All language subtitles for National Lampoons Senior Trip (1995)

Whoa, baby.

It's now officially 8:01, people.

Let's move it!

Come on, come on...
while we're young!

Herbert Jones,
get off my car!

Quickly, quickly, quickly.

Come on. Look lively, people. Come on.

Keep climbing...
you won't get a nosebleed.

Button that up, Carla.

Herbert. Early Bird. Worm.
Think about it.

Pull, Wanda. Pull.

Total destruction.

Any harm?

I don't think so.

Wait... there's a scratch.

Where, here?

People, um, say that acid

causes, um, brain damage.

But, um...

- What did you say?
- Hey, what class do we have now?

Math?

Dude.

There's nobody in here.

Uh... everybody's dead, man.
Nuclear annihilation.

D'Agastino and Barry!

It's alive.

It's precisely 8:26 and you two dopers
are still roaming the halls.

Why aren't you two
at the assembly?

Principal Moss, we've been
lookin' everywhere for you.

What are you talking about?

This guy just
totally trashed your car.

Not my new Buick?

Yeah.

We tried to chase him and everything,
but he got away.

He, um, was wearing
a Billy Joel T-shirt.

Get to the auditorium.

Yes.

Look, even though I'm probably
going to get into Yale,

doesn't mean that I don't suffer
from the effects of teen angst.

But I'm here to tell you

that drugs and alcohol are not
the answers to your problem...

Steve... President Dickhead.

Hey... fuck you, man.

Drugs rule!

Thanks for saving me a seat, Lisa.

Shut up!

Hey, man, what time's that suit
have to be back?

As student body president,
I am proud to bring you

- this special assembly.
- Fuck you, Nisser!

So...

without any further ado,
I give to you,

direct from Salt Lake City,
the music of High On Life.

Hey, there, Fairmount High.
We're High On Life.

Sponsored by the wonderful people
at Bounty Burger.

Get off, you freak!

Now, I know your teen years
can be hard...

Show us your tits!

But just remember,
you're not alone.

We all need a little love
in our hearts.

Hit it, Jojo.

Go away, you suck!

Lift up your fellow man,
lend 'em a helping hand

Put a little love in your heart

They look like Abba.

If you see it's getting late
Oh, please don't hesitate

Put a little love in your heart

This sucks.

We have to save the assembly.

Let's do some Van Damme-age.

Will be a better place

And the world

Will be a better place

For you

And me

- AV man.
- What?

Hey, guys. What's up?

Virus Man, we have to do something
about this lip-syncing shit.

Cool! Whaddya got in mind?

Put a little

Put a little love in your heart

Put a little love...

What is going on here?

Calm down, now.

Let's settle down...

Repent!

Why are you doing this to me?

I only want to help you!

Now, now, now. Calm down.
It's gonna be okay.

Let got of me.
I've gotta get out of here.

What the hell is going on here?!

Superb assembly,
Principal Moss.

A, space.

B, space.

Space.

C, space.

D, space. Space.

Hey! How do you get
this thing to work, man?

I say we're due for another
Senior Class party.

This computer sucks.

Hey, Reggie.

Pretty cool how we
trashed the assembly, huh?

What are you talking about?

Nothing. Nothing.

Um, where are we gonna have it?

How about your
step-monster's place, 'kay?

No, no, no. This calls for something
with a higher degree of difficulty.

Lisa.

- Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.
- What?!

You wanna cut and go to a party?

Come on.

I know you like me.

Would you leave me alone?

I am concerned about you, Lisa.

You're gonna wake up one day

and realize that you wasted all of
your high school years studying.

And you're gonna wake up
and realize you're a loser.

Q...

See you tomorrow, Mr. Bloom.

Go.

Go.

Go.

Don't worry. I'm a professional,
I know exactly what I'm doing. Go.

The cars will stop. Go!

Mom!

They never listen to me.

Fools. Never listen to me.

Never, never...

Hey, dude. You know how to
get to 237 Stratford Road?

Dude, how about Sterling Ridge Lane?

He doesn't know.

What do you mean, he doesn't know?
He's a crossing guard.

Hey, dickhead!

Don't you even know your way
around the neighborhood?

- That's it!
- Go! Go! Go!

Stop!

- Later, psycho.
- Pull over!

Nice job, buddy.

Get a life, loser!

Stop! Stop!

Stop!

I said stop!

Come in.

Yes, Mrs. Winston?

Hello.

Yes?

I forgot why I knocked.

Mrs. Winston, are those cut slips
you're holding?

My late husband once wrote
a little poem called "Little..."

Yeah, must be
another senior skip day.

D'Agastino thinks
he can outsmart me.

Not in my domain.

Hey.

What's up?

Cool party, man.

