All language subtitles for When.the.Wind.Blows.1986.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG

J“ so long, child

j“ I'm on my way

j“ and after all is done

j“ after all is done

j“ don't be down

j“ it's all in the past

j“ though you may be afraid

j“ so long, ohild

j“ it's awful dark

j“ and I've never felt the sun

j“ I dread to think of when

j“ when the wind blows

j“ when the wind blows

j“ when the wind blows

j“ when the wind blows

j“ life burns a savage wound

j“ angry and wrong

j“ trusting a twisted word

j“ you'll run, run away

j“ you'll take him home

j“ you'll spit and taunt him

j“ but they won't believe you

j“ no matter what you say

j“ so long, ohild

j“ it's awful dark

j“ I've never felt the sun

j“ I dread to think
of when the wind blows

j“ when the wind blows

j“ when the wind blows

j“ when the wind blows... j“

- Hello, dear.
- Hello, love.

- Did you have a nice morning, dear?
- Oh, all right, thanks.

Rather uneventful.

My life isn't very fast-moving or dynamic.

Well, you are retired, James.

You do seem a bit down, dear.

Yes, well, I've been reading the papers
in the public library all the morning.

Oh, those things! Full of rubbish.
I never look at them. Except the stars.

We must keep abreast
of the international situation, duoksie.

Decisions made by the powers that be
will get to us in the end.

Politics and sport,
that's all they're full of.

Could affect us all,
the er... ultimate determent, an' that.

They say there may be
a pre-emptive strike, dear.

Oh, not another strike!

It's wicked! I'd have them all locked up.
Blessed communists!

Well, it all looks pretty umpty.
It's not that sort of strike, duck.

- Sausages or beef burgers, dear?
- Sausages, thanks.

It looks as if the balloon
could go up at any moment.

What balloon?

- Mashed or chips?
- Chips, thanks.

Oh, I don't know.
The balloon. Er...

Or is it a maroon? I can't remember.

What are you talking about, James?

It looks as if there's going
to be a war, dear.

Yes, they say it might break out
at any time now.

Well, at least you won't be called up,
James. You're far too old.

Well, thank you, my beloved.
I'm still two years younger than you.

Well, if the worst comes to the worst,

we'll just have to roll up our sleeves,
tighten our belts,

and put on our tin hats
till it's v-e day again.

It won't be like that this time, love.

I think this one is called
the "big bang theory".

It's all worked out
by brilliant scientists.

Well, we survived the last one,
we can do it again.

It'll take more than a few bombs
to get me down.

Yes, yes, we um...

We must... must look
on the bright side, ducks.

- Better go over to radio 4.
- I like radio 2.

Radio 4 is better
for the international situation.

'Good evening, this is radio 4,

'with the news at six o'clock
this Thursday evening.

'The prime minister, speaking a few
minutes ago in the house of commons,

'has warned that the international
situation is deteriorating rapidly,

'and that war could break out at any time
in the next two or three days.'

crumbs!

What's the matter, dear?
Have you burned yourself?

- This is it, ducks! This is really it!
- Another sausage, dear?

I shouldn't worry too much.
It'll probably all blow over.

- Three days! Blimey! Three days!
- Language, James! Language!

Crumbs! It's lucky I got more leaflets
from the public library only this morning.

Here we are, see? Er...

"Protect and survive" and er...
"The householder's guide to survival."

Now, this one should be
really authoritative.

It's printed by the county council.

We'd better commence the construction
of a fallout shelter immediately.

We must do the correct thing.

There's treacle tart and custard
or cold bread and butter pudding.

- Er... treacle tart, please.
- Fallout?

I thought they did that in the army.

No, dear, it's "fall in" in the army.
"Fall in."

Thank goodness I got
all those official leaflets today.

I gave the others to our Ron.

Suppose I hadn't?

We'd have been totally non-prepared.
I mean, just think!

Will you have to dig a hole like
the old Anderson shelters in the war?

No, dear, that's all old-fashioned.

With modern scientific methods, you just
use doors with cushions and books on top.

Where on earth are we going
to get doors from, James?

Well er... you just unscrew them, dear.

You don't mean off our own house!

Well er... yes er... dear.

You're not going
to ruin the paintwork, James!

Oh, don't worry. I can soon touch it up
after the bomb's gone off.

Well, mind you do.

Just you be careful, James!

Mind that paint, James!

I hope you know what you're doing.

I'll put the screws in a plastic bag.
You'll only go and lose them.

Remember, they're in the right-hand jug
on the dresser.

It's going to be very draughty
with no doors on.

I expect it's a safety precaution.

It'll let the, er... blast
go straight through.

It says here...

"The inner core or refuge
should be placed

"at an angle of 60 degrees
for maximum strength."

I should place it up against the wall,
if I were you, dear.

Yes, but which are the degrees?
We haven't got any angles.

I think we did it at school.
You... you had angles with degrees in.

Only I can't remember.
I think I'll ring our Ron. He'll know.

Hello, son. All right?
Beryl and the baby?

Good. Er... look, I'm building
this governmental inner core or refuge,

and it says,
"place it at an angle of 60 degrees."

Well, what's that mean, exactly?

It's not cobblers, son.
It's in the governmental directive.

You mean you're not constructing
an inner core or refuge?

I gave you the leaflets especially!

But what about baby Jim?

Don't start singing!

What do you mean, "we'll all go
together when we go"? It's not funny.

No, but it's our duty to carry out
governmental instructions in time of war.

Stop laughing, will you?
I'm surprised at you.

You're supposed to be
a responsible father now.

A protractor? The angle at the bottom?

Er... yes, yes, I see.

Ok, son. Thanks. Now, listen.

Just you start that inner core or refuge.
It's your bounden duty, son.

Cheerio, son.
Now, remember what I said.

I am your father.
I do know a bit about war.

Love to beryl and baby Jim.
Ta-ta.

Yes er... Ron says I need a protractor.
He says I can get one at Willis's.

He was killing himself laughing,
and he was singing songs!

I can't understand it. I think it's nerves.
He's gone a bit hysterical.

- He can't be drunk at this time of day.
- Our Ron doesn't drink.

Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, of course not, dear.

Ron is not going to make
an inner core or refuge.

I remonstrated with him,
but he was adamant.

He says if London cops it, he'll cop it.
And not to worry, dad.

