All language subtitles for What.Makes.Women.Laugh.1997.SPANISH.1080p.WEBRip.x265-VXT

I first learned about women...

in the summer of 1996.

Life was very different
in those days.

People still read.

The news was printed...

on low quality
sheets of paper...

which were known
as "dailies".

Garbage was stored
in ridiculous plastic bags...

and a tax was paid
to have them removed.

People watched four hours
of television a day,

without suffering
any apparent brain damage,

and they needed a clock
to waken up.

Whether due to weakness,
or a lack...

of self-confidence,

most of humanity
lived in couples,

and many of them,
like my parents,

slept in quadrangular spaces
which produced...

curvature of the spine,

and which were called
double beds.

Cuqui...

We brushed our teeth
manually,

and many adult males
still used...

soap and a razor to shave.

Luci!

Arab shepherds had discovered
coffee caused insomnia...

when their goats
had eaten its fruit...

And... couldn't sleep at night,

but some people,
like my Aunt Graci,

still drank it at all hours,
even at breakfast.

Actress wanted
for "The Seagull".

Women painted their faces
and nails, bleached their hair...

and burned off body hair with
wax and even electric discharges.

Sexual contagion and unwanted
fertilization were common.

To avoid both,

males, such as
my Aunt Mari's lover,

covered their penises
with something called a "condom".

Cars were noisy, dangerous,
caused pollution,

and wrecked people's nerves.

What's more,
they consumed gallons and gallons.

Antonio, the rice! Come on!

Weddings were held
in registry offices,

and it was the horrible custom
to throw rice at the couple,

as if throwing food around
were civilized behavior.

Carlitos!

Here they come!

At the start of that summer...

my grandfather married
a woman who was 45...

years younger than him.

That summer, I learned
to love women...

and now you'll know why.

WHAT MAKES WOMEN LAUGH?

Hurrah for the bride and groom!

Thank you.

Look at him.

- He's happy.
- With a 20 year old,

even the Pope would be happy.

Yeah? And what would you do
with a 20 year old?

Do you want a general idea,
or should I go into detail?

No, I'd rather you gave me
a demonstration at home.

Why keep trying to open champagne
when you know you can't?

- Take me out to dance, Cuqui.
- Don't call me Cuqui.

How can I not call you Cuqui
when you look like a Cuqui?

Will you dance?

A few turns?

Take my arm. It doesn't bite.

- Why?
- To take me out to dance.

Come off it.
Can't you take yourself out?

- How old are you, Domingo?
- Fifteen, to be exact.

Then it's time you learned
how to treat women.

Do I have to treat them
a special way?

No, I said 8 seconds.
Anyone else want to bet?

I say no.

Three say yes, two no.

Whoever wins, I take half
you lot share the other half.

- Who'll time it?
- I will! Come on.

You all agree?

- Right, when you're ready.
- On your marks, get set, go!

One, two, three, four...

I did it with
four seconds to spare.

The money.

Can you do that
with your panties?

No, but your wife promised
that she would teach me.

Here, you can keep the bra.

My favorite song.
That's your doing, isn't it?

In the news today is a man who
has entertained us for many years.

He is Luis Quiñones, better known
under his stage name of Luqui.

Today, at 65,
he has just got married.

They say man is the only animal
to fall in the same trap twice.

How often have you fallen in it,
Luqui?

In the marriage trap?
This is the fourth time.

But I have had...

really delightful wives.

Look.

I invited them,
and there they are.

Anyone else would have sent me
to... But not them.

Each one made me happy at the time,
each one gave me a daughter,

and they got all the money
from me that they could.

God bless them!

The most important thing...

is how old your heart is.

I'm very much in love
with Luqui,

and I value
the inner man even more.

Hello!

Hello.

- You're Carlos, aren't you?
- Yes.

The scriptwriter?

Yes.

I'm Tabata Montolio, a cousin
of a cousin of your wife.

A pleasure.

Why the plaster?

I was shaving.

Yes, you're one of those men
with blue faces.

- Blue?
- A five o'clock shadow.

Oh, yes!

Often, I have to shave
twice a day.

My boyfriend has hardly any beard.
It's like kissing a baby's bottom.

You write the shows for your wife
and her sisters, don't you?

Yes, and other things as well.

They're very funny.
But the best part is the script.

Thank you.

Did you see
the last Goya Awards?

- I wrote the script.
- That's wonderful.

I really love writing.

People must always pester you...

to read their stuff,

but I just happen to have
a "sypnosis" with me.

Really?

For a film.

A love story with a sad end.

It sounds very good.

Would you read it now?

Now?

I live in Zaragoza,
I don't know when I'll be back.

Well,

it's very noisy here.

Why don't we go to my car,

and maybe you could
read it to me?

If you want.

Fantastic!

Here.

It's a white Nissan.
It's parked outside.

You go on ahead.
I'll be there in five minutes.

Fantastic!

Tabata!

And now, my dear family,
what you've all been waiting for.

The three comediennes
of the moment.

The stars of theater
and television.

Also my mother
and my favorite aunts.

Ladies and gentlemen,
here with you all,

The Three Graces!

He's old enough
to be a grandad,

but he's also woman mad,

and he isn't one bit shy

about having sweety pie.

At any time, he's hot to trot,

and he'll pursue them,
old or not,

but our seducer falls seduced

and in a moment or two

we hear him say, "I do".

We've got a song for Dad.

We wrote it with such glee
for Dad,

for he's a man who will do
his very best for a screw,

and tonight, two by two,

for Dad.

We've got the solution

for Dad.

A ton of pep pills

for Dad.

The years take their toll
but while he's got a goal,

there's no stopping Dad.

Since he was young
he's had his conquests,

for females always

drove him wild.

This boy even wiped the eye

of poor Methuselah.

He was famed
throughout the country,

and known to be
the king of hearts.

He even taught
a lesson or three

to that famous lover

of Lady Chatterley.

We've got a song

for Dad.

We wrote it with such glee
for Dad.

Don't wink those eyes,

it may be a surprise,

but in his harem he lies.

Our Dad.

And as a special prize for Dad,

a diploma as stud

for Dad.

Even if she's twenty
and he's seventy,

no one is counting,

and it won't stop Dad.

It won't stop Dad.

Uncle Ramiro, who had
a five and dime store,

got Dad's suits.
Cousin Ignacio,

so radical he'd seen
"Trainspotting" 18 times,

got his shoes.

Our cleaner's husband,
who was a dancer on Tele 5,

got his underwear.

And Catalina Bayarri,
a blind devotee of Sai-Baba,

received his corneas
and got her sight back.

My father took just one thing
with him.

My mother's heart.

Twenty years with him.

Since I was eighteen.

The only man in my life.

In the Biblical sense,

he was the only one, really.

Carlos died, it was terrible,
life is a shit,

but you have
to go on living, Luci.

Every day he made me laugh.

Where will I find someone
who can make me laugh every day?

I think that you should find
a replacement for me.

In two days we open in Benidorm.

