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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,435 --> 00:00:05,105 ♪ 2 00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:21,097 What's up? 3 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:23,265 Where is everybody? 4 00:00:23,289 --> 00:00:24,266 They're so late. 5 00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:25,602 That's so unprofessional of them. 6 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:26,936 You should talk to them. 7 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,771 The meeting ended ten minutes ago, Sam. 8 00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:30,306 ‐You're late. ‐(scoffs) What? 9 00:00:30,329 --> 00:00:33,243 Someone changed the meeting time and didn't tell me? 10 00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:34,444 ‐That's messed up. It was probably Austin. ‐Nope. 11 00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:35,945 ‐Nope. ‐That kid sucks. 12 00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:37,380 He's had it out for me since day one. 13 00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:39,414 ‐Sam. ‐I'm telling you. He's, like, genuinely 14 00:00:39,439 --> 00:00:40,750 ‐very jealous of me. ‐Sam, you're drunk. 15 00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,384 What? 16 00:00:42,408 --> 00:00:44,253 You're a holding a bottle of vodka right in front of me. 17 00:00:44,277 --> 00:00:45,854 This is water. 18 00:00:45,878 --> 00:00:46,956 It's water, and honestly... 19 00:00:46,979 --> 00:00:48,423 ‐Can I smell it? ‐Would it matter? 20 00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:51,360 ‐Yeah, it actually does matter. ‐Dude, it doesn't matter. 21 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:54,097 I could do this job drunk, sober, juggling. 22 00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:55,430 I mean, come on, you name it, I could do it. 23 00:00:55,454 --> 00:00:56,598 This is ridiculous. 24 00:00:56,622 --> 00:00:59,101 We're not winning Pulitzers here, man. 25 00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:02,539 I don't want to, like, rain on your parade, but, like, 26 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,275 "Hey, here's ten dogs that look the cast of Gossip Girl"? 27 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:06,942 Sam, what are you doing? 28 00:01:06,966 --> 00:01:09,012 What am I doing?! 29 00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:11,213 That is an interesting question. 30 00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:13,516 What are we doing here? 31 00:01:13,539 --> 00:01:16,519 We just sit around and friggin' talk to each other 32 00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:18,555 ‐and wait to die? ‐Listen, here's the good news. 33 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,956 You don't have to worry about any of this stuff 34 00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:22,724 ever again, okay? 35 00:01:22,748 --> 00:01:24,593 Because you're fired. 36 00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:26,462 Fired? 37 00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:27,963 (scoffs) 38 00:01:27,987 --> 00:01:30,066 You're firing me? 39 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,634 ‐Yeah. ‐Wow. 40 00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:34,736 ‐Because I am a woman who said something true. ‐No. 41 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:36,573 Oh, my God. Seriously? 42 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,807 I'm gonna find a lawsuit in there. I can guarantee it. 43 00:01:38,831 --> 00:01:40,475 ‐For what? ‐And I'm gonna find it... 44 00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,444 For you being drunk every day and showing up to work? 45 00:01:42,468 --> 00:01:44,371 ‐That's why you're fired. ‐You're fired. 46 00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:47,250 Sam, just get out, please. 47 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,685 ‐I'm not leaving! ‐You... 48 00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:50,420 ‐You have... ‐This is, this is happening now. 49 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,221 I'm hanging out. 50 00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:53,789 ‐Sam, I don't want to... Okay. ‐Nope. 51 00:01:53,813 --> 00:01:55,424 ‐I'm not going anywhere. ‐(sighs) 52 00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,894 ‐Too bad. So sad. I'm staying in your office. ‐All right. 53 00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:59,728 ‐I'm occupying the space. ‐I didn't want to do it like this, 54 00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:01,930 ‐but you leave no choice. Okay. ‐What are you doing? 55 00:02:01,954 --> 00:02:03,399 I'll tell you what I'm not doing is... 56 00:02:03,423 --> 00:02:05,367 I'm not putting my hands on you and moving you myself, 57 00:02:05,391 --> 00:02:07,269 'cause that's not cool. All right? 58 00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:09,538 ‐That's a Cuomo and I'm not doing that. ‐MAN: Security. 59 00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:10,939 Yeah, security, this is Bzzzzzzzzzz. 60 00:02:10,963 --> 00:02:12,908 ‐Uh, sixth floor conference room. ‐Security? 61 00:02:12,932 --> 00:02:13,909 There's a burglar here. 62 00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:15,344 ‐A short woman. ‐Give me this. 63 00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:16,945 ‐Orange sweater. ‐Come on! 64 00:02:16,969 --> 00:02:18,213 ‐Dark hair. No. ‐Let me talk to them. 65 00:02:18,237 --> 00:02:19,082 ‐Get out... Sam. ‐Let me tell them the truth. 66 00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:20,383 Let me tell them the truth. 67 00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:21,584 ‐Hi, this is... ‐God, you're strong. 68 00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:23,086 This is the aforementioned Sam. 69 00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:24,753 I was telling him something honest, 70 00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:26,756 ‐and the patriarchy couldn't handle that. ‐(grunts) 71 00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:28,724 ‐Do you hear me? ‐Oh, my God. Please. 