It's an irresponsible attitude.

I'm a bit disappointed in him,
adopting that attitude.

He was always a very responsible boy
when he was in the cubs.

It was going to that art college
that spoiled him.

He met some dreadful people there.

Huh! Blessed beatniks!

I don't suppose it'll make a terrific
amount of difference, the exact angle.

It'll probably all fall down anyway,
what with the bomb, an' that.

If a job's worth doing,
it's worth doing well, James.

Yes, dear. But it is only temporary.

After all, it'll all be over in a flash.

Funny to think they were
on our side in the war.

- Who, dear?
- The russkies.

- With old Joe Stalin.
- Yes, he was a nice chap.

I liked him.

Like an uncle, he was.

I liked his moustache and his pipe.

Yeah. Roosevelt was nice, too.

'There was three of them.
Churchill, Roosevelt and Stalin.

'All good blokes.

'With old Hitler, goering and musso,
and all that lot, on the other side.'

you somehow knew
where you were then.

I don't even know
who the people are these days.

I expect it's all done
by committees, dear.

Yes, and meetings. I expect they have
loads and loads of meetings,

and thus arrive at decisions.

Commuters, too.
They all use commuters these days.

It's got very impersonal.

Churchill with his cigar,
old Stalin with his moustache,

you knew where you stood.

- Do you think they'll invade?
- Oh, no, no. Won't need to.

It'll all be done by missiles.

Long er... range.

Then they'll instil commuters
to take charge of us.

It's funny to think
there's no shelters this time.

We had an old Anderson in the garden.

'I can see it now.

'We had nasturtiums
growing all over it.

'And we painted the front green.

'Painted, it looked quite pretty.

'Next-door grew cabbages on theirs.'

yes. We had a Morrison.

Hmm, I used to sleep in it.

'I stuck pin-up girls all over the inside.

'Betty grable, Anne Shelton,
Patricia roc.

'The roof got all smoky,
cos I used to read in bed with a candle.'

yes, it was nice in the war, really.

The shelters, the blackout,
cups of tea...

'The arp, the evacuees.

'London kids seeing cows
for the first time.'

'Old Churchill on the wireless.

'The nine o'clock news.
Vera Lynn singing away.'

'Worker's playtime.

'Spitfires and hurricanes
in the blue sky over the cornfields.'

'The white cliffs of Dover.

'Old Jerry coming over every night.'

'Those were the days.'

Don't you dare use
my best cushions from the front room!

I'll get some old ones from upstairs.

I'll put them in plastic bags.

I don't want finger marks
getting all over them.

I shouldn't worry too much, love.

They're bound to get dusty
with all the fallout coming down.

It says here we've got to lay in
food supplies for 14 days.

I'd better put a note out
for 28 pints of milk, then.

I'll just pop out and get 14 loaves, dear!
And a protractor.

Anything else you want?

I'll need more plastic bags, dear!

There's no bread, ducks! Sold out.

There seems to be some sort
of panic purchasing.

It can't be helped, dear.

After all, there's a war on.

Or nearly, anyway.

I hope you haven't left that cape
dripping in the hall, James!

Oh, no, dear.

Mr Willis has sold out of protractors.
I expect everyone wants 60 degrees.

He was terrifically kind, mr Willis.

He cut me out a bit of card
with 60 degrees on it. Look.

Oh! Nice, dear.

Here's the emergency supplies, ducks.

Two packets of ginger creams,
half a jam sponge,

a tin of pineapple chunks
and a tin of Christmas pud.

It'll all be over by Christmas.

You're not decorating now, James!

We've got to paint
the windows white, dear.

- Whatever for?
- It's for the radiation, I think.

Like they do in greenhouses, to
keep out the sun. It's the correct thing.

- It won't be that hot, surely!
- Well, I don't know.

They say the one at Hiroshima
was equal to one thousand suns.

So it is quite hot.

And besides, the powers that be
are making much better ones now.

Science has leaped forward
with giant strides. Oops!

Mind you don't get paint
on those curtains, James.

You should've taken them down first.
You never think.

I know that smile of yours, James.

"Keep doors closed to prevent
the spread of fire," it says.

But you've taken off
half the doors, James.

- Yes, dear.
- Won't that make the fire worse, then?

Well, I" er...

Perhaps the blast will blow the fire out.

Well... hmm!

The inner core or refuge
looks quite cosy, doesn't it, dear?

I hope those doors aren't marking
the wallpaper, James.

Come in and try it out, dear. Please.

Whoa! Careful! Careful!
You'll have it over!

Budge up, can't you, James?

Couldn't you have made it a bit... wider?

It's er...
It's constructed in compliance

with the governmental
specifications, dear.

Well, they might've made it
wide enough for two people.

- Suppose you were married?
- We are married, dear.

Yes, well, there you are, then.

Oh!

What about if you had children?
Where would they go?

Oh, well, you'd just hold them
in your arms. They'd soon fall asleep.

Suppose they were 17 or 18?

Big boys with bristly chins
and big boots on. Skinheads.

Well, in that case, you'd, er...

Just add a few more doors.

There's... no wall space
for more doors.

Oh... no.

Well, our Ron was never
a skinhead, anyway.

What on earth are you putting
the food in there for?

Well, that's where it's got to be.

But why can't it stay
in the larder and fridge?

Because we must not emerge for
the 14 days of the national emergency.

You're not saying we've got to stay
in that thing for two weeks?

Well, yes, dear.
Ours not to reason why.

Now we must do the correct thing.

Well, what about the cooking, then?
How do I get to the cooker?

We'll just have to use
the little picnic stove, dear.

- What about the toilet?
- Well, er...

Well, we'll have to have a potty
or something.

I can tell you now, James bloggs,

that I am going to go upstairs
in the proper manner.

But you mustn't emerge, dear. Not for
the 14 days of the national emergency.

All right, then, how are you going
to empty the chamber pot?

Well, we just have to empty it
down the toilet, I suppose.

You just said
we couldn't go to the toilet.

Oh, yes.
Er... well er... yeah, well...

We'd better not cross our Bridges
till we come to them, eh?

Look on the bright side, eh, ducks?

'Six, five, zero, zero, six...'

it says here, "two pints
of water per person per day."

- I wonder if we've got enough bottles.
- I'll have a look under the stairs, dear.

I've measured the water
into the bottles, James.

