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1
00:00:22,291 --> 00:00:24,878
So this is, like, where
the South County bus stops.
2
00:00:24,902 --> 00:00:26,862
Yeah, one time I
saw this kid get off
3
00:00:26,886 --> 00:00:28,106
with a ferret on a leash.
4
00:00:28,130 --> 00:00:29,716
Yeah, and the guy who
drives the bus, Mr. Fargas,
5
00:00:29,740 --> 00:00:31,384
he used to be my soccer coach,
6
00:00:31,408 --> 00:00:34,112
and he said that I wasn't
gonna amount to anything,
7
00:00:34,136 --> 00:00:36,614
that I was ill-behaved,
and that I ran weird.
8
00:00:36,638 --> 00:00:39,284
Yeah, but then soccer and art
got canceled at our school,
9
00:00:39,308 --> 00:00:41,085
and now Fargas is driving a bus,
10
00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:42,896
so, you know, who's
the loser now, Farg?
11
00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:44,472
Here it comes!
12
00:00:44,496 --> 00:00:45,587
Go, go, go, go!
13
00:00:50,076 --> 00:00:51,593
Be cool, be cool,
be cool, be cool.
14
00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,078
Ah, yes!
15
00:00:58,102 --> 00:00:59,987
- Yes! Oh, my God!
He's gonna get us!
16
00:01:00,011 --> 00:01:02,990
Run! Take that, Fargas!
17
00:01:03,014 --> 00:01:04,400
Oh, my God!
18
00:01:04,424 --> 00:01:06,144
So Shrub's actually
not just my cousin.
19
00:01:06,168 --> 00:01:07,812
- He's also my best friend.
- Yeah.
20
00:01:07,836 --> 00:01:09,147
Tell 'em why.
21
00:01:09,171 --> 00:01:10,906
Uh, he's the only
person I can share
22
00:01:10,930 --> 00:01:13,151
- a bucket of Munchkins with.
- Bingo.
23
00:01:13,175 --> 00:01:14,928
- Don't take a chocolate.
I'm not.
24
00:01:14,952 --> 00:01:16,504
So I like
the chocolate ones.
25
00:01:16,528 --> 00:01:19,748
I love the butternut ones,
but I hate the cinnamon ones,
26
00:01:19,772 --> 00:01:20,916
and Shrub inhales those.
27
00:01:20,940 --> 00:01:22,418
And, like, it's, like,
not, 'cause I love
28
00:01:22,442 --> 00:01:25,438
the cinnamon ones so much.
I just feel sorry for 'em.
29
00:01:25,462 --> 00:01:26,272
Yeah.
30
00:01:26,296 --> 00:01:27,504
'Cause they're always left.
31
00:01:30,041 --> 00:01:31,591
I like the underdog.
32
00:01:37,215 --> 00:01:38,601
Well, the
church moved me here
33
00:01:38,625 --> 00:01:41,437
about eight months ago
from Minneapolis, yeah.
34
00:01:41,461 --> 00:01:45,183
Bit of a change, you
know. Big responsibility.
35
00:01:45,207 --> 00:01:47,368
But I've really grown
fond of the people here.
36
00:01:47,392 --> 00:01:49,295
- Shrub and Kelly, um...
37
00:01:49,319 --> 00:01:51,356
Look, it's not easy
38
00:01:51,380 --> 00:01:53,115
being a young adult these days.
39
00:01:53,139 --> 00:01:54,025
These kids, they need guidance.
40
00:01:54,049 --> 00:01:55,526
This is my bike!
41
00:01:55,550 --> 00:01:59,288
I'm normally "Reverend,"
but they call me Father Joe.
42
00:01:59,312 --> 00:02:02,717
Sometimes I feel like their dad
43
00:02:02,741 --> 00:02:06,128
proud, concerned.
44
00:02:06,152 --> 00:02:07,963
Father Joe, why don't
you, uh, ?
45
00:02:07,987 --> 00:02:10,483
.
46
00:02:10,507 --> 00:02:13,653
But anyway, they're...
they're making great progress.
47
00:02:13,677 --> 00:02:15,971
And they've gotten a lot
better in their cursing too.
48
00:02:15,995 --> 00:02:18,807
I think this week
we had two s.
49
00:02:18,831 --> 00:02:20,643
I'm sorry.
50
00:02:20,667 --> 00:02:24,055
Are you the crew that's
filming that movie about us?
51
00:02:24,079 --> 00:02:25,723
Ah, man, come on,
all right, okay.
52
00:02:25,747 --> 00:02:26,982
So where... where you staying?
53
00:02:27,006 --> 00:02:28,409
Don't tell me it's Norma's B&B
54
00:02:28,433 --> 00:02:30,170
because I'ma tell you right now,
55
00:02:30,194 --> 00:02:32,580
the Bs stand for "bedbugs,"
56
00:02:32,604 --> 00:02:36,659
and the Norma stands
for "not normal at all."
57
00:02:36,683 --> 00:02:37,826
I don't want you getting
58
00:02:37,850 --> 00:02:39,179
the wrong impression of Flatch.
59
00:02:39,203 --> 00:02:40,996
We are an upstanding town,
60
00:02:41,020 --> 00:02:43,183
and we deserve some
damn attention.
61
00:02:43,207 --> 00:02:46,427
We got two restaurants,
one with menus,
62
00:02:46,451 --> 00:02:49,247
and last year, someone
gave birth to twins.
63
00:02:49,271 --> 00:02:52,934
So now we got young
people all over the place.
64
00:02:52,958 --> 00:02:55,361
The young people are our future.
65
00:02:55,385 --> 00:02:56,103
You know?
66
00:02:56,127 --> 00:02:58,847
Hey, Mandy.
