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1
00:00:02,035 --> 00:00:02,868
(film reel spinning)
2
00:00:02,868 --> 00:00:03,934
(exploding)
3
00:00:03,934 --> 00:00:05,251
(film reel spinning)
4
00:00:05,251 --> 00:00:08,242
(inspiring melody)
5
00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:10,909
(bells chiming)
6
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,750
(cheerful music)
7
00:00:28,535 --> 00:00:31,202
(phone dialing)
8
00:00:34,894 --> 00:00:36,676
- [Voiceover] Hi, this is
Bob, I'm not available.
9
00:00:36,676 --> 00:00:38,200
Please leave a message.
10
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:39,033
(answering machine beeping)
11
00:00:39,033 --> 00:00:41,243
- Bob, it's Lana. Again.
12
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How can I have a party without
my bestie/party planner?
13
00:00:45,208 --> 00:00:46,521
You have to help me.
14
00:00:46,521 --> 00:00:47,823
Please give me a call.
15
00:00:47,823 --> 00:00:50,490
(phone dialing)
16
00:00:52,965 --> 00:00:54,781
- [Voiceover] Hi, this is
Bob, I'm not available.
17
00:00:54,781 --> 00:00:56,171
Please leave a message.
18
00:00:56,171 --> 00:00:57,004
(answering machine beeping)
19
00:00:57,004 --> 00:00:58,049
- Hey girl, hey!
20
00:00:58,049 --> 00:00:59,777
It's the Pointer Sisters.
21
00:00:59,777 --> 00:01:01,985
He means Scissor Sisters.
22
00:01:01,985 --> 00:01:03,627
Are we doing this, Kinky, or what?
23
00:01:03,627 --> 00:01:04,769
Where are you?
24
00:01:04,769 --> 00:01:07,519
(cheerful music)
25
00:01:12,751 --> 00:01:16,334
(suspenseful upbeat music)
26
00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:39,019
- [Voiceover] My name is Bob Bartholomew.
27
00:01:39,019 --> 00:01:41,193
Today I am taking a personal day.
28
00:01:41,193 --> 00:01:43,747
I am not taking any phone calls.
29
00:01:43,747 --> 00:01:47,914
Today I am realizing the
dream of buying my first home.
30
00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:53,850
- The house is an
original 1920s craftsman.
31
00:01:53,850 --> 00:01:56,117
With three bedrooms and three baths.
32
00:01:56,117 --> 00:01:59,520
It's 2,000 square feet and with
it's sturdy, rugged features
33
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,707
it requires very little maintenance.
34
00:02:01,707 --> 00:02:04,989
You know, home-ownership is
the perfect test of commitment
35
00:02:04,989 --> 00:02:06,623
for any new couple.
36
00:02:06,623 --> 00:02:08,778
All you have to do is say yes.
37
00:02:08,778 --> 00:02:10,986
- Billy, I'm not part of
a couple, you know that.
38
00:02:10,986 --> 00:02:13,258
I'm buying this house
by myself, party of one,
39
00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:14,677
single, woho!
40
00:02:14,677 --> 00:02:17,063
Do you have a home buyer's
test I can take as a single?
41
00:02:17,063 --> 00:02:18,428
- I'm sorry, Bob.
42
00:02:18,428 --> 00:02:19,726
- [Bob] Didn't think so.
43
00:02:19,726 --> 00:02:22,059
- But, what I meant is that,
44
00:02:22,926 --> 00:02:26,925
by buying a house it shows
how committed you are.
45
00:02:26,925 --> 00:02:29,814
You'll be a great A, prime catch. (laughs)
46
00:02:29,814 --> 00:02:30,890
- Yeah, you're making me sound like
47
00:02:30,890 --> 00:02:32,688
the senior special at the Sizzler.
48
00:02:32,688 --> 00:02:35,438
- I'm sure there's someone
out there for you, Bob.
49
00:02:35,438 --> 00:02:37,529
- Well, you can tell him
to find me at this address.
50
00:02:37,529 --> 00:02:39,705
Times are wasting and I'm
not getting any younger.
51
00:02:39,705 --> 00:02:41,198
- You wanna put down an offer?
52
00:02:41,198 --> 00:02:42,858
- Can I get a little bit
more time to think about it?
53
00:02:42,858 --> 00:02:43,691
(laughing)
54
00:02:43,691 --> 00:02:44,766
(door opening)
55
00:02:44,766 --> 00:02:46,442
- [Dan] Hi, are we disturbing anyone?
56
00:02:46,442 --> 00:02:48,260
- No! Come in!
57
00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:49,642
- Oh, great, wonderful.
58
00:02:49,642 --> 00:02:50,613
Please be quiet.
59
00:02:50,613 --> 00:02:51,658
Hi, I'm Dan.
60
00:02:51,658 --> 00:02:54,516
And this is my partner, Dan,
and we're just wondering
61
00:02:54,516 --> 00:02:56,255
who we should welcome to the neighborhood.
62
00:02:56,255 --> 00:02:58,537
- Well, I'm Billy, I'm
the agent for this house.
63
00:02:58,537 --> 00:03:00,807
And this is Bob, an interested buyer.
64
00:03:00,807 --> 00:03:01,870
- Thanks, guys.
65
00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:04,888
A whole gay suburban
neighborhood, that is spectacular.
66
00:03:04,888 --> 00:03:06,702
- Yeah, it really is one
of the first of it's kind
67
00:03:06,702 --> 00:03:07,630
in the nation.
68
00:03:07,630 --> 00:03:09,678
- We're just ordinary folks, working hard,
69
00:03:09,678 --> 00:03:12,771
doing our jobs, just like
everyone else, huh, sweetheart?
70
00:03:12,771 --> 00:03:14,331
- That's right, that's correct.
71
00:03:14,331 --> 00:03:16,391
So, Bob what is it that you do?
72
00:03:16,391 --> 00:03:18,909
- I'm a party planner. (laughs)
73
00:03:18,909 --> 00:03:20,576
- Oh, you don't say.
74
00:03:21,796 --> 00:03:23,687
That's a very glamorous job.
75
00:03:23,687 --> 00:03:24,611
Isn't it?
76
00:03:24,611 --> 00:03:26,639
- Doesn't that require
you to be up at odd hours
77
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:27,780
during the night?
78
00:03:27,780 --> 00:03:28,985
- Sometimes.
79
00:03:28,985 --> 00:03:33,124
- Will you be planning any
extravagant parties here?
80
00:03:33,124 --> 00:03:34,124
- I suppose.
81
00:03:34,974 --> 00:03:36,356
- I would love to go to one.
82
00:03:36,356 --> 00:03:37,326
- Okay, you know what,
83
00:03:37,326 --> 00:03:39,231
this isn't the Castro, Bob.
84
00:03:39,231 --> 00:03:42,393
You know, gay life isn't a
big gay parade every day.
85
00:03:42,393 --> 00:03:44,585
- Dan, you are preaching to the choir.
86
00:03:44,585 --> 00:03:45,966
(laughing)
87
00:03:45,966 --> 00:03:48,377
- Will you be buying this
place with someone special?
88
00:03:48,377 --> 00:03:51,248
- No, (laughs) it's just me.
89
00:03:51,248 --> 00:03:52,690
- Murphy Brown, we have a problem.
90
00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:53,940
- [Dan] Oh, yeah.
91
00:03:53,940 --> 00:03:55,588
- Just because I'm single, doesn't mean
92
00:03:55,588 --> 00:03:57,754
I don't want a relationship
like everyone else
93
00:03:57,754 --> 00:04:00,325
and a family, it is not
easy for everyone, you know.
94
00:04:00,325 --> 00:04:01,370
(baby crying)
95
00:04:01,370 --> 00:04:02,415
- Oh wow, you're a lot.
96
00:04:02,415 --> 00:04:03,439
Okay, we're gonna go.
97
00:04:03,439 --> 00:04:04,272
- You made baby cry.
98
00:04:04,272 --> 00:04:06,189
- [Dan] We're gonna go.
99
00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:10,834
It was nice to meet you and uh, anyway.
100
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,282
The value of the neighborhood going down?
101
00:04:12,282 --> 00:04:14,199
- Not in the least, sir.
102
00:04:14,199 --> 00:04:16,932
- Uh, it will if you
keep this up. (laughs)
103
00:04:16,932 --> 00:04:18,991
(baby crying)
104
00:04:18,991 --> 00:04:19,871
- The baby is crying.
105
00:04:19,871 --> 00:04:22,046
I need to have some
friends, I need to go out.
106
00:04:22,046 --> 00:04:22,879
- Seriously.
107
00:04:22,879 --> 00:04:23,712
- Yes.
108
00:04:23,712 --> 00:04:25,487
- Nice to meet you.
109
00:04:25,487 --> 00:04:28,404
(slow piano music)
110
00:04:31,961 --> 00:04:34,128
(sobbing)
111
00:04:55,645 --> 00:04:58,478
(cars driving by)
112
00:04:59,631 --> 00:05:02,798
(smooth jazz playing)
113
00:05:09,001 --> 00:05:10,565
- [Chase] Who made you
feel inadequate this time?
114
00:05:10,565 --> 00:05:12,782
- Who else? The married gays.
115
00:05:12,782 --> 00:05:15,248
- Well, we're a couple
and we're your friends.
116
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:16,833
- Thank you.
117
00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:18,097
I was in the Mid-Wilshire district
118
00:05:18,097 --> 00:05:19,697
looking at what I thought
was my dream house
119
00:05:19,697 --> 00:05:22,087
and these two uppity gays pranced in
120
00:05:22,087 --> 00:05:23,783
and acted like I was some cheap hooker
121
00:05:23,783 --> 00:05:25,244
crashing their neighborhood.
122
00:05:25,244 --> 00:05:27,036
- Well, cheap hookers
cruising gay neighborhoods
123
00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:29,016
isn't anything new.
124
00:05:29,016 --> 00:05:31,121
It's the gold diggers that
ruin the neighborhood.
125
00:05:31,121 --> 00:05:32,380
- You're not helping.
126
00:05:32,380 --> 00:05:35,047
- Why would you wanna leave
the best parties in downtown
127
00:05:35,047 --> 00:05:36,999
for the suburban sprawl
of desperate housewives
128
00:05:36,999 --> 00:05:38,620
and crying babies?
129
00:05:38,620 --> 00:05:40,480
Bob, loosen up, will ya?
130
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:41,488
Have some fun!
131
00:05:41,488 --> 00:05:42,876
- This is me having fun.
132
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:46,264
If I were any more fun,
I'd practically be NSFW.
133
00:05:46,264 --> 00:05:47,317
- NSFW?
134
00:05:47,317 --> 00:05:48,480
What's that?
135
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:51,360
- I think he means, No String Fuck Wanted.
136
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:52,882
- Not Safe For Work.
137
00:05:52,882 --> 00:05:54,005
- That too.
138
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,660
- Listen, you've been
throwing parties for everyone
139
00:05:56,660 --> 00:05:58,538
ever since we've known you.
140
00:05:58,538 --> 00:06:00,591
Now it's your time to be
the life of the party.
141
00:06:00,591 --> 00:06:03,999
- Yeah! Let's go find
you some eligible men.
142
00:06:03,999 --> 00:06:05,471
- That sounds like a lot of work.
143
00:06:05,471 --> 00:06:08,127
- Well, hopefully, NSF, work.
144
00:06:08,127 --> 00:06:09,492
(laughing)
145
00:06:09,492 --> 00:06:11,909
(jazz music)
146
00:06:25,747 --> 00:06:26,914
- Hi, I'm Bob.
147
00:06:33,544 --> 00:06:35,804
- Hi, I'm Bob, are you having a good time?
148
00:06:35,804 --> 00:06:36,971
- Yeah, I was.
149
00:06:38,016 --> 00:06:42,354
Is there something wrong
with your shoulders?
150
00:06:42,354 --> 00:06:43,989
- Can't you just be yourself?
151
00:06:43,989 --> 00:06:47,906
- Being myself is the
last thing anybody wants.
152
00:06:49,941 --> 00:06:51,672
Hi, I'm Bob.
153
00:06:51,672 --> 00:06:53,191
- Hi.
154
00:06:53,191 --> 00:06:54,474
I'm Rambo.
155
00:06:54,474 --> 00:06:55,808
- Oh, I see.
156
00:06:55,808 --> 00:06:56,641
I'm Bob.
157
00:06:57,510 --> 00:07:00,294
- Yeah, do you believe in unicorns, Bob?
158
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:01,739
- I don't believe I've ever met one.
159
00:07:01,739 --> 00:07:02,572
(laughing)
160
00:07:02,572 --> 00:07:04,336
- You'd be so lucky if you did.
161
00:07:04,336 --> 00:07:06,817
But unicorns don't like one-trick ponies.
162
00:07:06,817 --> 00:07:08,570
Don't you think I could see
you're hitting on me, Bob?
163
00:07:08,570 --> 00:07:09,775
- Oh, you're not that special.
164
00:07:09,775 --> 00:07:10,894
Give it a rest, Rainbow.
165
00:07:10,894 --> 00:07:11,853
(laughing)
166
00:07:11,853 --> 00:07:12,912
- It's Rambo.
167
00:07:12,912 --> 00:07:16,046
- I don't really see the difference.
168
00:07:16,046 --> 00:07:18,463
(jazz music)
169
00:07:21,002 --> 00:07:22,252
- Strike three.
170
00:07:24,237 --> 00:07:25,489
- So, you're giving up?
171
00:07:25,489 --> 00:07:26,758
- What am I giving up on?
172
00:07:26,758 --> 00:07:27,996
- Finding your big, gay love.
173
00:07:27,996 --> 00:07:28,975
- Hors d'oeuvres?
174
00:07:28,975 --> 00:07:30,289
- I said that when I was young and dumb,
175
00:07:30,289 --> 00:07:31,633
I never wanna hear those words again.
176
00:07:31,633 --> 00:07:33,126
Thank you.
177
00:07:33,126 --> 00:07:35,440
- It's a fancy party,
you having a good time?
178
00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:37,971
- Not really, I'm
responsible for this party.
179
00:07:37,971 --> 00:07:39,092
- Oh, you put on this party?
180
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,255
- Yes, unfortunately.
181
00:07:40,255 --> 00:07:41,663
- Ah.
182
00:07:41,663 --> 00:07:42,663
- Thank you.
183
00:07:44,734 --> 00:07:45,901
- My pleasure.
184
00:07:48,996 --> 00:07:50,299
- Didn't you notice he was hitting on you?
185
00:07:50,299 --> 00:07:51,274
- [Chase] He's cute!
186
00:07:51,274 --> 00:07:52,107
- He was?
187
00:07:52,988 --> 00:07:55,473
- Stop pigging out and start
putting yourself out there.
188
00:07:55,473 --> 00:07:56,774
- I do put myself out there,
189
00:07:56,774 --> 00:07:58,566
I put on a couple of inches every day.
190
00:07:58,566 --> 00:08:00,037
- I hope you're talking about your penis?
191
00:08:00,037 --> 00:08:01,849
- I am talking about my stomach.
192
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:03,815
- Bob, I know how hard
it can be to find someone
193
00:08:03,815 --> 00:08:05,565
who really loves you for you.
194
00:08:05,565 --> 00:08:07,983
So, let me recommend someone I know.
195
00:08:07,983 --> 00:08:09,650
- A plastic surgeon?
196
00:08:10,974 --> 00:08:12,089
I don't think I could date a surgeon,
197
00:08:12,089 --> 00:08:13,420
I'd be too self-conscious.
198
00:08:13,420 --> 00:08:14,443
- It's not for a date.
199
00:08:14,443 --> 00:08:15,841
It's so you can get dates.
200
00:08:15,841 --> 00:08:16,769
- What?
201
00:08:16,769 --> 00:08:18,230
You think I need plastic surgery?
202
00:08:18,230 --> 00:08:19,596
I am appalled.
203
00:08:19,596 --> 00:08:20,780
Do I?
204
00:08:20,780 --> 00:08:22,251
- If I hear you complain
one more time about
205
00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:24,760
how your looks are hindering
you from finding true love,
206
00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:26,437
it won't be too soon.
207
00:08:26,437 --> 00:08:28,262
Do something about it.
208
00:08:28,262 --> 00:08:29,712
- Would you just consider it?
209
00:08:29,712 --> 00:08:31,101
It saved our marriage.
210
00:08:31,101 --> 00:08:33,705
- Plastic surgery saved your marriage?
211
00:08:33,705 --> 00:08:36,213
I thought that was a
job for couples therapy.
212
00:08:36,213 --> 00:08:38,632
- Plastic surgery is like mental therapy
213
00:08:38,632 --> 00:08:41,233
and retail therapy combined.
214
00:08:41,233 --> 00:08:42,931
- Which one of you had something done?
215
00:08:42,931 --> 00:08:43,945
- If you can't tell.
216
00:08:43,945 --> 00:08:45,278
- Why should we?
217
00:08:47,529 --> 00:08:48,953
- OMG, it's Lana!
218
00:08:48,953 --> 00:08:51,703
- Oh my god, she is gorgeous.
219
00:08:51,703 --> 00:08:53,738
(kisses)
220
00:08:53,738 --> 00:08:54,729
- Hi, boys.
221
00:08:54,729 --> 00:08:56,400
(kisses)
222
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:57,443
Hi, darling.
223
00:08:57,443 --> 00:08:58,526
(kisses)
224
00:08:58,526 --> 00:08:59,494
Are you coming with me?
225
00:08:59,494 --> 00:09:00,521
- Yes, of course.
226
00:09:00,521 --> 00:09:02,022
- Excuse us.
227
00:09:02,022 --> 00:09:03,503
- Aren't you the epitome of composure.
228
00:09:03,503 --> 00:09:04,517
What happen to the girl who called me
229
00:09:04,517 --> 00:09:06,253
frantically earlier today?