72 00:02:28,748 --> 00:02:29,925 Let me have it! You know what? 73 00:02:29,949 --> 00:02:30,727 I quit! 74 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:31,594 Aah! 75 00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:32,728 Ow! 76 00:02:32,752 --> 00:02:34,030 God! 77 00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:36,231 What the hell, Sam? 78 00:02:36,256 --> 00:02:37,233 Oh. 79 00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:40,536 ‐MAN: Sir? Are you okay? ‐Oh, God. 80 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,070 (breathes heavily) 81 00:02:42,094 --> 00:02:43,562 Oh, my God. 82 00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:47,877 ♪ Onset, make you work up sweat an' a ♪ 83 00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:50,079 ♪ Onset, make you ♪ ♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh ♪ 84 00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:51,881 ♪ Onset, make you work up sweat an' a ♪ 85 00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:54,050 ♪ Onset make you work up sweat, make ya ♪ 86 00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:56,085 ♪ Onset, make you work up sweat, make ya ♪ 87 00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,120 ♪ Onset, make you work up sweat ♪ 88 00:02:57,144 --> 00:02:58,621 ♪ Better the measure ♪ 89 00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:00,455 ♪ To make 'em all say, "Yes, sir" ♪ 90 00:03:00,479 --> 00:03:01,948 ♪ Oh, oh, oh. ♪ 91 00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,326 SAMANTHA: I followed you on Instagram. 92 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:05,927 I noticed that you haven't followed me back yet, 93 00:03:05,951 --> 00:03:08,131 but I figured since they won't give me your cell phone number, 94 00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:09,966 we could just, like, DM or something 95 00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,433 and keep it touch that way, or... 96 00:03:11,457 --> 00:03:12,868 ‐Mm. ‐Oh, I guess I can just email you, right? 97 00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:14,203 That's fine. Okay. 98 00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:15,538 ‐I just don't want... ‐CAROL: Hurry up! 99 00:03:15,562 --> 00:03:17,939 I have my spiritual book club meeting at 2:00, 100 00:03:17,963 --> 00:03:20,167 and I can't miss it because I'm the speaker. 101 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:25,705 SIDNEY: I sincerely hope you don't come back. 102 00:03:26,806 --> 00:03:28,884 I'm gonna miss you. 103 00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:31,420 Yeah. 104 00:03:31,444 --> 00:03:33,021 Hello, Smother. 105 00:03:33,045 --> 00:03:35,191 Hello, Beauty Girl. 106 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,760 Is that your New York apartment in one bag? 107 00:03:38,784 --> 00:03:40,596 Can you not... can we not on the seat? 108 00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:42,298 Because it's clean. Okay, it's not. It's... 109 00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:44,457 (chuckles) It's fine. 110 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,471 Thanks for not making me take the T. 111 00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:50,605 Oh. (chuckles) 112 00:03:50,629 --> 00:03:54,409 Who's‐who's that‐‐ your rehab boyfriend? 113 00:03:54,433 --> 00:03:57,370 No. That's my therapist. Sidney. 114 00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:01,084 Did you just talk about me the whole time? 115 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,276 Yes, Mother. It's all about you. 116 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,524 But yeah, basically. 117 00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:10,560 (engine starts) 118 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,651 ("You Sad" by Tkay Maidza playing) 119 00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:16,122 ♪ You so sad ♪ 120 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,939 ♪ Don't pull up to tell me how you feel ♪ 121 00:04:23,963 --> 00:04:26,942 ♪ 'Cause it won't end up going your way ♪ 122 00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:30,012 ♪ I've been fooled once, but I won't be fooled again ♪ 123 00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:32,247 ♪ My Z‐O‐D told me we don't match today ♪ 124 00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:34,216 ♪ So I've been duckin', you're buggin' ♪ 125 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,351 ♪ Like Frank, catch me if you can ♪ 126 00:04:36,375 --> 00:04:38,187 ♪ Catch me if you can ♪ 127 00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:40,889 ♪ Quite frankly, I think that you'll thank me ♪ 128 00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:42,792 ♪ For this when you understand ♪ 129 00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,127 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪ 130 00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:46,394 Oh. What are you getting all tarted‐up for? 131 00:04:46,418 --> 00:04:49,031 I have an audition for Chicago, national tour. 132 00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:50,966 ‐Really? ‐I'm going to meet 133 00:04:50,990 --> 00:04:52,435 ‐my new probation officer. ‐Well, 134 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:53,903 let's hope, for your sake, he's a man, 135 00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:56,105 because men let things slide 136 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,740 ‐when you're pretty. ‐Oh. 137 00:04:57,764 --> 00:04:59,274 Thank you for saying I look pretty while I 138 00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:00,966 ‐hide my withdrawal zits. ‐You're welcome. 139 00:05:03,302 --> 00:05:06,249 You're not actually really covering your zits. 140 00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:08,016 ‐That's a little... It's pale. ‐Okay. 141 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,452 The color. Teeny. Teeny. Here... 142 00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:11,954 ♪ Trying to play a big boy game... ♪ 143 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:14,089 WOMAN: Don't play the family card. 144 00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:16,425 I cannot right now. 145 00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:18,261 Mm‐mmm. 146 00:05:18,285 --> 00:05:19,595 Okay. 147 00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:21,264 (sighs) Bye. Bye. 148 00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:22,932 Sorry. 149 00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,466 My sister's husband just died. 150 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,769 ‐It's a whole thing. (sighs) ‐Oh. 151 00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:27,769 Well, he was 87. 152 00:05:27,793 --> 00:05:28,771 He lived a good life. 153 00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:29,771 And now she's very rich. 154 00:05:29,795 --> 00:05:31,706 But we're here to talk about you. 155 00:05:31,730 --> 00:05:32,966 So... 156 00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:36,112 Mm. 157 00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:37,579 I had one bad day 158 00:05:37,603 --> 00:05:39,615 that turned into a Class A misdemeanor. 