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1
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:15,890
Whoa
2
00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:18,142
All right.
Looks like we win this round.
3
00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:20,604
We win this round?
They got the weapon!
4
00:00:20,645 --> 00:00:23,055
Oh, fine.
Call it a tie.
5
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:25,476
So, uh, Vick,
why did you sell us out?
6
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:27,025
What are you talking about?
Oh, yeah.
7
00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:29,898
I guess the U.S. military just
kind of happened to show up
8
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:33,066
at our exact location
on a dog-dang hunch?
9
00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:34,576
Yeah, that makes sense.
10
00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:36,287
What exactly
are you accusing me of?
11
00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:37,747
Oh, come on!
12
00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:40,747
You called your little boy toy
after I specifically made
13
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:43,420
a no-calling-husbands rule,
and now looked what happened!
14
00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:45,300
Yeah, we were saved
from death!
15
00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:46,587
Because of you!
16
00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:48,549
He probably
just tracked her phone.
17
00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:50,760
No, that's impossible, Piper.
It's a wireless phone.
18
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:51,680
Very funny.
19
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,508
No, they can
track those too.
20
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:54,723
Really?
21
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:57,433
Fucking get out of here.
That's very cool.
22
00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:59,314
Well, Vicki,
based on that,
23
00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:01,311
I owe you a huge apology.
24
00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:03,153
And I'd like
to personally apologize
25
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,108
to your phone as well.
May I?
26
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:07,568
Oh, thank you.
That's sweet.
27
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,282
Yeah.
All right.
28
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,741
MacGruber!
29
00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:15,532
That ought to slow down
those fucking gomers.
30
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:17,115
Oh, shit, shit, shit!
31
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,450
Piper, down!
But those are our guys!
32
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:19,445
Down, now!
Vicki, quick!
33
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:20,656
Get your mouth over here!
What?
34
00:01:20,705 --> 00:01:21,915
Get your mouth over here!
Oh.
35
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,011
That was a close one.
36
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,471
Nice undercover work, Vick.
37
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,641
I think they bought it.
Thank you.
38
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,180
Shit, more pigs!
39
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:40,524
All right,
we better get this bad boy
40
00:01:40,558 --> 00:01:42,558
off the road
and plan our next move.
41
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,518
You've reached
singer-songwriter
42
00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:48,824
Vicki St. Elmo-Fasoose.
43
00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:50,818
Leave your name
and your number
44
00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:55,660
And a message
after the to-wo-wo-wo-wo...
45
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:58,699
Sir, we have surveillance
photos of the drone strike.
46
00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:01,832
Jesus, Vicki.
47
00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:04,751
We also found this.
48
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:07,751
Ran it through our database.
Says it's Brigadier Commander--
49
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,384
Enos Queeth.
50
00:02:09,421 --> 00:02:11,461
You know him, sir?
Used to.
51
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,626
Till he was killed in action
20 years ago.
52
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:18,095
Looks pretty good
for a dead guy.
53
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,018
You think he's behind
MacGruber's kidnapping?
54
00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,516
Makes sense.
The two of them had a history.
55
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,519
I guess Queeth
finally settled the score.
56
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,311
There's something else
you should see.
57
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:31,654
Lieutenant Colonel
Dixon Piper.
58
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:34,243
And if you look closely
behind him...
59
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:36,742
MacGruber.
60
00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:38,531
I'll be damned.
61
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,615
That son of a bitch
is still alive.
62
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,870
Thank you, Major.
63
00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:48,377
Jesus, Vicki.
64
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:49,878
What have you
gotten yourself into?
65
00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:52,379
Wo-one
66
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:55,342
Leave a message
at the tone
67
00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:24,543
MacGruber
68
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,801
And just like that,
69
00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:39,681
we're ghosts.
70
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,679
All right. You want to maybe
go take care of that alarm?
71
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,221
Oh, shit!
Yeah, come on.
72
00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:44,474
Vick, come on!
