All language subtitles for Lovers and Other Strangers (Cy Howard, 1970)

[blowing]

[sighs]

SUSAN?

SUSAN?

WAKE UP, SUSAN.

WAKE UP.

MIKE,
WHAT IS IT?

IT'S 3:00
IN THE MORNING.

I'M NOT
GETTING MARRIED.

DO YOU REMEMBER
WHAT I SAID TO YOU?

"IF I ASK YOU TO MARRY ME,
CAN I TAKE IT BACK IF I WANT TO?"

AND YOU SAID I COULD,
DIDN'T YOU?

WELL, I'M TAKIN' IT BACK,
THAT'S ALL. I'M TAKIN' IT BACK.

♪[Comin' Thru To Me
by Country Coalition playing]

♪ I HEAR YOU ♪

♪ I HEAR WHAT YOU'RE
TRYING TO SAY ♪

♪ YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME ♪

♪ IT'S BETTER THAT WAY ♪

♪ I HEAR YOU ♪

♪ COME THROUGH TO ME ♪

(Mike)
LOOK, SUSAN, I DON'T THINK I COULD BE FAITHFUL.

I MEAN, WHENEVER I WALK
DOWN THE STREET,

[gasps]
I WANT TO GRAB EVERY ASS I SEE.

NOW THAT'S NOT
NORMAL, SUSAN.

♪ I SEE YOU ♪

♪ I SEE WHAT YOU'RE
TRYING TO DO ♪

♪ YOU DON'T HAVE
TO SHOW ME ♪

♪ IT'S ALL PART OF YOU ♪

♪ I SEE YOU ♪

♪ COME THROUGH TO ME ♪

(Mike)
INDIA'S OVERPOPULATED.

THE SUICIDE RATE IS UP.

WE'LL ALL BE STERILIZED SOON.
THE AIR IS POLLUTED.

IS THAT THE KIND OF WORLD
YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED IN, SUSAN? IS IT?

♪ I FEEL YOU ♪

♪ I KNOW WHEN YOU'RE
COMIN' AROUND ♪

♪ YOU WALK UP BEHIND ME ♪

♪ AND DON'T MAKE A SOUND ♪

♪ I FEEL YOU ♪

♪ COMIN' THROUGH TO ME ♪

SUSAN, SOMEDAY MAYBE
I'LL GET GOOD AND STONED,

WE'LL GO OFF
AND WE'LL DO IT, HUH?

THAT WAY I WON'T FEEL
LIKE I'M MARRIED.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

HUH?
WHAT DO YOU SAY?

GIVE ME A BREAK, HUH?
TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF ME.

CALL OFF
THE WEDDING.

ALL RIGHT, SUSAN.

I'VE GOT TO LAY
MY CARDS ON THE TABLE.

I WASN'T GONNA
TELL YOU THIS

'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANT
TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS,

BUT THERE'S
SOMETHING ABOUT YOU THAT REALLY BUGS ME.

YOU HAVE
VERY FAT ARMS.

I TRIED.
I REALLY TRIED, SUSAN,

BUT IT'S GETTING CLOSE.

THERE'S ONLY 3 DAYS LEFT,
3 MORE DAYS,

AND I CAN'T GO
ANY FURTHER.

YOU AND RITCHIE
GOING TO PICK UP THE TUXEDOS TODAY?

YOU'LL HAVE TO GET
THE CUFFLINKS FOR THE USHERS, TOO.

DID I TELL YOU
I GOT A SALAD BOWL FROM JOHNNY AND WILMA?

IT'S FROM TIFFANY'S.

NO KIDDING.

♪ NO PLACE TO HIDE
ANYMORE ♪

♪ INSIDE OR OUTSIDE ♪

♪ YOU KNOW I FEEL YOU ♪

♪ COMIN' THROUGH ♪

♪ HEY! ♪

♪ COMIN' THROUGH ♪

♪ WHOA-WHOA, WHOA-WHOA ♪

♪ COMIN' THROUGH ♪

♪ COMIN' THROUGH ♪

♪ YOU'RE COMIN' THROUGH ♪

[brakes screeching]

[chattering]

[laughing]

DO YOU THINK
HE'LL MAKE THE WEDDING?

WHO, MIKE?

NO. FATHER GREGORY.

OH.

[laughs]

MIKE'S REALLY UPTIGHT
ABOUT THE WEDDING.

NOT JOHNNY.
WEDDINGS MAKE HIM SEXY.

HEY, WILMA?
COOL IT WITH DAD, HUH?

WHAT'S THE MATTER?
DON'T YOU TRUST ANYONE OVER 30?

OH, MR. AND
MRS. HENDERSON.

BERNICE.

BERNICE.
OH, I ALWAYS WANTED TO CALL YOU BERNICE.

[chuckles]

WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN
AT THE FITZPATRICK WEDDING.

IT WAS ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS.

IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

THEY HAD
A MICHELANGELO STATUE.

IT WAS A LITTLE SLAVE
WITH AN URN.

THE CHAMPAGNE JUST
SIMPLY SPILLED OVER.

[laughing]

IT WAS MARVELOUS.
YOU KNOW, A WEDDING LIKE THAT...

THERE YOU ARE.
DIDN'T I SEE YOU AT WILMA'S WEDDING?

THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, I NEVER FORGET
A FACE.

WELL, BUSY,
BUSY, BUSY.

I HAVE TO LEAVE YOU.
HELP YOURSELF.

EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT.

(Bernice)
THANK YOU. HEY, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

(Hal)
HERE ARE MY LITTLE GIRLS.

DAD.

HOW ARE YOU, SUSAN,
MY SWEETHEART?

[all greeting]

HELLO, WILMA.
HOW ARE YOU?

OH, HI, KATHY.

OH, HI.

SIT DOWN.
SIT DOWN.

WILMA, A LITTLE
CHAMPAGNE HERE.

OH-OH. I FORGOT.
YOU DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH, DO YOU?

AND A LITTLE
FOR MY BABY. THERE YOU ARE.

AND NOW, A TOAST
TO THE BRIDE.

OH.

(Bernice)
TO THE BRIDE.

(Wilma)
TO THE BRIDE.

(Donaldson)
IS EVERYBODY COMFORTABLE?

[laughs]

OH, LOOK AT ME.
I WAS SO BEAUTIFUL THEN.

DID I SEE YOU
AT WILMA'S WEDDING?

I'M WILMA.

OH, THAT'S WHY
YOU WERE THERE.

WELL, BUSY, BUSY, BUSY,
BUSY, BUSY, BUSY.

I WON'T BE
TOO MUCH LONGER.

IS PHYLLIS
BETTER?

WHO?

YOUR ROOMMATE.
WILL SHE BE WELL ENOUGH TO COME TO THE WEDDING?

OH, I HOPE SO.

JOHNNY LOOKS THE SAME
AS HE DOES NOW.

BIG ITALIAN LUG.

DON'T COMPLAIN, WILMA.
AT LEAST YOU'RE MARRIED.

YES. IF MIKE MAKES
HALF THE HUSBAND THAT JOHNNY IS,

I'LL BE SATISFIED.

HE'S NOT GOING TO GO
INTO YOUR BUSINESS.

I CAN TELL YOU
THAT RIGHT NOW.

DON'T YOU WORRY,
SUSAN.

HE HAS TO DO HIS THING.
I UNDERSTAND.

THERE'S NO GAP HERE.

LOOK WHO'S HERE.

MIKE.
(Mike) HELLO.

WELL, WHAT A PLEASANT
SURPRISE, SON.

SUSAN DIDN'T TELL US
YOU WERE COMING.

I DIDN'T KNOW.

YOU ALL KNOW MY BROTHER,
RITCHIE?

HI, RITCHIE.

SAY, WILMA, I HEAR
WE GOT A GREAT SALAD BOWL FROM YOU AND JOHNNY.

IT'S FROM TIFFANY'S.

NO KIDDING?

OH, SIT DOWN.

(Bernice)
SIT DOWN, RITCHIE.

I NEED THE KEY
TO THE APARTMENT BACK.

MIKE?

AS LONG AS
YOU'RE BOTH HERE,

WHY DON'T YOU
AND RITCHIE HAVE LUNCH WITH US?

I'M SORRY,
MR. HENDERSON.

WE REALLY GOT TO SPLIT.
RIGHT, RITCHIE?

WE'LL BE SEEING YOU
AT THE BARBECUE.

OH, RIGHT.

RITCHIE,
WE'RE EXPECTING YOU AND YOUR LOVELY WIFE.

YES.

SO LONG.

(Bernice)
GOOD-BYE, BOYS.

(Hal)
BYE-BYE, SON.

BYE-BYE.

UH, IS JOAN COMING
TO THE BARBECUE?

BARBECUE?
I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'LL MAKE THE WEDDING.

OH, I LOVE WEDDINGS.

THEY'RE SUCH
A FAMILY THING.

AND WHEN IT COMES DOWN
TO THE REAL NITTY-GRITTY,

THAT'S ALL A MAN HAS.
HIS FAMILY.

MIKE, DO YOU WANT
SOME MORE SOUP?

NO, MOM,
I'M FULL.

HOW ABOUT YOU, FRANK?
MORE SOUP?

NAH, I DON'T WANT
NO MORE SOUP.

OH, GO AHEAD, FRANK.
IT'S GOOD SOUP.

ALL RIGHT,
LET ME HAVE SOME MORE SOUP.

RITCHIE?

HMM.

MIKE?

NO.

YOU'RE SURE?

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME
SINCE WE ALL HAD A MEAL TOGETHER.

HOW'S NICK?

WHO?

(Beatrice)
YOUR ROOMMATE.

OH, NICK.
HE'S FINE, FINE.

WILL WE FINALLY MEET HIM
AT THE WEDDING?

I PROMISE YOU, MA,
YOU'LL SEE MY ROOMMATE AT THE WEDDING.

(Beatrice)
A WEDDING IS SUCH A JOYOUS EVENT.

IT'S THE JOINING
OF 2 PEOPLE TOGETHER THROUGH THICK AND THIN

IN A UNION
OF SPIRITUAL GOODNESS, FOREVER AND EVER

THAT ONLY GOD
CAN PUT ASUNDER.

YOU WANT SOME
MORE VEAL, MIKE?

NO, MA.

FRANK, YOU WANT
SOME MORE VEAL?

NAH, I DON'T WANT
NO MORE VEAL.

THE BUTCHER GAVE
YOU GOOD VEAL, FRANK.

YEAH, HE'S A GOOD BUTCHER.

IT'S NOT VEINY.

I HATE VEINY VEAL.

FRANK.

SO, UH,

WHAT'S THE STORY,
RITCHIE?

WELL, GET OFF HIS BACK.
LET HIM WORK OUT HIS OWN PROBLEMS.

YOU BE QUIET.
WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE.

WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT DIVORCE.

IF IT WAS MARRIAGE,
YOU COULD TALK.

(Frank)
BUT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT DIVORCE.

SO BE QUIET.

MARRIAGE IS DIFFERENT
FROM DIVORCE.

SO, UH, WHAT'S
THE STORY, RITCHIE?

WE'RE JUST
NOT COMPATIBLE.

YOU HEAR THAT?
THEY'RE NOT COMPATIBLE.

I HEARD, BUT I'M NOT
LISTENING, FRANK.

MARRIED FOR 6 YEARS,
ALL OF A SUDDEN THEY WANT TO BE COMPATIBLE.

IT'S A PHASE
THEY ARE GOING THROUGH.

THESE STUPID KIDS TODAY.
THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEMSELVES,

SO THEY GET
A DIVORCE FOR KICKS.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS,
FRANK. KICKS.

LOOK, IT'S 1970.
IT HAPPENS TO A LOT OF COUPLES.

THERE'S NOTHING
YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

NEVER IN OUR FAMILY.

WE DON'T
BELIEVE IN IT.

IT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE
WHO DON'T GIVE A DAMN.

WOULD THE KING
AND QUEEN OF ENGLAND GET A DIVORCE?

OF COURSE NOT.
THEY DON'T BELIEVE IN IT.

IT'S WHY
THEY'RE TOGETHER.

THEY KNOW WHAT'D
HAPPEN TO ENGLAND IF THEY BROKE UP.

BUT OUR SON
BELIEVES IN IT.

HE WOULDN'T CARE
WHAT HAPPENED TO ENGLAND.

HE DOESN'T CARE
WHAT HAPPENS TO ANYBODY. IT'S 1970,

SO HE'S GETTING
A DIVORCE.

HE WAS SUCH
A BEAUTIFUL GROOM.

EVERYBODY SAID IT
WAS MADE IN HEAVEN.

HIS GRANDMOTHER WAS
SO HAPPY SHE LIVED TO SEE HIM MARRY.

JACKIE NEXT DOOR
HAS 3 KIDS,

AND HE'S NEVER EVEN BEEN
TO COLLEGE.

MIKE'S NOT GETTING
A DIVORCE.

I'M NOT EVEN
MARRIED YET.

SO, UH, WHAT'S
THE STORY, RITCHIE?

I THINK
THEY'RE HINTING AT SOMETHING, RITCHIE.

THEY WANT TO KNOW
THE STORY.

WHERE ARE
YOU GOING?

UPSTAIRS.

SORRY TO SPLIT, RITCHIE,

BUT WE'RE NOT GOING
TO TALK ABOUT MARRIAGE,

AND THAT'S THE ONLY THING
I KNOW ABOUT.

THAT'S RIGHT, WE'RE GOING
TO TALK ABOUT DIVORCE, ABOUT WHICH I'M AN EXPERT.

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE
WHO'S EVER COME CLOSE, WISE GUY.

YOUR BROTHER'S
GETTING MARRIED.

HOW CAN YOU GET
A DIVORCE?

