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This programme contains strong
language and adult humour.
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Taskmaster was recorded
in accordance with all social
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00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:10,600
distancing guidelines in place
at the time of filming.
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{\an1}Yow! I just need to read that again.
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Oh.
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Hello! I'm Greg Davies.
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{\an1}Welcome to the Taskmaster Academy.
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{\an5}At this educational establishment,
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{\an5}we teach our pupils problem-solving,
cunning, and how to endure ridicule.
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At the end of the course,
four of them will have destroyed
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their careers and will never work
in television again.
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00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:52,520
And one lucky winner will
have my golden trophy.
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And also will have destroyed
their career,
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and will never work in
television again.
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It's like life -
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cruel and without meaning.
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We have an audience watching this
in the cinema down the road,
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so let's crack on and
meet our five contestants.
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They are Charlotte Ritchie...
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..Jamali Maddix...
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..Lee Mack, Mike Wozniak...
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..and Sarah Kendall.
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And next to me, a man who,
like an obedient pup,
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responds instantly and
affectionately to all my commands.
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And, like an obedient pup,
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enjoys lapping away at his own mess.
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It's little Alex Horne!
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Hey, guys. All right, you dirty boy?
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Riddle me this. Ooh.
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What, am I?
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I'm small,
and yet I can fly, and you...
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Are you a fly?
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Quite a bit more.
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My first is in flock,
but not in pizza.
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Are you a fly? My second I've...
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The wetter I get,
the more I weigh.
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I'm a small inse... I'm a fly.
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Yeah.
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Let's crack on. Prize Task time.
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You know it.
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And this week, the category
is the best drinking vessel.
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You know it.
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You'll judge the best drinking
vessel, Greg, and that person
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will start the show with
five healthy points.
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At the end of the show,
the person with the most points
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will take home all five drinking
vessels and finally be able to have
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a few people over for some drinks.
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All right, then.
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Michael Wozniak.
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I made a cup. What?
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It was my first try at
w-wood w-whittling.
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Wood whittling? Wood whittling.
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Not all of the wound
are healed fully.
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The intention was a, sort of,
kind of, oriental soup thing.
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It ended up somewhere between
that and a... love spoon.
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There's the love spoon. Wow.
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Oh, wow. Erm, the face,
as you can clearly see,
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is your face.
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Erm, the blood has been sanded off.
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You should've been wearing
a little leather thimble.
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I've not got children, as you know.
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But if I had a seven-year-old
and they brought that back,
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I'd probably look to give
them support.
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I'd probably...
And a 40-year-old man?
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Are you counting it as a
drinking vessel, Greg?
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I suppose you can drink
out of anything, can't you?
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Oh, so they could've brought
in anything? Not a sieve.
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Eh? Not a sieve. Yeah, you can
probably get the meniscus around
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the edge of the sieve.
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If you're quick, yeah.
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Erm, Sarah. Yes. Can you beat that?
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I... well, I mean, when you said,
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"If I had a seven-year-old who had
brought home something like" -
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which is really a good springboard
into, er, my daughter had done
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pottery at school, and it was a cup.
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There it is. Wow.
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Erm, not...
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So remember, the category is
the best drinking vessel.
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I mean, the thing is, it doesn't
fulfil any of the functions
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of a cup, but I've just gone
for razzle-dazzle here.
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Listen. After the last episode,
you were right to up the showbiz.
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You've really brought Broadway
to the show. Thank you.
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00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,840
And Jamali,
can you beat either of those?
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Yeah, I mean, I just went by
the rules of the show, and...
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Can I say something?
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Your tone suggests
this is going to be rubbish.
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I don't think it's rubbish,
I just brought a plastic cup.
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Yup, you just brought a plastic cup.
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Yeah! Non-biodegradable,
non-recyclable,
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00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:04,440
just good old-fashioned plastic.
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00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,160
You saw what happened last episode
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when Sarah was riding around really
slowly, right? Yeah. Yeah, OK.
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But she won the last episode.
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Ahh. Like, I just decided
I want to win now.
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I'm sick of trying to be like,
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"Oh, I'll bring in a shoe
that sings."
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I'm not doing that shit no more.
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I know what show you're doing,
it's that whimsy, and ahh,
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it's, "Oh, look, it's a vessel,"
and all this shit.
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I ain't doing it no more, all right?
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Plastic cup, non-recyclable,
that's what you're getting.
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OK, so you're going to play this
absolutely down to that?
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Just right down the barrel now.
OK. I'm done.
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If you win the series
based on this technique,
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{\an1}it's going to be a hollow crown.
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Lee.
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Erm, I went for a "money can't buy"
bit of razzmatazz.
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00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,680
It's Simon Cowell's mug.
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Here it is. Mm. Simon.
A mug off his table... Mm.
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..of Britain's Got Talent.
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00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:53,320
And it's unfortunate, cos we keep
giving it to the tree surgeon
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00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:54,480
who's called Simon. Yeah.
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I think he thinks it's a nice touch.
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And we keep, "Oh, I forgot to say
that it's not for him,"
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and it's happened two or three
times. Just let Simon have it.
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I know. How often do you need
a tree surgeon?
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You know, I mean, annually.
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You get them pollarded annually,
yeah? Not just me, is it?
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Pollarded? Pollarded, yeah.
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You're not going to be
allowed back up north.
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OK, Charlotte. OK.
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So, I've got a tankard, basically.
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I do believe that it's the best
thing you can drink out of. Ooh.
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It's my grandad's.
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And underneath, it's glass.
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I can show you the glass bottom.
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Ooh. And what's cool about that is
that the reason it had glass bottoms
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is because, in the 18th century,
the Navy used to drop a king
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shilling into people's pints so that
when they drank it and picked it up,
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00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,280
they'd be like, "What's this?"
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And they'd be conscripted into
the Navy - so they designed glass
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underneath so people could check
their pints to check that they
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weren't going to be conscripted
to the Navy for, like, years.
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Huh. It's a good prize.
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♪ It's a good prize... ♪
You'd want it. You'd want it.
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♪ It's a good prize,
It's a good prize
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♪ It's a good prize...
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♪ Actually added historical
information... ♪
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Points, then, Greg, please?
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Sorry, Jamali.
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One point. It's a plastic cup.
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Second-worst, you know, at the
end of the day,
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I have to give you my reaction
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as to the mug that I want least in
my house. OK. Yeah.
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00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:10,280
Well, it's Simon Cowell's mug.
Two points. Erm...
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Just because I'm presuming that in
three years,
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there's been a dramatic
improvement in her talent,
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I'll give your daughter three
points. Fantastic.
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Unbelievably, for one of the worst
things I've ever seen in my life,
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I'm giving you 4 points.
