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1
00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:17,059
"Ooh, I'm Melyssa.
2
00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:21,438
I'm so skinny and my hair's so shiny
and I spell my own name wrong."
3
00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:28,153
Hey, y'all, it's Ramona!
4
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:29,488
Don't leave a voicemail, it's 2019!
5
00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:31,823
‐ Hey, Ramona, it's Jules.
6
00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:34,576
Just, uh, casually calling to check in.
7
00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:37,246
Um, just getting
so excited for your wedding.
8
00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:40,040
Speaking of your wedding,
um, God, you must be so busy
9
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:43,961
getting all your RSVPs from your friends
and your family and your brother
10
00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:46,922
and any plus‐one
he may or may not be bringing.
11
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:49,132
Is he, um, bringing anybody?
12
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:51,760
Uh, because I don't care.
13
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,555
And I'm just making sure
that you know that I don't care.
14
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:57,140
Anyway,
that is not even why I'm calling.
15
00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:59,601
Um, I'm calling to say...
16
00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:01,228
bye!
17
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:13,031
Cool grandma, you fucking slut.
18
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:16,910
Hmm‐mm, hmm‐mm!
19
00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:18,996
Ehhhh!
20
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,125
No!
21
00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:28,589
‐ 911, what is your emergency?
22
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:31,216
‐ I think I just liked my ex‐boyfriend's
new girlfriend's Instagram.
23
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:32,885
Remain calm, ma'am.
24
00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:35,804
How many weeks back was the photo from?
Um...
25
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:38,974
Three hundred and forty‐two.
26
00:01:38,974 --> 00:01:41,727
‐ Good God!
That's a fucking disaster!
27
00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:43,979
Burn your phone and then kill yourself!
28
00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:46,773
‐ What?! You're 911,
don't tell me to kill myself!
29
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:50,694
‐ Okay, don't panic.
Even though you definitely should.
30
00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:52,738
The paramedics are on their way.
31
00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:54,907
‐ Oh, you know what,
I'm just gonna unlike the photo.
32
00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:56,241
No, God, no!
33
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:57,701
‐ Oh! Um, oh, uh‐oh.
34
00:01:57,701 --> 00:02:00,662
Um, I... also I unliked it,
but then I liked it again.
35
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,629
‐ Where is it?
36
00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:11,006
‐ Do you know if she has
notifications turned on?
37
00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:13,175
‐ I‐‐I don't know.
‐ Do you have followers in common?
38
00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:16,094
‐ I don't think so.
Ooh, I guess Jeremy?
39
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:18,972
‐ This is hopeless.
‐ We're not supposed to say that, Amy.
40
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,642
‐ How long ago did you like it?
‐ Thirty seconds.
41
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:24,978
‐ She's seen it.
42
00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:33,111
‐ Ma'am, we're gonna
need you to step inside.
43
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,460
‐ What's up, Oliver?
44
00:02:49,545 --> 00:02:50,796
Daddy's home!
45
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:53,131
‐ How's my favorite house‐sitter?
- Oh.
46
00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,884
I'm fine, but your fiddle‐leaf
is going through something.
47
00:02:55,884 --> 00:03:00,222
‐ Oh, God. Twenty‐six hours from Jo‐burg
with a layover in Qatar.
48
00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:02,641
‐ Well, there's a joint rolled
and takeout's on the way.
49
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:04,685
I got us two green curries this time,
50
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,687
plus the noodle dish
with the chilies on the side.
51
00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:10,190
"Pedric" should be here in 18 minutes.
52
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,775
‐ You're a goddess.
53
00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:13,944
And 18 minutes...
54
00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:17,322
that should give us just enough time...
55
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:26,665
I'm so grateful because I know...
56
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:30,836
‐ He can't keep Lauren S., he can't.
She wore overalls on the group date.
57
00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:34,006
‐ Did he say Lauren S.?
58
00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,048
Lauren S.
59
00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:37,050
What?
Oh! Oh!
60
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,177
No!
61
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:41,305
‐ Uh, Jules, if you're cleaning
'cause you're upset,
62
00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:42,848
can you at least start on the bathroom?
63
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:43,974
‐ I'm not upset.
64
00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:47,227
Except, um...
65
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:50,189
I was looking at that girl
that Jeremy went out with on Instagram
66
00:03:50,189 --> 00:03:52,274
and I accidentally
liked one of her pictures.
67
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,779
That's not that big
of a deal, though, right?
68
00:03:57,779 --> 00:04:00,115
‐ Uh, that's a huge deal.
69
00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:02,284
Not only are you fully
telegraphing to Jeremy
70
00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:03,827
that you're still obsessed with him,
71
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:06,288
you are focusing your issues
with a guy on another girl,
72
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,999
which frankly reads a little un‐feminist.
73
00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:12,377
Oh, yeah, you better cry, cankles.
Ride that limo to hell.
74
00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:14,505
‐ Did you at least unlike the photo?
- Yes.
75
00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:17,007
I unliked it, then I liked it again...
