Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01:240 --> 00:00:04:560 Do you just get up in the morning and figure out ways to make me crazy? 2 00:00:04:760 --> 00:00:06:440 Is that what you do? You plot it out? 3 00:00:06:640 --> 00:00:08:320 How can I make Alan miserable today? 4 00:00:08:520 --> 00:00:10:240 How can I reach into his chest... 5 00:00:10:520 --> 00:00:13:400 ...rip out his heart, and suck it dry? 6 00:00:14:800 --> 00:00:17:440 - Mom or ex-wife? - Ex-wife. 7 00:00:17:880 --> 00:00:20:160 - Hi, Judith. - Charlie says hello. 8 00:00:20:360 --> 00:00:22:840 She says hi. You're evil and selfish, you know that? 9 00:00:23:880 --> 00:00:26:000 No, no. L... I think that is a helpful comment. 10 00:00:26:200 --> 00:00:29:600 I pay you alimony and child support so that you can have a nice house... 11 00:00:29:800 --> 00:00:32:480 ...a nice car, every weekend free because I've got Jake. 12 00:00:32:680 --> 00:00:36:480 And yet you're telling me you need a vacation? 13 00:00:36:680 --> 00:00:40:240 Oh, really? Oh, really? And what exactly is stressing you out, Judith? 14 00:00:40:440 --> 00:00:43:080 Is it the weekly manicure? The housekeeper? 15 00:00:43:320 --> 00:00:45:200 - Boob lift. - The boob lift. 16 00:00:45:480 --> 00:00:47:360 - That you paid for. - That I paid for. 17 00:00:47:640 --> 00:00:50:280 - And never got to see. - And never got to see. 18 00:00:51:880 --> 00:00:53:480 No, no, no. You listen to me. 19 00:00:53:720 --> 00:00:55:720 I think you live a damn fine lifestyle... 20 00:00:55:920 --> 00:00:58:160 ...that I work 60 hours a week to support. 21 00:00:58:360 --> 00:01:02:480 So if anybody needs a vacation, it's not you. It's me! 22 00:01:03:120 --> 00:01:05:040 All right, then. 23 00:01:05:880 --> 00:01:07:520 Goodbye. 24 00:01:09:840 --> 00:01:12:560 Judith's going to Hawaii for a week. 25 00:01:14:680 --> 00:01:16:000 So Jake's staying here. 26 00:01:16:520 --> 00:01:18:480 I'm shocked. 27 00:01:27:840 --> 00:01:30:280 Come on, Jake. It's time to get up for school. 28 00:01:30:480 --> 00:01:31:880 I can't go to school. 29 00:01:32:080 --> 00:01:33:960 - I'm sick. - What's wrong? 30 00:01:34:480 --> 00:01:37:200 I think I have acid reflex disease. 31 00:01:37:440 --> 00:01:41:280 Really? Acid reflex disease? 32 00:01:42:160 --> 00:01:43:880 Where does it hurt? 33 00:01:45:400 --> 00:01:47:040 My head? 34 00:01:47:880 --> 00:01:49:920 - Nice try. - My throat? 35 00:01:50:160 --> 00:01:51:560 Get up. 36 00:01:53:280 --> 00:01:54:680 All right, all right. 37 00:01:54:880 --> 00:01:57:960 I just want you to know, I'm starting my day really stressed out. 38 00:01:58:200 --> 00:02:01:280 Oh, I'm sorry. Would you like me to send you to Hawaii? 39 00:02:01:520 --> 00:02:03:520 That would be nice. 40 00:02:07:640 --> 00:02:10:360 What's taking you so long? 41 00:02:10:960 --> 00:02:13:800 - I can't find my other shoe. - So put on a different pair. 42 00:02:14:040 --> 00:02:15:360 But this one's on already. 