I've labelled them
so we don't get in a muddle.

Oh, good. That's nice, dear.

You're very efficient
in a national emergency, dearest.

Get on with you!

It says here, "d: Miscellaneous:

"Salt, tomato ketchup and sauces,

"pepper, matches, toilet paper,
disinfectant, vitamin tablets,

"tin opener, knives, forks, spoons."

Funny. No plates.

- What's all that, dear?
- I don't know.

It's called "miscellaneous".
Pass it in, please.

- Funny.
- What, dear?

In the governmental leaflet, it says,
"remove thin materials from windows."

And in the county council leaflet,
it says,

"hang white sheets in the windows."
I wonder which is correct.

Oh! It says peanut butter.
We haven't got any. Oh, dear.

Never mind, ducks.
I don't like it, nor do you.

No, but it's on the official list.
Oh, dear.

Now, don't worry, love.
I expect we'll survive without it.

It'll probably go runny
in the heat, anyway.

You get terrific heat with these bombs,
you know.

Mind you, diet is very important.

You are what you... eat.

And the survival of the fittest,
an' that. Whoa!

That's why so many people are jogging
and eating lots of all-bran, I expect.

Only the fittest will survive
the outcome of the nuclear holocaust.

- They eat lots of beans, too.
- They give you wind, beans do.

You certainly shouldn't eat beans, James.

Let's not get personal, ducks.

I'm trying to have
a scientific discussion.

If there really is going to be
a war, who do you think will win?

Well, the Americans have
tactile nuclear superiority,

due to their ibms
and their polar submarines.

But in the event
of a pre-emptive strike,

innumerate Russian hordes will sweep
across the plains of central Europe.

Then the us technical air force
will come roaring in

with their superhawks, b-17s and b-19s,
bristling with guns! Terrifically armed!

"Ok, you guys! Let's go!"

They'd razor the russkie defences
to the ground.

Then the marines would parachute in
and round up the population.

After that, the big generals would
go over, like er... ike and monty.

Then the Russians would capitalate,

and there would be
a condition of surrender.

Then they'd instil
free and fair election.

One man, one vote.
And women too, nowadays, of course.

And thus, the communist threat
to the free world would be neutrified,

and Democratic principles
would be instilled throughout Russia,

whether they liked it or not.

That's the world scenario as I see it,
at this moment in time.

- Monty? Wasn't he in the war?
- Well, of course he was.

He practically won it.
You remember, dear.

'Big beret with badges on it.
Tanks. The desert rats. El alamo.'

but that was ages ago, dear.

Yes, well, I expect
he's getting on a bit.

Probably been promoted.

- More likely dead.
- Monty dead? Never!

I'll bet he is.
It's about 40 years since the war.

And he had a moustache then!

Who's in charge now, then?

Oh, one of those commuters,
iexpect

it says here, "place your
national savings certificates,

"medical cards and
birth certificates in a box."

Here's a nice box, dear.
I'll give it a good clean-out.

Oh, thanks. We'd, er...
Better keep it in a safe place.

I wonder what would be a safe place.

Who's in charge of the Russians, dear?

Oh er... it's... er

shavinsky, isn't it?

Or... molotov.

No. Molotov's just a cocktail,
I think.

Krushef. Yes, that's right.
B and k.

Bulgania and krushef,
that's them.

And that bloke Marx has got
something to do with it.

What are you doing, dear?

Blocking out the windows, in compliance
with the governmental directive.

It's the correct thing.

Er... yes. Then there's the er...
Usual committee, of course,

the common term, they call it,
the Soviet supreme.

They're in charge of the bj kee.

That's the secret service.
Ss for short.

Our lot is called emi-5.
Oh, it's all very complicated, ducks.

Well, mind you
don't scratch the Polish!

Is it any good writing him a letter,
do you think?

- Who, dear?
- This leader. Bj whatshisname.

- What are you going to say, dear?
- Oh, I don't know.

Um... "Dear sir,

"mr b j-thing, er...

"We, the people of britain,
are fed up with being bombed.

"We had enough of it last time,
with old Hitler,

"so will you just leave us in peace?

"You live your life and we'll live ours.

"Hope you are well.

"Please don't drop any bombs.
Yours sincerely, mr and mrs j bloggs."

Very good, dear. Very nice. Yes.

You might be a bit late for the post.

You know what the post
is like these days.

First class might just get there.

But I must do this list.

"Dustbin, calendar, books, games,

"paper, pencils, shovel, spade,
crowbar, axe, hatchet,

"saw, whistle
and/or gong for alarms,

"suitcases for furniture or evacuation,

"string, pliers...

"First-aid kits, safety pins, scissors,
flints, aspirins, diarrhoea remedy,

"tweezers, calamine lotion,
war crisis editions, lice-flea powder,

"rodent poison, Insulin,
blood-pressure tablets,

"rubber gloves, sanitary towels,
mirror, toilet paper, eyewash."

I wonder if it's true
about the paper bags.

Or is it a joke?
I never know if it's just a joke or not.

What's that, dear?

Well, they say you should get
into a paper bag

just before the bomb goes off.

Whatever for?

I suppose it's like the white paint.
It, er... deflects the heat a bit.

- Sounds silly to me.
- There are some paper bags.

We had spuds from the farm in them.
There should be four.

They'll be filthy, James!

Are you sure your bag is clean, James?

Yes, dear, I... cleaned it thoroughly.

Oh! You do look silly!

I wonder if it's all right
to have eyeholes.

They say it's the correct thing
to wear white.

People in Hiroshima with patterned clothes
got burned where the pattern was,

and not so much on the white bits.

- Even the buttons showed up.
- Yes, but they were Japanese.

Is there a clean white shirt, dear,
ready for the bomb?

You're not going to wear that nice
new one I gave you for Christmas!

I don't want that spoiled.

You can wear your old clothes for
the bomb and save the best for afterwards.

All right, dear. Well, is there
an old white one, without stripes?

I don't want stripes all over me.

I've never heard such nonsense.

We didn't think what colour clothes
we had on in the war.

Lucky to have any clothes at all,
with everything on coupons...

'We interrupt this programme for
an official government announcement.

'An enemy missile attack has been
launched against this country.

'It is estimated that
the missiles will arrive

'in approximately three minutes.
Three minutes...'

god almighty, ducks!
There's only three minutes to go!