67
00:02:58,871 --> 00:03:00,033
Not them though.
68
00:03:00,057 --> 00:03:02,035
Walking disappointments.
69
00:03:02,059 --> 00:03:04,478
Yes, Flatch does have
some colorful characters,
70
00:03:04,502 --> 00:03:06,280
but, you know, it's
part of its charm.
71
00:03:06,304 --> 00:03:10,025
I'll
miss you, Father!
72
00:03:10,049 --> 00:03:12,528
You guys, we're...
We're filming, here.
73
00:03:20,577 --> 00:03:23,038
The Scarecrow Festival
is pretty much, like,
74
00:03:23,062 --> 00:03:24,949
the biggest and best
day of the year.
75
00:03:24,973 --> 00:03:26,059
People make scarecrows,
76
00:03:26,083 --> 00:03:27,452
they put them up all over town,
77
00:03:27,476 --> 00:03:29,229
and everyone votes
for which one's best.
78
00:03:29,253 --> 00:03:30,660
And you are looking
at the winner.
79
00:03:30,812 --> 00:03:33,124
Like, I have a killer design
and a prime location this year
80
00:03:33,148 --> 00:03:34,567
right on the green.
81
00:03:34,591 --> 00:03:36,903
Like, that guy with that spot
last year won the whole thing,
82
00:03:36,927 --> 00:03:38,145
and his was pretty much, like,
83
00:03:38,169 --> 00:03:40,815
some frickin' used
clothes and twine.
84
00:03:40,839 --> 00:03:42,224
Winner gets a hot
air balloon ride.
85
00:03:42,248 --> 00:03:43,317
Yeah, and you're
on the front page
86
00:03:43,341 --> 00:03:45,470
- of the "Flatch Patriot."
- It's so dumb.
87
00:03:45,494 --> 00:03:48,248
Oh, and you throwing a
frying pan in the air isn't?
88
00:03:48,272 --> 00:03:50,917
"A," the skillet toss
takes real skill.
89
00:03:50,941 --> 00:03:53,978
B, there's a trophy.
90
00:03:54,002 --> 00:03:55,813
Fine, I will take my
nan on the balloon.
91
00:03:55,837 --> 00:03:57,257
I don't care.
92
00:03:57,281 --> 00:03:59,484
She doesn't even like
heights, and you know that.
93
00:03:59,508 --> 00:04:01,002
I'm about to be in
the mile high club
94
00:04:01,026 --> 00:04:02,837
with my grandma while
you're on the ground,
95
00:04:02,861 --> 00:04:04,246
crying like a little baby.
96
00:04:04,270 --> 00:04:06,288
I haven't cried since last
year, and you know that!
97
00:04:07,124 --> 00:04:08,268
Well, a skillet
toss is where you take
98
00:04:08,292 --> 00:04:11,345
a 5-pound pan, bigger
than this one, okay,
99
00:04:11,369 --> 00:04:14,004
and you chuck it as far
as you possibly can.
100
00:04:15,373 --> 00:04:18,927
I think it came from, like,
when the pioneer ladies
101
00:04:18,951 --> 00:04:20,596
would throw things
at their kids.
102
00:04:20,620 --> 00:04:23,116
Wait, or the Indians? I
don't kn... look it up.
103
00:04:23,140 --> 00:04:24,859
You can look it up.
104
00:04:24,883 --> 00:04:27,011
My dad won it seven
years in a row
105
00:04:27,035 --> 00:04:28,029
till he blew his knee out.
106
00:04:28,053 --> 00:04:29,514
Really opened up the field.
107
00:04:29,538 --> 00:04:31,273
My dad and I are super close, so
108
00:04:31,297 --> 00:04:33,108
time to get the gold skillet
109
00:04:33,132 --> 00:04:35,628
back to the Mallet
family where it belongs.
110
00:04:35,652 --> 00:04:37,446
Okay, so, like, most people,
111
00:04:37,470 --> 00:04:39,615
they just, like,
free-form the whole body.
112
00:04:39,639 --> 00:04:41,950
That's, like... that's
amateur if you ask me.
113
00:04:41,974 --> 00:04:44,286
Like, I actually make
sure that my scarecrow
114
00:04:44,310 --> 00:04:48,716
has the correct ratio of
arm length to head span.
115
00:04:48,740 --> 00:04:51,978
Also, real shoes.
116
00:04:52,002 --> 00:04:54,314
This is what we call
a crowd-pleaser.
117
00:04:54,338 --> 00:04:57,391
See, I don't like crowds.
I'm not safe in them.
118
00:04:57,415 --> 00:05:00,895
I have a lot of enemies
just like my dad, right?
119
00:05:00,919 --> 00:05:02,822
That's why I have my
gang to protect me.
120
00:05:02,846 --> 00:05:05,216
Kelly has this
group of seventh-grade kids
121
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:06,809
she hangs out with,
and this, like,
122
00:05:06,833 --> 00:05:08,644
freakishly big one from fifth.
123
00:05:08,668 --> 00:05:10,979
Okay, all I want is it to look
like it's chairs in a circle
124
00:05:11,003 --> 00:05:11,906
and everything else cleared out.
125
00:05:11,930 --> 00:05:13,407
Does that make sense?
126
00:05:13,431 --> 00:05:16,249
And let's just get better at
knowing my needs a little bit.
127
00:05:17,176 --> 00:05:18,987
So his real
name's actually Lloyd.
128
00:05:19,011 --> 00:05:20,581
Yeah, after my dad.
129
00:05:20,605 --> 00:05:22,249
Yeah, his dad drank
a lot of Busch beer,
130
00:05:22,273 --> 00:05:23,734
so they started
calling him Busch.
131
00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:25,753
Yeah, and so they
started calling me Shrub,
132
00:05:25,777 --> 00:05:28,497
for, like, a little bush.
