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1
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,890
Signal reestablished.
2
00:00:11,928 --> 00:00:13,718
Satellites just coming
back online, General.
3
00:00:13,763 --> 00:00:15,063
Okay, people, we
need answers,
4
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:16,468
and we need them yesterday.
5
00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:19,476
Do we have any idea who
these kidnappers are, major?
6
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:20,849
No, sir.
They scrambled our comms
7
00:00:20,895 --> 00:00:21,895
before we could get a real ID.
8
00:00:21,938 --> 00:00:23,398
What about a location?
9
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,860
We dispatched two
recon drones
10
00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:26,319
to try and track them down,
but nothing so far.
11
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:27,939
So we don't know
who they are,
12
00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,146
where they are,
13
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:32,155
or what they're planning
to do next?
14
00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:34,028
No, sir.
15
00:00:34,075 --> 00:00:38,115
Jesus.
16
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:39,463
What about MacGruber?
17
00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:44,461
I'm sorry, sir.
We have to assume the worst.
18
00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:47,295
Sir.
19
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:51,128
Barrett.
20
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:53,848
Honey,
now is not a good time.
21
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,427
MacGruber's in trouble.
I can sense it.
22
00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:56,602
I--I know I can help.
23
00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:58,219
There's nothing
you can do for him.
24
00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:00,436
Come on, Barrett. I-I-I know
him better than anyone, please.
25
00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:02,477
He was my mentor,
my first husband.
26
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,560
Victoria.
I know how he thinks.
27
00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:06,436
I know how he moves.
Victoria.
28
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:07,943
He took both my virginities,
for God sakes.
29
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:09,994
Victoria!
30
00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:11,778
He's dead.
31
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:17,620
What?
MacGruber is dead.
32
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:19,040
I'm sorry.
33
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,749
Sir.
Not now, major.
34
00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:24,709
Sir, the president
is on the line.
35
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,131
Victoria,
I have to take this.
36
00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:29,259
Please, go home.
Don't worry.
37
00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:30,627
Look, I'm gonna find
whoever did this,
38
00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:32,224
and I'm gonna make them pay.
I promise.
39
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:20,346
MacGruber
40
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:27,194
Happy birthday
41
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:31,690
Happy birthday to you
To you
42
00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:37,945
Open.
Happy birthday to you
43
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,201
Queeth.
44
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,753
Mommy!
45
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:46,745
MacGruber?
46
00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:49,041
Mommy!
47
00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:01,774
Hello.
48
00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:04,516
Hello.
49
00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:07,149
I know you're out there,
Queeth.
50
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:10,477
Where are you,
you sack of shit?
51
00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:12,903
Well, look who's up.
52
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:21,077
Hello, MacGruber.
53
00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:22,407
Have a bad dream?
54
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,952
No,
I had a fucking great dream.
55
00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:27,366
Fucked your mom
and dad unprotected,
56
00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:29,575
came in both of them
a bunch of times.
57
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:31,286
That sounds pretty wild.
58
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,456
Oh, it was.
And it was so much better
59
00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:35,415
than the nightmare
you're about to have.
60
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:37,795
Tell me about it.
Oh, gladly.
61
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:40,142
It'll be a simple
two-step process
62
00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:43,598
in which I get loose
and then do to you exactly
63
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,730
what I did to your folks,
mephorically, of course.
64
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:48,228
'Cause I wouldn't let my dick
65
00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:52,439
get within 100 calendar feet
of your dirty butthole
66
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:53,982
So we're calling that
a dick now?
67
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,895
Oh, fuck you, Queeth.
68
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:58,454
You'll pay for what you did
to my family.
69
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,868
Oh, I have no idea
what you're talking about.
70
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,077
Oh, but you do.
71
00:04:02,117 --> 00:04:03,657
As soon as I get out of here,
72
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,952
I'm gonna skin you
from stem to stern
73
00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:09,955
and leave your bloody carcass
to rot in the noonday sun.
74
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,790
And that's a promise.
75
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:14,455
You got me quaking
in my boots.
76
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,514
Oh, where are my manners?
77
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,298
You got some old friends here
78
00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:19,971
who just can't wait
to say hello.
79
00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:24,638
Master Sergeant Lon Vincente,
80
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:27,981
killed in action May 1, 1998.
81
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:29,558
No.
82
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:34,272
Sergeant Major Presley Dean,
killed in action May 1, 1998.
83
00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:42,069
Commander Baker Jaxx,
killed in action May 1, 1998.
