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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,003 Upbeat Theme playing... 2 00:00:05,213 --> 00:00:08,841 ♪ Ba‐ba‐ba‐ba, ba‐ba‐ba‐ba ♪ 3 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,125 ♪ Ba‐ba, da‐da‐da‐da‐da‐da da‐da‐da ♪ 4 00:00:12,210 --> 00:00:14,015 *HOW I MET YOUR FATHER* Season 01 Episode 02 5 00:00:14,099 --> 00:00:15,348 Episode Title: "FOMO" Aired on: January 18, 2022. 6 00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,171 Okay, so you walked Brooklyn Bridge, 7 00:00:17,256 --> 00:00:19,062 and that was the night you met Dad. 8 00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:21,438 And then how long until you guys got together? 9 00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:25,607 This story is about the journey, not the destination. 10 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,940 I'm going to get with a whole bunch of dudes 11 00:00:28,025 --> 00:00:29,610 before I wind up with Dad. 12 00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:33,575 You know, I'm okay with skipping to the destination. 13 00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:36,453 I'm going to need you to live in the moment here. 14 00:00:37,079 --> 00:00:39,289 Which, back in the day, I was terrible at. 15 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:43,835 After my super triumphant Brooklyn Bridge Walk, 16 00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,920 I backslid. 17 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:49,632 Instead of living in the moment, I decided to live in my phone. 18 00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,676 - Morning! - Can you knock? 19 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,471 Nope! Were you looking at your old texts with Ian? 20 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:55,680 No. 21 00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:57,436 I was looking at porn. 22 00:00:57,521 --> 00:00:59,780 Liar! You're scared of porn. 23 00:00:59,865 --> 00:01:01,519 I'm not scared of porn. 24 00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:04,481 I'm scared of the government tracking my search history. 25 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,775 Stop wallowing. Put these on. 26 00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:08,709 It's Fonda time! 27 00:01:09,230 --> 00:01:11,357 Up! 28 00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:13,907 - So, what are we thinking for tonight? - Uh, 29 00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:16,743 probably just going to stay in and organize my darkroom closet. 30 00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:19,245 You mean look at pictures of Ian 31 00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:21,039 while listening to Drops of Jupiter on loop 32 00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:24,042 like you do every time things don't work out with a guy? 33 00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:25,335 Tell me... 34 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:28,304 ♪ Did the wind sweep you off your feet? Did you... ♪ 35 00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:31,808 It's my comfort song. It works for everything. 36 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,385 You remember when the dry cleaner shrunk my favorite sweater? 37 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:37,639 ♪ Tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet? ♪ 38 00:01:37,723 --> 00:01:40,642 You think Queen Jane stays in on a Saturday night? No! 39 00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,811 She's out on the town, crushing dick. 40 00:01:42,895 --> 00:01:46,272 Alright. I wish you'd stop saying "crushing dick" 41 00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:49,067 about feminist icons, but you're right. 42 00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:53,613 Good! 43 00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:57,239 ' Cause I got us into FOMO tonight. 44 00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:58,952 What's FOMO? 45 00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:00,620 It stands for "fear of missing out." 46 00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:02,872 Yeah, I know what it stands for. Thanks. 47 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,165 How do we go to it? 48 00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:05,917 Oh. 49 00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:08,333 FOMO is the name of this new club, 50 00:02:08,418 --> 00:02:10,318 which is a total sensory overload. 51 00:02:10,403 --> 00:02:12,424 There are a million different rooms. 52 00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:14,717 A rave room, a foam party room, 53 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,761 a topless room, a tapas room, 54 00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,972 a topless tapas room. 55 00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:22,851 They say there's no such thing as having FOMO inside of FOMO. 56 00:02:22,935 --> 00:02:25,270 This will be perfect for you. Plus, 57 00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:27,772 I'm going to need a big night out after I end things with Charlie. 58 00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:30,400 Wait, you're ending things with Charlie? 59 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,861 I gotta. He's smothering me. 60 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,157 Morning, Valentina! 