76
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:19,092
...but then I unliked it.
77
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,053
‐ Very cool.
‐ Are you insane?
78
00:04:21,053 --> 00:04:23,931
Any normal functioning human being
has their push notifications on.
79
00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:25,849
‐ Mine aren't.
- Oh, my God.
80
00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:27,518
‐ Just realized
I wasn't even following you.
81
00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:28,810
‐ Oh, can you follow me? I'm at‐‐
82
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:31,605
‐ Nope.
‐ Look, this is happening
83
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:35,025
'cause you are sitting around obsessing
over Jeremy 24 hours a day.
84
00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:36,693
Look, he's moved on, so should you.
85
00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:39,821
‐ I mean, I have been texting a little bit
with that guy Wes, the veterinarian.
86
00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:43,158
He sent me this gif the other night
of a cat that was stuck in a hammock.
87
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:45,702
The cat was like,
"Oh, no, meow‐meow‐meow, hammock!"
88
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:51,750
‐ You are not calling Dr. Pussycat.
He's total boyfriend material.
89
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:54,878
Knowing you, you'll go on one date
and we won't hear from you for five years.
90
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:57,840
‐ Hey, I feel like I'm being
reverse slut‐shamed here.
91
00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,509
Isn't finding a boyfriend the reason
we go on dates?
92
00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:03,887
‐ No! We go on dates to have fun
and justify the purchase of cute clothes.
93
00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:06,557
‐ Not every guy
has to turn into a boyfriend.
94
00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:08,892
It's like the photographer
who I'm house‐sitting for.
95
00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:11,436
We hook up whenever he's in town
and it's totally casual.
96
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,856
‐ So you live with a guy
and you sleep with him.
97
00:05:13,856 --> 00:05:15,482
Tell me how that's casual again?
98
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:16,900
‐ He travels constantly.
99
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,486
‐ So you're
in a long‐distance relationship
100
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:21,613
with your boyfriend, who you live with?
101
00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:23,365
‐ No. You don't get it at all.
102
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,331
Wait...
103
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,918
if I have a boyfriend...
104
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,712
then I've cheated on him like...
105
00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:39,381
a lot.
106
00:05:42,134 --> 00:05:46,096
‐ Okay. I need to move on.
Now, how do I do that again?
107
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:48,682
‐ What you need right now is a Hot JOT.
108
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,976
‐ A hot what?
‐ JOT. J‐O‐T.
109
00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:52,644
As in "Just One Thing."
110
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:57,232
A Hot JOT is a hot guy who has
Just One Thing wrong with him.
111
00:05:57,232 --> 00:06:00,861
So you can hook up with him, but you'll
never be tempted to actually date him.
112
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:04,865
‐ Yeah, ideally I would find a guy like
that, but I don't know where I would...
113
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:29,765
‐ Good afternoon, little lady.
114
00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:32,059
Now, you look like someone
who's ready to take home
115
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,228
the man of her dreams today,
am I right?
116
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:37,439
Anyone specific you got your eye on?
‐ No, I'm just looking.
117
00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:41,401
‐ You know, we have this guy
who just became available.
118
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:44,029
This here, this is Aiden.
119
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:48,867
Aiden is a 1985, he's an architect,
and he is a great gift‐giver.
120
00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:51,078
‐ It's nice to meet you.
121
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,663
‐ Hiiiii...
122
00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:55,707
Ahem. Yeah, Aiden seems great
for a rebound.
123
00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:58,627
‐ Oh, a rebound?
124
00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:00,963
Unfortunately, our gentlemen
in the showroom
125
00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:03,632
aren't available
for a short‐term lease situation.
126
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:06,510
These guys are all
boyfriend material in here. Hmm.
127
00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:10,180
But we've got some amazing hot JOTs
on the back lot.
128
00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:14,810
All these are as‐is,
ready to go home tonight.
129
00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:16,478
This is Neil.
130
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:20,899
Neil is 6'5", he's an accountant,
he's close to his family...
131
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,526
‐ Um, that sounds pretty good.
132
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:26,655
‐ And just one thing, he's absolutely
certain the government did 9‐11.
133
00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:28,574
‐ Jet fuel can't melt steel beams.
134
00:07:28,574 --> 00:07:30,534
‐ Oh, okay, maybe we keep looking.
135
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,911
‐ Fair enough.
‐ How do you explain Building 7?
136
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:35,122
This is Greg.
137
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:37,165
Greg studied Political Science
at Berkeley
138
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:39,376
and takes his grandmother
to church every Sunday.
139
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:42,462
‐
‐ Oh, God. Does that come off?
140
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,006
‐ I'm sure the boys in the back
can remove that.
141
00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:45,257
‐ I always wear this.
142
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:49,261
‐ Okay, okay.
Sorry about the thumb ring.
143
00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:50,888
I've got a good feeling about you,
144
00:07:50,888 --> 00:07:53,390
and I don't introduce
this guy to everybody.
145
00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:57,853
Ryan.
