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Five continents.
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00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:08,007
12 countries.
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19 cities.
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00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:10,976
50,000 miles.
5
00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:12,044
Five characters.
6
00:00:12,112 --> 00:00:13,312
One dead terrorist.
7
00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:14,380
We're all over the map.
8
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Jeff Dunham
All Over The Map
9
00:00:22,255 --> 00:00:23,055
Hey, guys.
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00:00:23,073 --> 00:00:26,058
I just completed the longest
and biggest tour I've ever been on
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00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:28,427
And I couldn't have done
it without my wife Audrey,
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00:00:28,495 --> 00:00:31,263
who's travelled everywhere, or
without my friend Jeff Rothpan,
13
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:34,566
who's never travelled further
than his own mailbox.
14
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Was I little concerned about
doing shows in the Far East,
15
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:38,804
and Africa, and the Middle East?
16
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:39,588
No..
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00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,240
I was a lot concerned.
18
00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:46,779
But the adventures
all began in Iceland.
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Subtitles by: Exclusive
pappu.innocent@gmail.com
20
00:01:00,146 --> 00:01:01,947
Walter, I'm just impressed
that all these folks
21
00:01:02,075 --> 00:01:03,281
came out for our show tonight?
22
00:01:03,349 --> 00:01:04,149
-Well, don't be?
Why?
23
00:01:04,284 --> 00:01:05,284
-Well, it's Iceland.
24
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It's not you or us.
25
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There's nothing else to do here.
26
00:01:08,421 --> 00:01:10,423
[Laughter]
27
00:01:10,623 --> 00:01:13,023
I know you read up on Iceland
a little bit before we came back
28
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Oh Yeah. Yeah.
29
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:14,823
What did you read about?
30
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,753
Well, I read...
The volcanoes..
31
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You read about that?
Oh yeah it's great..
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Imagine something that
can erupt at any second
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and destroy everything in its path
34
00:01:26,016 --> 00:01:26,626
Yup..
35
00:01:26,816 --> 00:01:28,049
I'll be darn
Why?
36
00:01:28,050 --> 00:01:30,199
I married a volcano
37
00:01:38,263 --> 00:01:40,464
-You know that Iceland has
one of the highest life
38
00:01:40,532 --> 00:01:42,866
expectancies in
the entire world?
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-I did not know that.
40
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-Especially women.
41
00:01:44,803 --> 00:01:45,269
-Yeah?
42
00:01:45,337 --> 00:01:46,670
-Yeah, here a woman's
average lifespan
43
00:01:46,738 --> 00:01:48,539
is 90 to 100 years.
44
00:01:51,810 --> 00:01:55,544
-Send my wife home immediately.
45
00:01:57,248 --> 00:01:57,981
What is this?
46
00:01:58,049 --> 00:01:58,715
Hell on earth?
47
00:02:02,019 --> 00:02:03,754
All right.
-How do you like the food here?
48
00:02:03,822 --> 00:02:06,590
-Oh, very funny.
What?
49
00:02:06,658 --> 00:02:08,859
I tried some of that--
what do you called that?
50
00:02:08,887 --> 00:02:11,628
Hakharl hacaral hakaral.
51
00:02:14,666 --> 00:02:17,164
You cannot speak Icelandic
without moving your lips,
52
00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:18,134
I'm telling you.
53
00:02:21,372 --> 00:02:22,039
Think of that.
54
00:02:22,047 --> 00:02:25,408
There's no Icelandic
ventriloquist ever.
55
00:02:28,346 --> 00:02:32,116
I will say, though, I think the thieves
uh.. folks of Iceland are geniuses.
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00:02:32,183 --> 00:02:32,817
-How's that?
57
00:02:33,024 --> 00:02:34,451
-They know how to
keep it from getting
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00:02:34,519 --> 00:02:36,120
overcrowded with foreigners.
59
00:02:36,187 --> 00:02:37,187
-How's that?
60
00:02:37,255 --> 00:02:38,933
-Simply by naming the place..
61
00:02:38,943 --> 00:02:41,458
Iceland.
62
00:02:41,526 --> 00:02:44,928
It sounds like you'll
freeze your ass off.
63
00:02:44,996 --> 00:02:46,575
Plus it's easier to say than
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00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:51,768
"The dark long winter land
where the weather is Shit."
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00:02:51,836 --> 00:02:55,572
We're morons for naming our
country the United States.
66
00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:57,307
Sounds way too welcoming.
67
00:02:57,375 --> 00:02:58,882
We should've called our country:
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"Crazy Assholes with guns."
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00:03:00,645 --> 00:03:02,045
[Laughter]
70
00:03:02,113 --> 00:03:04,581
[Applause]
71
00:03:04,649 --> 00:03:06,617
Did you get a chance
to go to a volcano?
72
00:03:06,684 --> 00:03:07,851
Oh, yes I did.
73
00:03:07,919 --> 00:03:08,685
Did you take your wife?
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00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:09,486
Yes, I did.
75
00:03:09,554 --> 00:03:10,421
What'd she think?
76
00:03:10,488 --> 00:03:12,556
She kept saying the
same thing over and over.
77
00:03:12,624 --> 00:03:13,357
What?
78
00:03:13,424 --> 00:03:15,092
Stop trying to push me in.
79
00:03:18,022 --> 00:03:21,102
On another subject did you know
that strip clubs are also illegal here?
80
00:03:21,122 --> 00:03:22,442
Really?
Right..
81
00:03:22,642 --> 00:03:24,078
So if I wanna see a naked woman
82
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:27,278
I'd have to a six hour flight to
Scotland?
83
00:03:28,258 --> 00:03:29,778
Or, There is your wife
84
00:03:29,978 --> 00:03:32,078
Oh that's true. In Iceland its
legal to ...
85
00:03:32,092 --> 00:03:33,178
Whale hunt
86
00:03:35,678 --> 00:03:37,866
That's not nice
87
00:03:49,216 --> 00:03:52,409
So I do an interview with the
Nancy Grace of Iceland
88
00:03:52,429 --> 00:03:54,509
Tough penetrating questions.
89
00:03:59,009 --> 00:04:02,509
How do we face criticism?
We don't care..
90
00:04:05,009 --> 00:04:08,509
Good thing we had to hold our own
microphone. This place is on a budget
91
00:04:12,009 --> 00:04:15,127
Look I don't wanna start a riot
or anything but I want all the..
92
00:04:15,137 --> 00:04:17,084
Hot Icelandic women to know..
93
00:04:17,294 --> 00:04:19,284
I'm easy..
94
00:04:21,384 --> 00:04:22,405
The only problem is
95
00:04:22,605 --> 00:04:24,505
Jeff will have to come along too
96
00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:28,257
I'm.. I'm happily married
97
00:04:28,457 --> 00:04:29,457
Not my problem
98
00:04:31,429 --> 00:04:34,865
-Did you know that every
single city in Iceland
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00:04:34,932 --> 00:04:37,300
is named after the
sound a cat makes
100
00:04:37,368 --> 00:04:38,602
when throwing up a hair ball?
101
00:04:38,669 --> 00:04:41,972
[Laughter]
102
00:04:44,942 --> 00:04:45,709
I learned that.
103
00:04:45,777 --> 00:04:46,743
-That's not true.
104
00:04:46,811 --> 00:04:47,544
-Oh?
105
00:04:47,612 --> 00:04:49,979
Reygoovableh.
106
00:04:50,046 --> 00:04:52,349
[Laughter]
107
00:04:52,416 --> 00:04:53,083
There it is.
108
00:04:56,483 --> 00:04:59,373
My favourite person in Iceland is a guy
named Half Thor..
109
00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:00,759
He should be called whole Thor..
110
00:05:00,789 --> 00:05:03,379
because he won strongest man
in Iceland and in Europe..
111
00:05:03,579 --> 00:05:05,279
I didn't test him but I believed him
112
00:05:05,479 --> 00:05:07,829
Was little awkward walking
around with the guy because he
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00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:09,560
Pulls trucks and I...
114
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:10,960
Have Dolls..
115
00:05:14,060 --> 00:05:15,261
Game Of Thrones
Right?
116
00:05:15,461 --> 00:05:17,311
Yes..
So who do you play in Game Of Thrones?
117
00:05:17,511 --> 00:05:19,841
uh.. The Mountain
The Mountain?
118
00:05:20,041 --> 00:05:21,781
In... in the season.. four.
119
00:05:21,981 --> 00:05:23,154
Well that make sense it wouldn't be good
120
00:05:23,164 --> 00:05:25,654
If you were like the stick
So you the Mountain..
121
00:05:25,754 --> 00:05:29,026
And You are a Viking
I'm a ventriloquist so...
122
00:05:29,926 --> 00:05:31,926
We have nothing in common
No not really..
123
00:05:33,126 --> 00:05:34,826
How far can you actually throw me?
124
00:05:36,026 --> 00:05:38,516
Probably throw to water over there
You wanna try?
125
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,216
No. I don't wanna try
126
00:05:40,416 --> 00:05:41,816
What do you think about Iceland?
127
00:05:42,016 --> 00:05:44,076
uh..
Do they have beer?
128
00:05:44,276 --> 00:05:47,276
Yeah..
My favourite place ever
129
00:05:48,754 --> 00:05:50,021
You know.. Even though it's
named Iceland, did you
130
00:05:50,088 --> 00:05:52,590
know the winters here
are actually fairly mild?
131
00:05:52,658 --> 00:05:53,357
-No.
132
00:05:53,425 --> 00:05:54,358
-Mm-hm.
133
00:05:54,426 --> 00:05:56,560
-Oh.
134
00:05:56,628 --> 00:05:59,062
Guess they should
have called it Chile.
135
00:05:59,130 --> 00:06:01,299
[Laughter]
136
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,199
That's a joke Half Thor
137
00:06:10,799 --> 00:06:14,799
If you eat too much will you be
three quarters Thor?
138
00:06:19,799 --> 00:06:22,999
I did a fraction.
That was good..
139
00:06:24,934 --> 00:06:27,236
-Have you seen the colors
of the Icelandic flag?
140
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:29,071
-Uh, no, I haven't seen it.
141
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:30,773
-There's red for
the volcanic fires.
142
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:32,207
-Oh, that's good.
143
00:06:32,275 --> 00:06:33,676
-Blue for the mountains
in the distance.
144
00:06:33,743 --> 00:06:34,476
-Yeah.
145
00:06:34,544 --> 00:06:35,144
-And white--
146
00:06:35,211 --> 00:06:36,011
-For the people.
147
00:06:36,079 --> 00:06:38,182
[Laughter]
148
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:40,462
So have you enjoyed being here in Iceland?
149
00:06:40,662 --> 00:06:42,754
I hate the Volcanoes
150
00:06:42,954 --> 00:06:43,433
Why?
151
00:06:43,453 --> 00:06:46,933
Things blowing up naturally..
152
00:06:47,733 --> 00:06:51,433
If this gets popular I'll
be out of a job.
153
00:06:51,933 --> 00:06:56,193
If one goes off while I'm here
I'm taking credit for it
154
00:06:56,593 --> 00:06:58,763
See that pile of smoke and ash?
155
00:06:58,780 --> 00:07:00,163
I did that..
156
00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:03,063
Tada...
157
00:07:04,963 --> 00:07:30,263
[Yodelling]
158
00:07:32,530 --> 00:07:35,732
-OK, did you know that they have
the oldest tree in Norway
159
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:36,933
right here in Bergen.
160
00:07:36,991 --> 00:07:38,367
-Fascinating.
161
00:07:41,539 --> 00:07:44,574
If I want to see some old
wood, I'll take a Viagra.
162
00:07:44,841 --> 00:07:46,543
[Laughter]
163
00:07:46,611 --> 00:07:47,511
Thank you.
164
00:07:47,578 --> 00:07:49,880
Thank you.
165
00:07:49,947 --> 00:07:50,781
Thank you.
166
00:07:54,318 --> 00:07:57,721
-Did you know the first ever
ski jumper was from Norway?
167
00:07:57,789 --> 00:08:00,056
-Let me guess,
married and miserable?
168
00:08:03,027 --> 00:08:04,494
-So you've never
been snow skiing?
169
00:08:04,562 --> 00:08:06,063
-Actually, yes, once.
170
00:08:06,130 --> 00:08:07,164
Broke a leg.
171
00:08:07,231 --> 00:08:09,182
-Oh, I bet that hurt.
172
00:08:09,199 --> 00:08:09,332
-I don't know.
173
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,802
Wasn't my leg.
174
00:08:12,302 --> 00:08:14,988
Norway is all about water
175
00:08:15,188 --> 00:08:16,935
I found a sea captain who agreed to
176
00:08:16,945 --> 00:08:19,435
Help me with the severalties of the language
177
00:08:25,535 --> 00:08:27,876
Can you teach me to say..
178
00:08:28,076 --> 00:08:28,976
Um...
179
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:30,776
I can't find my room
180
00:08:38,276 --> 00:08:38,976
OK. Forget it
181
00:08:39,976 --> 00:08:43,076
Did you know Norway is a
constitutional Monarchy.
182
00:08:43,276 --> 00:08:44,276
Oh yeah yeah..
183
00:08:44,476 --> 00:08:48,076
It means they have a king..
184
00:08:48,276 --> 00:08:49,276
So its true?
185
00:08:49,876 --> 00:08:51,876
Elvis is alive..
186
00:08:53,376 --> 00:08:54,476
No
187
00:08:56,776 --> 00:09:01,016
Another thing you know you better not
get caught driving drunk
188
00:09:01,216 --> 00:09:02,216
Why?
189
00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:05,216
Well if you caught you have
to spend 30 days in jail
190
00:09:06,216 --> 00:09:08,196
They suspend your license
oh yeah yeah..
191
00:09:08,896 --> 00:09:12,169
And then they fine you 10%
of your annual income..
192
00:09:14,019 --> 00:09:17,869
So that would be 12 dollars..
193
00:09:19,069 --> 00:09:22,639
-Do you know where I can buy
some whiskey around here?
194
00:09:22,706 --> 00:09:24,440
-Well, in Norway you
can only buy liquor
195
00:09:24,508 --> 00:09:27,777
from special stores
called, uh, good god.
196
00:09:27,845 --> 00:09:30,880
[Laughter]
197
00:09:30,948 --> 00:09:35,351
Vin-- how do you say it?
198
00:09:35,419 --> 00:09:36,085
Yeah, that.
199
00:09:38,989 --> 00:09:43,960
-There are none-- nur
none hur dun nur dun.
200
00:09:44,260 --> 00:09:46,640
So do you know about
the midnight sun?
201
00:09:46,940 --> 00:09:51,114
The midnight sun.
Is that Norway's Batman?
202
00:09:57,714 --> 00:09:59,522
No in the summer some parts of Norway
203
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,722
get 24 hours of sunlight..
204
00:10:04,622 --> 00:10:06,232
What?
205
00:10:06,992 --> 00:10:09,364
They have 24 hours of sunlight
206
00:10:09,374 --> 00:10:12,564
Well, That's almost a whole day
207
00:10:14,028 --> 00:10:15,895
-So we've done a lot
of interesting things
208
00:10:15,963 --> 00:10:17,163
while in Norway.
209
00:10:17,231 --> 00:10:19,332
Yeah, This morning I milked a goat.
210
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,733
-Oh?
211
00:10:20,801 --> 00:10:23,536
-Achmed got mad at me.
212
00:10:23,604 --> 00:10:26,571
I think I was
touching his chick.
213
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:31,513
On another subject I was taking about.