61 00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:40,994 I got us coffees from a real New York bod‐ega 62 00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:43,458 and this chicken for dinner. I opened the package, 63 00:02:43,543 --> 00:02:45,999 but I have no idea what happens next. 64 00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:47,834 This morning, 65 00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:49,563 I told him the best New York bagels 66 00:02:49,648 --> 00:02:52,818 are in Jersey just to have a little time to myself. 67 00:02:53,194 --> 00:02:55,154 Anyway, I already drafted up a text. 68 00:02:55,239 --> 00:02:57,700 You cannot text break up with Charlie. 69 00:02:57,810 --> 00:03:00,309 You are crazy into the guy. You just told me yesterday 70 00:03:00,394 --> 00:03:01,436 you were obsessed with him. 71 00:03:01,567 --> 00:03:03,224 I did not. 72 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:05,567 I'm obsessed with him! 73 00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:09,647 Fine, I'm conflicted, okay? 74 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:11,895 I mean, 75 00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:13,943 he is fun... 76 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,195 and sweet 77 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,071 and hot. 78 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:19,324 Plus, he does this thing in bed with his tongue 79 00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:22,118 where he folds it into a cloverleaf. 80 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,870 We call it lucky charming. 81 00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:26,331 Uh, breakfast! 82 00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:29,167 - Most important meal of the day! - Girl... 83 00:03:29,251 --> 00:03:31,377 But he's always around. 84 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,713 Valentina. Of course you think he's smothering you 85 00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:35,882 because you're the only person he knows 86 00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:37,675 in the entire city. 87 00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:39,552 You just have to help him make some friends. 88 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,721 Ew. Sounds hard. 89 00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:44,516 Yeah, well, if I have to be mature and stop dwelling on Ian, 90 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,059 then you need to be mature 91 00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:48,603 and try a little harder with Charlie. 92 00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:51,731 Fine! 93 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,233 Wow. 94 00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:56,778 I can totally feel us growing right now. I think I finally even made good coffee. 95 00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:05,287 Mm‐hmm! 96 00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:09,082 So, how do I make Charlie friends? 97 00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:11,793 Oh! I've got it. 98 00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:14,671 Step one, I make him a Grindr account. 99 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,214 Step two, the guy shows up. 100 00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,216 Step three, I lock the door... 101 00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:21,302 Or we could invite those guys we hung out with last weekend 102 00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:24,180 to come out with us. I feel like Charlie really hit it off with them 103 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,723 playing Drunk Face Jenga. 104 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:27,934 You have to have this. You have this. 105 00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:33,106 Oh my god! This is the best night of my life! 106 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,985 Soph, I don't think either of those guys are on Grindr. 107 00:04:37,069 --> 00:04:39,195 No! No Grindr! 108 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,156 I'm DM‐ing Jesse. 109 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:42,732 Yeah. I think White Dove 110 00:04:42,817 --> 00:04:44,659 is going to pop way more than Moonlight White. 111 00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:47,620 Yeah. This will definitely be what packs them into your bar. 112 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:50,498 Everyone's going to be like, "Hey, you got to check out Pemberton's. 113 00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:53,501 The upper walls are crisp AF!" 114 00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:57,130 All I want is some regulars coming in and ordering the usual, you know? 115 00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:59,758 Like when I bought this place, I really thought I could spruce it up, 116 00:04:59,842 --> 00:05:02,010 make it the perfect blend of classic New York 117 00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:03,052 and little titty! 118 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,262 - What? - Oh, 119 00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:07,390 Jasper taught me some cool new slang the NYU kids are saying. 