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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:07,606 ...and my brother would just get so mad. 2 00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:09,511 [ Zoom! ] Whoa! 3 00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:12,613 Did you see that? It was a spaceship! 4 00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:20,445 ** 5 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,228 [ Speaking alien language ] 6 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:28,460 [ Gunshots ] 7 00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:32,304 [ Screaming ] 8 00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:34,273 [ Gunfire continues ] 9 00:00:34,302 --> 00:00:36,002 Where'd you get that gun? 10 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,866 My dad's nightstand. 11 00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:40,305 [ Zoom! ] 12 00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,481 [ Laughs ] 13 00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:52,047 [ Screams ] 14 00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:54,186 Damn, you ugly, son! 15 00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:55,392 Now you're in hell?! 16 00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,463 Some people can't catch a break. 17 00:00:57,491 --> 00:00:58,761 No, no, no, no, Dizzay, no! 18 00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:01,762 This guy's an alien from outer space! 19 00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:04,425 He's a Gray! He's here to promote peace. 20 00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:06,765 He's here to save the universe! 21 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,300 And he doesn't belong here. 22 00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:09,736 Troy: Hey, X-Files! 23 00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:11,910 If you die on earth, you don't believe in Jesus, 24 00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:13,209 you get the hook. Now hook him! 25 00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:14,611 See, that's what I'm talking about. 26 00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:17,282 No, no, no! I will not face the wrath 27 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,081 of the Intergalactic Committee. 28 00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:21,083 And I refuse to gut any more molesters 29 00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:22,615 until you bring him down. 30 00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:24,490 [ Clang! ] 31 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,919 Aah! Aah! Aah! 32 00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:29,955 Aah! Aah! 33 00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:31,190 [ Grunting ] 34 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,825 Aah! Aah! Aah! 35 00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:35,201 Aah! Aah! 36 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,969 Ow! Wow! Wow! Ah! 37 00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:39,228 -[ Laughs ] -Yo! 38 00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:40,527 You all right, Eddie? 39 00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:41,768 Yeah. 40 00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,142 [ Zap! ] 41 00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:47,041 Oh, thank you! 42 00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:48,644 Oh, my God. 43 00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:51,206 You healed all of Eddie's wounds! 44 00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:53,745 All right, do it again. Yah! 45 00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:54,751 [ Screams ] Ah! 46 00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,222 Oh, thank you! 47 00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,220 -Yah! -[ Screams ] Ah! 48 00:01:58,252 --> 00:02:00,492 -What? -[ Screams ] Ah! 49 00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:03,892 Because you healed Eddie's wounds, 50 00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:07,664 I'm gonna call you... 51 00:02:07,695 --> 00:02:08,895 Healy. 52 00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:10,699 Hey! What's going on? 53 00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:12,271 Eddie's been down here for 45 minutes. 54 00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:13,530 He's completely unblemished. 55 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,867 Well, that's because Healy's been healing him 56 00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:18,213 with his healing powers, ya knucklehead! 57 00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:19,809 Healy? 58 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,310 Healy is short for Healifer, and I am his Earth father. 59 00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:24,584 And it's amazing! 60 00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:26,452 It's proof that there's life in outer space! 61 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,250 Yeah, I'm not really into sci-fi. 62 00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:30,352 It's not sci-fi. It's just sci! 63 00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:32,094 Will you do me a favor? Will you cut his head off 64 00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:34,559 and stick it on a spike and then slice his body up into pieces 65 00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:35,718 and make him eat the pieces? 66 00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:38,326 He's proof that there's life-force 67 00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:39,729 out in the universe! 68 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,760 He made my whip into a licorice whip 69 00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,466 with a peppermint handle. 70 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,098 -Healy, huh? -Yeah. 71 00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:48,173 Yeah, come here, Healy. 72 00:02:48,202 --> 00:02:50,102 Heal this, huh. 73 00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:51,807 [ Zap! ] 74 00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:54,839 Whoa! That's awesome! 75 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,075 He gave me hair? 76 00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:58,879 You look like Willy Wonka's coke dealer. 77 00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:02,354 Gave me licorice hair. 78 00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:03,723 He gave you licorice hair! 79 00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:04,621 Cut his head off. 80 00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:06,692 No, he's from Zeta Reticulum! 81 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,690 Cut his finger off, too, and make him eat it. 82 00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:10,792 ** 83 00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:14,034 [ Voice breaking ] I don't want to do this. 84 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,231 I know you're special, 85 00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:17,874 and you're my little peanut 86 00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:20,228 that I want to keep in a little basket. 87 00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:22,898 But they don't care that you're special 88 00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:26,736 or that you're cute or that you're my little peanut. 89 00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:28,484 Dizzay? 90 00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:30,779 Hold his big-ass weird feet. 91 00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:33,651 God bless you, little boy. 92 00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:35,081 [ Whirring ] 93 00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:38,285 [ Speaking alien language ] 94 00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:40,689 -Gary, look! -What is it? 95 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,761 I don't know, man -- looks like plants or something. 96 00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:44,360 It's weed! 97 00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:51,326 [ Laughing ] Look at this, Gary! 98 00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:53,695 Tomatoes, asparagus! 99 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:57,074 It was Healy! He made the vegetables grow in the tar sands! 100 00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,274 [ Sniffing ] 101 00:03:58,306 --> 00:04:01,136 That's a pepper! A yellow pepper. 