Oh, dear. I'll just put the washing on.

Come back, you stupid bitch,
and get in the shelter!

- How dare you talk to me like that, James!
- Shut up and get in!

There's no need to forget our manners
just because there's a war on.

- Shut up! I'm trying to listen!
- 'Take shelter immediately...'

I've never heard such language
in all my life.

- For god's sake, shut up!
- Oh, dear! I've left the oven on!

- Get in! Get in! Get in!
- The cake will be burned!

'Lie down.
Keep away from windows.

'Cover your head and eyes.'

'Do not look at the sky
or through windows.

'Take shelter immediately.

'Repeat. Stay indoors.

'Do not leave your home.'

'The cake will be burned!'

'The cake will be burned!'

Blimey!

- Blimey!
- Well, I never!

I... I suppose... that was it.

I should think so.

Blimey!

You all right, dear?

Yes, thanks, love.

Oh, dear.

I do feel all shaky.

Never mind, ducks.
We're... we're still in one piece, eh?

Yes, I think so.

- Wasn't it light?
- Yes.

Terrific.

You get terrific light
with these bombs.

- The heat!
- I know.

Phew!

It's still hot now.

I wonder how far we are
away from the epicentre.

Or was it the hypocentre?
I can't remember.

What's that, dear?

Well, it's the centre of it all.
You know, the bull's-eye, sort of.

Bang in the middle.
Or... or middle of the bang, rather.

I should think we were bang
in the middle, dear.

A direct hit.

Oh, just look at all that glass.

No, no, it couldn't have been
a direct hit, dear.

We would have sustained greater damage
and suffered greater casualties.

Don't talk to me about damage.
Just look at those curtains!

Yes, but it would've been much worse
at the epi-hypo thing, dear.

I don't see how it could've
been much worse.

I'll never get them clean.

I'll give them a good soak tonight.
Blessed Germans!

Russkies, dear.

Mm! The shelter stood up well,
didn't it?

I constructed it in compliance
with governmental specifications.

I hope the cushions aren't spoiled.

(James I think some of them
blew off in the blast.

I do like nice cushions.

Yes, but there's more important things
at the moment, ducks.

And curtains.
Cushions and curtains.

I'd better get out
and put them in soak now.

- Stay in! Er... dear.
- Don't you shout at me, James.

But it's the whole point, dearest.

This is what the shelter's for.

But the blessed bomb
has gone off already.

Yes, but the fallout
is falling out now. See?

No, I don't see.

I can't see any soppy fallout.
I'm getting out!

- Just look at all that mess!
- No. No!

We must stay in.
We must do the correct thing.

Come on, now.
It's late. Let's get to bed.

Whatever is this box of sand for,
James?

It had better not be
for what I think it's for.

I've told you what I think
about that subject already.

Bomb or no bomb,
Hitler or no Hitler,

I'm going to go to the toilet
in the proper manner!

No, dear, it's not an earth tray.

The governmental directive says
it's for cleaning plates, an' that.

Cleaning plates?

Why shouldn't we wash them properly
and dry them on a nice clean tea towel?

We washed up properly
all through the war.

Well, it's to conserve
emergency water supplies, dear.

What is the world coming to?

- You see, dear...
- Oh, tuck my feet in.

My old mother would have a fit
if she knew.

- Yes, but...
- Drying plates in an earth tray!

Catch me eating off a plate
covered in sand!

- You'd be the first to complain.
- Er... dear, um...

A bit of grit in your winkles

and you're spitting and splattering
all over the place.

Tomorrow, you can put that thing outside
for someone's cat, where it belongs.

Ooh-er!

I'm getting fed up stuck in this thing!
I want to get out and tidy up!

Oh! Just look at all that mess
out there!

We must do
the correct thing, dear.

We must remain
in the inner core or refuge.

Ours not to reason why.

Ours but to, erm...
Something or other.

It tells you about this problem
in the county council directive.

I'll show you.
Let's see. Um... where is it?

Ah, yes. Here we are:
"During this period,

"reduced external stimuli may produce
problems of group behaviour."

Oh, yes, I see, dear.

"Steps to combat this
may include the following:

"At intervals,
stimulate group activities."

Don't you dare start stimulating, James!
I'm not in the mood.

No, dear!
It means discussions, an' that.

It says, "discussions, card games,
story-telling, quizzes, etc."

Perhaps we'd better try story-telling.
You tell me one.

No, I can't. I'd feel funny.
You're not a baby.

- Well, pretend I am.
- Don't be silly.

- Go on.

You tell me one.

- I don't know any.
- There you are, then.

What about a quiz?

- I spy with my little eye...
- Oh, not that. It's childish, James.

Or it says here, "discuss the changed
conditions after an attack,

"and consider how to overcome
or adapt to them."

Well, um... um...
Let's start on that one, dear.

Who's going to start the ball rolling, eh?
Shall I kick off, eh? Eh?

Right. Here goes. Um...

I think er... we could overcome
the changed conditions after an attack

by er... all pulling our weight,
putting our shoulders to the wheel,

so that we all pull together
now that our backs are against the wall.

And we can show these jerries...

I mean russkies,
just what we think of them.

And um... well, that's all, I think.

Oh! Hooray, James!
You ought to be a politician.

It says, "reading aloud
to pass the time is a good idea."

It's a good job I got this book
from the public library.

It's called "armageddon and you".

There's a terrific bit in it
about western defences.

Now, just listen to this.

"There are three b.M.E.W.S:

"Ballistic missile early warning systems.

"'One p.R.C.S., perimeter acquisition
radar attack characterisation system.

"'Then there's n.O.R.A.D.,
north American air defence.

"'And j.S.S.,
joint surveillance system.

"'And then seven r.O.C.C.S,
regional operation control centres.

"'Then there's n.A.D.G.E.,
NATO air defence ground environment,

"'and several a.W.C.S.,
airborne warning and control systems.

"'All this is controlled by the n.C.A.,
national command authority,

"'by means of the n.M.C.S.,
national military command system,

"'and a.M.C.C.,
alternative military command centre,

"'and n.E.A.C.C., national emergency
airborne command centre.

"'And it all comes under w.W.M.C.C.S.,

"'worldwide military
command & control system."'

'We should be all right with that lot
looking after us, eh, ducks?'

well, it didn't stop them
from bombing us, did it?

