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1
00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:22,397
The son of a bitch
skinned Constantine
2
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,519
then used his fucking skin
3
00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:26,856
as a protective barrier
from the fire.
4
00:00:26,901 --> 00:00:28,241
Jesus.
5
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,158
Keep an eye on our six,
Dawkins.
6
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,736
He's out there somewhere.
7
00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:34,369
On it.
8
00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:35,579
Can't wait
to light this dude up
9
00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:38,198
like the fucking 4th of July.
10
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:42,077
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
11
00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:07,821
Hold your fire! Hold your fire!
12
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:13,485
Just a squirrel.
13
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:19,413
Dawkins.
14
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,245
Dawkins!
15
00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:25,462
Looking for this?
16
00:01:58,326 --> 00:02:00,536
Yoo-hoo.
17
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:18,555
MacGruber!
18
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:51,843
MacGruber
19
00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,638
Sir, just got a call
from DHS,
20
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,430
all borders are secure.
Good.
21
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:04,604
Alert JSOC we're going
to Threatcon Delta.
22
00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:06,902
Need to catch these bastards.
23
00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:07,936
Barrett.
24
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,862
Victoria,
what are you doing here?
25
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,069
We need to talk.
26
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:14,278
Honey, I'm really
up against it right now.
27
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,239
I want to have a child
with you.
28
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:17,239
What?
29
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:18,570
Look, I'm sorry.
30
00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,445
I know you're really
up against it right now,
31
00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:23,202
but I'm finally ready,
and I just had to tell you.
32
00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:25,084
I'm sorry it's taken me
so long,
33
00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:27,251
but I've been scared.
34
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:28,830
Like mess my pants scared.
35
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,920
And I'm not scared anymore.
36
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:35,264
Does this have anything to do
with MacGruber?
37
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:36,928
Absolutely not.
38
00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,676
Then what's changed?
39
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:41,468
Last night, when you told me
MacGruber was dead,
40
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,603
I went home and it hit me
like a ton of feathers.
41
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,310
I've been sitting around
42
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:49,401
waiting for some
prince charming
43
00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:52,227
when all along, my Shrek
44
00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:54,823
has been standing right
in front of me the whole time.
45
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,486
And I don't want to wait
one more second
46
00:03:58,530 --> 00:03:59,990
for my fairy tale ending.
47
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:04,453
You mean that, Mrs. Fasoose?
48
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:06,914
More than anything.
49
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,705
My decision's final.
50
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,918
I want to start a family
with you.
51
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,879
You have no idea
how happy that makes me.
52
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,340
Oh.
53
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,470
Thank you, Victoria.
54
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:19,297
Let's start tonight, okay?
55
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:20,842
I say we try a bunch of times.
56
00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:23,175
Throw as much spaghetti against
the wall as you can muster
57
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,221
and see what sticks.
58
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,434
Really get it up there.
59
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:26,983
Mm-hmm.
60
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:29,727
Sound like a plan, Stan?
It's a date, Kate.
61
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,689
Well, I'll let you
get back to work, Kirk.
62
00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:34,767
And good luck
with the terrorists.
63
00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,340
Babe, I'm gonna hit the head.
Will you grab me some Combos?
64
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:01,553
Yep.
65
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:05,810
What you looking at, freak?
66
00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:09,521
Be that way.
67
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:40,127
Tell you something
I want you to know
68
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,093
Rodney, wait.
Where are you going?
69
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,217
To kick ass.
70
00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:57,861
Fuck you.
71
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:32,138
Perfect.
72
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:33,393
You forgot one thing...
73
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,056
MacGruber.
74
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:47,619
They said you were dead.
75
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,027
I'm sorry, Vick,
76
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,995
I know it'd be a lot easier
for you if I had died.
77
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:54,457
I don't know
what you're talking about.
78
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,617
I think you do.
79
00:06:56,666 --> 00:07:00,496
Rose buds, candles, champagne,
80
00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,705
chocolate covered strawberries.