Oh, I have a mission for you.

You want me to
torch the principal's house, huh?

Okay. But, uh, first,
we need provisions, man.

Oh, okay.

Hey, guys, beer run.

Wouldn't it be cool to screw
in the principal's bedroom?

Uh, hold that thought.

Well, what are you doing here?

This is a senior class party,
isn't it?

- Yeah.
- Well, then I'm in the right place.

What is it, Steve?

Sir, I thought you might
want to take a look at this.

I found it on the floor
of my science class.

"Dags and Reggie invite you

to total destruction."

"Twelve o'clock.
237 Stratford Road."

That's your house, sir.

I know you.
You're that smart girl.

You wanna get high?

No, thank you.

How's it goin', Lisa?

- Are you out of your mind?
- What's the matter?

- This is Principal Moss's house.
- Don't worry about it.

The party's gonna end at 3:00,
we'll clean up, he'll never know.

Miosky! Miosky!

I'm not gettin' busted for this.

Surprise!

Happy birthday.

You think you're so funny,
don't you, D'Agastino?

Well, none of your friends are laughing!
They know you're the reason

they're spending a Saturday
in detention.

It's not my fault.

Well, then who is responsible for
the mess in my house?

The school system.

Oh. Oh, oh, oh.

And how is it
the school system's fault?

Well, um...

...the whole reason why I threw the party,
Principal Moss, is because...

We're fed up.

Yeah. We're adults, you know,

and you just keep bombarding us
with your rules.

Stop treating us like kids.
We are fully developed human beings.

You teachers are so out of touch.

We don't need this
"A, space, J, space,

Put A Little Love In Your Heart shit."
We need a challenge.

You guys have to rethink
this whole education thing.

It's just not working.
Now, I'm not saying it's your fault.

I'm not blaming you.
You're just a pawn in the game.

- It's the government, man.
- The government sucks.

Well, uh...

...now that you've enlightened me
as to the real problem here,

perhaps you should tell the President
about your concerns.

In fact, I think you should all
pool your ideas together.

I want you to draft
a 500-word letter to the President

on what you'd like
the government to do

in order to save
our education system.

Now, Mr. Diplo will be
in charge today.

Mr. Diplo, I've given these students
an assignment.

Make sure they finish it by one o'clock.

If they're not finished,
they can stay later.

I know just how to
handle these students, sir.

Okay, lights.

Can you guys keep it down?
I'm trying to write the letter.

Five, four, three,

two, one.

Aw, come on, Susie.
Everybody does it.

I don't know, Fast Eddie.

Don't you think we should
use a prophylactic?

Don't worry.

I'll pull out at the last minute.

Do it! Do it!

Don't do it! No!

- It's my doctor!
- Well, Susie...

... it looks like
you're going to be a mother.

Don't worry, I'll pull out.

Don't worry, I'II...

What happened?

Because of her pregnancy,

Susie was forced
to drop out of school

and never fulfilled her dream
of one day becoming a secretary.

Poor Susie!

So you see, boys and girls,

- teen pregnancy is no joke.
- Four stars. This is great.

Senator, the President
is on the phone.

What does that liberal wuss
want today?

Good morning, Mr. President.

Senator Lerman,
I just finished reading a letter

from some students
from your state

expressing their concern
over our education system.

Uh-huh.

This is one of the most intelligent
letters I've ever read.

Wonderful, sir.

So I think it'd be a terrific idea to
invite these students to Washington

to speak on behalf of my bill.

I want you to fly to Ohio
and give them my personal invitation.

Certainly, Mr. President. I'll leave
first thing in the morning.

I appreciate that, Senator.
Good day.

Good day to you...

...asshole.

"President's education care..."

I appreciate you picking me up
at the train station, Principal Moss.

I'm very excited about
getting the opportunity to teach.

- I really think I can make a difference.
- It's just a typing class, Miss Milford.

Stick to Mr. Bloom's curriculum,
and we'll all get along just fine.

What the fuck?!

- Mrs. Winston, what's going on?
- Hello.

- Why are the police here?
- That's why I came out here.

Yes?

Senator Lerman is visiting
some of the students.

Which students?

D'Agastino and some of his buddies.

Oh, my God!

They're with the press right now.

Where are they?

Where are they?!

Senator Lerman is visiting
some of the students...

I think it's a proud day
for Fairmount high

that the President has asked these
fine, upstanding students

to speak on behalf
of his education reform bill.

We need bright young leaders
for the future of this nation.

Who else is better to comment on this
country's educational problems

than the students themselves?

By golly, I think the President has really
hit a home run on this one!

Is this a bipartisan effort
on behalf of you and the President?

No, no, I...
I cannot take any credit for this.

This is the President's decision.