SHUT UP, BEATRICE!

WHERE THE HELL
DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?

JOAN AND I TALKED IT OUT,
AND BELIEVE ME, IT'S BETTER THIS WAY.

BETTER?
BETTER?

FOR WHO?
YOUR MOTHER? FOR YOUR FATHER?

I'LL TELL YOU
WHO IT'S BETTER FOR. YOU. ALWAYS YOU.

DO YOU KNOW
WHAT'S BETTER FOR YOU?

YOU DON'T KNOW.

ONLY YOU KNOW, HUH?

DID YOU LISTEN
WHEN I TOLD YOU

NOT TO MARRY HER
IN THE FIRST PLACE?

LISTEN TO YOUR FATHER.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
JOAN AND I ARE JUST NOT HAPPY TOGETHER.

YOU HEAR THAT,
BEATRICE?

THEY'RE NOT
HAPPY TOGETHER.

I HEARD, FRANK.

WELL, WHO'S HAPPY?

WHO'S HAPPY?

DO YOU SEE ME
RUNNIN' AROUND DANCIN' IN THE STREETS?

DO YOU SEE YOUR
FATHER RUNNING AROUND DANCING IN THE STREETS?

WHAT, ARE YOU
BETTER THAN ME?

YOU THINK YOUR MOTHER
AND I ARE HAPPY?

YOU MEAN,
YOU AND MOM AREN'T HAPPY?

(both)
NO.

THEN WHY DID
YOU STAY TOGETHER?

WE'RE CONTENT.

WE'RE CONTENT.

THESE KIDS TODAY,
ALL THEY'RE LOOKING FOR IS HAPPINESS.

DON'T LOOK
FOR HAPPINESS, RITCHIE.

IT'LL ONLY MAKE YOU
MISERABLE.

WELL, IF I'M NOT
GOING TO BE HAPPY, I DON'T WANT TO BE MARRIED.

WHERE THE HELL
DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING?

YOU THINK YOU'RE SMART.

I'M TELLING YOU
YOU'RE NOT SMART.

I KNOW YOU'RE
NOT SMART.

YOU'RE STUPID.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
ONLY MARRIED PEOPLE ARE UNHAPPY?

WHAT ABOUT
EDDIE SHRIDE?

OR TOMMY PIZZO?

OR YOUR
AUNT PAULINE?

OR FATHER BURKE?

FATHER BURKE.

YEAH, YEAH,
YOU WANT TO END UP LIKE THEM?

UNHAPPY?

UNHAPPY?

WHY DO YOU THINK
WE ALL KEEP OUR FAMILIES TOGETHER?

FOR HAPPINESS?
HEY, NO.

FOR THE FAMILY.

FOR THE KIDS.

WE DON'T HAVE
ANY KIDS.

I TOLD YOU
NOT TO HAVE ANY KIDS.

I TOLD HIM
NOT TO HAVE ANY KIDS.

WHAT ABOUT
YOUR NEPHEW, MARK?

YOU AND JOAN
ARE HIS GODPARENTS.

HEY, YOU GOT
A RESPONSIBILITY.

WHO'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM
IF, GOD FORBID, WE ALL DIE IN A FIRE?

YEAH, WE COULD ALL
GET KILLED CROSSING THE STREET BY A TRUCK.

OR DIE OF A HEART ATTACK
IN THE LIVING ROOM.

OR GET ELECTROCUTED
IN THE BATHTUB.

BELIEVE ME,
DYING IS NO PICNIC.

IF YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO TALK INTELLIGENTLY,

I'M NOT GOING TO
DISCUSS IT WITH YOU.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, FRANK,
DO SOMETHING. DO SOMETHING.

YEAH, DON'T TELL ME
YOU WON'T DISCUSS IT. I'LL TAKE OFF MY STRAP

AND GIVE YOU
A GOOD BEATING.

I DON'T CARE
HOW OLD YOU ARE.

FRANK, DON'T YOU
TOUCH HIM.

THAT'S ALL YOU KNOW,
THE STRAP.

WHERE WERE YOU
WHEN HE WAS YOUNG

AND REALLY NEEDED YOU
TO GIVE HIM A GOOD BEATING? IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

DON'T GIVE ME
IT'S MY FAULT.

IT'S YOUR FAULT.
YOU SPOILED HIM.

IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

I DON'T BLAME RITCHIE.
I DON'T BLAME JOAN.

I DON'T EVEN
BLAME YOU, FRANK.

YOU KNOW
WHO I BLAME?

THE ECUMENICAL COUNCIL.

ONCE YOU START
MONKEYING AROUND

WITH WHO'S A SAINT
AND WHO ISN'T,

IT MAKES
THE YOUNG PEOPLE CRAZY.

OH, GOD,
WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN?

MAYBE I WASN'T
A GOOD MOTHER.

IS IT MY FAULT, RITCHIE?
IS IT?

IT IS MY FAULT,
ISN'T IT, RITCHIE?

YOU STOP IT.
IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT.

DON'T GIVE ME THAT.

IT'S GOT TO BE
SOMEBODY'S FAULT. I WANT TO KNOW WHOSE FAULT.

WE'LL TALK TO HIM
AT THE WEDDING, FRANK.

JOAN WILL BE THERE, TOO.

UH, WHAT'S THE STORY,
RITCHIE?

WOULD YOU BELIEVE
I LIVED WITH THEM TILL THE DAY I GOT MARRIED?

WHEN THEY GET STARTED
THEY CAN REALLY PUT YOU AWAY.

YOU AND SUSAN
HAD THE RIGHT IDEA.

YEAH.

YEAH, YOU LIVED
TOGETHER.

YEAH.

YOU GOT TO KNOW
EACH OTHER. MMM-HMM.

I GREW UP WITH JOAN,
TOO SCARED TO DO WHAT YOU DID.

IT WAS A DIFFERENT WORLD.
SO WE GOT MARRIED

AND THEN WE FOUND OUT
IT WAS A MISTAKE.

YEAH?

BUT IT'S NOT GOING
TO HAPPEN TO YOU.

YOU GOT IT MADE.

WHAT MAKES ME SO SPECIAL?

HUH?

I'M WALKING DOWN
THE SAME AISLE YOU DID.

I SAW OUR WEDDING PICTURES
AT DONALDSON'S TODAY.

OH, YEAH?

YOU LOOK THE SAME,
JOHNNY,

BUT I'VE GOTTEN OLDER.

OH, NO,
YOU HAVEN'T, HONEY.

BUT YOU HAVE
TO KEEP IN SHAPE.

REMEMBER,
YOU HAVEN'T GOT 4 YEARS IN THE MARINES BEHIND YOU.

[both laugh]

[chuckling]

DO YOU THINK
SUSAN WILL BE HAPPY WITH MIKE?

[chuckles]

WHY NOT?
THEY'VE BEEN MAKING IT FOR A YEAR.

COULD BE
JUST PHYSICAL.

YEAH, WELL.

[exhales]

THAT'S A GOOD PLACE
TO START.

[chuckles]

I'LL BE
RIGHT OUT, JOHNNY.

[sighs]

(Ingrid Bergman on T.V.)
HE AND DR. EDWARDES WERE ON A HIGH, SLOPING ROOF.

AND WHEN HE SAW
EDWARDES PLUNGE OVER THE EDGE TO HIS DEATH,

HE ALSO SAW
THE ANGRY PROPRIETOR

HIDING BEHIND THE CHIMNEY,
LAUGHING.

(man)
THE SYMBOLISM OF THE SMALL WHEEL ESCAPES ME.

YOU ARE THINKING THAT NOW,
DR. MURCHISON.

JOHNNY--

YEAH, SHH, HONEY,
WAIT A MINUTE.

INGRID BERGMAN
JUST FOUND OUT WHO THE MURDERER IS.

YOU'VE SEEN
SPELLBOUND 4 TIMES.

6 TIMES. IT'S ONE OF
MY ALL-TIME FAVORITES.

(Ingrid Bergman)
CONVICTED AS A SANE MAN

AND KILLED
IN THE ELECTRIC CHAIR FOR YOUR CRIME.

I'M GOING TO TELEPHONE...

BOY, INGRID BERGMAN. MMM.

WHAT ABOUT
GREGORY PECK?

HE HASN'T GOT
YOUR LOOKS.

THAT'S TRUE.

WAIT A MINUTE,
HONEY. WAIT.

YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME
MISS THE ENDING.

OK, I'LL WAIT.

(woman)
ANY HUSBAND OF CONSTANCE IS A HUSBAND OF MINE.

(man)
ALL RIGHT. GOODBYE. GOOD LUCK.

(Ingrid Bergman)
GOODBYE.

GOOD NIGHT, HONEY.

[sighing]

JOHNNY.

JOHNNY, JOHNNY, JOHNNY.

HMM.

COME ON, WILMA.
I'M TIRED.

[sighs]

WELL, ARE YOU GOING
TO MAKE LOVE TO ME OR NOT?

I OWE YOU ONE.

YOU OWE ME 2.

HOW DO YOU FIGURE
I OWE YOU 2?

LAST FRIDAY
AND THE WEDNESDAY BEFORE, WHEN YOUR MOTHER STAYED OVER

AND YOU DIDN'T
WANT TO MAKE NOISE.

HMM.

OK, NOW I OWE YOU 3.
I'M GOOD FOR IT.

[sighs]

JOHNNY.

JOHNNY.

JOHNNY, JOHNNY.

OH, WHAT?

COME ON, WILMA.
I'M NOT IN THE MOOD RIGHT NOW.

ALL RIGHT, JOHNNY,
IF YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO.

I DON'T WANT YOU
TO DO ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DO.

DON'T YOU EVER
TOUCH ME AGAIN.

WILMA, WILL YOU
PUT THE CIGARETTE OUT AND GO TO SLEEP?

I CAN'T SLEEP
WHEN I'M LIKE THIS.

IT'S ALL
IN YOUR MIND.

IT IS NOT.
I FEEL SEXY.

IT'S JUST NERVES.
HAVE A SANDWICH.

OH.

COME ON, WILMA.
IN THE MORNING. IN THE MORNING.

I'M NOT INTERESTED
IN THE MORNING.

IT'S NOT ROMANTIC
IN THE MORNING.

IT'S ROMANTIC NOW.

WELL, TO ME IT'S WORK.

LOOK, JOHNNY,
IT'S THURSDAY ALREADY.

WE HAVEN'T MADE LOVE
IN 10 DAYS.

NOW WE BOTH WORK
VERY HARD TO MAKE LOVE AT LEAST TWICE A WEEK,

SO IF WE DON'T TONIGHT,

THERE'S GOING TO BE
A LOT OF PRESSURE ON US TO CATCH UP.

WELL, IT WOULDN'T BE THAT WAY
IF YOU DIDN'T NAG ME ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME.

NAG? HO-HO, I'VE TRIED
EVERY SUBTLE WAY OF REACHING YOU

EXCEPT SHOWING
STAG FILMS.

YOU KNOW, WILMA,
I GET THE FEELING THAT YOU'RE TRYING

TO MAKE MY VIRILITY
LOOK IMPOTENT.

OH, YEAH?
WHEN DID THAT FEELING FIRST HIT YOU?

THE DAY
I MARRIED YOU.

THIS KID WAS DYNAMITE
WITH OTHER WOMEN.

SURE. THEY WERE LUCKY
JUST TO BE THERE

WITH THE RECORD HOLDER
IN 3-SECOND INTERCOURSE.

OH, BOY,
OUT OF ALL THE WOMEN IN THE WORLD,

I HAD TO GO AND MARRY
AN EQUAL-TIME-ORGASM FANATIC.

YOU READ A COUPLE OF
LADIES' HOME JOURNALS

AND ALL YOU CAN THINK IS
"ME, TOO, ME, TOO."

AND WHY NOT
"ME, TOO, ME, TOO?"

WELL, YOU REALLY
WANT TO TAKE OVER, DON'T YOU?

DON'T THINK
I HAVEN'T NOTICED THE NEW WARDROBE

WITH THE--THE PANTS,
THE SUITS, THE TIES.

YOU REALLY LOOK BUTCH.

BUTCH?
I'M MORE FEMININE THAN YOU'LL EVER BE.

ALL I WANT
IS A LITTLE TENDERNESS.

OH, LOOK WHO
WANTS TENDERNESS.

I'LL GIVE YOU
TENDERNESS.

THERE'S
YOUR TENDERNESS.

YOU BETTER DECIDE
WHETHER YOU WANT TO BE A MAN OR A WOMAN

AND THEN TALK TENDERNESS
TO ME, WILMA.

OR IS IT WILLY?

I TELL YOU WHAT.

YOU DECIDE WHAT
YOU WANT TO BE FIRST, AND THEN I'LL BE WHAT'S LEFT.

OH, YOU THINK
YOU'RE SO MASCULINE

BECAUSE WHENEVER
WE HAVE A PROBLEM

YOU ROLL OVER,
YOU GO TO SLEEP, YOU GO OUT AND GET DRUNK,

OR TRY TO ACT ROUGH
WITH ME.

WELL, I GOT
A HOT FLASH FOR YOU.

THOSE TOUGH
MARINE DRILL SERGEANTS

ARE THE BIGGEST FAGS
IN THE WORLD!

WHAT?

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

DON'T YOU TALK
ABOUT THE MARINE CORPS THAT WAY.

OK. BUT THEY'RE
THE BIGGEST LATENT FAGS.

BUT THEY'RE NOT
REAL MEN.

A REAL MAN IS WARM
AND UNDERSTANDING,

AND TENDER, AND GENTLE,
AND LOVING, AND SENSITIVE, AND--

AND WHAT'S A WOMAN?

A WOMAN IS STRONG,
AND RESPONSIBLE, AND BRAVE, AND, UH--

AND WHAT? AND WHAT?

