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1
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,284
Abed, what are you doing?
2
00:00:07,285 --> 00:00:09,746
Freelancing.
3
00:00:09,747 --> 00:00:11,706
You're not a spy for
the city, are you?
4
00:00:11,707 --> 00:00:14,235
They've been sending footage
of my classroom and
5
00:00:14,236 --> 00:00:17,224
pronounced me no worse than
the teachers that work hard.
6
00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:18,624
I can't tell you who
I'm working for.
7
00:00:18,625 --> 00:00:19,744
It's a surprise.
8
00:00:19,745 --> 00:00:22,194
Well, don't get in the way.
9
00:00:22,195 --> 00:00:23,154
You know the rules, Jeff.
10
00:00:23,155 --> 00:00:25,994
The sooner you ignore me, the
sooner I stop being a factor.
11
00:00:25,995 --> 00:00:26,964
All right, people.
12
00:00:26,965 --> 00:00:32,355
Yesterday I wrote the
word law on the board.
13
00:00:33,645 --> 00:00:37,664
This time, don't erase it, and maybe
tomorrow we'll get even further.
14
00:00:37,665 --> 00:00:41,034
Now, I'm told Garrett has prepared
a presentation for extra credit.
15
00:00:41,035 --> 00:00:43,894
By the way, everyone in class gets
the credit because I'm not sure how
16
00:00:43,895 --> 00:00:45,164
much I should encourage this.
17
00:00:45,165 --> 00:00:46,104
Go ahead, Garrett.
18
00:00:46,105 --> 00:00:47,105
Thank you.
19
00:00:50,368 --> 00:00:52,527
My presentation is
about marriage law.
20
00:00:52,528 --> 00:00:57,124
This is me, Garrett.
21
00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:58,125
I'm in your class.
22
00:00:59,835 --> 00:01:01,644
This is Stacy.
23
00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:03,105
She is in our class as well.
24
00:01:05,495 --> 00:01:07,132
This is what I want.
25
00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:10,508
Oh, Garrett.
26
00:01:10,509 --> 00:01:13,148
Stacy, will you marry me?
27
00:01:13,149 --> 00:01:18,372
Oh.
28
00:01:18,373 --> 00:01:21,513
Yes, yes, Garrett, yes, I will!
29
00:01:22,599 --> 00:01:26,941
Oh, Garrett!
30
00:01:26,942 --> 00:01:30,793
Garrett and I have been seeing each other
for 16 months, two weeks, and four days.
31
00:01:30,794 --> 00:01:33,045
We met at the school
store, Pencils and Such.
32
00:01:33,046 --> 00:01:34,944
He said he was there
for the such.
33
00:01:34,945 --> 00:01:38,114
I remember I was sweating a
lot, and breathing heavy, and
34
00:01:38,115 --> 00:01:40,694
my heart felt like it was
going to burst in my chest.
35
00:01:40,695 --> 00:01:43,445
But the day I met Stacy, most of
those symptoms actually declined.
36
00:01:45,775 --> 00:01:46,944
Are you quite done?
37
00:01:46,945 --> 00:01:47,554
Yeah.
38
00:01:47,555 --> 00:01:48,894
Garrett wanted the
proposal recorded.
39
00:01:48,895 --> 00:01:50,504
He thought his family
might wanna see proof.
40
00:01:50,505 --> 00:01:51,984
So now what are you shooting?
41
00:01:51,985 --> 00:01:53,244
You had a strange
look on your face.
42
00:01:53,245 --> 00:01:55,329
Oh, you're noticing faces now?
43
00:01:55,330 --> 00:01:58,354
Mm-hm. Aren't you still smelling
hair to tell Frankie from Annie?
44
00:01:58,355 --> 00:01:59,334
Yeah.
45
00:01:59,335 --> 00:02:00,384
Well, it's official.
46
00:02:00,385 --> 00:02:02,604
I'm getting laid.
47
00:02:02,605 --> 00:02:05,904
Give me some more
time in a dream.
48
00:02:05,905 --> 00:02:09,190
Give me the hope to
run out of steam.
49
00:02:09,191 --> 00:02:12,604
Somebody said it could be here.
50
00:02:12,605 --> 00:02:16,651
We could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year.
51
00:02:16,652 --> 00:02:21,247
I can't count the
reasons I should stay.
52
00:02:21,248 --> 00:02:24,689
One by one, they all
just fade away.
53
00:02:33,209 --> 00:02:34,236
What are you doing?
54
00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:37,776
Stop.
55
00:02:37,777 --> 00:02:39,460
Hey, stop.
56
00:02:39,461 --> 00:02:46,301
If you don't put that silly thing away,
I swear, I'm gonna stop loving you.
57
00:02:46,302 --> 00:02:47,302
Oh, that's it.
58
00:02:48,782 --> 00:02:53,322
Happy birthday.
59
00:02:53,323 --> 00:02:54,871
What are you two doing?
60
00:02:54,872 --> 00:02:57,571
We're doing Annie's
missing lover footage.
61
00:02:57,572 --> 00:03:00,681
You, you know in movies where the
hero's wife or girlfriend is dead or
62
00:03:00,682 --> 00:03:04,721
missing, and so he sits in the dark
and he watches her in a home movie,
63
00:03:04,722 --> 00:03:05,711
or-Or a hologram.
64
00:03:05,712 --> 00:03:09,281
Or a hologram over and over, and she's
always beautiful and full of love,
65
00:03:09,282 --> 00:03:10,661
almost to the point
of being stupid.
66
00:03:10,662 --> 00:03:13,321
We're making footage like that for me
in case I get kidnapped or murdered.
67
00:03:13,322 --> 00:03:14,621
Oh, super healthy, guys.
68
00:03:14,622 --> 00:03:15,641
The health department called.
69
00:03:15,642 --> 00:03:17,172
They don't want anything back.
70
00:03:19,122 --> 00:03:20,619
Britta, don't look
at the camera.
