Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:01,124 --> 00:01:03,291
Kasper, are you ready?
2
00:01:03,374 --> 00:01:05,582
Yep, I'm ready.
3
00:01:07,499 --> 00:01:10,624
So life is something like this:
4
00:01:11,207 --> 00:01:12,874
You're born.
5
00:01:12,999 --> 00:01:14,666
You grow older.
6
00:01:14,749 --> 00:01:16,541
You get friends.
7
00:01:21,166 --> 00:01:22,541
Kasper, are you ill?
8
00:01:23,791 --> 00:01:25,832
And without noticing, -
9
00:01:25,916 --> 00:01:28,499
- you probably slowly,
but surely -
10
00:01:28,541 --> 00:01:30,600
- are starting to realize what
you'll be when you grow up.
11
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:33,124
Thank you very much, you're a doll.
12
00:01:43,624 --> 00:01:45,832
Oslo Spektrum!
13
00:01:45,916 --> 00:01:47,499
Wow!
14
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,666
One day, that will be you.
15
00:01:52,291 --> 00:01:54,041
No, don't...!
16
00:01:55,124 --> 00:01:58,707
as a teenager
sex was only about jerking off.
17
00:01:59,707 --> 00:02:04,499
At school, you were looking everywhere
for places to hide so you could jerk off.
18
00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:07,124
Any random rub could cause a boner.
19
00:02:11,124 --> 00:02:12,832
Erik?
20
00:02:12,916 --> 00:02:15,082
One day.
21
00:02:15,166 --> 00:02:17,124
One day.
22
00:02:21,332 --> 00:02:22,624
Kasper?
23
00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:27,374
- You're shaking again.
- No, I'm in complete control. It's fine.
24
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:33,374
It's June 6., 1944.
D-day, Normandy.
25
00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:36,082
It's dangerous, but you've
got the best jokes.
26
00:02:36,166 --> 00:02:39,041
Now go out there and slaughter them!
27
00:02:49,291 --> 00:02:53,249
There's a lot of debate
about sexual identity these days.
28
00:02:53,332 --> 00:02:55,749
It's a bit exciting,
because at one point in time -
29
00:02:55,832 --> 00:03:00,249
- I too felt a bit like a man
caught in a woman's body.
30
00:03:00,332 --> 00:03:02,499
And then I was born.
31
00:03:07,791 --> 00:03:09,916
Kasper, I'm your agent -
32
00:03:10,041 --> 00:03:13,499
- and I've decided that
we from now on are only drinking those.
33
00:03:13,791 --> 00:03:17,874
Now I've got a woman and
I actually think it's us for life.
34
00:03:17,999 --> 00:03:20,749
The only snag is that
she don't hear well -
35
00:03:20,832 --> 00:03:22,374
- so the few times I
make her come -
36
00:03:22,457 --> 00:03:24,999
- it sounds like Chewbacca
from Star Wars.
37
00:03:29,791 --> 00:03:31,332
There's no key.
38
00:03:31,416 --> 00:03:36,416
And all the time you're thinking: Any day now
they'll realize I don't know how to do this.
39
00:03:36,499 --> 00:03:39,207
Orlando, this is Kasper Berntsen!
40
00:03:39,291 --> 00:03:42,541
You fear that you'll get
figured out at any moment.
41
00:03:42,624 --> 00:03:47,291
The first time I kissed a girl
was in kindergarten.
42
00:03:47,374 --> 00:03:49,916
And it was hot!
Hot!
43
00:03:50,041 --> 00:03:53,499
Her name was Aina, by the way.
She was a very very sweet girl.
44
00:03:53,541 --> 00:03:56,541
But a horrible kindergarten teacher.
45
00:03:57,666 --> 00:04:00,082
You get older, too.
46
00:04:00,166 --> 00:04:02,874
More experience, but less hungry.
47
00:04:02,999 --> 00:04:06,082
You stop paying attention,
become more of a pessimist.
48
00:04:06,166 --> 00:04:09,499
And you realize that no matter
how low you've come, -
49
00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:12,874
- it can always become a little
more fucked up.
50
00:04:21,166 --> 00:04:23,291
Kasper, you're on now!
51
00:04:29,749 --> 00:04:32,041
Ladies and gentlement,
give a good round of applause for -
52
00:04:32,124 --> 00:04:34,082
- Kasper Berntsen!
53
00:04:35,374 --> 00:04:38,291
Anybody from Ski here?
54
00:04:38,374 --> 00:04:41,166
- You guys? Where in Ski?
- Langhus.
55
00:04:41,249 --> 00:04:44,832
So cool. My ex is from Langhus.
Horrible woman.
56
00:04:44,916 --> 00:04:46,999
Only advantage was that she was deaf.
57
00:04:47,082 --> 00:04:49,291
The few times I made her come -
58
00:04:49,374 --> 00:04:53,374
- it sounded like Chewbacca
from Star Wars.
59
00:04:54,499 --> 00:04:56,916
It's the same over and over.
60
00:04:57,041 --> 00:04:59,041
Are you ok?
61
00:04:59,124 --> 00:05:01,041
What are you talking about?
62
00:05:01,124 --> 00:05:03,166
- Nothing.
- No?
63
00:05:03,249 --> 00:05:06,041
You're ruining the show
for everybody around you.
64
00:05:06,124 --> 00:05:10,207
I don't think it's me ruining
this show.
65
00:05:10,291 --> 00:05:13,999
- And who are you bringing along...?
- "My carer".
66
00:05:14,082 --> 00:05:15,416
Heard that one too?
67
00:05:15,499 --> 00:05:19,457
You've been a nice audience.
Thank you.
68
00:05:19,499 --> 00:05:21,916
Ladies and gentlemen,
a round of applause for -
69
00:05:22,041 --> 00:05:23,916
- Marlene Stavrum!
70
00:05:27,666 --> 00:05:30,916
That's not a great sign, is it?
71
00:05:31,041 --> 00:05:34,082
You're a comedian and people
aren't laughing.
72
00:05:35,999 --> 00:05:40,082
Kasper,
we'll pull you off that summer show.
73
00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:44,999
- Does Andrea know?
- She decided it.
74
00:05:45,082 --> 00:05:49,041
What did she say? "He won't go on
stage before he's got some new material."
75
00:05:49,124 --> 00:05:54,374
You let Andrea know that I've declined
a lot of other gigs because of this.
76
00:05:54,457 --> 00:05:57,457
And we've got a contract,
so that's unfortunate for you.
77
00:05:57,499 --> 00:06:00,207
Yeah, we've got options, though.
78
00:06:01,707 --> 00:06:04,999
But we do need... opening acts.
79
00:06:05,082 --> 00:06:07,416
I'm not fucking opening.
80
00:06:07,499 --> 00:06:12,457
- Sorry, my hearing's off, I didn't get you?
- I'm not opening!
81
00:06:12,499 --> 00:06:15,124
Then you aren't.
82
00:06:15,207 --> 00:06:17,832
We'll let somebody else do it.
83
00:06:18,832 --> 00:06:20,749
I'm messing with you.
84
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:25,082
- Of course I will open.
- Opening?
85
00:06:25,166 --> 00:06:28,041
That's war.
Total war!
86
00:06:28,124 --> 00:06:32,874
Do they think I'm Chamberlain?
Are they completely stupid?
87
00:06:32,999 --> 00:06:36,916
When somebody's messing with my clients,
things get messy.
88
00:06:37,041 --> 00:06:39,416
I'll start a fucking jihad.
89
00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:42,541
Erik Elisabeth, you're the agent.
You will handle this.
90
00:06:42,624 --> 00:06:46,291
Forget Andrea!
What's in now, is Netflix.
91
00:06:46,374 --> 00:06:49,249
We'll be on Tiktok,
we'll be everywhere!
92
00:06:49,332 --> 00:06:52,416
This is Normandy.
Operation fucking Overlord.
93
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:54,124
You feel the boil...
94
00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:56,707
- Hi.
- Kasper?
95
00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:59,582
Yes.
Been awhile.
96
00:06:59,666 --> 00:07:03,291
- How are you doing?
- Shoulder is killing me still.
97
00:07:03,374 --> 00:07:06,416
We took some blood last time.
98
00:07:06,499 --> 00:07:08,624
I'm terrified of needles.
99
00:07:08,707 --> 00:07:11,249
Only reason I'm not doing heroin.
100
00:07:11,332 --> 00:07:12,999
Kasper...
101
00:07:13,082 --> 00:07:16,582
The tests we did showed a
significantly elevated PSA-level.
102
00:07:16,666 --> 00:07:18,832
So I wanted you to do an MRI.
103
00:07:19,291 --> 00:07:21,499
Judging by the other tests -
104
00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:24,166
- it doesn't look too great.
105
00:07:24,249 --> 00:07:28,416
I'm afraid it's worse than
a spinal prolapse.
106
00:07:29,707 --> 00:07:32,374
Cancerous changes in the bones.
107
00:07:32,457 --> 00:07:33,832
Look.
108
00:07:34,457 --> 00:07:38,249
These red numbers indicate
that things aren't looking too good.
109
00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:41,707
Next step will be a biopsy, -
110
00:07:41,791 --> 00:07:43,916
- confirm the diagnosis...
- sette en diagnose...
111
00:07:44,332 --> 00:07:46,582
You'll get some -
112
00:07:48,249 --> 00:07:52,874
- brochures about the
various treatment options.
113
00:07:52,999 --> 00:07:56,332
If you have any questions,
feel free to ask at any time.
114
00:07:57,832 --> 00:07:59,582
Any questions?
115
00:08:00,332 --> 00:08:04,707
I thought I saw a sign back at the desk
regarding refund of travel expenses?
116
00:08:10,166 --> 00:08:12,291
Kasper Berntsen?
117
00:08:40,332 --> 00:08:42,291
Hi, honey.
118
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:54,124
Hey?
119
00:08:58,207 --> 00:09:01,082
- We need to talk a little.
- Ok.
120
00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:04,332
You might want to sit down.
121
00:09:14,916 --> 00:09:16,832
You know what, just...
122
00:09:17,499 --> 00:09:20,457
I just want to say thank you.
123
00:09:20,499 --> 00:09:22,499
For taking the initiative -
124
00:09:22,541 --> 00:09:26,166
- to have this... conversation.
125
00:09:26,249 --> 00:09:29,707
I've thought about it quite a bit,
but just haven't...
126
00:09:29,791 --> 00:09:34,124
I haven't quite known
how to say it, so...
127
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:36,249
Say...?
128
00:09:36,332 --> 00:09:39,166
Well we aren't happy, right?
129
00:09:39,249 --> 00:09:41,582
I can tell you are not happy.
130
00:09:41,666 --> 00:09:46,332
I'm at least not happy,
to put it that way, so...
131
00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:48,874
So...?
132
00:09:48,999 --> 00:09:50,582
Let's end it.
133
00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:54,082
Break up.
134
00:10:42,374 --> 00:10:45,291
This will be ok, Erik Elisabeth.
135
00:10:46,374 --> 00:10:48,207
No it won't.
136
00:10:48,291 --> 00:10:51,749
I liked Monica so much.
She was always good to me.
137
00:10:51,832 --> 00:10:54,874
- She liked and accepted me.
- Well this is about you.
138
00:10:54,999 --> 00:10:58,582
I know I should console you,
but breakups hit me so hard.
139
00:10:58,666 --> 00:11:01,499
And things aren't so
great for me these days.
140
00:11:01,582 --> 00:11:04,249
That is unfortunate,
because I have some other bad...
141
00:11:04,332 --> 00:11:08,166
Nina is on vacation in Portugal with her
mom and her trophy husband.
142
00:11:08,249 --> 00:11:10,457
We were going to Facetime.
143
00:11:10,499 --> 00:11:13,124
- I've been to the doctor.
- First she doesn't answer.
144
00:11:13,207 --> 00:11:16,124
And next time she hangs up.
When I try again...
145
00:11:16,207 --> 00:11:18,374
The doctor says I've got cancer.
146
00:11:18,457 --> 00:11:22,207
Ha-ha. Then, it's just voice,
no camera.
147
00:11:22,291 --> 00:11:24,291
She doesn't want to talk to her father.
148
00:11:24,374 --> 00:11:27,082
Her mom is behind all this.
149
00:11:27,166 --> 00:11:30,916
She has never accepted the
journey I've taken.
150
00:11:31,041 --> 00:11:33,916
- I've got a ton of cancer in my body.
- Stop saying cancer!
151
00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:37,791
- It isn't funny.
- No, it isn't.
152
00:11:41,541 --> 00:11:43,291
No!
153
00:11:44,291 --> 00:11:46,041
Kasper!
154
00:11:58,499 --> 00:12:01,166
Hey, it will be ok.
155
00:12:02,249 --> 00:12:04,166
Well it won't.
156
00:12:04,249 --> 00:12:06,041
It will.
157
00:12:19,499 --> 00:12:21,707
Life's like this:
158
00:12:22,707 --> 00:12:25,249
Sometimes everything is just -
159
00:12:25,332 --> 00:12:26,791
- horrible.
160
00:12:27,832 --> 00:12:30,332
But don't take it personal.
