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1
00:00:00,765 --> 00:00:03,110
I don't want to be
romanced. I want to be loved.
2
00:00:03,112 --> 00:00:05,078
Previously on "You Me Her"...
3
00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:06,155
Clomid time.
4
00:00:06,157 --> 00:00:08,541
- You must really want a kid.
- I must.
5
00:00:08,543 --> 00:00:10,237
My professional recommendation
6
00:00:10,239 --> 00:00:12,102
- would be surrogacy.
- Well, how do we start?
7
00:00:12,104 --> 00:00:14,898
Uh, how about we start
with a conversation?
8
00:00:14,900 --> 00:00:17,607
- What are you guys talking about?
- We want you to have our baby.
9
00:00:18,277 --> 00:00:20,144
Like, our baby. All three of us.
10
00:00:20,146 --> 00:00:23,081
It kind of feels like, like we're
supposed to do this together.
11
00:00:23,083 --> 00:00:25,652
Does no one think we should just,
like, hit the brakes just a little?
12
00:00:25,653 --> 00:00:27,346
We're just going to
delay the announcement
13
00:00:27,348 --> 00:00:29,131
of your promotion a couple of weeks.
14
00:00:29,133 --> 00:00:30,413
Did I hear you say that you were...
15
00:00:30,414 --> 00:00:32,311
I hate my boss and I
want to quit my job?
16
00:00:32,313 --> 00:00:34,793
You know how long I've
wanted to start my own firm.
17
00:00:34,795 --> 00:00:36,193
Fuck! Fuck me!
18
00:00:36,195 --> 00:00:37,900
Actually, I was yelling at my boss.
19
00:00:37,902 --> 00:00:39,916
She found out I was
scouting office space,
20
00:00:39,918 --> 00:00:42,651
so she's blackballing me at
the few places I can afford.
21
00:00:42,653 --> 00:00:43,939
So much for women helping women.
22
00:00:43,941 --> 00:00:45,883
I'm not a woman. I'm an architect.
23
00:00:45,885 --> 00:00:47,117
- What's this?
- Hey.
24
00:00:47,118 --> 00:00:48,282
Coolest firm in Seattle.
25
00:00:48,284 --> 00:00:50,374
Thanks so much, Kylie. I don't...
I don't even know what to say.
26
00:00:50,375 --> 00:00:52,669
Everyone at Pinnacle
is buzzing about me.
27
00:00:52,671 --> 00:00:53,723
Wha-a-a-a-t?
28
00:00:53,725 --> 00:00:54,842
I'm buzz-worthy.
29
00:00:54,844 --> 00:00:57,575
Have you crossed into
seriously considering this?
30
00:00:57,577 --> 00:01:00,505
I have no fucking clue who I am or...
31
00:01:00,507 --> 00:01:01,802
or what I want.
32
00:01:01,804 --> 00:01:03,835
I think we both know what you want.
33
00:01:03,837 --> 00:01:06,154
So any old-dude advice on how to get it?
34
00:01:06,156 --> 00:01:07,511
Go big.
35
00:01:09,893 --> 00:01:13,238
Emma, Izzy, will you
start a family with me?
36
00:01:17,095 --> 00:01:18,230
Um...
37
00:01:30,053 --> 00:01:31,587
Um...
38
00:01:32,096 --> 00:01:34,564
O... okay, I, um...
39
00:01:34,565 --> 00:01:36,275
I'm really into the "us" part
40
00:01:36,277 --> 00:01:39,279
and... the "love" part, but...
41
00:01:39,281 --> 00:01:41,028
as far as this whole
"family" thing goes,
42
00:01:41,030 --> 00:01:44,100
I mean, didn't we just enter this
musing phase, like, yesterday?
43
00:01:45,776 --> 00:01:47,938
Not the reaction I was expecting.
44
00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:50,274
Well, what Jack is proposing
45
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:54,146
is actually called "reciprocal
in vitro fertilization."
46
00:01:54,385 --> 00:01:55,986
It basically means that,
47
00:01:55,987 --> 00:01:59,312
um, we'd be bringing
two women to the party
48
00:01:59,314 --> 00:02:01,149
instead of one.
49
00:02:01,715 --> 00:02:02,915
Um...
50
00:02:02,917 --> 00:02:05,627
sorry, but kneeling is
a... young man's game.
51
00:02:05,629 --> 00:02:07,362
Oh, sorry. Here.
52
00:02:07,364 --> 00:02:08,518
- Uh...
- Just...
53
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,654
Yeah, let's sit. I'm a little dizzy.
54
00:02:10,656 --> 00:02:11,924
Okay.