71
00:03:20,620 --> 00:03:21,620
Okay, look at the camera.
72
00:03:22,642 --> 00:03:23,435
Today's Garrett's wedding.
73
00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:26,634
For those who don't know, Garrett,
he's a guy we don't really know,
74
00:03:26,635 --> 00:03:29,897
that we've known for like six years
at school, the funny-looking guy.
75
00:03:29,898 --> 00:03:31,429
Britta, mean!
76
00:03:31,430 --> 00:03:33,078
Sorry!
77
00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:36,381
The eccentric-looking guy.
78
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:37,321
What's happening?
79
00:03:37,322 --> 00:03:38,321
Everything's going wrong.
80
00:03:38,322 --> 00:03:39,171
That guy.
81
00:03:39,172 --> 00:03:41,961
Remember when we said
we were cleaning?
82
00:03:41,962 --> 00:03:44,741
Yeah. But remember about
Abed's documentary?
83
00:03:44,742 --> 00:03:46,991
The documentary is about
what we're doing.
84
00:03:46,992 --> 00:03:48,151
And we're cleaning.
85
00:03:48,152 --> 00:03:52,121
Yeah, but if we're both cleaning
then there's nobody to explain why.
86
00:03:52,122 --> 00:03:53,691
She doesn't understand
filmmaking.
87
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:54,821
I lived in New York.
88
00:03:54,822 --> 00:03:56,216
What else should we talk about?
89
00:04:00,818 --> 00:04:04,693
We volunteered our apartment as a
staging area where our friends can get
90
00:04:04,694 --> 00:04:06,575
ready and keep each
other on time.
91
00:04:06,576 --> 00:04:08,091
Oh.
92
00:04:08,092 --> 00:04:10,641
The thing to understand
about our friends
93
00:04:10,642 --> 00:04:15,121
is that friends isn't
an adequate label.
94
00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:19,372
We're an intensely,
intimately bonded crew.
95
00:04:20,422 --> 00:04:21,701
Oh, I can't, no!
96
00:04:21,702 --> 00:04:22,231
No!
97
00:04:22,232 --> 00:04:26,991
Do you want flashy forward,
or cherry and classic?
98
00:04:26,992 --> 00:04:27,992
Do you have black?
99
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:29,465
That's a no.
100
00:04:29,466 --> 00:04:32,801
That beleaguered sigh means,
no, I can't have black nails.
101
00:04:32,802 --> 00:04:33,881
Don't look at the camera.
102
00:04:33,882 --> 00:04:38,021
You absolutely can, and we all
will when our bodies decompose.
103
00:04:38,022 --> 00:04:39,761
Please don't Jim the
camera like that.
104
00:04:39,762 --> 00:04:40,601
Jim the camera?
105
00:04:40,602 --> 00:04:42,251
The color black hasn't
had-It's not a color.
106
00:04:42,252 --> 00:04:44,631
Anything to do with death
or edginess since '89!
107
00:04:44,632 --> 00:04:45,881
I mean, absence of color.
108
00:04:45,882 --> 00:04:47,671
My accountant has black nails!
109
00:04:47,672 --> 00:04:48,731
Your what?!
110
00:04:48,732 --> 00:04:50,562
Don't jump on that, my accountant,
it's a figure of speech.
111
00:04:50,563 --> 00:04:53,106
It's a form of speech
called making things up.
112
00:04:55,047 --> 00:04:55,813
Abed, can you get that?
113
00:04:55,814 --> 00:04:57,771
I can film you getting it.
114
00:04:57,772 --> 00:04:58,897
It's open!
115
00:04:58,898 --> 00:04:59,604
Is it?
116
00:04:59,605 --> 00:05:03,187
I don't know, let's see.
117
00:05:03,188 --> 00:05:05,087
Frankie. Hi girl.
118
00:05:05,088 --> 00:05:08,101
So, I didn't, put on my wedding
clothes, like you said.
119
00:05:08,102 --> 00:05:10,561
So we can get dressed together
and be girls together.
120
00:05:10,562 --> 00:05:12,122
This is gonna be fun.
121
00:05:14,542 --> 00:05:17,401
Annie and Britta told me to come
over and get ready with them for
122
00:05:17,402 --> 00:05:18,651
Garrett's wedding.
123
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,201
I didn't say no.
124
00:05:20,202 --> 00:05:22,039
Who says no to
something like that?
125
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:26,681
A cold, off-putting
incompatible person.
126
00:05:26,682 --> 00:05:31,381
The kind of person that turns
a sleepover into a stoning.
127
00:05:31,382 --> 00:05:34,631
I had rocks, thrown at me.
128
00:05:34,632 --> 00:05:38,393
Biblical, igneous, jagged,
hateful, pointy, ninja rocks, and
129
00:05:38,394 --> 00:05:40,246
that's not gonna happen again.
130
00:05:44,117 --> 00:05:44,801
What have you been up to?
131
00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:49,081
I think you already asked that.
132
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:49,901
Did you answer?
133
00:05:49,902 --> 00:05:51,191
Didn't I?
134
00:05:51,192 --> 00:05:53,281
I think I did. I
don't think you did.
135
00:05:53,282 --> 00:05:55,312
Well, that's not like me.
136
00:05:56,702 --> 00:05:57,646
Well, maybe you're nervous.
137
00:05:57,647 --> 00:06:00,653
No, no.
138
00:06:00,654 --> 00:06:03,918
Well, why don't we just say that
if you did answer, we forgot so
139
00:06:03,919 --> 00:06:05,451
we're asking again.
140
00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:07,932
Oh, I have been working.
141
00:06:09,942 --> 00:06:13,051
And I've been tending
to my personal affairs.
142
00:06:13,052 --> 00:06:14,052
Mm.
143
00:06:18,932 --> 00:06:21,757
Mia, I don't know
if I mentioned.
