All language subtitles for The Vicar of Dibley (1994) - S01E03 - Community Spirit (576p DVD x265 Ghost).srt - eng(2)

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish Download
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,646 --> 00:00:06,548 ♪ THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD, I SHALL NOT WANT ♪ 2 00:00:06,550 --> 00:00:09,118 ♪ HE MAKETH ME ♪ 3 00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:12,420 ♪ TO LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES ♪ 4 00:00:12,422 --> 00:00:18,159 ♪ HE LEADETH ME ♪ 5 00:00:18,161 --> 00:00:23,563 ♪ BESIDE THE STILL WATERS ♪ 6 00:00:26,636 --> 00:00:29,469 ♪ STILL WATERS ♪ 7 00:00:29,471 --> 00:00:31,303 ( pig squeals ) 8 00:00:36,811 --> 00:00:41,346 RIGHT. I CALL THIS MEETING OF THE DIBLEY PARISH COUNCIL TO ORDER. 9 00:00:41,348 --> 00:00:43,214 ITEM ONE--DO WE HAVE ANY APOLOGIES? 10 00:00:43,216 --> 00:00:45,784 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. YES. 11 00:00:45,786 --> 00:00:47,585 YES, JIM. 12 00:00:47,587 --> 00:00:50,121 NO, NO, NO, NO, YES. 13 00:00:50,123 --> 00:00:53,958 I'M SORRY I MISSED THE BRIDGE EVENING YESTERDAY. 14 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,627 YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR THAT, JIM. 15 00:00:56,629 --> 00:00:59,796 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. I WANT TO. 16 00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:04,034 NO, I MEAN, APOLOGIES MEAN 17 00:01:04,036 --> 00:01:07,369 YOU ONLY HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR NOT BEING HERE. 18 00:01:11,608 --> 00:01:13,408 BUT I AM HERE. 19 00:01:15,412 --> 00:01:18,713 I COULD GO AWAY, IF YOU LIKE, 20 00:01:18,715 --> 00:01:21,615 AND THEN COME BACK AND APOLOGIZE 21 00:01:21,617 --> 00:01:24,951 FOR NOT BEING HERE NEXT TIME. 22 00:01:26,922 --> 00:01:28,155 MOVING ON. 23 00:01:28,157 --> 00:01:32,159 ITEM TWO-- MINDLESS VANDALISM. 24 00:01:32,161 --> 00:01:33,660 AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW, 25 00:01:33,662 --> 00:01:35,895 WE HAVE AN OUTBREAK OF GRAFFITI IN THE VILLAGE. 26 00:01:35,897 --> 00:01:37,963 OH, YES, I SAW THAT. 27 00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:40,566 I DON'T THINK YOU'RE A PRAT, MR. HORTON. 28 00:01:43,469 --> 00:01:44,703 NO ONE SAID I WAS. 29 00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:48,673 YES, SOME BUGGER SCRAWLED "MR. HORTON'S A TOTAL PRAT" 30 00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:50,608 ON THE SCOUT HUT WALL. 31 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:56,346 WE ALSO SEEM TO HAVE ACQUIRED A VILLAGE "PUS" OFFICE. 32 00:01:56,348 --> 00:01:57,948 YOU KEEPING UP, FRANK? 33 00:01:57,950 --> 00:02:00,250 YEAH. HORTON'S A TOTAL PRAT. 34 00:02:02,353 --> 00:02:04,420 LET'S JUST KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THEM, SHALL WE, 35 00:02:04,422 --> 00:02:05,654 ESPECIALLY THE LITTLE BASTARD 36 00:02:05,656 --> 00:02:08,691 WHO'S TAMPERED WITH THE SIGN FOR THE TUCK SHOP. 37 00:02:11,261 --> 00:02:13,494 RIGHT. MOVING ON. 38 00:02:13,496 --> 00:02:16,231 ( guttural laughter ) 39 00:02:16,233 --> 00:02:17,799 TUCK SHOP! 40 00:02:20,302 --> 00:02:22,302 SORRY I'M LATE, EVERYONE. 41 00:02:22,304 --> 00:02:25,873 BEEN READING A VERY INTERESTING THEORY ABOUT ST. JOHN'S GOSPEL. 42 00:02:25,875 --> 00:02:28,474 APPARENTLY IT WAS WRITTEN BY SOMEONE CALLED SUSAN. 43 00:02:28,476 --> 00:02:31,377 AMAZING. DO CONTINUE. 44 00:02:31,379 --> 00:02:34,480 I'M SORRY TO REPORT THAT LAST NIGHT'S BRIDGE EVENING-- 45 00:02:34,482 --> 00:02:38,016 WHICH FRANK ARRANGED-- WAS A DISASTER. 46 00:02:38,018 --> 00:02:39,618 HOWEVER, THERE WAS AN EXCEPTION. 47 00:02:39,620 --> 00:02:41,887 THIS VILLAGE IS KNOWN FOR ITS COMMUNITY SPIRIT, 48 00:02:41,889 --> 00:02:43,455 AND WE WILL HAVE AMPLE OPPORTUNITY 49 00:02:43,457 --> 00:02:46,591 TO DEMONSTRATE THAT AGAIN AT THE AUTUMN FAYRE, 50 00:02:46,593 --> 00:02:49,326 WHICH I SHALL BE ORGANIZING. 51 00:02:49,328 --> 00:02:52,897 I'M CONFIDENT WE CAN EQUAL LAST YEAR'S RECORD OF £270. 52 00:02:54,467 --> 00:02:55,699 IS THAT ALL YOU GOT? 53 00:02:57,569 --> 00:03:01,671 I'VE SEEN BRAS THAT COST MORE THAN THAT. 54 00:03:01,673 --> 00:03:03,740 NO, IT'S NOT LIVE AID. 55 00:03:03,742 --> 00:03:07,376 WE DID JUST DIP BELOW THE £60 MILLION MARK LAST TIME ROUND. 56 00:03:07,378 --> 00:03:08,778 THE WOMAN'S RIGHT. 57 00:03:08,780 --> 00:03:10,479 ALL THAT EFFORT FOR 200 QUID. 58 00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:13,948 I PROPOSE THAT WE ALL BUNG IN 40 QUID NOW 59 00:03:13,950 --> 00:03:16,985 AND FORGET THE WHOLE THING. 60 00:03:16,987 --> 00:03:19,854 IT DOES BRING THE VILLAGE TOGETHER, THOUGH. 61 00:03:19,856 --> 00:03:21,555 IT BRINGS IT TOGETHER THINKING, 62 00:03:21,557 --> 00:03:23,957 "WHAT A BLOODY PAIN IN THE ASS THIS IS." 63 00:03:25,060 --> 00:03:28,328 LOOK, I'M ALL IN FAVOUR OF THE FAYRE. 64 00:03:28,330 --> 00:03:30,730 I JUST THINK WE NEED IT TO MAKE MORE CASH. 65 00:03:30,732 --> 00:03:33,465 AND DOES SIR GERALDINE GELDOF HAVE ANY IDEAS 66 00:03:33,467 --> 00:03:35,902 HOW TO RAISE OUR FIRST MILL? 67 00:03:35,904 --> 00:03:38,204 WELL, LET'S START AT THE TOP. 68 00:03:38,206 --> 00:03:40,739 THE CRUCIAL THING IS WHO OPENS IT. 69 00:03:42,075 --> 00:03:44,075 IF YOU START OFF WITH A POMPOUS NOBODY, 70 00:03:44,077 --> 00:03:45,510 YOU'RE DOOMED. 