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I think cos I feel sorry for you.
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And, er... Thank you.
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..the beautiful grandad tankard
takes it. Yeah. Comfortably.
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I'm so chuffed with that. 5 points.
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5 points to Charlotte Ritchie.
I have judged!
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OK, task proper, please, Alex.
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Certainly. Here we go.
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Hello, Alex. Hello, Mike!
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Lovely day. It is, isn't it?
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Good day. Yeah.
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Were you just saying "good day"?
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I was trying it out, yeah. Yeah?
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00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:07,040
Didn't feel great.
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"Make that balloon hover
untethered for 20 seconds."
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"Make that balloon hover
untethered for 20 seconds."
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What balloon?
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"During the hovering,
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"the top of the balloon must
not be higher than your chin."
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"And the bottom of the balloon
must not be lower than your waist."
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"Also, you must sneer
throughout the 20 seconds."
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"Fastest wins.
Your time starts now."
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All right.
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First question is...
where's this balloon?
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00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:42,800
I reckon you can almost hear it.
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00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:45,640
I can almost hear the balloon?
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I think if you listen carefully.
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Eee... ba, ba, ba, ba, ba... eee!
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Right.
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How do I get it down?
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00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:02,320
Right.
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00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,720
Make that balloon...
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Oh, it's there!
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00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:10,840
I genuinely - has that been
there the whole time,
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or did someone just do that?
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00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,280
That's been a foot away
from your head throughout.
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That's incredible.
It nearly hit you twice.
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I can't...
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Right.
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Well, do I untie it?
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00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,040
It's up to you. Mm.
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00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:28,720
There are scissors inside.
Yeah! That's a good idea.
192
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,920
Right. I want to establish
two things.
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00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,760
One, Charlotte Ritchie can't get
a balloon off a clothesline.
194
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,720
No, she can't. Two, Lee Mack
hasn't got peripheral vision.
195
00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:42,440
He has not. Right, let's crack on.
196
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,520
OK, so they had to make
the balloon hover,
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00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,240
and they had to sneer throughout.
198
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,560
The most famous sneer of all time
is, of course, Cyril Sneer,
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00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,040
who is a pink aardvark.
200
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:54,120
We're going to see Charlotte,
Ritchie, Lee, and Mack first of all.
201
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,160
Good luck!
202
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,960
Right, so...
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00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,240
Oh, OK.
204
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:00,600
It's helium. It's helium.
205
00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:03,760
Right.
206
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,920
Oh! It's helium.
207
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,000
What I need to do is find
a weight that is perfect.
208
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:12,960
Not too heavy, not too light.
209
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:24,840
No, that's too heavy.
210
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,000
I'm not sure this is doing anything.
211
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,360
Is that untethered? Yeah.
212
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,080
Oh. Geez.
213
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,480
I'll try this sponge.
214
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,720
That sponge might be just
about the right...
215
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:44,200
Not bad. It's close, that, innit?
216
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,360
Is that untethered?
217
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,440
Is it hovering? Yeah.
218
00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:50,960
Is it? Yeah.
219
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,560
Is it? OK.
220
00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:55,680
Right. Ohh.
221
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,160
I don't know how to do this.
222
00:09:58,200 --> 00:09:59,440
I can see that.
223
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,680
Oh, you bugger!
224
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,560
Oh, you... bastard!
225
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:19,880
Oh-ho-ho, God!
226
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,440
There must be another one.
227
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,200
Don't tell me that's it.
228
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,360
That's it, Lee. Oh, come on!
229
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,320
Is it definitely gone?
Yeah, that's gone.
230
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,320
What do you mean, "Is it gone?"
231
00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,160
What, you mean that balloon full
of helium that flew to the sky?
232
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,160
Yeah, don't think
I'm getting that back.
233
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,720
Think that's gone. OK. OK.
234
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,120
Thank you, Charlotte.
235
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,800
Gutted. Absolutely gutted.
236
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:49,560
Ah. Bewildered old man.
237
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,720
His logic was great, though.
The weight logic. Yeah.
238
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,360
Would've worked a treat,
wouldn't it?
239
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:56,800
That blew my mind, when I saw that.
240
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:59,160
I genuinely thought,
"There's no way that's possible."
241
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,976
That must've been the whole point of
it, was for it to fly up in the air.
242
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,800
You thought the point of the task
was to fail?
243
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:05,360
Well, it just wasn't possible, yeah.
244
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,040
Oh. Of course it's possible!
245
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,480
Lee showed an example of how
it's possible. Of course it is.
246
00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:10,720
I was a bit intrigued.
247
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:14,480
You decided on the old static
electricity trick from school. Yeah.
248
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,680
And then, you realised
it was helium. Yeah.
249
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:19,760
And then, you knew you had to
come up with a new system. Yeah.
250
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,000
And you went straight back
to the old system.
251
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:25,240
{\an5}OK. It's the end of part one.
252
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,800
{\an5}Snack time!
253
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,240
{\an5}Hello, everyone. Welcome back
to the second part
254
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,160
{\an5}of tonight's Taskmaster
presentation.
255
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,320
Wasn't there some form of balloon
buffoonery going on, young Alex?
256
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:43,680
God, yeah.
257
00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:48,000
Charlotte and Lee's helium-filled
balloons have sadly gone AWOL,
258
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:51,960
so now it's over to Jamali and Sarah
to try and make their balloons
259
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:55,040
hover untethered for 20 seconds
while sneering.
260
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:56,400
See? It's above my...
261
00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,320
Is it tethered? No.
262
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:02,120
What's... what's holding it down?
Me.
263
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,320
That's not going to work.
264
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:07,560
Just letting go of it.
265
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,960
If I go into, like, an airless area.
266
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,560
Oh, I touched it. I touched it.
267
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:27,040
You all right in there, Jama...
Oh. Yeah? Hello.
268
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,840
How do you create static
on the balloon? Is it rubbing it?
269
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:31,800
Static? Yeah, I tend to rub it.
270
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:33,120
You need the right material.
271
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:34,240
What material is it?
272
00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,760
Like a woolly jumper.
You got a woolly jumper?
273
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,496
I can get you a woolly jumper. Can
you get me a woolly jumper, please?
274
00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:44,160
Who's timing this?
Who do you want to time it? You.
275
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:47,520
Ah, no, no. I'm going to start
again. That was three seconds.
276
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,280
That was three? Yeah.
277
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,040
Got you a woolly jumper. Thank you.
278
00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:54,840
Now, does this count? Because it's
not tethered, it's lodged.
279
00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,560
Is it hovering? Yeah.
280
00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:59,520
If we're being technical,
that's hovering.
281
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:01,920
That's hovering, is it?
Technically.
282
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,200
Is that going to be...?