159 00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:41,716 Otherwise known as reckless assault. 160 00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:45,387 Yes, but I did a 30‐day rehab program. 161 00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:48,423 I picked up enough trash on the side of the road 162 00:05:48,447 --> 00:05:50,725 to make it all good, you know? I... 163 00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:52,228 I did the crime, but I did the time, 164 00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:53,762 and I'm not sure why I'm here. 165 00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:54,797 You're here 'cause someone got you the best deal 166 00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:56,932 ‐I've ever seen. ‐Well, I think if it was 167 00:05:56,956 --> 00:05:58,100 the best deal you'd ever seen, I wouldn't be 168 00:05:58,124 --> 00:05:59,468 sitting in your office, I'd be watching 169 00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:01,204 every version of Pride and Prejudice ever made. 170 00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:02,204 Okay. 171 00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:03,738 So, the State of New York 172 00:06:03,762 --> 00:06:05,040 has put under my care, 173 00:06:05,064 --> 00:06:06,776 and as part of your probation, 174 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:11,112 um, you'll need to attend meetings every day for 90 days. 175 00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:12,415 Go ahead and get someone at the meeting 176 00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:13,850 to sign that for you, okay? 177 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,016 (sighs) 178 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,619 Uh, all right. I'm just spitballing here. 179 00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:19,754 What if I hit three meetings a day for 30 days? 180 00:06:19,778 --> 00:06:21,690 Some‐some fast math. 181 00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:24,726 Feel like I could just get sober real quick. 182 00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:27,028 Okay. You know what? 183 00:06:27,052 --> 00:06:30,233 (sighs) 184 00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:33,326 (mutters) 185 00:06:35,394 --> 00:06:38,331 ♪ 186 00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:43,112 Hi. 187 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:44,447 ‐Hi. ‐(chuckles) 188 00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:46,048 ‐I'm Olivia. ‐Samantha. 189 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,115 You're new. 190 00:06:47,139 --> 00:06:48,417 How can you tell? 191 00:06:48,441 --> 00:06:49,418 That's easy. 192 00:06:49,442 --> 00:06:50,543 You're vibrating. 193 00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:53,379 Oh. 194 00:06:58,485 --> 00:06:59,728 Who's this? 195 00:06:59,752 --> 00:07:01,062 Uh, this is Samantha. 196 00:07:01,086 --> 00:07:02,098 Samantha, say hi to James. 197 00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,065 Hi, James. 198 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,100 Hey. 199 00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,134 So, what brings you here today? 200 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,937 Oh, uh, public intoxication, 201 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,271 destruction of personal property, 202 00:07:09,295 --> 00:07:10,605 almost blinding my coworker. 203 00:07:10,629 --> 00:07:12,108 Being awesome. 204 00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:13,108 Sounds epic. 205 00:07:13,132 --> 00:07:15,011 I'm gonna go check in 206 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:16,379 with my harem of sponsees. 207 00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:17,747 ‐Excuse me. ‐Yeah, no, of course. 208 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:21,716 ‐Great. (clears throat) ‐Mm‐hmm. Mm‐hmm. Mm‐hmm. Mm. 209 00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:24,185 All right, yo, so we can keep our thing a secret, 210 00:07:24,209 --> 00:07:25,420 unless you want to talk about it, 211 00:07:25,444 --> 00:07:27,423 or we can just pretend like it never happened. 212 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,257 Talk about what? 213 00:07:29,281 --> 00:07:30,750 Last Thanksgiving. 214 00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:35,764 Yikes. You don't remember. 215 00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:37,432 Oh, no. 216 00:07:37,456 --> 00:07:40,569 What? There's a lot about the last 12 years I don't remember. 217 00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:41,771 Yeah, then forget about it. 218 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,238 Don't even worry... I didn't say anything. 219 00:07:43,262 --> 00:07:44,502 ‐It's fine. ‐Forget about what? 220 00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:47,442 Okay. 221 00:07:47,466 --> 00:07:51,579 Last Thanksgiving, you and I met at Good Time Sally's. 222 00:07:51,603 --> 00:07:52,581 ‐Met? ‐Yeah. 223 00:07:52,605 --> 00:07:54,382 We met at Good Time Sally's. 224 00:07:54,406 --> 00:07:56,752 We met once on the bar, 225 00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:58,254 and, uh, once in the bathroom. 226 00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:00,488 ‐Oh. ‐Okay, that's enough. ‐Yeah. 227 00:08:00,512 --> 00:08:03,149 ‐Go sit down. ‐Yeah. Nice to meet you, Sam. 228 00:08:06,786 --> 00:08:08,297 Is that... is that something? 229 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,365 You guys gossip a lot for a place 230 00:08:10,389 --> 00:08:11,600 that's supposed to be anonymous. 231 00:08:11,624 --> 00:08:13,536 Um, can you please 232 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,271 sign this thing that proves I was here? 233 00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:18,707 Not 'till after the meeting, I'm afraid. (chuckles) 234 00:08:18,731 --> 00:08:21,110 ‐Oh, that's, like, 45 minutes. ‐It's actually longer, 'cause 235 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,446 ‐I like to schmooze afterwards. ‐Yeah, but I'm not one of them, 236 00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:25,281 ‐so... ‐No, but if you're ever looking 237 00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:26,944 for more than a signature, give me a call. 238 00:08:28,774 --> 00:08:31,220 This is not something you want to do alone. 