A--A WOMAN IS,
UH, VERY, UH...

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT A WOMAN IS.

I DON'T SEE ANY DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN US ANYMORE.

[sobbing]

OK.

OK.

[sighs]

AT THE WEDDING,
WE'LL RENT AN EXTRA ROOM FOR THE KIDS.

BY THEN I'LL BE
A LITTLE RESTED, HUH?

WE'LL ORDER
A COUPLE OF BOTTLES OF CHAMPAGNE.

IT'LL BE LIKE
A 2ND HONEYMOON, OK? HOW'S THAT SOUND, HUH?

OK.

ALL RIGHT, HONEY.
GOOD NIGHT. PUT THE LIGHT OUT.

[sighs]

REMEMBER,
NOW YOU OWE ME 3.

SUSAN, YOU'RE...

RARE.

WILMA?

MEDIUM.

JOHNNY?

SAME AS MINE.

MOTHER'S IS MEDIUM-RARE,
AND KATHY'S IS MEDIUM-RARE.

MIKE'S I WON'T START
TILL HE COMES.

MOTHER!

SOMEDAY WE'RE GOING
TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

SO I CAN BARBECUE
ALL YEAR ROUND.

[birds chirping]

I DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHY YOU CAN'T PUT
THE TREPANNIS WITH THE HENDERSONS.

BECAUSE OIL AND WATER
DON'T MIX.

BERNICE, THE TREPANNIS
ARE ITALIAN, NEW YORK.

HAL'S RELATIVES
ARE IRISH, BRIDGEPORT.

JOHNNY, DON'T TIRE YOURSELF.
TAKE IT EASY.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
COME ON. LET'S GO. HUP 2-4.

BOYS, BOYS,
YOU'RE GOING TO WEAR YOUR FATHER OUT.

HEY, SON,
HOW DO YOU LIKE YOURS?

CHARRED.

HEY, REMEMBER ME?

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

RITCHIE'S GETTING
A DIVORCE.

OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.
I'M SORRY.

HEY.

I SAID I WAS SORRY.

WHAT'S THAT GOT
TO DO WITH US?

IF YOU DON'T GET MARRIED,
YOU DON'T GET A DIVORCE.

OH, ARE YOU JUST GOING
TO BE UPTIGHT ALL THE TIME NOW?

MAYBE.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
CALL OFF THE WEDDING?

THAT'S RIGHT.

GO ON JUST AS WE ARE?

WELL, WHY NOT?
IT'S BEEN BEAUTIFUL FOR A YEAR AND A HALF.

OK.

YOU MEAN IT?

YEAH, OK.

WELL, THAT'S IT.
LET'S GO HOME.

WAIT. THERE'S JUST
ONE THING.

YOU SEE THAT MAN
OVER THERE?

YOU MEAN
THE CHARCOAL KING?

THAT MAN
IS GOING TO GET UP TOMORROW MORNING,

PUT ON HIS STRIPED TROUSERS,
AND WAIT FOR MY MOTHER

WHO WILL BE PUTTING ON
HER $900 DRESS FROM BERGDORF GOODMAN.

AND THEY WILL GO TOGETHER
TO OUR FAMILY CHURCH

TO GREET
OVER 100 PEOPLE

WHO ARE COMING TO SEE HIM
GIVE THE BRIDE AWAY.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
TRYING TO DO. MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THE BAD ONE.

WELL, IT WON'T WORK.
I OWE YOU NOTHING, BABY, YOU GET IT?

NO, I'M NOT TALKING
ABOUT ME. NO.

I'M TALKING
ABOUT THAT MAN

WHO HAS TAKEN OVER
THE GRAND BALLROOM OF THE STONERIDGE INN,

HIRED MUSICIANS,
PAID FOR 150 DINNERS, 50 CASES OF--

I'LL PAY BACK
EVERY PENNY.

LOOK, I'VE GOT ABOUT $20.
TAKE IT AS A DEPOSIT.

OH, NO, DON'T GIVE IT TO ME.
DON'T GIVE IT TO ME. GIVE IT TO HIM.

THAT'S ALL
YOU HAVE TO DO.

I WILL.
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I WILL.

THIS CHARRED ENOUGH
FOR YOU, SON?

MR. HENDERSON,
I'M PHYLLIS.

UH, WHO?

SUSAN'S ROOMMATE,

THE ONE SHE'S
BEEN LIVING WITH FOR A YEAR AND A HALF.

LET'S WALK A LITTLE.

IF YOU DON'T
BELIEVE ME, ASK--

I BELIEVE YOU.
NO GAP.

WHEN SUSAN WALKS DOWN
THAT AISLE TOMORROW IN HER WHITE BRIDAL GOWN,

VIRGIN SUSAN
MEETS FATHER GREGORY, THAT'S HYPOCRISY.

WE'RE, LIKE,
MARRIED ALREADY.

I DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH
WITH THIS SHAM.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

OH, I UNDERSTAND, MIKE.
SIT DOWN.

THERE'S NO GAP HERE,
MIKE, BELIEVE ME.

MAYBE IT WAS ALL RIGHT
IN YOUR TIME,

BUT IT'S NOT RIGHT
FOR SUSAN AND ME.

WE DON'T LIVE
LIES ANYMORE.

WE HAVE 2 GIRLS, MIKE.

YOU'RE 2 BROTHERS,
AREN'T YOU?

YEAH.

WELL, MAYBE
IF YOU HAD A SISTER,

YOU'D UNDERSTAND
ABOUT MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS AND WEDDINGS.

WEDDINGS AREN'T PLANNED
A FEW MONTHS AHEAD.

WEDDINGS ARE PLANNED
FROM THE TIME THE GIRL IS ABOUT 6.

SUSAN WENT TO HER
FIRST MASQUERADE PARTY AT 8...

DRESSED AS A BRIDE.

OH, PLEASE.

WHAT WOULD YOU
RATHER DO, MIKE?

RUN AWAY
TO CANADA?

I SURE WOULD.

IT'S UP TO YOU,
MIKE.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS WEIGH YOUR OWN HURT

AGAINST THE HURT
OF ALL THE OTHERS

AND THEN DO
WHAT'S BEST.

BUT WHATEVER YOU DECIDE,
I'LL UNDERSTAND.

NO GAP.

DID YOU TELL HIM?

I TOLD HIM.

WHERE DO WE STAND?

IN FRONT OF
FATHER GREGORY.

DON'T DO IT
FOR ME.

I'M NOT DOING IT
FOR YOU.

I'M DOING IT FOR
A LITTLE 8-YEAR-OLD GIRL

WHO WENT TO HER
FIRST MASQUERADE DRESSED AS A BRIDE.

HE TOLD YOU THAT?

YOU NEVER DID.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE
I SHOULD KNOW?

OH,

JUST THAT I LOVE YOU,
YOU SON OF A BITCH.

MOTHER, THE BARBECUE'S
GOING BEAUTIFULLY.

AND NOW, KATHY,
IF WE PLACE--

I HAVE NOTHING MORE TO SAY
ABOUT THE TREPANNIS AND THE HENDERSONS.

DON'T ASK MY OPINION,
BERNICE.

DON'T ASK MY OPINION
ABOUT THE SEATING PLAN

OR ANYTHING ELSE
CONNECTED WITH YOUR DAUGHTER'S WEDDING.

[crying]

DO SOMETHING.
YOU'RE SO GOOD WITH HER.

DON'T WORRY, MOTHER.
I'LL HANDLE IT.

[door opening]

KATHY, KATHY.

[crying]

ARE YOU IN THERE?

NO, GO AWAY.

LET ME IN, KATHY.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

THERE'S NOTHING TO SAY.

NOTHING. IT'S ALL NOTHING.

GOODBYE, HAL.

GOODBYE, KATHY.

[crying]

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
YOU'RE MY WHOLE LIFE.

I COULDN'T LIVE
WITHOUT YOU.

I COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU.
I LOVE YOU, KATHY.

YOU DIDN'T MEAN
WHAT YOU JUST SAID.

THERE'S NOTHING TO SAY.
NOTHING. IT'S ALL NOTHING.

10 YEARS OF NOTHING.

I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE.

KATHY, I PROMISE YOU,
AS SOON AS SUSAN GETS MARRIED,

I'LL ASK BERNICE
FOR A DIVORCE.

YOU PROMISED THAT LAST YEAR
AND THE YEAR BEFORE.

THIS TIME WILL BE
DIFFERENT.

"AS SOON AS WILMA
HAS ANOTHER BABY."

PLEASE, KATHY.

"AS SOON AS
SUSAN GETS MARRIED."

WELL, SHE'S GETTING
MARRIED, HAL, SHE'S GETTING MARRIED,

AND WHERE'S MINE?
AND WHERE'S MINE, HAL?

KATHY, THIS COULD BE
DANGEROUS.

BERNICE MIGHT HEAR US.

I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

I NEVER WANT
TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

IF YOU LET 10 YEARS
OF LOVE END IN A BATHROOM,

I'LL LOSE ALL RESPECT
FOR MYSELF.

[sniffling]

GOODBYE, HAL.

GOODBYE, KATHY.

[screams]

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
YOU'RE MY WHOLE LIFE.

I CAN'T LIVE
WITHOUT YOU.

OH.

MMM.

OH, THESE FEW PRECIOUS MOMENTS
WE HAVE TOGETHER ARE EVERYTHING.

OH, THEY
ARE PRECIOUS, HAL.

OH, MY KNEE, OW.

SORRY, KATHY.
OH, GET UP, GET UP.

YOU'RE HURTING
MY--MY MUSCLE.

[groans]

[crying]

WHY MUST IT BE SORDID
LIKE THIS?

SORDID?

HOW COULD YOU
CALL THIS SORDID?

KATHY,

KATHY, YOU CAN'T HELP
WHO YOU LOVE AND WHO YOU DON'T LOVE.

NOW I LOVE YOU,
AND I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY.

AND I DON'T LOVE BERNICE,
BUT I WANT HER TO BE HAPPY.

AND I DO LOVE MY CHILDREN,
AND I WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY.

BUT I DON'T WANT
MY WANTING BERNICE TO BE HAPPY

TO TAKE AWAY
FROM MY LOVE FOR YOU.

BUT MY WANTING MY
CHILDREN TO BE HAPPY,

WHILE NOT TAKING
AWAY MY LOVE FOR YOU,

WILL MAKE BERNICE HAPPY,
AND THEREFORE MAKE THE CHILDREN HAPPY.

I WANT EVERYONE
TO BE HAPPY.

EVERYONE.

YOU KNOW, THAT COULD BE
MY BIGGEST FAULT.

I WANT EVERYONE
TO BE HAPPY, TOO, HAL.

HMM.

BERNICE IS REALLY
A WONDERFUL GIRL.

[sighs]

THAT'S WHY
IT'S HELL FOR ME.

SHE'S SO BORING.

I KNOW.

ALL SHE'S INTERESTED IN
IS MAKING A HOME FOR ME AND THE KIDS,

THE P.T.A. AND BLOOMINGDALE'S,
THE A.&P. AND THE GIRL SCOUTS.

WELL, I WANT THAT,
TOO, HAL.

OH, BUT YOU'RE SUCH
A VITAL PERSON.

[chuckles]

I AM.

OH, HAL.

OH, HAL.

WHY DON'T YOU
TELL BERNICE?

BECAUSE I DON'T
WANT TO HURT HER.

DO YOU WANT
TO HURT ME, HAL?

OF COURSE NOT.

WELL, SOMEBODY
HAS TO GET HURT.

IN A SITUATION
LIKE THIS, SOMEBODY HAS TO GET HURT, HAL.

DO YOU WANT BERNICE
TO GET HURT?

NO, HAL, I DON'T WANT
TO HURT BERNICE.

DO YOU WANT MY CHILDREN
TO GET HURT?

NO, HAL, NO, NO.
I DON'T WANT TO...

[sobs]

THEN WHO SHOULD
GET HURT? ME?

I FEEL NAUSEOUS, HAL.

KATHY, DON'T GET SICK
ON ME, PLEASE.

PLEASE, KATHY,
DON'T GET SICK.

I CAN'T HELP IT, HAL.

KATHY, PLEASE.
PLEASE, KATHY.

[crying]

I'LL TELL BERNICE.

I'LL TELL HER--I'LL TELL HER
SATURDAY NIGHT, RIGHT AFTER THE WEDDING.

[sobbing]

SAY, JERRY,

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO TAKE SUSAN'S COUSIN TO THE WEDDING?

A COUSIN? MIKE,
ARE YOU KIDDING?

HE'LL DO IT.
HE DOESN'T HAVE A DATE.

YOU'RE BOTH SINGLE.
WHO KNOWS? YOU MIGHT HIT IT OFF.

WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE.

MIKE, I KNOW
IT'S YOUR WEDDING,

BUT, YOU KNOW,
A SATURDAY NIGHT'S A SATURDAY NIGHT.

WHY SHOULDN'T I SCORE?
I DON'T WANT TO WASTE A SATURDAY NIGHT.

OF COURSE
SHE'S GREAT-LOOKING. JUST YOUR TYPE.

MIKE, I DON'T--
I DON'T LIKE TO GAMBLE.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE HER
FOR A DRINK TONIGHT?

OK, IF YOU THINK
I CAN SCORE.

THAT'S ENTIRELY
UP TO YOU.

WHAT'S UP TO HIM?

WHERE THEY MEET.

UH, SHE CAN MEET
YOU TONIGHT.

SHE BETTER NOT
BE A DOG, MIKE.

THERE'S 10,000 CHICKS
WAITING FOR MY BODY.

WHERE?

UH, YOU TELL HER WHERE.
HERE'S BRENDA.