120 00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,768 Yeah, it's, uh, "litty titty," boss. 121 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,813 God, he's cool! 122 00:05:13,764 --> 00:05:17,100 Oh. I just got a DM from Sophie from last weekend. 123 00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:19,486 Ooh! 124 00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:22,697 - Sophie likes Jesse! - Does not. 125 00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:25,408 She's asking if we all want to go to some club tonight. 126 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:28,286 I'll just tell her that we always spend Saturdays here, 127 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:30,163 - and that I hate clubs. - Huh? Hey... 128 00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:32,916 - What? - What are you doing? 129 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,626 A hot, cool woman just asked you on a date. 130 00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:36,961 You're really going to respond with "I hate clubs"? 131 00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:38,379 She didn't ask me on a date. 132 00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,173 She asked if we wanted to hang out. 133 00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:41,800 And just last week, I drove her to the airport, 134 00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:44,344 so she could tell another guy that she loved him. 135 00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:46,346 Yeah, that was last week. And this is this week, 136 00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:48,849 and, clearly, she's looking for a hot rebound thang. 137 00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:51,392 Ellen, you're a woman. Tell your brother what's up. 138 00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:54,354 I don't know if being a woman qualifies me 139 00:05:54,438 --> 00:05:57,357 to decipher the DMs of an erratic straight lady, 140 00:05:57,441 --> 00:05:59,192 but if I had to, 141 00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:01,278 yeah. She's simping. 142 00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:03,780 Jasper. Huh? 143 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:04,865 Bet. 144 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,075 You really think so? 145 00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:09,536 I do. And I'm not just saying that 146 00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:12,330 because I'm dying for my first big New York night out. 147 00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:15,041 Come on, Jesse! 148 00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:17,627 I want to get dressed up in a cool jumpsuit 149 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,796 and pay too much for a cocktail, 150 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,091 and then spill the overpriced cocktail all over my cool jumpsuit 151 00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:26,261 because some club asshole didn't look where he was going. 152 00:06:26,345 --> 00:06:27,637 Then be like, "Watch it!" 153 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,931 But, he doesn't hear me because I mumble, 154 00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:32,017 and the sick beats are too loud. 155 00:06:33,477 --> 00:06:36,438 Wow. That was a very specific, 156 00:06:36,522 --> 00:06:38,356 very realistic fantasy. 157 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,651 And maybe, just maybe... 158 00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:45,113 I'd like to flirt with a cute girl who isn't my ex‐wife. 159 00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:47,490 Come on. Tell her yes. 160 00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,701 You got to get back out there sometime. 161 00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:51,703 Yeah, seriously, man. Ever since Meredith dumped you, 162 00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:53,872 I've been spending 50 bucks a week on Kleenex. 163 00:06:53,956 --> 00:06:56,166 Wait, because you're crying 164 00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:57,751 or because you're going to town on yourself? 165 00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:59,502 What? Ew! Crying! 166 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:00,587 Bro... 167 00:07:00,671 --> 00:07:02,297 - Crying! - Bro... 168 00:07:02,798 --> 00:07:03,841 Both. 169 00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:08,678 Ooh! So exciting. 170 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,222 My first traditional American friend setup. 171 00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:14,184 - Your what? - I told him that was a thing. Be cool. 172 00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:16,227 Ooh! Almost forgot to put my cufflinks in. 173 00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,521 Busted out the rubies to impress the boys. 174 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:21,859 Oh! Charlie, come here. Look at me. 175 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,445 Sid and Jesse don't wear cufflinks. 176 00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:28,281 They're just two regular New York guys. 177 00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:30,158 And if you want them to like you, 178 00:07:30,242 --> 00:07:32,911 you're just going to have to be a little more... 179 00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:35,121 of the people. Okay? 180 00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:37,457 Of course. No problem. 