161
00:12:30,999 --> 00:12:33,416
Life isn't against you.
162
00:12:33,832 --> 00:12:36,166
You're not that special.
163
00:12:43,332 --> 00:12:47,791
Oh, oh, oh. Your primary
tumor is in the shoulder joint.
164
00:12:47,874 --> 00:12:50,457
That is pretty rare.
165
00:12:50,499 --> 00:12:53,624
There's a tumor here, here and here,
and there, yeah.
166
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:55,541
As if the cancer's got cancer.
167
00:12:55,624 --> 00:12:59,832
As it happens treatment has come
far in this area.
168
00:12:59,916 --> 00:13:03,541
Yes, exactly.
You're a specialist, too? You're a doctor?
169
00:13:03,624 --> 00:13:05,416
No, I'm his agent.
170
00:13:05,499 --> 00:13:09,791
Or manager I suppose is more correct.
You can say both manager and agent.
171
00:13:09,874 --> 00:13:13,249
- What is the difference?
- The agent handles contracts.
172
00:13:13,332 --> 00:13:16,207
The manager handles the practical.
173
00:13:16,291 --> 00:13:18,749
But we have chosen this model.
174
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:21,374
We've been best friends since childhood.
175
00:13:21,457 --> 00:13:24,791
I was 8, from up north.
He took such good care of me.
176
00:13:24,874 --> 00:13:27,874
And I've taken care of you.
But that's perhaps irrelevant...
177
00:13:27,999 --> 00:13:30,499
Perhaps a bit irrelevant now.
178
00:13:30,582 --> 00:13:32,416
No, there was a lot of good there.
179
00:13:32,499 --> 00:13:34,916
But just briefly back to the cancer.
180
00:13:35,041 --> 00:13:38,416
Now things are starting to move quickly,
so it's important to pay attention.
181
00:13:38,499 --> 00:13:42,499
We'll start with a full workup
and treatment asap.
182
00:13:42,582 --> 00:13:44,916
First and foremost with chemo.
183
00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:50,457
Yeah, and remember to turn in some sperm,
because you will most likely become infertile.
184
00:13:51,707 --> 00:13:55,582
Now you've been doing chemo
for awhile -
185
00:13:55,666 --> 00:13:58,999
- and that is a major
burden on the body.
186
00:13:59,082 --> 00:14:01,666
It's common to become depressed.
187
00:14:01,749 --> 00:14:06,041
Both due to the illness
and from the chemo.
188
00:14:06,124 --> 00:14:09,999
It could be good to have somebody
to talk to. I've got some brochures.
189
00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:13,457
We offer, er.. group therapy.
190
00:14:13,499 --> 00:14:18,291
- That sounds very good.
- I'm not going to group therapy, Erik.
191
00:14:18,374 --> 00:14:21,541
- That's completely out of the question.
- It will be ok.
192
00:14:22,041 --> 00:14:23,541
Where are we going?
193
00:14:24,791 --> 00:14:28,791
You agree that it is weird to
blab about your problems?
194
00:14:28,874 --> 00:14:30,707
No.
Here it is.
195
00:14:32,916 --> 00:14:38,541
Just as I thought. A lot of dying people
supporting other dying people.
196
00:14:38,624 --> 00:14:40,499
Kasper Berntsen?
197
00:14:41,374 --> 00:14:43,791
Why does she know my name, Erik?
198
00:14:43,874 --> 00:14:45,707
Because I signed you up.
199
00:14:45,791 --> 00:14:48,707
The agreement was that
we were just gonna look.
200
00:14:48,791 --> 00:14:52,832
I'm sorry, but we're here now.
Go in and give it a shot.
201
00:14:52,916 --> 00:14:55,832
I am Selma.
We've been looking forward to meeting you.
202
00:14:55,916 --> 00:14:58,874
Ok, I'll get you eight thirty.
Great.
203
00:15:01,124 --> 00:15:02,832
Welcome, Kasper.
204
00:15:02,916 --> 00:15:06,207
Would you tell us a bit about yourself?
205
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:10,999
- I'll skip that, if that's ok.
- Yeah.
206
00:15:11,832 --> 00:15:15,332
Just open up when you feel like it.
That is ok.
207
00:15:15,416 --> 00:15:19,874
Are there anybody else who wants to
share something with the group today?
208
00:15:22,332 --> 00:15:27,457
Khalid, I'm feeling that perhaps
today is the day where you open up.
209
00:15:27,499 --> 00:15:29,207
Khalid never says anything.
210
00:15:29,291 --> 00:15:32,082
- No, relax.
- But last time...
211
00:15:32,166 --> 00:15:34,166
I recognize you now.
212
00:15:34,249 --> 00:15:36,082
Sorry, Khalid.
213
00:15:36,166 --> 00:15:38,624
You're a comedian, aren't you?
214
00:15:38,707 --> 00:15:42,041
- Yes.
- Won't you tell us a joke?
215
00:15:43,707 --> 00:15:45,082
No.
216
00:15:45,166 --> 00:15:47,791
- I think we all will enjoy...
- Maria, be nice.
217
00:15:47,874 --> 00:15:50,666
Can't he tell a joke?
He's really funny.
218
00:15:50,749 --> 00:15:54,291
We're here because we're human,
not because of what our job is.
219
00:15:54,374 --> 00:15:56,707
So if Kasper does not want to...
220
00:15:56,791 --> 00:15:59,874
It's got nothing to do with wanting to.
221
00:15:59,999 --> 00:16:01,791
I don't tell jokes.
222
00:16:01,874 --> 00:16:04,499
A joke is "two tomatoes cross a road".
223
00:16:04,541 --> 00:16:07,916
Standup is more an observation of things,
hopefully with a funny twist.
224
00:16:08,041 --> 00:16:10,374
Ok, then I'm wrong.
Sorry.
225
00:16:10,457 --> 00:16:13,832
Am I wrong if...
Don't you define a joke as -
226
00:16:13,916 --> 00:16:18,291
- characters associated with
a comically recognizable premise.
227
00:16:18,374 --> 00:16:20,874
If you get upset about
an observation -
228
00:16:20,999 --> 00:16:24,874
- of the security check
at the airport, -
229
00:16:24,999 --> 00:16:27,624
- you are a character
in a comically recognizable premise.
230
00:16:27,707 --> 00:16:30,124
You're really just taking
the tomato's place.
231
00:16:30,207 --> 00:16:32,124
- Ergo: joke.
- That's enough.
232
00:16:32,207 --> 00:16:36,249
I heard you in a podcast once,
and there you told a joke.
233
00:16:36,332 --> 00:16:38,499
Sorry, an observation.
234
00:16:38,582 --> 00:16:41,041
It would've been good for this group.
235
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:45,916
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- What did you say?
236
00:16:46,041 --> 00:16:49,874
The positive thing about women with cancer
removing their breasts, -
237
00:16:49,999 --> 00:16:52,707
- is that they'll swim faster.
238
00:16:52,791 --> 00:16:54,374
No, Maria.
239
00:16:54,457 --> 00:16:56,332
Hey, Maria...
240
00:16:57,499 --> 00:16:59,916
There she went
and that... is ok.
241
00:17:00,041 --> 00:17:04,541
As I tend to say:
When one door closes, another opens.
242
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,457
So that...
243
00:17:06,999 --> 00:17:09,791
We were talking about ambitions
when you arrived.
244
00:17:09,874 --> 00:17:12,624
And how crucial it is
to have ambitions.
245
00:17:12,707 --> 00:17:15,416
And that it's only us who -
246
00:17:15,499 --> 00:17:18,332
- are blocking the path for us.
Take Sebastian.
247
00:17:18,416 --> 00:17:20,832
He was very negative towards
starting doing ceramic pots.
248
00:17:20,916 --> 00:17:24,082
Who's having a solo
exhibition now?
249
00:17:24,166 --> 00:17:26,041
That is me, as a matter of fact!
250
00:17:26,124 --> 00:17:29,291
- You coming?
- Thank you very much.
251
00:17:30,374 --> 00:17:33,916
Do you know the worst thing about
getting this illness?
252
00:17:34,041 --> 00:17:37,457
People stop being
funny around you.
253
00:17:39,249 --> 00:17:41,666
Don't you stop doing that, then.
254
00:18:38,249 --> 00:18:42,707
Are you gonna go, or stand there stretching
like a fucking idiot?
255
00:18:47,999 --> 00:18:50,749
I don't think you should
smoke that pot stuff.
256
00:18:50,832 --> 00:18:53,791
Why not?
Will I get cancer?
257
00:18:53,874 --> 00:18:58,791
You shouldn't smoke pot because
you'll become such a god damn bitch.
258
00:18:58,874 --> 00:19:03,416
Perhaps you should try something else.
Ecstacy, heroin or weed.
259
00:19:03,499 --> 00:19:05,207
You're welcome.
260
00:19:07,291 --> 00:19:08,874
Have a good night.
261
00:19:45,249 --> 00:19:48,082
Where the hell have you been?
I've been scared to death!
262
00:19:48,166 --> 00:19:53,124
You were gone when I was gonna pick you up.
It's two in the morning!
263
00:19:56,041 --> 00:19:57,874
It's not funny.
I was scared spitless!
264
00:19:57,999 --> 00:20:01,374
So fucking bad
that you've been scared!
265
00:20:01,457 --> 00:20:07,207
I'm very sorry! This is about you
after all. I sometimes forget.
266
00:20:16,874 --> 00:20:19,499
- Sorry, Erik.
- No, don't worry about it.
267
00:20:36,791 --> 00:20:38,166
Blue?
268
00:20:38,249 --> 00:20:41,416
- That was nice.
- Grey.
269
00:20:41,499 --> 00:20:44,416
Like your mood.
No, not that.
270
00:20:45,124 --> 00:20:49,707
How are things between you and your
daughter these days, really?
271
00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:55,457
She doesn't have time to talk to
her father. Apparently there's a lot to do.
272
00:20:55,499 --> 00:20:59,624
- You're on tonight, right?
- Yeah. Opener, or something.
273
00:20:59,707 --> 00:21:03,874
- How did we end up here?
- Is that what you will talk about?
274
00:21:03,999 --> 00:21:06,582
No, that's not what I will talk about.
275
00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:11,999
- That would be ok, publicity-wise...
- Erik, no. I do not plan to.
276
00:21:12,332 --> 00:21:14,082
- There we have it.
- No
277
00:21:14,166 --> 00:21:15,499
Yes.
278
00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:20,874
Thank you very much, my name is Jonis Josef.
Hope you'll have a very, very good time!
279
00:21:24,124 --> 00:21:27,124
Jonis Josef, ladies and gentlemen!
280
00:21:27,207 --> 00:21:29,666
Are there any couples in the audience?
281
00:21:29,749 --> 00:21:31,874
You're a couple, yes!
282
00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:34,624
Here's Olav Thon with his wife.
283
00:21:35,291 --> 00:21:38,832
- How long have you been married?
- We're actually on a date.
284
00:21:38,916 --> 00:21:41,457
- You're on a date?
- Yeah.
285
00:21:42,207 --> 00:21:46,124
You're doing the dating thing,
even at your age?
286
00:21:46,207 --> 00:21:48,541
You know that we'll die one day.
287
00:21:48,624 --> 00:21:51,749
And all the other days we'll live.
288
00:22:02,832 --> 00:22:04,666
Yeah, that's..
289
00:22:07,124 --> 00:22:09,207
That was very...
290
00:22:11,999 --> 00:22:13,499
That was very nice.
291
00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:16,916
Ok, let's see. Yeah, I was
thinking about this thing with...
292
00:22:17,916 --> 00:22:20,207
With Tinder, so...
293
00:22:21,041 --> 00:22:23,999
Because in Germany they have...
294
00:22:24,374 --> 00:22:26,791
They've made such an...
295
00:22:29,624 --> 00:22:31,666
App.
296
00:22:32,832 --> 00:22:35,041
For...
297
00:22:35,124 --> 00:22:38,624
Put one word after the next,
and you'll get there.
298
00:22:38,707 --> 00:22:40,624
Yeah, I...
299
00:22:46,124 --> 00:22:48,791
Is there a speech
therapist in the audience?
300
00:22:48,874 --> 00:22:54,082
Hey, go to the bar and I'll give you a
free beer if you shut up.
301
00:22:54,166 --> 00:22:57,166
- I only drink champagne.
- You'll have a glass of champagne.
302
00:22:57,249 --> 00:22:59,374
A bottle?
303
00:23:01,582 --> 00:23:03,999
I'm not really in the mood today, buddy.
304
00:23:04,082 --> 00:23:06,666
Oh, it's that time of the month?
305
00:23:06,749 --> 00:23:08,416
But the thing is...
306
00:23:08,499 --> 00:23:10,624
I've got a tampon here.
307
00:23:10,707 --> 00:23:14,874
I think I'll take that as a good
way to end it here.
308
00:23:14,999 --> 00:23:17,499
We'll have a new comedian on stage.
309
00:23:27,207 --> 00:23:31,916
Sometimes, when everything is rock bottom and
you think that things can't possibly get worse, -
310
00:23:32,041 --> 00:23:34,332
- you meet somebody like you.
