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www.titlovi.com
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� I've got a secret place �
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00:01:06,250 --> 00:01:08,650
� Known to none but me �
4
00:01:08,850 --> 00:01:11,050
� And in my secret place �
5
00:01:11,250 --> 00:01:14,350
�You can beg
and torture me �
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00:01:14,550 --> 00:01:16,800
� I wouldn't tell you
where to go �
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00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:21,350
� 'Cause in my
secret place,�
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00:01:21,550 --> 00:01:25,000
� A secret place
A secret you know �
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00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:31,500
� A secret place
A secret you know ��
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00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,250
You realize once we cut it off,
it won't grow back?
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00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:29,150
It isn't like hair or fingernails
or toenails, you know.
12
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:32,600
What do you think I am,
some kind of idiot? I know that.
13
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,000
How about circumcision?
14
00:02:45,950 --> 00:02:47,950
It'd be cheaper.
15
00:02:48,150 --> 00:02:51,300
Come on, come on, come on.
Let's get it over with. Myra's waiting.
16
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,900
We'll have to blow up
your tits with silicone.
17
00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:09,750
I thought they used paraffin.
-No, that would make them inflammable.
18
00:03:09,950 --> 00:03:12,350
You don't want inflammable
tits, now, do you?
19
00:03:12,550 --> 00:03:16,150
� I got a secret place �
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00:03:16,350 --> 00:03:18,550
� Known to none but me �
-Cleaver...
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00:03:18,750 --> 00:03:20,550
I mean, scalpel.
-And in my secret.
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00:03:20,750 --> 00:03:23,200
Well, I should think so.
23
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:31,100
Well, wish me luck.
I've never clone one of these before.
24
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,600
;You can beg
and torture me ��
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00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,750
You know American song?
26
00:03:53,950 --> 00:03:57,600
Yes, I do. It's called
“You Gotta S-M-l-L-E.“
27
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:15,450
I am Myra Breckinridge,
whom no man will ever possess...
28
00:07:15,650 --> 00:07:17,650
the new woman whose
astonishing history...
29
00:07:17,850 --> 00:07:19,650
started with
a surgeon's scalpel...
30
00:07:19,850 --> 00:07:22,400
and will end who knows where?
31
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,750
lust as Eve was born
from Adam's rib...
32
00:07:26,950 --> 00:07:29,300
so Myron died
to give birth to Myra.
33
00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:35,650
“Did Myron take his own life?"
you will ask.
34
00:07:35,850 --> 00:07:38,650
Yes and no is my answer.
35
00:07:38,850 --> 00:07:41,200
Beyond that my lips are sealed.
36
00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:48,550
Let's it suffice for me to say
that Myron is with me...
37
00:07:48,750 --> 00:07:52,100
and that I am the fulfillment
of all his dreams.
38
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,900
Who is Myra Breckinridge?
What is she?
39
00:07:59,950 --> 00:08:01,950
Myra Breckinridge is a dish.
40
00:08:02,150 --> 00:08:05,250
And don't you ever forget it,
you... fuckers...
41
00:08:05,450 --> 00:08:08,100
as the children say nowadays.
42
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,000
Don't mother me.
43
00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:17,800
It seems to be coming
this way.
44
00:08:25,050 --> 00:08:27,050
My purpose in coming to Hollywood...
45
00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:30,650
is the destruction of the American male
in all its particulars...
46
00:08:30,850 --> 00:08:32,650
starting with
my late husbands uncle...
47
00:08:32,850 --> 00:08:36,350
the notorious Buck Loner,
who squats in unashamed luxury...
48
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:40,500
as the head of a dramatic school
in fashionable Westwood.
49
00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:45,300
A tree!
50
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:50,850
An actor can learn from everything,
including a tree.
51
00:08:51,050 --> 00:08:55,050
You must learn to experience
the truth of a tree...
52
00:08:55,250 --> 00:09:00,150
to make it work for you,
to use it, to know its beauty.
53
00:09:00,350 --> 00:09:03,600
This tree, goddamn it!
54
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,800
“Ah, Myra baby, "
I say to myself...
55
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,700
“half of all of this
will soon be yours. "
56
00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:23,150
Howdy Doody.
Come right on in, little lady.
57
00:09:23,350 --> 00:09:25,150
Take the weight off them
pretty little feet...
58
00:09:25,350 --> 00:09:27,650
while I finish my last mile
back to the old corral.
59
00:09:27,850 --> 00:09:31,750
So, you wanna be a star?
Mmm.
60
00:09:31,950 --> 00:09:35,850
It's a hard road.
And I feel I should say, “No, siree. “
61
00:09:36,050 --> 00:09:41,450
But somethin'... somethin' about you
tells me I should give you a chance.
62
00:09:41,650 --> 00:09:45,950
What do you say? Can you take
the heartache and the torture...
63
00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:49,450
and the heat of them
five-kilowatt lamps over at MGM?
64
00:09:49,650 --> 00:09:52,250
From where I sit, I'd say you can.
65
00:09:52,450 --> 00:09:55,850
I can see your name
in lights now.
66
00:09:56,050 --> 00:10:00,250
Fact is, you remind me of one of our former
successful students, a Miss Gloria Swanson.
67
00:10:00,450 --> 00:10:04,050
You've heard the name, I 'm sure.
-She was one of your students?
68
00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:06,650
You bet your sweet ass.
69
00:10:06,850 --> 00:10:09,450
My students is always sayin',
“Uncle Buck, if it weren't for you...
70
00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:12,150
we'd still be warmin' that seat
back in Schwab's Drugstore. “
71
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:16,050
Really? I thought that was where
Lana Turner was discovered.
72
00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:20,000
Her too. Her too.
Well, I'll be goldurned.
73
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,550
You really done your homework.
Yes, little lady...
74
00:10:23,750 --> 00:10:26,250
Lana Turner put her sweet little fanny
right where you're sitting now.
75
00:10:26,450 --> 00:10:29,450
“ Lana, “ I says, “what say we put you
in a sweater and make a movie?“
76
00:10:29,650 --> 00:10:32,750
And we did.
77
00:10:32,950 --> 00:10:35,650
What's your name honey?
-Myra Breckinridge.
78
00:10:35,850 --> 00:10:39,600
That's a might long for...
79
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:47,850
Breckinridge?
80
00:10:48,050 --> 00:10:51,350
Yes. I'm the widow
of your late nephew Myron...
81
00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:53,550
and I've come to collect
a half a million dollars.
82
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:11,850
You mean Gertrude's boy is dead?
-Irretrievably.
83
00:11:12,050 --> 00:11:14,550
I'm right sorry to hear that.
-Here.
84
00:11:14,750 --> 00:11:19,850
I never knew Gertrude's boy had
such an eye for feminine pulchritude.
85
00:11:20,050 --> 00:11:25,150
Oh, Mr. Loner, you're the only one
I have left to turn to.
86
00:11:25,350 --> 00:11:29,200
You see, Myron
didn't leave me a penny.
87
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:31,450
Um, no insurance?
88
00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:33,850
Safety-deposit box, maybe?
89
00:11:34,050 --> 00:11:38,850
No. I'm absolutely alone...
90
00:11:39,050 --> 00:11:42,450
and penniless.
91
00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:44,550
Mr. Loner...
92
00:11:44,750 --> 00:11:49,650
Gertrude... Myron's mother...
said to me with her dying breath...
93
00:11:49,850 --> 00:11:53,950
“Myron, and you too, angel girl,
if anything should ever happen to me...
94
00:11:54,150 --> 00:11:57,550
you just go to your Uncle Buck,
and you tell that son of a bitch...“
95
00:11:57,750 --> 00:11:59,850
well, I 'm quoting now verbatim...
96
00:12:00,050 --> 00:12:04,450
“that that property in Westwood
was left to us jointly by our father.
97
00:12:04,650 --> 00:12:09,250
And you tell that bastard...
that I've got a copy of that will...
98
00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:12,050
and I want my share
to go to you, Myron...
99
00:12:12,250 --> 00:12:15,550
because that property must be worth
a good million dollars by now. “
100
00:12:15,750 --> 00:12:17,950
Well, how about that?
101
00:12:18,150 --> 00:12:21,450
I conclude he left
a last will and testament?
102
00:12:21,650 --> 00:12:25,150
Yes, leaving the whole
of his estate to me.
103
00:12:25,350 --> 00:12:28,350
So, I suppose that
half this place must be mine.
104
00:12:28,550 --> 00:12:33,250
Um, well, you know somethin', Myra?
The school ain't doin' too good.
105
00:12:33,450 --> 00:12:37,250
We can see it through together,
Uncle Buck, why, as partners.
106
00:12:37,450 --> 00:12:42,750
Partners? Uh, now, look, Myra, I'm pleased as
all get out you come to cry on my shoulder...
107
00:12:42,950 --> 00:12:46,150
seeing as life's kicked you in the horse trough,
and blood's thicker than sarsaparilla...
108
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:48,550
but I don't need no partners.
109
00:12:48,750 --> 00:12:53,050
The price for my share has
just gone up another $ 700.000.
110
00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:56,650
I'm sorry, Uncle, but I expected more from
the star of Wild Bill Last Roundup...
111
00:12:56,850 --> 00:13:00,450
and Cuckoo Calls in the Everglades,
but it seems I was wrong.
112
00:13:00,650 --> 00:13:02,850
Perhaps my lawyers will speak
a tongue you'll comprehend.
113
00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:06,550
Myra, Myra, Myra!
What a spit-lickin' horny toad I'd be...
114
00:13:06,750 --> 00:13:11,200
to let you walk out of here without makin' some
contribution to the family pork 'n' beans.
115
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,250
What kind of a contribution?
116
00:13:13,450 --> 00:13:15,750
All this talk about lawyers
and settlements...
117
00:13:15,950 --> 00:13:18,550
and wills and testaments
goes clean over my head...
118
00:13:18,750 --> 00:13:20,550
our bein' kissin' kin and all.
119
00:13:20,750 --> 00:13:24,650
Well, I'd be overjoyed
if you'd share my vittles...
120
00:13:24,850 --> 00:13:26,650
and break bread with my wife,
Bobby Dean, and me.
121
00:13:26,850 --> 00:13:30,350
Only thing, she, uh, poisoned herself
on some homemade guacamole...
122
00:13:30,550 --> 00:13:32,750
and she's laid up, like,
fora month or two.
123
00:13:32,950 --> 00:13:36,250
I can tell there's Breckinridge
blood flowin' in them veins.
124
00:13:36,450 --> 00:13:40,300
Do you think I'd throw the widow
of Gertrude's boy out in the clog patch?
125
00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:46,250
I am prepared to accept
a position here on the faculty.
126
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:49,150
I took the liberty of picking up
a brochure on the way in.
127
00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:52,850
Posture and empathy should do nicely.
I'm eminently qualified to teach both.
128
00:13:53,050 --> 00:13:56,350
Say a thousand a month.
-Uh, posture and empathy...
129
00:13:56,550 --> 00:14:00,300
is a subject the students
badly need at 800 a month.
130
00:14:01,650 --> 00:14:03,650
A thousand...
131
00:14:03,850 --> 00:14:06,350
only on condition you don't tell the
other teachers how much you're gettin'.
132
00:14:06,550 --> 00:14:08,950
You have my word, Uncle.
-"Uncle"?
133
00:14:09,150 --> 00:14:11,150
Uh, we're busy, Irving.
134
00:14:13,750 --> 00:14:15,750
Is this your new masseuse?
135
00:14:15,950 --> 00:14:18,650
My niece, Miss Myra Breckinridge,
who'll be teaching empathy and posture.
136
00:14:18,850 --> 00:14:21,850
Delicious!
How much you getting?
137
00:14:22,050 --> 00:14:24,450
A thousand a month.
-I know. It's shocking, isn't it?
138
00:14:24,650 --> 00:14:29,850
Still, we all love it here. Nobody ever
leaves. I've been here for 14 years.
139
00:14:30,050 --> 00:14:33,250
What do you teach?
-I don't teach. I'm a student.
140
00:14:33,450 --> 00:14:37,650
Teachers last as long as Brillo pads,
and students stay on forever and ever.
141
00:14:37,850 --> 00:14:40,650
We try to build up the confidence of
the students so they don't wanna leave.
142
00:14:40,850 --> 00:14:42,850
That right?
That don't sound right.
143
00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:45,550
Of course. Who'd wanna
leave where he's happy?
144
00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:48,250
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, that's right.
145
00:14:48,450 --> 00:14:50,500
That's terrible!
-Hold your horses, Myra.
146
00:14:50,700 --> 00:14:53,350
I'm taking into account her
recent and most tragic loss.
147
00:14:53,550 --> 00:14:55,350
What did you lose, dear?
-Her husband.
148
00:14:55,550 --> 00:14:57,350
Careless.
149
00:14:57,550 --> 00:15:01,350
Irving, I 'm sure Miss Myra would
appreciate a tour around the old corral.