43 00:02:18:440 --> 00:02:20:680 Hey, what are you doing up so late? 44 00:02:21:160 --> 00:02:22:920 It's 7 a.m. 45 00:02:24:320 --> 00:02:27:320 - What am I doing up so early? - Where have you been? 46 00:02:27:600 --> 00:02:31:360 Searching the kingdom for the woman who fits this shoe. 47 00:02:32:000 --> 00:02:33:600 Hey, that's mine. Where was it? 48 00:02:33:920 --> 00:02:35:040 In the driveway. 49 00:02:35:960 --> 00:02:37:800 Oh, yeah! 50 00:02:38:200 --> 00:02:39:480 Okay, let's go. 51 00:02:39:680 --> 00:02:41:400 - Got my lunch? - Lunch? 52 00:02:41:600 --> 00:02:45:000 - You're supposed to make me lunch. - Oh, crap. 53 00:02:45:880 --> 00:02:48:440 This isn't helping my stress level. 54 00:02:49:920 --> 00:02:52:400 I forget. Why are you here in the middle of the week? 55 00:02:52:640 --> 00:02:55:680 - Because my mom's on vacation. - From what? 56 00:02:56:120 --> 00:02:57:520 Me. 57 00:03:01:320 --> 00:03:04:320 A word of advice: Don't date women who live near the airport. 58 00:03:04:840 --> 00:03:07:360 It's impossible to sleep in. 59 00:03:08:040 --> 00:03:10:400 I'll try to remember that. 60 00:03:10:640 --> 00:03:13:640 Wish I knew her well enough to bring her back here. 61 00:03:13:880 --> 00:03:16:120 Well, maybe next time. 62 00:03:16:320 --> 00:03:18:000 Next time? 63 00:03:18:560 --> 00:03:21:360 - My lunch ready? - It's right here. What are you doing? 64 00:03:21:560 --> 00:03:23:960 - That was for Jake. - I don't see his name on it. 65 00:03:30:120 --> 00:03:32:600 Okay, fine. You'Il... You'll have half a sandwich... 66 00:03:32:800 --> 00:03:36:920 ...and a banana, and maybe an orange, and... 67 00:03:37:120 --> 00:03:39:720 ...what the hell, an artichoke. 68 00:03:41:240 --> 00:03:42:240 An artichoke? 69 00:03:43:680 --> 00:03:45:880 Maybe you can trade it for something good. 70 00:03:46:640 --> 00:03:48:920 With who? One of the slow kids? 71 00:03:49:160 --> 00:03:51:520 Give it a shot. Tell him it's a puppy. 72 00:03:52:800 --> 00:03:54:520 Come on, let's go. 73 00:03:55:520 --> 00:03:59:280 I forgot. I have to write five insightful questions I'd ask George Washington. 74 00:03:59:520 --> 00:04:01:720 What? Last night you said you had no homework. 75 00:04:02:120 --> 00:04:04:560 Dad, I just said I forgot. 76 00:04:06:800 --> 00:04:11:560 - Okay, fine. You'll do it in the car. - I was planning on doing math in the car. 77 00:04:13:760 --> 00:04:15:200 President Washington. 78 00:04:15:400 --> 00:04:17:200 Question number one: 79 00:04:17:400 --> 00:04:21:280 "Have you ever thought of coming back from the dead as a zombie?" 80 00:04:22:960 --> 00:04:25:600 Jake, I don't think that's what your teacher had in mind. 81 00:04:26:280 --> 00:04:27:800 Do you wanna do it? 82 00:04:28:440 --> 00:04:29:840 No, no. You're doing fine. 83 00:04:30:640 --> 00:04:32:560 Question two: 84 00:04:32:760 --> 00:04:36:000 "Can you eat human flesh with wooden teeth?" 85 00:04:37:720 --> 00:04:40:000 Hi, Lorraine. I'm running a little late. 86 00:04:40:160 --> 00:04:44:320 Could you move my 9:30 to 10, my 10 to 10:30... 87 00:04:44:520 --> 00:04:47:160 ...and, well, you see where this is going. 