No, it's...
283
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:08,440
Oh!
284
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:15,600
It's still warm. Did you take it off
someone's back? Yes. OK.
285
00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:20,040
It's still, like, warm.
Yeah. They were warm.
286
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,360
Right, why don't we go inside?
287
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:26,560
This is better. It's already better.
288
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,320
I just had a thought. Uh-huh?
289
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,440
What about static electricity?
Is that hovering?
290
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:34,360
It's going to be up to you to
argue it in the studio. I can't...
291
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:37,240
Oh, I won't be able to take on Greg.
He's awful.
292
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:44,680
Oh, so I should start now?
293
00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:46,040
OK, uh... one, yeah?
294
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,680
Are you sneering at the camera?
295
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:54,160
You keep sneering.
296
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,280
There you go.
297
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,720
You reckon that was hovering?
That was hovering. Yeah?
298
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,520
Do you not think that was hovering?
It's not important what I think.
299
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:08,320
So what's your job?
What's your job, then?
300
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,520
I don't understand. I thought. I'm
the Task... Taskmaster's assistant.
301
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:14,440
Yeah, but as the assistant, you
would know what the thing would...
302
00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,680
Yeah. I'm not allowed
to have an opinion.
303
00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:18,080
All right.
304
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,160
I measure things.
It's not a bad gig.
305
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,440
Is that 20 seconds?
306
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,280
Alex? Are you going to call it?
307
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:27,040
Oh, sorry, I thought you were going
to call it. That's 45 seconds.
308
00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:33,080
It just seems to me, as we go on,
309
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:36,760
when you get set unusual tasks to
do, you're sort of baffled.
310
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,040
You were quite confused by what
I was doing there.
311
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:41,400
You sort of ask him a simple
question, he goes,
312
00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:42,880
"Well, look, I don't know."
313
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,280
It's your job, mate. Yeah.
314
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,600
What's your job, then?
I'm to help him, not to help you.
315
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:48,080
You've got a bit more aggressive
316
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:51,160
now you're sitting next to Greg,
innit? I feel more confident. OK.
317
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,240
Um, so your tactic was to go into an
airless,
318
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:56,040
I quote, airless environment.
319
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,440
It's the famous
airlock that is the shed.
320
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:02,400
Honestly, this? Yeah?
This movement. Yeah?
321
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,840
It made your daughter's
pottery look competent.
322
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,120
Well, now it's explained.
I have to say, I think
323
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,960
you're being harsh, cos that seemed
to work for a second. Yeah.
324
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,360
The helium against the waft.
You just have to have a lot of waft.
325
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:15,000
Well, I tried that with the leaf
blower,
326
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,960
but I couldn't go at the same pace
as a leaf blower. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
327
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,240
That's too much waft.
328
00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:22,520
Sarah did it in 21 minutes
and 18 seconds...
329
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,920
Yeah? Sounds like me. ..whereas
Jamali did it
330
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,920
in four minutes and 50 seconds.
Nice.
331
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,360
And technically, as he kept saying,
it hovered.
332
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:31,800
Well done. Right, what's next?
333
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:35,080
Finally, he's lithe, he's blithe,
and he looks good in ties.
334
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,840
It's Mike Wozniak.
335
00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:38,200
Will you excuse me a minute?
336
00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:46,440
Far too many. Crazy choice.
337
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:49,200
Hiya.
338
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:53,320
So I'm just trying to make it
sort of a little weight.
339
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:54,760
It's not tethered.
340
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,560
OK, let's go.
341
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,880
Sneering.
342
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,040
Oh, you little...
343
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,920
I don't think that was 20 seconds.
344
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,960
Uh, one of your little laundry
pegs is on that.
345
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,000
I'm still sneering.
346
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,000
I think arguably that's
a lost cause.
347
00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:21,280
All right, then.
348
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:22,840
Oh! Oh...
349
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:34,960
Ah!
350
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,880
There you are.
351
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:40,640
Got your balloon back?
352
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,840
One sneery-sneery,
two sneery-sneery,
353
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,680
three sneery-sneery, four
sneery-sneery, five sneery-sneery...
354
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:56,440
..20 sneery-sneery.
355
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,520
Well, thank you.
356
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:03,480
I'm very happy
I got your balloon back, Alex.
357
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,520
Wouldn't want you to lose that.
358
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,480
In case you need it.
359
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,640
Thanks. Thank you, Mike.
360
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:16,040
I mean, even in victory, when you
stepped out of that phone booth,
361
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:19,160
you looked like a head of department
from a local council
362
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,480
who'd just been fired.
363
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,800
Talk us through the initial
sort of Greek dance.
364
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:25,120
Greek dance? The...
365
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,840
It was hovering over a certain
area, so I'm trying to
366
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:32,960
sort of keep the ascribed area in
the right sort of zone. Yeah.
367
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,040
And I... It wasn't an intent... This
just...
368
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:37,840
It's not a real plan, it's just...
369
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:40,080
I enjoyed your balloon dance. Thank
you.
370
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:41,160
And then up it went.
371
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:44,760
And then up it went, and this is
where it gets interesting, because
372
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,960
the two other contestants whose
balloon flew away just let them go.
373
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,760
But not Mike Wozniak.
Never let it go.
374
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,200
That spirit of the Blitz mentality.
That's right.
375
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,160
No-one has ever hopped over
that fence before.
376
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,240
Never looked over it. We've never
had a fence hop.
377
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,360
How do you feel about that?
378
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,576
I felt good, and I was thrilled
when I got over the side,
379
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:00,600
that it was just earth.
380
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,680
It was really sort of about halfway
through the job
381
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,720
that I didn't really
know what was on the bottom.
382
00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:07,640
It could have been a mine shaft.
It could have been.
383
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,880
That would be one
hell of an ending to a dance.
384
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,880
Incredible. So he's got to have
rocked it.
385
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,256
He wasn't as quick as Jamali.
He did spend quite a long time
386
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,880
chasing a balloon across a golf
course.
387
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:20,160
Oh, yeah, he jumped over the fence.
Yeah. Yeah.
388
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,800
So Jamali took four minutes 50,
Mike eight minutes.
389
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,920
So just to recap,
it's zero points to Lee
390
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,760
and Charlotte, Sarah gets three,
then we've got Mike gets
391
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,520
four points, but the winner with
five points is Jamali.
392
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:32,840
Hey!
393
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,040
Can we have a look at a scoreboard?
I have you a scoreboard.
394
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,560
Lee is in last place with two, Mike
is in first place with eight points.
395
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,680
Another one, then. Come on, chop,
chop. OK.
396
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,800
Well, guess what? It's team task
time,
397
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:53,600
and what better way to begin
the bonding than with a lovely spat?
