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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,741 --> 00:00:20,501 -What are you doing? -Well, I didn't want to disturb you. 2 00:00:20,581 --> 00:00:23,261 -What do you mean? -I was gonna come in and eat at the table, 3 00:00:23,341 --> 00:00:25,741 but I didn't know if you was busy so I'm having it here. 4 00:00:26,421 --> 00:00:28,901 But those aren't the only two options, are they, 5 00:00:29,021 --> 00:00:31,461 eat in my house or just outside my house? 6 00:00:31,541 --> 00:00:34,821 -There's the rest of the fucking world. -All right, don't get the hump! 7 00:00:34,901 --> 00:00:36,781 So, did you talk to that bird about me? 8 00:00:36,861 --> 00:00:37,701 Yeah. 9 00:00:38,341 --> 00:00:39,341 She'll meet up... 10 00:00:39,701 --> 00:00:41,221 for a meal, or whatever. 11 00:00:41,301 --> 00:00:42,421 -[Pat] Really? -Yeah. 12 00:00:43,141 --> 00:00:45,701 -And you was honest about me? -[Tony] Pretty much. 13 00:00:46,101 --> 00:00:48,821 What, and she still wants to meet me? What's the catch? 14 00:00:48,901 --> 00:00:53,381 Well, she wanted me to be honest about her to you as well. 15 00:00:53,861 --> 00:00:55,021 She's a sex worker. 16 00:00:55,461 --> 00:00:56,821 -A prossie? -Yeah. 17 00:00:58,021 --> 00:00:58,861 Result! 18 00:00:59,501 --> 00:01:01,021 -[slurps] -You're not bothered? 19 00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:03,021 She ain't got AIDS, has she? 20 00:01:04,261 --> 00:01:05,741 Would that be a deal-breaker? 21 00:01:06,301 --> 00:01:07,181 No. 22 00:01:07,661 --> 00:01:09,021 No, she hasn't got AIDS. 23 00:01:10,061 --> 00:01:14,261 -And she's lovely, and smart, and funny. -She'll earn a few quid for that an' all. 24 00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:15,421 Just split the bill. 25 00:01:17,341 --> 00:01:19,381 -Lovely jubbly. -[Tony] Right, OK... 26 00:01:19,741 --> 00:01:21,381 -[slurping] -Off we go. 27 00:01:21,461 --> 00:01:22,341 Why? 28 00:01:23,421 --> 00:01:26,061 'Cause it's weird, a postman having a picnic in your garden. 29 00:01:26,141 --> 00:01:27,301 What's weird about it? 30 00:01:28,301 --> 00:01:29,421 Get out. 31 00:01:29,501 --> 00:01:31,141 Where's all this coming from? 32 00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:33,221 [gentle music plays] 33 00:01:33,981 --> 00:01:35,781 Out! Fuckin' hell. 34 00:01:39,741 --> 00:01:41,741 [kids laughing and squealing] 35 00:01:50,261 --> 00:01:51,381 You all right, George? 36 00:01:51,461 --> 00:01:52,661 -Yeah. -Yeah? 37 00:01:54,701 --> 00:01:56,541 Are Mum and Dad getting a divorce? 38 00:01:58,461 --> 00:01:59,461 I don't know. 39 00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,061 I want them to still be my mum and dad. 40 00:02:02,141 --> 00:02:04,701 Whatever happens, even if they're not always together, 41 00:02:04,781 --> 00:02:06,901 they'll still be your mum and dad, and love you, and... 42 00:02:06,981 --> 00:02:08,381 be an even better mum and dad, 43 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:11,021 you can play them off against each other, get anything you want. 44 00:02:11,101 --> 00:02:12,781 -What toy do you want? -Dunno. 45 00:02:12,861 --> 00:02:16,661 Well, think big. I reckon you'll be able to get a quad bike. 46 00:02:16,741 --> 00:02:20,021 Maybe even a crossbow, if you play your cards right. [chuckles] 47 00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:21,701 You'll be living the dream. 48 00:02:21,781 --> 00:02:24,221 You'll be like, "Mum, Dad, I'm off down the pub. Don't wait up." 49 00:02:24,301 --> 00:02:25,421 [both giggle] 50 00:02:26,461 --> 00:02:27,461 It'll be fine. 51 00:02:31,581 --> 00:02:33,301 -[boy] Hi, George. -[George] Hi. 52 00:02:36,461 --> 00:02:37,981 -Morning. -Oh, happy birthday! 53 00:02:38,421 --> 00:02:40,581 -How did you know? -It's on your records. 54 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,861 -Oh, yeah. -[Valerie] Any plans? 55 00:02:42,941 --> 00:02:44,781 Just a meal at home with my family. 56 00:02:44,861 --> 00:02:47,301 -Who will cook, your mum or your dad? -Me. 57 00:02:48,421 --> 00:02:49,781 Well, happy birthday. 58 00:02:50,181 --> 00:02:51,181 Thank you. 59 00:02:55,461 --> 00:02:56,501 Happy birthday! 60 00:02:56,901 --> 00:02:57,901 Thank you. 61 00:02:58,221 --> 00:03:00,101 -Cup of tea, then? -Yes, please. 62 00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:01,301 No, you make it. 63 00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:02,421 Why? 64 00:03:02,861 --> 00:03:05,541 You're the work experience. You have to start at the bottom. 65 00:03:05,621 --> 00:03:07,461 It's Sandy's birthday, make her a cup of tea. 66 00:03:07,541 --> 00:03:08,541 It's your birthday? 67 00:03:08,621 --> 00:03:09,461 Er, yeah. 68 00:03:09,541 --> 00:03:10,821 -[Tony] Happy birthday. -Thanks. 69 00:03:11,221 --> 00:03:13,181 Is there going to be cake? 70 00:03:13,261 --> 00:03:14,421 Just make the tea! 71 00:03:14,501 --> 00:03:15,621 God! 72 00:03:17,341 --> 00:03:19,621 -Is there gonna be any cake, though? -[snorts] 73 00:03:20,381 --> 00:03:21,741 So, you're a Virgo? 74 00:03:22,381 --> 00:03:23,701 -Yeah. -[Kath] Yeah. 75 00:03:23,781 --> 00:03:25,461 Do your horoscope for you if you like? 76 00:03:25,541 --> 00:03:26,821 Nah, 'cause it's pointless. 77 00:03:26,901 --> 00:03:30,301 -It's not pointless, actually. -How can people born around the same time, 78 00:03:30,381 --> 00:03:33,941 from all over the world, share similar traits just because of that? 79 00:03:34,021 --> 00:03:35,501 -It's rubbish. -It's true! 80 00:03:35,581 --> 00:03:38,021 Virgos are smart, modest, 81 00:03:38,101 --> 00:03:40,341 capable, dedicated. 