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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,235 --> 00:00:07,172 ♪ THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD, I SHALL NOT WANT ♪ 2 00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:13,245 ♪ HE MAKETH ME TO LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES ♪ 3 00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:24,789 ♪ HE LEADETH ME BESIDE STILL WATERS ♪ 4 00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:32,231 ♪ STILL WATERS ♪ 5 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,902 RIGHT, WE'VE GOT A LOT OF STUFF TO GET THROUGH TONIGHT, 6 00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:39,438 SO IF I COULD ASK YOU NOT TO WASTE TIME 7 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:43,342 WITH THE TRADITIONAL DISTRACTIONS, REPETITIONS, AND GENERAL ANNOYANCES 8 00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,544 THAT ARE THE USUAL CONTENT OF THESE PARISH COUNCIL MEETINGS. 9 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:46,578 GOOD IDEA. 10 00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:47,812 YOU'RE THE BOSS. 11 00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:49,515 EXCELLENT. 12 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,251 READY, FRANK? 13 00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:53,385 ABSOLUTELY. 14 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,354 BRAVO. 15 00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:58,090 POINT ONE-- THE GALA NIGHT. 16 00:00:58,092 --> 00:01:00,092 I THOUGHT ST. VALENTINE'S DAY, 17 00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:02,661 WITH ALL THE PROFITS GOING TO THE UPKEEP OF THE VILLAGE HALL. 18 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:04,763 HAPPY WITH THAT, JIM? 19 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:06,498 YES. MARVELLOUS. 20 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:07,832 FATHER. 21 00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:09,968 LATER, HUGO. 22 00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:11,002 I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. 23 00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:12,538 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 24 00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:15,174 FATHER? FATHER? 25 00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:17,109 OH, NO. 26 00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:20,145 IT'S A DREAM, ISN'T IT? 27 00:01:20,147 --> 00:01:23,648 YES, DAVID, I'M AFRAID IT IS. 28 00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:26,017 FATHER. 29 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:27,719 FATHER! 30 00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:29,455 TIME FOR THE COUNCIL MEETING. 31 00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:31,223 OH, GOD. 32 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:32,691 HIGHLIGHT OF THE WEEK. 33 00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:35,160 YOU'RE THE SADDEST PERSON IN THE KINGDOM, 34 00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:37,429 AND THAT'S INCLUDING ROLF HARRIS. 35 00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:42,634 RIGHT, WELL, WE'VE GOT A LOT OF STUFF TO GET THROUGH TONIGHT. 36 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:43,668 OOH, SORRY I'M LATE. 37 00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:44,669 DID I MISS ANYTHING? 38 00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:46,305 NO, WE WERE ONLY JUST STARTING. 39 00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:47,439 AS I WAS SAYING... 40 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,141 IS THERE A LOT OF STUFF TO GET THROUGH TONIGHT? 41 00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:50,709 YES, THERE IS. 42 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,411 CAN WE TRY TO DO IT 43 00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:56,915 WITHOUT ALL THE TRADITIONAL DISTRACTIONS AND REPETITIONS AND GENERAL ANNOYANCES 44 00:01:56,917 --> 00:02:00,652 THAT ARE THE USUAL CONTENT OF THESE PARISH COUNCIL MEETINGS? 45 00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:02,221 WELL, QUITE. 46 00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:03,288 GOOD BOY, VICAR. 47 00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,523 THE WAY I SEE IT, 48 00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:06,291 A SLIGHTLY FIRMER HAND ON THE RUDDER 49 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,260 MIGHT GET US THROUGH THESE THINGS A LITTLE QUICKER. 50 00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:10,462 YOU WANT TO TAKE A VOTE ON THAT? 51 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:11,630 ON WHAT? 52 00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,465 ON THE PROPOSITION BY THE VICAR, 53 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,400 SECONDED BY MR. NEWITT 54 00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:18,437 THAT THERE SHOULD BE A SLIGHTLY FIRMER HAND ON THE RUDDER. 55 00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:21,140 OF COURSE WE DON'T WANT TO TAKE A VOTE ON IT. 56 00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:24,209 RIGHT. ALL THOSE IN FAVOUR OF NOT VOTING? 57 00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,546 THAT'S ONE. 58 00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:29,448 ALL THOSE IN FAVOUR OF A VOTE? 59 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,285 CARRIED OVERWHELMINGLY. 60 00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:35,120 FOR GOD'S SAKE, 61 00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:38,657 THIS IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF INTERRUPTION WE'RE TRYING TO AVOID. 62 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,126 I THOUGHT YOU HAD MEANT THE KIND OF THING 63 00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:46,231 LIKE, WHERE, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT OWEN'S CATTLE, 64 00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:50,335 AND I THINK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT OWEN'S KETTLE. 