230
00:09:06,253 --> 00:09:08,615
- I'm sorry, today is a big day for me.
231
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:10,134
- It is.
232
00:09:10,134 --> 00:09:11,442
- Well, a lot of things have happened
233
00:09:11,442 --> 00:09:13,693
and I haven't had time
to process any of them.
234
00:09:13,693 --> 00:09:14,716
- You're a star.
235
00:09:14,716 --> 00:09:15,623
- I am.
236
00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:17,454
And now I found the solution.
237
00:09:17,454 --> 00:09:18,287
- You did?
238
00:09:18,287 --> 00:09:19,120
- M-hm.
239
00:09:21,073 --> 00:09:23,992
- Ladies and gentlemen,
please allow me to introduce
240
00:09:23,992 --> 00:09:25,652
Ms. Lana DeLongpre,
241
00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:28,454
who is here to sing the standards
from her upcoming album,
242
00:09:28,454 --> 00:09:29,287
- I'm getting married.
243
00:09:29,287 --> 00:09:30,406
I'm getting married.
244
00:09:30,406 --> 00:09:31,253
(applause)
245
00:09:31,253 --> 00:09:32,086
(mic interference)
246
00:09:32,086 --> 00:09:33,503
- [Audience] Woo!
247
00:09:35,790 --> 00:09:37,643
- What do mean you're getting married?
248
00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:38,476
- Yes, Bob.
249
00:09:38,476 --> 00:09:40,809
Are you the only one single?
250
00:09:42,020 --> 00:09:43,197
Bob?
251
00:09:43,197 --> 00:09:45,473
Are you going to introduce my new single?
252
00:09:45,473 --> 00:09:47,390
What is wrong with you?
253
00:09:49,301 --> 00:09:51,251
Sorry about this.
254
00:09:51,251 --> 00:09:54,003
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
255
00:09:54,003 --> 00:09:57,551
I would like to share the wonderful,
256
00:09:57,551 --> 00:10:00,218
wonderful news of my engagement.
257
00:10:01,207 --> 00:10:02,721
(applause)
258
00:10:02,721 --> 00:10:05,554
So, here he is, my fabulous fiance
259
00:10:06,529 --> 00:10:08,557
Tag Hinterland, everybody.
260
00:10:08,557 --> 00:10:10,640
- Oh, you look beautiful.
261
00:10:11,501 --> 00:10:13,607
- Bob, this is Tag.
262
00:10:13,607 --> 00:10:14,889
- Wonderful to meet you.
263
00:10:14,889 --> 00:10:17,972
- I'm sure you'll make great friends.
264
00:10:21,749 --> 00:10:25,499
So, this first song is
for everyone out there
265
00:10:26,476 --> 00:10:29,868
who thinks that nobody loves them.
266
00:10:29,868 --> 00:10:33,420
I'm here to tell you, somebody does.
267
00:10:33,420 --> 00:10:34,670
I love you all.
268
00:10:38,511 --> 00:10:41,261
♫ Poor butterfly
269
00:10:43,397 --> 00:10:46,814
♫ Neath blossoms waiting
270
00:10:47,824 --> 00:10:50,574
♫ Poor butterfly
271
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,730
♫ For she loved him so
272
00:10:55,892 --> 00:10:56,731
♫ The moments pass ♫
273
00:10:56,731 --> 00:10:57,986
- Do I know you from somewhere?
274
00:10:57,986 --> 00:11:00,136
- I don't think so.
275
00:11:00,136 --> 00:11:02,321
- Liza with a Z, you are gay!
276
00:11:02,321 --> 00:11:03,154
- Excuse me?
277
00:11:03,154 --> 00:11:06,192
- Are you or are you not gay?
278
00:11:06,192 --> 00:11:08,151
- I don't think I need to dignify that.
279
00:11:08,151 --> 00:11:11,292
- I have seen you on the
cover of some gay rack.
280
00:11:11,292 --> 00:11:13,894
- Look, just because I've
been on some gay magazine,
281
00:11:13,894 --> 00:11:16,519
means you start making
accusations about me?
282
00:11:16,519 --> 00:11:19,089
That's the problem with you gays.
283
00:11:19,089 --> 00:11:20,646
Look, I know you need your heroes,
284
00:11:20,646 --> 00:11:22,364
but I'm not running for office.
285
00:11:22,364 --> 00:11:25,523
I'm just a guy who wants
to be in movies, alright?
286
00:11:25,523 --> 00:11:26,513
And what magazine I pose for,
287
00:11:26,513 --> 00:11:28,983
doesn't give you the right
to start owning my image.
288
00:11:28,983 --> 00:11:31,529
- You are such a closet case.
289
00:11:31,529 --> 00:11:34,172
- Look, don't throw your shit at me.
290
00:11:34,172 --> 00:11:35,883
Because you're not getting any.
291
00:11:35,883 --> 00:11:38,002
You look like that washed up politician.
292
00:11:38,002 --> 00:11:39,158
Keep it up.
293
00:11:39,158 --> 00:11:40,075
- Whatever.
294
00:11:42,155 --> 00:11:42,988
Which one?
295
00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:45,329
(gasps)
296
00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:47,746
(jazz music)
297
00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:52,599
- Hey, the night just got a
little bit more interesting,
298
00:11:52,599 --> 00:11:53,557
don't you think?
299
00:11:53,557 --> 00:11:57,168
- Lana's future husband
just called me Barney Frank.
300
00:11:57,168 --> 00:11:58,001
- Who?
301
00:11:58,001 --> 00:12:00,418
(jazz music)
302
00:12:07,216 --> 00:12:09,633
(gate slams)
303
00:12:10,804 --> 00:12:14,225
(phone ringing)
304
00:12:14,225 --> 00:12:15,276
- Hello?
305
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:17,771
- [Voiceover] You sound
frightened, are you okay?
306
00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:18,743
- I'm fine, mom.
307
00:12:18,743 --> 00:12:20,757
I was just looking up an
image when you called.
308
00:12:20,757 --> 00:12:22,787
- Oh, you got those pictures of me
309
00:12:22,787 --> 00:12:27,128
trying my new burlesque
costumes, I see. (laughs)
310
00:12:27,128 --> 00:12:28,611
Oh, now, look.
311
00:12:28,611 --> 00:12:30,151
I know I need to loose a few pounds
312
00:12:30,151 --> 00:12:33,884
but go easy on your mother
when I ask you, how do I look?
313
00:12:33,884 --> 00:12:35,591
- I hate to be the one
to inform you of this,
314
00:12:35,591 --> 00:12:36,981
but the Vietnam war is over.
315
00:12:36,981 --> 00:12:38,859
It doesn't do either of
us any good to pretend
316
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:41,205
that you're still one of
Bob Hope's USO show girls.
317
00:12:41,205 --> 00:12:44,136
- It's an entirely different show!
318
00:12:44,136 --> 00:12:47,356
I am making my return
with a new exhibition.
319
00:12:47,356 --> 00:12:48,676
What do you think?
320
00:12:48,676 --> 00:12:50,983
- I think it sounds like
cruel and unusual punishment.
321
00:12:50,983 --> 00:12:52,604
- Well, I don't think so.
322
00:12:52,604 --> 00:12:54,936
- For the audience, not you.
323
00:12:54,936 --> 00:12:58,661
- Oh, you really know how to
hurt your mother, don't you?
324
00:12:58,661 --> 00:13:00,174
I don't think I've been this hurt
325
00:13:00,174 --> 00:13:02,244
since you came out as a gay man.
326
00:13:02,244 --> 00:13:04,185
- Oh, and you telling
me that I was an orphan
327
00:13:04,185 --> 00:13:06,841
you found in Vietnam after
the war wasn't hurtful?
328
00:13:06,841 --> 00:13:10,241
- I will let you in on a little secret.
329
00:13:10,241 --> 00:13:13,486
I was a sex slave at the Hanoi Hilton.
330
00:13:13,486 --> 00:13:15,993
- Oh my god, you better be
kidding me, Major Houlihan.
331
00:13:15,993 --> 00:13:17,802
What are you calling me for?
332
00:13:17,802 --> 00:13:20,820
- 'Cause I want you to
help me make my comeback!
333
00:13:20,820 --> 00:13:22,359
I'll take that as a yes.
334
00:13:22,359 --> 00:13:23,487
(phone clicks)
335
00:13:23,487 --> 00:13:24,989
- Mom!
336
00:13:24,989 --> 00:13:26,486
Mom!
337
00:13:26,486 --> 00:13:27,847
Mom!
338
00:13:27,847 --> 00:13:29,944
Don't you wanna hear about my day?
339
00:13:29,944 --> 00:13:31,527
I'm buying a house.
340
00:13:32,426 --> 00:13:33,259
(gate squeaks)
341
00:13:33,259 --> 00:13:34,104
Oh, dammit.
342
00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:35,418
- Hey, hey!
343
00:13:35,418 --> 00:13:37,239
What are you guys doing?
344
00:13:37,239 --> 00:13:39,268
Those appetizers aren't
gonna serve themselves.
345
00:13:39,268 --> 00:13:41,518
Get it, get it, go, go, go!
346
00:13:42,954 --> 00:13:45,176
Are you selling dope to my employees?
347
00:13:45,176 --> 00:13:46,509
- Not currently.
348
00:13:47,939 --> 00:13:48,772
- Oh.
349
00:13:50,143 --> 00:13:51,730
I'm sorry, I'm just,
350
00:13:51,730 --> 00:13:52,969
just really stressed out right now.
351
00:13:52,969 --> 00:13:54,839
I mean, Lana asked me to
cater this thing last minute,
352
00:13:54,839 --> 00:13:56,236
and I'm short-handed and
I should have know better
353
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:57,294
than to hire these hood rats
354
00:13:57,294 --> 00:13:58,507
from the gay ghetto, you know what I mean?
355
00:13:58,507 --> 00:14:00,670
- I hear drugs are a rampant
problem in that ghetto.
356
00:14:00,670 --> 00:14:01,801
Among other things.
357
00:14:01,801 --> 00:14:04,017
- Oh, yeah. Like what?
358
00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:06,803
- Well, you know, like
Crimes of the Heart,
359
00:14:06,803 --> 00:14:11,170
Altered States, Terms of
Endearment, you name it.
360
00:14:11,170 --> 00:14:14,971
- Are you talking, social
issues or melodramas?
361
00:14:14,971 --> 00:14:17,668
- Melodramas are the
only issues I care about.
362
00:14:17,668 --> 00:14:18,501
(laughing)
363
00:14:18,501 --> 00:14:19,742
I'm Bob.
364
00:14:19,742 --> 00:14:21,147
- Nice to meet you, Bob.
365
00:14:21,147 --> 00:14:23,737
Andrew Darcy, but my
friends calls me Andy.
366
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:24,649
- Wait, Andrew Darcy,
367
00:14:24,649 --> 00:14:27,557
you're like a big thing
in the culinary world.
368
00:14:27,557 --> 00:14:30,729
- Ah, nah you know, I'm above average
369
00:14:30,729 --> 00:14:32,146
but uh, not huge.
370
00:14:33,119 --> 00:14:35,977
You know, one has a hard
time measuring oneself.
371
00:14:35,977 --> 00:14:36,810
- Does one?
372
00:14:36,810 --> 00:14:37,643
- Yes, one does.
373
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,828
- I would offer to help
but I left my ruler at home
374
00:14:39,828 --> 00:14:41,125
and I am terrible at math.
375
00:14:41,125 --> 00:14:42,093
In fact, my secret shame is that
376
00:14:42,093 --> 00:14:42,999
I can't even tell the difference
377
00:14:42,999 --> 00:14:45,518
between a six inch
submarine and a foot long.
378
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:48,412
- Well, I have the same problem.
379
00:14:48,412 --> 00:14:51,736
Hey, do you wanna go out for a foot long?
380
00:14:51,736 --> 00:14:53,513
- Are we still talking about sandwiches?
381
00:14:53,513 --> 00:14:54,932
(laughing)
382
00:14:54,932 --> 00:14:55,765
- Hey, listen,
383
00:14:55,765 --> 00:15:00,726
this party is just about
over and I'm over this party,
384
00:15:00,726 --> 00:15:02,815
I have this, I'm just not used to all this
385
00:15:02,815 --> 00:15:04,898
decadence and debauchery.
386
00:15:06,102 --> 00:15:08,024
Do you like Vietnamese sandwiches?
387
00:15:08,024 --> 00:15:09,985
- How did you I was Vietnamese?
388
00:15:09,985 --> 00:15:13,985
- No, no. No, pretty sure
I'm talking about sandwiches.
389
00:15:13,985 --> 00:15:15,252
- I'd love that.
390
00:15:15,252 --> 00:15:16,671
- Great, I know this little
Vietnamese sandwich truck
391
00:15:16,671 --> 00:15:19,333
by downtown and I go there
after work to unwind.
392
00:15:19,333 --> 00:15:21,568
It's the only place I
can hear myself think.
393
00:15:21,568 --> 00:15:23,572
- I know exactly what you mean.
394
00:15:23,572 --> 00:15:25,989
(slow music)
395
00:15:32,372 --> 00:15:33,243
Do you know where you're going?
396
00:15:33,243 --> 00:15:34,524
- Yeah, we're heading
in the right direction.
397
00:15:34,524 --> 00:15:35,680
- Okay.
398
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:36,594
- Hey, would check in the knapsack
399
00:15:36,594 --> 00:15:37,996
and see if there's a bottle of wine?
400
00:15:37,996 --> 00:15:38,913
- Oh, sure.
401
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:43,211
Côtes du Rhône, fancy.
402
00:15:43,211 --> 00:15:45,927
- That was a good year for that wine.
403
00:15:45,927 --> 00:15:50,094
- I'm trying to erase all
memories of the past decade.
404
00:15:51,741 --> 00:15:53,010
Oh, there's a truck.
405
00:15:53,010 --> 00:15:55,427
(slow music)
406
00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:11,277
The Gay Man's Guide to
Cooking by Andrew Darcy?
407
00:16:11,277 --> 00:16:13,012
- Bob, nobody is suppose
to read that manuscript
408
00:16:13,012 --> 00:16:14,497
until I proof it.
409
00:16:14,497 --> 00:16:16,089
- Preface, so if the
way to your man's heart
410
00:16:16,089 --> 00:16:18,215
is through his stomach and
your performance in the kitchen
411
00:16:18,215 --> 00:16:20,590
secretly reveal how good you are in bed.
412
00:16:20,590 --> 00:16:21,728
Wow, you're like The Naked Chef
413
00:16:21,728 --> 00:16:24,000
and Carrie Bradshaw's
love child or something.
414
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,557
- Yeah, most people aren't as adventurous
415
00:16:25,557 --> 00:16:26,624
as they like to think they are.
416
00:16:26,624 --> 00:16:27,882
So can I get my manuscript back, please?
417
00:16:27,882 --> 00:16:29,773
So we can go have a date
with the sandwich truck?
418
00:16:29,773 --> 00:16:30,606
Bob, please listen.
419
00:16:30,606 --> 00:16:32,860
- We have a date with a sandwich truck.
420
00:16:32,860 --> 00:16:34,010
You go.
421
00:16:34,010 --> 00:16:35,641
Oh, oh.
422
00:16:35,641 --> 00:16:36,750
I did that, I'm sorry.
423
00:16:36,750 --> 00:16:38,233
- Oh, dammit.
424
00:16:38,233 --> 00:16:39,991
Mr. Tran, no!
425
00:16:39,991 --> 00:16:40,824
Mr. Tran!
426
00:16:41,940 --> 00:16:43,495
Mr. Tran!
427
00:16:43,495 --> 00:16:44,991
Yes, Bob.
428
00:16:44,991 --> 00:16:46,774
It's Tran time, come on!
429
00:16:46,774 --> 00:16:47,607
- Sammy!
430
00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:49,549
Mr. Tran!
431
00:16:50,869 --> 00:16:52,509
Oh, Jesus.
432
00:16:52,509 --> 00:16:54,520
- Oh, no, no, no.
433
00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:57,722
Mr. Tran! Mr. Tran, Mr. Tran, please.
434
00:16:57,722 --> 00:16:59,230
Please, I've been workin crazy hours,
435
00:16:59,230 --> 00:17:02,260
no this is what's been getting
me through the night, please!
436
00:17:02,260 --> 00:17:03,688
Mr. Tran, please.
437
00:17:03,688 --> 00:17:04,605
No, please.
438
00:17:06,245 --> 00:17:08,296
- One sandwich, coming up.
439
00:17:08,296 --> 00:17:10,984
- Make that two sandwiches, please.
440
00:17:10,984 --> 00:17:12,169
- For you?
441
00:17:12,169 --> 00:17:13,448
You're too handsome.
442
00:17:13,448 --> 00:17:16,766
Eat too much, you're gonna get fat.
443
00:17:16,766 --> 00:17:18,345
- No, it's for me and a friend.
444
00:17:18,345 --> 00:17:19,368
- Girlfriend?
445
00:17:19,368 --> 00:17:21,488
- No, just a friend.
446
00:17:21,488 --> 00:17:23,321
- Or, hey, girlfriend!
447
00:17:24,956 --> 00:17:26,359
- Naughty, naughty, Mr. Tran.
448
00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:27,260
(laughing)
449
00:17:27,260 --> 00:17:28,774
- [Voiceover] He's said it.
450
00:17:28,774 --> 00:17:30,988
He said the F-word.
451
00:17:30,988 --> 00:17:34,059
Lord knows I can't have enough friends.
452
00:17:34,059 --> 00:17:35,799
Maybe I don't want him anyway.
453
00:17:35,799 --> 00:17:38,994
Who needs someone so utterly perfect?
454
00:17:38,994 --> 00:17:41,730
And wearing those boots.
