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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,000 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 2 00:00:06,441 --> 00:00:07,486 We are ghosts. 3 00:00:07,529 --> 00:00:10,054 While most spirits pass on to the afterlife, we are 4 00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:11,272 cursed to spend eternity... 5 00:00:11,316 --> 00:00:12,926 Oh, and she's gone. 6 00:00:12,970 --> 00:00:14,623 Now what's going to happen to the house? 7 00:00:14,667 --> 00:00:16,712 This must be them, the new folks that own the house. 8 00:00:16,756 --> 00:00:19,280 - Why don't we just try haunting? - Oh! 9 00:00:19,324 --> 00:00:21,282 We scare them away. We're ghosts! 10 00:00:21,326 --> 00:00:22,718 We did it! 11 00:00:22,762 --> 00:00:25,547 W... watch out! 12 00:00:25,591 --> 00:00:26,679 Oh. 13 00:00:26,722 --> 00:00:28,289 Oh, my God! Sam? Sam! 14 00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:29,900 I hope you were at least as upset 15 00:00:29,943 --> 00:00:31,684 when I was technically dead for three minutes. 16 00:00:31,727 --> 00:00:33,773 - This can't be real. - What are you looking at? 17 00:00:33,816 --> 00:00:35,949 - I think you're right. She can see us. - Uh-huh. 18 00:01:06,893 --> 00:01:09,548 Ah. 19 00:01:09,591 --> 00:01:10,766 Hello! 20 00:01:19,427 --> 00:01:22,213 - Well? - Yup, she can still see us. 21 00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:23,649 Yes! 22 00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:24,998 Also, she's apparently a little cranky 23 00:01:25,042 --> 00:01:26,217 before she's had her coffee. 24 00:01:33,311 --> 00:01:35,748 Troops, never before have we possessed the ability 25 00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:37,663 to communicate with a Living. 26 00:01:37,706 --> 00:01:39,839 We are in uncharted waters. 27 00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:43,495 Those are worst type of waters, unless, of course, you find cod. 28 00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:44,887 This opens up intriguing 29 00:01:44,931 --> 00:01:47,020 possibilities to get them to leave. 30 00:01:47,064 --> 00:01:48,935 Diplomacy. 31 00:01:48,979 --> 00:01:52,025 Thankfully, you're looking at the man who negotiated an end 32 00:01:52,069 --> 00:01:54,985 to the Siege of Fort Ticonderoga. 33 00:01:55,028 --> 00:01:57,378 You surrendered unconditionally to the British. 34 00:01:57,422 --> 00:01:58,771 But we lived to fight another day. 35 00:01:58,814 --> 00:02:00,642 You died of dysentery two weeks later. 36 00:02:00,686 --> 00:02:02,122 Did I? 37 00:02:02,166 --> 00:02:03,732 Thank you. Thank you. 38 00:02:03,776 --> 00:02:05,691 Point is: I'm good at talking. 39 00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:08,389 Don't talk to enemy, destroy them. 40 00:02:08,433 --> 00:02:11,218 Then toast their deaths with horns full of mead! 41 00:02:11,262 --> 00:02:13,307 Okay, that boy has some serious anger issues. 42 00:02:13,351 --> 00:02:15,962 Why do we have to make the Livings leave? 43 00:02:16,006 --> 00:02:18,051 It just seems like such a bummer. 44 00:02:18,095 --> 00:02:20,010 Because, they're planning on turning my beloved 45 00:02:20,053 --> 00:02:22,969 Woodstone Mansion into a hotel, that's why. We'll be overrun! 46 00:02:23,013 --> 00:02:26,103 Exactly! We can't let these invaders take our land. 47 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,495 Do you hear it? At all? 48 00:02:27,539 --> 00:02:28,757 Do you hear the words that you're saying? 49 00:02:28,801 --> 00:02:30,150 You know, we don't have 50 00:02:30,194 --> 00:02:32,326 to talk her into leaving or destroy anyone. 51 00:02:32,370 --> 00:02:35,286 We could just befriend her and ask her not to open the hotel. 52 00:02:35,329 --> 00:02:38,680 So, no hotel, but the hot chick stays? I like that plan. 53 00:02:38,724 --> 00:02:41,770 Yeah, could be useful to have a Living that we can talk to. 54 00:02:41,814 --> 00:02:44,295 Ooh, I can get her to look into the details 55 00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:46,601 surrounding my mysterious death. 56 00:02:46,645 --> 00:02:48,951 Oh, please. You had a heart attack. 57 00:02:48,995 --> 00:02:50,779 - Which was likely brought on by poisoning. - Okay. 58 00:02:50,823 --> 00:02:54,392 My death, like my life, was spectacular. Had to be! 59 00:02:54,435 --> 00:02:57,308 No way I went out from something boring like a busted ticker. 60 00:02:57,351 --> 00:02:58,831 It's nothing to be ashamed of. 61 00:02:58,874 --> 00:03:00,441 My doc was pretty worried about my blood pressure. 62 00:03:00,485 --> 00:03:03,314 Luckily, didn't turn out to be a problem. 63 00:03:03,357 --> 00:03:05,403 Oh, what happened? 