Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Did your brother say he was joining us for lunch?

Yeah. He said maybe.

- What is that? - What?

- What is going on? - Do you feel that?

I feel shaky.

Headquarters.

A what?

Come in here.

All right. How's that smoke? Good? All right.

Here we go. Full tight on the monster. Rolling.

Is me being pulled in only that much to the table, it's fine?

But the main thing is we need to hide your body more.

Wee Man! Whoa! Wee Man!

Fucking look! Wee Man, right there!

Ow!

Oh!

There! Fire!

What?

Whoo!

Fire this way!

Fire! Shoot it!

Oh... settle down, big fella.

This is all just a big misunderstanding.

We can work this out like pals.

Settle! Settle! Set...

Oh, no! Oh, no!

Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville! Welcome to Jackass!

Hey. Steve-O, how does it feel to be on set 20 years later?

Man, it's uh...

...it's pretty heavy, dude.

You think about how the last movie had, like, the credits,

which showed us when we first started and it was ten years later...

- Yeah. - And now it's another ten years.

I gotta say, I look great, though.

You look 20 millions...

Yeah.

That's how my dogs jumped up on the...

The big one lays down and the little one gets on top there.

Lance.

Oh, my God!

Yeah! Poopies! Poopies!

That was really uncool.

Do you feel the vibration?

- Wow! - Oh, shit!

Hi, I'm Preston Lacy. This is a human ramp.

That's Dave Gravette. Come on, we gotta go.

Fuck, we gotta go.

Someone's being a little dramatic.

Come on. Oh, my God, we gotta go.

Here he goes.

He's coming!

- Here, watch this. - There he is.

Brace yourselves.

Oh, my goodness!

Oh, God! You all right?

Yeah!

Wow!

You're not filming my bald spot are you?

No, no, no.

You all right?

God damn it, is that why you put that camera...?

No more bald spot!

All right, here we go!

Oh!

Shit!

Oh, my... Oh, what happened?

Oh, man, fuck this. I gotta just get up and walk this off.

Yeah!

Oh!

Backfire!

You look like the Kool-Aid man.

It's time to introduce Zach Holmes and say goodbye to the human ramp.

Goodbye, human ramp!

Oh, fuck!

We're gonna fuckin' die!

Two, one...

Whoa!

Oh!

- All right! - Oh, my God.

Man falling.

Holy shit! Yes! Fuck yes!

- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God, yes!

I'm so glad I put this...

Oh!

That was awesome.

I don't think Preston's okay.

Motherfucker!

Oh, dude, my back. That hurt so bad.

Oh, my God.

Well done, Preston.

All right, my name's Johnny Knoxville.

Welcome to the dum dum game.

Oh! I'm... I'm sorry, dude.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I...

My hand hit the button!

Oh, my God!

Oh!

Is that...

Fuck!

God!

Dick pain hurts.

All right, let's play this game.

Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville, welcome to the dum dum game.

Our lucky contestants are going to be answering trivia questions.

All these questions are on a fourth-grade level.

If you get them right, you're safe and in the clear,

and if you get them wrong...

Oh, boy!

Last man standing is the winner.

Okay, first question. Poopies.

"Jenny has two plates of 12 cookies.

Frank has four plates of six cookies.

Who has more cookies?"

Jen!

Jesus Christ!

I can't do math!

I'll remember that on my next question, Poopies.

- I won't... - Yeah, thanks, Johnny.

Dude!

Okay, Ehren!

Please spell the word "dumbbell".

"Dumbbell".

D-u-m-b...

What is it?

D-u-m...

b-e-l-l?

Oh, God!

Sorry, that was wrong.

Don't be a dumbbell!

Poopies. Who played the piano on Elton John's album Madman Across the Water?

Um...

What's his name?

Elton.

Elton John!

Oh, that is correct!

That is correct, Poopies.

I didn't think you were gonna get that one.

At last, see, you're doin' good!

- Yes! - Way to go!

Fuck, yeah.

Wee Man, question:

"What family of instruments does the piano belong to?"

S...

Strings.

It's a percussion instrument!

I was gonna say that!

I'm sorry, Wee Man, but you're out.

- All right. Good for me. - Some integrity on that.

Poopies, if you get this next question wrong Ehren, unfortunately, wins.

"If a square is five inches tall and five inches wide,

what is the area?"

Ten inches direct... around.

I'm sorry, Poopies, but that is wrong!

Ehren, I'm sorry, I hit the wrong button.

But Poopies, that was wrong.

Fuck this shit. I'm outta here! Fuck it!

- Ehren! Ehren is the winner! - Ehren won!

Yeah!

Ehren is the winner!

Oh, yes!

Oh, my God.

Yeah, that rang my bell!

I took a huge shit in there too.

- Oh, my... - Whoo!

So today we're gonna bring the cast into this room two at a time

because they think I'm doing a rattlesnake stunt.

But that's just a ruse to get them in here so we can lock the door,

turn out the lights, and make their life a living hell.

This is silence of the lambs.

Dave England, Ehren McGhehey...

- We have Jules here. Are you excited? - Jules, the snake guy.

- I'm out. See you guys. - Come on, Ehren!

You guys are just peanut gallery for this.

He's got a western diamondback rattlesnake.

He's going to release it on the ground.

Pontius is gonna take a cookie and set in on its head.

And then, I'm going to try and take the cookie off its head.

This western diamondback rattlesnake is very, very venomous.

He will bite you if you get too close to him and he will kill you, or try to.

- I'm not kidding. - Well, let's look at it.

- Oh, my God! - Oh, shit!

Oh, my God.

Fuck this, man.

Can you feel my heart?

- Wow, dude! - All right.

It's going as fast as that rattlesnake.

- That's why I won't do this. - I did your part.

I'm really scared for Johnny right now.

All right. Let's put the snake away and get these guys mic'd.

It's time to do this.

Big ass snake.

Oh, I know.

All right, switch the bucket.

Let's get the snake out of the room.

Is there an "antidope" here?

It's getting Knoxville for me.

That's what it's called, anti-venom, not "antidope".

What's "antidope" mean? I don't even know.

- Johnny Knoxville. - They're coming in right now.

All right. You guys ready?

What's "antidope"?

That's like...

Oh, my fucking God!

- No! - No!

- God damn! - Oh, fuck you guys!

How... why are we the only ones in here now?

I don't know, dude.

- Doggone it! - What?

- Shit! - Hello, my name is Johnny Knoxville.

Welcome to hell!

Oh, fuck. Fucking rattlesnake in here.

Ehren, what are you doing? Don't use me as a human shield!

So if we get bit we die.

Are you serious?

This is so fucked up! I knew this was going to fucking happen.

Why the fuck did we go down to the basement?

Come on!

Knox, what the fuck? Come on.

Come on!

What the fuck!

Dude, what the hell?

- What the fuck! No, stop! - I knew this was going to happen!

