All language subtitles for peacemaker.2022.s01e05.1080p.web.h264-cakes-eng

Good Eagly.

It's very meaningful
to me, but no.

No.

I'm not gonna eat it.
You can have it, though.

Yeah. Yeah, I know, I saw.

Love you too, buddy.

Fuck.

- Hey.
- Are you avoiding my calls?

No. No, not at all.
I... I was working,

and I just, um, thought
it'd be too late

to call back, is all.

But I have to go to work now...

- Lee.
- ...though. I'm, uh...

- Keeya, I'm sorry.
- Are you in danger?

No, not at all.

Okay, then
why don't I come back?

Not yet, okay? I have to go.

Hey, you know, babe,
we both lost our jobs.

And I... I appreciate

you taking this work
for a couple months

to get us back on our feet,
even though you didn't want to.

But right now... it seems
like you're choosing this.

I'm not.

But I really do have to go work.

A year ago, Alan Kupperberg,

the billionaire CEO of Waresoft,

and pop singer Vandalia
perished in a plane crash.

During their autopsies,

small insect-like
winged creatures,

presumably extraterrestrial,
were found in their skulls.

This is when we first became
aware of the butterflies.

- - CLEMSON
MURN: Since then, we've found the creatures

in a handful of high-profile
politicians, celebrities...

...and titans of industry.

They enter the human body
through one of its orifices

and burrow through
to the brain...

...where
they then are in control of the body.

They go through the butt?

I think that's just some, uh...

creativity on the part
of whomever did the animation.

The butt is an orifice, okay?

That means they'd have to
crawl through poop.

Just 'cause they're aliens
doesn't make them gross.

Bigotry.

Superman's an alien.
He's got a poop fetish.

- What?
- Get the fuck out of here.

Oh, yeah.

He uber-liebes the old
scheisse, as I understand it.

Where do you get this nonsense?

- Google.
- Well, it's not true.

You know more than Google?
Well, congratulations.

The butterflies'
unique genetic structure

and chemistry interact
with the hosts' bodies,

giving them strength far beyond
that of a human being.

And what's the chimp for?

Chimpanzees have four times
the strength of human beings,

so they're both strong.

Yeah, and we're
supposed to get that

just by looking at this,
Dye-Beard?

I thought that man
and the chimp were friends.

I was thinking they were about
to go on an adventure together.

This viscous amber fluid
has been found on the premises

of all the dead butterflies.

Lab studies show
the fluid's genetic structure

is dissimilar to anything
on this planet.

The fluid seems to be the
butterflies' only food source.

Which makes what
Leota discovered last night

potentially significant.

This was on the bulletin board
in the Goff home.

Leota noticed that this is also

where Annie Sturphausen
was employed.

You fucking suck
at PowerPoint, Dye-Beard!

Yeah, well,
you can do it next time.

It's not like
I enjoy doing this.

Yeah, you do!
It's amazing,

the incredible amount of time
you put into this presentation,

and how incredibly
shitty it still is!

Okay, Peacemaker, shut up.

Dude, I didn't mean
to put your father in prison.

Then why'd you put
him there, you fat fuck?

Because I couldn't think
of anybody else...

What about
Ariana Grande, or Drake?

- What?
- Brad Pitt, or Payne Stewart,

or Doug the Pug?
Khloe Kardashian,

the Red Tiger from Voltron,
Fran Tarkenton,

- Joe Montana, Joe Mantegna...
- What the fuck?

...Eddie Murphy, Michael Jordan,
Michael B. Jordan, BTS?

- Eugene Levy? John Lovitz?
- Fuck, dude, half...

Shut the fuck up
and listen, man.

I'm giving you a list of people
you could've done.

Danny DeVito,
Will Ferrell, Howard Stern,

Baba Booey,
Robin Ophelia Quivers,

Alice Cooper,
Ozzy Osbourne, Sharon Osbourne.

Bill Cosby, he just
got out, he's got time on his hands!

Amy Winehouse...

Dude, Amy Winehouse
is fucking dead!

Optimus Prime, Shipwreck,
Cobra Commander,

the fucking cunts
from Riverdale!

All right, next time I fucking
have to frame somebody,

it'll be one of all those

fucking thousands of people
you just mentioned.

- Yeah, tell that to my dad.
- Peacemaker, shut the fuck up!

Do you all want
to be here till tomorrow?

Do you have cable?

So, I don't want to stay here
overnight if there's no cable.

- It was a rhetorical question.
- Fargo's on tonight.

Oh, okay.

Well then, I change my answer
to just ignoring the question.

Not another word.