81
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,928
You're making a child tonight,
aren't you?
82
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:10,849
Yes,
as a matter of fact, I am.
83
00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,679
So I guess it's true,
84
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:15,144
you really have moved on.
85
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:17,345
I guess so.
86
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,725
Well, then we'll just
87
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,732
have to keep things
strictly professional.
88
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,704
I like this song, Vick.
Thank you.
89
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:28,617
No, thank you
for putting such a big night
90
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,406
on hold
and joining this mission.
91
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,330
What? What mission?
92
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:34,409
MacGruber.
93
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,584
I came as soon as I could.
94
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,792
And the gang's all here.
95
00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:39,292
Look, we got
a lot to cover, Vicki.
96
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,674
Piper's already been debriefed.
Hey, Vicki.
97
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,211
Hi, Piper. Look, I'm sorry.
98
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,094
You guys have to leave.
You cannot be here right now.
99
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,511
Tonight is
a very important night
100
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,549
for me and my husband,
who will be home any second.
101
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:50,803
Vicki,
please just hear us out.
102
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:53,215
Two days ago,
I was dropped off in the desert
103
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:55,894
and exchanged for a little girl
and a fucking dog.
104
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,734
And you'll never guess
who was behind it.
105
00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,399
Queeth.
Piper!
106
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:00,557
What? You told me.
107
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:01,895
Yeah, but Vicki
didn't know yet.
108
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,730
Remind me to mess up
your next big story
109
00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:05,025
that you're excited to tell.
110
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,568
So yeah, anyway it was Queeth.
111
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:08,782
I'm sorry,
I don't know who that is.
112
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:09,912
Brigadier Commander
Enos Queeth.
113
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:11,828
Piper!
Jesus Christ.
114
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:13,906
No, go ahead.
You want it so bad, go, say it.
115
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,542
Come on,
let's hear all about him.
116
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:16,868
Be my guest.
117
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,923
Oh, thank you so much
for giving me permission
118
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,577
to tell my own story.
119
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,496
Brigadier Commander
Enos Queeth,
120
00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:26,585
elite special forces leader
turned American traitor.
121
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,431
He's been off the grid
for 20 years
122
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:31,046
rotting away
in a Burkina Fasonian prison.
123
00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:32,644
And guess who put him there?
124
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,509
Piper, you want
to ruin this one, too?
125
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,016
I did.
126
00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:38,767
So needless to say, we don't
exchange Christmas cards,
127
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:41,100
especially after
what he did to my family.
128
00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:42,436
Oh no, what'd he do
to your family?
129
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,954
Doesn't matter.
130
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:55,197
All that matters now
is that we take him out,
131
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:56,953
for good this time.
132
00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,365
And I'm the only one
who can do it
133
00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:01,293
'cause I'm the only one
who knows what he's up to.
134
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:02,462
What is he up to?
135
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,670
My gut tells me
that Queeth is planning
136
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:06,801
to unleash
a major chemical weapon
137
00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:08,508
somewhere on American soil.
138
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,258
What? Oh, my God.
139
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,470
Don't worry, we still
have a chance to stop him,
140
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,470
but we're running out of time.
141
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:15,722
So what do you say?
142
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,100
Piper's in.
143
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:22,352
I didn't say that.
But you're about to.
144
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,645
Look, Vicki,
145
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,319
I understand that you're trying
146
00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:28,438
to bring a new life
into this world,
147
00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,315
but if we don't stop Queeth,
148
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:34,742
there might not be a world left
to bring that child into.
149
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:48,340
I'll give you 24 hours,
but that's it.
150
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:49,340
Thank you.
151
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:51,970
Hey, Pipe.
152
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:58,222
Have you ever seen the movie
"The Outsiders?"
153
00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,314
No.
154
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,730
Do it for Johnny.
155
00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:07,938
What does that mean?