Stop! Stop! Oh! Fuck, you guys, dude!

P, where are you?

I'm gonna break that fucking door down.

Do it, Ehren.

Did they just...

Fuck this shit! Ah, fuck you guys!

Fuck it, get the fuck outta here!

All right, now go for the bucket and cue the snake sound.

Oh, shit!

Ahh!

- Oh, oh, shit. - Oh, my God!

It might... Guys, stay on the couch.

The fuckin' snake. Stay still.

- Oh, my fucking God. - Hey, guys, honestly, be fuckin' chill.

- Holy shit. - This is not cool, seriously, get me the fuck out of here.

Oh, fuck off!

There's the snake, Dave.

Where are you, Ehren? Ehren? Ehren?

What the fuck! Ehren!

How am I supposed to even help you, Dave?

I just need to know you're there.

- Fuck this! - Ehren!

Oh, I got a weapon now, motherfuckers. I got a weapon.

- Don't hit me, Ehren. Ehren! - No, I got a weapon!

- Don't hit me! - You fuckin'...

Ehren, don't fuckin' not answer me.

They're knifin' me.

Fuck, there's the door. Dave over here!

- Dave, this way! - Yeah, right!

- Dave, this way! - Fuck that door.

Fuck that. There's something bad over there, probably!

No, I promise!

No, you don't know shit!

There's a door. I just opened it. I swear to God!

Oh, wow, how convenient.

Come this way, I swear to God, I'm not lying to you.

- Fuck that door. - You're on your own then, fucker!

Ahh, shit! Ahh!

Ehren!

What the fuck is going on?

I can't even... I can't even fucking do it.

This is fucking scary. Seriously, this is fucked up.

This is not cool, dude.

Fuck! What the fuck! His head!

- Oh, my God! Fuck! Oh, fuck. - What?

- Did I just get bit? - Did you get bit?

Dude, I got bit by something! What the fuck was that?

- Fuck! Jeff! He got fuckin' bit! - No way!

- Jeff, this is fuckin' unsafe. - What the fuck, there's no lights!

Oh, my God, dude, this is so fucked up.

You got snake bit. We got to get you medical attention.

Here. come here.

We got to get him to the fucking medic.

I'm gonna have a fuckin' heart attack, dude.

Just, okay? Just go straight.

- Okay? - Okay.

Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!

Motherfucker!

Oh, I don't even know where my glasses are. What the fuck!

Oh, great! Fucking awesome!

What the fuck is this?

Ah!

Oh, holy shit!

Motherfuckin...

- Oh, my God! - Ow! Fucking bitch!

Lights on. Lights on. Come on.

Zach, you all right?

- Holy shit... - I cleared the fucking thing!

I heard Zach, it sounded like he's getting murdered in here.

I thought this was like the only way to get out.

So I just climbed over it.

And then, it broke.

Let Ehren out.

Let me out.

- Can we go outside now? - No, we're done, we're done. We're done.

- No, we're not. - God.

The rest of my life I'm gonna have nightmares, dude.

I wanna go now. Open that fuckin' door.

Go out that one. This one is locked.

No, fuck you!

I'll start a new life in here.

I will start...

I will fuckin' live here.

How does this look?

It's fuckin'... lubed up.

Are we sponsored by Glide?

No. Not yet.

Just say, "This is body surfing", we don't need an intro.

- Do you guys agree? - I wanna say my name.

- All right, say your name. - This is Zach.

I'm Jasper. And this is bodysurfing, motherfucker.

Fuck, fuck!

No, no, no! No, Jasper, no, no!

No! No!

- Bye-bye, Jasper! - Oh, shit, he's hauling ass!

- That was great. - The rocks hurt.

I am Poopies. Big time movie star.

And today, we're big wave surfing.

Oh, he got knocked off.

He has no arms.

- Dude, you have no arms? - Shit.

Oh, that sucks.

And then came the heartbreaking news

that horses don't have arms.

I am Eric Manaka, and this is a horse race.

- Put your hat on and go, man. - My eyes!

Oh, God.

Run, run.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

- This is perfect. - Oh, God.

Oh! Eric, all back.

Is he okay? He's not moving.

Well, he can't. His arms are trapped.

That fucking hurt.

Two, one, go!

We're going the wrong way.

We're going the wrong...

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God.

Oh, he's nuts!

Oh!

Oh, my God.

- Holy shit! - Dude!

That's crazy.

Oh, my God. I'm not doing that again.

This guy's one badass dude right here.

I love you, dude.

That is sick.

You showed us how to surf.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Dude, I don't look that good, man.

Oh, shit.

All right, take off the lid.

Tap that right over the top of it.

Ooh! Ow! One got me already!

Ah, ah!

Ow! Gosh damn!

Oh. Here comes the queen.

Oh, yeah. Looking for her king.

Jesus Christ, dude. This is fucking wild.

I was like, "Yeah, cool, let's do this."

This little brown box has the Queen Bee in it.

Apparently, she's pretty important.

And that's going to attract the other bees to the Queen, right?

- Yes. - Oh, boy.

There's a lot of bees, Steve-O.

Just remember, don't pinch between his balls and those bees, 'cause...

he'll feel it real quickly.

Dude, relax. Poopies relax, dog. Relax, man.

Poopies just got stung.

Can we add all the bees or is it better to go...

You gotta kinda gently put 'em up.

Watch out. Move your hands, Steve-O.

Oh, shit.

Ah. Aaaah! Ooooh!

What? What?

God, my fucking dick got one. Oooooh!

Oooooh!

Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus.

Put 'em right up there on top of it.

They're really latching on now, Steve-O.

It's working, it's working.

It's going good, Steve-O.

Oh, boy, that... they're really...

Oh, goddamn it.

Give them a little bridge.

There you go, find your mommy.

There's a lot of them right in like the taint area.

Your whole Zen approach to staying calm

is really working, Steve-O.

That yoga's really been helping.

Meditating.

- Ooh! - Around the table.

It's gonna make you look good, Steve-O.

Yeah, it's adding length.

It's kinda like Mr. Snuffleupagus. Okay.

Ow! Ow!

Oooh. Oooh.

- Are you good, O? - Ahhh!

It moves when you move.

It's wiggling. It's wiggling.

- Wiggle! - The best thing to do is take off running, Steve-O.

- Lay down, Steve-O. - Just take off running.

Run, Steve-O. That's the only way the bees won't sting you.

I got a fucking ballsack full of bee stingers, dude.

Yeah, I got a fucking bunch of them.

- Oh, Jesus. - Oh.

Hello, my name is Irving Zisman,

and this is my good-for-nothing granddaughter

and our not-so-handy handyman, Zach.

Today we're gonna do a little furniture shopping.

Hey, do you guys think this looks straight, or is it sorta,

- it's like if it was... - I think you would have to...

if you would hang the top left side,

I could tell if it's straight or not 'cause...