73
00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:48,266
Okay.
74
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:49,481
Okay, here we go.
75
00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:52,521
6-9-6-9-6-9.
76
00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:54,435
Shit! Worth a shot.
77
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,904
60 seconds, MacGruber.
78
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,525
All right.
We got this, Vick.
79
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:02,532
All right,
follow this band to the source.
80
00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:07,995
So, uh,
you, uh, digging the jazz?
81
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,249
What do you mean?
I don't hear any music.
82
00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:14,051
No, this. The jazz.
83
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,797
Fighting the good fight,
84
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:19,469
getting back in the game
for one last dance.
85
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,849
I do enjoy
watching you play.
86
00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:25,596
The game. The jazz.
Yeah.
87
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,100
Got to be honest with you:
88
00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:30,692
been in prison so long,
I'm a little out of practice.
89
00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:34,358
Excuse me?
90
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:37,989
Vicki, do I have
to spell it out for you?
91
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:41,068
I need to do it with you.
92
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,874
MacGruber, I'm married.
93
00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:46,368
The alarm, Vicki.
94
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:49,581
The alarm.
95
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:52,002
All right. Here.
Hand me those wire cutters.
96
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:53,212
You got it, MacGruber.
97
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,841
Now get in there.
Oh.
98
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:57,048
Now let's take
those fingers of yours
99
00:04:57,088 --> 00:05:00,298
and spread those wires apart
very slowly.
100
00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:01,512
These wires?
There we go.
101
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,931
Those ones right there.
Great job.
102
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,100
Gently.
103
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,518
There we go.
Attagirl.
104
00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:09,057
Okay, now I'm just
gonna take my tool.
105
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:10,190
Yeah?
106
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:11,516
I'm just gonna
jam it in there.
107
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:13,611
I'm just gonna
come inside you there.
108
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,976
Don't worry.
This is gonna be very quick.
109
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,994
I'm almost there already.
I'm about there.
110
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:21,237
I'm about there!
I'm about to cut it!
111
00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:22,529
I'm about to get it!
Yes!
112
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,242
Oh, you know
I'm about to get it!
113
00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:25,832
You see me getting it!
Yeah!
114
00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:27,787
You're feeling me getting it!
I'm about to get it!
115
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,287
Yes!
I'm about to finish!
116
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,709
Oh, my God!
Ah!
117
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:31,957
Oh!
118
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,748
Got it.
119
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:36,382
Nice work.
Wow.
120
00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:38,759
Oh, my God. Okay.
121
00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:42,630
So, MacGruber,
can you please explain
122
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,466
why we're avoiding
telling the U.S. government
123
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:46,391
that some maniac
just got his hands
124
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,969
on a weapon
of mass destruction?
125
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,734
Piper, why do you think I hid
that stuff in a fucking cave
126
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:52,387
for the past 20 years?
127
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,015
For gits and shiggles?
128
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,442
No, I hid it
because no government on Earth
129
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:59,941
should have it,
not even the USA.
130
00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:03,324
I mean, we're talking about
a world-ender here, Piper.
131
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:06,783
I don't know about you,
but I kind of like the world.
132
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,412
I like sunsets.
133
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:14,084
I like snowcapped mountains.
134
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:17,754
I like kicking back with a cold
Molson and watching the game.
135
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,719
I like babies
and kettle corn.
136
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:24,216
Monster trucks
and puppy dogs.
137
00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:28,509
I like the tig, ol' bitties
and bunchin' mox.
138
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,175
I even like cancer
and type 2 diabetes
139
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:34,644
because they remind me
that life is precious.
140
00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:36,766
And that is
why it is imperative
141
00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:39,773
that we keep this shit
out of Queeth's hands!
142
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:43,106
But you just gave Queeth
the weapon!
143
00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:44,653
You know what?
144
00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:46,776
I'm gonna start
calling you Checkers,
145
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:48,583
'cause that's the game
you're playing.