82 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,021 See? Fits, don't it? 83 00:03:42,101 --> 00:03:44,261 Yeah, everyone likes to think they're those things! 84 00:03:44,341 --> 00:03:47,661 That's why they make it flattering, so you believe it. If it said, 85 00:03:47,741 --> 00:03:52,061 "Oh, you're boring, ugly, thick, and shit at everything," 86 00:03:52,141 --> 00:03:53,421 you wouldn't go back, would ya? 87 00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:56,501 Also, they make it vague so you can make it fit. 88 00:03:56,581 --> 00:04:00,341 I want to see one in the paper that says, "Happy birthday, Rita Wainthrope 89 00:04:00,421 --> 00:04:02,341 of 7 Acacia Drive, Wigan. 90 00:04:02,421 --> 00:04:04,501 You're going to get fired from your job today 91 00:04:04,581 --> 00:04:06,901 'cause everyone hates you and the boss thinks you're a slut." 92 00:04:06,981 --> 00:04:08,061 Then I'd believe it. 93 00:04:08,541 --> 00:04:10,741 -Always have to get silly, don't you? -[sniggers] 94 00:04:15,061 --> 00:04:16,021 You all right? 95 00:04:18,061 --> 00:04:19,061 [glumly] Yeah. 96 00:04:19,541 --> 00:04:21,381 I'm just... feeling a bit... 97 00:04:22,541 --> 00:04:24,981 I dunno... 30. 98 00:04:29,021 --> 00:04:31,381 Yeah, I hated 30. 99 00:04:32,701 --> 00:04:33,701 Quite liked 40. 100 00:04:34,261 --> 00:04:35,301 Fifty was all right. 101 00:04:36,621 --> 00:04:39,141 It's not your age, is it? It's what's happening... 102 00:04:39,781 --> 00:04:40,781 in your life. 103 00:04:42,141 --> 00:04:43,141 Not a lot. 104 00:04:46,941 --> 00:04:48,621 Do you want to go for a coffee? 105 00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:51,261 -Yeah. -Come on, then. 106 00:04:54,901 --> 00:04:57,461 Do you know what my parents got me for my birthday? 107 00:04:58,181 --> 00:05:00,021 A set of saucepans and a super mop. 108 00:05:00,101 --> 00:05:01,061 [chuckles] 109 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,461 What's super about it? 110 00:05:02,541 --> 00:05:04,781 It's got an ultra-absorbent sponge head. 111 00:05:05,141 --> 00:05:07,621 -It cleans, dries, and absorbs in one go. -Sure. 112 00:05:08,021 --> 00:05:08,981 Do you know how? 113 00:05:09,301 --> 00:05:11,101 -Wring-Max technology. -[laughs] 114 00:05:11,181 --> 00:05:12,821 For maximum wringing. [chuckles] 115 00:05:12,901 --> 00:05:13,981 Good. 116 00:05:16,581 --> 00:05:17,981 I feel bad whinging to you. 117 00:05:18,461 --> 00:05:20,341 My problems probably seem so trivial. 118 00:05:20,661 --> 00:05:21,901 No, not at all. 119 00:05:23,461 --> 00:05:24,341 Also... 120 00:05:25,621 --> 00:05:28,101 I've been wanting to apologize for something I said once too. 121 00:05:28,821 --> 00:05:29,661 What? 122 00:05:30,221 --> 00:05:31,781 When I asked you to be happy. 123 00:05:32,581 --> 00:05:34,501 I realized it's a stupid thing to say. 124 00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:36,501 No, it's... 125 00:05:37,021 --> 00:05:38,341 You wanted me to be happy. 126 00:05:39,061 --> 00:05:40,061 I get it. 127 00:05:41,621 --> 00:05:42,661 People think that... 128 00:05:43,061 --> 00:05:45,461 all those things I miss doing with Lisa, 129 00:05:45,781 --> 00:05:48,501 I could just do them anyway, and it'll make me feel better. 130 00:05:48,581 --> 00:05:50,861 But, um... they're missing the point. 131 00:05:51,341 --> 00:05:53,141 I don't miss doing things with Lisa, 132 00:05:53,221 --> 00:05:55,661 I miss doing nothing... with Lisa. 133 00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:58,701 Do you know what I mean? Just... sitting at home, 134 00:05:58,781 --> 00:06:01,501 wouldn't even have to go out, or do anything, or even talk, 135 00:06:01,581 --> 00:06:02,621 you know, just... 136 00:06:02,701 --> 00:06:04,701 sitting there, knowing she was there. 137 00:06:07,621 --> 00:06:09,501 Sometimes, I'd just look over at her. 138 00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:14,821 -This has turned out well again. -[strained chuckle] 139 00:06:15,701 --> 00:06:17,101 -[Sandy sighs] -Ah... 140 00:06:18,101 --> 00:06:22,061 So, does it do lino, and tiles, and wood? 141 00:06:22,141 --> 00:06:23,221 It does everything. 142 00:06:23,301 --> 00:06:24,501 -Brilliant! -Yeah. 143 00:06:28,141 --> 00:06:29,621 -[laughter] -[Simon] What do you drive? 144 00:06:29,701 --> 00:06:31,421 It's a little Mini... 145 00:06:31,501 --> 00:06:33,541 But I don't drive it now, I'm trying to minimize-- 146 00:06:33,621 --> 00:06:34,541 -Hiya. -Hi. 147 00:06:34,621 --> 00:06:36,501 Hiya, just... Simon, isn't it? 148 00:06:36,581 --> 00:06:38,301 -Yeah. -Yeah. Tony. 149 00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:39,981 You're here a lot. 150 00:06:40,421 --> 00:06:41,901 -Yeah, my mum's in here. -Oh, right. 151 00:06:41,981 --> 00:06:45,461 Yeah, it breaks my heart. They all break my heart, I love 'em all. 152 00:06:45,541 --> 00:06:47,261 I wish I could take them all home. 153 00:06:47,341 --> 00:06:49,461 -[Simon chuckles] -Aw... That's sweet. 154 00:06:50,861 --> 00:06:53,581 Maybe start with your mum first, take her home, and... 155 00:06:54,141 --> 00:06:57,461 Yeah, I can't, not with my circumstances at the moment. 156 00:06:57,541 --> 00:06:59,461 -[Tony] Oh. -[Simon] I do what I can. 157 00:06:59,541 --> 00:07:00,941 Maybe everyone's in the same boat. 158 00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,421 -Yeah, sure. -[Tony] Yeah. 159 00:07:03,861 --> 00:07:04,901 Nice to meet ya. 160 00:07:05,541 --> 00:07:06,701 -Yeah. -Okay. 161 00:07:06,781 --> 00:07:07,861 See you later, babe. 162 00:07:10,221 --> 00:07:11,421 [Tony] Fuckin' hell! 163 00:07:12,141 --> 00:07:12,981 What? 164 00:07:13,941 --> 00:07:14,781 Him. 165 00:07:15,741 --> 00:07:16,901 What about him? 166 00:07:17,661 --> 00:07:21,101 He's doing his... "sensitive man" thing, isn't he? 167 00:07:21,181 --> 00:07:24,941 He's trying to be all kind and lovely to you, to impress you. 168 00:07:25,021 --> 00:07:26,621 I don't know. Call me old-fashioned, 169 00:07:26,701 --> 00:07:28,781 but it kinda works, being kind and lovely. 