Original subtitles

Hello. gangsters like their work. I mean if you're living consists of breaking bones or blowing up rival Mob members, you better enjoy what you do. Mob leaders realize this.

That's why they hand select the best thugs available. They get trained personnel officers to work with psychologists and get the best guys out of the organized crime University shoot you.

Of course the entrance exam is Whoa, well here's a sample question from the entrance exam. Which of the following do not belong? A gun? Be a gun? See a gun d a bagel?

I want to give him choices again, please. That's gun gun gun or bagel? That's a trick question that bagel might be loaded.

Cream cheese is a silencer I know it always remember this stuff you can mob spelled backwards is bomb. Thank you very much. I'm Phillip Phillips. Enjoy the show

he's gonna be appearing along with a Saturday night showcase to make sure you're there for that. 15 minutes

you know what, Kid You're not funny. You know what's worse? The big man don't find the funny you know what's funny, was fun. fat jokes are funny.

You're sensitive fat jokes.

Well, that's too bad. Because you don't think Mom jokes no more nada.

So that's your story. What you want us to do

is a showcase of the club on Saturday. Whoever wins gets a spot on the Jerry Gilmore show.

Jerry Gilmore. You're kidding. Hey, I watch a show all the time.

I know I can win if I get the chance. And that's the kind of break everyone dreams. Oh, just changing material brother. I can't do that. Mr. Turner. You understand? It's my material. My act is what I made my name on

on this day. But it seems to me you mess with the bull. You get the horns.

You understand? Why won't press charges?

Yes. The TS does have a point. Have you ever tried other material? I mean, how about family jokes?

To family jokes. I don't do fat jokes and do any other kind of jokes. Right now. I do mob jokes. But thank you both for your time.

Hey, wait a minute. We didn't say we weren't going to help.

We do yes

might not agree with you. But I think you should be able to tell whatever sort of jokes you want.

So you're gonna help me? Of course, we will. Good news.

I'm reading a book right now called How to overcome your fear of offering cashews to a co worker named Vera. But you know, I find no matter how many of these books I read women are want the same thing somebody else

yeah

yeah

okay

yeah you should stop now all right to fairly funny my boy

they're very big Bob Big Bob Terry Nice to meet you caught your show not in brawling steal from you.

Oh yeah Tom you wish you had it so bad

Phil Come on I want to talk about some more you can wait till a little later

the girlfriend can wait Okay,

excuse me but I'm not his girlfriend I'm his lawyer

what is this a joke? Look at me tonight on Wednesdays okay come on. I haven't got old date

you work on it

all thanks Morty. So I guess you're in good shape Phillips contract. Get this know how lucky he is. What he represents everyone who is anyone in this town? At this

stage in your career, you need a little help. When you need somebody to look out for you so you can concentrate on doing what you do best.

Which is be a partner just think about okay, take your time there's no hurry at all but think about that Phil told me you really aren't a lawyer.

Sorry about that. Well, I gotta get back to work. Here. Have a seat. Enjoying the show drinks are on

what a jerk What's wrong we got to beat you up. I'm not staying for an encore. I'm going to try anything in a roomful of people I can't

take a chance you want to stay fine. I'm out of here hey, this isn't necessary I

will decide what's necessary not you and we have decided that it's necessary that you don't show up you know

I'm a comedian. That's the best club in town you brought this on yourself kid maybe we should make him understand a series you ready can go cold turkey tell you what happened last night? No. mob guys again come again.

Well if Terry didn't tell you I'm not gonna say anything. Okay, they went after the kid again, but they didn't expect Terry to be around.

Anybody get hurt. Don't wait. No match for Terry she told me why don't you tell me Terry said not to bother. Next time while the digger

says the rice has look I might be drunk right now but tomorrow I'm going to be sober you're still going to be howling at the moon you will be coyote dog so what I'm telling you is I want you to be nice to these kids tonight.

Okay, because a lot of them don't have too much experience know what I'm saying?

So what's your excuse? Pal?