- What's that?
- Nail varnish, to cheer you up.

Excuse me,
but it's a shitty color.

What's this, Luci?

I'm going to cut my hair.

Those are the ashes
of the deceased.

Don't call him deceased!

Well, that's what he is.

But if you want,
we'll call him the absentee.

Mari, if you drop that
I'll kill you!

This is giving me the creeps.

Why not put the ashes
somewhere nice?

We could scatter them
in a department store.

In the jeans section.

Carlos loved jeans.

Right.

If not for you,
do it for your son, at least.

Domingo is fine.
He's doing fine.

Domingo is strong,
like his father.

Domingo is in great shape.

It's going to the sea.

Will the Mediterranean do?

Yes, it will. Why?

Because Benidorm is on
the Mediterranean.

The Mediterranean's great.

And Carlos was from Barcelona.

For once in your life,
listen to us, love.

We're only asking
for one month.

- I'm very soft, you know.
- Yeah.

I'm too soft.

- What a fright!
- That boy!

Domingo!

What is this?

That's disgusting!

If he doesn't get to the beach
this summer,

he'll cause a massacre
in McDonald's.

You're exaggerating.

Yes, you're exaggerating
your grief.

You're wallowing in it too much.

I'm not going to argue with you
because you aren't here.

It's as if you didn't want
to accept...

that you're...

dead.

And you are, I'm sorry.

But I'm still alive for you.

That's the problem.

And you can't live
with that problem.

I'm going to do the season,
I said I would,

but that's it.

Then,

it's good-bye.

What will you do?

Bury yourself alive
like Crazy Jane?

It was a really nice movie.

But very old.

I can't stop feeling
what I feel.

Our marriage was quite good,

but it wasn't all perfect.

Because of our jobs, we were
often hundreds of miles apart.

Look, our marriage was perfect,
Carlos.

Take this.
Together or apart.

Remember, we never screwed
very much.

But that was because you always
said you were very tired...

and that you had
lots of problems.

Luci...

All right, we didn't do it much,
but when we did, it was great.

Wasn't it?

You don't know
how much I miss it.

I do know.

Do you know everything now?

Yes.

I'm in your thoughts, and I know
more about you than you do.

Your eyebrow is itchy.

But what do you want me to do?

Grow! You're really fantastic,
but you always lived in my shadow.

Me, in your shadow?

You gave up acting
to help me in my career.

It was for our son.

Yes, our son,
but especially for me.

Are you saying
you weren't a good writer?

Very mediocre.

You can be honest with me.

Can't you see I'm dead
and have no feelings?

Talk badly of yourself
if you want.

But there'll never be
a man like you.

Never.

That's how things were.
My mother wouldn't forget,

and, no matter
how my father insisted,

she took him everywhere.

A friend of mine has invited me

to go along with him

on vacation to Japan.

I don't know
if I'm going to go.

It's a long way

to Japan.

It's a real long way to Japan.

Japan.

It's a real long way to Japan.

And you have to go there
by plane.

Oh, no, absolutely not!

When I reserved the table,

the lady told me
we'd get the best one.

Don't worry.

How can I not worry
if I paid 4,000 pesetas?

You know how many heads
I have to shampoo to earn that?

Girls,

it smells of tigers in here.

Men on the loose.

I think I saw some over there.

Those three horrors?

Two baldies and a low-brow.

I could go for a baldy.
They really turn me on.

Even the Head of the Government
turns you on.

The maître has a lovely ass.

Faggot.

You see faggots everywhere.

She's been like that...

since she found her husband
in bed with a Jehovah's Witness.

Men are like TV.

The more you see it,
the more you loath it.

Five years married, and there was
just one thing that annoyed me.

- What?
- He was real fond of his mother.

It never fails, girls. If he's
real fond of his mother,

a faggot.

There are some mothers...

who should be shot!

Will this do?

It depends.
Can we pick anyone up here?

I'd say so.

Germilina,
why are you wriggling?

This G-string I'm wearing
has shifted,

and my clit's half strangled.

- Will we check things out?
- I don't see anything of interest.

There's a lot of pussy here.

We'll have to stand in line.

I've seen some ugly men before,
but never like this.

Have we traveled in time...

to the Planet of the Apes?

What sets my teeth on edge
about men are their privates.

Don't a man's privates
remind you of a hen's neck?

The worst thing is
they think with them.

Do you smell cheap perfume?

I don't.

Of course, it's yours.

This is by "Vittorio y Moschino".

Well, that man has got
a real nerve.

It smells of cockles.

My boss gave it to me.

Before or after?

Before. After, he didn't give me
the time of day.

Good God,
men are so disgusting!

But now, before I see him, I use
eye drops and pretend I'm crying.

- What does he do?
- He doesn't do anything.

- But he has a hernia that big.
- Fuck him!

Fuck him!

Kleenex...

Fuck him!

Right!

We're their Kleenex!

Fuck him!

Luci, don't you always say
that we're like their Kleenex?

Yes! Their Kleenex.

They open us up,

fill us with snot,
and on to the next.

If you marry,
you move up a step.

You go from being a Kleenex
to being a linen hankie.

Well, we'll take the van,
all right?

Take care, love.

- Yes, I'll take a cab.
- And get some sleep.

I might take a tablet.

Sure, you take all the drugs
you need.

I'll take your bag.

The show was a bit weak.
You know that, don't you?

To be honest, it went better
than I expected.

You wrecked the Kleenex joke.

But the public applauded a lot.

They were very cold,
don't kid yourself.

Listen, Carlos, if you're going
to come back from...

wherever, just to tell me off,
don't bother coming back,

darling.

What's this notebook?

It's cute. I don't remember it.
Is it yours?

Maribel, 32,

assistant director in TV.

Her husband is away from home
Thursdays and Fridays.

Likes Mexican food, pop music.
Size 10.

What's this?

Susana, the girl from the bank.

Has no apartment,
lives with her mother.

I gave her the story
about my wife being paralyzed!

Tabata: shows promise.

Magnificent tits,
outrageous lips!

Carlos, what is this?

Luci...

How many sluts are in here?

Luci, I...

How many?

34.

My God!

How could you?

The ideal man, the most loving,
the only one!

Everyone told me
there was no such thing!

I was so stubborn!

Not one year, or two,
or five, or ten!

Twenty! I was blind
for twenty years!

Buying your shorts,

and frying steaks for you,

even though raw meat
disgusts me!

Preparing herb tea
to calm your nerves.

"Poor thing, he has to write,
he's tired, all that stress..."

And my nerves? What do I do...

about my nerves?

You bastard!

How could you have loved me
so little?

I loved you very much.

That...

What?

I couldn't help that other thing.
It was like an illness.

What shitty love you've given me.

But it doesn't matter.

Better to find out late
than never.

- Now it's my turn.
- Your turn for what?

- To cheat on you.
- What?

With the first one I meet,
then with the second.

- You can't cheat on me.
- No? Why not?

- I'm dead?
- So it's posthumous!