156
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:11,192
That's something they say
in that movie.
157
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:12,446
Let's get something straight.
158
00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:15,617
If I do this,
I'm doing it for my family.
159
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,527
Are we clear?
Loud and.
160
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:19,615
Piper the family man.
161
00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:23,041
Never thought I'd see the day.
162
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:25,211
I'm already regretting this.
163
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:26,710
Okay, let's go.
We can take my Jeep.
164
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,421
Nice try, Piper,
165
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,461
but we're gonna need
something with a little
166
00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:32,835
more juice.
167
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:44,893
Anything that you desire
168
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:47,726
Magic
169
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:53,402
And you know you're the one
who can put out the fire
170
00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:55,655
Sir, just got word.
171
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,947
The dispersal devices
are now in our possession.
172
00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,463
Well, we got
our Christmas stockings.
173
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,877
Now all we have to do
is stuff them with coal.
174
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,012
Oh, the night
175
00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:17,470
Is my world
176
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,640
City light
177
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,929
Painted girl
178
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,183
Hey, sorry, Vick.
179
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,104
Between serving a life sentence
180
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,603
and doing that suicide mission
for my country,
181
00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:30,815
never had a chance to clean up
our wedding decorations.
182
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:33,357
Oh, I hadn't noticed.
183
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,993
Oh, shoot. Barrett's calling.
184
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,582
No, don't answer it.
Don't answer it.
185
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:42,447
Don't you want the help of
the United States government?
186
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:44,124
Look, I don't know
how far down
187
00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:45,542
the rabbit hole
this thing goes.
188
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:47,870
So until we know more,
we got to keep this
189
00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:51,166
in the inner circle and not
including of our dong husbands.
190
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,131
I thought you said
we were gonna
191
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,380
keep this professional.
192
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,341
I always keep things
professional,
193
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,432
and you both know that.
Hmm.
194
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,547
Good, because I think Barrett
could be a huge asset.
195
00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:02,564
A huge ass head?
Yeah, I don't disagree.
196
00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:03,807
Face!
197
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:05,058
Piper gets it.
198
00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:08,135
Oh, look, he's calling again.
199
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:09,686
If I don't answer, he's gonna
know something's wrong.
200
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,359
Okay, fine, but say exactly
what I tell you to.
201
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:15,989
Just answer the way you'd
normally answer your phone.
202
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,447
Hello?
Hi, sweetie.
203
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:20,368
Still stuck at work.
Where are you?
204
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,527
Where am I?
205
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,325
Make up something.
I'm at the park.
206
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,120
You're in the park?
No, no, no.
207
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,753
No, I'm not at the park.
208
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,250
What made you say that?
209
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:32,461
You must've misheard me.
I'll try to speak more clearly.
210
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:35,842
Um, I'm on a ship.
You're on a ship?
211
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,010
I'm certainly not in the car,
212
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:38,048
if that's what
you're implying, mister.
213
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,841
Good, good.
214
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,184
Is everything okay?
215
00:12:41,219 --> 00:12:42,599
He's asking
if everything's okay.
216
00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:45,887
Oh, fuck, fuck.
Oh, what do we do here?
217
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,852
What's our play?
What's our fucking play?
218
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,772
What do I say?
Do I say it's good?
219
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,691
Oh, got it, got it.
220
00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:55,360
Tell him everything's normal.
Everything's normal.
221
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,900
Um, I'm not at the park.
I'm on a ship.
222
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,824
Wow.
Just a normal ship.
223
00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:01,363
Is everything normal
where you are?
224
00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:03,526
Well, actually, things are
starting to heat up over here.
225
00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:07,325
Anyway, I wanted to apologize
again about tonight.
226
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:09,540
Having a child with you is
227
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:11,671
the most important thing
in the world to me, honey,
228
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:14,628
and I just wanted to make sure
that you knew that.
229
00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:16,339
Oh, okay. Bye.