55
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:15,210
Whew.
56
00:02:23,938 --> 00:02:26,012
How do you know all that in vitro stuff?
57
00:02:27,151 --> 00:02:28,719
Interwebs.
58
00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:30,315
So, you've been researching.
59
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:31,784
Which means...
60
00:02:31,786 --> 00:02:32,946
that you're open to the idea.
61
00:02:33,437 --> 00:02:34,772
Yeah.
62
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,815
In fact, um...
63
00:02:38,954 --> 00:02:41,954
I did some Yelping for IVF clinics,
64
00:02:41,956 --> 00:02:44,091
and I made an appointment.
65
00:02:45,937 --> 00:02:47,485
Relax, it... it...
66
00:02:47,487 --> 00:02:48,716
there was a cancellation.
67
00:02:48,718 --> 00:02:50,574
The next opening was six weeks away,
68
00:02:50,575 --> 00:02:53,611
and we can totally wait
if that's what you want.
69
00:02:54,515 --> 00:02:55,881
Appointment to what?
70
00:02:55,883 --> 00:02:58,423
- To make us pregnant?
- No, what... no, no.
71
00:02:58,425 --> 00:02:59,716
It's just a consultation...
72
00:02:59,717 --> 00:03:03,295
just to make sure that the, you
know, option is even on the table.
73
00:03:03,297 --> 00:03:05,512
It's still your eggs, Em.
74
00:03:05,514 --> 00:03:07,942
- We'd all have to agree.
- Yeah.
75
00:03:08,348 --> 00:03:09,632
When is this appointment?
76
00:03:09,634 --> 00:03:11,568
4:00.
77
00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:12,920
Tomorrow.
78
00:03:20,531 --> 00:03:21,868
Honey, it's just...
79
00:03:21,870 --> 00:03:23,479
Yeah, no, I... I heard.
80
00:03:24,026 --> 00:03:25,499
It's just a consultation.
81
00:03:25,501 --> 00:03:27,436
Are you mad? 'Cause we can...
82
00:03:27,438 --> 00:03:29,446
we can totally blow it
off. I can call them back.
83
00:03:29,448 --> 00:03:31,682
No, no. I'm not mad.
84
00:03:34,620 --> 00:03:36,821
I don't even know what I am.
85
00:03:42,085 --> 00:03:43,628
And I don't know if...
86
00:03:45,646 --> 00:03:47,653
You know, I'm not sure
if I still want a...
87
00:03:47,655 --> 00:03:49,623
You're not sure that
you still want a baby?
88
00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:52,240
Well, fuck.
89
00:03:52,242 --> 00:03:54,303
That would certainly change things.
90
00:03:54,437 --> 00:03:56,172
Seven years, Jack.
91
00:03:57,521 --> 00:03:59,709
I think part of me just surrendered.
92
00:03:59,710 --> 00:04:01,122
Okay, but...
93
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:03,565
what if you knew that it would work?
94
00:04:03,567 --> 00:04:06,700
What if you knew the three
of us could start a family?
95
00:04:06,702 --> 00:04:08,170
Would you feel differently?
96
00:04:15,335 --> 00:04:17,152
You really did all this?
97
00:04:22,401 --> 00:04:23,941
You think I'm crazy?
98
00:04:23,943 --> 00:04:25,101
No.
99
00:04:25,464 --> 00:04:27,816
Well, maybe a little.
100
00:04:28,985 --> 00:04:30,053
So?
101
00:04:33,353 --> 00:04:35,384
So...
102
00:04:35,824 --> 00:04:37,118
let's do this.
103
00:04:39,092 --> 00:04:41,037
- Yeah?
- But just... just the consultation.
104
00:04:41,039 --> 00:04:42,888
Okay, guys? Just one step at a time.
105
00:04:42,890 --> 00:04:43,969
Yeah.
106
00:04:43,971 --> 00:04:45,598
- Fair?
- Definitely.
107
00:04:45,723 --> 00:04:48,449
Okay, please tell me you did
not stage this whole production
108
00:04:48,451 --> 00:04:49,985
with one bottle of champagne.
109
00:04:49,987 --> 00:04:52,789
Oh, silly potential baby mama...
110
00:04:52,791 --> 00:04:54,325
- No.
- Okay, good.
111
00:04:54,327 --> 00:04:55,910
'Cause this lady right here might be
112
00:04:55,912 --> 00:04:58,864
staring down nine months
of cold, hard sobriety.
113
00:04:59,104 --> 00:05:01,339
So let's pop some corks, dickheads.
114
00:06:18,998 --> 00:06:20,451
Em.
115
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:21,786
Yeah?