455
00:17:41,730 --> 00:17:43,687
Unless you're herding
buffalo in sky country,
456
00:17:43,687 --> 00:17:47,854
that is a total deal breaker
in any relationship, right?
457
00:17:48,995 --> 00:17:50,412
It is in my book.
458
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:54,838
- Thank you, Mr. Tran.
459
00:17:56,501 --> 00:17:57,334
Got 'em.
460
00:18:01,759 --> 00:18:04,676
(paper unwrapping)
461
00:18:09,965 --> 00:18:10,798
How do you like the sandwich?
462
00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:11,710
- Oh, it's really good.
463
00:18:11,710 --> 00:18:12,751
- I told you, right?
464
00:18:12,751 --> 00:18:14,120
(laughing)
465
00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:15,499
- What made you wanna write a book?
466
00:18:15,499 --> 00:18:18,788
- Oh, it's my crazy manager's idea.
467
00:18:18,788 --> 00:18:20,938
He wants me to be the next Martha Stewart.
468
00:18:20,938 --> 00:18:22,024
- You have a manager.
469
00:18:22,024 --> 00:18:23,389
- I know, it's crazy, right?
470
00:18:23,389 --> 00:18:25,013
(laughing)
471
00:18:25,013 --> 00:18:28,390
Yeah, I mean, all I've really
ever wanted to do was cook.
472
00:18:28,390 --> 00:18:30,418
When I was younger and I
wanted to join the Peace Corps,
473
00:18:30,418 --> 00:18:31,986
when I thought I could make a difference,
474
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:35,974
my dad gave me these boots
before I left for Panama.
475
00:18:35,974 --> 00:18:38,177
He said I needed sturdier shoes.
476
00:18:38,177 --> 00:18:40,523
- Ah, that explains these boots. (laughs)
477
00:18:40,523 --> 00:18:42,990
- These boots have seen
me from Panama to Paris
478
00:18:42,990 --> 00:18:44,159
for culinary school.
479
00:18:44,159 --> 00:18:45,443
- My, my, Panama to Paris,
480
00:18:45,443 --> 00:18:46,643
look at you Julio Child.
481
00:18:46,643 --> 00:18:48,776
(laughing)
482
00:18:48,776 --> 00:18:49,943
- Julio Child.
483
00:18:50,993 --> 00:18:55,477
Anyway, I was working at this
restaurant in Marseilles,
484
00:18:55,477 --> 00:18:56,394
I hated it.
485
00:18:57,510 --> 00:18:59,748
I just don't like catering
to privileged people.
486
00:18:59,748 --> 00:19:02,637
So, when I made enough money, I quit
487
00:19:02,637 --> 00:19:05,962
and I started trekking
through Southeast Asia.
488
00:19:05,962 --> 00:19:07,355
- Why Southeast Asia?
489
00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:10,513
- I don't know, it's just
easier to get lost there.
490
00:19:10,513 --> 00:19:11,372
- Well, here you are.
491
00:19:11,372 --> 00:19:15,553
Found again with the same
kitschy boots. (laughs)
492
00:19:15,553 --> 00:19:16,645
- They are a lot more meaningful now
493
00:19:16,645 --> 00:19:18,718
that my father passed away.
494
00:19:18,718 --> 00:19:20,246
- Oh, I'm sorry.
495
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:22,129
- It's okay, they just remind me
496
00:19:22,129 --> 00:19:26,763
to bring more meaning to my
job when I have days like this.
497
00:19:26,763 --> 00:19:29,494
- I take it you didn't like Lana's party?
498
00:19:29,494 --> 00:19:32,585
- Nah, I don't like catering to the elite.
499
00:19:32,585 --> 00:19:34,252
So why do you do it?
500
00:19:35,485 --> 00:19:36,440
(sighs)
501
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,467
- It's a living.
502
00:19:38,467 --> 00:19:40,077
(laughing)
503
00:19:40,077 --> 00:19:42,077
- So, tell me about you.
504
00:19:42,987 --> 00:19:44,208
- Oh, no.
505
00:19:44,208 --> 00:19:45,852
After hearing about
all of your adventures,
506
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:49,243
I couldn't compare, I
better keep my mouth shut.
507
00:19:49,243 --> 00:19:52,076
- Alright, well, I'll rephrase it,
508
00:19:54,274 --> 00:19:55,691
how was your day?
509
00:19:56,974 --> 00:19:59,818
(somber piano music)
510
00:19:59,818 --> 00:20:01,760
(sobbing)
511
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:02,752
Bob?
512
00:20:02,752 --> 00:20:04,726
- No, no, I'm fine. I'm fine, fine, fine.
513
00:20:04,726 --> 00:20:05,968
(somber piano music)
514
00:20:05,968 --> 00:20:10,135
It's just, no one ever asks. (laughs)
515
00:20:11,764 --> 00:20:13,475
(sobbing)
516
00:20:13,475 --> 00:20:16,558
(somber piano music)
517
00:20:25,245 --> 00:20:27,828
(door opening)
518
00:20:30,499 --> 00:20:32,550
You know, you don't have to
walk me all the way to my door.
519
00:20:32,550 --> 00:20:33,918
I'm fine, really.
520
00:20:33,918 --> 00:20:36,001
- I just wanna make sure.
521
00:20:37,761 --> 00:20:40,897
- I heard you use the F-word
at the sandwich truck,
522
00:20:40,897 --> 00:20:44,690
I know you just wanna be friends. (laughs)
523
00:20:44,690 --> 00:20:45,695
- Oh, you.
524
00:20:45,695 --> 00:20:48,979
No, I was talking about
friends with benefits.
525
00:20:48,979 --> 00:20:51,997
But I didn't wanna give Mr.
Tran a heart attack, so.
526
00:20:51,997 --> 00:20:54,247
(laughing)
527
00:21:00,732 --> 00:21:02,098
Can I call you sometime?
528
00:21:02,098 --> 00:21:03,491
- Oh, sure. (laughs)
529
00:21:03,491 --> 00:21:04,324
I mean, sure.
530
00:21:04,324 --> 00:21:06,900
- Great, maybe we can go see a movie.
531
00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:07,733
- Yes!
532
00:21:07,733 --> 00:21:09,767
Do you like old black and white movies?
533
00:21:09,767 --> 00:21:11,805
- Yeah, sure, sure.
534
00:21:11,805 --> 00:21:13,739
Oh, you know what's better than movies?
535
00:21:13,739 --> 00:21:15,246
The museum.
536
00:21:15,246 --> 00:21:18,256
- Yeah! Sure, I'd love that.
537
00:21:18,256 --> 00:21:19,506
- That's great.
538
00:21:22,425 --> 00:21:23,258
Okay.
539
00:21:24,754 --> 00:21:25,587
Okay.
540
00:21:29,816 --> 00:21:32,566
(elevator beeps)
541
00:21:40,989 --> 00:21:41,822
(jumping)
542
00:21:41,822 --> 00:21:44,989
(upbeat guitar music)
543
00:21:55,721 --> 00:21:58,054
- One for eight, two, three.
544
00:21:59,271 --> 00:22:01,735
One and two and three.
545
00:22:01,735 --> 00:22:02,568
And other side.
546
00:22:02,568 --> 00:22:04,735
And one and two and three.
547
00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:10,043
Four, five, six.
548
00:22:10,043 --> 00:22:11,478
And hips, go!
549
00:22:11,478 --> 00:22:13,186
And one, two, double click,
550
00:22:13,186 --> 00:22:14,536
one, two, double click,
551
00:22:14,536 --> 00:22:16,036
and turn and turn.
552
00:22:18,224 --> 00:22:22,387
♫ There are some things in life
that you just cannot foresee
553
00:22:22,387 --> 00:22:26,102
♫ One of them is happiness
and where it's bound to be
554
00:22:26,102 --> 00:22:30,269
♫ It seems like just when
you give up then if finds you
555
00:22:35,232 --> 00:22:39,212
♫ But we don't need to be
there to know that right now
556
00:22:39,212 --> 00:22:42,379
♫ 'Cause you found me
557
00:22:43,744 --> 00:22:48,292
♫ And all this time I spend
with you it becomes clear to me
558
00:22:48,292 --> 00:22:51,809
♫ All those thing I used
to want unnecessarily
559
00:22:51,809 --> 00:22:55,976
♫ Are meaningless unless
they're shared with you ♫
560
00:22:59,486 --> 00:23:01,736
(coughing)
561
00:23:03,130 --> 00:23:05,531
(heavy breathing)
562
00:23:05,531 --> 00:23:08,622
♫ You have me
563
00:23:08,622 --> 00:23:10,622
♫ To be
564
00:23:14,102 --> 00:23:17,058
♫ Who I want
565
00:23:17,058 --> 00:23:19,058
♫ To be
566
00:23:23,087 --> 00:23:27,075
♫ We'll have highs and we'll have lows
567
00:23:27,075 --> 00:23:30,948
♫ They will come and they will go
568
00:23:30,948 --> 00:23:32,480
♫ But I won't be alone ♫
569
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:33,571
(laughing)
570
00:23:33,571 --> 00:23:35,478
- It's not about you.
571
00:23:35,478 --> 00:23:38,769
(talking drowned out by music)
572
00:23:38,769 --> 00:23:40,902
- Five, six, seven, eight.
573
00:23:40,902 --> 00:23:45,069
(upbeat guitar music)
(whistling)
574
00:24:11,710 --> 00:24:13,517
- How come we never
eat at your restaurant?
575
00:24:13,517 --> 00:24:15,182
- Oh, eating at my
restaurant is such a chore,
576
00:24:15,182 --> 00:24:18,773
I like to keep work at work, you know?
577
00:24:18,773 --> 00:24:21,228
- I think I DVR'd Ellen.
578
00:24:21,228 --> 00:24:23,996
(sighs)
579
00:24:23,996 --> 00:24:25,196
- Bob, we need to talk.
580
00:24:25,196 --> 00:24:26,914
- About what?
581
00:24:26,914 --> 00:24:28,453
- Do you find me attractive?
582
00:24:28,453 --> 00:24:31,006
- What kind of a question is that?
583
00:24:31,006 --> 00:24:33,418
- Go on, you were about to say something.
584
00:24:33,418 --> 00:24:36,142
Something like, it's not you, it's me.
585
00:24:36,142 --> 00:24:37,504
- What are you doing here?
586
00:24:37,504 --> 00:24:40,806
- We had an appointment to talk
about my comeback, remember?
587
00:24:40,806 --> 00:24:41,789
- Oh, right.
588
00:24:41,789 --> 00:24:43,521
Can you come back another time?
589
00:24:43,521 --> 00:24:44,641
- I get it.
590
00:24:44,641 --> 00:24:45,732
You're gay,
591
00:24:45,732 --> 00:24:49,396
and you need some hot and
heavy man on man action.
592
00:24:49,396 --> 00:24:51,683
But you don't have to shove it in my face.
593
00:24:51,683 --> 00:24:53,497
- This is my apartment.
594
00:24:53,497 --> 00:24:55,234
- Hi, I'm Andrew Darcy.
595
00:24:55,234 --> 00:24:58,480
- Well, I'd shake your hand Andrew,
596
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:01,063
but I see you've got them full.
597
00:25:03,471 --> 00:25:06,247
- Aren't you that pinup
model from the 1970s?
598
00:25:06,247 --> 00:25:07,846
(laughing)
599
00:25:07,846 --> 00:25:09,730
- I just might be.
600
00:25:09,730 --> 00:25:11,886
But we don't have to go into the details.
601
00:25:11,886 --> 00:25:13,217
Or the decade.
602
00:25:13,217 --> 00:25:15,993
- Why didn't you tell me that
your mom is a living legend?
603
00:25:15,993 --> 00:25:18,549
- I try not to tell anyone.
604
00:25:18,549 --> 00:25:21,879
- You do your best to raise
them the best way you know how,
605
00:25:21,879 --> 00:25:24,423
and how do they repay the favor?
606
00:25:24,423 --> 00:25:26,324
Toss me out onto the
street, why don't you?
607
00:25:26,324 --> 00:25:28,226
- Great idea.
608
00:25:28,226 --> 00:25:31,533
- I am making my comeback and I was hoping
609
00:25:31,533 --> 00:25:34,134
that you would help me throw a party.
610
00:25:34,134 --> 00:25:35,258
- I can't.
611
00:25:35,258 --> 00:25:36,554
- Bob, she's your mom.
612
00:25:36,554 --> 00:25:37,520
- You have no idea,
613
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:40,045
I have been entertaining
her since I was a child.
614
00:25:40,045 --> 00:25:42,009
Besides, I have a lot on my mind.
615
00:25:42,009 --> 00:25:43,500
- Share with me, Bob.
616
00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:44,492
- I'm buying a house.
617
00:25:44,492 --> 00:25:45,975
- When do we move in?
618
00:25:45,975 --> 00:25:47,733
- (laughs) Oh, there is no we.
619
00:25:47,733 --> 00:25:48,566
- Oh, well.
620
00:25:48,566 --> 00:25:51,644
I gotta say, I'm a lot
less worried about you now
621
00:25:51,644 --> 00:25:53,884
that you have man in your life.
622
00:25:53,884 --> 00:25:55,625
I just hope he sticks around long enough
623
00:25:55,625 --> 00:25:57,674
to come to my party.
624
00:25:57,674 --> 00:25:59,946
Here is my guest list.
625
00:25:59,946 --> 00:26:02,196
- Warhol, Halston, Mercury?
626
00:26:03,255 --> 00:26:05,019
This is Studio 54's guest list.
627
00:26:05,019 --> 00:26:07,753
- You don't know what kind
of comeback I want to throw.
628
00:26:07,753 --> 00:26:09,800
- I'm pretty sure none of
these people can come, mom.
629
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:12,378
- They're too good to come
to my party all of a sudden?
630
00:26:12,378 --> 00:26:14,446
Well, I'll have none of that.
631
00:26:14,446 --> 00:26:16,523
I'll just dis-invite them all.
632
00:26:16,523 --> 00:26:19,118
- They're all dead, mom.
633
00:26:19,118 --> 00:26:19,951
- Okay.
634
00:26:21,514 --> 00:26:22,431
Never mind.
635
00:26:23,741 --> 00:26:25,369
Whatever.
636
00:26:25,369 --> 00:26:28,369
And I never did any drugs, you know.
637
00:26:29,995 --> 00:26:30,828
- Huh.
638
00:26:32,006 --> 00:26:33,006
- I'm sorry.
639
00:26:34,374 --> 00:26:35,707
- What a pistol.
640
00:26:37,492 --> 00:26:39,765
How come you never told me about her?
641
00:26:39,765 --> 00:26:42,890
- I wasn't kidding when I
say I try not to tell anyone.
642
00:26:42,890 --> 00:26:43,723
- Why?
643
00:26:45,186 --> 00:26:47,960
- For starters, she raised
me to believe I was an orphan
644
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:51,546
she found in Vietnam after the war.
645
00:26:51,546 --> 00:26:53,639
The war was really hard on her.
646
00:26:53,639 --> 00:26:55,907
She has post-traumatic stress disorder.
647
00:26:55,907 --> 00:26:59,181
Half the time I think she
still thinks it's the 70s.
648
00:26:59,181 --> 00:27:01,538
I don't even know who my father is.
649
00:27:01,538 --> 00:27:05,371
Now you know all about
my family dysfunction.
650
00:27:06,482 --> 00:27:10,655
Do you wanna go see the house I'm buying?
651
00:27:10,655 --> 00:27:11,488
- Sure.
652
00:27:12,510 --> 00:27:14,758
Can I ask you a question first?
653
00:27:14,758 --> 00:27:16,739
Is there something you
don't like about me?
654
00:27:16,739 --> 00:27:17,572
- What do you mean?
655
00:27:17,572 --> 00:27:19,427
You're like sex on a stick.
656
00:27:19,427 --> 00:27:20,821
- Sex on a stick.
657
00:27:20,821 --> 00:27:24,988
That sounds very painful but
I'll take it as a compliment.
658
00:27:26,748 --> 00:27:29,547
- (sighs) Why are you attracted to me?
659
00:27:29,547 --> 00:27:32,496
- I can ask you the same question.
660
00:27:32,496 --> 00:27:34,770
Why are you attracted to me?
661
00:27:34,770 --> 00:27:37,560
- I know you can't tell but
I've been going to the gym.
662
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,515
I've lost like three pounds since we met.
663
00:27:40,515 --> 00:27:42,432
- And that's wonderful.
664
00:27:43,990 --> 00:27:47,152
But that's not why I love you.
665
00:27:47,152 --> 00:27:49,652
(piano music)
666
00:27:50,877 --> 00:27:51,877
Okay, there.
667
00:27:52,994 --> 00:27:54,327
I said it first.
668
00:27:56,792 --> 00:27:58,842
- I've spent my entire life
looking for someone like you
669
00:27:58,842 --> 00:28:00,770
and nearly gave up.
670
00:28:00,770 --> 00:28:04,727
And here you are turning
my world upside down.
671
00:28:04,727 --> 00:28:06,810
I hate you, Andrew Darcy.
672
00:28:08,121 --> 00:28:09,517
- Look, I don't want you to be anyone else
673
00:28:09,517 --> 00:28:11,640
but yourself around me.
674
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:13,506
And hopefully, I can do the same.
675
00:28:13,506 --> 00:28:16,089
(smooth music)
676
00:28:21,509 --> 00:28:22,509
- Your turn.
677
00:28:26,464 --> 00:28:27,297
- I've been thinking about
678
00:28:27,297 --> 00:28:31,516
what this night might be like for months.
679
00:28:31,516 --> 00:28:33,974
(sighs)
680
00:28:33,974 --> 00:28:38,141
If you'd still want me
after you saw all my flaws.
681
00:28:42,490 --> 00:28:44,322
(sighs)
682
00:28:44,322 --> 00:28:48,073
If you don't like what you see,
the door's right behind you.