65 00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:55,274 AND I SAY I'LL LEND HIM MINE, 66 00:02:55,276 --> 00:03:00,546 BUT IT'S FUSED AT THE MOMENT. 67 00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:07,519 YES. WELL, THAT KIND OF THING CAN BE PRETTY ANNOYING, TOO. 68 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,120 MOVING ON. 69 00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:10,755 YOUR KETTLE REALLY NOT WORKING, JIM? 70 00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:14,793 NO. IT'S ABSOLUTELY KNACKERED. 71 00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:18,129 I CAN LEND YOU MINE AT A VERY REASONABLE PRICE. 72 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,466 STOP IT RIGHT THERE! 73 00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,769 ( all exclaiming ) 74 00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:29,241 POINT ONE-- 75 00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:32,578 THE DATE OF THE GALA NIGHT. 76 00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:36,582 I THOUGHT VALENTINE'S DAY-- FEBRUARY THE 14th. 77 00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:38,750 YEP, THAT SOUNDS FINE TO ME. 78 00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:40,319 THANK GOD FOR THAT. 79 00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:44,456 SO LONG AS YOU DON'T MIND IT BEING ON THE SAME DAY AS THE CATTLE SHOW. 80 00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:47,626 ARE WE HAVING A KETTLE SHOW? 81 00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:50,362 VERY WELL. FEBRUARY THE 15th. 82 00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:52,130 OLD FOLKS' VALENTINE DINNER. 83 00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,332 SIXTEENTH? 84 00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:55,267 OLD FOLKS' VALENTINE DINNER. 85 00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:57,068 I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE 15th. 86 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,871 YES, BUT SO MANY OF THE OLD DEARS FORGET THE FIRST ONE, 87 00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:02,274 WE ALWAYS HAVE ANOTHER ONE THE NEXT DAY. 88 00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:03,675 VERY WELL, THEN. 89 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,477 THE 17th. 90 00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:07,679 OLD FOLKS' VALENTINE DINNER. 91 00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:09,414 THERE'S A THIRD ONE? 92 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,383 NO. JUST TEASING. GOTCHA! 93 00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:21,760 VERY WELL, THE 17th IT IS. 94 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:25,864 YEP, SO LONG AS YOU DON'T MIND US MISSING HUGO'S WEDDING. 95 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:31,069 I DO HATE YOU ALL VERY DEEPLY. 96 00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:36,074 RIGHT. SO THAT'S SETTLED. 97 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:41,179 THE VALENTINE GALA NIGHT IS ON NOVEMBER THE 23rd. 98 00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:45,751 ANYTHING ELSE? 99 00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:48,987 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 100 00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,021 NO. 101 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:54,959 VERY WELL. 102 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,662 ITEM TWO-- 103 00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:59,230 THERE WAS THIS ONE OTHER THING. 104 00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:04,002 I DON'T THINK I CAN MAKE NOVEMBER THE 23rd. 105 00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,036 LORD, HELP ME. 106 00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:07,339 SAY, I'VE JUST CHECKED MY DIARY, 107 00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:09,908 AND ACTUALLY, YOUR ORIGINAL SUGGESTION OF VALENTINE'S DAY 108 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,777 IS, IN FACT, FINE, 109 00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:14,179 BECAUSE THE CATTLE SHOW'S THE WEEK BEFORE. 110 00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:16,181 SILLY ME. SORRY. 111 00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:19,751 MOVING ON... 112 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,152 WE CAN AT LEAST AGREE 113 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,722 THAT THE MONEY WILL GO TO THE UPKEEP OF THE HALL? 114 00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:26,291 All: NO! 115 00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:29,628 CAN'T IT GO TO SOMETHING PEOPLE CAN FEEL PASSIONATE ABOUT? 116 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:30,829 All: YES! 117 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:31,830 LIKE WHAT, FOR INSTANCE? 118 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,264 ULRIKA JONSSON. 119 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:38,036 JIM AND I ARE VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT HER. 120 00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:43,842 SHE CAN CLIMB ON MY TRAVELATOR ANY OLD TIME. 121 00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:47,679 NO, JIM. 122 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,615 I WAS THINKING MORE OF A VILLAGE NURSERY. 123 00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:52,484 I JUST THINK IT'S VERY IMPORTANT 124 00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:55,253 TO GET THE TODDLERS INTERESTED IN READING AND WRITING WHEN THEY'RE VERY YOUNG. 125 00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,555 OH, WHAT NONSENSE. 