84
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:47,155
Lieutenant Chance Tucker,
killed in action May 1, 1998.
85
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:48,663
Been too long.
86
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:53,875
Captain Bex Dawson,
killed in action May 1, 1998.
87
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:57,708
I suspect you're detecting
a bit of a theme here.
88
00:04:57,756 --> 00:05:01,046
Yeah, you guys are all still
super ugly as shit.
89
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:06,099
You know, it feels
just like yesterday
90
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,429
that you left us all for dead
91
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:11,265
bleeding to death
in the burning-hot savannas
92
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,061
of Burkina Faso.
93
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,690
But it wasn't yesterday,
was it?
94
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:20,363
No, it was 20 years ago,
95
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:23,993
20 years of near
constant torture
96
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:27,042
in a secret prison camp
behind enemy lines.
97
00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:29,997
I guess that's what happens
to traitors.
98
00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:31,748
Traitors?
99
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:34,999
We were American soldiers
100
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:38,053
putting our asses on the line
for our country.
101
00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:40,088
All we wanted
was our fair share.
102
00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:41,381
Am I right?
103
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:42,474
Yes, sir.
104
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,089
But you wouldn't
let that happen.
105
00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:47,055
Oh, well, ex-squeeze me if
I had a little problem with you
106
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:50,307
selling a chemical weapon
to the Russian government.
107
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:55,400
We were never going to use
Brimstone, you fucking dolt.
108
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:57,108
No one was ever gonna die.
109
00:05:57,148 --> 00:06:01,398
But all that time we spent
rotting away in that prison,
110
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,244
we perfected the plan.
111
00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:06,279
And now people will die.
112
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:09,124
Looks to me like
you're forgetting one teeny,
113
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,290
tiny, little,
incredibly huge thing.
114
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:13,920
Yeah? What is that?
115
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:16,167
There's only one person
in the world
116
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,039
who knows where Brimstone is.
117
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:21,166
And his name rhymes
with fuck you-ber.
118
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,264
And that man or woman--
119
00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:24,759
could be a woman--
120
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:27,011
hid it in a very safe place.
121
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,853
So looks like you're
shit out of luck, bud,
122
00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:31,769
'cause you're never, ever,
123
00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:33,938
ever, ever, ever gonna--
124
00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:35,397
Uh, what's that?
125
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,441
Brimstone.
126
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,732
No, it can't be.
127
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:42,525
It can, and it is.
128
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:43,739
You're lying.
129
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:46,278
You're tying play me
like a blank CD.
130
00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:49,282
But we all know what happens
to blank CDs.
131
00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:51,865
They get burned.
132
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,254
Okay.
133
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:56,789
Well, if this isn't Brimstone,
134
00:06:56,833 --> 00:07:00,303
then why am I gonna kill you
right now?
135
00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:03,417
You're not, right?
136
00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:07,295
Perhaps you remember your
old friend, Constantine Bach.
137
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:08,974
Constantine.
138
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,348
No.
139
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:18,563
Hello, MacGruber.
140
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,015
But you're dead.
141
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:22,855
No, he survived that
explosion at Cunth's compound.
142
00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:25,151
His eyes didn't, however,
143
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,315
which is why he requested
personally
144
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,204
to kill you himself.
145
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,700
I just wish he could see
what he's about to do to you.
146
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:37,826
Well, we're off to make merry.
147
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:40,094
Hey, Queeth, one more thing.
148
00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:43,589
Go fuck yourself.
149
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,681
Another home run.
150
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,046
Have you been working on these?
151
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:49,433
I sure have.
152
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,809
And I don't accept
your compliment.
153
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,176
Goodbye, MacGruber.
154
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,398
Constantine, he's all yours.
155
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:00,767
Fuck you!
156
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,404
You won't get away with this!
157
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,860
I'm gonna get outta here,
and I'm gonna stop you!
158
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:08,412
Fuck you!
Ready the choppers.
159
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:28,295
What is all this crap
we're hauling anyway?
160
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,801
No idea.
161
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,013
But it's important enough
for me to get an H2 clearance
162
00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:33,433
and miss
my daughter's birthday.
163
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:36,601
Oh, that's too bad, man.
How old is she?
164
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:38,561
She's 8 going on 18.
165
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,441
Aw, she's a cute kid.
166
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,992
Gonna need therapy, though.
167
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,528
Wait, why would you say...
168
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:56,829
The partridge
is in the pear tree.
