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1
00:00:02,235 --> 00:00:07,172
♪ THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD,
I SHALL NOT WANT ♪
2
00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:13,245
♪ HE MAKETH ME TO LIE DOWN
IN GREEN PASTURES ♪
3
00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:24,789
♪ HE LEADETH ME
BESIDE STILL WATERS ♪
4
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:32,231
♪ STILL WATERS ♪
5
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,902
RIGHT, WE'VE GOT
A LOT OF STUFF
TO GET THROUGH TONIGHT,
6
00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:39,438
SO IF I COULD ASK YOU
NOT TO WASTE TIME
7
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:43,342
WITH THE TRADITIONAL
DISTRACTIONS, REPETITIONS,
AND GENERAL ANNOYANCES
8
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,544
THAT ARE THE USUAL
CONTENT OF THESE
PARISH COUNCIL MEETINGS.
9
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:46,578
GOOD IDEA.
10
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:47,812
YOU'RE THE BOSS.
11
00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:49,515
EXCELLENT.
12
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,251
READY, FRANK?
13
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:53,385
ABSOLUTELY.
14
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,354
BRAVO.
15
00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:58,090
POINT ONE--
THE GALA NIGHT.
16
00:00:58,092 --> 00:01:00,092
I THOUGHT
ST. VALENTINE'S DAY,
17
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:02,661
WITH ALL THE PROFITS
GOING TO THE UPKEEP
OF THE VILLAGE HALL.
18
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:04,763
HAPPY WITH THAT, JIM?
19
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:06,498
YES.
MARVELLOUS.
20
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:07,832
FATHER.
21
00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:09,968
LATER, HUGO.
22
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:11,002
I DIDN'T
SAY ANYTHING.
23
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:12,538
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
24
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:15,174
FATHER?
FATHER?
25
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:17,109
OH, NO.
26
00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:20,145
IT'S A DREAM, ISN'T IT?
27
00:01:20,147 --> 00:01:23,648
YES, DAVID,
I'M AFRAID IT IS.
28
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:26,017
FATHER.
29
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:27,719
FATHER!
30
00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:29,455
TIME FOR
THE COUNCIL MEETING.
31
00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:31,223
OH, GOD.
32
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:32,691
HIGHLIGHT OF THE WEEK.
33
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:35,160
YOU'RE THE SADDEST PERSON
IN THE KINGDOM,
34
00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:37,429
AND THAT'S INCLUDING
ROLF HARRIS.
35
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:42,634
RIGHT, WELL, WE'VE GOT
A LOT OF STUFF TO
GET THROUGH TONIGHT.
36
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:43,668
OOH, SORRY I'M LATE.
37
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:44,669
DID I MISS ANYTHING?
38
00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:46,305
NO, WE WERE ONLY
JUST STARTING.
39
00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:47,439
AS I WAS SAYING...
40
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,141
IS THERE A LOT OF STUFF
TO GET THROUGH TONIGHT?
41
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:50,709
YES, THERE IS.
42
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,411
CAN WE TRY TO DO IT
43
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:56,915
WITHOUT ALL THE TRADITIONAL
DISTRACTIONS AND REPETITIONS
AND GENERAL ANNOYANCES
44
00:01:56,917 --> 00:02:00,652
THAT ARE THE USUAL CONTENT
OF THESE PARISH
COUNCIL MEETINGS?
45
00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:02,221
WELL, QUITE.
46
00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:03,288
GOOD BOY, VICAR.
47
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,523
THE WAY I SEE IT,
48
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:06,291
A SLIGHTLY FIRMER HAND
ON THE RUDDER
49
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,260
MIGHT GET US
THROUGH THESE THINGS
A LITTLE QUICKER.
50
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:10,462
YOU WANT TO
TAKE A VOTE
ON THAT?
51
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:11,630
ON WHAT?
52
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,465
ON THE PROPOSITION
BY THE VICAR,
53
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,400
SECONDED BY MR. NEWITT
54
00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:18,437
THAT THERE SHOULD BE
A SLIGHTLY FIRMER HAND
ON THE RUDDER.
55
00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:21,140
OF COURSE WE DON'T
WANT TO TAKE A VOTE ON IT.
56
00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:24,209
RIGHT. ALL THOSE
IN FAVOUR OF
NOT VOTING?
57
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,546
THAT'S ONE.
58
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:29,448
ALL THOSE IN FAVOUR
OF A VOTE?
59
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,285
CARRIED OVERWHELMINGLY.
60
00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:35,120
FOR GOD'S SAKE,
61
00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:38,657
THIS IS EXACTLY
THE KIND OF INTERRUPTION
WE'RE TRYING TO AVOID.
62
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,126
I THOUGHT YOU HAD MEANT
THE KIND OF THING
63
00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:46,231
LIKE, WHERE, YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
OWEN'S CATTLE,
64
00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:50,335
AND I THINK YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT OWEN'S KETTLE.
65
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:55,274
AND I SAY
I'LL LEND HIM MINE,
66
00:02:55,276 --> 00:03:00,546
BUT IT'S FUSED AT THE MOMENT.
67
00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:07,519
YES. WELL, THAT KIND OF THING
CAN BE PRETTY ANNOYING, TOO.
68
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,120
MOVING ON.
69
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:10,755
YOUR KETTLE
REALLY NOT WORKING, JIM?
70
00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:14,793
NO. IT'S ABSOLUTELY KNACKERED.
71
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:18,129
I CAN LEND YOU MINE
AT A VERY REASONABLE PRICE.
72
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,466
STOP IT RIGHT THERE!
73
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,769
( all exclaiming )
74
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:29,241
POINT ONE--
75
00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:32,578
THE DATE OF THE GALA NIGHT.
76
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:36,582
I THOUGHT VALENTINE'S DAY--
FEBRUARY THE 14th.
77
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:38,750
YEP, THAT SOUNDS
FINE TO ME.
78
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:40,319
THANK GOD FOR THAT.
79
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:44,456
SO LONG AS YOU DON'T MIND
IT BEING ON THE SAME DAY
AS THE CATTLE SHOW.
80
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:47,626
ARE WE HAVING
A KETTLE SHOW?
81
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:50,362
VERY WELL.