214
00:10:31,523 --> 00:10:34,243
with the Walter that Norwegians
invented skiing.
215
00:10:34,245 --> 00:10:37,643
Oh... really?
Yeah. In Norwegian the word ski
216
00:10:37,843 --> 00:10:40,850
Means piece of wood
Oh..yeah yeah.. piece of wood
217
00:10:41,050 --> 00:10:43,540
Can I speak a Norwegian?
Sure...
218
00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:44,875
Oh Kay.. ummm
219
00:10:44,885 --> 00:10:46,675
That hot lady in the front row
220
00:10:46,875 --> 00:10:49,875
Is giving me a big ski
221
00:10:52,075 --> 00:10:55,958
Heard something else interesting..
Did you know Norway sends Sweden its garbage
222
00:10:56,158 --> 00:10:59,558
To use in its recycling programs
223
00:11:01,258 --> 00:11:04,018
A lot of countries import other
country's garbage..
224
00:11:04,918 --> 00:11:08,108
Canada gave us Justin Beiber.
225
00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:15,579
I was telling one of the other guy
226
00:11:15,779 --> 00:11:17,407
As you know Norway means path to the North
227
00:11:17,417 --> 00:11:19,637
That's interesting cos where we are from
228
00:11:19,687 --> 00:11:23,556
Mexico means:
"Pack your bags and start running north"
229
00:11:26,556 --> 00:11:27,756
All right..
230
00:11:33,956 --> 00:11:35,685
Silence, I kill you..
231
00:11:36,425 --> 00:11:37,725
-So while we're here.
232
00:11:37,793 --> 00:11:39,327
-Wait, I want to
ask you something.
233
00:11:39,395 --> 00:11:40,161
Can we go to Ikea?
234
00:11:42,932 --> 00:11:43,698
-This is Norway.
235
00:11:43,766 --> 00:11:44,732
Ikea is in Sweden.
236
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,067
-Oh, too bad.
237
00:11:46,135 --> 00:11:48,970
I wanted to give Ikea a
new advertising slogan.
238
00:11:49,038 --> 00:11:49,915
-And what's that?
239
00:11:49,955 --> 00:11:52,039
-I-Kea Al-you.
240
00:11:52,106 --> 00:11:55,910
[Laughter]
241
00:12:00,950 --> 00:12:04,018
-So Achmed, did you know the
biathlon is popular here?
242
00:12:04,086 --> 00:12:05,787
-What is this biathlon?
243
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,355
It's where you ski
and shoot a gun.
244
00:12:07,423 --> 00:12:08,922
-Oh! Yes, of course.
245
00:12:09,091 --> 00:12:13,862
But in Los Angeles, you
drive and shoot a gun.
246
00:12:13,929 --> 00:12:15,930
-I also learned today that
the Vikings put their dead
247
00:12:15,998 --> 00:12:17,232
on a boat and sent
them out to sea.
248
00:12:17,299 --> 00:12:18,066
-Yes, of course.
249
00:12:18,133 --> 00:12:20,435
The first Norwegian Cruise Line.
250
00:12:20,503 --> 00:12:23,872
[Laughter]
251
00:12:36,572 --> 00:12:39,269
So we landed in lovely Dublin,
Ireland last night
252
00:12:39,289 --> 00:12:42,069
We landed but none of the baggage did
253
00:12:42,269 --> 00:12:43,969
I got like 29 baggage tags
254
00:12:44,009 --> 00:12:47,929
No clothes, No dummies, No toothbrush,
No Underwear, No nothing
255
00:12:48,129 --> 00:12:52,229
So I'm sure in 8 hours I guess for now
I'm just gonna
256
00:12:52,429 --> 00:12:54,929
walk around and drink Guinness
257
00:13:18,290 --> 00:13:21,192
-So have you learned much about
Ireland since we got here?
258
00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:26,230
Ah I'd say Americans and the
Irish pretty much think alike.
259
00:13:26,298 --> 00:13:27,632
-How's that?
260
00:13:27,699 --> 00:13:31,635
-Most of us think our government
should take flying fucking leap.
261
00:13:31,702 --> 00:13:32,570
[Laughter]
262
00:13:32,638 --> 00:13:36,340
[Applause]
263
00:13:39,377 --> 00:13:42,647
-Well, besides politics, did
you know that Bram Stoker who
264
00:13:42,714 --> 00:13:44,715
wrote ah.. created
Dracula is from Dublin?
265
00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:45,550
-Oh really?
266
00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:48,686
No, I heard..
Dracula , yeah..
267
00:13:48,754 --> 00:13:50,154
Dracula?
268
00:13:50,222 --> 00:13:52,923
You mean the guy who sleeps
all day, goes out every night,
269
00:13:53,091 --> 00:13:54,491
And can't stop drinking?
270
00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:56,227
[Laughter]
271
00:13:56,295 --> 00:13:59,497
[Applause]
272
00:14:01,133 --> 00:14:05,803
Wonder where Stoker
got that idea?
273
00:14:05,871 --> 00:14:08,872
I once picked up an
Irish hitch hiker.
274
00:14:08,874 --> 00:14:09,503
-You did?
-Yeah.
275
00:14:09,508 --> 00:14:10,107
-Where was he going?
276
00:14:10,675 --> 00:14:11,242
-Rehab.
277
00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:12,276
[Laughter]
278
00:14:12,344 --> 00:14:13,412
[Applause]
279
00:14:13,512 --> 00:14:16,092
Have you noticed this is very diverse city?
280
00:14:16,392 --> 00:14:20,492
Yes, Yes.
I saw the black guy.
281
00:14:27,922 --> 00:14:30,392
Good for you
282
00:14:32,692 --> 00:14:35,142
Did you see the O'Connell bridge?
No what's that?
283
00:14:35,152 --> 00:14:38,742
It's the only bridge in Europe that's
as wide as as it is long..
284
00:14:38,782 --> 00:14:39,342
Oh..
285
00:14:39,392 --> 00:14:41,542
I married her
286
00:14:47,242 --> 00:14:49,162
Is it a toll bridge?
287
00:14:50,262 --> 00:14:51,362
No..
Oh..
288
00:14:51,562 --> 00:14:52,862
Well that's another thing my wife
289
00:14:52,872 --> 00:14:54,462
And that bridge have in common
290
00:14:54,662 --> 00:14:55,092
How's that?
291
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:58,592
No one would ever pay to get on her either
292
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,181
Seems like she is Irish.
293
00:15:04,248 --> 00:15:05,449
[gibberish]
294
00:15:05,516 --> 00:15:09,586
[Laughter]
295
00:15:11,589 --> 00:15:15,460
[gibberish]
296
00:15:16,397 --> 00:15:17,361
-You're not saying anything.
297
00:15:17,389 --> 00:15:19,096
-No, but they can understand me.
298
00:15:19,163 --> 00:15:20,330
[Laughter]
299
00:15:20,398 --> 00:15:24,801
[Applause]
300
00:15:24,869 --> 00:15:26,603
-So what do you think
about Dublin so far?
301
00:15:26,671 --> 00:15:30,507
-Oh, duh, dur, uh, this
is the land of beer.
302
00:15:30,575 --> 00:15:31,508
-That's right.
303
00:15:31,576 --> 00:15:34,011
-I know we're going
to Israel soon,
304
00:15:34,078 --> 00:15:36,313
but while we've
been here in Dublin,
305
00:15:36,381 --> 00:15:39,149
I've seen pubs
everywhere, so I'm
306
00:15:39,217 --> 00:15:41,618
pretty sure this is the Holy Land.
307
00:15:41,686 --> 00:15:43,520
[Laughter]
308
00:15:43,588 --> 00:15:46,790
[Applause]
309
00:15:51,262 --> 00:15:54,464
And this is the biggest
alcoholics anonymous meeting
310
00:15:54,532 --> 00:15:55,665
I've ever been to.
311
00:15:59,404 --> 00:16:00,670
-I have a joke.
312
00:16:00,738 --> 00:16:01,972
-All right.
313
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,474
-What do you call
women in Ireland?
314
00:16:04,542 --> 00:16:05,442
-I don't know.
315
00:16:05,510 --> 00:16:06,877
What do you call
women in Ireland?
316
00:16:06,944 --> 00:16:08,812
-You call them women,
you chauvinist bastard.
317
00:16:12,550 --> 00:16:15,619
-We landed in Belfast the
other day, and I'm like what?
318
00:16:15,686 --> 00:16:16,486
Belfast?
319
00:16:16,554 --> 00:16:18,088
Am I here for a job interview.
320
00:16:18,156 --> 00:16:20,824
[Laughter]
321
00:16:20,892 --> 00:16:23,794
[Applause]
322
00:16:23,861 --> 00:16:25,996
I love Dublin.
323
00:16:26,064 --> 00:16:29,099
I would never do
anything evil to Dublin.
324
00:16:29,167 --> 00:16:30,033
-Really?
325
00:16:30,101 --> 00:16:32,035
-I'm afraid of the soccer fans.
326
00:16:32,103 --> 00:16:35,539
[Laughter]
327
00:16:35,606 --> 00:16:37,874
But have you looked
at this audience?
328
00:16:37,942 --> 00:16:38,842
-Yes.
329
00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:41,178
-Closely.
330
00:16:41,245 --> 00:16:42,279
When the lights are out?
331
00:16:42,346 --> 00:16:42,747
-Yes.
332
00:16:42,814 --> 00:16:46,283
-I am made entirely
out of bone and teeth,
333
00:16:46,350 --> 00:16:48,318
and my color actually blends in.
334
00:16:48,386 --> 00:16:50,220
[Laughter]
335
00:16:50,288 --> 00:16:54,057
[Applause]
336
00:16:54,125 --> 00:16:56,159
-All right, Achmed, look, as
everybody was coming tonight,
337
00:16:56,227 --> 00:16:58,128
they were given an opportunity
or two to ask you a question.
338
00:16:58,196 --> 00:16:59,463
-Yes.
339
00:16:59,530 --> 00:17:02,079
-And everybody wrote them
down, and before the show
340
00:17:02,086 --> 00:17:04,334
we grabbed a handful, and I
think you should answer them?
341
00:17:04,352 --> 00:17:05,256
-Okie dokie.
342
00:17:05,264 --> 00:17:08,238
-Dear Achmed, does Guinness
go right through you?
343
00:17:08,306 --> 00:17:10,740
[Laughter]
344
00:17:10,808 --> 00:17:11,675
-You asshole!
345
00:17:15,313 --> 00:17:16,646
Yes!
346
00:17:16,714 --> 00:17:18,148
And so does potatoes--
347
00:17:18,216 --> 00:17:20,084
[Laughter]
348
00:17:20,091 --> 00:17:21,618
Corned beef and
fucking sunlight.
349
00:17:25,118 --> 00:17:27,788
All right,
Victor A very important question.
350
00:17:27,828 --> 00:17:29,688
Victor, Is this legitimate?
351
00:17:29,888 --> 00:17:32,088
Yes
Okie Dokie
352
00:17:32,688 --> 00:17:36,098
Its..
What?
353
00:17:36,998 --> 00:17:38,318
All right, You really want to do this?
354
00:17:38,518 --> 00:17:40,518
Yeah
Okay..
355
00:17:43,718 --> 00:17:45,618
Holy Shit
356
00:17:46,418 --> 00:17:48,525
From Victor, It says:
357
00:17:48,555 --> 00:17:53,725
"Dear Achmed, would you help me
propose to my girlfriend?"
358
00:18:02,825 --> 00:18:04,425
No...
359
00:18:06,525 --> 00:18:08,625
Next question?
360
00:18:10,085 --> 00:18:14,475
I am just kidding Victor.
Can we turn on house lights please?
361
00:18:15,275 --> 00:18:17,175
House lights
362
00:18:19,375 --> 00:18:20,565
Okay..
363
00:18:21,065 --> 00:18:23,618
The guys working the lights
are smoking weed.
364
00:18:23,630 --> 00:18:25,818
Turn on the fucking lights.
365
00:18:26,718 --> 00:18:28,698
There he is. OK
366
00:18:30,498 --> 00:18:33,043
Victor before you do this..
367
00:18:33,243 --> 00:18:36,243
Think this through..
368
00:18:37,243 --> 00:18:39,327
Okay. All right. Let's hear it
369
00:18:43,007 --> 00:18:44,527
Yeahhh..
370
00:18:46,327 --> 00:18:50,027
This is the saddest thing I've ever seen
371
00:18:51,227 --> 00:18:53,952
I asked your mommy to marry me
372
00:18:54,252 --> 00:18:57,552
Prompted by a dead terrorist.
373
00:18:59,952 --> 00:19:03,952
If you have kids name the first one Achmed
374
00:19:32,530 --> 00:19:36,700
-Isn't England where
Mary Poppins is from.
375
00:19:36,767 --> 00:19:38,001
-It took place in London.
376
00:19:38,069 --> 00:19:38,902
-Oh yeah, OK.
377
00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:39,470
Yeah.
378
00:19:39,577 --> 00:19:40,937
You know, I dated
her for a while.
379
00:19:45,743 --> 00:19:46,877
-You dated Mary Poppins?
380
00:19:46,944 --> 00:19:47,677
-Yes, I did.
381
00:19:47,745 --> 00:19:48,245
-No.
382
00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:48,945
-Yeah, I did.
383
00:19:49,013 --> 00:19:49,779
We were very young.
384
00:19:49,847 --> 00:19:51,848
-Oh really?
yeah yeah..
385
00:19:51,916 --> 00:19:55,552
-I was the first guy to get
into her chim chim cher-ee.
386
00:19:55,620 --> 00:19:58,955
[Laughter]
387
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:04,161
Kinda ruined things when
in the moment of passion
388
00:20:04,228 --> 00:20:06,363
she started screaming
some weird word.
389
00:20:06,430 --> 00:20:11,034
It was like super
California refrigerator
390
00:20:11,102 --> 00:20:12,636
x the delicious lotion.
391
00:20:12,703 --> 00:20:15,605
Something like that.
392
00:20:16,355 --> 00:20:18,735
Pretty kinky chick
I tell you that much
393
00:20:19,905 --> 00:20:22,015
We landed in London its afternoon
394
00:20:22,115 --> 00:20:23,876
Its time for a high tea with four
395
00:20:23,886 --> 00:20:26,676
Very proper English ladies.
396
00:20:39,276 --> 00:20:40,676
Walter do you know why are we here today?
397
00:20:40,876 --> 00:20:42,576
Uh.. Tea
398
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:45,814
How come nobody is drinking it yet?
399
00:20:45,824 --> 00:20:48,272
Well nobody has been told their mother
400
00:20:48,472 --> 00:20:50,459
You do?... What did you call me?
401
00:20:51,529 --> 00:20:54,059
we hardly ever have men at afternoon tea
402
00:20:54,159 --> 00:20:57,199
We'll go out later. Trust me..
We want fun
403
00:21:01,599 --> 00:21:03,256
So Peanut what has impressed you most
404
00:21:03,356 --> 00:21:04,456
Since we been in England?
405
00:21:05,073 --> 00:21:08,276
-Uh, I love this country
because just about everything
406
00:21:08,343 --> 00:21:10,278
is double entendre.
407
00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:11,078
-Like what?
408
00:21:11,146 --> 00:21:12,046
-Oh, come on.
Even the food
409
00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:13,114
Bangers and mash?
410
00:21:13,181 --> 00:21:15,850
Come on!
411
00:21:15,917 --> 00:21:17,652
-That's sausages and potatoes.