71 00:03:45,512 --> 00:03:47,545 I BET YOU WERE SCUPPERED LAST YEAR, YEAH, 72 00:03:47,547 --> 00:03:50,480 BY COMPLETE LOCAL ZERO, YEAH? 73 00:03:50,482 --> 00:03:52,116 CAN ANYONE REMEMBER WHO IT WAS? 74 00:03:53,519 --> 00:03:56,053 IT WAS ME. 75 00:03:57,456 --> 00:04:01,024 DAVID, A POMPOUS NOBODY. 76 00:04:01,026 --> 00:04:02,959 THE AWFUL TRUTH, DAVID, IS, 77 00:04:02,961 --> 00:04:05,661 WE'D PROBABLY PULL A BIGGER CROWD WITH SOMEONE FAMOUS. 78 00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:06,896 CHURCHILL. 79 00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:13,135 WINSTON CHURCHILL-- HE'S VERY FAMOUS. 80 00:04:13,137 --> 00:04:16,171 I WAS THINKING MORE OF SOMEONE STILL ALIVE. 81 00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:17,939 YES. BRILLIANT! 82 00:04:17,941 --> 00:04:19,373 SMART THINKING, TOP CAT. 83 00:04:19,375 --> 00:04:21,209 YEAH. LIKE A TELEVISION PERSONALITY. 84 00:04:21,211 --> 00:04:24,745 YOU MEAN MICHAEL FISH? 85 00:04:26,415 --> 00:04:29,916 WELL, PERHAPS DAVID IS THE PERFECT CHOICE, AFTER ALL. 86 00:04:29,918 --> 00:04:33,086 OH, NO. NO, YOU HAVE MADE IT QUITE CLEAR 87 00:04:33,088 --> 00:04:34,587 THAT I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. 88 00:04:34,589 --> 00:04:37,122 I'M SURE THAT MR. FISH OR HIS CELEBRITY FRIENDS, 89 00:04:37,124 --> 00:04:39,091 MR. VEGETABLE OR MRS. POTATO, 90 00:04:39,093 --> 00:04:42,761 WILL BE HAPPY TO OBLIGE. 91 00:04:42,763 --> 00:04:45,029 IF THERE IS NO OTHER BUSINESS, WE MEET IN A FORTNIGHT. 92 00:04:45,031 --> 00:04:46,998 GOOD NIGHT. OH, DEAR. 93 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,567 WHAT ABOUT JACK FROM HOUSE OF ELLIOT? 94 00:04:49,569 --> 00:04:51,102 HE'S PRETTY COOL. 95 00:04:51,104 --> 00:04:54,238 YEAH. I WAS THINKING MORE OF DANIEL DAY LEWIS. 96 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:56,974 ALTHOUGH MAYBE OLD BOYFRIENDS AREN'T SUCH A GOOD IDEA, RIGHT? 97 00:04:56,976 --> 00:04:59,243 YOU COULD TRY ED THE DUCK. 98 00:04:59,245 --> 00:05:00,878 HE'S PRETTY CHARISMATIC. 99 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,812 YES! 100 00:05:02,814 --> 00:05:05,681 WHEN YOU THINK WHAT I HAVE GIVEN THE PEOPLE OF THIS VILLAGE. 101 00:05:05,683 --> 00:05:07,083 YES. 102 00:05:07,085 --> 00:05:08,317 YOU GAVE THEM DYSENTERY LAST YEAR 103 00:05:08,319 --> 00:05:10,286 WHEN THAT SLURRY FELL IN THE RIVER. 104 00:05:10,288 --> 00:05:11,653 I'VE GIVEN THEM EVERYTHING-- 105 00:05:11,655 --> 00:05:13,388 A CUP FOR THE FLOWER SHOW. 106 00:05:13,390 --> 00:05:14,422 THE DAVID HORTON CUP. 107 00:05:14,424 --> 00:05:15,456 A BENCH FOR THE GREEN. 108 00:05:15,458 --> 00:05:16,824 THE DAVID HORTON BENCH. 109 00:05:16,826 --> 00:05:18,994 A HUT FOR THE SCOUTS. THE SCOUT HUT. 110 00:05:18,996 --> 00:05:21,795 DEDICATED TO DAVID HORTON. 111 00:05:21,797 --> 00:05:23,163 WHAT HAVE I GOT OUT OF IT? 112 00:05:23,165 --> 00:05:24,265 NOTHING. 113 00:05:24,267 --> 00:05:26,100 I EVEN PROVIDED THE LAND FOR THE BOWLING CLUB-- 114 00:05:26,102 --> 00:05:28,168 A CRUCIAL VILLAGE AMENITY. 115 00:05:28,170 --> 00:05:29,736 WHAT DID THEY GIVE ME IN RETURN? 116 00:05:29,738 --> 00:05:32,372 MONEY, WASN'T IT? 117 00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:34,540 STILL, THIS BIG CELEBRITY'S PRETTY EXCITING, ISN'T IT? 118 00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:35,841 I WONDER WHO SHE'LL GET? 119 00:05:35,843 --> 00:05:39,811 MEL GIBSON? KEVIN COSTNER? PRINCESS DIANA? 120 00:05:39,813 --> 00:05:42,413 SO BABS JUST ISN'T AVAILABLE AT ALL? 121 00:05:42,415 --> 00:05:45,050 AND WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER BEVERLEY SISTERS? 122 00:05:45,052 --> 00:05:47,252 NO. SORRY? 123 00:05:47,254 --> 00:05:49,019 BABS' DAUGHTER COULD DO IT? 124 00:05:49,021 --> 00:05:50,955 NO, NO, NO, I'M SURE SHE'D BE PERFECT. 125 00:05:50,957 --> 00:05:52,990 IS SHE A SINGER? CHIROPODIST. 126 00:05:52,992 --> 00:05:55,893 WELL, THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MATTER, DOES IT? 127 00:05:55,895 --> 00:05:57,127 I'M SURE SHE'LL BE LOVELY. 128 00:05:57,129 --> 00:05:58,294 CAN YOU EXCUSE ME A MOMENT? 129 00:05:58,296 --> 00:06:00,129 WHAT AM I SAYING? 130 00:06:00,131 --> 00:06:03,532 I'M GETTING EXCITED BY THE CHIROPODIST DAUGHTER OF A BEVERLEY SISTER. 131 00:06:03,534 --> 00:06:05,034 NO, NO, NO. 132 00:06:05,036 --> 00:06:06,735 HELLO AGAIN. 133 00:06:06,737 --> 00:06:09,137 OBVIOUSLY, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CONSULT WITH MY COMMITTEE ON THAT 134 00:06:09,139 --> 00:06:10,438 AND GET BACK TO YOU. 135 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,674 OUT OF INTEREST, HOW MUCH DOES SHE CHARGE? 136 00:06:12,676 --> 00:06:13,942 UH-HUH. 137 00:06:13,944 --> 00:06:16,043 AND THAT'S FOR THE FULL MASSAGE? 138 00:06:16,045 --> 00:06:17,245 EXCELLENT. 139 00:06:17,247 --> 00:06:20,014 LOVELY. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. BYE-BYE. 140 00:06:20,016 --> 00:06:21,715 OH! 141 00:06:21,717 --> 00:06:22,816 AFTERNOON, VICAR. OH, HELLO. 142 00:06:22,818 --> 00:06:24,985 HAVE YOU GOT A LOVELY GUEST STAR YET? 143 00:06:24,987 --> 00:06:26,753 NOT AS SUCH, NO. 144 00:06:26,755 --> 00:06:28,154 DON'T WORRY. 145 00:06:28,156 --> 00:06:29,422 I HAD A DREAM. 146 00:06:29,424 --> 00:06:33,026 AN ANGEL TOLD ME THIS FAYRE WOULD BE WONDERFUL. 147 00:06:33,028 --> 00:06:35,961 ALICE, SWEETHEART, AN ANGEL TOLD YOU 148 00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:38,663 THAT PRINCE CHARLES WAS GONNA MARRY SINEAD O'CONNOR, 149 00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:40,065 DIDN'T IT? 150 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:43,034 I THINK THAT MIGHT BE QUITE A NAUGHTY ANGEL. 