230
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,969
Great job, Vicki.
That was the perfect call.
231
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:23,090
Right, Piper?
232
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:26,638
Whoo!
233
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:41,235
Sir.
Yes, Major.
234
00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:43,199
A C-130 was hijacked
over the Indian Ocean
235
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,119
and dropped off radar.
236
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,988
We think it's our guys.
What were they carrying?
237
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,325
That's the thing,
238
00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:50,000
it was just a bunch
of ventilation equipment.
239
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:54,667
What the hell are they up to?
240
00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:56,919
We managed to trace a call
from the cockpit
241
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:58,671
to an encrypted
satellite phone.
242
00:13:58,713 --> 00:13:59,763
We're tracking that phone now.
243
00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:01,168
Don't lose that signal,
244
00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:02,926
and get a Reaper
in the air pronto, Major.
245
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:04,427
Yes, sir.
246
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,431
Stay frosty, people.
247
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,517
This is our only shot.
248
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:33,116
What is this place?
An abandoned weapons depot.
249
00:14:33,164 --> 00:14:35,294
It officially doesn't exist,
250
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,843
but it does,
and you're about to see it.
251
00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:42,669
This way.
252
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,224
Haven't been in here
for 20 years.
253
00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:54,015
Fingers crossed,
nobody else has, either.
254
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,190
Piper!
255
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:57,856
Trip wire.
256
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,528
That could've been very bad
for all of us.
257
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:06,991
Now, watch your step
'cause I booby trapped
258
00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:09,332
this whole place
to the fucking gills.
259
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,537
Now, let's keep moving.
260
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:12,448
Carefully.
261
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:14,325
Hey, guys.
262
00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:17,082
I think I got a problem.
263
00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:22,302
Okay, look.
264
00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:24,919
Stay very still, Vicki.
Okay.
265
00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:27,506
I'm gonna get you
out of this.
266
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:28,552
All right.
267
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,095
Look, you've already
triggered it.
268
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:31,468
I know.
269
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:34,684
As long as we keep
pressure on it, like so,
270
00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:36,346
we'll be fine.
271
00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:38,444
It's all about physics.
Mm-hmm.
272
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,480
Well, we can't
stay here forever, right?
273
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:41,523
Yeah.
274
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,146
So we're gonna
have to make a move.
275
00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:45,203
Okay, look. Vicki, look at me.
276
00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:46,526
Look at me!
277
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:49,281
I need you to trust me.
Do you trust me?
278
00:15:49,324 --> 00:15:50,994
Yes.
Do you trust me?
279
00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:53,164
I said yes.
Good.
280
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:54,703
'Cause I'm about
to spring this--
281
00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:55,786
What?
Right--
282
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:56,960
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
283
00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:58,708
Now!
284
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:08,720
Like I said, watch your step.
285
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:13,847
Thank you for saving me.
286
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:17,190
It's what I do,
and it comes naturally,
287
00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:19,147
like breathing.
Oh.
288
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:21,517
Just in and out.
289
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:26,444
In, out, in, out.
290
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:29,276
In, out.
291
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:33,872
In and out. In and out.
292
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:35,910
Uh, could we keep moving?
293
00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:40,384
Lady's choice.
294
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:45,548
Sure, well, I guess
we should keep moving.
295
00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:47,218
Yeah.
296
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:49,127
Here you go.
297
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,715
There we go. All right.
298
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,490
Six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine,
299
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,743
six, nine, number sign.
300
00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:24,502
So MacGruber,
why are we here?
301
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,764
May 1, 1998, Burkina Faso.
302
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:30,627
Tiger Company,
the most elite special ops unit
303
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,505
in the world
had just gone rogue,
304
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:35,392
and their leader, Brigadier
Commander Enos Queeth,
305
00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:37,770
had just gotten his hands
on the most devastating
306
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:40,767
chemical weapon the world
has ever known--
307
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:42,230
Brimstone.