Oh er... well, no, er...
I suppose not, really.

Still, just think,
it might've been worse.

Got to look on the bright side, ducks.

Besides, another thing the powers
that be have created is called m.A.D.

- Mad?
- Yes, m.A.D.

M.a.d.
Mutual assured destruction.

I read about it in the public library.

I think my old dad was
in the mutual assured insurance.

- A penny a week it was, in those days.
- This isn't insurance, ducks.

I think it covered the cost of the funeral.

Yes, well, I suppose this is similar.

It all comes out of our taxes.

He had a lovely funeral, our dad.

You don't pay any taxes now.
You're retired, James.

No, I'm fully paid up.
My funeral is fully assured.

Time we went to bed.
It's getting dark.

I'll sleep in my clothes.
It's an all-out war situation.

I might be called out in the night
for an emergency.

They may need all able-bodied men
at short notice.

They'll soon change their minds
when they see your pot-bellied little body.

Morning, dear.

- How do you feel?
- Oh, dear.

- I ache all over.
- So do I.

I've got a terrific headache.

Oh... I still feel so tired.

Never mind, ducks. It's probably shock.
The bomb, an' that.

Oh, it's bound to upset us a bit.

After all, you don't get a nuclear bomb
every day of the week, do you?

Just as well. Never knew a bomb
could give you headaches.

Oh, yes, ducks.

I told you these bombs have
a terrific effect on all sorts of things.

Right.
A nice cup of tea will perk you up.

Funny. They've cut the water off.

Still, that's logical.
It might be contaminated.

It's a wise precaution
for the protection of the population.

Use the bottles, dear.

Oh, yes, of course.
The emergency reserve supplies.

Most of them seem to have been
broken in the blast, dear.

The contents have been dissipated.

Funny. The electric's off, too.

Still, bound to be.
Conservation of energy resources.

A wise governmental precaution
during the period of national emergency.

Good job we've got
that little picnic stove, eh, dear?

Are there any aspirins?

Mind it doesn't pop, James.
I can't...

Bear it when it pops.

Nothing like a cup of tea, hmm?

Crumbs! I must be dreaming.
The news! We're just in time.

No. Nothing. There's nothing.

All dead.

- What about the telly?
- Yes, of course.

They may have filmed it all.

We may see our bomb on the news.

Oh? All dead.

- No picture?
- No.

- Not even just the voices?
- No, nothing.

- All dead.
- All dead?

- We'll have to wait for the papers.
- There should be some good pictures.

These bombs are quite spectacular.

- He's late already.
- Yes, well, that's logical.

There's bound to be delays and shortages
during the period of national emergency.

I'll miss the serial on woman's hour.
It was just getting interesting.

Crumbs! I haven't tried the transistor.

No. Seems to have packed up.

- Or probably needs new batteries.
- Yes, I must pop down to Willis's.

They are a price these days.
97p last time. Just fancy!

We ought to get one of these new hi-fis
when your endowment policy comes up.

Oh, yes. Or a stereo.
I've only got two years to go.

- I hope Ron and beryl got back all right.
- Oh, yes, they'll be all right.

- Our Ron's a very careful driver.
- I didn't mean the driving so much, dear.

- More the bomb.
- I'll give them a ring.

Hello? Hello? Hello?

No, it's not even ringing.
Oh, I expect the lines are down.

They say there are red-hot winds
of 500 miles an hour.

I expect that would render the lines
inoperable.

I'll drop him them a line,
tell them to give us a ring.

- Do you think the post will be going?
- Oh, yes, bound to be.

The powers that be will endeavour
to maintain the communications.

Remember the blitz?
The post went on just the same.

It's government policy.
It keeps up the morale of the population.

I hope Ron is insured.

You did pay ours,
didn't you, James?

Oh, yes, dear. The bomb won't cost us
a penny. We'll be well covered.

Mm. Lovely.

We can have some nice new curtains
for the summer.

Crumbs! I wonder if it's all over already.

If it is all over,
I wish I knew who'd won.

We can't have lost the war, can we,
James? We won the other two.

No, of course not.

Remember old Churchill?
"We will never surrender."

Yes, but Churchill's
not prime minister now, dear.

Er... no.
Well, er... of course not.

I suppose it won't be
the same without, er...

With old whatshisname, will it?

Who is it, anyway?

I must check the emergency supplies list.
We never had time to finish it.

It says here,
"a notebook for messages."

Who are you going
to write messages to, dear?

Well, you never know. There's always
a need for vital messages in wartime.

Our lives might depend on a vital message
getting through to headquarters.

Oh, I see, dear.

And it says,
"a whistle and gong for alarms."

What will you do with that, dear?

Well, if I saw a russkie coming
down the Lane, I'd bang the gong.

If we had one.

- Wouldn't he shoot you, dear?
- What, just for banging a gong?

He'd be well within his rights
to shoot you if there's a war on.

Oh, crumbs! You really think so?
Just for banging a gong?

- I'm glad we haven't got a gong.
- We've got a whistle.

- Have we? Where is it?
- I'm not sure.

Hm. Never mind. Let's leave it.

'Let's leave it.'

Oh, I do feel tired.

Really exhausted and... all dizzy.

Nervous exhaustion
due to unaccustomed lifestyle.

That's what that is.

- How's your headache, dear?
- Just the same, thanks.

Aspirins didn't seem to do
any good at all.

I think I've got a temperature.
I feel all hot and shivery.

You do look pale, dear.

- I should have an early night.
- I must clear up.

Suppose someone comes
and sees the place in this state?

We might have visitors.

Yes. The emergency service
should arrive today.

I'm surprised they've not come before.

I expect they've got
a lot of people to attend to.

Oh, yes.
We're only an outlying district.

They'll be heavily engaged
within the stricken area itself.

- Will it be like meals on wheels, dear?
- Yes, I should think so.

There'll be mobile canteens
and soup kitchens,

teams of doctors and nurses,

helicopters flying in blankets
and medical supplies.

It'll all move slowly into action,
you bet.

They'll all be here
in next to no time.

The governmental authorities have been
aware of this eventuality for years.

So continency plans will have
been formulated long ago.

We won't have to worry about a thing.

The powers that be
will get to us in the end.

I hope they come soon, dear.
I'm not feeling very well.

I wonder if we'd have been
better off in the cellar.

Oh, no, dear. Too damp.
Think of my rheumatism.