I had nothing to do
with this whatsoever.

I am only an errand boy.

Now, if that's all, ladies and gentlemen,

I will see you all in Washington.
Buy American.

Senator, one more question!

Senator Lerman,
I'm Principal Moss.

I'm sorry I wasn't at the meeting.
I was picking somebody up.

You just make sure those kids
are down in Washington in two days.

Washington?
They're going to Washington?

That's the plan. They're speaking
on behalf of the President.

May I suggest some other students?

No, sir. Those are the students
who wrote the letter,

those are the students
the President wants...

...and those are the students
our President is going to get.

No excuses.

You get those kids to Washington,
or it's your ass. Got it?

- Yes, sir.
- Have a nice day.

Let's go, son.

Oh, yes, yes.

Frank Hardin, please.

Frank, Lerman here.
Now, listen up, old friend.

The President has just
set himself up for a major downfall.

And I do mean major.

Now, I see this as a perfect opportunity
to make a lot of money.

Would you be interested
in a little proposition?

Great. I'll call you as soon
as I get to Washington.

You boys get off your bikes
and get to class!

Get going!

Scat!

Assholes!

I guess you're wondering
why I asked you here

in the middle of the night.

I need a...

...special favor from you, Steve.

Something that'll be...

...our little secret.

You up to it?

What are you doing?

I thought you...

- I don't want that, you idiot!
- Sorry, sir.

I need a narc
on the trip to Washington.

- What's in it for me?
- How about meeting the President?

The President...

that would almost assure
my acceptance into Yale!

Exactly.

I need you to befriend D'Agastino
and his buddies

and report everything
they do back to me.

You can count on me, sir.

Excellent.

We have to do everything possible to
make sure nothing weird happens.

Captain's log 94237.4.

I've just received
a priority communication

from Starfleet Command

that an alliance between
the Klingons and the Romulans

will occur right here on Earth.

Our mission: to infiltrate
the Klingon crew

and to kidnap the Romulan leader.

Computer, scan file
on Klingon crew.

Computer, identify Klingon leader.

Just as I thought.

Computer, identify
Romulan leader.

Mr. Spock, your analysis?

I agree. We have to stop 'em.

Lieutenant Uhura, accompany me
to the transporter.

Mr. Spock, you have the bridge.

I told the bus company to
have him here at precisely 7:30.

Is that our bus?

You guys going to Washington?

Yeah!

That's the driver?

Name's Red, man.
Sorry I'm late.

We're never gonna make it
to Washington alive.

Come on, hop in.

Hey, let's go!

Shotgun.

Hi. Tracey Milford,
teacher and chaperone.

Well, welcome aboard.
Just grab a seat.

Thank you.

Hey, hold it.
Where do you think you're goin'?

I'm getting on the bus.

You're on the wrong bus, dude.
This is the magic bus.

I'm counting on you
to stick to the schedule.

It's precisely...

...8:06. Let's get going.

Principal Dickhead.

Well, let's rock 'n' roll!

Yeah! Washington!

Shuttlecraft to Enterprise.

Opening shuttle bay doors.

Cloaking device down.

Welcome aboard, Lieutenant.
Shuttlecraft disengage.

Chocolate?

Uh, no, thanks. I'm driving.

No.

Really?

Dags.

Thanks, Virus.

Dags...

I just saw that psycho
crossing guard guy

in a car with Lieutenant Uhura.

Sure, dude.

Mama talkin' to me
tryin' to tell me how to live...

- Hey, Virus.
- Hey.

Let me get your advice on something.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, sure, Dags.

What do you think
about Lisa Perkins?

I mean, she's lookin'
really good, huh?

- Perkins is a head case, man.
- How do you know that?

I did her last year on the Math Club trip.
She want totally psycho on me.

- You did Lisa Perkins?
- Yeah.

But, you know, don't ask her.
She'll just deny it, you know.

- If I were you, I'd go for Meg.
- Meg's gay.

Yeah, but if anyone can change her,
you can, Dags. Yeah!

- I don't think so, Virus.
- You know what I want to do?

- It speaks.
- It speaks.

I want to do a Jap.

Hey, what about Carla Morgan?
I think she's half-Jewish.

Not that kind of Jap.
A real Jap... from China.

With silky-soft skin, almond eyes,

and long, straight, blond hair.

A blond Japanese.

They're a rare breed,
but they're out there...

and I'm gonna find one.

If you all check your itineraries,

you'll see that this is
the only stop we're making

between now and Washington.

So I suggest you take care of
whatever necessities come to mind.

Like takin' a whiz.

Now, I'm setting the alarm
on my watch for ten minutes.

When this alarm goes off
the bus will leave,

with or without you.

Pop quiz, hotshot.