The point is... the raw
amber fluid is potentially

processed and bottled
at Glan Tai Bottling Company.

Glan Tai is in Little Cork,

about two hours
northwest of here,

so you all are gonna
take a field trip

and see what you can find out.

I'm going to stay back and deal
with the White Dragon situation.

Nice penmanship, asshole.

And Fargo's not on
till tomorrow night,

you fucking nerd.

What do you want, Smith?

Heard you were
harassing the guards,

asking for me all night.

I didn't kill that girl.

- Yeah, so you said.
- So they all always say.

Yeah, but "they" can't prove it,
now, can they, Lucy Liu?

Lucy Liu?
Because we're both Asian?

How incredibly fucking clever.

What should I call you?
Jimmy Fallon?

See, the problem is...

we impounded the car
that was there that night.

That ain't my car.

Registration says
otherwise, Guy Fieri.

And we have two eyewitnesses

who said that
you kidnapped them.

Well, they're fucking lying.

And your fingerprints,
Blake Shelton,

are all over
the murder victim's apartment.

I'm running out of white guys.

Just take my prints.
That's all I'm saying, okay?

Check and see if they match

those ones you found
in the apartment,

or if someone's
gaming the system,

'cause I didn't fucking do it.

Then who did?

My shithead fucking son.

You know you don't
have to treat him like that.

- What?
- John! You hurt his feelings.

He worked hard
on those graphics.

Come on, I think maybe you're
discounting how funny

some of the shit
I was saying was.

It's not funny
calling him Dye-Beard

for the thousandth time
when he's told you repeatedly

- he doesn't like it.
- That's just Peacemaker, man.

He's always giving
people nicknames.

- Yeah. Thanks.
- Being a bully's just

- part of his personality.
- What?

Like how you used to call
my brother Prince Charming.

Your brother was a handsome man.
That was a compliment.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here

and say that I don't think
he considered it a compliment

that you called him
Prince Charming

because his penis
was shaped like a scepter.

Are you kidding?

No, it was really bulbous
at the end.

- He called me Thimble.
- Thimble?

Yeah, I was a late bloomer.

I didn't go through puberty
until my mid-20s.

I mean, I didn't care

'cause I don't have
emotions like people do,

but the other guys,
after Chris came up with

a nickname for them,
usually based on their penises,

they would just walk
into the other room and sob,

because that would
become their name

for the rest of their life.

Why are you
seeing their penises?

It's a locker room, dude. What
am I gonna do? Look at a towel?

So you just stare
at each other's dicks

and come up with names for them?

Yeah. My friend
Veiny McVeinerstein

said I was like a gypsy,
but with dicks instead of palms.

- But, hey, I got bullied too.
- How?

By kids calling me
a bully all the time,

and telling me I was abusive.

Hey, that hurt my feelings!

Plus, I think we're missing
what's important here,

and that's how much
Economos sucks at PowerPoint.

Look, just think about
how you talk to him, okay?

What happened to
the good old days

where you could just
non-stop fuck with somebody

without them claiming
to be a victim?

You have to admit,
it was kind of sweet

how he wanted that monkey
and that man to be friends.

- You want me to get these to the lab?
- Uh, hold off a beat.

First, scan them
and send them directly to me.

How do we scan fingerprints?

I don't know,
take a picture with your phone.

Uh... well, it might be blurry
because I don't have

that new phone
with the macro setting.

Then borrow someone's
phone that has macro.

And then have them
AirDrop it to me?

Uh, yeah, I... I will have
them AirDrop it to me.

We could get
flagged for that, Soph.

I do like your people's noodles.
You got that.

Rice-based, not heavy
on the carbs like the wops'.

Well, I'm glad
I invented them, then.

Fucking game day, bitches!

I can't take it.

Not a fan of
the Swedish metal there,

- eh, Harcourt?
- Not especially, no.

We could always do
a Whitesnake power ballad.

- How about some jazz?
- Jazz?

I'd rather listen to Vigilante's
quiet farts back there

- than jazz.
- No, I didn't!

Bloop. Bloop-bloop-bloop-bloop.

- What's that?
- Jazz.

Oh my god,
get the fuck out of here, man.

Hey, don't we need
some sort of search warrant

- going into this place?
- Anytime anyone officially

starts to deal with
the butterfly situation,

someone higher up in the
government shuts them down.

Which is why this task force
doesn't officially exist.

Waller is funding us
by secretly diverting funds

from other operations,
which... leaves us on our own.

So, it's just the five of us
against an alien invasion?

- And Murn.
- Well, I was counting Murn,

just not Dye-Beard back there
'cause he's fucking useless.

Dude. What'd I say?

Sorry, Economos. Geez.

