463
It might be a piece of information
206
00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:13,549
that you really, really,
really need to tell someone,
207
00:11:13,549 --> 00:11:16,885
but you have no idea how
because it could ruin her entire life.
208
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:20,180
‐ "Ruin." That could be
a really pretty girl's name.
209
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,474
‐ You know what, I'm gonna go home early.
210
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:28,605
‐ You could spell it with two O's.
That is so cute.
211
00:11:32,276 --> 00:11:33,777
‐ Two minutes.
212
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,781
Two minutes.
213
00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:40,617
That's not long.
How long has it been?
214
00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:43,412
Fourteen seconds?
Are you fucking kidding me?
215
00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:47,082
Okay, calm down.
Calm down.
216
00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:50,544
You feel sick because of Colin.
You are not pregnant.
217
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:51,962
You're on birth control.
218
00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:55,841
This test has no purpose
other than to give you peace of mind.
219
00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:56,842
Like vitamins.
220
00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:00,012
‐
‐
221
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,562
Oh, thank God.
222
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:12,357
This is officially the most beautiful
thing I've ever peed on.
223
00:12:14,276 --> 00:12:16,028
‐ Hey!
‐ Aaah.
224
00:12:16,028 --> 00:12:18,906
Madison, what are you doing here?
225
00:12:20,199 --> 00:12:23,327
‐ Well, Izzy said you came home sick
and said I should check to see
226
00:12:23,327 --> 00:12:25,871
if you gave any more thought
to her spaghetti dinner story?
227
00:12:25,871 --> 00:12:27,039
What's going on?
228
00:12:27,039 --> 00:12:28,373
‐ Oh, it's nothing.
229
00:12:32,503 --> 00:12:34,004
‐ Oh, my God, are you pregnant?
230
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:36,340
‐ What? Uh, no, no.
231
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,218
‐ Well then what's wrong, something else?
232
00:12:39,218 --> 00:12:41,553
‐ No, no, no. No, no, no.
It's definitely not something else.
233
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,013
- Jules!
‐ Uh...
234
00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:45,682
So it has to be the first thing.
235
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:50,395
‐ Oh, oh, my God. Come here.
236
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,981
Oh, my God.
237
00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:56,276
Wait. Wait, how did that happen,
don't you have an IUD?
238
00:12:57,528 --> 00:13:02,199
Yeah, but, uh, I think the doctor
put it in backwards or something?
239
00:13:02,199 --> 00:13:04,034
She's a lefty, so...
240
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:07,538
‐ Well, look, whatever you decide,
I'm here for you, okay?
241
00:13:07,538 --> 00:13:09,164
God, you must be freaking out.
242
00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:10,541
‐ Yeah, I definitely am.
243
00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:14,586
I mean, I feel like out of nowhere today
I got saddled with this...
244
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:17,130
situation that I didn't ask for
245
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,633
and I feel completely unprepared
for how to handle.
246
00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,885
‐ Well, just remember: you have options.
247
00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,887
‐ It doesn't feel like I do.
248
00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:27,307
‐ Jules, it's 2019. You have a choice.
249
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:31,770
But, if you really feel that way,
look, I know you'll be able to handle it.
250
00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:33,188
You'd be a great mom.
251
00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:34,773
‐ Ha, what makes you say that?
252
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:37,401
‐ You're a great friend.
253
00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:41,572
Morning sickness?
254
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:42,614
‐ Something like that.
255
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:47,327
‐ Hey, Stell.
256
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:51,665
‐ You guys, I'm at USC.
And I'm celebrating!
257
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:53,208
‐ Oh, my God.
Did you hear about business school?
258
00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:55,669
‐ Did you get in?
‐ No, I got rejected,
259
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:58,088
but I did get accepted into doing
260
00:13:58,088 --> 00:14:01,049
whatever the fuck I want
for the next two years.
261
00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:02,467
And also forever.
262
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:05,429
‐ Stella, I don't think campus
is the best place for you right now.
263
00:14:05,429 --> 00:14:08,015
Look, I'm gonna send a Lyft to take you
back to Jules's, okay?
264
00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:11,226
‐ No, no, no, I have to stay here,
I have to talk to the Dean.
265
00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:13,896
I have to face my demons.
266
00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:16,273
My dean‐a‐mons. My dean demons?
267
00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:18,317
My de... My de...
268
00:14:18,317 --> 00:14:19,693
My deanamons.
269
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:22,196
‐ Okay, look, I promise
to help you deal with this,
270
00:14:22,196 --> 00:14:24,907
but I think we have to go get Stella,
she's had way too much to drink.
271
00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:27,034
‐ Yeah, I could use a drink myself.
‐ Jules!
272
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:30,078
‐ Right. Because I'm super pregnant.
273
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:31,955
So, never mind.
274
00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:42,424
‐ Oh, whatcha got there... economics?
275
00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:44,426
Supply and demand?
276
00:14:44,426 --> 00:14:48,388
- More like suck a dick, am I right?