170 00:07:29,781 --> 00:07:31,421 -It's fake! -[scoffs] 171 00:07:32,301 --> 00:07:35,501 He probably works in a bank and has people's houses repossessed. 172 00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:37,061 -[chuckles] -He's doing his... 173 00:07:37,701 --> 00:07:41,141 [mockingly] "Oh, you know, I'm so caring in a cruel world, in't I?" 174 00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:44,061 -His... "Oh, isn't famine awful?" -[sniggers] 175 00:07:44,501 --> 00:07:46,541 "I'd like to take them all to McDonald's, babe." 176 00:07:46,621 --> 00:07:48,381 -[giggles] -[Tony sniggers] 177 00:07:48,461 --> 00:07:49,461 Stop it! 178 00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:51,141 Oh... 179 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:55,381 Well... I don't feel the same about him the way I do about you. 180 00:07:55,461 --> 00:07:56,301 Good. 181 00:07:56,381 --> 00:08:00,061 But, well... you're not an option, are you? 182 00:08:01,221 --> 00:08:03,581 I think you're brilliant, Tony, and... 183 00:08:04,181 --> 00:08:06,981 But at least he doesn't go on about another woman the way you do. 184 00:08:07,501 --> 00:08:11,061 And I know... I understand, Tony, I get why you do, and it's... 185 00:08:11,901 --> 00:08:13,541 it's lovely, it really is. 186 00:08:14,301 --> 00:08:16,261 But I don't want to be the other woman. 187 00:08:19,101 --> 00:08:21,061 Oh, did I blow it? Sorry, I... 188 00:08:21,141 --> 00:08:23,941 It's fine, really. There's no need to be sorry. It's... 189 00:08:25,301 --> 00:08:27,941 I like this, though. I love this. 190 00:08:29,181 --> 00:08:30,181 Whatever this is. 191 00:08:30,861 --> 00:08:34,101 Just being with you... all the time, 192 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,181 the same... 193 00:08:35,821 --> 00:08:37,021 forever... 194 00:08:37,101 --> 00:08:38,821 like Groundhog Day. [chuckles] 195 00:08:38,901 --> 00:08:39,941 [chuckles sadly] 196 00:08:41,061 --> 00:08:42,061 Yeah, well... 197 00:08:42,501 --> 00:08:43,901 I get all that, but... 198 00:08:45,061 --> 00:08:46,661 not everyone's the same, Tony. 199 00:08:47,781 --> 00:08:48,621 Right. 200 00:08:50,541 --> 00:08:52,021 [wistful music plays] 201 00:08:54,141 --> 00:08:55,261 [nurse chuckles wryly] 202 00:09:01,901 --> 00:09:03,581 I don't know whether to psychoanalyze you 203 00:09:03,661 --> 00:09:06,021 or take you down the vet and get you fucking put down. 204 00:09:09,861 --> 00:09:11,501 You gotta get out there, mate. 205 00:09:11,581 --> 00:09:12,621 -Yeah? -Yeah. 206 00:09:13,341 --> 00:09:14,381 Dunk the monk. 207 00:09:15,661 --> 00:09:17,981 Bang some beaver. Shoot some Schpritz. 208 00:09:19,021 --> 00:09:20,261 What's that? 209 00:09:20,341 --> 00:09:21,701 It's Yiddish for spunk. 210 00:09:23,221 --> 00:09:24,381 Oh, right. 211 00:09:24,461 --> 00:09:27,381 Listen, the offer's still open if you want to come out with me and the boys. 212 00:09:28,621 --> 00:09:30,861 We're actually getting messy tonight, as it goes. 213 00:09:31,261 --> 00:09:33,541 Local pub crawl and a minge hunt. 214 00:09:36,141 --> 00:09:38,541 Um... That's a very kind offer, 215 00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:40,701 but I can't tonight, unfortunately. 216 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:41,861 Poof! 217 00:09:45,021 --> 00:09:46,141 [cat purring] 218 00:09:46,421 --> 00:09:47,861 He's asking who you are. 219 00:09:49,061 --> 00:09:51,741 They're from the local newspaper. [chuckles] 220 00:09:53,061 --> 00:09:53,941 So... 221 00:09:54,701 --> 00:09:57,941 when did you... first discover you could speak to cats? 222 00:09:58,901 --> 00:10:01,701 Well, it was not long after my daughter died. 223 00:10:01,781 --> 00:10:04,061 Um... he was her cat, you see. 224 00:10:04,141 --> 00:10:08,021 And I just started talking to him about missing Jenny, and... 225 00:10:09,101 --> 00:10:10,181 we bonded. 226 00:10:11,341 --> 00:10:13,581 It's nice to have someone who understands. 227 00:10:15,461 --> 00:10:16,541 Yep... [sighs] 228 00:10:16,621 --> 00:10:17,621 ...it is. 229 00:10:19,461 --> 00:10:20,861 Uh... what's his name? 230 00:10:21,341 --> 00:10:22,781 -[woman] Frank. -Frank. 231 00:10:23,261 --> 00:10:25,021 She named him after her dad. 232 00:10:25,821 --> 00:10:27,341 That's my husband. 233 00:10:27,941 --> 00:10:31,341 [inhales shakily] He passed away a couple of years before Jenny. 234 00:10:32,861 --> 00:10:34,861 Would you like another cup of tea? 235 00:10:35,781 --> 00:10:36,621 Uh... 236 00:10:36,701 --> 00:10:38,181 No, thanks. Um... 237 00:10:39,101 --> 00:10:41,301 Uh... can we take a quick picture? 238 00:10:41,381 --> 00:10:42,381 Oh, yeah. 239 00:10:42,981 --> 00:10:44,141 [camera clicks] 240 00:10:44,221 --> 00:10:46,021 -Great. -[woman] Is that it, then? 241 00:10:47,381 --> 00:10:48,381 Yeah. 242 00:10:48,461 --> 00:10:49,301 Um... 243 00:10:49,381 --> 00:10:51,901 Are you hungry? I could make you something to eat. 244 00:10:53,181 --> 00:10:54,741 No. No, thanks. 245 00:10:55,581 --> 00:10:57,021 [sadly] Oh, all right, then. 246 00:10:57,101 --> 00:10:58,501 -[Tony] Thanks very much. -Thank you. 247 00:10:59,621 --> 00:11:01,621 -[Tony] Right, bye-bye. -Bye-bye. Thank you. 248 00:11:04,101 --> 00:11:05,261 [Tony] That's so sad. 249 00:11:05,341 --> 00:11:07,941 -[Lenny] She's happy enough. -[Tony] No, she's not. 250 00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:10,101 She wants to tell her story. 