146
00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:50,406
But me?
I play chess.
147
00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:52,002
The thinking man's game.
148
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,747
And if you want
to win at chess,
149
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,828
you got to think
outside the bun
150
00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,794
'cause that's how you win
at chess, Checkers.
151
00:06:57,834 --> 00:06:59,714
Checksmate.
We good here?
152
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,593
No, we're not good here.
153
00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:03,969
We should tell the general
and get his help.
154
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:07,297
We don't need his help!
All right?
155
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,394
We can do this ourselves.
156
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,929
I mean, don't you see?
157
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:13,272
You're not a driving
instructor, Checkers.
158
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:17,979
And, Vicki,
you're not a housewife.
159
00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:22,031
You're soldiers,
and you always will be.
160
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,857
You're gonna
get us all killed.
161
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,781
Vicki, can you
give us a second?
162
00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,072
Sure.
But stay here.
163
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:29,945
Yeah.
164
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:31,701
I want you to hear this.
165
00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:34,825
Would it change your mind,
Checkers,
166
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:38,331
if I told you that
Enos Queeth murdered my mother?
167
00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:43,205
What?
Yeah.
168
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,014
I want to tell you guys
a little story
169
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:47,468
that I've only told
about 40 other people.
170
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,011
Back in the day,
171
00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:56,226
Queeth and my father
were fast friends.
172
00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:00,484
Actually served
in the military together.
173
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:03,152
Oorah.
174
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:06,951
But when my father made full
bird colonel in record time,
175
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:10,906
it sent Queeth
into a jealous rage.
176
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,529
The night
of my fifth birthday,
177
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:14,075
he came over to our house
178
00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:16,579
looking to put an end
to my father's life.
179
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:19,791
Instead,
he ended our family.
180
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,793
Put a bullet
in my mother's head.
181
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:25,625
splattered her brains
all over my face and cake.
182
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,262
Happy birthday to me.
183
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:30,639
My father was inconsolable.
184
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,387
Queeth stole
the love of his life.
185
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,390
Went into a deep depression.
186
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,562
Tried to fill the void
with the drugs and liqueurs.
187
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:39,891
Long story short,
188
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:42,806
Queeth fucking ruined him.
189
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,646
So the day I turned 18,
I went down
190
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:49,202
and I joined the Green Berets,
Navy SEALs, and Coast Guard
191
00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:54,077
and made it my life's mission
to take Queeth down.
192
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:58,157
So, you see, this isn't
just any mission for me.
193
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,834
This is personal.
194
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:05,252
I remain in.
195
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:06,625
Thank you, soldier.
196
00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:18,308
Fine.
Checkers, really?
197
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:20,640
Yes, but please
stop calling me Checkers.
198
00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:21,935
Of course.
199
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,188
Now let's go
stop this son of a bitch.
200
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:25,610
Yeah, and how are we
gonna do that?
201
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,278
We have exactly zero leads.
202
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,238
Guess again, Checkers.
203
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:34,528
Queeth's go-to scientist,
Irina Poliskaya.
204
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:35,954
The world's
preeminent chemist
205
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:38,042
in the field
of organophosphates.
206
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,908
She's got every degree
in the book.
207
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:43,004
And a heart as black as
the coal in Queeth's stocking.
208
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,041
So you think she's gonna
synthesize Brimstone?
209
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,585
I bet your baby's life on it.
MacGruber!
210
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,919
Vicki, I don't want
Piper's baby to get murdered
211
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,634
or even die
of natural causes,
212
00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:53,795
but that's how certain I am.
213
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:56,143
Poliskaya is our synthesizer.
214
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,719
Well, then we need
to find her and get to her
215
00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:58,974
before Queeth does.
216
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,135
ICDAG.
217
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:03,354
The International Chemical
Defense Association Gala.
218
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:04,645
...Gala!
219
00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,358
Yeah, I know it well.
220
00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:08,318
The International... Gala.