683
00:28:48,073 --> 00:28:49,578
- I meant what I said, Bob.
684
00:28:49,578 --> 00:28:52,161
(smooth music)
685
00:29:01,293 --> 00:29:04,460
- Tell me again why you love me, Andy.
686
00:29:05,662 --> 00:29:07,012
- Well, I have traveled the world
687
00:29:07,012 --> 00:29:08,838
looking for something as sweet as you.
688
00:29:08,838 --> 00:29:12,360
I've had Mexican wedding cookies
and Danish butter cookies
689
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:14,773
and Chinese fortune
cookies and snickerdoodles
690
00:29:14,773 --> 00:29:17,666
and peanut butter cookies, but,
691
00:29:17,666 --> 00:29:18,974
at the end of the day all I want
692
00:29:18,974 --> 00:29:22,235
is the simplest cookie of them all,
693
00:29:22,235 --> 00:29:24,641
the chocolate chip cookie.
694
00:29:24,641 --> 00:29:26,541
- I am lying naked in bed with you
695
00:29:26,541 --> 00:29:29,754
and you compare me to a
chocolate chip cookie?
696
00:29:29,754 --> 00:29:31,506
- What's wrong with that?
697
00:29:31,506 --> 00:29:33,928
I could use a chocolate
chip cookie right about now.
698
00:29:33,928 --> 00:29:35,977
- Well, they're round and mushy
699
00:29:35,977 --> 00:29:38,857
and filled with dark speckles.
700
00:29:38,857 --> 00:29:41,035
Oh, don't touch me there.
701
00:29:41,035 --> 00:29:43,066
Don't touch me there either.
702
00:29:43,066 --> 00:29:44,635
Not there either.
703
00:29:44,635 --> 00:29:46,756
Definitely not there!
704
00:29:46,756 --> 00:29:48,276
(laughing)
705
00:29:48,276 --> 00:29:51,943
(piano and violins playing)
706
00:30:16,799 --> 00:30:19,966
(slow cheerful music)
707
00:30:41,378 --> 00:30:43,730
- Hey, this is my house.
708
00:30:43,730 --> 00:30:46,419
- I'm sorry, I'm just waiting for someone.
709
00:30:46,419 --> 00:30:48,712
- You're not my daddy, you're a bear.
710
00:30:48,712 --> 00:30:50,554
- I am not bear, little kid!
711
00:30:50,554 --> 00:30:51,454
(growls)
712
00:30:51,454 --> 00:30:52,287
- Ah!
713
00:30:54,481 --> 00:30:55,314
- Seven.
714
00:30:56,978 --> 00:30:58,972
- Eight.
- I am a bear.
715
00:30:58,972 --> 00:31:00,525
- Nine.
- A bear.
716
00:31:00,525 --> 00:31:01,510
- One more, one more.
717
00:31:01,510 --> 00:31:02,343
- Ohhh!
718
00:31:02,343 --> 00:31:03,968
- Ten.
- Oh!
719
00:31:03,968 --> 00:31:05,162
- Inappropriate, Bob.
720
00:31:05,162 --> 00:31:06,325
- I am a bear.
721
00:31:06,325 --> 00:31:08,060
- Oh, what on earth are you talking about?
722
00:31:08,060 --> 00:31:09,065
- I am a bear.
723
00:31:09,065 --> 00:31:10,231
- Look, okay.
724
00:31:10,231 --> 00:31:12,127
Just because you've been in hibernation,
725
00:31:12,127 --> 00:31:14,207
does not mean that you are--
726
00:31:14,207 --> 00:31:16,236
- No, no, no, I am a bear.
727
00:31:16,236 --> 00:31:17,439
- No, you're not.
728
00:31:17,439 --> 00:31:18,779
You're more like a cub.
729
00:31:18,779 --> 00:31:20,188
- Oh, stop it.
730
00:31:20,188 --> 00:31:21,119
- I'm just kidding.
731
00:31:21,119 --> 00:31:21,952
- What's the matter with you?
732
00:31:21,952 --> 00:31:23,957
Look, I think it's apparent.
733
00:31:23,957 --> 00:31:25,874
Andy called you a bear.
734
00:31:27,881 --> 00:31:30,989
- Did he say something about your looks?
735
00:31:30,989 --> 00:31:33,289
Then what's the matter?
736
00:31:33,289 --> 00:31:34,122
- We had sex.
737
00:31:34,122 --> 00:31:34,955
(gasps)
738
00:31:34,955 --> 00:31:36,769
- Congratulations! It's about time!
739
00:31:36,769 --> 00:31:38,044
- Oh, well, any longer and Andy would have
740
00:31:38,044 --> 00:31:39,434
had to pry you open with a crowbar.
741
00:31:39,434 --> 00:31:41,146
(laughing)
742
00:31:41,146 --> 00:31:43,093
So what's the sad face, Goldilocks?
743
00:31:43,093 --> 00:31:46,231
- Well, he hasn't called me
since and he stood me up.
744
00:31:46,231 --> 00:31:47,064
(gasps)
745
00:31:47,064 --> 00:31:47,897
- Oh.
- What?!
746
00:31:47,897 --> 00:31:50,089
- Well, maybe you just
thought it was a relationship
747
00:31:50,089 --> 00:31:52,030
and he thought it was a one-night stand.
748
00:31:52,030 --> 00:31:53,602
- How could he think it
was a one-night stand?
749
00:31:53,602 --> 00:31:56,755
We have been dating each other for months.
750
00:31:56,755 --> 00:31:57,588
- Maybe.
751
00:31:57,588 --> 00:32:00,330
- Maybe you think I'm not worthy
of being in a relationship.
752
00:32:00,330 --> 00:32:01,336
- Of course not.
753
00:32:01,336 --> 00:32:03,547
- Maybe you think I'm not
worthy of being loved.
754
00:32:03,547 --> 00:32:04,857
- I didn't say that.
755
00:32:04,857 --> 00:32:05,945
- You didn't have to.
756
00:32:05,945 --> 00:32:08,975
- Look, how did he stand you up?
757
00:32:08,975 --> 00:32:10,896
- We were supposed to go
to an open house together.
758
00:32:10,896 --> 00:32:11,749
(gasps)
759
00:32:11,749 --> 00:32:13,021
- Oh, I'm afraid to tell you,
760
00:32:13,021 --> 00:32:14,407
you don't take a guy to an open house
761
00:32:14,407 --> 00:32:16,357
a few months into a relationship.
762
00:32:16,357 --> 00:32:18,651
- Especially right after
he had sex with you.
763
00:32:18,651 --> 00:32:20,494
- I didn't ask him to move in with me.
764
00:32:20,494 --> 00:32:22,381
- You didn't have to say it.
765
00:32:22,381 --> 00:32:23,653
- Look, I think you should just give him
766
00:32:23,653 --> 00:32:24,665
a piece of your mind.
767
00:32:24,665 --> 00:32:26,630
- I gave him a lot more than that.
768
00:32:26,630 --> 00:32:28,804
I gave him my heart.
769
00:32:28,804 --> 00:32:31,259
- That is the last thing you
give a guy while you're dating.
770
00:32:31,259 --> 00:32:32,141
- Really?
771
00:32:32,141 --> 00:32:34,200
What do you give a guy when
you're dating? (laughs)
772
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:35,783
I don't wanna know.
773
00:32:37,511 --> 00:32:39,761
(laughing)
774
00:32:40,647 --> 00:32:42,233
- Oh, come on.
775
00:32:42,233 --> 00:32:44,869
- Why don't you invite
Andy to our brit shalom?
776
00:32:44,869 --> 00:32:46,337
- Good to meet you too.
777
00:32:46,337 --> 00:32:47,349
What is that?
778
00:32:47,349 --> 00:32:48,665
- Brit shalom?
779
00:32:48,665 --> 00:32:50,028
Like a bris.
780
00:32:50,028 --> 00:32:53,839
Only we're celebrating the joy
of getting our foreskin back.
781
00:32:53,839 --> 00:32:56,684
- Oh my god, you had foreskin
reconstructive surgery?
782
00:32:56,684 --> 00:32:58,684
Which one of you had it?
783
00:32:59,706 --> 00:33:01,632
- We are having a pool party to celebrate.
784
00:33:01,632 --> 00:33:03,463
- Oh, great, a pool party.
785
00:33:03,463 --> 00:33:05,592
Maybe I should see your
plastic surgeon after all.
786
00:33:05,592 --> 00:33:06,844
- Aw.
787
00:33:06,844 --> 00:33:08,269
Oh, come on.
788
00:33:08,269 --> 00:33:09,588
Let's get back to aerobics.
789
00:33:09,588 --> 00:33:12,645
- No, Olivia Newton-John,
you and Richard Simmons
790
00:33:12,645 --> 00:33:15,895
are gonna have to carry on on your own.
791
00:33:23,206 --> 00:33:24,039
(phone ringing)
792
00:33:24,039 --> 00:33:26,248
- [Doctor] You! You have
a clean bill of health.
793
00:33:26,248 --> 00:33:28,272
- How long will the whole process take?
794
00:33:28,272 --> 00:33:29,842
- The recovery time for a liposuction
795
00:33:29,842 --> 00:33:31,470
can be quite extensive.
796
00:33:31,470 --> 00:33:32,765
And it hurts.
797
00:33:32,765 --> 00:33:33,598
A lot.
798
00:33:35,222 --> 00:33:36,809
I hope you have somebody to
pick you up from the hospital
799
00:33:36,809 --> 00:33:38,059
when it's done.
800
00:33:38,968 --> 00:33:40,596
- Can I get quote on the procedure?
801
00:33:40,596 --> 00:33:42,596
(sighs)
802
00:33:44,210 --> 00:33:45,375
My gosh.
803
00:33:45,375 --> 00:33:47,327
That's nearly a down payment on a house.
804
00:33:47,327 --> 00:33:49,307
- That's the price of beauty, darling.
805
00:33:49,307 --> 00:33:52,557
(soothing piano music)
806
00:34:00,286 --> 00:34:02,536
- Hi, I'm here to see Andy.
807
00:34:09,269 --> 00:34:10,102
- Tag.
808
00:34:11,730 --> 00:34:12,563
- Hey.
809
00:34:12,563 --> 00:34:14,084
- What are you doing here?
810
00:34:14,084 --> 00:34:18,254
- I'm eating, it's an eating
establishment, isn't it?
811
00:34:18,254 --> 00:34:22,331
- Look, I'm sorry I called
you out at Lana's party.
812
00:34:22,331 --> 00:34:23,345
- Don't sweat it.
813
00:34:23,345 --> 00:34:24,178
- Thanks.
814
00:34:26,976 --> 00:34:29,143
- It never lasts, does it?
815
00:34:32,992 --> 00:34:35,409
- What are you talking about?
816
00:34:36,727 --> 00:34:37,858
- Bob?
817
00:34:37,858 --> 00:34:39,025
Oh my god, hi!
818
00:34:39,896 --> 00:34:42,186
- What was Tag doing in your restaurant?
819
00:34:42,186 --> 00:34:46,089
- Oh, he and Lana are having
some relationship issues.
820
00:34:46,089 --> 00:34:47,050
She didn't tell you?
821
00:34:47,050 --> 00:34:50,484
- And he chose you to be
the one to console him?
822
00:34:50,484 --> 00:34:52,731
Actually, that's not even why I'm here.
823
00:34:52,731 --> 00:34:55,080
Why did you stand me up at the open house?
824
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:56,835
It's not like I'm asking
you to move in with me,
825
00:34:56,835 --> 00:34:57,668
you know that, right?
826
00:34:57,668 --> 00:34:58,501
- No, I know.
827
00:34:58,501 --> 00:35:00,000
I just arrived late and
by the time I got there
828
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:01,808
you had already left.
829
00:35:01,808 --> 00:35:05,491
There was this little boy
shooing me out, talking about
830
00:35:05,491 --> 00:35:10,006
how bears had just invaded
his house or something.
831
00:35:10,006 --> 00:35:10,839
- Really?
832
00:35:11,977 --> 00:35:12,886
You were there?
833
00:35:12,886 --> 00:35:14,960
- Yeah, I don't think he wanted to move.
834
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:18,983
Moving can be so traumatic
for children, you know?
835
00:35:18,983 --> 00:35:21,364
- (sighs) Well, you could have called me
836
00:35:21,364 --> 00:35:23,995
or texted me or emailed me,
837
00:35:23,995 --> 00:35:26,977
or you know, any of those options.
838
00:35:26,977 --> 00:35:28,460
- I'm sorry.
839
00:35:28,460 --> 00:35:30,582
I'm just in way over
my head with this book
840
00:35:30,582 --> 00:35:33,293
and I'm looking for inspiration.
841
00:35:33,293 --> 00:35:34,557
Look, I just need to get a draft done
842
00:35:34,557 --> 00:35:36,628
by the end of this week.
843
00:35:36,628 --> 00:35:38,267
But let me make it up to you, alright?
844
00:35:38,267 --> 00:35:39,793
Next week I will take you out on a date,
845
00:35:39,793 --> 00:35:41,845
anywhere you wanna go.
846
00:35:41,845 --> 00:35:43,689
- My friends Aiden and
Chase are having a party,
847
00:35:43,689 --> 00:35:45,715
maybe we could go to that?
848
00:35:45,715 --> 00:35:47,008
- Anything but a party.
849
00:35:47,008 --> 00:35:47,841
- Why not?
850
00:35:48,677 --> 00:35:52,730
- It's enough that I cater
them, you know, I just.
851
00:35:52,730 --> 00:35:55,766
- You know, everything we've
done has been just me and you.
852
00:35:55,766 --> 00:35:58,733
It would be really great if
you could meet my friends.
853
00:35:58,733 --> 00:36:00,733
(sighs)
854
00:36:02,107 --> 00:36:04,732
- Okay, I'll go if it's
that important to you.
855
00:36:04,732 --> 00:36:06,664
- Yay! (laughs)
856
00:36:06,664 --> 00:36:08,212
I was starting to worry about us.
857
00:36:08,212 --> 00:36:11,503
I thought maybe that night
had somehow turned you off.
858
00:36:11,503 --> 00:36:12,336
- What?
859
00:36:12,336 --> 00:36:13,218
Bob, no.
860
00:36:13,218 --> 00:36:14,519
- You would tell me though,
if something was wrong,
861
00:36:14,519 --> 00:36:15,352
wouldn't you?
862
00:36:15,352 --> 00:36:16,494
- Bob, I wouldn't hide anything from you.
863
00:36:16,494 --> 00:36:17,865
I just need to finish my book.
864
00:36:17,865 --> 00:36:19,047
- My friend Aiden is an editor,
865
00:36:19,047 --> 00:36:22,020
I could give you his
number, maybe he could help.
866
00:36:22,020 --> 00:36:22,853
- Thanks.
867
00:36:23,715 --> 00:36:26,362
Look, I promise to make a concerted effort
868
00:36:26,362 --> 00:36:28,501
to call you more often.
869
00:36:28,501 --> 00:36:29,582
- Not too much.
870
00:36:29,582 --> 00:36:30,989
We wouldn't want you to come off as needy.
871
00:36:30,989 --> 00:36:31,822
- Oh, no.
872
00:36:31,822 --> 00:36:34,920
I don't wanna come off as needy now, do I?
873
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:38,170
(cheerful piano music)
874
00:36:41,975 --> 00:36:43,475
- Lord have mercy.
875
00:36:44,475 --> 00:36:47,975
I have more muffin top the Hostess bakery.
876
00:36:52,055 --> 00:36:54,888
And the bakery is officially open.
877
00:36:57,126 --> 00:36:59,592
Oh, who's that sexy
creature in the mirror?
878
00:36:59,592 --> 00:37:00,890
Oh, stop.
879
00:37:00,890 --> 00:37:03,011
Okay, you are getting over the top.
880
00:37:03,011 --> 00:37:04,824
No, keep going.
881
00:37:04,824 --> 00:37:05,763
What are you doing?
882
00:37:05,763 --> 00:37:06,785
One more subconscious comment
883
00:37:06,785 --> 00:37:08,986
and I want you to institutionalize me.
884
00:37:08,986 --> 00:37:10,022
Ah!
885
00:37:10,022 --> 00:37:10,855
- Ah!
886
00:37:11,988 --> 00:37:14,923
- Lana do not sneak up on me
like that, I'm half naked.
887
00:37:14,923 --> 00:37:16,182
- You're fully clothed.
888
00:37:16,182 --> 00:37:17,432
- I feel naked.
889
00:37:18,737 --> 00:37:20,292
- What's the point of being BFF's
890
00:37:20,292 --> 00:37:23,471
if we can't see each other naked?
891
00:37:23,471 --> 00:37:25,868
- Well, one of us might go blind.
892
00:37:25,868 --> 00:37:26,736
- You mean me.
893
00:37:26,736 --> 00:37:28,064
- M-hm.
894
00:37:28,064 --> 00:37:30,809
So, do you think I can pull off this look?
895
00:37:30,809 --> 00:37:32,772
- Sure, why not?
896
00:37:32,772 --> 00:37:35,872
- Because my spare tire is
bigger than the Michelin man's.
897
00:37:35,872 --> 00:37:36,989
- Whatever.
898
00:37:36,989 --> 00:37:41,455
I say you be daring and you
show the world your ass crack.
899
00:37:41,455 --> 00:37:42,967
- You know that crack is whack.
900
00:37:42,967 --> 00:37:44,108
- Crack is cheap.
901
00:37:44,108 --> 00:37:46,532
- Crack is pedestrian.
902
00:37:46,532 --> 00:37:48,488
- [Both] Peace to Whitney.
903
00:37:48,488 --> 00:37:50,982
- But you know what else is whack?
904
00:37:50,982 --> 00:37:53,526
Tag wants to have kids.