251 00:11:10,901 --> 00:11:13,981 She wants to see her husband and her daughter's name in the paper. 252 00:11:14,061 --> 00:11:15,541 The cat thing's just an in. 253 00:11:16,781 --> 00:11:17,781 She's lonely. 254 00:11:24,181 --> 00:11:26,261 -Did you forget something? -[Tony] Um... 255 00:11:26,341 --> 00:11:29,021 Sorry about your husband and daughter. 256 00:11:29,101 --> 00:11:31,701 -[sentimental music plays] -Oh, thank you. 257 00:11:32,461 --> 00:11:33,381 Frank and Jenny? 258 00:11:33,461 --> 00:11:34,381 Yes. 259 00:11:36,301 --> 00:11:37,181 Bye-bye. 260 00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:38,861 Oh, bye-bye. Thank you. 261 00:11:47,821 --> 00:11:51,301 If I could live till he's 50, that would make me happy. 262 00:11:51,821 --> 00:11:55,301 I don't think he'll live longer than that, to be honest. Think he'd struggle. 263 00:11:55,941 --> 00:11:57,101 He struggles now. 264 00:11:59,381 --> 00:12:00,581 Roger Realms. 265 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:04,261 Have I told you about him? Roger by name, Roger by nature? 266 00:12:05,061 --> 00:12:06,221 Who's Roger Realms? 267 00:12:06,301 --> 00:12:08,181 Agent. Used to work with him. 268 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,261 Would only sign black lads. 269 00:12:10,741 --> 00:12:13,221 I'd often wander into Roger's dressing room, and there he'd be 270 00:12:13,301 --> 00:12:16,101 with some boy hanging off him, he was basically an arse peg. 271 00:12:16,621 --> 00:12:20,141 Went early doors with AIDS, but good luck to him, you know. 272 00:12:20,701 --> 00:12:22,061 God bless you, Roger. 273 00:12:26,301 --> 00:12:29,221 I've run a few of these little local newspapers 274 00:12:29,301 --> 00:12:32,501 around the country. I know that doesn't make me Rupert Murdoch. 275 00:12:33,621 --> 00:12:35,461 But this is the only one that loses money. 276 00:12:36,221 --> 00:12:37,981 -Is it? -Effectively, yes. 277 00:12:38,901 --> 00:12:42,901 I mean, I own the building, so it's not a massive problem. 278 00:12:44,021 --> 00:12:47,021 Look, the fact is, uh... I'm semi-retired. 279 00:12:48,181 --> 00:12:49,501 And I'm wondering is it... 280 00:12:50,101 --> 00:12:51,421 is it worth the headache? 281 00:12:51,501 --> 00:12:54,621 I mean, I'm just thinking I could throw in the towel. 282 00:12:56,341 --> 00:12:58,541 Sell the property and get a nice lump sum. 283 00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:02,701 Could you give us more time, do you think? 284 00:13:02,781 --> 00:13:04,381 [inhales sharply] Uh... 285 00:13:04,941 --> 00:13:05,901 Just if we could... 286 00:13:06,301 --> 00:13:07,581 -make more money, then... -Look-- 287 00:13:07,661 --> 00:13:09,021 -We could find a way, I'm sure. -OK. 288 00:13:09,101 --> 00:13:11,581 I mean, it's going to take a bit of time to sell the property, 289 00:13:11,661 --> 00:13:13,621 get all the paperwork right. Um... 290 00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:15,301 And if you can... 291 00:13:16,341 --> 00:13:20,101 Well, if you can make me an offer I can't refuse, yes, then I'll look at it. 292 00:13:20,781 --> 00:13:22,421 But quite frankly, I... 293 00:13:23,141 --> 00:13:25,541 I'm sorry, but I really don't see that happening. 294 00:13:28,101 --> 00:13:29,861 -Sorry. -No, I'm sorry... 295 00:13:30,941 --> 00:13:33,061 that we're not making much money. 296 00:13:38,741 --> 00:13:41,181 -[Matt] So, speak soon. -[owner] OK, thank you. 297 00:13:47,461 --> 00:13:48,741 OK, everyone? Um... 298 00:13:48,821 --> 00:13:51,701 Listen up. That was Mr. Middleton, Paul. 299 00:13:52,261 --> 00:13:56,301 Some of you know, he, um, owns everything: the paper and the building. 300 00:13:57,261 --> 00:13:58,181 Um... 301 00:13:58,581 --> 00:14:00,341 He wants to stop running the paper. 302 00:14:00,861 --> 00:14:01,901 What, sell it? 303 00:14:01,981 --> 00:14:03,341 [Matt] Well, he wants to... 304 00:14:03,421 --> 00:14:05,301 um... close the paper, 305 00:14:05,861 --> 00:14:07,381 and then sell the building. 306 00:14:07,461 --> 00:14:10,941 He'll sell it to a property developer. This will be luxury flats. 307 00:14:11,661 --> 00:14:13,021 [Kath] Well, I'll be all right. 308 00:14:13,541 --> 00:14:15,781 Tambury Brewery have already said they'd take me on. 309 00:14:16,381 --> 00:14:17,741 Think the boss fancies me. 310 00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:20,781 Right. Well... 311 00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:24,781 Well, that's the end of The Tambury Gazette, kids. 312 00:14:24,861 --> 00:14:25,861 Don't worry, 313 00:14:25,941 --> 00:14:28,741 we'll all just get another shitty job that barely pays enough to live. 314 00:14:28,821 --> 00:14:31,301 [Sandy] This is the only job I've ever liked. 315 00:14:31,781 --> 00:14:33,021 I've got to have a job. 316 00:14:33,501 --> 00:14:35,061 My mum's disabled. 317 00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:36,781 And my daddy can't work. 318 00:14:37,101 --> 00:14:40,701 My brother and sister, they're in school, and they get nothing as it is. 319 00:14:40,781 --> 00:14:42,621 -OK. -So I've got to go find another job 320 00:14:42,701 --> 00:14:45,101 -that I'll hate. Again. -[Tony] OK. 321 00:14:45,501 --> 00:14:48,501 -Well, we'll save the paper, and... -How? 322 00:14:48,581 --> 00:14:52,021 We'll get more revenue. Kath'll get more. 323 00:14:52,101 --> 00:14:54,461 -How? -[Tony] 'Cause you're really... 