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Previously on Young Sheldon...
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00:00:01,869 --> 00:00:03,270
Why was Veronica
Duncan hugging you?
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00:00:03,270 --> 00:00:05,105
I’m tutoring her
in trigonometry.
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00:00:05,105 --> 00:00:07,441
Just between us,
she’s a little slow.
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00:00:07,441 --> 00:00:09,877
That’s not what I heard.
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00:00:11,870 --> 00:00:13,540
There’s nobody
at my house.
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00:00:13,540 --> 00:00:14,840
You want to come over?
Yes.
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00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,710
What’s that?
Some stupid haunted house
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00:00:16,710 --> 00:00:18,810
my mother’s doing
for the church.
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00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,880
ADULT SHELDON:
Mr. Lundy’s scene about lust
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00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:23,120
made a deep impact
on my brother’s date.
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00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:25,620
She asked to be saved by Jesus.
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00:00:25,620 --> 00:00:27,960
(crying): I don’t want to live
like this anymore.
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00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:30,590
ADULT SHELDON:
And as it turns out, she was.
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Dear Lord Jesus,
set me free.
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00:00:33,660 --> 00:00:35,760
(music playing over TV)
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00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,030
ADULT SHELDON: In Conquest
of the Planet of the Apes,
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00:00:38,030 --> 00:00:41,900
we learned how humans taught
the apes to become civilized.
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00:00:41,900 --> 00:00:43,640
Which I think should start
with potty training,
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00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:45,440
but I’m not a screenwriter.
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00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:47,310
Can you help me
with my math homework?
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00:00:47,310 --> 00:00:48,510
No.
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00:00:48,510 --> 00:00:50,240
Please. It’s really hard.
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00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:52,180
"It" isn’t the problem.
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00:00:52,180 --> 00:00:53,480
Sheldon.
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00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:55,680
Fine, what are you working on?
27
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,490
There’s a number,
then there’s a line,
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00:00:57,490 --> 00:00:59,790
then there’s another number
under it.
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Fractions?
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Yes, fractions.
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ADULT SHELDON:
At that moment,
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it occurred to me if I could
teach mathematics
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to someone as dull-witted
as my sister,
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00:01:10,970 --> 00:01:12,800
I could create
a race of superhumans
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00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:14,800
that would do my bidding.
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And who wouldn’t want that?
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Please, Sheldon.
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You know what, Missy?
I’d be happy to help you.
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Thank you.
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00:01:25,650 --> 00:01:28,620
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪
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♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
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♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
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♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
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♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
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Try thinking of it this way:
imagine a pie.
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The number on the bottom
of the fraction
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is how many pieces the pie
has been sliced into.
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What kind of pie is it?
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Doesn’t matter.
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But it would help me picture it
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if I knew the kind of pie.
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Fine, it’s banana cream.
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I don’t like banana cream.
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Okay, what kind of pie
would you like it to be?
55
00:02:02,650 --> 00:02:05,550
What about those little
apple pies from McDonalds?
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Sure.
I burned my mouth
on one of those.
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Didn’t stop me. I still ate it.
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(doorbell rings, door opens)
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Veronica. Hi.
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00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:17,830
Hey, Georgie.
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You-you changed your hair.
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I did.
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It’s shorter.
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It is.
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I like it.
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Thank-thanks.
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You here to see me?
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I-I’m here for your mom’s
Bible study.
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Oh, sure, of course.
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I’m glad you could join us.
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Come in, won’t you?
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(chuckles)
You’re part of the group, too?
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Faith, the Bible, God,
I’m nuts for that stuff.
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(laughs softly)
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So one-fourth
of the 12 pieces of pie is...?
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00:02:59,110 --> 00:03:00,240
Three?
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Yes.
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00:03:01,740 --> 00:03:05,350
And one-third
of the 12 pieces is...?
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00:03:05,350 --> 00:03:06,750
Four?
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00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:09,450
Yes. Now how much is one-third
of the pie plus
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one-fourth of the pie?
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Well, three plus four is seven,
but there’s 12 pieces,
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so seven-twelve-iths.