239 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:33,022 I don't want to do this all. 240 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,624 ♪ Watch your back, watch your back, feel the contact ♪ 241 00:08:35,648 --> 00:08:37,559 ♪ Can I get a boom, can I get a boom, boom? ♪ 242 00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:39,794 ♪ Watch your back, watch your back, feel the contact ♪ 243 00:08:39,818 --> 00:08:41,963 ♪ Contact, contact, give me room ♪ 244 00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:44,133 ♪ Turn me up, turn me up, here we, here we go ♪ 245 00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,469 ♪ First up to bat, contact on a John Doe ♪ 246 00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:48,303 ♪ Fresh fitted on the one‐two ♪ 247 00:08:48,327 --> 00:08:50,905 ♪ Rhythm I jam on a fish stick, played‐out gimmick... ♪ 248 00:08:50,929 --> 00:08:53,609 The prodigal daughter returns. 249 00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:56,678 Wow. You actually learned something in Catholic school? 250 00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:58,080 Oh, I had one of the good ones. 251 00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,448 ‐Yes, you did. ‐Oh! 252 00:09:00,472 --> 00:09:02,418 My beautiful Samantha. 253 00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:03,952 ‐Aah! ‐Aah! How've you been? 254 00:09:03,976 --> 00:09:05,553 Ah, you know, my sister's 255 00:09:05,577 --> 00:09:07,423 an asshole, and Zack's a little TikTok star. 256 00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:10,125 ‐Wow, you're such a stage mom. ‐Yeah, but a hot stage mom. 257 00:09:10,149 --> 00:09:11,860 (trills) 258 00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:13,863 Tommy, two beers, two shots. 259 00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:15,096 ‐None for me, thanks. ‐Coming right up. 260 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:17,466 Oh, my Samantha is back in town. 261 00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:19,701 We're gonna party like when Tom was still with the Patriots. 262 00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:21,570 Mm‐hmm. (laughs) 263 00:09:21,594 --> 00:09:23,538 Oh, man. 264 00:09:23,562 --> 00:09:24,940 Yeah, I can't. 265 00:09:24,963 --> 00:09:26,375 You're Samantha Fink. 266 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,743 You're the Russian‐Jewish tank. 267 00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:29,412 I know, but I'm hanging up my jersey. 268 00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:31,212 All right, suit yourself. 269 00:09:31,236 --> 00:09:33,915 ‐(short chuckle) ‐I'll have yours. 270 00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,750 ♪ On the mic I'm gonna murder ya, tear you up... ♪ 271 00:09:35,774 --> 00:09:37,552 Ah. 272 00:09:37,576 --> 00:09:39,587 ♪ Until now, when I caught you ♪ 273 00:09:39,611 --> 00:09:41,090 ♪ With the wild style, twist, twist ♪ 274 00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:44,116 ‐♪ When I diss on a chump. ♪ ‐♪ 275 00:09:46,885 --> 00:09:48,431 All right, but stop me at two. 276 00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:49,932 Yeah, for sure. 277 00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:51,366 ‐Two. ‐All right. 278 00:09:51,390 --> 00:09:53,201 ♪ That my friend, she a real bad ... ♪ 279 00:09:53,225 --> 00:09:55,937 ♪ Got her own money, she don't need no ... ♪ 280 00:09:55,961 --> 00:09:58,441 ♪ On the dance floor, she had two, three drinks ♪ 281 00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:01,710 ♪ Now she twerkin', she throw it out and come back in ♪ 282 00:10:01,734 --> 00:10:04,245 ♪ That my best friend, she a real bad ... ♪ 283 00:10:04,269 --> 00:10:07,450 You look so hot right now. 284 00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:09,585 I know. 285 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,386 Yay! 286 00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:13,254 ‐♪ Beep‐beep‐(horn honks) 287 00:10:13,278 --> 00:10:14,789 ♪ Is that my bestie in a Tessie? ♪ 288 00:10:14,813 --> 00:10:16,091 ♪ Fresh blow out, skin on tan ♪ 289 00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,559 ♪ Ooh, she ready ♪ 290 00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:18,961 ♪ Best friend, you my... soulmate. ♪ 291 00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:21,429 You know, 292 00:10:21,453 --> 00:10:24,133 they say the secret to sobriety is one day at a time, 293 00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:26,368 so, I'll just start over tomorrow. 294 00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:28,461 Tomorrow is a new day. 295 00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:31,730 (both laughing) 296 00:10:34,399 --> 00:10:35,845 SAMANTHA: Backstabber. 297 00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:38,937 How dare she show her face in my bar. 298 00:10:39,938 --> 00:10:42,183 Let's run her out. 299 00:10:42,207 --> 00:10:45,386 All right. I'll try, but I ate a lot of chicken parm. 300 00:10:45,411 --> 00:10:47,590 Oh, you got to pace yourself. 301 00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:50,725 Oh, my God. It's Sam. 302 00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:52,193 Hey, Sam. 303 00:10:52,217 --> 00:10:54,230 ‐Hi. Nice hat. ‐Yeah. 304 00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:55,730 ‐Chantel forced me to wear this. ‐You and Joel 305 00:10:55,754 --> 00:10:57,566 ‐are getting married. Hmm. ‐Yeah. I didn't 306 00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:59,268 ‐want you to find out this way. ‐All right, don't be sorry. 307 00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,269 Come on. You guys have been together a long time. 308 00:11:01,293 --> 00:11:04,639 This is, like, pretty small‐town inevitable, right? 309 00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:06,609 Yeah. 310 00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:09,245 So do you guys want to, like, hang out with us? 311 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:10,745 You can have some cake. 312 00:11:10,769 --> 00:11:13,249 Felicia, do you want to have, uh, cake 313 00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:15,750 with the gal who's marrying my ex‐boyfriend? 314 00:11:15,774 --> 00:11:17,586 (snorts, laughs) 315 00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:19,421 ‐Okay, Sam, you... ‐I would never have a slice 316 00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:21,890 of your skank cake. (laughs) 317 00:11:21,914 --> 00:11:24,058 ‐Oh. ‐Uh, o‐okay. 318 00:11:24,082 --> 00:11:26,562 All right, okay. 319 00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,264 Next time. Okay. 320 00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:30,490 ‐Boom, bitches. ‐Just stop. Look... 321 00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:33,936 ‐Give me five. ‐Oh. 322 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,604 ‐Ah. ‐BRIT: Sam? 323 00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:37,306 Hey. No, no, no, no. Use this. 324 00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:40,109 I don't need you spraying all over the walls again. 