102 00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,214 William? 103 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,212 Yeah, Gar? 104 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,383 Can you do me a favor? 105 00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:06,982 Sure, Gar. What's up? 106 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:10,384 I feel like my whole body is filling with energy. 107 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,988 Yeah, I guess that's what happens 108 00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:14,559 when you eat something besides chalk for a change? 109 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,158 Where you getting chalk from? 110 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,029 I get it from the conference room. 111 00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:20,888 That's why there ain't no chalk, baby. 112 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,628 [ Clatters ] 113 00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:25,603 Hey, shh! Healy, you're in disguise. 114 00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,743 Stop drawing attention to yourself! 115 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,498 What the hell are you guys doing? 116 00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:31,037 Nothing, just hanging out with our friend William. 117 00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:33,311 You know, just -- just chilling down. 118 00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:35,181 That ain't William. 119 00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:37,778 [ Screams ] 120 00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:40,481 He's destroying my computer! 121 00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:43,384 You said that it was running slow, and so he's fixing it. 122 00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:44,747 [ Screams ] 123 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,585 He's ripping his intestines out. 124 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,920 [ Synthesized voice ] Hello, Gary. 125 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,726 Oh, look at that, he made a little translator! 126 00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:53,589 I'm not sure what part of your planet this is, 127 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,857 but I want to go home. 128 00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,695 Well, guess what, I want to go home. 129 00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,470 This guy wants to go home. Everybody here wants to go home! 130 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,700 You're a soul now. Your body's dead. 131 00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:03,335 I can get back into my body. 132 00:05:03,371 --> 00:05:04,371 On Earth? 133 00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:06,035 Yes. I can heal myself. 134 00:05:06,073 --> 00:05:08,843 We're not exactly supposed to leave, Healy. 135 00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:11,746 Help me get my body, and I will take you to my home planet. 136 00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:13,749 We have a tree that grows your favorite food. 137 00:05:13,781 --> 00:05:16,381 You mean to tell me you've got a tree that just grows pad thai? 138 00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,347 Yes, and we have horny sex robots 139 00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:20,186 that exist only to please you. 140 00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,720 All nude. Triple X. 141 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:22,915 I -- I wanna go. I wanna go. 142 00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,386 No, no, no, no, shut your mouth. 143 00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:25,825 I'll do it. I'll go. I'll go. 144 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,529 Let me ask him. Shut up! 145 00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:29,632 They do handjobs? 146 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,773 Well, they'll do anything. 147 00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,829 You can get more than handjobs. 148 00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:36,267 But tell me, they got, like, real hands, right? 149 00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:37,673 And not, like, just claws -- 150 00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:38,965 They're not gonna rip off my dick and balls? 151 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:41,606 Handjob, pad thai, done. Are we good to go? 152 00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:43,982 Uh, you know what. You're gonna take me, too, 153 00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:48,381 because, otherwise, I'm gonna tell Satan. 154 00:05:48,416 --> 00:05:50,616 -That's blackmail. -Please don't do this. 155 00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,521 You're also fixing my eyesight 'cause you know what? 156 00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:53,953 I'm sick of wearing these glasses. 157 00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:55,957 Okay, bend down here. 158 00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:57,529 [ Zap! ] 159 00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:59,888 What the...is this? 160 00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,204 Oh, God. 161 00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:03,759 Why did you do that to him? 162 00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:06,027 He was a liability. So I turned his face into corn. 163 00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:08,296 [ Mumbles ] All right, well I'm gonna go pack my stapler, 164 00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:09,835 and then we can get out of here. 165 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,310 Leave the stapler. My planet has plenty of staplers. 166 00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:13,639 [ Shouts indistinctly ] 167 00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:16,114 Yeah, you just hide in there. Just shh. 168 00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:17,983 All right. 169 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,010 [ Slapping noises ] 170 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,548 Hey, I just got to take the old machine topside. 171 00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:25,894 Getting standard maintenance done to her. 172 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,420 For some reason these photocopy repair places 173 00:06:29,457 --> 00:06:30,417 aren't down here. 174 00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:31,688 They're always up there. 175 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,355 You know how it is with photocopiers 176 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,733 'cause you're always using them and they, like, need maintenance 177 00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:37,573 pretty much standardly all the time. 178 00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:39,998 So I'm just taking her topside with it. 179 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,233 Taking her topside. 180 00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:43,438 See ya, buddy! 181 00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:53,083 According to my finger, my body's nearby. 182 00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:56,549 It's you! 183 00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:58,224 It's you! 184 00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,451 Oh, my God. 185 00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:00,987 They're playing with your guts. 186 00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,691 Healy: They split me wide open. 187 00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:04,593 Why, you animals? Why? 188 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,055 That is too much to heal. 189 00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:09,103 There are my space shorts. I can call my brother. 190 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,259 [ Phone dialing ] Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey. 191 00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:12,568 Mention me, you know? 192 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:13,930 Mention that I'm coming with you guys. 193 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:17,037 Tell him that we can have some pad thai on me. 194 00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:19,840 And my tree -- The tree that grows all my favorite foods? 