150
00:15:01,550 --> 00:15:04,050
Who dat?
-I'd ride with you, partner...
151
00:15:04,250 --> 00:15:06,550
except my chiropractor's clue in
to fix my back.
152
00:15:06,750 --> 00:15:08,550
Oh, what's wrong with
your back? ls it fatal?
153
00:15:08,750 --> 00:15:13,150
You sure got a sense of humor, Myra.
You ought to take it up professionally.
154
00:15:13,350 --> 00:15:16,200
I bet around the country there's lots
of openings for your style of humor.
155
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,150
...homometic pantomime...
156
00:15:43,350 --> 00:15:47,050
in which he saw straight through the
strenuous clowning to the hard fact...
157
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:51,250
that American women are eager for men
to rape them and vice versa...
158
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:56,350
and that in every American, there is a strangler
longing to break a neck during orgasm.
159
00:15:56,550 --> 00:15:58,950
What in hell
is that woman talkin' about?
160
00:15:59,150 --> 00:16:02,550
During the decade between
1935 and 1945...
161
00:16:02,750 --> 00:16:06,750
no unimportant film
was made in the United States.
162
00:16:06,950 --> 00:16:10,150
During those years,
the entire range of human...
163
00:16:10,350 --> 00:16:13,150
which is to say American,
legend was put on film.
164
00:16:13,350 --> 00:16:16,750
Remind me to have my masseuse
come in at 5:00 instead of 6:00...
165
00:16:16,950 --> 00:16:20,700
as I'm gettin' horny
watchin' my niece on TV.
166
00:16:41,050 --> 00:16:43,050
...leave this place
and go into the real world?
167
00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:46,650
Oh, some of them leave, sure.
They have to get money to pay the fees.
168
00:16:46,850 --> 00:16:49,350
It's very expensive.
169
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:51,950
Is your name really Irving?
-Irving Amadeus.
170
00:16:52,150 --> 00:16:54,850
That's a Jewish name, isn't it?
-Yes, I know.
171
00:16:55,050 --> 00:16:57,950
I used to be Jewish
before I was transmogrified.
172
00:16:58,150 --> 00:17:02,300
Now I just eat nuts and raisins
and play Scrabble with my guru.
173
00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:05,950
...to today's class
on cinema lovemaking.
174
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:09,000
On balling.
175
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,950
Just take off your clothes
and get in bed, dear.
176
00:17:13,150 --> 00:17:16,450
Now we need a ballsy young man
for the lover.
177
00:17:16,650 --> 00:17:18,750
Come on.
178
00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:21,750
And you are irate.
You're bugged.
179
00:17:21,950 --> 00:17:24,750
You think that she is
the lowest slut, the worst.
180
00:17:24,950 --> 00:17:27,850
You also want to, uh,
get in bed with her.
181
00:17:28,050 --> 00:17:30,750
You hold these here.
You look into his eyes and say...
182
00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:35,100
“No, it's all your imagination. I've never
been to bed with any man. You're on drugs. “
183
00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:39,550
How could you do this to me, you bitch?
- lt's all your imagination.
184
00:17:39,750 --> 00:17:42,550
That's very good.
185
00:17:42,750 --> 00:17:45,600
Maybe we should...
-Congratulations, Lance.
186
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:02,750
...here at the academy
are not interested in...
187
00:18:02,950 --> 00:18:06,350
teaching the students
to be successful.
188
00:18:06,550 --> 00:18:09,750
We feel that it's
our responsibility to...
189
00:18:09,950 --> 00:18:11,950
But you're a fag, aren't you?
190
00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:17,350
Well, uh... What do you...
191
00:18:17,550 --> 00:18:20,050
I don't know.
I mean, in the Baha'i faith...
192
00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:22,950
You see, Uncle Buck is convinced
that group therapy and self-criticism...
193
00:18:23,150 --> 00:18:25,050
are the keys
to successful acting.
194
00:18:25,250 --> 00:18:27,550
Personally, I think if everybody
ate macrobiotic foods...
195
00:18:27,750 --> 00:18:29,550
there'd be no more wars.
-Bitch!
196
00:18:29,750 --> 00:18:31,650
I should've put it to her
when she first come in...
197
00:18:31,850 --> 00:18:35,050
throwed her on her back and give her the old
Buck Loner special right there on the rug.
198
00:18:35,250 --> 00:18:38,250
Goddamn smart-mouthed broad!
199
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:40,250
Memo to Flager and Flager,
attorneys.
200
00:18:40,450 --> 00:18:44,500
Dear Charlie- Hmm, honey,
that feels real good.
201
00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:47,100
Uh, cut that.
Dear Charlie...
202
00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:49,250
a problem's come up
on which I need your thinkin'.
203
00:18:49,450 --> 00:18:55,150
Mm-hmm! A woman showed up today who says
she is the widow to my nephew Myron.
204
00:18:55,350 --> 00:18:58,450
Now, this woman claims she has
a right to half my property...
205
00:18:58,650 --> 00:19:01,050
which did at one time belong
to my sister Gertrude and me...
206
00:19:01,250 --> 00:19:05,050
but is now mine, all mine,
if there's any justice in this world.
207
00:19:05,250 --> 00:19:09,150
Now, Charlie, it's up to you to see
I get the best justice money can buy.
208
00:19:09,350 --> 00:19:13,600
Honey, that is simply wonderful.
Hmm! Strike that.
209
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,350
Not me. Flager.
210
00:19:15,550 --> 00:19:19,900
Let's go inside and watch some of
the fundamentals of acting class.
211
00:19:24,900 --> 00:19:29,050
He's dirty and greasy,
and I can? stand him!
212
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:32,350
He's always hitting on me in rehearsals
and grabbing and groping me.
213
00:19:32,550 --> 00:19:35,850
I want you to build
the vibe between you...
214
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:40,950
by closing your eyes
and touching each other.
215
00:19:41,150 --> 00:19:43,350
I can't stand
to have this creep touch me!
216
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,950
Now we're getting someplace.
217
00:19:46,150 --> 00:19:48,800
Real honesty
for the first time.
218
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:36,350
What are you going to teach us?
219
00:20:36,550 --> 00:20:39,750
Well, I've come to bring back
star quality.
220
00:20:39,950 --> 00:20:45,050
You simply must understand that that
pseudoanalytical group therapy approach to acting...
221
00:20:45,250 --> 00:20:47,750
may be all right
for naturalistic theater...
222
00:20:47,950 --> 00:20:51,250
a quaint, amiable convention
with little or no significance...
223
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:53,250
but it has little to do with...
-What?
224
00:20:53,450 --> 00:20:56,350
In my posture class,
I was particularly struck...
225
00:20:56,550 --> 00:20:59,550
by one of the students,
a boy with a Polish name.
226
00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:03,450
From a certain unevenly rounded thickness
at the crotch of his blue jeans...
227
00:21:03,650 --> 00:21:08,250
it is 522% to assume
that he is marvelously hung.
228
00:21:08,450 --> 00:21:12,850
Unfortunately, he's hot for an extremely
pretty girl with long blonde hair.
229
00:21:13,050 --> 00:21:16,150
Dyed.
Beautiful legs and breasts.
230
00:21:16,350 --> 00:21:18,150
Reminiscent of Lupe Velez.
231
00:21:18,350 --> 00:21:20,650
She is mentally retarded.
232
00:21:20,850 --> 00:21:25,950
He is probably just as stupid, but fortunately,
has the good sense not to talk too much.
233
00:21:26,150 --> 00:21:30,550
When he does, however, he puts on a
hillbilly accent that is so authentic...
234
00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:32,950
that I almost melt
in my drawers.
235
00:21:33,150 --> 00:21:37,150
I didn't understand a word you said,
but whatever it was, I'm right with you.
236
00:21:37,350 --> 00:21:39,450
I'm certain that regular
attendance in my classes...
237
00:21:39,650 --> 00:21:42,950
will help even the most
limited intelligence.
238
00:21:43,150 --> 00:21:46,150
Wait a minute. What you mean
by “limited intelligence“?
239
00:21:46,350 --> 00:21:48,350
Myra, when you say that the cinema is-
240
00:21:48,550 --> 00:21:53,350
Howdy, kids! Howdy!
-Such a lovely man. A lovely man.
241
00:21:53,550 --> 00:21:56,850
I see you've all met Myra.
242
00:21:57,050 --> 00:21:59,150
How'; the boy Rusty?
-Great, Uncle Buck, just great.
243
00:21:59,350 --> 00:22:01,750
Ah! Well.
how's the workouts comin'?
244
00:22:01,950 --> 00:22:06,150
Great. I've been concentratin' on my lats
lately, and they're comin' along real nice.
245
00:22:06,350 --> 00:22:08,950
Give us a flex, why don't you?
-Get it on, baby.
246
00:22:09,150 --> 00:22:11,950
Come on! A quickie.
247
00:22:12,150 --> 00:22:14,250
Oh, wow, look at that, man!
-Oh, my goodness!
248
00:22:14,450 --> 00:22:16,950
I've never seen anything like
that in all my life. -Great!
249
00:22:17,150 --> 00:22:20,650
Beautiful.
-Great! Just great, great, great!
250
00:22:20,850 --> 00:22:23,850
Great bunch of boys here. Of course,
you get the occasional weirdo.
251
00:22:24,050 --> 00:22:26,750
But greatest bunch of kids in Hollywood.
-Bread?
252
00:22:26,950 --> 00:22:28,750
I'm certain of that.
The drivel in their heads...
253
00:22:28,950 --> 00:22:30,950
must've been patiently
instilled by the faculty.
254
00:22:31,150 --> 00:22:34,850
Wait a minute. The faculty may be
a bunch of Commies and fags...
255
00:22:35,050 --> 00:22:38,850
no offense, lrving...
but they're all eminently qualified.
256
00:22:39,050 --> 00:22:40,850
Yes, as a dance act
for the Menninger Clinic...
257
00:22:41,050 --> 00:22:43,150
but their collective knowledge
could be inscribed on...
258
00:22:43,350 --> 00:22:46,050
I hope to see you all in class...
on the head of a pin.
259
00:22:46,250 --> 00:22:49,500
She's, um...
She's from New York.
260
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,050
Myra! Myra!
261
00:22:54,250 --> 00:22:56,650
Myra, I can't have you talking
like that in front of the kids.
262
00:22:56,850 --> 00:22:58,750
It'll shake their faith
in the school.
263
00:22:58,950 --> 00:23:02,350
Nothing could shake the simple faith these
deluded bunnies have in you, Uncle Buck.
264
00:23:02,550 --> 00:23:04,600
I can't relate to her!
265
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,650
You don't want to
make it with her, do you?
266
00:23:06,850 --> 00:23:10,550
Forget it. You don't have to worry
about her. She turns me off completely.
267
00:23:10,750 --> 00:23:14,050
I don't want to make any charges.
It may not be a conspiracy at all.
268
00:23:14,250 --> 00:23:17,150
Conspiracy? I should've known.
Every one of them is some kind of lefty.
269
00:23:17,350 --> 00:23:20,450
I mean, man, I never heard
anybody rap like that, man.
270
00:23:20,650 --> 00:23:23,850
I mean, she just got right into it,
man, and rapped.
271
00:23:24,050 --> 00:23:27,250
I don't know.
She's weird, you know?
272
00:23:27,450 --> 00:23:30,050
I mean, I like her,
but she's weird.
273
00:23:30,250 --> 00:23:34,450
I bet a couple of sessions in the old exercise
program would straighten her out pretty good.
274
00:23:34,650 --> 00:23:38,600
Old Buck Loner special would shape her
up real good. God knows she wants it.
275
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:41,200
Well,
276
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,750
If it's all the same
to you...
277
00:23:43,950 --> 00:23:45,950
I'll go and finish
my makeup.
278
00:24:04,900 --> 00:24:06,900
Miss Van Allen
is on her way up.
279
00:24:18,100 --> 00:24:21,500
I'll be right with you, boys.
Get your resumés out.
280
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:27,350
Mmm. Got a big mob.
281
00:24:27,550 --> 00:24:31,000
I'm a little tired today.
One of those guys will have to go.
282
00:24:40,100 --> 00:24:42,950
Well, there are four or five
with brown suits.
283
00:24:43,150 --> 00:24:45,450
Oh, the brass buttons.
Yes, I see.
284
00:24:45,650 --> 00:24:48,100
Uh, she'll see you.
Yes, you.
285
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:02,300
Mmm, yeah.
286
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:09,850
You think a squealer
can get away from me?
287
00:25:10,050 --> 00:25:12,550
Huh?
288
00:25:12,750 --> 00:25:15,750
You know what I do
to squealers?
289
00:25:15,950 --> 00:25:17,750
I let 'em have it in the belly.
290
00:25:17,950 --> 00:25:21,500
Well, I don't care about your credits
as long as you're oversexed.
