All language subtitles for A New Leaf (1971) Walter Matthau, Elaine May & Jack Weston (BR).ENGA

Would you like to step out
and have a cigarette, Mr Graham?

No, thank you.

We'll call you as soon as we know.

No.

I understand.

She'll be alright now, Mr Graham.

Thank you.

Did you ever have any trouble
with it before, Mr Graham?

Well, I have to take it in
2 or 3 times a week.

Which is somewhat inconvenient,
but the car is well worth it.

2 or 3 times a week?
How often do you drive it?

2 or 3 times a week.

I have to take it in every time I drive it.

And then it usually needs
a tune-up every few weeks.

So I actually don't get
to drive it very much.

Oh, you have a real
problem then, Mr Graham.

Yes. My own mechanic
has not been very helpful.

Is there anything you can recommend?

Well ... you don't live
out here on the island, so ...

I can't check it regularly enough
to get a real picture.

All I can advise is never drive her under
3,000 rpm in a forward gear. Ever.

And there's a lot of carbon on the valves.

Yes, there always is. So thank you
very much for the recommendation.

Usually needs a tune-up every few weeks.

I wonder what he does to her that bad.

Oh, Mr Graham. Your attorney, Mr Beckett,
has been trying to reach you.

He's been calling the
superintendent's office all week.

Well, if he calls again tell him
I no longer live with the superintendent.

Have this car taken to my garage.

- Broke down again, didn't it?
- I don't care to discuss it.

... and he told me there
was carbon on the valves ...

which was no news to me 'cause
there's always carbon on the valves.

My own mechanic picked up
the car yesterday ...

and returned this afternoon with the news
that there was carbon on the valves.

I asked him why the car
broke down so frequently ...

and he said it was probably because
carbon got on the valves.

Ha ha, I told you a Ferrari
was useless in the city.

Buy a Bentley and stop carrying on.

How dare you?

Mr Graham!

- Henry! Henry!
- What a day. That's a perfectly insane ...

- Oh, Mr Graham!
- Who is it? What is it?

- A Mr Beckett on the phone!
- Beckett?

Says he's your attorney!
Has an urgent message. Says he'll wait.

Tell him I'm out.

I don't have much chance to
take her out and open her up.

Half the time is spent taking off and
the other half is spent on landing.

And she needs a lot of upkeep.

Every time I bring her out
she has to have repairs.

What seems to be the trouble?

My mechanic says it's carbon on the valves.

Zero One Foxtrot.
This is Long Island tower.

We're holding an emergency telephone call
for Mr Henry Graham...

from his attorney, Mr Beckett.
Over.

Roger. Zero One Foxtrot...

I'll just get out here, thank you.
I'm not taking that call.

Oh, Jerry!
Mr Von Rensaeller?

Has Mr Graham come in yet?

Yes. He's in the lounge with Mr Beaumont.

Have I told you that my apple trees
have crown gall?

Frequently.

Well, then you can relax.
They don't anymore.

I sprayed and the crown gall is gone.

Hello, Dan. I was just telling Henry
that my apple trees had crown gall.

But I sprayed and the crown gall is gone.

Really? Oh, you must be very relieved.

Yes. Yes, I am.

Could I have a word with you, Henry?

We've had several calls from your bank ...

saying there have been insufficient funds.

Ah, those idiots.

I was prevailed upon as honorary secretary
to bring it to your attention ...

so you can stir it up at the bank.

Been going on for weeks.

I wonder if Beckett would go this far
to get me to call back?

Now, listen to me very carefully, please.
You see, when you have capital ...

you are able to derive ... No.

I will attend to the check
in a moment, Mr Graham.

I understand about the check.
I'm trying to explain something to you ...

that is terribly important.

When we spend more,
per month or per year ...

than we have in income,
you must then dip into the capital ...

eventually exhausting the capital
and of course, therefore, the income.

Do you see what I mean?

Mr Beckett. This check must be paid.

- Mr Graham ...
- And at once.

I'm trying to explain to you that
it is impossible to pay the check ...

because your expenses
have exceeded your income ...

to such a point that you have
exhausted your capital.

Now you have no capital, no income ...

therefore no funds for the check, you see?

Don't treat me as though
I were a child, Mr Beckett.

I am as aware of what it means
to have no capital as you are.

- Oh, good.
- Now, what about this check?

Well, are you entirely sure
that you really do understand ...

what I mean by ... capital, Mr Graham?