146
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,398
Ryan is the youngest partner
at his law firm,
147
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,734
and he's technically related
to the Kennedy family.
148
00:08:03,734 --> 00:08:05,235
‐ Okay, what is it?
149
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:08,238
‐ In my spare time,
I really love to play with Legos.
150
00:08:08,614 --> 00:08:09,990
‐ I'll take him.
151
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:12,242
‐ Yes!
‐ Up high!
152
00:08:14,578 --> 00:08:16,830
‐ I was thinking for dinner,
I might try to whip up
153
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,374
this dish I had in Cape Town
called bunny chow.
154
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,251
‐ Oh...
‐ Oh, no, no, no.
155
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:22,961
There're no actual bunnies in it.
156
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:24,379
‐ No, I just...
157
00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:28,342
I just didn't assume we were
automatically having dinner together.
158
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:30,552
‐ Oh, my bad, do you have plans?
159
00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:33,096
‐ No. But you don't know that.
160
00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,474
‐ Okay...
161
00:08:40,896 --> 00:08:44,107
Oh, did the guy come to read
the gas meter while I was away?
162
00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:46,235
‐ I don't know.
163
00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:49,446
Was I expected to stay here all day
while you go out and work?
164
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:52,783
‐ Uh... kind of, yeah.
165
00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:54,868
‐ Well, you can forget it.
I'm not doing it.
166
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,870
‐ O...kay.
167
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:02,376
Well, I'll call them and maybe
they'll come later in the week.
168
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:03,710
‐ Great.
169
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:20,936
I'm the one?
170
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:31,321
‐ Hey.
171
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,991
‐ He's gonna be here any minute.
I'm just so nervous.
172
00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:35,325
‐ You're gonna be fine.
173
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:38,787
You just have to remember: your instincts
are gonna want you to get monogamous.
174
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:41,540
And you have to ignore
those instincts at all costs.
175
00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:43,083
‐ Oh shit, I see him coming.
Okay, I gotta go. I gotta go.
176
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,627
Wait. Did you remember to shave?Did you remember to shave‐‐
177
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:54,803
‐ So it's really actually
a study in engineering.
178
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,680
Sure, the Legos come with instructions,
179
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,016
but there's plenty of room
for customization as well.
180
00:09:59,016 --> 00:10:01,935
‐ Uh‐huh.
‐ And ultimately I'd say
181
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:05,647
the most complex structure I've done
is transforming the Hogwarts set
182
00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:08,150
into an authentic French village.
183
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:12,070
Now, I know what you're gonna ask:
what did you do with the spire?
184
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:14,531
‐ Freshly ground pepper?
‐ Oh, no, thank you.
185
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:17,784
‐ So repurposing some of the grass
from the top of Hagrid's hut,
186
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,703
I was able to construct the patisserie.
187
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:24,291
‐ Hey, girlfriend, I'm your instinct
to form an emotional bond.
188
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:27,169
Shall we ask him about his family,
like is he close with his mom?
189
00:10:27,169 --> 00:10:28,504
‐ No, I'm fine, thank you.
190
00:10:28,504 --> 00:10:29,713
It's a shame I had to send it back,
191
00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:31,715
but the subscription plan is
pretty strict,
192
00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:33,425
so I took a lot of pictures.
193
00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:35,969
‐ Hi, I'm your instinct
to make a physical connection.
194
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:38,138
I really feel like
you should take his hand.
195
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,766
‐ Actually, Madison told me
to ignore my instincts,
196
00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:42,476
but thank you so much.
197
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,395
‐ Maybe that was my Moby Dick.
198
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:47,564
‐ Totally. That is so interesting.
199
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:50,651
What's the difference between
the flat pieces and the blocky ones?
200
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:56,323
‐ Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Ow!
What is...?
201
00:10:56,323 --> 00:11:00,035
‐ Oh. I'm sorry.
The flame pieces are really sharp.
202
00:11:00,619 --> 00:11:01,828
‐ It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
203
00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:03,330
Oh!
204
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,124
‐ Okay!
205
00:11:11,547 --> 00:11:13,757
‐ That was great.
‐ Yeah.
206
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:17,302
‐ Ask him what this is.
‐ Ask him what you guys are doing here.
207
00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:20,722
‐ Tell him you feel like this could really
be the start of something big.
208
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:24,476
‐ Tell him you feel like you guys
fit together like two Lego pieces.
209
00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:25,894
‐ Yes, that's good, say that.
210
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,479
‐ No, no, no! Um...
211
00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:31,775
Actually, I should get a‐going...
so...
212
00:11:32,568 --> 00:11:34,403
‐ Oh. Okay, cool.
213
00:11:34,403 --> 00:11:36,071
Well, I had fun.
214
00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:38,991
Dinner was fun.
What we did after was fun.
215
00:11:38,991 --> 00:11:41,660
I had a good time.
‐ Me, too, with the fun.
216
00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:44,079
Fun, fun, fun was had by all.
217
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:48,417
‐ Hey, Jules, you know I'm not looking
for anything serious, right?