412
00:21:17,719 --> 00:21:21,822
-It sounds more like
a male dance team.
413
00:21:21,890 --> 00:21:24,659
Or two guys dating.
414
00:21:25,027 --> 00:21:29,030
I don't want to be
mash, all right?
415
00:21:29,130 --> 00:21:30,797
Have you seen any one famous since
we have been here?
416
00:21:30,807 --> 00:21:33,337
Yes I actually did. I saw..
Victoria Beckham
417
00:21:33,347 --> 00:21:35,337
You did not.
I did too
418
00:21:35,437 --> 00:21:37,357
I Think, She was facing me
419
00:21:37,557 --> 00:21:40,702
And then when she turns sideways
She disappeared
420
00:21:46,097 --> 00:21:48,826
-Did you know that the very
first x-ray was taken right here
421
00:21:48,834 --> 00:21:51,202
in Birmingham, England in 1896?
422
00:21:51,269 --> 00:21:52,270
-Ha!
423
00:21:52,337 --> 00:21:57,074
You call it an x-ray,
I call it a selfie.
424
00:21:57,092 --> 00:21:58,492
-So what did you do today?
425
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:02,830
-I saw where they keep all
those useless wax figures.
426
00:22:02,898 --> 00:22:04,165
-Ah, Madame Tussauds Wax Museum.
427
00:22:04,233 --> 00:22:04,966
-No, no, no.
428
00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:05,733
Parliament.
429
00:22:05,801 --> 00:22:07,101
[Laughter]
430
00:22:07,169 --> 00:22:11,505
[Applause]
431
00:22:11,573 --> 00:22:13,107
-With that in mind,
have you learned
432
00:22:13,175 --> 00:22:14,775
anything since we've been here?
433
00:22:14,843 --> 00:22:17,511
-Uh, I've learned that
the folks in Birmingham
434
00:22:17,579 --> 00:22:20,081
like to be called Brumies.
435
00:22:20,148 --> 00:22:22,516
-Right.
436
00:22:22,584 --> 00:22:24,986
-So I took that knowledge forward.
437
00:22:25,053 --> 00:22:27,054
Unfortunately, the folks in Scotland
438
00:22:27,122 --> 00:22:28,556
do not like to be called Scummies.
439
00:22:31,293 --> 00:22:34,996
Oh, they got all pissed off.
440
00:22:35,063 --> 00:22:36,497
I don't know what the
hell they were saying.
441
00:22:36,565 --> 00:22:38,032
You ever try to talk
to an angry Scot?
442
00:22:38,100 --> 00:22:39,600
Good God.
443
00:22:39,668 --> 00:22:45,736
[Angry gibberish]
444
00:22:48,343 --> 00:22:49,610
What the fuck are you saying?
445
00:22:52,510 --> 00:22:54,459
Did you know that the Reverend Wilbet Audrey
446
00:22:54,470 --> 00:22:56,839
Wrote Thomas the Tank Engine books here?
447
00:22:56,859 --> 00:22:58,319
Really? hmm
448
00:22:58,519 --> 00:23:02,937
So a clergyman came up with the
books for young boys?
449
00:23:06,737 --> 00:23:08,177
Well, you know what they say?
450
00:23:09,277 --> 00:23:09,911
What's that?
451
00:23:10,111 --> 00:23:12,111
"Write what you know"
452
00:23:14,011 --> 00:23:15,188
No we are talking to this guy in front row
453
00:23:15,198 --> 00:23:19,878
He is very calm, talking.. very nice
Not you..
454
00:23:24,778 --> 00:23:26,939
Ok. What is your first name again?
455
00:23:27,139 --> 00:23:30,339
What? Nabeel
Nab.. Nab.. Nabeel?
456
00:23:33,839 --> 00:23:35,709
Is that a first name or something you
457
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,590
Take medicine to get rid of?
458
00:23:39,790 --> 00:23:41,558
Is that a family name or just parents..
459
00:23:41,568 --> 00:23:43,658
Drunk and ...
460
00:23:45,158 --> 00:23:47,713
I'll name him Nabeel
461
00:23:51,913 --> 00:23:53,733
Is that a common English name?
462
00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:56,013
Noooo?
463
00:23:56,813 --> 00:23:58,443
What?
I'm from Iraq
464
00:23:58,543 --> 00:24:01,243
Oh you are from Iraq
What the fuck?
465
00:24:10,843 --> 00:24:12,183
What are the odds
466
00:24:14,283 --> 00:24:18,383
Birmingham England get the asshole
from Iraq in the front row..
467
00:24:20,083 --> 00:24:23,543
OK now I forgot your name
Is it Habdul? Habu Nnn ..
468
00:24:25,443 --> 00:24:27,943
Nabool? Nabeel
Nabeel.
469
00:24:28,893 --> 00:24:30,143
Holy crap
470
00:24:31,243 --> 00:24:32,843
Can I call you Bob?
471
00:24:42,743 --> 00:24:45,643
Here We are at the Claire's Island
at the Beatles Story
472
00:24:45,683 --> 00:24:48,240
Claire let's say some idiot comes in here
473
00:24:48,250 --> 00:24:50,023
And no idea who the Beatles were
474
00:24:50,033 --> 00:24:52,423
It happens? Doesn't it?
Now and again..
475
00:24:52,523 --> 00:24:53,956
Yeah you got morons coming here
476
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:55,156
Going: "Who the Beatles were?"
477
00:24:55,166 --> 00:24:56,676
Let's say I'm one of those guys
478
00:24:56,686 --> 00:24:58,876
Let's say Jeff is one of those guys
479
00:24:59,076 --> 00:25:01,076
Go ahead Jeff ask..
480
00:25:01,086 --> 00:25:02,066
Uh.. Who were the Beatles?
481
00:25:02,266 --> 00:25:03,966
The Beatles were four boys
482
00:25:04,166 --> 00:25:07,306
That come from Liverpool
that actually changed the world.
483
00:25:07,506 --> 00:25:10,506
Yeah they paved the way for One Direction
484
00:25:10,706 --> 00:25:14,906
I think Beatles were a fag I give them
three months top
485
00:25:15,981 --> 00:25:17,448
So what do you
think of Liverpool so far?
486
00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:19,050
-Having a good time.
487
00:25:19,117 --> 00:25:20,920
Yeah, lots of huh..
488
00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:22,120
Beatles stuff..
489
00:25:23,087 --> 00:25:25,036
-Well, this is the original
home of the Beatles.
490
00:25:25,123 --> 00:25:28,459
-Yeah, do Paul and Ringo
ever get back here,
491
00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:32,430
or are they still trying to
avoid running into Pete Best?
492
00:25:32,498 --> 00:25:35,166
[Laughter]
493
00:25:38,137 --> 00:25:40,738
-For those who might be
watching and not be familiar,
494
00:25:40,806 --> 00:25:42,707
Pete Best was the
original drummer
495
00:25:42,775 --> 00:25:44,175
for The Beatles before--
496
00:25:44,243 --> 00:25:46,211
-Before they dumped
his ass and got Ringo.
497
00:25:46,278 --> 00:25:48,112
-That's right.
498
00:25:48,180 --> 00:25:50,247
-That had to suck.
499
00:25:50,915 --> 00:25:52,283
You think he's over it by now?
500
00:25:52,351 --> 00:25:53,951
-I don't know.
501
00:25:54,019 --> 00:25:55,853
You know they named a
street after Pete Best.
502
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:57,522
-Oh, well, yes, great.
503
00:25:57,590 --> 00:26:00,291
[Laughter]
504
00:26:02,998 --> 00:26:06,363
That's got to make up for the
millions of dollars and pounds,
505
00:26:06,371 --> 00:26:08,433
don't you think?
506
00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:10,287
What the hell's the
name of the street?
507
00:26:10,435 --> 00:26:11,935
You got screwed boulevard?
508
00:26:14,035 --> 00:26:16,545
Shafted Lane.. I don't kn..
509
00:26:17,145 --> 00:26:19,645
It could have been you road.
I don't know..
510
00:26:20,145 --> 00:26:22,265
You guys have all the crazy tourists
511
00:26:22,275 --> 00:26:24,039
Wanting to see where the Beatles are from
512
00:26:24,049 --> 00:26:25,988
You know we in US we have the same thing
513
00:26:25,995 --> 00:26:29,148
With the Elvis Precley Graceland in Memphis
Woooo Yeah
514
00:26:29,150 --> 00:26:31,948
Yeah.. Oh Yeah..
Shut up No one Cares here, Anyway
515
00:26:36,348 --> 00:26:38,208
Graceland that's where Elvis fans flock
516
00:26:38,210 --> 00:26:39,878
To see where Elvis lived
517
00:26:40,078 --> 00:26:42,056
And if you are a Michael Jackson fan you
518
00:26:42,066 --> 00:26:44,095
Can come out to L.A and take a walking tour
519
00:26:44,105 --> 00:26:47,095
Of all his plastic surgeon offices
520
00:26:49,295 --> 00:26:50,655
Quite lovely..
521
00:26:51,255 --> 00:26:53,447
The nose was done here
522
00:26:53,947 --> 00:26:56,587
It fell of here and they redid it here
523
00:27:03,887 --> 00:27:04,995
And you know there's hmm..
524
00:27:05,195 --> 00:27:07,095
More to see here than just the Beatles stuff
525
00:27:07,115 --> 00:27:08,225
Oh yeah?
Yeah
526
00:27:08,245 --> 00:27:13,945
There is the uh,
International Slavery Museum
527
00:27:16,045 --> 00:27:17,978
Oh,
528
00:27:19,378 --> 00:27:23,611
What an uplifting afternoon that should be
529
00:27:24,072 --> 00:27:26,474
-Did you know that it was in
Liverpool that scientists first
530
00:27:26,541 --> 00:27:29,909
discovered that malaria
was spread by mosquitoes?
531
00:27:34,249 --> 00:27:37,818
-That's just fascinating, Jeff.
532
00:27:37,886 --> 00:27:39,487
Let's put that on
the welcome signs.
533
00:27:39,554 --> 00:27:41,289
[Laughter]
534
00:27:41,356 --> 00:27:42,490
That'll bring in the tourists.
535
00:27:42,557 --> 00:27:43,291
Come to Liverpool!
536
00:27:43,358 --> 00:27:46,961
We have Beatles and mosquitoes!
537
00:27:47,029 --> 00:27:50,231
And one of them carries
a deadly disease!
538
00:27:50,299 --> 00:27:52,667
Find out which one!
539
00:27:53,434 --> 00:27:54,901
Ringo?
540
00:28:07,201 --> 00:28:09,507
After touring the Beatles museum in Liverpool
541
00:28:09,517 --> 00:28:11,377
This morning we took a long drive
542
00:28:11,397 --> 00:28:12,442
And we have now reached the
543
00:28:12,452 --> 00:28:16,402
Border between England and Scotland
And here it is right here..
544
00:28:20,032 --> 00:28:23,202
We'll be in Scotland in twenty minutes
545
00:28:27,002 --> 00:28:28,650
How the hell did this happen?
546
00:28:28,850 --> 00:28:31,090
I mean I'm on the other side of the planet
547
00:28:31,100 --> 00:28:32,468
And people know who I am
548
00:28:32,478 --> 00:28:33,788
And they are laughing at my jokes
549
00:28:33,790 --> 00:28:35,958
Who'd think that, that dumb little terrorist
550
00:28:35,968 --> 00:28:37,158
would have brought things this far
551
00:28:42,498 --> 00:28:43,565
-I know a little fact.
552
00:28:43,632 --> 00:28:44,933
Did you know that
people in Scotland
553
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,202
buy 40 bottles of
whiskey every second?
554
00:28:50,740 --> 00:28:52,874
This is my favourite country ever.
555
00:28:59,648 --> 00:29:02,117
Do they NASCAR in the uk?
556
00:29:02,184 --> 00:29:03,351
-In the what?
557
00:29:03,419 --> 00:29:04,219
-In the uk?
558
00:29:07,690 --> 00:29:09,758
-The-- oh, UK.
559
00:29:09,825 --> 00:29:11,038
-Oh..
560
00:29:12,594 --> 00:29:14,194
you can spell.
561
00:29:15,931 --> 00:29:18,566
-But Glasgow is, uh-- you told
me it was confusing for you?
562
00:29:18,634 --> 00:29:19,667
-Yeah, it is.
563
00:29:19,675 --> 00:29:20,522
-Why?
564
00:29:20,530 --> 00:29:22,771
-Yesterday at lunch
my waitress asked me
565
00:29:22,838 --> 00:29:25,507
if I wanted some tatties and neeps.
566
00:29:25,574 --> 00:29:27,242
[Laughter]
567
00:29:27,309 --> 00:29:30,178
When I said yes, instead
of taking off her top,
568
00:29:30,246 --> 00:29:31,413
she brought me food.
569
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:34,916
[Laughter]
570
00:29:34,984 --> 00:29:38,319
[Applause]
571
00:29:39,655 --> 00:29:43,725
It was the worst strip
club I'd ever been to.
572
00:29:43,793 --> 00:29:45,860
Tatties and neeps are
served with haggis.
573
00:29:45,928 --> 00:29:47,796
Well, she didn't
show me that either.
574
00:29:51,296 --> 00:29:53,199
But next week we are in Australia
575
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:55,990
So that's when I see
Down Under.
576
00:29:56,890 --> 00:29:59,498
Did you know that golf
was invented in Scotland?
577
00:30:00,569 --> 00:30:02,398
Fascinating
578
00:30:04,008 --> 00:30:05,464
You know what else was invented here?
579
00:30:05,466 --> 00:30:09,164
What?
Being in public and yelling, Shit..
580
00:30:12,064 --> 00:30:13,861
Wait, we might use that on a DvD
581
00:30:13,871 --> 00:30:16,231
And they are not gonna let us say shit.
582
00:30:16,881 --> 00:30:19,071
Take two..
Yeah..
583
00:30:19,871 --> 00:30:20,971
You wanna do do the joke again?
584
00:30:20,981 --> 00:30:21,999
Yeah what the hell, why not
585
00:30:22,009 --> 00:30:24,639
It's good joke. They laughed
I don't know...
586
00:30:25,566 --> 00:30:27,839
I can do that. All right here we go..
587
00:30:28,839 --> 00:30:31,207
Take two assholes
588
00:30:32,207 --> 00:30:33,870
You talking about the..you know..
589
00:30:34,070 --> 00:30:35,446
The way they speak?
590
00:30:35,450 --> 00:30:37,183
Ok now look we are in their country
yeah?
591
00:30:37,283 --> 00:30:40,093
They speak normally
592
00:30:43,893 --> 00:30:45,503
I know some Scottish..
593
00:30:46,503 --> 00:30:49,403
Really? oh yeah, I learned it
OK ready I watched the videos
594
00:30:49,410 --> 00:30:50,503
It's like this..
595
00:30:50,523 --> 00:30:53,283
I Can't do it captain
596
00:30:58,003 --> 00:31:00,142
How about the Lockness Monster?
How is that?
597
00:31:00,152 --> 00:31:01,299
Well, Do you believe in a
598
00:31:01,300 --> 00:31:03,714
mysterious creature that lives in
the murky depths and
599
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,153
Breathes fire?
600
00:31:05,353 --> 00:31:08,623
Believe in it, I married its sister.
601
00:31:11,003 --> 00:31:12,433
A lot of famous actors are Scottish
602
00:31:12,435 --> 00:31:12,884
Like who?
603
00:31:12,885 --> 00:31:15,408
Sean Connery, Ewin McGrager, Gerarld Butler
604
00:31:15,410 --> 00:31:17,868
What about Benedict Cumberbatch?