You see, you've exhausted the capital.
I can't cover the check ...

because the check is for $6,000
and you don't have $6,000.

In other words, you don't have $60.

Come to the point, Beckett.

The point, Mr Graham, is that
you don't have any money.

The capital and the income are exhausted
and you no longer have any money.

I wish there was some
other way I could say it.

What could I ...?
How could I put it? That money ...

You have no capital, you have no income ...
you have ... no, it's only money.

You have no money. There's no other
way to put it.

You mean I have no money?

Yes, that's what I mean.
You have no money.

And what of my stocks, my AT&T,
my General Motors?

Y-yes, I know ...

My Emeralda Peat?

Yes, yes, I know about Emeralda Peat.
Let me show you something.

Mr Graham, you see,
it was necessary for me to sell ...

several shares per year in order
to cover the checks that you ...

- Who gave you the right to do that ?
- You did, sir.

- I did not!
- Yes, you did.

See, 15 years ago, when you told me
that you wished to live on $200,000 ...

despite the fact that the income
on your trust fund was only $90,000 ...

That is beside the point.
This check must be paid.

Do you realize that this check has
bounced, Mr Beckett? I mean, bounced!

- As though I were some indigent ...
- Yes, I know the check has bounced.

It is not the first check that
you've had bounced, Mr Graham.

I personally have covered three overdrafts
of yours to the extent ...

- I'd like to show you
this check - of $550.

This is of my own money, not the
firm's money, but that is not ...

a policy that I wish
to continue in the future.

Who gave you the right to do that?

Well, you did, Mr Graham.

You mean to say that I'm now in
the position of owing you $550?

No, no, no, don't, don't, please,
don't think of it as a loan, Mr Graham.

I have no more hope of receiving it than
you'll ever have of scraping it up.

Oh, thank you very much, Mr Beckett.

May I say that if you expected even
the smallest amount of gratitude ...

you have wasted $550
of the excessive fee I pay you ...

for the tiny services you render.

Mr Graham.
I would like to explain something to you.

I have given you $550 of my own money
for only one reason ...

Disliking you as intensely as I do,
I wanted to be absolutely certain ...

that when I looked back
upon your financial downfall ...

I could absolve myself completely
of any responsibility for it.

And $550 is a relatively
small price to pay ...

for the knowledge that I've
had nothing to do whatsoever ...

with your financial downfall.

You have brought yourself
to penury entirely on your own.

I don't suppose you care
to give me an additional $6,000 ...

and insure yourself against
guilt permanently?

- You're perfect.
- Thank you very much, Mr Beckett.

Do you think my uncle would
lend me some money?

Mr Graham, during the 10 years that
your uncle served as your guardian ...

he confided in me almost daily ...

that he thought your father had placed him
in that position as an act of spite.

I don't think he'll give you a nickel,
Mr Graham.

And considering your gift for
close personal relationships ...

I don't think anyone else will, either.

Thank you very much, Mr Beckett.

Here you are. This will cover the
overdraft of $550 that I owe you.

You will have these, too.

They're non-filter.
Smoke them in good health.

I'm poor.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Oh, Mr Graham, how are you?
Nice to see you.

- What can I do for you, Mr Graham?
- Oh nothing, nothing ... I ...

- Won't you sit down a little bit?
- Thank you. I was looking ... for someone.

- Good afternoon, Mr Graham.
- Henri, �a va bien?

I'm fine, thank you. I'm kind of surprised.
We're gonna be ready any minute.

Would you like to have a table for one?

No, no, thank you. I just wanted to ...
look at the room once more.

But it's always great to see you.
You're always welcome here. You know that.

- Just check.
- I'm sorry, Mr Sullivan.

I know nothing more
about your application.

That's alright. I'll come back
tomorrow and check.

- Oh, Mr Graham. Good afternoon, Mr Graham.
- Hello, Arthur.

Were you expecting some mail?

No, no. I just ... dropped in to, er
... see if I was still welcome.

I'm poor.

Go!

- Harold , I should like to ask you something.
- Certainly, sir.

You've been with me
for many years now, Harold.

What would you do if I told you
I had lost all my money?

I should leave immediately, sir,
upon giving the proper notice.

Thank you, Harold. I knew I could
count on a straight answer from you.

Thank you, sir.

You can't top Hart, Schaffner and Marx.

Just stand natural.
It fits perfectly.