Oh, okay, for sure.

Is everything on sale?

Right now, I'm just doing the pillows. They're half price, but...

- Oh, okay, thank you. - But I'm sure everything might be on sale.

Okay.

What is this over here?

Oh. This is pretty good.

A fella could have a pretty good time on this.

Hey, can you hand me the black tape over there?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

What the hell happened?

- Ow! - Are you okay?

I went up high as a moose's caboose.

Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God. - Did you do that?

I am so sorry. It's literally my second day on the job. I fell off.

You tried to take advantage of a defenseless old man?

Grandpa, are you okay?

I was attacked.

He went higher than that roof. He went all the way up in there.

- What? - See this thing right here.

Your grandfather just sat on it and laid back. This guy, he fell down,

and he knocked your grandfather through the roof.

Jesus, he does this shit all the time.

I am Rob Dyrdek, and this is musical chair bags.

Incredible fine young men, new talent, war dogs.

War dogs, new talent. One of them is about to get blown sky high.

The rest are gonna get really lucky and just sit comfortably.

Our DJ for the day is Miss Rachel Wolfson.

Wee Man's going to space.

- Ah, shit. - Wow.

Man, Wee Man. I am sorry, man.

How many times do we get to play?

- Oh, this is probably a one'r. - Oh, it is.

Shit.

I am loving the energy, fellas.

- Keep it up, nice twirl. - The happiness.

Oh, shit. Get in it.

And let's keep going.

Oh, find your chairs!

One more time!

What happened to the dance?

- Just do it already. - Wee Man is not happy.

He's not happy.

- Wee Man, come on! - Put some spirit in it.

- I'm spiriting it. - Yeah.

Fuck it.

Oh!

Oh, my God.

Holy fuck.

Oh, God.

- Oh, man. - What happened to you?

I believe he shot up and into the hole.

Wee Man flipped. How did you go backwards?

We have our champion.

I landed on all that shit.

Look at the safety precautions.

I thought we were supposed to have pads on the tubes and the metal.

We forgot that detail.

Once upon a time, lived a father and son

imprisoned on the island of Crete.

Tired of life in the joint, the father had the son gather up feathers

that were lying around the cell and he made them both wings.

And they went off to escape the island of Crete forever.

But there's that one thing they left out of the ancient myth.

The cannon.

Hello, I am Johnny Knoxville and this is the flight of Icarus.

And if you think we're wearing underpants under these tunics,

you're sadly mistaken, my friend.

Mmm, mmm. A little something for ya?

They should just point it straight up.

Either way it goes, he's gonna land in this lake.

How big of an angle is it gonna be?

Oh, God, they're going to make it bad.

- Oh, God, I can't take it! - Shit, man.

- Man, that's steep. - Holy shit, Knox.

In ten, nine, eight,

seven, six, five, four,

three, two, one. Whooo!

Yes!

- I felt like I got a 200-pound colonic up my ass. - Oh, my God.

You flew like an angel.

Unfortunately, young Icarus got a little bit cocky,

and sure enough flew too close to the sun.

And fell to his doom.

Ooooh!

- That was rad, dude. - There's blood on the elbows.

Yeah, attaboy.

Good job, man. Fucking right on, dude.

- Your legs okay? - Yeah.

Good job.

This is the quiet game.

The object of this game is to remain completely silent. How was that?

Do we all understand the rules and we're not gonna make any noise?

All right, well, let's get started.

Rachel, your challenge in the quiet game is to lick the electric lollipop.

Are you ready?

Jesus.

Whooooaaah!

Our first mime did really well.

- Oh, yeah. - Way to go.

Yeah!

- Bar's been set. You'll be hard to beat. - Damn!

For our next challenge, our friend Jules here

is going to help Poopies kiss this deadly viper.

What kind of snake is it?

It's a Texas Rat Snake.

He's a feisty little bugger. How you feeling, Poopies?

Is that venomous?

Eh.

We ready?

- Go, go, go. - Go in for the kiss.

You have to get in closer.

- Closer. - Closer, closer.

Up and down, up and down. Up and down.

You know you don't... You need to stay. Stay!

Give him a kiss.

- Move your head. - Closer.

- Move your head. - Closer.

Here it comes, here it comes.

- Oh, my God. - One more.

Get another one, get another one.

- Go again. - We didn't get it.

Come on, Poopies, you need to go again, dude.

Oh, my God.

- Work, work. You got this. - You can do it.

Right there. Touch his tail.

Do it, come on, man.

- Come on, man. - Oh, my goodness.

A little kissy.

Here it goes.

Oh!

Oh, my goodness.

Rachel and Poopies laying down the gauntlet on Steve-O.

I gotta save you!

I am saving you.

I gotta save Jeff.

Oh! Ow!

Oh, fuck.

I have one on me.

I couldn't get it out.

So, confidence is very, very high

with our third contestant, Steve-O,

for the skateboard guillotine.

Wow.

He's talking smack.

Some mime shit talking over there.

Huh?

All the way.

All the way?

- He's bold. - Wow.

- He's very cocky, this guy. - Get your feet up.

All right, on three!

Aaaaah!

I forgot to be fucking quiet, dude.

Aaaaah!

Well, we have our winners, and we have Steve-O.

Zackass, he's a real wild, crazy guy.

He's a gnarly superstar.

Zackass.

There's nothing he won't do. Zackass.

He'll jump in cactus for you.

Oh!

While we all stand and laugh. Go, go, Zach!

The Jackass guys are getting old, we paid our dues,

so we're handing the torch to you.

All right.

Man, that was good.

What are you going to be doing today?

Hit somebody in the nuts.

Francis hits harder than any heavyweight in the MMA. It's insane.

Does Ehren know this?

No, I told Ehren it was a lightweight.

I didn't tell him it was a heavyweight. Jeff and I forgot to mention that.

All right, he's coming, guys.

That's not a fucking lightweight. What are you guys talking about? What? No!

What's going on here? You guys can't...

Almost 20 years ago today we filmed the original cup test.

Hi, I am Johnny Knoxville, and this is the cup test.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

And now, 20 years later, we're still doing the same stupid shit.

This is the cup test.

Ah!

I love how you're just smiling at him.

I just Googled the hardest punch ever recorded.

Francis Ngannou's punch is

the equivalent of being hit by a Ford Escort at top speed.

- His punch is the equivalent... - Wait. You don't need to read that now.

You're about to be hit by a car, Ehren.

All right, fight fans.

Oh!

- Did you hear something break? - Yeah, I heard this crack. I thought it was the cup.

Is that the hardest you've ever hit someone in the ding ding?

Oh, yeah. Because I've never hit somebody in the ding ding on purpose.

Eric, what's about to go down here?

Ehren's gonna get the world's fastest softball pitcher.

She's gonna like, pitch a softball at his balls.

Oh!