133
00:05:28,521 --> 00:05:31,851
But, like, he left when
I was a baby, so...
134
00:05:31,875 --> 00:05:33,686
Yeah, but I bet he
still drinks beer.
135
00:05:33,710 --> 00:05:35,671
Yeah.
136
00:05:35,695 --> 00:05:37,857
Hey! Screw you too!
137
00:05:37,881 --> 00:05:40,434
Hey, Big Mandy.
What's goin' on?
138
00:05:40,458 --> 00:05:42,436
You know that blind guy
that lives up the road?
139
00:05:42,460 --> 00:05:45,256
- Blind Billy?
- Just walked right into me.
140
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:47,367
Almost knocked off
Colin's scare 'fro.
141
00:05:47,391 --> 00:05:48,868
You doin' the
scarecrow contest?
142
00:05:48,892 --> 00:05:50,352
No skillet toss?
143
00:05:50,376 --> 00:05:52,930
Of course I'm doin'
the skillet toss.
144
00:05:52,954 --> 00:05:54,187
Okay.
145
00:05:56,716 --> 00:05:58,527
Big Mandy's a lot.
146
00:05:58,551 --> 00:05:59,954
Who's a lot?
147
00:05:59,978 --> 00:06:02,362
- B... Blind Billy.
Yeah, he is.
148
00:06:04,408 --> 00:06:06,961
- Seriously, such a weirdo.
- So...
149
00:06:06,985 --> 00:06:09,113
Who's a weirdo?
150
00:06:09,137 --> 00:06:11,724
Sh... Shrub.
151
00:06:11,748 --> 00:06:15,544
Yeah, no kiddin'.
152
00:06:17,904 --> 00:06:19,899
Crazy. What?
153
00:06:19,923 --> 00:06:21,550
That's...
154
00:06:21,574 --> 00:06:23,341
Damn right, I am!
155
00:06:26,913 --> 00:06:29,305
She
has good hearing.
156
00:06:38,591 --> 00:06:40,645
157
00:06:40,669 --> 00:06:41,829
This is
one of the things
158
00:06:41,853 --> 00:06:43,089
that I love about Flatch.
159
00:06:43,113 --> 00:06:44,315
They are really into
their festivals.
160
00:06:44,339 --> 00:06:45,166
This guy! This guy's a legend!
161
00:06:45,190 --> 00:06:46,500
Okay, simmer down, guys.
162
00:06:46,524 --> 00:06:48,761
- Legend in the hizz-ouse!
- Bad touch, don't do that.
163
00:06:48,785 --> 00:06:49,578
Tell them about the
time when we drank
164
00:06:49,602 --> 00:06:50,988
all the cherry wine coolers!
165
00:06:51,012 --> 00:06:53,099
Yeah, he had to take us to
get our stomachs pumped!
166
00:06:53,123 --> 00:06:54,917
- Yeah, that wasn't funny.
- Oh, but it was!
167
00:06:54,941 --> 00:06:56,269
- It was very scary.
- He loves golf.
168
00:06:56,293 --> 00:06:57,495
I do. I do enjoy golf.
169
00:06:57,519 --> 00:07:00,606
Yes, and Chris Pine.
He pines for the Pine!
170
00:07:00,630 --> 00:07:01,849
I don't. That's not
171
00:07:01,873 --> 00:07:03,184
- yeah, you do!
- Oh, yes you do!
172
00:07:03,208 --> 00:07:05,175
Kelly, another dollar
in the church box.
173
00:07:06,970 --> 00:07:09,782
- Hi, Joe.
- Cheryl.
174
00:07:09,806 --> 00:07:13,844
Cheryl, legend!
175
00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:15,455
And they used to date.
176
00:07:15,479 --> 00:07:18,958
Oh, uh, I moved here with
Joe when he got the job.
177
00:07:18,982 --> 00:07:22,628
Uh, I was a reporter
at the "Star Tribune."
178
00:07:22,652 --> 00:07:24,872
Mm-hmm.
179
00:07:24,896 --> 00:07:27,041
Yeah, then he dumped
me.
180
00:07:27,065 --> 00:07:31,286
He said he needed space
to focus on the church,
181
00:07:31,310 --> 00:07:33,364
and you can't compete with God.
182
00:07:33,388 --> 00:07:35,199
Yeah, I thought I'd move
back to the city after,
183
00:07:35,223 --> 00:07:36,976
but, I don't know; This
place kind of grew on me,
184
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,369
you know?
185
00:07:38,393 --> 00:07:40,371
And besides, if I
hadn't moved to Flatch,
186
00:07:40,395 --> 00:07:42,148
I never would have
become the editor
187
00:07:42,172 --> 00:07:45,801
of the "Flatch Patriot," which
has a circulation of 535...
188
00:07:45,825 --> 00:07:47,228
And rising.
189
00:07:47,252 --> 00:07:49,380
So it all worked out, you know?
190
00:07:49,404 --> 00:07:52,658
Joe got God, and, uh,
apparently Tinder.
191
00:07:52,682 --> 00:07:55,978
And, um, you know, I
got my own newspaper.
192
00:07:56,002 --> 00:07:58,480
How cool is that?
193
00:08:03,509 --> 00:08:05,730
We're not allowed
to bounce anymore.
194
00:08:05,754 --> 00:08:06,989
It's a long story.
195
00:08:07,013 --> 00:08:09,083
- His fault.
- Yeah.
196
00:08:09,107 --> 00:08:11,752
Hey, that's my dad!
197
00:08:11,776 --> 00:08:13,743
- Dad!
- Ugh.
198
00:08:15,187 --> 00:08:18,092
- Hey.
- How have you been, Dad?