It's the best suit you can find in
ready-to-wear.

I'm sorry, Mr Graham.

The racket club does not keep those members
on a trust that worry missing their dues.

Don't waste your time, Mr Graham,
come with me to the Y.

Henry, you're not ... you're not
driving a Chevrolet!?

Oh, no!

I took the liberty, sir.

Oh yes, yes, Harold, bring it in.
I was just about to ring for it.

- Harold, I have something to tell you.
- Is it about your money, sir?

Yes, Harold. I've lost it.

Or, more accurately, spent it.
In any case, it's gone.

I'm sorry to hear that, sir.

Have you considered borrowing
from your uncle?

Yes, it was my first thought.

My attorney advised me against it on
the grounds that it would be useless.

See, the thing of it is, Harold ...

that I have no hope of ever
repaying him, or anyone.

I have no skills,
no resources, no ambitions.

All I am, or was, is rich.

And that's all I ever wanted to be.

I don't understand, Harold.
Why did it happen to me? Why?

I was ... I was so happy.
What will I do?

What any gentleman of similar breeding ...

and temperament would do
in your position, sir.

Suicide?

No, sir. I wasn't going to suggest suicide.
I was going to suggest marriage.

Marriage? You mean to a woman?

Yes, sir. That is what I had in mind.

It's the only way to acquire
property without labor.

There is inheritance, but
I believe your uncle ...

has already stated his intention of leaving
everything he owns to Radio Free Europe.

Oh, I can't, Harold. I couldn't ...
I mean, she'd be there ...

asking me where I've been ...

talking to me ... talking.
I wouldn't be able to bear it.

Well, it was only a suggestion, sir.
But the alternatives ...

are very limited and
unspeakably depressing, sir.

If you do not commit suicide,
sir, you will be poor.

Poor?

Poor in the only real
sense of the word, sir ...

in that you will not be rich.

You will have a little left
if you sold everything but ...

in a country where
every man is what he has ...

he who has very little is nobody very much.

There's no such thing as
genteel poverty here, sir.

How much time do you think I have
before it comes out, Harold?

Hardly any, sir.

You've already received
your third notice ...

from both Con Edison and the
Bell Telephone Company, sir.

At any moment the lights may go out and
the telephone go dead.

And when that happens,
the worst will occur, sir...

your credit rating will be impudent.

My Emeralda Peat.
Thank you.

Oh, do it, sir. Do it, get married, sir.

Take the plunge.
Find a nice suitable young woman, sir.

Borrow enough money from your uncle
to keep up appearances.

Don't become poor, Henry Graham, sir.
Not just for your sake but ...

this is difficult for me to say, sir,
but for mine as well ...

I mean, how many men these days require
the services of a gentleman's gentleman?

How many men have
your devotion to form, sir?

You have managed in
your own lifetime, Mr Graham ...

to keep alive traditions that were dead
before you were born.

Don't give up the fight, sir ...

just because the Philistines are upon thee.

I now respectfully give
two weeks' notice, sir.

Will that be all?

- Yes.
- Thank you, sir.

No, no. Can't. Can't.
Better death or murder.

That's a good idea. Harold!

Harold, that was a good idea.
I'm going to do it, Harold.

I'm going to find a suitable woman
and mur-, er, marry her.

Oh, I'm so glad, sir.

- Shall I dial your uncle for you?
- Yes, please, Harold.

I hope I don't have to grovel too much.

Can I take it your answer is no?

Yes. It's no. You've been an ass, Henry.

Just as your father was an ass, but you
mustn't take that to mean it runs in the family.

Lend you $50,000.
Oh God, what a witty thing to say!

Don't think of it as a loan
but as an investment ...

to be repaid in six weeks
with interest of 10%.

No.

Why not? It's a better return
than you get on any stock.

But you are not a stock, Henry.

You are an aging youth, with no prospect ...

no skills, no character.

What could you possibly do in six weeks ...

that would enable you to repay me?

Get married.

Get what?

Get married.

Get married?

Yes. Get married.

To whom?

Well, I ... I would find a suitable woman.

By "suitable" you mean rich?

Yes, as far as marriage is concerned ...

You see, as far as marriage is ...

As far as marriage is concerned,
I do have prospects.

I even have skills, to the extent that
I'm not physically disabled.

No.

I'm reasonably well-mannered.

And I can engage in
any romantic activity ...

with an urbanity born of disinterest.