HELLO, JERRY.
THIS IS BRENDA.

HELLO, BRENDA.
THIS IS JERRY.

WHERE?

THE ACTION PLACE.

WHERE?

ALAN'S. A-ALAN'S
ON GREENWICH STREET. 9:00 SHARP.

OH, FINE, FINE.
BYE, JERRY.

HE HAS A STRONG VOICE.

VERY MASCULINE.

♪[music playing]

WHAT'LL IT BE?

UH, UH...

UH...

A GIN AND COKE.

TOGETHER?

YEAH.

SMOOTH.

[people laughing]

JERRY?

BRENDA?
YEAH.

BRENDA.
HI.

JERRY.

YOU SURE LOOK PRETTY.

COME ON.
LET'S GO--GO OVER TO THE BAR.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, HUH,
BRENDA?

(Brenda)
IT'S VERY NICE OF YOU TO ASK ME FOR A DRINK

CONSIDERING YOU DON'T
KNOW ME.

(Jerry)
A MAN'S GOT TO GAMBLE.

(Jerry)
EXCUSE ME.

WHAT YOU'LL HAVE?

SAME AS YOU.

SAME.

SO YOU'RE
SUSAN'S COUSIN, HUH?

WE'RE CLOSE.
WE WENT THROUGH THE COLUMBIAN RIOTS TOGETHER.

OH, YOU WENT
TO COLUMBIA?

NO, I WAS JUST
AN OUTSIDE AGITATOR.

OH, THAT'S HEAVY.

HEY, THERE'S A TABLE.
COME ON, WE'LL BE MORE COMFORTABLE.

I'LL GET THE DRINKS.

EXCUSE ME.

[sniffs]

EXCUSE US.

EXCUSE US.

HERE WE ARE.

YES, YES.

OH, THIS IS
MUCH MORE INTIMATE.

I LOVE
OUT-OF-TOWN WEDDINGS, DON'T YOU?

I MEAN THE RIDE OVER,
THE SLEEPOVER...

MIKE AND SUSAN
ARE REALLY LUCKY.

WELL, AHEM,
IN A WAY,

BUT, UH, YOU KNOW,
I'M NOT SURE IF I DIG THE WHOLE MARRIAGE SCENE.

I MEAN, IT'S ALL RIGHT
FOR SOME PEOPLE, I GUESS.

BUT I DON'T KNOW
IF IT'S TODAY.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN, "TODAY"? TODAY.

TODAY IS--IS--IS,
YOU LIVE, BUT FREE. MAN, WOMAN, LOVE...

[exclaims]

I MEAN, YOU DON'T NEED
A DIPLOMA, DO YOU?

[laughs]

IN--IN A WAY
YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT.

THIS FRIEND OF MINE
WAS GOING WITH THIS CUBAN GUY

WHO KNEW THIS GIRL
WHO HAD A FRIEND WHO USED TO DATE CHE GUEVARA.

HE WAS REALLY DOWN
ON MARRIAGE, TOO.

DID YOU SEE THE MOVIE?

NO.
NO, ME, NEITHER.

I THINK HE MADE
A MISTAKE.

CHE?
NO, THE BARTENDER.

HE PUT IN GIN
INSTEAD OF RUM.

NO, NO, THAT'S WHAT
I ORDERED. GIN AND COKE.

[people chattering]

HAVE YOU ALWAYS
BEEN SINGLE?

NAME ME ONE MARRIED COUPLE
YOU KNOW THAT'S HAPPY.

THE BURTONS.

YOU KNOW THE BURTONS?

WELL, NOT EXACTLY,

BUT ONE DAY
I WAS SITTING IN RYKER'S RESTAURANT,

AND HER CHAUFFEUR CAME IN
TO GET A CONTAINER OF COFFEE FOR HER,

AND I SAW HER SITTING
IN THE LIMOUSINE.

LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING.

SHE LOOKED
VERY CONTENT.

BRENDA.

BRENDA.

I NEVER TAKE
A BLIND DATE. NEVER.

BUT THIS TIME,
THIS TIME I'M GLAD I DID.

YOU'RE EVEN BETTER
THAN MIKE SAID YOU WERE.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU ARE? YOU--YOU ARE... YOU--YOU ARE...

YOU'RE NOT
DISAPPOINTED?

NOT ME. NO, SIR.
NO, SIR.

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

THE GAS. MY--MY APARTMENT.
I LEFT THE GAS ON IN MY APARTMENT.

THE WHOLE APARTMENT
IS LIABLE TO BLOW UP.

DO--DO YOU MIND?

OH, I DON'T KNOW
HOW I COULD HAVE DONE THAT.

[gibbering]

DID YOU READ THIS
MONTH'S COSMOPOLITAN?

NO.

WELL, HELEN GURLEY BROWN
SAYS THAT IF YOU GO TO A MAN'S APARTMENT

AFTER JUST BEGINNING
A RELATIONSHIP,

YOU'RE JUST
ASKING FOR TROUBLE.

REALLY?

YEAH,
BUT I DON'T AGREE.

I MEAN, HOW CAN YOU
GENERALIZE ABOUT A THING LIKE THAT?

RIGHT, RIGHT.

I MEAN, WHO YOU ARE,
WHO THE PERSON IS,

AND WHAT YOUR
PARTICULAR NEEDS ARE

CAN'T HELP BUT COLOR
YOUR TRUE FEELINGS.

THAT'S WHY I'M GOING
TO WAIT FOR YOU OUT HERE.

WHAT?

I'D RATHER WAIT
FOR YOU OUT HERE.

WHY?

WELL, I DON'T FEEL LIKE
GOING TO A PERSON'S APARTMENT

WHEN I HARDLY
KNOW THE PERSON.

NOT THAT ANYTHING'S
GOING TO HAPPEN.

IT'S JUST THE IDEA
OF THE THING.

YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN.

BUT I TOLD YOU,
IT'S JUST THE GAS.

OH, JERRY, GAS. REALLY,
HOW CORNY CAN YOU GET?

BUT--BUT... CORNY?

YOU SMOKING?
NO SMOKING INSIDE. MOVE OUT OF THE WAY.

COVER--COVER YOURSELF.

YOU KNOW,
THE WHOLE BUILDING COULD BLOW UP.

[mumbling]

YOU READY?

[coughing]

OH, MY GOD!
IT IS GAS.

[sighing]

OH, IT'S LUCKY
WE CAME BACK.

I'M SORRY.
I THOUGHT...

NO, I UNDERSTAND.

OH, WHAT A NICE DECOR.

SENDS OFF VERY
GOOD VIBRATIONS.

VERY MASCULINE.
HOW MUCH?

$165.

GAS AND ELECTRIC INCLUDED?

YES.

WELL,

AS LONG
AS WE'RE HERE,

UH, I MEAN WHY DON'T
WE SIT DOWN FOR A WHILE AND TALK?

ABOUT WHAT?

LIFE.

LIFE?

OK.

CAN I MAKE YOU
A MARTINI?

NO, THANKS.
I HAD ENOUGH AT THE BAR.

HOW ABOUT SOME
PISTACHIO NUTS?

THEY'RE VERY GOOD.

[sighs]

HOW DO YOU FEEL
ABOUT POT?

POT?

WELL, I DEFINITELY THINK
IT SHOULD BE LEGALIZED.

THE ONLY REASON
I PERSONALLY DON'T TAKE IT

IS BECAUSE I DON'T THINK
A PERSON SHOULD USE AN OUTSIDE STIMULUS

WHEN THEY COULD BE
TURNED ON BY THE WORLD.

BRENDA, LET ME TELL
YOU SOMETHING ABOUT POT.

WHEN YOU TAKE IT,

YOUR TASTE BUDS BECOME
SO VIVIDLY SENSITIVE

THAT A GRAPEFRUIT
TASTES LIKE CAVIAR.

YOUR WHOLE ABILITY
TO TOUCH, TO LOVE, TO SEE, TO UNDERSTAND,

TO FEEL, TO KNOW,
IS MAGNIFIED

TILL YOU COULD
SPLIT THE UNIVERSE OPEN LIKE A WALNUT

AND KNOW
ITS SECRETS.

OK, LET ME HAVE SOME.

I DON'T HAVE ANY.

I HAD...
I DON'T HAVE ANY. I DON'T HAVE.

I HAD SOME.
WHAT I MEAN IS

I USED IT THIS MORNING
WHEN I WAS COOKING.

BECAUSE OF THE FUZZ.
I DIDN'T WANT THEM TO CATCH IT.

I MADE
AN OMELET TODAY.

DO YOU BELIEVE THAT
THE MAN IS THE LOVE OBJECT AND THE WOMAN IS THE OTHER?

WHAT?

DID YOU READ
THE SECOND SEX BY SIMONE DE BEAUVOIR?

NO.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT
SIMONE SAYS

BUT I DON'T AGREE.

I MEAN, WHY DO I HAVE
TO BE THE OTHER?

I HAVE AS MUCH RIGHT
TO BE THE LOVE OBJECT AS THE MAN DOES.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

OK.

IS YOUR BUILDING
RENT-CONTROLLED? NO.

HOW MUCH
DO YOU PAY?

$150.

COULD YOU PLEASE
TAKE YOUR HAND OFF, JERRY? I'D LIKE TO CROSS MY LEGS.

BRENDA, TAKE OFF
YOUR CLOTHES.

TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES,
TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES.

WHAT? YOU KIDDING?

I'M KIDDING.
OF COURSE I'M KIDDING.

I'M KIDDING.

CAN I SPEAK FRANKLY?

THIS FRIEND OF MINE
WAS GOING WITH THIS CHAP

SHE PICKED UP
IN CENTRAL PARK AT THE ZOO

AND SHE SPENT
THE WHOLE WEEKEND WITH HIM.

IT WAS A VERY FULL
2 AND ONE-HALF DAYS.

YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN BY FULL?

FULL? YEAH.
YOU MEAN FULL.

RIGHT. THE SEXUAL THING
WAS THERE,

BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG,
SO WAS THE SPIRITUALITY.

DID YOU READ
THE PROPHET BY KAHLIL GIBRAN?

NO.

"I AM YOU, AND YOU
ARE ME, AND WE ARE ONE."

WELL, THEY WERE ONE.

AT HIS HOUSE, HER HOUSE,
ALL OVER TOWN, THEY WERE ONE.

WELL, HE WAS SUPPOSED
TO CALL HER MONDAY.

A WHOLE WEEK GOES BY
AND HE DOESN'T CALL.

SO NEXT FRIDAY
SHE BUMPS INTO HIM AGAIN,

SAME PLACE,
IN FRONT OF THE SNAKE HOUSE.

SO HE SAYS,
"LET'S GO TO MY PLACE."

CAN YOU IMAGINE?

WHEN HE HADN'T EVEN
CALLED?

TERRIBLE.

WELL ,IT WAS A VERY FULL
2 AND ONE-HALF DAYS.

BUT YOU WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING
REALLY DEPRESSING?

YES.

NOT ONLY DIDN'T
THIS GUY CALL HER,

HE NEVER EVEN
BOUGHT HER A COKE.

I COULD NEVER RESPECT
A MAN LIKE THAT.

YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN, JERRY?

YES.

DO YOU?
YES.

BRENDA, WHERE ARE
YOU GOING?

BRENDA, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING? WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WILL YOU TAKE ME
HOME, JERRY?

BUT WHY?

I DON'T WANT TO END UP
LIKE MY FRIEND, THE ONE IN THE ZOO.

BUT WE WERE HAVING
SUCH A NICE TIME.

UH, NO, OK.

HEY, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO TAKE ME HOME, JER.

NO, NO,
THAT'S ALL RIGHT. THAT'S OK.

JER, I DO LIKE YOU,
BUT, UH, THIS IS OUR FIRST DATE,

AND I DON'T BELIEVE
IN FOOLING AROUND ON THE FIRST DATE.

I MEAN THAT MAY BE
OLD-FASHIONED, BUT THOSE ARE MY VALUES.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

OF COURSE I UNDERSTAND.
AND I RESPECT THEM.

I MEAN, AFTER ALL, THERE ARE
MORE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE THAN SEX.

YEAH.

THANK YOU, JERRY.

[horn honking]

I KNOW WE MET JUST
A COUPLE OF HOURS AGO,

BUT JUST WHAT
DO I MEAN TO YOU?

I MEAN, AM I JUST
A PASSING TRAIN YOU WANT TO BOARD FOR THE NIGHT,

OR ARE YOU ATTRACTED
TO MY INNER BEING,

AND THIS NIGHT
COULD BE THE START OF A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP?

THE 2ND ONE.
THE 2ND ONE.

MMM.

BRENDA, BRENDA,
WHERE--

THANK YOU FOR
TAKING ME HOME, JERRY.

BUT, BRENDA--

YOU'LL SEE.
YOU'LL BE GLAD WE WAITED.

BUT, BREN-BRENDA...

LISTEN, I'LL--I'LL...

I'LL...
WE...

[bells chiming]

HELLO, FATHER.
IT'S, UH, BEATRICE VECCHIO.

(priest)
HELLO, BEATRICE.

I HOPE THE WEATHER HOLDS UP
FOR MIKE'S WEDDING.

OH, I HOPE SO, TOO,
FATHER.

MIKE'S SUCH A GOOD BOY.

AND NOW HE HAS
THE PERFECT GIRL FROM A NICE CATHOLIC FAMILY.

NEVER HAD A PROBLEM
WITH MIKE.

NOW THIS THING WITH RITCHIE.
FATHER, DID HE HAPPEN TO MENTION TO YOU

ANYTHING ABOUT THIS BUSINESS
WITH HIM AND JOAN?

BEATRICE, YOU KNOW
I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DIVULGE

WHAT'S SAID IN
THE CONFESSIONAL.