311
00:23:34,416 --> 00:23:35,832
Congratulations, buddy.
312
00:23:35,916 --> 00:23:38,749
You're worse than chemo.
313
00:23:42,832 --> 00:23:47,291
You go to the doctor, and are worried
whether you've put on clean socks.
314
00:23:47,374 --> 00:23:49,791
Very soon you stop thinking about that.
315
00:23:49,874 --> 00:23:52,124
My mom had cancer.
316
00:24:01,416 --> 00:24:05,041
The audience is a bit like the cells
in the body.
317
00:24:05,124 --> 00:24:07,874
Most are kind and good.
318
00:24:07,999 --> 00:24:11,207
Then there are some that are kinda mean,
but mostly manage to behave anyway.
319
00:24:11,291 --> 00:24:14,874
And then you just need one
single malignant asshole -
320
00:24:14,999 --> 00:24:17,541
- to ruin it for the whole lot.
321
00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:19,874
And I'll have to remove you, -
322
00:24:19,999 --> 00:24:24,541
- otherwise we risk
full contamination here!
323
00:24:25,124 --> 00:24:28,582
He managed...
You managed to make my day even worse!
324
00:24:28,666 --> 00:24:30,916
That is really incredibly well done.
325
00:24:31,041 --> 00:24:34,999
You've managed to top human
tragedy with irritation.
326
00:24:35,082 --> 00:24:38,416
It's like the Biedermann family
in Sachsenhausen in 1943.
327
00:24:38,499 --> 00:24:41,499
They've been carrying anvils all day,
had nothing to eat, -
328
00:24:41,541 --> 00:24:46,999
- dragging themselves back to the barracks
at night to get a few hours sleep...
329
00:24:47,082 --> 00:24:50,832
And then there's crumbs in the bed.
You are those crumbs!
330
00:24:52,374 --> 00:24:55,541
- You're making an ass of yourself.
- You're doing it for free.
331
00:24:55,624 --> 00:24:57,791
You said that your mother had cancer?
332
00:24:57,874 --> 00:25:00,332
She must have survived,
since her tumor sits there.
333
00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:03,166
Normally I'd knocked out
people who talked to me like that.
334
00:25:03,249 --> 00:25:06,832
Normally I'm positive to copulation
between cousins.
335
00:25:06,916 --> 00:25:11,166
- Now you're talking about my wife.
- Your cousin? Are you going to a family reunion?
336
00:25:11,249 --> 00:25:15,749
Or as it is called in your
family: Gang bang.
337
00:25:15,832 --> 00:25:17,499
That is not my cousin!
338
00:25:19,166 --> 00:25:21,374
- Come, then!
- You missed by a yard.
339
00:25:21,457 --> 00:25:26,416
That is what inbreeding does
to your fine motor skills.
340
00:25:27,291 --> 00:25:30,124
That's the strangest opener ever.
341
00:25:30,207 --> 00:25:34,582
But we'll have another comedian on stage.
Here is Marlene...
342
00:25:35,499 --> 00:25:36,832
Ok.
343
00:25:36,916 --> 00:25:40,541
People with cancer are many things,
but they are not a resource.
344
00:25:40,624 --> 00:25:41,999
"Move, move!"
345
00:25:53,332 --> 00:25:57,999
Ladies and gentlemen, my name is
Kasper Berntsen. Thank you very much!
346
00:25:59,916 --> 00:26:01,374
Hi!
347
00:26:01,457 --> 00:26:03,207
Oh my god.
Are you ok?
348
00:26:03,291 --> 00:26:06,707
That was one for the history books.
349
00:26:06,791 --> 00:26:10,457
Move on. Drinks on me,
for first and last time in my life.
350
00:26:28,832 --> 00:26:30,791
Ow!
No, just kidding.
351
00:26:32,666 --> 00:26:36,041
Don't cut me.
I can't have cuts.
352
00:26:56,999 --> 00:27:01,499
Now be good and eat.
I just got to go.
353
00:27:03,124 --> 00:27:05,041
- Enjoy.
- Ok.
354
00:27:07,499 --> 00:27:11,374
I was just gonna say that
Andrea watched your show yesterday.
355
00:27:11,457 --> 00:27:14,291
And she thinks it was great.
356
00:27:14,916 --> 00:27:16,791
- Awesome.
- So cool
357
00:27:16,874 --> 00:27:19,916
Put together a show
with that theme, -
358
00:27:20,041 --> 00:27:22,416
- we would have been interested.
359
00:27:22,499 --> 00:27:25,207
Like a summer show with a twist.
360
00:27:25,291 --> 00:27:31,374
A summer show with a twist is
something you'd be interested in then?
361
00:27:31,457 --> 00:27:35,124
Been kinda..assymetric warfare lately.
362
00:27:35,207 --> 00:27:36,832
Bit "Night of the Long Knives".
363
00:27:36,916 --> 00:27:41,624
We have of course noticed, so nice
that you're here with a white flag.
364
00:27:41,707 --> 00:27:45,707
But I've got a lot to do, and
Kasper is a bit under the weather.
365
00:27:45,791 --> 00:27:51,624
So perhaps we'll just
contact you if needed?
366
00:27:54,832 --> 00:27:56,832
That was... nice.
367
00:27:56,916 --> 00:27:59,124
Yeah, wasn't it?
368
00:28:03,207 --> 00:28:05,916
That's fantastic.
Awesome!
369
00:28:06,041 --> 00:28:09,166
- Genious.
- I don't think that's an option.
370
00:28:09,249 --> 00:28:11,707
- Why not?
- Erik Elisabeth.
371
00:28:11,791 --> 00:28:17,582
When I say something is out of the question,
it's out of the question. No point arguing.
372
00:28:19,791 --> 00:28:22,166
But you could consider it.
373
00:28:36,874 --> 00:28:39,499
Hey!
374
00:28:41,916 --> 00:28:46,332
- Oh my god, I don't know what to say.
- Well, look at me, then.
375
00:28:47,082 --> 00:28:48,582
Want to feel?
376
00:28:48,666 --> 00:28:51,124
Ow! Not there, fucks sake!
Naw.
377
00:28:51,207 --> 00:28:54,082
- Want me to take your backpack?
- Yes please.
378
00:28:54,166 --> 00:28:57,582
So, really learnt kiting now?
379
00:28:58,582 --> 00:29:02,582
Must be fun slipping around.
Slip away.
380
00:29:02,666 --> 00:29:06,499
Your dad is becoming a bible teacher now.
381
00:29:06,582 --> 00:29:10,291
"And it came to pass in those days that
Josef and Maria slipped around Bethlehem.
382
00:29:10,374 --> 00:29:14,374
"But there was no room in any
swag hostels, so..."
383
00:29:14,457 --> 00:29:19,124
"Thankfully there was a crunk disciple
who let them in"
384
00:29:19,207 --> 00:29:22,541
- Then they slipped baby Jesus out of...
- Fuck off with the slipping!
385
00:29:22,624 --> 00:29:24,707
Here.
386
00:29:26,416 --> 00:29:29,624
I'm gonna scoot.
Talk later, miss.
387
00:29:29,707 --> 00:29:32,749
-I'll drive you
-There's no room for me.
388
00:29:32,832 --> 00:29:35,624
- You can sit in front.
- You've got a lot to talk about.
389
00:29:35,707 --> 00:29:38,041
- Please?
- I'll take the railway.
390
00:29:38,124 --> 00:29:42,416
- So I can slip a bit on the rails.
- Oh my god, you're so funny.
391
00:29:55,499 --> 00:30:00,207
And here I thought this would be
a pleasant trip on rails.
392
00:30:03,582 --> 00:30:05,499
Yeah, hey, same.
393
00:30:08,707 --> 00:30:11,624
Not bad, that stuff you gave me.
394
00:30:11,707 --> 00:30:14,249
- It was not...?
- Not bad.
395
00:30:14,332 --> 00:30:19,416
- No idea what you're talking about.
- Marijuana. The drugs I got from you.
396
00:30:24,791 --> 00:30:29,166
Doesn't really seem like it's
had any significant effect.
397
00:30:29,999 --> 00:30:31,832
You'll have to give me some more then.
398
00:30:32,666 --> 00:30:34,499
Do you have more?
399
00:30:38,457 --> 00:30:40,207
What have you got, then?
400
00:30:41,041 --> 00:30:44,999
- Sarcoma.
- Soft tissue or bone?
401
00:30:45,624 --> 00:30:47,457
Bone.
402
00:30:47,999 --> 00:30:50,916
Chondrosarcoma, osteosarcoma, -
403
00:30:51,041 --> 00:30:52,791
- Ewing?
404
00:30:52,874 --> 00:30:54,791
Yep, it's Ewing.
405
00:30:55,874 --> 00:30:57,874
Much pain?
406
00:30:57,999 --> 00:30:59,832
Yeah, some.
407
00:30:59,916 --> 00:31:01,499
Spread?
408
00:31:02,166 --> 00:31:03,916
- To the lungs?
- No.
409
00:31:04,041 --> 00:31:05,791
Then you're good.
410
00:31:06,416 --> 00:31:07,975
Me, it started in my breasts,
spread to...
411
00:31:07,999 --> 00:31:10,499
Now's the time to say hello, or?
412
00:31:10,541 --> 00:31:13,082
I'm really starving.
413
00:31:13,166 --> 00:31:14,916
Kasper Berntsen.
414
00:31:15,041 --> 00:31:16,916
Maria Toulabi.
415
00:31:18,749 --> 00:31:22,332
Or "god damn fucking bitch".
416
00:31:24,874 --> 00:31:26,874
Coming?
417
00:31:26,999 --> 00:31:29,082
Yeah, allright.
418
00:32:26,291 --> 00:32:27,916
Oi.
419
00:32:28,916 --> 00:32:30,707
Yeah...
420
00:32:32,124 --> 00:32:34,041
You don't have something like this one.
421
00:32:35,499 --> 00:32:38,582
I don't have something like that one.
I should get one.
422
00:32:38,666 --> 00:32:41,832
One simply does not get a christmas
sweater.
423
00:32:41,916 --> 00:32:45,041
It's like a samurai sword.
It has to choose you.
424
00:32:45,124 --> 00:32:47,791
And you can't have
something with Jesus on it.
425
00:32:47,874 --> 00:32:51,499
I'm more of a dinosaur.
Me and Jesus aren't very compatible.
426
00:32:51,541 --> 00:32:55,124
By the way I do a pretty good
imitation of a dinosaur.
427
00:33:11,541 --> 00:33:14,874
I don't know if it's the greatest.
428
00:33:16,666 --> 00:33:19,749
And I've seen quite a few.
429
00:33:28,499 --> 00:33:31,749
What was your thoughts when
you received your diagnosis?
430
00:33:36,249 --> 00:33:40,582
Would you like to hear something that's
both sad and pathetic at once?
431
00:33:42,207 --> 00:33:45,457
- No, can't say I do.
- Huh?
432
00:33:45,499 --> 00:33:47,499
Well, now you have to say.
433
00:33:48,291 --> 00:33:52,499
What I was thinking when I was diagnosed
and my girlfriend dumped me...
434
00:33:52,541 --> 00:33:55,832
- I'm not saying this to get your sympathy.
- No worries.
435
00:33:55,916 --> 00:33:57,874
It was just...
436
00:33:59,749 --> 00:34:01,749
If I die now, -
437
00:34:01,832 --> 00:34:06,832
- I'll die without having heard
another human being say that they love me.
438
00:34:08,291 --> 00:34:12,707
Shit, that is pretty sad and
pathetic at the same time.
439
00:34:12,791 --> 00:34:16,374
Oh my god, you're such a loser!
440
00:34:18,374 --> 00:34:21,457
And what makes it even more so, is -
441
00:34:21,499 --> 00:34:25,332
- that I've told it to
two different people.
442
00:34:26,332 --> 00:34:30,666
- Once in french.
- Ah, I can't listen to this any more.
443
00:34:31,707 --> 00:34:33,457
But hey?
444
00:34:33,916 --> 00:34:36,291
You've got a telescope.
445
00:34:41,249 --> 00:34:45,874
Can you really see anything when
there's so much light in town?
446
00:34:51,332 --> 00:34:55,999
It was something left over
from the previous owners.
447
00:34:56,082 --> 00:34:57,791
Oh yeah.
448
00:34:58,582 --> 00:35:00,791
All these pictures too?
449
00:35:01,624 --> 00:35:03,999
- No, that's mine.
- Yeah.
450
00:35:11,291 --> 00:35:13,249
That's cool, though.
451
00:35:14,874 --> 00:35:17,707
Why do you think nobody have said it?
452
00:35:17,791 --> 00:35:20,999
It's not something I've
thought a lot about.
453
00:35:21,082 --> 00:35:24,041
It was really mostly because you asked.
454
00:35:24,124 --> 00:35:26,166
Should I take the trash?
455
00:35:26,249 --> 00:35:28,416
Yeah, if you wouldn't mind.
456
00:35:33,624 --> 00:35:37,749
Do you think perhaps it's the thought of
loving somebody who loves you -
457
00:35:37,832 --> 00:35:40,291
- that is the problem?