As for character ...

that is something I usually
require of servants ...

- We are talking about character.
- Yes, character.

That is something I usually
require of servants ...

in the form of a brief letter
written by someone like myself ...

to the effect that
the servant in question ...

does not have the ingenuity to steal.

Well, you can't ask for better
credentials for marriage ...

or a better return on your investment.

What is my collateral
in the event that you fail?

Collateral?

My wardrobe and furnishings.

Oh my God, what would I ...?
Yes, go on.

My collection of first editions.

- My paintings and sculptures.
- Oh, well.

- And my ...
- What?

- No.
- No, what?

Well ... that's it.

No, no. You said no. You said no.
What? No, what?

Alright. My Ferrari 275 GTB 4 ...

which retails at $15,900
and is owned outright by me.

That's at least $500,000
worth of collateral.

I'm asking for a $50,000 loan.

- Six weeks?
- Six weeks.

Well, I may be a sentimental old fool ...

but in memory of our long, long years
that I spent as your guardian ...

I'll do it.

Thank you, uncle.

- On one condition.
- What's that?

Should you fail to repay
me in six weeks ...

I am entitled to ten times
the amount I'll lend you.

Ten times the amount?
That's ten times 50,000.

Yes, that's right.

That's ... it's everything ... I ... own.

Of course you could always go to
a bank and ask for a personal loan.

A bank?

Oh God, if I could be a fly
on the wall that day.

Those are my terms. Take them
or leave them as you choose.

- But that's usury.
- Mh-hm.

- I'll take it.
- Good.

I'll have my attorney
draw up the documents tonight.

We should be finished by tonight,
don't you think?

Yes. Thank you, uncle.

Call me Uncle Harry...

After all, we're in business
together now, Henry.

Thank you, Uncle Harry.

In that case, you may call me Mr Graham.

You know, Henry, I have never thought
of you as terribly interested in women.

It comes as rather a shock to me, too.

- Are there any here?
- Huh?

I mean ... unattached ones?

Yes, yes, there's Sharon Hart,
over there next to Felix.

Does she live with her family?

No, no, as far as I know,
Sharon has no close family.

Her husband, Robert Hart,
was a cattle baron, I think.

Really?

Oh, Sharon, I'd like you
to meet Henry Graham.

I eat, I sleep, I swim, I dry off.

All so simple, perhaps even primitive.
And it satisfies me.

I have found peace in Connecticut.

I mean, after all, what else is there?

I love, I wish love, I am human,
I am a woman, Henry!

A what?

A woman, Henry.

I want ... I need ... I desire love.

That is what a woman is born for.

Damn mosquitoes!

No mother? You have no mother? No father?
No ... no children? No one at all?

No one at all.

Oh, Henry ...

How I long to hear another voice.

A man's arms ...

Oh, I am alive.

I want to give ...

love.

Darling!

No! Don't let them out!

3 weeks, 2 days and 3 hours to go, sir.

- Please don't scratch, sir.
- Oh, God help me!

My aunt got very interested
in the Heart Fund.

She had an attack a little while ago.

Your aunt ...
Does she live in New York?

Yes, as a matter of fact she does.

- What sort of an attack did she have?
- A heart attack, you see ...

- Oh, do you have any other relatives?
- Oh no, no, none at all.

- No mother?
- No, no, no mother. And ...

- No father?
- No, no. No, no father.

We were wondering if you would
like to put your name ...

on one of our letterheads
as one of our sponsors ...?

- Well, you wouldn't have to do anything.
- No, thank you.

Oh. Well, would you ...?

Henry!
What the hell are you doing here?

I thought you hated dancing and
didn't believe in private charity.

You were correct.

One week, 5 days and 10 hours, sir.

I'll never do it, Harold. Never.

Not only do I still have to meet her,
but I have to court her ...

marry her and get $50.000 from her ...

before the honeymoon.
I'll never do it ...

unless I elope tomorrow.

You will do it, sir.

When we are working for something we
really love, as you are, sir ...

we can always find a way.

What are you spraying, Bo? Do you
really understand what you're doing?

Oh, my dear. I've spent years on this,
on this very topic. Yes, because ...

Henry!

Everybody! This is Henry Graham.

- This is Harriet Storch. Bo, of course, you know.
- Hi, Henry.

Mr and Mrs Sims, Toot and Roggie.
They're here from Geneva on home leave.