FEBRUARY THE 15th.
82
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:52,130
OLD FOLKS'
VALENTINE DINNER.
83
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,332
SIXTEENTH?
84
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:55,267
OLD FOLKS'
VALENTINE DINNER.
85
00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:57,068
I THOUGHT THAT WAS
THE 15th.
86
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,871
YES, BUT SO MANY OF THE OLD
DEARS FORGET THE FIRST ONE,
87
00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:02,274
WE ALWAYS HAVE ANOTHER ONE
THE NEXT DAY.
88
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:03,675
VERY WELL, THEN.
89
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,477
THE 17th.
90
00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:07,679
OLD FOLKS'
VALENTINE DINNER.
91
00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:09,414
THERE'S A THIRD ONE?
92
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,383
NO. JUST TEASING.
GOTCHA!
93
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:21,760
VERY WELL, THE 17th IT IS.
94
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:25,864
YEP, SO LONG AS
YOU DON'T MIND
US MISSING HUGO'S WEDDING.
95
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:31,069
I DO HATE YOU ALL
VERY DEEPLY.
96
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:36,074
RIGHT. SO THAT'S SETTLED.
97
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:41,179
THE VALENTINE GALA NIGHT
IS ON NOVEMBER THE 23rd.
98
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:45,751
ANYTHING ELSE?
99
00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:48,987
NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO, NO.
100
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,021
NO.
101
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:54,959
VERY WELL.
102
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,662
ITEM TWO--
103
00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:59,230
THERE WAS THIS
ONE OTHER THING.
104
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:04,002
I DON'T THINK I CAN MAKE
NOVEMBER THE 23rd.
105
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,036
LORD, HELP ME.
106
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:07,339
SAY, I'VE JUST
CHECKED MY DIARY,
107
00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:09,908
AND ACTUALLY,
YOUR ORIGINAL SUGGESTION
OF VALENTINE'S DAY
108
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,777
IS, IN FACT, FINE,
109
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:14,179
BECAUSE THE CATTLE SHOW'S
THE WEEK BEFORE.
110
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:16,181
SILLY ME. SORRY.
111
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:19,751
MOVING ON...
112
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,152
WE CAN AT LEAST AGREE
113
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,722
THAT THE MONEY WILL GO
TO THE UPKEEP OF THE HALL?
114
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:26,291
All: NO!
115
00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:29,628
CAN'T IT GO TO SOMETHING
PEOPLE CAN FEEL
PASSIONATE ABOUT?
116
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:30,829
All: YES!
117
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:31,830
LIKE WHAT, FOR INSTANCE?
118
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,264
ULRIKA JONSSON.
119
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:38,036
JIM AND I
ARE VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT HER.
120
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:43,842
SHE CAN CLIMB ON MY TRAVELATOR
ANY OLD TIME.
121
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:47,679
NO, JIM.
122
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,615
I WAS THINKING MORE OF
A VILLAGE NURSERY.
123
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:52,484
I JUST THINK
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
124
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:55,253
TO GET THE TODDLERS INTERESTED
IN READING AND WRITING
WHEN THEY'RE VERY YOUNG.
125
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,555
OH, WHAT NONSENSE.
126
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:58,757
I HAD A CHARMING
FARMHAND HERE
FOR YEARS
127
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:01,059
WHO COULDN'T READ
A SINGLE WORD.
128
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,594
NEVER DID HIM ANY HARM.
129
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,696
APART FROM THAT TIME
HE COULDN'T READ
THE SIGN SAYING
130
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,431
"CAUTION. FAULTY CHAINSAW."
131
00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:08,967
HE CUT OFF HIS NOSE,
AND ONE OF HIS HANDS.
132
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,369
DAD HAD TO
GO TO COURT.
133
00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:12,337
THE NURSERY IT IS.
134
00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:14,972
( phone rings )
135
00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:16,040
( rings )
136
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,409
HELLO.
137
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:19,110
ALICE.
138
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:21,479
ONE SECOND,
PLEASE, CALLER.
139
00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:22,680
YEAH?
140
00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:25,283
COULD YOU PLEASE LET ME
ANSWER MY OWN PHONE?
141
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:26,284
OH, SORRY.
142
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:27,318
SORRY.
143
00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:31,523
I DIDN'T MEAN HANG UP.
144
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:32,657
OH, SORRY.
145
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,959
OH, NO,
THEY'VE GONE.
146
00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:37,829
OF COURSE THEY'VE GONE,
BECAUSE YOU HUNG UP.
147
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:38,897
( rings )
148
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,865
LEAVE IT!
149
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:41,900
( rings )
150
00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:44,736
( rings )
151
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,273
HELLO.
GERALDINE GRANGER HERE.
152
00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:51,576
RIGHT.
IT'S FOR YOU.
153
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,513
HELLO.
154
00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:57,348
OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
RIGHT, YEAH.
155
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:58,349
I'LL BE STRAIGHT HOME.
156
00:06:58,351 --> 00:06:59,551
OKAY. BYE.
157
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:02,487
IT'S JUST MY MUM
REMINDING ME
SISTER WENDY'S ON.
158
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:03,922
SHE'S LOVELY,
DON'T YOU THINK?
159
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,324
YEAH, SHE REMINDS ME
OF KEN DODD.
160
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:11,095
I DO SOMETIMES WONDER
WHAT THE HELL SHE THINKS
SHE'S DOING ON TV,
161
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:14,432
POINTING AT ALL THE KNOBS
ON STATUES, AND SAYING,
162
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:17,134
( imitates Sister Wendy)
GOOD LORD, THAT'S NICE,
ISN'T IT?
163
00:07:17,136 --> 00:07:20,171
PEOPLE DON'T SEEM TO FEEL
THEY EXIST ANYMORE
164
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,106
UNLESS THEY'RE ON
TELEVISION OR IN
THE PAPERS.
165
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,274
( phone rings )
166
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:25,810
HELLO. VICARAGE.
167
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,513
RIGHT.
168
00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:31,883
RIGHT.
169
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:32,951
WHAT?
170
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:33,952
YEAH, I'LL ASK HER.
171
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,653
IT'S THE TIMES OF LONDON.