That sounded very sincere,
thank you very much.

Yes, it's just the six of us.

Ooh, we could do
some pop metal. Poison?

Are those men?

I believe their preferred
pronoun is "long live rock,"

and you are sounding
awful awesome-phobic.

Uh, B.T.-dubs...

governmental insiders
blocking your efforts

sounds a lot like
the deep state.

It's not a deep state.

It's a collection of people...

you know, deep within
the government, who are...

manipulating the...

All right, it's kind of
like a deep state.

You guys got any
Hanoi Rocks up there?

- You... know Hanoi Rocks?
- Who's Hanoi Rocks?

Only the greatest
band of all time.

They're the original glam metal.
They started it all...

leather, teased hair, spandex...

Hard to believe
their contributions to culture

aren't more widely heralded.

I mean, so many
streets in this country

named after
Martin Luther King Jr.,

but not a single
Hanoi Rocks Avenue.

What's up with that?

- "Lith Street Kids"?
- No, it says "11th Street Kids."

Dude, that's one
of their best songs!

Yeah. I saw them in Finland

when I was 14
during a year abroad.

Got this right after.

Fuck yeah, dude.
Hanoi Rocks it is.

Sorry, Adebayo, no Spyro Gyra
or Kenny G for you.

Who knocks on a window
when there's a door right there?

Well, you've come a far way
from the jungles of Nyasir.

Yeah... and all the people
you slaughtered there.

Oh, please.

Like you were some angel.

I've...

changed since then.

Waller said
you needed my help.

Situation is delicate.

It requires something other than
your... usual sledgehammer.

Well, these days, Murn,
I'm... I'm barely ball-peen.

I'll take care of you.

Hey.

Fuck me.

Come on.

Where are we going?

To talk to those
supposed witnesses.

Hey... Detective.

They made us do it!
We were afraid for our lives!

Evan, you fucking pussy!

Yeah, that's him.

I don't think that's the guy.

Amber. Now is not
the time to lie, all right?

Fuck.

He was a pretty nice guy,
all things considered.

We didn't wanna
get him in trouble.

And... the one that
you got in there now

is some sort of Nazi, right?

But how did somebody
switch the fingerprints around?

So we're gonna free
the damn White Dragon?

We have no choice.

We have to if we're
gonna arrest his son.

All right,
that might be overkill.

I fought these butterflies
before, remember?

We're not even sure
they're in there.

Just take your pistol.

I finger bang you,
I'm not using my pinky.

That's a disgusting phrase.

You're just saying that 'cause
lesbians don't finger bang.

We finger bang more than
the rest of the world combined.

Okay, you're right.

I just forgot women
had fingers for a second, okay?

How do you
think we grab things?

- Not in life, in sex.
- Oh, so you just thought

women's fingers
just fell off during sex?

I don't know!
I wasn't thinking, okay?

- Clearly.
- Hey, what's the new helmet for?

No!

What?

You're not taking that in there.

I can't hear you!
This thing's so fucking loud!

You're not bringing that.

Hey, I agree with Peacemaker.

We can't go in there unprepared.

We don't even know that
there are butterflies in there.

Oh, come on, please?

Ah, fuck! I'm never,
ever gonna kill someone

with a fucking chainsaw.
It's so not fair.

Total fucking bullshit.

Fuck.

Vigilante, you're with me.

We'll check
the bays around back.

Peacemaker, you and Adebayo
question the employees

in the front office,
find out what you can.

Hey, what was ro-sham-bo for?

Nothing.

- Don't do anything stupid.
- No problem.

- And I'll ask the questions.
- Fine by me.

You're definitely
gonna be chill?

I'm fucking chill, dude.
Jesus, relax.

Quit freaking out.

Activate X-ray vision.

- Hey, how you doing?
- Okay. How are you?

What the fuck?

X-ray vision.
I can see in their brains.

Fuck.

You didn't think to give me
some sort of signal?

Yeah, the signal was
I shot her head off.

You said you
were gonna be chill.

Do I not look chill
to you right now?

So, yeah, we got an issue.

The place is crawling
with butterflies.

Holy shit.

That shit they eat...

there's literally
a thousand boxes of it in here.

This could be
the distribution hub

for the whole country.

Great.

I'm also wondering if there's

a whole lot more butterflies
than we thought.

Copy.

Hey, check it out.

You don't have to shoot people
after I already killed them.

Right.

Oh, shit.

There's a factory
behind the warehouse,

and some butterflies have
trapped us inside of some sort of...

...computer room.

Copy. We're on our way.

Be careful.

Your friends are with Charlie.

- They won't last long.
- Who's Charlie?