605
00:31:19,008 --> 00:31:21,081
No no.. He is a famous actor
but he is British
606
00:31:21,085 --> 00:31:23,931
I know, I just like saying Cumberbatch
607
00:31:24,331 --> 00:31:25,942
Hey babe, I'll show you my benedict
608
00:31:25,950 --> 00:31:29,004
If you show me your cumberbatch
609
00:31:30,766 --> 00:31:32,066
We've been talking
about Scotland a bit.
610
00:31:32,134 --> 00:31:33,468
Oh yes?
611
00:31:33,536 --> 00:31:36,438
-I read the other day that
Scotland is actually the-- I've
612
00:31:36,505 --> 00:31:38,940
saved this fact for you--
the murder capital of Europe.
613
00:31:39,008 --> 00:31:41,843
[gasp]
614
00:31:42,411 --> 00:31:43,316
-I didn't do it!
615
00:31:43,328 --> 00:31:46,614
I have nothing to
do with this shit!
616
00:31:46,982 --> 00:31:48,883
Did you know that
bagpipes have existed
617
00:31:48,951 --> 00:31:50,885
in Scotland since
the 14th century?
618
00:31:50,953 --> 00:31:51,887
-Oh!
619
00:31:51,954 --> 00:31:55,323
That is probably about the
time the murder rate went up.
620
00:31:58,060 --> 00:31:59,561
[bagpipe noises]
621
00:32:03,113 --> 00:32:05,425
Ha ha ha ha
622
00:32:07,403 --> 00:32:10,347
Did you know that I think
my mother was part Scottish?
623
00:32:10,459 --> 00:32:10,572
-Yeah?
624
00:32:10,639 --> 00:32:11,630
Why do you say that?
625
00:32:11,637 --> 00:32:14,242
-Sometimes she'd want to
put me in Scottish clothing?
626
00:32:14,310 --> 00:32:15,076
-Really?
627
00:32:15,144 --> 00:32:17,312
-Sure, she'd say I kilt you.
628
00:32:17,379 --> 00:32:18,179
[Laughter]
629
00:32:18,247 --> 00:32:19,080
Kilt?
630
00:32:19,148 --> 00:32:19,481
Kilt?
631
00:32:19,548 --> 00:32:20,148
Get it?
632
00:32:20,216 --> 00:32:20,949
Kilt?
633
00:32:21,016 --> 00:32:24,552
I kilt you.
634
00:32:24,620 --> 00:32:27,556
[Applause]
635
00:32:27,706 --> 00:32:29,698
Jackie Dawson, Jackie where are you?
636
00:32:29,898 --> 00:32:30,898
Here (Male)
637
00:32:36,798 --> 00:32:40,008
Jackie lay off the testosterone
638
00:32:41,108 --> 00:32:43,738
You sound like a fucking guy
639
00:32:44,268 --> 00:32:47,378
You scared the shit out of
everyone around you
640
00:32:50,478 --> 00:32:53,888
Where is Jackie? (Female Voice)
I'm here (Male Voice)
641
00:32:56,208 --> 00:32:57,681
This is why in my country we
642
00:32:57,691 --> 00:32:59,981
Cover our women
643
00:33:08,601 --> 00:33:12,051
Where are you? Mm Mm Marie?
644
00:33:12,251 --> 00:33:15,551
Right I can't roll my arms
645
00:33:22,301 --> 00:33:24,284
Don't worry I got it.
OK.
646
00:33:26,484 --> 00:33:29,814
Last name Christie, Is she here?
Up there
647
00:33:30,154 --> 00:33:33,394
With the guy that sounds like a chick.
648
00:33:34,594 --> 00:33:38,828
She says: Dear Achmed I have a problem
with strange people touching me.
649
00:33:39,028 --> 00:33:40,608
I would love to tell them
650
00:33:40,708 --> 00:33:42,098
I will Keel them
651
00:33:42,298 --> 00:33:45,308
But that can come across as rude
652
00:33:45,508 --> 00:33:47,331
Any other suggestions?
653
00:33:48,231 --> 00:33:49,363
Put your clothes back on
654
00:33:49,365 --> 00:33:51,763
And get off the pole
655
00:33:56,663 --> 00:33:58,063
Dear Achmed can you please wish
656
00:33:58,263 --> 00:33:59,803
Lisa Lamont a Happy Birthday?
657
00:33:59,915 --> 00:34:01,503
Hay Hay, NO
658
00:34:04,003 --> 00:34:08,203
OK OK Lisa happy freaking birthday, Yay
659
00:34:08,603 --> 00:34:10,083
How old are you?
660
00:34:10,883 --> 00:34:12,783
What? What the hell did she say?
661
00:34:14,023 --> 00:34:15,658
How Old?
662
00:34:16,898 --> 00:34:20,785
Oh, yeah OK she is 30th thirty
663
00:34:22,585 --> 00:34:25,076
I gotta practice. Thirty
664
00:34:25,276 --> 00:34:27,276
I'm thirty you dumb fool
665
00:34:31,906 --> 00:34:35,121
A Scottish Dead Terrorist?
666
00:34:41,221 --> 00:34:45,281
That is something I can work on lad
667
00:35:04,681 --> 00:35:06,451
So in middle of the trip we
come to Abu Dhabi
668
00:35:06,456 --> 00:35:07,731
What have we been looking forward to?
669
00:35:07,741 --> 00:35:09,101
Riding Camels
670
00:35:09,201 --> 00:35:10,263
So we got in the car this morning
671
00:35:10,283 --> 00:35:11,673
to come out here and ride the camels
672
00:35:11,773 --> 00:35:12,943
Why not? You have to
673
00:35:13,143 --> 00:35:14,002
But what are the odds
674
00:35:14,012 --> 00:35:15,282
As we were coming here in the car we
675
00:35:15,292 --> 00:35:16,352
Picked up the newspaper
676
00:35:16,355 --> 00:35:18,045
And the front headline says:
677
00:35:18,245 --> 00:35:23,398
"Avoid close contact with camels
Say the Vet experts"
678
00:35:23,798 --> 00:35:25,914
Why?
Because there is a new virus going around
679
00:35:26,014 --> 00:35:29,214
That people can catch and one third
of the people die
680
00:35:30,094 --> 00:35:31,414
Skip the camels
681
00:35:33,004 --> 00:35:35,461
My question is when you sign a little thing
682
00:35:35,465 --> 00:35:38,441
on airplane: "Have you been to any farms?"
683
00:35:38,641 --> 00:35:41,921
Nope. Have not. been to no farms
684
00:35:44,532 --> 00:35:46,967
-By the time I was done,
I was 104 degrees out,
685
00:35:47,034 --> 00:35:48,935
and I was sweating like a pig.
686
00:35:49,003 --> 00:35:51,442
And..
687
00:35:54,542 --> 00:35:55,642
what happened?
688
00:35:55,910 --> 00:35:57,677
What?
689
00:35:57,745 --> 00:36:00,680
Wait a minute-- oh
I can't say pig?
690
00:36:00,748 --> 00:36:01,481
What?
691
00:36:01,549 --> 00:36:02,282
I don't what to say.
692
00:36:02,350 --> 00:36:03,216
I don't-- forget it.
693
00:36:03,284 --> 00:36:04,751
Just-- I don't know anything.
694
00:36:04,819 --> 00:36:07,521
What the ... are
they talking about?
695
00:36:08,118 --> 00:36:09,789
You.. you ,sir No one else talk
696
00:36:09,795 --> 00:36:10,629
What are they saying?
697
00:36:10,639 --> 00:36:13,829
And please use an accent
I can understand
698
00:36:17,188 --> 00:36:17,921
Don't say pig?
699
00:36:17,989 --> 00:36:19,189
Is that it?
700
00:36:19,257 --> 00:36:22,059
OK, I was sweating like a goat.
701
00:36:22,127 --> 00:36:23,193
[Laughter]
702
00:36:23,261 --> 00:36:23,927
All right.
703
00:36:32,103 --> 00:36:32,769
-Holy crap.
704
00:36:43,148 --> 00:36:47,050
You're not gonna, erm--
705
00:36:47,118 --> 00:36:48,285
-What are you trying to say?
706
00:36:48,353 --> 00:36:51,221
-You're not-- [mumbling].
707
00:36:51,289 --> 00:36:52,022
No Achmed.
708
00:36:52,090 --> 00:36:53,390
No Achmed.
709
00:36:53,458 --> 00:36:55,792
[Laughter]
710
00:36:55,860 --> 00:36:58,629
[Applause]
711
00:37:04,636 --> 00:37:08,105
Can you not fucking
see out there?
712
00:37:08,173 --> 00:37:11,241
-I will talk to Achmed
about this later.
713
00:37:11,309 --> 00:37:13,577
-No, no, no.
714
00:37:13,645 --> 00:37:17,214
Can I, uh, get in the box and
get the fuck out first?
715
00:37:17,282 --> 00:37:18,982
[Laughter]
716
00:37:19,050 --> 00:37:22,786
[Applause]
717
00:37:22,854 --> 00:37:26,523
It's not a good idea.
718
00:37:26,591 --> 00:37:27,391
We're not in Israel.
719
00:37:27,458 --> 00:37:28,158
-I know.
720
00:37:32,658 --> 00:37:34,608
Walter, Are you enjoying Abu Dhabi?
721
00:37:34,618 --> 00:37:37,798
Oh yeah Oh yeah.yeah.. ye...
722
00:37:38,898 --> 00:37:41,844
Its a first Arab nation we ever played
Right? Yeah
723
00:37:42,044 --> 00:37:45,002
All I can say is we may live in Hollywood
724
00:37:45,012 --> 00:37:48,432
But don't worry we are not Jews
725
00:37:56,332 --> 00:37:58,632
You are welcome.
All right.
726
00:38:00,029 --> 00:38:02,097
But have you been enjoying
the sights around town?
727
00:38:02,165 --> 00:38:02,931
-Oh, yeah sure.
728
00:38:02,999 --> 00:38:03,765
Amazing.
729
00:38:03,833 --> 00:38:05,534
Gorgeous buildings.
730
00:38:05,601 --> 00:38:06,368
-Gorgeous buildings.
731
00:38:06,435 --> 00:38:06,649
-Yeah.
732
00:38:07,006 --> 00:38:08,637
-Amazing structures.
733
00:38:08,704 --> 00:38:10,438
Fantastic hotels.
734
00:38:10,506 --> 00:38:13,218
Been looking forward to this a
lot, and here we are
735
00:38:13,418 --> 00:38:14,418
In a tent.
736
00:38:18,881 --> 00:38:21,483
-Yeah, they know how to treat
the infidels, don't they?
737
00:38:21,551 --> 00:38:22,818
[Laughter]
738
00:38:22,885 --> 00:38:24,619
[Applause]
739
00:38:24,687 --> 00:38:27,122
A frickin tent.
740
00:38:27,190 --> 00:38:27,923
-It's a nice--
741
00:38:27,990 --> 00:38:29,491
-Yeah, a nice tent.
742
00:38:29,559 --> 00:38:32,000
Yay.
743
00:38:32,028 --> 00:38:33,128
It's a frickin circus tent.
744
00:38:33,196 --> 00:38:34,896
[Laughter]
745
00:38:34,964 --> 00:38:38,466
All we're missing is
the midget and music.
746
00:38:38,534 --> 00:38:41,169
Here's Jeff and Walter.
747
00:38:41,237 --> 00:38:43,805
[Laughter]
748
00:38:45,608 --> 00:38:48,310
This sucks.
749
00:38:48,377 --> 00:38:49,444
-It's a fine facility.
750
00:38:49,512 --> 00:38:50,278
-OK, all right.
751
00:38:50,346 --> 00:38:52,180
Yeah, yeah.
752
00:38:52,248 --> 00:38:54,149
I guess we're
actually safe though.
753
00:38:54,217 --> 00:38:54,983
-How's that?
754
00:38:55,051 --> 00:38:56,785
-What moron would bomb a tent?
755
00:39:01,557 --> 00:39:02,657
What do you do?
756
00:39:02,725 --> 00:39:04,426
What do you-- cause
$20 worth of damage?
757
00:39:07,297 --> 00:39:09,631
-I don't know who owns
this, but if it's one guy,
758
00:39:09,699 --> 00:39:10,799
he might be here tonight.
759
00:39:10,867 --> 00:39:12,634
-Oh good, he's gonna
go home to his palace,
760
00:39:12,702 --> 00:39:14,202
and here we are in fucking tent.
761
00:39:14,270 --> 00:39:14,936
-All right!
762
00:39:22,036 --> 00:39:23,811
Did you know that over 70%
763
00:39:23,821 --> 00:39:25,371
Of Abu Dhabi is desert?
764
00:39:25,381 --> 00:39:29,551
Again my wife will fit right in
How is that?
765
00:39:29,552 --> 00:39:30,951
She is also dried out
766
00:39:30,953 --> 00:39:34,151
And hostile to all forms of life
767
00:39:34,718 --> 00:39:36,351
That's not nice..
768
00:39:36,843 --> 00:39:39,022
-So Bubba J, do you know
where we are exactly?
769
00:39:39,023 --> 00:39:40,946
-Oh, no. Sure don't..
No I don't..
770
00:39:42,214 --> 00:39:42,880
-Abu Dhabi.
771
00:39:46,485 --> 00:39:47,151
-What?
772
00:39:49,888 --> 00:39:51,255
-Abu Dhabi.
773
00:39:51,323 --> 00:39:52,256
-You're drunk.
774
00:39:52,324 --> 00:39:54,225
[Laughter]
775
00:39:54,293 --> 00:39:58,896
[Applause]
776
00:39:58,964 --> 00:39:59,764
Really?
777
00:39:59,832 --> 00:40:00,531
-Yeah.
778
00:40:00,599 --> 00:40:01,699
-Say that again.
779
00:40:01,767 --> 00:40:02,433
-Abu Dhabi.
780
00:40:05,237 --> 00:40:07,171
-I thought that's
what Fred Flintstone
781
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:08,773
says when he's excited.
782
00:40:08,841 --> 00:40:11,276
[Laughter]
783
00:40:11,343 --> 00:40:14,513
-No, that's yabba dabba do.
784
00:40:15,381 --> 00:40:17,683
-It's pretty close.
785
00:40:18,350 --> 00:40:19,650
Abu Dhabi do!
786
00:40:19,718 --> 00:40:21,886
[Laughter]
787
00:40:21,986 --> 00:40:23,086
That's nice..
788
00:40:38,801 --> 00:40:39,546
How do I look?
789
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:41,596
You look good. OK. OK. All right
Now explain tha...
790
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:42,253
-Wait, wait!
791
00:40:42,321 --> 00:40:43,988
Can't go...
Come back! Come back!
792
00:40:46,022 --> 00:40:47,668
Come back!
793
00:40:51,808 --> 00:40:55,077
You're the one of the guys
I really want to love me.
794
00:40:59,849 --> 00:41:01,783
Is it the red cape?
is it?...
795
00:41:01,851 --> 00:41:02,918
Something wrong with that?
796
00:41:03,186 --> 00:41:04,186
Did I say ham?
797
00:41:04,254 --> 00:41:06,755
[Laughter]
798
00:41:08,158 --> 00:41:09,992
Oh my god, your
name is offensive!
799
00:41:10,059 --> 00:41:10,859
Dun-ham!