64 00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:08,275 There's an arr... we've been through this. 65 00:03:09,842 --> 00:03:13,767 - Jay! Where were you? - I was in the attic. 66 00:03:13,768 --> 00:03:15,587 - Are you okay? - Jay, they're back. I woke up, 67 00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:18,024 - and one was in the bathroom... - Whoa, whoa, okay, okay. 68 00:03:18,068 --> 00:03:20,200 These are just residual effects from your accident. 69 00:03:20,244 --> 00:03:21,810 - What happened? - I ran into the door 70 00:03:21,854 --> 00:03:23,769 when I tried to attack him with a toilet brush. 71 00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:27,555 Um, is that like to ghosts what wooden stakes are to vampires? 72 00:03:27,599 --> 00:03:29,079 It was the only thing handy! 73 00:03:29,122 --> 00:03:30,776 Please don't make fun of me. I really saw one. 74 00:03:30,819 --> 00:03:34,258 Okay, okay. Um, have you seen one since you hit your head? 75 00:03:34,301 --> 00:03:36,173 No. 76 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,958 Do you think somehow hitting my head the second time cured me? 77 00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:40,742 I mean, if you haven't seen one since you hit your head, 78 00:03:40,786 --> 00:03:42,570 - you're probably out of the woods. - Oh, my God. 79 00:03:42,614 --> 00:03:45,095 They're back! They're here. They're all behind you. 80 00:03:45,138 --> 00:03:47,097 Hello! Sorry about before. 81 00:03:47,140 --> 00:03:49,099 I don't see anybody. 82 00:03:49,142 --> 00:03:51,536 I would like to formally open negotiations to discuss 83 00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:54,365 - your withdrawal from Woodstone Mansion. - Hear, hear. 84 00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:55,931 There's a hippie and a Viking. 85 00:03:55,975 --> 00:03:57,194 - Be gone! - Peace! 86 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,717 And a guy dressed like Hamilton. 87 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:01,067 Hamilton? How do you know about Hamilton? 88 00:04:01,111 --> 00:04:02,721 One of them's not wearing any pants. 89 00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:06,246 - Oh, yeah? You like that? - Hi. Alberta. 90 00:04:06,290 --> 00:04:07,813 Can you help me find out who murdered me? 91 00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:09,858 Hey, babe, remember what the doctor said. 92 00:04:09,902 --> 00:04:12,339 You-you might experience some visual disturbances. 93 00:04:12,383 --> 00:04:14,428 I'm sorry. 94 00:04:14,472 --> 00:04:16,343 Y... you're talking about Alexander Hamilton? 95 00:04:16,387 --> 00:04:18,128 Did that little twerp become famous? 96 00:04:18,171 --> 00:04:20,608 - Wait. Isn't that the guy on the ten-dollar bill? - The what? 97 00:04:20,652 --> 00:04:22,110 They seem really real. 98 00:04:22,186 --> 00:04:23,796 - Well, of course we're real! - We're right here. 99 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:25,406 - He's on paper currency? - You're hearing us! 100 00:04:25,450 --> 00:04:27,452 Okay, but what do you think is more likely? Do you think 101 00:04:27,495 --> 00:04:29,236 you're seeing ghosts, or do you think 102 00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,282 you're suffering symptoms of a severe concussion? 103 00:04:31,325 --> 00:04:33,545 Ghosts. Yeah. Obviously. 104 00:04:33,588 --> 00:04:35,025 Concussion. 105 00:04:35,068 --> 00:04:36,156 No! 106 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,202 They're all in your head. 107 00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:40,508 You just ignore them, and they'll go away. 108 00:04:40,552 --> 00:04:42,510 - Ignore us? - Well, that's rude. 109 00:04:42,554 --> 00:04:44,121 You go get some rest 110 00:04:44,164 --> 00:04:46,558 because your man is taking care of business. 111 00:04:46,601 --> 00:04:48,473 - Do you know how that works? - Mm... Oh. 112 00:04:48,516 --> 00:04:49,778 No. No, I do not. 113 00:04:49,822 --> 00:04:51,650 - But the Internet does. - The Internet? 114 00:04:51,693 --> 00:04:53,826 It's an invention for looking up stock prices and porn. 115 00:04:53,869 --> 00:04:56,089 I'm gonna let the contractors handle the big things. 116 00:04:56,133 --> 00:04:57,917 But you know what? Papa Bear's gonna save some money 117 00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,527 where I can, because we're not all 118 00:04:59,571 --> 00:05:01,355 Mr. Moneybags here, am I right? 119 00:05:01,399 --> 00:05:04,025 From where did you find 120 00:05:04,026 --> 00:05:05,707 this awful painting of my philandering husband? 121 00:05:05,751 --> 00:05:07,709 Oh, yeah, Elias. I remember when he sat for that painting. 