116
00:06:21,788 --> 00:06:23,784
- You okay?
- Mm-hmm.
117
00:06:27,110 --> 00:06:28,828
What time is it?
118
00:06:28,830 --> 00:06:30,235
6:30.
119
00:06:31,505 --> 00:06:33,170
Wait, what day is it?
120
00:06:33,388 --> 00:06:34,615
Tuesday.
121
00:06:34,617 --> 00:06:36,018
Fuck!
122
00:06:43,866 --> 00:06:45,142
What's wrong?
123
00:06:45,143 --> 00:06:47,479
Izzy went AWOL again last night.
124
00:06:48,525 --> 00:06:51,392
I think she's gonna have
a baby with the Griswalds.
125
00:06:51,394 --> 00:06:54,485
Not, like, today, but...
126
00:06:54,571 --> 00:06:55,905
soon-ish.
127
00:06:59,321 --> 00:07:01,825
You got to be fucking kidding me.
128
00:07:01,990 --> 00:07:03,235
Mnh-mnh.
129
00:07:03,391 --> 00:07:06,030
She's gonna be
double-married with children.
130
00:07:06,031 --> 00:07:07,434
I can't imagine how our lives
131
00:07:07,436 --> 00:07:10,473
could possibly diverge
more dramatically.
132
00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:12,736
You could be single.
133
00:07:14,340 --> 00:07:16,675
I am single.
134
00:07:24,245 --> 00:07:26,380
Is there something that you want to say?
135
00:07:26,492 --> 00:07:28,135
No, I just...
136
00:07:28,137 --> 00:07:32,441
I don't want to get all
romantic again and scare you off.
137
00:07:33,874 --> 00:07:35,875
I don't... I don't want you to be...
138
00:07:35,877 --> 00:07:37,812
single.
139
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,255
Way to ruin everything.
140
00:07:43,257 --> 00:07:45,135
I know, I'm a fucking asshole.
141
00:07:45,136 --> 00:07:46,604
You're gonna have to go now.
142
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,431
I haven't had a boyfriend since...
143
00:07:52,433 --> 00:07:54,142
Cross-country drive to...
144
00:07:54,144 --> 00:07:55,808
- Brown University.
- Mm.
145
00:07:58,205 --> 00:08:00,728
We don't need, like, a label.
146
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,328
We could just...
147
00:08:02,330 --> 00:08:03,597
Will you...
148
00:08:03,881 --> 00:08:05,215
be my boyfriend?
149
00:08:08,663 --> 00:08:10,254
Yeah.
150
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:14,178
- We have a fucking test!
- Fucking test?
151
00:08:14,180 --> 00:08:16,099
We have a fucking test?!
152
00:08:16,592 --> 00:08:18,035
Huh.
153
00:08:18,036 --> 00:08:19,613
You guys made up.
154
00:08:19,910 --> 00:08:23,073
Had the intercourse all
the kids are talking about.
155
00:08:23,074 --> 00:08:24,175
Uh...
156
00:08:24,926 --> 00:08:26,809
With this one? No, that's gross.
157
00:08:26,811 --> 00:08:28,323
We were studying for the test.
158
00:08:28,325 --> 00:08:29,146
Yeah, you were.
159
00:08:29,147 --> 00:08:31,290
You guys were studying each other's...
160
00:08:31,292 --> 00:08:33,181
yeah, this... that's
not going anywhere good,
161
00:08:33,183 --> 00:08:34,696
so, let's do some cramming.
162
00:08:34,698 --> 00:08:35,903
I'll be here.
163
00:08:40,792 --> 00:08:42,643
Hey, uh...
164
00:08:42,645 --> 00:08:43,674
girlfriend.
165
00:08:50,828 --> 00:08:52,395
Hey, boyfriend.
166
00:08:52,397 --> 00:08:53,532
Hey.
167
00:09:01,199 --> 00:09:02,637
I can hear you.
168
00:09:15,819 --> 00:09:18,038
Oh, man, I didn't set my alarm.
169
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:19,669
Shh, shh, shh. I turned it off.
170
00:09:19,671 --> 00:09:20,879
Wh... what would you do that for?
171
00:09:20,881 --> 00:09:23,901
- You're gonna make me late for work.
- Do you hear that?
172
00:09:25,069 --> 00:09:27,736
- Hear what?
- Exactly.
173
00:09:27,738 --> 00:09:30,316
- Should we be concerned?
- No. I checked on them.
174
00:09:30,318 --> 00:09:31,941
Fast asleep.
175
00:09:31,942 --> 00:09:33,143
Oh, and alive.