181 00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:39,793 I totally know how to do that. 182 00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:40,878 Great. 183 00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:44,756 My cuffs are going to be flapping all over the place. 184 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,382 - Oh! Hey! - Hey! 185 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:48,802 Cool shirt. 186 00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:51,262 Oh, this old thing? Thanks. 187 00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:52,806 Alright! 188 00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:55,809 But just when I was ready for a night of living in the moment... 189 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,272 Son of a bitch. 190 00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:07,362 "My ship's deckhand has strong Momoa vibes." 191 00:08:07,446 --> 00:08:09,155 Ian texted you that? 192 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:10,699 - Son of a bitch! - Right? 193 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:14,369 Ian and I have this inside joke where we sneak selfies 194 00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:16,121 and text them to each other when we see someone 195 00:08:16,205 --> 00:08:17,872 who looks like Jason Momoa. 196 00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:20,125 There was Jason Mimosa, 197 00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:22,794 Jason Somosa, 198 00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:25,547 Jason with Boa. 199 00:08:25,631 --> 00:08:27,549 The last one was a stretch, but I felt the pressure to text 200 00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:29,759 because he'd sent, like, three in a row. 201 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,845 Yeah, I'm so glad I'm engaged. 202 00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:36,015 Ian should know that the moment he rejected an LDR with Sophie, 203 00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:39,144 he lost inside joke texting privileges. Sending this pic? 204 00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:42,147 Classic "have your cake and eat it, too." 205 00:08:42,231 --> 00:08:43,941 I actually hate cake. 206 00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:47,277 Too hoity‐toity. 207 00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:49,028 I'm more of a bread guy. 208 00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:51,239 Plain old bread that I rip up 209 00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:54,952 with my rough... calloused hands. 210 00:08:56,078 --> 00:08:58,205 Oh yeah. Yeah, b‐bread's cool. 211 00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:00,582 This is so messed up. 212 00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:03,752 I refuse to spend another second thinking about Ian. 213 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,381 I'm just going to write back something super witty and charming, 214 00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:10,258 just so he realizes what he's missing. 215 00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:13,511 Okay! Okay, fine. 216 00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,096 Next! 217 00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:18,016 No photos allowed inside of FOMO. 218 00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:19,977 Please put these stickers on your cameras. 219 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,020 I really don't think Sophie's into me. 220 00:09:22,104 --> 00:09:23,938 She's clearly still hung up on that Ian guy. 221 00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:25,607 Nah, I don't think so. 222 00:09:25,691 --> 00:09:27,943 She just got a little rattled by his text is all. 223 00:09:28,527 --> 00:09:30,987 Give me the best table you got, okay? Tonight's a setup, 224 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:34,199 and I'm gonna need it to be as fun as humanly possible. 225 00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:38,203 This is a trial‐size vitamin C brightening serum. 226 00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:42,207 Take care of us, and mama's got more where that came from, daddio. 227 00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:45,502 Did you hear that? Tonight's a setup. 228 00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:47,629 Valentina's trying to help her girl 229 00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:48,964 get with my boy. 230 00:09:49,548 --> 00:09:51,174 Sophie did say my shirt was cool. 231 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,384 She compliments the shirt to get into the pants. 232 00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:56,471 This is going to be the worst place ever. 233 00:09:56,555 --> 00:09:58,098 This is the best place ever! 234 00:09:58,182 --> 00:10:00,350 I wanted to hate the nostalgic candy room. 235 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,268 Mm‐mmm! Look at me now! 236 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,232 Is that girl making eyes at me, 237 00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:09,150 or is she trying to blink something out of her eye? 238 00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:13,154 - Woo‐woo! - To a night of bonding with new friends! 