325 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:42,510 Oh, that last time was me, actually. 326 00:11:42,534 --> 00:11:44,913 ‐(laughing) You remember that? ‐Why are people like this? 327 00:11:44,937 --> 00:11:47,639 Thank you. Sam, how you feeling? 328 00:11:48,707 --> 00:11:50,085 Can we help you? 329 00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:51,476 Can I just talk to Sam? 330 00:11:52,544 --> 00:11:54,456 Would you like to talk to her, Sam? 331 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:55,957 Yeah, why not? 332 00:11:55,981 --> 00:11:59,028 All right. Fine. 333 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:02,054 I got to call my babysitter anyway, so... 334 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,302 ‐Oh. ‐Way too small of a target. 335 00:12:07,326 --> 00:12:08,770 You know what I mean? 336 00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:11,774 Samantha, you're back from New York. 337 00:12:11,798 --> 00:12:13,576 Oh, yeah. (clears throat) 338 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,878 Living with Mom. We're like Grey Gardens on acid, you know? 339 00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:17,278 Oh, my God. That sounds terrifying. 340 00:12:17,302 --> 00:12:18,947 My baby asleep yet or what? 341 00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:21,015 You have no idea. 342 00:12:21,039 --> 00:12:23,052 So, rehab? 343 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,886 Oh. (scoffs) 344 00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:27,088 Yeah, that was just mandatory so my office wouldn't sue. 345 00:12:27,113 --> 00:12:28,624 You know, it wasn't a big deal. 346 00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:30,292 And obviously a huge waste of time, 347 00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:33,195 because I can control my drinking when I want to. 348 00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:35,965 Yeah, look, Sam, I just... I want to say I'm sorry, okay? 349 00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:39,467 You know, since you blocked me on all social media. 350 00:12:39,491 --> 00:12:41,135 Thought this was my one chance and... 351 00:12:41,159 --> 00:12:44,273 Are you sorry about the hat or the marrying my ex? 352 00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:45,707 I'm just a little confused. 353 00:12:45,731 --> 00:12:47,375 You don't have to be a dick about it. 354 00:12:47,399 --> 00:12:49,245 You know Joel and I have been together for a long time, 355 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,947 and you guys have been broken up for a long time. 356 00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:53,881 Sam, life moves forward even if you don't. 357 00:12:53,905 --> 00:12:56,251 Oh, my God. That was beautiful. 358 00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:58,287 I got to get that tattooed on butt. 359 00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:00,889 Could you just not do the whole victimy thing right now? 360 00:13:00,913 --> 00:13:02,390 You know, this is exactly like 361 00:13:02,414 --> 00:13:04,225 when I got first chair violin and you got last. 362 00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:06,894 Out of three violins. 363 00:13:06,918 --> 00:13:08,797 Why do you keep bringing that up? 364 00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:11,866 Okay, look, I just... 365 00:13:11,890 --> 00:13:13,936 Everything's not always about you. 366 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,404 I know things have been rough since your dad passed away. 367 00:13:16,428 --> 00:13:18,106 I really tried. 368 00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:20,109 I came to New York to meet you at that restaurant. 369 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:23,544 I sat there waiting for you for two hours, eating edamame. 370 00:13:23,568 --> 00:13:25,246 Like, so much edamame, because 371 00:13:25,270 --> 00:13:27,706 I wanted to tell you about this in person. 372 00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:31,919 I am very sorry about that, honestly. 373 00:13:31,943 --> 00:13:34,889 ‐I was very busy that day. ‐Oh, yeah? 374 00:13:34,913 --> 00:13:37,393 ‐Doing what? ‐Sorry. You're right. 375 00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:41,897 I forgot. You're a doctor who saves lives, so your life is 376 00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:43,631 ‐so much more important ‐Yeah. You know what, ‐All right over here? 377 00:13:43,655 --> 00:13:46,134 ‐than mine! ‐this is just like you. ‐Hey! What's going on? 378 00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:48,269 ‐Are we all right? ‐Everything's totally fine. 379 00:13:48,293 --> 00:13:50,938 I actually have some very important work to do 380 00:13:50,962 --> 00:13:52,740 ‐and some files and so on and so forth. ‐All right. 381 00:13:52,764 --> 00:13:55,744 So I'm gonna get to that, and you ladies have a nice evening. 382 00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:57,245 Oh, my God. 383 00:13:57,269 --> 00:13:59,048 ‐Oh, no. Sam. Hey, Sam. Sammy? ‐Oh, wait. 384 00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:01,350 ‐Sammy. Sammy, you can't drive. ‐No, Sam, I've got Lyft credits. 385 00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,619 ‐Sam, just, look. ‐Hey, Sam, Sam, just take a Lyft, please. 386 00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:06,288 I know you hate me. Just let me take you home in the party bus. 387 00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:08,222 ‐Okay? It's right... ‐Yeah, well, I don't know if you can 388 00:14:08,246 --> 00:14:10,125 ‐call it a party bus if it doesn't have a stripper pole. ‐Sam... 389 00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:12,360 ‐She's right. ‐(laughs) 390 00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:14,629 Hey, Sam, no, no, look. There‐There's no stripper pole, 391 00:14:14,653 --> 00:14:16,532 but there‐there is a... there is a disco ball. 392 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,299 ‐Oh, you got one. ‐You love a disco ball. 393 00:14:18,323 --> 00:14:20,302 Xander is 4.8 stars and he's on his way. 394 00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:22,729 ‐(engine starts) ‐Enough! 395 00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:29,745 ‐BRIT: Where is she going? ‐FELICIA: Well, at least she's going slow. 396 00:14:30,602 --> 00:14:31,947 ‐(engine revs) ‐(tires squeal) 397 00:14:31,971 --> 00:14:34,415 ‐No, no, no, no, no, no! ‐Oh! 398 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:37,809 (screaming) Samantha?! 