221
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:10,648
Yeah, that's right.
I know it very well.
222
00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:14,114
Well, it says here there's a
big soiree in Miami this week.
223
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,485
Every top chemical engineer
in the world will be there.
224
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:20,453
And guess who's getting
a lifetime achievement award?
225
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,254
Irina Poliskaya.
226
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,915
As I suspected.
227
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,675
Queeth must have timed
this whole operation
228
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:35,007
for when he'd have access
to her.
229
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:37,511
Checkers,
this ain't no coinky-dink.
230
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,854
No, this is an on-purpy-dink.
231
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,559
So what's our plan,
MacGruber?
232
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:45,309
Looks like we're going
fishing for Russian scientists.
233
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:46,603
It won't be easy.
234
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,016
She's gonna be
under heavy guard.
235
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,864
You can catch anything
if you use a big enough worm.
236
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,440
It's true.
237
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,645
Hey, MacGruber,
we can't keep driving around
238
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:55,856
in that car of yours.
239
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:57,315
It's kind of hard
to stay undercover
240
00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:58,525
in a bright red Miata.
241
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:01,695
Way ahead of you, Checkers.
242
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,205
Yep, much better.
243
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:22,392
I'm not a man
244
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:23,562
Or machine
245
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,020
I'm just something
in between
246
00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:28,981
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
247
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,612
I'm all love,
a dynamo
248
00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:34,189
So push the button
and let me go
249
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,395
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
250
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:40,076
Aah, you want me
to come alive?
251
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,616
Flick the switch
into overdrive
252
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,250
You and me can let it be
253
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:46,618
Ready
Ready
254
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:49,424
Aim
Aim
255
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:50,959
Fire
256
00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:53,422
Touch that dial,
turn me on
257
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:56,303
Start me like a motor,
make me run
258
00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:57,971
Lovin' every minute of it
259
00:11:58,009 --> 00:11:59,089
Lovin'
260
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,755
Lovin' every minute of it
261
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:03,724
Big worm is in position.
262
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:05,595
How are we looking, Checkers?
263
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:06,852
Give me a sec.
264
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,067
Who are you?
265
00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:13,527
The night shift.
266
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,704
I'm in.
Okay, gang.
267
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,659
This is for all the marbles.
268
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,620
We won't get another chance.
269
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,040
Vicki, you in place?
270
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,118
Yeah, I'm at your 11:00.
271
00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:30,792
Sorry, Central Standard Time.
272
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:41,388
There you are.
273
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:47,232
Wow, you look...
274
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,437
fine.
275
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:53,476
Well,
you also look... only fine.
276
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:55,073
Hey, I got eyes
on Poliskaya.
277
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,568
She's by the bar,
and she's got company.
278
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,780
Big company.
279
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,160
Piece of cake.
280
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:03,316
Watch and learn, kid.
Watch and learn.
281
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:12,634
Same old science bullshit,
different science day.
282
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:15,547
What's up, turtledove?
Buy you an eggnog?
283
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:16,627
No.
284
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:19,881
Hey, I can take a hint.
285
00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:22,554
Barkeep, two gin martinis.
286
00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:24,684
And I'll have mine...
287
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,101
very dirty.
288
00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:33,607
Allow me.
289
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:40,150
So, do you like it dirty?
290
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:46,198
The lady does not wish
to talk to you.
291
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:47,872
Oh, the lady does not want
292
00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:49,541
to talk to me, huh?
293
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:52,119
That's what you
sound like, you fucking dode.
294
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,875
In fact, the only thing
more stupid than your accent
295
00:13:54,918 --> 00:13:57,878
is the way you're dressed,
the content of your brain,
296
00:13:57,921 --> 00:13:59,961
and your fucking face.
297
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,586
You will leave now.
298
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:04,393
I will leave now.
299
00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:08,058
Fine.
300
00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:10,138
Let me just settle my bill.
301
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:16,308
Barkeep, put those
on the Queeth tab.