144
00:06:21,758 --> 00:06:27,558
One of my sisters as well, you
know, one of them is deceased,
145
00:06:27,559 --> 00:06:32,259
and the other is
mentally retarded.
146
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:34,947
Panty raid.
147
00:06:36,902 --> 00:06:38,431
When I say drink, you say now.
148
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:39,091
Drink. Now.
149
00:06:39,092 --> 00:06:39,631
Drink.
150
00:06:39,632 --> 00:06:42,031
Now. When I say
drink, you say now.
151
00:06:42,032 --> 00:06:42,844
Drink. Now.
152
00:06:42,845 --> 00:06:44,141
Drink. Now.
153
00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:47,931
Hey what are you guys doing?
154
00:06:47,932 --> 00:06:50,122
We gotta go. The wedding
starts in like 40 minutes.
155
00:06:50,123 --> 00:06:52,791
We batted the time.
156
00:06:52,792 --> 00:06:55,041
Huh? We lied to you cause
we knew you'd be late.
157
00:06:55,042 --> 00:06:57,071
So we lied to you
about the time.
158
00:06:57,072 --> 00:07:00,971
Yeah! You don't need perfect
people to make a perfect team.
159
00:07:00,972 --> 00:07:03,831
You need people whose flaws
feed into each other.
160
00:07:03,832 --> 00:07:06,286
It's what do you call it?
161
00:07:06,287 --> 00:07:07,621
Co-dependence.
162
00:07:07,622 --> 00:07:08,141
Synergy.
163
00:07:08,142 --> 00:07:10,591
For instance, there might be
something Britta hates doing,
164
00:07:10,592 --> 00:07:11,761
but Annie loves doing.
165
00:07:11,762 --> 00:07:13,781
Or there might be something
that Annie hates doing, but
166
00:07:13,782 --> 00:07:18,141
she does it anyways, because what
she really loves is to feel useful.
167
00:07:18,142 --> 00:07:20,651
You literally just
defined co-dependence.
168
00:07:20,652 --> 00:07:21,652
Here's to synergy.
169
00:07:23,682 --> 00:07:24,411
Oh, look at you.
170
00:07:24,412 --> 00:07:25,111
You little helper.
171
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:25,993
Oh. Okay,
172
00:07:25,994 --> 00:07:31,978
do you Garrett take Jack Nicholson
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
173
00:07:31,979 --> 00:07:33,876
I do.
174
00:07:33,877 --> 00:07:36,998
I do, Johnny.
175
00:07:39,262 --> 00:07:41,241
We invented a new game.
176
00:07:41,242 --> 00:07:43,681
Celebrity Garrett marriage.
177
00:07:43,682 --> 00:07:46,592
Christian Slater to be
your lawfully wedded wife.
178
00:07:46,593 --> 00:07:49,378
I do.
179
00:07:49,379 --> 00:07:51,711
I do.
180
00:07:51,712 --> 00:07:52,600
Boo.
181
00:07:52,601 --> 00:07:53,314
There's only Nicholson.
182
00:07:53,315 --> 00:07:54,451
Yeah, well, listen to him.
183
00:07:54,452 --> 00:07:56,761
We were genius to pad
the time margin.
184
00:07:56,762 --> 00:07:58,761
Because now we have, like, three
more hours to play the game.
185
00:07:58,762 --> 00:07:59,550
Okay.
186
00:07:59,551 --> 00:08:04,772
Do you, Garrett, take Aubrey
Plaza to be your wife?
187
00:08:05,912 --> 00:08:07,038
I do.
188
00:08:07,039 --> 00:08:08,595
I do.
189
00:08:08,596 --> 00:08:11,211
Wait.
190
00:08:11,212 --> 00:08:12,190
What do you mean,
three more hours?
191
00:08:12,191 --> 00:08:13,461
How is that even possible?
192
00:08:15,488 --> 00:08:18,110
What, what time is the wedding?
193
00:08:18,111 --> 00:08:19,759
Wait, what time is it now?
194
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,175
We're late.
195
00:08:21,176 --> 00:08:21,825
We're late.
196
00:08:21,826 --> 00:08:22,826
Aah!
197
00:08:24,192 --> 00:08:29,017
Gather everyone to the car.
198
00:08:29,018 --> 00:08:29,911
What? Yeah.
199
00:08:29,912 --> 00:08:30,660
We'll drive together.
200
00:08:30,661 --> 00:08:31,322
We are not driving together.
201
00:08:31,323 --> 00:08:31,856
It's already been settled.
202
00:08:31,857 --> 00:08:32,857
Nothing was settled.
203
00:08:36,843 --> 00:08:38,171
What?
204
00:08:38,172 --> 00:08:38,988
They left me home alone.
205
00:08:38,989 --> 00:08:41,837
I'm home alone.
206
00:08:41,838 --> 00:08:43,173
Well, not really.
207
00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:47,689
What the hell you doing?
208
00:08:47,690 --> 00:08:49,529
C'mon, let's go, go,
go, go, go, go, go.
209
00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:50,530
Okay geez.
210
00:08:53,639 --> 00:08:54,428
Abed, you too.
211
00:08:54,429 --> 00:08:54,971
Come on.
212
00:08:54,972 --> 00:08:55,972
Oh, yeah.
213
00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:02,761
We are here to witness
the union of Garrett and
214
00:09:02,762 --> 00:09:08,316
Stacy in the eyes of, well in the
eyes of whatever power you choose.
215
00:09:08,317 --> 00:09:12,336
Personally, I find the notion of
choosing to be needlessly limited.
216
00:09:12,337 --> 00:09:15,286
What if I'm capable of
total contradiction?
217
00:09:15,287 --> 00:09:21,426
What if science and religion
were mine to wield as I choose?
218
00:09:21,427 --> 00:09:22,502
What if I'm God?
219
00:09:22,503 --> 00:09:26,607
What if I'm God?