905
00:37:53,526 --> 00:37:54,937
- Congratulations?
906
00:37:54,937 --> 00:37:56,464
- I know, right?
907
00:37:56,464 --> 00:37:58,081
He says he's ready.
908
00:37:58,081 --> 00:38:02,248
I mean, he wants me to pop
them out like, right now.
909
00:38:03,322 --> 00:38:07,241
- Do you think that boy is
overcompensating for something?
910
00:38:07,241 --> 00:38:09,187
- I think he's cheating.
911
00:38:09,187 --> 00:38:10,160
- Well, I do think he has a little bit
912
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:12,751
of the Neil Patrick Harris in him.
913
00:38:12,751 --> 00:38:14,575
- Who is that?
914
00:38:14,575 --> 00:38:17,058
- He's batting for the other team.
915
00:38:17,058 --> 00:38:18,456
- Which team?
916
00:38:18,456 --> 00:38:19,706
- The gay team.
917
00:38:20,895 --> 00:38:23,978
- (laughs) Whatever.
918
00:38:27,514 --> 00:38:29,264
Wait, you're serious?
919
00:38:30,751 --> 00:38:32,712
- No, I'm sure I'm wrong.
920
00:38:32,712 --> 00:38:33,545
Forget it.
921
00:38:35,252 --> 00:38:36,752
What do you think?
922
00:38:37,921 --> 00:38:38,754
Too much?
923
00:38:40,389 --> 00:38:43,194
- No, too little is more like it.
924
00:38:43,194 --> 00:38:45,584
- Well, I'm gonna get it.
925
00:38:45,584 --> 00:38:47,238
- Great.
926
00:38:47,238 --> 00:38:50,738
(upbeat electronic music)
927
00:38:54,606 --> 00:38:57,011
♫ On the floor, euphoria
928
00:38:57,011 --> 00:38:58,372
♫ You gotta have try
929
00:38:58,372 --> 00:39:02,213
♫ On the floor, euphoria
930
00:39:02,213 --> 00:39:05,238
♫ On the floor, euphoria
931
00:39:05,238 --> 00:39:06,248
♫ I'm loving my life ♫
932
00:39:06,248 --> 00:39:07,081
- Bob!
933
00:39:09,091 --> 00:39:10,084
- How are you?
- Glad you made it.
934
00:39:10,084 --> 00:39:13,239
(cheek kissing)
935
00:39:13,239 --> 00:39:14,072
- Just get one.
936
00:39:14,072 --> 00:39:15,111
- Nice seashells.
937
00:39:15,111 --> 00:39:16,427
- Oh, thank you. (laughs)
938
00:39:16,427 --> 00:39:17,965
- You look thirsty.
939
00:39:17,965 --> 00:39:19,150
- Oh, yes.
940
00:39:19,150 --> 00:39:20,656
- So what's your elixir of choice?
941
00:39:20,656 --> 00:39:21,489
- Slim fast?
942
00:39:21,489 --> 00:39:22,648
- Mmm, very funny.
943
00:39:22,648 --> 00:39:23,481
(laughing)
944
00:39:23,481 --> 00:39:26,220
- When did all your
friends become Greek gods?
945
00:39:26,220 --> 00:39:29,176
- No, your boyfriend is the Greek god.
946
00:39:29,176 --> 00:39:30,854
- No wonder you've been
keeping him to yourself.
947
00:39:30,854 --> 00:39:32,136
- Oh, nothing of the kind.
948
00:39:32,136 --> 00:39:33,726
What do you think, I'm
an impulsive hoarder?
949
00:39:33,726 --> 00:39:35,525
- Yes, a compulsive man hoarder.
950
00:39:35,525 --> 00:39:38,302
- Well, you have been
through a drought after all.
951
00:39:38,302 --> 00:39:40,021
- Drought is over.
952
00:39:40,021 --> 00:39:44,188
Here comes the monsoon that
makes all the pretty boys swoon.
953
00:39:45,225 --> 00:39:46,125
- Oh, my.
954
00:39:46,125 --> 00:39:48,248
- My sentiments exactly.
955
00:39:48,248 --> 00:39:51,759
- [Chase] I'm gonna need a
chaser to wash that one down.
956
00:39:51,759 --> 00:39:52,592
- Hi, Bob.
957
00:39:52,592 --> 00:39:53,425
- Hi.
958
00:39:56,718 --> 00:39:58,280
(laughing)
959
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:00,175
- It's good to see you too.
960
00:40:00,175 --> 00:40:01,809
Wanna come in the pool with me?
961
00:40:01,809 --> 00:40:03,527
- Oh, no, I'm perfectly fine on dry land.
962
00:40:03,527 --> 00:40:05,709
I am a land mammal after all.
963
00:40:05,709 --> 00:40:07,345
- As opposed to a water mammal?
964
00:40:07,345 --> 00:40:09,200
- Yeah, like a whale.
965
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:10,543
- Go get changed.
966
00:40:10,543 --> 00:40:11,856
- No, you don't want
all these pretty people
967
00:40:11,856 --> 00:40:13,130
to leave your party.
968
00:40:13,130 --> 00:40:14,405
- Who cares what these people think?
969
00:40:14,405 --> 00:40:16,568
Look, I have seen you
naked, for the love of God.
970
00:40:16,568 --> 00:40:19,202
- I don't think the coyotes
in the hills heard you.
971
00:40:19,202 --> 00:40:20,035
- Please.
972
00:40:21,211 --> 00:40:22,044
For me.
973
00:40:25,238 --> 00:40:26,493
- Okay, fine.
974
00:40:26,493 --> 00:40:27,743
- Come with me.
975
00:40:29,989 --> 00:40:31,572
- Let's go get wet.
976
00:40:32,470 --> 00:40:35,273
- I thought you could borrow this one.
977
00:40:35,273 --> 00:40:37,193
- Really? A onesie? (laughs)
978
00:40:37,193 --> 00:40:38,543
What are we, in kindergarten?
979
00:40:38,543 --> 00:40:41,468
- Well, I thought you'd be shy.
980
00:40:41,468 --> 00:40:43,498
- I brought this.
981
00:40:43,498 --> 00:40:45,208
- Well, guess not.
982
00:40:45,208 --> 00:40:47,150
- Well, if Andy doesn't
mind, why should I, right?
983
00:40:47,150 --> 00:40:48,501
- Exactly.
984
00:40:48,501 --> 00:40:49,774
I'll leave you to it.
985
00:40:49,774 --> 00:40:52,774
(upbeat jazz music)
986
00:41:32,349 --> 00:41:34,349
(sighs)
987
00:41:59,020 --> 00:42:01,770
(flipping pages)
988
00:42:08,231 --> 00:42:09,064
- [Voiceover] Food for thought,
989
00:42:09,064 --> 00:42:10,950
when bad sex happens after good meals,
990
00:42:10,950 --> 00:42:12,983
recipes that can spice up your sex life
991
00:42:12,983 --> 00:42:15,983
when it is as flat as a bad soufflé.
992
00:42:16,965 --> 00:42:18,510
- Oh my god.
993
00:42:18,510 --> 00:42:20,177
I'm the bad soufflé.
994
00:42:21,736 --> 00:42:22,857
Oh, hell no.
995
00:42:22,857 --> 00:42:25,440
(techno music)
996
00:42:34,242 --> 00:42:35,447
- Your turn.
997
00:42:35,447 --> 00:42:38,035
- Oh, no, no. I think I
should slow down on the shots.
998
00:42:38,035 --> 00:42:40,001
- We're going to Palm
Springs for vacation,
999
00:42:40,001 --> 00:42:41,715
be with us.
1000
00:42:41,715 --> 00:42:43,538
- [Andy] You make it very tempting.
1001
00:42:43,538 --> 00:42:45,261
Gonna be a lot of pretty boys there.
1002
00:42:45,261 --> 00:42:47,012
- [Aiden] You'll be very popular.
1003
00:42:47,012 --> 00:42:47,973
- That's the last thing I need,
1004
00:42:47,973 --> 00:42:50,952
I need to finish my
book, but I'll ask Bob.
1005
00:42:50,952 --> 00:42:51,867
- Why do you need to ask him?
1006
00:42:51,867 --> 00:42:53,453
- Yeah, you're not his bitch.
1007
00:42:53,453 --> 00:42:55,540
- He's not my bitch
'cause I'm the dog, right?
1008
00:42:55,540 --> 00:42:57,070
- Hey, look who's back!
1009
00:42:57,070 --> 00:42:58,495
- Another tequila shot?
1010
00:42:58,495 --> 00:42:59,552
- Bob, they didn't mean any harm.
1011
00:42:59,552 --> 00:43:01,276
And you look great.
1012
00:43:01,276 --> 00:43:03,782
- Thanks, but your book begs to differ.
1013
00:43:03,782 --> 00:43:05,081
- What are you talking about?
1014
00:43:05,081 --> 00:43:08,253
- Am I the big, fat gay
soufflé that's gone flat?
1015
00:43:08,253 --> 00:43:09,938
- Bob, I underlined the stuff
1016
00:43:09,938 --> 00:43:11,510
that I wanted you to help me with.
1017
00:43:11,510 --> 00:43:12,998
- How? By using me as a guinea pig?
1018
00:43:12,998 --> 00:43:16,006
If you want my help, why is
your book on Aiden's nightstand?
1019
00:43:16,006 --> 00:43:18,451
- Bob, you're the one
who suggested I help Andy
1020
00:43:18,451 --> 00:43:19,955
find the right publisher.
1021
00:43:19,955 --> 00:43:22,153
- What a Pandora's box I've opened.
1022
00:43:22,153 --> 00:43:23,898
Maybe you should go to Palm
Springs with these two,
1023
00:43:23,898 --> 00:43:25,609
find out what good sex is all about.
1024
00:43:25,609 --> 00:43:28,637
Obviously, this flat,
crusty soufflé has no idea.
1025
00:43:28,637 --> 00:43:30,448
- You're getting, (laughing) hi.
1026
00:43:30,448 --> 00:43:31,341
You're getting out of line.
1027
00:43:31,341 --> 00:43:32,534
- I'm getting out of line.
1028
00:43:32,534 --> 00:43:34,367
You are blatantly seducing my man!
1029
00:43:34,367 --> 00:43:35,200
- Hey, don't go there!
1030
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:36,200
- Uh-uh.
1031
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:38,783
- Why not? Who's gonna stop me?
1032
00:43:39,720 --> 00:43:40,764
I didn't think so.
1033
00:43:40,764 --> 00:43:42,585
- Bob, you're making a scene.
1034
00:43:42,585 --> 00:43:43,418
- What do you mean?
1035
00:43:43,418 --> 00:43:47,246
You just told me not to care
about what these hoebags think.
1036
00:43:47,246 --> 00:43:48,885
Hey, boys!
1037
00:43:48,885 --> 00:43:50,841
I may not have your looks and
I may not have your bodies,
1038
00:43:50,841 --> 00:43:51,674
but you know what I got?
1039
00:43:51,674 --> 00:43:53,652
I got screwed over by my best friends,
1040
00:43:53,652 --> 00:43:55,351
welcome to the big, gay world!
1041
00:43:55,351 --> 00:43:56,184
- Bob, please.
1042
00:43:56,184 --> 00:43:57,566
- No, let me tell you
something, Andrew Darcy,
1043
00:43:57,566 --> 00:44:00,097
before I met you I was
feeling very low about myself.
1044
00:44:00,097 --> 00:44:01,605
I didn't know if I would ever find anyone
1045
00:44:01,605 --> 00:44:03,925
who would love me for me
and for a split second,
1046
00:44:03,925 --> 00:44:05,528
I thought I had found my big, gay love.
1047
00:44:05,528 --> 00:44:07,698
But I am nothing but some stupid joke
1048
00:44:07,698 --> 00:44:10,598
to be served up with
your dumb gay cookbook.
1049
00:44:10,598 --> 00:44:13,214
- No! Leave me alone!
- Bob, Bob, please stop!
1050
00:44:13,214 --> 00:44:16,047
(water splashing)
1051
00:44:21,748 --> 00:44:22,665
- Bob, bob.
1052
00:44:24,224 --> 00:44:26,246
(coughing)
1053
00:44:26,246 --> 00:44:28,053
- I'm sorry.
1054
00:44:28,053 --> 00:44:29,998
- I think you better go.
1055
00:44:29,998 --> 00:44:30,831
Now.
1056
00:44:33,433 --> 00:44:35,100
- I am fine, really.
1057
00:44:36,214 --> 00:44:37,965
- You owe us an apology.
1058
00:44:37,965 --> 00:44:39,417
- Can I just say something to Andy?
1059
00:44:39,417 --> 00:44:40,758
- No.
1060
00:44:40,758 --> 00:44:41,841
Please leave.
1061
00:44:42,991 --> 00:44:44,856
- I can't believe after
all I've done for you two
1062
00:44:44,856 --> 00:44:46,502
you would try to take my boyfriend.
1063
00:44:46,502 --> 00:44:49,258
- Stop saying things you'll regret later.
1064
00:44:49,258 --> 00:44:51,508
- Oh, I don't think I will.
1065
00:44:53,741 --> 00:44:55,741
(sighs)
1066
00:44:57,499 --> 00:44:59,916
(door opens)
1067
00:45:06,473 --> 00:45:08,473
(sighs)
1068
00:45:15,026 --> 00:45:17,443
(door shuts)
1069
00:45:19,028 --> 00:45:19,861
(light switch clicks)
1070
00:45:19,861 --> 00:45:21,224
- Oh!
1071
00:45:21,224 --> 00:45:24,014
- Mom! You have got to stop
coming over here unannounced!
1072
00:45:24,014 --> 00:45:27,003
- Yeah, well what are you
doing in my underwear?
1073
00:45:27,003 --> 00:45:28,670
- This is my bikini.
1074
00:45:29,780 --> 00:45:31,804
- Is it gay pride month already?
1075
00:45:31,804 --> 00:45:33,753
Is that why you're wearing pink again?
1076
00:45:33,753 --> 00:45:35,298
- They say when you got it, flaunt it,
1077
00:45:35,298 --> 00:45:36,767
and I've got plenty to flaunt.
1078
00:45:36,767 --> 00:45:39,217
- Oh, dear, what's happened?
1079
00:45:39,217 --> 00:45:40,050
- Nothing.
1080
00:45:40,970 --> 00:45:43,004
- Nothings happened, yet you're standing
1081
00:45:43,004 --> 00:45:45,337
nearly naked in front of me?
1082
00:45:47,972 --> 00:45:52,231
Alright, what's going
on with you and Andy?
1083
00:45:52,231 --> 00:45:54,472
- I think it's over, mom.
1084
00:45:54,472 --> 00:45:56,531
I went crazy and I stole his boots.
1085
00:45:56,531 --> 00:45:58,265
- Oh, what did you do that for?
1086
00:45:58,265 --> 00:45:59,507
They're hideous.
1087
00:45:59,507 --> 00:46:00,740
- I know.
1088
00:46:00,740 --> 00:46:02,505
But I love him, mom.
1089
00:46:02,505 --> 00:46:03,482
And when you love someone,
1090
00:46:03,482 --> 00:46:06,262
even the ugly things about
them become things of beauty.
1091
00:46:06,262 --> 00:46:08,251
- Kinda like the way I feel about you.
1092
00:46:08,251 --> 00:46:09,767
- Thank you.
1093
00:46:09,767 --> 00:46:11,767
But you don't think I'm beautiful.
1094
00:46:11,767 --> 00:46:16,434
- Beautiful doesn't even begin
to describe what you are.
1095
00:46:16,434 --> 00:46:18,303
- I'm not sure I like where this is going.
1096
00:46:18,303 --> 00:46:19,136
(laughing)
1097
00:46:19,136 --> 00:46:22,003
- Oh, you mean the world to me, Bob.
1098
00:46:22,003 --> 00:46:25,586
And if Andy can't see
that, then screw him.
1099
00:46:26,471 --> 00:46:28,760
You wanna hop back on that pony?
1100
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:30,843
Bring him back his boots!
1101
00:46:35,224 --> 00:46:39,391
At my age, you gotta take
it where you can get it.
1102
00:46:40,235 --> 00:46:42,818
So, take it while you're young.
1103
00:46:45,476 --> 00:46:46,488
(kissing)
1104
00:46:46,488 --> 00:46:47,321
Oh, baby.
1105
00:46:47,321 --> 00:46:50,238
(slow piano music)
1106
00:47:07,239 --> 00:47:10,156
(knocking on door)
1107
00:47:19,484 --> 00:47:22,067
(door opening)
1108
00:47:40,483 --> 00:47:43,190
- Look, I'm going through a
lot of crazy things right now,
1109
00:47:43,190 --> 00:47:44,715
what you did really scared me.
1110
00:47:44,715 --> 00:47:46,798
- I'm sorry, never again.
1111
00:47:48,466 --> 00:47:49,981
- Promise?
1112
00:47:49,981 --> 00:47:51,971
- Cross my fingers and hope to die.
1113
00:47:51,971 --> 00:47:53,790
- I think you're suppose
to cross your heart.
1114
00:47:53,790 --> 00:47:57,469
- Well, I would but, somebody
has already stolen that.
1115
00:47:57,469 --> 00:47:59,869
- Kind of like the rascal
who stole my boots?
1116
00:47:59,869 --> 00:48:00,702
- Kind of.
1117
00:48:02,240 --> 00:48:04,150
Hey, my mother is having
her art exhibit next week
1118
00:48:04,150 --> 00:48:07,503
and she specifically
told me to invite you.
1119
00:48:07,503 --> 00:48:08,995
- Yes.
1120
00:48:08,995 --> 00:48:11,245
But only because it's your mom.
1121
00:48:11,245 --> 00:48:12,995
You I'm still mad at.