239 00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:15,532 And being in the moment. 240 00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,826 Especially you guys, the three musketeers. 241 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,828 The three who? 242 00:10:19,912 --> 00:10:23,414 What is that, some sort of fancy pants literary reference? 243 00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:24,707 I'm not much of a reader, you know. 244 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:28,503 Just give me the big game and a cold can of "puh‐buh‐ruh." 245 00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:30,714 What? What's "puh‐buh‐ruh"? 246 00:10:32,216 --> 00:10:34,008 Oh, it's that cheap beer 247 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:36,803 that we regular men... love. 248 00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:38,138 Do you mean PBR? 249 00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:41,683 Is that how it's pronounced? As PBR? 250 00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:43,769 Oh, this is a disaster. 251 00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:46,604 We just locked eyes again. 252 00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:48,482 Okay, I'm going to go ask to buy her a drink. 253 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:52,569 Oh! 254 00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:53,904 I'm good! 255 00:11:04,540 --> 00:11:06,374 So this is pretty great, huh? 256 00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:08,376 If you told 8‐year‐old me that I'd be at a club 257 00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:11,088 with a hula hoop room, I'd have totally lost my shit. 258 00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:12,881 - Really? - Yeah. 259 00:11:12,965 --> 00:11:14,716 No, I was really into hula hooping growing up. 260 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,219 My mom said I had the loosest hips in Cincinnati. 261 00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:19,554 Which I'm now realizing is a very disturbing thing 262 00:11:19,638 --> 00:11:21,223 to say to a young child. 263 00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:24,350 Um... 264 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:27,437 Do‐do you want to go to the, uh, candle room for a drink? 265 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:30,273 And that's when I realized that there was 266 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,817 a totally sweet, interested guy 267 00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:34,570 right in front of me. 268 00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:36,738 Yeah. 269 00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:38,573 Yeah. I do. 270 00:11:38,657 --> 00:11:41,201 Cool. Uh, okay, I'll get drinks. I'll meet you there. 271 00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:49,209 But then, I spotted him, right there, 272 00:11:49,293 --> 00:11:50,794 in the middle of FOMO. 273 00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:53,005 The ultimate Momoa‐lookalike. 274 00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,508 FOMO‐Moa. 275 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,930 Hey! H‐how's it going with Eye Contact Girl? 276 00:12:02,014 --> 00:12:04,224 Oh, I moved on to No Bra Bethany! 277 00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:07,227 She's really nice. 278 00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:10,730 It was like the universe 279 00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:13,691 was testing my willpower to stay in the moment, 280 00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:16,486 and I was immediately failing that test. 281 00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:17,862 I had to get a picture. 282 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,572 Hey! 283 00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:22,492 You're taking a picture of that Momoa for Ian. 284 00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,953 I wanna send him a stupid text to make him laugh. 285 00:12:25,037 --> 00:12:26,579 So then, he'll write me back and make me laugh. 286 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,206 And if that's immature, I just don't care! 287 00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:31,501 Well, if you get to text Ian, then I get to break up with Charlie. 288 00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:33,753 Fine! I say, do it. 289 00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:36,214 Screw being mature. Alright? We're young! 290 00:12:36,298 --> 00:12:38,508 We can still make bad choices for a few more years. 291 00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:41,594 Yes! That's how we'll learn the lessons we need to become 292 00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:44,431 super‐wise dick‐crushing old people like Jane Fonda. 293 00:12:44,515 --> 00:12:45,682 Exactly! 294 00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:47,976 - Good talk. - Yep. Love you. 295 00:12:48,060 --> 00:12:49,311 - Love you. - Bye. 296 00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:51,855 Alright. 