Don't be silly!

I'll cheat on you as often as
I need to, until I forget you.

You're getting worked up.

I won't stop until I've forgotten
what you even looked like.

I understand that you're angry.

And I have to start
right away,

because I have to erase
20 years of memory!

It's against nature.

- What nature?
- Yours. You're a one-man woman.

From this moment, 3.05 a.m.,

I'm going to be
what I want to be.

You can't sleep with a man
if you feel nothing for him.

If I feel I want to screw,

that'll be enough.

Why are you stripping off?

In case I like the cab driver.

Don't take this badly, but
there aren't so many men around.

You're of an age...

You still look very well,
but you're not Cindy Crawford.

Did you fill that notebook
because you're Harrison Ford?

You know nothing
about picking people up.

That's about to change,
I'm in Benidorm in August.

There are millions of people here
waiting to get picked up.

Men of my age like young girls.

Don't think there are hundreds
of men at that door,

ready to go knock, knock
and make you an offer.

If that's a man,
and my heart tells me it is,

you're in for a big surprise.

Come in.

Am I disturbing you?

No, not at all!
Quite the opposite.

Salvatore Tanucci. I have...

Salvatore, what a lovely name!
And just what I need.

I have...

I'm Luci. My father named me for
Lucille Ball, the comic actress.

Oh, yes!

I do a daily radio program...

What are you? Italian?

Half French, half Italian.

I was born in Rimini, but spent
most of my life in Marseille.

Marseille! I've been there.

On the way to Monte Carlo.

I had my photo taken with Daniel
Ducruet. Do you know him?

- Yes.
- He's charming.

White moccasins with holes.

What was I saying?

Have you seen the show?

It's very good.
A bit hard on us men but...

Because you deserve it!

I always say, who taught us
to be as we are,

our fathers or our mothers?

Great, a know-all.
He's an old hand at this game.

I wanted...

to interview you tomorrow.

We have a mobile studio
down at the beach...

A mobile studio!

Do you have a car?

The woman that I love

has tied me to her yoke,

but please,

I beg you,

never tell her.

- Want one?
- No, thanks.

I like Serrat.

The words.

I like to play Spanish songs,
so I know what they're saying.

I don't like modern music.

Or modern life,
or anything modern.

- You been here long?
- Since '92.

I came for the Olympics,
argued with my companion,

and decided not to go home.

Your wife?

I guess.

Have you got a girlfriend?

Children?

Nothing. Peace and quiet.

I'm a widow.

I know.

But I've cried enough now.

Now I just want to laugh
and enjoy myself.

There must be lots of places
here to enjoy yourself.

Do you know them?

What a question! You must know
them if you work on the radio.

But what really matters
isn't the place,

it's the company.

Maybe you could take me...

to one of those places
you say you know.

Don't be offended,
but I'm not great company.

That's for me to decide.

It sounds odd, but over the years
I've lost interest in women.

You're gay?

You don't like women?

Yes, but it never worked out.

It never worked
out for me either.

All the men I've been with
have hurt me.

Were there many?

Loads!

The problem is women want
to fall in love and men don't.

I've got no interest
in falling in love, Salvatore.

I mean, it's important to get
things clear from the start.

They always get complicated.

No, Salvatore.

You have to make an effort.

It's over there.

Wait, the door doesn't work.
I have to fix it.

Merci.

So, tomorrow at 1.00.

Yes, at 1.00 on the dot.

Domingo!

Come on!

Come on!

Back then, married men suffered
from a chronic illness,

infidelity, which led them
to sleep with other women...

but not leave their families.

This kept half of the world's husbands...

in a constant state
of schizophrenia.

Whore!

Whore! Whore!

Does Mari live here?

She's asleep.

When does she get up?

I don't know.
She's an artiste...

I must speak to her right now.

Mari!

Mari!

What are you doing here?

- Claudio!
- Mari, I'm devastated.

Weren't you in Ronda
with your family?

We're all here, in a hotel.

I changed our plans
so as to be near you.

That way, if I could slip away
occasionally, we could...

Come over here.

Oh, God!

Anyone want coffee?

My wife's cheating on me, Mari.

- Pilar?
- With my best friend.

The godfather of my
youngest daughter.

Right here,

under my very nose.
Look.

Let's see.

You know what?
It serves you right.

They're just rubbing cream
on each other.

Last night they went
to a disco together.

- And?
- They came back...

- at 6.00 a.m.
- I'll make coffee.

She was completely drunk,

and she had sand
all over her.

I'm sorry, but I have
no sympathy for you.

What do I do?

Put up with it.

I can't talk to her now.
I can't even look her in the eye.

You've been seeing my sister
for five years.

Six.

And your wife's behaved
like a lady.

Of course, because she doesn't
know about us.

Maybe she does.

Maybe she wants
to make you jealous.

Or maybe she doesn't love...

this idiot anymore.

Rubbish, Pilar adores him.

- She's a saint.
- All women are saints.

What about you?

What?

Do you love her?

She's the mother of my children.

But do you love her?

Well, yes, I'm very fond of her.

So you don't love her.
I told you, he doesn't love her.

The kids are still young.

The house is only half paid.

I'm trapped on all sides.

- Then talk to her.
- About this?

Sure. Just say, "Pilar,
are you in love with...?"

Tomás.

Say, "Pilar, do you love Tomás?"

What if she says yes?

You shit yourself!

My world will fall apart!

Like I said,
he'll shit himself.

And you?

Mari!

It's very early, darling.

The idea of divorce
terrifies me.

Lawyers, lawyers' fees,
paying her so much a month,

moving out.

I can't even do
my tax declaration.

Yeah, she always did it.

Then just play dumb.

What?

Like you don't know
what's going on.

But how could a man like me
put up with that...

and not say anything?

Fuck, millions of women do it,
and they manage.

Sure, they think,
"The others are just chapels,

but I am...

the cathedral."

They're smart, they weigh their
hearts against their interests.

Their hearts don't weigh much
for their husbands broke them,

so they keep their houses,
cars, washing machines.

If they can do it,

so can you.

What's up with you?

Nothing. Why?

You look different.
You even seem taller.

I'm about half way
through my life.

I still have the other half.

So I've decided
that I'm going to enjoy it.

I mean bloody well go for it.

Does that mean sex,

drugs, alcohol?

It means that I'm tired
of being good.

Hello. We're on
in fifteen minutes.

I'll be right back.
I'll get the script.

A bit dull, but I find him
interesting.

Just interesting?

I like the really cheerful tie
he's wearing.

Want an ice cream?

A soft drink?

Oh, soft drinks!

Girls, how about a photo?

Really?

Can I go swimming?

- What?
- Can I go swimming?

Yes, go on.

Ready, girls?

Are you looking for serious guys
or for ones to screw?

No, I don't want anything
serious, none of that.

Guys are fine,
but they use up your energy.

But don't you have
physical needs?

Every two or three months.
It depends.

Then I go and screw
the best looking man I find.