220
00:09:29,631 --> 00:09:31,680
It is likely that I am not, but
221
00:09:31,681 --> 00:09:36,846
I think it's totally out of line to
take that possibility off of the table.
222
00:09:36,847 --> 00:09:39,647
Now, I understand that
vows have been written.
223
00:09:40,807 --> 00:09:46,118
Stacy, when I first saw you,
looking at you made me feel good.
224
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,356
Touching you, felt better and
225
00:09:48,357 --> 00:09:53,272
knowing you made me realize that
without you, I, I am incomplete.
226
00:09:53,273 --> 00:09:54,473
I know I look pretty complete.
227
00:09:56,565 --> 00:09:59,523
Somebody over there laughed
at that the wrong way.
228
00:09:59,524 --> 00:10:02,273
You are my body and my soul.
229
00:10:02,274 --> 00:10:04,273
You are my favorite video game.
230
00:10:04,274 --> 00:10:04,857
Yes.
231
00:10:04,858 --> 00:10:05,402
Come on.
232
00:10:05,403 --> 00:10:06,163
Guys, guys guys.
233
00:10:06,164 --> 00:10:09,206
Everybody's looking at us.
234
00:10:10,773 --> 00:10:12,561
Your was louder
than what I said.
235
00:10:18,964 --> 00:10:21,923
Welcome! Everyone back
there, you're welcome.
236
00:10:21,924 --> 00:10:23,838
Please join us.
237
00:10:23,839 --> 00:10:25,068
Any of those people
could be God.
238
00:10:25,069 --> 00:10:25,858
Okay.
239
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:26,508
Over there.
240
00:10:26,509 --> 00:10:28,565
Yeah. Oh.
241
00:10:30,109 --> 00:10:32,550
Yes. Ow!
242
00:10:32,551 --> 00:10:38,240
Garrett, since we met you
have felt so familiar.
243
00:10:38,241 --> 00:10:40,812
I love making
sandwiches with you.
244
00:10:40,813 --> 00:10:42,896
I love folding towels with you.
245
00:10:42,897 --> 00:10:46,413
I love giving you your pain
killers, at the end of the day.
246
00:10:46,414 --> 00:10:48,764
Aw.
247
00:10:48,765 --> 00:10:51,017
Well that, those
aren't really vows.
248
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:54,446
That's a list of things
you love about me, yeah.
249
00:10:54,447 --> 00:10:55,536
I'm so sorry.
250
00:10:55,537 --> 00:10:56,140
It's okay.
251
00:10:56,141 --> 00:10:59,948
Garrett, do you take Stacy to
be your lawfully wedded wife.
252
00:10:59,949 --> 00:11:00,949
I do.
253
00:11:01,737 --> 00:11:06,219
Stacy, do you take Garrett to be
your lawfully wedded husband,
254
00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:08,470
to have and to
hold and to honor.
255
00:11:08,471 --> 00:11:10,600
Yes I do.
256
00:11:17,752 --> 00:11:19,576
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr.
And Mrs.
257
00:11:19,577 --> 00:11:22,142
Garrett Lambert, Garrett
you may kiss Mrs. Garrett.
258
00:11:34,321 --> 00:11:36,362
Where the party at?
259
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:42,479
Okay, let's endure this.
260
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:44,034
Are we mailing today, or what?
261
00:11:44,035 --> 00:11:45,263
Who would have thought Barrett's
262
00:11:45,264 --> 00:11:46,750
wedding would be the
best day of our lives.
263
00:11:46,751 --> 00:11:48,950
Definitely not Garrett, since
his name's not Barrett.
264
00:11:48,951 --> 00:11:49,647
Whoopsie.
265
00:11:49,648 --> 00:11:50,993
We say a wrong a name.
266
00:11:50,994 --> 00:11:51,504
Oh!
267
00:11:51,505 --> 00:11:52,195
Racist.
268
00:11:52,196 --> 00:11:53,123
Oh, no. You a racist.
269
00:11:53,124 --> 00:11:54,482
That guy's a racist.
270
00:11:54,483 --> 00:11:56,949
From here to there is racist.
271
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:58,499
Hm.
272
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:01,941
Oh.
273
00:12:01,942 --> 00:12:03,015
Hi. Having a good time?
274
00:12:03,016 --> 00:12:04,147
Oh, yes.
275
00:12:04,148 --> 00:12:05,511
Are you Garrett's mom?
276
00:12:05,512 --> 00:12:06,463
I sure am.
277
00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:08,201
Aw.
278
00:12:08,202 --> 00:12:13,126
I think you guys could maybe take a
step back, gain a little perspective,
279
00:12:13,127 --> 00:12:18,249
so you don't wreck the whole night
for some really wonderful people.
280
00:12:18,250 --> 00:12:22,621
You came to a wedding in the
middle of the vows through a bush.
281
00:12:22,622 --> 00:12:27,640
I'm not Dr. Phil, but, I don't
want my son to kill himself,
282
00:12:27,641 --> 00:12:29,737
so, do what you gotta do!
283
00:12:31,949 --> 00:12:34,612
Yeah.
284
00:12:34,613 --> 00:12:37,876
Hm.
285
00:12:37,877 --> 00:12:38,926
Holy crap.
286
00:12:38,927 --> 00:12:40,021
What have we done?
287
00:12:40,022 --> 00:12:41,986
Okay, we just got checked.
288
00:12:41,987 --> 00:12:43,226
Mm-hm. And it was
pretty deserved.
289
00:12:43,227 --> 00:12:46,436
But, we're not just gonna stand
here and lick our wounds either.
290
00:12:46,437 --> 00:12:47,437
Jeff is right.
291
00:12:48,107 --> 00:12:50,806
And that chipper passive
aggressive lady, she's right, too.
292
00:12:50,807 --> 00:12:57,343
So, let's spread out and-Be the best
wedding guests, anyone has ever seen!
293
00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:57,917
Yes.
294
00:12:57,918 --> 00:12:59,810
Yeah. I'm not gonna over think
it, I'm just gonna try it.