176
00:09:33,144 --> 00:09:34,590
Oh.
177
00:09:34,592 --> 00:09:36,479
Alive is good, yeah.
178
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:37,847
Did you drug them somehow?
179
00:09:37,848 --> 00:09:40,150
Well, is bourbon considered a drug?
180
00:09:40,151 --> 00:09:42,153
Oh, my God.
181
00:09:43,102 --> 00:09:44,543
Oh.
182
00:09:44,545 --> 00:09:46,797
Okay, so, uh...
183
00:09:47,758 --> 00:09:49,626
I'll just show up
late for work, I guess.
184
00:09:49,627 --> 00:09:52,430
With an inscrutable excuse.
185
00:09:54,105 --> 00:09:55,350
Let's be honest.
186
00:09:55,352 --> 00:09:56,870
I'm probably gonna tell
everybody in the office
187
00:09:56,871 --> 00:10:00,608
I'm having wild-animal
morning-sex with my wife.
188
00:10:01,772 --> 00:10:02,972
Men.
189
00:10:08,591 --> 00:10:09,858
Okay, I'm gonna tell everybody,
190
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:11,347
including complete strangers.
191
00:10:11,348 --> 00:10:13,317
I'll probably tweet it, too.
192
00:10:19,123 --> 00:10:21,057
Okay.
193
00:10:21,058 --> 00:10:22,992
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
194
00:10:22,993 --> 00:10:25,596
- What's the hurry?
- It's...
195
00:10:26,365 --> 00:10:28,264
We got to get going. It's really late.
196
00:10:28,265 --> 00:10:30,400
You're the boss at your new job,
197
00:10:30,401 --> 00:10:32,068
I hate mine, so, uh,
198
00:10:32,069 --> 00:10:35,072
let's take a minute.
199
00:10:38,530 --> 00:10:39,530
Okay.
200
00:10:41,579 --> 00:10:44,654
What's the deal with your
starting your own firm thing?
201
00:10:44,656 --> 00:10:46,683
Well, rent's obscene,
202
00:10:46,684 --> 00:10:49,354
I basically can't hire anybody ever,
203
00:10:49,356 --> 00:10:50,575
and, um...
204
00:10:50,577 --> 00:10:54,077
yeah, this town already has about
ten more firms than it needs.
205
00:10:54,079 --> 00:10:55,662
So take a break...
206
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:57,862
right?
207
00:10:58,002 --> 00:11:00,604
Can build up the firm from home.
208
00:11:00,965 --> 00:11:02,537
Maybe stay with the baby.
209
00:11:07,741 --> 00:11:10,679
Look, if you don't want
it, I don't want it, okay?
210
00:11:13,237 --> 00:11:16,773
You are the only man
I've ever really loved.
211
00:11:16,775 --> 00:11:18,977
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
212
00:11:20,129 --> 00:11:21,997
Might be 'cause you're mostly gay.
213
00:11:21,999 --> 00:11:23,800
Yeah.
214
00:11:23,802 --> 00:11:26,337
Sure. That explains it.
215
00:11:26,339 --> 00:11:28,666
Luckily my... pheromones
216
00:11:28,668 --> 00:11:31,495
just busted through this
lesbianic force field.
217
00:11:33,351 --> 00:11:34,684
I guess so.
218
00:11:35,545 --> 00:11:37,413
I'd do anything for you.
219
00:11:37,735 --> 00:11:40,120
You know that, right?
220
00:12:18,485 --> 00:12:20,448
Oh.
221
00:12:24,684 --> 00:12:27,219
Hey!
222
00:12:28,740 --> 00:12:30,674
Somebody's perky this morning.
223
00:12:30,676 --> 00:12:33,211
Yeah. You know, just feeling lighter.
224
00:12:33,213 --> 00:12:35,766
Letting all that bad stuff... go.
225
00:12:35,768 --> 00:12:37,569
Sounds like a poop thing. It's not.
226
00:12:37,571 --> 00:12:39,743
But anyway, I have a feeling
227
00:12:39,745 --> 00:12:43,400
that you are gonna have a
super-terrific day, neighbor.
228
00:12:43,625 --> 00:12:45,225
Are you on something?
229
00:12:45,227 --> 00:12:47,096
No.
230
00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:50,260
Okay, well, um...
231
00:12:50,921 --> 00:12:54,069
Thanks, Lori. You have a
super-terrific day, too.
232
00:12:54,071 --> 00:12:55,588
Oh, I will.
233
00:12:55,719 --> 00:12:57,101
Bye.
234
00:13:03,511 --> 00:13:05,112
Glad somebody's happy.