1122
00:48:18,194 --> 00:48:19,361
- Is that Tag?
1123
00:48:20,745 --> 00:48:22,110
- Yeah, that's one of the crazy things
1124
00:48:22,110 --> 00:48:24,503
I'm dealing with right now.
1125
00:48:24,503 --> 00:48:26,292
- What crazy thing is that?
1126
00:48:26,292 --> 00:48:28,523
- Oh, I'll tell you later.
1127
00:48:28,523 --> 00:48:30,231
- Please tell me know.
1128
00:48:30,231 --> 00:48:33,488
- I'll tell you later, I promise.
1129
00:48:33,488 --> 00:48:36,723
- Did you have sex with him too?
1130
00:48:36,723 --> 00:48:39,251
- You know, I'm not gonna respond to that.
1131
00:48:39,251 --> 00:48:41,245
- I think we should end this.
1132
00:48:41,245 --> 00:48:42,818
- Look, you don't know
what's going on, Bob.
1133
00:48:42,818 --> 00:48:43,797
And you don't trust me.
1134
00:48:43,797 --> 00:48:45,328
- You're the one who totally cast me aside
1135
00:48:45,328 --> 00:48:46,819
when you were knee deep in writing.
1136
00:48:46,819 --> 00:48:49,019
You have time for Tag but
you don't have time for me?
1137
00:48:49,019 --> 00:48:51,502
- I'm trying as hard as I can.
1138
00:48:51,502 --> 00:48:54,978
- Why don't you try being honest?
1139
00:48:54,978 --> 00:48:56,294
Tell Tag to come out here.
1140
00:48:56,294 --> 00:48:58,137
- No, he doesn't want anyone
to know that he's here.
1141
00:48:58,137 --> 00:48:59,514
Okay, you're being inappropriate.
1142
00:48:59,514 --> 00:49:01,335
- I have never been one to be appropriate.
1143
00:49:01,335 --> 00:49:02,168
Try me.
1144
00:49:04,259 --> 00:49:05,569
- Oh, well, how's about
I take you on a date
1145
00:49:05,569 --> 00:49:07,673
to the sandwich truck,
I'll tell you there.
1146
00:49:07,673 --> 00:49:08,506
- No.
1147
00:49:10,785 --> 00:49:12,696
I can't spend any more
time thinking about you
1148
00:49:12,696 --> 00:49:14,518
because it's driving me crazy.
1149
00:49:14,518 --> 00:49:17,518
I don't think I can go on like this.
1150
00:49:19,229 --> 00:49:21,729
- I'm sorry you feel that way.
1151
00:49:27,483 --> 00:49:30,400
(electronic music)
1152
00:49:44,756 --> 00:49:47,926
- Bartender, give me a shot of
the strongest thing you have.
1153
00:49:47,926 --> 00:49:49,419
- We have wine or beer.
1154
00:49:49,419 --> 00:49:50,252
- What do you mean?
1155
00:49:50,252 --> 00:49:53,061
I specifically remember
ordering vodka for this party.
1156
00:49:53,061 --> 00:49:55,502
- I'm paying for this
out of pocket, you know.
1157
00:49:55,502 --> 00:49:58,504
- Mom, it was a donation
from the liquor company.
1158
00:49:58,504 --> 00:50:01,258
- Well, why didn't you tell me sooner?
1159
00:50:01,258 --> 00:50:02,992
Oh, mama needs a martini.
1160
00:50:02,992 --> 00:50:04,756
- That's why I'm the party planner,
1161
00:50:04,756 --> 00:50:07,011
and as your consultant, I should say,
1162
00:50:07,011 --> 00:50:08,767
people might take you might
seriously as an artist
1163
00:50:08,767 --> 00:50:11,741
if you stop dressing like
a comic book villain.
1164
00:50:11,741 --> 00:50:12,847
- Is the cape too much?
1165
00:50:12,847 --> 00:50:13,680
- Oh, yes.
1166
00:50:14,706 --> 00:50:15,742
- It'll be great on you.
1167
00:50:15,742 --> 00:50:18,325
- No. (laughs)
1168
00:50:19,263 --> 00:50:20,764
So where are your pictures?
1169
00:50:20,764 --> 00:50:22,181
- Right this way.
1170
00:50:23,985 --> 00:50:24,818
- Oh, my.
1171
00:50:25,739 --> 00:50:27,999
Those are exactly what I think they are.
1172
00:50:27,999 --> 00:50:30,224
- It's a tribute to my best asset.
1173
00:50:30,224 --> 00:50:31,489
- No kidding.
1174
00:50:31,489 --> 00:50:34,675
- Mom, when you said pussy I
really thought you meant cat.
1175
00:50:34,675 --> 00:50:35,987
- And you are?
1176
00:50:35,987 --> 00:50:37,491
- Tag, not invited.
1177
00:50:37,491 --> 00:50:38,999
What are you doing here?
1178
00:50:38,999 --> 00:50:41,260
- Time for a costume change!
1179
00:50:41,260 --> 00:50:42,508
- Who did you come with?
1180
00:50:42,508 --> 00:50:43,569
- I came on my own.
1181
00:50:43,569 --> 00:50:44,912
- Oh, that's so hard to believe.
1182
00:50:44,912 --> 00:50:47,273
- Look, I know you saw me at
Andy's house the other day.
1183
00:50:47,273 --> 00:50:48,225
- Hm.
1184
00:50:48,225 --> 00:50:50,490
- Bob, I'm not here to fight with you.
1185
00:50:50,490 --> 00:50:52,766
Okay, Lana and I are
ending our relationship.
1186
00:50:52,766 --> 00:50:54,511
- What am I supposed to say to that?
1187
00:50:54,511 --> 00:50:56,016
That I'm happy for her?
1188
00:50:56,016 --> 00:50:57,526
That I'm sad for you?
1189
00:50:57,526 --> 00:50:59,503
- You don't have to say anything to me.
1190
00:50:59,503 --> 00:51:04,223
Okay, Andy has been helping
me come to terms with myself.
1191
00:51:04,223 --> 00:51:07,473
It's him you need to apologize to.
1192
00:51:07,473 --> 00:51:09,733
- Wait, so you two never?
1193
00:51:09,733 --> 00:51:12,498
- (laughs) No.
1194
00:51:12,498 --> 00:51:15,229
- Oh my god, I'm such an idiot.
1195
00:51:15,229 --> 00:51:16,646
Top yourself off.
1196
00:51:18,239 --> 00:51:19,572
- You're a star.
1197
00:51:21,488 --> 00:51:22,321
- Wah!
1198
00:51:27,482 --> 00:51:28,476
- Bob!
1199
00:51:28,476 --> 00:51:29,507
Bob, what are you doing?
1200
00:51:29,507 --> 00:51:31,001
- I'm a horrible person.
1201
00:51:31,001 --> 00:51:32,409
- Oh, just you because
you spilled a little wine
1202
00:51:32,409 --> 00:51:34,496
on yourself, you don't
have to beat yourself up.
1203
00:51:34,496 --> 00:51:35,772
- No, you don't understand.
1204
00:51:35,772 --> 00:51:38,717
I finally found someone who
loved me and I ruined it.
1205
00:51:38,717 --> 00:51:40,503
I hate myself so much right now.
1206
00:51:40,503 --> 00:51:42,753
- Oh, Bob, bob, I love you.
1207
00:51:44,245 --> 00:51:48,498
Even though you're
upstaging me at my show.
1208
00:51:48,498 --> 00:51:49,331
Oh, oh.
1209
00:51:50,518 --> 00:51:53,435
(slow piano music)
1210
00:51:54,973 --> 00:51:56,001
- Andy, it's Bob.
1211
00:51:56,001 --> 00:51:58,012
I'm sorry for being such an idiot.
1212
00:51:58,012 --> 00:51:59,452
Can you call me?
1213
00:51:59,452 --> 00:52:01,002
I wanna apologize.
1214
00:52:01,002 --> 00:52:03,259
- Bob, are you okay?
1215
00:52:03,259 --> 00:52:04,092
I'm sorry.
1216
00:52:08,251 --> 00:52:09,084
Bob!
1217
00:52:09,084 --> 00:52:12,167
(somber piano music)
1218
00:52:39,405 --> 00:52:42,241
(phone ringing)
1219
00:52:42,241 --> 00:52:43,459
- Andy?
1220
00:52:43,459 --> 00:52:44,834
- This is Dr. Barrenbottom,
1221
00:52:44,834 --> 00:52:46,476
I have a slot open for next week.
1222
00:52:46,476 --> 00:52:49,004
Some wimp got cold feet
at the last minute.
1223
00:52:49,004 --> 00:52:51,765
His loss is the start of
your wonderful new body.
1224
00:52:51,765 --> 00:52:53,131
- Can I get back to you?
1225
00:52:53,131 --> 00:52:53,967
- [Dr. Barrenbottom] The clock's ticking
1226
00:52:53,967 --> 00:52:55,560
and you're not getting any skinnier.
1227
00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:59,234
(phone hanging up)
1228
00:52:59,234 --> 00:53:01,223
- How many sandwiches?
1229
00:53:01,223 --> 00:53:03,524
- Uhm, can you tell me
if you've seen Andy?
1230
00:53:03,524 --> 00:53:04,761
- You want a sandwich or not?
1231
00:53:04,761 --> 00:53:06,497
- Sure, I'll take a sandwich.
1232
00:53:06,497 --> 00:53:07,772
- Everything on it?
1233
00:53:07,772 --> 00:53:08,989
- Yes.
1234
00:53:08,989 --> 00:53:13,261
But can you please tell
me if you've seen Andy?
1235
00:53:13,261 --> 00:53:14,990
- Who are you?
1236
00:53:14,990 --> 00:53:16,482
- Bob.
1237
00:53:16,482 --> 00:53:19,980
- Oh, you're the one that
made Andy stop coming here,
1238
00:53:19,980 --> 00:53:23,273
because he said my sandwiches
reminds him of you.
1239
00:53:23,273 --> 00:53:24,801
- He said that?
1240
00:53:24,801 --> 00:53:27,801
- You're not good for business, kid.
1241
00:53:29,482 --> 00:53:30,482
- Thank you.
1242
00:53:31,696 --> 00:53:32,746
- Next.
1243
00:53:32,746 --> 00:53:33,929
(thunder rumbling)
1244
00:53:33,929 --> 00:53:36,512
(pouring rain)
1245
00:53:42,987 --> 00:53:44,501
- Can I join you?
1246
00:53:44,501 --> 00:53:46,786
- Tag, what are you doing here?
1247
00:53:46,786 --> 00:53:49,988
- You know, I heard the
sandwiches were really good.
1248
00:53:49,988 --> 00:53:50,987
Can I sit?
1249
00:53:50,987 --> 00:53:51,820
- Sure.
1250
00:53:52,699 --> 00:53:56,240
- Well, I guess we're
in the same club now.
1251
00:53:56,240 --> 00:53:59,209
- We are not in the same club.
1252
00:53:59,209 --> 00:54:02,459
- I mean, we both had our heart broken.
1253
00:54:05,244 --> 00:54:08,411
- Tag, look at you and now look at me.
1254
00:54:11,295 --> 00:54:15,449
- (laughs) Just because
I'm not you doesn't mean
1255
00:54:15,449 --> 00:54:19,616
I can't understand what it
is you're going through.
1256
00:54:24,731 --> 00:54:27,475
- The gay status quo that
I have failed to live up to
1257
00:54:27,475 --> 00:54:30,808
can really kill a guy, you have no idea.
1258
00:54:32,474 --> 00:54:34,057
- I have some idea.
1259
00:54:37,243 --> 00:54:41,213
You look at me, you judge
me based on my looks.
1260
00:54:41,213 --> 00:54:43,254
Okay, you reduce me to what you see
1261
00:54:43,254 --> 00:54:45,504
instead of who I really am.
1262
00:54:46,976 --> 00:54:48,226
- You're right.
1263
00:54:49,247 --> 00:54:50,664
I have done that.
1264
00:54:52,265 --> 00:54:53,098
I'm sorry.
1265
00:54:56,019 --> 00:55:00,507
- (sighs) Well, don't guard the flask.
1266
00:55:00,507 --> 00:55:02,761
(sighs)
1267
00:55:02,761 --> 00:55:06,928
After a while I don't expect
anyone to understand who I am.
1268
00:55:10,735 --> 00:55:12,765
They project on me what
they wanna see anyways,
1269
00:55:12,765 --> 00:55:14,977
so what's the point of saying anything.
1270
00:55:14,977 --> 00:55:16,977
(sighs)
1271
00:55:18,210 --> 00:55:20,293
I'm not the bad guy, Bob.
1272
00:55:22,755 --> 00:55:25,255
- I'm sorry if I offended you.
1273
00:55:32,987 --> 00:55:35,233
Can you call me a taxi?
1274
00:55:35,233 --> 00:55:36,995
(laughing)
1275
00:55:36,995 --> 00:55:38,494
- Well, I drove here.
1276
00:55:38,494 --> 00:55:40,327
I can give you a ride.
1277
00:55:42,731 --> 00:55:46,004
- Anything's better than
sitting here in the rain.
1278
00:55:46,004 --> 00:55:46,978
- Alright.
1279
00:55:46,978 --> 00:55:48,488
Oh, here we go.
1280
00:55:48,488 --> 00:55:49,821
Oh, there we go.
1281
00:55:51,243 --> 00:55:52,500
You'll be alright, buddy.
1282
00:55:52,500 --> 00:55:55,583
(somber piano music)
1283
00:56:01,262 --> 00:56:02,095
Alright.
1284
00:56:03,005 --> 00:56:05,505
Okay, oh, oh, oh. (laughs)
1285
00:56:05,505 --> 00:56:07,985
No more alcohol for you, Bob.
1286
00:56:07,985 --> 00:56:11,818
- No one ever told how
hard gay life would be.
1287
00:56:13,260 --> 00:56:15,759
- Hey, was Andy your big, gay love?
1288
00:56:15,759 --> 00:56:18,225
- Who told you about that?
1289
00:56:18,225 --> 00:56:20,527
- (laughs) No one had to tell me.
1290
00:56:20,527 --> 00:56:24,027
- No, I mean, who told you the expression?
1291
00:56:24,994 --> 00:56:27,161
- That, Lana told me that.
1292
00:56:29,270 --> 00:56:32,020
I still don't know what it means.
1293
00:56:33,244 --> 00:56:36,161
- Love so big, it becomes infinite.
1294
00:56:39,476 --> 00:56:42,559
A love so gay, it contains no sorrow.
1295
00:56:45,502 --> 00:56:46,669
Big, gay love.
1296
00:56:51,749 --> 00:56:55,832
A love so unconditional,
you could never find it.
1297
00:56:59,257 --> 00:57:00,090
- Wow.
1298
00:57:00,995 --> 00:57:05,162
So you don't think you'll
ever find your big, gay love?
1299
00:57:06,503 --> 00:57:08,003
Does it scare you?
1300
00:57:11,510 --> 00:57:13,510
You know what scares me?
1301
00:57:14,731 --> 00:57:15,648
Loneliness.
1302
00:57:17,508 --> 00:57:20,242
- (laughs) I'm surrounded
by people all the time,
1303
00:57:20,242 --> 00:57:24,409
so when I'm by myself the
silence really scares me.
1304
00:57:26,980 --> 00:57:29,502
- Silence is beautiful.
1305
00:57:29,502 --> 00:57:33,669
Without the silence you can't
learn to filter out the noise.
1306
00:57:40,251 --> 00:57:43,488
- What if the person you
thought you cared about most,
1307
00:57:43,488 --> 00:57:45,155
isn't the right one?
1308
00:57:47,494 --> 00:57:50,161
- Let's be sad for a little bit.
1309
00:57:51,231 --> 00:57:52,564
Close your eyes.
1310
00:57:56,000 --> 00:57:57,971
Listen to your own breath.
1311
00:57:57,971 --> 00:58:00,804
(breathes slowly)
1312
00:58:09,011 --> 00:58:10,516
Tag, no.
1313
00:58:10,516 --> 00:58:11,349
- Bob.
1314
00:58:12,467 --> 00:58:13,300
Hi.
1315
00:58:15,734 --> 00:58:17,817
I think you're beautiful.
1316
00:58:20,748 --> 00:58:23,229
(kissing)
1317
00:58:23,229 --> 00:58:25,396
(panting)
1318
00:58:37,246 --> 00:58:40,246
(somber jazz music)
1319
00:58:48,458 --> 00:58:50,994
- Any updates on Andy, Mr. Tran?
1320
00:58:50,994 --> 00:58:53,231
- Do I look like a psychic hotline?
1321
00:58:53,231 --> 00:58:54,771
- Please, just tell me.
1322
00:58:54,771 --> 00:58:55,771
- No, sorry.
1323
00:58:57,478 --> 00:58:58,311
Sandwich?
1324
00:58:58,311 --> 00:59:01,311
(somber jazz music)
1325
00:59:04,964 --> 00:59:05,964
- Thank you.
1326
00:59:07,495 --> 00:59:10,412
(train rolling by)
1327
00:59:13,982 --> 00:59:17,739
Oh, Mr. Tran, can we
wait a little bit longer?
1328
00:59:17,739 --> 00:59:19,232
Please?
1329
00:59:19,232 --> 00:59:22,232
(somber jazz music)
1330
00:59:52,985 --> 00:59:56,521
Mr. Tran, can we wait a little bit longer?
1331
00:59:56,521 --> 00:59:58,938
- You are not the boss of me.
1332
01:00:01,486 --> 01:00:04,736
Being here isn't gonna change anything.
1333
01:00:05,769 --> 01:00:08,993
What's the point when he
doesn't even know you're here?
1334
01:00:08,993 --> 01:00:10,326
- Pretty please?
1335
01:00:14,012 --> 01:00:16,595
- You are hopeless, aren't you?