122 00:05:07,753 --> 00:05:09,668 - And then when he slept with the artist. - Yeah. 123 00:05:09,711 --> 00:05:12,497 Okay, I guess I'll just go lie down. 124 00:05:12,540 --> 00:05:14,107 You're gonna be better in no time. 125 00:05:14,151 --> 00:05:15,848 The bones have spoken, 126 00:05:15,891 --> 00:05:18,111 and they foresee your doom! 127 00:05:18,155 --> 00:05:20,200 Right. Thanks. 128 00:05:29,383 --> 00:05:31,907 What are you doing in my room? 129 00:05:31,951 --> 00:05:35,259 - Oh, yeah, this is gonna make a dope man cave. - What? 130 00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:38,914 A cave of men? What does that even mean? 131 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,659 Oh, no. 132 00:05:44,703 --> 00:05:46,139 What are... what are you... what are you doing? 133 00:05:46,183 --> 00:05:48,141 Oh, hey, Hetty. This is fun. 134 00:05:48,185 --> 00:05:50,317 This is not fun. 135 00:05:50,361 --> 00:05:53,146 This horrible man has destroyed the sanctity of our rooms. 136 00:05:53,190 --> 00:05:55,409 Oh, it's like we're roommates. 137 00:05:55,453 --> 00:05:58,369 You got this. 138 00:05:58,412 --> 00:06:00,066 - Oh. - Oh! 139 00:06:01,589 --> 00:06:03,635 - Crap. - Are you mad? 140 00:06:03,678 --> 00:06:05,550 You've made it even bigger! 141 00:06:05,593 --> 00:06:07,117 No, no, no, don't walk away! 142 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:09,554 Yay! 143 00:06:09,597 --> 00:06:11,556 Hey, who's your favorite boy ghost? 144 00:06:11,599 --> 00:06:13,253 I'd say Thor, but he really scares me, 145 00:06:13,297 --> 00:06:16,517 - but I kind of like that. - You know what? No. No, no, no, no. 146 00:06:16,561 --> 00:06:18,084 No, no, no. 147 00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:21,430 This Jay fellow has ruined our ability to communicate 148 00:06:21,431 --> 00:06:24,804 with Samantha by convincing her that we are not real! 149 00:06:24,847 --> 00:06:26,980 Which is a serious setback. 150 00:06:27,024 --> 00:06:29,591 In the face of which, a lesser leader 151 00:06:29,635 --> 00:06:31,028 might give up. 152 00:06:31,071 --> 00:06:33,508 Like, for instance... oh, I don't know... 153 00:06:33,552 --> 00:06:34,945 Hamilton. 154 00:06:34,988 --> 00:06:37,251 - Dude is obsessed. - Mm. 155 00:06:37,295 --> 00:06:40,951 He was a terrible commander. He was all about himself! 156 00:06:40,994 --> 00:06:43,823 Whereas I... I was known for making men under me happy. 157 00:06:43,866 --> 00:06:45,172 How are we supposed to befriend Sam, 158 00:06:45,216 --> 00:06:47,479 or "drive her from the land," 159 00:06:47,522 --> 00:06:49,133 yeah, yeah, if she's just ignoring us? 160 00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:51,700 Enemy's not supposed to ignore. It hurts feelings. 161 00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:53,354 We don't let her ignore us. 162 00:06:53,398 --> 00:06:55,008 We do the same thing I did in '98 163 00:06:55,052 --> 00:06:57,010 when Lizzie Grubman told me the list was closed 164 00:06:57,054 --> 00:06:59,926 for Diddy's White Party. We keep bugging her! 165 00:06:59,970 --> 00:07:01,580 - What kind of party? - What is "Diddy"? 166 00:07:01,623 --> 00:07:02,929 It's a jaunty little song. 167 00:07:02,973 --> 00:07:04,191 The references are not important! 168 00:07:04,235 --> 00:07:06,063 The point is, we don't give up. 169 00:07:06,106 --> 00:07:08,282 We keep bugging her. Now is when we double down! 170 00:07:08,326 --> 00:07:10,632 So simple, yet so brilliant. 171 00:07:10,676 --> 00:07:13,331 - Thank you. - We don't allow her to ignore us. 172 00:07:13,374 --> 00:07:14,374 Yes. 173 00:07:14,375 --> 00:07:17,422 Yes, we will pester her in the kitchen. 174 00:07:17,465 --> 00:07:19,554 And we will annoy her in the living room. 175 00:07:19,598 --> 00:07:20,947 - Yeah! - My idea. 176 00:07:20,991 --> 00:07:22,601 We will make her life a living hell 177 00:07:22,644 --> 00:07:26,083 so she has no choice but to finally acknowledge us! 178 00:07:26,126 --> 00:07:27,519 Yes! Yes! 179 00:07:27,562 --> 00:07:29,042 And then we drive them from this land! 180 00:07:29,086 --> 00:07:31,392 - Yes! - Or have a nice, friendly chat! 181 00:07:31,436 --> 00:07:32,741 That one. You do that one. 182 00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:34,308 She will rue the day! 183 00:07:34,352 --> 00:07:36,658 Chop their legs off, hang them from trees! 184 00:07:36,702 --> 00:07:40,191 - Roll it back. It's too much! - You're making it weird. 185 00:07:44,666 --> 00:07:46,146 Hi there! 186 00:07:46,190 --> 00:07:48,192 Hello? 187 00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:50,977 All right, I know you're actively ignoring us, but that's okay. 188 00:07:51,021 --> 00:07:52,587 I was married for 16 years, so I get it. 189 00:07:54,763 --> 00:07:56,461 Ah. Oh, you looked at me. 190 00:07:56,504 --> 00:07:58,550 She looked at me! Ooh, it's working. 