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It’s twelfths. And yes.
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I did it.
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ADULT SHELDON:
Actually, I did it.
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In less than ten minutes,
I taught fractions to a monkey.
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Welcome, Veronica.
We’re so glad to have you.
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What are you doing?
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00:03:38,550 --> 00:03:40,780
What’s it look like?
I’m here for Bible study.
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Did you just take a shower?
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No.
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(sniffs)
You did, too.
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So I want to be clean for Jesus.
Get off my back.
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Interesting.
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Georgie, if you want
to be a good Christian,
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maybe you should stop
lying through your teeth.
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Just be happy
I brushed them, okay?
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Hmm...
MISSY:
Okay.
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00:04:00,570 --> 00:04:02,000
All done. Thanks.
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While we’re here,
would you like me
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to introduce you to algebra?
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Al who?
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00:04:06,340 --> 00:04:07,940
Oh, boy.
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00:04:07,940 --> 00:04:09,680
It’s not a person, it’s
an ancient Arabic method
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of finding the value
of variables.
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Oh. Nah.
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ADULT SHELDON: Clearly, I needed
a more sophisticated technique
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to motivate my simian sister.
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Are you sure?
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00:04:22,260 --> 00:04:26,490
If you learn a little algebra,
I’ll give you a banana.
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00:04:26,490 --> 00:04:30,100
All right, now we’re reading
from Matthew 4.
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Georgie, why don’t you get
us started on verse 17?
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Me?
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Yes, you.
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Oh. Okay.
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Um... Verse 17...
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(quietly):
Verse 17...
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Give me a minute.
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Here.
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00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,550
Bless you.
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Okay, here we go.
"From that time,
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"Jesus began to preach
and say ’Repent,
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00:04:58,130 --> 00:05:02,430
"c-change your inner self,
your old way of thinking,
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00:05:02,430 --> 00:05:04,200
"regret past sins,
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00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,670
"live your life in a way
that proves repentance:
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00:05:07,670 --> 00:05:10,170
seek God’s purpose
for your life."
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00:05:10,170 --> 00:05:11,840
Powerful stuff.
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00:05:13,870 --> 00:05:15,580
Can I get an amen?
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00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:17,650
ALL:
Amen.
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Amen.
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Need any help there, Sheldon?
I’m looking
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for some books
on education theory.
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00:05:26,990 --> 00:05:28,690
What for?
I’m trying
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00:05:28,690 --> 00:05:30,260
to develop a technique
to teach someone
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00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:33,190
who falls into the conventional
category of "stupid."
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00:05:33,190 --> 00:05:36,400
Oh. Well, now, there’s a wide
range of stupid.
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00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,200
Can you narrow it down?
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00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,330
She wrote a fan letter to Alf.
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Got it. So you’re looking
to make a pretty radical change.
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Well, ideally, I’d like to wipe
my sister’s brain clean
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and start over,
but my mom wouldn’t like that.
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00:05:50,010 --> 00:05:52,280
Yeah. Moms are no fun.
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00:06:09,230 --> 00:06:10,630
Hey, Veronica.
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00:06:10,630 --> 00:06:13,200
Georgie.
So, listen,
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I was doing my prayers
last night and, uh,
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you won’t believe it,
but I think God spoke to me.
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Really? What did he say?
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Well, I couldn’t
understand
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all of it, ’cause it was in
an ancient language,
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00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:26,010
but the part I did understand
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is he wants us to spend
more time together.
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Doing what?
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Oh, you know, praying,
helping the needy.
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Your usual Christian activities.
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00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,190
Well, I’m okay with that.
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Good. So you, me and God,
we’ll hang out.
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Sounds good.
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00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:47,530
Okay. See you later.
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00:06:47,530 --> 00:06:50,470
(chuckles)
See you.
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00:06:50,470 --> 00:06:53,740
I may be going to hell.
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00:06:53,740 --> 00:06:55,040
(exhales sharply)
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00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,710
So you’re hoping
to create an army
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of super-intelligent children
who will do your bidding?