88 00:04:48:280 --> 00:04:49:880 You don't? 89 00:04:50:920 --> 00:04:53:200 Hang on, I've got somebody on the other line. 90 00:04:53:880 --> 00:04:55:280 Hello. 91 00:04:55:480 --> 00:04:59:760 Oh, hi, Mom. Look, I can't talk right now. I'm driving Jake to school. 92 00:05:00:040 --> 00:05:02:560 Well, Judith's in Hawaii. 93 00:05:03:160 --> 00:05:05:880 No, that does not make me a doormat. 94 00:05:07:040 --> 00:05:10:040 Patsy is just another word for doormat, Mom. 95 00:05:10:480 --> 00:05:13:600 L... Lo... I gotta go. I'll call you later. 96 00:05:15:360 --> 00:05:16:760 Hi, Lorraine. I'm back. 97 00:05:17:000 --> 00:05:18:960 No, no, don't put me on hold. 98 00:05:19:480 --> 00:05:20:880 Question three: 99 00:05:21:280 --> 00:05:24:600 "Do you think the Revolutionary War would have been won sooner... 100 00:05:24:840 --> 00:05:27:640 ...if you had an army of the undead?" 101 00:05:30:200 --> 00:05:32:640 This is actually pretty easy. 102 00:05:33:400 --> 00:05:36:280 Lorraine, this is Dr. Harper. 103 00:05:37:120 --> 00:05:40:200 Listen, I'm... I'm gonna be there in about 40 minutes. 104 00:05:40:640 --> 00:05:42:960 What do you mean, you're going home? 105 00:05:43:200 --> 00:05:46:760 Oh, come on. You were premenstrual two weeks ago. 106 00:05:47:480 --> 00:05:49:480 Yes, I keep track. 107 00:05:50:200 --> 00:05:51:800 Question number four: 108 00:05:52:000 --> 00:05:56:200 "What's your opinion of the new, faster-walking zombies?" 109 00:05:56:600 --> 00:05:58:280 No, no, no. Lor... Lorraine. 110 00:05:58:480 --> 00:06:00:200 Don't cry. Please don't cry. 111 00:06:06:240 --> 00:06:08:600 Charlie, I'm going home. 112 00:06:28:920 --> 00:06:32:560 How many times have I asked you not to do that? 113 00:06:33:040 --> 00:06:36:320 - I'm going home. - I suppose you want me to pay you. 114 00:06:36:560 --> 00:06:39:600 Not necessary. I took the money out of your wallet. 115 00:06:41:280 --> 00:06:44:600 - Fine. - Guess what? I got a raise. 116 00:06:45:840 --> 00:06:47:440 Congratulations. 117 00:06:47:680 --> 00:06:52:680 - You wanna know why I got a raise? - No, I'm sure I had my reasons. 118 00:06:54:040 --> 00:06:57:880 Because when I took this job, all I had to do was clean up after you. 119 00:06:58:120 --> 00:07:01:000 And while that may have been disgusting, it was doable. 120 00:07:02:120 --> 00:07:06:920 And then your brother moved in, which I accepted with my usual good humor... 121 00:07:07:120 --> 00:07:11:360 ...because he cleans up after himself like a neurotic raccoon. 122 00:07:12:600 --> 00:07:14:240 This is about the kid, right? 123 00:07:14:480 --> 00:07:17:520 Good for you. That's why you're the boss. 124 00:07:18:760 --> 00:07:21:840 He's just here for a week. It's a temporary situation. 125 00:07:22:080 --> 00:07:24:760 And yet my raise is permanent. 126 00:07:25:760 --> 00:07:27:160 Sounds fair. 127 00:07:27:680 --> 00:07:29:680 God, what a horrible day. 128 00:07:30:160 --> 00:07:32:320 - Tell me about it. - Show of hands: 129 00:07:32:840 --> 00:07:35:320 Who spent their day pre-soaking the shorts of a kid... 130 00:07:35:600 --> 00:07:38:480 ...who leaves more skid marks than a getaway car? 131 00:07:40:280 --> 00:07:41:840 That's what I thought. 