800
00:41:10,927 --> 00:41:13,829
[Laughter]
801
00:41:13,897 --> 00:41:16,732
[Applause]
802
00:41:17,834 --> 00:41:21,136
Is he coming back?
803
00:41:21,204 --> 00:41:23,371
Did he have to go potty?
804
00:41:25,275 --> 00:41:27,276
Do you pick it up
or pull it down?
805
00:41:27,343 --> 00:41:30,179
[Laughter]
806
00:41:30,246 --> 00:41:33,549
[Applause]
807
00:41:39,122 --> 00:41:40,922
Or is there a little flap?
808
00:41:47,122 --> 00:41:48,715
I have no idea we are offending any body
809
00:41:48,725 --> 00:41:50,315
Just Stop!!!
810
00:41:51,015 --> 00:41:53,515
I don't care. I go home in a suit case
811
00:41:57,015 --> 00:41:58,088
You are right I better watch or
812
00:41:58,098 --> 00:42:01,488
You could be going home in a box too
813
00:42:03,688 --> 00:42:05,368
Oh yeah..
814
00:42:09,768 --> 00:42:11,508
You are back..
815
00:42:12,408 --> 00:42:13,964
I was so worried I thought I have said
816
00:42:13,965 --> 00:42:15,378
Something to offend you and you have said:
817
00:42:15,380 --> 00:42:18,218
"Ha enough of here . Goodbye"
818
00:42:20,218 --> 00:42:21,549
A thing or some fucking shoe is
819
00:42:21,550 --> 00:42:24,248
Gonna come flying up here and..
820
00:42:28,008 --> 00:42:29,565
Oh, that'd be good cos then I'd have
821
00:42:29,566 --> 00:42:30,765
The other one
822
00:42:36,162 --> 00:42:40,291
Greetings, Abu Dhabi
infi-- I mean..
823
00:42:40,691 --> 00:42:41,491
Folks..
824
00:42:41,901 --> 00:42:45,604
[Laughter]
825
00:42:45,672 --> 00:42:48,140
Silence, I kill you!
826
00:42:48,208 --> 00:42:49,575
[Laughter]
827
00:42:49,642 --> 00:42:52,878
[Applause]
828
00:42:56,883 --> 00:42:59,017
What the hell?
829
00:42:59,085 --> 00:43:03,021
What-- I threaten to kill
them, they all go yay.
830
00:43:03,689 --> 00:43:05,858
-I think some of them
actually like you here.
831
00:43:06,525 --> 00:43:07,326
-Really?
832
00:43:07,393 --> 00:43:09,628
[Applause]
833
00:43:11,731 --> 00:43:14,766
You know, since being
here, I've been starting
834
00:43:14,834 --> 00:43:17,903
to rethink the whole
suicide bomber thing.
835
00:43:17,971 --> 00:43:19,271
-How's that?
836
00:43:19,339 --> 00:43:22,341
-I blew myself to get a new
place and a few virgins,
837
00:43:22,408 --> 00:43:24,343
meanwhile eight guys
in the front row
838
00:43:24,410 --> 00:43:26,521
here have five mansions each,
839
00:43:27,121 --> 00:43:28,421
a bunch of hot wives,
840
00:43:28,615 --> 00:43:32,117
and their own skin.
841
00:43:32,185 --> 00:43:35,954
I had no idea these
options were available.
842
00:43:39,993 --> 00:43:42,093
I love you guys. Good Night.
843
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:48,600
-Welcome to Israel!
844
00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:58,167
We are in the heart of the old city
845
00:43:58,177 --> 00:43:59,167
Of Jerusalem
846
00:43:59,187 --> 00:44:00,585
Where Christian, Jews and Muslims
847
00:44:00,590 --> 00:44:01,785
All live together
848
00:44:01,905 --> 00:44:03,314
But no matter what the differences
849
00:44:03,324 --> 00:44:05,298
They all seem to agree on one thing
850
00:44:05,498 --> 00:44:07,498
Satellite TV
851
00:44:32,105 --> 00:44:35,040
[shouts]
852
00:44:35,108 --> 00:44:36,444
[Applause]
853
00:44:37,185 --> 00:44:38,452
-Where the hell are we?
854
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:40,922
[Laughter]
855
00:44:40,989 --> 00:44:44,325
[Applause]
856
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:47,207
I forgot, yeah, we're here.
857
00:44:47,210 --> 00:44:51,631
OK, well, uh, uh, um,
858
00:44:51,991 --> 00:44:52,931
Shalom.
859
00:44:53,735 --> 00:44:58,273
[Applause]
860
00:44:58,463 --> 00:45:00,358
You know why they call this the holy land?
861
00:45:00,368 --> 00:45:02,855
Of course, Yeah.. Not far from here
862
00:45:03,055 --> 00:45:06,055
Is the birthplace of Soda Stream
863
00:45:11,740 --> 00:45:16,511
I'm surprised at how many
of men here have facial hair.
864
00:45:17,279 --> 00:45:17,645
Well, that's true.
865
00:45:17,713 --> 00:45:19,314
-Yeah, we went to
the market today,
866
00:45:19,381 --> 00:45:22,116
and it took me 10 minutes to
pick my wife out of the crowd.
867
00:45:22,184 --> 00:45:23,618
[Laughter]
868
00:45:23,686 --> 00:45:26,187
[Applause]
869
00:45:31,707 --> 00:45:33,584
I'm at the Caramel Market in Tel Aviv Israel
870
00:45:33,594 --> 00:45:35,837
One of the most famous markets
in the entire world
871
00:45:35,847 --> 00:45:36,762
You are supposed to buy stuff here
872
00:45:36,772 --> 00:45:38,432
But you are supposed to negotiate and haggle
873
00:45:38,442 --> 00:45:39,632
I'm horrible at that
874
00:45:39,832 --> 00:45:42,269
What if I give you ten?
No..
875
00:45:42,279 --> 00:45:43,948
How about ten shackles?
Na.. No No
876
00:45:44,148 --> 00:45:45,337
Could I have gotten it for 30?
877
00:45:46,037 --> 00:45:47,237
Uh.. You could have
878
00:45:47,407 --> 00:45:48,948
15? No No.
879
00:45:48,978 --> 00:45:50,767
All right You told me it was 28
880
00:45:50,777 --> 00:45:52,566
But now that it is open how about ten?
881
00:45:52,766 --> 00:45:54,629
I told you just for you,
Cos its the Wednesday
882
00:45:54,639 --> 00:45:57,169
I'll give it to you for 32.
883
00:45:57,869 --> 00:45:59,559
See, I suck at this..
884
00:46:02,059 --> 00:46:05,359
A guy asked me today if I was Jewish
885
00:46:05,559 --> 00:46:06,438
What did you say?
886
00:46:06,448 --> 00:46:08,818
I said whaa.. I don't know.
887
00:46:09,818 --> 00:46:10,414
Then what happened?
888
00:46:10,624 --> 00:46:13,513
He asked me if I was circumscribed?
889
00:46:14,713 --> 00:46:17,581
Circumcised. He asked you if
you were circumcised
890
00:46:17,590 --> 00:46:18,781
ay ay.. OK. All right
891
00:46:19,481 --> 00:46:21,327
It's the act of circumcision
892
00:46:22,316 --> 00:46:24,855
Ah.. Well, I have a television..
893
00:46:27,292 --> 00:46:28,948
Do you know what circumcision is?
894
00:46:29,148 --> 00:46:30,848
I don't know.. what is circumcision..
895
00:46:44,248 --> 00:46:46,968
Please put me back in the suit case
896
00:46:50,255 --> 00:46:52,537
-So Achmed, we've been
going all over the place.
897
00:46:52,540 --> 00:46:53,023
-We have.
898
00:46:53,091 --> 00:46:53,700
-You know where we are?
899
00:46:53,802 --> 00:46:56,727
-Well, we have going so many
places I have lost track.
900
00:46:56,795 --> 00:47:01,932
And, uh, we-- uh.
901
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:03,067
What's with all the Jews?
902
00:47:07,072 --> 00:47:08,739
-We're in Israel.
903
00:47:08,807 --> 00:47:09,573
-That's so funny.
904
00:47:09,641 --> 00:47:10,341
Yeah, OK.
905
00:47:10,408 --> 00:47:11,742
Israel.
906
00:47:11,810 --> 00:47:13,923
Yeah, that's really funny. we are..
907
00:47:14,681 --> 00:47:16,044
What?
908
00:47:17,983 --> 00:47:19,516
-We're in Tel Aviv.
909
00:47:19,584 --> 00:47:21,352
[whimper]
910
00:47:23,888 --> 00:47:26,056
-As in Israeli Army?
911
00:47:26,124 --> 00:47:27,858
[Laughter]
912
00:47:27,926 --> 00:47:30,227
Holy crap.
913
00:47:30,295 --> 00:47:31,996
Well, I'm already dead.
914
00:47:32,063 --> 00:47:34,465
What the hell?
915
00:47:34,532 --> 00:47:38,168
[Applause]
916
00:47:38,836 --> 00:47:39,558
-Achmed, trust me.
917
00:47:39,570 --> 00:47:40,158
You'll be fine.
918
00:47:40,168 --> 00:47:40,938
We're guests.
919
00:47:41,006 --> 00:47:44,408
-So they are friendly Jews?
920
00:47:44,476 --> 00:47:45,276
-Absolutely.
921
00:47:45,343 --> 00:47:46,477
-Do they bite?
922
00:47:46,544 --> 00:47:48,178
[Laughter]
923
00:47:48,246 --> 00:47:49,613
Can I play with one?
924
00:47:49,681 --> 00:47:51,015
[Laughter]
925
00:47:51,283 --> 00:47:54,179
I actually studied about
Israel before we got here.
926
00:47:54,188 --> 00:47:54,485
-Really?
927
00:47:54,552 --> 00:47:55,053
-Yes.
928
00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:57,288
This is where the letter
[guttural noise] comes from.
929
00:47:57,355 --> 00:47:59,690
[Laughter]
930
00:47:59,758 --> 00:48:03,460
[Applause]
931
00:48:06,631 --> 00:48:11,298
A-C-phlegm.
932
00:48:11,369 --> 00:48:14,405
You guys know this stuff.
933
00:48:14,472 --> 00:48:17,308
[Applause]
934
00:48:17,375 --> 00:48:20,110
Why do these folks cheer for me?
935
00:48:20,178 --> 00:48:21,478
Oh, I get it.
936
00:48:21,546 --> 00:48:24,848
You like nothing better
than a dead terrorist.
937
00:48:24,916 --> 00:48:28,218
[Applause]
938
00:48:30,422 --> 00:48:34,325
I heard folks say that
Jews run the banks.
939
00:48:34,392 --> 00:48:36,126
Well, I say good.
940
00:48:36,194 --> 00:48:38,428
The Palestinians only
have the West Bank,
941
00:48:38,430 --> 00:48:41,332
and that hasn't gone so well.
942
00:48:41,399 --> 00:48:44,735
[Applause]
943
00:48:47,335 --> 00:48:50,403
Can I talk to a guy in the front row first?
944
00:48:50,503 --> 00:48:51,093
Sure
945
00:48:51,293 --> 00:48:54,293
Yes, What is your name infidel?
946
00:48:55,073 --> 00:48:56,893
What?
Homel
947
00:48:56,953 --> 00:48:58,976
Homer?
948
00:49:02,006 --> 00:49:03,948
Like Simpson?
949
00:49:06,849 --> 00:49:09,148
[Mimicking Homer Simpson]
950
00:49:15,748 --> 00:49:19,048
OK. You said Homel
951
00:49:19,148 --> 00:49:21,085
OK Good Ho Mel.
952
00:49:21,976 --> 00:49:23,946
Homel what do you do for living?
953
00:49:24,146 --> 00:49:24,908
Electronics
954
00:49:25,108 --> 00:49:27,885
Electronics, Oh I like you..
955
00:49:33,485 --> 00:49:36,500
So what do you do with
electronics Homel?
956
00:49:37,900 --> 00:49:38,925
I buy them
957
00:49:39,125 --> 00:49:40,685
Oh you buy them.
958
00:49:42,585 --> 00:49:45,585
Do you eventually sell them?
959
00:49:46,385 --> 00:49:48,785
Is this your girlfriend your wife what?
960
00:49:49,323 --> 00:49:50,187
His mother in law
961
00:49:50,387 --> 00:49:52,887
Oh Mother In Law
962
00:49:57,887 --> 00:50:00,672
That's a sad date you have Homel
963
00:50:06,204 --> 00:50:10,140
Dear Achmed, can you
whistle the Hava Nagila?
964
00:50:10,208 --> 00:50:13,644
[Laughter]
965
00:50:13,712 --> 00:50:17,481
[whistles hava nagila]
966
00:50:17,549 --> 00:50:21,385
[Applause]
967
00:50:28,426 --> 00:50:32,296
[continues hava nagila]
968
00:50:40,372 --> 00:50:41,772
-You guys have been awesome!
969
00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:43,207
Thanks for coming out!
970
00:51:10,207 --> 00:51:11,485
Have you learned anything interesting
971
00:51:11,495 --> 00:51:13,133
From visiting our country and
972
00:51:13,143 --> 00:51:15,254
Do you use any of these bits
in your comedy shows?
973
00:51:15,264 --> 00:51:17,136
We did the thing called
"Walking With The Lions"
974
00:51:17,146 --> 00:51:18,390
We went out there and actually
975
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:20,415
Full grown lions, we are
actually walking with them.
976
00:51:20,425 --> 00:51:21,289
While the guy that works there
977
00:51:21,290 --> 00:51:23,400
Throws them pieces of chicken
to keep them busy
978
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:25,600
And if he runs out of chicken
You are screwed.
979
00:51:26,118 --> 00:51:30,086
[Applause]
980
00:51:30,754 --> 00:51:34,090
-What do you think of
South Africa so far?
981
00:51:34,158 --> 00:51:34,891
-Honestly?
982
00:51:34,959 --> 00:51:35,692
-Yeah.
983
00:51:35,759 --> 00:51:38,294
-Not what I thought it would be.
984
00:51:38,362 --> 00:51:38,695
-How's that?
985
00:51:38,863 --> 00:51:42,298
-Look out there.
986
00:51:42,366 --> 00:51:43,733
We're in Africa, right?
987
00:51:46,670 --> 00:51:48,972
Lot of white folks out there.
988
00:51:49,039 --> 00:51:51,874
[Laughter]
989
00:51:51,942 --> 00:51:54,711
[Applause]
990
00:51:57,381 --> 00:51:58,648
-It is South Africa.
991
00:51:58,716 --> 00:52:00,883
-OK.
992
00:52:00,951 --> 00:52:04,821
But it's the continent of Africa.
993
00:52:04,888 --> 00:52:10,293
Well this is not what I
remember from the Tarzan movies.
994
00:52:10,361 --> 00:52:12,395
What is your first name?
995
00:52:12,613 --> 00:52:13,363
David?
996
00:52:13,430 --> 00:52:17,400
And guys named David and Warren.
997
00:52:17,468 --> 00:52:19,435
I don't think those
are African names.
998
00:52:19,503 --> 00:52:22,472
[Laughter]
999
00:52:22,539 --> 00:52:24,674
I was expecting like
[click click whistle].
1000
00:52:24,742 --> 00:52:26,943
[Laughter]
1001
00:52:32,443 --> 00:52:34,545
Hey David what do you do for living?
1002
00:52:35,324 --> 00:52:36,499
Signage?
1003
00:52:36,599 --> 00:52:39,089
What do you mean signage?
You put up signs?