297 00:12:53,649 --> 00:12:54,733 I got ya. 298 00:12:55,651 --> 00:12:57,318 Hey! 299 00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,070 No photos at FOMO! 300 00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:02,115 Especially here at FOMO Soho. At FOMO Noho, 301 00:13:02,199 --> 00:13:04,325 you want a photo? Sure! YOLO! 302 00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:08,080 But at Soho FOMO, photos are no‐no. You gotta go, yo! 303 00:13:14,086 --> 00:13:16,755 So, what's your favorite entry‐level sedan? 304 00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:21,259 - Have you guys seen Sophie anywhere? - Uh, no. 305 00:13:21,343 --> 00:13:24,512 Well, if this is a setup, it's the worst setup I've ever been on. 306 00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:26,973 This is a setup between Jesse and Sophie, too? 307 00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:28,892 Uh, what do you mean "too"? 308 00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:31,853 Well, Valentina's setting the three of us up tonight, 309 00:13:31,937 --> 00:13:34,231 on a traditional American friends setup. 310 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:36,316 Charlie! 311 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,110 - We need to talk. - Hey, uh, quick Q. 312 00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:42,363 Is tonight a setup between Charlie and us or Jesse and Sophie? 313 00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:44,616 Charlie and you guys. Sophie isn't ready for a setup. 314 00:13:44,700 --> 00:13:46,117 She's still totally obsessed with Ian. 315 00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:47,995 Oh no. 316 00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:50,914 Did you think tonight was about you and Sophie? 317 00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:53,375 You know, I really, really didn't, but... 318 00:13:54,293 --> 00:13:56,211 someone convinced me it was. 319 00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,047 I'm sorry, man. 320 00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:01,091 Let's just go back to my bar, okay? 321 00:14:01,175 --> 00:14:03,677 With its lackluster drinks and zero activities. 322 00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,096 Hey! Maybe Jasper will hang out with us. 323 00:14:06,180 --> 00:14:08,724 ♪ Club music ♪ 324 00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:10,726 Your sister's got game. 325 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:13,770 Be honest with me. 326 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,982 Is a traditional American friend setup even a thing? 327 00:14:17,733 --> 00:14:19,276 No, it's not. 328 00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:22,028 I thought maybe if you had your own crew to hang out with, 329 00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:23,822 I would feel less smothered. 330 00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:26,074 You feel smothered? 331 00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:29,077 But I'm always the little spoon. 332 00:14:29,161 --> 00:14:32,163 You're great, Charlie, but you're just... 333 00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:34,582 always there, and it‐it's just too much for me. 334 00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:36,584 I think we should go our separate ways. 335 00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:38,920 Well, why didn't you just tell me that you needed space? 336 00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:41,215 That's why you sent me to Jersey for the bagels. Okay. 337 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:42,757 Wow. 338 00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:45,135 If this is how you deal with the tiniest little wrinkle, 339 00:14:45,219 --> 00:14:46,470 then I agree. 340 00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:48,388 We should end things. 341 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:57,523 Can't believe I lucky charmed you twice this morning. 342 00:14:58,357 --> 00:15:02,194 I crunched your captain twice, too! It was an even trade! 343 00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:05,447 ♪ Tell me... ♪ 344 00:15:05,531 --> 00:15:08,825 ♪ Did you sail across the sun? ♪ 345 00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:11,703 ♪ Did you make it to the Milky Way ♪ 346 00:15:11,787 --> 00:15:14,789 ♪ To see the lights all faded ♪ 347 00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:17,959 ♪ And that Heaven is overrated ♪ 348 00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:19,795 ♪ muffled club music ♪ 349 00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:23,298 - I got kicked out of FOMO. - I broke up with Charlie. 350 00:15:24,383 --> 00:15:25,508 How did he take it? 351 00:15:25,709 --> 00:15:29,060 He said I should have just told him I needed some space. 352 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:31,765 Funny. I never thought of that. 353 00:15:31,849 --> 00:15:34,170 I thought of it. I just didn't wanna do it 354 00:15:34,255 --> 00:15:36,936 'cause if you tell a guy what you need, and he does it, 355 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,834 then when he tells you what he needs, you have to do it. 356 00:15:40,260 --> 00:15:43,770 And I don't want to do that. I only want to do exactly what I want 357 00:15:43,855 --> 00:15:46,107 when I want, how I want. 358 00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:48,991 And now, you can. 359 00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,904 Did Ian like your Momoa pic? 360 00:15:52,123 --> 00:15:53,999 I haven't sent it. 361 00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:57,040 - I can't decide if I'm going to. - Mm. 362 00:15:57,201 --> 00:15:58,619 You know, 363 00:15:58,821 --> 00:16:01,919 Jesse thought you invited everyone out tonight because you were into him. 364 00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:04,673 Oh my god, I left him waiting for me in the candle room! 365 00:16:05,082 --> 00:16:06,750 And his shirt looked very flammable. 