This is Lucy Sylvester.

And our neighbours,
Dr and Mrs Daryl Hitler

John Sylvester and Freddy,
of course, you know ...

Excuse me, you're not by any chance
related to the Boston Hitlers?

No, we're from Glen Cove.

Henry, this is Ms Henrietta Lowell.
This is Mr Henry Graham.

Ms Lowell. How do you do?

Come there, now. Come and see Bo.

Yes. You dropped your gloves, Ms Lowell.

Now come with me and have a nice chat
with Bo while I get you some ...

- Gloria, what's today's date?
- July 27.

Come sit with Bo and I'll
get you some nice tea.

Henry, sit down. Would you believe it?
Sooty blotch!

Got rid of the crown gall
and got sooty blotch.

I think it's sooty blotch, I'm not sure.

That's becoming mad, Bo.
By the way, who's Henrietta Lowell?

- She's old Guy Lowell's daughter.
- And who's old Guy Lowell?

Was. He's dead now.

Been dead ever since I can remember.

And who was he when he was alive?

Well, he was an industrialist ...

... or composer, something like that.

Well, did he die with his wealth intact or ...
did he lose everything in suicide ...?

Oh, well, I'm merely curious.

Well, he died with his wealth intact ...

I heard he was enormously wealthy
when he died. Is that right?

I thought you didn't know who he was.

Well, I didn't at first ...

but the vividness of your description
has restored him to my memory.

He was old Guy Lowell,
who died enormously wealthy.

- That right?
- Yeah. He was enormously wealthy when he died.

And the girl?

She's enormously wealthy, too.
Lives all alone in a huge place with ...

dozens of servants milling about her.
About 50 acres of land.

- No mother?
- No.

No sisters, brothers?
No close relatives?

No. No. Harry, you're hurting my arm!

Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry, Bo.

She, er ... she's not engaged?

No. She's a botanist!

She teaches at some ...

Writes a lot of papers
on ... fronds ... for periodicals.

Doesn't ride, either.

Doesn't entertain. Doesn't even talk,
as far as I can tell.

I think she's about the most isolated
woman I've ever met.

Rich, single, isolated.

And she's about to drop that teacup.

Oh, she's perfect.

Madeleine, would you get Ms Lowell
another cup of tea, please?

- I'm terribly sorry.
- That's alright, dear, really. Couldn't care less.

It's nothing. It's nothing.
It's just an old rug.

Just swish that up and then just dab it,
just ... just dab it and blot it.

Here ... I'll take this.

Incredibly clumsy woman, isn't she?
No wonder she doesn't ride.

Forgive me a moment, will you, Bo?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Henrietta, is this some kind of joke?

Because if it is, I do not find it amusing.

If your nerves aren't steady enough ...

to hold a cup and saucer in your hand,
then you shouldn't be drinking tea.

- Once yes, but twice in a row ...
- Is too much ... too much.

Madam. There you are, Madam.

Take your damn carpet to the cleaners
and send the bill to me.

Here you are. Come, Ms Lowell,
I'm taking you home.

Take your bag.

You son of a bitch!

You dare call me a son of a bitch?

Madam, I have seen many examples
of perversion in my time ...

but your erotic obsession
with your carpet ...

is probably the most grotesque and certainly
the most boring I have ever encountered.

You're more to be scorned than pitied.

Good day, Mrs Cunliffe.

You can dismiss your car.
I'll take you home in mine.

I came by bus.

I beg your pardon?

I ... I didn't come by car, I came by bus.

- By bus?
- On the bus.

And then to be treated in this manner?

Perfect.

This is very nice of you. Thank you.

And I'm terribly sorry.

No, you don't have to apologize, Ms Lowell.

Your behavior has been impeccable.

No. I did spill the tea twice.

You were a guest.

A woman of your stature has a right to expect
every courtesy in any home she consents to visit.

What stature?

Oh, come now, Ms Lowell.

I've read far too many
botanical journals ...

to take that question seriously.

Are you a botanist?

No. Just a botanical journal reader.

Every science has its fans.

Carbon on the valves.

Tell me about yourself, Ms Lowell.

Your work, your hopes, your dreams ...

Well, I work as a teacher and I also
do field work and write monographs.

On my last field trip I identified
and classified ...

all the varieties of ferns
on Jolly Buoy.

It was one of the longest
monographs I've ever written.

I'd love to read it sometime.