218
00:11:48,417 --> 00:11:50,669
I'm down to just... keep it casual.
219
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:54,923
‐ Yeah. That was my instinct, too.
220
00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:14,234
Just got home, u up?
221
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:06,995
...favorite features.
222
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,539
Wow.
‐ Yeah, and‐and when...
223
00:13:08,539 --> 00:13:11,333
when you see it,
it looks just like the trailer.
224
00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,377
Oh, don't, but just be careful,
you know,
225
00:13:13,377 --> 00:13:15,796
you don't wanna touch it,
'cause the pieces, they're hard to find.
226
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:18,173
Good evening, ladies.Good evening.
227
00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:21,009
You look very good this evening.
228
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,011
I know that you weren't expecting me.
229
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,346
Everybody wants to meet Charlie, right?
230
00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:28,892
Well, here's the thing, I have some news.
231
00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:31,770
Uh, there is not going to be
232
00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:33,438
the mixer that you expected tonight.
233
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:34,815
‐
What?
234
00:13:34,815 --> 00:13:36,650
‐ Oh, my God!
235
00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,360
‐ What? What's happening?
236
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,821
‐ Jules.
‐ That means he's made his decision.
237
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:42,406
I'm gonna be sick.
238
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:45,951
‐ Sorry, my sleep schedule's
all messed up.
239
00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:47,870
Apparently this whole casual sex thing
240
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:50,247
means you can only hang out
in the middle of the night.
241
00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:52,583
‐ Wow! Look at you go, baby slut.
242
00:13:52,583 --> 00:13:55,460
Well, I hope he's taking care of
your needs, if you know what I mean.
243
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,921
Like, are you orgasming?
‐ Yeah, I was with you.
244
00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:00,799
‐ It is ridiculous
that we even need to ask that.
245
00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:02,509
I mean, could you
imagine men asking each other
246
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:05,387
if they're achieving orgasm
with repeat sexual partners?
247
00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:08,056
"Duh, Kyle, how's it going
with that girl you're fucking?
248
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:09,516
Has she made you come yet?"
249
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,727
‐ Let's just say it's going well.
250
00:14:11,727 --> 00:14:13,937
I'm ignoring my instincts like you said.
251
00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:17,774
I'm just feeling a little weird...
like health‐wise.
252
00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:19,443
I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
253
00:14:19,443 --> 00:14:21,195
‐ No, babe, you need to go to the gyno.
254
00:14:21,195 --> 00:14:23,447
I mean, you have to take
that stuff seriously.
255
00:14:23,447 --> 00:14:25,282
Have I told you what happened
to my astrologist friend
256
00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:27,284
who was sleeping
with that guy who had herpes?
257
00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:30,245
‐ No, what happened?
‐ I mean... she got herpes.
258
00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:33,165
‐ Wait, how is it going
with you and your not‐boyfriend?
259
00:14:33,165 --> 00:14:36,418
‐ I think you guys were right.
I guess I have to break up with him.
260
00:14:36,418 --> 00:14:37,836
‐ Don't do it over text!
261
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:40,464
‐ God, yeah, that's so mean.
Haven't you ever been dumped before?
262
00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:42,966
You know what, forget I said that.
263
00:14:42,966 --> 00:14:45,511
‐ No, Stella, this guy thinks
you're seriously dating.
264
00:14:45,511 --> 00:14:48,847
You have to actually break up with him.
‐ Okay, so I'll do it in person.
265
00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:50,807
But should I do it
before we have sex or after,
266
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,935
'cause I feel like in the middle
might be a little weird.
267
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:56,146
‐ Um, I think having sex
might blur the message?
268
00:14:56,146 --> 00:14:59,775
Like, can't you go over there and...
not immediately have sex with him?
269
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,277
‐ No.
‐ You need a buffer.
270
00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:05,572
Someone who can make
any situation totally non‐sexual.
271
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,783
‐ Jules, do you have a second plunger?
272
00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:15,582
‐ Our generation of women
have been so shamed
273
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,751
out of wanting
to put a label on things,
274
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:20,295
Stella literally didn't know
she had a boyfriend.
275
00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:21,713
It's insane to me.
276
00:15:22,256 --> 00:15:26,760
‐ I feel like your head's somewhere else.
And also, it's pretty muffled down there.
277
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:33,350
‐ Do you, uh, know if you're free
yet this weekend?
278
00:15:33,809 --> 00:15:36,478
I'm being invited to things.
‐ I'll have to let you know.
279
00:15:37,229 --> 00:15:38,355
‐ Okay.
280
00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:42,109
Uh, well, there's this big party
my college friend Paul throws every year.
281
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:45,904
Lots of drunk people,
people getting naked in the pool...
282
00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:48,365
Maybe I'll go to that.
‐ Cool. Sounds like fun.
283
00:15:49,992 --> 00:15:51,243
‐ So it doesn't bother you?
284
00:15:52,870 --> 00:15:54,371
‐ Do you want it to bother me?