291
00:25:21,700 --> 00:25:25,050
Oh, that's one
of my credits.
292
00:25:25,250 --> 00:25:27,250
A bed.
293
00:25:27,450 --> 00:25:29,450
I never did see a bed
in an office before.
294
00:25:29,650 --> 00:25:33,700
Well, you see,
I do a lot of night work sometimes.
295
00:25:35,300 --> 00:25:38,100
Come here.
296
00:25:41,900 --> 00:25:43,900
Mmm.
297
00:25:45,900 --> 00:25:50,550
Don't work any
harder than you have to for these blues.
298
00:25:50,750 --> 00:25:53,000
I won't.
299
00:26:04,500 --> 00:26:07,450
How's this?
-Perfect.
300
00:26:07,650 --> 00:26:09,450
You impress me immensely.
301
00:26:09,650 --> 00:26:12,450
I'll keep you in mind
as a summer replacement.
302
00:26:12,650 --> 00:26:14,650
Next.
303
00:26:31,100 --> 00:26:33,850
Well, the end of
another busy day.
304
00:26:34,050 --> 00:26:35,950
I can't wait till
I get back to bed.
305
00:26:36,150 --> 00:26:38,950
If that don? work,
I'll try and sleep.
306
00:26:39,150 --> 00:26:42,050
Mmm. Hi, cowboy.
307
00:26:42,250 --> 00:26:44,950
How tall are you
without your horse?
308
00:26:45,150 --> 00:26:47,750
Well, ma'am,
I'm six feet, seven inches.
309
00:26:47,950 --> 00:26:49,750
Well,
310
00:26:49,950 --> 00:26:52,450
Never mind
about the six feet.
311
00:26:52,650 --> 00:26:55,400
Let's talk about
the seven inches.
312
00:27:25,100 --> 00:27:29,350
Those were the days.
Spike Jones and his City Slickers...
313
00:27:29,550 --> 00:27:32,450
Ina Ray Hutton
and Her All-girl Band...
314
00:27:32,650 --> 00:27:34,750
and, of course,
the Andrews Sisters.
315
00:27:34,950 --> 00:27:37,800
Well, there'll never be
anyone like them.
316
00:27:38,900 --> 00:27:41,750
The decline in our music
saddens me...
317
00:27:41,950 --> 00:27:44,450
nearly as much as
the decline in our films.
318
00:27:44,650 --> 00:27:47,100
I have never heard
of any of these people.
319
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:50,650
But my dear,
they were unique.
320
00:27:50,850 --> 00:27:52,650
Truly mythic.
321
00:27:52,850 --> 00:27:56,450
Why, the Andrews Sisters
really did roll out that barrel...
322
00:27:56,650 --> 00:27:59,450
and no one yet
has ever rolled it back.
323
00:27:59,650 --> 00:28:03,250
Do you know, Mary Ann,
that if you worked very hard...
324
00:28:03,450 --> 00:28:08,750
it's possible that you might achieve a voice
something like that of the late La Verne.
325
00:28:08,950 --> 00:28:10,950
Oh, thank you, Myra.
326
00:28:11,150 --> 00:28:13,600
But I'm just studying at the academy
to be with Rusty.
327
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:17,650
I just wanna get married
and settle down. -
328
00:28:17,850 --> 00:28:21,650
To fulfill yourself as a woman, no doubt.
329
00:28:21,850 --> 00:28:25,750
Well, yes.
I mean, it's only natural.
330
00:28:25,950 --> 00:28:30,350
Natural?
Oh, my dear Mary Ann...
331
00:28:30,550 --> 00:28:32,750
don't you realize that...
332
00:28:32,950 --> 00:28:35,650
Well...
333
00:28:35,850 --> 00:28:37,650
Never mind.
334
00:28:37,850 --> 00:28:39,550
It's getting late.
We have a big day tomorrow.
335
00:28:39,750 --> 00:28:41,550
We'll talk about it
another time.
336
00:28:41,750 --> 00:28:44,250
Well...
-Yes, my dear?
337
00:28:44,450 --> 00:28:46,350
But, um...
-Mm-hmm?
338
00:28:46,550 --> 00:28:48,350
But we haven't talked
about Rusty.
339
00:28:48,550 --> 00:28:50,350
Oh, that.
340
00:28:50,550 --> 00:28:53,750
Don't you worry your pretty little head.
I have that well in hand.
341
00:28:53,950 --> 00:28:55,950
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
342
00:28:56,150 --> 00:28:58,150
Bye-bye.
343
00:29:03,300 --> 00:29:05,850
Well! Did you hear her?
344
00:29:06,050 --> 00:29:08,050
Never even heard
of the Andrews Sisters.
345
00:29:08,250 --> 00:29:11,450
I scarcely dared mention Ella Mae Morse
and the “Cow-Cow Boogie. “
346
00:29:11,650 --> 00:29:14,350
I Myron] I must say you showed
remarkable restraint.
347
00:29:14,550 --> 00:29:17,450
And four children.
It's not enough that she and that ape...
348
00:29:17,650 --> 00:29:21,050
merely want to reproduce themselves,
she wants to have four!
349
00:29:21,250 --> 00:29:24,650
Half the world is starving now, and if
population continues at the present rate...
350
00:29:24,850 --> 00:29:28,950
I know, I know.
Famine by 1974.
351
00:29:29,150 --> 00:29:31,250
And you can forget
about plankton and seaweed...
352
00:29:31,450 --> 00:29:33,650
because there's not gonna be
enough of that to go around.
353
00:29:33,850 --> 00:29:38,100
Oh! I've heard this speech
so many times.
354
00:29:39,350 --> 00:29:41,350
Your goal is...
355
00:29:41,550 --> 00:29:45,200
My goal is the destruction of the last
vestigial traces of traditional manhood.
356
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,100
In order to...
-Realign the sexes...
357
00:29:47,300 --> 00:29:49,400
While...
-Decreasing population...
358
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:51,850
Thus...
-Increasing human happiness.
359
00:29:52,050 --> 00:29:56,850
And...
-Preparing humanity for its next stage.
360
00:29:57,050 --> 00:30:00,850
Bravo. Also... bullshit.
361
00:30:01,050 --> 00:30:03,550
Would you care to explain that?
-Gladly.
362
00:30:03,750 --> 00:30:06,550
I thought we were gonna invite Mary Ann
here tonight so that we could talk.
363
00:30:06,750 --> 00:30:09,550
Oh, never mind!
364
00:30:09,750 --> 00:30:13,250
I make all your fantasies come true, and
then all you say is I make everything nasty!
365
00:30:13,450 --> 00:30:16,000
Well, I'm doing
everything I can!
366
00:30:19,100 --> 00:30:23,450
I'll give you Mary Ann
if you want and... Rusty...
367
00:30:23,650 --> 00:30:25,750
and Leticia Van Allen.
368
00:30:25,950 --> 00:30:28,450
The only person I can't deliver
is Buck Loner.
369
00:30:28,650 --> 00:30:30,750
He's a real piece of history.
370
00:30:30,950 --> 00:30:34,650
Will you stop it?
371
00:30:34,850 --> 00:30:37,450
Oh, you behave
like a real child.
372
00:30:37,650 --> 00:30:40,700
Forgive me.
373
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:49,800
I just wanna make you happy.
374
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:54,400
That's all.
375
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,950
Myra will take care
of everything.
376
00:31:04,150 --> 00:31:06,200
You'll see.
377
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:26,100
Oh, yes, Myra.
378
00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:29,800
I didn't mean to criticize.
379
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,400
I forgive you.
380
00:31:37,650 --> 00:31:39,650
I forgive you.
381
00:31:39,850 --> 00:31:41,750
Good morning.
382
00:31:41,950 --> 00:31:45,850
I'm your typical sun
and fun-loving California sweetheart.
383
00:31:46,050 --> 00:31:51,450
We have here a fine selection
of all of your favorite treats.
384
00:31:51,650 --> 00:31:54,050
-“F“ is for French fry.
385
00:31:54,250 --> 00:31:56,850
“P“ is for pizza.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
386
00:31:57,050 --> 00:31:58,850
“P“ is for pretzel.
387
00:31:59,050 --> 00:32:01,250
Oh, “A“ is for apple.
388
00:32:01,450 --> 00:32:03,350
I almost forgot.
There's me.
389
00:32:03,550 --> 00:32:05,900
Would you like
this banana?
390
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:09,950
And me?
391
00:32:10,150 --> 00:32:12,950
Oh. Open wide.
392
00:32:13,150 --> 00:32:14,950
Isn't that good?
393
00:32:15,150 --> 00:32:16,950
Let me see.
394
00:32:17,150 --> 00:32:18,950
Some peanut butter.
395
00:32:19,150 --> 00:32:22,950
Would you like some peanut butter?
With a little jelly?
396
00:32:23,150 --> 00:32:25,200
With some whipped cream?
397
00:32:29,650 --> 00:32:31,650
Mmm!
398
00:32:31,850 --> 00:32:33,800
So good.
399
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:37,900
“H”is for hot dog.
400
00:32:43,100 --> 00:32:45,450
It's so good!
401
00:32:45,650 --> 00:32:48,200
And a big glass of milk!
402
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:54,700
Now maybe some chicken.
403
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,100
Johnny Weissmuller,
the zaftig Tarzan...
404
00:33:07,300 --> 00:33:11,850
still provides the last word on soft
man's relationship to hard environment.
405
00:33:12,050 --> 00:33:17,350
And Tarzan and the Amazons, 1945,
he was... -Tarzan and the Amazons?
406
00:33:17,550 --> 00:33:19,450
You mean you like that?
407
00:33:19,650 --> 00:33:21,650
As I've just indicated,
it was a masterpiece.
408
00:33:21,850 --> 00:33:25,650
But it's trash. I mean,
there isn't a single moment of truth.
409
00:33:25,850 --> 00:33:29,250
I mean, it'; not, uh, real.
410
00:33:29,450 --> 00:33:32,250
Whatever “real“ means.
ls that necessarily good?
411
00:33:32,450 --> 00:33:34,550
Could the real Christ
have possessed a fraction...
412
00:33:34,750 --> 00:33:39,900
of the radiance of H. B. Warner in the first
King of Kings or Jeffrey Hunter in the second?
413
00:33:47,750 --> 00:33:49,750
Heavy, heavy.
414
00:33:49,950 --> 00:33:52,350
At any rate,
back to johnny Weissmuller...
415
00:33:52,550 --> 00:33:54,550
who swung out of the trees
and into our hearts...
416
00:33:54,750 --> 00:33:57,750
with his leading lady...
417
00:33:57,950 --> 00:34:01,450
Brenda Joyce.
-Brenda Joyce.
418
00:34:01,650 --> 00:34:04,750
The only contemporary figure
we can point to is James Bond...
419
00:34:04,950 --> 00:34:09,050
who invariably ends up with a blowtorch
aimed at his crotch. -Miss Breckinridge.
420
00:34:09,250 --> 00:34:12,150
Ah, Uncle Buck.
-May I have a word with you?
421
00:34:12,350 --> 00:34:15,600
I'm in the middle of a class.
-It'll only take a minute.
422
00:34:17,900 --> 00:34:20,250
All right.
This won't take long.
423
00:34:20,450 --> 00:34:22,650
Miss Breckinridge...
424
00:34:22,850 --> 00:34:26,600
what you're doing here is downright
unwholesome, underminin' all my good work.
425
00:34:30,350 --> 00:34:32,350
Do you think lying to people
is good for them?
426
00:34:32,550 --> 00:34:36,550
Do you think telling someone who's got cancer
he doesn't need the operation is right to do?
427
00:34:36,750 --> 00:34:39,750
Well, if he's had the operation
and the case is terminal...
428
00:34:39,950 --> 00:34:41,950
why, you'd want him
to be happy, wouldn't ya?
429
00:34:42,150 --> 00:34:45,750
Have the happiest frame of mind?
-I can only conclude that you agree.
430
00:34:45,950 --> 00:34:48,900
What you have assembled here are the
national dregs, the misfits and neurotics.
431
00:34:49,100 --> 00:34:51,750
In short, the fuck ups of our culture.
-That ain't so.
432
00:34:51,950 --> 00:34:55,250
They are the carefully selected
candidates for future stardom.
433
00:34:55,450 --> 00:34:58,150
Bullshit! -You can't talk
to me like that, young lady.
434
00:34:58,350 --> 00:35:00,150
I'll have you out of here
so fast, your hair'll curl.
435
00:35:00,350 --> 00:35:04,350
You just try it, and I'll take this place
away from you lock, stock and empathy class!
436
00:35:04,550 --> 00:35:07,650
You watch your step. As for taking
this place away from me, why...
437
00:35:07,850 --> 00:35:10,850
I don't even know whether, uh,
that man you claimed you married...
438
00:35:11,050 --> 00:35:13,450
that fag son of a bitch...
439
00:35:13,650 --> 00:35:16,000
you was ever even really
married to that fag!