308
00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:48,987
Six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine,
309
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:50,987
six, nine, number sign.
310
00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:57,195
But what Queeth didn't know is
that Tiger Company had a mole.
311
00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,463
Well, a mole-Gruber.
312
00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:03,117
Long story short,
I stole Brimstone
313
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:04,536
and left Queeth
and his men to die
314
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,504
in a Burkina Fasonian prison.
315
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:09,674
Only problem, they didn't die.
316
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:13,184
And now Queeth will do anything
to get his hands on this stuff,
317
00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:14,678
but luckily for us,
318
00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:18,179
I hid it where Queeth will
never find it.
319
00:18:18,223 --> 00:18:21,603
Right through this door.
320
00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:24,063
Six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine,
321
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:25,734
six, nine, number sign.
322
00:18:33,321 --> 00:18:34,741
Why didn't you
just destroy it?
323
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:38,081
Piper, someone worked
very hard on this.
324
00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:41,448
And now the moment
we've all been waiting for.
325
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:45,246
Did Queeth beat us to it,
or did we beat Queeth?
326
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:52,170
Six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine, six, nine.
327
00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:53,375
No number sign.
328
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:20,446
Oh, thank God. Yes!
329
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:23,333
Fuck yeah.
And crisis averted.
330
00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:24,621
Fucking liar.
331
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,754
What do you mean liar?
Oh, just a detail.
332
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,883
Queeth lied to me,
said he already had this thing.
333
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,760
But why would he lie to you
about having it?
334
00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:35,838
I don't know,
some people just like to lie.
335
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,264
You know,
it makes them feel like
336
00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:38,802
they can hang
with the big boys,
337
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:42,925
but sadly, Queeth is munching
our farts on this one.
338
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:44,894
Fucking dumbass.
339
00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:48,444
I mean, this is such a great
series of wins for me.
340
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,070
He fucking lies to me
about having it,
341
00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:52,476
and I know he's lying,
that's win number one.
342
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,395
Then I escape
like a fucking badass,
343
00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:55,704
that's win number two.
344
00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:57,657
And now I have the thing
he desperately needs.
345
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,697
I don't know if
you're counting, but I am,
346
00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:01,031
and that's win number two.
347
00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:06,124
So he lied to you and said
he already had Brimstone.
348
00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:07,464
Yes.
349
00:20:07,499 --> 00:20:10,339
And then you somehow escaped.
350
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:13,087
Heroically
and against all odds, yes.
351
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,629
Yeah, they let you go.
352
00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:16,013
Practically, right?
353
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:18,549
No, I mean,
they let you out on purpose.
354
00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:22,353
What? Ha.
I assure you, they did not.
355
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:26,518
Why don't you tell us
a little more
356
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,099
about this crazy escape
of yours?
357
00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:30,274
I'd fucking love
to take you through it.
358
00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:33,363
Yes, so there I am at
this freaky underground lair,
359
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,690
naked, hanging schlong
for all to see.
360
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,525
And I didn't
even fucking care, right?
361
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:38,950
I sense an opening,
362
00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:41,198
and I just fucking rip out
of my restraints
363
00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:43,951
and fight my way through
the guy who was watching me.
364
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:46,003
Wait, they left you
with just one guy?
365
00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:48,577
Yeah, but he was, like,
a super fucking badass.
366
00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:50,963
Like, one of the toughest
blind guys you'll ever see.
367
00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:53,711
Sorry, they left you
with a blind guy?
368
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,803
Oh, yeah, and it was
so fucking terrifying.
369
00:20:55,839 --> 00:20:57,469
You point that guy
in the right direction,
370
00:20:57,507 --> 00:20:58,967
he's like a guided missile.
371
00:20:59,009 --> 00:21:02,009
Oh, Constantine Bach.
You guys know him. Remember?
372
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,603
Yeah, apparently, he didn't die
in that explosion.