172
00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,689
THEY HEARD YOU ON RADIO DIBLEY
173
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,423
AND WONDER IF THEY
CAN DO A FEATURE ON YOU.
174
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:40,758
NO!
175
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:43,227
NO. THE ANSWER IS NO.
176
00:07:43,229 --> 00:07:46,197
I AM A VICAR,
I AM NOT A CELEBRITY.
177
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:47,932
THEY'D PAY YOU
500 QUID.
178
00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:49,501
YES, YES.
179
00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:52,103
AN UNEQUIVOCAL YES.
180
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,506
ITEM SIX--THE GALA NIGHT.
181
00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,374
IDEAS FOR CONTENT?
182
00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:57,842
NO, NO. YES.
183
00:07:57,844 --> 00:08:00,077
I SAW THIS FILM
THE OTHER NIGHT--
184
00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:02,246
THE FULL MONTY.
185
00:08:04,183 --> 00:08:07,852
YOU GET SOME MUSIC,
I'LL TAKE ALL MY CLOTHES OFF.
186
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:13,491
AND THAT WOULD BE
ENTERTAINING, WOULD IT?
187
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,894
THEY'LL CERTAINLY GET
THEIR MONEY'S WORTH.
188
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:18,129
I'M TAKING OFF MY TRUSS
AND EVERYTHING.
189
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:22,333
GOOD IDEA.
190
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:25,436
I'M INTENDING TO DO
MY IMPRESSION, SIR.
191
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:28,606
HOW DO? HOW ARE YOU
DIDDLING?
192
00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:30,575
AND WHO'S THAT?
193
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,544
MY GRANDFATHER.
194
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:35,780
RIGHT.
195
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:37,916
OWEN, ANY IDEAS?
196
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:42,554
WELL, I MIGHT BE ABLE
TO TALK THE DUCK INTO
A RETURN PERFORMANCE.
197
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,357
I DID HAVE ONE IDEA,
198
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:48,860
BUT IT'S ONLY VERY MUCH
IN THE FORMATIVE STAGES.
199
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,995
I SUPPOSE I MIGHT
GIVE IT A DRY RUN
200
00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:52,496
AS FAR AS I'VE GOT.
201
00:08:52,498 --> 00:08:53,998
YEAH. FIRE AWAY, HUGO.
202
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,168
WELL, I COME ON STAGE
IN SOME SORT OF COSTUME.
203
00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:59,437
I HAVEN'T QUITE
DECIDED WHAT.
204
00:09:02,408 --> 00:09:03,841
AND?
205
00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:06,177
WELL, NO, THAT'S
AS FAR AS I'VE GOT.
206
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:09,547
IT'S VERY MUCH IN
THE EARLY STAGES
OF DEVELOPMENT.
207
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:10,782
YEAH. YEAH, WELL.
208
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,884
YES, WELL,
VERY GOOD, HUGO.
209
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,787
THANKS. I CAN'T DENY
I'M PRETTY EXCITED.
210
00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:17,055
ANY OTHER BUSINESS?
211
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,690
THERE CERTAINLY IS.
212
00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:23,294
I'D LIKE TO CONGRATULATE
THE VICAR ON HER FEATURE
IN THE TIMES.
213
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:26,130
THANK YOU, FRANK.
214
00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:28,032
I LIKE THE TIMES.
215
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:30,501
IT'S NOT TOO ROUGH
ON THE BUTTOCKS.
216
00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,742
ACTUALLY, I HAVE TO SAY,
IT WAS VERY GOOD FUN,
217
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,677
AND THEY DID GIVE ME 500 QUID
TOWARDS THE NURSERY.
218
00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,278
( all exclaiming )
219
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:42,379
BUT DON'T WORRY.
220
00:09:42,381 --> 00:09:44,115
MY MEDIA CAREER STOPS HERE.
221
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:46,618
MY PLACE IS IN THE PULPIT,
NOT IN THE PAPERS.
222
00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:49,386
( phone rings )
223
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,689
( rings )
224
00:09:53,693 --> 00:09:56,794
HELLO. DIBLEY VICARAGE.
CAN I HELP YOU?
225
00:09:58,464 --> 00:10:00,665
OOH, I'LL ASK HER,
226
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:02,867
BUT I'M AFRAID
SHE'S GONNA SAY NO.
227
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:04,368
HER MEDIA CAREER
IS OVER.
228
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:05,536
WHO IS IT?
229
00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:06,904
HANG ON.
230
00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:09,573
IT'S THE PEOPLE FROM
TERRY WOGAN'S
PAUSE FOR THOUGHT.
231
00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:11,308
THEY READ YOUR ARTICLE
AND WANT YOU TO COME ON.
232
00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:14,012
OH! UM...
233
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:17,015
UH, I...NO.
234
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,482
NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
235
00:10:18,484 --> 00:10:19,483
UM...
236
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:21,619
WOULD BE QUITE GOOD.
237
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,821
MMM, UM...
238
00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:26,524
NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
239
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,062
( muttering and mumbling )
240
00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:36,634
GO ON, THEN.
241
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,637
HELLO. GERALDINE GRANGER HERE.
242
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,106
THANKS!
243
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:43,374
YEAH, THANKS.
244
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:44,942
WHEN WOULD YOU WANT ME?
245
00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:46,343
TOMORROW MORNING?
246
00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:48,146
GOOD LORD,
SOMEBODY DROPPED OUT?
247
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,914
DROPPED DEAD. OH, DEAR.
248
00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:52,183
RIGHT, RIGHT.
249
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:55,286
WELL, THAT, IN ITSELF,
GIVES ONE PAUSE FOR THOUGHT,
250
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,922
DOESN'T IT? YOU SEE.
251
00:10:57,924 --> 00:10:59,657
YES, YES. OKAY.
252
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,159
WELL, THANKS VERY MUCH.
253
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,526
AND BIG LICKEY LOVE
TO TESSA.
254
00:11:02,528 --> 00:11:03,995
THANK YOU.