366 00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:08,435 Don't worry, he got out. 367 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,721 All the guys left. 368 00:16:11,211 --> 00:16:13,546 Looks like you two are having a good night. 369 00:16:13,724 --> 00:16:15,266 Who hurt you!? 370 00:16:20,731 --> 00:16:22,982 - Gin martini with a twist. - Thanks. 371 00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:27,028 Mm. 372 00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:29,322 And thanks for giving me another chance. 373 00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:30,532 Mates. 374 00:16:30,724 --> 00:16:32,975 I swear when I'm allowed to be my normal fancy self, 375 00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,645 I'm an absolute bloody delight. 376 00:16:35,933 --> 00:16:38,060 Those cufflinks are gorgeous. 377 00:16:42,003 --> 00:16:43,338 Thank you. 378 00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:47,424 By the way, I noticed how crisp your upper walls look. 379 00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:49,654 Is it White Dove? 380 00:16:50,344 --> 00:16:53,545 Yeah. Yeah, it is. 381 00:16:54,177 --> 00:16:55,511 Hey. 382 00:16:55,697 --> 00:16:57,115 Come here, we need to talk. 383 00:17:01,826 --> 00:17:03,035 Ooh... 384 00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:05,567 Here. It's from Essa Bagel. 385 00:17:05,709 --> 00:17:07,193 Best bagels in the city. 386 00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:09,763 It's where I should have sent you instead of Jersey. 387 00:17:10,421 --> 00:17:12,834 Well, I mean, how different can they be? 388 00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:18,623 Oh my god, those Jersey bagels are just little shit circles, aren't they? 389 00:17:19,331 --> 00:17:20,540 You were right. 390 00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:22,500 I should have just told you that I needed some space. 391 00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:24,878 I'm... really sorry. 392 00:17:27,972 --> 00:17:29,807 This isn't going to work. 393 00:17:30,873 --> 00:17:32,165 Oh. 394 00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:35,646 You know, living together, it's... it's too much. 395 00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:37,933 So, I am going to move out. 396 00:17:38,613 --> 00:17:39,947 Oh. 397 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:44,568 Then, I would like to take you on a first date. 398 00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:46,306 Oh? 399 00:17:46,391 --> 00:17:48,517 We never really had one of those. 400 00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:51,488 We do need to take a step back and... 401 00:17:52,108 --> 00:17:53,777 start at the beginning. 402 00:17:54,384 --> 00:17:55,677 I'd love that. 403 00:17:58,161 --> 00:17:59,579 So, seeing as how we're easing into things, 404 00:17:59,663 --> 00:18:01,623 we probably shouldn't go and have sex in the storage closet. 405 00:18:01,816 --> 00:18:04,130 Bring the bagel. 406 00:18:08,547 --> 00:18:11,380 Hey! How you guys doing? Don't care! 407 00:18:11,902 --> 00:18:15,427 I just had the best night of my life! 408 00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:17,430 Somebody get lucky at Club FOMO? 409 00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:18,891 No! 410 00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:22,224 - I was rejected constantly. - Hi! I'm Ellen... 411 00:18:23,312 --> 00:18:25,939 I got way too drunk way too fast, 412 00:18:26,023 --> 00:18:28,858 and struck out many, many times. 413 00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:30,755 Cheers. 414 00:18:32,988 --> 00:18:34,405 So, why are you so happy? 415 00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:37,742 Because even though five... No, wait. 416 00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:39,369 Six! 417 00:18:39,453 --> 00:18:42,038 Six women didn't want to give me their numbers, 418 00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:45,208 there are so many more out there waiting for me. 419 00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:48,002 - New York rules! - Woo! 420 00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:49,546 I'll drink to that! 421 00:18:50,714 --> 00:18:52,966 Just play, damn it. 422 00:18:53,050 --> 00:18:55,218 Really need this right now. 423 00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:57,012 Why does everything in the world hate me? 424 00:18:57,638 --> 00:18:58,555 - Hey. - Hey. 425 00:18:58,639 --> 00:18:59,889 Hey! 426 00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:02,016 Just... playing a song. 427 00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:04,478 No big thang. 428 00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:09,482 I hope this doesn't make you feel too uncomfortable, 429 00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,944 but I know that you thought tonight was a setup. 