My hope is to discover a new
variety of fern ...

that has never been
described or classified.

I don't know what my dream is.

Do you think it could be
the same as my hope?

Well, in any way, that is my work and my hope,
except for my dreams which I'm not certain of.

What happens if you discover a
new species ...

that has never been
described or classified?

Well ... nothing terribly much
except that ...

you are ...
you're listed as its discoverer ...

and the entire species is named after you.

Oh, like Parkinson's disease
being named after James Parkinson.

That's right.

Or the bougainvillea being named
after Louis de Bougainville.

- Or like ... Brussels sprouts.
- Yes, that's right, that's right.

It's a kind of immortality, isn't it?

Yes. Yes, I guess it is.

This seems rather presumptuous,
doesn't it, to hope for immortality?

Not to me.

If you can't be immortal, why bother?

Oh, Henry, you are really so ...
self-assured.

You're so positive.

It almost gives me confidence
just to be with you.

Then in a very short time you will be
a very confident botanist because ...

I intend to be with you
a great deal of the time.

Oh, heavens.

With your consent, of course.

Oh, yes. I consent. I ... I just ...
Oh, heavens!

- I will pick you up at 7.
- Yes. Bye.

Until this evening.

Heavens.

Heavens.

Good morning, Mis-

Good morning, Mr Graham.

You have exactly 7 days
and 9 hours to destitution.

Shall I serve your breakfast in bed ...

or would you like me to follow
you about with the tray?

No, thank you, Harold.
I haven't got time to eat.

See if you can find a
college outline of botany.

Reserve a table for two
at Pavillion for tonight.

Get the florist on the phone and start
making out a guest list.

I think I have found,
God help us, Ms Right.

Heavens. How tasteful.

'55 was a glorious year
for Mouton Rothschild.

Better than '53, I think.
Don't you?

May I ask you something?

Certainly, Henrietta.

Have you ever tasted ...

Mogen David's extra-heavy Malaga
wine with soda and lime juice?

Er, not that I can recall.

One of my students happened
to introduce it to me ...

on a field trip to the Canary Islands.

It tastes a little like grape juice
and every year is good.

Why don't you just drink grape juice?

It's not as sweet.

I had never drunk wine at all
until I tried ...

Mogen David's extra-heavy Malaga wine
with soda and lime juice.

It's delicious.
It's called a Malaga cooler.

Malaga cooler.

Oh, well that ... sounds ... unique.

- Thank you, Laurent.
- You're welcome, sir.

- Thank you, Laurent.
- You're welcome, Mr Graham. Good night.

- Good night, Mr Graham.
- Night, steward, thank you very much.

- Good to see you again, sir.
- Thank you.

- 5 days and 11 hours.
- Today is Wednesday, isn't it?
- Yes.

Then the ceremony will have to be
this Saturday ...

that means that I will have to
propose tonight, God help me ...

if we're to get license by Friday ...

Do you know anything about Mendel's
experiments? Listen to me, please, Harold.

- Mendel's experiments with garden peas?
- No.

Well, bone up and study the chapter
on classification.

I'll have to have someone test me ...

on division, class, order, family, genus,
species and variety ...

before I go on to seed and fruit dispersal.

Oh, I'm so glad you found a nice
suitable young lady.

She's not suitable. She's primitive.

She has no spirit,
no wit, no conversation ...

and she has to be vacuumed
every time she eats.

Oh, she must be very wealthy, sir.

Yes, she is.

Cancel my theater tickets for tonight.

I'll have to start early if
I'm going to propose.

Yes, sir. Oh, shall I order
additional champagne, sir?

No. No champagne.

Order a dozen bottles of ...

Mogen David's extra-heavy Malaga wine
and lime juice.

And lower your eyebrows, please.
I told you she was primitive.

To science.

Do you have any straws?

Straws? No straws.

Should have told you to buy straws.

I have recently been re-reading
Gregor Mendel's ...

fascinating experiments with garden peas.

And it has struck me again ...

how much we owe our understanding
of plant genetics ...

with all its myriad implications
to that brilliant pioneer.

Yes, but we mustn't forget
Morgan and Muller.

- Morgan, Muller and Mendel.
- Who?

Gregor Mendel, the man
that you just mentioned.

Morgan, Muller and Mendel, I think ...

are a perfect example of
scientific synthesis.

Erm ... does it seem that to you?

No, it doesn't.