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In a perfect world, yes.
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You should spend more time
with my mother.
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00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:04,990
That’s her goal, too.
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00:07:04,990 --> 00:07:06,920
SHELDON: Ooh, this
is interesting.
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00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:09,560
According to Socrates,
all knowledge exists
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within the student
and just needs to be drawn out
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through skillful questioning.
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Are you saying I knew that
before you even said it?
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I don’t know, did you?
Well, according
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to Socrates, you do know
and the answer’s inside you.
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Well, then, ask me a skillful
question to draw it out.
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Do you know
if I knew before I knew?
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No.
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Hey, it works.
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It does.
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(camera beeps, whirs)
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I’m recording my findings
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so that future generations
of mankind can understand
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the steps I took to create
homo novus, "new man."
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Of course, there’s a strong
likelihood that my homo novi
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00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,549
might’ve wiped out
all future generations,
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00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:05,618
so I have no idea
who’s watching this.
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00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:07,487
What are you doing in here?
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I’m keeping a video diary of my
experiment to create homo novus.
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Homo what?
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Novus. It’s Latin.
It means "new man."
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Oh. I guess that’s okay.
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Y-Your mom’s at church.
W-What do you want for dinner?
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00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,873
I believe you know
what I want for dinner.
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00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:28,641
Is that right?
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00:08:28,641 --> 00:08:30,043
It’s Thursday.
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00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,946
What does Mom always make me
on Thursdays?
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Spaghetti and hot dogs?
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Socrates. Got to love him.
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CONGREGATION:
♪ Then sings my soul ♪
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♪ My savior God to Thee ♪
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00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:48,661
♪ How great Thou art ♪
202
00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:50,063
♪ God to Thee ♪
203
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,865
♪ How great Thou art ♪
204
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,067
♪ How great
Thou art ♪
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00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,803
♪ How great Thou art ♪
♪ Then sings my soul ♪
206
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:59,706
♪ My savior God to Thee ♪
207
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,408
♪ Then sings my soul ♪
208
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:05,378
♪ How great Thou art ♪
♪ My savior God to Thee ♪
209
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:09,349
♪ How great Thou art. ♪
♪ How great Thou art. ♪
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00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:13,420
PASTOR JEFF:
And now,
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00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,455
why don’t we take
a moment to pray,
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00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:17,390
uh, keeping in mind
that our prayers
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00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,893
should not be
for our own benefit,
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00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,262
but for our family, friends,
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00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:27,133
fellow Texans, Americans
of all races and religions
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00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:28,701
and the world.
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00:09:28,701 --> 00:09:29,969
Well, most of the world.
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00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:31,938
Y’all know what countries
to pick.
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00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:37,243
MARY: Lord, please look
after my family.
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00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:40,246
Give them everything they need
to be happy and healthy.
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00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,515
And this lovely young girl
with me tonight,
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00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:45,318
help her stay on the path
of righteousness.
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00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:47,654
VERONICA: God,
please look after my sister.
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00:09:47,654 --> 00:09:49,856
You can find her at the women’s
correctional facility
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00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:51,057
in Lubbock.
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00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:52,692
Help her seek salvation in you
227
00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:56,062
instead of cocaine, marijuana
and bass players.
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00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:58,465
GEORGIE: Jesus, I’m sure,
even from Heaven, you can see
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00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:00,467
how hot the girl
sitting next to me is.
230
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,702
And I know I’m not supposed
to pray for myself,
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00:10:02,702 --> 00:10:04,604
but here’s the deal:
if you can get her
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00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,406
to fall in love with me,
and you know,
233
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,208
make some bad decisions,
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00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:10,643
I swear I’ll come to church
every Sunday.
235
00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:12,812
MARY: And thank you
for bringing Georgie tonight,
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00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:15,949
even though you and I
both know why he came.
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00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:18,685
Speaking of which, whatever
he’s praying for right now,
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00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:20,353
ignore it.
239
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:22,222
VERONICA: And please protect me
from impure thoughts,
240
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:26,392
and teach me to respect
the sanctity of my body.