199
00:08:18,116 --> 00:08:20,594
Oh, you know, changing diapers,
200
00:08:20,618 --> 00:08:21,854
busy with the baby.
201
00:08:21,878 --> 00:08:23,264
- Guess what.
- What?
202
00:08:23,288 --> 00:08:26,508
I'm doin' the skillet toss.
Gonna win it back for us.
203
00:08:26,532 --> 00:08:29,603
- Big Mandy's not competing?
- No, she is.
204
00:08:29,627 --> 00:08:31,013
Oh.
205
00:08:31,037 --> 00:08:32,595
Good luck with that, Kel.
206
00:08:36,117 --> 00:08:38,184
Do you wanna hang out
maybe a night coming up?
207
00:08:40,138 --> 00:08:42,041
It's really not a great time.
208
00:08:42,065 --> 00:08:44,602
Yeah, you're babied
up. I get that.
209
00:08:44,626 --> 00:08:45,626
Yeah.
210
00:08:48,405 --> 00:08:51,125
I better get her back.
Jessie'll kick my ass.
211
00:08:51,149 --> 00:08:52,740
She couldn't if she tried.
212
00:08:57,229 --> 00:08:59,706
I'm gonna bring the gold
back to the Mallets, Dad!
213
00:09:07,591 --> 00:09:09,310
That was my dad!
214
00:09:09,334 --> 00:09:12,146
Uh, that is where you
get your voting sheets.
215
00:09:12,170 --> 00:09:15,241
Um, that is the plant stall.
216
00:09:15,265 --> 00:09:17,318
Uh, don't buy anything from him
217
00:09:17,342 --> 00:09:18,894
'cause it will die in a week.
218
00:09:18,918 --> 00:09:20,062
Trust me.
219
00:09:20,086 --> 00:09:21,414
This is Alice.
220
00:09:21,438 --> 00:09:23,490
Uh, she makes her own soap,
but she doesn't bathe,
221
00:09:23,514 --> 00:09:26,085
- so that's what I call irony.
- Yeah.
222
00:09:26,109 --> 00:09:29,163
Oh, this is Len. He's
a weird, mean, old man.
223
00:09:29,187 --> 00:09:31,482
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, see?
224
00:09:31,506 --> 00:09:35,199
Hey, hey, Beth's back
from "cosmetology" school.
225
00:09:36,769 --> 00:09:39,203
Looks like they didn't teach
her how to fix her own hair.
226
00:09:39,848 --> 00:09:40,916
She's beautiful.
227
00:09:40,940 --> 00:09:42,584
He has a massive crush on Beth.
228
00:09:42,608 --> 00:09:43,752
Dude!
229
00:09:43,776 --> 00:09:45,496
She has the personality
of a diaper wipe.
230
00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:47,255
First semester of
cosmetology school
231
00:09:47,279 --> 00:09:49,350
you learn sanitation procedures.
232
00:09:49,374 --> 00:09:52,260
Next semester we get to
touch real human hair,
233
00:09:52,284 --> 00:09:55,114
but touching real people
with real human hair
234
00:09:55,138 --> 00:09:57,283
isn't until year two.
235
00:09:57,307 --> 00:09:59,285
Problem is there
are, like, no people
236
00:09:59,309 --> 00:10:00,953
in this town to get crushes on.
237
00:10:00,977 --> 00:10:03,347
Uh, Beth is objectively foxy.
238
00:10:03,371 --> 00:10:07,109
Um, also I did Match,
and it put me with her,
239
00:10:07,133 --> 00:10:09,277
and the next-closest
girl was in Indiana.
240
00:10:09,301 --> 00:10:11,113
- That's way too far.
- Way too far.
241
00:10:11,137 --> 00:10:13,023
She's about to be
wicked impressed
242
00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:14,859
with my big win.
243
00:10:14,883 --> 00:10:16,527
Yeah, this is just lazy.
244
00:10:16,551 --> 00:10:18,195
I mean, if you can't be
bothered to make real hands,
245
00:10:18,219 --> 00:10:19,454
you don't deserve to be here.
246
00:10:19,478 --> 00:10:20,381
Simple as that.
247
00:10:20,405 --> 00:10:21,807
Technically not even a scarecrow
248
00:10:21,831 --> 00:10:23,200
because there's no hay in it.
249
00:10:23,224 --> 00:10:25,703
It's just a rag on a stick.
250
00:10:25,727 --> 00:10:27,168
Embarrassing.
251
00:10:28,062 --> 00:10:29,297
I mean, I get it,
252
00:10:29,321 --> 00:10:31,299
but it's not making
me feel anything.
253
00:10:31,323 --> 00:10:35,718
Hey, hey! Scrub, hey!
254
00:10:37,013 --> 00:10:38,473
Mickey and me were
born on the same day
255
00:10:38,497 --> 00:10:40,885
at the same hospital, so
ever since we were babies,
256
00:10:40,909 --> 00:10:42,720
he thinks we're best friends.
257
00:10:42,744 --> 00:10:44,221
Calls me his bro.
258
00:10:44,245 --> 00:10:45,313
No donation
is too big...
259
00:10:45,337 --> 00:10:47,149
Or too small!
260
00:10:47,173 --> 00:10:49,317
Dude, the Fourth of July
is, like, eight months away.
261
00:10:49,341 --> 00:10:51,745
Yeah, and I don't
have any cash on me.
262
00:10:51,769 --> 00:10:53,488
Yeah, also I hate fireworks.
263
00:10:53,512 --> 00:10:55,157
Everyone loves the
Flatch fireworks, my bro.
264
00:10:55,181 --> 00:10:56,439
Oh, okay.
265
00:10:56,591 --> 00:10:57,902
And if you don't have
cash, you can always donate
266
00:10:57,926 --> 00:10:59,178
in cryptocurrency.