302
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:19,071
It's an open bar.
303
00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:20,649
You're an open bar!
304
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:24,034
Queeth. Tab. Now.
305
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:29,953
Da.
306
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:35,576
Sorry, Jorgus can be
a little overprotective.
307
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:36,875
Have we met?
308
00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:39,458
Let's just say
I'm a friend of a friend.
309
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:42,841
Thank you. Here.
310
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:46,052
Oh, I got a little tip for you.
311
00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:47,224
Keep the change.
312
00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:52,064
All right.
Hurry, MacGruber.
313
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,560
The presentation starts
in ten minutes,
314
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,601
and you need five
for the capsule to take effect.
315
00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:56,935
Loud and...
316
00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:04,528
Got a little boogie.
317
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:17,711
Holy shit! Does that guy
have his wiener out?
318
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:18,961
Oh, he fully does!
319
00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:21,172
Oh, you got to turn your head
and see this!
320
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,552
It's so small!
321
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,759
It's like a snail,
or is it--
322
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:27,139
No, "it's a snail"
is the perfect way to put it!
323
00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:28,637
Oh, my God!
324
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,638
People are going nuts
over there!
325
00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:35,271
No?
326
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:36,980
Oh, God.
You're missing out.
327
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:38,980
Turn that head!
328
00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:44,185
Oh, my God. Look at this!
You don't want to see this?
329
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:46,315
Oh, it looks like
he's gonna pull up his pants!
330
00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:48,663
Uh, no, no, no, no, no.
It's still there!
331
00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:50,908
No? Okay.
332
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,540
All right.
All right.
333
00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:55,955
Ooh, let's have
a head-turning contest!
334
00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,287
I'll start.
335
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:00,501
Vicki, we need a distraction.
336
00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:01,923
On it.
337
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:05,801
Ahh!
338
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,760
No!
339
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,511
Look at me!
340
00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:12,603
Over here!
341
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:17,099
Ahh!
342
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,780
Okay.
That worked, I guess.
343
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,989
Now get in position
for phase two, Vicki.
344
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:29,159
On the groove.
345
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:37,249
Where were we?
Oh, that's right.
346
00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:38,458
We were getting
to know each other,
347
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,498
and it was going fucking great.
348
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:42,342
Is it just me,
or are we
349
00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:45,587
in a major opposites-attract
situation here?
350
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:47,550
'Cause you travel
with protection,
351
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:51,590
and I never, ever,
ever use protection.
352
00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:55,142
What do you say
we get out of here?
353
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,521
You're very persistent,
Mr...
354
00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,895
Jebblidoo.
Mm.
355
00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:06,149
Matias Jebblidoo.
356
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:10,992
Mm, it's been a unique
pleasure, Mr. Jebblidoo.
357
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:13,781
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have a prior obligation.
358
00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:17,865
Oh, hate for you
to go Russian off,
359
00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:20,672
but if you must,
then Soviet.
360
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,132
To humor.
361
00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:43,272
She's walking.
She did it.
362
00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:44,733
She drank it.
I did it.
363
00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:46,153
I got her to drink it.
364
00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:47,731
Fuck yeah.
You got her, Checkers?
365
00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:50,946
I got her, but please
stop calling me that.
366
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:53,317
Vicki, you in place?
367
00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:54,655
Set to jet.
368
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:59,542
All right. I'm in the pipe,
five by five.
369
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,540
Oh! Give me one moment.
370
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:14,012
Okay.
I lost eyes on her.
371
00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:15,302
This is all you, Vick.
372
00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:31,897
Excuse me, do you have
any toilet paper?
373
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,697
Let me see if I have some.
374
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:38,240
Oh, you're in luck.
Here you go.
375
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,627
Sorry!
376
00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:55,054
She's out.
Commencing the old switcheroo.
377
00:18:55,093 --> 00:18:56,433
Great work, Vick.