324 00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:58,261 good at your... job. You'll charge more for advertising, like... 325 00:14:58,341 --> 00:15:00,901 Tambury Brewery, they'll pay more, won't they? 326 00:15:00,981 --> 00:15:02,861 Or we get a loan. 327 00:15:02,941 --> 00:15:05,661 Happens all the time. We get a loan... We'll buy the... 328 00:15:06,181 --> 00:15:10,221 building, and then we'll pay back the loan with the profit from the... 329 00:15:10,781 --> 00:15:12,781 the paper, and pay ourselves a wage, 330 00:15:12,861 --> 00:15:14,861 and that'll be... then, it'll be our... 331 00:15:15,781 --> 00:15:18,021 business to make it... work. 332 00:15:18,941 --> 00:15:20,821 So, don't worry. [taps keyboard idly] 333 00:15:21,381 --> 00:15:23,141 [choking back tears] You promise? 334 00:15:23,741 --> 00:15:24,781 [Sandy sniffles] 335 00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:28,781 You... you'll save the paper? 336 00:15:29,781 --> 00:15:30,901 Yeah, I will. 337 00:15:30,981 --> 00:15:32,261 -[Sandy] OK. -We will. 338 00:15:33,461 --> 00:15:35,461 [mournful music plays] 339 00:15:40,741 --> 00:15:41,781 [Tony] Hmm. 340 00:15:43,421 --> 00:15:44,421 How are you? 341 00:15:45,661 --> 00:15:47,821 [halfheartedly] Yeah... you know. 342 00:15:50,061 --> 00:15:52,861 That's pretty positive coming from you. [chuckling] 343 00:15:53,781 --> 00:15:58,141 I was trying to be all British and not burden you with my... troubles. 344 00:15:59,381 --> 00:16:01,461 Well, us British love gossip. 345 00:16:03,141 --> 00:16:04,581 So, spill the beans. 346 00:16:06,261 --> 00:16:09,101 Same, really. I'm... still a bit mental. 347 00:16:10,421 --> 00:16:12,061 Trying hard to care about stuff. 348 00:16:12,421 --> 00:16:13,381 And then today, 349 00:16:14,021 --> 00:16:16,421 we find out that the owner of the paper, 350 00:16:16,821 --> 00:16:18,621 he's selling up and... 351 00:16:19,221 --> 00:16:20,941 we'll all lose our jobs. 352 00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:21,861 Oh, no. 353 00:16:21,941 --> 00:16:23,741 That's not the bad bit. I was fine with that. 354 00:16:23,821 --> 00:16:27,941 But then Sandy starts crying 'cause it's the only job she's ever liked, 355 00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:31,781 and so, I've got to try and save the paper for her sake. 356 00:16:31,901 --> 00:16:36,021 And my brother-in-law, who was sleeping on the floor of the office, 357 00:16:36,101 --> 00:16:39,421 is now sleeping at Lenny's council house 358 00:16:39,501 --> 00:16:41,461 'cause Lenny's shacked up with June, 359 00:16:41,541 --> 00:16:45,781 who persuaded him to give her fat kid a job at the paper. 360 00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:49,701 Just think, if I'd have killed myself, I'd have missed all this. 361 00:16:52,381 --> 00:16:53,621 [Anne chuckles] 362 00:16:56,781 --> 00:16:57,941 [Matt] Brainstorming session. 363 00:16:58,021 --> 00:17:00,661 How do we turn the paper around? How do we make it more profitable? 364 00:17:00,741 --> 00:17:02,101 We need to go more tabloid. 365 00:17:02,541 --> 00:17:06,621 Gossip, celebrity stuff, fashion. Who looks shit an' that, you know? 366 00:17:06,701 --> 00:17:08,061 "Who looks shit an' that"? 367 00:17:08,581 --> 00:17:09,421 Yeah. 368 00:17:10,181 --> 00:17:12,261 Well, pictures of cellulite, that kind of thing. 369 00:17:12,861 --> 00:17:14,741 You know, amazing stories. 370 00:17:14,821 --> 00:17:16,821 Paranormal, weird stuff. 371 00:17:16,901 --> 00:17:18,181 I love that. 372 00:17:18,261 --> 00:17:19,741 -Right. -[Tony] Right. 373 00:17:19,821 --> 00:17:22,541 You want tabloid, you want to speak to my agent, Ken. 374 00:17:22,621 --> 00:17:24,301 Yeah, we did. He's mental. 375 00:17:26,541 --> 00:17:28,461 Well, we could run the Liberace story. 376 00:17:28,541 --> 00:17:30,261 N-No, we couldn't. 377 00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:31,901 -Well, what is it? -His agent reckons 378 00:17:31,981 --> 00:17:35,061 -he was bummed by the ghost of Liberace. -[Lenny] Mm-hmm. 379 00:17:37,541 --> 00:17:40,341 -Well, it might be true. -How the fuck can it be true? 380 00:17:40,421 --> 00:17:41,461 We don't know everything 381 00:17:41,541 --> 00:17:43,181 -about the paranormal. -Lot of weird stuff. 382 00:17:43,261 --> 00:17:44,861 Right. It's all about belief, isn't it? 383 00:17:44,941 --> 00:17:47,021 You know, that's not up to us, what people believe. 384 00:17:47,101 --> 00:17:50,461 Papers are always covering religious miracles and stuff. 385 00:17:50,541 --> 00:17:53,421 -Yeah, and they're always bollocks. -It's not for us to say. 386 00:17:53,501 --> 00:17:55,061 It is for us to say, we're writing it. 387 00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:57,381 Yeah, but we're only reporting what was said. 388 00:17:57,461 --> 00:17:59,581 -Right. -Ghosts do exist, though. 389 00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:02,341 Loads of people have seen 'em, and there's no other explanation. 390 00:18:02,421 --> 00:18:03,861 Well, there is another explanation: 391 00:18:03,941 --> 00:18:05,781 they haven't seen them 'cause they don't exist. 392 00:18:05,861 --> 00:18:07,221 How about that one? 393 00:18:07,301 --> 00:18:09,381 No one has ever turned into a ghost. 394 00:18:09,861 --> 00:18:13,941 When you die, they burn you or bury you, you never exist again, the end. 395 00:18:17,381 --> 00:18:21,381 [Valerie singing] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 396 00:18:21,461 --> 00:18:24,621 [all] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 397 00:18:25,101 --> 00:18:27,621 ♪ Happy birthday, dear... ♪ 398 00:18:27,701 --> 00:18:29,541 ♪ Dear Lisa ♪ 399 00:18:29,621 --> 00:18:33,101 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 400 00:18:33,181 --> 00:18:35,461 -[guests cheer] -All right, thank you so much! 401 00:18:35,541 --> 00:18:37,901 -Right, cake! -[Matt] Yeah! Oh, definitely. Lovely. 