235
00:13:06,576 --> 00:13:08,954
I get to spend another
morning in the girl's bathroom
236
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:11,751
trying to flush the scent of
asparagus urine out of my nostrils.
237
00:13:11,753 --> 00:13:13,898
Oh, I almost forgot.
238
00:13:17,934 --> 00:13:19,601
No fucking way.
239
00:13:19,603 --> 00:13:21,204
Yes fucking way.
240
00:13:21,306 --> 00:13:23,173
Fresh start, clean slate.
241
00:13:23,252 --> 00:13:25,253
But you do have to pay it forward.
242
00:13:25,255 --> 00:13:27,123
Meaning?
243
00:13:27,125 --> 00:13:29,527
Well, don't be an asshole.
244
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,627
This feels like a trap.
245
00:13:39,268 --> 00:13:41,503
Okay, it's noon o'clock somewhere.
246
00:13:41,505 --> 00:13:42,956
You know what?
247
00:13:42,958 --> 00:13:45,240
I am totally cool
leveraging the prospect
248
00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:48,318
of eventual pregnancy
as an excuse to drink...
249
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,401
almost constantly.
250
00:13:50,403 --> 00:13:52,537
Hey, you know what the PSA says...
251
00:13:52,803 --> 00:13:55,654
"Friends don't let
friends binge-drink alone."
252
00:13:55,656 --> 00:13:56,967
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
253
00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:58,635
- So let's get it?
- Get it.
254
00:13:58,637 --> 00:13:59,861
- Get it.
- Get it, girl!
255
00:13:59,863 --> 00:14:01,398
Shaun, here we come.
256
00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:03,860
- You just snorted.
- I did a little bit.
257
00:14:08,733 --> 00:14:09,823
What?
258
00:14:09,825 --> 00:14:12,021
You start work in 47 minutes.
259
00:14:12,023 --> 00:14:13,223
That... That's at noon.
260
00:14:13,224 --> 00:14:14,991
- So?
- Uh, it's just...
261
00:14:15,265 --> 00:14:17,263
you can't fulfill the
duties of a skilled
262
00:14:17,265 --> 00:14:18,884
bartender when you're highly inebriated.
263
00:14:20,631 --> 00:14:23,500
I could be drunk and a goldfish
264
00:14:23,501 --> 00:14:26,503
and still "fulfill my duties
as bartender" better than you.
265
00:14:26,504 --> 00:14:28,171
Oh, that's... that's very funny.
266
00:14:28,172 --> 00:14:29,757
Yeah, because it's very true.
267
00:14:29,759 --> 00:14:31,033
It is very true.
268
00:14:31,035 --> 00:14:32,440
Y... you might want
to take a look around
269
00:14:32,441 --> 00:14:35,379
'cause it's just the
two of you and, like...
270
00:14:35,380 --> 00:14:37,782
barfly over there.
271
00:14:41,802 --> 00:14:43,786
Anyways, I'm having a baby.
272
00:14:43,788 --> 00:14:46,723
Now get us another
shot. We're celebrating.
273
00:14:46,724 --> 00:14:49,093
You're kidding, right?
274
00:14:49,798 --> 00:14:51,332
Of course I'm kidding.
275
00:14:51,334 --> 00:14:53,114
Geez.
276
00:14:53,567 --> 00:14:55,101
Silly boy.
277
00:14:55,266 --> 00:14:57,079
That wasn't funny.
278
00:14:59,003 --> 00:15:01,338
- Shots.
- But seriously, I'm way pregnant.
279
00:15:01,339 --> 00:15:03,340
Oh, whoa. Oh, don't be doing that.
280
00:15:03,341 --> 00:15:04,608
Oh, and she did it.
281
00:15:04,609 --> 00:15:05,609
Mm-hmm.
282
00:15:05,610 --> 00:15:07,477
Okay.
283
00:15:07,478 --> 00:15:08,812
One more. I'm closing.
284
00:15:16,888 --> 00:15:19,623
Sorry. Can't seem to figure
out how to not startle people.
285
00:15:19,624 --> 00:15:21,374
Well, if I had a door,
you could knock on it,
286
00:15:21,375 --> 00:15:23,843
but I don't because I'm stuck
in a fucking corner because...
287
00:15:23,845 --> 00:15:25,429
I normally wouldn't interrupt you,
288
00:15:25,431 --> 00:15:27,833
but Ms. Monro would like
to see you in your office.
289
00:15:28,499 --> 00:15:30,941
Don't you mean Dani wants
to see me in her office?
290
00:15:30,943 --> 00:15:32,223
That's what I thought.
291
00:15:32,225 --> 00:15:34,599
She made me say it like a dozen
times to make sure I got it right.