A good looking man
is usually stupid.

So, as he doesn't have much
to say, or much of anything,

I don't end up
falling for him.

My motto is: only screw men
who are stupider than I am.

Find one for me, to start with.

Thanks, girls.

- Now?
- It's ideal here.

They're practically all naked.

- The one in the blue bathing suit?
- Which one?

No, he's with a girl.

If you're going to be fussy...

The one in the yellow cap?

- He has no hair not even in his legs.
- So what?

I don't know, hair on a man
makes him look kind of cuddly.

Oh, my God! Just look...

at that cock!

- Where?
- Look at it!

- He's got a hard-on.
- No way, that's how he is.

Look at the three barrels.

Look.

Which one? That fat guy?

I've got a thing
about fat guys.

Mari, that's...
Mari, isn't that...?

It must be Tomás.

And that's Pilar.

- Like I said, she's lovely.
- Yeah.

She's older than he is.

I've got one for you!

- Who?
- That one.

With the glasses?

Cute, isn't he?

- What do I do? What do I say?
- Go after him.

No way, I'm not going
after him.

Do I have to do everything?

We're here with the radio,
doing interviews...

This is Mariano, he's 36
and he teaches...

at the University.
He's a bit shy,

and, from his expression,
he thinks I'm completely crazy.

That's Mari.

But forget about her,
because she's very unstable.

However, my sister Luci
is ideal...

for a romantic dinner.

Why not tonight?
What a great idea!

What luck, Mariano!

It so happens that she's got
no commitments tonight.

And with the clued-up look
you have, I bet you don't either.

So you needn't insist. I'll see
about reserving a table.

And relax, Mariano.

Don't listen to her.
We were just joking.

That's it.

We have five minutes
before the interview.

Mariano...

- Yes, we've met already.
- I did an interview with him.

- The day before yesterday?
- Tuesday.

I think I got a bit
carried away.

No, it was very good.

The thing is, he brought up
one of my favorite topics.

Really?
And what's that, Mariano?

The death penalty!

After so many years
of civilization,

how can we still have
something as monstrous...

as the death penalty?

How can we allow the execution
of men, women, even children,

gassing them like
the Jews in Auschwitz,

or breaking their necks
on the gallows,

or roasting them
with thousands of volts?

How can we allow that?

I mean, it's madness.

Mom devoted herself to the task
of meeting new men.

In that brief but intense period
of her life she discovered...

A: That there were many men with
only one topic of conversation.

For example, masturbation.

That subject is taboo.

And it's good to masturbate.

It's imaginative.

It's an amazing exercise in
self-suggestion and self-control.

I love being masturbated.

Do you?

B: That many men thought
the best way to seduce a woman...

was to talk about themselves.

Do you have a Macintosh?

No, I don't have a computer.

Macintosh has got Apple Talk
communication software.

And C: That the vast majority
of those men...

didn't know how to listen.

You don't suck prawn heads?
But that's the best part.

This is the only place where
they know about eating shellfish.

Go on, suck!

It's a great aphrodisiac.
It gets you going...

much more than those pills
kids use now.

I didn't need chemicals
at their age...

to get turned on.

Move your foot!

- It's just a caress.
- You've been trying to grope me...

since the salad.

You have something that attracts
me, my hands start to wander.

Where are you going?

To the bathroom.

You wouldn't dump me
in the middle of dinner?

And what if I did?

If people cross me,
I can get real mean.

What was that?

- Santi, nice to see you!
- Hello, Salvita.

Really?

Yes, his father-in-law handles
a rifle like John Wayne.

He's terrified of him.

A few years ago two thieves
came into his store.

He blew one guy's eye out,
and killed the other.

That's the store.

Do you always dress
so classically?

I haven't bought clothes
in years.

Yeah.

Want a coffee?

A cigarette. I don't smoke much
but at times...

I smoke Ducados, but they might
be too strong for you.

- Yes, forget it.
- I'll buy you some.

- No, really, don't.
- Yes. Winston? Marlboro?

Fortuna.

You've decided on the guy
with the moccasins?

Leave me alone.

You've been seeing guys
for a week with no luck.

I picked some real beauties.

You're the problem.

Me?

You have to love them
before you make the jump.

It isn't that.
I don't want to love them.

Excuses. Some of them
weren't that bad.

If you just want fun,
what does it matter?

I'll be in Benidorm
for a while longer.

As sure as my name's Luci,
I'm not leaving here intact.

We'll see.

We mentioned John Wayne.

He was on the TV in the bar
with Maureen O'Hara.

- In "The Quiet Man".
- Yes.

That happens to me a lot. I think
of something and it happens.

For example,
this situation,

you and I talking
about "The Quiet Man".

I've dreamed about this.
It's like I'd lived it.

Does it happen to you?

Well, recently I've been
thinking about you,

and then I'd see you.

Where?

Having dinner.

But always with somebody.

That's good, keep going.

Come on! He said he's thinking
about you.

For a wimp like this guy,
that's a giant step.

Come on, say something.

- Do you like the cinema?
- What a great question!

I don't know, but I go.

I don't know why, because
most movies are for kids.

They begin, I see the first three
scenes, and I know the rest.

It happens to me too.

And all this fashion
for violence, really...

It's horrible.

Life is full of horror,
but also of beauty.

The news is horrific,
we see it all the time.

Why do movie makers
bombard us with more horror?

Now he'll kiss you.

Give him one of your looks
and he will.

I'm sorry, I'm going on a bit.

- I've got something in my eye.
- Let me see.

Ask him out for a drink.

Why don't you come for a drink
after the show?

Good!

That's it.

- So will you come?
- I have a radio program.

Have the drink afterwards!

I finish at 4.00.
If it isn't too late...

What! At 4.00!
Wait for him for two hours?

At 4.00, you'll be dead
with sleep.

And you're wearing those shoes
that hurt you.

It's very late, I know.

There's a windsurf championship
near here on Thursday.

- Your son might like to go.
- Oh, yes!

You call that a romance?
With the kid in the middle?

I must go.

I'll drive you.

That would be lovely,

but it's right there.

So, what time on Thursday?

At about 4.00, and then
we can have dinner in Altea.

Fantastic!

God, this is pathetic!

- I'm really sick of you!
- What?

Nothing, good-bye.

Neither of you will ever score!

So grown up and so dull!
You're so dull!

Three, and action!

He didn't believe in theater.

He used to laugh
at my dreams,

and so little by little
I too ceased to believe.

Aunt Graci wanted to be
a great actress.

My mother and Aunt Mari had
tried, but with no luck.

Graci was the family's
last hope...

that someone would
take us seriously.

I grew trivial,

insignificant.

I played my parts
without meaning.

I never knew what to do
with my hands.

I couldn't control my voice.

I couldn't move on the stage.

You can't imagine
how an actress feels...

when she realizes her
acting's terrible.

I am a seagull.

No, that's not what I meant.

Do you remember the seagull
that you killed?

Cut!

Why?