- Would you like a bite to eat, dearest?
- No, thanks. I'm right off food.

So am I.

I must go to the toilet.
And I don't want any arguments.

Blessed dust everywhere!

Oh, crumbs! I forgot!

We're supposed to stay
in the inner core or refuge!

Well, it's too late now.
We've been out for ages.

Oh, blimey! It was the whole point!

I wonder if there's any radiation about.

Well, I can't see anything.

Hurry up, dear,
and get back in the inner core or refuge!

We'd better have an early night.

Well, if you can't see it
and can't feel it,

it can't be doing you any harm, can it?

Better try and er...
Eat something today, dear.

I was sick three times in the night.
My headache's even worse.

Let's have a walk
round the garden, dear.

I've just read it's only 48 hours
in the inner core or refuge, not 14 days.

A bit of fresh air is all we need.
I'll get a nice lettuce.

Crumbs! Look at the door!

The paint's all gone.
Scorched down to the wood.

Never mind, dear.
You said you'd burn it off one day.

The leaves have all gone
off the apple tree, ducks.

Oh, yes! What a shame.

Still, it'll be lovely in the spring.

It is spring, dear.

Oh, listen.

A dog.

Oh, poor thing!

I expect he's hungry.

The heat has affected the hedge, love.

- The beans look a bit shrivelled.
- And I think the lettuce have evaporated.

Well, they do have a high water content.

Can you see any fallout
falling out, James?

No, the sun is trying to get through.

They didn't blow up the sun,
thank goodness.

Oh, no, dear.
Science is still in its infancy.

What does the fallout
look like, dear?

I don't know.
The er... government directive

neglects to mention
how the populous could recognize it.

I expect it's a bit like snow, ducks.
Only greyer.

The grass looks a funny colour.

Yes, I'll pop down to mr sponge's tomorrow
and get some bone meal and dried blood.

He might be closed
due to the bomb, dear.

What, old sponge?

Miss a day's trade?
Not him! He'd rather die!

It's very cloudy. Almost foggy.

We need some sun
to bring the garden on.

- The milkman's not been yet. He's late.
- Oh, well, that's logical.

He's bound to be a bit late
after the bomb.

Perhaps he's been called up
to fight or something.

Oh, yes. Well, er... maybe.

But they'd have got a woman
or something.

- 'Very quiet, isn't it?'
- 'Yes.'

'I mean, no trains, no traffic.'

'I expect they're all having
a good lie-in after the bomb.'

'Terrible smell of burning.'

'Oh, yes.
Well, er... bound to be. That's logical.'

'It's like... Roast meat.'

'Yes! Roast dinners.

'I expect people are having
their Sunday dinners early this week,

'due to the unexpected circumstances.'

'The road's gone all funny.
Seems to have melted a bit.'

I expect that's why the milkman's late.
He's got stuck somewhere.

I wonder if there's a proper war on.

I wonder who's winning.

Never mind.
It'll all be in the papers, dear.

Come to think of it,
he's late, too.

He missed us
altogether yesterday.

Well, you can't expect things
to be normal after the bomb.

Difficulties will be experienced

throughout the duration
of the emergency period.

Normality will only be assumed
after the sensation of hostilities.

Oh, dear.
I think I'm going to be sick again.

There, there, there, ducks.
All better now?

I had the most terrible diarrhoea
this morning.

Nerves, dear. It's just nerves.

I'm the same, and I'm a man.

Let's sit in the garden for a bit.

Don't you think we ought
to clear up, dear?

Yes, yes, later on.

I feel a bit er... weak and dizzy.
We'll make a start soon.

Suppose Jerry comes
this afternoon.

No, they'd wait for the fallout
to clear. Too dangerous for a few days.

We've got plenty of time.

The situation is well in hand, you bet.

Our boys will be lying in wait for 'em.

I expect they've laid a trap.
Jerry will walk straight into it.

Hello! There's cloud coming up.
Looks like rain.

It's raining! I'm going in.

Rain! Yes!

We can save it!

Don't you get wet, James.
You'll catch a chill.

We don't want you laid up again.

We'll be all right for water now
for a while, dear.

Do you think rainwater
is all right to drink?

Oh, yes, of course it is.

There's nothing purer than rainwater,
is there? Everybody knows that.

Perhaps I'd better boil it.
Best to be on the safe side.

Oh, yes, I suppose so.
We don't want to take unnecessary risks.

It may prejudice our chance of survival.

What do you mean, James?
We have survived, haven't we?

Yes, I know. But after the bombs
on Japan, people died ages later.

I... forget exactly why.

Perhaps they didn't take
precautions.

Yes. I expect they neglected
to do the correct thing and...

Oh, and anyway, that was years ago.
Science was in its infancy.

We're better equipped
to deal with the situation

in the light of modern
scientific knowledge.

Oh, yes. Nowadays, there's bound to be
all sorts of anditotes and protectives.

When the medics get through,

they'll probably just spray us
with some anditote,

give us a couple of pills,
and in no time we'll be as right as rain.

I'm glad we moved to the country
when you retired, dear.

Yes. It's much more peaceful.

If we'd still been in London,

we'd probably have been
bombed out by now.

Yes. Unless we'd been evacuated.

Oh, that was only children.
And women too, of course.

I'd have been requisitioned
for essential war work.

But you're far too old.
You're retired.

Yes, but all age groups are
pressed into emergency service

during times
of national emergency, dear.

'I'd have been an air raid warden.

'Or a stretcher bearer
for the red cross...

'...and st John's ambulance brigade,
or a fireman in the docks.

'Jerry up above,
fire bombs raining down.

'Up the turntable ladders.'

'Go on, Jim!'

'Carrying women to safety.'

'Trust you
to think of that, James.'

I wish we had neighbours. I'd like
to ask someone what's going on.

Well, I warned you, dear.

"This cottage is a bit isolated," I said.

"You're not going to like it," I said.

I wish we didn't have to stay put.

I quite fancy a pint.

I said I'd see old George down
the half moon today for a game of darts.

I expect he'll be busy with his cows
after the bomb.

It might've put them off laying...
Milking, I mean.

Yes, it may have curdled the milk
or something.

These bombs have a terrific effect
on things.

He may have switched over to yoghurt.

Yes...

Lots of people's lives are going to be
considerably affected by the bomb.