378
00:18:59,014 --> 00:19:01,644
Heads up, Vicki.
Your company has got company.
379
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:10,230
Okay, Vicki. Jack has just
replaced Poliskaya's guard.
380
00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:11,605
Proceed with caution.
381
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,991
Just making
some final adjustments.
382
00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,332
Everything all right
in there?
383
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,683
Now remember, Vicki,
we only need Queeth's guy
384
00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:39,679
to think you're Poliskaya
for a few minutes
385
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,971
until I can get
the real Poliskaya out of here.
386
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:44,135
Then, you can give that
fucking jughead the slip.
387
00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:46,394
And then,
we are in the clear.
388
00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:47,516
There you are.
389
00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:49,522
Hi, Miss Poliskaya.
That's me.
390
00:19:49,564 --> 00:19:50,864
We're ahead of schedule.
391
00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:53,029
We're ready to bring you
to the stage right now.
392
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:57,446
Great.
That's where I want to be.
393
00:19:57,489 --> 00:19:58,989
The ballroom is packed,
394
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:02,872
and people are really excited
to hear your speech.
395
00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:04,541
My speech?
396
00:20:04,579 --> 00:20:06,499
Yes, of course.
397
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:09,079
It's not just an award.
398
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,875
It's also a speech.
399
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:12,840
Right this way.
400
00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:17,303
What do I do? What's
he saying about a speech?
401
00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:18,432
That wasn't part of the plan!
402
00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:20,468
Plans change, Vick.
Roll with it.
403
00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:21,552
What do you mean
plans change?
404
00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:23,716
What am I supposed to say?
405
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:25,555
Don't worry.
I got your six.
406
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:26,890
As the near-recipient
407
00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:28,895
of several
lifetime achievement awards,
408
00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:31,057
I know that
a speech is de rigueur,
409
00:20:31,106 --> 00:20:33,726
so I took the liberty of
writing you an amazing speech.
410
00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:36,645
It's already
under your podium.
411
00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:38,525
Thank you.
412
00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:44,199
And now,
it is my great pleasure
413
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:45,794
to welcome the recipient
414
00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:49,079
of this year's ICDA
lifetime achievement award,
415
00:20:49,124 --> 00:20:52,094
Dr. Irina Poliskaya.
416
00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:26,453
Russian hello.
417
00:22:02,697 --> 00:22:06,867
Webster's dictionary
defines "science"
418
00:22:06,910 --> 00:22:10,660
as the state or act of...
419
00:22:10,705 --> 00:22:13,785
being scientific.
420
00:22:15,335 --> 00:22:21,045
And this definition
appears in the S's.
421
00:22:33,395 --> 00:22:34,685
Great job, Vick!
422
00:22:34,729 --> 00:22:36,819
Sounds like that audience
is eating that shit up
423
00:22:36,856 --> 00:22:38,646
like a fucking pot roast.
424
00:22:38,692 --> 00:22:40,442
Keep going.
425
00:22:40,485 --> 00:22:43,445
Science.
426
00:22:43,488 --> 00:22:46,528
Science is all around us.
427
00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:49,124
Right?
428
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,290
They know.
429
00:22:51,329 --> 00:22:55,249
It's when you hear
your favorite song,
430
00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:56,791
when you...
431
00:22:59,129 --> 00:23:01,839
That is science.
432
00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:03,761
When you get
into an elevator
433
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,890
and sometimes
there's a funny smell,
434
00:23:07,929 --> 00:23:11,059
that's also science.
435
00:23:11,099 --> 00:23:13,179
Okay.
You got 'em on the hook.
436
00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:16,856
Now just reel 'em in
nice and easy.
437
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:22,276
Science is weather...
438
00:23:26,406 --> 00:23:29,406
corn...
439
00:23:29,451 --> 00:23:32,831
and electric.
440
00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:37,084
The laundry is
in the hamper.
441
00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:40,875
Vicki, bring it home.
Oh, thank God.