My excuse I don't need an excuse. What about you? What about that shirt you're wearing at your protest against good taste shirt or what your I don't want to get lucky tonight shirt What are you doing?

Least I got a choice a cue ball to

bed Your mother didn't go

my mother's dead Okay,

and what happened the vet put it asleep or what are the back of our kick get a personality? Relax okay, it's a joke that's all you're nothing

but a lousy washed up has no you haven't even been your hasn't been pal. Got it? Hasn't been

please turn to lead brother. Who's gonna make me I guess it's me Okay, hasn't been

stopped before man I was just getting into it.

We even now I'll tell you what, I'll let you know

Okay, first of all, I'm not complaining. I mean I'm sure there are people who aren't more boring and more miserable than I am. They all have excuses and been dead for a number of years.

Hey fella, Monty Shaw. I own this show I just want to say

thanks ain't no problem you guys like that all the time? I all

the business was wack. It was seriously though you got me out of a tight spot there right okay, come on. Let me Let me buy you a drink.

I don't drink give me a job. What? No, I like to consider myself more like a doorman.

Okay, I like it. I like it. Okay, okay, you

got a job to Turner. T s Turner.

Okay turn so why don't you start right now and we can talk about the pay later and all the laughs for free

Well, we got a great treat for you ladies and gentlemen the one of the hottest young comics around anyway. Put your hands together and give a warm hello to Mr. Phillip Phillips.

Thanks a lot thank you to the bus today. Check it out the ladies outside the window balancing packages it's time for shopping. I don't know how they do it.

Guys, guys, guys, come on and have a seat. Sit down. Nice to see you really really grab a seat.

They said no, a lot of people asked me how I can do jokes about organized crime. It's because I got two good buddies in the business. I've known them since we were kids.

And to me that represents the two basic types of personalities in the field.

One of them was a bully disliked by everyone probably his own family his own mother even he was so cruel so inhuman so stupid.

Like to take every opportunity to pick on another kid. Is that racist he's like calling for is the other one ironically enough was was his victim that pathetic little weasel who's kowtow every authority figure and built up the resentment inside and waited waited for the did he be able to bully someone? He's type a little more borderline in terms of the mob potentially. Some go on to become mob thugs and others. Others are Asher's on theatres using the megaphones as a weapon. What I'm saying is there's always going to be gangsters. As long as there's competent, moronic is my two pals well, maybe society will have a chance Thank you and good night What took you so long? You had quite a future you're gonna say goodbye, comedy. Say goodbye to Hollywood. Hey, the

problem with the kid were you just doesn't concern you

may not concern us but it might concern the man we worked

for. Yeah, who was that?

Johnny? Vincent? You ever heard it? I heard of him. Good because me and my associate here we're discussing business this young man at the Express wish Mr. Prince Okay, fine.

We can discuss business with this comedian at a later date. Come much

okay, okay. Gone. Told you take care you didn't I see already started. I just hired this guy tonight. How about that? work tonight?

Look, kid. It's time you gotta have a little talker I know you got problems with these guys. Right? But this things get out of hand.

How did you find out about all this morning?

Well as my club. Anything that happens around here has a way of coming back to me. Look, kid, you got to see it my way.

I mean, I don't operate without these guys. See? It's okay. We just that's just the way it is. That's the business.

So now you're gonna tell me to want me right here anymore. All right.

You know what? You got it all wrong. What are you saying? You're the hottest kid that come around in yours?

No, all I'm saying is I think somebody ought to try to talk to these guys. Before these guys don't listen. Maybe not. But look, I'm not promising anything.

Okay, but I'll try and get him to see Mr. Vincent tomorrow. Okay, why not? Hey, well, thank you Morty. Sure. So what he said he couldn't wait for tonight. Relax. I got good news.

It's a contract. No more

Boy, that is a peace offering. What do you mean? Mr. Vincent said you could do your routine so long as he got a piece of it.