London airport will have
been knocked out, I expect.

Yes. Bang goes a lot of people's
holidays this year.

The yanks won't come
dropping in.

Oh, no. Not unless to help us
against the russkies.

Remember in the war?
"Got any gum, chum?"

We used to stand
on the railway embankment,

and the yanks used to shower us
with gum and chocolate and k-rations.

Terrific, it was.

I wonder if the russkies chew gum.
"Got any gumski, comrade?"

You won't be able to say that, James.
They're the enemy.

Oh, yes. I keep forgetting.

Crumbs! We won't have
to try and kill them, will we?

Oh, I... I suppose so.

That's what you're supposed to do
to the enemy, isn't it?

Crumbs!
I hadn't really thought of that.

You mean to say, if one of them comes
through that door this afternoon,

I'm supposed to try and kill him?

Well, not you, James.
After all, you're retired.

Well, what would I kill him with?

A bit of old iron, I suppose.

I must mend those socks
for you, James.

They'd have Tommy guns.
They always do.

He'd mow us down, hilda!

If a German sees you in these socks,
he'll think you're just a peasant.

"Die, you englishe pig dogs!"
He'd say.

"Enemies of der fatherland!
Heil Hitler!"

Oh. Oh, no, sorry.
No, no, that's the last time.

I keep forgetting, it's the russkies now.

'No, just suppose that one did come.

'A great big Russian.

'Big overcoat, great big boots
with snow on them.

'Great furry hat, all covered
in belts of ammo and grenades.'

bloomin' great Tommy gun
pointing straight at us!

What am I supposed to do?

You could offer him
a cup of tea, I suppose.

'Aargh!'

we mustn't be collaborators, hilda.
They'd shave our heads.

Russians like tea.
A cup of tea wouldn't hurt, surely?

I suppose it's better than being
mown down in a hail of bullets.

Crumbs! They might round us up and
take us off to the concentration camps.

Why? We've not done anything.

We're not Jews, or anything.

- Your grandfather was a Jew.
- He was not!

Well, only partly.

They'd send us to Liberia.
Down the salt mines.

- Whatever for?
- I don't know.

They always do.
Perhaps Russians eat a lot of salt.

I expect
they're quite nice, really.

I saw the Russians
dancing on telly once.

All in boots. They seemed nice.

Oh, yes.
I bet some of them are nice.

There were supposed to be
some nice Germans last time.

I think we're running out of water again,
dear. The rainwater's all gone.

Oh, we've still got a pint of milk.

Better save that for teatime.
I can't bear tea without milk.

- Posh people have lemon in it.
- I know! Horrible!

Crumbs!

I wonder if it was an American missile
falling a bit short.

That happened in the war,
blokes getting shelled by their own guns.

Be funny
if it was an American missile

that had landed on us,
wouldn't it, dear?

I can't see it's very funny, James.

No, well, er...
Funny peculiar, I mean.

Are they worse than the Russian ones?

Oh, I shouldn't think so, love.
I expect they're all much of a muchness.

They all work on the same principle.
It's called, er... megadeath, I think.

So many millions of people
dead per bang.

Any ketchup, dear?

I expect the quantity
is similar either way.

Are all the bangs
about the same size, then?

Oh, no! There's one megaton,
and 10 megaton, an' that.

It's, er... just a question of
how big a bang you want to make

and how many...
People you want to kill.

More baked beans, dear?

No, thanks. I'm a bit off food.

Then there's the, er... overkill, see?

That's where they kill more people
than they really need to.

Say you want a bang big enough
to kill one million people,

and you go and use
a three-million-people bang.

It's terrifically wasteful of energy,
in the present economic climate.

Isee, deah

yes, there's one thing about
the present economic situation.

- I mean...
- Such a shame we can't wash up.

In order to conserve
world energy resources,

the powers that be will only use
the smallest possible bang.

Oh, I can't bear it!

- I expect that's why we're still here.
- We're running out of crockery!

We could say we owe our lives
to the world economic procession.

- Put the kettle on, will you, ducks?
- There's no water, dear.

Oh, no, no. Of course.

Just... just have to have milk, then.

That pint's gone bad, dear.
The fridge has been off.

Oh, heck! Well, er...

- A black coffee, then.
- There's still no water, dear.

Well, wh-what are we going
to drink, eh? Eh?

What... what... what are we
going to drink, for god's sake?

Don't shout, dearest.

I'm sorry, love.

I'm just... terribly thirsty.

How about a nice sweet, dear?
It's a blackcurrant fruit pastille.

Oh! There's only one left.

- Er... you have it.
- No, you have it.

We'll, er... we'll cut it in half.
That's fair.

- Help!
- I'm coming! I-I'm coming! I'm coming!

A rat! A rat! Aargh!

A rat in the lavatory! Oh!

Euw! I saw it!
Its tail was waving in the pan!

Never mind, dear. Never mind.

No, no, no.
It won't hurt you, dearest.

The pan's all dry and
its... head was round the bend,

just its bottom end sticking out.
A tail!

Oh! Atail!

Horrible! Horrible!

There, there, dear. Don't worry.

I'll pop down to Willis's
in the morning and get some warfarin.

Now, at least it shows
the drains aren't blocked.

Oh, dear!

I do feel queer.

All shaky.

Well, it's bound
to upset you a bit.

The bomb, I mean.

Have you got... lipstick on, dear?

Lipstick?
What do you mean, James?

You know I haven't worn lipstick
for years.

- Well er... your lips are all red.
- Oh!

Oh, my!

My gums are bleeding.

I thought there was a funny taste.

Well, shrinking of gums,
causing ill-fitting dentures.

That's what that is.

Yeah, erm... better get to the dentist
when the emergency has rescinded.

There was blood when I went
to the toilet this morning.

Yes, yes. Me, too.

P-Piles, that is. H-Hovaloids.

A common complaint in...
In middle-aged people like ourselves.

I'll... I'll pop down to...
To the chemist

when the crisis pales
into insignificance,

and I'll... I'll get some
of those suppositories.

Oh!

Oh, dear.

I think I'm going to be sick.

Now, there, there, ducks.
There, there. There, there.

Now, now. All better now.
Now, please. Don't upset yourself, love.

Please, please.
Now, don't dry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

I expect it's due to the vibration,
you know. Like that day in the car.

You remember that time
we went to Bournemouth, hmm?