267
00:10:59,202 --> 00:11:02,014
Yeah, Mickey, we'll totally
pay you in made-up money.
268
00:11:02,038 --> 00:11:03,349
So sad.
269
00:11:03,373 --> 00:11:05,518
I've been trading Bitcoin
for, like, a year now.
270
00:11:05,542 --> 00:11:06,874
Made $1,000.
271
00:11:07,043 --> 00:11:10,523
Ooh, minus the money I spent
on the bunting for my stall.
272
00:11:10,547 --> 00:11:13,589
Oh, and the 50 I set aside
for Shrub's birthday present.
273
00:11:15,126 --> 00:11:16,845
It's an iguana.
274
00:11:16,869 --> 00:11:18,531
Don't tell my bro.
275
00:11:18,555 --> 00:11:19,940
Do you wanna come over
later and "Fortnite"?
276
00:11:19,964 --> 00:11:21,016
Yeah, no.
277
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,259
We are not friends.
278
00:11:22,283 --> 00:11:23,928
He's just the only
person in town
279
00:11:23,952 --> 00:11:24,929
with a working PlayStation.
280
00:11:24,953 --> 00:11:26,021
- Yes!
- Oh, yeah!
281
00:11:26,045 --> 00:11:28,615
- Oh!
- God.
282
00:11:28,639 --> 00:11:30,606
How are you doing it?
283
00:11:32,460 --> 00:11:34,046
Beep,
beep, boop, bop, bop.
284
00:11:34,070 --> 00:11:35,530
Oh, that's hilarious!
285
00:11:35,554 --> 00:11:38,259
Yeah, that's not a scarecrow.
That is a talking box.
286
00:11:38,283 --> 00:11:41,462
Candy
apples do not compute!
287
00:11:41,486 --> 00:11:42,796
Do not compute.
288
00:11:42,820 --> 00:11:44,298
Who is that? Who is that?
289
00:11:44,322 --> 00:11:46,058
Beep, beep, bop, bop.
290
00:11:46,082 --> 00:11:47,801
Why does the scarecrow
have a robot voice?
291
00:11:47,825 --> 00:11:50,596
Because I am a robot.
292
00:11:56,075 --> 00:11:58,462
Kelly, hey.
293
00:11:58,486 --> 00:12:00,314
Have you considered joining
the Historical Society?
294
00:12:00,338 --> 00:12:02,983
Because, you know, for just $25,
295
00:12:03,007 --> 00:12:05,152
you can preserve
Flatch's great past
296
00:12:05,176 --> 00:12:06,804
and secure its future.
297
00:12:06,828 --> 00:12:08,305
Mm, no, Nadine.
298
00:12:08,329 --> 00:12:10,249
I have not considered
joining the society
299
00:12:10,273 --> 00:12:13,252
- because I'm not 75 years old.
And you don't look it.
300
00:12:13,276 --> 00:12:15,421
Ooh, ooh, be really
careful, really old.
301
00:12:15,445 --> 00:12:17,998
Believe it or not,
in second grade,
302
00:12:18,022 --> 00:12:20,000
Kelly and I were,
like, best friends,
303
00:12:20,024 --> 00:12:22,577
but I guess I kept achieving
304
00:12:22,601 --> 00:12:26,173
and she just never did
achieve anything at all.
305
00:12:26,197 --> 00:12:28,583
I consider Colonel Robert Flatch
306
00:12:28,607 --> 00:12:30,102
to be my personal
mentor 'cause, you know,
307
00:12:30,126 --> 00:12:33,013
he was just 25 when he
founded this town in 1810.
308
00:12:33,037 --> 00:12:35,182
25 years old. It's
such a funny story.
309
00:12:35,206 --> 00:12:37,184
Colonel Flatch gets lost
one night with his regiment,
310
00:12:37,208 --> 00:12:40,337
and he ends up right
here, it turns out,
311
00:12:40,361 --> 00:12:42,114
where they built this latrine.
312
00:12:42,138 --> 00:12:44,024
That one, right there.
313
00:12:44,048 --> 00:12:45,951
Just to think, one whole town
314
00:12:45,975 --> 00:12:47,953
started with one little hole.
315
00:12:47,977 --> 00:12:50,180
It gives me chills
to think about it.
316
00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:51,348
Anyway, it's my
job to protect it
317
00:12:51,372 --> 00:12:53,292
because, at town
events, unfortunately,
318
00:12:53,316 --> 00:12:55,369
people like to use
it as a Porta Potti.
319
00:12:55,393 --> 00:12:58,297
Almost there. Time
for the unveiling.
320
00:12:58,321 --> 00:13:02,709
It's a prime spot,
and I am ready.
321
00:13:02,733 --> 00:13:05,529
Uh, this is my spot.
322
00:13:05,553 --> 00:13:10,206
I'm sorry, Shrub, but
I was given this area.
323
00:13:12,060 --> 00:13:15,130
No, I signed up for that spot
with Mrs. Wicks months ago.
324
00:13:15,154 --> 00:13:17,041
I'm sorry, Shrub. That's
not what the map says.
325
00:13:17,065 --> 00:13:19,301
No, God, Beth has to see me win.
326
00:13:19,325 --> 00:13:20,302
And that's not even a scarecrow.
327
00:13:20,326 --> 00:13:21,320
That is a teddy bear in a hat.
328
00:13:22,570 --> 00:13:25,640
Oh, my God! Even the
crows can see that!
329
00:13:25,664 --> 00:13:27,740
Well, it says here that
you're at Piswall Farm.
330
00:13:28,426 --> 00:13:31,227
There is no way in
hell I'm going there.
331
00:13:34,673 --> 00:13:36,107
Unbelievable.