398
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,320
Hello, Jamali. How are you doing?
I'm good.
399
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:09,760
Hello, Alex. Hi, Mike.
400
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,320
Are you OK with heights?
This sort of height? Yes.
401
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,800
Yeah, this sort of height's OK.
Yeah.
402
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,560
You have any phobias? Rats.
403
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,000
And foam. Foam?
404
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,360
Yeah, like dry foam.
405
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,960
You know like when you're washing
dishes, you know the sponge?
406
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:27,200
No, sponge. Not foam, like, sponge.
So cross out foam?
407
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:30,760
Yeah, so cross out foam. Write
sponge. Like, dry sponge.
408
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,400
And you're fine with flannels? Good
with flannels.
409
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,520
Um, can I get the task?
410
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,680
No, you can't.
You're not allowed off the box.
411
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,400
Can you pass it to me, then?
Not yet. OK.
412
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:39,680
Hey!
413
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:44,760
Hey, what's up? Long time. How are
you? I'm good, how you been?
414
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,920
Oh! Hello. Oh, hello.
415
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,040
Lee, please open the task.
There's the task.
416
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:53,160
You're not allowed off your box.
417
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,520
Do you have a belt?
No, you don't have a belt.
418
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,720
I have my coat.
419
00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,760
And then, uh, shoes and laces.
420
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,160
That's going to give us a bit of.
Oh, damn. Distance.
421
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:06,400
I've tied it in this type of knot so
you can tie something easier to it.
422
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,240
Nice.
423
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:14,320
And there's... You don't think
there's an easier way?
424
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:16,400
Hiya. Hey, what's up? Hi. Oh.
425
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:20,560
Hi. Nice to meet you, I'm Jamali.
I'm Charlotte. I'm Sarah.
426
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,320
My shoe don't have no laces no more.
427
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:28,800
Have an argument. You must take it
in terms to angrily make a point
428
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,400
using no more than ten words,
429
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,920
and you must always end your point
with a different four-letter word.
430
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,840
You must look at each
other throughout the argument and
431
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:41,000
the person speaking must angrily wag
their finger during their speech.
432
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:44,840
The argument is over when there
is ten seconds of silence,
433
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,720
or when one of you looks away.
434
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:49,320
Longest argument wins.
435
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,520
Your argument must begin three
minutes from now.
436
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,160
Is there anything in particular
you'd like to argue about?
437
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:55,800
Because you look
so amenable and nice.
438
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,960
Well, let's... I don't know. That's
the sort of image I try to project.
439
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,880
You know? Yeah. I mean, underneath
it all,
440
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,560
I might be a nasty piece of work.
Yes.
441
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,960
But the last word has got to
be four letters. Yeah.
442
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,160
I can think of a few of those.
Hand.
443
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,440
H-A-N-D. Yeah. OK.
444
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,720
My head is filled with the word
duck, and there's no other word.
445
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:19,120
I keep refreshing it and it's just
the word duck keeps coming up.
446
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:22,600
Who refreshes their mind?!
Strange language you use.
447
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,680
It was literally just, "Duck,
duck, duck,"
448
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,320
and I was just trying to tell
myself just, you know...?
449
00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:29,960
But internally, you were going
"refresh." Yeah.
450
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,400
"Duck, refresh, duck." And then it
went off again, see what happens.
451
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:35,440
The same thing kept coming up.
So weird.
452
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:36,720
Absolutely weird.
453
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:40,200
I enjoyed people making up new
tasks with the laces.
454
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:43,840
And I enjoyed his off-camera
smuggery again. Mm-hm.
455
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,680
"They don't know that Charlotte's
coming!" There's another person.
456
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,440
And then when he goes like, "Are
you sure there's not a better way?"
457
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:50,960
Yeah, yeah.
458
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,840
I've got feelings.
I've got feelings.
459
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,800
Let's have a look.
So it's the usual arguing rules.
460
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,760
No more than ten words per argument,
461
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:01,400
and the last word has to be
four letters long.
462
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:04,560
First up, we're going to see the
film and theatre director, Mike Lee.
463
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,240
Nice. Thank you.
464
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:11,280
{\an5}I have to tell you, bad tash.
465
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:12,680
{\an5}This is precious hair.
466
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:17,320
{\an5}It might be, but not good.
467
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:21,040
{\an5}Don't you dare insult my look.
468
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:24,680
{\an5}I will insult yous.
469
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:28,160
{\an5}You're going to
get your comeuppance, you fool.
470
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:33,160
{\an8}Fool? Me? I'll give you, you twat.
471
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,000
{\an8}You're jealous...
472
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:36,080
{\an8}..you...
473
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,400
{\an5}..plum.
Don't call me that, Mike.
474
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,600
{\an5}You've got a face like a duck.
475
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,720
{\an5}What are you...
476
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:57,440
{\an5}..on about, pray...
477
00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:00,320
{\an5}..tell?
478
00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:02,440
{\an5}Right above your teeth,
it's too bare.
479
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:03,800
{\an5}Below my belt is also.
480
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:09,920
{\an5}Below your belt should
look like a bear.
481
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:12,560
{\an5}It's what I mean.
482
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,840
{\an5}You're talking tosh.
483
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:16,160
{\an8}I'll show you my cock.
484
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:17,960
{\an8}I would like to see your wang.
485
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:21,240
{\an8}It is meant to be an argument.
486
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:23,240
Right! Well, here goes.
487
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:26,760
{\an5}You're changing the subject.
488
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,160
{\an5}Come and put it away,
it's heavy, it's huge.
489
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,320
Oh, no. Oh, sorry. OK.
490
00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:33,680
I'm going to have to blow
the whistle there. Aw, I'm sorry.
491
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:37,120
It was a lovely argument, but... But
he said subject and I lunged in.
492
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:38,400
I was shilly-shallying.
493
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:44,960
Can I say that that is better than
some plays that I've seen
494
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,440
at The National Theatre?
495
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:49,120
It was absolute poetry
and I'm intrigued, the thing that
496
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:53,120
brought it to the end was Lee
offering to show you his genitals.
497
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:56,680
And you visibly wanting that.
498
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:00,440
The argument ceased and we found
common ground and then... yeah.
499
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,320
You offered to
expose your penis to Mike,
500
00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:05,760
and then you announced that it was,
and I quote, "Huge and heavy."
501
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,280
Did I not say heavy and huge, end
with a four-letter word?
502
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,800
Yeah, you said, "Can I put it away,
it's heavy and huge?"
503
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:12,560
It's heavy and huge. Thank you.
504
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:16,320
I mean, I might be crass,
but I know the rules.
505
00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:17,800
The wheels have come off part two
506
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,000
and we've veered
into an advertising ditch.