191 00:07:59,551 --> 00:08:02,945 Aah! Death to our enemies! 192 00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,342 Is it getting any better? 193 00:08:08,386 --> 00:08:09,648 Um... 194 00:08:09,691 --> 00:08:11,302 Now who would want me dead? 195 00:08:11,345 --> 00:08:13,652 I was a beloved jazz singer. 196 00:08:13,695 --> 00:08:16,524 - Not really. - I'm sorry, sweetie. 197 00:08:16,568 --> 00:08:18,526 I'm sure it'll be better tomorrow. 198 00:08:18,570 --> 00:08:21,181 Okay, there was one person. 199 00:08:21,225 --> 00:08:23,270 She thought I was having an affair with her husband. 200 00:08:23,314 --> 00:08:24,750 I was sleeping with him, 201 00:08:24,793 --> 00:08:26,230 but she didn't know that, so in a way, 202 00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,493 I kind of wasn't as far as she knew. 203 00:08:28,536 --> 00:08:30,843 So then the bear raised his arms to attack me, 204 00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:32,062 but the shrooms were kicking in, 205 00:08:32,105 --> 00:08:33,411 and I thought he just wanted a hug. 206 00:08:33,454 --> 00:08:34,934 You know, how everyone talks about bear hugs? 207 00:08:34,977 --> 00:08:36,544 They're not talking about hugs from actual bears. 208 00:08:36,588 --> 00:08:39,939 Can you please stop talking? I'm trying to sleep. 209 00:08:39,982 --> 00:08:42,115 Oh, yeah. No, totally. Yeah, no, I'm so tired, too. 210 00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:43,812 Why do we sleep? 211 00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:46,815 - I don't know. - When I was at Woodstock, 212 00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:49,166 I didn't sleep at all, 'cause I didn't want to miss anything, 213 00:08:49,209 --> 00:08:50,558 especially the Grateful Dead. 214 00:08:50,602 --> 00:08:52,691 I was a huge "Deadhead," which was ironic, 215 00:08:52,734 --> 00:08:54,040 because I wasn't even dead at the time. 216 00:08:54,084 --> 00:08:56,303 I don't care. 217 00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:03,093 Look, I get it. 218 00:09:03,136 --> 00:09:06,139 Who wants to think they're seeing ghosts? It's scary. 219 00:09:06,183 --> 00:09:09,142 You know what's scarier? Eternity. 220 00:09:09,186 --> 00:09:11,710 So, I find ways to break it up, create some drama. 221 00:09:11,753 --> 00:09:13,712 Like yesterday, I told Alberta 222 00:09:13,755 --> 00:09:16,454 that Hetty said she didn't like her hat. 223 00:09:16,497 --> 00:09:18,238 Now, did Hetty really say that? 224 00:09:18,282 --> 00:09:21,763 Well, I will take that answer to my grave, which will never come. 225 00:09:21,807 --> 00:09:23,852 Which is why I have to do this kind of stuff. 226 00:09:27,552 --> 00:09:28,988 Oh, hi there. I'm Steve. 227 00:09:29,031 --> 00:09:31,643 Unbelievable. Jay, there's another one! 228 00:09:31,686 --> 00:09:33,427 He's a big guy with a greasy beard. 229 00:09:33,471 --> 00:09:34,907 - Hey. - Hey, babe. 230 00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,213 Have you met Steve? 231 00:09:36,256 --> 00:09:38,998 - Here you go. - Wait. You can see him? 232 00:09:39,041 --> 00:09:40,434 W... what's happening? 233 00:09:40,478 --> 00:09:42,306 Sam, Steve! He's here to help us with the cable. 234 00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:45,178 Who is this man? Another invader? 235 00:09:45,222 --> 00:09:47,267 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, Steve. 236 00:09:47,311 --> 00:09:49,617 I haven't been sleeping well. It's great to meet you. 237 00:09:49,661 --> 00:09:51,706 Um, that should about do it. I went ahead 238 00:09:51,750 --> 00:09:53,578 - and gave you three months of the sports package. - Cool. 239 00:09:53,621 --> 00:09:55,623 He too shall feel our wrath. 240 00:09:55,667 --> 00:09:58,322 Shut up, uh... 241 00:09:58,365 --> 00:10:01,107 ♪ About that sports package, Steve. ♪ 242 00:10:01,151 --> 00:10:02,630 What a deal! 243 00:10:02,674 --> 00:10:04,937 Yeah. R... right? 244 00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:07,026 I'm-I'm... I'm gonna test her out. 245 00:10:10,247 --> 00:10:11,639 The Vikings were known 246 00:10:11,683 --> 00:10:12,771 for their prowess on the battlefield, 247 00:10:12,814 --> 00:10:14,642 often overpowering... 248 00:10:14,686 --> 00:10:18,255 What is this... magical window? 249 00:10:18,298 --> 00:10:19,560 Hello! 250 00:10:19,604 --> 00:10:21,736 Oh, okay. Well, I'm down for a stroll. 