We ain't a fucking bunch of NASA scientists over here, you know what I mean?

This ain't a Mensa convention. We're getting down and dirty!

I am Danger Ehren, and this is the softball test.

Let's do it.

Play ball!

She can't wait to hit him in the dick.

Oh!

That was all thigh.

Don't turn! That would have hit him!

You turned into...

What, you can't quit already!

That would have hit him!

That would have hit you in the ding-ding

and you would have been done for the day.

It's a softball.

There's nothing soft about this fucking ball,

it's just bigger.

She keeps hitting him in the same exact spot.

- You're moving, dude! - Why'd you move?

I don't know!

Don't hang brains out of the side...

I'm not trying to, but it keeps slipping around.

Well, you're wearing it backwards, or upside-down.

I don't need physics from you guys right now.

Physics.

Fuck, yeah! Let's go!

Oh, God!

Ehren!

What the fuck, dude!

No, no, no, time out!

Hey, Ehren, no joke, you're fucked.

You're done.

I'm here with professional hockey player P.K. Subban.

This is the hockey cup test.

Yeah!

Come on!

That was about 85 miles per hour.

Oh, shit, man. That fucking knocked me out.

What the fuck, man. That was insane.

Now I'm gonna go for your nuts.

Oh, God.

Fuck you, Ehren!

We got him!

That a boy!

We got the "whambulance" coming for you if you don't get to this next bit.

Hey, I'll tell you right now, if the jokes continue

I will stand up and walk away.

He's going to take his nuts and go home?

- Sneak up on it. - Teasing. He's teasing.

Whoa!

Perfect!

- Oh! - Oh, my goodness.

Oh, dude!

His nuts are bleeding. We got blood.

Dude. I'm sorry, dude.

Fuck, this cup sucked.

This is the worst cup of them all.

I'm starting to think those cups don't work, dude.

That cup sucks.

Yeah, it slipped down and pinned your nuts to the ground.

Oh, my God!

Fuck, dude.

Oh. Ooh!

Lance?

How you doing, Lance?

Let me have your camera, Lance.

Can I get another mask?

Can Lance get another mask?

You guys got any predictions who we might get today with this?

I'm worried, like we've been hitting the guys

pretty hard all week so...

their nerves are pretty well shot.

If they do trust us to go to the bathroom today,

they're pretty...

They're pretty less intelligent than I thought.

We're gonna build Cobra Kai Dojos

- all over this valley. - Hell yeah, we are.

- I haven't seen it yet. I haven't seen... - I'm gonna watch it.

Miyagi, Miyagi's Dojo...

Wee Man would totally be a Cobra Kai.

He's not even worried about it.

Cobra Kai rules.

Oh, yeah!

- Oh. - Wow!

- What happened? - I don't know, dude.

- Oh, my God. - I was trying to take a shit.

Even with an outbreak you're still blowing people up.

As if life is not hard enough.

To fart or not to fart. That is the question.

Well, I hope to...

'cause we've been trying to get this bit for 14 years,

trying to light a fart underwater.

Since Jackass Number Two.

Get your fucking ass up there.

Just let me do it, okay?

Oh, God. I didn't mean to do that.

Who didn't see that coming?

I'm very excited because we are lighting

the first ever fart underwater.

And Tory Belleci is here today

to help us achieve our dream.

It's good to have dreams.

All right, so, somebody is going to sit in the tank

and when they fart,

that glass dome is our fart catcher, inside there,

we have a little bit of oxygen and a spark.

And so hopefully, once that methane gas

gets caught in there, it will ignite,

and we'll get the underwater exploding fart.

- Yo, Steve-O, are you ready? - You ready to make history?

I'm ready to get in there and just see what happens.

Oh, my goodness, we're about to make history

with Steve-O.

Okay, make sure his feet look good.

- Ready? - Yeah, I'm ready.

- It's in there, man. - Remember to give us a countdown.

It's in there.

How was work today, honey?

I know I'm gonna get it.

Just relax.

Ooooh!

We got a fart!

Oh, that was a huge one.

- Wow. They're like ten, dude. - They're perfect bombs.

There's not enough methane in his fart.

The spark in that bowl is going nonstop though,

so we just need to catch enough farts.

Oooh!

The farts aren't igniting.

- We need an open flame. - Yeah, bring it in.

This won't hurt a bit.

Come on, O.

There it goes. Catch it.

Yeah. Get it. Get it!

What was that? Was that it? Was that it?

- Yes! - Dude!

I'm not a fucking scientist, man,

but that sounded pretty sweet.

How did that explode?

The spark in the fart catcher exploded it.

That fucking really rocked my balls. That's for sure.

All right, Jaws, you ready?

Three.

Two.

One.

- Jesus Christ! - I got you.

What the fuck!

Dude, I was like, "Catch him."

- Wow. - Are you okay?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Dude... Where were you?

I'm just... I...

Where were you?

What's going on, Jasper?

So today we got my dad, Dark Shark on set and honestly

- I don't think he's gonna like it. - Why not?

So you know my dad, ex-convict, ex-gang banger,

doesn't fear anything except for like,

he kinda doesn't like bugs or spiders,

cats, dogs, basically anything that's not normal to the hood.

So we're gonna fuck with him today

and it should be good.

All right, this is Dark Shark, our newest star, Jasper's dad.

He's going to battle Ehren in the spider helmet.

You look scareder than me and this is your shit.

Shall we begin taping, fellas?

I'm gonna fuck you up, man. You supposed to be having my back.

- Not too tight. - I got you a job!

Don't do it. I'm telling you. I'm gonna flip this chair over.

I got you a job!

If I flip the chair over, that thing gonna bite me

- if I flip the chair over? - No.

No, you gotta be careful with the spider.

- Can't hurt the spider. - I'm just worried about breathing, man.

I don't even like handcuffs on me no more.

Dude, I don't think we gotta...

Okay. We're gonna leave the tape.

You got it, dog.

All right, here we go, fellas.

- How is that? - Oh shit, hell, nah.

Okay. Oh, and by the way, the loser has to take

- the bite from the spider. - What?

Yeah.

- Jules, can you bring in the spider? - Love to.

You got it, Dark Shark. You got it, man.

This one is an absolute bastard.

Oh, hell, nah.

All right. Let's go.

On the count of three. One, two, three.

Don't move, Dark Shark.

Dark Shark, stay down.

Oh, shit!

Chill, chill, chill!

You got it, chill!

It's not goin' touch you.

Ow! Ow!

Dark Shark, why are you pulling on me?

I think he passed out.

Dark Shark, you gotta let go!

- You gotta let go! Sit down. Calm down. - There you go.

- Oh, my God. - Don't hurt the spider.

Dark Shark, if you let go of me I will get the spider out.

- Who is that? - It's Johnny.

- There you go. - We all day. Guess what?

Okay, I'll get it.

I'm gonna pull him out.