332
00:13:42,090 --> 00:13:45,736
You know how they, like,
release a McRib in February,
333
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,162
and you get all excited,
334
00:13:47,186 --> 00:13:50,015
and then they just take it
away like it never happened?
335
00:13:50,039 --> 00:13:52,852
Like, that's how
I feel right now
336
00:13:52,876 --> 00:13:54,244
betrayed.
337
00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:56,080
Did you tell people
to come vote for me?
338
00:13:56,104 --> 00:13:58,265
Can you help me look
for my sneaker, please?
339
00:13:58,289 --> 00:13:59,933
Your shoe does not weigh
as much as a skillet.
340
00:13:59,957 --> 00:14:01,268
There's, like, no comparison.
341
00:14:01,292 --> 00:14:02,695
Okay, I told everyone to come,
342
00:14:02,719 --> 00:14:04,196
but everyone's really
into the robot scarecrow.
343
00:14:04,220 --> 00:14:05,589
Oh, my God, there's
no such thing
344
00:14:05,613 --> 00:14:08,425
as a robot scarecrow! There
are no crows in space!
345
00:14:08,449 --> 00:14:09,449
Oh, check it out.
346
00:14:09,541 --> 00:14:11,111
I got a video of it
twerking. It's insane.
347
00:14:12,544 --> 00:14:15,523
Whoa, wow.
That's really awesome!
348
00:14:15,547 --> 00:14:16,283
Are you kidding me?
349
00:14:16,307 --> 00:14:18,043
Father Joe's been working
350
00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:19,453
with Shrub on his anger issues.
351
00:14:19,477 --> 00:14:22,106
He actually, uh, signed him
up for this online class,
352
00:14:22,130 --> 00:14:24,124
but then Shrub sent the teacher
353
00:14:24,148 --> 00:14:26,126
a bunch of middle finger emojis,
354
00:14:26,150 --> 00:14:27,533
so that was that.
355
00:14:32,974 --> 00:14:35,543
Wait.
356
00:14:35,567 --> 00:14:37,788
Levi?
357
00:14:37,812 --> 00:14:40,630
What? Now?
358
00:14:44,594 --> 00:14:45,979
Ugh!
359
00:14:46,003 --> 00:14:47,464
They moved skillet toss time up!
360
00:14:47,488 --> 00:14:48,240
What?
361
00:14:48,264 --> 00:14:51,059
They moved skillet toss time up!
362
00:14:51,083 --> 00:14:52,970
- Why?
- More people signed up.
363
00:14:52,994 --> 00:14:55,639
Oh, my God! No, puddle, ah!
364
00:14:57,774 --> 00:14:59,810
Well, I'm young at
heart, you know?
365
00:14:59,834 --> 00:15:02,813
How old are you?
366
00:15:02,837 --> 00:15:05,649
June, who just signed up?
367
00:15:05,673 --> 00:15:07,501
It was I.
368
00:15:07,525 --> 00:15:08,761
Oh, my God.
369
00:15:08,785 --> 00:15:10,578
I thought it was someone
who could actually beat me.
370
00:15:10,602 --> 00:15:13,415
Oh, Nadine beats Kelly
at, like, everything.
371
00:15:13,439 --> 00:15:16,101
In second grade, it
was Little Miss Flatch.
372
00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:19,696
In fourth grade, she won
the pie eating contest
373
00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:21,181
against Kelly.
374
00:15:21,205 --> 00:15:23,275
And then eighth grade,
375
00:15:23,299 --> 00:15:25,335
Kelly asked Dylan Parney
to the school dance,
376
00:15:25,359 --> 00:15:28,005
and then he married Nadine.
377
00:15:28,029 --> 00:15:29,431
Okay, Kelly, Maybe
if you had a job,
378
00:15:29,455 --> 00:15:32,100
winning a little contest
wouldn't matter so much.
379
00:15:32,124 --> 00:15:33,268
I have a job. I'm an influencer.
380
00:15:33,292 --> 00:15:34,366
Heard of it?
381
00:15:34,460 --> 00:15:36,863
Oh, that's great. Who
are you influencing?
382
00:15:36,887 --> 00:15:39,866
Uh, Levi, Nathan S,
Nathan G for starters.
383
00:15:39,890 --> 00:15:41,109
Oh, the little kids.
384
00:15:41,133 --> 00:15:42,869
Hey, somebody's ready
for their lunch.
385
00:15:42,893 --> 00:15:44,112
Okay, well,
386
00:15:44,136 --> 00:15:45,464
I left you a Lean Cuisine
on the counter, Dylan.
387
00:15:45,488 --> 00:15:46,799
I told you that.
388
00:15:46,823 --> 00:15:48,739
- I meant the baby.
- Oh.
389
00:15:49,808 --> 00:15:51,361
Hey, Kelly. Good luck today.
390
00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:53,213
Good luck to you too. Thank you.
391
00:15:53,237 --> 00:15:55,329
Okay, give me Chantal.
Dylan, careful.
392
00:15:56,516 --> 00:15:59,074
Is she going to
breastfeed in the latrine?
393
00:16:00,061 --> 00:16:01,981
Last night she did it
on the StairMaster.
394
00:16:02,005 --> 00:16:04,380
- Wow.
- Yeah.
395
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:15,266
Take as many potatoes
as you want, son.
396
00:16:16,927 --> 00:16:19,981
Uh, whoa, you fill
out your voting form?
397
00:16:20,005 --> 00:16:22,606
Let me see. Shrub
Mallet, first place.
398
00:16:24,009 --> 00:16:26,277
All: Oh!
399
00:16:28,013 --> 00:16:30,406
Get out of my field!
400
00:16:31,926 --> 00:16:33,570
Pass your ballots!