I'M SORRY, FATHER.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR
MY CONFESSION NOW?

IF YOU WISH.

BLESS ME, FATHER,
FOR I HAVE SINNED.

IT'S BEEN 3 DAYS
SINCE MY LAST CONFESSION.

UH, I LISTENED
TO GOSSIP TWICE, AND I EXAGGERATED 4 TIMES

OH, AND I LIED
TO MY HUSBAND

WHEN I TOLD HIM
THAT I COULDN'T MAKE HOMEMADE MACARONI

BECAUSE I BURNED MY HAND
AND COULDN'T ROLL THE DOUGH,

BUT, UH, ACTUALLY
I COULD HAVE.

IT WAS A SMALL BURN

AND I COULD HAVE
ROLLED THE DOUGH, BUT I WASN'T IN THE MOOD.

YOU SEE,
I USUALLY MAKE THE DOUGH THE DAY BEFORE, ANYWAY,

AND THEN LEAVE IT OVERNIGHT
IN A COOL ROOM.

I SEE.
WELL, YOU SAY ONE "OUR FATHER"--

AND I SAID "HELL" TWICE

AND I, UH, YELLED
AT THE INSURANCE MAN

AND, AH,
I--I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE TO MY SISTER PAULINE

FOR NOT ANSWERING
HER PHONE CALL.

AND, UH,

SHOULD I CONFESS
THAT I ASKED YOU

TO DIVULGE
RITCHIE'S CONFESSION?

I DON'T REMEMBER
YOU ASKING.

BLESS ME, UH, FATHER,
FOR I HAVE, UH, SINNED.

IT'S BEEN ABOUT 5 OR 6 YEARS
SINCE MY LAST CONFESSION.

(priest)
WHAT MADE YOU COME AFTER ALL THESE YEARS?

WELL, UH,

MY SON, MICHAEL,
IS GETTING, UH, MARRIED SATURDAY,

AND I, UH, FIGURED
IT'S A NICE GESTURE FOR THE PARENTS

TO RECEIVE, UH,
COMMUNION.

AND THAT'S WHY
I, UH--UH...

UH, YOU KNOW.

I SEE.

AND WHAT WERE YOUR SINS
DURING THAT TIME?

OH, I SWORE A LOT
AT MY WIFE,

AND I DIDN'T, UH,
COME TO CHURCH ON SUNDAYS

BECAUSE I GOT
BURSITIS IN MY KNEE,

AND IT HURTS A LOT
WHEN I KNEEL TOO LONG.

YES?

WHAT?

6 YEARS IS A LONG TIME.

IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE
YOU'D LIKE TO CONFESS?

NO, THAT'S IT.

♪[church organ playing]

HAVE WE TRIED ENOUGH
FOR YOU?

I'LL MISS YOU TONIGHT.

OH, COME ON.
IT'S ONLY FOR ONE NIGHT.

MIKE, I'M GONNA
MISS YOU, TOO.

MIKE.

LET'S HAVE
OUR HONEYMOON NOW.

NAME IT.
I'LL GO ANYWHERE.

THE BRIDAL SUITE
OF THE STONERIDGE INN.

YOU WOULDN'T.
YOU'RE TOO STRAIGHT.

TRY ME.

BEAUTIFUL.

YOU'RE STILL
GOING TO MARRY ME?

I'LL LET YOU KNOW
AFTER THE HONEYMOON.

WE'D LIKE THE BRIDAL SUITE.

THE BRIDAL SUITE?

WE'RE JUST MARRIED.

UH, HOW LONG
WILL YOU BE STAYING?

ONE NIGHT.

WELL, I CAN LET YOU
HAVE IT, THEN.

UH ,BUT YOU'LL HAVE
TO BE OUT IN THE MORNING.

WE HAVE A WEDDING RECEPTION
IN THE AFTERNOON.

THE HENDERSON WEDDING.

WE'LL BE OUT.

WOULD YOU LIKE
TO SIGN "MRS."?

IT'S THE FIRST TIME.

[bell dings]

THE BRIDAL SUITE
FOR MR. AND MRS. DEFALCO.

[giggles]

DO YOU
BELIEVE THIS?

OH!

[sniffing]

[laughing]

WELL, THIS IS
OUR HONEYMOON NIGHT.

LET'S GO TO BED.

[screaming]

I'M NOT COMING OUT
TILL I'M MARRIED.

[pounding on door]

♪[For All We Know
by Carpenters playing]

♪ LOVE ♪

♪ LOOK AT THE TWO OF US ♪

♪ STRANGERS ♪

♪ IN MANY WAYS ♪

♪ WE'VE GOT
A LIFETIME TO SHARE ♪

♪ SO MUCH TO SAY ♪

♪ AND AS WE GO ♪

♪ FROM DAY TO DAY ♪

♪ I'LL FEEL YOU
CLOSE TO ME ♪

♪ BUT TIME ♪

♪ WILL ONLY TELL ♪

♪ LET'S TAKE
A LIFETIME TO SAY ♪

♪ I KNEW YOU WELL ♪

♪ FOR ONLY TIME ♪

♪ WILL TELL US SO ♪

♪ AND LOVE MAY GROW ♪

♪ FOR ALL WE KNOW ♪

[inaudible]

[inaudible]

HI, PHYLLIS.

HIYA, NICK.

♪[music playing]

[people cheering]

[people laughing]

[people cheering]

YOU'RE THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL GIRL AT THE WEDDING.

ARE YOU MARRIED?

YES.

OH, SUSAN.

YOU LOOKED SO BEAUTIFUL
AT THE CHURCH.

PHIL AND I ARE
HAVING A TERRIFIC TIME AT THE WEDDING.

HELLO, KIM.
HELLO, CAROL.

CAROL'S AGREED
TO SING ANYTIME YOU WANT HER TO, BERNICE.

OH, HOW NICE.
HAL, DID YOU HEAR THAT?

CAROL'S AGREED
TO SING.

YES, YES, YES.
LATER, LITTLE GIRL.

YOU LOOK THIN
AND WORN-OUT, JOHNNY.

IS WILMA TAKING
GOOD CARE OF YOU?

OH, NO, NO.
FINE, MAMA. FINE

THAT OLD BITCH
NEVER LETS GO.

IN HIS ANALYSIS OF
COMPATIBLE MARRIAGES, WILHELM REIKER SAYS

THAT THE PROBLEM
OF THE MOTHER-IN-LAW

IS DEPENDENT ON
THE MATURITY OF THE WIFE.

WILHELM REIKER'S
A FAG.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT.

THAT'S WHAT
IT'S ALL ABOUT.

OH, THEY'RE
BEAUTIFUL BOYS.

WHERE DID YOU GO
ON YOUR HONEYMOON?

ARUBA.

ARUBA.

WANT SOME
MORE SOUP, FRANK?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

THANKS.

I'M GETTING
WORRIED, FRANK.

JOAN ISN'T HERE YET.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
SHE'LL GET HERE.

I HOPE SO, FRANK.

YOU MUST BE
MIKE'S ROOMMATE.

NO, MOM.

JERRY, HOW ABOUT
ANOTHER DRINK?

NO, NO,
I BETTER GET BACK TO MY GIRL.

I'M GOING
TO SCORE TONIGHT.

UH, IS SHE WORTH
20 YEARS?

NOT HER. BRENDA.

THE ONE SITTING
NEXT TO WILMA.

HI, JOAN.

OH, I'M SORRY
I MISSED THE WEDDING.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

HEY!

SO DO YOU.

HI.
HI.

HOW'D YOU COME UP?

OH, TRAIN.

NICE RIDE?

VERY NICE, YEAH.

WHAT DID
I TELL YOU, FRANK?

WEDDINGS BRING OUT
THE BEST IN EVERYBODY.

WHY DID YOU
MISS THE WEDDING?

I WASN'T GOING
TO COME AT ALL.

DID YOU TELL
YOUR PARENTS?

SORT OF.

WELL, IT'S NOT RIGHT
TO KEEP THEIR HOPES UP.

YOU LAUGHED AT ME
WHEN I PRAYED TO ST. ROCCO, UH?

HE'S THE SAINT
OF FIXING THINGS, FRANK.

AND HE KNOWS
THAT NO MATTER WHAT RITCHIE SAYS,

THAT DEEP DOWN
IN HIS HEART HE LOVES JOAN,

AND HE'LL ALWAYS
LOVE HER.

WE'LL SEE.

[people applauding]

JERRY, I DON'T KNOW
IF IT'S THE CHAMPAGNE, THE WEDDING CEREMONY,

SUSAN AND MICHAEL,
BUT DO YOU FEEL WHAT I FEEL?

I FELT IT
IN NEW YORK.

JERRY, I HOPED YOU WOULD,
BUT I NEVER DREAMED--

I KNOW, I KNOW. YES.

DO YOU COME FROM
A LARGE FAMILY?

NO, I'M AN
ONLY CHILD.

HOW AWFUL.

COMING UP IN THE CAR,
DO YOU REMEMBER THE LITTLE RED FARMHOUSE

WITH THE BIG SHEEPDOG
SITTING ON THE LAWN?

THERE MUST HAVE BEEN
4 OR 5 KIDS RUNNING AROUND.

YES, I REMEMBER.
THAT'S WHERE WE STOPPED FOR GAS.

DON'T YOU THINK
THAT'S THE WAY TO LIVE?

THAT'S NICE.

OH, JERRY.

FRANK.

SO, UH,
WHAT'S THE STORY, JOAN?

WELL, DIDN'T RITCHIE
TELL YOU?

NOT THE WHOLE STORY.

HE SAID THAT YOU TWO
WERE HAVING SOME, UH, COMPATIBLE DIFFICULTIES.

IT'S NOTHING
TO BE ASHAMED OF.

JOAN, BELIEVE ME,
IT HAPPENS TO THE BEST OF PEOPLE.

SHUT UP, BEATRICE.

SO, UH,
WHAT'S THE STORY, JOAN?

WELL, IT JUST COMES
DOWN TO THIS:

I MEAN, OUR PROBLEMS
ARE SO OVERWHELMING

BECAUSE OF ALL THE HURTS
AND DISILLUSIONMENTS

THAT HAVE BUILT UP
OVER THE YEARS.

JOAN, UH,
EVERYBODY'S GOT PROBLEMS.

TAKE A LOOK
AT THIS WEDDING, JOAN.

EVERYBODY'S CAREFREE
AND HAVING THE TIME OF THEIR LIVES.

ANTHONY AND ANITA,
CHEEK TO CHEEK.

DID YOU KNOW THAT ANTHONY
HAS NOT SAID ONE WORD TO ANITA FOR 2 YEARS.

BUT THEY'RE
STILL TOGETHER.

AND DAVID
AND LORETTA KISSING.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT
THE PEOPLE IN THE FAMILY SAY ABOUT DAVID.

THAT HE'S A LITTLE,
UH, FUNNY.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
PECULIAR?

WE DON'T REALLY THINK
HE IS.

I MEAN, IT'S, UH,
IT'S JUST HIS WAY

TO LOCK HIMSELF UP
IN HIS ROOM

ALL DAY SUNDAY
AND PLAY WITH HIS CATS.

WHO'S TO SAY
THE MAN'S A DEGENERATE?

OR WORSE.

BUT THEY'RE
STILL TOGETHER.

(Frank)
CARMEL AND VINNY HUGGING.

YOU KNOW, W-WHEN VINNY
AND CARMEL FIRST GOT MARRIED,

THEY LIVED WITH
VINNY'S PARENTS

BECAUSE HE WAS
OUT OF WORK A LOT.

AND, UH, CARMEL WAS, UH,
WAS ALWAYS BEING PICKED ON BY VINNY'S MOTHER.

YEAH, YEAH, SHE'S, UH,
SHE USED TO BLAME CARMEL FOR VINNY'S LAZINESS.

WELL, ONE NIGHT,
CARMEL TOLD VINNY

THAT IF HIS MOTHER
MADE ONE MORE REMARK TO HER, SHE WAS GOING TO SMACK HER.

AND VINNY STARTED YELLING,
"DON'T YOU DARE LAY A HAND ON MY MOTHER."

CARMEL SAID,
"GO TO HELL, BOTH OF YOU," AND STOMPED OUT OF THE HOUSE.

VINNY CHASED HER
DOWN THE BLOCK AND--AND GRABBED HER BY THE HAIR.

AND CARMEL SPIT
RIGHT IN VINNY'S FACE.

AND THEN HE STARTED
CHOKING HER BY THE THROAT OVER THE OPEN WINDOW.

AND THE SUPER HAD TO COME UP
AND PICK VINNY OFF CARMEL.

AND THEY'RE
STILL TOGETHER.

[people applauding]

LOOK, I DON'T WANT
SOMEBODY POINTING

TO JOAN AND ME
IN A COUPLE OF YEARS

TELLING SOME
MISERABLE STORY ENDING WITH "BUT THEY'RE STILL TOGETHER."

YOU UNDERSTAND?

SO WHAT'S
THE STORY, JOAN?

WON'T YOU
EVER GIVE UP?

NOT TILL I GET
THE STORY.

WELL, MY--MY BIRTHDAY,
FOR INSTANCE.

DO WE HAVE TO GO
THROUGH THAT AGAIN?

WHAT ABOUT
YOUR BIRTHDAY?

WELL, I ASKED RITCHIE
TO GET ME A BOOK FOR MY BIRTHDAY.

WHAT KIND OF BOOK?
OH, COME ON.

WELL, YOU KNOW,
IT WAS A BOOK ABOUT SPAIN.

YOU KNOW,
WITH COLORED PHOTOGRAPHS.

I'VE--I'VE ALWAYS HAD
THIS BIG THING ABOUT SPAIN.

THEY DON'T GET DIVORCED
IN SPAIN.