- Our guardian angel.
- Looks like he's been slacking.

Oh, I was just... uh...

- Whoa.
- There's a fucking...

Harcourt, do you... do you copy?

Vigilante?

There.

- Hold this.
- Okay.

I'm through fucking around.

Shit.
Yo, what the hell is that?

It's a grenade I tied
to a Russian tank shell.

Why not just the grenade?

A grenade blows up,
like, two people.

How many people
does this blow up?

I don't know.
I invented it this morning.

What?

Eat peace, motherfuckers!

Let's go!

Harcourt? Adebayo? Anyone?
Are you... are you all right?

You guys?

Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Deactivate X-ray vision.

"Run, Adebayo"
would have been appreciated!

Oh, really? I need to tell you
to run from a fucking bomb?

Gorilla!

Oh, no.

Fuck!

Die, human!

Economos?

Yeah.

- You fucking stud!
- Yeah... yeah... yeah, I am.

I'm... I'm a fucking stud!

Harcourt! Not bad, huh?

Yeah, not bad.

Dude! You fucking killed
a gorilla with a chainsaw!

- Who fucking does that?
- You motherfucker! You do!

Maybe next gorilla.

You motherfucker!

Motherfucker!
You corrupt motherfuckers!

I didn't do it,
and you fucking know it!

- Fucking bitch!
- What's going on?

He was just told
he's not getting out of jail.

- What a shame, huh?
- What are you talking about?

They got his fingerprint
results back from the lab.

They match the prints
at the crime scene.

You gotta be
fucking kidding me.

Captain,
what the hell is going on?

- What?
- Where's Captain Miele?

Oh, the mayor wasn't pleased
with her performance

around the Sturphausen murder,
so I'm replacing her.

Captain Locke.

All right. Uh, okay.

I'm sure you're not up to speed
on what's been happening.

Oh, I'm pretty much up to speed.

All right. Well, I just heard
that the prints for Auggie Smith

were double-checked
and they came back a match.

But I saw the prints for myself.
He was right, they don't match.

- And you are?
- Sophie Song, sir.

Detective Song, are you
a forensic print analyst?

- What?
- Do you have an expertise

in analyzing fingerprints that
people here don't know about?

Perhaps a... forensics degree

you didn't want to share
with the department

for fear it would give you
an unfair advantage?

No, I don't have
any of those things.

Well, then
I don't see how you'd...

In addition to that,
two witnesses admitted

that they were lying,
and they identified

Christopher Smith,
Peacemaker, not his father,

as the man who kidnapped them.

August Smith controls
the Aryan Empire.

Would this be the first time
they coerced someone

into changing their testimony?

August Smith is being framed.

I know he's a bad guy,
but that...

Detective Song, you strike me
as one of those uptight gals

who pushes herself too hard

to prove the men
don't have one up on her.

- What?
- We get it.

You're good.

You take
the rest of the night off,

give yourself
a well-deserved rest.

- I don't need a rest...
- It wasn't a request, Detective.

- Hello.
- It's done.

Good.

Also, I don't mean to brag, sir,
but it becomes a brag

just by saying it,
we defeated a gorilla!

Technically,
I think it was a super-gorilla,

since we pulled
a butterfly out of its brain.

No, definitely a super-gorilla.
Last time I fought a gorilla

was at Burning Man
four years ago.

This was significantly weaker.

So... we guess this means

butterflies can use
any life form as a host.

- Chihuahua?
- Probably wouldn't fit.

Would be cool, though.

That wouldn't be cool at all.
Why would that be cool?

You tell me.

- It wouldn't be.
- There's your answer.

Well, this is good work.

We're gonna need to sort through
this and see what we can find.

Importantly, we want to see
if we can trace

where the raw amber fluid
originally came from.

Finding the source
of the butterflies' food

may be key to defeating them.

But that can wait
until tomorrow.

You all have earned a rest.

- Yeah.
- Boom.

We cool?

Yeah.

Ah, the EconoGOAT killed it!

- Good game.
- Yeah.

I mean, it would've been
a lot cooler

if Economos came in
and he was like, "Hey!"

And then he tossed me
the chainsaw across the room,

and I'm like, "Solid toss, bro,"
and then I killed the gorilla.

What are you talking about, man?

I had just said
how much I wanted

to kill someone with a chainsaw,
like, 15 minutes earlier,

and then Economos
just coincidentally comes in

and kills someone with one?
I mean, it kinda seems like

he was trying to
fuck with me a little.

Fuckin' Thimble.

You sure this is
a good idea, Soph?

This new Captain, Locke,
he won't do the right thing.