401
00:16:33,594 --> 00:16:36,015
You gave away
Mr. Piswall's potatoes?
402
00:16:36,039 --> 00:16:37,924
No, people went
in and took them!
403
00:16:37,948 --> 00:16:39,409
And he sold my pig for 50 bucks!
404
00:16:39,433 --> 00:16:42,412
No, I... Lester gave me money,
405
00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:44,528
and then the pig
followed him to his car.
406
00:16:45,197 --> 00:16:46,692
Shrub, I... I'm
going to need you
407
00:16:46,716 --> 00:16:48,085
to apologize to Mr. Piswall.
408
00:16:48,109 --> 00:16:49,603
Why don't you apologize to me?
409
00:16:49,627 --> 00:16:52,180
Because you're the one who gave
me the wrong, crappy location.
410
00:16:52,204 --> 00:16:55,183
- Are you calling my farm crap?
- I am!
411
00:16:55,207 --> 00:16:57,018
I run a pristine
venture out there!
412
00:16:57,042 --> 00:16:58,445
Mm.
413
00:16:58,469 --> 00:17:01,898
And you and your friends go
in there and muck it all up.
414
00:17:01,922 --> 00:17:03,876
Look at this,
Father. Look at this.
415
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:06,194
This was right in the
middle of my field.
416
00:17:06,218 --> 00:17:07,621
Oh, right, well, I have
no idea whose that is.
417
00:17:07,645 --> 00:17:09,195
Yes!
418
00:17:09,906 --> 00:17:12,740
Shrub, apologize now.
419
00:17:15,561 --> 00:17:16,744
I'm sorry.
420
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,784
- happy now?
- Oh, that's it!
421
00:17:20,808 --> 00:17:22,286
You're disqualified.
422
00:17:22,310 --> 00:17:24,879
God, you should be thanking me
for getting rid of that pig!
423
00:17:24,903 --> 00:17:26,139
It pooped everywhere.
424
00:17:26,163 --> 00:17:28,792
- Don't forget my 50 bucks.
Diarrhea farm!
425
00:17:30,593 --> 00:17:32,426
He means well.
426
00:17:33,096 --> 00:17:34,298
You were totally robbed.
427
00:17:34,322 --> 00:17:36,817
It's just I spent three
months making this.
428
00:17:36,841 --> 00:17:38,318
I spent all my money
on orchard grass
429
00:17:38,342 --> 00:17:39,986
- so my hay wouldn't get mites.
- I know.
430
00:17:40,010 --> 00:17:43,140
It's just like...
Beth. H-how's school?
431
00:17:43,164 --> 00:17:44,825
- Sanitary.
Oh.
432
00:17:44,849 --> 00:17:46,251
Hey, bro, let me
help you with that!
433
00:17:46,275 --> 00:17:49,755
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Are you kidding me, Mickey?
434
00:17:49,779 --> 00:17:51,906
- What?
- God!
435
00:17:51,930 --> 00:17:53,166
See you tonight!
Party at my place!
436
00:17:53,190 --> 00:17:55,352
Yeah, I'm not coming over!
437
00:17:55,376 --> 00:17:58,079
Hey, those potatoes had worms.
438
00:17:58,103 --> 00:18:00,099
Screw you. They were free!
439
00:18:00,123 --> 00:18:02,101
This whole town
has it out for me!
440
00:18:02,125 --> 00:18:02,957
See?
441
00:18:03,108 --> 00:18:04,436
Mallets have enemies everywhere.
442
00:18:04,460 --> 00:18:07,164
Five minutes
till the skillet toss!
443
00:18:07,188 --> 00:18:08,923
Okay, I'm gonna
show them. Let's go!
444
00:18:08,947 --> 00:18:10,258
Hey, hey, put on
your other shoe!
445
00:18:10,282 --> 00:18:11,357
Copy that!
446
00:18:11,450 --> 00:18:13,261
Hey, June, have you
seen Shrub anywhere?
447
00:18:13,285 --> 00:18:15,021
I'm afraid I haven't.
Is something wrong?
448
00:18:15,045 --> 00:18:16,523
Yeah, there was a mix-up.
449
00:18:16,547 --> 00:18:18,283
I ran into Mrs. Wicks,
and it turns out
450
00:18:18,307 --> 00:18:20,435
she had given Shrub
your location.
451
00:18:20,459 --> 00:18:22,346
She wrote it on the back
of her pill prescription,
452
00:18:22,370 --> 00:18:24,123
and then she forgot
to take her pills.
453
00:18:24,147 --> 00:18:27,314
Oh, dear, not again.
Let me go ask Bessie.
454
00:18:29,301 --> 00:18:32,706
Joe, can you please change
your Tinder profile pic
455
00:18:32,730 --> 00:18:33,874
from the one I took of you?
456
00:18:33,898 --> 00:18:35,025
That is just cruel.
457
00:18:35,049 --> 00:18:36,135
You're on Tinder?
458
00:18:36,159 --> 00:18:38,362
Yes, Joe, I am single now too.
459
00:18:38,386 --> 00:18:40,139
Wait, were you the
picture of the Siamese cat
460
00:18:40,163 --> 00:18:42,382
in the overalls that
swiped right on me?
461
00:18:42,406 --> 00:18:43,706
Mm-mm.
462
00:18:49,321 --> 00:18:52,876
Okay, let's give it
up for Mandy Matthews.
463
00:18:54,826 --> 00:18:56,488
Go, Mandy!
464
00:18:56,512 --> 00:18:59,216
There's three
things that get me focused:
465
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,051
A spicy meat stick,
466
00:19:01,075 --> 00:19:03,069
my man Garth Brooks, here,
467
00:19:03,093 --> 00:19:05,394
and the third thing
is proprietary.