295
00:12:59,811 --> 00:13:00,576
Try it. Okay.
296
00:13:00,577 --> 00:13:02,068
Yes.
297
00:13:02,069 --> 00:13:02,694
Hey.
298
00:13:02,695 --> 00:13:03,228
Mazel tov.
299
00:13:03,229 --> 00:13:07,763
So, a stranger walked over to our very
proud group and smashed our pride
300
00:13:07,764 --> 00:13:12,566
into pieces with a hammer, which
definitely felt like a disaster.
301
00:13:12,567 --> 00:13:17,676
Then, I started to pick up the pieces
of our pride, and weirdly enough,
302
00:13:17,677 --> 00:13:22,586
the first piece I picked up
was my own pride, all of it.
303
00:13:22,587 --> 00:13:25,076
It's almost like groups
and people in groups,
304
00:13:25,077 --> 00:13:27,696
can never be complete
at the same time.
305
00:13:27,697 --> 00:13:29,537
Does that make any sense?
306
00:13:30,857 --> 00:13:33,936
No? Well, that's your problem.
307
00:13:33,937 --> 00:13:37,266
I love you, Abed.
308
00:13:37,267 --> 00:13:39,326
Do I know how to be a
good wedding guest?
309
00:13:39,327 --> 00:13:40,206
Yes, I do.
310
00:13:40,207 --> 00:13:42,646
A little too well,
that's the problem.
311
00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:46,609
My name is Elroy Patashnik,
and from 2006 to 2009,
312
00:13:46,610 --> 00:13:49,576
I was addicted to
encouraging white people.
313
00:13:49,577 --> 00:13:51,062
All right!
314
00:13:51,063 --> 00:13:52,780
Now there's a man who
knows his meatballs.
315
00:13:52,781 --> 00:13:54,103
Thank you.
316
00:13:54,104 --> 00:13:55,659
It started as simple survival.
317
00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:58,084
The tech industry in the
90s, this face, this voice,
318
00:13:58,085 --> 00:14:00,166
they're either gonna help
you or hold you back.
319
00:14:00,167 --> 00:14:04,436
So, you tap the gas, because
well, why tap the brake?
320
00:14:04,437 --> 00:14:08,456
Oh, you know, you know
what you're doing.
321
00:14:08,457 --> 00:14:11,716
This man knows exactly
what he's doing.
322
00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:14,376
I learned the cheat code.
323
00:14:14,377 --> 00:14:16,106
White people like encouragement.
324
00:14:16,107 --> 00:14:17,826
It really doesn't
matter what for.
325
00:14:17,827 --> 00:14:19,531
Now, that's a
container for liquid.
326
00:14:19,532 --> 00:14:20,576
I never felt like a sellout.
327
00:14:20,577 --> 00:14:23,966
I never laugh at anything unfunny,
never said anything untrue.
328
00:14:23,967 --> 00:14:27,049
The thing is, and this
will sound racist,
329
00:14:27,050 --> 00:14:32,576
white people are very discouraged,
and very discouraging to each other.
330
00:14:32,577 --> 00:14:35,656
Sweetie, you, you're getting meatball
juice everywhere but your plate.
331
00:14:35,657 --> 00:14:38,006
I think I'm going better than
you are, with your asparagus.
332
00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:41,826
Oh, now that's the way
to handle meatballs.
333
00:14:41,827 --> 00:14:43,446
And look at you.
334
00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:45,116
Working that asparagus.
335
00:14:45,117 --> 00:14:49,715
So, the day you start telling them,
hey, just do what you're doing!
336
00:14:49,716 --> 00:14:50,411
I love you.
337
00:14:50,412 --> 00:14:51,269
I love you.
338
00:14:51,270 --> 00:14:53,150
You feel like a superhero.
339
00:14:53,151 --> 00:14:55,231
But, what's the danger?
340
00:14:55,232 --> 00:14:56,856
Why'd I stop?
341
00:14:56,857 --> 00:15:01,356
You know, same as anything
else that makes you feel good.
342
00:15:01,357 --> 00:15:03,851
If you don't put a lid on it.
343
00:15:03,852 --> 00:15:06,916
Oh, look at these pants.
344
00:15:06,917 --> 00:15:07,986
Oh, oh, oh.
345
00:15:07,987 --> 00:15:11,890
He should keep on wearing,
346
00:15:11,891 --> 00:15:15,805
keep on wearing his pants.
347
00:15:15,806 --> 00:15:17,733
There's no lid.
348
00:15:17,734 --> 00:15:21,756
Stacy has a 90 year
old meemaw here.
349
00:15:21,757 --> 00:15:23,126
I pushed her around
the dance floor.
350
00:15:23,127 --> 00:15:25,006
I think she liked it.
351
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,596
No, that's Polly.
352
00:15:26,597 --> 00:15:30,026
No, Great Aunt Polly
is Garrett's side.
353
00:15:30,027 --> 00:15:31,027
I haven't met her.
354
00:15:31,827 --> 00:15:34,194
Oh my God, do you think she
saw me pushing meemaw, and
355
00:15:34,195 --> 00:15:36,257
now she's wondering
what's wrong with her?
356
00:15:36,258 --> 00:15:37,016
I'll be right back.
357
00:15:37,017 --> 00:15:39,857
Annie, the world will still need
you after you finish your cake.
358
00:15:41,227 --> 00:15:42,646
Am I that bad?
359
00:15:42,647 --> 00:15:43,647
We have the same dragon.
360
00:15:44,707 --> 00:15:49,016
Eventually you will slay it, or train
it, or dissolve in its stomach.
361
00:15:49,017 --> 00:15:51,676
Its name is Helping Others.
362
00:15:51,677 --> 00:15:53,326
If I train it, can I
give it a cooler name?
363
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,346
If you train it, you can
do anything you want.
364
00:15:55,347 --> 00:15:57,086
If you slay it, I don't know.