So fuck it, fuck him,
I'll go over his head.

I know this judge.
We can trust him.

- Well, what's his name?
- It's Judy.

- What?
- Judge Judy? That's his name?

Yeah. Judge William Judy.
It's a Swiss surname.

- Whatever.
- He's fair. We can trust him.

So you said.

And, also, he's my uncle.

Hey, sweetie.

Hey, Uncle Will.
We need a search warrant.

You ever heard of a guy
named Peacemaker?

Come on in.

- Vigilante.
- Oh, man.

He loves that merman emoji.

He says
it means happy, sad,

and everything in between.

Well, doesn't that make
for a useless emoji, then?

- Yeah, that's what I said.
- Yeah.

He says it's holistic.

Oh, fuck.

We'll call you
sometime tomorrow.

We gotta go through
a lot of computer equipment

and see if we can
extract something useful.

It's gonna take a while.

What?

Come in a minute, grab a drink.

- I'm not gonna grab a drink.
- What do you mean?

Come on! I wanna celebrate.

Uh...

Are you gonna try to fuck me

by claiming your dick's
a lesbian or some shit?

Dude, I think that gorilla
broke my dick.

But I just wanna say, my dick
is a lesbian, by the way.

It's just not applicable
in this situation.

Nice crib you got here.

Greatest albums of all time.

Oh...

This you and your brother?

Yeah. Keith.

And this, this is a...
the Peace Train.

It is gin, vermouth, vinegar,

peppercorn,
a little maple syrup,

- and some yak butter.
- Yak butter?

Hard to find
in Evergreen, so I...

had to use normal butter, but...

For you.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God! Oh...

- What the fuck, man?
- That's rude.

What's rude
is you giving me a feces drink!

C'mon, it's not that bad.

- Yum.
- Do you just...

have a beer?

- Mm, you and Harcourt?
- Yeah.

Hell, Chris, I don't know.

Look, I doubt that you
and her are a possibility,

but, hey, you never know...

She digs me.
She called me handsome.

- She did?
- Oh, yeah.

- How?
- Hmm? What?

Tell me the context, like,

exactly how did she say
that you were handsome?

Okay. Okay, so she says...

- I'm quoting here.
- Okay.

"Just because you're handsome."

That's how she ended it?

- What?
- That's not even a sentence.

Well, um...

She said, uh...
"Just because you're handsome,

you think you can do
whatever you want."

Right...

"Even though you're
a piece-of-shit murderer."

Yeah, man, I... I...

- Maybe she'll come around.
- Yeah?

Just be nice to her.

But not overly nice,
because she won't like that.

And don't talk about
her tits and her pussy.

Yeah, but what about
when we're fucking?

That's what I'm talking about,
you just...

getting way ahead of yourself.

Right.

Look, dude, you...
you really aren't a bad guy.

You just use being a dick
as a way to push people away,

but if you would just take...
take a second and just drop that

and be Chris Smith,

I think people actually
might like you.

What?

I just never had this before.

- What?
- This, you...

you know, giving me advice
and having my back.

Yeah.

Well, we've all had
each other's back today, right?

Yeah.

It's like a real team out there.

Yeah.

The 11th Street Kids...

...we roll like that.

Yeah.

I just never thought I'd...

I gotta take a piss.

Sorry! Thin walls.

Oh, yeah. No... no worries.

Oh, fuck.

Don't forget to wash your hands!

Yeah, I, uh...

I'm sorry, babe,
I... I know you're asleep,

but, uh, I'm sorry
about this morning.

Uh...

This job, it... it...

This thing is fucking me up
and I, um...

Anyway, I... I love you.

And I will...
I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Fuck!

Why are you here?

Couldn't sleep.

Activate X-ray vision.

Whoa.

Oh, shit.

What the fuck?

Yo, Mister Murn, this is crazy!
You gotta check this...

Mariska Hargitay,
Mario, Super Mario.

Fucking Luigi!
Yoshi, the princess,

Bert, Ernie, Grover,
Snuffleupagus,

Burger King, Grimace,
Ronald McDonald,

the two old guys from
the balcony in the Muppets,

Jim Morrison,
any one of the fucking Beatles!

- Pete Best? George Carlin.
- Dead!

Danny Glover, Mel Gibson,
Ice-T, Ice Cube,

Vanilla Ice!

Elvis fucking Presley.
Priscilla Presley.

Seth Meyers!
What about Seth Meyers?

Or for that matter, Jay Leno?

Conan's not really doing
much right now.

All right, most of those,
you're right,

could probably go to prison.

But I would never put
Ariana Grande in there!

- She looks too innocent.
- Possibly true! Possibly.