507
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,840
You'll have to wheel-spin
in the mud for a few minutes
508
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,240
before part three comes back
to pull you from the bog
509
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:28,120
and save you from the quicksand
of consumerism.
510
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:30,160
You don't need another
kitchen gadget!
511
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:31,680
{\an3}You don't cook!
512
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,600
Hello, welcome back
to the start of part three.
513
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,440
I'm feeling so angry, Alex.
Yes, and so am I,
514
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:48,840
and that's because there
are arguments happening.
515
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:53,440
It's time for the team of three now,
Jamali, Charlotte, and Sarah.
516
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,560
The thing is,
517
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,080
right, Jamali,
518
00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:01,800
is that you drive well.
519
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:09,080
I disagree. I... hate it. Fuck.
520
00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:13,040
{\an8}You have no idea
521
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,720
how Jamali behaves.
522
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:18,640
What luck!
523
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:23,080
Thank you for pointing that out,
but I'm angry.
524
00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:24,640
Nice ring.
525
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:27,000
{\an5}Don't.
526
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:30,680
{\an5}Oh!
527
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,520
That's...
528
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,720
..just...
529
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,600
..not...
530
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:38,840
..a...
531
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:40,760
..thing.
532
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:44,600
I... can't... even.
533
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,840
{\an8}When... are you...
534
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,280
Sorry! Angry, please.
535
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:53,320
..Going... to... stop?
536
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:55,760
{\an5}Never!
537
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,800
{\an5}N-E-V...
538
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:01,120
..will I stop that.
539
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:02,880
{\an5}Can't.
540
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:06,080
{\an5}Oh, haha!
541
00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:08,320
How are you spelling that? H-A-H-A.
542
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,680
{\an8}Just... wait.
543
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:15,720
{\an8}Till what...
544
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:20,520
am I going to wait for...
545
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:21,760
..town?
546
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:24,680
{\an5}Give it a rest!
547
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:28,040
{\an5}You aren't making any sense,
and that's that.
548
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:29,480
{\an5}Go to bank.
549
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,280
You're going to end on that word?
550
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,480
{\an5}You'd better watch out
551
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:38,600
because... careful.
552
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,320
Where there's a will...
553
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:43,120
..there's a will.
554
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:45,920
I think that's more than ten words,
555
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:47,480
if you count them up.
556
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,960
Why did you say "town" suddenly?
557
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:53,120
Cos town's like a slang word
we use for... you know.
558
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:56,120
Oh, is that a bad word?
Are we allowed to broadcast town?
559
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:58,960
I mean, you know. It's Channel 4,
man, so, you know. Risky.
560
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:04,760
It just seemed to me to be three
people
561
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,240
who perhaps have discovered
language for the first time.
562
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:08,280
All it said was,
563
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,320
"Wag your finger, argue, and
end on four words under ten..."
564
00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:13,840
It didn't say nothing like,
"It has to be on topic".
565
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,480
Yeah. "You have to pick a subject".
566
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:17,840
No, I just think it's common sense.
567
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,760
We could have done a big
list of rules like,
568
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:23,360
"Don't just say the word
town for no reason".
569
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:26,161
You know language is just a thing
that someone made up. You know that?
570
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,280
I did look it up on Urban Dictionary
afterwards,
571
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,400
and it seems no one there has heard
of it either.
572
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:31,760
Well, it meant something to us.
573
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:34,080
I mean, Urban Dictionary
doesn't know culture, innit?
574
00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:36,160
People lose it
when they have an argument as well.
575
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:37,240
You don't make sense.
576
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:40,720
Well, your first argument was,
"You drive quite well". Exactly.
577
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:42,280
Yeah, and drive me around the bend.
578
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,240
Yeah. You need to go to the bank,
mate. That's what you need to do.
579
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:46,416
You've got to go to the bank.
580
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,360
You need to go to the bank
and sort yourself out.
581
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,200
Do you want me to tell you
some times? I'm ready.
582
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,760
The team of three lasted three
minutes and eight seconds,
583
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:56,160
whereas these guys argued
for five minutes, 35 seconds
584
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:57,480
with no blunders at all.
585
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:00,080
I want these two absolute
arguing legends
586
00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:03,120
to get five full points each.
587
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:04,520
Whoa. What about the town team?
588
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:06,280
I'm going to give them two points.
589
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:09,600
Two points each, OK, but Mike
and Lee are the winners of the task.
590
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,120
There you go.
What's lined up next?
591
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:15,320
Just a regular task
down at the old haunt.
592
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,280
Hi, Jamali. How are you doing?
593
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,520
May I? Yes, please.
594
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,240
I'll open this, then. OK.
595
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,280
"Make the house haunted".
596
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:49,920
"Most haunted house wins".
597
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:51,400
"You have an hour".
598
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,360
"Your time starts now".
599
00:28:56,720 --> 00:29:00,480
Excuse me. Just going to go
and have a little rummage.
600
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,000
A rummage? A rummage. OK.
601
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:05,280
Yeah, any initial thoughts?
602
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:08,280
Rummaging. Rummaging.
603
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:09,720
Thank you.
604
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:16,000
I need a, uh,
white sheet and a dead person.
605
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:17,240
I mean, what's haunted?
606
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:20,120
You've got sort of, uh,
ghost or poltergeist activity,
607
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,640
sort of objects moving.
608
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:27,080
Poltergeist, I'm thinking.
I'm thinking lights on and off.
609
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,800
I guess general sort of spooky
stuff happening.
610
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:34,000
I need, uh, a lot of big string.
611
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:37,600
Rope? String. But big string?
612
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:39,640
Big, long string.
A lot of big string?
613
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:42,200
You see the amount of string
that you was going to get? Mm-hm.
614
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,680
More string. Times it by two?
615
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:46,640
Three. Wow.
616
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:49,160
That's a lot of string.
Tell me when you've got the string.
617
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,920
I'll give you a knock. Get the
string. OK, bye. All right, mate.
618
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:57,680
Ooh.
619
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:01,280
So there were lots of classic
spooky phrases in there.
620
00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:05,640
White sheet was requested for the
classic ghost by Lee, corpse,
621
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,120
and then, of course,
622
00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:10,760
out on the biggest spookiest request
of them all:
623
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:12,640
some big, scary string.
624
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,200
Yeah.
625
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,840
So big. Yeah, yeah. My thing was to
buy out all the string,
626
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:19,440
cos there's nothing more scary than
when you need string
627
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:20,480
and there ain't none.
628
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:23,600
You'd be like, "I'm Greg Davies,
I need some string".
629
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:25,440
Jamali's bought it all.
630
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:26,840
All your thoughts start with,
631
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:29,840
"I'm Greg Davies", and then you have
the thought. Always. Good.