- He's out, he's out, he's out. - He's out!

All right, we have our winner.

Dark Shark!

How the fuck is he gonna be the winner?

- Oh, no. - Get it off me.

How is he the winner?

Ehren has to take a bite from the spider.

- I didn't do anything. Jesus. - This man was brave.

- Brave? The spider went in his helmet! - Great job, Dark Shark.

And I was like, it was either my life or yours.

I was like, fuck your life. I was like, man.

I'm tapped out, out here and still I was like,

I feel like grabbing his ass.

The bastard.

So where should it bite him?

Just do it on my arm. It's fine.

- Well... - Have it crawl onto my arm.

- Nipples! - I just won't do it.

Nipple. I like nipple. Nipple.

Just give it, just do a boob.

All right. Fine.

Nipple, no. Boob, sure.

Is he gonna bite him for real?

- Oh, my God. - Oh, yeah, your man titties are looking dope.

Oh, man.

Oh, my God. Look at his fangs.

I don't wanna see the fangs.

Make sure Ehren sees the fangs.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute!

No, you, no. Ehren lay down.

- Wait a minute. - Oh, look at the venom!

- I'll show you the venom while it's there. - Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Here, hold my hand, Steve-O. Hold my hand.

- Hold my hand, Steve-O. - Hold his hand, Steve-O.

- Pierce that nipple. - One, two, three.

Shit!

- Oh, shit! - Stay, stay.

Did it go in or no?

- Oh, yeah. - Fuckin' went in.

You went from a triple A to a B on this side.

Yeah, Ehren.

Watch out, Ehren!

Oh, my God, I thought it was the real thing.

I'm done! I'm done! I can't.

I'm outta here.

No more of this spider crap. I'm out.

Excuse me, ma'am?

I need to get my basket closer to this pole.

Do you think you can help me, ma'am?

- Sure. - There's a red handle at the back of this truck.

It's more of a pinky orange.

- This one? - Yeah, just pull back on it just a little.

Wait, should I do reverse?

Yeah, do the reverse.

Yeah, no, no! Oh, that was... Noooo!

Oh, why did you hit the red one?

Ow! Ow!

Help!

- Help! - Help me!

Hit the lever! Hit the lever!

Hit the blue! Hit the override!

I don't know where the blue is?

Are you color blind?

- Please, help me! - I'm trying to help you, sir!

Just do the override like it says!

It doesn't say shit here!

Pop to the right, then slide!

Pop and slide!

You just got me electrocuted!

Oh, my ass!

- You forgot the slide. - God, bless!

I don't want to touch anything because I don't know...

You gotta touch something! I gotta get down from here!

- Which one? - Well, don't hit the ones you been hitting!

'Cause you've been hitting the wrong ones!

- I don't know what I'm doing. - Well, clearly!

Did you see Dirty Dancing?

No. The old one, you mean with the chair?

- The only one. - Yeah.

Yeah.

That's Flashdance.

Oh, Flashdance is what I'm thinking.

Dirty Dancing with Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze.

For the final dance she runs at them.

She runs to Patrick Swayze

- and he catches her and he lifts her off the ground. - Okay.

- Can you do that with Preston? - I think I could do it with Preston.

Yeah, work it out a little bit. I want more than just a big jump.

Oh, my God. I just shit my pants.

- Shut up. - You're joking, right?

Did you really?

I just shit my pants. I just shit my fucking pants.

- He did. He really did. - I just shit my pants.

I fucking shit my pants.

- Why did you? - Oh, my God.

- Why did you shit your... - I didn't mean to.

Oh, man.

Technically, you shit our pants.

The show must go on. I don't see how that stops this.

Let's go on.

Ah, it's so gross.

- Ah, dude. - It's so fucking gross.

You're full of shit.

I should not have ate Indian and Cuban food in the same day.

We might be losing Lance again.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, yuck.

Oh, my God!

I'm a grown man.

I'm fucking 51 years old.

Lance, we need a closer shot of it.

Oh! Oh, yuck.

Preston should have pooped before he came to work today.

Fail to prepare. Prepare to fail. Hmm.

Marker.

Hello, my name's Johnny Knoxville

and this is the marching band.

Ladies!

Ugh!

That happened so fast!

Damn, I got a hard head.

Oh, my God. You all right?

- Yeah, I'm fine. - Oh, my God. He's bleeding.

My hair line is receding.

Steve-O, are you okay?

You all right, Steve-O?

- Oh, dude. - Yo, you okay?

Holy shit.

Man, that happened fast.

All that practicing, right out the window.

I feel like I'm coming back to myself. I can't remember nothing.

- I didn't wimp out, did I? - No, you didn't.

You still got those million dollar teeth, that's for sure.

They're dropping like flies.

I never know what to say to Rick's camera.

I feel like, I'm just like, ah ha, man, I'm on Jackass.

This is sick.

I'm in the TV show I used to watch, man.

Everything I say is gonna end up on the cutting room floor anyways.

So it doesn't matter.

- Hey, how you doin'? - Hi.

- Can I get a cold brew? - Yeah, of course.

Thanks.

Do you mind if I get a photo?

- Sure. - I'm a big fan.

Oh, my God!

What did you guys do to Eric?

Fuck, everything was perfect. I was like,

cold brew coffee, all right.

Yes, please.

"A picture? Okay, yeah, sure."

Motherfucker.

- What happened? - What do you mean?

He just got his nuts beat up.

His balls are in his tummy.

Oh. Ah, God damn it hurts.

I think we gotta go one more.

Can you do one more?

Jeff said he needs one more.

Hey, Wee Man, help him get through that hole.

I'll guide.

They're not hanging as low as they were.

- Can you blame him? - No.

I'm getting 'em right now.

Ehren "Fluffer" McGhehey.

Oh, my God.

- Oh, fuck, it hurts. - Hold on, get ready.

- Okay, there. - Here we go. Here we go.

- Now we're primed. - One more time.

Ah, fuck you.

You ready? Action.

Everybody shut up!

Boxer.

Oh, Preston.

Here with Steve-O and our special handsome guest star,

Machine Gun Kelly.

This is the bicycle backhand

and it's a competition.

The faster you pedal your bike

the faster the other guy's hand goes back.

And when it gets to a certain point,

boom, someone's gonna get launched.

You might be younger,

taller, better looking, richer,

more talented, but, motherfucker,

I can ride.

Steve-O's just eat up with envy.

Charlie, can you push that hand in a little closer?

Okay, I'm gonna push this forward a little.

Oh, shit!

What the fuck?

No one fucking even touched it.

Oops. Oops.

It happened so fast.

Holy shit.

Oh, my God, dude.

Dry off, Steve-O, it's going again.

Charlie just touched it, it went boom.

And now Steve-O has to do it twice.

Um, we ready?

On your marks...

get set...

Go!

Pedal! Pedal! Pedal!

Oh, you got this!