151 00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:45,636 BUT I AM GONNA HELP SO HARD. 152 00:06:45,638 --> 00:06:47,038 OH? LOOK. 153 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:51,709 I'VE MADE SOME SOFT TOYS TO SELL. 154 00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:56,113 RIGHT. THIS ONE'S AN ELEPHANT-- YOU CAN SEE IT IS. 155 00:06:56,115 --> 00:06:59,449 YES. IT'S A LOVELY ELEPHANT. 156 00:06:59,451 --> 00:07:01,750 AND THIS IS ANOTHER ELEPHANT. 157 00:07:01,752 --> 00:07:03,252 RIGHT. 158 00:07:03,254 --> 00:07:07,156 THEY DON'T LOOK VERY, VERY SIMILAR, DO THEY? 159 00:07:07,158 --> 00:07:10,425 THEY WOULDN'T, 'CAUSE THAT ONE'S AN INDIAN ELEPHANT. 160 00:07:10,427 --> 00:07:11,526 RIGHT. 161 00:07:11,528 --> 00:07:13,694 YOU CAN TELL BY THE EARS, YOU SEE. YES. 162 00:07:13,696 --> 00:07:15,630 BECAUSE IT'S GOT THREE, HASN'T IT? 163 00:07:15,632 --> 00:07:18,699 THAT'S ITS TRUNK, SILLY. 164 00:07:18,701 --> 00:07:20,367 OH. 165 00:07:20,369 --> 00:07:23,503 NOW THAT IS A SUPER ELEPHANT WITH A PROPER TRUNK AND EVERYTHING. 166 00:07:23,505 --> 00:07:26,140 THAT'S A GIRAFFE-- THAT'S ITS NECK. 167 00:07:26,142 --> 00:07:28,142 WHAT HAVE YOU STUFFED IT WITH--FOAM? 168 00:07:28,144 --> 00:07:29,375 NO. PASTA. 169 00:07:29,377 --> 00:07:31,077 PASTA. YEAH. 170 00:07:31,079 --> 00:07:33,079 AND I COOKED IT FIRST, 171 00:07:33,081 --> 00:07:35,514 SO IT'S ALL NICE AND SQUASHY. 172 00:07:35,516 --> 00:07:38,383 BUT THEY CAN STILL STAND UP AND EVERYTHING. 173 00:07:38,385 --> 00:07:39,584 SORT OF. 174 00:07:39,586 --> 00:07:41,886 ALICE, LISTEN. 175 00:07:41,888 --> 00:07:44,122 I DON'T THINK YOU'VE BEEN READING YOUR EPISTLES PROPERLY 176 00:07:44,124 --> 00:07:45,324 HAVE YOU? 177 00:07:45,326 --> 00:07:47,358 IN ST. PAUL'S LETTER TO THE EPHESIANS 178 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:48,625 HE DISTINCTLY SAYS, 179 00:07:48,627 --> 00:07:51,162 "MY BROTHERS, I ASK OF YOU ONLY TWO THINGS-- 180 00:07:51,164 --> 00:07:52,830 "FIRST, LOVE THE LORD, 181 00:07:52,832 --> 00:07:56,833 AND SECOND, STOP USING PASTA IN YOUR SOFT TOYS." 182 00:07:58,703 --> 00:07:59,970 COME ON, COME ON. 183 00:07:59,972 --> 00:08:01,204 I'VE HAD AN IDEA. 184 00:08:01,206 --> 00:08:02,738 WHY DON'T WE SELL THESE 185 00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:04,873 AND NOT TELL PEOPLE WHAT THEY ARE? 186 00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:07,609 LET'S SAY THAT THEY'RE MYSTERIOUS CREATURES FROM ANOTHER PLANET. 187 00:08:07,611 --> 00:08:11,013 WE CAN GIVE THE PLANET A NAME. ( knock on door ) 188 00:08:11,015 --> 00:08:12,448 YEAH! 189 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:13,781 THE PLANET ELEPHANT. 190 00:08:13,783 --> 00:08:15,883 YEAH! OR NOT. 191 00:08:15,885 --> 00:08:17,285 I'LL PUT THE KETTLE ON. 192 00:08:18,754 --> 00:08:19,820 GOOD AFTERNOON, VICAR. 193 00:08:19,822 --> 00:08:22,023 HELLO, DAVID. LOVELY TO SEE YOU. COME IN. 194 00:08:22,025 --> 00:08:23,457 AND HUGO-- 195 00:08:23,459 --> 00:08:27,361 LOOKING VIRTUALLY EDIBLE IN THAT RADICAL NEW JACKET. 196 00:08:27,363 --> 00:08:30,430 I DIDN'T KNOW FLIRTING WAS ON THE SYLLABUS AT THEOLOGICAL COLLEGES. 197 00:08:30,432 --> 00:08:31,864 OH, YEAH. IT'S THE WHOLE SECOND YEAR. 198 00:08:31,866 --> 00:08:35,301 I NEED TO PUT YOUR STAR GUEST 199 00:08:35,303 --> 00:08:37,370 IN THE VILLAGE NEWSLETTER. 200 00:08:37,372 --> 00:08:38,770 NOT HAVING DIFFICULTIES, I HOPE. 201 00:08:38,772 --> 00:08:40,606 WELL, YES, ACTUALLY. 202 00:08:40,608 --> 00:08:43,808 LOOK, I HAD THREE OF THE NOLANS IN THE PALM OF MY HAND. 203 00:08:43,810 --> 00:08:46,711 OH, DEAR. I AM MORTIFIED. 204 00:08:46,713 --> 00:08:48,679 I HAD SUCH HIGH HOPES. 205 00:08:48,681 --> 00:08:52,716 THE THOUGHT OF MICHAEL FISH-- MICHAEL FISH-- 206 00:08:52,718 --> 00:08:55,185 THE FISHTER-- 207 00:08:55,187 --> 00:08:57,454 IN OUR LITTLE VILLAGE. 208 00:08:57,456 --> 00:09:01,057 DID YOU KNOW THE VICAR ONCE WENT OUT WITH DANIEL DAY LEWIS? 209 00:09:01,059 --> 00:09:03,526 NO, I DIDN'T. 210 00:09:03,528 --> 00:09:07,463 YEAH. BUT APPARENTLY, THEY SPLIT UP. 211 00:09:09,866 --> 00:09:12,534 NO WONDER HE LOOKS SO SKINNY AND TENSE 212 00:09:12,536 --> 00:09:14,903 AND DECIDED TO BECOME A MOHICAN. 213 00:09:16,540 --> 00:09:22,576 YEAH. IT MUST BE TERRIBLE NOT TO BE WITH THE WOMAN YOU LOVE. 214 00:09:22,578 --> 00:09:26,579 OH, YEAH. TERRIBLE, THAT, ISN'T IT? 215 00:09:28,850 --> 00:09:31,317 I KNOW SOMEONE WHO KNOWS DEBBIE MAGEE'S GARDENER 216 00:09:31,319 --> 00:09:32,685 WOULD HE BE BIG ENOUGH? 217 00:09:32,687 --> 00:09:34,120 COME ALONG, HUGO. 218 00:09:34,122 --> 00:09:35,487 SORRY, FATHER. 219 00:09:35,489 --> 00:09:37,523 BYE, VICAR. BYE. 220 00:09:39,126 --> 00:09:41,493 TROUBLE IS, I DON'T KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS. 221 00:09:41,495 --> 00:09:42,928 JOIN THE CLUB. 222 00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,129 THE ONLY SHOW BIZ PERSON THAT I KNOW 223 00:09:45,131 --> 00:09:46,531 IS MY SECOND COUSIN, 224 00:09:46,533 --> 00:09:48,499 BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SINCE I WAS FOUR. 225 00:09:48,501 --> 00:09:50,068 HIS NAME WAS REG DWIGHT. 226 00:09:52,372 --> 00:09:54,637 HIS MUM, RIGHT, GOT CROSS AT ME 227 00:09:54,639 --> 00:09:56,739 BECAUSE I PULLED HIS HAIR 228 00:09:56,741 --> 00:09:58,908 TO STOP HIM PLAYING THE PIANO 229 00:09:58,910 --> 00:10:00,610 AND A WHOLE HANDFUL CAME OUT. 230 00:10:00,612 --> 00:10:02,844 REG DWIGHT. 