You have ten underage students
craving alcoholic beverages

in a store containing
your high school principal.

What do you do?

What do you do?

Take out the principal.

Hey! I want no trouble from
you people! You hear me? Behave!

I hate when I get blamed for something
before I do anything wrong.

Hey! And you two girls...
what are you doing?

Move away from there!

Hey! Put that down!

The mouse has entered the trap.

- Time?
- Seven minutes and counting.

- Hey, what are you...
- I'm getting my food!

It wasn't my fault!

Damnit!

Okay.

In seventh grade, my Aunt Jennifer
took me aside one day

and she said, "Tracy, one day
you're gonna grow up and be a teacher...

and a darned good one!"

And then in eighth grade...
oh, wow...

Mission accomplished.

- Where's Reggie?
- Bringin' the last load.

Come on, Reggie,
Moss is coming!

Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

Sit down.

Open the door.

I'm sorry, man,
we got a schedule to keep.

Open the door!

What's the magic word?

Open the door!

What's the magic word?

Please!

The magic word's
"rock 'n' roll," man.

What happened to you?
Did you piss all over yourself?

Carry on.

Travis.

Yes, Admiral Kirk. I understand.
Travis out.

New orders from Starfleet.

The Klingon leader
is to be terminated.

Phasers on "kill," Lieutenant...

phasers on "kill."

I shall put an end
to your dirty Klingon ways.

Tell me, how you gonna make
my Bounty Burgers richer

with this education care package?

Simple. Once this busload of retards
hit Washington,

the President's gonna look like
such a moron that no one

in their right mind
is going to back his bill.

That's when I introduce

the Senator Lerman
education reform bill.

That's all fine and dandy,

but I could give two diddlies
about education reform.

Frank, what if there was
a clause in my bill

that states that Bounty Burger
is going to replace the cafeterias

in all the public schools?

Bounty Burger in every school
would make me billions.

It's all outlined in here.

What's this gonna cost me, Lerman?

Just a meaningful donation
to my bid for the presidency.

You can look on it
as an investment in America.

Over the river
and through the woods

To Grandmother's house we go,
hey!

The horse knows the way
to carry the sleigh

Through the white
and drifted snow

Hey, look!

'Afternoon. Listen, I'm having
a little car trouble.

Could you give us a lift?

Are you going to the convention?

- Yes.
- So are we.

Climb in.

Are you all right?
You look terrible.

Sometimes I get a little carsick.
I'll be fine.

- Maybe we should pull over.
- No. No pulling over.

I'm not going to
throw us off schedule.

Students!

Students!

Could you please
keep the noise down to a hush?

Principal Moss is feeling very ill.

Puke! Puke! Puke!

I'm not going to be sick,
and we're not stopping the bus.

Principal Moss is gonna puke!

I wish there was something
I could do.

Here, man.
Give him one of these.

What are they?

It's a carsick pill.

- Little large, isn't it?
- Yeah, well, it's, uh...

...it's a bus-sick pill.

Hey, take it, man.
Look, it's all natural. See?

Thank you.

Feeling better already,
aren't you?

Travis to Excelsior.
I have Klingon vessel in sight.

Follow that bus, Mr. Sulu.

Sulu? I'm Mr. Woo.

I see... traitors to the Federation!

- God, no!
- Nobody move!

Hey, don't shoot!

- Is that a Walther PPK semi-automatic?
- Yes.

I'll cover Mom.

Full speed ahead, traitor.

Principal Moss.

Principal Moss.

Principal Moss!

Is he dead?

No, he ain't dead, man.
He's just in a coma.

What?!

I guess that carsick pill's
workin' on him.

It should, man, it's a red.

Horse tranquilizer.

But I saw you take
a handful of them.

They don't work on me, man.

That's why they call me Red...
I'm immune.

You wanna play cards, or what?

Hey!

Moss is in a coma.
Let's party!

Rock 'n' roll!

Heroin, huh?

Insulin.

Can I, like, buy some off you?

Looks like my good qualities
are beating my bad qualities.

Shit!

Oh, hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Calm down. Calm down.

Hey, look. I think It's time
that you and I called a truce.

What do you say?

Cool.

Look, so why don't you
dump your books

and come back
and party with us?

- I can't.
- Why not?

Nobody likes me.

- That's not true.
- Yes, it is.

Everybody thinks
I'm a frigid head case.

Well, Virus and Reggie do,
but I don't.

Look, you could prove 'em wrong by
coming back and partying with us.

Okay...

I can be fun.

All right.

- Hey, look who's joining us!
- Hi, guys.

Doesn't he look pretty?

Oh, that's much better, man.
Much better.

He's my pretty little principal.

Hey, look!

Carla! Carla!
Carla! Carla!