440
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:22,900
That, students, was a classic stage slap
delivered so as to give the impression...
441
00:35:23,100 --> 00:35:25,250
that the subject has been hit
very hard in the mouth.
442
00:35:25,450 --> 00:35:30,950
It was first developed by Patricia
Collinge in The Little Foxes, 1941.
443
00:35:31,150 --> 00:35:34,000
Oh. Thank you for
the demonstration, Uncle Buck.
444
00:35:44,900 --> 00:35:48,250
Hello, Miss Van Allen. I thought this
was your car. Anything I can do for you?
445
00:35:48,450 --> 00:35:50,350
Come to think of it, yes.
446
00:35:50,550 --> 00:35:53,700
There's a car been following me
for quite some time.
447
00:35:53,900 --> 00:35:57,000
Want me to bust him?
-No. Introduce him.
448
00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:01,350
Oh, and don't forget to remind me
of the policeman's balls...
449
00:36:01,550 --> 00:36:03,550
I mean, the police show.
450
00:36:06,900 --> 00:36:09,350
I wish to see
Signorina van Allen.
451
00:36:09,550 --> 00:36:13,450
I have a message for her I bring
from Italy. -Your name, please?
452
00:36:13,650 --> 00:36:19,050
Mario Giuseppe Leonardo
Guastaferro Stinginate Pastriani.
453
00:36:19,250 --> 00:36:21,250
Have a seat.
454
00:36:37,300 --> 00:36:39,350
I'll be right with you, boys.
455
00:36:39,550 --> 00:36:42,750
There's enough for all of you.
jobs, I mean.
456
00:36:42,950 --> 00:36:45,050
Leticia, bellissima.
457
00:36:45,250 --> 00:36:48,450
Well, what do you know?
The pizza man. When do you deliver?
458
00:36:48,650 --> 00:36:50,750
Signorina, at last I find you.
459
00:36:50,950 --> 00:36:53,450
Find me? Why,
I'm in the Yellow Pages.
460
00:36:53,650 --> 00:36:57,550
Federico Fellini, the great director,
tell me to look you up.
461
00:36:57,750 --> 00:37:01,000
Oh, Fellini.
Oh, yes.
462
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:03,200
He's my friend.
463
00:37:04,750 --> 00:37:06,750
Mmm.
464
00:37:06,950 --> 00:37:09,700
Did he say look me up
or eat me up?
465
00:37:11,150 --> 00:37:13,150
No pinching.
466
00:37:13,350 --> 00:37:17,150
Beautiful one, you are the reason
I come so far from Italy.
467
00:37:17,350 --> 00:37:19,150
I could not stand it no more.
468
00:37:19,350 --> 00:37:21,650
Ever since
I see your pictures...
469
00:37:21,850 --> 00:37:23,650
I hear your record...
470
00:37:23,850 --> 00:37:25,650
lam in love with you.
471
00:37:25,850 --> 00:37:28,950
Hundreds of women have
thrown themselves at my feet...
472
00:37:29,150 --> 00:37:31,250
but I love only you.
473
00:37:31,450 --> 00:37:35,550
I am on fire for you.
-Oh, I'll put your fire out.
474
00:37:35,750 --> 00:37:38,050
Now, what can I do for you,
as if I didn't know?
475
00:37:38,250 --> 00:37:40,250
I don't look for job.
476
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:44,350
I look for love.
-Mmm.
477
00:37:44,550 --> 00:37:47,050
I look for you.
To be with you.
478
00:37:47,250 --> 00:37:49,250
To make love with you.
479
00:37:49,450 --> 00:37:52,150
This is too much
too soon.
480
00:37:52,350 --> 00:37:55,850
In my country,
to wait for love...
481
00:37:56,050 --> 00:37:58,250
is to burn by inches.
482
00:37:58,450 --> 00:38:00,750
Ooh, you've got it
all measured out.
483
00:38:00,950 --> 00:38:06,400
When Mario makes love,
the bird sing, the bells ring.
484
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:08,550
And everything swings.
485
00:38:08,750 --> 00:38:11,800
You're the wildest salesman
since Columbus.
486
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:15,850
Columbus,
he was a good lover too.
487
00:38:16,050 --> 00:38:19,900
Yeah, I know-a.
He raise-a the hell-a with Isabella.
488
00:38:24,300 --> 00:38:26,300
Arrivederci.
489
00:38:31,100 --> 00:38:33,950
Hmm, hundreds of broads
at his feet.
490
00:38:34,150 --> 00:38:35,950
Get a test on this guy.
491
00:38:36,150 --> 00:38:38,150
A screen test?
-No.
492
00:38:38,350 --> 00:38:40,150
A blood test.
493
00:38:40,350 --> 00:38:42,150
-Good morning, Uncle Buck.
494
00:38:42,350 --> 00:38:44,350
I have information here
regarding...
495
00:38:44,550 --> 00:38:47,350
a certain mutual acquaintance
named Breckinridge.
496
00:38:47,550 --> 00:38:50,350
Stand up when a lady comes into the room,
you son of a bitch. -
497
00:38:50,550 --> 00:38:55,350
My dearly departed kinsman was
never married no how, no place...
498
00:38:55,550 --> 00:38:57,750
not to you nor nobody.
499
00:38:57,950 --> 00:38:59,750
You think you're pretty clever,
don't you?
500
00:38:59,950 --> 00:39:02,350
Smarter than a flea in a feather bed.
501
00:39:02,550 --> 00:39:05,350
You make me sad, Uncle, really sad.
502
00:39:05,550 --> 00:39:07,850
I believe you misunderstand
my meanin', Myra.
503
00:39:08,050 --> 00:39:10,750
You're out.
The con game didn't work.
504
00:39:10,950 --> 00:39:15,750
There's no record of any Myron Breckinridge
being married in the whole United States.
505
00:39:15,950 --> 00:39:18,400
Nowhere in the United States, hmm?
-That's right.
506
00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:20,450
Do you know why
that might be?
507
00:39:20,650 --> 00:39:23,250
American Airlines
has ten regular flights a day.
508
00:39:23,450 --> 00:39:26,050
I'd be glad to pay
your fare back home.
509
00:39:26,250 --> 00:39:29,350
No record of my marriage to Myron
exists in any of the United States...
510
00:39:29,550 --> 00:39:32,600
for the excellent reason
that we were married in Mexico.
511
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:37,600
“ Monterrey. “
512
00:40:10,750 --> 00:40:12,750
It's a goddamn disgrace,
Buck.
513
00:40:12,950 --> 00:40:15,950
A man can't take his family to the movies
without seeing some kind of filth.
514
00:40:16,150 --> 00:40:18,150
Yeah, yeah, I know.
Now, listen, Charlie.
515
00:40:18,350 --> 00:40:21,800
You gotta get this bitch off my neck.
She's making my life a living hell.
516
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,850
Maybe you could
plant drugs on her.
517
00:40:24,050 --> 00:40:25,900
I mean filth, Buck!
518
00:40:26,100 --> 00:40:29,250
I saw this picture where
people were fornicating.
519
00:40:29,450 --> 00:40:33,150
Fornicating!
-You mean, uh, really doing it?
520
00:40:33,350 --> 00:40:36,950
God's honest truth, Buck. I've seen it
three times, and I tell you...
521
00:40:37,150 --> 00:40:38,950
Hoo-hoo! Three times?
522
00:40:39,150 --> 00:40:41,150
You gotta know your enemy
if you're gonna beat them.
523
00:40:41,350 --> 00:40:44,550
It's sick. What is
this business coming to?
524
00:40:44,750 --> 00:40:46,900
Destroying the moral fibers
of this country
525
00:40:55,850 --> 00:40:57,850
Corrupting our youth.
526
00:40:58,050 --> 00:41:01,050
I've seen things, Buck,
that would turn your stomach.
527
00:41:01,250 --> 00:41:04,550
It's not your basic naked women
or the fornication.
528
00:41:04,750 --> 00:41:09,400
It's the fags, the dykes
and every kind of perversion.
529
00:41:10,550 --> 00:41:12,550
Banana split.
530
00:41:12,750 --> 00:41:14,800
With nuts?
531
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:17,250
The reason he doesn't
want to take Nancy to the prom...
532
00:41:17,450 --> 00:41:20,850
is that he thinks
he has the clap...
533
00:41:21,050 --> 00:41:24,150
and he knows that
she wants to ball him...
534
00:41:24,350 --> 00:41:26,650
and he's afraid
that he will.
535
00:41:26,850 --> 00:41:30,300
I mean, it's a real
selfless act, you know?
536
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:50,100
Bang, bang!
-Fuck off.
537
00:41:51,300 --> 00:41:53,900
Come in, Rusty.
538
00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:00,350
Make yourself at home,
such as it is.
539
00:42:00,550 --> 00:42:03,450
Oh, Uncle Buck really did
himself proud this time.
540
00:42:03,650 --> 00:42:07,950
Of course,
I'm only kissin' kin and all.
541
00:42:08,150 --> 00:42:10,850
Recently, Mary Ann was telling me
that I...
542
00:42:11,050 --> 00:42:13,150
Have a tendency
to pick on you.
543
00:42:13,350 --> 00:42:15,950
Yeah, you sure do.
544
00:42:16,150 --> 00:42:19,650
Oh. Well, if I spend
my valuable time on you...
545
00:42:19,850 --> 00:42:22,650
it's because I feel you have
a glimmer of potential talent...
546
00:42:22,850 --> 00:42:24,650
and I'm trying to help you
walk like normal people.
547
00:42:24,850 --> 00:42:27,550
Look at the way you're leaning
to one side right now.
548
00:42:27,750 --> 00:42:30,150
You obviously have
a physical problem.
549
00:42:30,350 --> 00:42:32,400
Mary Ann told me
about your back.
550
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:35,950
I broke four ribs, and even so,
I finished the last half
551
00:42:36,150 --> 00:42:38,850
Very admirable, I'm sure. If you
don't mind, I'd like you to stand up...
552
00:42:39,050 --> 00:42:42,300
and walk over to the door first,
and then back here to me.
553
00:42:44,850 --> 00:42:46,850
Oh, shit.
554
00:42:47,050 --> 00:42:49,050
I'm sorry. I missed that.
What was that again?
555
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:54,950
Rusty...
556
00:42:55,150 --> 00:42:58,450
it's been my experience in the past,
in problems like yours...
557
00:42:58,650 --> 00:43:01,050
that it sometimes helps
if you dance.
558
00:43:01,250 --> 00:43:03,250
Imagine you're listening...
559
00:43:03,450 --> 00:43:06,200
to the big sound
of Glenn Miller.
560
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:11,200
You can keep time
by snapping your fingers.
561
00:43:14,700 --> 00:43:17,200
I feel silly.
-Turn around.
562
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:36,050
You know, all you really need is something
to remind you to... to stand straight.
563
00:43:36,250 --> 00:43:39,450
Now, tell me, where were
the ribs broken, Rusty?
564
00:43:39,650 --> 00:43:44,350
Four was busted right here, which is why
I'm kind of pulled over to this side.
565
00:43:44,550 --> 00:43:46,700
Uh, let me see.
566
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:50,450
Uh, like this?
567
00:43:50,650 --> 00:43:53,150
No, I want to see your back.
Take off your shirt.
568
00:43:53,350 --> 00:43:57,850
But there's nothing to see. I mean, all of
the ribs are inside me that were broken.
569
00:43:58,050 --> 00:44:00,650
I know where ribs are,
Rusty...
570
00:44:00,850 --> 00:44:05,000
but I want to see the exact point
where the muscle is pulling.
571
00:44:24,650 --> 00:44:26,650
Oh, your T-shirt too.
572
00:44:26,850 --> 00:44:29,200
Haven't got X-ray eyes.
573
00:44:36,300 --> 00:44:40,450
Well, you certainly are
in good condition, Rusty.
574
00:44:40,650 --> 00:44:42,450
Well, I work out some. ]
575
00:44:42,650 --> 00:44:44,750
Not like I ought to or used to.
576
00:44:44,950 --> 00:44:47,800
Yes. Would you face the wall
with your arms at your side...
577
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:50,600
hands pressed very flat
against the wall?
578
00:44:58,300 --> 00:45:00,650
Now...
579
00:45:00,850 --> 00:45:03,750
hands flat against the wall! -But
Miss Myra, you're jerking my pants down!
580
00:45:03,950 --> 00:45:06,450
Will you do as I say?
581
00:45:06,650 --> 00:45:11,150
Now, I believe the problem is a little
lower down, around the small of the back.
582
00:45:11,350 --> 00:45:13,850
I'd say around
the lumbar region.
583
00:45:14,050 --> 00:45:16,500
Aha! Gotcha!
-Yeah, okay.
584
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:05,550
Hell 's Angels.
585
00:46:05,750 --> 00:46:07,750
Okay, I'm a movie.
Who am I?
586
00:46:07,950 --> 00:46:09,950
How Green Was My Valley.