132 00:07:42:040 --> 00:07:44:440 Now, if you ladies will excuse me... 133 00:07:45:200 --> 00:07:48:600 ...I have three buses to catch. 134 00:07:52:160 --> 00:07:54:640 I bet she catches them by hand. 135 00:07:55:880 --> 00:07:58:040 Yeah, well, I have my own problems. 136 00:07:58:280 --> 00:08:01:080 I was late for work, my receptionist went home early... 137 00:08:01:280 --> 00:08:05:280 ...because, apparently, she has the reproductive cycle of a jackrabbit... 138 00:08:05:800 --> 00:08:09:320 ...and then I had a large, drunk Samoan man walk in... 139 00:08:09:520 --> 00:08:13:960 ...who thought that chiropractor means "massage with happy ending." 140 00:08:15:520 --> 00:08:19:520 I kept trying to crack his back and he kept rolling over and winking at me. 141 00:08:20:560 --> 00:08:22:760 - Wow, that's creepy. - Tell me about it. 142 00:08:23:240 --> 00:08:25:280 So you're gonna see him again? 143 00:08:26:000 --> 00:08:29:840 Or should I say, are you gonna see him Samoa? 144 00:08:32:720 --> 00:08:34:000 Oh, come on. That was funny. 145 00:08:34:200 --> 00:08:36:440 Oh, yeah. It's hilarious. 146 00:08:37:200 --> 00:08:39:160 You know what your problem is? 147 00:08:39:360 --> 00:08:42:920 - You don't drink enough. - You're probably right. 148 00:08:43:120 --> 00:08:47:440 This is the first time today I've had a chance to just sit down and decompress. 149 00:08:49:640 --> 00:08:52:040 - Cheers? - Oh, cheers. 150 00:08:53:360 --> 00:08:54:760 Oh, that's good. 151 00:08:55:000 --> 00:08:57:760 I keep having this nagging feeling that I forgot something. 152 00:08:57:960 --> 00:09:01:400 - Lf you forgot it, it wasn't important. - Yeah, I guess. 153 00:09:16:120 --> 00:09:18:600 I can't believe you forgot me. 154 00:09:18:880 --> 00:09:21:160 I said I'm sorry. 155 00:09:21:320 --> 00:09:22:720 You forgot me. 156 00:09:22:960 --> 00:09:25:160 I know. I feel terrible. 157 00:09:25:360 --> 00:09:27:720 How many kids you got? 158 00:09:29:200 --> 00:09:31:720 - There's a towel on the floor, buddy. - I'm okay. 159 00:09:32:280 --> 00:09:36:480 I want you to sit on it so you don't leave a wet ass-print on my leather seats. 160 00:09:36:840 --> 00:09:38:160 You forgot me too. 161 00:09:38:440 --> 00:09:40:000 Yeah, but I'm just your uncle. 162 00:09:40:160 --> 00:09:41:600 He's your father. 163 00:09:41:840 --> 00:09:43:320 Yeah, my own father. 164 00:09:43:760 --> 00:09:45:040 Thanks, Charlie. 165 00:09:45:240 --> 00:09:47:120 Is there any way I can make it up to you? 166 00:09:47:320 --> 00:09:50:320 - You wanna go out for a special dinner? - No. 167 00:09:50:520 --> 00:09:52:080 - How about a movie? - Why? 168 00:09:52:280 --> 00:09:53:840 You're gonna leave me there too? 169 00:09:55:200 --> 00:09:58:240 For the last time, I am sorry. 170 00:09:58:480 --> 00:10:00:400 Won't be the last time. 171 00:10:00:840 --> 00:10:03:040 I just wanna go home. I'm cold and I'm wet. 172 00:10:03:280 --> 00:10:07:720 If you kick the back of my seat again, you're gonna be colder and wetter. 