Twenty-two bottles
of beer on the wall

Twenty-two bottles of beer

You take one down...

This is the greatest!
Right, Herbert?

Dags?

I've been thinking about
our impending relationship,

which I think is a good idea.

And as long as you don't
talk too much,

you let me call the shots,

and my parents never,
never, never find out about you,

I think it could
work out between us.

Are you paying attention to me?

- Twenty bottles of beer on the wall
- Stop it, Virus.

Twenty bottles of beer

Dags...this is serious.

Take one down, pass it around,
twenty bottles...

Spock! Shuttlecraft has encountered
strange alien matter.

Have Chekov
scan computer bank.

Wong...

...proceed.

Hey, Reg, man, gimme a beer.

I'm gettin' cotton-mouth.

Reg?

Oh, man.

Boy, you guys, man,
you sure don't know how to party, man.

Boy, when I was your age...

...well, we partied, man.

Well...

...talk about party,
might as well get one goin'.

Hey, you at the back of the bus.

Tell your driver to pull over.

Pull over now!

Shields up.

Red alert.

Oh, shit!

Okay, okay, okay. Okay.

Hey, Red, the party's over, man.
Chill out, dude.

Red, you're making us a little nervous.

Do you think you could slow down?

Red?

Red's dead!

We're gonna die!
We're gonna die!

Great.

Stop the bus!

Too late.

I'm gonna try
and jump the water.

Stop the bus, you idiot!

All right. Hold on, everybody.

Steady as she goes.

Wow.

That's cool.

Red ruled, man!
Don't cry, okay?

Check it out.

This is him in his prime
and stuff.

Bye, guy. We'll see ya, okay?

He's the Dope King, you know?

See? The Dope King, man.
Long live the Dope King!

It was bad. And he had the phaser.
He did.

We're dredging the water now,

but there's no sign
of your Star Trek man.

We're gonna have to submit you
to a breathalyzer test, Mr. Woo.

I told you not to pick him up,
asshole.

Come on, come on.
Gather 'round.

What are you people
trying to do to me?

We're not even in Washington yet,
and we already have a...

...a fatality!
- Principal Moss?

What?!

Is there something
I can help you with, Officer?

I'm gonna need
a number and an address

- where I can get in contact with you.
- Yes.

"Fairmount High School."
Must be quite a place.

What?

All right, everybody,
back on the bus!

- Go on!
- I'm driving!

Lieutenant! Lieuten...

Thank God! Klingon fools.

This is all my fault.
Maybe we should cancel the trip.

No. We're not canceling the trip.

And no more talking!

I'm not gonna have you people
making a fool out of me.

Now... stay here, don't touch,
and don't move.

I'm outta here.

Good afternoon. Welcome to
the Bradgate. How can I help you?

Hello, there...Peggy.

Hello.

Todd Moss.

Principal, Fairmount High.

I believe you have
some reservations for us.

Fairmount High.
Let me check the computer.

Fetch.

We're here to meet the President.

I'll get you some stationery.

- Over here!
- Where? Where?

- Quit pushing me!
- Wrong way!

- Now look what you did!
- That's not my fault.

Sorry, Principal Moss.

Dude!

Torture stuff.

Check this room out.

- Swing!
- I love it.

Hey, do you have a screwdriver?

This place is a dump.

Now, Steve, this is
the only vacancy we could find.

Let's try to make the best
of the situation.

My parents are gonna
know about this.

All right, students.

Bus leaves in five minutes
for the Washington tour.

- Do we have to go?
- Well, of course, silly.

It's the best part of the trip.
See you in five.

That chick needs to get laid.

Yo, check this out.

- That's disgusting.
- Can he see us?

I don't think so.

Over there is the Lincoln Memorial.

Over there, students,
is the White House.

And over there
was the Jefferson Memorial.

This sucks.

Can't we get off the bus
just for one picture?

No!

Please. We came all this way.

Come on, come on,
gather 'round, gather 'round.

- Let's get this over with.
- Well, now, students,

J. Edgar Hoover was director of the FBI

from 1924 until his death in 1972.

He was a great American.

He was a fascist transvestite,
and I hope he rots in hell.

Hey, why can't we see
Kennedy's eternal flame?

- You people don't deserve Kennedy.
- Who's Kennedy?

Come on, hurry up,
we haven't got all day.

Squeeze in.

Come on, come on,

let's look as though
we're having a little bit of fun.

Come on,
turn those frowns upside-down.

- Leave me alone.
- Okay, here we go.

Virus, pull my finger.

Come on.

One, two...

...three.
- Cheese!

Dude.

What stinks?

Tour's over.

What? I don't believe it.
They blew out Hoover's flame?

My God, these kids are bigger
shitheads than I thought.