587
00:48:13,550 --> 00:48:15,550
Remind me to start takin'
diet pills again.
588
00:48:15,750 --> 00:48:17,750
The zipper keeps
gettin' strung.
589
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:24,550
Yeah? -Miss Van Allen's
car just came through the gate.
590
00:48:24,750 --> 00:48:26,750
Goddamn!
591
00:48:28,900 --> 00:48:31,650
Ah, Mary Ann,
I've been meaning to tell you...
592
00:48:31,850 --> 00:48:35,650
I'm seriously considering
recommending you to Leticia Van Alien.
593
00:48:35,850 --> 00:48:38,850
Thanks. -Well, you don't
sound too pleased about it.
594
00:48:39,050 --> 00:48:42,850
You make me feel as though I've
just announced a plague of locusts.
595
00:48:43,050 --> 00:48:45,350
What's the matter,
Mary Ann?
596
00:48:45,550 --> 00:48:47,350
Is it Rusty?
597
00:48:47,550 --> 00:48:49,550
Can I do anything
to help?
598
00:48:49,750 --> 00:48:52,250
Oh, Myra,
I'm so worried about him.
599
00:48:52,450 --> 00:48:55,100
Oh, there, there.
600
00:49:02,200 --> 00:49:04,350
Busted?
601
00:49:04,550 --> 00:49:08,050
The first time wasn't his fault at all,
but he was on parole.
602
00:49:08,250 --> 00:49:11,250
This time,
they'll really put him away.
603
00:49:11,450 --> 00:49:14,600
Nonsense. They'll do nothing
of the kind. You just leave that to me.
604
00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:17,250
Why? ls there something
you can do?
605
00:49:17,450 --> 00:49:20,800
Why, of course, my clear.
lt's only the law. -
606
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:25,550
Ah, Leticia Van Allen. -The kids
and I sure appreciate these visits...
607
00:49:25,750 --> 00:49:27,550
particularly the scholarship boys.
608
00:49:27,750 --> 00:49:29,650
By the way, speaking
of the scholarship fund...
609
00:49:29,850 --> 00:49:33,050
They say she goes to bed
with all the actors she represents.
610
00:49:33,250 --> 00:49:35,150
Oh, Fl! talk about that another time.
611
00:49:35,350 --> 00:49:39,150
Yes. She must be
a marvelous woman.
612
00:49:39,350 --> 00:49:43,650
I think all the gay boys
are gonna take the business over.
613
00:49:43,850 --> 00:49:46,150
There's no more
studs around anymore.
614
00:49:46,350 --> 00:49:50,150
Everyone's popping pills
and smoking grass.
615
00:49:50,350 --> 00:49:52,150
Oh, Miss Van Allen?
-Yes?
616
00:49:52,350 --> 00:49:54,300
This is Miss Breckinridge,
who'll be with us teachin'...
617
00:49:54,500 --> 00:49:58,250
until she goes back East
on or before September 3.
618
00:49:58,450 --> 00:50:02,150
Permit me to say that you are the only
brain comparable to my late husband's.
619
00:50:02,350 --> 00:50:06,150
Ooh, I appreciate that, honey,
but what did your late husband do?
620
00:50:06,350 --> 00:50:08,750
He wrote books
about the movies.
621
00:50:08,950 --> 00:50:12,450
Oh. Was he gay?
-Ostensibly he was Americana...
622
00:50:12,650 --> 00:50:17,550
a terelyne-hosed chick-baller from East
57th Street, but underneath it all...
623
00:50:17,750 --> 00:50:20,050
He was gay.
Sit down, honey.
624
00:50:20,250 --> 00:50:22,350
You sound like a good agent.
625
00:50:22,550 --> 00:50:26,550
You see, Miss Van Allen,
Uncle Buck and I deal in myths.
626
00:50:26,750 --> 00:50:30,550
And movie stars are like
gods and goddesses.
627
00:50:30,750 --> 00:50:33,150
When one fades,
another promptly takes its place...
628
00:50:33,350 --> 00:50:37,250
because the human race requires
that the pantheon always be filled.
629
00:50:37,450 --> 00:50:39,850
And you and I must seek out
the glittering few...
630
00:50:40,050 --> 00:50:44,250
that are the new stars
of our race reborn!
631
00:50:44,450 --> 00:50:49,550
That is the damnedest thing
lever heard... about this business.
632
00:50:49,750 --> 00:50:53,900
You have all the kinky angles that
are in right now. What about studs?
633
00:50:54,100 --> 00:50:55,950
Heaven.
634
00:50:56,150 --> 00:50:58,650
I mean, have you any
that I don't know about?
635
00:50:58,850 --> 00:51:00,900
Uh, only one that's really
“A“ material.
636
00:51:01,100 --> 00:51:03,950
I know you'd like him.
He's our pride and joy.
637
00:51:04,150 --> 00:51:08,350
He's the last stronghold of masculinity
in this Disneyland of perversion.
638
00:51:08,550 --> 00:51:11,750
He looks like he's got quite a lot
going for him. What's his name?
639
00:51:11,950 --> 00:51:15,950
Rusty Godowsky. -I ain't sure these kids
should try to walk before they can run.
640
00:51:16,150 --> 00:51:19,650
Anyway, Rusty's been busked.
-Arrested for what?
641
00:51:19,850 --> 00:51:23,650
Violation of parole.
Perhaps you could help.
642
00:51:23,850 --> 00:51:25,650
I'll look into it.
643
00:51:25,850 --> 00:51:27,800
I have a judge by the...
644
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:29,850
Oh, Leticia...
645
00:51:30,050 --> 00:51:32,950
they don't call you “Queen of
the Casting Couch“ for nothing.
646
00:51:33,150 --> 00:51:36,950
From what I understand, they're
voting me a special Academy Award.
647
00:51:37,150 --> 00:51:39,250
An Oscar?
-No.
648
00:51:39,450 --> 00:51:41,850
A golden phallus.
649
00:51:42,050 --> 00:51:45,450
And let me tell you, someday we'll
have our own stable of studs.
650
00:51:45,650 --> 00:51:49,050
A steady stream
of sturdy studs.
651
00:51:49,250 --> 00:51:52,850
A boy bank,
where credit is always good.
652
00:51:53,050 --> 00:51:55,750
Sort of a lay-a-day plan.
653
00:51:55,950 --> 00:51:59,650
God bless America!
-God help America.
654
00:51:59,850 --> 00:52:02,650
A lay a clay.
Mmm.
655
00:52:02,850 --> 00:52:06,300
That reminds me.
I simply must go.
656
00:52:06,500 --> 00:52:08,350
Identical twins.
657
00:52:08,550 --> 00:52:10,650
I'm the only one
that knows the difference.
658
00:52:10,850 --> 00:52:15,150
Yeah. Get me
judge Frederic D. Cannon.
659
00:52:15,350 --> 00:52:17,150
Keep ringing
the judge's chambers.
660
00:52:17,350 --> 00:52:20,350
He sleeps there
between sessions.
661
00:52:20,550 --> 00:52:22,550
Never mind howl know.
662
00:52:25,300 --> 00:52:29,350
No nation can long endure
the onslaught of godless Communism...
663
00:52:29,550 --> 00:52:32,650
which permeates the very warp
and woof of Southern California.
664
00:52:32,850 --> 00:52:36,250
Eternal alertness to what your neighbor
is up to is the price of freedom.
665
00:52:36,450 --> 00:52:39,650
Miss Breckinridge,
keep your eye on him at all times.
666
00:52:39,850 --> 00:52:42,200
And remember...
667
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:45,850
the Commies will use every
infernal device known to man...
668
00:52:46,050 --> 00:52:49,350
to worm their way into
our churches and supermarkets...
669
00:52:49,550 --> 00:52:51,350
which is why...
670
00:52:51,550 --> 00:52:55,650
only the National Rifle Association
stands between a free America...
671
00:52:55,850 --> 00:52:57,650
and a Communist takeover.
672
00:52:57,850 --> 00:53:02,350
With this in mind, we may yet curb
the lawlessness and degenerate values...
673
00:53:02,550 --> 00:53:04,350
as expressed by the Kremlin...
674
00:53:04,550 --> 00:53:06,500
and upheld...
675
00:53:06,700 --> 00:53:10,550
by the Supreme Court
of the United States.
676
00:53:10,750 --> 00:53:13,200
Well, thank you, sir.
Come along, Rusty.
677
00:54:39,050 --> 00:54:41,050
Say, Ollie?
-What?
678
00:54:41,250 --> 00:54:43,050
What time is it?
679
00:54:43,250 --> 00:54:46,500
It's nearly half past.
-Thank you, Ollie.
680
00:55:13,100 --> 00:55:15,350
Ladies and gentlemen...
681
00:55:15,550 --> 00:55:18,050
we take great pleasure
in presenting to you...
682
00:55:18,250 --> 00:55:20,750
the world-famous
recording star...
683
00:55:20,950 --> 00:55:23,500
Miss Leticia Van Allen...
684
00:55:23,700 --> 00:55:26,000
and the Van Allen Dancers.
685
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:38,150
Hell, jail wouldn't be so bad
if it wasn't for all those faggots.
686
00:55:38,350 --> 00:55:41,350
There's always
some fruit after you.
687
00:55:41,550 --> 00:55:44,950
That shouldn't bother you, Rusty.
688
00:55:45,150 --> 00:55:46,950
Well, the whole idea
makes me wanna puke.
689
00:55:47,150 --> 00:55:50,050
A man should act like a man.
Know what l mean?
690
00:55:50,250 --> 00:55:51,850
Look out, baby!
691
00:55:52,050 --> 00:55:54,600
How should a man act?
692
00:55:57,300 --> 00:55:59,700
He should ball chicks.
That's how.
693
00:56:03,950 --> 00:56:05,950
But only if he loves her.
- Cigars...
694
00:56:06,150 --> 00:56:10,200
cigarettes, chewing gum...
695
00:56:12,150 --> 00:56:14,150
Bananas.
696
00:56:14,350 --> 00:56:16,750
What is normal?
697
00:56:16,950 --> 00:56:19,750
Well, it's what everyone does.
698
00:56:19,950 --> 00:56:23,400
I mean, it's what the majority
of society does most.
699
00:56:27,500 --> 00:56:29,500
Yeah.
700
00:59:02,200 --> 00:59:05,350
I still think a guy
should ball chicks.
701
00:59:05,550 --> 00:59:08,950
Ah-ha-ha.
-Hi.
702
00:59:09,150 --> 00:59:11,150
How's it goin', girls?
703
00:59:11,350 --> 00:59:13,500
just great, sweetie.
704
00:59:20,550 --> 00:59:22,550
Playing, uh, canasta?
705
00:59:22,750 --> 00:59:26,350
That's right, sweetie.
706
00:59:26,550 --> 00:59:29,100
Hey. Great, great, great.
707
00:59:33,900 --> 00:59:37,250
Uh, how's your
poker game going, sweetie?
708
00:59:37,450 --> 00:59:39,650
Ah, great, great.
709
00:59:39,850 --> 00:59:41,650
Great.
710
00:59:41,850 --> 00:59:45,050
Just great.
711
00:59:45,250 --> 00:59:47,250
Yes.
712
00:59:53,850 --> 00:59:55,850
Bang! Bang!
-Oh!
713
00:59:56,050 --> 00:59:58,450
Ooh, you got him, Kid Barlow.
You got him.
714
00:59:58,650 --> 01:00:01,350
Kid Barlow was the fastest gun
at Republic Pictures.
715
01:00:01,550 --> 01:00:03,550
Them was the days.
716
01:00:03,750 --> 01:00:06,450
Yeah. Well...
717
01:00:06,650 --> 01:00:09,050
every time I look at
them old flicks of mine...
718
01:00:09,250 --> 01:00:11,150
in the morning on TV...
719
01:00:11,350 --> 01:00:13,850
I get a lump right here
in my throat.
720
01:00:14,050 --> 01:00:17,450
Oh, we was Saturday afternoon
for the whole world.
721
01:00:17,650 --> 01:00:21,350
Till our kind of pictures...
722
01:00:21,550 --> 01:00:23,950
just rode off in the sunset.
723
01:00:24,150 --> 01:00:26,950
And what's taken our place?
I'll tell you what.
724
01:00:27,150 --> 01:00:29,650
Perversion.
That's what's taken our place.
725
01:00:29,850 --> 01:00:32,600
Communist perverts
turning out filth.
726
01:00:47,200 --> 01:00:49,200
I guess I'll have to pass.
727
01:00:51,050 --> 01:00:53,050
One no-trump.
728
01:00:53,250 --> 01:00:55,050
Three hearts.
729
01:00:55,250 --> 01:00:57,650
Three hearts?
730
01:00:57,850 --> 01:01:00,950
Three no-trump.
731
01:01:01,150 --> 01:01:04,550
Three no-trump?
I know I'll have to pass now.