231 00:10:02,846 --> 00:10:04,846 WE CALLED HIM "BALDY." 232 00:10:04,848 --> 00:10:09,251 UNFORTUNATELY, WE DIDN'T SEE THAT SIDE OF THE FAMILY AFTER THAT. 233 00:10:09,253 --> 00:10:11,520 REG DWIGHT. 234 00:10:11,522 --> 00:10:15,457 ALICE, I THINK IT'S TIME YOU CONTACTED YOUR LITTLE COUSIN. 235 00:10:15,459 --> 00:10:17,225 OH, ALL RIGHT. 236 00:10:17,227 --> 00:10:20,695 IT WOULD BE NICE TO SEE OLD SPECKY FOUR-EYES AGAIN. 237 00:10:20,697 --> 00:10:22,196 NO. LOOK. 238 00:10:23,432 --> 00:10:26,967 YOU MEAN HE TURNED INTO ELTON JOHN?! 239 00:10:26,969 --> 00:10:29,769 YES!! 240 00:10:41,081 --> 00:10:43,815 GOD'S PATH IS FOR WALKING, ALICE. 241 00:10:43,817 --> 00:10:45,884 YES, MRS. CROPLEY. 242 00:10:47,988 --> 00:10:51,722 ( playing classical music ) 243 00:10:51,724 --> 00:10:54,258 HE'S WRITTEN BACK. HE'S GONNA COME! 244 00:10:55,961 --> 00:10:58,695 ( plays "Saturday Night's All Right For Fighting" ) 245 00:11:00,399 --> 00:11:02,899 SAD, ISN'T IT, WHEN PEOPLE FAIL? 246 00:11:02,901 --> 00:11:05,034 THEY HAVE THEIR LITTLE DREAMS, 247 00:11:05,036 --> 00:11:07,135 AND THEY JUST DON'T QUITE MAKE IT. 248 00:11:07,137 --> 00:11:09,505 JEREMY BATES, PETER SARSTEDT, 249 00:11:09,507 --> 00:11:11,807 GRAHAM TAYLOR, OUR VICAR. 250 00:11:11,809 --> 00:11:13,275 YOU DON'T THINK SHE'S FOUND ANYONE? 251 00:11:13,277 --> 00:11:16,444 HUGO, OUR VICAR HAS AS MANY CONNECTIONS WITH THE RICH AND FAMOUS 252 00:11:16,446 --> 00:11:18,880 AS I HAVE WITH THE BLACK PANTHER MOVEMENT. 253 00:11:18,882 --> 00:11:20,147 MARK MY WORDS. 254 00:11:20,149 --> 00:11:22,817 THEY'LL SOON BE BEGGING ME TO OPEN THE FAYRE. 255 00:11:30,025 --> 00:11:31,491 ELTON JOHN?! 256 00:11:31,493 --> 00:11:34,760 THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, ISN'T IT, FATHER? ELTON JOHN! 257 00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:36,228 HELLO, HANDSOME. 258 00:11:36,230 --> 00:11:37,396 AND DAVID. HOW ARE YOU? 259 00:11:37,398 --> 00:11:39,064 IN PERFECT HEALTH. 260 00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:41,133 GREAT. WE'RE ALL HUNKY DORY HERE. 261 00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:45,169 IT SEEMED TO ME THAT SHE LIVED HER LIFE 262 00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:47,271 LIKE A CANDLE IN THE WIND. 263 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,844 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT. 264 00:11:56,281 --> 00:11:57,748 JOLLY GOOD NAME. 265 00:11:57,750 --> 00:11:59,416 I'D LOVE TO TAKE THE CREDIT, 266 00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:00,850 BUT OF COURSE, IT'S ALL DOWN TO LOVELY ALICE. 267 00:12:00,852 --> 00:12:02,552 THREE CHEERS FOR ALICE! 268 00:12:02,554 --> 00:12:04,921 WE WON'T LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON HER. 269 00:12:07,492 --> 00:12:09,525 I'M RUNNING MY OWN STALL, TOO. 270 00:12:09,527 --> 00:12:12,160 CREATURES FROM THE PLANET ELTON. 271 00:12:12,162 --> 00:12:14,362 THAT LOOKS LIKE AN INDIAN ELEPHANT. 272 00:12:14,364 --> 00:12:16,064 OH, DOES IT? 273 00:12:16,066 --> 00:12:18,467 WHAT ABOUT YOU, JIM? GOT A STALL? 274 00:12:18,469 --> 00:12:21,301 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 275 00:12:21,303 --> 00:12:24,772 I'M DOING THE LOUD-SPEAKING ANNOUNCEMENTS. 276 00:12:27,076 --> 00:12:29,809 I FORGET WHO DID IT LAST TIME. 277 00:12:29,811 --> 00:12:31,544 AT LEAST THIS YEAR, 278 00:12:31,546 --> 00:12:34,914 WE'VE GOT A PROFESSIONAL JUDGE DOING THE FLOWERS 279 00:12:34,916 --> 00:12:38,016 INSTEAD OF SOME AWFUL AMATEUR. 280 00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:40,251 WHO WAS IT LAST TIME? 281 00:12:40,253 --> 00:12:43,121 RIGHT. I'LL LET YOU GET ON WITH IT THEN. 282 00:12:43,123 --> 00:12:44,490 COME ON, HUGO. 283 00:12:44,492 --> 00:12:45,824 COMING, FATHER. 284 00:12:45,826 --> 00:12:46,891 GREAT GIRAFFE, TOO. 285 00:12:46,893 --> 00:12:49,326 BRILLIANT JUST LEAVING OUT THE HEAD. 286 00:12:49,328 --> 00:12:51,829 AH! YOU KNOW, VICAR, 287 00:12:51,831 --> 00:12:54,398 I'VE HEARD ABOUT THESE ROCK STAR TYPES. 288 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,867 I'M RATHER AFRAID HE'LL BE EXPECTING SOMEONE 289 00:12:56,869 --> 00:12:58,468 TO SUPPLY SOME DRUGS. 290 00:12:58,470 --> 00:13:00,303 YES. 291 00:13:00,305 --> 00:13:02,973 PROBLEM IS, I'VE BEEN ASKING DOWN THE PUB, 292 00:13:02,975 --> 00:13:05,708 AND NO ONE SEEMS TO HAVE ANY HEROIN. 293 00:13:08,212 --> 00:13:10,846 DO YOU THINK NIGHT NURSE WILL DO? 294 00:13:12,116 --> 00:13:14,281 ABSOLUTELY. WORKS EVERY TIME. 295 00:13:14,283 --> 00:13:15,617 GOOD THINKING, OWEN. 296 00:13:17,286 --> 00:13:19,420 ♪ GOD, IT LOOKS LIKE DANIEL ♪ 297 00:13:19,422 --> 00:13:21,288 THIS IS INTOLERABLE. 298 00:13:21,290 --> 00:13:23,056 ISN'T IT TIME YOU ALL WENT TO BED? 299 00:13:23,058 --> 00:13:25,425 IT'S A LAST-MINUTE IDEA I HAD. 300 00:13:25,427 --> 00:13:28,061 WE'RE HAVING A FASHION PARADE AT THE END OF THE FETE, 301 00:13:28,063 --> 00:13:31,197 AND PEOPLE HAVE TO COME AS CHARACTERS FROM ELTON JOHN'S SONGS. 302 00:13:31,199 --> 00:13:32,932 Vicar: LOOK AT MRS. C. 303 00:13:34,435 --> 00:13:37,102 MRS. CROPLEY, AM I MISTAKEN 304 00:13:37,104 --> 00:13:39,238 OR DID MR. JOHN WRITE A SONG ABOUT DANNY LA RUE? 305 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,740 NO. MARILYN MONROE. 