169
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,000
Wonderful.
170
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:01,078
Tell the reindeer
to turn that sled around.
171
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:04,044
Copy that.
172
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,086
Free
173
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,261
When we hear
174
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,930
The voices sing
175
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,929
The book of love
will open up
176
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,521
And let us in
177
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:19,975
Thanks for coming.
178
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:22,848
Your message sounded
pretty urgent.
179
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:26,606
Piper, MacGruber's dead!
180
00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:29,819
Ohh, he's dead! Ah!
181
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,991
They asked him to do
a suicide mission.
182
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:36,031
And he RSVP'd, "Yass, queen."
183
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,196
He didn't tell you?
184
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:39,414
I didn't let him.
185
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,537
Ohh.
186
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,422
We used to make love
to this song.
187
00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:45,589
Mm.
188
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:46,837
Me and MacGruber.
189
00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:48,208
Yeah, I got it.
190
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:52,264
Oh, he was such
a giving partner.
191
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:56,260
He never wanted me
to have to do any of the work.
192
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:57,644
Sometimes he would even tell me
193
00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:59,721
to not talk
so he could picture something.
194
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:01,386
Nice.
195
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:05,524
Probably just the two of us
on a hike or swimming at the Y.
196
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:09,436
We would build
to this crescendo,
197
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:14,204
and he would generously finish
for the both of us.
198
00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:15,489
And then use the restroom.
199
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:16,372
Okay.
200
00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:19,238
Be in there for a while.
201
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:22,705
Then he would come,
and in his best
202
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:27,207
Jim Carry voice he would say,
"Do not go in there."
203
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:29,252
Cool.
He would shake my hand,
204
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:35,135
ask me to leave,
and then hug me with one arm.
205
00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:37,636
It was pure bliss.
206
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,719
Yeah, it sounds--yeah.
207
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,024
The book of love
will open up
208
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:44,688
Whoo! Come on, Piper.
Let's go.
209
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:45,808
Let's celebrate.
210
00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:46,944
Vicki, you don't
have to do this.
211
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:50,320
Don't have to what, Piper?
Be happy?
212
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:54,278
I have a wonderful husband
and a big, glitzy house,
213
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,910
and I don't ever
have to work again.
214
00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:58,577
And no more getting shot at,
and no more risking my life
215
00:10:58,616 --> 00:10:59,906
to save the world.
216
00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:02,951
I have the best job ever now.
217
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,496
I'm a wife.
218
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:09,000
I'm really happy.
219
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:11,134
Ohh.
220
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,513
He needed us.
221
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:18,970
He needed us.
222
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:20,812
Baby
223
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:24,387
Okay. Okay, what you need
is some sleep.
224
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:25,444
Yeah.
225
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:26,727
So let me
take you home, okay?
226
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:29,940
Yeah.
All right.
227
00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:31,691
What kind of car do you have?
228
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:36,992
Ahh!
229
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,240
Ah, there he is.
230
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,655
Shall we begin?
231
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,674
I made these
especially for you, MacGruber.
232
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:48,577
Oh, God.
233
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:51,165
And I can't wait to use them.
234
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,711
Constantine, come on, buddy.
235
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,304
What's the rush, right?
236
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:57,509
You know, you should grab a few
Molsons and pull up a chair.
237
00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:00,350
I'll just hang here literally.
238
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,177
But seriously,
let's catch up, huh?
239
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:07,813
I've thought about this day
for 11 years.
240
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:10,022
I've thought about it too.
241
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:13,323
'Cause I knew that this would
be the day that you forgave me
242
00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:15,818
for getting your eyes
all blown up to shit.
243
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:19,530
Look, I got some buds
in the optical industry.
244
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,702
So why don't you let me out
of here,
245
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,081
and we can go get you
a brand-new set of peepers
246
00:12:24,119 --> 00:12:26,329
for those eye stumps of yours,
huh?
247
00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,831
Any color you want.
248
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:31,382
And I promise you
from the bottom of my heart
249
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:32,838
I will not press charges.
250
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:35,417
You've done a lot
of very hideous things today
251
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:38,383
that are illegal, to be honest,
very illegal.
252
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,085
And I will not--
I'll overlook it.
253
00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:42,885
I'll just like,
"Didn't happen."
254
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,219
Sorry, MacGruber.
255
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:49,265
Now, what do I want
to start with?
256
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:53,897
Ah, this will do nicely.