458
00:35:40,374 --> 00:35:42,166
- The thought of...
- You're thinking:
459
00:35:42,249 --> 00:35:45,041
"Surely nobody can love this."
460
00:35:45,124 --> 00:35:48,707
"Have some dignity and standards.
I'm a bad and hollow person."
461
00:35:48,791 --> 00:35:52,832
And then you don't dare letting anybody in
to see who you really are.
462
00:35:52,916 --> 00:35:58,041
And that way you don't give anybody
the chance to...
463
00:35:59,374 --> 00:36:01,624
Yeah, anyway.
Do you recall where?
464
00:36:01,707 --> 00:36:05,332
You remember when we came in
over at the right there?
465
00:36:09,499 --> 00:36:10,999
Ok.
466
00:36:11,082 --> 00:36:14,499
- Thanks for the smoothie.
- My pleasure.
467
00:36:48,499 --> 00:36:50,041
Kasper!
468
00:36:50,124 --> 00:36:55,082
- Didn't think we'd get to see you again.
- Didn't think so either.
469
00:36:56,499 --> 00:36:58,041
Hey.
470
00:36:58,124 --> 00:36:59,999
How are you?
471
00:37:00,082 --> 00:37:02,332
- Oh, I'm good.
- Great.
472
00:37:02,416 --> 00:37:05,207
You're braver thank you know,
stronger thank you think -
473
00:37:05,291 --> 00:37:07,499
- and wiser than you understand.
474
00:37:09,416 --> 00:37:11,416
Good foundation to have -
475
00:37:11,499 --> 00:37:15,291
- when you suddenly need to
find some extra courage.
476
00:37:15,374 --> 00:37:19,124
- I feel that I'm dreading it.
- What are you dreading?
477
00:37:19,207 --> 00:37:23,207
There are hospital regulations
that say that...
478
00:37:24,749 --> 00:37:28,999
When you turn 18,
you're moved to the adult section.
479
00:37:29,082 --> 00:37:33,332
- And there's only old people.
- It's important to think positive.
480
00:37:33,416 --> 00:37:35,291
Because there are incredibly many -
481
00:37:35,374 --> 00:37:39,249
- great, elder people.
Warm individuals.
482
00:37:39,374 --> 00:37:42,707
I just don't think it's any cool.
483
00:37:42,791 --> 00:37:44,249
You know what, Anja?
484
00:37:44,332 --> 00:37:48,457
I think it'll be a much better
experience than you think.
485
00:37:48,499 --> 00:37:52,499
- There's a saying...
- Why do you think it will be better?
486
00:37:52,582 --> 00:37:54,582
It's like this:
"The optimist..."
487
00:37:54,666 --> 00:37:56,124
I'm sorry.
488
00:37:56,207 --> 00:38:00,166
Total respect for your work, but...
489
00:38:00,249 --> 00:38:02,999
I think you're saying strange stuff now.
490
00:38:03,082 --> 00:38:05,374
- What were you thinking about?
- Well, that...
491
00:38:05,457 --> 00:38:07,916
This is a relationship lab.
492
00:38:08,041 --> 00:38:11,457
Is there anything you
want to say to Anja, Kasper?
493
00:38:14,124 --> 00:38:16,249
Shit, I'm glad I'm not you.
494
00:38:16,332 --> 00:38:18,666
Shit, I'm glad I'm not her!
495
00:38:18,749 --> 00:38:22,624
You're 17 and you live in a hospital.
496
00:38:22,707 --> 00:38:26,457
I'd have stolen
all the medicine I could find -
497
00:38:26,499 --> 00:38:28,874
- and swallowed it with medial alcohol.
498
00:38:28,999 --> 00:38:32,041
- That's enough.
- You can't smooth over everything here!
499
00:38:32,124 --> 00:38:36,041
It's good to have a positive attitude
and life quotes on the walls, -
500
00:38:36,124 --> 00:38:37,916
- but you take nothing seriously.
501
00:38:38,041 --> 00:38:44,082
You and Anja and the lot have something in
common, so you understand each other. That's good.
502
00:38:44,166 --> 00:38:45,874
But it doesn't mean that you know...
503
00:38:45,999 --> 00:38:51,457
I think I know a whole lot about
what a girl in her situation feels.
504
00:38:51,499 --> 00:38:53,499
- Ok?
- Yeah, I think Anja -
505
00:38:53,582 --> 00:38:58,499
- is stuck in that fucking hospital and
see her friends plan exam parties -
506
00:38:58,582 --> 00:39:02,374
- and work hard to
include her as much as possible, -
507
00:39:02,457 --> 00:39:04,499
- until she feels only like a burden.
508
00:39:04,582 --> 00:39:09,541
So you stop responding to invitations
to cover parties you won't attend.
509
00:39:09,624 --> 00:39:14,166
And in your darkest moments you fantasize
about the party bus burning up -
510
00:39:14,249 --> 00:39:17,499
- so all the other girls were crippled...
511
00:39:17,541 --> 00:39:20,582
And that's enough.
This isn't suitable.
512
00:39:20,666 --> 00:39:23,249
This isn't what a
17 year old should feel.
513
00:39:23,332 --> 00:39:26,499
She should worry whether
she can get a false ID, -
514
00:39:26,582 --> 00:39:30,332
- or if she's got an STD because
she blew a bosnian Foodora-courier.
515
00:39:30,416 --> 00:39:34,207
And I think perhaps Anja thinks that
there are nobody -
516
00:39:34,291 --> 00:39:36,499
- in the whole world who
knows how you're doing.
517
00:39:36,582 --> 00:39:39,374
You're all alone
in the nightmare you're in.
518
00:39:39,457 --> 00:39:42,666
You deserve to hear
that your life fucking sucks.
519
00:39:42,749 --> 00:39:46,874
That it's such fucking bullshit and...
520
00:39:49,999 --> 00:39:51,749
Perhaps we needed that.
521
00:39:51,832 --> 00:39:54,832
It is so great that we've got this room
where we can -
522
00:39:54,916 --> 00:39:58,041
- just throw out anything we want to.
523
00:39:58,124 --> 00:40:02,249
Now we'll perform an exercise
called the incredible hat.
524
00:40:04,124 --> 00:40:07,666
Perhaps... Khalid
would like to start?
525
00:40:07,749 --> 00:40:13,291
I'll give you a hat, and in the hat
you can put something you look forward to.
526
00:40:13,582 --> 00:40:16,207
And I get so happy
when Vålerenga win.
527
00:40:16,291 --> 00:40:18,666
Every once in awhile.
Yeah.
528
00:40:20,249 --> 00:40:21,791
Thank you.
Great!
529
00:40:21,874 --> 00:40:24,874
Then it's in the hat.
Supert, Ingar.
530
00:40:25,457 --> 00:40:28,249
Sara?
There you are.
531
00:40:30,499 --> 00:40:32,666
I can't really think of anything.
532
00:40:32,749 --> 00:40:35,041
Come on.
Anything at all.
533
00:40:35,916 --> 00:40:37,291
Hullo!
534
00:40:37,374 --> 00:40:44,041
I can't speak to people I don't know
without a bit of alcohol in my bloodstream.
535
00:40:44,124 --> 00:40:46,666
I've bought a couple of bottles of white.
536
00:40:46,749 --> 00:40:48,749
What are you doing now?
537
00:40:48,832 --> 00:40:50,874
White wine.
Would you like a glass, Sara?
538
00:40:50,999 --> 00:40:53,499
- No, she's not...
- Selma!
539
00:40:53,541 --> 00:40:56,249
Selma, please, would you just...
540
00:40:56,332 --> 00:40:58,457
- Sara, give me that glass.
- Absolutely not!
541
00:40:58,499 --> 00:41:01,666
Are you aware that there are people here -
542
00:41:01,749 --> 00:41:03,707
- who will have a fit if...
543
00:41:03,791 --> 00:41:06,749
She is 17!
You are 17, Anja.
544
00:41:06,832 --> 00:41:11,624
It's actually illegal.
This is completely unacceptable!
545
00:41:16,582 --> 00:41:17,916
Cheers.
546
00:41:26,207 --> 00:41:31,166
Could we gather up a bit?
We're so far from each other.
547
00:41:34,624 --> 00:41:36,874
- Cheers, guys!
- Cheers!
548
00:41:39,874 --> 00:41:43,541
This disease has quite a lot of
drawbacks, -
549
00:41:43,624 --> 00:41:47,291
- but people listen a bit more
and treat you a lot better.
550
00:41:47,374 --> 00:41:50,041
People treat you as if
you were made of glass.
551
00:41:50,457 --> 00:41:53,332
Why don't we use it a lot more?
552
00:41:53,416 --> 00:41:57,541
Imagine all we can do without getting
caught, because we've got cancer!
553
00:41:57,624 --> 00:42:02,416
Many of you probably have fantasies
or desires you wouldn't say out loud.
554
00:42:02,499 --> 00:42:04,124
Anja, for instance.
555
00:42:04,207 --> 00:42:09,582
Don't you have any dreams you would
like to fullfill? Rob a bank or...
556
00:42:18,499 --> 00:42:22,249
Khalid, you probably have some sick stuff
you wish to do before you go?
557
00:42:22,332 --> 00:42:24,749
Khaled doesn't really enjoy talking.
558
00:42:24,832 --> 00:42:28,541
- Khalid, now it's just us here.
- Ok.
559
00:42:28,624 --> 00:42:30,499
I've always wanted to -
560
00:42:30,582 --> 00:42:32,582
- try ecstasy.
561
00:42:34,124 --> 00:42:37,874
Yeah, I was offered once
at a conference.
562
00:42:37,999 --> 00:42:42,499
I had to say no. I was scared to death
that my wife would find out.
563
00:42:43,416 --> 00:42:47,332
Yeah, I also have something
I've thought long about.
564
00:42:47,416 --> 00:42:52,249
I haven't thought about it for awhile,
but the thing I really want to do -
565
00:42:52,332 --> 00:42:55,124
- is to go to the house
of my ex husband, -
566
00:42:55,207 --> 00:42:58,791
- light it up, and let it burn
to the ground.
567
00:42:58,874 --> 00:43:03,124
Ideally with his 20 years younger
wife inside.
568
00:43:03,207 --> 00:43:06,707
- I didn't know you'd been married.
- For 32 years.
569
00:43:06,791 --> 00:43:08,624
Then he left me.
570
00:43:08,707 --> 00:43:11,499
And I laid there with a
bag on my belly, -
571
00:43:11,582 --> 00:43:14,791
- no rectum, and
parched mucous membranes.
572
00:43:14,874 --> 00:43:18,499
Parched mucous membranes?
What is that?
573
00:43:18,541 --> 00:43:22,207
- My pussy became dry as a cracker.
- Sorry!
574
00:43:22,291 --> 00:43:27,499
No matter. It's a bit squeaky,
but it's still usable.
575
00:43:30,624 --> 00:43:32,166
Cheers to it, then!
576
00:43:34,124 --> 00:43:36,624
There's one thing
I've wanted to do -
577
00:43:36,707 --> 00:43:39,457
- since the first time I came here.
578
00:43:41,124 --> 00:43:42,916
Life's like this:
579
00:43:43,582 --> 00:43:47,374
You have to be respectful
and listen to those with experience.
580
00:43:49,082 --> 00:43:51,791
And now and then
just don't give a damn.
581
00:43:52,416 --> 00:43:54,624
- About anything.
- Ready, set, go!
582
00:44:20,499 --> 00:44:22,041
You are so right.
583
00:44:22,124 --> 00:44:26,124
They have strained to include me
in the exam hubbub and -parties.
584
00:44:26,207 --> 00:44:29,582
And I feel like a fucking burden.
585
00:44:29,666 --> 00:44:32,499
But you are a fucking burden.
586
00:44:32,582 --> 00:44:34,749
- I'm a fucking burden!
- You're a burden.
587
00:44:34,832 --> 00:44:38,166
- And you're a burden.
- I'm a burden too.
588
00:44:38,249 --> 00:44:40,207
- Want any more?
- No, I'm fine.
589
00:44:40,291 --> 00:44:45,124
You ought to be happy you don't
have a rectum. Do you know why?
590
00:44:45,207 --> 00:44:47,832
No hemorrhoids
and all that shit.
591
00:44:47,916 --> 00:44:50,207
Thank you!
592
00:44:50,291 --> 00:44:52,749
Great!
593
00:44:56,791 --> 00:44:58,541
Yeah.
594
00:45:01,249 --> 00:45:04,041
Are you satisfied with the bucket lists?
595
00:45:04,124 --> 00:45:07,499
- Yeah.
- What's yours, then? Your wish?
596
00:45:10,207 --> 00:45:14,041
I've got a wish,
but not sure I should say it aloud.
597
00:45:14,124 --> 00:45:16,874
I'm afraid it won't come true.
598
00:45:16,999 --> 00:45:19,332
Ok, you'll have to say it quietly then.
599
00:45:20,999 --> 00:45:22,374
Say it quietly?
600
00:45:22,457 --> 00:45:25,916
- Are you sure?