Do you think it's funny?
Because you know me,

and, whatever I say,
you won't take me seriously.

I know I'm funny.

I was born funny.

It's even my name.
"Gracia". "Funny".

Everyone says, "You're so lucky",
but it's hard,

because no one ever
takes you seriously.

Nina is a young girl who dreams
of being an actress.

I'm young,
and I know the problem.

When I say those words,
I really feel them.

Then, I don't know what happens,
but they sound like lies.

But if I can make people laugh
I can make them cry.

I'm fucking sick...

of people who know me
laughing as soon as they see me.

I don't even have to speak.

If I deliberately look serious,
they laugh even more.

Am I just a joke
with a good pair of tits?

And I'm getting my period.

Shall we do it again?

Very good.

Really?

Beautiful.

You didn't cry.

But I was about to.

I don't know.

Just send the tape to Armiñán.
And stop worrying about it.

He probably wants somebody
tall and thin and languorous.

I really have to impress him...

so that he'll give me
an audition, don't you see?

It's very good, Gracia.
It couldn't be better.

Why not?

Because it's very good as it is,
I told you.

What are you doing?

Do you care?

How unusual!
I should get emotional.

One's retiring,

the other's doing
serious theater,

and, for a change,
I'm stuck in the middle.

Maria, hold your horses.

I'm not going...

until you find another
actress to replace me.

I mean, after all,

I can wait a few months.

Maria.

Idiot.

I wasn't serious,
it was just a joke.

That's good.

Each of us can do
whatever we please.

The act gives me a living,
that's all.

It doesn't particularly
mean much to me.

The messenger!

That's it.

Stop thinking about it.

Messenger.

Just a minute.

- Will I dry my hair first?
- No, love.

I'll dry it for you.

Hello. She can't do it herself.

- What motorbike do you have?
- None, just this gadget.

Hey, neat!

Here.

Are you giving it to me or not?

I don't know.

- Didn't you call the agency?
- Yes.

But it isn't that easy.

It's all the same to me.

You sign here,
and there's no problem.

Do you like the theater?

I don't know, I've never gone.

Cinema?
Yeah.

Would you look at a video?

Me?

I need the opinion of someone
who doesn't know me.

I'm a messenger,
my opinion isn't...

Please.

Is it very long?

No!

- Want a beer?
- No, thanks.

Are you comfortable?

Take off your clothes real slow,

as if it were the first time,

I want to feel how your breath
burns my skin.

Sit down here beside me,

I like to have you close by me.

I'll give you the stars
if you will only

be there.

"Now I'm a real actress."

Because today I feel alone

among the multitude,

and if there's anyone
who can understand me,

it's you.

What's up?
So it fucking got to me.

Isn't he cute?

Ah, so it was you!

Hello, love.

What are you doing?

They're here. I don't want them
to see me.

Who do you mean?

I followed them
and saw them come in.

Your wife and your friend.

Friend? That lousy
son of a bitch!

They may not be doing anything
objectionable.

Why don't you go in and see?

The show is about to start.

I'd do it myself, but I know me.

If I go in there and catch them
red-handed...

Look!

Are you stupid?

Today they hired a pedalo
and went off.

In front of the kids.
In front of me!

Come on, put that away.

All right, but...

You go in and spy on them.

Do it for me.

Hello.

We're friends, you know.

Will you tell me?

Not a chance.

But it's to do with me?

Possibly.

This thing is madness.

I'm not even thinking about it.

I'm just letting it happen.

I'd like to go back
to that beach.

That was really crazy!

I got back to the hotel
with sand up to my ears.

I don't know how Claudio
didn't realize!

Let's do it again now.

We only live once.

I want you to fuck me right here.

The bathroom is full of mirrors.

Well?

You have to be
very patient, Claudio.

It's that bad?

If that guy doesn't disappear,
you've got it rough.

I'm choking!

Mari!

Come on!

Mari, come on.

We've being announced.

Don't do anything crazy.

I'm in a bad way.

We'll see.

Right.

- Graci, a light.
- Hang on.

Surprise!

My dears, I don't know if you're
looking happy or shocked.

In the sea,
there lived a barnacle,

and he fell in love
with a clam.

He wanted to kiss the clam,

but the clam ate him up.

Learn the moral of this tale.

When you want to show off
your barnacle,

don't put it next to a clam,

because you could be

sucked to death.

Thank you.

This is what's best in life.

The simple things.
A paella, friends, family.

If we valued what we have
the way we value what we want,

we'd all be much happier.

Well said! Here, here!
I'll drink to that!

Cheers!

Cheers!

But the important toast
is coming now.

Tremble.

We've got a replacement
for Luci.

I bet you never knew...

that Miriam is
a great comic actress?

Neither did I.

I love imitating performers.

But that means nothing.

And who do you imitate?

I don't know.
Michael Jackson.

We're dying to see you
give a demonstration.

Right, Luci?

First I'll tell you
what happened yesterday.

We were invited to a dinner
for some prize giving or other.

When we arrived, everyone
was angry and arguing.

The organizer came over and said,
"Luqui, please do a sketch."

I said, "No, I'm very sorry."

But I remembered the act
about the mind reader...

and the seer.

Miriam's seen all my videos
hundreds of times.

So I said to her,
"Love, I have to do this."

"Do you dare?"
She almost died.

"No, I can't."

- "No, I can't."
- What did you expect, baby?

It was full of famous people.
Pedro Carrasco,

Raquel Mosquero,

Rociito.

I was terrified.

I finally convinced her.

She stole all the punch lines!
She got more laughs than I did.

Don't listen to him.
He's just chattering on.

She's a wonder!
And she's had no experience.

Well...

That's great.

Why not do a bit of their
show for them?

Oh, no, I couldn't!

- Don't be silly.
- We're all family here.

Why not do Luci's story...

about the traveling salesman?

Come on!

It was all going well.

We went to his place, he put on
music by Michael Bolton,

and gave me a drink.

"I won't be long", he said
and went off.

After a while he came back.

He'd put on golden harem pants,
a Moorish bodice,

a red wig,

and half a dozen scarves
made of... made of...

Gauze.

Of gauze, like veils.

"I'm your slave", he said.

"You're going to sell me
at public auction."

What...?

Nothing.

Mari...

I want to talk to you.

So talk.

I'm me and she's her.

Why not put yourself
in her place?

If I do, I take up with Tomás too
and then it's a real mess.

I'm very possessive.

When I was little, I could never
share my toys with my brothers.

Weren't you an only child?

Exactly!

But I've seen the light.

Light is fundamental for me.
I'm a cameraman.

I've seen that Pilar and I
are finished.

But I'm willing to do anything
if you'll help me.

We could...

try to live together,
form a real couple.

And even,

depending on how it goes,

if you wanted,

we could get married.

And maybe,

have a baby, if you want.

No, Claudio, no.

What?

I love you, and I have
a good time with you,

but you're a man to be with
one day a week.

Well,

at most, two.