195 00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:22,243 And then I can have some alone time with that robot 196 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,645 that's just gonna give me handjobs all night. 197 00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,208 [ Roy babbling ] 198 00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:27,576 Here, hold my translator. 199 00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:29,075 No, but wait, wait. Listen, hey, hey. 200 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:30,616 I'm really excited to meet you guys. 201 00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:31,991 I think this is going to be fun. 202 00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:33,719 Healy's brother, I can't wait to meet you. 203 00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,664 It's fun, it's cool. All right. All right. 204 00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:37,629 Ga gak! Ga gak kak! 205 00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:40,758 [ Synthesized voice ] Yes, I'm still alive. No thanks to you, dumbass. 206 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,964 That was just some stupid earthling. 207 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,766 I do not give a shit if you have to ask off of work, Roy! 208 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,429 This place is horrible. 209 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,167 I'm gonna push that we have this entire planet destroyed. 210 00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:51,473 [ Fire alarm ringing ] 211 00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:53,235 What the hell are you doing?! 212 00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:56,878 Well, doctor, yes, yes. 213 00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:59,780 Aliens are normal to see every day. 214 00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:04,349 My brother wanted me to tell you "thank you" for helping me. 215 00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:06,354 Why can't your brother just thank me in person 216 00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:07,616 when we're on your home planet? 217 00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:09,355 He said he's bringing the smaller ship, 218 00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:10,559 and you may not fit inside. 219 00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,361 Well, I can just take less stuff. 220 00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:13,762 Won't that fix the problem? 221 00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,664 There are many sandstorms on my planet. 222 00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,726 You will get a lot of sand in your pad thai. 223 00:08:17,765 --> 00:08:20,125 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you backing out on me? 224 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,037 Is that what I'm hearing from you? 225 00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:25,039 Hey, where do you guys think you're going with that bod-- 226 00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:27,212 A lot of the beings on my planet are racist. 227 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,940 You may have trouble finding work with the way you look. 228 00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:32,147 Well, I'll be fine, as long there is no Satan. 229 00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:35,683 What about Satan? 230 00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,986 Who told you? Was it Troy? 231 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,718 No, Troy has a speech impediment. 232 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,023 [ Mumbling ] 233 00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:42,724 Shut your corn hole! 234 00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:44,986 Get that? Corn hole? 235 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,855 Come with me. 236 00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:48,834 [ Beeps ] 237 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,401 This is the Soul Shredder. 238 00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:55,773 It'll shred your soul for good. 239 00:08:55,803 --> 00:08:59,613 Yeah, you fall in there, you will cease to exist. 240 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,470 See ya, suckers! 241 00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:02,608 Ha ha ha! 242 00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,813 [ Laughing deliriously ] 243 00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:07,445 No, let me die! 244 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,020 Nice try, Eddie. 245 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,749 You gotta be kidding me! 246 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,015 Healy, take a look. 247 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,593 Thought you might like to see this. 248 00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:19,533 No, Satan. Noooo! 249 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,189 Nooo! 250 00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,998 No, Healy! 251 00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:29,901 [ Laughs ] 252 00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,676 Whoa! 253 00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:38,008 Hey, Healy, your little brother brought the big ship anyways! 254 00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:40,775 Tell him to beam me up, too! I got all my shit! 255 00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:43,984 See ya later, Gary. It has been real. 256 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,887 -That's bullshit! -Hey! 257 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,059 Let go of me. You are not a good fit. 258 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,488 I'm coming with you anyway! 259 00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:51,693 Also, I don't like you. 260 00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,925 I demand immunity 261 00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:57,601 by the name of the Galactic Federation of Starfleet. 262 00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:59,471 Sounds like some made-up bullshit. 263 00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:02,699 Your feet! You're cutting off your damn feet! 264 00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,136 Oh, don't worry. They will grow back. 265 00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:06,711 You promised! [ Screams ] 266 00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,510 You promised me you'd take me with you! 267 00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:10,111 You promised! [ Thud! ] 268 00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:18,824 Don't you have, like, a spell 269 00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,392 that can clean all this stuff up? 270 00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:23,490 Yeah, I do, but I don't want to take jobs away from people. 271 00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,593 Yeah... 272 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,525 You said to him "You promised." 273 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:28,830 Promised. 274 00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:31,832 What, uh... what did he promise? 275 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:33,465 I mean, 'cause it looked to me 276 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,100 like you were trying to escape. 277 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,135 Certainly not. 278 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:41,308 Why don't you drop trou and tell me what he promised. 279 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,911 That finger's not going to heal me, is it? No. 280 00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:46,954 Guess what, I'm not doing this like I normally do. 281 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:47,950 Yeah? 282 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,221 I'm doing it the Gary way. 283 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:53,950 ** 284 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,895 Yeah, here comes the airplane. 285 00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:06,132 Looking for the hangar. 286 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,966 You want it less because I want it? 18819

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