468
00:19:13,604 --> 00:19:14,489
All: Ooh!
469
00:19:15,940 --> 00:19:20,404
That was a big one!
Looks like that is 32 feet.
470
00:19:20,428 --> 00:19:22,848
- And 2 inches.
- 2 inches.
471
00:19:22,872 --> 00:19:24,908
Good job, Mandy, okay.
472
00:19:24,932 --> 00:19:27,019
And now we have Kelly Mallet.
473
00:19:28,151 --> 00:19:29,596
Raise it up! Raise it up!
474
00:19:41,891 --> 00:19:43,351
Oh, geez!
475
00:19:43,375 --> 00:19:44,611
Get EMS, EMS!
476
00:19:44,635 --> 00:19:46,112
Is he dead?
477
00:19:46,136 --> 00:19:47,280
Yeah, so the
guy Kelly kneecapped,
478
00:19:47,304 --> 00:19:48,949
like, best friends with her dad.
479
00:19:48,973 --> 00:19:51,101
Like, they started a
construction company together.
480
00:19:51,125 --> 00:19:53,770
This is, like, bad
optics, as they say.
481
00:20:04,062 --> 00:20:06,225
- Yes!
Yeah, Nadine won.
482
00:20:06,249 --> 00:20:08,952
Yeah, but, like, no
one saw, so, like, whatever.
483
00:20:08,976 --> 00:20:11,045
Hardly counts.
484
00:20:11,069 --> 00:20:14,791
Skillet toss winner
goes to Nadine Parney!
485
00:20:14,815 --> 00:20:17,218
Okay, excuse me. Thank you.
486
00:20:17,242 --> 00:20:18,570
- I have a speech.
No.
487
00:20:18,594 --> 00:20:20,302
Thank you.
488
00:20:21,171 --> 00:20:23,149
Quite a throw, Kel.
489
00:20:23,173 --> 00:20:24,559
I didn't mean to take out Matt.
490
00:20:24,583 --> 00:20:28,080
Hell, don't apologize
to me. Did me a favor.
491
00:20:28,104 --> 00:20:30,490
Guy tried to feel up Jessie
at the Reef last week.
492
00:20:30,514 --> 00:20:32,251
If you hadn't clocked
him, I would've.
493
00:20:32,275 --> 00:20:35,495
- Yeah?
- You got a good arm, kid.
494
00:20:35,519 --> 00:20:37,998
First place...
- I got it from you.
495
00:20:38,022 --> 00:20:39,424
For the
scarecrow award...
496
00:20:39,448 --> 00:20:41,151
Yeah, you did.
497
00:20:41,175 --> 00:20:43,095
- But your aim's for .
498
00:20:43,119 --> 00:20:44,746
Goes to
499
00:20:44,770 --> 00:20:46,080
the robot scarecrow.
500
00:20:46,104 --> 00:20:47,657
See you, Pops.
501
00:20:49,274 --> 00:20:52,754
Well
deserved. Great job.
502
00:20:52,778 --> 00:20:53,939
Great job. Okay, okay.
503
00:20:53,963 --> 00:20:56,016
No showboating. No showboating.
504
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:59,352
Okay, go to the side.
505
00:20:59,376 --> 00:21:02,430
Now, I just want to give out
a special award to someone
506
00:21:02,454 --> 00:21:06,301
whose creativity was head
and shoulders above the rest.
507
00:21:06,325 --> 00:21:09,771
Has anyone seen Shrub Mallet?
508
00:21:09,795 --> 00:21:11,957
Shrub, you out there?
509
00:21:14,132 --> 00:21:16,019
Oh, my
God! Oh, my God!
510
00:21:18,678 --> 00:21:20,023
Whew!
511
00:21:20,047 --> 00:21:21,327
Someone call the
fire department!
512
00:21:22,992 --> 00:21:24,452
Not helping, June.
513
00:21:24,476 --> 00:21:26,368
Someone call the
fire department!
514
00:21:27,905 --> 00:21:29,716
Oh, wow. Oh, geez.
515
00:21:31,075 --> 00:21:32,536
People, focus!
516
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,721
- Everybody, stay calm.
517
00:21:39,157 --> 00:21:40,319
- This is not part of it!
518
00:21:41,752 --> 00:21:43,322
Stop cheering!
519
00:21:43,346 --> 00:21:44,972
- Stop cheering!
520
00:21:44,996 --> 00:21:46,808
Somebody could die! Focus!
521
00:21:52,170 --> 00:21:54,315
Okay, it's pretty great.
522
00:21:54,339 --> 00:21:56,226
So they actually
ended up selling like a bunch
523
00:21:56,250 --> 00:21:58,484
of fireworks for Fourth
of July after that.
524
00:22:00,270 --> 00:22:02,065
I mean, it was a
pretty impressive show.
525
00:22:02,089 --> 00:22:04,751
Hot off the presses.
Read it and weep.
526
00:22:04,775 --> 00:22:07,420
Beth is gonna want
me so bad now.
527
00:22:07,444 --> 00:22:11,165
"Local Man Fires Up
Festival." Okay, look at you!
528
00:22:11,189 --> 00:22:13,076
I mean, it's not the
front page, but...
529
00:22:13,100 --> 00:22:14,853
Police blotter's
always third page.
530
00:22:14,877 --> 00:22:15,854
You'll get front soon.
531
00:22:15,878 --> 00:22:17,747
Yeah.
532
00:22:17,771 --> 00:22:18,932
Where's Nadine's win?
533
00:22:18,956 --> 00:22:20,417
Uh, page five
534
00:22:20,441 --> 00:22:22,844
under "home care
aides available."
535
00:22:24,962 --> 00:22:26,698
Winners!
536
00:22:26,722 --> 00:22:28,597
Winners.
38713
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