306 00:13:41,742 --> 00:13:46,011 IT SEEMED TO HIM SHE LIVED HER LIFE 307 00:13:46,013 --> 00:13:48,379 LIKE A CANDLE IN THE WIND, 308 00:13:48,381 --> 00:13:51,549 NEVER KNOWING WHO TO CLING TO 309 00:13:51,551 --> 00:13:53,784 WHEN THE RAIN SET IN. 310 00:13:53,786 --> 00:13:56,654 I THINK YOU'LL FIND, DAVID, THAT JIM IS OUR STAR TURN. 311 00:13:56,656 --> 00:13:59,488 COME IN, JIM TROTT. 312 00:14:03,662 --> 00:14:05,194 A SKINHEAD. 313 00:14:05,196 --> 00:14:09,932 ♪ SATURDAY NIGHT'S ALL RIGHT FOR FIGHTING ♪ 314 00:14:09,934 --> 00:14:11,667 YES, WELL. 315 00:14:11,669 --> 00:14:14,069 MUCH AS I'D LIKE TO DRESS UP LIKE SOMEONE 316 00:14:14,071 --> 00:14:16,204 WHO'S HAD THEIR BRAIN SURGICALLY REMOVED, VICAR, 317 00:14:16,206 --> 00:14:18,505 I'M AFRAID YOU'LL FIND THAT MYSELF AND HUGO 318 00:14:18,507 --> 00:14:20,274 WILL NOT HAVE THE TIME TO JOIN IN 319 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,577 THIS PARTICULAR PIECE OF HIGH-CLASS ENTERTAINMENT. 320 00:14:22,579 --> 00:14:23,945 HUGO! 321 00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:25,780 SORRY I'M LATE. 322 00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:27,413 GET IT? 323 00:14:27,415 --> 00:14:30,016 I'M DOROTHY. WIZARD OF OZ. 324 00:14:30,018 --> 00:14:31,384 "GOOD-BYE, YELLOW BRICK ROAD." 325 00:14:31,386 --> 00:14:34,153 I BORROWED ONE OF ALICE'S DRESSES. 326 00:14:36,057 --> 00:14:37,322 SORRY, FATHER. 327 00:15:00,713 --> 00:15:02,012 Alice: HE SHOULD BE HERE IN A MINUTE. 328 00:15:02,014 --> 00:15:03,980 I CAN'T WAIT! 329 00:15:03,982 --> 00:15:05,314 Vicar: EYES CLOSED. 330 00:15:05,316 --> 00:15:06,448 OH, OKAY. 331 00:15:06,450 --> 00:15:07,683 KEEP THEM CLOSED. 332 00:15:10,221 --> 00:15:12,420 I CAN'T SEE VERY WELL. 333 00:15:13,757 --> 00:15:15,724 RIGHT. OPEN. 334 00:15:17,127 --> 00:15:18,192 HE'S GOING TO LOVE THESE. 335 00:15:18,194 --> 00:15:19,393 HE WEARS THESE ALL THE TIME. 336 00:15:19,395 --> 00:15:20,728 I KNOW, I KNOW. 337 00:15:20,730 --> 00:15:22,062 THEY'RE PERFECT, AREN'T THEY? 338 00:15:22,064 --> 00:15:23,897 ( knock on door ) HE'S HERE! 339 00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:33,372 WELL, OBVIOUSLY NOT! 340 00:15:34,743 --> 00:15:35,775 LOO. 341 00:15:42,282 --> 00:15:44,182 HI, ELTON. ELTON, HI. 342 00:15:45,485 --> 00:15:46,752 HELLO. 343 00:15:46,754 --> 00:15:47,918 HELLO. 344 00:15:49,455 --> 00:15:51,689 I BELIEVE YOU'RE EXPECTING ME-- REG DWIGHT. 345 00:15:51,691 --> 00:15:53,557 ( hysterical laughter ) 346 00:15:55,427 --> 00:15:58,427 Jim: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO PARKING 347 00:15:58,429 --> 00:16:01,531 IS ALLOWED ON THE UPPER FIELD. 348 00:16:01,533 --> 00:16:05,001 NO, NO, NO, NO, REFRESHMENTS WILL BE AVAILABLE 349 00:16:05,003 --> 00:16:07,202 IN THE REFRESHMENT TENT. 350 00:16:07,204 --> 00:16:08,704 ( "Daniel" plays in background ) 351 00:16:08,706 --> 00:16:10,505 WELL, TREMENDOUS TO SEE YOU... 352 00:16:10,507 --> 00:16:11,740 REG DWIGHT. 353 00:16:11,742 --> 00:16:14,009 THIS IS GONNA BE A DAY I'LL NEVER FORGET. 354 00:16:14,011 --> 00:16:17,078 YES, I THINK IT'S GONNA STICK IN MY MEMORY, TOO. 355 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:19,246 SEEIN' LITTLE ALICE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. 356 00:16:19,248 --> 00:16:22,050 YES, SHE SHOULD COME ROUND IN A MINUTE. 357 00:16:22,052 --> 00:16:24,617 IT'S PROBABLY JUST 358 00:16:24,619 --> 00:16:28,755 THE THRILL OF SEEING YOU AGAIN, REG DWIGHT. 359 00:16:28,757 --> 00:16:30,456 I BETTER JUST HELP HER UP. 360 00:16:30,458 --> 00:16:32,893 COME ON, CLEVER, TALENTED LITTLE ALICE 361 00:16:32,895 --> 00:16:34,760 FROM SUCH A TIGHT-KNIT FAMILY. 362 00:16:34,762 --> 00:16:37,229 HEAD BETWEEN YOUR LEGS, DEAR. 363 00:16:37,231 --> 00:16:39,765 IT'S QUITE AN HONOUR TO BE ASKED TO OPEN A VILLAGE FAYRE. 364 00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:42,867 I'VE NEVER BEEN ASKED TO OPEN MORE THAN A WINDOW BEFORE NOW. 365 00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:45,536 YOU--NEVER ASKED TO OPEN A FAYRE? 366 00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:46,871 UNBELIEVABLE! 367 00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:48,973 IT'S A MAD WORLD, ISN'T IT? IT'S JUST NUTS. 368 00:16:48,975 --> 00:16:51,109 EXCEPT THE ONCE, AND IT TURNED OUT 369 00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:52,710 THEY DIDN'T REALLY WANT ME AT ALL. 370 00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:54,544 THEY WANTED ELTON JOHN, YOU SEE, 371 00:16:54,546 --> 00:16:57,314 'CAUSE HIS NAME USED TO BE REG DWIGHT. 372 00:16:57,316 --> 00:16:59,883 I DIDN'T KNOW THAT! 373 00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:02,551 STILL, SEE YOU LIKE OLD ELTON. 374 00:17:02,553 --> 00:17:04,721 YES, YES. OH, THAT? 375 00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:07,924 THAT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE THAT THAT'S PLAYING. 376 00:17:07,926 --> 00:17:10,225 THIS? COMPLETELY BORED WITH THAT NOW. 377 00:17:10,227 --> 00:17:13,128 DO SIT DOWN, REG DWIGHT. 378 00:17:13,130 --> 00:17:14,696 ( quietly ) REG DWIGHT?! 379 00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:19,399 OH, THAT. THAT'S JUST BEN ELTON. 380 00:17:22,105 --> 00:17:24,638 I'VE BROUGHT ONE OF MY TAPES, IF YOU'RE INTERESTED. 381 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,841 THAT'S THE LIVE ALBUM. 382 00:17:26,843 --> 00:17:28,341 THE BLUES IS WHAT I SING. 383 00:17:28,343 --> 00:17:30,576 YES, WELL, THAT SHOULD CAPTURE 384 00:17:30,578 --> 00:17:32,912 THE MOOD OF THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE PERFECTLY. 385 00:17:32,914 --> 00:17:34,647 ( knock on door ) 386 00:17:34,649 --> 00:17:36,616 EXCUSE ME JUST A MINI-MOMENT. 