255
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,463
♪ PAUSE FOR THOUGHT,
PAUSE FOR THOUGHT ♪
256
00:11:06,465 --> 00:11:08,032
♪ PAUSE FOR THOUGHT ♪
257
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:09,633
♪ PAUSE FOR THOUGHT,
PAUSE FOR THOUGHT ♪
258
00:11:09,635 --> 00:11:11,002
♪ PAUSE FOR THOUGHT ♪
259
00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:16,007
I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T
GOING TO DO ANY MORE
OF THOSE THINGS.
260
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,141
WHAT GAVE YOU THAT IDEA?
261
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:18,142
HELLO.
262
00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:19,143
HI, HUGIE.
263
00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:23,014
HELLO, HUGO.
264
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:26,784
GUESS WHO'S GOING ON
TERRY WOGAN'S SHOW TOMORROW?
265
00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:27,785
TERRY WOGAN.
266
00:11:30,056 --> 00:11:32,957
NO. APART FROM TERRY WOGAN.
267
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:34,192
DON'T KNOW.
268
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,960
ALL RIGHT,
I'LL GIVE YOU ONE CLUE.
269
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:37,461
ONLY YOUR FAVOURITE VICAR.
270
00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:40,064
ARCHBISHOP TUTU'S
GONNA BE ON WOGAN?
271
00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:42,834
NO. ME, ME, ME!
272
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:47,504
I'M DOING
PAUSE FOR THOUGHT
ON TERRY WOGAN'S SHOW.
273
00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:48,940
BY THE WAY,
274
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:51,475
JUST IN CASE
YOU HAVEN'T GOT A THOUGHT...
275
00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:52,777
NO, I HAVE.
276
00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:54,145
I'VE GOT
QUITE A GOOD ONE.
277
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:55,412
RIGHT.
278
00:11:55,414 --> 00:11:56,647
I WAS THINKING--
279
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,015
WOULDN'T IT BE LOVELY
280
00:11:58,017 --> 00:12:01,786
IF SOME KITTENS WERE
ACTUALLY BORN WITH PINK FUR,
281
00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:04,555
SO YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO
PAINT THEM PINK YOURSELF?
282
00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:07,859
YEAH. THANKS FOR THAT.
283
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:10,427
JUST IMAGINE IT.
284
00:12:10,429 --> 00:12:12,296
TOMORROW MORNING
ABOUT THIS TIME,
285
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:13,998
ME AND TESSA
FACE TO FACE.
286
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,635
WELL, BEJEEBERS AND TOP O'
THE MORNIN' TO YA, DARLIN'.
287
00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:18,936
IS TERRY WELSH THEN?
288
00:12:20,539 --> 00:12:22,740
BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY.
289
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:26,076
♪ LOVE LETTERS STRAIGHT
FROM YOUR HEART ♪
290
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,478
WELL, THAT'S "LOVE LETTERS,"
291
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,880
THE PLEASING BARITONE OF ALLISON MOYET.
292
00:12:29,882 --> 00:12:31,749
NOW IT'S TIME FOR
PAUSE FOR THOUGHT.
293
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,351
JUST A MOMENT OR TWO OUT OF YOUR BUSY DAY.
294
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:36,621
TODAY, IT'S A SHE VICAR-- GERALDINE GRANGER.
295
00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:37,722
HELLO, TERRY.
296
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:40,658
WHAT'S YOUR KEEN BRAIN BEEN WORKING ON?
297
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:46,263
WELL, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT A CAUSE VERY CLOSE TO MY HEART, ACTUALLY,
298
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:47,898
AND THAT'S NURSERY SCHOOLS.
299
00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:51,669
I MEAN, SURELY, EVERYONE SHOULD BE ABLE TO READ AND WRITE,
300
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:53,904
EXCEPT EDWINA CURRY, OF COURSE.
301
00:12:53,906 --> 00:12:55,640
IF SHE WRITES ANOTHER NOVEL,
302
00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:58,042
WE SHOULD LOP HER ARMS OFF IMMEDIATELY.
303
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:02,347
SLIPPERY SLOPE, I TELL YOU.
304
00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:04,382
SLIPPERY SLOPE.
305
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:13,190
OH, SORRY.
306
00:13:13,192 --> 00:13:14,559
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
NO HARM DONE.
307
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:16,126
WAIT A MINUTE.
308
00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:19,296
WAIT A COTTON PICKING,
TUTU-WEARING MINUTE HERE.
309
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,465
DARCEY BUSSELL,
ISN'T IT?
310
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:21,899
THAT'S RIGHT.
311
00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:25,302
THIS IS VERY, VERY EXCITING.
312
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,373
IT'S DARCEY BUSSELL.
313
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:31,141
PLIÉ, PLIÉ,
BUN, PLIÉ.
314
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:35,580
YOU REALLY ARE JUST
MY MOST FAVOURITE DANCER
IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.
315
00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:36,947
OH, THANK YOU.
316
00:13:36,949 --> 00:13:39,717
I ACTUALLY VERY NEARLY BECAME
A BALLERINA MYSELF.
317
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:42,253
YOU CAN PROBABLY
TELL BY MY
DÉCOLLETAGE.
318
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,054
MY BALLET TEACHER SAID
THAT, UNFORTUNATELY,
319
00:13:44,056 --> 00:13:46,591
MY ANKLE'S A LITTLE BIT
TOO BENDY.
320
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,827
THERE'S THOUSANDS OF US
IN THE CHURCH,
321
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,496
ALL STARTED OFF AS DANCERS.
322
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,398
TERRY WAITE, FOR EXAMPLE.
323
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:58,102
SPENT THE FIRST 20 YEARS
OF HIS LIFE IN PINK TIGHTS.
324
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,138
THIS IS ALICE,
BY THE WAY.
IGNORE HER.
325
00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:02,973
SO...DARCEY BUSSELL!
326
00:14:02,975 --> 00:14:04,074
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
327
00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:05,443
I'VE BEEN DOING
PAUSE FOR THOUGHT.
328
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,812
I JUST HEARD IT
IN THE CAR.
IT WAS BRILLIANT.
329
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:09,680
THANK YOU.
330
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,216
IF THERE'S EVER
ANYTHING I CAN DO
IN GETTING THE NURSERY,
331
00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:13,317
PLEASE COUNT ME IN.
332
00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:15,853
YOU'RE SICKENING,
AREN'T YOU, DARCEY?