292
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,801
Ms. Monro would like to
see you in your office.
293
00:15:36,974 --> 00:15:38,509
Southeast corner.
294
00:15:52,523 --> 00:15:54,425
Come on in, Emma.
295
00:15:58,373 --> 00:15:59,564
Yay.
296
00:16:00,057 --> 00:16:02,124
Put 'er there, partner.
297
00:16:02,126 --> 00:16:03,800
Uh, what's going on?
298
00:16:03,801 --> 00:16:06,002
Well, I did a... a little maneuvering.
299
00:16:06,003 --> 00:16:08,549
You're heading up the
Hamilton Theater Project again.
300
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,924
Press release for your promotion
goes out this afternoon.
301
00:16:12,128 --> 00:16:14,262
Uh, can I talk to you for a minute?
302
00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:15,599
Of course.
303
00:16:25,268 --> 00:16:27,270
I was going to present this
to you at the party, but...
304
00:16:27,271 --> 00:16:29,071
You're putting on quite
a show, aren't you?
305
00:16:29,109 --> 00:16:31,044
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
306
00:16:31,046 --> 00:16:32,885
My neighbor, Lori Matherfield,
307
00:16:32,887 --> 00:16:36,323
she was clenching in such a big,
fat, juicy secret this morning...
308
00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:38,106
I thought she was gonna explode.
309
00:16:40,078 --> 00:16:42,346
She's gonna tell me.
310
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:43,994
Fine, if you really must ruin it.
311
00:16:45,276 --> 00:16:47,438
What, you mean expose this
bullshit piece of theater
312
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,476
starring you as the
magnanimous senior partner?
313
00:16:50,515 --> 00:16:52,916
There was a meeting... at Hamilton.
314
00:16:52,917 --> 00:16:54,785
Mm. I kinda figured.
315
00:16:54,786 --> 00:16:56,091
This Matherfield cunt...
316
00:16:56,093 --> 00:16:58,055
Don't... Don't call her that.
317
00:16:58,056 --> 00:17:00,057
Oh, she's your buddy now?
318
00:17:00,058 --> 00:17:01,925
I... I don't know what she is, but...
319
00:17:01,926 --> 00:17:03,327
you know, she's not that.
320
00:17:03,741 --> 00:17:05,943
The jury's still out on you, though.
321
00:17:07,331 --> 00:17:09,112
Do you really want to play it like this?
322
00:17:09,114 --> 00:17:10,987
Just finish your story.
323
00:17:12,893 --> 00:17:15,205
She called together the Alumni Board,
324
00:17:15,206 --> 00:17:16,561
Dean Weinstock,
325
00:17:16,563 --> 00:17:18,389
and a few other of the
administrative types,
326
00:17:18,391 --> 00:17:20,426
and made a speech on your behalf.
327
00:17:21,546 --> 00:17:22,709
And?
328
00:17:22,711 --> 00:17:24,800
Like I said, you're back on the project.
329
00:17:26,284 --> 00:17:27,685
And what if I say no?
330
00:17:29,312 --> 00:17:30,445
What?
331
00:17:30,447 --> 00:17:32,582
Why would you say no?
332
00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:35,360
What if I decide not
to head up the project?
333
00:17:40,514 --> 00:17:41,915
We lose it.
334
00:17:41,917 --> 00:17:43,317
Excuse me?
335
00:17:43,319 --> 00:17:45,987
And I fire you so
fucking hard, Trakarsky.
336
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:47,387
Ooh, I'm scared.
337
00:17:47,389 --> 00:17:48,874
And before the door hits your ass,
338
00:17:48,876 --> 00:17:50,903
I initiate the first of 100 calls
339
00:17:50,905 --> 00:17:53,034
to make sure you never
work in this town again.
340
00:17:53,036 --> 00:17:55,753
Stop, I'm gonna piss my pants.
341
00:17:55,755 --> 00:17:58,033
You play it as cool as you want, but...
342
00:17:58,035 --> 00:18:00,637
we both know we're
stuck with each other.
343
00:18:00,639 --> 00:18:03,240
Now, why don't we go
back to your new office,
344
00:18:03,242 --> 00:18:04,776
put on our big-girl smiles...
345
00:18:04,778 --> 00:18:06,655
Oh, I can't. I'm meeting a friend.
346
00:18:06,657 --> 00:18:10,193
Um, but I will give you my
decision as soon as I get back.
347
00:18:10,194 --> 00:18:11,483
What fucking decision?
348
00:18:11,485 --> 00:18:13,432
There's no door number two, Trakarsky.