365
00:15:57,087 --> 00:16:00,086
I guess you get a new
dragon named Yourself.
366
00:16:00,087 --> 00:16:01,287
And then you'd be Jeff Winger.
367
00:16:02,427 --> 00:16:04,417
Yeah, that guy needs help!
368
00:16:05,836 --> 00:16:10,726
What would you name your dragon?
369
00:16:10,727 --> 00:16:14,506
I think we need a
list of dragon names.
370
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:17,886
Yeah! And then we need to
get you away from Jeff.
371
00:16:17,887 --> 00:16:20,894
Is what I wanted to say, but
how is that my business?
372
00:16:23,646 --> 00:16:27,133
You don't show these to
people when you finish them?
373
00:16:27,134 --> 00:16:29,430
No. Okay, good.
374
00:16:32,971 --> 00:16:35,226
So then why do you
make them, again?
375
00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:36,166
It relaxes me.
376
00:16:36,167 --> 00:16:37,727
It's like knitting
with less discipline.
377
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:39,866
Princess Firebreath.
378
00:16:39,867 --> 00:16:41,316
Sir Pent.
379
00:16:41,317 --> 00:16:43,076
Doctor Rachel Spinetail.
380
00:16:43,077 --> 00:16:43,986
Holly Hotbreath.
381
00:16:43,987 --> 00:16:44,966
Ugh.
382
00:16:44,967 --> 00:16:45,906
Jimmy Talon.
383
00:16:45,907 --> 00:16:47,246
Christian Scale.
384
00:16:47,247 --> 00:16:49,286
I got into a bit of a
celebrity pun barrel here.
385
00:16:49,287 --> 00:16:50,346
Carson Scaley.
386
00:16:50,347 --> 00:16:51,416
Jude Claw.
387
00:16:51,417 --> 00:16:52,447
Ariana Puffington.
388
00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:56,446
Hi. Are these your
biggest ice cubes?
389
00:16:56,447 --> 00:16:57,740
No, you're boisterous!
390
00:16:57,741 --> 00:16:59,066
Where's my brother!?
391
00:16:59,067 --> 00:17:01,166
I've gotta thing to say
about my friend Garrett!
392
00:17:01,167 --> 00:17:05,926
There has been a plot twist in the story
of our comeback as wedding guests.
393
00:17:05,927 --> 00:17:10,286
Garrett's older brother Bones has
relapsed during his weekend pass and
394
00:17:10,287 --> 00:17:13,286
will be unable to do
the best man toast.
395
00:17:13,287 --> 00:17:14,606
You got him?
396
00:17:14,607 --> 00:17:17,276
So, I took Garrett's
mom's side and
397
00:17:17,277 --> 00:17:21,706
told her after our behavior today, it
was the least I could do for them.
398
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:25,316
And I'm not gonna Winger speech
it, this is a thing of substance.
399
00:17:25,317 --> 00:17:28,736
We pooled all the inside info
based on all the mingling, and
400
00:17:28,737 --> 00:17:31,956
this toast is rocket
fueled selflessness.
401
00:17:31,957 --> 00:17:35,846
And this wedding is gonna regret the
day it thought we'd make it about us.
402
00:17:35,847 --> 00:17:39,209
Because we're about to be the first
guests in history to out-toast
403
00:17:39,210 --> 00:17:40,966
the entire wedding party.
404
00:17:40,967 --> 00:17:42,687
God, I love my job!
405
00:17:43,807 --> 00:17:44,956
Wait, this isn't my job.
406
00:17:44,957 --> 00:17:46,866
God, I love myself!
407
00:17:46,867 --> 00:17:50,218
That was Stacy's first time!
408
00:17:53,190 --> 00:17:55,987
But it's not gonna be her
last time, right Garrett?
409
00:17:58,277 --> 00:18:00,706
So many classic toast errors.
410
00:18:00,707 --> 00:18:02,336
A fire hydrant
could follow this.
411
00:18:02,337 --> 00:18:06,096
I love you so much, and
please, keep painting.
412
00:18:06,097 --> 00:18:08,016
Don't let Garrett, don't paint.
413
00:18:08,017 --> 00:18:11,986
Don't let Garrett keep
you from painting.
414
00:18:11,987 --> 00:18:12,856
Okay, I'm done.
415
00:18:12,857 --> 00:18:15,396
Okay, Stacy's friend
Andi everybody.
416
00:18:15,397 --> 00:18:17,368
Next up we have a
replacement best man,
417
00:18:17,369 --> 00:18:19,707
Garrett's friend from Greendale
College, Jeffrey Winger.
418
00:18:20,977 --> 00:18:24,156
There's a lot of things I
can say about this couple.
419
00:18:24,157 --> 00:18:26,536
They're both in my class
at Greendale, and
420
00:18:26,537 --> 00:18:30,191
like all my students, I
give them till about June.
421
00:18:31,323 --> 00:18:36,957
No, you guys'll be fine forever, as
long as Stacy never lets Andi babysit.
422
00:18:38,107 --> 00:18:40,046
Or go near a child.
423
00:18:40,047 --> 00:18:43,946
Or be in the same town
as a pair of scissors.
424
00:18:43,947 --> 00:18:45,866
This girl's a wreck.
425
00:18:45,867 --> 00:18:48,776
He's being too mean.
426
00:18:48,777 --> 00:18:49,901
No, he's reading the room.
427
00:18:49,902 --> 00:18:51,451
Andi was a bummer,
they needed this.
428
00:18:51,452 --> 00:18:54,156
Life's about two people
merging their lives, but
429
00:18:54,157 --> 00:18:59,206
that means two families are
leaving here tonight as one.
430
00:18:59,207 --> 00:19:00,676
That's a big deal.
431
00:19:00,677 --> 00:19:04,346
Now my friends and I came here
tonight as outsiders, but
432
00:19:04,347 --> 00:19:06,106
thanks to some good advice,
433
00:19:06,107 --> 00:19:12,006
we spent the night learning about
these two clans of outsiders.