Senator, the students
from Fairmount High are here.

Send 'em in.
I'll talk to you later.

Welcome to Washington.
How's the trip been so far?

Wonderful. No problems at all.

Good, good.

So, tell me...

have you kids given any thought
to what you might say

to the committee
about education reform?

Yep. We're gonna tell 'em
that the education system sucks.

- Sucks dick.
- That's not what they mean, sir.

- Why not?
- Well...

- I think it's great.
- I do, too.

Now, remember, the President
invited you kids down to Washington

because he wants you to
tell the nation

how you really feel about school.

So if you think the education system
sucks dick, then, by golly, you tell them.

- Can I have your promise on that?
- I promise.

Excellent, excellent.

Excellent. You've done a good job
with these students, Principal Moss.

I'll look forward to
seeing you all tomorrow.

It's a great day for Americans.

- Quickly, quickly, quickly. Come on.
- Let's get out of here.

- Come on.
- Dick.

I think he gets high.

Oh, God! Yes!

Oh, deeper!

Oh, Forrest!

Come in.

I checked all the rooms.
Everyone is present and accounted for.

Very good. Thank you, Miss Milford.

Oh, my gosh... Lassie!

I love Lassie!

Lassie!

Lassie!

Do you mind if I watch?
All I get is pornos on my TV.

Uh...

Okay.

All right.

You're on.

Candygram for Miss Milford.

Here we go, bro.

Good job.

Miss Milford,
we've been looking for you.

We wanted you to know
how cool it's been,

you know, you showing us
around Washington and everything.

Really?

So we got you some candy.

I don't know what to say.

How did you know I like chocolate?

'Cause it's all you ever eat.

- Well, we gotta go to bed. Bye.
- I'm so tired.

I really think
they're starting to respect me.

It was so nice of the children
to buy me their little gift.

They're not so bad.

They just... lack a little guidance.

- Go, Milford!
- Nice!

Very nice!

Todd.

Can I ask you a question?

Are my breasts too small?

I think they're...

...perfect.

Are you sure?

Positive.

Miss Milford, I don't think this is...

Miss Milford!

I hope Todd appreciates
what we've done for him.

Let's rock!

Now, wait just a minute. Have any of you
considered the consequences

if Principal Moss finds out?

Hey, let's go to that cool hotel.
The schedule said they're havin' a party.

Yeah, good idea, Virus.

Back! You leave me no choice.

As student body president, I am
placing you all under citizen's arrest.

You are all confined to your rooms
until I get Principal Moss.

Miosky, take care of this guy.

Lay a hand on me and I'll sue.

Principal Moss!

- Did you see that?
- It's shocking!

Bartender!

If I don't get laid tonight,
everyone's gonna think I'm a loser.

By the way, have you
seen those Kennedy boys?

I hear they're lots of fun.

Yeah.

Good one, Herbert!

What... what is that girl doing?

This party sucks, man.

I thought Washington
was supposed to be cool, Reg.

Hey, Reg, When you gonna get off
your ass and make a play on Wanda?

Hi, sugar.

Frank Hardin, CEO,
Bounty Burger Enterprises.

Would you take your hands off me?

Now, why don't you and me saunter up
to my room for a little party?

Get away from me,
you geriatric lush.

I'm not gonna let you go
till you take this key.

I could pay you, if you'd like.

- Hey, are you all right?
- I'm fine, thanks.

You want me to kick his ass?

Get the group.
I'm throwing a party.

Cool.

Look, if you're on your knees
with a table cloth over your head,

who's gonna notice?

Oops! Sorry.

Did you ever wonder
if Jason has nightmares

and if Freddy can
invade his nightmares?

Yeah.

I think about that all the time.

You do?

Me, too.

Can, um, I try an experiment?

Okay.

You're, um... pretty.

Really?

Okay.

Hospital sources
have no explanation

for the sudden disappearance
of the mysterious man

now known as The Flamer.

He was last seen here
captured on a home video camera

running, in flames, through
Arlington National Cemetery.

Police have been searching
for the human torch,

but there are no leads at present.

From Washington,
I'm Gus Feely.

Hey, Virus.

Bet you never made moves
like this in your chess club.

Wanna screw?

Excuse me.

Yeah, it was great
for me, too.

No, come on.

Bonzai!

Help! Somebody help me!

I'm Miosky. I'm here to save you.

What happened?

Uh, I don't know.
Um, I'm comin' in, okay?

- I'm scared.
- Don't be. It'll all be all right.

What's your name?

Du Mi.

So... here we are.

Just the two of us.

First night in Washington.

Yup.

Listen, you were right about
all those things you said to me.

What things?

You know, about waking up

and realizing I've wasted
my life studying.

Studying sucks.

I'm not gonna do it anymore.