349
00:18:13,434 --> 00:18:15,569
There's always a door number two, Monro.
350
00:18:24,158 --> 00:18:26,562
Did I happen to mention
that my wife and I had wild,
351
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:28,509
animalistic morning sex today?
352
00:18:28,511 --> 00:18:29,881
Yeah, like three times so far.
353
00:18:31,438 --> 00:18:33,687
Why is it so... gross when a guy
354
00:18:33,689 --> 00:18:35,658
brags about having sex with his wife?
355
00:18:35,666 --> 00:18:38,221
Yeah, like, when you tap
Mila Kunis, you can brag,
356
00:18:38,222 --> 00:18:39,877
but telling people
you tapped your wife...
357
00:18:39,879 --> 00:18:41,756
it's just... weird.
358
00:18:41,758 --> 00:18:44,294
You're ruining this whole
thing, thank you very much.
359
00:18:46,101 --> 00:18:48,636
Okay, well, here's something...
360
00:18:48,638 --> 00:18:51,440
me, Emma, and Izzy
are gonna have a baby.
361
00:18:51,442 --> 00:18:53,035
You're gonna have a threesome baby?
362
00:18:53,037 --> 00:18:54,561
How is that even possible?
363
00:18:54,563 --> 00:18:56,705
No, it's... it's my s... sperm,
364
00:18:56,707 --> 00:18:59,310
Emma's eggs, and Izzy's uterus.
365
00:18:59,862 --> 00:19:02,782
But then we got to... move downtown.
366
00:19:02,784 --> 00:19:04,633
That is some very weird science.
367
00:19:04,635 --> 00:19:07,485
Is there, like, a polygamist
community down there or a...
368
00:19:07,487 --> 00:19:10,119
some special school for children
of threesomes I don't know about?
369
00:19:10,121 --> 00:19:12,856
Well, it's just Izzy's
part of the bargain.
370
00:19:12,858 --> 00:19:15,060
We get her womb and she gets a loft.
371
00:19:15,062 --> 00:19:16,860
Ah. Translation...
372
00:19:16,861 --> 00:19:19,494
she doesn't want to live
anywhere near you boring losers.
373
00:19:19,496 --> 00:19:22,442
Oh, yeah, because your gated
community of uber-Caucasians
374
00:19:22,444 --> 00:19:25,113
gets the hipster seal of approval.
375
00:19:25,115 --> 00:19:26,482
My backyard bocce ball tournaments
376
00:19:26,484 --> 00:19:29,966
get pretty fucking wild after
a few Belgian ales, David.
377
00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:31,724
Whitest thing you've ever said.
378
00:19:31,726 --> 00:19:34,544
I gotta be honest, you know,
it's all happening so fast.
379
00:19:34,545 --> 00:19:36,104
It's like one night
you're prancing around
380
00:19:36,105 --> 00:19:38,212
an unfinished loft
doing a fertility dance,
381
00:19:38,214 --> 00:19:40,503
and the next day, you're
sitting across a professional
382
00:19:40,505 --> 00:19:42,887
talking about a three-parent baby.
383
00:19:46,817 --> 00:19:48,551
What?
384
00:19:48,553 --> 00:19:51,285
It's just... one of those...
385
00:19:51,287 --> 00:19:53,490
once-in-a-lifetime sentences.
386
00:19:57,775 --> 00:19:59,342
Mm.
387
00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:02,169
Sorry the sitter bailed.
388
00:20:02,171 --> 00:20:03,445
I was dying to get out of the house.
389
00:20:03,446 --> 00:20:05,793
Oh, it's cool. I had stuff
to do at the house anyway.
390
00:20:05,795 --> 00:20:07,675
- I want to open one.
- Do you want to open one?
391
00:20:07,905 --> 00:20:09,906
What? Yeah? What do you... What?
392
00:20:09,908 --> 00:20:10,878
What did you have to do?
393
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,815
You know, like... stuff.
394
00:20:13,817 --> 00:20:15,081
You're being weird.
395
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:18,152
Sort of rerouting the
conception strategy.
396
00:20:18,154 --> 00:20:19,222
Yeah?
397
00:20:21,218 --> 00:20:23,224
We have an appointment today to discuss
398
00:20:23,226 --> 00:20:25,357
other options at 4:00.
399
00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:27,460
Okay. What kind of options?
400
00:20:27,832 --> 00:20:30,333
You know, like... Izzy...
401
00:20:30,334 --> 00:20:32,364
carrying our baby... stuff like that.
402
00:20:32,366 --> 00:20:34,872
- Baby.
- "Baby". I know, right? Hilarious.
403
00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,665
Wait, you're kidding, right?