732
01:01:04,750 --> 01:01:08,700
No bid.
733
01:01:48,100 --> 01:01:50,950
Well, how was the beef teriyaki?
734
01:01:51,150 --> 01:01:55,000
Awful.
Worse than the chow mein.
735
01:01:57,400 --> 01:01:59,550
What's that?
736
01:01:59,750 --> 01:02:01,950
Swedish massage.
737
01:02:02,150 --> 01:02:05,550
What do you do with it?
738
01:02:05,750 --> 01:02:08,450
I beat you with it.
739
01:02:08,650 --> 01:02:11,050
Does it hurt?
740
01:02:11,250 --> 01:02:13,250
You bet your ass.
741
01:02:15,350 --> 01:02:17,350
Somethings wrong
here someplace.
742
01:02:17,550 --> 01:02:17,600
Good evening, Rusty.
743
01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:19,800
Good evening, Rusty.
744
01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:35,450
Um, gee, it's,
uh, really nice...
745
01:02:35,650 --> 01:02:39,200
that Leticia Van Allen wants
to represent Mary Ann, isn't it?
746
01:02:39,400 --> 01:02:42,050
Yes, very nice.
About your back...
747
01:02:42,250 --> 01:02:44,650
I've spoken to Uncle Buck's
chiropractor...
748
01:02:44,850 --> 01:02:47,550
and she's going to arrange
a special brace.
749
01:02:47,750 --> 01:02:52,550
But she couldn't be here tonight. So she asked
me to take an exact tracing of your spine...
750
01:02:52,750 --> 01:02:54,550
so that she'll know
what to do.
751
01:02:54,750 --> 01:02:57,450
So if you'll just
slip off your shirt...
752
01:02:57,650 --> 01:02:59,650
we'll get right to work.
753
01:03:22,650 --> 01:03:24,650
Step on the scale...
754
01:03:24,850 --> 01:03:26,850
and we'll measure you.
755
01:03:29,900 --> 01:03:34,650
Take off those atrocious cowboy boots.
756
01:03:34,850 --> 01:03:36,750
They'll break the scale.
-Oh, no, they won't.
757
01:03:36,950 --> 01:03:39,850
Do exactly as I tell you.
758
01:03:40,050 --> 01:03:43,650
You don't want me to have to tell
the judge that you've been...
759
01:03:43,850 --> 01:03:45,850
uncooperative, do you?
760
01:03:47,500 --> 01:03:49,500
No, no.
761
01:03:53,250 --> 01:03:55,250
Guess I'm full of holes.
762
01:03:55,450 --> 01:03:58,200
Oh, well, that's all right.
763
01:04:01,600 --> 01:04:04,200
Now we'll need your weight.
764
01:04:08,700 --> 01:04:10,700
Um, which is...
765
01:04:12,800 --> 01:04:14,800
174.
766
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:17,000
And your height...
767
01:04:20,200 --> 01:04:22,450
which is...
768
01:04:22,650 --> 01:04:25,450
six-one and a quarter.
769
01:04:25,650 --> 01:04:27,450
Well, the chart's
filling up nicely.
770
01:04:27,650 --> 01:04:29,650
You can get down.
771
01:04:30,900 --> 01:04:34,000
Now, we'll need
a urine specimen.
772
01:04:37,200 --> 01:04:39,350
Step behind the screen.
773
01:04:39,550 --> 01:04:41,600
But, uh...
-But?
774
01:05:01,300 --> 01:05:04,050
Well, what's the matter?
775
01:05:04,250 --> 01:05:07,750
I don't know. I guess I'm,
uh, what they call pee shy.
776
01:05:07,950 --> 01:05:10,650
Well, don't be.
777
01:05:10,850 --> 01:05:12,650
just relax.
778
01:05:12,850 --> 01:05:15,800
We have plenty of time.
779
01:05:32,800 --> 01:05:34,800
Ah. Bravo.
780
01:05:37,400 --> 01:05:39,400
Now, then.
781
01:05:41,800 --> 01:05:43,800
Rusty...
782
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:48,200
Godowsky.
783
01:05:49,700 --> 01:05:54,450
Would you come here and loosen your belt?
784
01:05:54,650 --> 01:05:56,900
Perhaps we better
wait for the doctor.
785
01:05:58,400 --> 01:06:02,250
Do as you're told, Rusty.
-What do you want me to do?
786
01:06:02,450 --> 01:06:05,750
Well, it's very simple. I don't know
what you're so frightened of.
787
01:06:05,950 --> 01:06:11,100
All I want you to do is loosen
your belt and say, “Ah. "
788
01:06:19,100 --> 01:06:21,200
Now, then, take a deep breath.
789
01:06:27,400 --> 01:06:29,650
Turn your head to the side and cough.
790
01:06:29,850 --> 01:06:33,000
Hmm. Bend over
the table, please.
791
01:06:37,600 --> 01:06:40,050
There's more where that came from.
Bend over the table.
792
01:06:40,250 --> 01:06:42,450
I want to take your temperature.
-But not there.
793
01:06:42,650 --> 01:06:44,850
Certainly there.
794
01:06:45,050 --> 01:06:50,350
I don't know, Rusty. You've been
showing a very suspicious reluctance.
795
01:06:50,550 --> 01:06:54,250
I think you have a disease
you've been hiding from me.
796
01:06:54,450 --> 01:06:56,550
Why, no, Miss Myra.
797
01:06:56,750 --> 01:06:58,750
Then face down
on the table.
798
01:06:58,950 --> 01:07:01,400
Hands up here.
799
01:07:02,700 --> 01:07:05,800
All right. Now, this is just
so you won't move...
800
01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:08,500
while I do the tracing.
801
01:07:08,700 --> 01:07:11,500
There we go.
802
01:07:19,300 --> 01:07:21,300
Now, then. Bottoms up.
-Hey.
803
01:07:22,900 --> 01:07:25,850
Now, you must be
very still.
804
01:07:26,050 --> 01:07:28,800
I don't want that thermometer
broken, Rusty.
805
01:07:34,500 --> 01:07:38,200
Tell me...
806
01:07:38,400 --> 01:07:40,950
have you ever suffered from tuberculosis?
-No.
807
01:07:41,150 --> 01:07:42,950
Heart disease?
-No.
808
01:07:43,150 --> 01:07:44,950
Chicken pox?
-No.
809
01:07:45,150 --> 01:07:46,750
Smallpox?
-No.
810
01:07:46,950 --> 01:07:48,450
Measles?
-N o.
811
01:07:48,650 --> 01:07:50,150
venereal disease?
-Nu.
812
01:07:50,350 --> 01:07:52,650
Be careful, Rusty.
-l said, “No“!
813
01:07:52,850 --> 01:07:54,650
We'll see.
814
01:07:54,850 --> 01:07:59,250
They checked me out in Mexico.
I had the Wassermann test.
815
01:07:59,450 --> 01:08:02,150
Really. Hmm.
816
01:08:02,350 --> 01:08:04,450
What are you doing?
817
01:08:04,650 --> 01:08:07,500
I'm preparing you
for your brace.
818
01:08:07,700 --> 01:08:09,850
Oh, Christ.
-What's the matter, Rusty?
819
01:08:10,050 --> 01:08:12,550
I said, “Oh, Christ.“
-What is it, Rusty?
820
01:08:12,750 --> 01:08:15,350
You're playing some kind of joke on me.
I know you are.
821
01:08:15,550 --> 01:08:17,750
You're playing
some kind of joke.
822
01:08:17,950 --> 01:08:21,350
Oh, this is
no joke, Rusty.
823
01:08:21,550 --> 01:08:23,550
I'm in deadly earnest.
824
01:08:24,450 --> 01:08:26,450
You have a lot to learn.
825
01:08:26,650 --> 01:08:29,750
All you men
have a lot to learn.
826
01:08:29,950 --> 01:08:32,550
And I have taken it
upon myself...
827
01:08:32,750 --> 01:08:35,050
to teach you.
828
01:08:35,250 --> 01:08:37,050
What do you mean?
829
01:08:37,250 --> 01:08:40,150
This is the most important
part of your education.
830
01:08:40,350 --> 01:08:44,000
The part your teachers
failed to instruct you in.
831
01:08:45,700 --> 01:08:47,700
Take off your hat.
832
01:08:50,700 --> 01:08:53,950
It's called balling.
-Well, I know how to do that.
833
01:08:54,150 --> 01:08:55,950
That's what you think.
834
01:08:56,150 --> 01:08:58,350
Did you know you have a temperature?
-No, I didn't.
835
01:08:58,550 --> 01:09:03,050
Well, you do. But no matter.
I shall cure what's wrong with you.
836
01:09:03,250 --> 01:09:07,100
What are you gonna do?
837
01:09:13,200 --> 01:09:16,900
I shall ball you, Rusty.
It's very simple.
838
01:09:17,100 --> 01:09:17,000
And now, ladies and gentlemen...
839
01:09:17,200 --> 01:09:20,450
And now, ladies and gentlemen...
840
01:09:20,650 --> 01:09:22,450
what you've all been
waiting for...
841
01:09:22,650 --> 01:09:26,950
the wildest, buckingest
bronc in the world.
842
01:09:27,150 --> 01:09:30,350
He's never been ridden before.
843
01:09:30,550 --> 01:09:34,150
Cherry, the man-killer.
844
01:09:34,350 --> 01:09:37,950
Oh, well, what nature intended
is not always good for us, Rusty.
845
01:09:38,150 --> 01:09:41,150
You think that being a man
is such a simple thing.
846
01:09:41,350 --> 01:09:43,650
A man should ball chicks,
you said.
847
01:09:43,850 --> 01:09:47,700
Well, I tried to explain it to you,
but you wouldn't listen.
848
01:09:47,900 --> 01:09:50,700
So, I'm afraid it will require
a practical demonstration.
849
01:09:55,000 --> 01:09:58,650
Oh, my God.
Jesus, you'll kill me.
850
01:09:58,850 --> 01:10:00,750
I won't kill you, Rusty.
851
01:10:00,950 --> 01:10:03,450
I 'll just educate you.
You and the rest of America.
852
01:10:03,650 --> 01:10:06,750
It must be
demonstrated to you practically...
853
01:10:06,950 --> 01:10:09,050
that there is
no such thing as manhood.
854
01:10:09,250 --> 01:10:11,750
It died with Burt Lancaster...
855
01:10:11,950 --> 01:10:13,750
in Vera Cruz.
856
01:10:13,950 --> 01:10:18,800
Your manhood was taken
by Errol Flynn and Clark Gable.
857
01:10:20,300 --> 01:10:23,250
lam only going to supply you
with the finishing touches.
858
01:10:23,450 --> 01:10:25,250
Oh, God.
859
01:10:25,450 --> 01:10:28,650
I reckon none of you northern folks
ever heard a Texas cowhand...
860
01:10:28,850 --> 01:10:30,850
making love to his gal.
861
01:10:31,050 --> 01:10:33,050
Well, you're gonna
hear it now.
862
01:10:35,300 --> 01:10:38,450
Charge!
863
01:10:38,650 --> 01:10:40,650
God, no, what are you...
864
01:10:42,600 --> 01:10:44,900
She certainly
leaned on that one.
865
01:10:46,900 --> 01:10:49,300
Get 'em. Get up there.
-Oh! Oh!
866
01:10:57,200 --> 01:10:59,650
Ah, that's what
I call disgusting.
867
01:10:59,850 --> 01:11:02,200
Why don't you
show him how, Sergeant?
868
01:11:23,600 --> 01:11:27,700
I'm coming, Scarlett. I'm coming.
869
01:11:27,900 --> 01:11:30,750
I'm coming, Lana.
I'm coming.
870
01:11:30,950 --> 01:11:34,400
Hooray for Mickey Mouse
and Donald Duck.
871
01:11:35,950 --> 01:11:37,950
Uncle Sam, here I...
872
01:11:38,150 --> 01:11:43,300
co-o-o-o-om e!
873
01:12:05,400 --> 01:12:08,050
Marvelous. Absolutely marvelous.
-Leave him alone.
874
01:12:08,250 --> 01:12:11,400
It's the first time in my whole life
I've ever really enjoyed opera.
875
01:13:43,700 --> 01:13:45,700
Can I go now?
876
01:13:49,900 --> 01:13:51,900
Yes.
877
01:13:54,100 --> 01:13:56,350
You can go...
878
01:13:56,550 --> 01:13:58,550
HOW.
879
01:14:06,600 --> 01:14:11,000
Well, aren't you going to thank me
for all the trouble I've taken?
880
01:14:15,300 --> 01:14:17,300
Thank you, ma'am.
881
01:14:19,600 --> 01:14:22,150
You know what, Ollie?
-What?
882
01:14:22,350 --> 01:14:24,750
I feel like a mouse.
883
01:14:24,950 --> 01:14:29,550
We had to do it.
It hurt me more than it did him.
884
01:14:29,750 --> 01:14:32,300
Poor Daniel.