399 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,647 ‐You guys okay? ‐Yeah. ‐Yeah. 400 00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:47,653 ♪ 401 00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:50,466 Here she is. 402 00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:52,234 Thank you. 403 00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:54,302 (clears throat) 404 00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:56,962 ‐Samantha, wake up. ‐(gasps) Who? 405 00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:00,899 Huh? Oh. 406 00:15:02,934 --> 00:15:04,746 ‐How did you find me? ‐You don't remember 407 00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:06,749 calling me last night, scream‐crying? 408 00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:08,583 You were in jail, they were never going to let you out, 409 00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:10,219 you needed a fried chicken sandwich? 410 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:13,054 Mm‐hmm. Okay. Yeah. I called the call. 411 00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:15,748 (short chuckle) Must have been really drunk. 412 00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:18,626 Okay. Yeah, I'll take this one. 413 00:15:18,650 --> 00:15:20,229 (Samantha sighs) 414 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,254 Sweet. 415 00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:28,269 You run a fine establishment here, sir. 416 00:15:28,293 --> 00:15:30,263 Thank you, officer. 417 00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:35,009 So, what‐‐ you try to convert people 418 00:15:35,033 --> 00:15:36,445 when they're truly desperate? 419 00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:39,081 Mm, it's the best time to do it. 420 00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:40,615 But if it makes you feel any better, 421 00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:42,750 ‐I am already regretting my decision. ‐Oh, no, no. 422 00:15:42,774 --> 00:15:44,620 I'm sorry. Thank you. 423 00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:47,755 Seriously, uh, you're, like, my last friend on Earth, so... 424 00:15:47,779 --> 00:15:50,249 (laughs) I am not your friend. 425 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:54,028 Right. Of course not. 426 00:15:54,052 --> 00:15:57,032 ‐Could you be my sponsor? ‐Oh, I don't know. 427 00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:59,902 I have seven sponsees, but two of them don't call me, so maybe. 428 00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:02,604 Do you know what a sponsor does? 429 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,873 We get coffee and go shopping. 430 00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:08,433 We get coffee, and we talk about alcoholism. 431 00:16:09,434 --> 00:16:11,179 You ready to do that? 432 00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:13,414 I don't know what that is. (short chuckle) 433 00:16:13,438 --> 00:16:16,083 What am I supposed to do? 434 00:16:16,107 --> 00:16:18,287 Just try to be a person. 435 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,078 Brush your teeth, take a shower. 436 00:16:21,113 --> 00:16:22,414 You make your bed every day. 437 00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:26,461 Is the make‐your‐bed thing metaphorical, 438 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,931 or should I really do that? 439 00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:31,633 ‐You sure I can't just stay with you? ‐I'm sure. 440 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:34,293 ‐SAMANTHA: I could sleep in your car. ‐Goodbye. 441 00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:40,799 (door closes) 442 00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:47,548 ‐Oh, hello. ‐I know you're upset, Mom. 443 00:16:47,572 --> 00:16:49,250 Oh, I'm just... Sit down. 444 00:16:49,274 --> 00:16:51,854 Yeah, I'm covered in, like, 50 kinds of urine 445 00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:53,355 and every STD right now. 446 00:16:53,379 --> 00:16:54,923 Okay, don't sit. 447 00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:56,115 I know you're probably mad. 448 00:16:57,115 --> 00:16:59,427 I'm not mad. (laughs) 449 00:16:59,451 --> 00:17:01,096 I'm done. 450 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,231 Yeah. No, I know, and I'm sorry, 451 00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:04,932 but if you could just let me explain to you what... 452 00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:06,934 It's been 24 hours since you left rehab. 453 00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:09,104 You've already been arrested for drunk driving 454 00:17:09,127 --> 00:17:11,539 after totaling my car, so no. 455 00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:13,040 Okay, so, I'm sitting at the bar, right? 456 00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:14,476 ‐Oh, God. ‐Dead sober. 457 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:16,010 Swear to God I could drive a school bus. 458 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,712 ‐I'm really not. I'm just not. ‐But then Brit 459 00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:19,780 ‐walks in the door, okay? ‐Yeah? 460 00:17:19,805 --> 00:17:21,549 ‐And she's wearing a veil on her head, ‐Okay. 461 00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:24,118 Because it's her bachelorette party, 462 00:17:24,143 --> 00:17:26,622 ‐and she's marrying Joel. ‐I know. 463 00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:28,213 I'm going to their wedding. 464 00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:31,527 ‐Are you kidding me? ‐No. I've known Brit 465 00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,095 ‐since she was little. ‐Yes, Mother, 466 00:17:33,118 --> 00:17:35,096 ‐because she was my friend. ‐This isn't about Brit. 467 00:17:35,121 --> 00:17:38,267 This is about you... growing up. 468 00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:41,036 So, number one‐‐ 469 00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:43,771 you're gonna start paying me rent 470 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,941 or find another place to live. 471 00:17:45,964 --> 00:17:48,343 ‐I just got out of rehab. ‐Yeah, and I spent 472 00:17:48,366 --> 00:17:50,945 a lot of money for that place, money that I was saving 473 00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:53,548 for my neck lift, which now I can't have because of you. 474 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,550 Where would you like me to go? 475 00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:56,951 I don't have any money. 