404
00:20:38,667 --> 00:20:39,735
Nope.
405
00:20:42,459 --> 00:20:44,171
Do you remember what you said to me
406
00:20:44,173 --> 00:20:46,608
in the... Lesbian Temple of Tea
407
00:20:46,610 --> 00:20:48,611
how you're not sure about
anything in your life
408
00:20:48,613 --> 00:20:50,647
sexually, professionally, or...
409
00:20:50,768 --> 00:20:52,003
reproductively?
410
00:20:52,005 --> 00:20:53,434
Jack wants a baby.
411
00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:56,102
Jack wants a baby.
412
00:20:58,199 --> 00:21:00,588
We're in here.
413
00:21:00,590 --> 00:21:01,857
Hello?
414
00:21:01,859 --> 00:21:03,394
Lori?
415
00:21:04,623 --> 00:21:06,595
- Oh! Hey.
- Hey.
416
00:21:08,514 --> 00:21:11,232
That was a pretty amazing thing
you did for me, Lori Matherfield.
417
00:21:11,234 --> 00:21:12,334
Oh.
418
00:21:13,744 --> 00:21:15,875
Somebody please tell me
what's going on right now.
419
00:21:15,877 --> 00:21:19,102
Lo called together the Alumni
Board and Dean Weinstock
420
00:21:19,104 --> 00:21:22,004
and fixed everything
on the Theater Project.
421
00:21:22,006 --> 00:21:23,676
Oh, so you're a partner again?
422
00:21:23,678 --> 00:21:25,089
Mm, maybe.
423
00:21:25,467 --> 00:21:26,596
Hug her.
424
00:21:26,598 --> 00:21:29,461
- Huh? What's that?
- Hug... Hug Lo. She deserves it.
425
00:21:29,781 --> 00:21:33,079
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
426
00:21:33,081 --> 00:21:35,261
- Here, I'll take her.
- Hi.
427
00:21:35,777 --> 00:21:37,511
How do you want to do this? Uh...
428
00:21:37,513 --> 00:21:38,528
- Okay.
- Okay.
429
00:21:38,530 --> 00:21:39,569
Yes. It's okay.
430
00:21:39,570 --> 00:21:41,911
- I want you two to become friends.
- It's nice.
431
00:21:41,913 --> 00:21:43,018
Okay, spill it, Trakarsky.
432
00:21:43,020 --> 00:21:45,629
What the fuck is this
about? Are you... dying?
433
00:21:45,631 --> 00:21:48,343
Oh, I love that one necklace of yours.
434
00:21:48,345 --> 00:21:50,806
The... the antique-y
one with the rubies.
435
00:21:52,303 --> 00:21:54,938
What? It's a joke. I can
make jokes now, right?
436
00:21:54,940 --> 00:21:56,486
I'm Lo.
437
00:22:01,138 --> 00:22:02,677
Hey, baby daddy.
438
00:22:02,679 --> 00:22:03,746
Hey.
439
00:22:23,254 --> 00:22:26,740
You know, the last time we
sat on the bench together,
440
00:22:26,742 --> 00:22:29,990
I left and consumed a
dangerous volume of vodka,
441
00:22:29,992 --> 00:22:33,324
jalapeño kettle chips,
and pistachio ice cream...
442
00:22:35,412 --> 00:22:37,149
'cause I had fallen for a married couple
443
00:22:37,151 --> 00:22:39,086
and I could never, ever see them again.
444
00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:45,854
I went home and had sex with my wife,
445
00:22:46,915 --> 00:22:50,941
who... told me you gave her
a footjob under the table...
446
00:22:52,410 --> 00:22:54,152
... and made out with her...
447
00:22:55,077 --> 00:22:58,709
and that... you weren't
her first girl...
448
00:22:58,823 --> 00:23:00,223
or her second.
449
00:23:00,951 --> 00:23:03,744
It turns out you weren't
her third, either.
450
00:23:03,746 --> 00:23:05,877
Rough.
451
00:23:08,559 --> 00:23:10,603
That's when everything changed.
452
00:23:25,795 --> 00:23:27,623
Look, I want this...
453
00:23:30,515 --> 00:23:32,016
... bad.
454
00:23:33,692 --> 00:23:35,952
I need you guys to want it, too.
455
00:23:37,302 --> 00:23:38,396
'Cause if you don't,
456
00:23:38,398 --> 00:23:39,855
- there's no reason...
- Jack.
457
00:23:40,580 --> 00:23:41,915
I do.
458
00:26:16,281 --> 00:26:21,281
synced by peritta - corrections by chamallow
www.addic7ed.com
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