257
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:08,407
I'm gonna carve you up
like a country ham.
258
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:12,575
And I'm gonna take it
nice and slow
259
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:16,455
so you can enjoy
every second of it.
260
00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:18,474
No, no, no.
Please, don't do this.
261
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,716
This isn't you.
You're better than this.
262
00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:23,639
Be best. Be best.
263
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:27,428
How about little music?
264
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:30,604
It tends to cover
the screaming.
265
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,773
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
266
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:41,111
Constantine, bud, on your way
to get that music going--
267
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,324
which by the way
I agree
268
00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:44,534
is a great way
to cover up screaming--
269
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:47,164
could you pop into the other
room and get me a little water,
270
00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:49,792
you know,
sparkling if you got it?
271
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,659
Nice try, MacGruber.
272
00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:53,076
Shit.
273
00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:56,044
You know, after you
blinded me in that explosion,
274
00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:58,336
it took me years to recover.
275
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:03,639
The only thing that got me
through was the thought
276
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:07,967
that one day I'd be able
to deliver to you
277
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,724
as much pain
278
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:14,436
as you gave me
over the last 11 years.
279
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:22,397
Not my first choice,
but I'll live.
280
00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:27,405
You on the other hand...
281
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:31,120
Guess who's out
of his restraints
282
00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:35,042
And I know you can't
see this, but...
283
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,003
Fuck you too, MacGruber.
284
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:40,133
Well, I guess I'm gonna
skedaddle on outta here.
285
00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:42,631
By the way, thanks for leaving
that scalpel right by
286
00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:44,514
where my fucking hands were,
287
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,511
you fucking dumbass.
288
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,393
I mean, that was
the biggest dipshit move,
289
00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:50,680
and I cannot wait
to tell Queeth about it
290
00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:53,274
right before I rip out
his throat
291
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:56,399
and take a major dump
down his neck.
292
00:14:56,438 --> 00:14:57,728
You know what
that's called, huh?
293
00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:01,688
An upper-necker.
Yeah.
294
00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:04,355
So, well,
guess I should be going.
295
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,784
Great to "see" you.
296
00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:09,333
And yes, that is a dig
at the fact
297
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,367
that you don't have
usable eyes anymore.
298
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,041
Oh, and one more thing.
299
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:16,619
I am totally pressing charges.
300
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:17,996
Yeah.
301
00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:21,884
So kiss my fucking butt,
302
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:25,971
'cause I am officially
outta here.
303
00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:27,589
What the fuck?
304
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:30,925
Maybe it's time we even
the playing field.
305
00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:38,437
Fuck.
306
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:45,946
Baa, baa, black sheep,
have you any wool?
307
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:47,277
Fuck. Fuck.
308
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:51,032
How the fuck do you
get out of this place? Shit.
309
00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,446
Hey, MacGruber.
310
00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:55,995
I went and got myself
a little toy.
311
00:15:57,499 --> 00:16:00,039
Holy shit. A fire gun.
312
00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:02,795
A flamethrower.
Yeah, a flamethrower.
313
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:04,417
You know, the only good thing
314
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,884
about losing
one of your senses?
315
00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:10,005
The other ones
grow much stronger.
316
00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:12,973
You can smell better.
317
00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:15,644
You can hear better.
318
00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,144
You can kill better.
319
00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:18,395
Ahh!
320
00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:23,154
It's the one with the ducks
on the door.
321
00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:25,781
Nice.
322
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:30,573
He's gone, Piper.
323
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:32,775
He's really gone.
324
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:33,866
Mm.
325
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:37,748
And he's never,
ever coming back.
326
00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:41,039
Hey, remember
what he always used to say.
327
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:44,344
"Never ever say never ever."
328
00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:45,709
He taught us so much.
329
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:49,877
He was the smartest man
that ever lived.
330
00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:52,678
Uh, yeah.
331
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,391
I bet he's in heaven
right now
332
00:16:57,434 --> 00:17:01,234
fighting for justice
with Gandhi and Lady Di.
333
00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:02,401
I bet he is.
334
00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:04,979
You know, like,
if some bad guys got in,
335
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:07,275
like, they snuck in on, like,
a technicality
336
00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:08,988
and they shouldn't have...
Right.
337
00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:11,569
I bet he's punching them
in the face right now...
338
00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:13,624
Sure.
Kicking them in the friggin'
339
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:15,698
butts and ribs
and pulling out their eyes.