173 00:10:08:840 --> 00:10:10:600 Ease up on him. He's had a rough day. 174 00:10:10:800 --> 00:10:13:560 Yeah, my dad left me out in the rain. 175 00:10:14:200 --> 00:10:16:040 I'm sorry. 176 00:10:16:280 --> 00:10:17:800 What did I tell you? 177 00:10:20:400 --> 00:10:22:040 What's all this stuff on the floor? 178 00:10:22:240 --> 00:10:25:160 I don't know. Junk mail. Parking tickets. 179 00:10:25:360 --> 00:10:28:040 - What's this? - Satin blindfold. 180 00:10:29:400 --> 00:10:31:960 - For what? - What do you mean, "For what"? 181 00:10:32:160 --> 00:10:33:440 In case I run into... 182 00:10:35:600 --> 00:10:37:080 ...a pi�ata. 183 00:10:38:760 --> 00:10:40:880 - You're unbelievable. - Don't judge. 184 00:10:41:080 --> 00:10:43:600 You felt up a Samoan dude. 185 00:10:45:080 --> 00:10:49:120 Hey, this is for me. From the IRS. 186 00:10:49:280 --> 00:10:51:920 It was mailed a month ago. 187 00:10:53:280 --> 00:10:55:640 Damn post office. 188 00:10:56:880 --> 00:10:58:920 Oh, perfect. 189 00:10:59:120 --> 00:11:02:000 - Just freaking perfect. - Good news? 190 00:11:03:360 --> 00:11:05:080 I'm being audited. 191 00:11:05:280 --> 00:11:06:800 They wanna see me tomorrow. 192 00:11:07:240 --> 00:11:09:320 Oh, well, look at the upside. 193 00:11:09:720 --> 00:11:11:480 What upside? 194 00:11:12:920 --> 00:11:14:520 Yeah, okay, you got me. 195 00:11:15:480 --> 00:11:17:480 How could you forget to give this to me? 196 00:11:18:080 --> 00:11:21:520 I don't know. How could you forget your only son in the rain? 197 00:11:21:920 --> 00:11:24:280 - Yeah. - Yeah. Watch the cleats. 198 00:11:30:480 --> 00:11:34:400 Let's go, sleepyhead. Rise and shine, up and at 'em. 199 00:11:34:640 --> 00:11:38:560 Get out of my room or I'll kill you with my bare hands. 200 00:11:38:800 --> 00:11:41:600 I'm being audited today. You have to take Jake to school. 201 00:11:41:840 --> 00:11:43:640 Put him in a cab. 202 00:11:44:040 --> 00:11:45:920 Oh, please. I am counting on you. 203 00:11:46:200 --> 00:11:48:760 Then you're headed for disappointment. 204 00:11:49:280 --> 00:11:52:120 You need to get Jake dressed, make him his lunch... 205 00:11:52:360 --> 00:11:55:240 ...and get him to school by 8, okay? - Okay. 206 00:11:56:320 --> 00:11:58:480 - You're not moving. - Yes, I am. 207 00:11:58:720 --> 00:12:00:800 I'm flipping you off under the covers. 208 00:12:03:400 --> 00:12:05:480 Get up! 209 00:12:07:360 --> 00:12:09:360 All right, I'm up. 210 00:12:09:840 --> 00:12:11:960 So you know what to do with Jake? 211 00:12:12:160 --> 00:12:14:680 You have to be responsible. You have to be me today. 212 00:12:14:880 --> 00:12:18:120 - Think you can handle that? - You left him out in the rain yesterday. 213 00:12:18:320 --> 00:12:20:200 It's not like you set the bar real high. 214 00:12:21:240 --> 00:12:22:640 - Charlie. - Relax. 215 00:12:22:840 --> 00:12:25:160 I think I'm capable of getting your kid to school. 216 00:12:25:400 --> 00:12:28:120 Good, because I really need your help. 217 00:12:28:960 --> 00:12:32:840 So... So I'm gonna leave now. 218 00:12:34:600 --> 00:12:36:480 You're all set, right? 