And if I'm ever crazy enough
to get married,

which I doubt,

it wouldn't be such
an old hand as you.

An old hand?

Someone who'd take it
seriously,

who wouldn't marry me
with that attitude...

of "I'm doing you a favor".

A guy who keeps his word
and is willing to be faithful.

You like having a wife
so you can cheat on her.

With you, it's only fun
being the other woman.

You're refusing me?

You should really
convert to Islam.

Then you could have
all the wives you want.

I'm dying of grief,

and you make fun of me.

No! This is all very clear!

What are you doing?

I'm going swimming.

At four in the morning?

I'm going to swim
till there's no water left!

You really are very childish.

So what? No one cares about me!

Claudio, where are you going?
Claudio!

Yesterday, they loved me.
Today, they insult me.

Have I changed? Not at all!

I've always been as I am.
Always!

You are the ones who lie!

You never fall in love
with the man in front of you.

It's a lie!

You fall in love with the one
you might be able to tame.

And you keep going until you
change us into different people.

Then...

Is there no way to kill yourself
on this fucking beach?

What is this?

Who are those beasts?

Your father!

And the queen of comedy!

She'll kill him!

Come closer, come on.

But today, as there was a raid

at number 33,

Mario comes back
at ten minutes to five.

How early!

At the far end
of his deserted street

all he can see

are two lovers
kissing like crazy,

and poor Mario

wants to die

when he gets closer

and discovers

that it's Maria
with another man.

Knife blades cross
because of a woman...

"My grandfather decided
I was too influenced by women.

So he set to work
to show me life...

from his point of view.

That is, a man's point of view.

Of course, my grandfather
was anything but a normal man."

Come in and laugh,

your laughter will be
roses for me.

Because in life

the smartest thing to do
is smile.

We live in a state
of constant anxiety,

hopelessly seeking happiness.

We fight unarmed
against fear and pain,

but there's no better defense
than humor.

Come in and laugh.

It's the best thing there is.
That's saying something.

I'll say it again.

Because a life
of suffering and struggle

just isn't the thing.

What do we say to him?

Look, we don't have to be honest.

It's awful to see him here.

He's where he wants to be.

- Can you tell I've been crying?
- Yes, but say it was from laughing.

I hate seeing my father
make a fool of himself.

Well?

Very good!

Fantastic, Dad!

And a great audience.

No, they weren't happy.

It went much better yesterday,
didn't it?

- Yes, baby.
- I was nervous,

knowing my daughters
were here,

and my grandson.

You know who comes here?

Julio Iglesias's father.

Congratulations!

Well done!

Honestly.

Well, I'm going to have a shower.

I'm...

Thank you so much.

For...

saying you liked it.

What else would we say?

Of course, how silly of me!

And the show was great,
wasn't it?

Isn't the new Cuban sketch
real funny?

Well, I'll go and dry his hair.

He loves me to do it
with the drier.

With the drier?

She's either very stupid
or very clever.

Or she really loves him.

A man of almost 70?

Would you go to bed
with a man of 70?

- Paul Newman is 71.
- Paul Newman, but not your father!

Vittorio Gassman...

is 74, Sidney Poitier, 72,

Clint Eastwood is 66,
and so is Sean Connery.

Well, Domingo?

What about a dip?

Bet you can't catch me!

From that moment, I was one
of the few people in the world...

who masturbated
thinking of his grandmother.

You've fallen asleep
almost without wanting to,

with a word on your lips.

And I'd give everything I have

to know

all your dreams.

And you've fallen asleep without
knowing that I am

the spy of your dreams,

with no other flag
but your bed,

with no other frontier
but your kisses.

Domingo was kind of obsessed...

with his ears,

and he measured them
twice a day.

Domingo! Would you please stop?

Domingo!

I was saying...

that the boy
read in the newspaper...

that ears grow I don't know
how many millimeters a year,

and as he's as obsessive
as his father was...

What's wrong with that kid?

Domingo! Would you stop?

I've got that damn taca-taca
going around in my head.

Take off the earphones!

What?

I'm bored!

You're doing this on purpose.
Why?

I want to!

You're not a child any more,
Domingo!

You're 15.

Domingo!

You stay here!

Domingo! Stop running
right now...

or there'll be trouble!

It would be a big help if I knew
what was going through your head.

I don't mean always, but...

from time to time
wouldn't be bad.

If you knew what I know
about that guy,

you wouldn't like him
so much.

With an Alicante license plate
and the same sticker.

Where were you on June 21?

Me?

Yes, you! Where were you?

Look at the fender!

On the left!

What's this dent?

- What dent?
- This one! Didn't you see it?

To tell the truth, I didn't.

The car's old, and I've never
been careful about cars anyway.

Are you careful about driving,
or do you just knock people down?

What?

Look, stop playing the fool
because I don't want...

to get upset!

You are upset!
And so's the boy.

And I seem to responsible
but I don't know why.

Oh, don't you?

I don't!

You're a coward!

Why are you insulting me?

What is this?

Don't touch her!

What have you eaten today?

The car that killed my husband
was a red R11,

and it had that sticker!

Domingo saw it!

Fuck!

- Isn't it your radio's sticker?
- Yes.

Are there many of them?

No, there aren't.

My God! How can I be
on a day trip...

with the man who knocked
Carlos down?

I've never knocked anyone down!

Tell me another!

Once I knocked a dog down. I took
it home, and it's still there.

What breed is it?

A German Shepherd.

What do you feed it?

White rice, minced meat, liver.

Stop talking about dogs!

You think I wouldn't stop
for a person?

It was your car!

It's the model, and the color!
It has the dent,

and the sticker!

On June 21, I wasn't even here!

Of course not! You were
in Madrid, killing my husband!

No! I was in Berlin!

The old excuse. When a man
doesn't know what to say,

he says he was in Berlin.

My sister lives there,
she's married to a German.

She had a baby, they invited me
to the christening and I went!

You hear?

Don't touch her, asshole!

Kid, I'm going to thump you!

Luci, I feel dizzy.

Can't you imagine me
in a less disgusting way?

Look.

- Your sister?
- Yes.

You're not alike.

I was in Berlin...

from June 20 to June 25.

My only vacation
in the whole year.

Then no one killed my husband?

Emilio...

We have to talk.

Go on!

I could have taken another car.

A faster one.
There are lots here.

But their owners are so fussy.
You don't care about your car.

My girlfriend lives in Madrid.

We met last summer and we don't
see each other much.

She's only 17, I've got no money
and her parents are real strict.

I wasn't going fast.

I swear, I was only doing 55.

It was a normal curve.

I eased the accelerator.

I touched the brake.

Suddenly this guy was dancing
in the middle of the road.

Fuck, there he was!

I just had time
to blow the horn.

I saw him fall
in the rear view mirror.

I swear...

I was going to stop,
but then I thought...

of a load of things.

My parents, my girlfriend,

her parents, my boss.

Christ, I'm sorry!

Fuck it, I'm sorry!

He was in the middle
of the road!