126 00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:58,757 I HAD A CHARMING FARMHAND HERE FOR YEARS 127 00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:01,059 WHO COULDN'T READ A SINGLE WORD. 128 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,594 NEVER DID HIM ANY HARM. 129 00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,696 APART FROM THAT TIME HE COULDN'T READ THE SIGN SAYING 130 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,431 "CAUTION. FAULTY CHAINSAW." 131 00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:08,967 HE CUT OFF HIS NOSE, AND ONE OF HIS HANDS. 132 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,369 DAD HAD TO GO TO COURT. 133 00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:12,337 THE NURSERY IT IS. 134 00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:14,972 ( phone rings ) 135 00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:16,040 ( rings ) 136 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,409 HELLO. 137 00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:19,110 ALICE. 138 00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:21,479 ONE SECOND, PLEASE, CALLER. 139 00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:22,680 YEAH? 140 00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:25,283 COULD YOU PLEASE LET ME ANSWER MY OWN PHONE? 141 00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:26,284 OH, SORRY. 142 00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:27,318 SORRY. 143 00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:31,523 I DIDN'T MEAN HANG UP. 144 00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:32,657 OH, SORRY. 145 00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,959 OH, NO, THEY'VE GONE. 146 00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:37,829 OF COURSE THEY'VE GONE, BECAUSE YOU HUNG UP. 147 00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:38,897 ( rings ) 148 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,865 LEAVE IT! 149 00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:41,900 ( rings ) 150 00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:44,736 ( rings ) 151 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,273 HELLO. GERALDINE GRANGER HERE. 152 00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:51,576 RIGHT. IT'S FOR YOU. 153 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,513 HELLO. 154 00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:57,348 OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. RIGHT, YEAH. 155 00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:58,349 I'LL BE STRAIGHT HOME. 156 00:06:58,351 --> 00:06:59,551 OKAY. BYE. 157 00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:02,487 IT'S JUST MY MUM REMINDING ME SISTER WENDY'S ON. 158 00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:03,922 SHE'S LOVELY, DON'T YOU THINK? 159 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,324 YEAH, SHE REMINDS ME OF KEN DODD. 160 00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:11,095 I DO SOMETIMES WONDER WHAT THE HELL SHE THINKS SHE'S DOING ON TV, 161 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:14,432 POINTING AT ALL THE KNOBS ON STATUES, AND SAYING, 162 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:17,134 ( imitates Sister Wendy) GOOD LORD, THAT'S NICE, ISN'T IT? 163 00:07:17,136 --> 00:07:20,171 PEOPLE DON'T SEEM TO FEEL THEY EXIST ANYMORE 164 00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,106 UNLESS THEY'RE ON TELEVISION OR IN THE PAPERS. 165 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,274 ( phone rings ) 166 00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:25,810 HELLO. VICARAGE. 167 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,513 RIGHT. 168 00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:31,883 RIGHT. 169 00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:32,951 WHAT? 170 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:33,952 YEAH, I'LL ASK HER. 171 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,653 IT'S THE TIMES OF LONDON. 172 00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,689 THEY HEARD YOU ON RADIO DIBLEY 173 00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,423 AND WONDER IF THEY CAN DO A FEATURE ON YOU. 174 00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:40,758 NO! 175 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:43,227 NO. THE ANSWER IS NO. 176 00:07:43,229 --> 00:07:46,197 I AM A VICAR, I AM NOT A CELEBRITY. 177 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:47,932 THEY'D PAY YOU 500 QUID. 178 00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:49,501 YES, YES. 179 00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:52,103 AN UNEQUIVOCAL YES. 180 00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,506 ITEM SIX--THE GALA NIGHT. 181 00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,374 IDEAS FOR CONTENT? 182 00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:57,842 NO, NO. YES. 183 00:07:57,844 --> 00:08:00,077 I SAW THIS FILM THE OTHER NIGHT-- 184 00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:02,246 THE FULL MONTY. 185 00:08:04,183 --> 00:08:07,852 YOU GET SOME MUSIC, I'LL TAKE ALL MY CLOTHES OFF. 186 00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:13,491 AND THAT WOULD BE ENTERTAINING, WOULD IT? 187 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,894 THEY'LL CERTAINLY GET THEIR MONEY'S WORTH. 188 00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:18,129 I'M TAKING OFF MY TRUSS AND EVERYTHING. 189 00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:22,333 GOOD IDEA. 190 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:25,436 I'M INTENDING TO DO MY IMPRESSION, SIR. 191 00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:28,606 HOW DO? HOW ARE YOU DIDDLING? 192 00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:30,575 AND WHO'S THAT? 193 00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,544 MY GRANDFATHER. 194 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:35,780 RIGHT. 195 00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:37,916 OWEN, ANY IDEAS? 