219 00:12:36:760 --> 00:12:38:200 Charlie? 220 00:12:47:160 --> 00:12:49:680 Get up! 221 00:12:55:320 --> 00:12:57:080 Get dressed. I'm taking you to school. 222 00:12:57:600 --> 00:12:59:840 I can't. I'm sick. 223 00:13:00:360 --> 00:13:02:640 Yeah, well, bite me. 224 00:13:03:440 --> 00:13:05:560 - Hey. - Don't... Don't screw with me, shorty. 225 00:13:05:760 --> 00:13:08:080 I only got, like, nine hours of sleep last night. 226 00:13:09:920 --> 00:13:12:920 - Now get dressed. - I'm supposed to take a shower first. 227 00:13:16:640 --> 00:13:17:960 Sit near a window. 228 00:13:21:840 --> 00:13:25:280 - Here, put these on. - I wore these yesterday. 229 00:13:25:520 --> 00:13:28:720 They're still extremely stylish. Put them on. 230 00:13:29:800 --> 00:13:33:040 - Can I have some privacy, please? - For what? You're 11. 231 00:13:33:320 --> 00:13:35:640 That's close to puberty. 232 00:13:36:640 --> 00:13:38:600 Okay, okay. 233 00:13:40:600 --> 00:13:41:880 I'm leaving. 234 00:13:47:400 --> 00:13:49:520 What am I, nuts? 235 00:14:01:600 --> 00:14:03:880 Get up! 236 00:14:06:760 --> 00:14:08:560 I could have dressed myself, you know. 237 00:14:08:760 --> 00:14:11:040 You had your chance. 238 00:14:11:240 --> 00:14:13:320 I look stupid. 239 00:14:13:840 --> 00:14:16:720 Yeah, well, you're close to puberty. 240 00:14:16:960 --> 00:14:18:280 Oh, I forgot to comb my hair. 241 00:14:18:520 --> 00:14:21:240 No, no, no. I'll do it. 242 00:14:22:800 --> 00:14:24:200 That's spit. 243 00:14:24:440 --> 00:14:28:280 Hey, one man's saliva is another man's mousse. Now shut up. 244 00:14:29:000 --> 00:14:30:880 There, you're beautiful. Let's go. 245 00:14:31:520 --> 00:14:34:120 - What about lunch? - Sorry, I have plans. 246 00:14:35:560 --> 00:14:37:240 No, you're supposed to make me lunch. 247 00:14:38:360 --> 00:14:40:600 Oh, all right, come on. 248 00:14:42:480 --> 00:14:45:200 You're not really a morning person, are you? 249 00:14:45:440 --> 00:14:48:200 You're just saying that because I spit on your head. 250 00:14:50:160 --> 00:14:52:960 - You like cold pizza, right? - Sure. 251 00:14:59:240 --> 00:15:01:440 - This is frozen. - Yeah. If you sit on it... 252 00:15:01:640 --> 00:15:03:640 ...it'll thaw by lunch. 253 00:15:07:480 --> 00:15:10:120 My butt is freezing. 254 00:15:12:000 --> 00:15:13:320 You wanted pizza. 255 00:15:15:560 --> 00:15:17:480 All right, I'll put the seat warmer on. 256 00:15:17:680 --> 00:15:19:840 Cook it from both sides. 257 00:15:20:080 --> 00:15:23:800 - I like it better when my dad takes me. - Oh, gee, you're not having fun? 258 00:15:24:000 --> 00:15:26:440 Because I'm farting rainbows over here. 259 00:15:27:320 --> 00:15:30:000 First, he forgets me. Now he leaves me with you. 260 00:15:30:480 --> 00:15:31:760 Hey, you know what? 261 00:15:32:000 --> 00:15:34:920 Your father works like a dog to make sure you have everything. 262 00:15:35:440 --> 00:15:36:800 If he's not there for you... 263 00:15:37:040 --> 00:15:40:800 ...it's just because he's trying to stay out of federal prison. 