333
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,589
NOT ONLY ARE YOU
THE BEST DANCER
IN THE UNIVERSE,
334
00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:21,392
BUT THERE'S A LOVELY
PERSONALITY, AS WELL.
335
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:23,694
YOU DON'T MIND ME
CALLING YOU DARCEY?
336
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:26,764
AND YOU CAN CALL ME
DA-GERALDINE, IF YOU LIKE.
337
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,035
EXCUSE ME.
338
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,136
COULD I HAVE
YOUR AUTOGRAPH?
339
00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:33,137
WHAT?
340
00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:34,338
I HEARD YOU AND TERRY.
341
00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:36,273
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT.
342
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,278
WELL, UH...
343
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:44,148
SUPPOSE I'LL HAVE TO
GET USED TO THIS
SORT OF THING.
344
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:45,450
PRICE OF FAME, HEY?
345
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:47,985
WON'T BE A SEC, CAROL.
346
00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:50,455
I'M JUST GETTING
ALLISON MOYET'S AUTOGRAPH.
347
00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:56,260
ACTUALLY, SHE'S...
348
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:57,462
SHUT IT!
349
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:02,934
ALLISON MOYET.
350
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:05,470
YOU WOULDN'T JUST
SING A SONG FOR ME,
WOULD YOU?
351
00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:09,139
NO. NOT TODAY.
352
00:15:09,141 --> 00:15:12,309
I'VE COMPLETELY LOST
MY VOICE, YOU SEE.
353
00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:16,547
ITEM TWO, JIM.
354
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:18,783
YES. I'D LIKE TO
CONGRATULATE THE VICAR
355
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:23,421
FOR HER PERFORMANCE
ON PAUSE FOR THOUGHT.
356
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,756
HEAR, HEAR.
357
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,991
AND ANY QUESTIONS.
358
00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:28,693
AND COUNT DOWN.
359
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,628
AND NOEL'S HOUSE PARTY.
360
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:33,798
OH, STOP, STOP, STOP.
361
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:37,902
ACTUALLY, NOEL WANTS TO TURN
"FIND THE VICAR'S KNICKERS"
INTO A REGULAR SLOT.
362
00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:39,170
AMAZING!
363
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:41,372
LET'S MOVE ON
TO THE GALA.
364
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:43,007
ANY PROGRESS THERE,
365
00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:45,476
OR IS THE CLIMAX
OF OUR SHOW
366
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:50,080
STILL OWEN AND HIS
AMAZING FARTING DUCK?
367
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:55,126
HUGO, HAS YOUR IDEA DEVELOPED A LITTLE
SINCE YOU FIRST WORKSHOPPED IT HERE
LAST WEEK?
368
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,598
WHY, YES.
I'VE HAD A BIT OF A BREAKTHROUGH.
369
00:15:58,281 --> 00:15:59,879
TAKE US FROM THE TOP.
370
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,099
I'M WEARING JUST WHAT I'M WEARING NOW.
371
00:16:02,559 --> 00:16:04,205
I COME OUT ONSTAGE...
372
00:16:08,039 --> 00:16:12,285
I SEE. SO YOUR QUANTUM LEAP IS THAT
YOU'VE DECIDED ON YOUR COSTUME?
373
00:16:12,519 --> 00:16:14,041
THAT'S RIGHT. KEEP IT PURE.
374
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:14,959
AND THE CONTENT?
375
00:16:15,002 --> 00:16:17,535
- STILL WORKING ON IT.
- RIGHT. RIGHT.
376
00:16:17,536 --> 00:16:19,959
I'M THINKING SOMETHING PROFOUND,
SOMETHING POSSIBLY VERY DEEP.
377
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:24,217
AND WHY NOT? AND WHAT
NEWS ON TICKETS, FRANK?
378
00:16:24,219 --> 00:16:26,820
I WON'T MINCE MY WORDS,
BUT TICKETS AREN'T
GOING TOO WELL.
379
00:16:26,822 --> 00:16:28,021
OH, NOT SOLD OUT?
380
00:16:28,023 --> 00:16:30,256
NOT SOLD ANY.
381
00:16:30,258 --> 00:16:32,725
BUT DON'T PANIC--
IT COULD BE WORSE.
382
00:16:32,727 --> 00:16:35,929
WHAT'S WORSE THAN NOT
SELLING ANY TICKETS AT ALL?
383
00:16:35,931 --> 00:16:37,864
SELLING ONE TICKET--
384
00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:42,902
BUT SELLING IT TO
A SERIAL KILLER.
385
00:16:45,073 --> 00:16:46,672
NO, NO, NO, NO,
THAT'S RIGHT.
386
00:16:46,674 --> 00:16:51,244
WHO COMES ON THE STAGE
AND SLITS ALL OUR THROATS,
387
00:16:51,246 --> 00:16:57,516
AND THEN LEAVES US ALL
IN A GREAT POOL OF BLOOD.
388
00:16:57,518 --> 00:17:02,621
DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY HAVE
THIS SERIAL KILLER'S ADDRESS?
389
00:17:02,623 --> 00:17:04,290
DON'T WORRY,
EVERYBODY.
390
00:17:04,292 --> 00:17:06,326
REV TO THE RESCUE,
AS USUAL.
391
00:17:06,328 --> 00:17:08,995
AS IT HAPPENS, I'M DOING
RATHER AN IMPORTANT SPREAD
392
00:17:08,997 --> 00:17:11,231
FOR ONE OF THE SUNDAY "PAPES"
TOMORROW,
393
00:17:11,233 --> 00:17:13,066
SO I'LL "MENSH"
OUR LITTLE SHOW,
394
00:17:13,068 --> 00:17:14,500
AND WE'LL GET LOADS OF PEEPS
IN AFTER THAT.
395
00:17:14,502 --> 00:17:16,402
WELL, BRAVO, HOLY HERO.
396
00:17:16,404 --> 00:17:19,038
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
NO MORE MEDIA.
397
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,908
YES, I DID, AND THIS IS
POSITIVELY MY LAST,
398
00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:24,610
APART FROM THE PHOTO SHOOT
FOR VOGUE...
399
00:17:25,713 --> 00:17:27,113
AND LOADED...