- Completely. Say it quietly.
601
00:45:41,624 --> 00:45:43,666
But I just...
602
00:45:46,707 --> 00:45:49,249
Now listen to me,
you fucking prick!
603
00:45:49,332 --> 00:45:52,832
Sorry, that was a bit much.
But we'll take care of it.
604
00:45:52,916 --> 00:45:55,707
I get that you've got your
little process now, -
605
00:45:55,791 --> 00:45:59,332
- but these people here
are the best friends I've got.
606
00:45:59,416 --> 00:46:02,791
So if you fuck up this group for me,
I'm gonna fuck you up!
607
00:46:02,874 --> 00:46:05,457
I know gangstas!
608
00:46:06,666 --> 00:46:08,457
Or do I?
609
00:46:10,582 --> 00:46:11,916
Gotcha.
610
00:46:13,166 --> 00:46:15,624
- Can I join the party?
- Yeah!
611
00:46:15,707 --> 00:46:18,499
- Of course!
- Come on.
612
00:46:22,124 --> 00:46:23,541
Cheers, guys!
613
00:46:23,832 --> 00:46:25,541
Erik Elisabeth?
614
00:46:26,832 --> 00:46:29,249
We'll do that show.
615
00:46:29,791 --> 00:46:31,666
As an opener, I was thinking -
616
00:46:31,749 --> 00:46:35,249
- either the resource joke or leukemia.
617
00:46:35,332 --> 00:46:37,999
I don't think you should
open with leukemia.
618
00:46:38,082 --> 00:46:40,082
- Hi, Kasper.
- Hey, Nina.
619
00:46:40,166 --> 00:46:41,541
You staying for dinner?
620
00:46:43,124 --> 00:46:45,499
I agree, that's a bit harsh.
621
00:46:45,582 --> 00:46:48,416
- So then we're doing resource?
- Yeah.
622
00:46:49,166 --> 00:46:52,999
When you get cancer,
you also get something else that sucks.
623
00:46:53,082 --> 00:46:56,207
There's a damn lot of brochures.
Extremely many.
624
00:46:56,707 --> 00:47:00,582
In one of the brochures I received,
it said:
625
00:47:00,666 --> 00:47:03,999
People with cancer is a vast resource.
626
00:47:05,874 --> 00:47:10,749
Resource? You're on a plane and
a person has had a stroke.
627
00:47:10,832 --> 00:47:14,791
Then Trine Lise comes running.
"That's great, are you a doctor?"
628
00:47:14,874 --> 00:47:18,874
"No, but I've got a strange
birthmark on my knee."
629
00:47:18,999 --> 00:47:22,332
People with cancer are only a resource
as extras in a movie -
630
00:47:22,416 --> 00:47:24,791
- about fatigued right-wing extremists.
631
00:47:27,499 --> 00:47:31,374
Next time you breathe in,
you can feel...
632
00:47:31,457 --> 00:47:34,249
You're at an after-party
and are all out of cocaine.
633
00:47:34,332 --> 00:47:36,874
Edvard says: "I can call Klaus."
634
00:47:36,999 --> 00:47:42,999
"Can he get more?" "No, but
he's got a giant tumor in his balls."
635
00:47:43,291 --> 00:47:46,499
You just have to blanket the audience
with jokes.
636
00:47:46,582 --> 00:47:48,041
- Here, Kasper.
- Thanks.
637
00:47:48,124 --> 00:47:50,082
It will be god damn tight.
638
00:47:50,166 --> 00:47:52,999
You will need to be completely focused.
639
00:47:53,082 --> 00:47:55,207
- Right?
- Yep.
640
00:47:55,291 --> 00:47:56,749
What do you need?
641
00:47:56,832 --> 00:48:00,082
- Complete focus.
- What requires complete focus?
642
00:48:00,166 --> 00:48:02,124
- Blanketing.
- Exactly.
643
00:48:02,207 --> 00:48:05,749
When you get this disease,
your perspective changes.
644
00:48:05,832 --> 00:48:08,582
I've never much liked children.
645
00:48:08,666 --> 00:48:13,207
But I was at the hospital and a
little boy came over to me -
646
00:48:13,291 --> 00:48:15,749
- and said:
"Is it true you're a comedian?"
647
00:48:15,832 --> 00:48:19,457
"Yes, I am."
"I want to be a comedian when I grow up."
648
00:48:19,499 --> 00:48:21,582
I was touched, up until he said:
649
00:48:21,666 --> 00:48:25,332
"And a computer engineer
and doctor and a seal."
650
00:48:25,416 --> 00:48:28,791
So I had to give him
a tiny reality check.
651
00:48:28,874 --> 00:48:30,791
"Son."
652
00:48:30,874 --> 00:48:34,291
"You've got leukemia.
You won't grow up."
653
00:48:38,791 --> 00:48:40,916
Thank you very much.
654
00:48:41,791 --> 00:48:44,499
- Are you doing ok?
- Yeah!
655
00:48:46,124 --> 00:48:48,666
Don't ask me how I'm doing.
656
00:48:48,749 --> 00:48:51,749
- How are you doing?
- I'm getting buried, thanks for asking.
657
00:49:09,166 --> 00:49:11,332
Another advantage of knowing
you're gonna die, -
658
00:49:11,416 --> 00:49:15,124
- is that you have time
to plan your funeral.
659
00:49:15,207 --> 00:49:18,582
I'm not gonna have a traditional funeral.
I'm gonna have a theme party.
660
00:49:20,916 --> 00:49:25,416
And not a normal, traditional coffin
made out of wood. It's gonna be jelly.
661
00:49:25,499 --> 00:49:30,332
And inside there I'm gonna float
with corn and peas and shrimp.
662
00:49:31,374 --> 00:49:33,916
Like a savory jelly from hell.
663
00:49:34,041 --> 00:49:37,624
And when they carry me out of the
church, jiggly and fine, -
664
00:49:37,707 --> 00:49:42,249
- there's of course only one
correct song to play.
665
00:49:45,457 --> 00:49:50,124
"If you don't know me by now ..."
666
00:50:07,916 --> 00:50:09,791
It's strange.
667
00:50:09,874 --> 00:50:11,666
Life is strange.
668
00:50:12,582 --> 00:50:14,749
You have to cherish it.
669
00:50:16,041 --> 00:50:17,374
Cherish it.
670
00:50:17,791 --> 00:50:20,124
Good bye. Thank you.
Bye.
671
00:51:41,874 --> 00:51:43,791
Hi.
672
00:51:46,874 --> 00:51:48,666
Can you feel anything?
673
00:51:49,499 --> 00:51:51,207
Not really.
674
00:51:51,624 --> 00:51:54,332
But I like that you're doing it.
675
00:52:18,374 --> 00:52:21,707
I had given my tits nicknames previously.
676
00:52:21,791 --> 00:52:24,791
When they still were... among us.
677
00:52:24,874 --> 00:52:26,624
- Want to hear?
- Mm.
678
00:52:27,249 --> 00:52:29,082
Mia and Fia.
679
00:52:31,332 --> 00:52:33,541
- So nerd.
- I know.
680
00:52:33,624 --> 00:52:36,582
It sort of doesn't fit,
now they're more like...
681
00:52:36,666 --> 00:52:38,499
Ground Zero?
682
00:52:39,916 --> 00:52:42,457
You shouldn't laugh at such things.
683
00:52:42,499 --> 00:52:44,499
So mean.
684
00:52:44,541 --> 00:52:46,041
- Sorry.
- It's ok.
685
00:52:46,124 --> 00:52:49,332
You don't need tits when you've got that.
686
00:52:49,416 --> 00:52:52,499
- Do you think I've got a nice ass?
- Mm.
687
00:52:54,749 --> 00:52:56,499
Oh damn.
688
00:52:58,041 --> 00:53:00,874
What was the plan for the group today?
689
00:53:09,041 --> 00:53:12,499
You fixing this stuff is
so incredibly cool.
690
00:53:12,541 --> 00:53:16,416
You're the cool one
for doing this for Anja.
691
00:53:22,624 --> 00:53:25,749
Just stop the bos over here.
692
00:53:25,832 --> 00:53:29,749
And so you just count to ten,
then you'll come?
693
00:53:36,416 --> 00:53:39,332
Hi! Where's Anja?
694
00:53:43,166 --> 00:53:45,874
Her mother called this morning.
695
00:53:47,332 --> 00:53:49,124
Anja passed.
696
00:53:50,999 --> 00:53:55,082
Her lungs stopped working
during the night.
697
00:53:55,166 --> 00:53:57,166
Her mother and father -
698
00:53:57,249 --> 00:54:01,041
- didn't get to say goodbye
to their little girl.
699
00:54:01,124 --> 00:54:02,916
Surprise!
700
00:54:07,249 --> 00:54:09,624
Anja! Anja! Anja!
701
00:54:55,832 --> 00:54:57,624
Hey?
702
00:54:57,999 --> 00:54:59,916
Are you ok?
703
00:55:12,124 --> 00:55:15,332
- See you Wednesday, right?
- Yeah.
704
00:55:15,416 --> 00:55:17,332
We're off.
Hey.
705
00:55:19,999 --> 00:55:22,249
Can I show you something?
706
00:55:24,499 --> 00:55:27,249
It's a very nice tombstone inscription -
707
00:55:27,332 --> 00:55:30,624
- that I saw
when we buried my grandmother.
708
00:55:40,291 --> 00:55:42,041
Isn't it nice?
709
00:55:42,791 --> 00:55:45,416
I think it's so simple and...
710
00:55:45,499 --> 00:55:47,374
I have to go.
711
00:55:51,874 --> 00:55:53,791
Maria?
712
00:56:31,207 --> 00:56:33,541
It's nice that it'll
be visually funny.
713
00:56:33,624 --> 00:56:37,791
Not just one of those bad dudes
with beer and a barstool.
714
00:56:37,874 --> 00:56:41,499
- What I'm looking for, is...
- Are you guys done?
715
00:56:41,582 --> 00:56:46,166
You're something of a pioneer at this.
There aren't that many...
716
00:57:27,291 --> 00:57:29,082
Fuck!
717
00:57:32,416 --> 00:57:34,249
Hey.
718
00:57:34,332 --> 00:57:36,582
- Can you hear me?
- Did you climb?
719
00:57:36,666 --> 00:57:38,457
Are you crazy?
720
00:57:38,499 --> 00:57:41,624
- You could have...
- I could have what?
721
00:57:41,707 --> 00:57:44,207
Hey, would you let me in?
722
00:57:45,374 --> 00:57:47,124
Huh?
No.
723
00:57:49,291 --> 00:57:52,332
Sorry if I misjudged something.
724
00:57:52,707 --> 00:57:56,416
If I thought it was something
else than it really is.
725
00:57:56,499 --> 00:58:01,624
And sorry that I sent you 14
texts the last day.
726
00:58:01,707 --> 00:58:05,249
Won't you let me in?
We don't need to talk.
727
00:58:05,332 --> 00:58:08,499
We could watch a movie, or...
728
00:58:09,582 --> 00:58:13,541
Or perhaps you could
put on a movie where...
729
00:58:13,624 --> 00:58:16,499
I don't want to watch any fucking movie!
730
00:58:20,791 --> 00:58:22,582
Ok, no.
731
00:58:24,499 --> 00:58:26,249
Sorry.
732
00:58:27,332 --> 00:58:30,207
I'm just wondering why you left.
733
00:58:33,082 --> 00:58:35,166
Have you heard about ESA?
734
00:58:37,124 --> 00:58:42,082
European Space Agency. An european
program training astronauts.
735
00:58:42,166 --> 00:58:44,207
- Like NASA?
- Yeah.
736
00:58:44,291 --> 00:58:46,749
No, haven't heard of it.
737
00:58:47,916 --> 00:58:51,416
Five years ago they held admittance trials.
738
00:58:51,499 --> 00:58:53,749
22000 applicants.
739
00:58:53,832 --> 00:58:56,207
Five people were selected.
740
00:58:57,332 --> 00:58:59,499
And you were one of them?
741
00:59:00,374 --> 00:59:02,666
- Were you one of them?
- Yes.
742
00:59:03,707 --> 00:59:05,499
Wow.
743
00:59:05,582 --> 00:59:08,041
Week after, I was diagnosed.
744
00:59:08,124 --> 00:59:11,041
I gave myself five years to get well.
745
00:59:12,082 --> 00:59:13,791
Now they found another lump.
746
00:59:13,874 --> 00:59:17,207
I'll go to an euthanasia-clinic
if it is a relapse.
747
00:59:17,291 --> 00:59:20,707
- You'll go to...?
- An end-of-life-clinic in Switzerland.
748
00:59:20,791 --> 00:59:24,707
If it is a relapse.
I can't do another round.
749
00:59:24,791 --> 00:59:28,207
- Just open the door.
- I should stay away from you.
750
00:59:28,291 --> 00:59:32,207
- But you're so incredibly nice.
- Now, just open the door.
751
00:59:32,291 --> 00:59:35,916
Kasper, I should've stayed away from you.
752
00:59:37,541 --> 00:59:41,791
It's just that
you made me forget everything. So...