241
00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:28,661
GEORGIE: Now if for instance she
and I were to go skinny dipping
242
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,997
and one thing
were to lead to another
243
00:10:30,997 --> 00:10:33,366
under the moonlit sky,
get this:
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00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,568
not only do I become
a devout Christian,
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00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:38,404
I will also bug everybody
I meet to do the same.
246
00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:40,006
And you know
I can be real annoying
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00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:41,374
when I set my mind to it.
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00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:42,775
MARY:
Amen.
249
00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:44,911
VERONICA:
Amen.
250
00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:48,515
GEORGIE: I’m gonna take
your silence as a yes. Amen.
251
00:10:55,722 --> 00:10:57,423
What are you working on?
252
00:10:57,423 --> 00:11:00,727
A list of possible boyfriends
for my Cabbage Patch doll.
253
00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:04,230
How do you think Celeste would
look next to Joey Lawrence?
254
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,332
I don’t know who that is.
255
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,201
He’s Blossom’s brother.
256
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:10,336
I don’t know who that is.
257
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:13,306
It’s a show. She wears hats.
258
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:15,875
Anyway, I’ve been
doing some research,
259
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:18,077
and I’ve come to the conclusion
that I don’t need
260
00:11:18,077 --> 00:11:19,279
to teach you anything.
261
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:20,914
You already know everything.
262
00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:22,282
Cool.
263
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:23,850
Your brain already
contains all the math
264
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,251
that will ever be known.
265
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:27,453
I heard you and I said "cool."
266
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:29,222
Well, wouldn’t you
like to explore
267
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:31,624
that great treasure
trove of knowledge?
268
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:34,761
That depends. What’s a trove?
269
00:11:34,761 --> 00:11:37,730
We’ll circle back to that.
True or false?
270
00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:40,833
At times, you have referred
to yourself as being dumb.
271
00:11:40,833 --> 00:11:42,335
True.
272
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,737
And do you enjoy
feeling that way?
273
00:11:44,737 --> 00:11:46,839
No.
274
00:11:46,839 --> 00:11:48,508
Well, let me change that.
275
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:50,243
I’m presenting you
with an opportunity
276
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:53,179
to achieve the full potential
of your mind.
277
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:57,750
Are you gonna do some experiment
where we switch brains?
278
00:11:57,750 --> 00:11:59,385
No.
279
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:00,720
’Cause I’ve seen it
on Gilligan’s Island
280
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,221
and I’ve seen it
on The Flintstones
281
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:04,457
and it never goes well.
282
00:12:05,858 --> 00:12:07,060
(exhales sharply)
283
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:10,263
Ooh. Gilligan.
284
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:14,701
♪ Then sings my soul,
my savior God... ♪
285
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:17,170
Oh, who do you think
you’re fooling here?
286
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:19,806
I have no idea
what you’re talking about.
287
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:23,142
Listen to me. Veronica has
a rough family situation,
288
00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:25,178
and she’s trying
to improve her life.
289
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:28,114
And I admire that.
Very inspirational.
290
00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:29,549
Georgie,
291
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:31,618
believe me, I’m glad
to see you in a church,
292
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:35,154
but I do not want you taking
advantage of that girl.
293
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:39,692
Taking advantage? Veronica and I
are Bible buddies, nothing more.
294
00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:42,795
I’m serious.
Right.
295
00:12:42,795 --> 00:12:45,431
Maybe you should ask yourself
what’s in you
296
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,900
that makes you see sin
in the hearts of others.
297
00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:50,203
Okay, now you’re pushing it.
298
00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:55,308
Lord Jesus, please help
my mother with her anger.
299
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,812
Can I get an amen?
No.
300
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,950
Why do we need the camera?
301
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:06,919
So people in the future can see
your transformation.
302
00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:08,187
(camera beeps)
303
00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:09,555
Where are you going?
304
00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:11,958
To put on a dress
for the future people.
305
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,860
Hello, people of the future.
306
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:16,929
My name is Missy Cooper and this
is my best friend Celeste.