WELL, A BOOK, TO ME,
MEANS LOVE,

BECAUSE WHEN YOU GIVE A BOOK
ABOUT A ROMANTIC PLACE,

IT'S LIKE SAYING THAT
ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LIFE

SHOULD BE AS ROMANTIC
AS SPAIN

AND SURROUNDED BY
A COVER OF HAPPINESS.

YOU SEE?

WELL, SO I MENTIONED
TO RITCHIE THAT I WANTED IT.

THAT'S ALL SHE TALKED ABOUT
DAY AND NIGHT FOR A MONTH.

WELL, YOU ALWAYS
FORGET MY BIRTHDAYS.

I REMINDED YOU,
THAT'S ALL.

MAYBE I FELT LIKE
GETTING YOU SOMETHING BETTER THAN A BOOK.

YES, BUT, RITCHIE,
THIS TIME I WANTED A BOOK.

SO WHAT DID
YOU GET HER?

WHAT?

FOR HER BIRTHDAY.

NOTHING.
I FORGOT WHAT DAY IT WAS.

YEAH, WELL, YOU ALWAYS
FORGET MY BIRTHDAY.

FRANK, YOU'RE
THE SAME WAY.

MAYBE YOU MAKE SUCH
A BIG THING OUT OF IT THAT I WANT TO FORGET.

I CAN'T SEE
THE LOGIC IN THAT.

I SAID, FRANK,
"BE SURE TO GET ME A CAN OPENER."

I GOT YOU THE BOOK,
ANYWAY, DIDN'T I?

I GOT HER THE BOOK,
ANYWAY, DIDN'T I?

[all chattering]

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!

WHAT I'M TRYING
TO FIND OUT IS, WHAT'S THE STORY?

I SEE THE PARTY'S
PETERING OUT.

[people applauding]

JERRY, DO YOU KNOW--

YES.

JERRY.

DO YOU KNOW
WHERE MIKE AND SUSAN ARE GOING ON THEIR HONEYMOON?

NO.

ISLE OF ARUBA.

ARUBA'S ALL RIGHT.
I--I PERSONALLY LIKE TRINIDAD.

TRINIDAD, HUH?

[lock rattling]

[giggling]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

IT'S THESE NEW LOCKS.

WELL, THIS IS MY ROOM.

THIS IS MY BED.

THAT'S MY RUG
AND MY CHAIR.

[both laughing]

AHEM.

ARE--ARE YOU CLOSE
WITH YOUR FAMILY?

MY FAMILY?

I SEE MY FAMILY ON HOLIDAYS,
WEEKENDS.

I LOVE A MAN
THAT LOVES HIS MOTHER.

MOTHER?
I LOVE MY MOTHER. I LOVE MY MOTHER.

DO I LOVE MY MOTHER.

JERRY, I THINK WE SHOULD
GO BACK TO THE WEDDING.

BACK TO THE WEDDING?
WHY? THEY WON'T MISS US.

MMM.

DID YOU READ
THE PROPHET BY KAHLIL GIBRAN?

Y-YES. I KNOW. I KNOW.
"I AM YOU, YOU ARE ME, WE ARE ONE."

YEAH.

WELL, I THINK IT'S TOO SOON
FOR US TO BE ONE, JERRY.

BUT, BRENDA, WHEN 2 PEOPLE
FEEL ABOUT EACH OTHER

THE WAY WE FEEL
ABOUT EACH OTHER,

IT'S NEVER TOO SOON
TO BE ONE.

YOU THINK I'M BEING
TOO MIDDLE-CLASS?

YOU SAID IT.

ARE YOU SURE?

POSITIVE.

[moaning]

OH, LET'S GO TO MY ROOM!

WHAT? WHAT?

LET'S GO TO MY ROOM.

WHAT FOR?

I JUST FEEL
FREER THERE.

MMM, SOMEBODY
MIGHT WALK IN ON US.

NOBODY'S GOING
TO WALK IN ON US.

I HAVE THE DOOR LOCKED
FROM THE INSIDE.

I JUST DON'T FEEL
I CAN LET IT GO HERE

THE WAY IT WANTS
TO BE LET GO.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL GO WHERE YOU CAN LET IT GO.

YES. LET'S GO
WHERE YOU CAN LET GO.

OK. I'LL GO FIRST.

OK. YOU GO FIRST.

OK. WAIT 5 MINUTES
AND THEN COME. MMM.

I'LL WAIT 5 MINUTES--

PUT YOUR JACKET ON.
I'LL PUT MY JACKET ON.

AND--AND DON'T
TURN ON THE LIGHT UNTIL I'M OUT THE DOOR.

ALL RIGHT.
5 MINUTES.

5 MINUTES?
5 MINUTES.

5 MINUTES.

[panting]

WHY DO WE FIGHT?

I DON'T KNOW, HONEY.
WE MUST BE CRAZY.

SHH.

NO, I MEAN,
WE'VE GOT SO MUCH GOING FOR US.

WE REALLY
LOVE EACH OTHER.

WHAT MAKES US--
WHAT MAKES US DO IT?

WE SHOULD BE LIKE THIS
ALL THE TIME.

YEAH, I GUESS
YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, I CAN'T THINK
OF ANY MARRIED COUPLE

THAT HAS AS MUCH
GOING FOR THEM AS WE DO.

WHAT MAKES US
FIGHT LIKE THAT?

WE SHOULD TRY
TO REMEMBER SO IT NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN.

YEAH, WELL,
I THINK IT ALL STARTED WHEN YOU SAID I WAS FAGGY.

[laughs]

DID I SAY THAT?

UH-HUH.

YOU KNOW I THINK
YOU'RE THE MOST MASCULINE MAN I EVER MET.

I GUESS I WAS JUST HURT
BECAUSE YOU CALLED ME WILLY.

WELL, YOU MUST ADMIT
THAT IT'S REALLY BUTCH TO CALL SOMEBODY FAGGY.

WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
TOLD ME YOU WERE DYNAMITE WITH OTHER WOMEN.

YEAH, BUT YOU HAD
JUST IMPLIED THAT I WAS IMPOTENT.

YES, BUT YOU SAID ALL--
SHH.

ALL I'M INTERESTED IN
IS GETTING MINE.

WELL, AREN'T YOU?

WELL, AREN'T YOU...

WELL, AREN'T YOU?

UH, YOU SEE NOW, HONEY,
THAT'S THE KIND OF THING THAT STARTS IT OFF.

YOU GOING
TIT FOR TAT.

I'M NOT GOING
TIT FOR TAT.

YES, YOU ARE.

OH, STOP IT, JOHN.

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY
YOU CAN'T STAND FOR ME TO HAVE THE LAST WORD?

BECAUSE YOU SEEM
TO HAVE FORGOTTEN

THAT I AM THE MAN
AND YOU ARE JUST THE WOMAN,

AND THE MAN IS THE BOSS.

[radio playing]

SAYS WHO?

SAYS YOU,
THE DAY WE WERE MARRIED.

OH, JOHN,
I WAS JUST HUMORING YOU.

I SAID IF IT WAS
SO IMPORTANT TO YOU, I WOULD LET YOU BE THE BOSS.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
YOU WOULD LET ME BE THE BOSS?

I AM THE BOSS.

DON'T BE JUVENILE.
THERE IS NO BOSS.

I'M THE BOSS,
AND YOU KNOW IT.

THERE IS NO BOSS,
AND THAT'S FINAL.

AND I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD ABOUT IT.

WE ARE EQUAL.

OH, YOU AND I
ARE EQUAL, HUH?

YOU AND I ARE EQUAL?

THAT'S RIGHT.

OK.

COME ON, EQUAL.
PUT THEM UP.

WHAT?

COME ON, I'LL KNOCK YOU
RIGHT OFF. COME ON.

[grunting]

[laughing]

COME ON, EQUAL.
COME ON.

[groans]

OH, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T...

AHHH!

COME ON,
WHO'S THE BOSS?

LOOK, WILL YOU
STOP IT?

WHO'S THE BOSS?
THERE'S NO BOSS.

WHO'S THE BOSS?
I AM.

WILL YOU--
WHO'S THE BOSS?

LOOK, YOU'RE HURTING ME.

YOU'RE GOING
TO WAKE UP THE CHILD.

SHH, SHH.

WHO'S THE BOSS?

[laughs]

YOU CAN TORTURE ME,
BUT I WON'T SAY IT.

WHO'S THE BOSS?

AHHH, YOU ARE.
EH?

LET GO OF ME.

AND WHO WON?
WHO WON?

YOU DID. YOU DID.

[both laughing]

YOU SHITHEAD.

♪ I HEAR YOU ♪

♪ HEAR WHAT
YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY ♪

♪ DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME ♪

♪ IT'S BETTER THAT WAY ♪

♪ I HEAR YOU ♪

♪ COMIN' THROUGH TO ME ♪

[knocking]

WHO IS IT?

[whispering]
IT'S ME.

(Brenda)
WHO?

BRENDA, WILL YOU LET ME IN?
IT'S JERRY.

BRENDA.

JERRY.

[both moaning]

BRENDA, I WANT YOU.

DO YOU THINK
WE'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING?

YES, YES, WE'RE DOING
THE RIGHT THING.

[sighing]

WILL THERE BE
A VICTIM, JERRY?

WHAT?

DID YOU READ
KURT VONNEGUT'S THE SIRENS OF TITAN?

NO, NO, I DIDN'T HAVE
A CHANCE TO.

WELL, HE SAYS,
"I WAS THE VICTIM OF A SERIES OF ACCIDENTS, AS ARE WE ALL."

WILL THERE BE
A VICTIM WITH US, JERRY?

NO, NO, NO,
THERE'LL BE NO VICTIM.

COULD--COULD YOU
HELP OUT A LITTLE HERE?

COULD YOU JUST DO THAT...
GET THOSE 2 BUTTONS.

JERRY, THIS ISN'T RIGHT.
THE MIDDLE OF A WEDDING.

YES, THAT'S WHAT
MAKES IT SO EXCITING.

[both moaning]

THEN LET'S GO BACK
TO YOUR ROOM.

WHAT? WHAT?

LET'S GO BACK
TO YOUR ROOM.

WH-WH-WH-WHAT FOR?

I NEVER...

I DON'T WANT ANYONE
SEEING YOU

COME OUT OF MY ROOM
IN THE MORNING.

THEY'LL THINK WE SPENT
THE NIGHT TOGETHER.

BRENDA, WHAT ARE THEY
GOING TO THINK IF THEY SEE YOU COMING OUT OF MY ROOM?

THAT'S DIFFERENT.
I'M NEVER SURE WHAT HAPPENED

WHEN I SEE A GIRL
COME OUT OF A MAN'S ROOM.

PLEASE, JERRY.
YES, BRENDA.

FOR ME.
FOR YOU, YES.

FOR BRENDA.

BUT WE'RE HERE ALREADY.

[panting]

OK.

[gasping]

SHH. BRENDA,
TAKE IT EASY, OK?

MMM.

♪[music playing]

[people chattering]

I'M NOT HAPPY, JOHNNY.

THE ONLY WOMAN
YOU EVER LOVED IS YOUR MOTHER.

NOW, WATCH IT, WILMA.

IT SEEMS TO ME, JOHNNY,
IF YOU'RE SO FRIGHTENED OF BEING CASTRATED,

YOU SHOULD GO
TO THE SOURCE OF YOUR FEAR

AND THEN WORK IT OUT
WITH HER.

THAT'S RIGHT.
THEN YOU AND YOUR FATHER

SHOULD MAKE A SPECIAL CALL
ON YOUR GRANDMOTHER.

JOHNNY.

WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING?

AWAY FROM YOUR MOUTH.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T.

YEAH? TRY AND STOP ME.
JOHNNY.

GET AWAY FROM ME.

JOHNNY, PLEASE.

WILL YOU GET AWAY
FROM ME?

[people cheering]

JOHNNY.

GET AWAY FROM ME.

WAS IT SOMETHING
I SAID?

OH, COME ON.
WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF?

JOHNNY, PLEASE,
LET'S WORK THIS OUT.

LOOK, I'M UPSET.

OH, ARE YOU KIDDING?

WILL YOU QUIT
ACTING HELPLESS?

YOU'RE LIKE A ROCK.

OK, THEN GET OUT
OF MY LIFE.

GET OUT.

DON'T WORRY, I'M GOING.
I'M GOING.

SOON AS I GET
THE KEY IN THE DOOR.

ALL RIGHT. GO.

WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING? GET AWAY.

NO, YOU'RE NOT GOING--

WHY DID YOU MAKE ME
HIT YOU?

I DIDN'T WANT
TO HIT YOU.

I NEVER HIT A WOMAN
IN MY LIFE TILL I MET YOU.

OH, JOHNNY, I'M SORRY.
I FEEL AWFUL.

JUST AWFUL. I'M SORRY.
DO YOU FORGIVE ME?

WELL, YOU STARTED IT.
YOU CALLED ME A SHITHEAD.

I DIDN'T MEAN IT.
PLEASE.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

I'LL NEVER BE ABLE
TO FORGIVE MYSELF.

OH, IT'S MY
SISTER'S WEDDING.

WE WERE GOING
TO BE SO HAPPY.

I RUINED EVERYTHING.

OH, PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

WHO'S THE MAN?

YOU ARE.

AND WHO'S THE WOMAN?

ME.

AND WHO'S THE BOSS?

I REALLY THINK
YOU SHOULD GIVE THAT UP.

IT'S A VERY BABY THING.

WILMA, IF YOU WANT ME
TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE AND YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND,

THEN YOU'VE GOT
TO ACKNOWLEDGE

THAT THE MAN
IS THE STRONGER ONE.