You're not gonna study anymore?

No, I'm not gonna waste my life.

Oh, cool.

I need to ask you for a favor.

Sure. What?

Well, I've been thinking
about this, and...

I've decided that I don't want
to go to college a virgin.

Oh.

Oh!

Mission accomplished.

One second.

Excuse me, Miss Milford.

Oh, my God, oh, my God,
what have I done?!

What have you done?
What about me?!

Two days on the job and I'm already
doing it with the boss!

I'm such a whore!

- Moss, are you in there?
- The senator.

Moss!

We're dead.

Open the door, Moss.

Just a second, sir.

We're gonna be late if...

We're due at the Capitol
and you're porking the math teacher?

- Keyboarding teacher.
- Whatever.

Don't just stand there.
Get your clothes on.

- Let's get going. I'll wait outside.
- Yes, sir.

Students, are you up yet?

Open the door!

Well?

Don't worry, sir. I'll find them.

I gave you one thing to do
and you screwed it up!

Not to worry, sir, not to worry.
I'm sure they're around here somewhere.

It's a pretty big city, jackass!

- They could be anywhere!
- Oh, my God. I think I found them.

Eat this!

- What's that?
- Goat.

- This is ridiculous.
- Um, I think they're this way, sir.

- This way! This way!
- Wha...?

It's all just a big set-up.

Here they are, sir.

Well, kids, as you can see,
we've all overslept.

So let's get moving. Quickly. Quickly.

No, we're not going anywhere
with Senator Bung-hole.

Senator Bung-hole?

D'Agastino, shut up
and let's get going.

Not until you've heard the facts,
Principal Moss.

It appears that Senator Lerman
has invited us to Washington

for the sole purpose of
embarrassing the President

in order to destroy his education bill.

What?!

Everything we need to prosecute
is in here.

How did you get ahold of this?

That, uh, information's
on a need-to-know basis.

You're out of your league, boy.

Senator Lerman,
I can't believe I'm hearing this.

Oh, shut up, you little slut.

Now, wait a minute, Senator.

These kids may not be
the cream of the crop,

but that doesn't give you the right
to walk all over them.

And as for Miss Milford,
I think you owe her an apology.

Why?

I don't need you.
I don't need any of you.

I'll find another way to pass my bill.

And as for you, you pitiful excuse
for a principal,

you're finished at Fairmount High.

In fact, I'm gonna make sure you never
work in another school system again.

Got it?

Eighteen years of teaching
down the drain.

What am I gonna do?

Hey, don't worry, dude. We're gonna
put in a good word for ya. Huh, guys?

- Sure.
- You got it.

Hey, we got a serious problem
on our hands.

- What's the matter?
- The senator's got Miosky.

- Miosky!
- Miosky, don't go!

What's the hurry?

- Miosky!
- Miosky! Miosky!

- Don't go with him!
- Come here, man!

- Stay here!
- Miosky!

Come on now, son, we can't
keep the President waiting, can we?

Miosky, don't get in the car!

- Don't go!
- Christ!

Well, this was an interesting field trip.

- What are we gonna do?
- Go home.

No! We can't let this happen.

But if we go, we're only gonna
make the President look worse.

Like Vietnam... no way to win.

- What we need is a miracle.
- Yeah.

Like the time the school got torched
right before finals.

- That was us.
- That was us.

- That was you?
- Yeah.

Now, if we can stop finals,

then we certainly can stop some
bung-hole senator. Right, AV Man?

- Yeah, right, Dags.
- Let's get him.

- Let's go!
- Yeah, let's go!

Hey, Todd.

Waitin' on you, man.

You mean... you want me
to come with you guys

after all the rotten things
I've done to you?

You're one of us now.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, come on.

We don't have time for this.

Sorry.

I'm coming.

- Yeah!
- All right!

Oh, yes, you look just fine.

- What are you doing?
- You drive too slow.

But I wanna be the driver!

You can be the timekeeper.

- Let's rock 'n' roll.
- Yeah!

Now, listen here.

You just wait until they call for you.

Make me proud, son.

- Time?
- Two minutes till Miosky!

Turn here. It's a shortcut.

Spock, beam me up.
Spock, I'm ready now!

About a week ago,

I received a letter from
some very bright students,

addressing their concerns
about education reform.

As your president, I have always
taken it upon myself

to reach out to the youth of America
and hear their voice.

So, without any further ado,

I present to you the future of America.

Move it! Move it!
Move it! Move it!

- Hurry up!
- Come on! Move! Move! Move!

This way!

Why don't we move on
to some Q & A?

Uh, tell me, son...

Son?

Son?

What do you see as the problems
afflicting our schools?

What?

Stop!

That man is mentally challenged!