753
00:59:41,874 --> 00:59:43,416
Sorry.
754
00:59:44,499 --> 00:59:45,791
Sorry.
755
00:59:45,874 --> 00:59:49,624
Just open the door.
Maria, open that door.
756
01:00:12,416 --> 01:00:14,249
But...
757
01:00:23,291 --> 01:00:25,249
You're so damn stupid!
758
01:00:25,332 --> 01:00:27,499
I understand that you think
this is undignified -
759
01:00:27,541 --> 01:00:30,166
- and that I should demand
more of myself.
760
01:00:30,249 --> 01:00:33,874
But a woman like you deserves a man
by her side to carry her purse.
761
01:00:33,999 --> 01:00:39,916
So I demand to come along to fucking
Switzerland, and you can just forget saying...
762
01:00:40,999 --> 01:00:42,749
Did you say yes?
763
01:00:44,249 --> 01:00:47,249
Are you going to open the door,
or do I have to...
764
01:01:16,707 --> 01:01:19,291
- Are you ready, Maria?
- Yes.
765
01:01:19,374 --> 01:01:21,374
Want me to come in?
766
01:01:22,499 --> 01:01:24,374
No, that's ok.
767
01:01:41,832 --> 01:01:45,874
Hey, I just need a few words.
768
01:01:48,041 --> 01:01:50,832
- What's up?
- It's Nina, we've argued.
769
01:01:50,916 --> 01:01:54,291
Now she's gone to her mother, for good.
770
01:01:54,374 --> 01:01:57,874
I don't know what to do,
don't know what to say.
771
01:01:57,999 --> 01:02:00,582
It's like an impenetrable wall.
772
01:02:00,666 --> 01:02:03,457
Why does it have to be so fucking hard?
773
01:02:03,499 --> 01:02:05,582
Hell...
774
01:02:06,457 --> 01:02:08,916
Let me know if there's anything I can do.
775
01:02:09,041 --> 01:02:11,041
How about you though, how are you?
776
01:02:11,666 --> 01:02:13,374
Well, it...
777
01:02:13,457 --> 01:02:17,124
- It's ok. I'm fine.
- We'll talk later.
778
01:02:17,207 --> 01:02:18,999
Ok.
779
01:02:33,207 --> 01:02:34,499
Hi.
780
01:02:38,374 --> 01:02:41,291
Don't see this every day.
781
01:02:41,374 --> 01:02:43,374
First off, it was -
782
01:02:43,457 --> 01:02:47,791
- just a lump of fat.
We see no symptoms in Maria.
783
01:02:48,707 --> 01:02:51,707
We'll wait for a few bloodtests, but -
784
01:02:51,791 --> 01:02:53,749
- according to ultrasound and scan -
785
01:02:53,832 --> 01:02:56,832
- it is completely recovered.
786
01:03:02,124 --> 01:03:05,541
- Sounds like there's a "but" here?
- Yeah.
787
01:03:05,624 --> 01:03:08,791
We did an ultrasound of Maria's stomach.
788
01:03:08,874 --> 01:03:10,832
To look for tumors.
789
01:03:10,916 --> 01:03:13,916
Your girlfriend's pregnant.
790
01:03:15,582 --> 01:03:19,291
It is very early,
so nothing is certain.
791
01:03:19,374 --> 01:03:21,582
I don't understand anything.
792
01:03:21,666 --> 01:03:25,124
Maria... is pregnant.
793
01:03:25,207 --> 01:03:28,582
And you are approximately three weeks in.
794
01:03:34,582 --> 01:03:38,832
I'll give you some time to talk.
795
01:03:38,916 --> 01:03:41,624
Then we'll talk later, ok?
796
01:03:52,499 --> 01:03:54,874
- Should we go?
- Yes, lets.
797
01:04:26,124 --> 01:04:27,999
I just want to...
798
01:04:28,707 --> 01:04:33,082
Don't feel that you have to take part
in something you're not ready for.
799
01:04:33,166 --> 01:04:35,624
I just didn't think this was possible.
800
01:04:40,374 --> 01:04:44,249
You'll cancel those tickets to
Switzerland, then?
801
01:04:48,707 --> 01:04:51,749
Didn't you include a
cancellation insurance?
802
01:04:51,832 --> 01:04:56,041
You didn't?
How can anybody possibly be so thick?
803
01:04:56,124 --> 01:05:00,457
You didn't purhcase a cancellation
insurance? You have to buy...
804
01:05:00,499 --> 01:05:02,582
Ah, you stupid cow.
805
01:05:16,374 --> 01:05:18,041
You're healthy.
806
01:05:25,374 --> 01:05:27,041
Are you asleep?
807
01:05:36,291 --> 01:05:38,291
Hey you.
808
01:05:38,374 --> 01:05:40,291
No, everything's fine.
809
01:05:42,374 --> 01:05:44,707
Dear Erik Elisabeth.
810
01:05:45,499 --> 01:05:47,791
I think I've got an idea.
811
01:05:47,874 --> 01:05:49,291
Yeah?
812
01:05:49,374 --> 01:05:51,124
Great.
813
01:06:04,499 --> 01:06:07,249
- Really out of practice.
- It's my fault.
814
01:06:07,332 --> 01:06:11,291
I'm supposed to be a masculine
role model for you.
815
01:06:11,374 --> 01:06:13,541
You just get well!
816
01:06:16,291 --> 01:06:18,374
Hey, Nina...
817
01:06:18,457 --> 01:06:21,624
I know things are tough
between you and your father.
818
01:06:21,707 --> 01:06:24,707
Yeah, I figured it was about that.
819
01:06:29,207 --> 01:06:31,582
But you can't shut him out.
820
01:06:31,666 --> 01:06:33,624
It will destroy him.
821
01:06:33,707 --> 01:06:37,499
- I just can't do it.
- Yes, you can.
822
01:06:37,541 --> 01:06:40,666
- I don't know what to say.
- Say what you feel.
823
01:06:40,749 --> 01:06:44,499
If I was him now,
what would you say?
824
01:06:45,124 --> 01:06:48,666
- I don't know.
- Don't you think he's an egotistical fool?
825
01:06:48,749 --> 01:06:50,124
Yeah, but...
826
01:06:50,207 --> 01:06:53,499
Don't you get angry, or tired?
827
01:06:53,582 --> 01:06:56,041
Of course I'm tired.
828
01:06:56,124 --> 01:06:57,666
Sick and tired.
829
01:06:57,749 --> 01:07:01,832
Of giggles and gossip.
830
01:07:03,207 --> 01:07:06,749
I think it's horribly unfair, really.
831
01:07:06,832 --> 01:07:11,666
And I know he's brae and
a good example and all that.
832
01:07:12,666 --> 01:07:16,332
- I'm just so fucking tired.
- Completely understood.
833
01:07:16,416 --> 01:07:18,791
- Tired and...
- Angry, perhaps?
834
01:07:18,874 --> 01:07:21,124
Like hell.
Embarrassed.
835
01:07:21,207 --> 01:07:24,124
He can live out everything that he is, -
836
01:07:24,207 --> 01:07:27,499
- but there's no room for me to...
837
01:07:28,416 --> 01:07:32,416
I just wish he wasn't my father.
838
01:07:33,457 --> 01:07:35,291
Sorry.
839
01:07:37,124 --> 01:07:38,832
Hi, Nina.
840
01:07:43,416 --> 01:07:46,457
First and foremost I love you.
841
01:07:46,499 --> 01:07:48,874
Daddy loves you, baby girl.
842
01:07:48,999 --> 01:07:50,832
And I understand you so well.
843
01:07:50,916 --> 01:07:54,624
It's perfectly ok that you are embarrassed.
Perfectly ok.
844
01:07:54,999 --> 01:07:56,624
Thank you, daddy.
845
01:07:56,707 --> 01:07:58,332
But -
846
01:07:58,416 --> 01:08:00,207
- you have to understand -
847
01:08:00,291 --> 01:08:02,374
- that this is who I am.
848
01:08:03,249 --> 01:08:08,541
And I have to be able to be the person
I was born to be, just like you.
849
01:08:08,624 --> 01:08:10,999
Daddy used so many years -
850
01:08:11,082 --> 01:08:13,499
- being something he is not.
851
01:08:15,291 --> 01:08:17,041
Nina?
852
01:08:18,249 --> 01:08:20,582
Nina!
853
01:08:22,582 --> 01:08:26,499
- Are you satisfied?
- You're so dumb.
854
01:08:26,582 --> 01:08:28,499
God damn niche character.
855
01:08:28,582 --> 01:08:31,041
Three years.
Secondary school is three years.
856
01:08:31,124 --> 01:08:33,874
In an institution worse than
any maximum security prison.
857
01:08:33,999 --> 01:08:37,374
Only way to get through, is by
trying to remain unnoticed.
858
01:08:37,457 --> 01:08:39,457
How do you think she's had it -
859
01:08:39,499 --> 01:08:43,124
- when dad comes to the end of term
celebrations dressed as mrs Myhre?
860
01:08:43,207 --> 01:08:45,416
Don't go there.
Are we going to let bullies...
861
01:08:45,499 --> 01:08:47,749
You became Erik Elisabeth
long after you finished school.
862
01:08:47,832 --> 01:08:51,082
Don't make her fight the battle
you didn't have to guts to do.
863
01:08:51,166 --> 01:08:53,582
You're asking me to
be something I'm not?
864
01:08:53,707 --> 01:08:56,707
I'm asking you to be something
you're not -
865
01:08:56,791 --> 01:08:58,749
- just a little bit,
for Nina's sake.
866
01:08:58,832 --> 01:09:02,666
Take all your principles and put them
in a nice little Marc Jacobs-bag.
867
01:09:02,749 --> 01:09:06,916
Go against your wonderful nature
for a very little while.
868
01:09:07,041 --> 01:09:11,541
For her. And get a grip on your crying.
No wonder she's moving out!
869
01:09:11,624 --> 01:09:13,457
Don't teach me how to be a parent.
870
01:09:13,499 --> 01:09:16,416
Enough with playing the victim!
871
01:09:17,916 --> 01:09:20,166
You're the best human being
I know.
872
01:09:20,249 --> 01:09:23,291
And you are so great with
your clients and friends.
873
01:09:23,374 --> 01:09:27,541
But the one person in the whole world
worth sacrificing everything for?
874
01:09:27,624 --> 01:09:29,416
You just can't do it.
875
01:09:29,499 --> 01:09:31,666
Or is it that you can't be bothered?
876
01:09:40,791 --> 01:09:42,791
Just play.
Come on, play.
877
01:09:42,874 --> 01:09:44,874
Throw the balls...
878
01:09:52,416 --> 01:09:55,749
Ladies and gentlemen,
she is originally from Spydeberg.
879
01:09:55,832 --> 01:09:57,791
She lies about being infertile.
880
01:09:57,874 --> 01:10:01,082
Here's the pathological liar
and most likely sociopath:
881
01:10:01,166 --> 01:10:03,207
Maria Toulabi!
882
01:10:03,666 --> 01:10:06,624
Then the audience applauds
and then you're on.
883
01:10:07,291 --> 01:10:09,582
- Nervous?
- No.
884
01:10:10,832 --> 01:10:12,916
- Not really.
- No.
885
01:10:13,041 --> 01:10:14,999
Not for this.
886
01:10:17,707 --> 01:10:20,332
- I have to tell you something.
- Ok?
887
01:10:22,249 --> 01:10:26,666
Ok. I know you have stowed away
your telescope and such -
888
01:10:26,749 --> 01:10:30,916
- and shelved the entire dream
of becoming an astronaut.
889
01:10:31,041 --> 01:10:33,916
But can I show you a little something?
890
01:10:34,041 --> 01:10:36,832
- It's quite allright if you don't like it.
- What is it?
891
01:10:36,916 --> 01:10:38,541
You have to close your eyes.
892
01:10:38,624 --> 01:10:40,749
- Properly.
- Ok.
893
01:10:40,832 --> 01:10:44,207
You can look again on three.
894
01:10:45,541 --> 01:10:46,874
One.
895
01:10:46,999 --> 01:10:48,666
Two.
896
01:10:48,749 --> 01:10:50,499
Three.
897
01:11:10,374 --> 01:11:11,874
Thank you.
898
01:11:46,582 --> 01:11:49,166
Life is like this:
899
01:11:49,249 --> 01:11:52,207
Now and then, for a few seconds, -
900
01:11:52,582 --> 01:11:55,124
- things feel completely perfect.
901
01:11:57,832 --> 01:12:02,207
Hemingway said that happiness in
intelligent people is rare.
902
01:12:02,291 --> 01:12:04,291
Perhaps he was right.
903
01:12:04,374 --> 01:12:07,666
But sometimes
you actually feel so happy -
904
01:12:07,749 --> 01:12:11,041
- that you think it will never end.
905
01:12:11,499 --> 01:12:13,291
But it can.
906
01:12:21,916 --> 01:12:23,916
Ow!
907
01:12:27,166 --> 01:12:29,041
Call...
908
01:13:38,999 --> 01:13:41,582
There's been a serious procedure.