1004
00:52:39,289 --> 00:52:42,079
That's exciting David
1005
00:52:44,479 --> 00:52:46,379
Like, STOP.
1006
00:52:48,589 --> 00:52:49,990
Shit there's been an accident here?
1007
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:52,890
Well, where is the fuckin sign?
David..
1008
00:52:55,290 --> 00:52:56,521
You not the asshole putting all the
1009
00:52:56,531 --> 00:52:58,957
Political signs around town?
Are ya?
1010
00:52:59,957 --> 00:53:02,237
This is the guy. Right here
1011
00:53:08,437 --> 00:53:09,737
Did you know the one of biggest problems
1012
00:53:09,747 --> 00:53:11,811
Of South Africa is poaching of rhinos
1013
00:53:11,991 --> 00:53:13,975
Oh, Yes, I have heard this
1014
00:53:14,375 --> 00:53:16,567
It is mainly for the rhino horn
1015
00:53:16,767 --> 00:53:17,767
That's right.. Yes
1016
00:53:17,967 --> 00:53:19,098
Did you know that you really don't get
1017
00:53:19,100 --> 00:53:21,014
in trouble here if you kill a poacher?
1018
00:53:21,024 --> 00:53:21,914
Really? Right.
1019
00:53:21,924 --> 00:53:23,540
So you can kill poachers?
1020
00:53:23,740 --> 00:53:24,740
You can hunt them
1021
00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:26,100
That's right
1022
00:53:26,110 --> 00:53:27,323
Well, that's what I have heard.
1023
00:53:27,523 --> 00:53:29,657
OK. But it'll be weird having a trophy
1024
00:53:29,667 --> 00:53:30,948
On your wall of a stuffed guy
1025
00:53:30,950 --> 00:53:32,148
Named Gary.
1026
00:53:34,011 --> 00:53:36,078
-You know, Bubba J,
Jo'burg is a lively city.
1027
00:53:36,146 --> 00:53:37,847
-Oh yeah, unless you get shot.
1028
00:53:40,284 --> 00:53:41,751
-Did you know that
South Africa has
1029
00:53:41,768 --> 00:53:44,120
the largest brewery
in the world?
1030
00:53:44,187 --> 00:53:46,088
[gasp]
1031
00:53:46,156 --> 00:53:49,058
[Applause]
1032
00:53:49,126 --> 00:53:50,826
-The largest brewery?
1033
00:53:53,897 --> 00:53:57,066
I'm going to write a letter.
1034
00:53:57,134 --> 00:53:59,243
My dearest wife,
1035
00:54:00,043 --> 00:54:03,043
For reasons
you will of course understand,
1036
00:54:03,206 --> 00:54:04,974
I am never coming home.
1037
00:54:05,042 --> 00:54:08,277
[Laughter]
1038
00:54:08,345 --> 00:54:11,147
[Applause]
1039
00:54:12,749 --> 00:54:16,585
So after you become a
citizen of the South Africa,
1040
00:54:16,653 --> 00:54:20,489
how long does it take for
your skin to turn black?
1041
00:54:20,557 --> 00:54:23,859
[Laughter]
1042
00:54:27,931 --> 00:54:30,933
These guys are early
on too, I think.
1043
00:54:31,001 --> 00:54:32,735
[Applause]
1044
00:54:35,835 --> 00:54:37,880
Okatol is a place you can see lions
1045
00:54:38,080 --> 00:54:43,789
Scary Lions, Bad ass Lions
Very Very close up..
1046
00:54:45,389 --> 00:54:48,493
So I'm sitting amongst ten lion cubs
1047
00:54:48,503 --> 00:54:49,993
That are just on the verge of
1048
00:54:50,193 --> 00:54:51,593
Being unbelievably dangerous
1049
00:54:51,793 --> 00:54:53,080
And I been told not to bother them
1050
00:54:53,090 --> 00:54:54,188
While they are eating or they will
1051
00:54:54,198 --> 00:54:55,958
Turn me into part of the meal
1052
00:54:57,458 --> 00:54:58,869
You need to come in here
1053
00:54:59,069 --> 00:54:59,817
I'm Good.
1054
00:55:00,017 --> 00:55:02,347
Na Come on. Trust me it's fine.
1055
00:55:03,747 --> 00:55:05,807
So I hand Rothpan a lion
1056
00:55:06,007 --> 00:55:07,837
I literally thought that guy was
gonna pass out
1057
00:55:07,857 --> 00:55:09,523
I mean he has never held anything
1058
00:55:09,533 --> 00:55:10,823
in his hand except maybe
1059
00:55:11,023 --> 00:55:14,061
A sandwich and now he has an unhappy lion.
1060
00:55:14,261 --> 00:55:17,600
There you go. let me try and kiss you.
It's fantastic
1061
00:55:17,700 --> 00:55:21,830
This is very.. relaxing..
Fine.. You doing well
1062
00:55:23,430 --> 00:55:25,907
You are good. You are obviously good
with cats. Yeah..
1063
00:55:26,107 --> 00:55:29,107
Very Nice.. that's good all right
1064
00:55:35,607 --> 00:55:37,226
I know you went on a uh..
1065
00:55:37,426 --> 00:55:40,210
Sight seeing bus tour today.
Yes I did.
1066
00:55:41,394 --> 00:55:43,090
Six hour bus ride.
1067
00:55:44,090 --> 00:55:44,690
What did you see?
1068
00:55:44,890 --> 00:55:46,990
One block..
1069
00:55:49,690 --> 00:55:51,838
They say JoBerg is known best for its
1070
00:55:51,840 --> 00:55:54,949
Cultural diversity.
No it's not..
1071
00:55:55,449 --> 00:55:57,449
It's the fuckin traffic.
1072
00:56:00,249 --> 00:56:02,092
Maybe traffic would moved around better
1073
00:56:02,102 --> 00:56:04,752
If they put up the right signs..
1074
00:56:06,503 --> 00:56:08,303
-All right, you guys
have just been great.
1075
00:56:08,371 --> 00:56:09,271
What a crowd.
1076
00:56:09,339 --> 00:56:10,439
Thank you so much.
1077
00:56:11,507 --> 00:56:13,162
All right, let's turn up
the lights real quick.
1078
00:56:13,163 --> 00:56:14,027
Can we do the house lights?
1079
00:56:14,028 --> 00:56:15,227
Let's do this real quick?
1080
00:56:15,244 --> 00:56:16,545
Let's see what this
is gonna look like?
1081
00:56:16,613 --> 00:56:17,513
Oh yeah, this'll be great.
1082
00:56:18,020 --> 00:56:19,080
Hold on, let me get Achmed.
1083
00:56:19,088 --> 00:56:20,135
Hold on a second.
1084
00:56:21,082 --> 00:56:21,583
Can you do it sideways?
1085
00:56:21,850 --> 00:56:22,601
Is that good?
1086
00:56:23,819 --> 00:56:25,386
This way.
1087
00:56:25,454 --> 00:56:26,587
-You dumbass idiot, Jeff.
1088
00:56:50,046 --> 00:56:52,614
-Have you seen the size of
the bugs in this country?
1089
00:56:52,681 --> 00:56:53,448
[Laughter]
1090
00:56:53,516 --> 00:56:54,310
-Yeah, there's some big ones.
1091
00:56:54,320 --> 00:56:56,117
-There was a beetle
in our hotel room,
1092
00:56:56,185 --> 00:56:57,819
and my wife wanted
me to step on it?
1093
00:56:57,887 --> 00:56:58,620
-What did you do?
1094
00:56:58,687 --> 00:56:59,021
-Nothing.
1095
00:56:59,089 --> 00:57:02,123
The damn thing grabbed my wife's
poodle and flew out the window.
1096
00:57:02,191 --> 00:57:03,091
[Laughter]
1097
00:57:03,159 --> 00:57:05,892
I love this country.
1098
00:57:08,092 --> 00:57:10,092
[Mimicking Puppy's Cry]
1099
00:57:13,452 --> 00:57:15,382
Bye.. hah hah hah..
1100
00:57:17,582 --> 00:57:19,389
I thought that Irish can throw back a few
1101
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:22,661
But you guys are the drinking
champions of the world..
1102
00:57:27,001 --> 00:57:31,393
I'm surprised you don't have dead
sharks with alcohol poisoning
1103
00:57:31,893 --> 00:57:34,203
After eating your surfers..
1104
00:57:35,103 --> 00:57:36,722
Did you know that even though Australia
1105
00:57:36,732 --> 00:57:38,881
Had a bit influx of criminals they now
1106
00:57:38,891 --> 00:57:40,359
have you know.. only..
1107
00:57:40,559 --> 00:57:41,768
I don't know.. one fifth as many
1108
00:57:41,778 --> 00:57:43,533
Murders as we do in the US.
1109
00:57:43,733 --> 00:57:44,733
Oh yeah?
1110
00:57:46,133 --> 00:57:47,741
Does that surprise you?
1111
00:57:48,441 --> 00:57:50,164
It doesn't you?
No
1112
00:57:50,364 --> 00:57:52,777
You know how much practice it
takes to kill somebody
1113
00:57:52,787 --> 00:57:55,327
With the fricking Boomerang
1114
00:58:00,527 --> 00:58:02,951
It's like a thousand to one
1115
00:58:03,451 --> 00:58:05,721
I know my wife tried..
1116
00:58:06,721 --> 00:58:07,950
That poodle flew out the window
1117
00:58:07,951 --> 00:58:10,425
And she is like you son of a bitch
1118
00:58:11,025 --> 00:58:13,602
What the f.. what the.. Oh
1119
00:58:17,202 --> 00:58:19,530
By the way, Are we getting paid
for this gig?
1120
00:58:20,230 --> 00:58:23,630
It's not that aborigine border crap. Is it?
1121
00:58:25,030 --> 00:58:26,120
What? we are not gonna get like a
1122
00:58:26,130 --> 00:58:29,750
Bag full of Kuala poop or something
like that. Are we?
1123
00:58:29,850 --> 00:58:33,360
Some feathers and a long ass horn
that plays one note
1124
00:58:36,060 --> 00:58:38,230
Thank you for coming
1125
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:50,480
Shut the fuck up..
1126
00:58:53,030 --> 00:58:54,130
-So what are the
differences you've
1127
00:58:54,198 --> 00:58:57,033
found between Australia
and the United States?
1128
00:58:57,101 --> 00:59:00,336
-Well, I think down here
my marriage goes down
1129
00:59:00,404 --> 00:59:03,339
the toilet in the other direction.
1130
00:59:04,639 --> 00:59:06,902
So Buba J, Have you enjoyed
Australia so far?
1131
00:59:07,102 --> 00:59:09,003
Well, Someone told me that tomorrow
1132
00:59:09,203 --> 00:59:11,930
We are gonna go to the Oprah's house
1133
00:59:17,230 --> 00:59:18,874
You mean, The Sydney Opera House?
1134
00:59:18,890 --> 00:59:20,674
Yeah that's it..
1135
00:59:21,354 --> 00:59:23,118
It's not Oprah it's Opera
1136
00:59:23,318 --> 00:59:26,618
well, Like you said they
talk different here
1137
00:59:28,333 --> 00:59:31,078
So, what are the Austrians
do for fun down here?
1138
00:59:33,378 --> 00:59:35,697
Australians.. yeah them too
1139
00:59:36,797 --> 00:59:38,850
You know in a couple days we will
be heading to New Zealand
1140
00:59:39,050 --> 00:59:42,249
Oww. Yeah. I have heard that they have
1141
00:59:42,250 --> 00:59:44,421
More sheep than humans there..
1142
00:59:46,021 --> 00:59:48,386
Then I guess the country's slogan should be:
1143
00:59:48,586 --> 00:59:52,526
"New Zealand where baaha means No"
1144
00:59:56,526 --> 00:59:57,800
You met any bogens?
1145
01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:02,895
What the hell is a bogen?
1146
01:00:02,905 --> 01:00:04,073
A bogen is what they call someone who
1147
01:00:04,083 --> 01:00:07,401
Unsophisticated, Uneducated or
not a lot of class
1148
01:00:07,405 --> 01:00:08,514
Ow.. Yes I have..
Who?
1149
01:00:08,515 --> 01:00:09,714
Jeff faa faa
1150
01:00:13,814 --> 01:00:15,226
What have you learned about this country?
1151
01:00:15,326 --> 01:00:17,926
Ah.. I know the Aussies like to party
1152
01:00:18,126 --> 01:00:20,224
I understand there are pretty much no
1153
01:00:20,239 --> 01:00:22,326
Virgins left here
1154
01:00:24,203 --> 01:00:26,606
Except for maybe that guy, right there
1155
01:00:27,007 --> 01:00:28,674
Just guessing.
1156
01:00:31,011 --> 01:00:34,143
-Dear Achmed, my dream
was to see you and Jeff.
1157
01:00:34,181 --> 01:00:36,115
I've been waiting
for seven long years,
1158
01:00:36,283 --> 01:00:38,848
so because I've been waiting
so long, could I please
1159
01:00:38,855 --> 01:00:40,119
have a picture with both of you.
1160
01:00:40,187 --> 01:00:41,921
Thanks, Joanne.
1161
01:00:41,988 --> 01:00:42,821
Joanne, where are you?
1162
01:00:42,859 --> 01:00:43,923
Right there?
1163
01:00:44,191 --> 01:00:45,591
-Hehe, no.
1164
01:00:45,659 --> 01:00:48,061
[Laughter]
1165
01:00:49,008 --> 01:00:51,885
Come on, that's fine.
Come up here.
1166
01:00:54,534 --> 01:00:55,834
-OK, where's your camera?
1167
01:00:56,342 --> 01:00:57,393
-Um, my friend has it.
1168
01:00:57,394 --> 01:00:58,938
-Well, that doesn't
fucking help.
1169
01:00:59,006 --> 01:01:00,873
[Laughter]
1170
01:01:01,641 --> 01:01:03,009
-OK, well take a
picture of the screen.
1171
01:01:03,077 --> 01:01:05,011
[Laughter]
1172
01:01:05,979 --> 01:01:06,379
-Smile.
1173
01:01:06,447 --> 01:01:08,181
Stop looking at me and
rubbing your tits on my back.
1174
01:01:08,248 --> 01:01:09,615
[Laughter]
1175
01:01:09,683 --> 01:01:13,920
[Applause]
1176
01:01:14,387 --> 01:01:15,603
Because it's not my back.
1177
01:01:15,629 --> 01:01:16,556
It's his hand.
1178
01:01:16,623 --> 01:01:19,692
[Laughter]
1179
01:01:20,160 --> 01:01:21,003
-Thank you.
1180
01:01:21,061 --> 01:01:21,885
-Actually do it again.
1181
01:01:22,002 --> 01:01:22,495
-No!
1182
01:01:22,563 --> 01:01:23,463
[Laughter]
1183
01:01:24,030 --> 01:01:25,364
-I got your back.
All right..
1184
01:01:26,202 --> 01:01:26,832
And her front.
1185
01:01:26,850 --> 01:01:27,300
-I got it.
1186
01:01:27,367 --> 01:01:29,502
All right Terribly sorry.
1187
01:01:29,570 --> 01:01:31,036
-Your wife is backstage.
[Laughter]
1188
01:01:31,051 --> 01:01:31,504
-I know.
1189
01:01:32,139 --> 01:01:34,207
-He took a feel
with his knuckles.
1190
01:01:34,274 --> 01:01:35,141
-No, I didn't!
1191
01:01:38,746 --> 01:01:40,146
-Fun coming up here, isn't it?