264 00:15:44:440 --> 00:15:46:120 I think he needs to have sex. 265 00:15:47:840 --> 00:15:49:480 I was kidding about prison, Jake. 266 00:15:52:240 --> 00:15:54:000 What do you mean he needs to have sex? 267 00:15:54:400 --> 00:15:56:160 Well, he's been really grumpy lately. 268 00:15:56:360 --> 00:15:59:520 You're usually in a good mood. I figure it's because you have sex. 269 00:16:00:960 --> 00:16:04:920 Jake, it takes more than sex to make a man happy. 270 00:16:06:120 --> 00:16:07:400 You also need money. 271 00:16:11:760 --> 00:16:13:440 All right, have a good day. 272 00:16:13:640 --> 00:16:16:160 - Learn something. - This isn't my school. 273 00:16:17:120 --> 00:16:20:480 - What do you mean? - I mean, I don't go to school here. 274 00:16:22:200 --> 00:16:24:160 Well, where do you go to school? 275 00:16:24:440 --> 00:16:26:240 Woodward Avenue Elementary. 276 00:16:26:520 --> 00:16:30:480 - And where the hell is that? - Woodward Avenue, I guess. 277 00:16:31:960 --> 00:16:35:280 I don't know why you can't tough it out here for one day. 278 00:16:35:480 --> 00:16:37:440 Make some new friends. 279 00:16:39:120 --> 00:16:40:600 Hey, Alan, it's Charlie. 280 00:16:40:800 --> 00:16:44:720 Look, I wanna ask you something but I don't want you to read anything into it. 281 00:16:45:000 --> 00:16:46:880 Where exactly is Jake's school? 282 00:16:47:120 --> 00:16:49:440 You don 't know where his school is? 283 00:16:49:640 --> 00:16:51:520 What the hell is wrong with you? 284 00:16:51:720 --> 00:16:55:440 - Are you trying to kill me? - You could be right about the sex thing. 285 00:16:58:320 --> 00:17:00:600 Okay, Woodward Avenue Elementary School. 286 00:17:00:840 --> 00:17:02:240 Looks like they're closed. 287 00:17:02:440 --> 00:17:06:960 That's because I'm an hour late. Even the crossing guard is gone. 288 00:17:09:040 --> 00:17:12:760 How about this? Why don't you just bag school and we'll go catch a movie. 289 00:17:13:480 --> 00:17:16:560 - I can't skip school. I'm in the play. - What play? 290 00:17:16:800 --> 00:17:19:240 The founding fathers' play. You'll be there, right? 291 00:17:19:760 --> 00:17:21:960 Why would I be there? 292 00:17:22:320 --> 00:17:26:880 Because Mom's in Hawaii and Dad's got that tax thing and you're all that's left. 293 00:17:28:120 --> 00:17:29:720 Oh, I'm all that's left. 294 00:17:29:960 --> 00:17:32:000 Hey, I'm not thrilled about it either. 295 00:17:33:680 --> 00:17:35:520 Okay. Where and when? 296 00:17:35:760 --> 00:17:37:680 In the auditorium after lunch. 297 00:17:37:920 --> 00:17:39:800 Oh, yeah. I need a Ben Franklin costume. 298 00:17:40:480 --> 00:17:42:000 You're telling me this now? 299 00:17:42:240 --> 00:17:44:200 I told Mom but she's in Hawaii. 300 00:17:45:360 --> 00:17:47:160 All right. 301 00:17:47:440 --> 00:17:50:920 Let's see. Washington, Jackson, Lincoln. 302 00:17:51:160 --> 00:17:53:440 Here we go. Benjamin Franklin. 303 00:17:53:920 --> 00:17:56:240 Why can't you be Lincoln? 304 00:17:56:600 --> 00:17:59:120 A beard, a mole, a top hat, we're done. 305 00:17:59:400 --> 00:18:02:000 Because Lincoln wasn't a founding father. 