Collective appraisal has
never appealed to me.

- Oh, I didn't mean to criticize ...
- Ooh!

Oh, your carpet. Your beautiful carpet.

Oh, that's alright, Henrietta, please ...
No, no, don't, no, please, Henrietta.

Is there any cold water?

No, no, never mind.
Please sit down, Henrietta.

Henrietta, please. Nonsense. Nonsense.
The floor needed a touch of color.

Henry, I'm so stupid and clumsy and gauche.

I don't know what to say.
I've ruined another carpet.

No, Henrietta, please. Stop that. Can you
possibly believe, for one moment ...

that what happens to this foolish, hairy
floor covering matters to me ...

when I have you sitting beside me?

looking at me with your beautifully soft ...

yet highly intelligent, well-informed eyes?

Talking to me in your gentle ...

yet perfectly modulated,
podium-trained voice?

You must think me very superficial.

Oh, no. I don't.

Henrietta, er ... er ...
would you care for some more wine?

Oh yes, I would love some.

Henrietta ... Henrietta ...

I have something to ask you.

I ... I ... erm ...
What time is it?

It's ... erm ... it's, oh, it's 10 o'clock
and then we have to leave pretty soon ...

'cause I have to get up tomorrow
very early for a class.

- Ooh!
- Pardon? Something wrong?

- Henry? Henry?
- Oh. No, no.

Henrietta ...

Henrietta, we have a great deal
in common, you and I.

We are both of the same division:
vertebrata ...

the same class: mammalia ...

the same order: primate ...

the same family: hominide

the same genus: homo ...

the same species: sapiens ...

and the same variety of a class.

- I don't think there's a class of variety ...
- Keep quiet, Henr-!

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I ...

Where ... where was I? I ... Oh, yes ...

In fact the only difference between us
is that I am a man and you are a woman.

And we don't have to let that interfere
if we are reasonably careful.

Y-yes.

Henrietta, what I'm trying to say is ...

Will you marry me?

I beg your pardon?

Oh, Henrietta, if you care for me at all.

Even if you don't care for me at all ...

but feel that you could ... learn to care
for me at all ...

in a reasonable amount of time,
please say yes.

There is often a tidy
profit in speculation.

I care for you, Henry.
I do care for you.

Oh! Henrietta.
Ahhhhh! Dammit to hell!

- Did you hurt yourself?
- No, no.

Kneeling on broken glass
is my favorite pastime.

It keeps me from slouching.

Do you think you should get up, Henry?

No. Never. Not until I finish.

I would kneel on anything
for you, Henrietta.

Henrietta, if you turn me down,
it would be the end of me.

I would literally ... have nothing.

- There would be such a ...
- I won't ... I wouldn't.

I'm not going to turn you down, Henry.

- You're not?
- No.

I love you, Henry.

That was my dream, Henry.

From the moment that you spilled your tea
on Gloria Cunliffe's Aubusson.

That someday you would ask me
to marry you.

That was most of my dream.

Henrietta, darling, would this
Saturday be too soon?

- This Saturday?
- Yes.

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday ...
Oh, heavens, mercy!

Answer yes or no!

- Henrietta, I'm intensely uncomfortable.
- Yes, yes, yes!

Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you.

Here. You're a good girl.
You're a good ... a good girl.

- Oh, heavens, I mean, mercy ... gracious heavens.
- Stay with heavens.

Ouch! Stop that, Harold!

I'm sorry, sir.

That hurts.

I'm saved, Harold.
Less hurried but saved.

I'm enormously pleased, sir.

Oh, I wish you could've been there, Harold.
I wish you could have been there.

I was brilliant. Brilliant! You would have
been astonished of my technique.

Sir, I don't doubt you, sir.

Harold, send an announcement
out to the newspapers ...

and put Ms Lowell's attorney
on the guest list.

It seems he's a close
personal friend of hers.

Has the wine come up off the rug yet?

No sir. I'm soaking it now
in various solvents ...

but they only seem to dissolve the nap.

I oughta sue her.

Do you know how many llamas
must have died to make that rug?

Have my travel agent book a cottage
somewhere for a few days.

I'll have to pick up the $50,000
during the honeymoon.

Oh, sir. Isn't that just a trifle unseemly?

Unseemly? Unseemly!?

Harold, after her behavior tonight,
anything I do will be seemly.

Never have I seen one woman ...

in whom every social grace was so lacking.