402 00:18:37,981 --> 00:18:39,341 -Right. -[Tony] I want some. 403 00:18:39,421 --> 00:18:41,421 -Look at you at the front of the queue! -I bought it! 404 00:18:41,501 --> 00:18:43,741 -It's my birthday. -I know, but I went and... 405 00:18:44,181 --> 00:18:45,701 -Oh, fuck's sake. -What? 406 00:18:45,781 --> 00:18:48,061 -It's off. Yeah, it's fresh cream. -No, it's not. 407 00:18:48,141 --> 00:18:49,221 -It is. -Oh, no. 408 00:18:49,301 --> 00:18:50,501 -Smell it. Look. -It's cherries. 409 00:18:50,581 --> 00:18:52,581 -Oh, you silly cunt! -[shocked squeals] 410 00:18:52,661 --> 00:18:55,181 -Oh, no. You come back! -Don't do it. Don't hit me! 411 00:18:55,661 --> 00:18:56,661 [Matt] Go on, get him! 412 00:19:02,741 --> 00:19:03,941 Ohh... 413 00:19:06,301 --> 00:19:07,461 What'd you do that for? 414 00:19:07,541 --> 00:19:08,541 You look sad. 415 00:19:08,621 --> 00:19:10,701 -Right! -Oh, that's a waste. 416 00:19:11,501 --> 00:19:13,661 Right, OK. I don't think this is helping, though. 417 00:19:13,741 --> 00:19:17,381 -Oh, look, it's all over you. -[Matt] Don't. Kath, please. Stop. 418 00:19:17,461 --> 00:19:19,821 As long as we're working hard to turn things around. 419 00:19:20,181 --> 00:19:22,421 -Some on your face as well. -It's all right. OK. Yeah. 420 00:19:22,501 --> 00:19:24,021 -Fun's over, guys. -[Sandy giggles] 421 00:19:24,101 --> 00:19:27,061 -Can I have a word in my office, please? -[Tony] Oh, God. 422 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,501 [Matt] Don't, Kath, please. Stop trying to... 423 00:19:31,741 --> 00:19:34,101 -[James] Is this for everyone? -[giggling] Yeah. 424 00:19:34,181 --> 00:19:35,341 Good stuff! 425 00:19:35,701 --> 00:19:37,661 -You just had a cake fight? -[Lenny] Yeah. 426 00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:39,061 -Looks like fun. -Mm. 427 00:19:39,141 --> 00:19:40,861 -[Brian] Can I have some? -[Sandy] Go for it. 428 00:19:40,941 --> 00:19:43,981 Thank you. OK, let's dive in. One, two, three. Here we go. 429 00:19:44,381 --> 00:19:46,021 -You like it? -It's so good. 430 00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:47,701 -What? -[James] It's really good. 431 00:19:47,781 --> 00:19:49,421 -[Brian] Huh? -[James] Delicious. 432 00:19:49,501 --> 00:19:52,501 I can't understand a word you're saying, but I love watching you eat. 433 00:19:53,381 --> 00:19:55,941 -Oh! -You're like a fat toad eating a big worm. 434 00:19:56,461 --> 00:19:57,701 A big creamy worm. 435 00:19:59,341 --> 00:20:00,181 Hmm? 436 00:20:00,261 --> 00:20:02,061 Will you come for a drink with me tonight? 437 00:20:02,621 --> 00:20:04,341 -I prefer to drink alone. -[Matt] I know. 438 00:20:04,421 --> 00:20:07,981 I'm just saying as a favor. Please? I still want to talk to people. 439 00:20:08,061 --> 00:20:10,621 The only person who listens is my therapist, and I have to pay him. 440 00:20:11,101 --> 00:20:12,621 -And he's an idiot. -Right. 441 00:20:13,061 --> 00:20:14,501 I only want to talk to you. 442 00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:17,021 And Jill, obviously, but that's not possible at the moment. 443 00:20:17,701 --> 00:20:19,341 My life's falling apart, Tony. 444 00:20:19,421 --> 00:20:22,461 I go from sleeping on the floor of my office to taking Lenny's flat, 445 00:20:22,541 --> 00:20:24,221 and in return, I give his fat stepson a job 446 00:20:24,301 --> 00:20:25,861 at a paper that I'm now gonna lose. 447 00:20:25,941 --> 00:20:27,581 It's, like, the final straw. 448 00:20:27,661 --> 00:20:28,501 Well... 449 00:20:30,301 --> 00:20:31,821 actually, being needed is... 450 00:20:32,581 --> 00:20:33,621 is a good thing. 451 00:20:33,701 --> 00:20:35,021 You helped a mate 452 00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:38,261 with his relationship, gave his fat kid a job, you should be... 453 00:20:38,941 --> 00:20:39,981 proud of yourself. 454 00:20:41,221 --> 00:20:43,581 Right. You see, you're making me feel better already. 455 00:20:43,941 --> 00:20:46,141 Come on, please? One lousy pint. 456 00:20:46,221 --> 00:20:47,541 All right. Fuckin' hell. 457 00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:48,581 Thank you. 458 00:20:48,941 --> 00:20:50,421 I'd get changed if I were you. 459 00:20:52,701 --> 00:20:54,181 -[tuts] Yeah. -[door opens] 460 00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:56,021 [sniffs] 461 00:20:56,741 --> 00:20:57,821 [door opens] 462 00:20:59,141 --> 00:21:00,141 [door closes] 463 00:21:03,181 --> 00:21:04,021 All right? 464 00:21:04,861 --> 00:21:06,141 I'm Pat. 465 00:21:06,661 --> 00:21:08,181 Er... Roxy. How you doing? 466 00:21:08,261 --> 00:21:10,621 Yeah, good. Yeah. Do you want to sit down? 467 00:21:10,701 --> 00:21:12,421 -[Roxy] OK. -[Pat grunts] 468 00:21:13,261 --> 00:21:17,181 Oh. Well, you didn't, uh, didn't flinch when you first saw me, that's rare. 469 00:21:17,261 --> 00:21:18,901 -[Pat chuckles awkwardly] -[laughs] 470 00:21:19,621 --> 00:21:21,141 Yeah, and I made you laugh! 471 00:21:21,221 --> 00:21:23,141 -I'm nervous. Nervous laughter. -Oh, sorry. 472 00:21:23,221 --> 00:21:25,101 I didn't mean... Yeah. I dunno why I said that. 473 00:21:25,181 --> 00:21:27,421 I was just a bit nervous. I'm not a rapist or anything. 474 00:21:27,501 --> 00:21:29,501 -Oh, OK! -Shouldn't have said rape. Want a drink? 475 00:21:29,581 --> 00:21:31,221 -Er, yes. -Yeah? What do you want? 476 00:21:31,301 --> 00:21:33,101 -Um... -I'm just having a house red. 477 00:21:33,541 --> 00:21:36,181 It's all right. It's only four pound a glass, so... 478 00:21:36,261 --> 00:21:37,501 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 479 00:21:38,101 --> 00:21:39,501 [pop music plays] 480 00:21:39,581 --> 00:21:42,341 [Matt] OK. Um... IPA, please. 