387 00:17:37,651 --> 00:17:39,218 HELLO, ALICE. 388 00:17:41,655 --> 00:17:43,155 HAS HE ARRIVED YET? 389 00:17:43,157 --> 00:17:44,723 YES AND NO. 390 00:17:44,725 --> 00:17:46,891 IS HE THE SAME AS ON TELEVISION? 391 00:17:46,893 --> 00:17:48,292 NOT EXACTLY, NO. 392 00:17:55,734 --> 00:17:56,933 OH. 393 00:17:56,935 --> 00:17:58,001 HELLO THERE. 394 00:17:58,003 --> 00:18:01,238 HE LOOKS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON 395 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,273 WITHOUT HIS WIG. 396 00:18:03,275 --> 00:18:06,575 THAT IS BECAUSE HE IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON. 397 00:18:07,812 --> 00:18:09,211 HELLO, MATE. HELLO. 398 00:18:11,282 --> 00:18:13,148 WHERE'S ELTON JOHN? 399 00:18:13,150 --> 00:18:14,749 ( hysterical laughter ) 400 00:18:16,286 --> 00:18:18,753 YOU! HE'S JUST... 401 00:18:20,423 --> 00:18:22,656 YOU WERE EXPECTING ELTON JOHN, WEREN'T YOU? 402 00:18:22,658 --> 00:18:25,558 NO. NO. NO! 403 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,227 NO. 404 00:18:27,229 --> 00:18:30,697 OR, IF I'M HONEST, YES. 405 00:18:34,402 --> 00:18:35,902 IF I WERE YOU, 406 00:18:35,904 --> 00:18:38,771 I'D ASK THAT MR. DWIGHT TO OPEN IT, VICAR. 407 00:18:38,773 --> 00:18:40,672 IF HE CAN FOOL ME AND FRANK, 408 00:18:40,674 --> 00:18:42,073 HE CAN FOOL ANYONE. 409 00:18:42,075 --> 00:18:45,543 I'M AFRAID YOU'RE NOT TYPICAL ROCK FANS. 410 00:18:45,545 --> 00:18:47,879 I'VE GOT A GILBERT O'SULLIVAN RECORD-- 411 00:18:47,881 --> 00:18:51,515 THE ONE WHERE HE FANCIES HIS LITTLE NIECE. 412 00:18:51,517 --> 00:18:53,150 NO, NO, NO, NO. 413 00:18:53,152 --> 00:18:56,253 I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO GO OUT THERE AND BE HONEST WITH THEM. 414 00:18:56,255 --> 00:18:57,721 IT'S THE ONLY WAY. YEAH, YEAH. 415 00:18:57,723 --> 00:18:58,955 HOW DOES THIS SOUND? 416 00:18:58,957 --> 00:19:00,589 "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN-- 417 00:19:00,591 --> 00:19:03,193 "UNFORTUNATELY, I JUST RECEIVED A PHONE CALL FROM ELTON JOHN, 418 00:19:03,195 --> 00:19:04,994 "AND HE'S VERY, VERY SICK. 419 00:19:04,996 --> 00:19:07,463 IN FACT, HE'S DEAD". 420 00:19:07,465 --> 00:19:09,031 YES. 421 00:19:09,033 --> 00:19:11,366 Jim: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO PARKING 422 00:19:11,368 --> 00:19:13,268 IS ALLOWED ON THE UPPER FIELD. 423 00:19:15,005 --> 00:19:16,670 THANK YOU. 424 00:19:16,672 --> 00:19:19,907 SORRY. IS THAT NO PARKING IS ALLOWED IN THE UPPER FIELD 425 00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:22,310 OR PARKING IS ALLOWED IN THE UPPER FIELD? 426 00:19:26,481 --> 00:19:32,085 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO PARKING IS ALLOWED ON THE UPPER FIELD. 427 00:19:33,355 --> 00:19:34,754 OKAY? 428 00:19:41,729 --> 00:19:43,195 DAVID, HELLO. 429 00:19:43,197 --> 00:19:44,929 I'VE JUST BEEN TOLD THE NEWS. 430 00:19:44,931 --> 00:19:47,899 WHAT A TOTAL AND UTTER, UNMITIGATED COCK-UP. 431 00:19:47,901 --> 00:19:50,568 I THOUGHT THE FAYRE IN '87 WAS EMBARRASSING ENOUGH 432 00:19:50,570 --> 00:19:53,470 WHEN THOSE BLOODY KIDS PUT CANNABIS IN THE CUPCAKES, 433 00:19:53,472 --> 00:19:57,007 BUT THIS REALLY IS THE QUEEN OF BALLS-UPS. 434 00:19:57,009 --> 00:19:59,176 HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WAITING TO SEE ELTON JOHN, 435 00:19:59,178 --> 00:20:02,078 AND YOU INVITE RAMBLING SID RUMPO. 436 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:04,347 DAVID, THIS IS REG DWIGHT. 437 00:20:04,349 --> 00:20:06,615 I BET IT IS. I HOPE YOU'RE SATISFIED. 438 00:20:06,617 --> 00:20:08,918 I RATHER LIKED THE FAYRE IN '87. 439 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,953 SUCH LARKS. 440 00:20:11,955 --> 00:20:14,522 DAVID, WOULD YOU LIKE TO JUST COME HERE A MOMENT? 441 00:20:16,126 --> 00:20:17,859 YOU SEE, THE THING IS, 442 00:20:17,861 --> 00:20:20,794 SOMEBODY'S GOTTA GO OUT THERE AND TELL THE CROWD 443 00:20:20,796 --> 00:20:22,596 ABOUT THE CHANGE IN THE LINE-UP. 444 00:20:22,598 --> 00:20:25,165 OBVIOUSLY, I WOULD LOVE TO DO IT, 445 00:20:25,167 --> 00:20:30,436 AND UNFORTUNATELY, WOMEN'S PROBLEMS OF THE MOST DRAMATIC NATURE. 446 00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,705 TO BE HONEST, I CAN'T EVEN WALK, 447 00:20:32,707 --> 00:20:34,240 NEVER MIND LEAVE THE HOUSE. 448 00:20:34,242 --> 00:20:37,110 I WAS WONDERING WHETHER YOU WOULD DO THE HONOURS INSTEAD. 449 00:20:37,112 --> 00:20:38,810 NO. 450 00:20:38,812 --> 00:20:41,346 FAIR ENOUGH. IT WAS WORTH A TRY. 451 00:20:42,749 --> 00:20:44,249 ( knock on door ) 452 00:20:46,153 --> 00:20:47,785 IS ELTON JOHN IN YOUR HOUSE? 453 00:20:47,787 --> 00:20:49,754 UH, ASK THE VICAR. 454 00:20:54,126 --> 00:20:55,493 WHEN'S HE COMING OUT? 455 00:20:55,495 --> 00:20:57,827 HE CAME OUT YEARS AGO. 456 00:20:57,829 --> 00:21:00,463 AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU. 457 00:21:00,465 --> 00:21:01,665 I COULD'VE BEEN A PRIMA BALLERINA. 458 00:21:01,667 --> 00:21:03,866 Woman: HELLO, VICAR? 459 00:21:03,868 --> 00:21:05,302 YES? 460 00:21:07,338 --> 00:21:10,606 I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT. HAS ELTON ARRIVED? 461 00:21:10,608 --> 00:21:11,807 ELTON? 462 00:21:11,809 --> 00:21:14,576 YEAH. I HEARD HE WAS OPENING THE FAYRE. 463 00:21:14,578 --> 00:21:16,977 I THOUGHT I'D DROP BY AND SURPRISE HIM. 464 00:21:16,979 --> 00:21:18,913 OH, GOD. OH, GOD! 465 00:21:18,915 --> 00:21:20,247 THANK YOU, MATE. 466 00:21:20,249 --> 00:21:22,383 KYLIE, I'M GONNA COME CLEAN WITH YOU, 467 00:21:22,385 --> 00:21:24,150 YOU TOTALLY FABULOUS WOMAN. 