WILMA, YOU HAVE TO
SURRENDER TO ME.

THEN I'LL BE
KING OF THE JUNGLE.

BUT AS KING
I WILL RULE TENDERLY.

BUT I CAN'T RULE TENDERLY
UNTIL YOU SURRENDER TO ME FIRST.

OK, I SURRENDER.
NOW MAKE UP WITH ME.

ISN'T HE ADORABLE?

[both laugh]

YOU'RE MY GREAT,
BIG, STRONG

TEDDY BEAR KING

WHAT I LOVES,

AND I'M THE LITTLE
SURRENDERING BABY BEAR

WHAT YOU LOVES.

HUH?
HUH.

WHAT?

HUH?
OK, OK.

GIVE A WOOF. COME ON.

GIVE A WOOF.

WOOF.

DOES YOU WOOF ME?

OH, HONEY, I WOOF,
WOOF YOU.

"SOMETIMES I LOOK AT A MAN
AND HE'S A CHAIR, A ROCK, A TREE."

WHAT?

IT'S WHAT MONICA VITTI SAID
IN L'AVVENTURA.

OH.

[lock rattling]

[moans]

LET'S REST.

WHAT YOU WANT TO REST FOR?
WE HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING.

PLEASE, JERRY.
I'D LIKE A MOMENT TO REFLECT ABOUT THINGS.

WHAT THINGS?

BRENDA.

WOULD YOU
STROKE MY HAIR?

Y-YES.

NOT LIKE THAT.

WHAT?

LIKE THIS.

NICE.

FEELS NICE.

JERRY?
HMM, YES?

SHALL I TELL YOU
HOW I FEEL?

YES, BRENDA.

I FEEL THAT I'M QUEEN
OF THE UNIVERSE.

YES, YES.

THE WAVES PART,
AND THEY ENGULF ME,

AND THE SEAFOAM
IS WARM.

WARM.

[moaning]

OH, KISS ME, JERRY.
KISS ME. OH, JERRY.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

WARM. WARM LIKE
THE SEAFOAM.

OH, THEN TELL ME.

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

OH, THAT I AM YOURS.

YOU ARE MINE.
YOU ARE MINE.

OH, JERRY.

THANK YOU.
SAY IT AGAIN.

LOOK, CAN WE STOP
ALL THIS TALKING?

WHAT IS ALL THIS TALKING?
LET'S JUST DO IT.

DO IT?

COME ON.

DO WHAT?
I DON'T FOLLOW.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
YOU DON'T FOLLOW?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

NO, I DON'T. WHAT?

SEX.

SEX?

THAT'S ALL
IT IS TO YOU? SEX?

JERRY, I LOVE YOU.

I OPENED MYSELF TO YOU
AND YOU LED ME TO BELIEVE

WE HAD SOMETHING GOOD,
SOMETHING REAL.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
I LED YOU TO BELIEVE?

I JUST THOUGHT
WE WERE GOING TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN.

WHAT?

OH, WHAT ABOUT
THE LITTLE RED FARMHOUSE AND THE SHEEPDOG?

WHAT ABOUT
TRINIDAD, JERRY?

BRENDA, LOOK, LET'S FORGET
THE WHOLE THING.

OK, OK, LET'S FORGET
THE WHOLE THING.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU FOR THE SOBERING
AND DEGRADING EXPERIENCE.

OH.

WHY DON'T I
EVER HAVE ANY LUCK?

I MEAN, EITHER I GET A GIRL,
SHE GIVES ME THE BRUSH,

OR SHE GIVES ME A TEASE,
OR I WIND UP WITH SOME NUT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH ME?

CAN I SPEAK
FRANKLY, JERRY?

YES.

WELL,

IT'S OBVIOUS THAT
YOU'RE JUST A SLAVE TO YOUR ERECTIONS.

AND WHAT ABOUT YOU?

YOU DON'T LOVE ME.
YOU NEVER LOVED ME.

WHAT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH
IS THIS WEDDING, AND ANY USHER WOULD DO.

OH, I'VE BEEN
A BRIDE-BRIDESMAID MANY TIMES.

I WAS ONCE EVEN
THE MAID OF HONOR.

AND LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, JERRY.

THIS IS THE CLOSEST
I'VE EVER GOTTEN TO ANY USHER.

YOU MEAN THAT?

SURE I MEAN THAT.

YOU'RE NOT JUST ANY USHER.

YOU'RE SPECIAL.

I AM?

SURE.

WHAT ABOUT ME?

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

AREN'T I SPECIAL?

YES.

YES, YOU'RE SPECIAL.
YOU'RE VERY SPECIAL.

[both sighing]

SO WHAT HAPPENED?

YOU GOT SOMETHING
ON THE SIDE AND SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT IT?

NO, POP.

COME ON.
YOU CAN TELL ME.

LOOK, I NEVER
TOLD YOU THIS BEFORE,

BUT I STRAYED, TOO,
WHEN I WAS YOUNG.

NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG,
I NEVER WENT LOOKIN' FOR IT.

BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES
YOU'RE WALKING ALONG AND IT FALLS IN YOUR LAP.

LOOK, POP,
THAT'S NOT THE REASON.

LOOK, IT HAPPENS
TO EVERYBODY.

I MEAN,
I LOVE YOUR MOTHER,

BUT, YOU KNOW,
SOMETIMES, UH,

YOU NEED A LITTLE, UH,
STIMULATION, YOU KNOW.

ALL RIGHT, THANK GOD
SHE NEVER FELT THAT WAY.

HEY.

BUT, UH,

THERE WAS THIS ONE TIME
THAT YOUR MOTHER FOUND OUT ABOUT IT.

HER STUPID SISTER PAULINE
OPENED UP HER BIG MOUTH AND TOLD HER.

SHE WALKED OUT
ON ME FOR 4 DAYS, BUT, UH, SHE CAME BACK.

WHERE WAS SHE
GOING TO GO?

SO WHAT HAPPENED, JOAN?

SOME GIRL VAMPED HIM?

NO.

LOOK, JOAN,
YOU CAN TELL ME

BECAUSE ALL MEN STRAY,
EVEN FRANK.

LOOK, IT'S A MORTAL SIN,
BUT IT HAPPENS.

I LEFT HIM FOR A FEW DAYS,
BUT I CAME BACK.

WHERE WAS I
GOING TO GO?

NO, MOTHER, RITCHIE
WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON ME.

SO WHAT, JOAN?
TELL ME, PLEASE.

TSK.

WELL, EVER SINCE I WAS 15,
I LOVED RITCHIE FROM AFAR.

AND THE WHOLE TIME
WE WENT TOGETHER,

I WAS JUST
FLOATING ON AIR

AND WE HAD
SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER

BECAUSE WE BOTH
LOVED THE BEACH AND THINGS.

MMM-HMM.

UH, WE WERE ALWAYS
KISSING AND HUGGING.

EVERYONE SAID
HOW GREAT WE LOOKED ON THE DANCE FLOOR.

UH-HUH.

SO I REALLY THOUGHT
WE'D GET MARRIED AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER,

BUT I GUESS WE JUST
WEREN'T THAT LUCKY.

I MEAN, I KNEW
IT WAS THE REAL THING,

BECAUSE I LOVED
EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM.

I LOVED THE WAY
HE MOVED.

SOMETIMES I'D JUST
SPEND HOURS AND HOURS AND WATCH HIM MOVE AROUND.

AND HIS HAIR, OH...

YOU'RE GOING
TO THINK I'M CRAZY,

BUT I LOVED THE WAY
HIS HAIR SMELLED LIKE RAISINS.

AND WHEN HE KISSED ME,
I NEVER TOLD HIM THIS,

BUT THE BEST PART
ABOUT BEING IN HIS ARMS

WAS THAT I COULD GET
A GOOD WHIFF OF HIS HAIR.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW
IF IT'S ME OR RITCHIE THAT'S CHANGED,

BUT IT'S JUST
NO BIG DEAL ANYMORE

TO FEEL HIM
OR SMELL HIM.

I DON'T KNOW, POP.

I WAS TOO YOUNG
WHEN I GOT MARRIED.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHO I WAS
OR WHAT I WANTED.

WHEN WE FIRST GOT MARRIED,
WE--WE CARED.

WE'RE STRANGERS, POP.

WE'RE ALL STRANGERS,

BUT, UH, AFTER A WHILE
YOU GET USED TO IT.

YOU BECOME, UH,
DEEPER STRANGERS.

THAT'S A SORT OF LOVE.

NO, THAT'S HABIT.
I WANT MORE THAN THAT.

MORE, MORE,
EVERYBODY WANTS MORE.

WHY DON'T THEY GO OUT
AND GET IT?

BECAUSE THERE IS
NO MORE.

THERE'S GOT TO BE MORE.

MORE.

MORE.

YOU THINK I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT, DON'T YOU?

I UNDERSTAND.

THERE WERE TIMES
WITH YOUR MOTHER WHEN I THOUGHT,

WELL, MAYBE I DIDN'T DO
JUSTICE TO MYSELF.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,
RITCHIE?

I LOVE YOUR MOTHER,
BUT I NEVER THOUGHT

SHE WAS AS INTELLIGENT
AS I AM.

THAT USED TO BOTHER ME
A LOT.

YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY WANTS
TO BE MARRIED TO SOMEBODY ON HIS OWN LEVEL.

YOU KNOW, UH,

A COUPLE OF YEARS
BEFORE I MARRIED YOUR MOTHER,

I--I MET
THIS SCHOOLTEACHER.

HER NAME
WAS MARY ROSE.

A REAL SOCIETY GIRL.

WE HAD EVERYTHING IN COMMON,
THE SAME INTERESTS,

THE SAME,
UH--UH, MENTALITY.

AND I USED TO THINK THAT,
WELL, IF I HAD MARRIED MARY ROSE,

MAYBE I WOULDN'T HAVE YELLED
AND SCREAMED SO MUCH AROUND THE HOUSE.

I FIGURED THAT, UH,

I WOULD HAVE BEEN
A DIFFERENT PERSON IF I HAD MARRIED HER.

BUT, UH,

SHE WOULDN'T
GO OUT WITH ME,

SO I MARRIED YOUR MOTHER.

WHEN I MARRIED FRANK,
HE WAS VERY HANDSOME.

AND CLEAN.
HE WAS SO CLEAN.

THAT'S WHY IT CAME
AS A BIG SHOCK TO ME

ON MY WEDDING NIGHT
TO FIND OUT

WHAT A PHYSICAL PERSON
HE WAS.

YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT, JOAN?

SEX.

YOU SAID IT, NOT ME.

IT'S VERY HARD
FOR ME TO TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS.

OH, I WAS SO NAUSEOUS
ON MY WEDDING NIGHT WITH, UH, YOU-KNOW-WHO,

BUT I DIDN'T SAY A WORD.

I JUST RAN INTO THE BATHROOM
AND LOCKED THE DOOR

BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE
TO MAKE A SCENE.

YOU MEAN,
YOU NEVER ENJOYED SEX?

WHAT'S TO ENJOY?

LOVE ISN'T PHYSICAL.
LOVE IS SPIRITUAL.

LIKE--LIKE THE GREAT LOVE
THAT INGRID BERGMAN HAD FOR BING CROSBY

IN THE BELLS OF ST. MARY
WHEN SHE WAS A NUN, AND HE WAS A PRIEST

AND THEY LOVED
EACH OTHER FROM AFAR.

BUT FRANK DIDN'T WANT
TO KNOW FROM THAT.

IT'S VERY HARD FOR A MAN
TO UNDERSTAND

HOW A WOMAN
FEELS INSIDE,

ALTHOUGH I TRIED
TO UNDERSTAND FRANK.

NOT THAT THERE'S
THAT MUCH THERE TO UNDERSTAND.

THAT'S WHY I WAS SO HURT
WHEN HE STRAYED.

BUT YOU KNOW ME, JOAN.

I ALWAYS TRY TO LOOK
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.

I JUST SAID TO MYSELF:

WELL, "AT LEAST SHE'S THE ONE
WHO'LL BE NAUSEOUS NOW."

YOU SEE,

YOUR MOTHER AND I
HAD WHAT YOU'D CALL

A--A DIFFERENT, UH--UH,
SEXUALITY OUTLOOKS.

UH.

OH, DON'T GET ME WRONG,
NOTHING ABNORMAL.

I MEAN,
WE HAD 2 SONS, RIGHT?

BUT, UH,

SHE USED TO LOCK HERSELF
IN THE BATHROOM AT NIGHT.

THAT'S WHEN I WOULD
THINK ABOUT MARY ROSE.

YOU KNOW, RITCHIE,

THE BEST THING
ABOUT THE PAST IS,

YOU FORGET WHAT IT WAS
THAT COULD HAVE MADE YOU HAPPY.

YEAH, AND, UH,
FOR THE PAST 15, 20 YEARS

YOUR MOTHER AND I
HAVE BEEN LIKE I SAID: CONTENT.

Y-YOU GOT TO FIND
THINGS IN COMMON.

LIKE WHAT, POP?

LIKE, UH...

WELL, UH,

LIKE FOOD,
FOR INSTANCE.

YOUR MOTHER AND I
ARE INTERESTED IN VARIOUS TYPES OF FOOD.

A ROASTED CHICKEN,
A LEG OF LAMB SMOTHERED WITH ONIONS,

A YANKEE POT ROAST
WITH LOTS OF BROWN GRAVY

AND LITTLE BABY
BAKED POTATOES.

YEAH, THERE'S ALWAYS
SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT.

WHAT?

LIKE, UH,

WHO JUST GOT MARRIED,

WHO DIED,

WHO JUST HAD A BABY,
HOW MUCH WE SHOULD GIVE.