1192
01:01:40,214 --> 01:01:41,047
[Laughter]
1193
01:01:41,415 --> 01:01:42,327
-You can get closer.
1194
01:01:42,415 --> 01:01:43,849
Just stand right next to Achmed.
1195
01:01:43,997 --> 01:01:47,019
-And don't rub your hoo hooters.
1196
01:01:47,647 --> 01:01:49,755
Do not rub your
hooters on my scapula.
1197
01:01:49,823 --> 01:01:51,958
[Laughter]
1198
01:01:55,562 --> 01:01:58,865
[Applause]
1199
01:02:01,301 --> 01:02:02,465
I took a peek.
1200
01:02:02,472 --> 01:02:03,803
-I know.
1201
01:02:04,271 --> 01:02:05,177
-I see for you.
1202
01:02:05,185 --> 01:02:06,471
-Stop it.
1203
01:02:09,343 --> 01:02:10,443
OK, ready?
1204
01:02:10,511 --> 01:02:12,577
We'll smile, whoever
is taking the picture.
1205
01:02:28,796 --> 01:02:30,997
So Walter, what do you
think of Singapore so far?
1206
01:02:31,064 --> 01:02:33,832
-Uh, it's pretty crowded here.
1207
01:02:33,900 --> 01:02:34,900
-Oh yeah, that's true.
1208
01:02:34,908 --> 01:02:36,863
It's actually the
second most densely
1209
01:02:36,873 --> 01:02:39,020
populated country in the world.
1210
01:02:39,021 --> 01:02:39,904
-Oh.
1211
01:02:42,309 --> 01:02:45,211
Well, don't flatter yourself.
1212
01:02:45,279 --> 01:02:47,263
All these folks aren't
here to see you.
1213
01:02:47,270 --> 01:02:50,247
There was just no
room for them outside.
1214
01:02:55,047 --> 01:02:56,887
We came all the way from Hollywood
1215
01:02:56,890 --> 01:02:58,568
California to be here
1216
01:02:58,668 --> 01:03:00,280
And did you now what the first place our
1217
01:03:00,290 --> 01:03:02,537
Tour guide recommended for us to visit?
1218
01:03:02,937 --> 01:03:05,737
Universal Freakin Studios
1219
01:03:10,837 --> 01:03:14,313
I was like we have that dumbass
1220
01:03:15,351 --> 01:03:17,085
-What do you like
about Singapore so far?
1221
01:03:17,153 --> 01:03:19,955
Well, they have some tough laws.
1222
01:03:20,022 --> 01:03:21,389
-Oh, you heard about that?
1223
01:03:21,457 --> 01:03:22,524
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1224
01:03:22,592 --> 01:03:24,626
Yeah.
1225
01:03:24,694 --> 01:03:26,461
-Did you know you can
get fined or caned
1226
01:03:26,529 --> 01:03:29,731
for not flushing a toilet after using it?
1227
01:03:29,799 --> 01:03:32,100
[Laughter]
1228
01:03:32,168 --> 01:03:35,470
-And who the hell
checks up on that?
1229
01:03:35,538 --> 01:03:37,205
[Laughter]
1230
01:03:37,273 --> 01:03:38,840
What, do you got the shit police?
1231
01:03:38,908 --> 01:03:41,576
[Laughter]
1232
01:03:41,644 --> 01:03:45,614
It's the SSP, the
Singapore shit police.
1233
01:03:45,681 --> 01:03:47,582
[Laughter]
1234
01:03:47,650 --> 01:03:50,418
[Applause]
1235
01:03:51,520 --> 01:03:52,921
I am not kidding.
1236
01:03:52,989 --> 01:03:55,190
How the hell do they know?
1237
01:03:55,258 --> 01:03:56,191
[sniff sniff]
1238
01:03:56,259 --> 01:03:57,692
Ah, that guy.
1239
01:03:57,760 --> 01:04:00,929
[Laughter]
1240
01:04:00,997 --> 01:04:04,099
Is it a random check?
1241
01:04:04,166 --> 01:04:07,435
Or do they patrol the potties?
1242
01:04:07,503 --> 01:04:10,372
Shit duty.
1243
01:04:10,439 --> 01:04:12,607
Fred, you investigating
that murder today?
1244
01:04:12,675 --> 01:04:15,943
No, I have a tip that we
have a serial non-flusher.
1245
01:04:15,951 --> 01:04:18,079
[Laughter]
1246
01:04:18,879 --> 01:04:20,153
Did you know Singapore's Airport is
1247
01:04:20,155 --> 01:04:22,508
Considered to be nicest in the world?
1248
01:04:22,708 --> 01:04:24,886
Oh really?
1249
01:04:25,686 --> 01:04:28,510
The nicest airport in the world?
That's right.. Yeah
1250
01:04:28,550 --> 01:04:29,919
Do they have many other things
1251
01:04:29,925 --> 01:04:31,983
That they say are nicest in the world?
1252
01:04:32,183 --> 01:04:33,383
I.. ab.. I'm not sure..
1253
01:04:33,390 --> 01:04:35,903
So when you drive away
from Singapore Airport
1254
01:04:35,923 --> 01:04:39,103
It's all downhill after that?
1255
01:04:41,403 --> 01:04:42,303
No..
1256
01:04:43,503 --> 01:04:45,626
I found out that every male in Singapore
1257
01:04:45,646 --> 01:04:47,199
who is over 18 has been trained on
1258
01:04:47,200 --> 01:04:48,399
How to use a gun
1259
01:04:48,599 --> 01:04:50,163
Oh..
In other words
1260
01:04:50,363 --> 01:04:53,363
You better be funny asshole
1261
01:04:56,149 --> 01:04:58,417
-I heard you say earlier that
in Singapore if you break
1262
01:04:58,485 --> 01:05:01,378
certain laws they
beat you with a stick.
1263
01:05:03,023 --> 01:05:04,590
Well, maybe while
they're here, Jose
1264
01:05:04,658 --> 01:05:06,258
Can pick up a
little extra work.
1265
01:05:06,326 --> 01:05:09,194
[Laughter]
1266
01:05:09,262 --> 01:05:12,798
-So this has been a
fun tour around the--
1267
01:05:12,866 --> 01:05:14,099
where everywhere--
everywhere we went.
1268
01:05:14,167 --> 01:05:15,200
I love Singapore.
1269
01:05:15,268 --> 01:05:17,303
It's my favourite European city.
1270
01:05:17,370 --> 01:05:20,639
[Laughter]
1271
01:05:20,707 --> 01:05:22,139
Do you know they have save water
1272
01:05:22,141 --> 01:05:23,208
campaign here in Singapore?
1273
01:05:23,276 --> 01:05:24,680
-Oh, well I know.
1274
01:05:24,691 --> 01:05:27,112
So today I drank 18 beers instead.
1275
01:05:27,180 --> 01:05:28,580
[Laughter]
1276
01:05:28,748 --> 01:05:30,348
You're welcome.
1277
01:05:34,187 --> 01:05:37,056
So what's different
here than where we live?
1278
01:05:37,123 --> 01:05:40,626
-Well, I think religiously
there a lot more Buddhists here.
1279
01:05:40,694 --> 01:05:43,028
-Buddhists?
1280
01:05:43,096 --> 01:05:44,962
They all wear boots?
1281
01:05:48,334 --> 01:05:50,469
So what do they do?
1282
01:05:50,537 --> 01:05:53,038
-Well, for one they
believe in reincarnation.
1283
01:05:53,106 --> 01:05:55,206
-Re-incarceration?
1284
01:05:55,274 --> 01:05:57,242
[Laughter]
1285
01:05:59,212 --> 01:06:01,313
You get out and suddenly
you're right back in.
1286
01:06:01,381 --> 01:06:04,149
[Laughter]
1287
01:06:04,217 --> 01:06:05,684
-No, reincarnation.
1288
01:06:05,752 --> 01:06:10,389
That you can have entire past
lives you don't even remember.
1289
01:06:10,457 --> 01:06:11,990
That happened to me yesterday.
1290
01:06:11,998 --> 01:06:14,026
[Laughter]
1291
01:06:16,006 --> 01:06:17,746
What's your name?
1292
01:06:17,796 --> 01:06:18,946
What?
1293
01:06:21,546 --> 01:06:24,246
I'm sorry, Say it again slower and louder
1294
01:06:24,446 --> 01:06:25,446
Raniel
1295
01:06:28,846 --> 01:06:31,815
I think I broke my tongue
1296
01:06:36,015 --> 01:06:39,015
Is there an American version of that name?
1297
01:06:40,075 --> 01:06:42,789
Like, Ralph.
1298
01:06:43,889 --> 01:06:44,822
Let's try one more time.
1299
01:06:44,832 --> 01:06:49,372
Say it again.
You watch closely, cos its not me fuckin up
1300
01:06:55,072 --> 01:06:58,273
OK. Say it again.
Raniel
1301
01:07:01,373 --> 01:07:03,124
Rin yal?
1302
01:07:03,324 --> 01:07:04,324
Ranyal..
1303
01:07:07,324 --> 01:07:09,524
Oh, So sorry..
1304
01:07:14,324 --> 01:07:17,024
So, Rinyal
1305
01:07:17,224 --> 01:07:18,224
Shut up.
1306
01:07:19,924 --> 01:07:21,204
What's your job?
1307
01:07:21,404 --> 01:07:23,564
I'm in Telecom
Telecom? Yeah
1308
01:07:23,764 --> 01:07:27,444
Oh, you are the guy (Indian accent)
"Can I help you with your problem?"
1309
01:07:31,244 --> 01:07:34,954
So, Rinyal what do you..
1310
01:07:41,054 --> 01:07:43,054
Going down hill isn't it?
Yeah..
1311
01:07:43,454 --> 01:07:44,654
So you are on the phone going
1312
01:07:44,664 --> 01:07:45,864
What's wrong with you phone
1313
01:07:45,874 --> 01:07:48,164
I can fuck you up even more.
1314
01:07:50,864 --> 01:07:52,548
Don't tell anyone I'm trying to get
1315
01:07:52,550 --> 01:07:54,748
Porn. Can you help me?
1316
01:07:57,048 --> 01:07:59,948
[whip]
Ah, Never mind
1317
01:08:01,148 --> 01:08:03,649
I just got caned.. I know
1318
01:08:05,449 --> 01:08:07,904
You need to make a new Singapore dummy
1319
01:08:07,914 --> 01:08:09,354
mm, What is it?
1320
01:08:09,364 --> 01:08:13,454
I want it to be the caning Singapore dummy
1321
01:08:13,654 --> 01:08:15,474
So that way when you say stupid stuff
1322
01:08:15,484 --> 01:08:17,974
It goes [whip sound] across your legs
1323
01:08:18,474 --> 01:08:20,975
And you go ahh ohhh
1324
01:08:21,175 --> 01:08:22,263
And then when you fall down
1325
01:08:22,273 --> 01:08:24,863
Rinyal goes:
"Hello can I help you?"
1326
01:08:30,663 --> 01:08:32,207
You know Singapore is one
of the only country
1327
01:08:32,217 --> 01:08:34,947
Around here that recognizes Israel.
1328
01:08:35,747 --> 01:08:37,637
What the hell does that mean?
1329
01:08:38,037 --> 01:08:40,238
How could you not recognize it?
1330
01:08:40,438 --> 01:08:42,168
It's like eyy..
1331
01:08:42,368 --> 01:08:45,368
What that country with all that
Jews over there?
1332
01:08:46,568 --> 01:08:49,668
I have no idea, I don't recognize it.
1333
01:08:52,468 --> 01:08:54,269
Do do the other countries see Israel at
1334
01:08:54,270 --> 01:08:55,922
A party they are like, "No..
1335
01:08:56,022 --> 01:08:57,122
I don't think we have met.."
1336
01:08:59,122 --> 01:09:01,636
And where is Buba J's friend uhuhuhuh
1337
01:09:04,136 --> 01:09:06,267
Can you help me call uhruhrh?
1338
01:09:23,872 --> 01:09:26,140
-We had a great show in
Singapore, we're packing up,
1339
01:09:26,208 --> 01:09:29,377
and Marnel, my tour manager
comes in to deliver some news.
1340
01:09:29,445 --> 01:09:31,345
And he's sweating.
1341
01:09:32,413 --> 01:09:33,047
-Hey, what's up?
1342
01:09:33,055 --> 01:09:33,981
-Come in.
1343
01:09:34,049 --> 01:09:37,718
-I've got some
information on Malaysia.
1344
01:09:37,786 --> 01:09:39,449
They're reviewing several options,
1345
01:09:39,521 --> 01:09:43,057
And option A is not going to be--
1346
01:09:43,125 --> 01:09:45,827
-Option A meaning
I can't use Achmed.
1347
01:09:45,894 --> 01:09:49,430
-It hasn't been defined by
the cultural-- what is it?
1348
01:09:49,498 --> 01:09:50,765
The Cultural sensitivity.
1349
01:09:50,833 --> 01:09:51,999
-Hold it.
1350
01:09:52,067 --> 01:09:54,235
You're saying that these
guys-- who are these guys?
1351
01:09:54,303 --> 01:09:56,337
-It's actually one of
their religious leaders
1352
01:09:56,405 --> 01:09:58,806
that they had to fly to
another city to meet with them.
1353
01:09:58,874 --> 01:10:02,276
-I'm telling you I am the
lamb going to slaughter.
1354
01:10:02,344 --> 01:10:03,768
So they'll start
booing, and they're
1355
01:10:03,773 --> 01:10:05,005
not going to be booing me.
1356
01:10:05,047 --> 01:10:08,416
They're going to be booing the
fact that this is happening.
1357
01:10:08,484 --> 01:10:09,884
-They're probably aware
a lot of this stuff.
1358
01:10:09,952 --> 01:10:11,119
They're probably
used to restrictions.
1359
01:10:11,186 --> 01:10:12,353
-No, they're not.
1360
01:10:12,421 --> 01:10:13,888
-They're probably used to
living with [inaudible].
1361
01:10:13,956 --> 01:10:16,491
-We are promoting the show
with Achmed on the poster.
1362
01:10:18,154 --> 01:10:19,157
It's gonna be a challenge because
1363
01:10:19,168 --> 01:10:20,765
Obviously, I have to..
1364
01:10:20,965 --> 01:10:23,196
Leave out, Any references to anything
1365
01:10:23,906 --> 01:10:25,667
even remotely, relating to religion.
1366
01:10:25,677 --> 01:10:27,381
I can't even say the word virgin
1367
01:10:27,391 --> 01:10:29,817
I can't even say the name Achmed
1368
01:10:31,617 --> 01:10:33,197
I mean I could, Of course i could but
1369
01:10:34,397 --> 01:10:36,561
I wanna go home. I don't wanna
stay here and get caned.
1370
01:10:41,831 --> 01:10:44,699
Well, the main concern for
the Malaysian government
1371
01:10:44,767 --> 01:10:49,304
is that an artist is suitable
for the Malaysian culture.
1372
01:10:49,372 --> 01:10:52,413
Achmed is a little bit sensitive
to the Malaysian public.
1373
01:10:52,441 --> 01:10:56,277
We need to be careful
about what we put on stage.
1374
01:10:56,345 --> 01:10:59,914
The final ruling is that
Achmed the dead terrorist
1375
01:10:59,982 --> 01:11:02,150
is not allowed on stage.
1376
01:11:06,950 --> 01:11:08,522
Have you learnt anything constructive
1377
01:11:08,524 --> 01:11:10,325
About Malaysia since we been here?