430 00:19:12,611 --> 00:19:16,031 I'm extremely uncomfortable, but go ahead. 431 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,659 I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. 432 00:19:19,743 --> 00:19:21,995 And for standing you up in the candle room earlier. 433 00:19:22,079 --> 00:19:25,457 It's fine. I mean, it stung for a sec, but nothing a quick spin 434 00:19:25,541 --> 00:19:28,460 in the old hula hoop room couldn't fix. 435 00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:34,424 Jesse... 436 00:19:35,676 --> 00:19:37,094 I'm a mess right now. 437 00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:40,556 And I know that you've been through a lot with your ex, 438 00:19:41,682 --> 00:19:44,267 and that dating in the city can make you feel... 439 00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:46,936 hopeless and alone and like you will never find someone 440 00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:50,064 who realizes how amazing you are. 441 00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:53,861 And... I don't want to be one of those people who make you feel like that. 442 00:19:55,821 --> 00:19:57,322 Because I actually can see it. 443 00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:02,452 I'm a mess, too. 444 00:20:02,536 --> 00:20:04,162 I mean, it literally took all of my energy 445 00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:06,539 just to put this stupid shirt on and leave the house tonight, 446 00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:08,541 and being in that... 447 00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:11,294 horrible club just made me miss staying home 448 00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:13,004 and watching Love Island with Meredith. 449 00:20:13,088 --> 00:20:15,215 Even though Meredith is a terrible person 450 00:20:15,299 --> 00:20:16,883 who publicly rejected my proposal 451 00:20:16,967 --> 00:20:18,551 and took my cat in our breakup. 452 00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:20,470 Oh! She got the cat? 453 00:20:20,554 --> 00:20:22,639 No, not the cat. My cat. 454 00:20:22,723 --> 00:20:25,100 My 11‐year‐old cat that I rescued from a shelter, 455 00:20:25,184 --> 00:20:28,187 and named Girl so that I could call her Jesse's Girl. 456 00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:30,772 Oh my god... 457 00:20:33,358 --> 00:20:35,569 And now you wish that you had Jesse's Girl. 458 00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,573 Like I said, I'm a mess, too. 459 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,660 Well, maybe we could be friends that are messes 460 00:20:43,744 --> 00:20:45,745 instead of two messes who try to date 461 00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:49,374 because that would just inevitably be... a mess. 462 00:20:50,709 --> 00:20:53,420 Yeah, that sounds like a really good plan. 463 00:20:55,339 --> 00:20:57,799 Oh! Hello, everyone. 464 00:21:01,929 --> 00:21:03,513 Why are you covered in poppy seeds? 465 00:21:03,597 --> 00:21:04,973 Don't worry about it. 466 00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:09,060 - I'll have another drink, please. - Just the usual. 467 00:21:09,144 --> 00:21:11,480 Gin martini with a twist coming right up. 468 00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:15,900 He has a usual! Jasper. 469 00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:18,319 Jasper... He has a usual. 470 00:21:18,403 --> 00:21:20,113 Yo, that's fire, man. 471 00:21:20,197 --> 00:21:22,366 Yo, I need, uh, next Saturday off. 472 00:21:23,033 --> 00:21:25,243 Um, also, right now, I'm leaving early. 473 00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:27,745 Hey, buh‐buh‐buh! You got it, buddy. Get out of here. 474 00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:29,914 ♪ Drops of Jupiter playing ♪ 475 00:21:29,998 --> 00:21:31,374 - Is this... - Yes. 476 00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:34,294 Drops of Jupiter. I‐I know it's kind of cheesy, 477 00:21:34,378 --> 00:21:37,297 but it's just... sort of my comfort song. 478 00:21:37,381 --> 00:21:41,051 ♪ With drops of Jupiter in her hair ♪ 479 00:21:42,886 --> 00:21:45,889 It was hard to live in the moment in 2022. 480 00:21:45,973 --> 00:21:48,975 There was always some place else you could be, 481 00:21:49,059 --> 00:21:50,727 someone else you could be with. 482 00:21:50,811 --> 00:21:52,896 But every once in a while, 483 00:21:52,980 --> 00:21:55,649 you found yourself in the exact right spot. 484 00:21:56,817 --> 00:21:59,611 And you had that rarest of moments 485 00:21:59,695 --> 00:22:03,420 where you had absolutely no FOMO, 486 00:22:03,574 --> 00:22:06,935 and you could just... be. 487 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,580 ♪ Hey... yeah ♪ 488 00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:11,748 ♪ But tell me ♪ 489 00:22:11,832 --> 00:22:14,709 ♪ Did you sail across the sun? ♪ 490 00:22:14,793 --> 00:22:17,170 ♪ Did you make it to the Milky Way ♪ 491 00:22:17,254 --> 00:22:19,881 ♪ To see the lights are faded ♪ 492 00:22:19,965 --> 00:22:22,592 ♪ And that Heaven is overrated? ♪ 493 00:22:22,676 --> 00:22:26,388 ♪ Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star? ♪ 494 00:22:27,139 --> 00:22:29,182 ♪ One without a permanent scar ♪ 495 00:22:29,266 --> 00:22:30,767 ♪ And did you miss me ♪ 496 00:22:30,851 --> 00:22:33,812 ♪ While you looking for yourself ♪ 497 00:22:33,896 --> 00:22:35,730 ♪ Out there? ♪ 37292

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