400
00:17:28,616 --> 00:17:31,751
AND WHAT CAR.
401
00:17:31,753 --> 00:17:33,552
I HOPE YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
402
00:17:33,554 --> 00:17:34,921
YES, THANK YOU, DAVID.
403
00:17:34,923 --> 00:17:37,223
I THINK I DO.
404
00:17:40,495 --> 00:17:44,663
♪ BECAUSE YOU'RE GORGEOUS ♪
405
00:17:44,665 --> 00:17:48,534
♪ I'D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU ♪
406
00:17:48,536 --> 00:17:52,605
♪ BECAUSE YOU'RE GORGEOUS ♪
407
00:17:52,607 --> 00:17:54,874
♪ I KNOW YOU'LL GET ME ♪
408
00:17:54,876 --> 00:17:58,778
♪ KNOW YOU'LL GET ME THROUGH ♪
409
00:17:58,780 --> 00:18:02,015
♪ KNOW YOU'LL
GET ME THROUGH ♪
410
00:18:02,017 --> 00:18:03,849
HOW DID
THE INTERVIEW GO?
411
00:18:03,851 --> 00:18:05,919
WELL, I THINK
I GROOVED.
412
00:18:05,921 --> 00:18:08,922
WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT,
I THINK?
413
00:18:08,924 --> 00:18:10,689
I WAS A TOTAL TRIUMPH.
414
00:18:10,691 --> 00:18:12,558
THE JOURNALIST
IS COMING HERE
415
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,361
TO SPEAK TO PEOPLE
ABOUT SAINT GERALDINE
OF DIBLEY.
416
00:18:15,363 --> 00:18:17,931
YES, THAT IS
THE HEADLINE.
417
00:18:17,933 --> 00:18:21,467
I'LL TELL YA, KIDS,
IF I DON'T WATCH OUT,
418
00:18:21,469 --> 00:18:24,503
I'M GOING TO TURN INTO
THE MOST FAMOUS
RELIGIOUS PERSONALITY
419
00:18:24,505 --> 00:18:25,939
IN THE COUNTRY.
420
00:18:25,941 --> 00:18:27,373
MORE FAMOUS THAN JESUS?
421
00:18:27,375 --> 00:18:29,909
NOT AS FAMOUS AS JESUS,
OBVIOUSLY.
422
00:18:29,911 --> 00:18:32,412
HE'S HAD LONGER
TO WORK ON HIS ACT.
423
00:18:32,414 --> 00:18:37,417
BUT AS FOR SISTER WENDY,
WELL, OUT OF THE POOL,
TOOTH GIRL.
424
00:18:37,419 --> 00:18:40,119
OH, THE THING
I LOVE ABOUT YOU
425
00:18:40,121 --> 00:18:41,220
IS THE WAY YOU'RE FAMOUS,
426
00:18:41,222 --> 00:18:43,722
BUT YOU HAVEN'T
CHANGED AT ALL.
427
00:18:52,133 --> 00:18:54,834
MORNING, VICAR.
I GOT THE PAPER.
428
00:18:54,836 --> 00:18:56,569
HOW EXCITING!
429
00:18:56,571 --> 00:18:58,504
MY MOMENT OF GLORY.
430
00:18:58,506 --> 00:19:00,105
WHAT'S IT LIKE,
WHAT'S IT LIKE?
431
00:19:00,107 --> 00:19:02,775
IT'S NOT EXACTLY
WHAT I EXPECTED.
432
00:19:02,777 --> 00:19:04,377
OH, MY...
433
00:19:04,379 --> 00:19:07,046
GOD KNOWS HOW THIS HAPPENED.
434
00:19:07,048 --> 00:19:09,915
WHAT'S THE STORY, FRANK?
435
00:19:09,917 --> 00:19:13,152
WELL, HE CAME ROUND
ASKING FOR CRAZY
ANECDOTES ABOUT YOU,
436
00:19:13,154 --> 00:19:16,021
AND I TOLD HIM
ABOUT THE SERVICE
FOR ANIMALS,
437
00:19:16,023 --> 00:19:17,590
AND YOU DRESSING UP
AS AN EASTER BUNNY.
438
00:19:17,592 --> 00:19:18,991
RIGHT.
439
00:19:18,993 --> 00:19:22,595
HE WAITED WHILE
I DOUBLE-CHECKED THE DATES,
440
00:19:22,597 --> 00:19:25,498
AND TRIED TO GET ABSOLUTELY
ALL THE DETAILS RIGHT,
441
00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:29,168
AND THEN, HE WROTE THIS.
442
00:19:33,708 --> 00:19:34,774
I'M SO SORRY.
443
00:19:34,776 --> 00:19:36,976
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
444
00:19:36,978 --> 00:19:38,244
OH, AND HUGO.
445
00:19:38,246 --> 00:19:40,913
I DON'T THINK
THEY MEANT TO BE RUDE.
446
00:19:44,118 --> 00:19:48,421
THOUGH YOU CAN'T DENY
IT'S A POSSIBILITY.
447
00:19:48,423 --> 00:19:51,357
I'M DAMN SURE
THEY MEANT TO BE RUDE ABOUT ME.
448
00:19:54,128 --> 00:19:56,228
AND ME.
449
00:19:59,834 --> 00:20:02,635
I TOLD YOU IT WOULD
ALL END IN TEARS.
450
00:20:02,637 --> 00:20:05,872
YOU PUT YOURSELF
ABOVE YOUR OWN COMMUNITY.
451
00:20:05,874 --> 00:20:08,207
YOU'VE FORGOTTEN
WHY YOU CAME HERE.
452
00:20:08,209 --> 00:20:12,478
FRANKLY, WE FEEL USED,
AND WE FEEL BETRAYED.
453
00:20:14,282 --> 00:20:16,616
HAVE YOU ANYTHING TO SAY?
454
00:20:19,888 --> 00:20:23,289
WELL, LET'S MOVE ON,
SHALL WE?
455
00:20:23,291 --> 00:20:25,190
IT'S A SAD DAY.
456
00:20:48,082 --> 00:20:51,617
OH, ALICE,
I'VE BEEN SUCH A FOOL.