196 00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:42,554 WELL, I MIGHT BE ABLE TO TALK THE DUCK INTO A RETURN PERFORMANCE. 197 00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,357 I DID HAVE ONE IDEA, 198 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:48,860 BUT IT'S ONLY VERY MUCH IN THE FORMATIVE STAGES. 199 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,995 I SUPPOSE I MIGHT GIVE IT A DRY RUN 200 00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:52,496 AS FAR AS I'VE GOT. 201 00:08:52,498 --> 00:08:53,998 YEAH. FIRE AWAY, HUGO. 202 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,168 WELL, I COME ON STAGE IN SOME SORT OF COSTUME. 203 00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:59,437 I HAVEN'T QUITE DECIDED WHAT. 204 00:09:02,408 --> 00:09:03,841 AND? 205 00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:06,177 WELL, NO, THAT'S AS FAR AS I'VE GOT. 206 00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:09,547 IT'S VERY MUCH IN THE EARLY STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT. 207 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:10,782 YEAH. YEAH, WELL. 208 00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,884 YES, WELL, VERY GOOD, HUGO. 209 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,787 THANKS. I CAN'T DENY I'M PRETTY EXCITED. 210 00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:17,055 ANY OTHER BUSINESS? 211 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,690 THERE CERTAINLY IS. 212 00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:23,294 I'D LIKE TO CONGRATULATE THE VICAR ON HER FEATURE IN THE TIMES. 213 00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:26,130 THANK YOU, FRANK. 214 00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:28,032 I LIKE THE TIMES. 215 00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:30,501 IT'S NOT TOO ROUGH ON THE BUTTOCKS. 216 00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,742 ACTUALLY, I HAVE TO SAY, IT WAS VERY GOOD FUN, 217 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,677 AND THEY DID GIVE ME 500 QUID TOWARDS THE NURSERY. 218 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,278 ( all exclaiming ) 219 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:42,379 BUT DON'T WORRY. 220 00:09:42,381 --> 00:09:44,115 MY MEDIA CAREER STOPS HERE. 221 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:46,618 MY PLACE IS IN THE PULPIT, NOT IN THE PAPERS. 222 00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:49,386 ( phone rings ) 223 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,689 ( rings ) 224 00:09:53,693 --> 00:09:56,794 HELLO. DIBLEY VICARAGE. CAN I HELP YOU? 225 00:09:58,464 --> 00:10:00,665 OOH, I'LL ASK HER, 226 00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:02,867 BUT I'M AFRAID SHE'S GONNA SAY NO. 227 00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:04,368 HER MEDIA CAREER IS OVER. 228 00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:05,536 WHO IS IT? 229 00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:06,904 HANG ON. 230 00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:09,573 IT'S THE PEOPLE FROM TERRY WOGAN'S PAUSE FOR THOUGHT. 231 00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:11,308 THEY READ YOUR ARTICLE AND WANT YOU TO COME ON. 232 00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:14,012 OH! UM... 233 00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:17,015 UH, I...NO. 234 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,482 NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 235 00:10:18,484 --> 00:10:19,483 UM... 236 00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:21,619 WOULD BE QUITE GOOD. 237 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,821 MMM, UM... 238 00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:26,524 NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 239 00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,062 ( muttering and mumbling ) 240 00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:36,634 GO ON, THEN. 241 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,637 HELLO. GERALDINE GRANGER HERE. 242 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,106 THANKS! 243 00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:43,374 YEAH, THANKS. 244 00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:44,942 WHEN WOULD YOU WANT ME? 245 00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:46,343 TOMORROW MORNING? 246 00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:48,146 GOOD LORD, SOMEBODY DROPPED OUT? 247 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,914 DROPPED DEAD. OH, DEAR. 248 00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:52,183 RIGHT, RIGHT. 249 00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:55,286 WELL, THAT, IN ITSELF, GIVES ONE PAUSE FOR THOUGHT, 250 00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,922 DOESN'T IT? YOU SEE. 251 00:10:57,924 --> 00:10:59,657 YES, YES. OKAY. 252 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,159 WELL, THANKS VERY MUCH. 253 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,526 AND BIG LICKEY LOVE TO TESSA. 254 00:11:02,528 --> 00:11:03,995 THANK YOU. 255 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,463 ♪ PAUSE FOR THOUGHT, PAUSE FOR THOUGHT ♪ 256 00:11:06,465 --> 00:11:08,032 ♪ PAUSE FOR THOUGHT ♪ 257 00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:09,633 ♪ PAUSE FOR THOUGHT, PAUSE FOR THOUGHT ♪ 258 00:11:09,635 --> 00:11:11,002 ♪ PAUSE FOR THOUGHT ♪ 259 00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:16,007 I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T GOING TO DO ANY MORE OF THOSE THINGS. 260 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,141 WHAT GAVE YOU THAT IDEA? 261 00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:18,142 HELLO. 262 00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:19,143 HI, HUGIE. 263 00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:23,014 HELLO, HUGO. 264 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:26,784 GUESS WHO'S GOING ON TERRY WOGAN'S SHOW TOMORROW? 