‐ Uh... hey, Stell.
277
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:52,226
‐ I'm just telling these children
to get all the knowledge they can
278
00:14:52,226 --> 00:14:54,394
because they might not be able
to come back.
279
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:57,189
I guess they don't teach you
to listen in college these days.
280
00:14:57,189 --> 00:14:58,357
Okay, okay.
281
00:14:58,357 --> 00:15:00,984
Let's leave Gen Z alone for a minute.
Let's sit down.
282
00:15:02,194 --> 00:15:06,990
‐ You know, I really thought that I was
smart enough to get in, but I was wrong.
283
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:08,784
‐ Stella, this is one school.
284
00:15:08,784 --> 00:15:10,744
You still have a bunch
you haven't heard back from yet.
285
00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:12,704
‐ But this was my safety school.
286
00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:17,209
Okay? And your safety school is supposed
to be like your back burner guy,
287
00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:19,795
like Scotty with the neck tattoo.
288
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:24,675
If Scotty with the neck tattoo doesn't
want to fuck you, then you're done.
289
00:15:24,675 --> 00:15:28,887
‐ Babe! Scotty with the neck tattoo
is always gonna wanna fuck you.
290
00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:31,306
His neck tattoo is of you.
291
00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:33,892
‐ I don't wanna be on these steps anymore.
I wanna go to class.
292
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:36,353
Okay, wait,
Stella, it's nighttime, there is no class.
293
00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:39,565
Look, I can deal with this if you're
too overwhelmed by, you know, everything.
294
00:15:39,565 --> 00:15:42,192
‐ Oh, I'm fine.
We just have to get her to bed.
295
00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:46,113
‐ You're right. She's about to transition
from fun drunk to sad drunk.
296
00:15:47,865 --> 00:15:50,033
It's okay, Stell.
It's okay, you're okay.
297
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:53,829
‐ I'm not good enough for business school.
298
00:15:53,829 --> 00:15:56,331
I'm just a beautiful idiot like...
299
00:15:56,540 --> 00:15:58,542
James Franco!
300
00:15:58,542 --> 00:16:01,545
‐ You are not James Franco, Stella.
301
00:16:01,545 --> 00:16:02,838
I am!
302
00:16:02,838 --> 00:16:06,133
I mean, everyone thinks
I've not done anything with my life
303
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:08,594
because I'm fun and I don't want to,
304
00:16:08,594 --> 00:16:13,724
but now everyone's gonna know the truth
that I always knew... that I'm stupid!
305
00:16:13,724 --> 00:16:16,518
‐ Oh, Stella, please, no one thinks that.
306
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:18,478
‐ No, don't gimme a hug!
307
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,356
Just admit that I'm stupid
or leave me alone.
308
00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:23,066
‐ We have got to get her to bed.
309
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:24,651
‐ Oh, no, no, no, no!
310
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,862
‐ You're holding her wrong,
you have to support her head.
311
00:16:26,862 --> 00:16:29,239
‐ Guess my maternal instincts
haven't kicked in yet.
312
00:16:29,907 --> 00:16:31,867
‐ This is why we needed to feed her.
313
00:16:31,867 --> 00:16:33,827
She's never gonna go down
if she has an empty stomach.
314
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:35,204
‐ Fine, gimme the Taco Bell.
315
00:16:35,204 --> 00:16:38,832
‐ I don't want Taco Bell!
I wanna be a busi‐ness student.
316
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,043
‐ I know, sweetie. I know.
317
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:43,962
Look... can you take a sip of this for me?
318
00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:46,215
- Good, open up, open up.
‐ There you go.
319
00:16:48,342 --> 00:16:50,469
Oh! She's spitting up!
320
00:16:50,469 --> 00:16:53,138
‐ Okay.
‐ Test it first. It might be too hot.
321
00:16:53,138 --> 00:16:55,140
‐
It's okay, I know.
322
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:56,475
‐ No, it's mild.
323
00:16:56,475 --> 00:16:58,018
Okay, here you go, Stella.
324
00:16:58,018 --> 00:17:00,479
‐ Oh, thank God she's finally settling.
‐ Okay.
325
00:17:00,479 --> 00:17:03,690
‐ I wanted a Cheesy Gordita Crunch!
‐ No, Stella, bad!
326
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,859
‐ Bad, Stella, no!
‐ Stella, that's very bad!
327
00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:08,153
‐ Okay, you know, it is time to go to bed.
‐ No!
328
00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:10,030
‐ I will read you memes
until you fall asleep.
329
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:12,241
She's gonna be
a nightmare tomorrow.
330
00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:32,511
‐ What's happening?
331
00:17:32,511 --> 00:17:33,887
‐ Just breathe.
332
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:36,265
You're going to be fine.
It's just a tiny secret
333
00:17:36,265 --> 00:17:39,351
that will destroy a relationship
and a marriage.
334
00:17:39,351 --> 00:17:42,062
‐ Oh, I can't tell her.