251 00:10:21,780 --> 00:10:24,174 Where we headed? On behalf of my fellow ghosts, 252 00:10:24,217 --> 00:10:25,827 - I'd just like to welcome you to... - You're not real. 253 00:10:25,871 --> 00:10:27,568 I mean, I'm not technically alive, but I am real. 254 00:10:27,612 --> 00:10:28,700 No, you're not. 255 00:10:28,743 --> 00:10:30,223 - You're answering me. - No, I'm not. 256 00:10:30,267 --> 00:10:31,616 Okay, I thought of a couple other people 257 00:10:31,659 --> 00:10:33,139 who may have wanted me dead. 258 00:10:33,183 --> 00:10:34,532 Any chance you could hop the train down to Memphis 259 00:10:34,575 --> 00:10:36,229 - and knock on some doors? - Hey, am I crazy, 260 00:10:36,273 --> 00:10:38,362 - or is there chemistry here? - This isn't happening! 261 00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:41,103 I know. I didn't expect this, either. 262 00:10:41,147 --> 00:10:43,976 Okay, so this machine truly has access 263 00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:45,586 to the entire breadth of human knowledge? 264 00:10:45,630 --> 00:10:47,414 Yeah, pretty much. 265 00:10:47,458 --> 00:10:49,895 Okay, I need you to look up "Alexander Hamilton" on this. 266 00:10:52,245 --> 00:10:54,334 Do you know how long it would take me 267 00:10:54,378 --> 00:10:55,944 to type all those letters? 268 00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,903 I must know what he went on to do. 269 00:10:57,946 --> 00:11:00,906 He haunts me, and I'm a damn ghost. 270 00:11:00,949 --> 00:11:03,996 Okay, buddy, stand back. 271 00:11:04,039 --> 00:11:06,172 Let me work my magic. 272 00:11:10,481 --> 00:11:12,483 My God, the pageantry. 273 00:11:12,526 --> 00:11:14,311 - Do you want this, or not? - Yes. No, I do. 274 00:11:14,354 --> 00:11:16,400 - Shh! - I... I like it. 275 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:19,751 - Ah... - Come on! Come on! 276 00:11:19,794 --> 00:11:21,274 You've got it! You've got it! 277 00:11:21,318 --> 00:11:23,233 Ah... And... 278 00:11:28,325 --> 00:11:30,327 Ah! 279 00:11:32,633 --> 00:11:35,027 Mm-mm. Mm-mm. 280 00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:37,290 - Oh, amazing. Okay, next letter. Next letter! - Oh... 281 00:11:37,334 --> 00:11:40,337 Mmm. Thor can smell the salty brine. 282 00:11:40,380 --> 00:11:42,121 - There's my toolbox. - The preparation for the cod hunt 283 00:11:42,164 --> 00:11:43,427 was a ritual of great importance 284 00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:44,863 - in Viking society. - Look at you. 285 00:11:44,906 --> 00:11:48,388 Come on! Electricity! 286 00:11:48,432 --> 00:11:51,217 Oh, by the loins of Freya, why? 287 00:11:51,261 --> 00:11:53,001 Small man?! 288 00:11:57,179 --> 00:11:59,443 Well, if it isn't "Mr. Fix It." 289 00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:01,836 - Why has he got a hammer? - Who knows? 290 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:03,882 - Okay. - Oh, no, no. 291 00:12:03,925 --> 00:12:06,014 Oh, no. Oh, you fool! 292 00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:07,189 - What are you doing? - Is he crazy, man? 293 00:12:07,233 --> 00:12:08,887 Stop it! Just stop it! 294 00:12:08,930 --> 00:12:11,281 God, I know we're dead, but he's trying to kill us. 295 00:12:12,325 --> 00:12:14,632 "Psychotic breaks." 296 00:12:14,675 --> 00:12:16,895 - Okay, that's me. - A moment of your time. 297 00:12:16,938 --> 00:12:18,940 - That's also me. - You must repair my wall. 298 00:12:18,984 --> 00:12:20,551 I cannot spend another night listening 299 00:12:20,594 --> 00:12:22,335 to that bohemian blather away. I won't do it! 300 00:12:22,379 --> 00:12:23,989 Bring back my people to the thing... 301 00:12:24,032 --> 00:12:25,556 the sorcerer's window! 302 00:12:25,599 --> 00:12:27,297 You are a strong, sane woman. 303 00:12:27,340 --> 00:12:29,124 You are a strong, sane woman! 304 00:12:29,168 --> 00:12:30,822 Hey, big head. 305 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:33,912 I don't want you anyway. 306 00:12:33,955 --> 00:12:36,915 See? Say something negative, get 'em off balance. 307 00:12:36,958 --> 00:12:39,570 Oh, I don't know why I didn't start with this."Depression, 308 00:12:39,613 --> 00:12:41,223 difficulty concentrating... " 309 00:12:41,267 --> 00:12:42,790 Babe, can you please bring me my screwdriver? 310 00:12:42,834 --> 00:12:44,270 Sure thing. 311 00:12:44,314 --> 00:12:46,620 - She moves! - Do not walk away from me! 312 00:12:46,664 --> 00:12:50,058 She can't move too fast with those slightly-too-large ankles! 313 00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:51,886 This is genius. 314 00:12:51,930 --> 00:12:53,932 - You cannot escape us! - Oh! 315 00:12:53,975 --> 00:12:56,108 No way I'm going down there. 316 00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:58,545 No, no, they... they are terrifying. 