373
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:06,849
Anyway, so there was
this scalpel on a tray
374
00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:09,061
that was right next to me,
and when the blind guy,
375
00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:11,482
Constantine,
turned away for a sec--
376
00:21:11,521 --> 00:21:13,651
stupid fucking move, right?
377
00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:16,530
It gave me more than enough
time to free myself.
378
00:21:16,568 --> 00:21:18,988
And then I just hand to hand
combatted him,
379
00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:20,909
burned him alive
with his own flamethrower,
380
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:23,197
skinned him--it was
my first time doing that--
381
00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:24,451
and then escaped.
382
00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:26,542
So you still think
they let me out?
383
00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:29,368
100%.
I think maybe they did.
384
00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:31,424
Yeah, that makes sense.
385
00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:34,208
They let me out so I could
immediately race right here
386
00:21:34,252 --> 00:21:36,882
and stop them from getting
the one thing they wanted?
387
00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:39,221
Yeah, they didn't know
where it was.
388
00:21:39,257 --> 00:21:40,377
You led them right to it.
389
00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:42,005
Oh, my God, Piper.
390
00:21:42,052 --> 00:21:44,972
We are so embarrassed for you.
391
00:21:45,013 --> 00:21:47,063
You have so much fucking egg
on your face.
392
00:21:47,098 --> 00:21:50,228
I mean, do you hear yourself
when you talk?
393
00:21:50,268 --> 00:21:53,228
If I had led them right to it
then they would be here by--
394
00:21:53,271 --> 00:21:56,571
Whoa, whoa, there they are.
395
00:21:56,608 --> 00:21:58,398
MacGruber.
396
00:21:58,443 --> 00:21:59,903
Hello, Queeth.
397
00:21:59,944 --> 00:22:03,874
Thanks for leading us
to your little hiding place.
398
00:22:03,907 --> 00:22:05,577
So this was all a set up?
399
00:22:05,617 --> 00:22:07,407
You really catch on quick.
400
00:22:10,372 --> 00:22:13,332
And you catch on
slow and low.
401
00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:15,665
You're such a dumb
piece of shit.
402
00:22:15,710 --> 00:22:18,250
See, I knew that
was your plan all along,
403
00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:22,426
so I made the very smart
decision to counterplan you.
404
00:22:22,467 --> 00:22:23,637
Net drop!
405
00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:31,769
So where were we?
406
00:22:31,810 --> 00:22:34,600
It was something
about a counterplan.
407
00:22:34,646 --> 00:22:37,766
Ah, yes, the counterplan.
408
00:22:37,816 --> 00:22:39,976
I mean, do you honestly believe
409
00:22:40,026 --> 00:22:42,356
that I would lead you
right to Brimstone?
410
00:22:42,404 --> 00:22:43,614
Well then, think again.
411
00:22:43,655 --> 00:22:45,985
Then think again
and then think again
412
00:22:46,032 --> 00:22:49,292
and again and again and again,
'cause that ain't this
413
00:22:49,327 --> 00:22:51,287
and this ain't that.
414
00:22:51,329 --> 00:22:52,789
Then you'll let me have it.
415
00:22:52,831 --> 00:22:57,171
Go ahead, take it. Here.
416
00:22:57,210 --> 00:22:58,670
Be my guest.
417
00:23:00,338 --> 00:23:01,718
Why did you do that?
418
00:23:04,759 --> 00:23:07,389
I'm telling you,
you're getting played.
419
00:23:07,429 --> 00:23:08,599
Right, guys?
420
00:23:08,638 --> 00:23:10,968
Yes.
421
00:23:11,016 --> 00:23:13,636
That's right--
not only is that canister
422
00:23:13,685 --> 00:23:15,685
filled with
a bunch of fresh jizz
423
00:23:15,729 --> 00:23:17,519
from me and Piper here--
right, Piper?
424
00:23:17,564 --> 00:23:19,734
Right, Piper?
Yeah.