306 00:18:03:840 --> 00:18:05:760 Okay, I'll see what I can do. 307 00:18:06:000 --> 00:18:08:000 Now get out of here. 308 00:18:11:120 --> 00:18:12:640 Hey. 309 00:18:14:240 --> 00:18:16:160 You forgot your lunch. 310 00:18:16:360 --> 00:18:18:120 Hey. 311 00:18:24:320 --> 00:18:26:800 God, what a day. 312 00:18:26:960 --> 00:18:28:720 I don't wanna hear it. 313 00:18:28:920 --> 00:18:31:240 You know why I was being audited? 314 00:18:31:760 --> 00:18:36:040 Not because I have unsubstantiated deductions. Which I have. 315 00:18:36:240 --> 00:18:39:200 Not because I take the occasional cash payment from a client... 316 00:18:39:440 --> 00:18:42:080 ...and forget to report it. Which I do. 317 00:18:42:240 --> 00:18:44:680 It was because no one at the IRS... 318 00:18:44:880 --> 00:18:49:360 ...could believe I was paying as much alimony as I claimed. 319 00:18:50:520 --> 00:18:53:400 It took me three hours to convince them that, yes... 320 00:18:53:600 --> 00:18:56:200 ...I am that big a schmuck. 321 00:18:57:080 --> 00:18:59:560 Oh, boo-hoo. 322 00:19:00:640 --> 00:19:02:880 You want a real fun time? 323 00:19:03:080 --> 00:19:05:680 Try finding an extra small Ben Franklin costume... 324 00:19:05:840 --> 00:19:07:520 ...at 9:00 in the morning. 325 00:19:08:320 --> 00:19:11:680 Oh, right. The play. How was it? 326 00:19:12:320 --> 00:19:14:960 Boffo. A smash. 327 00:19:16:120 --> 00:19:19:680 Among the highlights were a 12-year-old Chinese George Washington... 328 00:19:19:880 --> 00:19:22:640 ...with a powdered wig and a snot bubble... 329 00:19:23:480 --> 00:19:26:000 ...and your kid in a bald cap and granny glasses... 330 00:19:26:200 --> 00:19:30:840 ...holding a Tweety Bird kite and announcing he's discovered elasticity. 331 00:19:31:600 --> 00:19:33:920 - Oh, I wish I'd seen it. - Don't worry, you will. 332 00:19:34:160 --> 00:19:36:960 It was videotaped from about 150 different angles. 333 00:19:37:360 --> 00:19:39:320 I should tell him I'm sorry I wasn't there. 334 00:19:39:560 --> 00:19:42:200 - Yeah, you should. - Is he in his room? 335 00:20:11:920 --> 00:20:14:000 Here you go, pal. Your favorite. 336 00:20:14:200 --> 00:20:16:200 Bacon double cheeseburger and cheese fries. 337 00:20:16:440 --> 00:20:19:600 And for dessert, I got fudge brownies with that ice cream you like. 338 00:20:19:840 --> 00:20:22:120 Is this supposed to make up for everything? 339 00:20:24:200 --> 00:20:26:040 - Yeah. - Pretty much. 340 00:20:27:080 --> 00:20:30:000 Look, Jake, I know it's been rough and I'm sorry. 341 00:20:30:240 --> 00:20:32:640 We're human, we make mistakes. But I promise you... 342 00:20:32:880 --> 00:20:36:680 ...neither of us will ever, ever forget to pick you up again. 343 00:20:36:920 --> 00:20:39:360 Yeah, I still wanna go back to Mom's. 344 00:20:39:560 --> 00:20:42:360 When is she coming home from Hawaii, anyway? 345 00:20:45:440 --> 00:20:47:240 Oh, crap. 346 00:21:16:360 --> 00:21:18:400 Subtitles by SDI Media Group 347 00:21:18:600 --> 00:21:20:640 [ENGLISH] 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 26729