Keep going! Keep going!

Pedal!

He's got 'em!

Steve-O's winning.

I don't know. I don't know!

Head up! Head up!

Don't gas out, Steve-O.

- Steve-O, you got it. - You got it!

Oh, God. It's so cold!

Bunny, help him.

The water's so fucking cold.

Save me motherfucker, fuck.

I need a towel.

I totally forgot I was a lifeguard.

Dude, it's so cold. That hurt so bad.

You got towels? Okay.

He's in shock right now, look at his face.

Yeah, dude.

I thought my hand was your hand.

Maybe I didn't explain it right.

Dude, you said it wasn't gonna feel like anything.

What hurt worse, the cold water or the hand?

It was the hand. That was harsh.

I was in the water like...

Oh, I'm dead.

That really worked.

How did you beat me?

I don't know, dude. I don't know, man.

I was coming off my pedals, it was not my strongest performance.

Yours was really bad.

I don't know what's worse, the wedgie or these

junkyard mattresses you gotta land on?

Look at that pee-stained one right there.

Ew, dude.

Who do you think's more afraid of being at that height?

Preston or Zach?

How are you with heights, Zach?

I already hate this.

I'm Wee Man, and this is the triple wedgie.

All right. Three, two, one. Jump!

Okay! Put me down!

Shit, put me down!

My nuts!

Well, that went well.

A little angel hanging in the air.

Hollywood has long put tremendous pressure on women

to look youthful and sexy.

And sometimes, the only way to do that is with a team

of medical professionals and venomous insects.

I'm Rachel, and this is scorpion botox.

This is actually my first time performing

this procedure. To be honest with you.

Oh, my God. That stinger is huge.

Pontius, I'm trusting you with my lips.

You can trust me, I'm a doctor.

You want to just put him on my mouth

and then fuck with him?

- Past her lip. - Ooh!

Unh-unh. Unh-unh.

Just relax and enjoy the procedure.

- Oh, he's on. - Oh, no.

- Oh, shit. - Oh, my...

Ow!

- Boob job! - I don't want it on my boobs!

I can't take him off your boob unless you give me permission.

Permission!

Consent!

I'm giving you consent!

- 21st Century, people. - Yeah.

All right, time to get stung in the face.

- Whoa. - This is intense.

- Good job. Good job. - He got it on my lip.

You're ready for the red carpet.

Oh, shit. He's angry.

- Oh, shit! - Whoa!

God dammit, doctor.

He definitely stung my chin.

Came for lips and left with a new chin.

Do you feel sexier?

I'm feeling sexier by the minute.

- Do you have one more in you? - Yeah, sure.

Let's make it count.

- He's coming. - You got it, Doc.

Oh, my God, that hurt so fucking bad.

- Oh, my God, that hurt so bad. - It's true, it got her good.

That hurt bad.

Oh, shit.

Her lips are really swollen now. That shit worked.

Oh, my lip is so fucked up, you guys.

I feel fucked up.

But she looks great.

- Whoa, a VCR. - Huh?

A VCR.

So that's a blast from the past, huh?

Bam!

Ah, that will work.

Dang.

Oh. Oh, my God.

Whoa! What?

- What the hell? - What the fuck!

What happened?

Holy crap, I fell on my face.

- Are you okay? - I'm okay, I just don't understand.

I don't understand why you were using the toilet.

How did you end up here? And you just took a shit...

- I didn't take anything. - That was insane.

What kind of person are you?

We have every available fan in Los Angeles on set today.

The two in the middle go 100 miles an hour.

I'm Jasper, and I'm about to take this gold chair to the fucking moon.

Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

We have a winner!

Holy shit.

Oh, fuck. I want to go again.

Now it's time for some hot-shit water-skiing. Brah!

We need a medic. Medic!

- Poops, you launched. - Shit!

- Fuck, dude. - Dude. Poopies! Poopies!

Poopies!

- Yeah. - Yeah, Poopies!

It worked!

Oh, shit!

Dude.

Quiet, please! Filming.

Milk, milk, lemonade, turn the corner and fudge is made.

Stick your finger in the hole. Now you've got a Tootsie...

Hey, quiet please, quiet please.

Everybody quiet. So he can sing "Milk, Milk, Lemonade."

Okay this is serious. Everybody shut up.

All right, let's get some smoke.

Behold, our twisted souls have come to the garden of death to dine with the devil.

It's time to sacrifice Wee Man's juicy ass to the raptor from hell.

- Oh. - Looking good.

- Assume the position. - Which way? This way?

Just have fun with it.

What do you have in there?

- Just me! - That's not just you.

Go ahead.

Is that? Wait, I'm not...

That's him!

When the beast awakens, the monster arises.

Touche.

All right, whoa, dude, whoa!

Stuff it in his butt and let's go.

Okay, there's enough meat there.

And a cherry on top.

Let the unholy sacrament begin.

- Oh, shit! - Oh, my God!

Ah, fuck!

Come.

Oh, okay!

- You got this. - Oh, no!

Oh, shit!

Feast on his cock.

All right! All right!

Stop, man. Stop, don't do that.

As the blood rushes to the mast, the beast awakens from his ancient slumber.

- He's bleeding. - Fuck. Come on.

The beast has drawn blood.

Jeff. Jeff, can I get out?

In a second. In a second.

- Jeff. - I would, but the bird's right here.

We're trying to get you untied but the bird's here.

Before he returns to hell, it's time for dessert.

Come on, let's go.

- Fuck! - Don't kick the bird, Wee Man.

I didn't kick the bird!

It was the bird.

- Okay, let me out. - Let him out.

Well, let's not let this meat go to waste.

- Dark Shark? - Shut up.

Hell, no, I ain't going near none of that. Hell, nah.

Look at that motherfucker.

Dark Shark, come on, just put it on your arm.

Hell, nah, are you crazy?

- Yeah, Dark Shark. - Come on!

- Dark Shark! - Yeah!

- Hold your arm straight. - Look at the camera.

Don't move. Don't move.

- Don't move. - Stand still.

Ow! He's biting my arm!

- No, he's not. - He's clasping your arm.

- Look at Rick! Look at Rick! - He's too heavy! Get him off me!

Hey. Feel that shit, man. That motherfucker was trying to hurt me, man.

I'm kind of embarrassed right now. Like...

I came out of his penis, man. That's how he acting?

Hood card taken away.

We have 15 gallons of pig semen.

Turns out, pigs produce the most semen of any animal.

Up to 17 ounces a load.

And the guys are going to think they are getting interviewed about the movie.

And while they're sitting there, something may happen.

There's crust on top of it.

Harvested gallons and gallons of this. Does it smell like pig semen?

Does it smell?

Why are you looking at me like that?

Oh, no!

It's semen all right.

Why am I the one to puke? I don't puke.

I just wanted you to smell it.

I wanted to surprise you.

It's been a while since I ate the horse semen but...