307
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:20,466
(whispers):
She’s dating Joey Lawrence.
308
00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:22,869
(sighs)
309
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,542
You want to hang out Saturday?
310
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,878
Can’t. I signed up
to get baptized.
311
00:13:31,878 --> 00:13:34,847
Oh, yeah. I’ve been
meaning to do that.
312
00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:38,418
Well, why don’t you join me?
We could do it together.
313
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:41,220
Sure. You and me, getting
double dunked. I like it.
314
00:13:41,220 --> 00:13:43,222
Can you imagine afterwards?
315
00:13:43,222 --> 00:13:45,992
All of our sins
will be washed away.
316
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:48,895
Yeah, and we can start
cranking out fresh ones.
317
00:13:51,597 --> 00:13:53,633
I just don’t know
where I went wrong.
318
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:55,068
Are you sure your questioning
was skillful?
319
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:58,604
I thought so, but after
two hours of interrogation,
320
00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:00,606
all I could extract
from my sister’s brain
321
00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:03,843
was that there was some sort
of block with new kids on it.
322
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,112
Sheldon, how’s your
educational project going?
323
00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:07,880
Poorly. I’ve hit a wall.
324
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,616
Have you considered B.F.
Skinner’s behavior modification?
325
00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:12,685
What’s that?
It uses punishment
326
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,921
and reward to get
the results you want.
327
00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:17,824
Ooh, punishment.
I like the sound of that.
328
00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:22,395
(quietly):
In the right context, so do I.
329
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,197
I took a real beating
at the craps table,
330
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:27,400
and then I won it all back
playing Caribbean Stud Poker.
331
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,736
Well, how does
Caribbean Stud Poker work?
332
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:32,071
I have no idea.
I was drunk off my ass.
333
00:14:32,071 --> 00:14:33,539
(both laugh)
MARY:
Way to go, Mom.
334
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,908
Way to lead a Christian life.
335
00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:38,077
Oh, does my daughter
think poorly of me?
336
00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:39,278
Yes.
337
00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:42,148
Good. I can die happy.
338
00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:46,619
Hey, Mom, just a heads-up,
I’m getting baptized tomorrow.
339
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:49,555
Good Lord.
340
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:52,558
That boy’s randiness
knows no bounds.
341
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,060
What are you talking about?
342
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,261
He’s only doing it
343
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:56,596
’cause of that Veronica girl.
344
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,765
Oh, sure. That makes sense.
345
00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:00,533
What do you mean,
it makes sense?
346
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,702
When I was his age,
I hitchhiked to Florida
347
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:04,837
’cause I had a friend
that had a girlfriend
348
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:07,073
who knew a girl
who might be willing.
349
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,708
But then you met my daughter
and you didn’t have
350
00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:10,777
to travel so far.
(laughs)
351
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:13,246
(bottles clink)
352
00:15:15,381 --> 00:15:17,083
SHELDON:
According to B.F. Skinner,
353
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,252
if I can find the appropriate
punishment to motivate Missy,
354
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:23,589
there’s no limit to what
she might be able to learn.
355
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:26,459
But what might
that punishment be?
356
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,761
Whip her with a rubber hose?
357
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:33,166
No. That sounds like a recipe
for tendonitis.
358
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:36,769
Administer small
electric shocks?
359
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,237
Tricky.
360
00:15:38,237 --> 00:15:40,540
If I get the voltage wrong, I
could spend the rest of my life
361
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:43,676
in an institution
for the criminally insane.
362
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:48,114
Or I inflict harm
363
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:51,851
on the object she loves
more than life itself.
364
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:59,492
Celeste, you’re about to become
part of scientific history.
365
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,696
All right, everybody,
welcome to the 1990
366
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:05,298
East Texas Baptist Olympics.
367
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,633
(laughs)
368
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:10,236
’Cause we’re in the pool
of water.
369
00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:12,471
Anyway, I want to welcome
370
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:14,807
our little sister
Veronica Duncan,
371
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,043
who I will be dunkin’.
(chuckles)
372
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:18,578
Sorry.