265 00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:27,785 TERRY WOGAN. 266 00:11:30,056 --> 00:11:32,957 NO. APART FROM TERRY WOGAN. 267 00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:34,192 DON'T KNOW. 268 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,960 ALL RIGHT, I'LL GIVE YOU ONE CLUE. 269 00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:37,461 ONLY YOUR FAVOURITE VICAR. 270 00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:40,064 ARCHBISHOP TUTU'S GONNA BE ON WOGAN? 271 00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:42,834 NO. ME, ME, ME! 272 00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:47,504 I'M DOING PAUSE FOR THOUGHT ON TERRY WOGAN'S SHOW. 273 00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:48,940 BY THE WAY, 274 00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:51,475 JUST IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T GOT A THOUGHT... 275 00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:52,777 NO, I HAVE. 276 00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:54,145 I'VE GOT QUITE A GOOD ONE. 277 00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:55,412 RIGHT. 278 00:11:55,414 --> 00:11:56,647 I WAS THINKING-- 279 00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,015 WOULDN'T IT BE LOVELY 280 00:11:58,017 --> 00:12:01,786 IF SOME KITTENS WERE ACTUALLY BORN WITH PINK FUR, 281 00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:04,555 SO YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO PAINT THEM PINK YOURSELF? 282 00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:07,859 YEAH. THANKS FOR THAT. 283 00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:10,427 JUST IMAGINE IT. 284 00:12:10,429 --> 00:12:12,296 TOMORROW MORNING ABOUT THIS TIME, 285 00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:13,998 ME AND TESSA FACE TO FACE. 286 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,635 WELL, BEJEEBERS AND TOP O' THE MORNIN' TO YA, DARLIN'. 287 00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:18,936 IS TERRY WELSH THEN? 288 00:12:20,539 --> 00:12:22,740 BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY. 289 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:26,076 ♪ LOVE LETTERS STRAIGHT FROM YOUR HEART ♪ 290 00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,478 WELL, THAT'S "LOVE LETTERS," 291 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,880 THE PLEASING BARITONE OF ALLISON MOYET. 292 00:12:29,882 --> 00:12:31,749 NOW IT'S TIME FOR PAUSE FOR THOUGHT. 293 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,351 JUST A MOMENT OR TWO OUT OF YOUR BUSY DAY. 294 00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:36,621 TODAY, IT'S A SHE VICAR-- GERALDINE GRANGER. 295 00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:37,722 HELLO, TERRY. 296 00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:40,658 WHAT'S YOUR KEEN BRAIN BEEN WORKING ON? 297 00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:46,263 WELL, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT A CAUSE VERY CLOSE TO MY HEART, ACTUALLY, 298 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:47,898 AND THAT'S NURSERY SCHOOLS. 299 00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:51,669 I MEAN, SURELY, EVERYONE SHOULD BE ABLE TO READ AND WRITE, 300 00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:53,904 EXCEPT EDWINA CURRY, OF COURSE. 301 00:12:53,906 --> 00:12:55,640 IF SHE WRITES ANOTHER NOVEL, 302 00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:58,042 WE SHOULD LOP HER ARMS OFF IMMEDIATELY. 303 00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:02,347 SLIPPERY SLOPE, I TELL YOU. 304 00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:04,382 SLIPPERY SLOPE. 305 00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:13,190 OH, SORRY. 306 00:13:13,192 --> 00:13:14,559 THAT'S ALL RIGHT. NO HARM DONE. 307 00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:16,126 WAIT A MINUTE. 308 00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:19,296 WAIT A COTTON PICKING, TUTU-WEARING MINUTE HERE. 309 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,465 DARCEY BUSSELL, ISN'T IT? 310 00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:21,899 THAT'S RIGHT. 311 00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:25,302 THIS IS VERY, VERY EXCITING. 312 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,373 IT'S DARCEY BUSSELL. 313 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:31,141 PLIÉ, PLIÉ, BUN, PLIÉ. 314 00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:35,580 YOU REALLY ARE JUST MY MOST FAVOURITE DANCER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. 315 00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:36,947 OH, THANK YOU. 316 00:13:36,949 --> 00:13:39,717 I ACTUALLY VERY NEARLY BECAME A BALLERINA MYSELF. 317 00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:42,253 YOU CAN PROBABLY TELL BY MY DÉCOLLETAGE. 318 00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,054 MY BALLET TEACHER SAID THAT, UNFORTUNATELY, 319 00:13:44,056 --> 00:13:46,591 MY ANKLE'S A LITTLE BIT TOO BENDY. 320 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,827 THERE'S THOUSANDS OF US IN THE CHURCH, 321 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,496 ALL STARTED OFF AS DANCERS. 322 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,398 TERRY WAITE, FOR EXAMPLE. 323 00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:58,102 SPENT THE FIRST 20 YEARS OF HIS LIFE IN PINK TIGHTS. 324 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,138 THIS IS ALICE, BY THE WAY. IGNORE HER. 325 00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:02,973 SO...DARCEY BUSSELL! 326 00:14:02,975 --> 00:14:04,074 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 327 00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:05,443 I'VE BEEN DOING PAUSE FOR THOUGHT. 328 00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,812 I JUST HEARD IT IN THE CAR. IT WAS BRILLIANT. 