285
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:57,332
Fine, it bothers me. Don't go.
286
00:15:57,332 --> 00:16:00,127
‐ You can't control me!
‐ Madison, hey, whoa.
287
00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:01,920
Wh‐What are we talking about?
288
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:05,757
‐ Look, you can't commit to any plans,
so... so what am I?
289
00:16:05,757 --> 00:16:07,634
Your girlfriend?
290
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,303
Your fuck buddy?
291
00:16:09,303 --> 00:16:11,847
I keep telling Jules to keep
her relationships casual,
292
00:16:11,847 --> 00:16:13,765
yet here I am obsessing
about what this is.
293
00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:17,811
‐ Okay, okay. We are in a relationship.
That's what we're doing.
294
00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:21,523
‐ Yeah, but what kind of a relationship?
Is this just about sex to you?
295
00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:24,318
‐ Well, at this specific moment,
it was, yes.
296
00:16:24,318 --> 00:16:27,446
‐
‐ Okay. I think whatever I say right now,
297
00:16:27,446 --> 00:16:31,116
it's not gonna be the right thing,
so I'm gonna just go and have a shower.
298
00:16:35,913 --> 00:16:37,915
‐ I can't believe you said that.
299
00:16:45,214 --> 00:16:47,466
‐ Okay.
300
00:16:47,466 --> 00:16:49,259
Sorry I got held up.
301
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:52,012
I was just performing
a safe, legal abortion.
302
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:55,015
Well, I have some bad news.
303
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,727
You've caught something.
304
00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:00,521
‐ Oh God. An STD?
305
00:17:00,521 --> 00:17:02,105
‐ It can be sexually transmitted.
306
00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:03,899
You've caught feelings.
307
00:17:03,899 --> 00:17:04,942
‐ Feelings?
308
00:17:04,942 --> 00:17:07,069
‐ Yes. Feelings for the guy
you're hooking up with.
309
00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:10,405
‐ That's impossible.
He's a grown man who plays with Legos.
310
00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:13,408
‐ Feelings are always a risk
whenever you are sexually active.
311
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,536
Now, were you using protection?
312
00:17:15,536 --> 00:17:17,538
Hooking up with at least
two other people?
313
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:19,665
‐ No.
314
00:17:19,665 --> 00:17:22,501
‐ Look, I see a lot of young women
come in with these symptoms.
315
00:17:23,335 --> 00:17:27,172
Okay?
You may find this literature helpful.
316
00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:29,716
And you'll want to avoid contact
with that partner for a few weeks.
317
00:17:30,259 --> 00:17:32,928
‐ Wait, shouldn't I tell the guy
so he can get tested too?
318
00:17:38,851 --> 00:17:40,269
That's good.
319
00:17:40,269 --> 00:17:42,688
Oh, no, men cannot get this.
320
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,370
‐ Hey.
321
00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:03,041
It really is lovely to meet
one of Stella's friends.
322
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,377
I'm always telling her to bring
people around.
323
00:18:05,377 --> 00:18:08,213
It's such a stupidly big place
for no one to be in so much of the time.
324
00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:11,341
‐ Oh yeah.
Stupidly big.
325
00:18:11,884 --> 00:18:14,219
‐ Ollie, can you get
some more wine, please?
326
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,387
‐ Yeah.
327
00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:20,726
‐ I'll come!
328
00:18:21,435 --> 00:18:22,561
Um...
329
00:18:22,561 --> 00:18:24,980
I'm trying to learn how
to use a wine opener.
330
00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:27,524
I always drop the cork in, ha ha.
Dumb Izzy.
331
00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,782
So, Oliver...
332
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:39,036
you know why Stella invited me
here tonight, right?
333
00:18:39,036 --> 00:18:40,996
‐ Uh, not for the wine opening lessons?
334
00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:46,293
‐ She wanted me to help you
understand that...
335
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:48,962
You know how you guys have gotten
into this like, conventional,
336
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:51,673
man‐woman‐house‐beep‐boop
kind of thing?
337
00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:52,966
‐ Uh‐huh?
338
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,511
‐ Stella's just not super, like...
339
00:18:55,511 --> 00:18:59,473
beep‐boop, straight‐and‐narrow,
white‐picket‐fence‐y.
340
00:18:59,473 --> 00:19:00,974
You... you feel me?
341
00:19:01,934 --> 00:19:05,020
‐ Um... I can't quite say that I do.
342
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:06,188
‐ Um...
343
00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:10,359
Stella thinks you're awesome, right?
344
00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:13,612
It's just that,
the way she feels about you
345
00:19:13,612 --> 00:19:16,198
is like the way she feels about me.
346
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:20,452
‐ Oh.
347
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,414
Oh. I think I understand.
348
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,959
‐ That's awesome.
So we're on the same page?
349
00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:29,545
Simpatico?
350
00:19:29,545 --> 00:19:30,879
Capisce?
351
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:33,882
‐ We're on the same page.
352
00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:35,217
‐ Great.