909
01:13:41,666 --> 01:13:43,499
We don't know if he can walk again.
910
01:13:44,166 --> 01:13:49,124
We don't know exactly what his state
will be when he wakes.
911
01:13:49,207 --> 01:13:51,707
- We'll let you know.
- Thank you.
912
01:13:55,874 --> 01:14:00,374
- That was more than bad news.
- Yeah, but do you think...
913
01:14:13,499 --> 01:14:16,832
- Is it ok if we go over?
- Yes, yes.
914
01:14:19,416 --> 01:14:21,624
- Hi, honey.
- Hi.
915
01:14:24,207 --> 01:14:26,832
- Everybody, yep.
- Yep.
916
01:14:28,124 --> 01:14:29,916
Your hair is looking great.
917
01:14:30,041 --> 01:14:31,749
Thank you.
918
01:14:32,832 --> 01:14:34,749
Where is Elisabeth?
919
01:14:35,541 --> 01:14:37,457
Home today.
920
01:14:37,874 --> 01:14:41,332
And the worst bowler in Norway.
921
01:14:41,416 --> 01:14:43,582
- Hi, Nina.
- Hi.
922
01:14:43,666 --> 01:14:47,041
- Do I look as shit as I think?
- Yeah.
923
01:14:47,124 --> 01:14:51,457
I really had intended to
give it to you for christmas, but...
924
01:15:00,374 --> 01:15:02,624
I've got one just like it, so...
925
01:15:04,249 --> 01:15:05,624
Now we're matching.
926
01:15:05,707 --> 01:15:08,207
Perhaps it's not the right time for it, -
927
01:15:08,291 --> 01:15:11,916
- but I've got something
for you, daddy.
928
01:15:13,124 --> 01:15:14,499
Here.
929
01:15:14,999 --> 01:15:16,457
The one you had -
930
01:15:16,499 --> 01:15:18,916
- wasn't really your color.
931
01:15:23,499 --> 01:15:25,832
Thank you so much.
932
01:15:31,124 --> 01:15:33,082
Looking good!
933
01:15:35,166 --> 01:15:39,374
I don't know these people.
Nice if you could get them out.
934
01:15:39,457 --> 01:15:41,332
Not at all.
935
01:15:49,999 --> 01:15:52,041
You look completely crazy.
936
01:15:53,166 --> 01:15:56,832
I dreamt that we were discussing
the name of the baby.
937
01:15:58,166 --> 01:16:03,249
And we started arguing furiously
because you wanted the baby to be called -
938
01:16:03,332 --> 01:16:04,916
- Horse.
939
01:16:05,499 --> 01:16:07,374
It's fun.
940
01:16:08,582 --> 01:16:09,916
Does it hurt?
941
01:16:15,666 --> 01:16:19,332
If it's a girl,
I've got a suggestion.
942
01:16:19,416 --> 01:16:21,124
Sara.
943
01:16:24,499 --> 01:16:26,374
Sara.
944
01:16:31,291 --> 01:16:33,874
- She's got to have your last name.
- No.
945
01:16:33,999 --> 01:16:38,332
- It'll be so hard to apply for work.
- She must have yours.
946
01:16:38,416 --> 01:16:40,749
Sara Berntsen.
Then we're decided.
947
01:16:40,832 --> 01:16:42,999
Sara Toulabi.
No argument.
948
01:16:43,082 --> 01:16:46,374
- Sara Toulabi Berntsen.
- Sara Toulabi.
949
01:16:46,457 --> 01:16:49,624
Stop!
Sara Toulabi Berntsen.
950
01:17:13,874 --> 01:17:16,916
It was a lump in the lymph gland -
951
01:17:17,041 --> 01:17:21,124
- which caused you to become ill.
952
01:17:23,166 --> 01:17:26,124
You've had a bone marrow infiltration.
953
01:17:26,207 --> 01:17:32,374
So I would like to start a new round of
chemo therapy as soon as possible.
954
01:17:32,457 --> 01:17:36,249
He will start preparations for his show
in less than two weeks.
955
01:17:36,332 --> 01:17:40,624
- How involved is it?
- Four to five hours a day for eight weeks.
956
01:17:40,707 --> 01:17:42,082
That is doable.
957
01:17:42,166 --> 01:17:46,041
- I have bone marrow infiltration?
- Correct
958
01:17:46,124 --> 01:17:49,749
The body stops producing platelets?
959
01:17:49,832 --> 01:17:51,232
That's the reason why we want to...
960
01:17:51,291 --> 01:17:55,416
How many in my situation have
become better due to chemo?
961
01:17:55,499 --> 01:17:57,916
As of yet there is no...
962
01:17:58,999 --> 01:18:00,666
How many -
963
01:18:00,749 --> 01:18:05,832
- in my situation have you heard about
who has become better with chemo?
964
01:18:05,916 --> 01:18:09,582
What you're doing now is so... mean.
965
01:18:09,666 --> 01:18:12,791
I understand it is a
difficult thing to tell somebody.
966
01:18:12,874 --> 01:18:17,874
But you are depriving me of the chance
to say goodbye to my friends.
967
01:18:17,999 --> 01:18:20,624
How long have I got?
968
01:18:21,374 --> 01:18:24,291
- What are we talking?
- Six weeks. Approximately.
969
01:18:24,374 --> 01:18:28,082
No, no, no.
Fuck that.
970
01:18:28,166 --> 01:18:33,124
Six weeks? Where do you get that from?
A random number that you pick from...
971
01:18:33,207 --> 01:18:34,999
Oh my god!
972
01:18:36,999 --> 01:18:38,749
Thanks.
973
01:18:45,166 --> 01:18:48,374
Would you open the door, please?
974
01:18:58,999 --> 01:19:01,416
I need to be alone now.
975
01:19:03,166 --> 01:19:06,499
You've been here before,
now I'm here.
976
01:19:06,541 --> 01:19:08,374
I just have to -
977
01:19:08,457 --> 01:19:10,249
- be alone for a bit.
978
01:19:23,041 --> 01:19:25,249
This little light of mine...
979
01:19:26,582 --> 01:19:28,874
I'm gonna let it shine.
980
01:19:30,916 --> 01:19:33,291
This little light of mine...
981
01:19:34,582 --> 01:19:37,166
I'm gonna let it shine.
982
01:19:38,041 --> 01:19:39,374
Kasper?
983
01:19:39,457 --> 01:19:43,249
Erik Elisabeth,
I've asked to be alone now.
984
01:19:43,332 --> 01:19:44,624
Kasper.
985
01:19:44,707 --> 01:19:46,457
Andrea is here.
986
01:19:55,082 --> 01:19:58,374
How far is your girlfriend along?
987
01:19:58,457 --> 01:20:00,457
13 weeks.
988
01:20:01,707 --> 01:20:04,457
Yeah, you would've been a good father.
989
01:20:04,499 --> 01:20:08,332
But I'm not gonna stand here and talk
nonsense. None of us have time for that.
990
01:20:08,416 --> 01:20:10,166
I've got something for you.
991
01:20:10,249 --> 01:20:12,582
It was Erik's idea.
992
01:20:13,499 --> 01:20:16,707
"Last night with Kasper Berntsen."
What's that?
993
01:20:16,791 --> 01:20:18,374
One night.
One show.
994
01:20:18,457 --> 01:20:20,249
With you.
995
01:20:20,624 --> 01:20:23,916
Kasper, shouldn't we just bomb Dresden?
996
01:20:24,041 --> 01:20:26,832
You're gonna make a one-night
show with me -
997
01:20:26,916 --> 01:20:28,541
- before I die?
998
01:20:28,624 --> 01:20:31,499
- I know that you love money.
- Love money.
999
01:20:31,582 --> 01:20:35,624
But to profit from my death, that...
1000
01:20:35,707 --> 01:20:39,249
We're not making a dime.
You're gonna make a ton of money.
1001
01:20:39,332 --> 01:20:43,207
Which will be managed until your kid is 25.
1002
01:20:43,291 --> 01:20:46,541
How many can the main stage hold? 500?
1003
01:20:46,624 --> 01:20:51,041
- At 500,- per ticket?
- Don't go that cheap.
1004
01:20:51,124 --> 01:20:55,374
- We'll charge 1000 per person.
- Say two shows in one evening.
1005
01:20:55,457 --> 01:20:57,541
One thousand times one thousand...
One million.
1006
01:20:57,624 --> 01:21:01,332
How much do you get then
if ten thousand come?
1007
01:21:01,416 --> 01:21:03,457
That is ten million.
1008
01:21:03,499 --> 01:21:06,791
- Right.
- But then you need more shows.
1009
01:21:06,874 --> 01:21:09,082
Or Oslo Spektrum?
1010
01:21:13,499 --> 01:21:17,749
Kasper, I simply told them about -
1011
01:21:18,249 --> 01:21:21,416
- an old childhood dream.
1012
01:21:39,541 --> 01:21:41,249
Wow!
1013
01:21:41,332 --> 01:21:42,832
Let's go.
1014
01:21:43,749 --> 01:21:47,666
Today it was announced that the terminally
ill comedian Kasper Berntsen -
1015
01:21:47,749 --> 01:21:50,207
- will attempt to fill Oslo Spektrum.
1016
01:21:51,999 --> 01:21:54,749
The 39 year old has been diagnosed
with late stage cancer -
1017
01:21:54,832 --> 01:21:59,499
- and it is uncertain whether he
will be able to stand on stage.
1018
01:22:15,332 --> 01:22:18,291
Fucking cancer everywhere!
It's radiating cancer!
1019
01:22:18,374 --> 01:22:20,166
Kasper fucking Berntsen!
1020
01:22:24,249 --> 01:22:26,166
There's the head.
1021
01:22:26,249 --> 01:22:28,041
And the spine.
1022
01:22:28,124 --> 01:22:30,707
Curious, do you still -
1023
01:22:30,791 --> 01:22:33,916
- not want to know the sex?
1024
01:22:34,041 --> 01:22:37,499
I think I have to know,
if that's ok.
1025
01:22:37,541 --> 01:22:39,541
It is a healthy little -
1026
01:22:39,624 --> 01:22:41,832
- girl.
1027
01:23:05,582 --> 01:23:09,207
Eight days left
until Kasper Berntsens standup show.
1028
01:23:09,291 --> 01:23:14,499
Far from sold out. Could it be
that people think it's too mordbid?
1029
01:23:16,291 --> 01:23:19,332
There's a chance he could
die during the show?
1030
01:23:19,416 --> 01:23:23,166
That is a major stress
for such a frail body.
1031
01:23:23,249 --> 01:23:27,207
I hope nobody are morbid enough that they
would take part in something like that.
1032
01:23:28,999 --> 01:23:30,749
Yes!
1033
01:23:42,832 --> 01:23:45,166
Then we're here, young man.
1034
01:23:46,457 --> 01:23:48,582
- Ready?
- Mm.
1035
01:23:49,457 --> 01:23:51,166
Looking great!
1036
01:23:51,541 --> 01:23:54,499
- I'm a bit short on time.
- I'll be as quick as I can.
1037
01:23:54,582 --> 01:23:58,041
Folding this nice shirt here, like so.
1038
01:23:58,791 --> 01:24:00,666
- Ok.
- Let's see...
1039
01:24:01,416 --> 01:24:03,082
Oi da!
1040
01:24:03,166 --> 01:24:06,832
Look down please.
Maria, would you fetch a basin?
1041
01:24:31,457 --> 01:24:32,999
Hi!
1042
01:24:33,416 --> 01:24:35,166
Come, come.
1043
01:24:39,791 --> 01:24:41,166
Jesus!
1044
01:24:43,249 --> 01:24:45,041
Kasper.
1045
01:24:45,124 --> 01:24:47,332
- I think we...
- Help me with my jacket.
1046
01:24:47,416 --> 01:24:50,791
No, relax a bit and gather your strength.
1047
01:24:50,874 --> 01:24:52,832
- No!
- He wants to.
1048
01:24:52,916 --> 01:24:54,874
Let him.
1049
01:24:55,374 --> 01:24:58,332
Erik, would you help me with my jacket?
1050
01:25:01,332 --> 01:25:02,874
Can anybody help me?
1051
01:25:05,249 --> 01:25:06,999
Are there nobody who...?
1052
01:25:29,374 --> 01:25:31,166
It's ok, Nina.
1053
01:25:32,041 --> 01:25:33,457
He's doing ok.
1054
01:26:19,624 --> 01:26:21,374
Come on.
1055
01:26:30,416 --> 01:26:32,082
Kasper, honey?
1056
01:26:32,166 --> 01:26:36,207
We'll just take a brief break, and then...
1057
01:26:38,707 --> 01:26:40,707
Could I have some assistance?
1058
01:26:42,916 --> 01:26:44,874
Vi skal få deg opp I sengen.
1059
01:26:44,999 --> 01:26:47,832
- Hello?
- They wonder when you're here?
1060
01:26:51,291 --> 01:26:55,707
It's packed here,
so it's quite...
1061
01:27:06,207 --> 01:27:07,832
Sorry.
1062
01:27:07,916 --> 01:27:10,082
We'll get you to bed.