1336
01:00:19,745 --> 01:00:23,023
- Haven't you ever been in love, Mr. Tran.
1337
01:00:23,023 --> 01:00:23,856
- No.
1338
01:00:26,248 --> 01:00:27,665
Okay, maybe once.
1339
01:00:30,508 --> 01:00:32,591
You want me to stay open?
1340
01:00:34,236 --> 01:00:35,736
Go scrub my grill.
1341
01:00:39,748 --> 01:00:40,893
Okay, I'm closing.
1342
01:00:40,893 --> 01:00:42,976
- Okay, okay. I'm coming.
1343
01:00:44,754 --> 01:00:46,587
- Apron's on the door.
1344
01:00:47,476 --> 01:00:49,726
The gloves are in the back.
1345
01:00:57,017 --> 01:00:59,260
(knocking on window)
1346
01:00:59,260 --> 01:01:00,093
- Andy!
1347
01:01:01,008 --> 01:01:02,509
- What are you doing?
1348
01:01:02,509 --> 01:01:04,009
- I got a new job.
1349
01:01:08,992 --> 01:01:10,075
- Andy, wait.
1350
01:01:11,739 --> 01:01:13,010
- I don't wanna see you ever again.
1351
01:01:13,010 --> 01:01:13,991
- Please don't go, we had a date
1352
01:01:13,991 --> 01:01:16,250
to meet at the sandwich truck, remember?
1353
01:01:16,250 --> 01:01:20,258
- Isn't it ironic that you're
the one who cheated on me?
1354
01:01:20,258 --> 01:01:21,507
- Who told you that?
1355
01:01:21,507 --> 01:01:22,340
Tag?
1356
01:01:22,340 --> 01:01:23,173
- Lana.
1357
01:01:23,173 --> 01:01:24,262
Tag told her everything.
1358
01:01:24,262 --> 01:01:26,756
That you got him drunk
and then you seduced him.
1359
01:01:26,756 --> 01:01:29,494
- That is not what happened at all.
1360
01:01:29,494 --> 01:01:31,744
- But it did happen, right?
1361
01:01:34,751 --> 01:01:37,418
You've never been so ugly to me.
1362
01:01:38,259 --> 01:01:41,991
- I never believed I
deserved someone like you.
1363
01:01:41,991 --> 01:01:44,505
Growing up gay no one
tells you how to love.
1364
01:01:44,505 --> 01:01:49,472
- Bob, I loved you because I
thought you were different.
1365
01:01:49,472 --> 01:01:51,766
I didn't have to put
my guard up around you.
1366
01:01:51,766 --> 01:01:55,281
I didn't have to suck in
my belly when I felt fat.
1367
01:01:55,281 --> 01:01:56,758
I didn't have to pretend that,
1368
01:01:56,758 --> 01:01:59,780
I don't know, that i was somebody else.
1369
01:01:59,780 --> 01:02:00,752
But I was wrong.
1370
01:02:00,752 --> 01:02:02,258
- No, you are not wrong.
1371
01:02:02,258 --> 01:02:03,985
- I'm done.
1372
01:02:03,985 --> 01:02:06,494
I'm dropping the book
and I'm dropping you.
1373
01:02:06,494 --> 01:02:08,280
- Please, even if you
never talk to me again,
1374
01:02:08,280 --> 01:02:10,697
you have to finish your book.
1375
01:02:11,759 --> 01:02:15,466
- You know what, I just need a break.
1376
01:02:15,466 --> 01:02:18,764
- I think I might go to Palm
Springs with Aiden and Chase.
1377
01:02:18,764 --> 01:02:20,997
- That's a terrible idea.
1378
01:02:20,997 --> 01:02:21,918
- And I know what you're thinking,
1379
01:02:21,918 --> 01:02:24,251
you know what, I don't care.
1380
01:02:32,491 --> 01:02:35,251
(sad piano music)
1381
01:02:35,251 --> 01:02:38,742
- Just don't stand here, Bob,
go get your big, gay love!
1382
01:02:38,742 --> 01:02:41,575
(sad piano music)
1383
01:02:48,501 --> 01:02:51,251
(car drives off)
1384
01:03:09,010 --> 01:03:11,105
- [Voiceover] You've
reached Billy Gene's realty,
1385
01:03:11,105 --> 01:03:13,499
where finding your dream
home is my mission.
1386
01:03:13,499 --> 01:03:14,448
Leave a message.
1387
01:03:14,448 --> 01:03:15,281
(voice mail tone beeps)
1388
01:03:15,281 --> 01:03:16,502
- This is Bob.
1389
01:03:16,502 --> 01:03:18,993
I don't think I want the house.
1390
01:03:18,993 --> 01:03:22,011
It's beautiful, it's perfect in every way,
1391
01:03:22,011 --> 01:03:25,734
but I've had a lot of unexpected
changes come up in my life.
1392
01:03:25,734 --> 01:03:27,484
- [Billy] Hello? Bob?
1393
01:03:28,507 --> 01:03:29,674
May I ask why?
1394
01:03:30,753 --> 01:03:32,042
- It's not the right time.
1395
01:03:32,042 --> 01:03:33,020
- [Billy] Why don't you sleep on it
1396
01:03:33,020 --> 01:03:34,306
and get back to me in the morning.
1397
01:03:34,306 --> 01:03:37,264
- I have an appointment in the
morning that I have to keep.
1398
01:03:37,264 --> 01:03:39,748
- [Billy] It sounds serious, are you okay?
1399
01:03:39,748 --> 01:03:42,772
- [Bob] I suppose I will be
when the procedure is done.
1400
01:03:42,772 --> 01:03:45,224
- [Billy] Are you sure about that, Bob?
1401
01:03:45,224 --> 01:03:46,141
Hello? Bob?
1402
01:03:47,225 --> 01:03:48,058
Bob!
1403
01:03:49,454 --> 01:03:50,819
- [Voiceover] Bob.
1404
01:03:50,819 --> 01:03:53,494
- Bob! I'm so glad you could
find time in your schedule
1405
01:03:53,494 --> 01:03:54,993
for us today.
1406
01:03:54,993 --> 01:03:57,510
It looks like it's gonna be a two-man job.
1407
01:03:57,510 --> 01:03:59,733
So I brought my right-hand man. (laughs)
1408
01:03:59,733 --> 01:04:00,816
He's a lefty.
1409
01:04:01,992 --> 01:04:03,502
- Bob, how are you?
1410
01:04:03,502 --> 01:04:04,964
Are you nervous?
1411
01:04:04,964 --> 01:04:05,797
- Little.
1412
01:04:05,797 --> 01:04:06,748
- A little bit, okay.
1413
01:04:06,748 --> 01:04:09,702
We're just gonna make this
really comfortable for you.
1414
01:04:09,702 --> 01:04:13,498
Let's bring this down, cover
up your john-johns there.
1415
01:04:13,498 --> 01:04:16,490
And we're gonna take our
time marking you, okay?
1416
01:04:16,490 --> 01:04:18,990
(eerie music)
1417
01:04:22,755 --> 01:04:25,210
(silicone flopping)
1418
01:04:25,210 --> 01:04:28,043
(heavy breathing)
1419
01:04:58,750 --> 01:05:01,012
(door opening)
1420
01:05:01,012 --> 01:05:01,845
- Andy?
1421
01:05:03,224 --> 01:05:04,057
- What's the matter?
1422
01:05:04,057 --> 01:05:05,714
It looks like you seen a ghost.
1423
01:05:05,714 --> 01:05:08,214
(eerie music)
1424
01:05:11,743 --> 01:05:14,485
- I'm so happy to see you.
1425
01:05:14,485 --> 01:05:16,978
- Why are you so emotional?
1426
01:05:16,978 --> 01:05:18,522
Eat your breakfast.
1427
01:05:18,522 --> 01:05:22,272
I'm gonna get dressed
and get ready for work.
1428
01:05:24,505 --> 01:05:25,979
(footsteps walking away)
1429
01:05:25,979 --> 01:05:28,748
(eerie music)
1430
01:05:28,748 --> 01:05:29,581
(heart monitor beeping)
1431
01:05:29,581 --> 01:05:32,016
(door opening)
1432
01:05:32,016 --> 01:05:32,994
- Bob?
1433
01:05:32,994 --> 01:05:34,496
Are you alright?
1434
01:05:34,496 --> 01:05:36,742
Do you feel the anesthesia kicking in?
1435
01:05:36,742 --> 01:05:37,575
- Yes.
1436
01:05:38,730 --> 01:05:41,281
Can you ask the doctor to come in, please?
1437
01:05:41,281 --> 01:05:42,480
- Just a moment.
1438
01:05:42,480 --> 01:05:45,527
(heart monitor beeping)
1439
01:05:45,527 --> 01:05:48,494
(door opening)
1440
01:05:48,494 --> 01:05:49,577
- Hello, Bob.
1441
01:05:51,978 --> 01:05:53,257
- Aiden?
1442
01:05:53,257 --> 01:05:56,224
- No, sir, this is Dr. Barrenbottom.
1443
01:05:56,224 --> 01:05:58,250
I think it's the drug talking.
1444
01:05:58,250 --> 01:06:01,505
- How much anesthesia
did you give him, nurse?
1445
01:06:01,505 --> 01:06:05,760
I know you're nervous, but
everything will be fine.
1446
01:06:05,760 --> 01:06:07,263
- Oh my god, what have I done?
1447
01:06:07,263 --> 01:06:08,731
- Oh, Bob.
1448
01:06:08,731 --> 01:06:10,467
Don't worry.
1449
01:06:10,467 --> 01:06:13,011
Do you want some drugs
to ease your tension?
1450
01:06:13,011 --> 01:06:14,768
- No, I don't want any more drugs.
1451
01:06:14,768 --> 01:06:16,751
I wanna get out of here.
1452
01:06:16,751 --> 01:06:17,979
I want Andy.
1453
01:06:17,979 --> 01:06:19,499
(laughing)
1454
01:06:19,499 --> 01:06:22,256
- We can't release you while
you're under anesthesia.
1455
01:06:22,256 --> 01:06:24,015
- Let go of me.
1456
01:06:24,015 --> 01:06:26,231
I want a second opinion.
1457
01:06:26,231 --> 01:06:27,960
- Very well.
1458
01:06:27,960 --> 01:06:29,507
Can you bring my partner in here?
1459
01:06:29,507 --> 01:06:33,257
(heart monitor beeping fast)
1460
01:06:37,481 --> 01:06:38,997
- Hello, Bob.
1461
01:06:38,997 --> 01:06:39,830
- Ahhh!
1462
01:06:42,461 --> 01:06:43,878
- Bob, calm down.
1463
01:06:45,239 --> 01:06:46,072
- No! No!
1464
01:06:47,467 --> 01:06:48,454
No!
1465
01:06:48,454 --> 01:06:50,525
- Why are you here, then?
1466
01:06:50,525 --> 01:06:52,497
You wanna be perfect, don't you?
1467
01:06:52,497 --> 01:06:54,240
- I don't wanna be perfect.
1468
01:06:54,240 --> 01:06:56,754
I just want a second chance at life.
1469
01:06:56,754 --> 01:06:59,671
- Good, that's what we're here for.
1470
01:07:00,722 --> 01:07:02,241
Let's commence.
1471
01:07:02,241 --> 01:07:05,257
(eerie music)
1472
01:07:05,257 --> 01:07:07,180
- Please, don't let me go, Andy.
1473
01:07:07,180 --> 01:07:09,506
(heart monitor beeping)
1474
01:07:09,506 --> 01:07:12,006
(eerie music)
1475
01:07:15,708 --> 01:07:18,041
(footsteps)
1476
01:07:24,011 --> 01:07:26,178
(kissing)
1477
01:07:27,276 --> 01:07:29,469
(footsteps)
1478
01:07:29,469 --> 01:07:31,969
(eerie music)
1479
01:07:34,539 --> 01:07:37,289
(birds chirping)
1480
01:07:43,494 --> 01:07:46,161
(door creaking)
1481
01:07:49,219 --> 01:07:50,745
(truck engine approaches)
1482
01:07:50,745 --> 01:07:53,412
(intense music)
1483
01:07:55,491 --> 01:07:59,233
(slow somber music)
1484
01:07:59,233 --> 01:08:00,066
- Andy?
1485
01:08:03,229 --> 01:08:04,062
I'm sorry.
1486
01:08:05,621 --> 01:08:07,469
I'm so, so sorry.
1487
01:08:07,469 --> 01:08:08,302
- Shh.
1488
01:08:09,499 --> 01:08:11,500
Let's get you out of here.
1489
01:08:11,500 --> 01:08:12,333
Come on.
1490
01:08:12,333 --> 01:08:15,333
(slow somber music)
1491
01:08:16,240 --> 01:08:17,157
Easy, easy.
1492
01:08:18,986 --> 01:08:19,819
Okay.
1493
01:08:21,729 --> 01:08:22,982
(door opening)
1494
01:08:22,982 --> 01:08:25,649
(playful music)
1495
01:08:34,991 --> 01:08:39,158
- Stop thinking about taking
my boyfriend, you pricks!
1496
01:08:40,253 --> 01:08:41,479
- Bob, what the hell are you doing?
1497
01:08:41,479 --> 01:08:43,508
- Having a little fun with Aiden.
1498
01:08:43,508 --> 01:08:44,508
- That's not Aiden.
1499
01:08:44,508 --> 01:08:45,430
- Who is it?
1500
01:08:45,430 --> 01:08:46,572
- That's your doctor.
1501
01:08:46,572 --> 01:08:47,405
- Oh.
1502
01:08:47,405 --> 01:08:50,072
(playful music)
1503
01:08:50,957 --> 01:08:51,790
- Going down.
1504
01:08:51,790 --> 01:08:53,240
- Hi.
1505
01:08:53,240 --> 01:08:54,489
Hey.
1506
01:08:54,489 --> 01:08:55,322
Lana, hi.
1507
01:08:56,222 --> 01:08:57,487
- [Lana] He is high.
1508
01:08:57,487 --> 01:09:00,154
(playful music)
1509
01:09:18,504 --> 01:09:21,087
(car starting)
1510
01:09:25,580 --> 01:09:27,506
- How did you know to save me?
1511
01:09:27,506 --> 01:09:29,243
- What do you mean save you?
1512
01:09:29,243 --> 01:09:31,253
- I think he's still under the influence.
1513
01:09:31,253 --> 01:09:32,229
- Your doctor called and said
1514
01:09:32,229 --> 01:09:34,001
that you were pretty hysterical.
1515
01:09:34,001 --> 01:09:35,418
- Me? Hysterical?
1516
01:09:36,508 --> 01:09:38,341
Why would he say that?
1517
01:09:40,749 --> 01:09:43,554
I'm really sorry I hurt you, Lana.
1518
01:09:43,554 --> 01:09:45,463
- [Lana] It's okay.
1519
01:09:45,463 --> 01:09:47,250
I'm not that hurt anyway.
1520
01:09:47,250 --> 01:09:48,083
- [Bob] Really?
1521
01:09:48,083 --> 01:09:49,051
- [Lana] Yeah.
1522
01:09:49,051 --> 01:09:49,978
- [Bob] Well, if it means anything,
1523
01:09:49,978 --> 01:09:53,224
I never wanted a thing to do with him.
1524
01:09:53,224 --> 01:09:56,974
- Look, you're my best
friend and I love you.
1525
01:09:59,751 --> 01:10:01,516
But you have to promise
me that from now on,
1526
01:10:01,516 --> 01:10:04,260
you'll take better care of yourself.
1527
01:10:04,260 --> 01:10:08,044
You know you have to learn
how to love yourself.
1528
01:10:08,044 --> 01:10:10,877
- No one can replace you, or Andy.
1529
01:10:13,236 --> 01:10:16,249
- Oh, but Aiden and Chase can replace me.
1530
01:10:16,249 --> 01:10:18,498
Guess who's going to Palm Springs now?
1531
01:10:18,498 --> 01:10:19,331
- No.
1532
01:10:20,968 --> 01:10:22,968
(sighs)
1533
01:10:34,513 --> 01:10:35,346
- Mm.
1534
01:10:37,733 --> 01:10:38,566
Harder.
1535
01:10:39,509 --> 01:10:40,488
- Yeah.
1536
01:10:40,488 --> 01:10:41,321
- Harder.
1537
01:10:45,017 --> 01:10:47,920
(doorbell rings)
1538
01:10:47,920 --> 01:10:48,753
(sighs)
1539
01:10:48,753 --> 01:10:50,253
That must be Tag.
1540
01:10:50,253 --> 01:10:52,503
(laughing)
1541
01:10:56,718 --> 01:10:58,174
What are you doing?
1542
01:10:58,174 --> 01:11:00,507
- Well, is my hair in place?
1543
01:11:03,233 --> 01:11:05,900
- You wanna really surprise him?
1544
01:11:08,502 --> 01:11:11,235
(gasps)
1545
01:11:11,235 --> 01:11:12,777
What about you?
1546
01:11:12,777 --> 01:11:13,610
- Hm.
1547
01:11:16,745 --> 01:11:17,578
- Ready?
1548
01:11:17,578 --> 01:11:18,411
(door opens)
1549
01:11:18,411 --> 01:11:19,774
- Hello, lovers.
1550
01:11:19,774 --> 01:11:22,536
- [Both] Ah! (gasps)
1551
01:11:22,536 --> 01:11:24,490
- Oh, why so shy, boys?
1552
01:11:24,490 --> 01:11:28,073
- Uh, Mrs. Bartholomew,
are you doing here?
1553
01:11:29,978 --> 01:11:34,248
- Why, I'm here to return the
favor that you've done to Bob.
1554
01:11:34,248 --> 01:11:37,732
I'm also here for the menage a trois.
1555
01:11:37,732 --> 01:11:40,744
- I'm sorry, we really must be going.