I think I prefer the pig.

Bacon's better than horse meat, right?

I'm Tyler. And this is the electric tap dance.

While these beautiful men dance away,

I'm going to give my guy Johnny Knoxville a look,

and he's going to put some pep in their step.

It's going to shock the shit out of them.

And if you're wondering if the curtains match the drapes,

let me tell you, I tore those drapes out a long time ago.

This is fucked.

Five, six, seven, eight.

That one hurt.

Shanna, what the fuck is this under the seat?

What is this?

What the fuck is that?

- What? - What is that?

What is that?

It's how they work, look. This...

In tune? It's a piano.

No, it's metal right here. I'm not fucking stupid.

All right, let's go. Quiet!

Five, six, seven, eight.

Step and step.

Fuck!

Oh, shit!

Oh! Oh!

I still feel it in my ass.

- Yeah, Tyler. - Those shits hit hard, man.

How about a hand for our dancers?

Our showgirl!

And our choreographer, Michael Rooney.

And Jeff Tremaine!

Jeff should sit on that.

Jeff, sit on that just once, bro.

Who got that remote? I fucking hate Jeff.

Wait, are you on it?

Holy shit!

All right, thanks man. We'll do this real fast.

So we're going to go from that to this. I just...

I got shocked so bad so many times.

Are we rolling, guys?

He's about to have five gallons of pig cum dumped on him.

Damn, that sounds like me in London.

Oh, my God.

But how did he fucking fall for this?

We don't question it.

My favorite Jackass stunt of all time with me in it

is the firehose rodeo.

To be honest, I drank late into the night,

woke up still drunk.

Oh, that's cum!

That's five gallons of pig cum.

- You just got cummed on, dude! - That's pig cum.

- Oh! - What is it?

Pig cum.

Pig cum.

- Pig cum. - That's pig cum?

That's pig cum. Five gallons.

Honestly, I think it tastes good.

I'm a vegetarian!

Watch the replay.

Watch, watch, watch.

Wait, wait, wait. Watch his mouth.

Stay on his mouth.

Ready? And...

Poof.

- It went in his mouth. - Right in his fucking mouth.

You look great.

I just said why can't I wear my cool hat?

Now I know why.

Oh, God!

Oh, my God, dude!

So today, Ehren's going to be wearing a shock collar.

And I'm going to administer a lie detector test.

And if he's not truthful, he's going to get stung.

Jesus, man!

You don't have to feel that again

as long as you tell the truth.

- Okay, but... - Come on.

All right.

What is your name?

Kenneth Ehren McGhehey.

Okay, next question, Ehren.

Are you really allergic to bees?

Yes.

Oh, boy, I think he told a porky.

Ow! I'm fucking allergic to bees, man. I got tested by doctors!

Stop it!

- What? - Just for a second.

Just let me figure some things out. Okay?

Okay.

I got to get out of this thing.

- This will keep you immune to the bees. - Oh, come on.

Are you fucking kidding me right now?

I am trapped.

And you are putting honey on me.

- And salmon? - Yeah.

What are you doing?

Ehren, please relax.

You're making this much worse

on yourself than it needs to be.

No, it's not much worse, it is that worse.

- No. - Please.

Now I'm stuck in a room.

Everyone's going to leave. Lights out.

The fucking honey is in my eye!

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God.

- I can't believe it. - No fucking way.

Look at his face!

Ehren, remain calm.

Talk to it, Ehren.

Try to calm it down.

Oh, no. He's going for the salmon.

- Oh, no. - Hi, bear.

Are you really allergic to bees, Ehren?

- Fuck! - You're telling a porky!

I didn't even get to answer.

- No, no. - Ooh!

Ehren, don't make any sudden movements.

Oh.

There's nothing more in there!

There's nothing more in there!

Mr. Bear, eat that dick.

I'm ready to come out of this. I...

Uh-oh.

Fuck, dude, he tried to bite my hand.

He's trying to bite my hand. He's trying to bite my hand.

He's trying to bite my hand.

I don't know what... Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Ow! Oh, my God, he's going for my dick.

- I gotta go in. - He's going for my dick, dude.

I wanna get outta here, man, like I'm serious.

Please.

Please!

Yeah, Ehren!

Yeah, get him out of it.

I feel for you, bro.

- I feel for you. - You're good, you're done.

You're done.

Is it... Is it actually over?

Yeah, buddy.

Oh, my God.

All right. I think this is a perfect amount of "in it".

All right, let me...

Who's got it?

- I thought I had it. - I got it.

All right. This is gnarly.

This is a trip.

While you guys are tightening, I'm going to have to hold the tip of it

just to keep it steady, huh?

Ooh, it's starting to take a firm grip.

Look at it!

This is some medieval shit.

- This is all the way clear. - No thanks, bro.

- Watch it, man. - It's tight, man.

Oooh.

That don't hurt?

That's the weird part,

it doesn't really hurt.

Oh, my God.

Don't look now, but it's flat as a pancake.

A lot of people ask, "What will Jackass be like once we're older?"

Well, it'll get more mature.

Me and the homie be Googling weird shit,

but like this would never pop in their head.

This is brand new.

Yeah, you're for sure never gonna be president.

You never know. I'd vote for him.

Yeah!

The ball flap.

Wow!

Yes! Oh, my God!

Wow!

Now we know what that's all about.

So, here we are back at the bullring.

Even at a time when I wanted to die, I wouldn't get in the bullring.

You know, when life was its least valuable

I would have no part in this bullshit.

And it's my least favorite thing.

The movie's going so well.

Why the fuck are we doing this?

God, dude!

- I don't think he's very happy. - No.

- Have you been around bulls before? - No.

I've never been around a bull

in my whole entire life.

Not a real one.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Hello, I am Johnny the Magnificent.

Today, I am going to wow you with my supreme skills of prestidigitation.

Oh, fuck! Oh, God! Oh, shit!

Woo-hoo-hoo!

Oh, no! Oh, shit!

Oh, no.

Jesus.

There we go.

He's okay.

Hey, J, talk to me. You okay?

You all right?

You doing okay? Johnny?

He's gettin' back, he's coming to.

He's coming back, yeah.

You all right?

That was a violent brawl.

One-sided to be sure.

Gnarly.

So we good, Jeff?

You got exactly what you wanted.

- Yeah, Knox. - Yeah, Knox.

Oh, fuck.

So what happened after it hit me?

Dude, it's gnarly.

This is you, this is the bull.

He didn't mess around, dude.

He turned around and just nailed him.

- That was insane. - Yeah, Knox!

It's probably the biggest hit you've ever taken.

And that's why he is the captain.

That bull didn't like fucking magic.

Yeah, Knox, we love you!

Love you!

Captain!

Hello, Lance.

- Hello there. - How are you?

Good. What's new?

Ah, I got a broken wrist, broken rib, concussion.