353
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:40,305
If you could also show me the wine opener
thing, though, I... wasn't lying.
354
00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:42,599
I'm bad at that.
355
00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:45,143
‐ Okay, you were right.
356
00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:48,772
The best cinematic depiction of cats
is Disney's Aristocats.
357
00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:51,817
‐ They're animals,
but they still have their sophistication.
358
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:57,906
Well, next do we do Homeward Bound
or Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties?
359
00:19:57,906 --> 00:20:01,368
‐ You know we don't only have to watch
movies about cats, right?
360
00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:03,495
‐ I don't follow.
Are there other types of movies?
361
00:20:05,998 --> 00:20:08,333
‐ Just shut up and put on Garfield.
362
00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:18,802
‐ Operation Heartbreak: achieved.
363
00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:23,182
He totally gets it, you just wanna be
friends, we're all on the same page.
364
00:20:23,182 --> 00:20:25,934
‐ Really?
‐ Stella, babe, look at me.
365
00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:27,686
Same. Page.
366
00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:29,396
You're. Welcome.
‐
367
00:20:30,939 --> 00:20:32,858
You good?
368
00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:35,986
‐ All good.
369
00:20:40,699 --> 00:20:43,994
‐ Oh. Uh, he's taking it very well.
370
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:55,631
Okay, okay.
371
00:20:56,465 --> 00:21:00,135
Um, maybe we were on
a different part of the same page?
372
00:21:00,135 --> 00:21:02,346
‐ What the fuck are you doing?
‐ Hmm?
373
00:21:02,846 --> 00:21:04,848
I thought you guys wanted to‐‐
374
00:21:04,848 --> 00:21:07,309
Isn't that what all that "simpatico" shit
was about?
375
00:21:07,309 --> 00:21:09,728
‐ No! That was about me
breaking up with you.
376
00:21:09,728 --> 00:21:13,524
Look, I tried to do this the right way,
okay, I just can't be tied down right now.
377
00:21:13,524 --> 00:21:16,109
I can't be "the one" like you said
in your Instagram.
378
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:17,319
‐ My‐My Instagram?
379
00:21:18,946 --> 00:21:20,864
I took that picture with my new camera.
380
00:21:20,864 --> 00:21:23,617
That was a paid post for Nikon.
381
00:21:23,617 --> 00:21:26,245
"The one" was the new lens I was using.
382
00:21:26,245 --> 00:21:28,705
‐ Wait, so I'm just some house sitter
that you sleep with occasionally?
383
00:21:28,705 --> 00:21:30,457
‐ Yes.
‐ Okay!
384
00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:33,710
Then I spoke too soon
and completely misunderstood.
385
00:21:35,754 --> 00:21:37,172
Now I'm feeling regretful.
386
00:21:38,006 --> 00:21:41,176
Is this what you feel like all the time?
‐ Literally all the time.
387
00:21:41,176 --> 00:21:44,429
‐ You're brave.
‐ Come here, you nutter.
388
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:56,942
‐ Are we really doing this?
389
00:21:57,526 --> 00:21:59,236
‐ Go home, Izzy.
‐ Cool.
390
00:21:59,236 --> 00:22:00,279
Cool, cool.
391
00:22:25,596 --> 00:22:28,140
‐ Uh... Morning, morning.
392
00:22:28,140 --> 00:22:30,893
Um... you should probably
be getting going,
393
00:22:30,893 --> 00:22:34,730
because I have a workout class today
and also I'm just really not feeling well.
394
00:22:34,730 --> 00:22:35,772
Oh, yeah.
395
00:22:36,565 --> 00:22:38,775
Okay. But should you be working out
if you don't feel good?
396
00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:40,277
‐ Oh, that's a good question, Wes.
397
00:22:40,277 --> 00:22:43,113
I find that working out
actually helps my nausea,
398
00:22:43,113 --> 00:22:46,450
because you sweat out the bad germs
and you breathe in the good germs.
399
00:22:46,450 --> 00:22:47,993
You know, you're a vet, you get it.
400
00:22:49,953 --> 00:22:51,955
‐ Thanks. I, uh...
401
00:22:51,955 --> 00:22:54,625
Last night was fun. I'll... I'll call you?
402
00:22:54,625 --> 00:22:57,669
‐ Yeah. Sure. Whatever. I'll text you.
Or not.
403
00:22:57,669 --> 00:23:00,047
Uh, either way, thanks for the...
404
00:23:00,047 --> 00:23:01,423
hang.
405
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,383
Uh, I'm casual.
406
00:23:30,577 --> 00:23:33,247
‐ Jesus!
What are you guys doing here?
407
00:23:33,247 --> 00:23:35,290
‐ I think I'll ask the questions
from here on out.
408
00:23:36,583 --> 00:23:37,793
What's this?
409
00:23:37,793 --> 00:23:41,880
‐ That's a sweater from one
of the many men I'm casually boinking.
410
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,758
‐ Strange, because it's in
a tasteful color and it's dry clean only.