885
01:14:35,300 --> 01:14:38,100
Oh.
886
01:14:44,250 --> 01:14:46,250
$422'???
887
01:14:46,450 --> 01:14:48,900
Well, are you alone?
888
01:14:50,100 --> 01:14:52,100
Come right up.
889
01:14:54,700 --> 01:14:57,050
Why are you so
fascinated by the girl?
890
01:14:57,250 --> 01:14:59,250
But having raped
Rusty's manhood...
891
01:14:59,450 --> 01:15:01,550
I must now
complete the cycle...
892
01:15:01,750 --> 01:15:03,750
and seduce his girl.
893
01:15:04,800 --> 01:15:07,850
Only then will
my victory be complete...
894
01:15:08,050 --> 01:15:11,050
thus exerting power
over both sexes...
895
01:15:11,250 --> 01:15:13,550
and indeed over life itself.
896
01:15:13,750 --> 01:15:16,850
Boy, she's
a tough customer.
897
01:15:17,050 --> 01:15:19,150
What are you
moping about?
898
01:15:19,350 --> 01:15:22,400
She's so sweet.
899
01:15:23,350 --> 01:15:25,350
Come on.
900
01:15:25,550 --> 01:15:27,750
Mary Ann.
-Oh, Myra.
901
01:15:27,950 --> 01:15:31,100
Why, Mary Ann,
what's the matter?
902
01:15:34,250 --> 01:15:36,250
Rusty's gone again.
903
01:15:36,450 --> 01:15:38,750
Gone? Where?
904
01:15:38,950 --> 01:15:42,150
I don't know.
I just don't understand.
905
01:15:42,350 --> 01:15:45,750
Well, let me
fix you a drink.
906
01:15:45,950 --> 01:15:48,000
It'll soothe
your nerves.
907
01:15:50,400 --> 01:15:53,650
Didn't he give you
any explanation at all?
908
01:15:53,850 --> 01:15:56,050
No. Nothing.
909
01:15:56,250 --> 01:15:58,050
It was frightening.
910
01:15:58,250 --> 01:16:01,450
Just that he was sick of me.
Sick of women.
911
01:16:01,650 --> 01:16:03,650
Sick of women?
912
01:16:05,200 --> 01:16:08,400
He actually said that?
-Yes.
913
01:16:09,800 --> 01:16:12,850
Well, I'm certain
he didn't mean sick of you.
914
01:16:13,050 --> 01:16:17,150
Oh, sick of women in general, perhaps.
915
01:16:17,350 --> 01:16:19,350
I don't know.
Both, I guess.
916
01:16:21,400 --> 01:16:23,950
Men.
They're all alike.
917
01:16:24,150 --> 01:16:27,000
But don't you worry.
We'll find him.
918
01:16:28,100 --> 01:16:30,850
We've just got to.
919
01:16:31,050 --> 01:16:33,400
I may never see him again.
920
01:16:36,050 --> 01:16:38,050
Of course you will.
921
01:16:38,250 --> 01:16:40,650
You'll see. Everything
will work out just fine.
922
01:16:40,850 --> 01:16:43,050
I'm so worried.
923
01:16:43,250 --> 01:16:45,950
I just can? go back there.
924
01:16:46,150 --> 01:16:48,650
You don't have to.
You can stay here with me.
925
01:16:48,850 --> 01:16:50,650
Oh, no. I couldn't.
926
01:16:50,850 --> 01:16:52,650
I insist.
927
01:16:52,850 --> 01:16:54,750
Are you sure?
-Absolutely.
928
01:16:54,950 --> 01:16:57,500
It's really
no bother at all.
929
01:16:58,700 --> 01:17:01,900
Really. We'll just
find you something to wear.
930
01:17:04,900 --> 01:17:08,500
Now, then.
Let me see.
931
01:17:15,700 --> 01:17:18,050
Those are men's pajamas.
932
01:17:18,250 --> 01:17:20,050
Oh.
So they are.
933
01:17:20,250 --> 01:17:22,450
How indiscreet.
934
01:17:22,650 --> 01:17:24,550
You've had a very
trying day, Mary Ann.
935
01:17:24,750 --> 01:17:26,950
I really feel you should
go right to bed.
936
01:17:27,150 --> 01:17:31,550
I don't know how to thank you.
You've been so sweet to me, Myra.
937
01:17:31,750 --> 01:17:34,300
And don't you worry
about Rusty.
938
01:17:36,000 --> 01:17:38,200
It's either them or me.
I told him.
939
01:17:38,400 --> 01:17:41,000
And of course it will be
you, my darling.
940
01:17:41,200 --> 01:17:44,150
Now, let's have
a nice girlie evening.
941
01:17:44,350 --> 01:17:47,850
I'll tell you howl lost my virginity,
if you tell me how you lost yours.
942
01:17:48,050 --> 01:17:51,400
Jesus.
-There we go.
943
01:17:53,500 --> 01:17:55,550
Oh, Rusty.
944
01:17:55,750 --> 01:17:58,050
Oh.
945
01:17:58,250 --> 01:18:00,450
There, there,
my dear.
946
01:18:00,650 --> 01:18:03,650
He's only a man,
and not good enough for you.
947
01:18:03,850 --> 01:18:08,100
How well I remember my own puppy love.
-No shit.
948
01:18:15,550 --> 01:18:17,550
Mmm, Myra?
949
01:18:17,750 --> 01:18:21,750
This is Leticia. Rusty's at
the beach house with me right now.
950
01:18:21,950 --> 01:18:23,750
I'm calling to say thanks.
951
01:18:23,950 --> 01:18:26,650
Oh, I'm...
I'm so glad you liked him.
952
01:18:26,850 --> 01:18:28,650
Uh, is it
the right color?
953
01:18:28,850 --> 01:18:31,550
Well, I guess so.
It's the usual color.
954
01:18:31,750 --> 01:18:35,150
Didn't you ever make it with him?
-Not in the classic way, no.
955
01:18:35,350 --> 01:18:39,450
Well, I 'm... I hope
he sleeps well in his new home.
956
01:18:39,650 --> 01:18:41,700
I wouldn't entrust him
to just anyone.
957
01:18:41,900 --> 01:18:45,500
Good night, dear lady.
-Oh, well. Good night.
958
01:18:45,700 --> 01:18:49,950
Come on, honey. Let's take
another trip around the world.
959
01:18:50,150 --> 01:18:50,200
Charlie, I've knowed you
ever since you was a cough and a spit.
960
01:18:50,400 --> 01:18:54,750
Charlie, I've knowed you
ever since you was a cough and a spit.
961
01:18:54,950 --> 01:18:56,750
Gee.
-I've watched you become the dream...
962
01:18:56,950 --> 01:18:59,250
of every parent this
side of San Diego.
963
01:18:59,450 --> 01:19:02,350
Wow.
-You're a fine boy, Charlie.
964
01:19:02,550 --> 01:19:05,750
A fine boy.
-Gee, uh, thanks, Uncle Buck.
965
01:19:05,950 --> 01:19:07,850
You know what I've
always thought of you...
966
01:19:08,050 --> 01:19:10,450
ever since you did that
morning television show on ABC.
967
01:19:10,650 --> 01:19:12,650
I can tell you now,
Uncle Buck, that...
968
01:19:12,850 --> 01:19:14,650
Well, you've
always been my idol.
969
01:19:14,850 --> 01:19:17,500
I've lost more fights over you
at UCLA than anything else.
970
01:19:17,700 --> 01:19:21,250
I'm very moved to hear you
say that, very moved.
971
01:19:21,450 --> 01:19:23,250
Also, I'm pleased to hear
you're a fighter...
972
01:19:23,450 --> 01:19:25,550
'cause this Myra Breckinridge
is more than a match...
973
01:19:25,750 --> 01:19:27,650
for most men...
more than a match.
974
01:19:27,850 --> 01:19:32,250
l'll do my best, Uncle Buck, and, if my
best isn't good enough, well, that's too bad.
975
01:19:32,450 --> 01:19:34,250
Not quite, Charlie. Not quite.
976
01:19:34,450 --> 01:19:36,550
If your best ain't good enough...
977
01:19:36,750 --> 01:19:39,050
you might just as well
pack up and move to Milwaukee.
978
01:19:39,250 --> 01:19:41,650
There she is.
979
01:19:41,850 --> 01:19:45,200
Remember, the, uh,
velvet hand and the iron glove.
980
01:19:52,200 --> 01:19:55,600
Come in, Myra.
-Okay. Let her rip.
981
01:19:59,200 --> 01:20:02,350
This better be good.
982
01:20:02,550 --> 01:20:04,950
Who's this? It looks like
The Late, Late Show.
983
01:20:05,150 --> 01:20:07,450
Myra, this is Charlie Flager
of Flager & Flager.
984
01:20:07,650 --> 01:20:11,750
I thought you two should get together and sort
out the little problems we've been having.
985
01:20:11,950 --> 01:20:14,350
Problems, Uncle Buck?
I don? have any problems.
986
01:20:14,550 --> 01:20:17,350
All I know is
that you owe me $900.000..
987
01:20:17,550 --> 01:20:20,150
And the price of real estate
is going up every day.
988
01:20:20,350 --> 01:20:23,250
I think you should know that
Charlie's dad and me have been pals...
989
01:20:23,450 --> 01:20:26,150
ever since he handled me when I had
that row with the Blue Network.
990
01:20:26,350 --> 01:20:28,550
I... I guess that we value
Mr. Loner's account...
991
01:20:28,750 --> 01:20:31,850
more than any single
non corporate account.
992
01:20:32,050 --> 01:20:36,750
Like Dad always says,
“Buck Loner has a real reputation. “
993
01:20:36,950 --> 01:20:38,850
Uh, for being, like,
a straight shooter.
994
01:20:39,050 --> 01:20:41,850
When you two lovebirds are finished,
perhaps you'll tell me...
995
01:20:42,050 --> 01:20:43,950
what lousy, dirty trick
you're up to now.
996
01:20:44,150 --> 01:20:46,950
No lousy tricks, Mrs. Breckinridge.
I am simply here...
997
01:20:47,150 --> 01:20:49,350
to defend my client's interest,
which in this case...
998
01:20:49,550 --> 01:20:53,950
is your alleged claim to, like, half
the value of this Westwood property.
999
01:20:54,150 --> 01:20:55,950
Alleged?
-Alleged.
1000
01:20:56,150 --> 01:20:59,450
That marriage certificate
is an out-and-out phony.
1001
01:20:59,650 --> 01:21:02,000
Oh.
1002
01:21:13,000 --> 01:21:17,350
It isn't easy being a woman,
Uncle Buck...
1003
01:21:17,550 --> 01:21:20,850
especially when you have
to fight your own family...
1004
01:21:21,050 --> 01:21:23,350
for what's rightfully yours.
1005
01:21:23,550 --> 01:21:25,850
Honey, honey, honey.
1006
01:21:26,050 --> 01:21:29,650
We don't want to take what's yours.
That's the last thing on our mind.
1007
01:21:29,850 --> 01:21:32,050
But we gotta make sure
you're entitled to it.
1008
01:21:32,250 --> 01:21:35,750
Like, you might be an impersonator
saying you are who you are.
1009
01:21:35,950 --> 01:21:40,250
And after Gertrude gave you
that $200 back in Philadelphia...
1010
01:21:40,450 --> 01:21:44,450
to pay for the abortion of the daughter
of that Rexall druggist...
1011
01:21:44,650 --> 01:21:47,950
you knocked up and refused to marry.
1012
01:21:48,150 --> 01:21:51,150
The point is, can you prove
you were married?
1013
01:21:51,350 --> 01:21:53,350
That 's all.
1014
01:21:56,000 --> 01:22:01,200
Proof will arrive before the end of the week
in the person of Dr. Randolph Spencer Montag.
1015
01:22:02,750 --> 01:22:04,750
Montag?
1016
01:22:04,950 --> 01:22:08,350
The great dental psychiatrist?
-He was a witness to our wedding.
1017
01:22:08,550 --> 01:22:11,950
I trust his word
will be sufficient.
1018
01:22:12,150 --> 01:22:15,750
Let me make it
perfectly clear that it might.
1019
01:22:15,950 --> 01:22:18,250
In any case,
my price has gone up...
1020
01:22:18,450 --> 01:22:22,300
to an even million dollars.
1021
01:22:51,500 --> 01:22:54,300
How old were you then?
1022
01:22:57,850 --> 01:22:59,850
Long distance call,
Dr. Montag.
1023
01:23:00,050 --> 01:23:02,250
Yeah. Uh, Mondo...
No, no. Montag here.
1024
01:23:02,450 --> 01:23:04,650
Yeah? Oh. Oh, Myra.
1025
01:23:04,850 --> 01:23:06,650
How are ya, kid.
How's your teeth?
1026
01:23:06,850 --> 01:23:08,700
Spit out now.