317 00:12:58,589 --> 00:13:01,461 Jay, I think there's something very wrong... Oh, my God! 318 00:13:01,505 --> 00:13:03,158 - What? - What do you mean, "what?" 319 00:13:03,202 --> 00:13:04,290 There's a bunch of zombies down here. 320 00:13:04,334 --> 00:13:06,640 Zombies? Zombies aren't real. 321 00:13:06,684 --> 00:13:08,512 We are ghosts. We all died of cholera. 322 00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:10,427 It wasn't great. 323 00:13:10,470 --> 00:13:13,821 Babe, I think you really just need some more rest. 324 00:13:13,865 --> 00:13:17,564 We are way past rest. We need to go to a hospital now. 325 00:13:17,608 --> 00:13:19,349 Okay. Well, I'll drive you. 326 00:13:19,392 --> 00:13:20,393 Red valve. Tell him... 327 00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:24,179 Please turn the red valve! 328 00:13:24,223 --> 00:13:25,485 Can you turn the red valve? 329 00:13:25,529 --> 00:13:27,444 - What? - Can you just turn the red valve? 330 00:13:27,487 --> 00:13:30,447 It... it's kind of urgent, if you like the house. 331 00:13:32,057 --> 00:13:33,928 - There you go! - Yes. 332 00:13:33,972 --> 00:13:35,974 How did you know about the red... ? 333 00:13:36,017 --> 00:13:38,193 Can we get the hell out of here, please? 334 00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:41,414 - Okay. - No. Wait. Don't do that. 335 00:13:41,458 --> 00:13:43,373 Oh, come on... Oh. Nuts. 336 00:13:48,334 --> 00:13:50,205 I'm just saying, it's been three days, and I'm not feeling 337 00:13:50,249 --> 00:13:52,425 any better, so I'm starting to freak out. 338 00:13:52,469 --> 00:13:54,601 Well, I have to be honest. 339 00:13:54,645 --> 00:13:56,429 I don't think this will get better. 340 00:13:56,473 --> 00:13:59,519 - What? - It seems as if your accident left you so close 341 00:13:59,563 --> 00:14:01,782 to death, that you somehow obtained the ability 342 00:14:01,826 --> 00:14:03,828 to actually see dead people. 343 00:14:03,871 --> 00:14:05,264 That can't be possible... 344 00:14:05,307 --> 00:14:07,397 It is quite rare, but I've seen it before. 345 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:10,051 The last time was around 85 years ago. 346 00:14:10,095 --> 00:14:11,749 Wait. How... how old are you? 347 00:14:11,792 --> 00:14:14,534 Well, I was about 50 when I died. 348 00:14:14,578 --> 00:14:16,667 Now, sorry about that. 349 00:14:16,710 --> 00:14:19,017 I'll let you visit with your living doctor. 350 00:14:19,060 --> 00:14:20,801 What seems to be troubling you? 351 00:14:20,845 --> 00:14:22,890 She's excellent, by the way. 352 00:14:27,547 --> 00:14:29,506 This is amazing. 353 00:14:29,614 --> 00:14:31,181 The plan's working! 354 00:14:31,224 --> 00:14:33,400 Working? Thor, she ran off screaming. 355 00:14:33,444 --> 00:14:34,663 We've driven her insane. 356 00:14:34,706 --> 00:14:36,795 Oh, what does it matter? Nothing matters. 357 00:14:36,839 --> 00:14:38,754 - What's up with soldier boy? - Isaac had me look up 358 00:14:38,797 --> 00:14:41,191 "Alexander Hamilton" on Jay's computer. 359 00:14:41,234 --> 00:14:42,671 His list of accomplishments was even grander 360 00:14:42,714 --> 00:14:44,237 than I could have imagined. 361 00:14:44,281 --> 00:14:46,370 And then we looked up Isaac. 362 00:14:46,413 --> 00:14:51,070 "... graduated Dartmouth, died of dysentery." 363 00:14:51,114 --> 00:14:54,378 That's it? That's all it says?! 364 00:14:54,421 --> 00:14:58,295 I was mentioned in but one academic journal, in a footnote. 365 00:14:58,338 --> 00:15:00,776 I'm literally a footnote in history! 366 00:15:00,819 --> 00:15:02,081 Well, Dartmouth is very good. 367 00:15:02,125 --> 00:15:03,169 Safety school. 368 00:15:03,213 --> 00:15:05,171 My life meant nothing. 369 00:15:05,215 --> 00:15:07,565 Whereas my rival is known to this day. 370 00:15:07,609 --> 00:15:09,741 There was even a musical about him! 371 00:15:09,785 --> 00:15:11,787 You're really fixated on that musical thing. 372 00:15:11,830 --> 00:15:13,615 Well, this might come as a shock to you, 373 00:15:13,658 --> 00:15:16,487 - since you see me as this tough military type... - Mm. 374 00:15:16,531 --> 00:15:19,403 ... but musical theater is actually a passion of mine. 375 00:15:19,446 --> 00:15:20,796 Hmm. 376 00:15:22,362 --> 00:15:24,060 I'm just saying, maybe we should have just stuck around 377 00:15:24,103 --> 00:15:25,801 for a little while, heard her out. 378 00:15:25,844 --> 00:15:27,237 Maybe done the MRI? 379 00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:28,455 There's no point. 380 00:15:28,499 --> 00:15:29,892 They're not gonna find anything, 381 00:15:29,935 --> 00:15:31,763 because I now know there's nothing wrong with me! 382 00:15:31,807 --> 00:15:33,548 Okay, but the doctor said... 383 00:15:33,591 --> 00:15:35,071 That was the living doctor! 