It's gonna be too painful.
335
00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:44,147
‐ It's gonna come out,
one way or the other.
336
00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:45,774
‐ But I'm not ready yet.
337
00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:49,236
‐ Jules, you have to push, okay? Push.
338
00:17:51,572 --> 00:17:53,949
‐ Ruin! As in you're gonna ruin
Madison's life.
339
00:17:57,536 --> 00:18:00,706
‐ Please, I don't wanna do this.
I'm scared.
340
00:18:00,706 --> 00:18:03,166
‐ Now, now, it's gonna be okay.
341
00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:12,134
‐ No!
342
00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:13,177
‐ Are you okay?
343
00:18:13,177 --> 00:18:15,387
You're gonna wake up Stella.
I just got her down.
344
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:23,020
Wait... Wait, this is negative.
345
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:25,105
‐ Oh... It is?
346
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:27,649
‐ Yeah. You're not pregnant.
347
00:18:28,192 --> 00:18:29,401
Okay, what is going on?
348
00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:32,321
‐ Uh, I... must have read it wrong.
349
00:18:32,321 --> 00:18:35,240
‐ What, you read it wrong?
It says "not pregnant."
350
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:38,911
‐ Um... You know, it's getting so late.
351
00:18:38,911 --> 00:18:40,787
‐ Jules, we're not gonna
not talk about this.
352
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:43,498
‐ It's nothing.
‐ No, you lied about being
pregnant all night.
353
00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:46,376
It's obviously something.
What is going on? Tell me.
354
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:47,753
‐ I can't.
‐ Jules!
355
00:18:47,753 --> 00:18:50,088
‐ Colin's married!
356
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:51,632
‐ Yeah, I know that.
357
00:18:51,632 --> 00:18:52,799
He's separated.
358
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,511
‐ No... he's still married.
359
00:18:56,512 --> 00:18:57,638
To Celeste.
360
00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:01,266
‐ Celeste? Like...
361
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:02,684
Like your boss?
362
00:19:03,519 --> 00:19:06,146
Wait, no! No, no, no!
I've always said
363
00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:08,732
I didn't wanna know who his ex‐wife was.
364
00:19:08,732 --> 00:19:10,400
It was my decision not to know.
365
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,779
‐ This is what I'm trying to tell you.
They're not getting a divorce.
366
00:19:13,779 --> 00:19:16,490
They're not even separated.
‐ No, that's impossible.
367
00:19:16,490 --> 00:19:19,326
‐ I know it's crazy, but he doesn't
come with her to any events,
368
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:21,036
and they have a second place
downtown where‐‐
369
00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:23,580
‐ She's obviously lying.
‐ I don't think so.
370
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:24,873
‐ Jules, she's lying.
371
00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:27,251
She's ashamed that he left her,
so she's lying.
372
00:19:27,251 --> 00:19:30,212
‐ Madison, I saw him at the beach house.
373
00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:33,048
‐ Just stop! Look, I have no idea
why you're doing this.
374
00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:34,341
What is wrong with you?
375
00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:35,759
‐ What's wrong with me?
376
00:19:35,759 --> 00:19:38,762
This has nothing to do with me.
I'm trying to tell you the truth.
377
00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:42,266
‐ Oh, the truth. Like your fake
fucking baby you've had all night?
378
00:19:42,266 --> 00:19:45,310
‐ Look, I know how heartbroken
you must be right now.
379
00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:47,855
‐ Oh, yeah, and you'd be
the expert on that, wouldn't you?
380
00:19:47,855 --> 00:19:50,190
Considering Jeremy dumped you,
which is the only reason
381
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:52,484
you started hanging out with me
again in the first place.
382
00:19:52,484 --> 00:19:55,070
‐ Madison, please don't lash out at me
because I'm trying to follow the rules
383
00:19:55,070 --> 00:19:57,823
of whatever girl code
you're constantly telling me about.
384
00:19:57,823 --> 00:20:00,367
I'm just trying to do what you're
supposed to do in this situation.
385
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:03,078
I mean, do you think this was easy for me?
386
00:20:03,078 --> 00:20:06,456
‐ Oh, I'm sorry all these rules
were such a burden for you, Jules.
387
00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:08,709
How dare I try to help you
make connections with people
388
00:20:08,709 --> 00:20:10,502
instead of sitting at home!
389
00:20:10,502 --> 00:20:14,131
You know what?
Consider yourself officially off the hook.
390
00:20:14,131 --> 00:20:17,384
I'm not trying to be off the hook,
but you make it so hard sometimes.
391
00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:21,180
I'm just... I'm just...
You're trying to push me away right now.
392
00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:24,600
‐ You know, you're right.
You know, maybe this is too hard.
393
00:20:25,434 --> 00:20:28,520
Maybe we should both stop trying
to make you into something
you are never going to be.
394
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,189
‐ Oh, what's that?
395
00:20:31,732 --> 00:20:32,900
‐ A real friend.
31144
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