Come on, Domingo.

You have to report this.

No, please!

It's unpleasant, but you must.

I can't.

So he can go out
and do it again?

- I swear I'll never do it again!
- I can't.

It's your responsibility!

This isn't the way
to fix things!

Mom finally decided to throw
my father's ashes in the sea.

Just as well she never knew
what happened to the urn that day.

It's the simplest black thing
I have, and it's kind of dressy.

Who said we have to wear black?

- You're in black.
- Just the blouse.

Everything I have here
is so bright.

We're throwing Carlos in the sea,
well, his ashes.

There's no dress code for that.

For Crissake!

Graci! Mari!

The urn!

- What a bad scene.
- Oh, my God!

The window was open.

I tripped, and look.

It's all fucked. Help me.

Domingo, it's a disaster!

- Fuck, Graci, you know I...
- Let's get this gathered up.

- Gather up what?
- Whatever's left.

If we had a vacuum...

Or maybe we should leave it.

This is a sign.

- Of what?
- That he wants to stay here.

Come on!

It's Luci! Move!

Keep calm. I'll fix this.

Are you all ready?

They're lovely!

Yes, they are, aren't they?

I'll get the urn.

Mari, Domingo,
don't take all day!

Are you angry with me?

Me?

You didn't call me all week.

You didn't call either.

I thought you were angry.

And I thought that you were.

I was, but...

And, Salvatore,

we didn't have any arrangement
about phoning each other.

Well, I...

I was thinking about it and...

Do you like wild mussels...

"à la marinière"?

You said you weren't interested
in women.

Well, sometimes I say
stupid things.

I was wondering if...

it would be possible...

Well, you know,
I'd like to frequent you.

Frequent me? What do you
understand by frequenting me?

Repeat an action, visit a place
frequently. That's frequent.

Right!

Ready?

What we are going to do...

is very important for me.

What did you use?

"Calgonit."

- What?
- Detergent.

What else could we do?

Are you stupid?

That was how my father...

came to rest in the place
he'd always dreamed of.

The season was ending
and my mother was still intact.

Aunt Graci kept staring at
the phone, hoping to provoke...

a call from the National
Theater which never came.

Aunt Mari, worried about
the group's future,

considered throwing in
the towel...

and giving stodgy
old Claudio a chance.

I've matured.

I understand Pilar.

A woman needs the same as a man,
except in a different way.

We're going to celebrate
my freedom with champagne!

Have you spoken to her?

Why don't you look
where you're going?

You have to look, kid!

Calm down, you drunk.

Asshole!

Come on, darling.

Are you guys crazy or what?

You have a reservation?

Enjoy your meal.

Well!

Isn't this a coincidence?

Claudio, please.

Don't worry,
I won't cause a scene.

Let me pay,
and we'll go outside and talk.

I've got nothing to say to you,
asshole!

- I'm off.
- No, you're staying.

No, not you.
You're staying.

I want my wife to know...

who's made me really happy
these last six years.

Claudio, this is
very embarrassing.

You mustn't torture yourself
thinking you've hurt me.

Hurt you?

Please, Claudio. In order to feel
pain, you must be able to feel.

She is the woman of my life.

You don't believe me?

I'm going to thump you!

She think's I'm bluffing.

Darling,

I want them to see
how lucky I am.

What have you done?

You've killed me!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Sorry? You're fucking sorry?

What's so funny, idiot?

You'd better call a doctor,
Pilar.

Anyone got a mobile?

Want to come dancing?

- You got cigarettes?
- Yeah.

Fuck.

- I feel rotten.
- Why's that?

- You always pay for everything.
- What about it?

A guy without money
is like a rooster without feathers.

I'm used to it. I've been
working since I was sixteen.

- I used to make a good living.
- And?

It was too good.
I ended up in the slammer.

You stole?

Even the canes
from blind men.

Don't worry.

I've reformed.

I concentrate on the boat now.

Yeah? Is this a good area
for fishing?

Here? It's fucking great.

If you head out to sea
you can get anything.

Red mullet, shark, swordfish,
whatever you want.

The thing is,
stealing is beautiful.

- Beautiful?
- If you do it well,

it really is.

It's like acting.

Lots want to do it,
only a few make it.

Swiping stuff is one thing.

But a big hit is something else.

Working in a team, with creativity.
Then you can do banks, trucks.

But it's dangerous. A friend of
mine had his eye shot out...

robbing that jeweler's.

- You don't take me seriously.
- Yes, I do!

But do you just see me
as a summer fling...

or is there something
more personal?

A friend.

No, no, forget about
being friends.

You kiss your friends
like that?

Want another?

I kiss well.
Or so I'm told.

Fuck, now I'll fall for you,
and you'll go away...

No.

Decide not to fall.

And if you don't want to fall,
then you won't.

Fuck! I'd like to do something
special for you.

Something that
you'll never forget.

A few more kisses like that
and I assure you...

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Let's go to my friend's boat.
- Will we take a taxi?

No, we'll walk.

- And we can pass by a drugstore.
- I've got some.

You'll smother him!

This looks like
a wrestling match.

You're taking the initiative,
that's wrong.

Men of our age like to think
we're the dominant ones.

I'm sorry! My necklace!

Just remember what you
were like with me.

Calm, gentle.
And it worked very well.

The "toilette"?

Wait.

Go away, Carlos.

I'm here for you.

Thank you, but I'd rather
you'd go away.

But you need some guidance!

No, leave me alone.

You left me on my own. I have to
learn to be one person, not two.

Do you know what you want?

I'm not very sure,
but I'm going to try.

If you go on with this,
you'll make a mistake, Luci.

No, let me try.

I'm as strong as a horse.
I'm stronger than you.

I doubt that.

This is when you can show me
if you really love me.

I love you.

Yes?

Are you all right?

Yes.

We needn't go on
if you don't want to.

No. Yes, yes.

Salvatore, couldn't you play
some music that's more cheerful?

Yes, yes, of course!

Serrat?

Haven't you anything
even more cheerful?

Yes, yes.

I'm nervous.

From the waist up, I'm nervous,
and from the waist down...!

I thought as much.

What a business!

Salvatore...

It isn't an examination.

We're not expecting
anything special.

No, I don't.

We like being together because...

- We think it might be nice.
- And if it isn't, no problem.

What problem could there be?

None.

And I don't expect you to bring
me coffee and croissants...

in bed tomorrow morning.

Stevie Wonder?

Don't you have anything...

in Spanish?

You mean, relaxed?

Relaxed.

Well, only in Italian.

Sergio Dalma!

Yes, Sergio Dalma!

- That'll do?
- It'll do.

At this moment in my life,
I need to listen to Sergio Dalma.

Would you like to dance?

Yes.

- You needn't put them on.
- Really?

Really.

Victor?

Victor?

Victor!

What a piece of cheesecake!

Hands off, she isn't yours!

Fucking kid!

What's going on?

Ask her, she's gone crazy.

And that shouting?

Take a look.