476 00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:58,953 That is what my book group calls 477 00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:02,590 not my problem. So, you're gonna get a job, 478 00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:04,335 and with that job, you're gonna pay me rent. 479 00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:11,599 I'm trying that setting boundaries thing. 480 00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:14,626 I think I'm quite good at it. 481 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:20,741 Oh, no, you should keep the boat. 482 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,243 I don't know how to drive a boat, 483 00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,746 but it couldn't be that hard to learn. (laughs) 484 00:18:24,769 --> 00:18:27,749 Oh, um, look, o‐owning a boat is not a real problem. 485 00:18:27,772 --> 00:18:29,585 I got real problems, and I got to go. 486 00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:31,353 Yeah. Bye. 487 00:18:31,376 --> 00:18:35,590 Sorry. My sister is still "grieving." 488 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:39,528 So, your lucky streak continues. 489 00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:41,596 ‐That's funny. I don't feel very lucky. ‐Oh. 490 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,198 Well, the judge assigned to your case 491 00:18:43,221 --> 00:18:44,900 approved your pre‐trial probation. 492 00:18:44,923 --> 00:18:46,434 ‐And that means? ‐I mean, 493 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,936 I recommended 60 days of jail time. 494 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:51,707 ‐What? ‐But with overcrowding and good behavior, 495 00:18:51,730 --> 00:18:53,442 it would have been, like, two weeks. 496 00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:57,112 But that judge‐‐ he overruled me. 497 00:18:57,135 --> 00:18:59,881 So... so what is happening? 498 00:18:59,904 --> 00:19:01,282 Oh, you're not going to jail. 499 00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,184 ‐Mm‐mmm. ‐Oh, my God. 500 00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:05,586 No, no, no, no, no. But over the next 12 months, 501 00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:09,523 you will need to complete 250 hours of community service, 502 00:19:09,548 --> 00:19:12,294 maintain your sobriety, go to meetings, 503 00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:14,429 and complete driver's ed, because apparently, 504 00:19:14,452 --> 00:19:15,864 you can't drive without getting drunk 505 00:19:15,887 --> 00:19:18,432 and hitting large objects. Just know 506 00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:20,902 that if you make so much as one slip‐up, 507 00:19:20,925 --> 00:19:22,637 you're going straight to jail. 508 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,405 So, stay on your path, and your case will be dismissed 509 00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:25,874 within the year. It's your choice. 510 00:19:25,897 --> 00:19:29,510 ‐Seems easy enough. ‐(laughs) Oh, let's be honest. 511 00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:31,770 You make it hard. 512 00:19:37,476 --> 00:19:38,787 OLIVIA: Hi. 513 00:19:38,810 --> 00:19:41,690 Uh, hi. I have three days. 514 00:19:41,713 --> 00:19:44,593 I want all the booze and all the sex 515 00:19:44,616 --> 00:19:46,862 and all the drugs all at the same time. 516 00:19:46,885 --> 00:19:48,363 (inhales) 517 00:19:48,386 --> 00:19:50,132 You want to come in for a cup of tea? 518 00:19:50,155 --> 00:19:51,767 It's not blow, but it's all I have. 519 00:19:51,790 --> 00:19:53,134 Oh, that's all right. 520 00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:54,794 I only do coke to help me drink more. 521 00:20:03,402 --> 00:20:05,713 SAMANTHA: Come on. Are serious? 522 00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:08,215 Way to bury the lead. 523 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:11,019 ‐What? ‐I'm Olivia Elliot, 524 00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:13,788 and this is... Off Our Docs. 525 00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:15,691 You're a listener? (chuckles) 526 00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:17,358 Big‐time. Big‐time listener. 527 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:18,759 ‐Yeah. ‐Wow. 528 00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:20,429 I can't believe you're an alcoholic. 529 00:20:20,452 --> 00:20:23,565 Anyone can be an alcoholic. It's a disease. 530 00:20:23,588 --> 00:20:26,801 Yeah. I just meant, like, 531 00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:28,804 this is a lot of stuff to get while you're drinking. 532 00:20:28,827 --> 00:20:30,137 Oh, I didn't get it while I was drinking. 533 00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:32,106 I've been sober for ten years. 534 00:20:32,131 --> 00:20:35,076 But the cash and prizes don't all come at once, so, 535 00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:37,345 don't call me next week asking me where your mortgage is. 536 00:20:37,368 --> 00:20:40,772 I won't. Don't even have a job. 537 00:20:42,273 --> 00:20:46,087 Um, my sponsee, Mindy‐‐ she manages Giovanni's Market. 538 00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:48,780 I know she'd been looking for a cashier. 539 00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:51,759 Wow. Okay. Got it. 540 00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:55,931 Okay. Cashier and then Peabody and then 541 00:20:55,954 --> 00:20:57,265 ‐Okay. ‐sick house. 542 00:20:57,288 --> 00:20:59,233 ‐And then, awesome paint colors. ‐Yeah, 543 00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,836 let's just worry about getting the job first 544 00:21:00,859 --> 00:21:02,740 and let your higher power take care of the rest. 545 00:21:04,462 --> 00:21:06,441 I knew it was a cult. 546 00:21:06,464 --> 00:21:07,776 CAROL: So, Giovanni's. 547 00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:11,078 ‐Yup. ‐I'm proud of you. 548 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,105 Definitely did not think you could do it. 549 00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,684 I'm really sorry for crashing your car. 550 00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:18,886 Don't be dramatic. It was 12 years old. 551 00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:20,756 They don't even make parts for it anymore, 552 00:21:20,779 --> 00:21:23,258 so what are you gonna do? 553 00:21:23,281 --> 00:21:25,393 ‐What are you doing? ‐What? 554 00:21:25,416 --> 00:21:27,429 Thought you could have one glass of wine. 555 00:21:27,452 --> 00:21:29,064 No. No, I can't. 556 00:21:29,087 --> 00:21:31,199 Unfortunately, that's not how it works. 557 00:21:31,222 --> 00:21:33,134 I can do this, though, right? 