329 00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:09,680 THANK YOU. 330 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,216 IF THERE'S EVER ANYTHING I CAN DO IN GETTING THE NURSERY, 331 00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:13,317 PLEASE COUNT ME IN. 332 00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:15,853 YOU'RE SICKENING, AREN'T YOU, DARCEY? 333 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,589 NOT ONLY ARE YOU THE BEST DANCER IN THE UNIVERSE, 334 00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:21,392 BUT THERE'S A LOVELY PERSONALITY, AS WELL. 335 00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:23,694 YOU DON'T MIND ME CALLING YOU DARCEY? 336 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:26,764 AND YOU CAN CALL ME DA-GERALDINE, IF YOU LIKE. 337 00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,035 EXCUSE ME. 338 00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,136 COULD I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH? 339 00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:33,137 WHAT? 340 00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:34,338 I HEARD YOU AND TERRY. 341 00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:36,273 I THOUGHT YOU WERE ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT. 342 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,278 WELL, UH... 343 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:44,148 SUPPOSE I'LL HAVE TO GET USED TO THIS SORT OF THING. 344 00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:45,450 PRICE OF FAME, HEY? 345 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:47,985 WON'T BE A SEC, CAROL. 346 00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:50,455 I'M JUST GETTING ALLISON MOYET'S AUTOGRAPH. 347 00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:56,260 ACTUALLY, SHE'S... 348 00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:57,462 SHUT IT! 349 00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:02,934 ALLISON MOYET. 350 00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:05,470 YOU WOULDN'T JUST SING A SONG FOR ME, WOULD YOU? 351 00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:09,139 NO. NOT TODAY. 352 00:15:09,141 --> 00:15:12,309 I'VE COMPLETELY LOST MY VOICE, YOU SEE. 353 00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:16,547 ITEM TWO, JIM. 354 00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:18,783 YES. I'D LIKE TO CONGRATULATE THE VICAR 355 00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:23,421 FOR HER PERFORMANCE ON PAUSE FOR THOUGHT. 356 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,756 HEAR, HEAR. 357 00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,991 AND ANY QUESTIONS. 358 00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:28,693 AND COUNT DOWN. 359 00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,628 AND NOEL'S HOUSE PARTY. 360 00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:33,798 OH, STOP, STOP, STOP. 361 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:37,902 ACTUALLY, NOEL WANTS TO TURN "FIND THE VICAR'S KNICKERS" INTO A REGULAR SLOT. 362 00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:39,170 AMAZING! 363 00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:41,372 LET'S MOVE ON TO THE GALA. 364 00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:43,007 ANY PROGRESS THERE, 365 00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:45,476 OR IS THE CLIMAX OF OUR SHOW 366 00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:50,080 STILL OWEN AND HIS AMAZING FARTING DUCK? 367 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:55,126 HUGO, HAS YOUR IDEA DEVELOPED A LITTLE SINCE YOU FIRST WORKSHOPPED IT HERE LAST WEEK? 368 00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,598 WHY, YES. I'VE HAD A BIT OF A BREAKTHROUGH. 369 00:15:58,281 --> 00:15:59,879 TAKE US FROM THE TOP. 370 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,099 I'M WEARING JUST WHAT I'M WEARING NOW. 371 00:16:02,559 --> 00:16:04,205 I COME OUT ONSTAGE... 372 00:16:08,039 --> 00:16:12,285 I SEE. SO YOUR QUANTUM LEAP IS THAT YOU'VE DECIDED ON YOUR COSTUME? 373 00:16:12,519 --> 00:16:14,041 THAT'S RIGHT. KEEP IT PURE. 374 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:14,959 AND THE CONTENT? 375 00:16:15,002 --> 00:16:17,535 - STILL WORKING ON IT. - RIGHT. RIGHT. 376 00:16:17,536 --> 00:16:19,959 I'M THINKING SOMETHING PROFOUND, SOMETHING POSSIBLY VERY DEEP. 377 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:24,217 AND WHY NOT? AND WHAT NEWS ON TICKETS, FRANK? 378 00:16:24,219 --> 00:16:26,820 I WON'T MINCE MY WORDS, BUT TICKETS AREN'T GOING TOO WELL. 379 00:16:26,822 --> 00:16:28,021 OH, NOT SOLD OUT? 380 00:16:28,023 --> 00:16:30,256 NOT SOLD ANY. 381 00:16:30,258 --> 00:16:32,725 BUT DON'T PANIC-- IT COULD BE WORSE. 382 00:16:32,727 --> 00:16:35,929 WHAT'S WORSE THAN NOT SELLING ANY TICKETS AT ALL? 383 00:16:35,931 --> 00:16:37,864 SELLING ONE TICKET-- 384 00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:42,902 BUT SELLING IT TO A SERIAL KILLER. 385 00:16:45,073 --> 00:16:46,672 NO, NO, NO, NO, THAT'S RIGHT. 386 00:16:46,674 --> 00:16:51,244 WHO COMES ON THE STAGE AND SLITS ALL OUR THROATS, 387 00:16:51,246 --> 00:16:57,516 AND THEN LEAVES US ALL IN A GREAT POOL OF BLOOD. 388 00:16:57,518 --> 00:17:02,621 DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY HAVE THIS SERIAL KILLER'S ADDRESS? 389 00:17:02,623 --> 00:17:04,290 DON'T WORRY, EVERYBODY. 390 00:17:04,292 --> 00:17:06,326 REV TO THE RESCUE, AS USUAL. 391 00:17:06,328 --> 00:17:08,995 AS IT HAPPENS, I'M DOING RATHER AN IMPORTANT SPREAD 392 00:17:08,997 --> 00:17:11,231 FOR ONE OF THE SUNDAY "PAPES" TOMORROW, 393 00:17:11,233 --> 00:17:13,066 SO I'LL "MENSH" OUR LITTLE SHOW, 394 00:17:13,068 --> 00:17:14,500 AND WE'LL GET LOADS OF PEEPS IN AFTER THAT. 395 00:17:14,502 --> 00:17:16,402 WELL, BRAVO, HOLY HERO. 396 00:17:16,404 --> 00:17:19,038 I THOUGHT YOU SAID NO MORE MEDIA. 