632
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:32,880
OK, she's in a programme called
Ghosts, but can she make ghosts?
633
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,120
Let's see.
It's Charlotte Ritchie first.
634
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:08,800
Boo!
635
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:11,560
That's not me.
636
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:18,720
I was quite freaked out, because
I thought that was you in the chair.
637
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,240
I did as well. Did you? Yeah.
Oh, good. That's good, then.
638
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,720
So I think if you ever go ahead
and make your own horror film,
639
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,440
you shouldn't feature,
640
00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:27,960
after the horrific reveal at the end
of your film,
641
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,120
you shouldn't pop on and go,
"Hello!" Yeah.
642
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:33,200
It sort of dampens it down a bit,
doesn't it? Yeah.
643
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,560
The worst thing was when I realised
644
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:40,080
that that book hadn't flown out
by itself, that she'd used string.
645
00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:42,320
It's scarier than that.
She tried to get string.
646
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:45,880
Went to the shop. Couldn't get it?
There wasn't any string left.
647
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:48,120
What? But why? I'm Greg Davies!
648
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:52,120
Who's next? Well, do you want to see
the big string guy? Do I?
649
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,720
Here he comes. Yeah.
It's the one and only Jamali Maddix.
650
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:39,400
Ghost?
651
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:58,320
You didn't know how that shit
was moving, did you?
652
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:00,400
Guess what it was? String.
Yeah, yeah.
653
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,720
It was just so terrifying,
I forgot about the string.
654
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:03,920
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
655
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:07,280
I was creeped out already with
things flying off the wall,
656
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:09,280
but when those two cabbages
flew off that desk,
657
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:12,040
that is classic horror.
658
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:14,720
Let's see another horror film,
please.
659
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:16,680
OK, would you like to see
Sarah Kendall
660
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:19,640
making the house look haunted?
More than anything. Here we go.
661
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:50,440
Hello, Alex.
662
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:53,560
Come play with us.
663
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:56,920
Come play with us, Alex.
664
00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:59,920
Forever and ever and ever.
665
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:07,800
Genuinely creepy, Sarah. Thanks.
666
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,120
Classic horror film
called The Shining.
667
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:13,960
The Shining took five years to make
and 900 tonnes of salt,
668
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:15,480
so similar to this show.
669
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:17,360
Why did it take 900 tonnes of salt?
670
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,080
Because there's a scene
where there's snow near the end
671
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:22,920
and they did it with salt. Wow.
Did they? Really? Mm-hm.
672
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:24,840
Ooh. Ah, Kubrick.
673
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:26,680
I thought your film was excellent.
674
00:34:26,720 --> 00:34:28,120
Thank you very much, Greg.
675
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:30,960
It was - spoiler alert - it creeped
me out more than two cabbages.
676
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,960
Wow. Thank you, that's
the kindest review I've ever had.
677
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:37,480
Wow. That's fair. You're making big
statements for no reason at him.
678
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,600
I'm just so wanged up about the lack
of string in the country.
679
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:42,200
Right, nearly there.
680
00:34:42,240 --> 00:34:43,800
One part left to go,
681
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:47,800
{\an5}and then someone wins Mike Wozniak's
blood-soaked whittled spoon.
682
00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:59,960
Hey. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
683
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:03,120
You've made it just in time
for the final part of the show.
684
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:04,840
Yes.
685
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:06,240
That was tight.
686
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:08,520
Before the break, there was
a spooky task taking place
687
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:10,040
where the contestants were trying
688
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:12,040
to make the Taskmaster house
appear haunted.
689
00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:14,760
Next,
it's the ethereal Mike Wozniak.
690
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:21,720
Little Alex Horne.
691
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:25,360
Little Alex Horne.
692
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,160
Come in.
693
00:35:31,720 --> 00:35:35,080
There's nothing to worry about,
little Alex Horne.
694
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:40,440
I've got some puppies
covered in treacle.
695
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:44,720
Good.
696
00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:59,120
Wow.
697
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:01,640
That was horrifying.
698
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,440
A nice temptation to
bring the victims in,
699
00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:07,360
puppies covered in treacle, no?
I was trying to take two things
700
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:09,920
and make them greater than the sum
of their parts. Yeah, but...
701
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:12,440
..put two nice things
together, it doesn't necessarily...
702
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:14,936
..make a big, nice thing. I don't
think there is two things, though.
703
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:16,736
People famously say,
"Come and see some puppies."
704
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:18,880
I don't think they say,
"Come and see some treacle!"
705
00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:21,560
Yeah. Mike was determined, by the
way, that I would be cut in two,
706
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:24,160
like he was cut in two,
and he called it being hemisected.
707
00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:26,320
Hemisect. It's a word.
It's a real word.
708
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:27,400
Just before we move on,
709
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,600
can we just drill
down to the narrative of your story?
710
00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:31,320
So, the whole house is haunted...
Right.
711
00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:33,720
Along comes an innocent,
lovely Taskmaster assistant.
712
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:36,416
This guy. He's got a bloodlust.
All he wants to do is gobble you up.
713
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:38,400
Hemisect you. Yeah.
And spit you out again.
714
00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:40,960
Why didn't, er, little
Alex Horne's... The lovely...
715
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,200
..character, the lovely assistant,
716
00:36:43,240 --> 00:36:46,440
why didn't it spot the already
hemisected body outside the thing?
717
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:49,320
He may well have done,
but that was overridden by the...
718
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,960
Lure of the treacle pup. ..the lure
of the treacle-covered puppies.
719
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:54,640
Who's next?
720
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,040
Finally... it's "Final Lee".
721
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:04,000
Hello, Lee.
Are you easily frightened?
722
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:06,280
I don't think so.
Good. What I'm ab...
723
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:07,600
Agh! Just checking to see.
724
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,960
You say you're not,
but you did flinch a bit there.
725
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:11,600
Do you know the history
of the caravan?
726
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:14,000
I've always wondered
about the history of the caravan.
727
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:16,840
Many years ago, there was
a lady by the name of Amy.
728
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:21,000
Typical 21-year-old,
she liked music, parties...
729
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:24,520
But most of all,
she only wanted her own caravan.
730
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:26,280
She got her caravan.
731
00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:29,160
This is said caravan.
732
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:30,680
Four days later...
733
00:37:30,720 --> 00:37:32,320
..she wasn't alive.
734
00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:35,320
She was... not alive.
735
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:39,560
I'm going to find out now,
with the aid of my Ouija board,
736
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:41,080
exactly what happened that night.
737
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:44,880
Amy? Are you there, Amy?
Amy, are you there?
738
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:47,400
Give us a sign if you are there.
739
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:54,040
She's talking to me.
740
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:56,280
Have you got any questions
you'd like to ask Amy?