457
00:20:51,619 --> 00:20:54,754
HOW AM I EVER
GOING TO SORT
THIS MESS OUT?
458
00:20:56,658 --> 00:20:59,191
WELL, I DO HAVE
ONE IDEA
459
00:20:59,193 --> 00:21:01,828
THAT I THINK
JUST MIGHT WORK.
460
00:21:01,830 --> 00:21:03,830
REALLY?
461
00:21:03,832 --> 00:21:05,331
MMM.
462
00:21:05,333 --> 00:21:06,699
LET'S HEAR IT, THEN.
463
00:21:06,701 --> 00:21:10,035
THERE WAS THIS MAN ON TV,
464
00:21:10,037 --> 00:21:13,005
AND HIS GIRLFRIEND
WAS QUITE ILL.
465
00:21:13,007 --> 00:21:14,907
IN FACT, SHE WAS DEAD.
466
00:21:14,909 --> 00:21:19,078
WHAT HE DID WAS,
WHICH WAS QUITE
CLEVER, REALLY,
467
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,848
HE FLEW UP INTO
OUTER SPACE,
468
00:21:21,850 --> 00:21:24,517
AND HE FLEW ROUND
THE WORLD SO QUICKLY
469
00:21:24,519 --> 00:21:26,752
THAT HE MADE TIME
GO BACKWARDS
470
00:21:26,754 --> 00:21:30,490
TILL THE GIRL
ACTUALLY GOT
BETTER AGAIN.
471
00:21:30,492 --> 00:21:34,360
AND I THOUGHT
MAYBE YOU COULD
DO THE SAME THING,
472
00:21:34,362 --> 00:21:37,730
AND MAKE EVERYONE
LIKE YOU AGAIN.
473
00:21:37,732 --> 00:21:40,633
THIS MAN--
HE WASN'T CALLED SUPERMAN?
474
00:21:40,635 --> 00:21:42,034
YEAH.
475
00:21:44,372 --> 00:21:48,273
I DON'T THINK
THAT IDEA'S
GOING TO WORK, ALICE.
476
00:21:48,275 --> 00:21:50,776
OH! IT'S ON TO
PLAN B, THEN.
477
00:21:50,778 --> 00:21:51,978
WHICH IS?
478
00:21:51,980 --> 00:21:53,546
QUITE CLEVER.
479
00:21:53,548 --> 00:21:55,481
MMM?
480
00:21:55,483 --> 00:21:57,750
YOU KILL YOURSELF.
481
00:21:57,752 --> 00:21:59,218
RIGHT.
482
00:21:59,220 --> 00:22:03,055
AND THEN EVERYONE'LL SAY,
"THAT'S A PITY.
483
00:22:03,057 --> 00:22:05,892
I QUITE LIKED
HER, ACTUALLY."
484
00:22:05,894 --> 00:22:10,062
ANYTHING ELSE,
A LITTLE LESS FINAL?
485
00:22:10,064 --> 00:22:12,932
THERE'S ALWAYS
PLAN C, OF COURSE,
486
00:22:12,934 --> 00:22:15,300
WHICH ACTUALLY IS,
IN FACT, MY
PERSONAL FAVOURITE,
487
00:22:15,302 --> 00:22:18,638
AND IT ALL TAKES PLACE
ON THE NIGHT OF THE GALA.
488
00:22:31,552 --> 00:22:33,719
♪ YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR HAT ON ♪
489
00:22:42,296 --> 00:22:44,596
♪ YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR HAT ON ♪
490
00:22:51,338 --> 00:22:53,806
WAIT FOR IT, WAIT FOR IT.
491
00:22:58,379 --> 00:23:00,012
( farts )
492
00:23:01,783 --> 00:23:02,948
THANK YOU.
493
00:23:10,792 --> 00:23:15,060
AND NOW, AN IMPRESSION OF
MY SECOND COUSIN WILFRED.
494
00:23:16,497 --> 00:23:18,630
HELLO, FRANK.
495
00:23:18,632 --> 00:23:21,466
I'M GOING TO HAVE
MY TONSILS OUT.
496
00:23:22,703 --> 00:23:24,804
I'VE GOT MY SHOTGUN
IN THE VAN.
497
00:23:24,806 --> 00:23:26,839
LOAD BOTH BARRELS.
498
00:23:26,841 --> 00:23:31,243
AND NOW, AN IMPRESSION OF
MY SECOND COUSIN WILFRED
499
00:23:31,245 --> 00:23:34,379
AFTER HE HAD
HIS TONSILS OUT.
500
00:23:34,381 --> 00:23:36,282
( clears throat )
501
00:23:39,653 --> 00:23:41,486
( whispering )
HELLO, FRANK.
502
00:23:41,488 --> 00:23:44,089
I'VE JUST HAD MY TONSILS OUT.
503
00:23:44,091 --> 00:23:49,128
GET A MOVE ON,
YOU STRANGE AND
INSANE IDIOT.
504
00:23:49,130 --> 00:23:50,662
RIGHT.
505
00:23:50,664 --> 00:23:55,034
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
I AM PROUD TO INTRODUCE--
506
00:23:55,036 --> 00:23:57,636
RAISING MONEY FOR THE NURSERY--
507
00:23:57,638 --> 00:24:04,343
OUR STAR GUEST,
IN A UNIQUE PERFORMANCE
ENTITLED "THE MIRROR,"
508
00:24:04,345 --> 00:24:07,646
THE STAR OF
THE ROYAL BALLET--
509
00:24:07,648 --> 00:24:10,682
MISS DARCEY BUSSELL.
510
00:24:16,858 --> 00:24:19,859
( classical music plays )
511
00:27:11,365 --> 00:27:16,301
Vicar: WHY WOULD ANYONE
BE STUPID ENOUGH
TO WANT FAME AND FORTUNE
512
00:27:16,303 --> 00:27:19,071
WHEN YOU CAN HAVE
THE STARS AT NIGHT,
513
00:27:19,073 --> 00:27:22,174
AND A PROPER FRIEND
BY YOUR SIDE?
514
00:27:23,476 --> 00:27:25,588
I ALWAYS MAKE A WISH
WHEN I LOOK AT THE STARS.
515
00:27:26,079 --> 00:27:28,359
- DO YOU?