481 00:21:42,421 --> 00:21:44,461 -And a... -Large whiskey, please. 482 00:21:44,541 --> 00:21:46,061 [therapist] Oi oi! Matt! 483 00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:48,101 How you doing? 484 00:21:48,981 --> 00:21:50,381 -You all right? -I'm all right, yeah. 485 00:21:50,461 --> 00:21:52,661 These are my boys. That's Ratty, the Nonce. 486 00:21:52,741 --> 00:21:53,581 -Hello. -All right? 487 00:21:53,661 --> 00:21:55,461 Yeah. No, I've heard all about you two. 488 00:21:55,541 --> 00:21:58,261 Yeah, he's got loads of other nicknames, not just the Nonce. Pipe up. 489 00:21:58,341 --> 00:22:00,701 Yeah. Fanny-tastic. Minge and Bracket. 490 00:22:00,781 --> 00:22:02,821 -Clitoris Allsorts. -[therapist and Ratty snigger] 491 00:22:02,901 --> 00:22:04,381 [Ratty] Shit Nuts. 492 00:22:04,461 --> 00:22:06,021 -Harold Shitmum. -Queermint Rhino. 493 00:22:06,101 --> 00:22:07,301 [childish snickering] 494 00:22:07,381 --> 00:22:09,221 -The Growler Prowler. Billy the Cunt. -Yeah. 495 00:22:09,301 --> 00:22:11,341 -[Ratty] Michael Parkinbum. -[therapist guffaws] 496 00:22:11,421 --> 00:22:14,221 Look. That's the suicidal one with the dead wife I was telling you about. 497 00:22:14,301 --> 00:22:15,421 -Oh, yeah. -You all right? 498 00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:17,461 Shouldn't you have a confidentiality agreement? 499 00:22:17,541 --> 00:22:19,381 -I didn't say your name, mate. -Right, 500 00:22:19,461 --> 00:22:21,301 but... OK, yeah, no, good point. 501 00:22:21,381 --> 00:22:24,221 So, you took my advice, yeah, come down for a pussy hunt? 502 00:22:24,301 --> 00:22:26,781 -Ooooh! -[Ratty] Oi oi! On a pussy hunt, are ya? 503 00:22:26,861 --> 00:22:30,461 [making shooting and splattering sounds] 504 00:22:30,541 --> 00:22:32,221 [therapist grunting] 505 00:22:32,301 --> 00:22:33,741 Come and join us, man. 506 00:22:33,821 --> 00:22:35,461 -I'm not on duty, it's free of charge. -No. 507 00:22:35,541 --> 00:22:38,741 -Afraid I can't. Just having a couple. -Oh, yeah? Nice jacket. 508 00:22:38,821 --> 00:22:41,261 -[Ratty and Nonce snigger] -Thanks. 509 00:22:42,821 --> 00:22:44,701 Come on! What's the matter with you? 510 00:22:44,781 --> 00:22:46,221 I should go check on Tony. 511 00:22:46,621 --> 00:22:48,501 Go on, then. Bang some beaver for us, yeah? 512 00:22:48,581 --> 00:22:50,341 [Nonce] Yeah, go on. Have a good night. 513 00:22:50,861 --> 00:22:52,941 -Size of that mushroom! -[Roxy chuckles] 514 00:22:53,021 --> 00:22:54,701 It's like a quarter... Only a quarter of it. 515 00:22:54,781 --> 00:22:56,461 It's good value, innit, for you? 516 00:22:57,181 --> 00:22:58,421 This was 13 quid. 517 00:22:58,501 --> 00:22:59,701 [Roxy laughs] 518 00:22:59,781 --> 00:23:02,381 [laughs] No, I'm serious. This was 13 quid. 519 00:23:04,181 --> 00:23:05,501 So, how comes you're single, then? 520 00:23:05,581 --> 00:23:07,541 'Cause I used to be twice this size. 521 00:23:07,621 --> 00:23:08,701 [chuckles lightly] 522 00:23:09,061 --> 00:23:10,221 [Pat] No, I'm serious. 523 00:23:10,741 --> 00:23:11,781 At my heaviest... 524 00:23:12,701 --> 00:23:14,061 about 24 stone. 525 00:23:14,781 --> 00:23:17,181 I lost it all, didn't I, when I became a postman. 526 00:23:17,781 --> 00:23:19,181 I think big blokes are sexy. 527 00:23:19,541 --> 00:23:20,901 No, I was an absolute mess. 528 00:23:20,981 --> 00:23:24,581 I was a car crash under there. I've still got a lot of loose skin, but... 529 00:23:25,301 --> 00:23:27,381 -I'm saving up to get it sorted. -[chuckles] 530 00:23:27,941 --> 00:23:31,101 [laughs] No, I'm serious. It's 'orrible down there. 'Orrible. 531 00:23:31,861 --> 00:23:32,861 Really bad. 532 00:23:33,861 --> 00:23:34,981 I'm loving this. 533 00:23:35,381 --> 00:23:36,701 [Roxy] Risotto? It's good! 534 00:23:36,781 --> 00:23:37,941 No, this... 535 00:23:38,821 --> 00:23:39,661 the date. 536 00:23:39,741 --> 00:23:40,821 I'm enjoying it as well. 537 00:23:40,901 --> 00:23:44,781 You know, I know you're out of my league and that, but... ahh! Yeah. 538 00:23:45,581 --> 00:23:47,141 No, it's good. It's been fun. 539 00:23:51,461 --> 00:23:53,461 -Fuckin' hell. -Maybe he's right, though. 540 00:23:53,541 --> 00:23:55,021 Maybe I should bang some beaver. 541 00:23:55,941 --> 00:23:56,781 Bang some...? 542 00:23:56,861 --> 00:23:58,461 Bang some beaver. His words, not mine. 543 00:23:58,541 --> 00:23:59,901 Yeah, exactly. They're his words, 544 00:23:59,981 --> 00:24:02,581 they should never be said by any other human being. 545 00:24:03,741 --> 00:24:04,821 [Tony] Fuckin' hell. 546 00:24:07,101 --> 00:24:08,461 Can't hurt, though, can it? 547 00:24:08,541 --> 00:24:10,061 -What? -[Matt sighs] 548 00:24:10,621 --> 00:24:11,701 Chatting up a girl. 549 00:24:12,341 --> 00:24:14,141 "Chatting up a girl"? 550 00:24:17,741 --> 00:24:19,821 What about those two over there? Don't look. 551 00:24:19,901 --> 00:24:21,021 No. No. 552 00:24:22,101 --> 00:24:24,941 They've come here for a quiet drink. To talk to each other. 553 00:24:25,021 --> 00:24:28,501 -Not to be chatted up by you. -Why not? Come on, come over with me. 554 00:24:28,581 --> 00:24:29,461 No, no, no, no! 555 00:24:29,541 --> 00:24:30,661 -Please? -No. 556 00:24:30,741 --> 00:24:33,701 Just sit over there with me. Not to make a move, just sit at the table. 557 00:24:33,781 --> 00:24:37,621 So, to talk to each other and drink? Not to bother any... 558 00:24:37,701 --> 00:24:38,541 Yeah. 559 00:24:40,661 --> 00:24:41,501 All right. 560 00:24:42,341 --> 00:24:44,181 [indistinct chattering] 561 00:24:44,261 --> 00:24:45,581 Uh, anyone sitting here? 562 00:24:46,061 --> 00:24:47,461 -Er, no, go for it. -Great. 563 00:24:47,541 --> 00:24:49,181 [funky beat plays] 564 00:24:49,261 --> 00:24:51,181 -This is pretty funky, isn't it? -Sit down! 565 00:24:52,541 --> 00:24:53,381 [Tony] Please. 