434
00:19:12,007 --> 00:19:15,496
We learned that Garrett's
uncle Tony is a photographer.
435
00:19:15,497 --> 00:19:18,806
But Uncle Tony, did you know that
Stacy's friend Lawrence makes and
436
00:19:18,807 --> 00:19:19,996
sells frames?
437
00:19:19,997 --> 00:19:22,556
Yeah, look each other up,
get some business going.
438
00:19:22,557 --> 00:19:26,356
Oh, and Garrett's neighbor
Dawn loves vintage cars.
439
00:19:26,357 --> 00:19:30,866
Stacy's chiropractor Susan
brought her dad, and guess what?
440
00:19:30,867 --> 00:19:34,106
Her dad worked in an
automobile factory in the 60s.
441
00:19:34,107 --> 00:19:37,826
Yeah, I know, these are the kind of
things you learn being the biggest
442
00:19:37,827 --> 00:19:39,666
jerks at a wedding.
443
00:19:39,667 --> 00:19:41,656
Here's another golden
nugget in the gravel.
444
00:19:41,657 --> 00:19:46,231
Some of you have worked the dance floor
with Garrett's divine great aunt
445
00:19:46,232 --> 00:19:47,960
Polly, 90 years young.
446
00:19:49,260 --> 00:19:55,238
And some of you chatted with Stacy's
meemaw, also 90 years young.
447
00:19:57,467 --> 00:20:02,314
Now, I don't know if they've
even met before tonight,
448
00:20:02,315 --> 00:20:08,176
but we did learn that both of
them were born in the same town.
449
00:20:08,177 --> 00:20:10,046
Sheridan, Wyoming.
450
00:20:10,047 --> 00:20:13,906
Now Garrett and Stacy, would you
mind getting them both out here?
451
00:20:13,907 --> 00:20:14,666
All right.
452
00:20:14,667 --> 00:20:15,845
Yeah!
453
00:20:15,846 --> 00:20:18,102
I know Aunt Polly's here.
454
00:20:18,103 --> 00:20:19,645
Isn't she beautiful?
455
00:20:21,281 --> 00:20:22,477
Okay.
456
00:20:22,478 --> 00:20:25,619
Who has got eyes on meemaw?
457
00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:29,810
This is meemaw.
458
00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:32,778
Oh, this is meemaw!
459
00:20:32,779 --> 00:20:34,227
Okay, I feel like an idiot.
460
00:20:34,228 --> 00:20:36,128
I'm so, so sorry.
461
00:20:36,129 --> 00:20:38,119
Garrett, where's Aunt Polly?
462
00:20:40,894 --> 00:20:42,726
Okay.
463
00:20:42,727 --> 00:20:47,786
I, now I don't feel as stupid
because either someone
464
00:20:47,787 --> 00:20:52,769
here is lying, or this family's
a lot closer than we thought.
465
00:21:01,103 --> 00:21:08,436
And now, this is a man that
knows how to marry his cousin.
466
00:21:22,688 --> 00:21:25,270
None of this would have happened
if I wasn't always trying to help.
467
00:21:25,271 --> 00:21:27,536
Actually, none of this would have
happened if I hadn't tried helping you
468
00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:28,312
with your helpfulness.
469
00:21:28,313 --> 00:21:30,229
Oh, don't torture
yourself with that logic.
470
00:21:30,230 --> 00:21:32,729
None of us would have met
if Hitler hadn't been born.
471
00:21:32,730 --> 00:21:35,355
Also none of Britta's arguments
would have a default analogy.
472
00:21:35,356 --> 00:21:36,395
Excuse me?
473
00:21:36,396 --> 00:21:37,812
He's saying you go to
the Hitler well a lot.
474
00:21:37,813 --> 00:21:39,312
What are you, Hitler, Hitler?
475
00:21:39,313 --> 00:21:42,979
Okay, Britta, we're all the worst
right now, take a day off.
476
00:21:42,980 --> 00:21:44,395
I did.
477
00:21:44,396 --> 00:21:48,214
Between us ruining the ceremony and
ruining the reception when we were all
478
00:21:48,215 --> 00:21:50,687
just individual people,
I wasn't the worst.
479
00:21:50,688 --> 00:21:52,312
I'm only the worst
with you guys.
480
00:21:52,313 --> 00:21:53,604
Well, me too. Me too.
481
00:21:53,605 --> 00:21:55,312
I was a good dean
before you guys.
482
00:21:55,313 --> 00:21:55,937
Aw.
483
00:21:55,938 --> 00:21:56,859
You can't disprove it.
484
00:21:56,860 --> 00:21:58,812
I relapsed because of you guys.
485
00:21:58,813 --> 00:21:59,604
What? Oh it's not a big deal.
486
00:21:59,605 --> 00:22:00,729
White people problems.
487
00:22:00,730 --> 00:22:01,313
Oh.
488
00:22:01,314 --> 00:22:02,479
I like this group.
489
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,104
I'm at my best when
I'm with you guys.
490
00:22:04,105 --> 00:22:04,854
Well, that clinches it.
491
00:22:04,855 --> 00:22:05,355
Separate cabs.
492
00:22:05,356 --> 00:22:05,895
Separate cabs.
493
00:22:05,896 --> 00:22:08,229
Separate cabs.
494
00:22:08,230 --> 00:22:09,604
Hi!
495
00:22:09,605 --> 00:22:13,312
For those still with us, we won't
be cutting the cake or dancing.
496
00:22:13,313 --> 00:22:16,336
And I believe there was a guy in a
Homer Simpson costume that was gonna
497
00:22:16,337 --> 00:22:16,979
surprise me.
498
00:22:16,980 --> 00:22:19,604
That won't be necessary!
499
00:22:19,605 --> 00:22:22,854
Drive safe, and thank
you for coming.