741
00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:57,920
Are you in heaven, Amy?
742
00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:00,320
Lovely. Alex...
743
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:02,000
Yes? Can I be honest? OK.
744
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:04,280
That was me.
I thought it was you.
745
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:05,920
I was pulling that.
I did see your hand.
746
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:08,080
I've let you down.
And I wish I hadn't.
747
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:09,920
And I apologise about this.
748
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:13,400
I'm no more of a psychic than,
than you,
749
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:15,600
so would you,
would you accept my apology?
750
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:17,880
There's a lot of smoke.
751
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:19,920
Is that Am... Are you Amy?
Who are you talking to?
752
00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:21,920
You can't see?
No, it was just, just me.
753
00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:24,000
That was me. I
was doing that and pulling the...
754
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:25,680
I don't like this.
It's a nice cupboard.
755
00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:27,880
Can we go now, Lee?
Well, where are you going?
756
00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:29,880
To be honest,
there's too much smoke to breathe.
757
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:32,040
But also, there's a dead
lady there. I can't see her.
758
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:33,840
All right. Bye-bye, Lee.
It's not real.
759
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:36,440
What are you doing? It's not me,
I've set it up. Bye, Lee.
760
00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:39,480
Think we got away with it.
761
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,520
See, that's what you need in a film.
You need a twist.
762
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:46,080
You did look freaked out.
763
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:48,000
Well, I... I wasn't warned about it.
764
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:50,080
It would have been a bit
odd to warn you about it.
765
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:51,280
But I think in horror films,
766
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:53,600
they do warn the actors
what's going to happen. Yeah.
767
00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:55,720
Oh, you consider yourself an actor
in that?
768
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:58,040
I very much enjoyed your film.
769
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:00,360
Shall I hand out some points?
Some spooky points.
770
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,760
I thought they were all really good,
771
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,120
so no-one is going to get
one spooky point. OK.
772
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:07,320
No-one's going to get
two spooky points.
773
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:10,720
Is anyone going to get any points?
Three spooky points... Oh.
774
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:13,720
..go to Jamali and
Charlotte's films.
775
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:17,200
In second place, with four points,
I'm going to give it to the
776
00:39:17,240 --> 00:39:20,000
Treacle Puppy King
and I'm going to give it...
777
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:23,880
to the jocular Awful Twist film.
778
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:26,120
Four points to Lee Mack
and Mike Wozniak. Right.
779
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:30,120
But by far the most atmospheric
and spooky, five points, Sarah.
780
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:31,960
Well done, Sarah Kendall. Thanks.
781
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:34,960
Quick look at the scores,
please, Alex.
782
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:38,920
Charlotte is on the bottom with ten,
Mike is on the top with 17 again.
783
00:39:40,720 --> 00:39:43,640
Runaway Wozniak
and his tin of treacle.
784
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:46,080
OK, everyone,
785
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:49,560
please head to the stage
for the final task of the show.
786
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:51,160
Hello.
787
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:54,040
Hello, Greg. Hello, Greg.
Hi. Hello. Hiya.
788
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:55,560
Who's going to read it out, Alex?
789
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:58,720
I'd like Jamali Maddix to read
out the task, please, Greg.
790
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:03,520
Correctly guess
your standing in the group.
791
00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:06,160
The Taskmaster will read out
a category.
792
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:10,840
Then you must hold the number that
reflects your standing in the group.
793
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:12,200
Most correct answer wins.
794
00:40:12,240 --> 00:40:15,400
The way it's going to work is that
Greg will read out a category,
795
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:17,160
for example, oldest contestant.
796
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:19,640
If that was the category,
obviously Lee would put up one,
797
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:22,560
and then the rest of you would guess
your ages in the group as well.
798
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:25,080
Obviously, yeah?
Once you've heard the category,
799
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:27,640
you must hold up your
number within 20 seconds.
800
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,296
And once it's up,
you can't change your mind.
801
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:31,120
You're going to have five
categories,
802
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:32,360
most correct answers wins.
803
00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:34,880
Are you ready to hear the first
category? Yes. Yes, please.
804
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:36,240
Category one.
805
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:38,560
Most Northerly Birthplace.
806
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:42,160
Ooh. If you think you're the most
northerly, hold up number one.
807
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:44,600
If you think you're the most
southerly, hold up number five.
808
00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:46,000
Which way is Australia?
809
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:48,520
It is south.
It's not called Down Over, is it?
810
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:50,360
It's really south. OK.
811
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:53,880
OK. Lee thinks he
is the most northerly,
812
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:55,800
Sarah thinks she's the most
southerly.
813
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:58,520
{\an5}They're both correct.
One point each.
814
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:01,600
{\an5}It goes - Lee, Southport,
then Mike, Oxford.
815
00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:03,960
{\an5}Should be holding a number two.
Then Jamali, East London.
816
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:05,360
{\an5}Should be holding a number three.
817
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:08,080
Then Charlotte, Clapham South,
should be holding number four.
818
00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:10,800
Then Sarah, who is holding number
five. Newcastle.
819
00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:12,440
Second category, Greg.
820
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:15,720
Most pints of milk drunk per month.
821
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:19,000
We asked all of you before
the show to state how many
822
00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:20,176
pints of milk a month you drink.
823
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:22,880
If you think that you drink
the most, hold up number one.
824
00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:24,800
I don't know this about you, Mike,
825
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,480
but gut instinct tells me
you guzzle the stuff.
826
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:29,920
I'm an absolute bloody milk guzzler.
827
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:31,680
They're all up. Charlotte and Jamali
828
00:41:31,720 --> 00:41:34,000
both think they drink the middle
amount of milk.
829
00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:36,280
Mike Wozniak guzzles a lot of milk.
830
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:38,720
He guzzles 37 pints of milk
per month.
831
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:41,520
What? Are you serious?
You, you're having a pint a day?
832
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:43,536
I have more than a pint a day,
I'm sure of it, yeah.
833
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:46,960
What are you, a calf?
Is it fancy in a big bottle?
834
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:49,120
It's on cereal.
A lot of tea and coffee.
835
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:52,640
OK. And it's also drunk neat.
Neat? Neat? Every day? Milk?
836
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:54,800
So, Mike is correct.
Lee is also correct.
837
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:57,520
He's a vegan,
he has zero pints per month.
838
00:41:57,560 --> 00:41:59,640
{\an5}Ah.
So, it goes Mike the most with 37,
839
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:02,920
{\an5}Sarah second with eight
pints per month.
840
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:05,080
{\an5}Ooh.
Then it goes Jamali third with five.
841
00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:06,280
{\an5}He gets the point here.
842
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:09,400
{\an5}Charlotte fourth with three,
Lee fifth with zero.