384 00:15:35,114 --> 00:15:36,594 Of course she thinks I'm delusional. 385 00:15:36,638 --> 00:15:38,335 She's not trained for this. But the ghost doctor... 386 00:15:38,378 --> 00:15:40,293 Okay, that's where you start to lose me. 387 00:15:40,337 --> 00:15:41,643 If the ghosts were all in my head, 388 00:15:41,686 --> 00:15:43,122 I'd be seeing the same ones at the hospital 389 00:15:43,166 --> 00:15:44,689 as I do back at the house, but they're not. 390 00:15:44,733 --> 00:15:46,630 I see different ones in different places. 391 00:15:46,773 --> 00:15:48,214 Like that guy. Hey, bud. 392 00:15:50,652 --> 00:15:52,262 What guy? 393 00:15:52,305 --> 00:15:55,657 I know it's not great news, but at least I'm not crazy. 394 00:15:58,181 --> 00:15:59,704 No, no, Jay, look out! 395 00:16:01,401 --> 00:16:04,056 Phew. They were already dead. 396 00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:05,797 - Sorry. - What?! 397 00:16:05,841 --> 00:16:08,539 - Just drive. - I can't. I can't. I... I... 398 00:16:14,066 --> 00:16:17,809 Listen, I know this is a lot, but I'm with you. 399 00:16:17,853 --> 00:16:20,682 No matter what, in sickness and in health. 400 00:16:20,725 --> 00:16:23,598 Okay? Because I love you. 401 00:16:23,641 --> 00:16:25,600 Aw. He's a keeper. 402 00:16:25,643 --> 00:16:28,385 - Hold that thought. - What was that? 403 00:16:30,082 --> 00:16:31,562 - Sam? - Sam? 404 00:16:31,606 --> 00:16:33,608 Hold on. Hold up, Sam! 405 00:16:34,652 --> 00:16:36,698 Sam, was there one in the car? 406 00:16:36,741 --> 00:16:38,787 Sam, was there one in the car? 407 00:16:39,788 --> 00:16:41,485 She's coming. Here she comes! 408 00:16:41,528 --> 00:16:42,704 Ooh! 409 00:16:42,747 --> 00:16:44,183 Okay, fine. I see all of you, 410 00:16:44,227 --> 00:16:46,055 I admit your existence. Happy? 411 00:16:46,098 --> 00:16:48,579 - Well, I mean, what is happy? - It's a good step, babe. 412 00:16:48,623 --> 00:16:51,495 Great. But this is our house now. 413 00:16:51,538 --> 00:16:53,932 We inherited it, so, it is time for you all to leave. 414 00:16:53,976 --> 00:16:55,717 It has been nice to meet you, thank you, 415 00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:57,501 but you can go haunt someone else now. 416 00:17:01,897 --> 00:17:03,768 She's funny, too. That's great. 417 00:17:03,812 --> 00:17:06,379 Girl, we can't leave. 418 00:17:06,423 --> 00:17:07,685 Yeah, you just sort of stay where you die. 419 00:17:07,729 --> 00:17:09,078 And how you die. 420 00:17:09,121 --> 00:17:10,732 It's your classic haunted house. 421 00:17:10,775 --> 00:17:12,734 So, it seems it's the two of you 422 00:17:12,777 --> 00:17:14,692 who should leave, thank you kindly. 423 00:17:14,736 --> 00:17:16,302 Well, that's not happening. 424 00:17:16,346 --> 00:17:17,695 We've already sunk all our money into this place. 425 00:17:17,739 --> 00:17:19,566 Plus, I see dead people wherever I go, 426 00:17:19,610 --> 00:17:21,351 so leaving doesn't even help me. 427 00:17:21,394 --> 00:17:22,700 Okay, I'm back to freaked out again. 428 00:17:22,744 --> 00:17:24,136 Babe, just a second. 429 00:17:24,180 --> 00:17:25,660 It seems like we're stuck with each other. 430 00:17:25,703 --> 00:17:27,444 But it is not going to go on like this, 431 00:17:27,487 --> 00:17:29,098 with all of you up in my face all of the time. 432 00:17:29,141 --> 00:17:32,500 So, what is it going to take for you to leave me alone? 433 00:17:32,522 --> 00:17:34,581 Huh? What do you want? 434 00:17:34,625 --> 00:17:36,888 You! Viking guy, what do you want? 435 00:17:36,932 --> 00:17:41,327 I want to see my people in the magic box once a day! 436 00:17:41,451 --> 00:17:44,454 - What? - He wants to watch a show about Vikings on TV. 437 00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,195 - Fine. - Yes! 438 00:17:46,238 --> 00:17:48,458 You, Wolf of Wall Street, what do you want? 439 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:51,156 Leave him, kill yourself, become a ghost and get with me. 440 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,028 But let's keep it casual. 441 00:17:53,071 --> 00:17:54,725 - Gross. You. - What'd he say? 442 00:17:54,769 --> 00:17:56,640 I heard you mention you were a writer. 443 00:17:56,683 --> 00:17:58,685 I'd like you to pen my biography, so that 444 00:17:58,729 --> 00:18:00,122 history may know my name. 445 00:18:00,165 --> 00:18:01,819 Now that is actually quite interesting. 446 00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:04,126 And then take that book, and adapt it 447 00:18:04,169 --> 00:18:05,692 into an award-winning Broadway musical. 448 00:18:05,736 --> 00:18:07,651 I want you to invite the descendants 449 00:18:07,694 --> 00:18:09,871 of the ten most likely suspects of my murder to a dinner party. 