397 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,908 YES, I DID, AND THIS IS POSITIVELY MY LAST, 398 00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:24,610 APART FROM THE PHOTO SHOOT FOR VOGUE... 399 00:17:25,713 --> 00:17:27,113 AND LOADED... 400 00:17:28,616 --> 00:17:31,751 AND WHAT CAR. 401 00:17:31,753 --> 00:17:33,552 I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. 402 00:17:33,554 --> 00:17:34,921 YES, THANK YOU, DAVID. 403 00:17:34,923 --> 00:17:37,223 I THINK I DO. 404 00:17:40,495 --> 00:17:44,663 ♪ BECAUSE YOU'RE GORGEOUS ♪ 405 00:17:44,665 --> 00:17:48,534 ♪ I'D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU ♪ 406 00:17:48,536 --> 00:17:52,605 ♪ BECAUSE YOU'RE GORGEOUS ♪ 407 00:17:52,607 --> 00:17:54,874 ♪ I KNOW YOU'LL GET ME ♪ 408 00:17:54,876 --> 00:17:58,778 ♪ KNOW YOU'LL GET ME THROUGH ♪ 409 00:17:58,780 --> 00:18:02,015 ♪ KNOW YOU'LL GET ME THROUGH ♪ 410 00:18:02,017 --> 00:18:03,849 HOW DID THE INTERVIEW GO? 411 00:18:03,851 --> 00:18:05,919 WELL, I THINK I GROOVED. 412 00:18:05,921 --> 00:18:08,922 WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT, I THINK? 413 00:18:08,924 --> 00:18:10,689 I WAS A TOTAL TRIUMPH. 414 00:18:10,691 --> 00:18:12,558 THE JOURNALIST IS COMING HERE 415 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,361 TO SPEAK TO PEOPLE ABOUT SAINT GERALDINE OF DIBLEY. 416 00:18:15,363 --> 00:18:17,931 YES, THAT IS THE HEADLINE. 417 00:18:17,933 --> 00:18:21,467 I'LL TELL YA, KIDS, IF I DON'T WATCH OUT, 418 00:18:21,469 --> 00:18:24,503 I'M GOING TO TURN INTO THE MOST FAMOUS RELIGIOUS PERSONALITY 419 00:18:24,505 --> 00:18:25,939 IN THE COUNTRY. 420 00:18:25,941 --> 00:18:27,373 MORE FAMOUS THAN JESUS? 421 00:18:27,375 --> 00:18:29,909 NOT AS FAMOUS AS JESUS, OBVIOUSLY. 422 00:18:29,911 --> 00:18:32,412 HE'S HAD LONGER TO WORK ON HIS ACT. 423 00:18:32,414 --> 00:18:37,417 BUT AS FOR SISTER WENDY, WELL, OUT OF THE POOL, TOOTH GIRL. 424 00:18:37,419 --> 00:18:40,119 OH, THE THING I LOVE ABOUT YOU 425 00:18:40,121 --> 00:18:41,220 IS THE WAY YOU'RE FAMOUS, 426 00:18:41,222 --> 00:18:43,722 BUT YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED AT ALL. 427 00:18:52,133 --> 00:18:54,834 MORNING, VICAR. I GOT THE PAPER. 428 00:18:54,836 --> 00:18:56,569 HOW EXCITING! 429 00:18:56,571 --> 00:18:58,504 MY MOMENT OF GLORY. 430 00:18:58,506 --> 00:19:00,105 WHAT'S IT LIKE, WHAT'S IT LIKE? 431 00:19:00,107 --> 00:19:02,775 IT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT I EXPECTED. 432 00:19:02,777 --> 00:19:04,377 OH, MY... 433 00:19:04,379 --> 00:19:07,046 GOD KNOWS HOW THIS HAPPENED. 434 00:19:07,048 --> 00:19:09,915 WHAT'S THE STORY, FRANK? 435 00:19:09,917 --> 00:19:13,152 WELL, HE CAME ROUND ASKING FOR CRAZY ANECDOTES ABOUT YOU, 436 00:19:13,154 --> 00:19:16,021 AND I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE SERVICE FOR ANIMALS, 437 00:19:16,023 --> 00:19:17,590 AND YOU DRESSING UP AS AN EASTER BUNNY. 438 00:19:17,592 --> 00:19:18,991 RIGHT. 439 00:19:18,993 --> 00:19:22,595 HE WAITED WHILE I DOUBLE-CHECKED THE DATES, 440 00:19:22,597 --> 00:19:25,498 AND TRIED TO GET ABSOLUTELY ALL THE DETAILS RIGHT, 441 00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:29,168 AND THEN, HE WROTE THIS. 442 00:19:33,708 --> 00:19:34,774 I'M SO SORRY. 443 00:19:34,776 --> 00:19:36,976 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 444 00:19:36,978 --> 00:19:38,244 OH, AND HUGO. 445 00:19:38,246 --> 00:19:40,913 I DON'T THINK THEY MEANT TO BE RUDE. 446 00:19:44,118 --> 00:19:48,421 THOUGH YOU CAN'T DENY IT'S A POSSIBILITY. 447 00:19:48,423 --> 00:19:51,357 I'M DAMN SURE THEY MEANT TO BE RUDE ABOUT ME. 448 00:19:54,128 --> 00:19:56,228 AND ME. 449 00:19:59,834 --> 00:20:02,635 I TOLD YOU IT WOULD ALL END IN TEARS. 450 00:20:02,637 --> 00:20:05,872 YOU PUT YOURSELF ABOVE YOUR OWN COMMUNITY. 451 00:20:05,874 --> 00:20:08,207 YOU'VE FORGOTTEN WHY YOU CAME HERE. 452 00:20:08,209 --> 00:20:12,478 FRANKLY, WE FEEL USED, AND WE FEEL BETRAYED. 453 00:20:14,282 --> 00:20:16,616 HAVE YOU ANYTHING TO SAY? 454 00:20:19,888 --> 00:20:23,289 WELL, LET'S MOVE ON, SHALL WE? 455 00:20:23,291 --> 00:20:25,190 IT'S A SAD DAY. 456 00:20:48,082 --> 00:20:51,617 OH, ALICE, I'VE BEEN SUCH A FOOL. 457 00:20:51,619 --> 00:20:54,754 HOW AM I EVER GOING TO SORT THIS MESS OUT? 458 00:20:56,658 --> 00:20:59,191 WELL, I DO HAVE ONE IDEA 459 00:20:59,193 --> 00:21:01,828 THAT I THINK JUST MIGHT WORK. 460 00:21:01,830 --> 00:21:03,830 REALLY? 461 00:21:03,832 --> 00:21:05,331 MMM. 462 00:21:05,333 --> 00:21:06,699 LET'S HEAR IT, THEN. 463 00:21:06,701 --> 00:21:10,035 THERE WAS THIS MAN ON TV, 464 00:21:10,037 --> 00:21:13,005 AND HIS GIRLFRIEND WAS QUITE ILL. 465 00:21:13,007 --> 00:21:14,907 IN FACT, SHE WAS DEAD. 466 00:21:14,909 --> 00:21:19,078 WHAT HE DID WAS, WHICH WAS QUITE CLEVER, REALLY, 467 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,848 HE FLEW UP INTO OUTER SPACE, 468 00:21:21,850 --> 00:21:24,517 AND HE FLEW ROUND THE WORLD SO QUICKLY 469 00:21:24,519 --> 00:21:26,752 THAT HE MADE TIME GO BACKWARDS 470 00:21:26,754 --> 00:21:30,490 TILL THE GIRL ACTUALLY GOT BETTER AGAIN. 471 00:21:30,492 --> 00:21:34,360 AND I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU COULD DO THE SAME THING, 472 00:21:34,362 --> 00:21:37,730 AND MAKE EVERYONE LIKE YOU AGAIN. 473 00:21:37,732 --> 00:21:40,633 THIS MAN-- HE WASN'T CALLED SUPERMAN? 474 00:21:40,635 --> 00:21:42,034 YEAH. 475 00:21:44,372 --> 00:21:48,273 I DON'T THINK THAT IDEA'S GOING TO WORK, ALICE. 476 00:21:48,275 --> 00:21:50,776 OH! IT'S ON TO PLAN B, THEN. 477 00:21:50,778 --> 00:21:51,978 WHICH IS? 478 00:21:51,980 --> 00:21:53,546 QUITE CLEVER. 479 00:21:53,548 --> 00:21:55,481 MMM? 480 00:21:55,483 --> 00:21:57,750 YOU KILL YOURSELF. 481 00:21:57,752 --> 00:21:59,218 RIGHT. 482 00:21:59,220 --> 00:22:03,055 AND THEN EVERYONE'LL SAY, "THAT'S A PITY. 483 00:22:03,057 --> 00:22:05,892 I QUITE LIKED HER, ACTUALLY." 484 00:22:05,894 --> 00:22:10,062 ANYTHING ELSE, A LITTLE LESS FINAL? 