- Who are you people?
- Mr. Chairman, this is outrageous!

We're the students of Fairmount High.

- Sorry we're late.
- What's going on here?

Mr. Chairman, they're out of order!

Aren't those the kids
from the party last night?

- Yes, they are.
- Mr. Chairman, can we continue?

We've already heard from
the representative from Fairmount.

Let us speak!

- Let us speak! Let us speak!
- They're out of order, Mr. Chairman!

- Let us speak! Let us speak!
- Point of order! Point of order!

- Order!
- Can we have them removed?

Order!

I'll give you just one minute.

Uh, say something intelligent, okay?

Mr. President, we came here to
inform you that you're the victim of deceit.

Senator Lerman is using Miosky
to embarrass you

in order to push through
his own education reform bill.

That's an out-and-out lie!

How dare you!
Mr. President, this is outrageous.

By God, I was trying to protect you
from these juvenile delinquents.

You're the delinquent!

I've barred them from these proceeding
because I have reports, Mr. President,

reports that they looted a Quickie Mart,

- blew out Hoover's flame,
- No way, man.

and were responsible
for the death of their bus driver!

Look, maybe we are screw-ups...

I mean, we didn't even write the letter.
Lisa did, and she's an honor student.

Now, I haven't had the time
to read it yet,

but I bet what she wrote about
education reform was really smart.

Yeah. You government people need
to make sure that future generations

get a good education...
so they don't wind up like us.

We're soiled, but it's not too late
to save others.

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

And, uh, one final thing.

We didn't kill Red.
He partied to death!

Yeah! Yeah!

Uh... come on, guys.
They're not buying it. Let's go.

Dag rules!

Lerman, I want to see you
in my office this afternoon.

- Mr. President...
- Get out of my sight!

Hey.

Never underestimate Fairmount High.

Got it?

Whoo, Todd!

- See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!
- Loser!

He is nothin' but a loser!

Wasn't this trip just great?

Get real... it was a nightmare!

Come on. Let's get back on the bus
before something goes wrong.

Hands are weary

Eyes stay closed

Women like these

Who break in

I wanna see you

Tomorrow the green grass

Oh, my love

Who stands by you when I call?

Once had a good home

Won't fall back on

Don't you think kindness
has an end?

I wanna see you

Tomorrow the green grass

Oh, my love

Who stands by you when I call?

Tomorrow the green grass,
tomorrow the green grass

Tomorrow the green grass,
yeah, yeah, yeah

Tomorrow the green grass,
tomorrow the green grass

Tomorrow the green grass,
the green grass

Starry maple

Signs stay closed

Back in my pocket's all you hear

I wanna see you

Tomorrow the green grass

Oh, my love

Who stands by you when I call?

Tomorrow the green grass,
tomorrow the green grass

Tomorrow the green grass,
yeah, yeah, yeah

Tomorrow the green grass,
tomorrow the green grass

Tomorrow the green grass,
the green grass

Tomorrow the green grass,
tomorrow the green grass

Tomorrow the green grass,
yeah, yeah, yeah

Tomorrow the green grass,
tomorrow the green grass

Tomorrow the green grass,
yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah

Sunshine

Are you outside?

I am a simpleton by choice

Not speaking to hear my voice

Sunshine

Why are you sleeping?

Gotta get outside

Cover the ground on foot

Not hitching around your spur

Over the river
and through the woods

I've come this far
to bring in the goods

I get high even when I don't try

Let 'em pass by
with a wink to the eye

I reserve the right to be stoned

I reserve the right
to take it to collect them sums

I have the right

Don't try to be, there's really
no point in you biting me

I'm glad to see that it's easy
for me to be an MC

Let me tell you a little story

Like my dog Bobby hated the pool man

So I tried to play Kotter
and make things cool

And I said, Just let him smell you,
hold out your hand

He reached on out
and them - Bam! - he bit him

He bit him so fuckin' hard

Blood was steady gushin'
all over my back yard

I kept apologizin',
I felt so fuckin' bad

The dude was so cool,
he didn't even get mad

He said, Man, don't sweat it,
that's the dog's meaning

Took some Neosporin
and went back to his cleaning

Thought I had a dream
or else it was a movie

Your mind can have a joint,
easy like jungle boogie

$600 freebie and I got my job

Would you mind come,
but I gots the dog

Come, you can foam the water
with the bone

I wanna tell my mom,
ring her on the phone

Cherry Popsicle, icy cold freezing

Loves it on his gums
now that he is teething

Got a wee-wee pass,
lay then by the door

Nasty little shits,
he dropped them on the floor

Sunshine

Are you outside?

I am a simpleton by choice

Not speaking to hear my voice

Sunshine

Why are you sleeping?

Gotta get outside