- Hey, hotpants!
- What the fuck is this?

- You got a problem, sweetheart?
- No, have you, cocksucker?

Go on, haul your ass inside,
you old cow.

We want to see the other one!
Send her out!

Send out your fucking mother.

I love turning them on!

Make some coffee.

- Mari, you're drunk.
- And I could get drunker!

It isn't fucking funny.

I thought you'd stopped
drinking.

You aren't my mother.

This won't get you anywhere.

Do I have to get somewhere?

Where do I have to go, smarty?
Do I get a prize when I arrive?

Go fuck yourself.

Are you fighting already?

Look at her.

- What's wrong with her?
- Do you mean right now,

or for the last 30 years?

Look, Gracia, I really don't
want any rows.

All sisters, all friends,

but nobody gives a damn
if a truck drives over me.

Did a truck drive
over you, love?

Even worse, I was robbed!

Move over.

The messenger?

Fuck! Really?

What are you laughing at?

Before, it was at me,
now, it's at you.

You too?

No, it's so I won't cry.

It went badly with the frog?

Neither good nor bad.

Domingo, why don't you go down
and buy some breakfast?

How long should I take?

- Twenty minutes?
- Half an hour.

Well!

Half an hour loose in Benidorm.

What an irresponsible mother.

I made the leap.

And?

Nothing.

It went badly?

Neither bad nor good.

I didn't come.

It was as if I'd been
married to him all my life.

The only thing was...

that at the peak moment...

he said something in French,
I don't know what it was,

and then, it kind of
ended up as nothing.

I've made up my mind.

The next time I take up with
a guy, I'm going to charge him.

What a good idea!
Just what you needed!

I have a whore's soul.

I bet it's that idiot's fault!

Wasters!

You can't even fuck!

- Go to hell!
- Go to hell yourself!

Girls,

there are two more
in the freezer.

It's the best thing to do.

If we have no shame or self-esteem,
we'll blame it on alcohol.

Well, not all men
steal from you, love.

I'm sick of sex.

And I'm sick of there being
two sexes.

- Why are there two?
- Maybe God drinks too.

I need to be in love.

Otherwise, the only thing
I feel...

is 200 pounds of flesh
on top of me.

Mari can advise you.

She trained hard to imitate guys
and screw without any feelings.

Don't you feel proud?

I feel like a dead loss.

It's the pits, we're ashamed
to have feelings.

Well, men have them too.

Yeah, in the tip of I know what.

Your friend Chekhov
had an awful lot of feelings.

Look.

I think I've got psychic powers
since I was widowed.

Go on, laugh! I don't know what
the fuck makes women laugh!

Between drinks,

my mother and my aunts
spent the rest of the day...

laughing at love, sex,
men, women,

and especially
at themselves.

By 5.00 in the morning,
my three favorite women,

in a considerable state
of alcoholic intoxication,

had become
a trio of kamikazes...

capable of anything.

Graci! Graci!

What?

- What time is it?
- I don't know.

Where's Mari?

Mari, what are those guys
doing here?

- It was your idea.
- I beg your pardon!

Don't pretend you don't
remember anything.

- I don't know who they are!
- They're from an aircraft carrier.

You kept calling yours
Kevin Costner.

I don't believe you!

But did you actually see
Kevin and I...?

How could I not?

You came running to tell me
that you felt nothing for him...

but it had been fucking great.

Well done!
You screwed without love.

You passed the test.

But what good is it
if I don't remember anything?

He's wakening up!

- What is it?
- He's wakening up. Come on!

Boy, they build things well
in America!

But the results aren't so great.

And yours?

Which of the two?

Mari!

Now what do we do?

Nothing. We say "Good-bye".

And piss off back
to the aircraft carrier.

He's like an ad for low fat yogurt.

And there's your rice pudding.

Is Luci here?

Hey, croissants! Great.

What did he say?

If he's your owner.

What?

I feel so awful, because
he brought me croissants.

Do you mean you like him?

It's impossible
that I'm in love.

Why? It's your natural state.

But I don't want love.

Luci,

you have just one hole
to fill,

and it isn't this one,
it's this.

He's leaving!

He wasn't going to stay
and put up with this!

After him!

Without any make-up?

Come on!

Am I pretty?

Get going!

She looks real pretty.

A shower?

You'll get no shower here,
or anybody's croissants.

Back to your fucking boat!
All four of you!

I was going to go up.

Again?

As often as necessary.

Shall we go somewhere?

In the car?

It was old.

I had to change it.

Maybe it's better if we walk.

I have to tell you something.
Do you mind if I do it in French?

The first time I saw you
I fell madly in love with you.

But I'm a bit shy
so I didn't dare...

But now I'm telling you
I love you, I love you.

Well, do you agree?

I didn't understand a word.

But it's the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.

Shall we go?

Life is very strange, and good
can often come out of bad.

The messenger had promised
Aunt Graci...

he'd do something
great for her.

Something that
she'd never forget.

And he certainly did it.

Hello.

I'm a messenger.

I've brought a video of Gracia
Quiñones for you to see.

You have to see this.

Or there'll be a massacre here
and we'll all die!

Come on, Belen!
On the right.

Aunt Mari's boyfriend
got back with his wife,

but no one realized there was
still someone free in the city.

He not only fell over Aunt Mari,
he fell for her.

She was a bit cold at first,
but changed completely...

when she discovered
he was married.

She firmly believed...

that the only men
who were worthwhile...

were married.

Salva wasn't exactly
a sex bomb,

but he seemed a good person
and made my mother laugh a lot.

She liked seeing how he lost
his fear,

not just of dealing with
women, but of treating them well.

And my grandmother, Miriam,
turned out to be a great writer.

She wrote a new show
for "The Three Graces"...

and it was really good.

Miriam!

What a lovely show!
What imagination!

- You really liked it?
- Yes, very much.

How wonderful.

Dad...

Dad, aren't you happy?

Yes, very happy.

We saw the doctor this morning.

And what?

- What?
- What?

Take my arm, it doesn't bite.

Now that you've finished
with "The Seagull",

I hear you're making
a new film.

It depends.

I'm a great fan
of all your films.

"Turkish Passion",
"High Heels",

"The Day of the Beast".

Well, good-bye.

- I loved "Three Words".
- Yes, thank you.

Do you cry at christenings too?

They're the worst.

I love you.

Are you fighting to love me
or to have me?

A photo, Luci?

Know why she's called Carlota?

Carlos!

Is that you?

Are you a little girl now?
Have you been reincarnated?

Dad, take Carlota.

Dad, you're much more handsome
without a wig.

Yes.

There was a time when people
needed to love and be loved...

in order to feel better.

Unable to control
their emotions,

they damaged themselves
constantly, causing traumas...

which professionals, now
obsolete, called psychologists,

tried to cure.

Death scared them, they didn't
know the meaning of life,

but despite
their ignorance...

they kept searching in each
other for a bit of happiness.

In that dark, primitive era,
so full of mistakes,

I learned to love women.