1063
01:27:28,999 --> 01:27:30,707
That was it.
1064
01:27:42,374 --> 01:27:43,666
Hey?
1065
01:27:44,624 --> 01:27:50,166
- Wouldn't you do the show just for us?
- I would love to see it myself.
1066
01:27:50,249 --> 01:27:53,582
You've got free passes.
No rights whatsoever.
1067
01:27:53,666 --> 01:27:58,666
Legally speaking I could sue you
for breach of contract.
1068
01:27:58,749 --> 01:28:01,041
Yeah, ok.
Ok, Andrea.
1069
01:28:01,124 --> 01:28:03,332
Shut the door and turn off the light, -
1070
01:28:03,416 --> 01:28:04,916
- and I'll give you a show.
1071
01:28:05,041 --> 01:28:06,374
Andrea?
1072
01:28:07,916 --> 01:28:11,582
If you want a show,
you'll have a show.
1073
01:28:11,666 --> 01:28:13,749
Shut the door.
1074
01:28:13,832 --> 01:28:15,832
And then turn off the light.
1075
01:28:18,499 --> 01:28:21,541
You have to leave.
It is a one-man show.
1076
01:28:22,374 --> 01:28:24,416
Get out.
I need a spot, Erik.
1077
01:28:24,499 --> 01:28:26,166
Could you lift me a bit?
1078
01:28:27,874 --> 01:28:30,582
- What will happen, is...
- Stop!
1079
01:28:30,666 --> 01:28:33,249
Erik, a word?
1080
01:28:34,541 --> 01:28:39,082
The flow will be really poor
if there are interruptions...
1081
01:28:39,707 --> 01:28:41,499
That's spectacular!
1082
01:28:41,541 --> 01:28:45,499
Kasper? You were great, Andrea!
1083
01:28:45,582 --> 01:28:47,374
Kasper.
1084
01:28:48,874 --> 01:28:50,582
This...
1085
01:28:50,666 --> 01:28:54,082
This is Dunkerque. Right?
1086
01:28:54,166 --> 01:28:58,124
On the beach there's total chaos.
1087
01:28:59,291 --> 01:29:01,791
But if you look further out...
1088
01:29:01,874 --> 01:29:03,416
The boats are coming.
1089
01:29:03,791 --> 01:29:06,207
The boats are on the way, Kasper.
1090
01:29:07,207 --> 01:29:09,416
Just stay alive a little bit longer.
1091
01:29:09,499 --> 01:29:11,249
That is Dunkerque.
1092
01:29:12,207 --> 01:29:13,499
Nina, just be here.
1093
01:29:13,582 --> 01:29:14,999
Hey, it's me.
1094
01:29:15,082 --> 01:29:17,332
Listen very closely.
1095
01:29:19,291 --> 01:29:21,124
Ok.
1096
01:29:21,207 --> 01:29:22,916
Fine.
1097
01:29:24,832 --> 01:29:28,207
Hi!
Just be ready. Great.
1098
01:29:36,707 --> 01:29:39,791
I need to borrow a few things here.
1099
01:29:39,874 --> 01:29:43,916
I need that too.
We've got a small piano bit.
1100
01:29:44,041 --> 01:29:45,499
Oh, you're strong!
1101
01:29:45,541 --> 01:29:46,874
You looked so weak.
1102
01:29:48,666 --> 01:29:51,749
Hello, everybody.
I've received some bad news.
1103
01:29:51,832 --> 01:29:54,499
Kasper has had a medical emergency.
1104
01:29:54,582 --> 01:29:59,541
He's at the ICU and can't do
a show here tonight.
1105
01:30:01,124 --> 01:30:03,832
Strong grip!
No, no.
1106
01:30:03,916 --> 01:30:08,249
I see you love the piano.
No, not the drum!
1107
01:30:08,332 --> 01:30:12,166
But then you should browse to
comedyclub. no -
1108
01:30:12,249 --> 01:30:17,124
- and select "Last night with Kasper
Berntsen" on your mobile phones.
1109
01:30:17,207 --> 01:30:20,916
This should only be spend on candy,
nothing healthy. Great!
1110
01:30:21,416 --> 01:30:23,749
So:
"Last night with Kasper Berntsen" -
1111
01:30:23,832 --> 01:30:26,832
- at comedyclub.no.
1112
01:30:27,582 --> 01:30:29,207
Thank you!
1113
01:30:41,207 --> 01:30:42,707
Ready, Kasper?
1114
01:30:42,791 --> 01:30:45,749
Nina, you can do the spot.
1115
01:31:03,749 --> 01:31:05,499
Ok?
1116
01:31:06,374 --> 01:31:08,166
Let's just go.
1117
01:31:09,791 --> 01:31:11,916
Going...
1118
01:31:13,666 --> 01:31:17,416
- Go!
- Hi, everybody.
1119
01:31:21,582 --> 01:31:25,457
- There he is.
- You can hear me, right?
1120
01:31:25,499 --> 01:31:28,707
- I can't hear you, can you hear me?
- Yes!
1121
01:31:28,791 --> 01:31:32,124
No point replying.
1122
01:31:33,249 --> 01:31:37,207
I'm very sorry
that I can't be there tonight, but -
1123
01:31:37,291 --> 01:31:40,541
- I'm rather busy dying.
Hope that's permissible absence.
1124
01:31:40,624 --> 01:31:45,291
And I'll try to get through as much
of the show as possible.
1125
01:31:45,374 --> 01:31:49,916
To aid me here I've got my very best
friend and agent, Erik Elisabeth.
1126
01:31:53,249 --> 01:31:55,249
By the way, he is single.
1127
01:31:55,332 --> 01:31:57,457
If anybody are looking for -
1128
01:31:57,499 --> 01:32:01,582
- a transsexual, heteronormative
northerner with emotional incontinence -
1129
01:32:01,666 --> 01:32:05,707
- and a fetish for WW II,
by all means do get in touch.
1130
01:32:05,791 --> 01:32:08,166
What will happen is this:
1131
01:32:08,749 --> 01:32:11,499
First... it's dark.
1132
01:32:11,582 --> 01:32:13,582
Nina, lights!
1133
01:32:23,124 --> 01:32:25,332
Now I can see you.
There you are.
1134
01:32:25,416 --> 01:32:27,874
Shit, so many of you!
1135
01:32:27,999 --> 01:32:30,249
Ok, first off the band -
1136
01:32:30,332 --> 01:32:35,207
- plays the drums from a
"Live in Las Vegas" opening.
1137
01:32:37,624 --> 01:32:39,416
Drums!
1138
01:32:41,499 --> 01:32:42,832
There you are.
1139
01:32:42,916 --> 01:32:45,291
Good, we paid way too much for you.
1140
01:32:45,374 --> 01:32:48,082
Then the dancers enter the stage.
1141
01:32:50,291 --> 01:32:54,999
Of course they've got a hairdo
suitable for the theme of the night.
1142
01:33:14,707 --> 01:33:17,416
And as they're dancing,
I do my entrance.
1143
01:33:18,457 --> 01:33:22,124
Inspired by Miley Cyrus who
came in like a wrecking ball, -
1144
01:33:22,207 --> 01:33:24,541
- I'll come down from the ceiling
on an enormous -
1145
01:33:25,124 --> 01:33:26,499
- cyst.
1146
01:33:37,499 --> 01:33:41,207
I jump down from the cyst,
stand at the front of the stage, -
1147
01:33:41,291 --> 01:33:44,291
- lots of pyrotechnics...
One, two, three!
1148
01:33:50,541 --> 01:33:55,666
Here I'm counting on the audience standing
and applauding enthusiastically.
1149
01:34:05,666 --> 01:34:07,499
And we're off.
1150
01:34:10,791 --> 01:34:12,624
Hello, everybody.
1151
01:34:12,707 --> 01:34:16,707
How are you doing out there?
How are you doing in the back?
1152
01:34:16,791 --> 01:34:18,499
Very good.
1153
01:34:18,582 --> 01:34:20,874
I am Kasper Berntsen.
1154
01:34:20,999 --> 01:34:23,916
Looking like a dick with ears.
1155
01:34:25,374 --> 01:34:27,541
that people with cancer -
1156
01:34:27,624 --> 01:34:29,374
- are a good resource.
1157
01:34:31,832 --> 01:34:36,416
"No, but I've got a strange
birthmark on my shin."
1158
01:34:40,499 --> 01:34:42,332
I was touched, until he said:
1159
01:34:42,791 --> 01:34:44,499
"And computer engineer."
1160
01:34:44,791 --> 01:34:46,374
"And seal."
1161
01:34:48,332 --> 01:34:49,916
Sorry.
1162
01:34:51,499 --> 01:34:53,624
I got chronic obstructive
pulmonary disease too.
1163
01:36:40,999 --> 01:36:43,541
Well, that wasn't so bad.
1164
01:36:44,999 --> 01:36:47,249
That was perfect.
1165
01:36:47,332 --> 01:36:49,124
Oslo Spektrum.
1166
01:36:51,499 --> 01:36:53,374
Oslo Spektrum.
1167
01:36:55,707 --> 01:36:57,499
Fuck.
1168
01:36:59,249 --> 01:37:00,541
It's ok.
1169
01:37:02,374 --> 01:37:06,082
Ok, I think I have to throw you out now.
I need to...
1170
01:37:06,166 --> 01:37:09,124
We'll try to sleep together.
1171
01:37:13,166 --> 01:37:15,374
You need to hurry, then.
1172
01:37:16,124 --> 01:37:20,124
Or you might be charged with necrophilia.
1173
01:37:29,416 --> 01:37:31,916
Don't you be like your daddy, then.
1174
01:37:33,707 --> 01:37:35,416
See you soon.
1175
01:37:44,749 --> 01:37:47,499
Bye, honey.
Bye.
1176
01:37:47,541 --> 01:37:49,666
Bye, dear.
1177
01:38:05,791 --> 01:38:07,666
Can I take this off?
1178
01:38:19,249 --> 01:38:21,457
Kasper Berntsen.
1179
01:38:22,291 --> 01:38:24,499
I love you.
1180
01:38:28,999 --> 01:38:31,082
Maria Toulabi.
1181
01:38:32,749 --> 01:38:34,874
I love you.
1182
01:38:42,832 --> 01:38:44,582
- Ok.
- There?
1183
01:38:47,582 --> 01:38:50,249
- Are you ready?
- Yeah, I am ready.
1184
01:38:52,416 --> 01:38:54,332
Hi, Sara.
1185
01:38:55,124 --> 01:38:56,832
My girl.
1186
01:38:57,791 --> 01:38:59,166
Daddy here.
1187
01:39:00,124 --> 01:39:02,249
I don't know -
1188
01:39:02,332 --> 01:39:06,832
- exactly where you are right now
or how you look.
1189
01:39:06,916 --> 01:39:10,291
But if you're mostly like your mom,
and least like me, -
1190
01:39:10,374 --> 01:39:13,249
- you're probably really beautiful.
1191
01:39:14,249 --> 01:39:18,291
I don't have a lot of time,
so I'll be brief.
1192
01:39:18,374 --> 01:39:21,791
Some advice from your daddy.
1193
01:39:26,124 --> 01:39:28,916
Life is something like this:
1194
01:39:30,666 --> 01:39:32,416
You're born.
1195
01:39:36,124 --> 01:39:37,916
You grow.
1196
01:39:41,791 --> 01:39:43,582
You get friends.
1197
01:39:45,166 --> 01:39:46,916
Many friends.
1198
01:39:50,166 --> 01:39:54,249
Some of them you'll perhaps take a
little better care of, than others.
1199
01:39:57,666 --> 01:40:00,707
But life doesn't turn out like you planned.
1200
01:40:04,249 --> 01:40:06,916
It never turns out like planned.
1201
01:40:50,874 --> 01:40:52,749
Life is like this:
1202
01:40:53,416 --> 01:40:55,624
There's no key.
1203
01:40:56,041 --> 01:41:00,041
But if you treat people well,
you'll get pretty far.
1204
01:41:00,124 --> 01:41:02,999
And if you start working with
something you enjoy -
1205
01:41:03,082 --> 01:41:06,666
- you don't need to work
a single day in your life.
1206
01:41:06,749 --> 01:41:08,707
Don't sign for any high interest loans.
1207
01:41:08,791 --> 01:41:11,416
Don't get a facial tattoo.
1208
01:41:11,499 --> 01:41:14,041
And promise you you'll be yourself.
1209
01:41:14,624 --> 01:41:16,457
Always.
1210
01:41:18,291 --> 01:41:20,666
With all bumps and wrinkles.
1211
01:41:20,749 --> 01:41:25,082
Your pluses and minuses,
your complexes and failings.
1212
01:41:25,166 --> 01:41:26,999
Just be yourself.
1213
01:41:42,249 --> 01:41:45,166
Just be yourself, my love.
1214
01:41:46,624 --> 01:41:48,499
For life -
1215
01:41:49,499 --> 01:41:51,207
- is...
1216
01:41:54,291 --> 01:41:56,499
You.
1217
01:42:26,416 --> 01:42:30,416
OCR & translation: ameneon
91771
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.