- YEAH.
- WHAT DO YOU WISH FOR?
516
00:27:29,959 --> 00:27:34,255
- WELL, SATURDAY REPEATS OF TELETUBBIES...
- OH, GOOD CALL.
517
00:27:34,918 --> 00:27:35,831
ANYTHING ELSE?
518
00:27:36,439 --> 00:27:38,869
- WELL, SUNDAY REPEATS OF TELETUBBIES.
- MMM.
519
00:27:39,478 --> 00:27:42,319
APART FROM TELETUBBIES,
ANYTHING ELSE?
520
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:43,799
OH, WELL, YOU KNOW...
521
00:27:43,799 --> 00:27:48,601
I ALWAYS MAKE A WISH ABOUT...
HUGO AND... ME AND... HAPPINESS.
522
00:27:48,798 --> 00:27:50,939
WELL, HE'S THE MOST WONDERFUL
MAN IN THE WORLD, ISN'T HE?
523
00:27:52,199 --> 00:27:55,159
HE WAS RATHER REMARKABLE TONIGHT.
524
00:27:55,691 --> 00:27:59,552
- HE WAS, WASN'T HE?
- AND FINALLY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...
525
00:27:59,639 --> 00:28:03,319
...WITH AN ITEM HE HAS SIMPLY NAMED...
"ITEM",
526
00:28:04,038 --> 00:28:05,681
IT'S MR. HUGO HORTON.
527
00:28:13,238 --> 00:28:15,231
IT'S A WEEK TODAY TIL I GET MARRIED.
528
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:18,327
AND, UH, TODAY IS SAINT VALENTINE'S DAY,
529
00:28:18,959 --> 00:28:21,494
SO, I JUST WANT TO SAY A FEW WORDS,
530
00:28:21,559 --> 00:28:25,326
BY THE EVERLY BROTHERS,
FOR... LOVERS EVERYWHERE.
531
00:28:26,199 --> 00:28:29,185
AND PARTICULARLY
TO THE WOMAN I LOVE.
532
00:28:32,279 --> 00:28:34,716
"I BLESS THE DAY I FOUND YOU,"
533
00:28:35,838 --> 00:28:37,682
"I WANT MY ARMS AROUND YOU."
534
00:28:38,879 --> 00:28:42,119
"NOW AND FOREVER,
LET IT BE ME."
535
00:28:43,238 --> 00:28:48,144
"SO NEVER LEAVE ME LONELY,
SAY YOU LOVE ME, ONLY,"
536
00:28:48,239 --> 00:28:51,878
"AND THAT YOU'LL ALWAYS,
LET IT BE ME."
537
00:28:52,176 --> 00:28:55,444
Alice: OH, NICE.
538
00:28:58,149 --> 00:29:05,987
♪ SURELY GOODNESS AND MERCY
SHALL FOLLOW ME ♪
539
00:29:05,989 --> 00:29:09,324
♪ ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE ♪
540
00:29:09,326 --> 00:29:21,570
♪ AND I WILL DWELL IN
THE HOUSE OF THE LORD FOREVER ♪
541
00:29:23,107 --> 00:29:25,240
♪ FOREVER ♪
542
00:29:25,242 --> 00:29:30,379
SO, WHAT DO YOU CALL A BUDGIE
THAT'S BEEN RUN OVER
BY A LAWN MOWER?
543
00:29:30,381 --> 00:29:31,813
I DON'T KNOW.
544
00:29:31,815 --> 00:29:35,217
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BUDGIE
THAT'S BEEN RUN OVER
BY A LAWN MOWER?
545
00:29:35,219 --> 00:29:37,018
SHREDDED TWEET.
546
00:29:38,655 --> 00:29:40,589
SO THE BUDGIE'S
DEAD, THEN?
547
00:29:40,591 --> 00:29:43,758
YES, I SHOULD THINK SO.
IT'S SHREDDED TWEET.
548
00:29:45,896 --> 00:29:47,429
POOR LITTLE THING.
549
00:29:47,431 --> 00:29:51,166
IT DIDN'T EVEN SEE
THE LAWN MOWER COMING.
550
00:29:51,168 --> 00:29:54,103
HOW COULD HE KNOW
THAT DEATH WAS
JUST ROUND THE CORNER?
551
00:29:54,105 --> 00:29:57,872
ALICE, I'M NOT GOING
TO TELL YOU
THESE JOKES ANYMORE
552
00:29:57,874 --> 00:29:59,975
IF YOU'RE GOING TO
KEEP ON RESPONDING
LIKE THIS.
553
00:29:59,977 --> 00:30:01,676
IT'S NOT A REAL
BUDGIE, OKAY?
554
00:30:01,678 --> 00:30:03,078
IT'S NOT A REAL
LAWN MOWER.
555
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:04,746
IT'S JUST A JOKE.
556
00:30:04,748 --> 00:30:06,848
SO THE BUDGIE'S NOT DEAD.
557
00:30:06,850 --> 00:30:08,584
NO. IT NEVER GOT BORN.
558
00:30:08,586 --> 00:30:10,285
NEVER GOT BORN?
559
00:30:10,287 --> 00:30:11,286
NO.
560
00:30:11,288 --> 00:30:14,356
POOR LITTLE THING.
561
00:30:15,959 --> 00:30:19,495
OH, SO MUCH BEAUTY,
SO MUCH POTENTIAL.
562
00:30:19,497 --> 00:30:20,996
IT NEVER GOT BORN.
563
00:30:20,998 --> 00:30:23,499
NEVER SAW
THE LIGHT OF THE SUN,
564
00:30:23,501 --> 00:30:27,536
OR FELT THE GENTLE RUSTLE
OF THE BREEZE
THROUGH ITS FEATHERS.
565
00:30:27,538 --> 00:30:31,840
NEVER WENT, "TWINKLE,
TWINKLE, TWINKLE,
GIVE ME MY FOOD, PLEASE."
566
00:30:31,842 --> 00:30:33,074
GET OUT NOW.
567
00:30:33,076 --> 00:30:34,809
GO ON, GET OUT!
568
00:30:37,348 --> 00:30:43,985
♪ FOREVER ♪
37846
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