340
00:17:20,165 --> 00:17:24,745
He always wanted to pull out
someone's eyes.
341
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,304
But he didn't get to.
342
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:28,838
I'm sorry.
343
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,302
I don't mean
to make this all about me.
344
00:17:31,343 --> 00:17:34,393
I know you're hurting too.
345
00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,059
Yeah.
346
00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:38,017
What do you think he'd be
doing to the bad guys up there?
347
00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:43,226
All the stuff that you said.
348
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:49,071
That's so true.
349
00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:51,240
Thanks, Piper.
350
00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:54,118
Look, you're gonna
get through this.
351
00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:57,447
I know it's hard,
but just try to remember,
352
00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:58,794
he's in a better place.
353
00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:01,038
He's in a better place.
354
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,082
Okay.
355
00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,969
He's in a better place.
356
00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:27,518
MacGruber, where are ya?
357
00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:49,553
Our Father, who art in
heaven, hallowed be thy name.
358
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:51,047
Thy kingdom come;
thy will be done.
359
00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:08,105
Baa, baa, black sheep,
have you any wool?
360
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:11,318
Yes sir, yes sir,
three bags full
361
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:12,819
Gotcha!
362
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:15,741
Those stairs are a dead end,
MacGruber.
363
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,320
You're fucked now.
364
00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:19,325
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
365
00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:23,083
Fuck, fuck.
366
00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:34,216
MacGruber,
I have a story for ya.
367
00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:37,177
Long ago there was a king
368
00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:42,058
with a very interesting way
of dealing with criminals.
369
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:46,388
He'd give them a choice
between two doors.
370
00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:50,016
Behind one door
was a hungry lion
371
00:19:50,065 --> 00:19:54,105
who'd immediately tear
the criminal to pieces.
372
00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:57,412
Behind the other door
was a pot of gold.
373
00:19:57,447 --> 00:20:00,777
The criminal just had
to make the right choice.
374
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:03,745
What's the play?
What's the fucking play?
375
00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:07,917
What choice are you
going to make, MacGruber?
376
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:11,957
Well, unfortunately for you,
377
00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:15,013
in my version of the story,
378
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:17,678
there's a lion
behind both doors.
379
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,337
And guess what.
380
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:21,756
It's dinnertime.
381
00:20:21,805 --> 00:20:25,225
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
382
00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:30,806
Ahh! Ahh!
383
00:20:31,815 --> 00:20:34,395
Now,
that's a spicy meatball.
384
00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:41,118
Oh, shit.
385
00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:42,657
Shit, shit, shit.
386
00:20:42,701 --> 00:20:43,741
Ahh!
387
00:21:44,346 --> 00:21:46,386
So this is it.
388
00:21:46,431 --> 00:21:49,891
This is where he dies.
389
00:21:49,934 --> 00:21:52,484
So long, MacGruber.
390
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,900
You were one of the good ones.
391
00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:02,817
At ease, soldier.
392
00:22:02,864 --> 00:22:08,834
We'll take it from here.
393
00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:54,250
Oh, thank God,
394
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:56,540
the light
at the end of the tunnel.
395
00:23:25,405 --> 00:23:28,315
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
396
00:23:28,366 --> 00:23:31,116
There's no chance
I won't make it now.
397
00:23:32,287 --> 00:23:33,657
Ahh!
398
00:23:33,705 --> 00:23:36,705
What do you say we burn
in hell together, MacGruber?
399
00:23:36,750 --> 00:23:39,170
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
400
00:23:39,210 --> 00:23:41,550
Ahh!
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
401
00:23:41,588 --> 00:23:44,758
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Ahh!
402
00:23:48,803 --> 00:23:51,263
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
No! No!
403
00:23:57,395 --> 00:23:59,685
Ah-ha-ha!
404
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:03,859
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
405
00:24:07,489 --> 00:24:09,949
Sleep well, my prince.
406
00:24:09,991 --> 00:24:12,451
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Goodbye, my love.
407
00:24:12,494 --> 00:24:14,624
Ahh!
408
00:24:38,895 --> 00:24:41,055
Ahh!
409
00:24:45,985 --> 00:24:48,025
Got a man down here.
410
00:24:52,784 --> 00:24:54,204
Oh, my God, Constantine.
411
00:24:54,244 --> 00:24:56,204
Man, how are you even alive?
412
00:24:56,246 --> 00:24:58,286
I'm not.
413
00:24:59,457 --> 00:25:01,997
But I am.
28252
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