558 00:21:33,159 --> 00:21:34,903 That's okay? 559 00:21:34,926 --> 00:21:37,271 Yeah. Yeah, you can do whatever you want, Mom. 560 00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:39,273 Phew! (laughs) 561 00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:41,542 Not that it's a big deal or anything. 562 00:21:41,567 --> 00:21:43,377 Yeah, well, it turns out, I can't. 563 00:21:43,402 --> 00:21:45,012 Apparently, alcoholism is a disease, 564 00:21:45,037 --> 00:21:48,784 and, uh... boy, do I have it. 565 00:21:48,807 --> 00:21:51,552 Did you just say you have a disease? 566 00:21:51,576 --> 00:21:54,055 ‐Mom... ‐You don't have a disease. 567 00:21:54,078 --> 00:21:56,290 I know what a disease looks like. 568 00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:59,394 ‐Leukemia, for one. ‐Right. Yeah. Look, 569 00:21:59,417 --> 00:22:00,895 I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to bring up Dad. 570 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,430 ‐I really... ‐A disease is 571 00:22:02,453 --> 00:22:05,133 when you can't walk from your bed to the bathroom. 572 00:22:05,156 --> 00:22:07,434 Right. I hear you. 573 00:22:07,459 --> 00:22:09,471 Seriously. I was just trying to say that, like, 574 00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:11,272 it's recognized as a disease. 575 00:22:11,297 --> 00:22:14,108 You can... you can look it up, but that's all. 576 00:22:14,133 --> 00:22:16,243 If you want to call yourself sick, 577 00:22:16,268 --> 00:22:18,579 call yourself sick. 578 00:22:18,604 --> 00:22:22,183 But don't judge me for having some wine at night, 579 00:22:22,208 --> 00:22:25,787 because everybody wants to have some wine at night. 580 00:22:25,810 --> 00:22:28,047 It's hard to be a person. 581 00:22:29,114 --> 00:22:31,282 SAMANTHA: Just doing the best that I can. 582 00:22:33,285 --> 00:22:36,064 CAROL: I'm sure you are, and welcome. 583 00:22:36,087 --> 00:22:38,098 The rest of us have been doing the best we can 584 00:22:38,123 --> 00:22:40,992 the whole time you've been drinking. 585 00:22:45,998 --> 00:22:47,942 ‐Hey, hey. You okay? ‐What? 586 00:22:47,967 --> 00:22:50,412 ‐No. Jesus. ‐What... 587 00:22:50,435 --> 00:22:53,114 ‐What happened? ‐Didn't know there'd be so much... 588 00:22:53,137 --> 00:22:54,915 stuff and feelings or whatever. 589 00:22:54,940 --> 00:22:57,618 No, no, no, that's the worst part by, like, a long shot. 590 00:22:57,643 --> 00:22:59,621 It's just, like, a bunch of garbage people 591 00:22:59,644 --> 00:23:01,756 giving me garbage advice. I don't need that. 592 00:23:01,779 --> 00:23:04,025 I could just keep doing exactly what I'm doing, 593 00:23:04,048 --> 00:23:06,228 and‐and one day write an autobiography of a trash bag, 594 00:23:06,251 --> 00:23:10,097 featuring me, because I am an expert. 595 00:23:10,122 --> 00:23:11,732 You know, like, I'm one of them. 596 00:23:11,757 --> 00:23:14,903 So I'm gonna be real. Uh, that's a terrible idea. 597 00:23:14,926 --> 00:23:16,403 You shouldn't write that. That's a bad book. 598 00:23:16,428 --> 00:23:18,430 ‐That's a real bad book. ‐(sighs) 599 00:23:21,267 --> 00:23:23,444 I do remember you. 600 00:23:23,469 --> 00:23:25,779 ‐Sure you do. ‐No, I do. 601 00:23:25,804 --> 00:23:27,582 I kept calling you the Winklevoss Twins 602 00:23:27,605 --> 00:23:29,917 ‐because you code? ‐And that never made sense because 603 00:23:29,942 --> 00:23:31,752 ‐that's two white guys. ‐To be fair, 604 00:23:31,777 --> 00:23:33,587 you kept calling me Norah Jones. 605 00:23:33,612 --> 00:23:35,356 But do you see how that's not two people? 606 00:23:35,381 --> 00:23:38,026 ‐I do. ‐Yeah. 607 00:23:38,049 --> 00:23:40,362 (laughs) 608 00:23:40,385 --> 00:23:42,488 I'll see you in there, yeah? 609 00:23:48,626 --> 00:23:50,666 ("Sharpener's Calling Me Again" by Cavetown playing) 610 00:23:59,070 --> 00:24:02,416 ♪ Sharpener's calling me again... ♪ 611 00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:04,085 You okay? 612 00:24:04,108 --> 00:24:06,086 Nope. 613 00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:09,958 ♪ Something I can draw ♪ 614 00:24:09,981 --> 00:24:12,984 ♪ Into my skin ♪ 615 00:24:16,154 --> 00:24:19,768 ♪ Why am I ashamed ♪ 616 00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:21,970 ♪ To look ♪ 617 00:24:21,993 --> 00:24:25,440 ♪ The way I do? ♪ 618 00:24:25,463 --> 00:24:28,609 ♪ All 'cause an escape ♪ 619 00:24:28,634 --> 00:24:30,244 ♪ To me ♪ 620 00:24:30,269 --> 00:24:33,248 ♪ Was just a sharpener ♪ 621 00:24:33,271 --> 00:24:36,417 ♪ To you. ♪ 622 00:24:36,442 --> 00:24:39,444 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 623 00:24:51,056 --> 00:24:53,134 OLIVIA: In the beginning, your body's like, don't drink. 624 00:24:53,157 --> 00:24:54,103 I want to drink. Don't drink. 625 00:24:54,126 --> 00:24:55,236 I want to drink. ‐ What do I do? 626 00:24:55,259 --> 00:24:56,394 Don't drink. 627 00:24:56,461 --> 00:24:58,063 Now, boy. 628 00:24:58,963 --> 00:25:00,342 You're still here. 629 00:25:00,365 --> 00:25:01,710 Fairly impressed with myself. 630 00:25:01,733 --> 00:25:02,611 Look, you want me out. 631 00:25:02,634 --> 00:25:03,612 I want to be out. 632 00:25:03,635 --> 00:25:04,878 Don't rush it. 633 00:25:04,903 --> 00:25:08,182 So what is the usual time frame for being recovered? 634 00:25:08,207 --> 00:25:09,217 [singing] 635 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:10,951 Well, don't wake up from a nightmare. 636 00:25:10,976 --> 00:25:12,953 SAMANTHA: She's marrying my ex. 637 00:25:12,978 --> 00:25:13,887 Is she serious? 638 00:25:13,912 --> 00:25:14,789 Sam. 639 00:25:14,814 --> 00:25:16,857 Sam, what are you doing here? 640 00:25:16,882 --> 00:25:18,359 I might be broken now. 641 00:25:18,384 --> 00:25:19,626 ‐ Give me a twirl. ‐ Oh, God. 642 00:25:19,651 --> 00:25:20,528 [singing] 643 00:25:20,553 --> 00:25:22,063 Go to a new space. 644 00:25:22,086 --> 00:25:23,964 Show up for the people that matter, and they 645 00:25:23,989 --> 00:25:25,232 will start showing up for you. 646 00:25:25,257 --> 00:25:26,701 Are you apologizing to me? 647 00:25:26,724 --> 00:25:27,902 I have to take the blame. 648 00:25:27,925 --> 00:25:29,436 You have some, I get some. 649 00:25:29,461 --> 00:25:30,872 Don't be a blame hog. 650 00:25:30,895 --> 00:25:32,374 Glad I remembered you. 651 00:25:32,397 --> 00:25:34,142 Me, too. 652 00:25:34,165 --> 00:25:35,210 No can we‐‐ 653 00:25:35,233 --> 00:25:37,345 Ah, really? 654 00:25:37,368 --> 00:25:40,181 CAROL: You don't know what you're capable of now. 655 00:25:40,204 --> 00:25:42,616 Yes, my Jewish Jaguar. 656 00:25:42,641 --> 00:25:45,185 To us‐‐ there is bar flowing in the streets 657 00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:46,186 and none of it is ours. 658 00:25:46,211 --> 00:25:47,288 Amen. 659 00:25:47,311 --> 00:25:49,057 NARRATOR: Freeform's Single Drunk Female now 660 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:50,320 streaming new episodes Fridays. 49243

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