843
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:12,040
{\an5}The quickest category thus
far coming up.
844
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:14,200
Fewest phone contacts.
845
00:42:14,240 --> 00:42:17,520
Yeah, fewest friends, number one.
I'm the oldest.
846
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:20,600
But do you not, have you not found
that over the last ten years
847
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:22,080
you've started to thin the herd?
848
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,000
Are you suggesting I'm so old,
they've started to die off? No...
849
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:28,200
OK, all the numbers are up.
Four, four, three, two, two.
850
00:42:28,240 --> 00:42:30,080
No-one thinks you're
the fewest or the most.
851
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:33,840
The person with the fewest friends
is Jamali, with 150.
852
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:35,320
Sarah, you're correct.
853
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:38,200
You are the second least popular,
with 315 contacts.
854
00:42:38,240 --> 00:42:42,160
Feels about right.
Charlotte is third with 1,065.
855
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:44,880
Mike, fourth, no points,
856
00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:49,000
with 1,144, Lee has the most
contacts with 3,065 in his phone.
857
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:51,040
You don't have...!
Yeah, but the problem is,
858
00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:53,840
my phone sort of..
I'm trying to...
859
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:56,040
I'm very popular.
860
00:42:57,240 --> 00:42:59,440
I'll be honest with you,
if someone asks for a selfie,
861
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:01,280
I ask for their number.
862
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:02,840
I'm shameless. All right.
863
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:05,400
Fourth category, please.
Category four.
864
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:08,600
An interesting revelation
of personal hygiene.
865
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:11,000
Most frequent
washing of towels per month.
866
00:43:11,040 --> 00:43:12,800
Hmm. After the cleanest person
867
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:14,840
holding up number one,
there you go, Charlotte.
868
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:17,240
Straight away. We almost had
one, two, three four, five.
869
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:19,240
Yeah. Do you know what's
difficult about this,
870
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,480
is the fact that
I don't know what's a lot,
871
00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:25,280
because I have a bunch of towels.
Yeah. No need to get flash, mate.
872
00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:27,880
We've all got a lot of towels.
873
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:30,560
I've got a towel for each
of my phone contacts.
874
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:33,520
Charlotte thinks
she cleans her towels the most.
875
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:36,400
12 times per month, almost every
third day she's cleaning her towel.
876
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:37,680
Yeah.
877
00:43:37,720 --> 00:43:40,680
Next cleanest is Jamali. You miss
it again, unfortunately, Jamali.
878
00:43:40,720 --> 00:43:41,920
Then Lee, six times per month,
879
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:43,640
and then we're really getting
desperate,
880
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:45,240
{\an5}Sarah only washes hers
twice a month.
881
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:47,880
Mike, you do get a point because
you only wash them once a month.
882
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:52,000
Yes. Absolute scum.
Absolute scumbag. Filthy, man.
883
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:54,040
Final category, Greg.
884
00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:55,560
Most eggs in one hand.
885
00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:58,040
Yes, we asked them
how many eggs they think
886
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:01,040
they can hold in one hand. I
can also confirm we tested this.
887
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:02,320
Straight up there, Jamali.
888
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:05,040
Mm.
I think I've got the biggest hands.
889
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:06,816
Whoa. Two guys think
they can hold a lot of eggs.
890
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:09,600
I think I've got bigger hands than
you. Big balls time, isn't it?
891
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:11,080
Yes, it is.
892
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:13,360
No-one thinks they can
clutch the fewest eggs.
893
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:15,800
Who do you think hold fewer
eggs than you?
894
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:17,016
You don't have to answer that.
895
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:19,280
As your attorney, you don't
have to answer that.
896
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:21,400
I'd like to find out,
it's part of the game.
897
00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:23,360
You think someone's got smaller
hands than you?
898
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:26,280
I don't know if it's about size.
It's absolutely about size.
899
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:27,720
Cool.
900
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:30,000
Technique as well. Well,
Charlotte has the tiniest hands.
901
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:32,816
She can only hold seven eggs, so she
should've held up the number five.
902
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,800
{\an5}She should.
Sarah can only hold eight eggs.
903
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:37,640
{\an5}She should be holding up
the number four. Mm.
904
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,920
{\an5}In third place,
it's Mike with 11 eggs.
905
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:44,360
{\an5}So which of the men can hold
the most eggs?
906
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:46,760
{\an5}I don't know why, I think
Lee Mack can hold the most eggs.
907
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:50,000
{\an5}Well, I'll tell you that Jamali
can hold 12 eggs in his hands.
908
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:51,960
{\an5}Lee Mack can
hold 17 eggs in his hands.
909
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:53,560
{\an5}I just knew it.
910
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:55,600
{\an5}And Lee is correctly
holding number one.
911
00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:58,720
I'm known as the egg holder. And
with that, Greg, the task is over.
912
00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:02,680
Come back down and we'll add those
points, and we'll decide who's won.
913
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:07,360
Hello, again, Greg.
Very good. Hello, there.
914
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:09,840
That must've had quite some
impact on the scores.
915
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:13,360
So, not only can he hold 17 eggs,
he can also guess where
916
00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:16,280
he fits in the standings, cos
he got four questions right, Lee.
917
00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:17,960
Wow.
So Lee does get the five points.
918
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:21,200
After that, Mike and Sarah
came in second, they got two things
919
00:45:21,240 --> 00:45:24,200
right each, and joint fourth,
Charlotte and Jamali got one each.
920
00:45:24,240 --> 00:45:27,480
So, the points go two each to
Charlotte and Jamali,
921
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:30,080
four to Mike and Sarah,
but Lee Mack gets five points.
922
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:31,720
There it is. He knows himself.
923
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:36,000
And so the final scoreboard,
Sarah came in second place with 17,
924
00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:38,920
but Mike won the episode,
is also winning the series,
925
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:40,920
he won it with 21 points.
926
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:47,560
Mike Wozniak wins! Go and gather
your victorious vessels!
927
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:50,120
Thank you. Thank you.
928
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:52,320
So, what have we learned today?
929
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:53,640
We've known for some time
930
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:55,720
that climate change is the gravest
threat
931
00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:58,520
that humanity has ever faced,
and we also know that cows
932
00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:01,720
are some of the greatest
contributors to the global crisis.
933
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:07,000
And 50% of those cows are
feeding Mike Wozniak's milk habit.
934
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:08,400
So, what we've learned today
935
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:10,960
is that Mike Wozniak is destroying
the planet.
936
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:13,680
We've also learned
that he's won tonight's show,
937
00:46:13,720 --> 00:46:17,680
and now has more vessels
to fill with milky goodness.
938
00:46:17,720 --> 00:46:19,600
Mike Wozniak!
939
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:27,080
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