And you were sick in the coach.
Don't worry, ducks. Don't worry.

There can't be anything wrong with you.

I expect it's... it's just the...
The after-effects of the bomb.

Oh, I... I... I do...
Fancy a nice cup of tea.

Do you think the cows have been
affected by the bomb, dear?

Oh, no, I... I shouldn't think so.
They're... they're all out in the country.

Supplies of milk will be maintained.

It is... essential for the maintenance
of... healthy bones and teeth.

Yes, but we live
in the country, dear.

Yes, yes, yes,
I... I know, dear.

Well, the grass is all dead and funny.

Yes, erm... well, er...

I don't know.

I expect there may be...
A temporary containment of supplies.

I suppose we'd betterjust
sit here and wait for help to arrive.

Yes. The emergency services
will have... sprung into action

at the first alarm signal.

I hope they get here before the enemy.

Oh, I... I hope beryl and Ron
got back all right.

Oh, they'll... they'll be all right.

They'll... they'll have been safely home
long... long before the bomb.

Our Ron's... a sensible boy.

At the first siren, he'd get the whole
family down to the shelters right away.

There aren't any shelters, dear.

Oh, no. No, no, I... I forgot.

But he'll... he'll be all right.

I gave him the governmental leaflet.

He'll... he'll be all right with that.

That will afford him the maximum
protection available to the populous.

He'll... he'll take cover immediately

and... adopt all the prescribed
precautionary measures.

He... he's no fool, our Ron.

He's not likely to get
hot under the collar.

He... he won't go to pieces.

The whole family will...
Will stick together.

Oh, look!

There's funny spots on my legs.

Er... they're various veins.
That's... that's what that is.

That's... that's a common
complaint amongst...

Amongst the middle-aged
segment of the populous.

Oh, that's...
That's nothing to worry about.

They don't look like veins to me.
I don't like the look of it.

Oh... oh, you are...
You are a baby!

You're a worn... worn...
Born worrier, you are, you know.

Now, you just try and look
on the bright side, eh, ducks? Hmm?

Look. Look. Look!

I've even got funny blotches
on my skin, see?

And I... I'm a man.

Yes...

Yes, too much tinned food.
That's all that is.

Yes...

Pilchards never did agree with me.

I must put some skin lotion
on those spots.

Yes. Oh, they'll...
They'll soon clear up.

I'll pop down to the chemist...
Chemist in the morning.

I'll get some... get some ointment.

Yes...

We could do with some lozenges
or pastilles, too.

- I've still got a terrible throat.
- Yes, so have I.

I wonder...

If they'll be able
to sell us some water.

I'm going to have
an early night, James.

We could do with a good long rest
after that blessed bomb.

Oh, yes, yes. It's bound to take it
out of you, a thing like that.

Yeah, it's a...
It's a shock to the system.

Oh, yes. I expect so.

Oh... oh!

Look!

- My hair's coming out!
- Don't... don't worry, dearest.

Don't worry, don't worry.

Women don't go bald. No!

That's a... that's a scientific fact.

Shall we get into those
paper bags again?

Well... w-w-whatever for, dear?

Well, you never know.

There might be another one
while we're asleep.

Well, I... I suppose it er...
Wouldn't hurt.

It... it would be a...
A sensible precautionary m-measure

in the... in the...
In the circumstances.

After all, really,
this is an all-out war situation,

and, er... well, I mean,

another I... IBM...
Might... might come over.

Oh, it's stuffy in these bags.

Yes...

Now you know what it feels like
to be a potato.

I should hate that,
being buried in the ground.

Oh, yes. Yes, so would I.

- Give me... cremation every time.
- Oh, me too.

We'd betterjust stay here
and wait for the...

Emergency services to arrive.

Y-y-yes. Yes, they'll take...
They'll take good care of us.

We won't have to worry about...
About a thing.

Just... just leave everything to them.

The governmental authorities...
Will know what to do with us.

The powers that be...
Will get to us in the end.

You have got the box with
our medical cards and birth certificates,

haven't you?

Yes, dear, yes.

They're quite safe.

Shall we pray, dear?

- Pray?
- Yes.

Oh, crumbs. Er... who... who to?

- Well, god, of course.
- Oh... oh, I see.

Er, y-yes.

If you think it... it er... would be...
Would be the correct thing.

- It can't do any harm, dear.
- Ok.

Er... here goes.

Er... dear... sir...

No, that's wrong.

Well... er...
H-H-How do you start?

Oh, god...

Our help... in ages past?

That's it. Keep it up.

Almighty and
most merciful father, er...

Oh, that's good.

'Dearly beloved,

'we are gathered, er...
U-U-Unto thee...

'I shall fear no evil.

'Thy rod... and thy staff...
Comfort me

'all... the days...
The days of my life.

'Er... i-i-lay me down...
In... in green pastures...'

'I... I can't remember any more.

'That was nice. I liked the bit
about the green pasture.'

'Oh, oh, yes, yes.

'Into the valley
of the shadow of death...'

'Oh... no more, love.

'No... no more.'

'...Rode the six hundred...'

J“ rock-a-bye, baby

j“ on the tree top

j“ when the wind blows

j“ the cradle will rock

j“ oh, babe

j“ hate to see you fall that way

j“ better speak
to the powers that be today

j“ hey, Joe, where you goin'
with that gun in your hand?

J“ you can take your revenge

j“ but you'll still feel bad

j“ there must be more to life

j“ than lucky strikes
and some unlucky ones

j“ and folded flags and pipes
and drums

J“ I stood in the wings with you

j“ our lives in the hands
of a second-rate actor

j“ holding the high ground
on some old stage

j“ oh babe, how do these
jaded stars get so far away

j“ will they catch what
the other actors say?

J“ hey Joe, where you goin'
with that dogma in your head?

J“ you can prove your point
but your kids will still be dead

j“ bring down the curtain,
the soap opera must surely close

j“ before the cold wind blows

J“ hey Joe, where you goin'
with that gun in your hand?

J“ you can take your revenge,
but you'll still feel bad

j“ bring down the curtain,
the show must close

j“ before the cold wind blows

j“ so rock a bye baby
on the tree top

j“ when the wind blows
the cradle will rock

j“ there must be more to life than
lucky strikes and some unlucky ones

j“ and folded flags and pipes
and drums... j“