1378
01:11:10,425 --> 01:11:12,233
I did learn on the radio
1379
01:11:12,333 --> 01:11:14,963
You can not talk about politics
religion or sex.
1380
01:11:14,964 --> 01:11:18,223
That's right.
Well, there goes most of our show
1381
01:11:23,423 --> 01:11:25,063
Did you know that Malaysia has been
1382
01:11:25,073 --> 01:11:28,043
Independent now for 47 years..
1383
01:11:30,700 --> 01:11:32,643
Fascinating.
1384
01:11:33,343 --> 01:11:34,798
And the coincidence..
What's that?
1385
01:11:34,800 --> 01:11:36,636
I lost my independency when I
1386
01:11:36,640 --> 01:11:39,036
got married 47 years ago
1387
01:11:41,736 --> 01:11:42,810
Guess what?
1388
01:11:42,823 --> 01:11:44,695
We don't talk about politics
1389
01:11:45,295 --> 01:11:48,595
I lost my religion and there is no sex
1390
01:11:54,489 --> 01:11:55,876
So I'm in the middle of my show
1391
01:11:55,880 --> 01:11:57,557
I look towards the sides of room and
1392
01:11:57,567 --> 01:11:59,372
There is military guys with rifles
1393
01:11:59,472 --> 01:12:01,172
And they don't look happy
1394
01:12:02,562 --> 01:12:04,507
Please don't get me into the trouble
1395
01:12:06,035 --> 01:12:07,707
I don't care
1396
01:12:08,800 --> 01:12:10,387
Keep looking around
1397
01:12:11,215 --> 01:12:13,287
You are surrounded
1398
01:12:15,395 --> 01:12:17,959
Please let me change the subject..
1399
01:12:18,459 --> 01:12:20,740
OH KAY..
1400
01:12:21,640 --> 01:12:23,640
I like being here.. OK.
1401
01:12:23,840 --> 01:12:24,922
That's good cos you might be here
1402
01:12:24,923 --> 01:12:26,922
A long time.
1403
01:12:30,022 --> 01:12:33,440
What is your first name?
Sean . Sean
1404
01:12:33,640 --> 01:12:36,500
Is that with the 'ean' or 'H'?
'ean'
1405
01:12:36,501 --> 01:12:39,700
Oh, 'ean, So its actually Seen.
No..
1406
01:12:41,200 --> 01:12:42,623
Is this your wife, your girlfriend
1407
01:12:42,633 --> 01:12:45,083
Or another investment chic. Who is this?
1408
01:12:50,983 --> 01:12:54,067
What? Mom.
Oh, your mom.
1409
01:12:54,767 --> 01:12:57,267
Holy shit
1410
01:13:06,067 --> 01:13:07,771
So Sean where is your girlfriend?
1411
01:13:08,671 --> 01:13:10,651
At Home
At.. at home?
1412
01:13:10,751 --> 01:13:12,851
What the hell dude?
1413
01:13:13,751 --> 01:13:17,151
Is it cos your mom paid for the ticket?
1414
01:13:23,127 --> 01:13:24,965
Why'd you bring your mom
and not your sister?
1415
01:13:25,165 --> 01:13:26,920
uh. uh.. Your girlf.. What the fuck.
1416
01:13:26,930 --> 01:13:29,820
Hey, Maybe it's a same thing
1417
01:13:35,020 --> 01:13:36,392
You can be honest. Is your you..
1418
01:13:36,395 --> 01:13:39,984
your girlfriend doesn't care about us?
Is that it?
1419
01:13:40,604 --> 01:13:41,620
She got exams
1420
01:13:41,820 --> 01:13:45,146
Oh, she she, In the middle
of final exams?
1421
01:13:46,246 --> 01:13:48,757
And you just don't care.
1422
01:13:52,857 --> 01:13:54,023
You gonna tell your professor:
1423
01:13:54,025 --> 01:13:57,223
"But Sir, I was at a puppet show."
1424
01:14:00,223 --> 01:14:02,621
"With my mom"
1425
01:14:05,001 --> 01:14:07,736
Sean what is your girlfriend studying?
1426
01:14:08,436 --> 01:14:09,320
Management.
1427
01:14:09,330 --> 01:14:10,720
Management?
1428
01:14:10,730 --> 01:14:11,696
Better look out,
1429
01:14:11,700 --> 01:14:12,896
You gonna get the finance things
1430
01:14:12,900 --> 01:14:15,796
She just gonna fuckin tell you what to do
1431
01:14:23,093 --> 01:14:26,068
-After we booked this
show, we were contacted
1432
01:14:26,070 --> 01:14:30,470
by the Malaysian ministry of
arts, and history,
1433
01:14:32,070 --> 01:14:33,670
Boo
And culture
1434
01:14:34,538 --> 01:14:38,808
And they asked me very
nicely and sternly
1435
01:14:38,876 --> 01:14:41,978
to not bring a certain
character to the show tonight.
1436
01:14:42,045 --> 01:14:46,515
[booing]
1437
01:14:46,583 --> 01:14:51,020
They even said please do
not even mention his name,
1438
01:14:51,088 --> 01:14:54,090
but I know that you people are
here because you've seen stuff
1439
01:14:54,157 --> 01:14:56,959
On YouTube and you're
expecting to see a certain someone.
1440
01:14:57,027 --> 01:15:01,397
Yeah!!!
[Applause]
1441
01:15:01,465 --> 01:15:05,835
However, I want to respect the
request because I am a guest
1442
01:15:05,903 --> 01:15:08,604
here, but at the same
time you paid your money
1443
01:15:08,672 --> 01:15:11,774
to see what you thought
you were gonna see.
1444
01:15:11,842 --> 01:15:15,344
That certain person is not here.
1445
01:15:15,412 --> 01:15:16,759
However,
1446
01:15:16,959 --> 01:15:18,959
his brother..
1447
01:15:19,616 --> 01:15:23,386
[Applause]
1448
01:15:27,457 --> 01:15:30,126
--is here.
1449
01:15:30,193 --> 01:15:31,761
He is from France.
1450
01:15:31,828 --> 01:15:34,630
[Laughter]
1451
01:15:37,301 --> 01:15:40,670
Please help me welcome
Jacques, the French terrorist.
1452
01:15:40,737 --> 01:15:44,040
[Applause]
1453
01:15:57,921 --> 01:16:00,022
-Bonjour American pig.
1454
01:16:00,090 --> 01:16:01,891
[Laughter]
1455
01:16:01,959 --> 01:16:03,025
-So you are French?
1456
01:16:03,093 --> 01:16:04,060
-Oui, oui.
1457
01:16:04,127 --> 01:16:05,194
C'est Francais.
1458
01:16:05,262 --> 01:16:06,095
-Uh-huh.
1459
01:16:06,163 --> 01:16:07,163
And your name is Jacques?
1460
01:16:07,230 --> 01:16:07,997
-Oui.
1461
01:16:08,065 --> 01:16:10,833
Je m'appelle Jacques.
1462
01:16:10,901 --> 01:16:14,603
[Laughter]
1463
01:16:14,671 --> 01:16:16,439
-And what is your last name?
1464
01:16:16,506 --> 01:16:17,273
Merde
1465
01:16:17,341 --> 01:16:20,543
[Laughter]
1466
01:16:23,513 --> 01:16:26,415
-What are they laughing at?
1467
01:16:26,483 --> 01:16:28,417
My name is Jacques Merde.
1468
01:16:28,485 --> 01:16:30,419
[Laughter]
1469
01:16:30,487 --> 01:16:33,322
[Applause]
1470
01:16:34,624 --> 01:16:37,293
I do not understand what
they are laughing at.
1471
01:16:37,361 --> 01:16:38,594
[Laughter]
1472
01:16:38,662 --> 01:16:42,031
-I think Merde is
translated into, uh--
1473
01:16:45,969 --> 01:16:47,169
-I am Jacques Shit.
1474
01:16:47,237 --> 01:16:49,038
[Laughter]
1475
01:16:49,106 --> 01:16:50,639
-Well, despite your name,
you seem like a nice guy.
1476
01:16:50,707 --> 01:16:53,041
-You don't know Jacques Shit.
1477
01:16:55,979 --> 01:16:58,914
Wait, that is not funny!
1478
01:16:58,982 --> 01:16:59,782
[Laughter]
1479
01:16:59,850 --> 01:17:00,916
-They're laughing.
1480
01:17:00,984 --> 01:17:04,320
-I kill you!
1481
01:17:04,388 --> 01:17:08,224
[Applause]
1482
01:17:08,291 --> 01:17:09,558
-So you're happy to be here?
1483
01:17:09,626 --> 01:17:10,359
-No.
1484
01:17:10,427 --> 01:17:11,160
-Why is that?
1485
01:17:11,228 --> 01:17:14,397
-Where are we exactly?
1486
01:17:14,464 --> 01:17:18,267
Do not spit on my face,
you ugly American.
1487
01:17:18,335 --> 01:17:20,069
Where are we exactly?
1488
01:17:20,137 --> 01:17:20,870
-Kuala Lumpur.
1489
01:17:20,937 --> 01:17:21,737
-Oh, oui.
1490
01:17:21,805 --> 01:17:24,407
Kuala Lumpur.
1491
01:17:24,474 --> 01:17:25,207
Malaysia.
1492
01:17:25,275 --> 01:17:27,209
The weather here is bullshit.
1493
01:17:27,277 --> 01:17:29,145
[Laughter]
1494
01:17:29,212 --> 01:17:31,580
[Applause]
1495
01:17:32,348 --> 01:17:34,350
Where I am from
the weather is up.
1496
01:17:34,618 --> 01:17:35,785
Morning is up.
1497
01:17:35,852 --> 01:17:37,987
Afternoon and evening is up.
1498
01:17:38,055 --> 01:17:39,722
-I don't think the weather
in France is always hot.
1499
01:17:39,790 --> 01:17:41,624
-Eh, eh, eh, eh.
1500
01:17:41,892 --> 01:17:43,392
Do not question, Jacques.
1501
01:17:48,365 --> 01:17:50,015
It's not always hot in France?
1502
01:17:50,023 --> 01:17:50,366
-No.
1503
01:17:50,434 --> 01:17:51,500
Fuck. OK.
1504
01:17:51,568 --> 01:17:54,937
[Laughter]
1505
01:17:55,005 --> 01:17:59,008
[Applause]
1506
01:17:59,076 --> 01:18:01,510
Let's just say for
the sake of the joke,
1507
01:18:01,578 --> 01:18:03,345
France is always
hot, hot, hot,
1508
01:18:03,413 --> 01:18:06,282
hot, hot, like a desert up.
1509
01:18:06,349 --> 01:18:07,283
[Laughter]
1510
01:18:07,350 --> 01:18:08,584
Yes, you didn't
know that before?
1511
01:18:08,652 --> 01:18:10,486
Yes There are pyramids, sand.
1512
01:18:10,554 --> 01:18:12,621
[Laughter]
1513
01:18:15,621 --> 01:18:17,121
Silence
1514
01:18:20,821 --> 01:18:23,141
What was that?
I know French
1515
01:18:23,941 --> 01:18:25,441
So, explain what you do for a living?
1516
01:18:25,451 --> 01:18:28,091
I am a France terrorist
1517
01:18:28,391 --> 01:18:29,861
A French terrorist?
Oui, Oui
1518
01:18:31,161 --> 01:18:32,256
So, you strongly agree?
1519
01:18:32,280 --> 01:18:35,456
No, I have to go. Wee Wee
1520
01:18:35,856 --> 01:18:37,956
It's not funny
1521
01:18:38,156 --> 01:18:40,347
Silence.
1522
01:18:43,645 --> 01:18:44,651
I thought French was known
1523
01:18:44,851 --> 01:18:46,747
As the language of love.
Oui, Oui
1524
01:18:46,947 --> 01:18:49,947
I love to blow up shit
1525
01:18:51,389 --> 01:18:52,590
-Let me get something straight.
1526
01:18:52,738 --> 01:18:54,805
You're the brother
of the other guy
1527
01:18:54,873 --> 01:18:55,706
who was supposed to be here.
1528
01:18:58,777 --> 01:19:03,014
-Do not say his name, or we
are both in giant trouble.
1529
01:19:03,081 --> 01:19:06,817
[Laughter]
1530
01:19:09,421 --> 01:19:10,388
Those guys are here.
1531
01:19:16,228 --> 01:19:18,829
-Dear Achmed, what is your
favourite Malaysian food?
1532
01:19:18,897 --> 01:19:23,100
[audience gasps]
1533
01:19:31,343 --> 01:19:34,845
-It has been nice knowing you.
1534
01:19:34,913 --> 01:19:38,716
[Applause]
1535
01:19:44,723 --> 01:19:46,656
Kumbaya--
1536
01:19:46,724 --> 01:19:48,893
[Laughter]
1537
01:19:50,462 --> 01:19:52,563
-Dear terrorist--
1538
01:19:52,631 --> 01:19:54,498
-That's not what you
said the first time.
1539
01:19:54,566 --> 01:19:56,834
[Laughter]
1540
01:19:56,902 --> 01:19:59,136
When the show is done, run.
1541
01:19:59,204 --> 01:20:02,006
[Laughter]
1542
01:20:02,074 --> 01:20:05,276
[Applause]
1543
01:20:08,280 --> 01:20:09,280
-Someone named Spring.
1544
01:20:09,348 --> 01:20:10,848
Dear terrorist,
if you were given
1545
01:20:10,916 --> 01:20:13,251
the chance again to
be human, would you?
1546
01:20:13,318 --> 01:20:15,453
[gasp]
1547
01:20:15,520 --> 01:20:18,456
-I am not human?
1548
01:20:18,523 --> 01:20:19,257
-Not any more.
1549
01:20:19,324 --> 01:20:20,791
-No?
1550
01:20:20,859 --> 01:20:23,294
-Do you know what
that makes you?
1551
01:20:23,362 --> 01:20:24,428
-A politician?
1552
01:20:24,496 --> 01:20:27,298
[Laughter]
1553
01:20:27,366 --> 01:20:30,601
[Applause]
1554
01:20:32,671 --> 01:20:36,907
But the ministry is a
lovely group of people.
1555
01:20:36,975 --> 01:20:38,476
[Laughter]
1556
01:20:38,543 --> 01:20:40,981
-You guys have
been just awesome.
1557
01:20:41,479 --> 01:20:41,879
Thanks KL.
1558
01:20:41,947 --> 01:20:42,880
We'll see you.
1559
01:20:42,948 --> 01:20:43,814
Good night!
1560
01:20:56,962 --> 01:20:58,462
So we've been all over
the globe and I wanted
1561
01:20:58,530 --> 01:21:01,132
to end this special in the place
that's most important to me.
1562
01:21:01,199 --> 01:21:02,099
How could we not?
1563
01:21:02,167 --> 01:21:03,467
It's not a fancy stage.
1564
01:21:03,535 --> 01:21:05,169
In fact, a lot of the audience
is sitting in the mud.
1565
01:21:05,237 --> 01:21:06,003
It's bee raining.
1566
01:21:06,071 --> 01:21:07,104
They're sitting in the grass.
1567
01:21:07,172 --> 01:21:09,573
But here we are in
the land of the free
1568
01:21:09,641 --> 01:21:11,108
and the home of the brave.
1569
01:21:11,876 --> 01:21:15,746
Here we are at Joint
Base Pearl Harbor-Hickam.
1570
01:21:16,296 --> 01:23:25,185
Subtitles by: Exclusive
pappu.innocent@gmail.com
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