MARRIAGE IS
A WONDERFUL THING

IF YOU CAN JUST LEARN
TO ENJOY YOUR WIFE FOR WHATEVER SHE IS.

HEY, THEY'RE GIVING
OUR BOOTH TO FRANK.

BETTER GET BACK, POP.
IT'S LATE.

[guests chattering]

WE'LL TALK
SOME MORE, HUH?

YEAH, WE'LL TALK
SOME MORE.

I GOT A LITTLE
SOMETHING HERE

I'VE BEEN SAVING UP
FOR THIS MOMENT.

IT'S YOUR
WEDDING PRESENT.

IT MIGHT INTEREST YOU
TO KNOW THAT THERE'S $1,850 IN THERE.

NOW, UH, YOU MIGHT RECALL
THAT WHEN YOUR BROTHER GOT MARRIED,

I ONLY GIVE HIM $1,500,
BUT, UH, THAT WAS IN 1964.

SINCE THEN,

YOU GOT TO FIGURE
THAT SINCE 1964,

THERE'S BEEN WHAT
YOU'D CALL A-AN INFLATION.

AND, UH,

SO THIS WAY I'M GIVING YOU
THE SAME THING AS I GAVE RITCHIE.

YOU GOT IT?

THANKS, POP.

LET'S SPLIT.

YEAH.

WELL, WAS IT
WORTH IT, HMM?

I'LL LET YOU KNOW
LATER.

MOM, WE'RE LEAVING.

BE GOOD
TO MY LITTLE BOY.

MOM.

OH, JERRY.

I DREAMED,
BUT I NEVER REALIZED.

I HOPE YOU'RE
NOT DISAPPOINTED.

SHOULD I TELL YOU
HOW I FEEL?

THE WAVES HAVE SUBSIDED,
BUT I AM STILL FULL.

AND YOU?

DO YOU BELIEVE:

"I AM WHAT I DO,
NOT WHAT I SAY." ALBERT CAMUS.

OR "I LOVE,
THEREFORE I DO." BISHOP PIKE.

I'M HAVING TROUBLE
KEEPING MY EYES OPEN.

OH, THEN SHUT THEM.
TAKE A NAP.

NO, NO,
IT'S ALL RIGHT.

OH, GO ON.

LOOK, BRENDA.

IT'S VERY HARD
FOR ME TO SLEEP

WHEN THERE'S SOMEONE
IN MY BED.

SLEEP IS EVIDENTLY
MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN THE ACT OF ONENESS.

WELL, YEAH.

YES, I SENSED THE FUTILITY
AND DOOM OF IT ALL WHEN WE FIRST MET.

WE BOTH SENSED IT.

I SUPPOSE THAT'S WHAT
DREW US TOGETHER.

I'M SURE OF IT.

MAYBE I GAVE
TOO MUCH TOO SOON.

IS THAT IT?
NO, NO.

I MEAN, I SHOULD HAVE
HELD BACK MORE.

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE
JUDGED ME SO HARSHLY.

BRENDA,
I DON'T JUDGE YOU.

YOU'RE GOING TO
GIVE ME A CALL?

SURE.

YOU STILL
HAVE MY NUMBER?

YES.

WHAT IS IT?

I--I WROTE IT DOWN.
I HAVE IT WRITTEN HERE.

I THINK IT BEGAN WITH A 6
OR--OR WITH AN AREA CODE.

WHAT IS IT?

7

2

8...

BRENDA,
YOU'RE LEAVING.

WELL, PHYLLIS,
THAT WASN'T SO BAD, WAS IT?

IT WAS A NICE WEDDING.
THANK YOU.

TAKE CARE
OF MY LITTLE GIRL.

NOW EACH OF YOU
HAS A FAITHFUL COMPANION FOR LIFE.

OH, FLOWERS.

(girl #1)
SUSAN, HERE I AM. HERE.

(girl #2)
OVER HERE. TO ME.

BRENDA.

BRENDA.

(all)
SUSAN, HERE I AM. HERE. OVER HERE, SUSAN.

HERE I AM. OVER HERE.

[girls screaming]

[crying]

POOR KATHY.

THIS IS EVIDENTLY
A HARD TIME FOR HER, HAL.

BE AN ANGEL.
SEE IF YOU CAN'T CHEER HER UP.

WHY DON'T YOU DO IT,
MY DEAR?

NO, NO, YOU GO, HAL.

YOU HAVE A WAY
OF COMFORTING HER.

NOW?

NOW. NOW.

♪ I LOVE YOU TRULY ♪

(both)
♪ TRULY, DEAR ♪

[Kathy crying]

(Carol and Bernice)
♪ WHEN I FEEL YOU ARE NEAR ♪

KATHY, ARE YOU IN THERE?

[Kathy crying]

KATHY, I CAN'T BEAR
TO SEE YOU UNHAPPY.

WILL YOU LET ME IN?

(Kathy)
NO, NO.

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

GOODBYE, HAL.

HAL, I CAN'T GO ON
LIKE THIS ANYMORE.

YOU'VE GOT TO TELL BERNICE
ABOUT US RIGHT NOW,

OR I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'LL DO.

UH.

KATHY, SIT DOWN.

KATHY, YOU MEAN
A LOT TO ME,

BUT LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING ABOUT MYSELF.

SURE, I COULD GO TO BERNICE
AND TELL HER ABOUT US

AND MAYBE SHE WOULD
FORGIVE YOU,

EVEN THOUGH SHE'D CERTAINLY
NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.

BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

WHAT IS IMPORTANT...

YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT
TO WANT SOMETHING MORE

THAN WHAT I'VE BEEN
GIVING YOU,

JUST AS BERNICE
HAS EVERY RIGHT,

BUT HERE IT IS
IN A NUTSHELL.

I'M THE KIND OF MAN
WHO, WHEN CONFRONTED WITH THE FACT

THAT I'VE BEEN MARRIED
TO THE SAME WOMAN FOR 30 YEARS

WHO HAS GIVEN ME 2
WONDERFUL CHILDREN,

IT BECOMES PROGRESSIVELY
MORE DIFFICULT FOR ME TO KNOW THAT

I'VE GIVEN HER
ANY MORE UNHAPPINESS THAN I'VE ALREADY GIVEN HER.

WHAT I'M TRYING
TO SAY IS--

THAT YOU'LL NEVER
LEAVE BERNICE.

THAT WE'LL NEVER
SEE EACH OTHER, OR HAVE EACH OTHER,

OR HOLD EACH OTHER
IN OUR ARMS AGAIN.

NOT NECESSARILY.

WHAT ARE YOU
TRYING TO SAY, HAL?

ARE YOU GOING TO
TELL BERNICE ABOUT US OR NOT?

KATHY, IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.
YOU SEE, KATHY,

YOU, BERNICE, AND I
ARE 3 OF US IN A BOAT.

NOW, IT'S MY BOAT
AND IT'S YOUR LAKE,

BUT BERNICE HAS THE OARS.

PHIL HAS ASKED ME
TO MARRY HIM, HAL.

PHIL HAS ASKED YOU
TO MARRY HIM?

HAVE YOU BEEN
FOOLING AROUND WITH PHIL?

NO, I COULD NEVER
FOOL AROUND WITH PHIL, NOT WHEN I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU.

YOU MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING
FOR HIM TO ASK YOU TO MARRY HIM.

DID HE KISS YOU?

YES. I KISSED HIM.

DID HE TOUCH
YOUR BREAST?

HAL, I DON'T--

DID HE TOUCH
YOUR BREAST?

[crying]
YES. YES, HAL, BUT I--I...

WHY, KATHY? WHY?

DIDN'T YOU TELL ME
TO GO OUT WITH OTHER MEN?

YES, BUT I DIDN'T--

HE WOULDN'T GO OUT
WITH ME ANYMORE

IF I DIDN'T AT LEAST
LET HIM DO SOMETHING.

OH, LIFE STINKS.

NOBODY CAN
EVER BE HAPPY.

YOU'RE NOT HAPPY.
BERNICE IS NOT HAPPY.

I THINK I CAN
MAKE PHIL HAPPY.

SCREW PHIL.

OH, HAL,
YOU DON'T MEAN THAT.

NO, I DON'T MEAN THAT.
IT'S JUST THAT

EVERY TIME I THINK
EVERYTHING'S WORKED OUT,

SOMETHING
COMPLICATES THINGS.

NOW THERE'S PHIL'S HAPPINESS
TO WORRY ABOUT.

ALL RIGHT,
WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?

WELL, I TOLD HIM THAT
I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
"THINK ABOUT IT"?

THERE'S NOTHING
TO THINK ABOUT. YOU CAN'T MARRY PHIL.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE I HAVE TOO MUCH PRIDE
TO GO SNEAKING AROUND CORNERS WITH A MARRIED WOMAN.

WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING?
THAT'S DIFFERENT.

I WAS MARRIED
BEFORE I MET YOU.

BUT I HAVE NOTHING.

HAL, I CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS.
THERE'S NO END.

IF YOU DON'T TELL
BERNICE ABOUT US RIGHT AFTER THE WEDDING...

I'M GOING TO MARRY PHIL.

I SEE. NOW YOU'RE GOING
TO FORCE ME TO MAKE THE DECISION FOR YOU.

KATHY, YOU HAVE TO MAKE
YOUR OWN DECISION,

JUST LIKE BERNICE HAS
TO MAKE HER OWN DECISION,

AND PHIL HAS TO
MAKE HIS OWN DECISION.

WHAT ABOUT YOU, HAL?

DON'T YOU HAVE
TO MAKE A DECISION?

I HAVE MADE
MY DECISION.

WHAT HAVE YOU DECIDED?

I...

I'VE DECIDED TO TRY
TO FIND A NEW WAY

TO HELP BERNICE TO FIND
THE STRENGTH TO LEAVE ME,

YET GIVING YOU THE OPTION
TO END IT ALL BY MARRYING PHIL.

IF BERNICE IS NOT AWARE ENOUGH
TO MAKE THE MOVE THAT'S RIGHT FOR HER

AND IF YOU CAN'T CALL ON
YOUR RESOURCES TO RESIST ME,

THEN RESPONSIBILITY RESTS
NOT WITH ME,

NOT WITH YOU, KATHY,
NOT WITH BERNICE, BUT WITH PHIL.

PHIL?

[people chattering]

(Beatrice)
BYE-BYE, JOE.

(woman)
ARRIVEDERCI.

CIAO, FRANK.

CIAO.

COME ON.

CIAO.

CIAO.

GOOD NIGHT, MOM AND DAD.
I'M LEAVING.

NOW, JOAN, YOU LET
RITCHIE DRIVE YOU BACK TO NEW YORK.

OK, MOTHER.

HEY, HEY, RITCH.

HEY, HEY.

YOU CAN BUY HER
A NEW BOOK.

SO, UH,
WHAT WAS JOAN'S STORY?

RITCHIE'S HAIR STOPPED
SMELLING LIKE RAISINS.

THAT'S IT?
THAT'S HER STORY?

AND SHE WAS SHOCKED
THAT YOU'VE STRAYED, FRANK.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, BEA.
WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO TELL HER THAT FOR?

IT CAME OUT
IN PASSING.

WHY DOES SHE HAVE
TO KNOW OUR BUSINESS?

I WAS TRYING
TO MAKE A POINT.

ALL RIGHT.

TO ERR IS HUMAN,
TO FORGIVE DIVINE.

ALL RIGHT.

ARRIVEDERCI, BEA.

ARRIVEDERCI,
PAULINE.

FRANK...

STUPID PAULINE.

WHAT ARE WE
GOING TO DO, FRANK?

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

YOU LIVE AND LEARN.

YOU GOT TO TAKE
THE GOOD WITH THE BAD.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

YOU LIVE AND LEARN.

YOU RAISE A BOY.

YOU TEACH HIM VALUES.

THAT STUPID PAULINE.

TEACH HIM A FAMILY.

YOU GOT TO TAKE
THE GOOD WITH THE BAD.

LIFE IS FOR
THE LIVING.

I COULD HAVE BROKEN
HER HEAD.

I CAN UNDERSTAND
HER WANTING TO LEAVE.

THAT'S HOW LIFE IS.

BUT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND
HER LEAVING.

I THINK I'LL HAVE
MY WEDDING CAKE NOW.

HAL.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW YOU SPEND HALF YOUR LIFE IN A BATHROOM.

HUH?

[crying]

YOU FOLLOWED HIM THERE

AND SHOT HIM
FROM BEHIND A TREE.

(man)
THAT'S ENOUGH. THAT STORY IS RIDICULOUS.

YOU'LL MAKE
A FOOL OF YOURSELF.

A LOVE-SMITTEN ANALYST
PLAYING A DREAM DETECTIVE?

(Ingrid Bergman)
THERE'VE BEEN NO DREAMS FOR DAYS.

YOU GOING TO WATCH TELEVISION
ON OUR HONEYMOON NIGHT?

SHH, IT'S ALMOST OVER.

YOU'LL BE IDENTIFIED
BY THE MAN THAT ARRIVED.

THERE WILL BE PEOPLE
WHO SAW YOU ON THE TRAIN...

I'M NOT
GETTING MARRIED.

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID TO YOU,
"MIKE, IF I ASK YOU TO MARRY ME,

"CAN I TAKE IT BACK
IF I WANT TO?"

AND YOU SAID I COULD,
DIDN'T YOU?

WELL, I'M TAKING IT BACK.

THAT'S ALL.
TAKING IT BACK.

DR. PETERSON WAS
A RATHER STUPID WOMAN.

[T.V. stops playing]

♪ I HEAR YOU ♪

♪ I HEAR
WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY ♪

♪ DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME ♪

♪ IT'S BETTER THAT WAY ♪

♪ I HEAR YOU ♪

♪ COMIN' THROUGH TO ME ♪