1556
01:11:40,744 --> 01:11:43,161
- Oh, what's the hurry, boys?
1557
01:11:44,255 --> 01:11:46,509
I brought party favors.
1558
01:11:46,509 --> 01:11:47,562
- Oh.
1559
01:11:47,562 --> 01:11:50,990
- I hope you have big appetites.
1560
01:11:50,990 --> 01:11:52,823
Because mama's hungry.
1561
01:11:54,235 --> 01:11:56,005
- [Both] Ahh!
1562
01:11:56,005 --> 01:11:59,005
(car doors opening)
1563
01:12:00,988 --> 01:12:03,571
- I'm gonna get you some shoes.
1564
01:12:08,069 --> 01:12:08,902
Here.
1565
01:12:08,902 --> 01:12:09,735
- Oh, no. Not those.
1566
01:12:09,735 --> 01:12:11,752
Those have gotten me into so much trouble.
1567
01:12:11,752 --> 01:12:13,784
- I want you to have these.
1568
01:12:13,784 --> 01:12:15,753
- They mean the world to you.
1569
01:12:15,753 --> 01:12:17,249
- These boots have seen me
through a lot of tough times
1570
01:12:17,249 --> 01:12:20,052
in my life and now they tell
me they wanna be with you.
1571
01:12:20,052 --> 01:12:21,467
- I can't.
1572
01:12:21,467 --> 01:12:24,986
- Bob, if you don't take them, I will.
1573
01:12:24,986 --> 01:12:27,480
- Just promise me you'll
take care of them.
1574
01:12:27,480 --> 01:12:28,313
- Okay.
1575
01:12:28,313 --> 01:12:29,146
- Come on.
1576
01:12:32,473 --> 01:12:36,473
Now, this doesn't mean
that we're back together.
1577
01:12:37,487 --> 01:12:39,001
- Thank you for today.
1578
01:12:39,001 --> 01:12:40,745
- Of course.
1579
01:12:40,745 --> 01:12:42,778
- Do you wanna come in, or?
1580
01:12:42,778 --> 01:12:46,267
- No, I'm really busy,
I've got a lot of work.
1581
01:12:46,267 --> 01:12:47,990
I found a publisher for my book.
1582
01:12:47,990 --> 01:12:49,477
- Really?
1583
01:12:49,477 --> 01:12:50,975
Congratulations!
1584
01:12:50,975 --> 01:12:51,975
- Thank you.
1585
01:12:56,221 --> 01:12:57,755
Take care of yourself.
1586
01:12:57,755 --> 01:13:00,672
(slow piano music)
1587
01:13:10,122 --> 01:13:13,039
(knocking on door)
1588
01:13:14,154 --> 01:13:16,737
(door opening)
1589
01:13:36,719 --> 01:13:37,992
Hey.
1590
01:13:37,992 --> 01:13:38,825
- Andy!
1591
01:13:39,736 --> 01:13:41,287
What are you doing here?
1592
01:13:41,287 --> 01:13:42,375
- Well, you said you
wanted to read my book,
1593
01:13:42,375 --> 01:13:44,233
so I thought I would deliver it.
1594
01:13:44,233 --> 01:13:46,007
- Special delivery.
1595
01:13:46,007 --> 01:13:48,120
Like a stripper at a bachelorette party.
1596
01:13:48,120 --> 01:13:49,620
- Uhm, okay, sure.
1597
01:13:50,775 --> 01:13:53,392
Look, read the chapter
with the Bob post-it in it.
1598
01:13:53,392 --> 01:13:55,247
- Haven't we been down that road before?
1599
01:13:55,247 --> 01:13:58,497
- Read it before your cereal gets cold.
1600
01:14:02,771 --> 01:14:03,854
- Chapter 12.
1601
01:14:04,752 --> 01:14:07,085
The worst days are the best.
1602
01:14:07,977 --> 01:14:10,775
I remember the first time
i failed my culinary test,
1603
01:14:10,775 --> 01:14:12,036
it felt like my first heartbreak,
1604
01:14:12,036 --> 01:14:16,734
not only did it break my
heart, it broke my spirit.
1605
01:14:16,734 --> 01:14:18,503
The soufflé that never quite rose up
1606
01:14:18,503 --> 01:14:20,989
to more than a flat custard.
1607
01:14:20,989 --> 01:14:22,971
The funny thing is I remember
that day more vividly
1608
01:14:22,971 --> 01:14:24,758
than any other in my life.
1609
01:14:24,758 --> 01:14:26,716
I can still taste it.
1610
01:14:26,716 --> 01:14:28,729
Like a first kiss.
1611
01:14:28,729 --> 01:14:30,704
It lives with me forever.
1612
01:14:30,704 --> 01:14:34,871
Though he may not be the
best, I can never let him go.
1613
01:14:39,488 --> 01:14:41,766
- I have a book signing next week.
1614
01:14:41,766 --> 01:14:44,774
- I know, I read about it on the Internet.
1615
01:14:44,774 --> 01:14:46,735
- And I'm really nervous
1616
01:14:46,735 --> 01:14:49,758
and was wondering if maybe you can come?
1617
01:14:49,758 --> 01:14:50,758
- Of course!
1618
01:14:56,249 --> 01:14:57,082
- Great.
1619
01:15:08,486 --> 01:15:10,776
- [Voiceover] Technique is important.
1620
01:15:10,776 --> 01:15:13,747
You must know how to whip, how to fold.
1621
01:15:13,747 --> 01:15:17,237
But most of all you must
know how to be patient.
1622
01:15:17,237 --> 01:15:20,739
What do you do on the days
when your best is not enough?
1623
01:15:20,739 --> 01:15:24,497
You've gotta pick yourself
up and do it all over again.
1624
01:15:24,497 --> 01:15:29,244
And be grateful to know that
you're allowed a second chance.
1625
01:15:29,244 --> 01:15:33,485
Because sometimes there
are no second chances.
1626
01:15:33,485 --> 01:15:37,985
I have witnessed friends lives
become irrevocably changed,
1627
01:15:37,985 --> 01:15:42,152
some endure abuse, some put
themselves in physical harm.
1628
01:15:42,986 --> 01:15:47,153
Some try to take their own
lives and some have passed on.
1629
01:15:53,245 --> 01:15:56,499
On days when you feel
your best isn't enough,
1630
01:15:56,499 --> 01:15:58,993
you've gotta ask yourself,
1631
01:15:58,993 --> 01:16:01,996
do I wanna throw it all away?
1632
01:16:01,996 --> 01:16:06,163
Or you can ask, am I gonna do
the best with what I've got?
1633
01:16:07,733 --> 01:16:10,539
Because in the end, do you
choose to live your life
1634
01:16:10,539 --> 01:16:13,487
because you've got something to prove?
1635
01:16:13,487 --> 01:16:17,654
Or do you choose it because
it's what's in your heart?
1636
01:16:21,484 --> 01:16:22,317
Thank you.
1637
01:16:23,160 --> 01:16:25,410
(applause)
1638
01:16:31,452 --> 01:16:32,285
Thank you.
1639
01:16:33,740 --> 01:16:34,850
- Hi, I'm Bryan.
1640
01:16:34,850 --> 01:16:37,020
- Hey, Bryan, thanks for coming.
1641
01:16:37,020 --> 01:16:39,270
- Oh, yeah, no, I would, anytime.
1642
01:16:39,270 --> 01:16:40,536
I love your book.
1643
01:16:40,536 --> 01:16:41,485
It's great.
1644
01:16:41,485 --> 01:16:42,390
- Thank you.
1645
01:16:42,390 --> 01:16:43,223
- Could I?
1646
01:16:43,223 --> 01:16:44,140
- Oh, yeah.
1647
01:16:45,206 --> 01:16:48,336
- Were you inspired by
anyone special in your life?
1648
01:16:48,336 --> 01:16:50,051
What was she, a big girl like me?
1649
01:16:50,051 --> 01:16:50,884
(laughing)
1650
01:16:50,884 --> 01:16:51,717
- Excuse me?
1651
01:16:51,717 --> 01:16:54,243
- I'll just be a second.
1652
01:16:54,243 --> 01:16:55,241
You know, I swear when I read it,
1653
01:16:55,241 --> 01:16:57,272
I thought you were
writing the book about me.
1654
01:16:57,272 --> 01:16:59,666
Like it was about, that's
crazy, that's crazy, right?
1655
01:16:59,666 --> 01:17:01,520
A little crazy. (laughs)
1656
01:17:01,520 --> 01:17:03,141
But actually I've always dreamed about
1657
01:17:03,141 --> 01:17:05,996
being a superstar chef, like
you, since I was little.
1658
01:17:05,996 --> 01:17:08,758
Since I was like, well I wasn't
little, but like you know.
1659
01:17:08,758 --> 01:17:10,523
But uh, when my parents
found out I was gay
1660
01:17:10,523 --> 01:17:13,975
they took away my kitchen supplies.
1661
01:17:13,975 --> 01:17:15,536
In fact they stopped
letting me into the kitchen
1662
01:17:15,536 --> 01:17:17,221
all together, which is weird
1663
01:17:17,221 --> 01:17:19,972
'cause that's when I put
on the weight, anyways.
1664
01:17:19,972 --> 01:17:22,018
Uhm, so that's when I realized
1665
01:17:22,018 --> 01:17:25,254
that my hopes and dreams
of ever becoming anything
1666
01:17:25,254 --> 01:17:28,004
like you had gone down the drain.
1667
01:17:33,756 --> 01:17:36,767
You know, before I came here today I,
1668
01:17:36,767 --> 01:17:39,684
I thought about taking my own life.
1669
01:17:41,988 --> 01:17:44,571
But then I found your book and,
1670
01:17:46,758 --> 01:17:48,258
I changed my mind.
1671
01:17:51,743 --> 01:17:52,826
So thank you.
1672
01:17:54,736 --> 01:17:56,016
- You know, I'm gonna
give you my phone number
1673
01:17:56,016 --> 01:18:00,253
and if you wanna talk just please call me.
1674
01:18:00,253 --> 01:18:01,086
- Really?
1675
01:18:02,342 --> 01:18:04,392
- I think I can do better than that.
1676
01:18:04,392 --> 01:18:06,203
Hi, I'm Bob.
1677
01:18:06,203 --> 01:18:09,230
I see a lot of myself in you.
1678
01:18:09,230 --> 01:18:11,001
I'm the one you've been waiting for.
1679
01:18:11,001 --> 01:18:13,005
(laughing)
1680
01:18:13,005 --> 01:18:14,264
- What am I waiting for?
1681
01:18:14,264 --> 01:18:15,794
A portly gay man with a competitive crush
1682
01:18:15,794 --> 01:18:18,500
on my Andrew Darcy? (laughs)
1683
01:18:18,500 --> 01:18:20,501
He just gave me his number.
1684
01:18:20,501 --> 01:18:22,759
- And I can share with
you my years of experience
1685
01:18:22,759 --> 01:18:25,230
as a very successful party planner.
1686
01:18:25,230 --> 01:18:26,786
I might need an assistant.
1687
01:18:26,786 --> 01:18:28,286
- Oh, that's okay.
1688
01:18:29,242 --> 01:18:30,710
- Let's see.
1689
01:18:30,710 --> 01:18:33,318
You want to learn how
to impress all the gays
1690
01:18:33,318 --> 01:18:38,257
and have your own pantry section
at Williams-Sonoma, right?
1691
01:18:38,257 --> 01:18:40,761
Here, take my number, call me sometime.
1692
01:18:40,761 --> 01:18:42,076
- How are you doing?
1693
01:18:42,076 --> 01:18:44,734
- I'm keeping the gun.
1694
01:18:44,734 --> 01:18:46,401
- I'm still hurting.
1695
01:18:49,267 --> 01:18:51,000
- Let me get this one, okay?
1696
01:18:51,000 --> 01:18:52,466
- [Bob] Okay.
1697
01:18:52,466 --> 01:18:54,733
- What he's trying to say is that,
1698
01:18:54,733 --> 01:18:58,256
anything you've ever wanted
to be is inside of you.
1699
01:18:58,256 --> 01:19:02,423
And all you need is a little
love to make that passion grow.
1700
01:19:04,723 --> 01:19:06,745
- That's beautiful.
1701
01:19:06,745 --> 01:19:07,578
Wow.
1702
01:19:08,469 --> 01:19:11,020
Like a little gay love.
1703
01:19:11,020 --> 01:19:13,480
- No, like a big, gay love.
1704
01:19:13,480 --> 01:19:14,563
- Yeah, yeah.
1705
01:19:16,240 --> 01:19:20,240
- Well, if someone like
you can land a guy like,
1706
01:19:21,229 --> 01:19:25,013
huh, Mr. Man here, then
there's definitely hope for me.
1707
01:19:25,013 --> 01:19:26,497
It's so crazy.
1708
01:19:26,497 --> 01:19:28,485
Thank you, thank you so much for.
1709
01:19:28,485 --> 01:19:30,766
Ah, we're like, ah we might
as well kiss. (laughs)
1710
01:19:30,766 --> 01:19:32,224
So crazy.
1711
01:19:32,224 --> 01:19:34,519
Ah, you smell like lemon grass. (laughs)
1712
01:19:34,519 --> 01:19:38,507
It's so close to my face. (laughs)
1713
01:19:38,507 --> 01:19:39,771
You know what the world needs?
1714
01:19:39,771 --> 01:19:43,266
We really need chocolate
stuffed chicken and turkey.
1715
01:19:43,266 --> 01:19:45,116
- [Voiceover] In the gay
universe a million stars
1716
01:19:45,116 --> 01:19:46,776
are waiting to be born.
1717
01:19:46,776 --> 01:19:49,483
On their way there, they just
need a little encouragement.
1718
01:19:49,483 --> 01:19:50,762
- You know what the world needs?
1719
01:19:50,762 --> 01:19:53,720
We need some creme brulee BBQ sauce.
1720
01:19:53,720 --> 01:19:54,870
No, wait, wait, wait, no.
1721
01:19:54,870 --> 01:19:55,729
No, what am I talking about?
1722
01:19:55,729 --> 01:19:57,496
Marshmallow sriracha sauce,
you could put it on anything.
1723
01:19:57,496 --> 01:19:59,510
You could put it on eggs, sausage.
1724
01:19:59,510 --> 01:20:02,517
- [Voiceover] All you
need to do is lend an ear.
1725
01:20:02,517 --> 01:20:04,243
- You know what I'm
gonna call my business?
1726
01:20:04,243 --> 01:20:05,494
I'm gonna name it.
1727
01:20:05,494 --> 01:20:07,517
- [Voiceover] Or a smile.
1728
01:20:07,517 --> 01:20:09,253
- So, are you gonna call me sometime?
1729
01:20:09,253 --> 01:20:10,484
- Uh, yeah.
1730
01:20:10,484 --> 01:20:12,488
I mean, I'm gonna call you
like, hey, every five minutes.
1731
01:20:12,488 --> 01:20:13,466
No, I'm just kidding, I'm not gonna.
1732
01:20:13,466 --> 01:20:15,151
But I'm gonna go home and blog about this.
1733
01:20:15,151 --> 01:20:16,282
My friends are gonna freak out.
1734
01:20:16,282 --> 01:20:17,515
I mean in social, yeah of course you are,
1735
01:20:17,515 --> 01:20:19,002
I mean, you're great.
1736
01:20:19,002 --> 01:20:20,012
Thank you so much, once again!
1737
01:20:20,012 --> 01:20:20,845
- Ah, big hug.
1738
01:20:20,845 --> 01:20:22,091
- It was nice meeting you too.
1739
01:20:22,091 --> 01:20:22,924
Thank you!
1740
01:20:22,924 --> 01:20:24,111
I hug so tight.
1741
01:20:24,111 --> 01:20:24,961
See you later.
1742
01:20:24,961 --> 01:20:26,878
- Yeah, that's awesome.
1743
01:20:27,974 --> 01:20:29,299
I'm standing right in front of him
1744
01:20:29,299 --> 01:20:33,498
and he's gonna run home
and look at me online.
1745
01:20:33,498 --> 01:20:34,979
Go figure.
1746
01:20:34,979 --> 01:20:39,520
- [Voiceover] And that is
how our universe grows.
1747
01:20:39,520 --> 01:20:41,265
This is the best dinner date ever.
1748
01:20:41,265 --> 01:20:43,494
- Well, you said you always
wanted to eat at my restaurant,
1749
01:20:43,494 --> 01:20:44,568
so here you go.
1750
01:20:44,568 --> 01:20:46,554
- Even if we're still not back together?
1751
01:20:46,554 --> 01:20:49,487
- Let's see how the night goes.
1752
01:20:49,487 --> 01:20:51,227
Oh, wait, I've got something for you.
1753
01:20:51,227 --> 01:20:53,810
(somber music)
1754
01:20:57,857 --> 01:20:59,515
- Wait, what is Mr. Tran gonna do
1755
01:20:59,515 --> 01:21:01,535
if he finds out you're
selling his sandwiches?
1756
01:21:01,535 --> 01:21:03,041
- Oh, I told him I was gonna
share half the proceeds
1757
01:21:03,041 --> 01:21:04,696
of the sandwiches with him, so.
1758
01:21:04,696 --> 01:21:06,000
- And he approved?
1759
01:21:06,000 --> 01:21:07,743
- He packed a bag and went on vacation.
1760
01:21:07,743 --> 01:21:09,518
(laughing)
1761
01:21:09,518 --> 01:21:11,268
Are you gonna try it?
1762
01:21:19,002 --> 01:21:20,752
So, how was your day?
1763
01:21:21,983 --> 01:21:25,066
(somber happy music)
1764
01:21:40,022 --> 01:21:43,855
(somber cheerful piano music)
1765
01:23:01,260 --> 01:23:03,677
(jazz music)
114471
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