485 00:22:10,064 --> 00:22:12,932 THERE'S ALWAYS PLAN C, OF COURSE, 486 00:22:12,934 --> 00:22:15,300 WHICH ACTUALLY IS, IN FACT, MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE, 487 00:22:15,302 --> 00:22:18,638 AND IT ALL TAKES PLACE ON THE NIGHT OF THE GALA. 488 00:22:31,552 --> 00:22:33,719 ♪ YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR HAT ON ♪ 489 00:22:42,296 --> 00:22:44,596 ♪ YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR HAT ON ♪ 490 00:22:51,338 --> 00:22:53,806 WAIT FOR IT, WAIT FOR IT. 491 00:22:58,379 --> 00:23:00,012 ( farts ) 492 00:23:01,783 --> 00:23:02,948 THANK YOU. 493 00:23:10,792 --> 00:23:15,060 AND NOW, AN IMPRESSION OF MY SECOND COUSIN WILFRED. 494 00:23:16,497 --> 00:23:18,630 HELLO, FRANK. 495 00:23:18,632 --> 00:23:21,466 I'M GOING TO HAVE MY TONSILS OUT. 496 00:23:22,703 --> 00:23:24,804 I'VE GOT MY SHOTGUN IN THE VAN. 497 00:23:24,806 --> 00:23:26,839 LOAD BOTH BARRELS. 498 00:23:26,841 --> 00:23:31,243 AND NOW, AN IMPRESSION OF MY SECOND COUSIN WILFRED 499 00:23:31,245 --> 00:23:34,379 AFTER HE HAD HIS TONSILS OUT. 500 00:23:34,381 --> 00:23:36,282 ( clears throat ) 501 00:23:39,653 --> 00:23:41,486 ( whispering ) HELLO, FRANK. 502 00:23:41,488 --> 00:23:44,089 I'VE JUST HAD MY TONSILS OUT. 503 00:23:44,091 --> 00:23:49,128 GET A MOVE ON, YOU STRANGE AND INSANE IDIOT. 504 00:23:49,130 --> 00:23:50,662 RIGHT. 505 00:23:50,664 --> 00:23:55,034 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I AM PROUD TO INTRODUCE-- 506 00:23:55,036 --> 00:23:57,636 RAISING MONEY FOR THE NURSERY-- 507 00:23:57,638 --> 00:24:04,343 OUR STAR GUEST, IN A UNIQUE PERFORMANCE ENTITLED "THE MIRROR," 508 00:24:04,345 --> 00:24:07,646 THE STAR OF THE ROYAL BALLET-- 509 00:24:07,648 --> 00:24:10,682 MISS DARCEY BUSSELL. 510 00:24:16,858 --> 00:24:19,859 ( classical music plays ) 511 00:27:11,365 --> 00:27:16,301 Vicar: WHY WOULD ANYONE BE STUPID ENOUGH TO WANT FAME AND FORTUNE 512 00:27:16,303 --> 00:27:19,071 WHEN YOU CAN HAVE THE STARS AT NIGHT, 513 00:27:19,073 --> 00:27:22,174 AND A PROPER FRIEND BY YOUR SIDE? 514 00:27:23,476 --> 00:27:25,588 I ALWAYS MAKE A WISH WHEN I LOOK AT THE STARS. 515 00:27:26,079 --> 00:27:28,359 - DO YOU? - YEAH. - WHAT DO YOU WISH FOR? 516 00:27:29,959 --> 00:27:34,255 - WELL, SATURDAY REPEATS OF TELETUBBIES... - OH, GOOD CALL. 517 00:27:34,918 --> 00:27:35,831 ANYTHING ELSE? 518 00:27:36,439 --> 00:27:38,869 - WELL, SUNDAY REPEATS OF TELETUBBIES. - MMM. 519 00:27:39,478 --> 00:27:42,319 APART FROM TELETUBBIES, ANYTHING ELSE? 520 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:43,799 OH, WELL, YOU KNOW... 521 00:27:43,799 --> 00:27:48,601 I ALWAYS MAKE A WISH ABOUT... HUGO AND... ME AND... HAPPINESS. 522 00:27:48,798 --> 00:27:50,939 WELL, HE'S THE MOST WONDERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD, ISN'T HE? 523 00:27:52,199 --> 00:27:55,159 HE WAS RATHER REMARKABLE TONIGHT. 524 00:27:55,691 --> 00:27:59,552 - HE WAS, WASN'T HE? - AND FINALLY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... 525 00:27:59,639 --> 00:28:03,319 ...WITH AN ITEM HE HAS SIMPLY NAMED... "ITEM", 526 00:28:04,038 --> 00:28:05,681 IT'S MR. HUGO HORTON. 527 00:28:13,238 --> 00:28:15,231 IT'S A WEEK TODAY TIL I GET MARRIED. 528 00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:18,327 AND, UH, TODAY IS SAINT VALENTINE'S DAY, 529 00:28:18,959 --> 00:28:21,494 SO, I JUST WANT TO SAY A FEW WORDS, 530 00:28:21,559 --> 00:28:25,326 BY THE EVERLY BROTHERS, FOR... LOVERS EVERYWHERE. 531 00:28:26,199 --> 00:28:29,185 AND PARTICULARLY TO THE WOMAN I LOVE. 532 00:28:32,279 --> 00:28:34,716 "I BLESS THE DAY I FOUND YOU," 533 00:28:35,838 --> 00:28:37,682 "I WANT MY ARMS AROUND YOU." 534 00:28:38,879 --> 00:28:42,119 "NOW AND FOREVER, LET IT BE ME." 535 00:28:43,238 --> 00:28:48,144 "SO NEVER LEAVE ME LONELY, SAY YOU LOVE ME, ONLY," 536 00:28:48,239 --> 00:28:51,878 "AND THAT YOU'LL ALWAYS, LET IT BE ME." 537 00:28:52,176 --> 00:28:55,444 Alice: OH, NICE. 538 00:28:58,149 --> 00:29:05,987 ♪ SURELY GOODNESS AND MERCY SHALL FOLLOW ME ♪ 539 00:29:05,989 --> 00:29:09,324 ♪ ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE ♪ 540 00:29:09,326 --> 00:29:21,570 ♪ AND I WILL DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD FOREVER ♪ 541 00:29:23,107 --> 00:29:25,240 ♪ FOREVER ♪ 542 00:29:25,242 --> 00:29:30,379 SO, WHAT DO YOU CALL A BUDGIE THAT'S BEEN RUN OVER BY A LAWN MOWER? 543 00:29:30,381 --> 00:29:31,813 I DON'T KNOW. 544 00:29:31,815 --> 00:29:35,217 WHAT DO YOU CALL A BUDGIE THAT'S BEEN RUN OVER BY A LAWN MOWER? 545 00:29:35,219 --> 00:29:37,018 SHREDDED TWEET. 546 00:29:38,655 --> 00:29:40,589 SO THE BUDGIE'S DEAD, THEN? 547 00:29:40,591 --> 00:29:43,758 YES, I SHOULD THINK SO. IT'S SHREDDED TWEET. 548 00:29:45,896 --> 00:29:47,429 POOR LITTLE THING. 549 00:29:47,431 --> 00:29:51,166 IT DIDN'T EVEN SEE THE LAWN MOWER COMING. 550 00:29:51,168 --> 00:29:54,103 HOW COULD HE KNOW THAT DEATH WAS JUST ROUND THE CORNER? 551 00:29:54,105 --> 00:29:57,872 ALICE, I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU THESE JOKES ANYMORE 552 00:29:57,874 --> 00:29:59,975 IF YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP ON RESPONDING LIKE THIS. 553 00:29:59,977 --> 00:30:01,676 IT'S NOT A REAL BUDGIE, OKAY? 554 00:30:01,678 --> 00:30:03,078 IT'S NOT A REAL LAWN MOWER. 555 00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:04,746 IT'S JUST A JOKE. 556 00:30:04,748 --> 00:30:06,848 SO THE BUDGIE'S NOT DEAD. 557 00:30:06,850 --> 00:30:08,584 NO. IT NEVER GOT BORN. 558 00:30:08,586 --> 00:30:10,285 NEVER GOT BORN? 559 00:30:10,287 --> 00:30:11,286 NO. 560 00:30:11,288 --> 00:30:14,356 POOR LITTLE THING. 561 00:30:15,959 --> 00:30:19,495 OH, SO MUCH BEAUTY, SO MUCH POTENTIAL. 562 00:30:19,497 --> 00:30:20,996 IT NEVER GOT BORN. 563 00:30:20,998 --> 00:30:23,499 NEVER SAW THE LIGHT OF THE SUN, 564 00:30:23,501 --> 00:30:27,536 OR FELT THE GENTLE RUSTLE OF THE BREEZE THROUGH ITS FEATHERS. 565 00:30:27,538 --> 00:30:31,840 NEVER WENT, "TWINKLE, TWINKLE, TWINKLE, GIVE ME MY FOOD, PLEASE." 566 00:30:31,842 --> 00:30:33,074 GET OUT NOW. 567 00:30:33,076 --> 00:30:34,809 GO ON, GET OUT! 568 00:30:37,348 --> 00:30:43,985 ♪ FOREVER ♪ 37846

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