425
00:23:19,774 --> 00:23:22,034
But as we speak,
you are surrounded
426
00:23:22,068 --> 00:23:25,158
by the full width and breadth
of the U.S. military,
427
00:23:25,196 --> 00:23:28,616
who have orders to shoot you
on my command.
428
00:23:28,658 --> 00:23:31,328
Hold off there, General,
for a second.
429
00:23:31,369 --> 00:23:34,459
Think I might be able to talk
a little sense into him.
430
00:23:34,497 --> 00:23:35,917
Oh, 10-4, what's that?
431
00:23:35,957 --> 00:23:39,087
Huh? Roger? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
432
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,800
Oh, they want to shoot
your fucking face off so bad,
433
00:23:44,841 --> 00:23:48,761
but I won't let them yet.
434
00:23:48,803 --> 00:23:51,723
So you want to rethink
your dumb little plan?
435
00:23:51,765 --> 00:23:52,965
Hang on, hang on.
436
00:23:53,016 --> 00:23:55,846
Yeah, he's thinking about it
437
00:23:55,894 --> 00:23:59,274
with his dumb little brain.
438
00:23:59,314 --> 00:24:01,694
So don't kill him yet.
439
00:24:01,733 --> 00:24:03,283
Give him another ten...
440
00:24:05,236 --> 00:24:06,736
Nine...
441
00:24:08,114 --> 00:24:09,124
Eight...
442
00:24:10,492 --> 00:24:12,242
Seven.
S--seven.
443
00:24:15,163 --> 00:24:16,793
Six.
Six.
444
00:24:16,831 --> 00:24:18,541
Five.
Fi--
445
00:24:18,583 --> 00:24:19,963
Four.
446
00:24:20,001 --> 00:24:22,211
Four...
447
00:24:22,253 --> 00:24:23,383
Three.
448
00:24:23,421 --> 00:24:28,341
Three...
449
00:24:28,385 --> 00:24:29,385
Two.
450
00:24:29,427 --> 00:24:36,597
Two...
451
00:24:43,441 --> 00:24:44,611
One.
452
00:24:53,618 --> 00:24:55,538
One more,
straight down the barrel.
453
00:24:55,578 --> 00:24:56,788
Yes, sir.
454
00:25:01,209 --> 00:25:02,289
Come on! This way.
455
00:25:04,129 --> 00:25:06,509
Sir, it was a drone.
It's coming around again.
456
00:25:06,548 --> 00:25:08,048
Yeah, well, take it out.
457
00:25:09,467 --> 00:25:10,637
Now!
458
00:25:31,156 --> 00:25:32,236
Good God.
459
00:25:38,830 --> 00:25:40,210
Abort! Abort!
460
00:25:40,248 --> 00:25:41,618
Sorry, sir,
it's been deployed.
461
00:25:41,666 --> 00:25:43,456
Redirect. Redirect!
462
00:25:43,501 --> 00:25:44,791
Trying, sir.
463
00:25:47,047 --> 00:25:49,337
Swing and a miss.
464
00:25:51,718 --> 00:25:53,178
Fire.
465
00:25:55,138 --> 00:25:56,678
Got them.
466
00:26:02,354 --> 00:26:04,984
Uplink terminated.
Damn it!
467
00:26:05,023 --> 00:26:06,983
Get another Reaper up now.
468
00:26:07,025 --> 00:26:08,855
20 minutes, sir.
Now, major!
469
00:26:08,902 --> 00:26:10,282
Yes, sir.
470
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,820
Now, where's our friend,
MacGruber?
471
00:26:16,076 --> 00:26:18,696
Ha, ha! Fuck you, Queeth.
472
00:26:21,873 --> 00:26:23,253
Want us to go after him, sir?
473
00:26:23,291 --> 00:26:26,921
No, we got
a schedule to keep.
474
00:26:28,630 --> 00:26:30,510
We got what we came for.
33061
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