500
00:22:22,855 --> 00:22:24,395
What are you going to do?
501
00:22:24,396 --> 00:22:25,063
Chang!
502
00:22:25,064 --> 00:22:25,979
Chang!
503
00:22:25,980 --> 00:22:27,229
We're going home.
504
00:22:27,230 --> 00:22:28,145
Are you gonna stay married?
505
00:22:28,146 --> 00:22:28,937
Chang!
506
00:22:28,938 --> 00:22:29,854
Chang! Chang!
507
00:22:29,855 --> 00:22:31,828
We consulted with a lawyer, and
508
00:22:31,829 --> 00:22:34,687
it is legal in this state
to marry your cousin.
509
00:22:34,688 --> 00:22:38,520
But after talking to our family,
we feel an annulment is warranted.
510
00:22:38,521 --> 00:22:39,395
What no, screw that.
511
00:22:39,396 --> 00:22:40,229
Chang. No.
512
00:22:40,230 --> 00:22:41,145
Chang. No.
513
00:22:41,146 --> 00:22:41,646
Chang, get back here.
514
00:22:41,647 --> 00:22:42,562
Hey, screw you guys.
515
00:22:42,563 --> 00:22:44,086
No, this family
is so screwed up,
516
00:22:44,087 --> 00:22:46,145
you thought you were two
different families.
517
00:22:46,146 --> 00:22:47,616
Now that you know you're not,
518
00:22:47,617 --> 00:22:50,395
you can't wait to leave, and
you want this guy to do what?
519
00:22:50,396 --> 00:22:51,729
Forget he's in love?
520
00:22:51,730 --> 00:22:53,062
For you?
521
00:22:53,063 --> 00:22:55,344
You want him to take one
for this crappy team?
522
00:22:55,345 --> 00:22:56,004
Let him finish.
523
00:22:56,005 --> 00:22:57,604
They were letting
me finish, sir.
524
00:22:57,605 --> 00:22:59,104
I know, I was being sarcastic.
525
00:22:59,105 --> 00:23:00,438
Okay, you know?
526
00:23:06,438 --> 00:23:09,895
Garrett, who loves you
here more than Stacy?
527
00:23:09,896 --> 00:23:11,729
Nobody.
528
00:23:11,730 --> 00:23:14,896
Stacy, is it your fault
Garrett's your cousin?
529
00:23:14,897 --> 00:23:16,437
No.
530
00:23:16,438 --> 00:23:19,047
Is anyone here going to make
less fun of these two or
531
00:23:19,048 --> 00:23:21,604
be better friends to them
no matter what they do?
532
00:23:21,605 --> 00:23:22,312
No. No.
533
00:23:22,313 --> 00:23:23,020
No.
534
00:23:23,021 --> 00:23:26,562
It's you against the world,
and you will not win.
535
00:23:26,563 --> 00:23:29,271
But, you get to make your moves.
536
00:23:29,272 --> 00:23:30,563
Not them.
537
00:23:37,693 --> 00:23:44,230
Stacy, will you be my
legally incestuous wife?
538
00:23:44,231 --> 00:23:44,854
Yes.
539
00:23:44,855 --> 00:23:47,730
Everyone stay and eat
cake, or go to hell.
540
00:23:55,813 --> 00:23:57,708
This is about me.
541
00:23:57,709 --> 00:24:04,094
I didn't think I could
do it, but I did.
542
00:24:04,095 --> 00:24:04,791
Smile.
543
00:24:04,792 --> 00:24:05,952
Smile.
544
00:24:05,953 --> 00:24:07,020
Garrett, look up.
545
00:24:07,021 --> 00:24:08,979
Yay!
546
00:24:08,980 --> 00:24:10,105
Oh.
547
00:24:17,942 --> 00:24:19,688
So much Jenny.
548
00:24:24,981 --> 00:24:27,438
Wow, what an episode
of Community.
549
00:24:27,439 --> 00:24:31,457
Hi, I'm Briggs Haddon credited
author of this weeks episode.
550
00:24:31,458 --> 00:24:34,727
You might have noticed an
emphasis on the topic of incest,
551
00:24:34,728 --> 00:24:36,117
well that's no accident.
552
00:24:36,118 --> 00:24:38,977
For the past two years, when not
serving as writer's assistant on
553
00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:41,217
Community, I've been researching
incest on the internet.
554
00:24:41,218 --> 00:24:43,317
What I found, surprised me.
555
00:24:43,318 --> 00:24:46,352
Did you know that first cousins can
have children without great risk of
556
00:24:46,353 --> 00:24:47,855
birth defect or genetic disease?
557
00:24:47,856 --> 00:24:51,188
That's a quote directly from the
New York Times, April 4, 2002.
558
00:24:51,189 --> 00:24:53,176
But despite this
scientific fact,
559
00:24:53,177 --> 00:24:56,897
state laws on incest remain
inconsistent and woefully outdated.
560
00:24:56,898 --> 00:24:59,586
I mean I, I can make love to
my cousin in Nebraska, but if
561
00:24:59,587 --> 00:25:03,272
I take her on a date in South Dakota,
I'm looking at 15 years prison time.
562
00:25:03,273 --> 00:25:06,730
I told the Community writers,
attention must be paid.
563
00:25:06,731 --> 00:25:09,355
They said they'd allow me to
address it on one condition.
564
00:25:09,356 --> 00:25:13,313
At the end of the episode, I must
appear and identify myself as a writer.
565
00:25:13,314 --> 00:25:15,970
Look, I'm not trying to tell
you how to feel about incest,
566
00:25:15,971 --> 00:25:19,228
I'm just letting you know, there's
more to it than you've been told.
567
00:25:20,428 --> 00:25:25,447
I'm Briggs Haddon, and I wrote the
Community season six, incest episode.
568
00:25:25,448 --> 00:25:26,564
Good night.
569
00:26:01,773 --> 00:26:02,939
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