442
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,090
Okay, well, that concludes
my speech about science.
443
00:23:43,131 --> 00:23:46,261
Believe in your dreams!
Russian goodbye.
444
00:23:51,264 --> 00:23:52,774
Great job, Vick!
445
00:23:52,807 --> 00:23:54,927
I had no idea
you knew all that stuff.
446
00:23:54,976 --> 00:23:56,686
Now just head
to the bathroom,
447
00:23:56,728 --> 00:23:58,268
change into the outfit
I left you,
448
00:23:58,313 --> 00:23:59,653
and get out here.
449
00:23:59,689 --> 00:24:01,779
By the time they figure out
our little trick play,
450
00:24:01,816 --> 00:24:04,026
we'll be long gone.
451
00:24:05,570 --> 00:24:06,700
Let's go.
452
00:24:08,531 --> 00:24:11,451
Car is out back.
Car?
453
00:24:11,493 --> 00:24:12,793
We're going to the lab.
454
00:24:12,827 --> 00:24:15,707
For the synthesis?
455
00:24:17,123 --> 00:24:18,043
Yeah.
456
00:24:20,126 --> 00:24:23,796
Do you mind
if I use the potty again?
457
00:24:23,838 --> 00:24:25,128
You're gonna have
to hurry that up.
458
00:24:25,173 --> 00:24:27,013
We're on a tight schedule here.
Mm-hmm.
459
00:24:31,513 --> 00:24:33,433
Guys, can you hear me?
460
00:24:33,473 --> 00:24:36,773
They're going to the lab.
I think I should go with them.
461
00:24:36,810 --> 00:24:38,810
Vicki, we already got
what we came for.
462
00:24:38,853 --> 00:24:40,113
Now stick to the plan.
463
00:24:40,146 --> 00:24:41,936
But they think
I'm a scientist!
464
00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:43,981
If I can get my hands
on Brimstone and destroy it,
465
00:24:44,025 --> 00:24:45,815
we can end this thing
once and for all!
466
00:24:45,860 --> 00:24:48,070
No, it's too dangerous.
Leave now!
467
00:24:48,113 --> 00:24:50,203
But this is just
a temporary solution.
468
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,030
Yeah, we've stopped
this scientist this time,
469
00:24:52,075 --> 00:24:53,825
but eventually they're
gonna find someone else
470
00:24:53,868 --> 00:24:55,118
to synthesize it.
Look, Vicki.
471
00:24:55,161 --> 00:24:57,331
If you go to that lab,
we can't protect you.
472
00:24:58,873 --> 00:25:00,423
I have to take that chance.
473
00:25:01,835 --> 00:25:03,665
Vicki, please.
474
00:25:03,712 --> 00:25:07,012
If you do this,
you will die.
475
00:25:07,048 --> 00:25:10,338
If I don't,
millions of people will die.
476
00:25:10,385 --> 00:25:13,505
Hey, this is a direct order.
477
00:25:13,555 --> 00:25:15,555
Stick to the goddamn plan!
478
00:25:15,598 --> 00:25:17,478
All right?
479
00:25:17,517 --> 00:25:19,807
Vicki!
480
00:25:19,853 --> 00:25:22,943
Vicki, did you hear
what I said?
481
00:25:24,899 --> 00:25:26,739
Yeah, I heard
exactly what you said.
482
00:25:31,740 --> 00:25:33,070
Plans change.
483
00:25:37,328 --> 00:25:38,538
Take me to the lab.
484
00:25:38,580 --> 00:25:40,250
After you.
485
00:25:40,290 --> 00:25:42,460
Vicki,
please don't do this!
486
00:25:42,500 --> 00:25:43,710
Vicki! Vicki!
487
00:25:43,752 --> 00:25:46,002
Vicki, come in!
488
00:25:46,046 --> 00:25:47,956
Vicki! Vicki!
489
00:25:48,006 --> 00:25:49,836
Come on, Vicki! Please!
33689
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