468 00:21:24,152 --> 00:21:28,054 THERE'S BEEN A BIT OF A HICCUP ON THE ELTON FRONT. 469 00:21:28,056 --> 00:21:29,856 NOT SO MUCH A HICCUP. 470 00:21:29,858 --> 00:21:31,491 MORE LIKE A HUGE, GREAT BIG BELCH 471 00:21:31,493 --> 00:21:33,326 WITH AN ACCIDENTAL BIT OF SICK IN IT. 472 00:21:33,328 --> 00:21:35,328 YOU WOULDN'T DO ME THE TEENIEST FAVOUR, WOULD YOU? 473 00:21:35,330 --> 00:21:37,262 LIKE WHAT? 474 00:21:37,264 --> 00:21:40,566 MAY I JUST SAY ONE THING BEFORE I REPLY TO THAT? 475 00:21:40,568 --> 00:21:42,600 IF YOU DO THIS, 476 00:21:42,602 --> 00:21:44,736 NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO ON EARTH-- 477 00:21:44,738 --> 00:21:47,271 SEX, DRUGS, RITUAL SATANISM-- 478 00:21:47,273 --> 00:21:51,274 I CAN GUARANTEE YOU THE BEST SEAT IN HEAVEN. 479 00:21:51,276 --> 00:21:53,410 YOU AND GOD LIKE THAT, NEXT TO EACH OTHER. 480 00:21:53,412 --> 00:21:54,878 JESUS--ROW "C." 481 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,313 ELVIS--SERVING THE DRINKS. 482 00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:58,014 GANDHI--SOD HIM. 483 00:21:58,016 --> 00:21:59,550 HMM? HMM? 484 00:21:59,552 --> 00:22:02,652 WELL, MY MOTHER DID ALWAYS TELL ME 485 00:22:02,654 --> 00:22:04,286 NEVER SAY NO TO A PRIEST. 486 00:22:04,288 --> 00:22:06,121 I LOVE YOUR MOTHER. 487 00:22:08,926 --> 00:22:12,327 KYLES, EVER THOUGHT OF GOING INTO THE PRIESTHOOD YOURSELF? 488 00:22:12,329 --> 00:22:13,995 NO, CAN'T SAY I HAVE. 489 00:22:13,997 --> 00:22:15,797 YOU'D BE SO GOOD AT IT. 490 00:22:15,799 --> 00:22:18,199 FROM GODDESS TO PRIESTESS IN ONE SIMPLE MOVE. 491 00:22:18,201 --> 00:22:20,267 YOU MIGHT HAVE TO THINK ABOUT CHANGING YOUR WARDROBE. 492 00:22:20,269 --> 00:22:22,636 CHURCH OF ENGLAND HASN'T COME TO TERMS WITH HOT PANTS YET. 493 00:22:22,638 --> 00:22:25,005 I KNOW. I'VE TRIED. 494 00:22:25,007 --> 00:22:27,241 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THERE HAS BEEN 495 00:22:27,243 --> 00:22:30,076 A SLIGHT CHANGE TO THE PUBLISHED SCHEDULE 496 00:22:30,078 --> 00:22:31,544 FOR TODAY. 497 00:22:31,546 --> 00:22:34,614 SLIGHT--AS IN HITLER WAS SLIGHTLY NASTY. 498 00:22:34,616 --> 00:22:38,650 I'M AFRAID ELTON JOHN WON'T BE ABLE TO JOIN US. 499 00:22:38,652 --> 00:22:41,420 ISN'T LIFE A WONDERFUL THING SOMETIMES? 500 00:22:41,422 --> 00:22:45,123 BUT WE ARE DELIGHTED TO WELCOME IN HIS STEAD 501 00:22:45,125 --> 00:22:48,292 ONE OF OXFORDSHIRE'S MOST POPULAR ENTERTAINERS-- 502 00:22:48,294 --> 00:22:51,195 YES! IT'S REG DWIGHT. 503 00:22:51,197 --> 00:22:52,864 WHAT A COUP. 504 00:22:59,304 --> 00:23:01,605 AND JUST FOR YOU HERE TODAY, 505 00:23:01,607 --> 00:23:02,773 WE ARE SO LUCKY. 506 00:23:02,775 --> 00:23:05,908 LUCKY, LUCKY, LUCKY TO HAVE WITH US 507 00:23:05,910 --> 00:23:07,410 THE GENUINELY PERFECT-- 508 00:23:07,412 --> 00:23:10,613 I DON'T CARE WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT GIRLS KISSING GIRLS-- 509 00:23:10,615 --> 00:23:11,980 I'D SNOG HER ANY DAY-- 510 00:23:11,982 --> 00:23:15,617 THE ONE, THE ONLY, KYLIE MINOGUE. 511 00:23:15,619 --> 00:23:17,051 YEAH! 512 00:23:21,024 --> 00:23:23,256 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 513 00:23:23,258 --> 00:23:25,058 I CANNOT BELIEVE IT. 514 00:23:25,060 --> 00:23:29,262 WHO, INCIDENTALLY, IS THINKING OF TAKING HOLY ORDERS NEXT AUTUMN, 515 00:23:29,264 --> 00:23:30,798 SO ENJOY HER WHILE YOU CAN. 516 00:23:32,767 --> 00:23:34,333 ISN'T IT FABULOUS, FATHER? 517 00:23:34,335 --> 00:23:35,835 YES, ISN'T IT? 518 00:23:35,837 --> 00:23:39,071 SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF MY FAVOURITE CONTEMPORARY ENTERTAINERS. 519 00:23:39,073 --> 00:23:43,174 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE 520 00:23:43,176 --> 00:23:46,611 TO DECLARE THE DIBLEY FAYRE OFFICIALLY OPEN. 521 00:23:48,815 --> 00:23:52,116 ♪ I REMEMBER WHEN ROCK WAS YOUNG ♪ 522 00:23:52,118 --> 00:23:54,618 ♪ ME AND SUSIE HAD SO MUCH FUN ♪ 523 00:23:54,620 --> 00:23:58,788 ♪ HOLDIN' HANDS AND SKIMMIN' STONES ♪ 524 00:23:58,790 --> 00:24:01,457 ♪ HAD AN OLD GOLD CHEVY AND A PLACE OF MY OWN ♪ 525 00:24:01,459 --> 00:24:04,761 ♪ BUT THE BIGGEST KICK I EVER GOT ♪ 526 00:24:04,763 --> 00:24:07,963 ♪ WAS DOIN' A THING CALLED THE CROCODILE ROCK ♪ 527 00:24:07,965 --> 00:24:11,332 ♪ WHILE THE OTHER KIDS WERE ROCKIN' ROUND THE CLOCK ♪ 528 00:24:11,334 --> 00:24:15,037 ♪ WE WERE HOPPIN' AND BOPPIN' TO THE CROCODILE ROCK ♪ 529 00:24:15,039 --> 00:24:18,072 ( electronic feedback ) 530 00:24:18,074 --> 00:24:19,373 AND NOW, PLEASE, 531 00:24:19,375 --> 00:24:22,076 THE AWARD FOR THE MOST MISSHAPEN VEGETABLE. 532 00:24:22,078 --> 00:24:24,879 WE HAVE OWEN NEWITT'S POTATO, 533 00:24:24,881 --> 00:24:27,280 JIM TROTT'S PARSNIP, 534 00:24:27,282 --> 00:24:29,348 AND HUGO HORTON'S CARROT 535 00:24:29,350 --> 00:24:31,151 IN THE SHAPE OF DAVID MILLER. 536 00:24:33,155 --> 00:24:36,488 AND THE WINNER IS HUGO HORTON. 537 00:24:41,228 --> 00:24:42,327 KISS HIM. 538 00:24:42,329 --> 00:24:44,762 DON'T ASK ANY QUESTIONS. JUST KISS HIM, PLEASE. 539 00:24:45,799 --> 00:24:47,065 CONGRATULATIONS. 