1027
01:23:08,900 --> 01:23:11,900
So, my so... -Myra, dental health is
mental health. Will you remember that?
1028
01:23:12,100 --> 01:23:13,950
John Phillips tried to rape me.
-Open.
1029
01:23:14,150 --> 01:23:17,350
And I said, “Oh, how can he do that?“
-What?
1030
01:23:17,550 --> 01:23:21,950
Myra, believe me that your appeal
reaches me at every level...
1031
01:23:22,150 --> 01:23:24,350
from lower id to superego.
1032
01:23:24,550 --> 01:23:27,250
After all, I realize that our
relationship was always much more...
1033
01:23:27,450 --> 01:23:29,250
than that simply of
analyst to patient.
1034
01:23:29,450 --> 01:23:32,050
I'm also your dentist.
1035
01:23:32,250 --> 01:23:35,550
No... No, Myra, I've got
other patients who need me too.
1036
01:23:35,750 --> 01:23:37,750
And he shouldn't have done it.
-Spit out now, dear.
1037
01:23:37,950 --> 01:23:41,250
Oh, you've got such lovely boobs.
They're such a comfort to me.
1038
01:23:41,450 --> 01:23:43,550
No, I said 15, Myra.
Open up.
1039
01:23:43,750 --> 01:23:45,800
Fifteen percent.
I'm in L.A. tomorrow.
1040
01:23:49,600 --> 01:23:54,350
Mighty kind of you, Doc, coming
all this way to help our little Myra.
1041
01:23:54,550 --> 01:23:58,450
Of course, we all mean to do the right
thing by her. -Then cut the crap...
1042
01:23:58,650 --> 01:24:03,450
and handover the cash. -Naturally, we are,
uh, not about to question the probity...
1043
01:24:03,650 --> 01:24:07,250
of such a well-known person
and author as Dr. Montag.
1044
01:24:07,450 --> 01:24:09,650
Yes?
1045
01:24:09,850 --> 01:24:12,950
New York calling Mr.
Flager. -Which Mr. Flager?
1046
01:24:13,150 --> 01:24:15,950
Mr. Flager, Jr.
1047
01:24:16,150 --> 01:24:18,050
Take it, junior.
1048
01:24:18,250 --> 01:24:20,150
In the bathroom, you idiot.
1049
01:24:20,350 --> 01:24:22,350
Uh, I have to
go to the bathroom.
1050
01:24:30,700 --> 01:24:32,750
Do you get to
the movies much, Doctor?
1051
01:24:32,950 --> 01:24:36,450
I say do you get
to the movies much, Doctor?
1052
01:24:36,650 --> 01:24:39,750
I was wondering what you thought
about all the pornography we have.
1053
01:24:39,950 --> 01:24:44,550
Pornography. Uh... -I was wondering
what you thought about it in our movies.
1054
01:24:44,750 --> 01:24:46,550
I've never seen
any of your movies.
1055
01:24:46,750 --> 01:24:49,550
I mean our current American picture,
which is loaded with smut.
1056
01:24:49,750 --> 01:24:50,950
Smut. Yes.
-Uh, listen, could...
1057
01:24:51,150 --> 01:24:52,350
Smut. Yes.
-Uh, listen, could...
1058
01:24:52,550 --> 01:24:54,650
Uh, attention, everybody.
1059
01:24:54,850 --> 01:24:59,350
Uh, uh, I guess you all know,
uh, th-that was a call, uh...
1060
01:24:59,550 --> 01:25:01,650
from our, uh,
New York office.
1061
01:25:01,850 --> 01:25:04,850
What did they say?
-Oh, uh, Dad, um...
1062
01:25:05,050 --> 01:25:08,950
before we get into that, I...
I think it might be nice, at this time...
1063
01:25:09,150 --> 01:25:11,650
to put everyone in the picture
as to the background.
1064
01:25:11,850 --> 01:25:15,150
Uh, would you tell him to...
-Shut up and get to the point.
1065
01:25:15,350 --> 01:25:17,150
The point is,
Mrs. Breckinridge...
1066
01:25:17,350 --> 01:25:21,950
that no record of your husband's death
exists in New York City or State.
1067
01:25:22,150 --> 01:25:24,150
Strike.
-Just remember, Myra...
1068
01:25:24,350 --> 01:25:26,750
these people don't
screw around.
1069
01:25:26,950 --> 01:25:28,750
Everything's legal
and aboveboard.
1070
01:25:28,950 --> 01:25:33,350
Not like in some places I can mention
south of the border down Mexico way.
1071
01:25:33,550 --> 01:25:37,650
Listen, I say the man's dead,
you unmitigated shit.
1072
01:25:37,850 --> 01:25:39,850
And that means he's dead.
1073
01:25:40,050 --> 01:25:43,950
Oh, I 'll admit his body
was never found. That's true.
1074
01:25:44,150 --> 01:25:46,550
He died in a car accident
outside the Bank of America.
1075
01:25:46,750 --> 01:25:48,950
Fire!
1076
01:25:49,150 --> 01:25:53,350
Beverly Hills branch. -There is not
one iota of evidence that he is dean'...
1077
01:25:53,550 --> 01:25:56,250
and we are not going to
pay you one single penny.
1078
01:25:56,450 --> 01:25:58,600
Strike.
1079
01:25:59,950 --> 01:26:01,950
Randolph...
1080
01:26:02,150 --> 01:26:05,950
I believe the moment of truth
has finally arrived.
1081
01:26:06,150 --> 01:26:08,450
Go get 'em.
1082
01:26:08,650 --> 01:26:10,750
Gentlemen...
1083
01:26:10,950 --> 01:26:13,150
I am Myron Breckinridge.
1084
01:26:13,350 --> 01:26:15,250
Uncle Buck,
your fag nephew...
1085
01:26:15,450 --> 01:26:18,650
became your niece two years ago
in Copenhagen...
1086
01:26:18,850 --> 01:26:21,150
and is now free as a bird
and happy in being...
1087
01:26:21,350 --> 01:26:24,450
the most extraordinary woman
in the world.
1088
01:26:24,650 --> 01:26:27,300
And I thought
I fell in love with a man.
1089
01:26:30,600 --> 01:26:34,700
That's the ball game.
1090
01:26:45,600 --> 01:26:49,000
Uh, Stanley,
what time is it?
1091
01:26:50,400 --> 01:26:52,450
It's about half past...
1092
01:26:52,650 --> 01:26:54,750
Something went wrong.
1093
01:26:54,950 --> 01:26:58,850
“Either you keep me on here,
or l'll tell the world...
1094
01:26:59,050 --> 01:27:02,750
that Buck Loner's fag nephew became
his niece two years ago in Copenhagen. “
1095
01:27:02,950 --> 01:27:06,400
I could kill him. I could kill him
if I could get away with it.
1096
01:27:06,600 --> 01:27:09,650
Strike that.
Anyway, thank God...
1097
01:27:09,850 --> 01:27:13,200
I never slipped him
the old Buck Loner special.
1098
01:27:26,800 --> 01:27:28,950
Myra, don't.
It spoils it.
1099
01:27:29,150 --> 01:27:32,800
All right. Whatever you say, Mary Ann.
1100
01:27:38,800 --> 01:27:42,300
But I do love
being with you like this.
1101
01:27:42,500 --> 01:27:44,650
I'm sorry, Myra.
1102
01:27:44,850 --> 01:27:46,650
I just can't.
1103
01:27:46,850 --> 01:27:49,100
I wish I could, really.
1104
01:27:50,300 --> 01:27:52,750
Love isn't always
a matter of sex, you know.
1105
01:27:52,950 --> 01:27:57,600
Well, I know.
And I really do love you as you are.
1106
01:28:00,200 --> 01:28:03,300
I even like it
when you touch me.
1107
01:28:04,800 --> 01:28:06,800
Up to a point.
1108
01:28:09,200 --> 01:28:11,250
I don't know.
1109
01:28:11,450 --> 01:28:13,900
I just can't
let myself go.
1110
01:28:15,000 --> 01:28:17,000
That's the way I am.
1111
01:28:17,200 --> 01:28:21,750
Well, is it Rusty?
1112
01:28:21,950 --> 01:28:24,100
No, that's finished.
1113
01:28:25,400 --> 01:28:28,350
But someone like him.
1114
01:28:28,550 --> 01:28:30,600
Someone gentle.
1115
01:28:33,700 --> 01:28:36,050
Rusty gentle?
1116
01:28:36,250 --> 01:28:38,550
I thought he was violent.
1117
01:28:38,750 --> 01:28:43,400
No. Whatever
gave you that idea?
1118
01:28:43,600 --> 01:28:46,700
It's because he was so gentle
that I loved him.
1119
01:28:48,700 --> 01:28:51,400
He never grabs you
like the other boys.
1120
01:28:57,900 --> 01:29:00,850
Oh, you are an angel,
Myra, and I do love you.
1121
01:29:01,050 --> 01:29:03,050
I really do.
1122
01:29:04,300 --> 01:29:06,700
I just can't,
you know?
1123
01:29:09,900 --> 01:29:12,600
Yes. Of course. I know.
1124
01:29:15,200 --> 01:29:19,250
If only there were
some man like you.
1125
01:29:19,450 --> 01:29:21,900
I'd really fall.
l would.
1126
01:29:23,200 --> 01:29:25,300
But not like this.
1127
01:29:27,100 --> 01:29:29,300
If only you were a man.
1128
01:29:42,950 --> 01:29:44,950
l'll get you this time.
1129
01:29:45,150 --> 01:29:47,650
It's a dangerous thing,
ambition.
1130
01:29:47,850 --> 01:29:50,500
Ruined Mickey Mouse's
whole career.
1131
01:29:51,700 --> 01:29:54,850
Well, now it's
eight bars and out, honey.
1132
01:29:55,050 --> 01:29:58,750
You were no more than
a Linda Darnell paper doll.
1133
01:29:58,950 --> 01:30:01,750
A Disney cow
that got over the fence.
1134
01:30:01,950 --> 01:30:03,750
You got ambitious.
1135
01:30:03,950 --> 01:30:07,450
You were great in CinemaScope
and Technicolor...
1136
01:30:07,650 --> 01:30:10,400
but you can? cut it in
black and white.
1137
01:30:18,100 --> 01:30:21,500
Magnificent!
1138
01:30:27,400 --> 01:30:29,400
Funny...
1139
01:30:31,900 --> 01:30:34,850
when I waited for you...
1140
01:30:35,050 --> 01:30:37,050
you didn't come.
1141
01:30:38,000 --> 01:30:40,250
But now you have come, and...
1142
01:30:40,450 --> 01:30:42,450
I must go away.
1143
01:30:53,500 --> 01:30:57,100
You will remember the day in the desert.
1144
01:30:59,200 --> 01:31:02,100
Fl! remember.
1145
01:31:46,400 --> 01:31:49,250
Where are my tits?
Where are my tits?
1146
01:31:49,450 --> 01:31:53,250
Good morning, Nurse.
1147
01:31:53,450 --> 01:31:56,150
Ah, what have we got here?
When you get to 103, sell.
1148
01:31:56,350 --> 01:31:58,150
There you go.
1149
01:31:58,350 --> 01:32:00,450
Hey, forty chin-ups, baby.
1150
01:32:00,650 --> 01:32:03,800
What are you doing, writing home
for money? What are you saying there?
1151
01:32:04,000 --> 01:32:05,850
Hey, Dustin Hoffman.
Midnight Cowboy.
1152
01:32:06,050 --> 01:32:07,850
Hi, Charlie.
You're looking good.
1153
01:32:08,050 --> 01:32:10,250
Soul food here?
Don't let 'em get down here, baby.
1154
01:32:10,450 --> 01:32:13,500
Oh, here, here. Watch that.
You'll go crazy.
1155
01:32:14,450 --> 01:32:16,450
Huh? Are we conscious?
1156
01:32:16,650 --> 01:32:19,400
I am.
I'm not sure about you.
1157
01:32:24,500 --> 01:32:27,650
The Lost Moment.
-Uh, Martin Gabel, 1949.
1158
01:32:27,850 --> 01:32:30,050
'47.
-'47. That's silly of me.
1159
01:32:30,250 --> 01:32:32,950
The Heiress was 1949.
-The- that's Willy Wyler.
1160
01:32:33,150 --> 01:32:36,850
I thought of that because of Henry James.
-Yes.
1161
01:32:37,050 --> 01:32:41,850
I want you to get a lot
of rest before you start socializing.
1162
01:32:42,050 --> 01:32:44,500
You're a very popular
young fella.
1163
01:32:58,500 --> 01:33:01,250
I'll turn around and I'll come back.
1164
01:33:01,450 --> 01:33:04,550
You wouldn't understand
the way I feel about Mary Ann...
1165
01:33:04,750 --> 01:33:08,800
that she's Donald Duck straws
and Pepsodent toothpaste.
1166
01:33:11,800 --> 01:33:15,800
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