450 00:18:09,914 --> 00:18:12,917 Find out who did it, and exact revenge. 451 00:18:12,961 --> 00:18:14,571 No. 452 00:18:14,614 --> 00:18:16,703 - Uh, you, Woodstock... what do you want? - Woodstock? 453 00:18:16,747 --> 00:18:18,618 Uh, I'm easy. Just world peace. 454 00:18:18,662 --> 00:18:20,272 And an end to bear attacks? 455 00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:22,579 Sure. You? Downton Abbey? 456 00:18:22,622 --> 00:18:24,624 Take down that painting of my awful husband, 457 00:18:24,668 --> 00:18:27,410 and patch up the hole your awful husband put in my wall. 458 00:18:27,453 --> 00:18:28,846 He's not awful when you get to know him. 459 00:18:28,890 --> 00:18:30,630 - Wait a minute. - You, next. 460 00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:33,808 I'd like the entire Hudson Valley returned to the Lenape. 461 00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:35,505 Barring that, maybe keep the radio on in the afternoons? 462 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:36,811 - Mm, excellent idea. - That's a good one. 463 00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:38,595 - Yes! - We could use some beats in here. 464 00:18:38,638 --> 00:18:40,162 - Oh, I'd love to dance. - Play my album, Bonsoir. 465 00:18:40,205 --> 00:18:42,251 - That would be fun. - Okay, so that is everybody. 466 00:18:43,730 --> 00:18:45,863 Oh, what about you? 467 00:18:45,907 --> 00:18:48,300 I just wanted to say hi and welcome. 468 00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:50,607 - Hi. - Welcome! 469 00:18:50,650 --> 00:18:53,262 Wow. So, everybody feeling good? 470 00:18:53,305 --> 00:18:55,481 I'm pretty far from good. 471 00:18:55,525 --> 00:18:57,483 Ah, my husband still thinks I'm nuts. 472 00:18:57,527 --> 00:19:00,486 You know what? Follow me. 473 00:19:06,014 --> 00:19:07,580 Okay, now 474 00:19:07,624 --> 00:19:09,887 ignite the flame, and release the gas knob slowly. 475 00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:11,410 Okay. 476 00:19:11,454 --> 00:19:13,282 Now hit it twice on the side, right there. 477 00:19:13,325 --> 00:19:15,153 - Hit it? - Seriously. 478 00:19:19,244 --> 00:19:24,336 Okay, now turn the gas knob on, and you'll hear a "whoomph." 479 00:19:25,337 --> 00:19:26,991 Nothing. 480 00:19:27,035 --> 00:19:28,732 Actually, a little past "on." The calibration's off. 481 00:19:28,775 --> 00:19:30,995 It's been wonky for the last 40 years or so. 482 00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:33,824 Whoa. Whoa. 483 00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:37,001 See? How else would I know any of this? 484 00:19:37,045 --> 00:19:42,920 Okay. Well, I guess I believe you. 485 00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:47,316 And... thank you. 486 00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:49,492 They say, "You're welcome." 487 00:19:49,535 --> 00:19:51,102 "They"? There's two of them? 488 00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:53,626 Yup. 489 00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:56,412 Are we done here? 490 00:19:59,241 --> 00:20:00,285 Oh. 491 00:20:00,329 --> 00:20:01,808 - All taken care of? - Yup. 492 00:20:01,852 --> 00:20:04,072 Yup, covered the hole right up. 493 00:20:04,115 --> 00:20:06,596 This is not the solution. This is worse! 494 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:09,773 I demand you remedy this posthaste! 495 00:20:09,816 --> 00:20:13,037 If you're here, you're welcome. 496 00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:14,430 - Are you starting a new article? - Toying around 497 00:20:14,473 --> 00:20:16,693 - with a book idea, actually. - Ooh. 498 00:20:16,736 --> 00:20:18,738 Mm-mm-mm. More writey-writey, less talky-talky. 499 00:20:18,782 --> 00:20:20,175 Now, where was I? 500 00:20:20,218 --> 00:20:22,046 - You were telling me about your wife. - Huh? 501 00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:23,961 Oh, no. No, not you. It's a... it's a ghost thing. 502 00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:26,007 All right. Well, uh, have fun. 503 00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,834 Ah, yes, Beatrice. 504 00:20:27,878 --> 00:20:30,359 She was a handsome woman. 505 00:20:30,402 --> 00:20:32,274 We slept in separate bedrooms, 506 00:20:32,317 --> 00:20:34,885 to keep the flame of our passion burning bright. 507 00:20:34,929 --> 00:20:37,105 Now, let's talk military service. 508 00:20:37,148 --> 00:20:41,160 I was a beloved commander, though I was known for riding my men hard. 509 00:20:41,161 --> 00:20:46,161 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 38269

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