540 00:24:58,744 --> 00:25:00,077 ( playing "Crocodile Rock" ) 541 00:25:00,079 --> 00:25:05,347 ♪ LA, LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪ 542 00:25:05,349 --> 00:25:09,051 ♪ LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪ 543 00:25:09,053 --> 00:25:12,620 ♪ LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪ 544 00:25:12,622 --> 00:25:16,224 ♪ BUT THE YEARS WENT BY AND ROCK JUST DIED ♪ 545 00:25:16,226 --> 00:25:19,527 ♪ SUSIE WENT AND LEFT US FOR SOME FOREIGN GUY ♪ 546 00:25:19,529 --> 00:25:22,596 ♪ LONG NIGHTS CRYIN' BY THE RECORD MACHINE ♪ 547 00:25:22,598 --> 00:25:25,833 ♪ DREAMIN' OF MY CHEVY AND MY OLD BLUE JEANS ♪ 548 00:25:25,835 --> 00:25:28,202 ♪ BUT THEY NEVER KILLED THE THRILLS WE GOT... ♪ 549 00:25:28,204 --> 00:25:30,236 OH, THAT'S LOVELY. 550 00:25:30,238 --> 00:25:32,004 YOU WOULDN'T HAVE ANY LIPPY 551 00:25:32,006 --> 00:25:34,140 FOR A VICAR WITH ATTITUDE, WOULD YOU? 552 00:25:34,142 --> 00:25:35,674 MM-HMM. 553 00:25:35,676 --> 00:25:37,409 OH, GREAT. 554 00:25:37,411 --> 00:25:39,444 NOW GIVE ME THE DIRT ON PRINCE. 555 00:25:39,446 --> 00:25:41,012 OH, I CAN'T. 556 00:25:41,014 --> 00:25:43,915 I SAID, GIVE ME THE DIRT ON PRINCE! 557 00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:46,384 WELL... 558 00:25:47,519 --> 00:25:52,857 ♪ LA, LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪ 559 00:25:52,859 --> 00:25:56,325 ♪ LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪ 560 00:25:56,327 --> 00:25:59,229 ♪ LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪ 561 00:26:01,099 --> 00:26:04,067 THANK YOU VERY MUCH INDEED. 562 00:26:04,069 --> 00:26:05,868 AND WE'RE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE 563 00:26:05,870 --> 00:26:07,502 THE AMOUNT WE'VE RAISED TODAY IS... 564 00:26:07,504 --> 00:26:09,337 THIS IS WITHOUT THE BID 565 00:26:09,339 --> 00:26:11,539 FOR MRS. CROPLEY'S ORANGE CAKE 566 00:26:11,541 --> 00:26:13,308 WITH THE DELICIOUS BRANSTON PICKLE ICING. 567 00:26:14,677 --> 00:26:19,247 £3,456! 568 00:26:25,187 --> 00:26:26,619 WELL DONE, DIBLEY! 569 00:26:31,426 --> 00:26:34,059 DID YOU SEE THE WAY SHE KISSED HUGO? 570 00:26:34,061 --> 00:26:36,929 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, I DON'T CALL THAT A KISS. 571 00:26:36,931 --> 00:26:38,130 WHAT DO YOU CALL IT? 572 00:26:38,132 --> 00:26:41,133 NO, NO, NO, I CALL THAT A SNOG. 573 00:26:41,135 --> 00:26:42,867 COME ON. 574 00:26:42,869 --> 00:26:44,435 NO, I THINK HE'S RIGHT. 575 00:26:44,437 --> 00:26:45,670 I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED 576 00:26:45,672 --> 00:26:48,239 IF THERE WERE WEDDING BELLS BEFORE TOO LONG. 577 00:26:48,241 --> 00:26:49,941 Hugo: DON'T BE SILLY. 578 00:26:49,943 --> 00:26:52,609 NO, SHE'LL NEVER COME BACK TO THE VILLAGE. 579 00:26:52,611 --> 00:26:55,545 LIGHTNING DOESN'T STRIKE TWICE IN THE SAME PLACE. 580 00:26:55,547 --> 00:26:57,948 NO, NO, NO, IT DOES. DOES IT? 581 00:26:57,950 --> 00:27:00,649 YES. MY FATHER WAS STRUCK TWICE BY LIGHTNING. 582 00:27:00,651 --> 00:27:02,418 HOW DID HE FEEL AFTERWARDS? 583 00:27:02,420 --> 00:27:05,654 HEAVY. WE BURIED HIM THE NEXT DAY. 584 00:27:07,758 --> 00:27:15,797 ♪ SURELY GOODNESS AND MERCY SHALL FOLLOW ME ♪ 585 00:27:15,799 --> 00:27:19,133 ♪ ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE ♪ 586 00:27:19,135 --> 00:27:28,174 ♪ AND I WILL DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD ♪ 587 00:27:28,176 --> 00:27:31,811 ♪ FOREVER ♪ 588 00:27:34,049 --> 00:27:36,748 ♪ FOREVER ♪ 589 00:27:38,285 --> 00:27:41,854 SO, THREE NUNS GET KILLED IN A CAR CRASH. 590 00:27:41,856 --> 00:27:43,155 OH, DEAR. 591 00:27:43,157 --> 00:27:45,224 AND THEY GO UP TO HEAVEN. OF COURSE. 592 00:27:45,226 --> 00:27:47,191 AND PETER'S AT THE GATE, AND HE SAYS, 593 00:27:47,193 --> 00:27:48,993 "I'M AFRAID YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO ANSWER A QUESTION 594 00:27:48,995 --> 00:27:50,094 BEFORE YOU CAN COME IN." 595 00:27:50,096 --> 00:27:51,896 SO HE SAYS TO THE FIRST ONE, 596 00:27:51,898 --> 00:27:53,898 "DON'T WORRY. THE QUESTIONS ARE VERY EASY. 597 00:27:53,900 --> 00:27:56,566 WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE FIRST WOMAN?" 598 00:27:56,568 --> 00:27:59,435 SHE SAYS, "EVE," AND HE SAYS, "YEP, YOU'RE IN." 599 00:27:59,437 --> 00:28:01,238 HE SAYS TO THE SECOND ONE, 600 00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:02,739 "WHERE DID EVE LIVE?" 601 00:28:02,741 --> 00:28:03,906 YEAH, YEAH. 602 00:28:03,908 --> 00:28:06,575 AND SHE SAYS, "GARDEN OF EDEN." 603 00:28:06,577 --> 00:28:08,244 AND HE SAYS, "YEP, YOU'RE IN." 604 00:28:08,246 --> 00:28:10,746 AND HE SAYS TO THE THIRD ONE, 605 00:28:10,748 --> 00:28:12,447 WHICH WAS THE MOTHER SUPERIOR, 606 00:28:12,449 --> 00:28:14,849 "I'M AFRAID THE QUESTION'S GONNA HAVE TO BE MORE TRICKY FOR YOU." 607 00:28:14,851 --> 00:28:16,251 FAIR ENOUGH, 'CAUSE... 608 00:28:16,253 --> 00:28:18,786 OBVIOUSLY. AND HE SAYS TO HER, 609 00:28:18,788 --> 00:28:22,890 "WHAT DID EVE SAY WHEN SHE FIRST SAW ADAM?" 610 00:28:22,892 --> 00:28:24,491 AND THE MOTHER SUPERIOR SAYS, 611 00:28:24,493 --> 00:28:26,093 "OH, THAT'S A HARD ONE." 612 00:28:26,095 --> 00:28:27,928 HE SAYS, "YEP, YOU'RE IN." 613 00:28:31,032 --> 00:28:33,366 SHE HADN'T ANSWERED THE QUESTION. 614 00:28:33,368 --> 00:28:35,968 PARDON? SHE HADN'T ANSWERED THE QUESTION. 615 00:28:35,970 --> 00:28:38,304 HOW DO YOU MEAN? SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS. 616 00:28:38,306 --> 00:28:40,605 IT JUST DOESN'T WORK AS A JOKE. 617 00:28:40,607 --> 00:28:42,740 YES, JUST THAT END BIT, WE COULD JIG. 618 00:28:42,742 --> 00:28:44,442 I'M GONNA SEND IT BACK ANYWAY. 619 00:28:44,444 --> 00:28:46,244 STUPID, THAT ONE. 620 00:28:46,246 --> 00:28:49,246 ♪ FOREVER ♪ 41650

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.