411
00:23:44,758 --> 00:23:47,886
This sweater has boyfriend material
written all over it.
412
00:23:47,886 --> 00:23:50,180
This is not the sweater of a Lego guy.
413
00:23:50,180 --> 00:23:52,933
It's the sweater of a reliable
veterinarian who you're not sleeping with.
414
00:23:52,933 --> 00:23:54,935
‐ No. No.
‐ Lies!
415
00:23:54,935 --> 00:23:57,855
‐ Hey! It... It's not a big deal.
416
00:23:57,855 --> 00:23:59,898
We just watched movies on the couch.
417
00:23:59,898 --> 00:24:04,278
‐ I'm only gonna ask you this once:
did you cuddle?
418
00:24:04,278 --> 00:24:07,239
‐ At least tell us you that you got drunk
and sloppily made out.
419
00:24:07,239 --> 00:24:09,116
‐ We were sober, okay?
‐
420
00:24:09,116 --> 00:24:11,827
‐ Wait. You didn't even have one beer?
421
00:24:11,827 --> 00:24:14,621
‐ He didn't bring any!
‐ This is the 21st century, Jules.
422
00:24:14,621 --> 00:24:16,331
You should have one on you.
423
00:24:16,331 --> 00:24:19,001
If you don't protect yourself,
your monogamous instincts
424
00:24:19,001 --> 00:24:20,752
are gonna ruin your life.
425
00:24:20,752 --> 00:24:23,338
That's it.
I know what you need.
426
00:24:23,338 --> 00:24:24,590
What we all need.
427
00:24:24,590 --> 00:24:27,342
We need to go to an event
that is so disgusting,
428
00:24:27,342 --> 00:24:30,971
so debaucherous,
no romance can survive in its wake.
429
00:24:30,971 --> 00:24:34,349
We are going to Paulapalooza.
430
00:24:34,349 --> 00:24:36,894
‐
‐ Paulapa... whoza?
431
00:24:39,605 --> 00:24:42,274
Okay, so this frat guy Paulwe went to college with
432
00:24:42,274 --> 00:24:45,402
has been throwing himself the same partyevery year on his birthday
433
00:24:45,402 --> 00:24:47,070
since he was 18.
434
00:24:47,070 --> 00:24:49,239
Sadly, now that he's in his 30s,
435
00:24:49,239 --> 00:24:51,575
the party has gone from beinga can't‐miss campus event
436
00:24:51,575 --> 00:24:56,246
to a tragic display of chubby alcoholicstrying to relive their youth.
437
00:24:56,246 --> 00:24:58,790
‐ Food fight!
438
00:25:10,302 --> 00:25:12,679
‐ I know. It's pretty bleak, right?
439
00:25:13,597 --> 00:25:14,723
‐ It's not that.
440
00:25:14,723 --> 00:25:17,768
Last night was my first chance
to experiment
441
00:25:17,768 --> 00:25:19,353
like you're supposed to in your 20s.
442
00:25:19,353 --> 00:25:21,355
And now my Wikipedia page
is just gonna read,
443
00:25:21,355 --> 00:25:25,108
"She had a lifetime of missionary sex
and now is buried next to her parents
444
00:25:25,108 --> 00:25:28,028
in a Jewish cemetery because she didn't
even have any cool tattoos."
445
00:25:28,028 --> 00:25:30,948
‐ Izzy, having threesomes
doesn't make you more interesting.
446
00:25:30,948 --> 00:25:34,076
‐ That's easy for you to say,
you've probably had a hundred threesomes.
447
00:25:34,076 --> 00:25:37,579
‐ Oh, please, I've had like eight.
‐ I just wanted to have one.
448
00:25:37,579 --> 00:25:40,290
I'm not like Jules
with her five‐year relationship,
449
00:25:40,290 --> 00:25:43,335
and I'm not like you
with your sexy house‐sitting escapades.
450
00:25:43,335 --> 00:25:45,587
I just wanted to have one thing
that was gonna make‐‐
451
00:25:48,465 --> 00:25:50,133
‐ There.
Now you've experimented.
452
00:25:52,219 --> 00:25:55,305
‐ This is so going on my Wiki.
453
00:25:55,931 --> 00:25:58,141
Go!
‐
454
00:25:59,977 --> 00:26:02,896
‐ This guy
is a fucking legend right here.
455
00:26:02,896 --> 00:26:04,314
Best grand‐little bro ever.
456
00:26:04,314 --> 00:26:05,774
‐ Oh, you guys are brothers?
457
00:26:05,774 --> 00:26:08,694
‐ No, no, no. My Little Bro Thick Ricky
is his Big.
458
00:26:08,694 --> 00:26:11,989
But I would legit murder somebody
for this guy.
459
00:26:11,989 --> 00:26:14,575
‐ Oh, that's so sweet, Paul.
Right, Jules?
460
00:26:15,409 --> 00:26:18,579
‐ Do you wanna try my Fireball
and cold brew?