Oh, he's got to be joking. You can't sign this. You'll be signing your life away. This is an ironclad contract Philip. It means giving up all rights to recordings, characters and any film work you might do.

I don't have a choice. I have to sign it. Phillip

as your lawyer I strongly recommend you don't. And what's going on here? This is Marty's name on the contract

already said Vince wanted to make it cool in our channel the money through him. He also said he'd be taking a percentage for arranging all this.

You can't sign this Philip.

You ever hear the one about the singer with a promising career? As a manager mob guy on the piece of thin decided he can manage himself? Die was nice looking talented young. Now he's a garbage man. face full of scars.

That's not funny.

You better believe it's not as true as my uncle I don't know whatever made me think I could take these guys on. You're saying you're gonna give in. I can't stop it, can you all right.

Take a break fellas. Step aside step aside, brother,

sir. Okay, let the man through Mr. Turn. You were looking for me?

Yes, sir. Mr. Visit,

you need to talk. What can I do for you, Mr. Turner?

There's a local comedian. kid by the name of Philip. Twothirds been wrapping them up? They say you sent them.

What you're talking about?

Kid make mob jokes.

Someone's made a mistake. I don't know anything about any mob.

You know nothing about it. Huh?

Someone gave you the wrong name. Why should I believe because pushing around somebody I don't know. Could be bad for business. And I don't do anything special business.

Understand this person. Thank you for stopping by.

Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for our next show. Okay, Philip, we've been Get it together, man. You're up next. What's wrong with the contract? You did sign it? Didn't you? Buy those guys out there? Are you crazy? Where is it?

Come on. Where is it? Looking. You don't got no choice. You can't cross these guys and walk away. The reason they're out there is because Johnny Vincent told him to be

a command. Be smarter.

Sign the contract.

Don't do it, Philip. It's all a scam. But he

just places off limits to the public. My guess

is that someone arranged this. Someone who could stand to benefit from it.

You had one too many drinks lady.

You manage all the up and coming comedians. You couldn't let someone with Philips talent get away. Could

you just praise? You're crazy enough to work here.

You had to do something drastic to convince Philip didn't

you? This is my club. It's time you left lady.

Philip. Did you tell more about your uncle? Don't you see you gave them the perfect leverage. All you had to do was hire two thugs your imagination did the rest. Morning.

You got 30 seconds to sign this contract, kid. You ain't ever want to work in this town again. Wake up, kid. This is my club. That's my showcase. You either do it my way or you don't do it at all.

Well, if it isn't Mr. Vincent, man

forget it. Keep your Showcase. I must sign any contract.

Chief. That's too bad. That's the way you want to take care of it. Make sure nobody sees you leave

right is crap

I suggest you and your friend your leave before the police arrive wait you guys can do what morning we're here to wrap up comic What are you

paid you guys save it Marty

you never did us no favors. And you know my last

you have to get your finished CFI you go No Please just take it easy Can you work for me? Don't you want to contract with a contract? On the phone call alright. It was just a big joke. No joke

so next time she says ladies and gentlemen, the jury, my clients innocent. The bailiff says, Well, how innocent dizzy. Pretty funny.

I mean, spend a little time with a lawyer. They're they're fairly boring people. You'll agree with me on this.

I think well, you'll learn to appreciate the more exciting things in life like refilling your windshield fluid wasn't boring.

The guy she had working with her this this private detective nice NFL, I'm sure drawing two incomes obviously because I mean, I'm paying him.

The club owner is paying him. So why is he driving around this beat up car that makes Jake clamp is jalopy. Look prestegious. I don't know is he must be trained to be a dad.

That must be a training to be a dad. I think we all concur dads are the cheapest guys in the world.

Cheap practice. I mean, I mean, they have the same line, the defensive line. I'm not cheap. I'm practical.

I mean, I'm saving this so so you don't have the same kind of childhood. I did. That. I'm having the same kind of childhood you did? Because you're hoarding all the dough.

I mean, please, you don't want to buy a new car fine. We at least leave me a little gas. Thank you all very much.