566 00:24:54,221 --> 00:24:55,101 OK. 567 00:24:56,581 --> 00:24:57,421 Right. 568 00:24:59,661 --> 00:25:01,421 -Um... Are you-- -No. 569 00:25:05,621 --> 00:25:06,741 Girls' night out? 570 00:25:06,821 --> 00:25:07,741 Er, yeah. 571 00:25:09,061 --> 00:25:11,181 [women continue chatting indistinctly] 572 00:25:15,941 --> 00:25:17,301 Just to say, you can relax. 573 00:25:17,741 --> 00:25:19,501 Uh... we're not married men... 574 00:25:19,581 --> 00:25:21,221 as such. We're... I am married. 575 00:25:21,461 --> 00:25:24,061 Um, but I'm separated. Getting divorced, probably. 576 00:25:24,501 --> 00:25:25,341 Um... 577 00:25:25,661 --> 00:25:26,941 Tony's wife's died. 578 00:25:27,901 --> 00:25:29,701 Um... of cancer. 579 00:25:34,381 --> 00:25:36,141 So, it's totally, uh, legitimate. 580 00:25:37,381 --> 00:25:38,221 What is? 581 00:25:39,141 --> 00:25:40,781 Just talking to us. It's not-- 582 00:25:40,861 --> 00:25:41,781 Sorry. 583 00:25:46,341 --> 00:25:47,661 Yeah, and how's your mum? 584 00:25:51,541 --> 00:25:52,781 [Tony sighs deeply] 585 00:25:56,821 --> 00:25:59,501 -I think I'm out of practice. -You reckon? 586 00:26:00,101 --> 00:26:02,101 -'Cause that was... -Hi. 587 00:26:02,621 --> 00:26:04,501 -Hi. -[Simon] Hi. 588 00:26:05,021 --> 00:26:08,541 -Oh, you've, uh, met... Tony, I think. -[Tony] Yeah. 589 00:26:08,621 --> 00:26:09,461 [Simon] Yeah. 590 00:26:12,341 --> 00:26:13,341 [Tony] Ah... 591 00:26:15,301 --> 00:26:16,901 -'Ave a good night. -[nurse] Yes. 592 00:26:17,261 --> 00:26:18,301 -You OK? -[Tony] Yep. 593 00:26:18,661 --> 00:26:20,181 -[Nonce] Just do it. -[grunting] 594 00:26:20,261 --> 00:26:23,661 -Go on, wank yourself off! -[grunting, splattering] 595 00:26:25,141 --> 00:26:28,141 I reckon we've spent about the same, so that's worked out. 596 00:26:28,581 --> 00:26:30,501 We said we was going to go halves, didn't we? 597 00:26:31,261 --> 00:26:32,261 Let me get it. 598 00:26:32,581 --> 00:26:34,021 -No, no, no... -Let me get it. 599 00:26:34,101 --> 00:26:35,381 -I'd like to get it. -No. 600 00:26:35,461 --> 00:26:36,821 Let's go halves. 601 00:26:36,901 --> 00:26:40,061 And I tell you what, how about you pay for the whole thing next time? 602 00:26:40,141 --> 00:26:41,741 [laughs] 603 00:26:41,821 --> 00:26:43,661 Do you want there to be a next time? 604 00:26:44,901 --> 00:26:46,381 -Yes. I mean... -[relieved chuckling] 605 00:26:46,461 --> 00:26:47,461 -Oh, result! -I do. 606 00:26:47,541 --> 00:26:50,661 -I don't know what is happening here. -[chuckles] Oh, smashing. 607 00:26:51,621 --> 00:26:54,101 -You say it all out loud, don't you? -Oh, sorry. Yeah. 608 00:26:54,541 --> 00:26:56,181 Don't be sorry, it's nice. 609 00:26:56,261 --> 00:26:57,941 -Shall we piss off, then? -Yeah. 610 00:26:58,021 --> 00:26:58,861 Yeah. 611 00:26:59,741 --> 00:27:01,461 -[Roxy] Sort of. -[chuckles] 612 00:27:06,341 --> 00:27:07,981 Do you want me to walk you home? 613 00:27:08,301 --> 00:27:11,021 Oh, no. I've, erm... I've got to head off to work now. 614 00:27:12,221 --> 00:27:13,221 Peak time. 615 00:27:13,661 --> 00:27:14,661 Right, yeah... 616 00:27:16,381 --> 00:27:18,221 -It's just a job. -Yeah. 617 00:27:20,981 --> 00:27:22,341 What time do you finish? 618 00:27:22,901 --> 00:27:24,501 Not till early morning. 619 00:27:25,141 --> 00:27:26,581 I might bump into you, then. 620 00:27:27,061 --> 00:27:28,301 [chuckles] Maybe. 621 00:27:28,741 --> 00:27:29,861 Well, have a good one. 622 00:27:33,221 --> 00:27:34,701 -You have a good one. -Yeah. 623 00:27:35,381 --> 00:27:37,341 -See you later. -See you later. 624 00:27:46,821 --> 00:27:47,821 What are you doing? 625 00:27:47,901 --> 00:27:50,061 [Tony] Just filming that little quiff you've done. 626 00:27:50,141 --> 00:27:51,861 -Aw, I like it! It's cute. -It's-- 627 00:27:51,941 --> 00:27:55,141 OK, everybody. Shush. Could I have your attention, please? 628 00:27:55,221 --> 00:27:57,381 Uh, we're going to have the first dance now, 629 00:27:57,461 --> 00:28:01,141 so I give you the bride and groom! 630 00:28:01,221 --> 00:28:03,061 [guests cheer and applaud] 631 00:28:05,421 --> 00:28:07,421 ["So Amazing" by Luther Vandross plays] 632 00:28:19,501 --> 00:28:21,421 -[Jill] That's my dress. -[Matt] Sorry. 633 00:28:21,621 --> 00:28:24,341 ♪ Love has truly ♪ 634 00:28:25,381 --> 00:28:27,421 ♪ Been good to me ♪ 635 00:28:29,061 --> 00:28:31,621 ♪ Not even one sad day ♪ 636 00:28:31,701 --> 00:28:35,861 ♪ Or minute have I had Since you've come my way ♪ 637 00:28:36,501 --> 00:28:39,861 ♪ I hope you know ♪ 638 00:28:40,221 --> 00:28:42,381 ♪ I'll gladly go ♪ 639 00:28:44,061 --> 00:28:46,621 ♪ Anywhere you take me ♪ 640 00:28:46,701 --> 00:28:50,261 ♪ It's so amazing to be loved ♪ 641 00:28:50,501 --> 00:28:55,461 ♪ I'd follow you to the moon In the sky above ♪ 642 00:29:04,941 --> 00:29:08,661 ♪ I've got ♪ 643 00:29:10,101 --> 00:29:13,461 ♪ Got to tell you ♪ 644 00:29:13,901 --> 00:29:16,421 ♪ How you thrill me ♪ 645 00:29:17,381 --> 00:29:20,341 ♪ I'm happy as I can be ♪ 646 00:29:20,421 --> 00:29:24,861 ♪ You have come And it's changed my whole world ♪ 647 00:29:24,941 --> 00:29:28,381 ♪ Bye-bye, sadness ♪ 648 00:29:28,861 --> 00:29:31,501 ♪ Hello, mellow ♪ 649 00:29:32,421 --> 00:29:34,981 ♪ What a wonderful day ♪ 650 00:29:35,061 --> 00:29:38,941 ♪ It's so amazing to be loved ♪ 651 00:29:39,021 --> 00:29:45,461 ♪ I'd follow you to the moon In the sky above ♪ 652 00:29:53,421 --> 00:29:56,661 ♪ My girl ♪ 653 00:29:56,741 --> 00:30:00,861 -♪ And it's so amazing ♪ -♪ So amazing ♪ 654 00:30:00,941 --> 00:30:03,621 -♪ I could stay forever ♪ -♪ Stay forever... ♪ 45896

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