461
00:26:18,579 --> 00:26:19,621
It's really good.
462
00:26:27,004 --> 00:26:28,922
Uh... take the phone.
463
00:26:28,922 --> 00:26:30,924
‐ Oh, bro, that's all right.
‐ Yeah!
464
00:26:30,924 --> 00:26:34,178
‐ Hey, Colin. Uh, it's just me calling
to keep you updated,
465
00:26:34,178 --> 00:26:36,263
vis‐a‐vis me having fun without you.
466
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:38,640
This party is super crazy.
467
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,809
I've just been hanging out
with Tommy and Paul,
468
00:26:40,809 --> 00:26:42,728
and I actually barely even
remembered to call you
469
00:26:42,728 --> 00:26:46,190
because I'm having so much fun,
so... bye!
470
00:26:46,190 --> 00:26:49,735
‐ Here we go, here we go!
‐ That wasn't bad.
471
00:26:50,903 --> 00:26:52,529
‐ Wes, don't leave!
472
00:26:52,529 --> 00:26:55,324
‐ I'm not, I was just getting a beer.
473
00:26:55,324 --> 00:26:56,742
‐ Oh.
474
00:26:57,951 --> 00:26:59,828
Well, that was super dramatic.
475
00:27:00,871 --> 00:27:03,332
Um... what are you doing here, anyway?
476
00:27:03,332 --> 00:27:05,709
‐ My college friend works with Paul.
477
00:27:05,709 --> 00:27:08,629
‐ Ah.
‐ So I guess you're feeling better?
478
00:27:08,629 --> 00:27:11,882
‐ I'm sorry I kicked you out.
I really did have a great time with you.
479
00:27:11,882 --> 00:27:15,636
‐ I did too. That's why I was so confused
by the 5:00 AM forced exodus.
480
00:27:15,636 --> 00:27:18,889
On the bright side, though,
the freeways were very clear.
481
00:27:18,889 --> 00:27:22,017
‐ Yeah, my friends have just been
getting in my head lately about, uh...
482
00:27:22,017 --> 00:27:26,146
not getting into something serious,
and, uh, I just kind of freaked out.
483
00:27:26,146 --> 00:27:27,731
‐ What did we do that was so serious?
484
00:27:27,731 --> 00:27:30,817
We watched some animated children's films,
those weren't too serious.
485
00:27:30,817 --> 00:27:33,862
‐ That's true.
‐ We ate pizza...
486
00:27:33,862 --> 00:27:36,615
arguably the least serious of all foods.
487
00:27:36,615 --> 00:27:39,034
‐ Well, pizza could be serious.
488
00:27:39,034 --> 00:27:40,410
‐ Pizza's laid‐back.
489
00:27:40,410 --> 00:27:43,914
You know, pizza's sitting on a porch swing
with you, it's strumming a guitar.
490
00:27:43,914 --> 00:27:47,918
‐ Strumming a guitar?
What songs does pizza know?
491
00:27:47,918 --> 00:27:52,548
‐ All pizza knows is Wonderwall.
Pizza is a hack.
492
00:27:57,553 --> 00:27:59,596
‐ Oooh. I don't want you to kiss me.
493
00:28:00,973 --> 00:28:02,933
‐ Guess I grossly misread that situation.
494
00:28:02,933 --> 00:28:05,644
‐ No, uh... I don't want you to kiss me
495
00:28:05,644 --> 00:28:09,982
because of how badly
I do want you to kiss me.
496
00:28:09,982 --> 00:28:11,942
And I think if you kissed me,
497
00:28:11,942 --> 00:28:16,446
it would be the beginning of something
I'm not ready for.
498
00:28:18,365 --> 00:28:20,325
‐ Okay. Well, I, uh...
499
00:28:20,325 --> 00:28:23,328
guess I'll... see you around, Jules.
500
00:28:44,850 --> 00:28:48,604
‐ Wait, just so you know, even though
I'm getting in your car right now,
501
00:28:48,604 --> 00:28:52,608
I am still very elusive and hard to get.
502
00:28:52,608 --> 00:28:55,110
‐ Noted.
‐ And I am not that girl
503
00:28:55,110 --> 00:28:58,488
who's just at your beck and call,
who comes running to the guy
504
00:28:58,488 --> 00:29:00,866
even though she doesn't know
where she stands with him.
505
00:29:00,866 --> 00:29:03,243
‐ Madison, do you want to know
where you stand with me?
506
00:29:03,243 --> 00:29:05,996
‐ If you need to tell me, I guess.
507
00:29:07,289 --> 00:29:09,666
‐ Hey. I love you.
508
00:29:10,083 --> 00:29:12,628
Okay? That's where I stand.
509
00:29:15,005 --> 00:29:16,507
‐ I love you, too.
510
00:29:18,342 --> 00:29:19,968
Paul!
511
00:29:21,053 --> 00:29:23,597
‐ That's Paul. It's his birthday.
512
00:29:26,308 --> 00:29:28,060
‐ Hey, Paul.
Hello.
39561
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