373
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:21,280
I can’t turn it off.
And I also want to welcome
374
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,382
George Cooper,
who has recently found
375
00:16:23,382 --> 00:16:25,117
his way to the Lord.
376
00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:27,220
Howdy. Praise Jesus.
377
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,688
(sighs)
378
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:31,257
Are you ready to learn
some advanced calculus?
379
00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:32,558
Nope.
380
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:34,527
Be right back.
381
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:36,863
Take your time.
382
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:39,298
Veronica, do you trust
in Jesus Christ
383
00:16:39,298 --> 00:16:42,034
as your personal
Lord and savior?
384
00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:44,337
(laughs softly):
I do.
385
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,505
JEFF: It’s upon
your profession of faith
386
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,808
that I baptize you, my sister,
387
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:54,480
in the name of the Father, the
Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
388
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:58,417
♪ Wade in the water ♪
389
00:16:58,417 --> 00:16:59,785
♪ Wade ♪
390
00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:04,624
♪ In the water, children, wade ♪
391
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:07,627
♪ In the water ♪
392
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:11,697
♪ Washing me down,
washing me down ♪
393
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:19,005
♪ Wade... ♪
394
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:21,707
Dang.
395
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:24,243
All right, let’s
try this again.
396
00:17:24,243 --> 00:17:25,912
Would you be ready to learn
some advanced calculus
397
00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:28,047
if it saved Celeste’s pigtails?
398
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,917
What are you doing?
Put her down.
399
00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:33,653
Not until I modify
your behavior.
400
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:38,291
In the name of the Father, Son
and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
401
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:40,326
♪ Drop me in the water... ♪
402
00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:42,495
Sheldon, I’m warning you.
403
00:17:51,137 --> 00:17:52,338
ALL:
Hallelujah!
404
00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:53,606
(laughs)
We did it!
405
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,241
♪ Tease me... ♪
406
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:57,310
Ooh, I’m so happy.
407
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,011
I love you.
408
00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:02,949
Is it working?
Are you feeling motivated?
409
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:04,750
Very.
410
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,085
(animal growling)
411
00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:11,657
(Georgie grunts)
(all gasping)
412
00:18:11,657 --> 00:18:13,326
Care to explain yourself?
413
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:14,994
I was trying
to motivate Missy
414
00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:17,630
to expand her
intellectual horizons.
415
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:19,832
By torturing
her Cabbage Patch doll?
416
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,901
Well, it’s not like I shocked
her with electrodes,
417
00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:23,836
which was an option.
Enough.
418
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:26,272
To be clear, I meant to
shock Missy, not the doll.
419
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,473
That would be ineffective.
420
00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:29,308
Enough! And you.
421
00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:32,478
Getting baptized just to kiss
a girl? What were you thinking?
422
00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:34,914
Sounds like you know
what I was thinking.
423
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:38,184
Well, you are both grounded.
424
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,925
MISSY: Dear Alf,
I’m your number one fan.
425
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:48,361
I like you because you’re
an alien but you’re funny,
426
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:51,697
unlike my brother
who’s an alien but just a jerk.
427
00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:54,667
Anyway, I hope you’re enjoying
your time here on our planet
428
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:57,336
and have found things to eat
other than cats.
429
00:18:57,336 --> 00:18:59,271
I recommend chicken nuggets.
430
00:18:59,271 --> 00:19:01,841
Sincerely, Missy Cooper,
age ten.
431
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:06,746
ALF: "P.S. My favorite color
is pink. What’s yours?"
432
00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:08,814
Ha. What a cutie pie.
433
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:11,584
Hey, hey, Barbara, we got
any more of those pink T-shirts
434
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,019
with my face on them?
435
00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:15,621
I want to send one
to this Missy Cooper kid.
436
00:19:15,621 --> 00:19:18,557
Oh, oh, and get me
some chicken nuggets, huh?
437
00:19:18,557 --> 00:19:22,028
Hello? Anybody out there?
438
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:26,265
Apparently not.
439
00:19:26,265 --> 00:19:27,433
Barb!
32205
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