But I was supposed to pour the milk in the hat,

and then put the hat back on, and no milk come out.

Did milk come out?

There was some milk on the...

Oh, shit!

These guys are gonna get on that centrifuge back there,

drink as much milk as they can.

We're gonna see what happens.

This is the vomitron.

- Woo! - Yeah!

Taste the rainbow.

- Taste the rainbow. - Come on, guys.

If this is a race to see who vomits first,

I think I might have it.

Zach, aim your head down when you throw up.

It's comin' right at me.

Oh, God.

I can barely taste the pig cum in this.

Right?

All right, chug, chug.

Oh, shit.

Here we go! Fuck me!

Just look at me, Eric.

- Pound that milk! - Yeah, chug it!

Oh.

- Fuck it. - Is he already puking?

Jasper!

- Drink your fucking milk! - I'm trying! I'm fuckin' trying!

Let's pick up the speed! Pick up the speed!

Whoo! It's pickin' up!

Ah! Ahh!

What the fuck did you eat?

What did he eat?

Go, go, go!

Oh, shit!

What's happening now?

There's an army truck.

Holy shit.

Oh, shit, Imma pass out!

I'm passing out!

Zach's passing out?

I'm passing out.

I can't drink the milk. I'm going too fast.

Red Robin Three. This is Big Hank Two.

I want the perimeter bombed, God damn it!

Bomb them into the stone age, son!

Stop!

Stop! Stop!

What the fuck? What the fuck?

What the fuck?

Oh, no!

It's a paintball time!

Fire!

Stop! Stop!

No more! Oh!

I got shot in the fuckin' mouth.

Ah! Dave! Dave!

Get on the stretcher!

Get on the stretcher.

Don't get me! Ah! Fuck!

Someday this war is gonna end.

I don't know how to get out.

Help me, Eric! Help me!

I love the smell of paintballs in the morning!

Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow! Oh!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Fuck, Jeff!

Look at Dave's face!

Look at...

- Oh, my God! - Fuck off! Fuck all the way off!

Dude, what the fuck?

- I'm sorry, bro. - That fuckin' hurt!

Get out there, get out there.

Poopies... Poopies is hurt.

- Are we done? - Let me see.

- Oh, my God. - Oh my God, damn!

My dick really hurts, man.

He got shot in the dick.

That was fucked!

Oh, God. Look at that.

It's gotta be over, dude.

I can't get any more hurt.

I think we're all the way finished, we're through.

Stick a fork in it.

We're done.

Oooh, is that your tooth, dude?

Wow!

That's a wrap on the movie.

Oh!

Huh?

Oh, my God!

Oh, shit!

- Watch him get hit in the nuts! - Oh, no!

Oh, fuck!

Did anyone even film that?

He was.

Oh, shit!

This is the cup that we used for P.K. to hit me in the dick.

And apparently it worked.

But there's a big giant dent in it.

Are you kidding me?

Flamingo.

Flamingo, pelican, eh!

Give that a whirl, yeah.

Probably, like, her least concern.

That's awesome.

I didn't even know he could go that fast.

Oh, my God!

I got shot with the elephant gun yesterday.

Yeah, Parks!

Good job, dude! You launched!

That was crazy.

Oh, fuck, yeah, you the main one talkin' shit. Motherfucker, do it!

That's a hot mama.

Who's this?

He's my offspring.

For real, like, I've been watching Jackass

- since I was like 12 years old, 10 years old. - Right.

But it's definitely a big impact on life and guess what? We're here.

We're here, baby!

Poopies doesn't have the biggest penis in the world,

not the second biggest either.

I think I have the smallest one out of the whole group.

That was what... That was what I was most nervous about is showing it on...

to the whole world.

- Yeah. - But that's what we're here for.

My name's Irving Zissman, and I'm a prick.

And that's the truth.

I kind of feel like praying right now.

Boom, boom. boom, boom.

Was that a prank?

Y'all ain't right, man.

That was beautiful.

I love you guys, man, for that.

Did they put that goofy-ass beard on in makeup?

You a hater. I knew he was gonna come over

and say some fuck shit about my nice-ass beard.

Yeah, 'cause that's...

Oh, my God!

Holy fuck.

Oh, my God, dude.

Come on, Zach!

Oh, God!

Oh, my, you missed the bucket.

I'm in the weirdest position.

All right, let's get that camera ready with the 16 mil,

right down Main Street.

- Hey, Rick. - Hey!

I was trying to look stoked.

There it is!

First time you got cummed on?

Yeah. For sure.

Or the second.

- I am, I have no... - Okay, listen.

Did we get it?

- You just gotta take it. - You just gotta go.

- Take it like a man. - You just gotta take it.

Cut! Cut!

That's good.

Three, two, one!

- Ow, ow, ow! - Ow, my hand's burned.

Ow, my hand's burning!

Hey, Dave.

- Dave, you good, bro? - Yeah.

I'm all right, I'll be all right.

I'm just going... I am burned.

Oh, God!

Fuck!

How's his head?

Can't have nothin' nice, can I?

Will you make him an actual coffee, Stephanie, thank you.

- Oh, dude. - Here, I made you another one.

Awesome.

That's actually not the milkshake.

All right!

Dude wanted to be just like me.

What? Dude, that's sick.

Trailer moment. Don't move.

We ready?

Huh?

He's ready.

So we're all ready to do this?

We're ready.

Everyone rolling?

Oh, no! Oh, no!

Oh, my God!

- Wow! - That is legit right there.

Let me get in on that one.

I'm running around in a G-string for a living.

You are making a living at that right now.

Yeah.

It looked good on you.

I summon Sarcophilus Satanicus

to come and eat the flesh of the wallaby.

I can totally see through Steve-O's.

This is so gross, man.

Can we get one with the finger in your mouth?

I'm gonna shit my pants before we get to that fuckin' place.

I'm Dave England and I got to take a shit.

I hope you're gonna get that son of a bitch.

I took a huge coil in there and it stunk so bad.

Weren't you on 90210 not too long ago...

Hey, come here. Jump...

Get it off! Get it off!

Hold the collar up so I can see it.

Did I get you?

We're going to convince Kosick that this is a piece of audio equipment.

Unbeknownst to him, he's gonna be shocked.

Yeah, it's a microphone.

I don't hear nothing.

Stop it now. Stop it.

Hey, let's eat.

Who wants some?

Face your fears.

He put his hands down! What a pussy. Don't look.

Dude, just kick back. It's not like we really care.

Dude, dude!

Ow, ow! Dude!

Dude! Chill!

Chill, dude!

It's for the movie, dude.

He kicked your ass, dude.

How's Raab not in this?

I'm the smart one. I already know what's going to happen.

Hey, I'm Raab Himself and this is Bungy-Wedgie.

Watch out.

Stop it!

Oh! You got my nuts!

Oh, man, I'm stuck.

And cut.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull