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1
00:00:05,941 --> 00:00:07,123
Oh, my goodness!
2
00:00:07,125 --> 00:00:10,052
You've put googly eyes on everything!
3
00:00:10,279 --> 00:00:11,369
Except in the bathroom.
4
00:00:11,463 --> 00:00:12,779
No one needs that kind of pressure.
5
00:00:12,798 --> 00:00:13,798
(LAUGHS)
6
00:00:13,799 --> 00:00:15,465
I have so many new friends to meet.
7
00:00:15,559 --> 00:00:17,467
And allow me to be the first person
8
00:00:17,619 --> 00:00:19,953
to officially wish you
a happy 40th birthday.
9
00:00:19,972 --> 00:00:21,063
(LAUGHS): Oh...
10
00:00:21,214 --> 00:00:23,398
Officially! Yeah, yeah.
11
00:00:23,625 --> 00:00:26,626
Wouldn't want any, uh,
unauthorized "happy birthdays."
12
00:00:26,795 --> 00:00:29,629
No, wouldn't want the birthday
police knocking down the door
13
00:00:29,723 --> 00:00:31,907
and shoving a bunch
of cake in your face.
14
00:00:32,743 --> 00:00:34,576
- What are you looking for?
- Nothing.
15
00:00:34,728 --> 00:00:37,061
- Are you looking for a birthday surprise?
- No.
16
00:00:37,081 --> 00:00:38,305
'Cause you said no surprises.
17
00:00:38,323 --> 00:00:39,639
You're right, I did.
18
00:00:39,733 --> 00:00:40,733
Why would I say that?
19
00:00:40,751 --> 00:00:42,809
More importantly, why would he listen?
20
00:00:42,811 --> 00:00:45,996
Okay, off to work. Have a
great day, birthday girl.
21
00:00:46,148 --> 00:00:47,572
Yeah, you, too.
22
00:00:47,591 --> 00:00:49,216
See you tonight.
23
00:00:50,761 --> 00:00:54,721
Okay, if y'all know anything,
now's the time to tell me.
24
00:00:59,603 --> 00:01:01,419
(QUIET CHATTER)
25
00:01:01,438 --> 00:01:02,604
Mm.
26
00:01:02,756 --> 00:01:04,106
("GET THE PARTY
STARTED" BY PINK PLAYING)
27
00:01:04,257 --> 00:01:05,665
Wait. What's happening?
28
00:01:05,684 --> 00:01:07,759
? I'm... ?
29
00:01:07,853 --> 00:01:09,761
- ? Comin' up, so you ?
- Get out of here.
30
00:01:09,780 --> 00:01:12,005
? Better get this party started ?
31
00:01:12,024 --> 00:01:13,282
No way. I love streamers!
32
00:01:13,509 --> 00:01:15,266
- ? I'm... ?
- Oh, my God!
33
00:01:15,286 --> 00:01:16,361
- ? Comin' up ?
- What?!
34
00:01:16,436 --> 00:01:17,861
(KAT LAUGHING)
35
00:01:17,937 --> 00:01:19,679
? So you better get this party started ?
36
00:01:19,773 --> 00:01:21,123
- ? Get this party started ?
- (SCREAMING)
37
00:01:21,274 --> 00:01:22,791
? On a Saturday night ?
38
00:01:22,942 --> 00:01:23,942
(WHOOPING)
39
00:01:23,943 --> 00:01:25,352
? Everybody's waiting... ?
40
00:01:25,370 --> 00:01:27,687
Were you hiding in my
apartment all morning?
41
00:01:27,689 --> 00:01:30,857
Yes! You need to clean your bathtub.
42
00:01:30,950 --> 00:01:31,950
(LAUGHS)
43
00:01:31,969 --> 00:01:32,969
Surprise!
44
00:01:33,119 --> 00:01:35,211
(WHOOPING)
45
00:01:35,364 --> 00:01:37,531
- You didn't listen.
- Hell no!
46
00:01:37,549 --> 00:01:39,549
- Thank you!
- ? I can go for miles ?
47
00:01:39,643 --> 00:01:42,644
? If you know what I mean ?
48
00:01:43,372 --> 00:01:45,221
? I'm... ?
49
00:01:45,374 --> 00:01:46,798
? Comin' up ?
50
00:01:46,892 --> 00:01:48,208
? So you better get
this party started... ?
51
00:01:48,226 --> 00:01:49,392
(WHOOPING, LAUGHTER)
52
00:01:49,545 --> 00:01:52,154
This is the best birthday ever!
53
00:01:52,381 --> 00:01:53,730
? Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ?
54
00:01:53,824 --> 00:01:56,158
? Nothin' wrong with you
but I'd rather be me. ?
55
00:01:57,657 --> 00:02:00,734
Kentucky Kingdom was really
fun, but I am exhausted.
56
00:02:00,827 --> 00:02:03,160
My feet are screaming,
and, let's face it,
57
00:02:03,180 --> 00:02:05,922
twirly rides are a young girl's game.
58
00:02:06,016 --> 00:02:08,666
It might have been the funnel
cake you ate before the ride
59
00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,186
and the funnel cake
you ate during the ride.
60
00:02:11,413 --> 00:02:12,670
Hey, I only ate half of that.
61
00:02:12,689 --> 00:02:14,672
The rest of it flew out of my hand.
62
00:02:14,691 --> 00:02:17,651
(LAUGHS): Yeah. That
kid behind us was pissed.
63
00:02:18,344 --> 00:02:19,786
Oh...
64
00:02:19,958 --> 00:02:22,534
Sometimes sitting down
is better than sex.
65
00:02:22,761 --> 00:02:24,761
It's been a long day.
66
00:02:24,779 --> 00:02:26,955
Not gonna take that personally.
67
00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:30,357
(GROANS) But you're right.
68
00:02:30,435 --> 00:02:33,286
This couch might be the best
ride I've been on all day.
69
00:02:33,438 --> 00:02:34,695
(CHUCKLES)
70
00:02:34,715 --> 00:02:36,798
(PHONE BLIPS)
71
00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:38,866
My mom's back from Australia,
72
00:02:38,885 --> 00:02:41,094
and she wants to have dinner with us.
73
00:02:41,963 --> 00:02:43,446
Meet your mom?
74
00:02:43,465 --> 00:02:44,948
Isn't it a little soon for that?
75
00:02:44,966 --> 00:02:46,707
I met yours a week
after we started dating.
76
00:02:46,801 --> 00:02:49,710
That's only because I
held her off for six days.
77
00:02:49,804 --> 00:02:51,062
Come on, she's gonna love you.
78
00:02:51,289 --> 00:02:53,289
I don't know. I've got
a rough track record
79
00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:55,308
when it comes to
meeting people's parents.
80
00:02:55,460 --> 00:02:56,818
It can't be that bad.
81
00:02:57,404 --> 00:02:59,070
Mom? Dad?
82
00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:00,572
This is Kat.
83
00:03:00,723 --> 00:03:02,866
(CHUCKLES): Hello. I brought you a gift.
84
00:03:11,826 --> 00:03:14,068
And that was one of the better ones.
85
00:03:14,087 --> 00:03:15,920
That didn't really happen, did it?
86
00:03:16,072 --> 00:03:19,165
(CHUCKLES) You don't forget
your first restraining order.
87
00:03:19,317 --> 00:03:21,134
Your first?
88
00:03:26,491 --> 00:03:27,840
Hey, Erica.
89
00:03:27,993 --> 00:03:30,602
Hey. You left your sweatshirt
at my house last night.
90
00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:32,845
Ooh-hoo, my man!
91
00:03:32,998 --> 00:03:34,755
Thanks. You know, I could have gotten it
92
00:03:34,849 --> 00:03:36,441
next time we see each other.
93
00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,184
Yeah, about that...
94
00:03:38,353 --> 00:03:40,761
I don't think there
should be a next time.
95
00:03:40,855 --> 00:03:42,280
My man.
96
00:03:42,507 --> 00:03:44,007
I thought we hit it off.
97
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:45,191
We did.
98
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:47,176
And I think you're great,
but I get the feeling
99
00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:49,603
you're looking for
something more serious,
100
00:03:49,623 --> 00:03:52,457
and I'm just in a
casual place right now.
101
00:03:52,534 --> 00:03:54,350
Oh.
102
00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:55,960
Sorry.
103
00:03:57,689 --> 00:04:00,006
This isn't even mine.
104
00:04:01,192 --> 00:04:02,926
It's nice, though.
105
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:06,212
That's tough. I'm sorry.
106
00:04:06,289 --> 00:04:07,363
Thanks.
107
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:10,958
Max, party of one, your table's ready.
108
00:04:10,977 --> 00:04:13,719
- Hey, don't get down.
- Can't help it.
109
00:04:13,814 --> 00:04:15,629
It feels like everyone
around me is pairing up.
110
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,464
Kat and Oscar. You and Randi.
111
00:04:17,484 --> 00:04:19,042
Phil and his new nurse guy.
112
00:04:19,060 --> 00:04:21,727
Oh. And you know lonely Allen
who comes in every night?
113
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,489
Not lonely anymore.
114
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,716
Well, you know what
always makes me feel better
115
00:04:26,809 --> 00:04:28,401
after being rejected by a woman?
116
00:04:28,495 --> 00:04:30,328
- What?
- Checking the mousetraps
117
00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:31,955
and cleaning the bathrooms.
118
00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,167
PHIL: What the hell?!
119
00:04:36,244 --> 00:04:39,729
- What happened?
- I will tell you what happened.
120
00:04:39,822 --> 00:04:43,399
Cat Sajak ripped up my apron!
121
00:04:43,401 --> 00:04:44,676
He's had it out for me
122
00:04:44,903 --> 00:04:47,570
ever since I threw away
one of his favorite toys.
123
00:04:47,589 --> 00:04:49,755
It was a ball of foil.
124
00:04:49,850 --> 00:04:51,240
Get over it.
125
00:04:51,259 --> 00:04:54,018
Why don't you just crumple
up a new ball of foil?
126
00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:56,913
I tried that. He could
tell it was a fake.
127
00:04:56,915 --> 00:04:58,339
(LAUGHS): Oh, come on, Phil.
128
00:04:58,433 --> 00:04:59,524
Well, you laugh all you want,
129
00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:01,192
but this only means one thing:
130
00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:04,779
I have a cat nemesis.
131
00:05:07,868 --> 00:05:10,952
Great. Okay, I have things to do.
132
00:05:13,098 --> 00:05:14,855
- Hi.
- RANDI: Hey!
133
00:05:15,024 --> 00:05:17,041
- Did you have any luck?
- Yes. I found the perfect dress
134
00:05:17,193 --> 00:05:19,193
for my dinner with Oscar and his mom.
135
00:05:19,212 --> 00:05:23,197
It is flame-retardant and
already the color of wine.
136
00:05:23,216 --> 00:05:25,108
- Ooh...
- Smart choice.
137
00:05:25,201 --> 00:05:27,034
I keep telling Katharine it
doesn't matter what she wears...
138
00:05:27,053 --> 00:05:29,846
Oscar's mom isn't going to like her.
139
00:05:30,782 --> 00:05:31,964
Way to stay on brand, Sheila.
140
00:05:32,058 --> 00:05:33,892
No, no. Mothers never think anyone
141
00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:35,952
is good enough for their son.
142
00:05:35,970 --> 00:05:37,803
Your Grandma Silver hated me
143
00:05:37,898 --> 00:05:40,732
from the moment she met
me till the day she died.
144
00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:42,716
I swear, at her funeral,
145
00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:45,386
she glared at me from the casket.
146
00:05:45,405 --> 00:05:46,571
KAT: Please, Mom,
147
00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:48,239
I'm nervous enough.
148
00:05:48,466 --> 00:05:49,799
I thought I was helping.
149
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,134
Wasn't I helping?
150
00:05:51,227 --> 00:05:53,227
Kat, you don't have
anything to worry about.
151
00:05:53,321 --> 00:05:56,155
Yeah, just be your
wonderful, charming self.
152
00:05:56,307 --> 00:05:58,975
RANDI: But don't
randomly break into song.
153
00:05:58,993 --> 00:06:00,810
And don't make up lies
to try to impress her.
154
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,587
Ooh, and don't do an Irish accent,
155
00:06:02,814 --> 00:06:05,256
because it always veers towards pirate.
156
00:06:06,484 --> 00:06:07,500
Also, don't turn your head.
157
00:06:07,594 --> 00:06:09,910
Your profile is not your friend.
158
00:06:09,930 --> 00:06:12,989
RANDI: And I can't believe
that I even have to say this,
159
00:06:13,082 --> 00:06:15,416
but don't kick Oscar's mama in the face.
160
00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:21,272
But again, the important
thing is to just be yourself.
161
00:06:29,432 --> 00:06:30,949
Just in case.
162
00:06:31,176 --> 00:06:32,508
You're gonna be fine.
163
00:06:32,527 --> 00:06:33,693
Tell that to my armpits.
164
00:06:33,787 --> 00:06:35,769
(HIGH-PITCHED): Don't sweat it, guys.
165
00:06:35,789 --> 00:06:37,938
(HIGH-PITCHED): Thanks, Oscar.
166
00:06:37,958 --> 00:06:40,875
- Hello, sweetheart.
- Hi, Ma.
167
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:43,703
Hi. I'm Mary.
168
00:06:43,797 --> 00:06:46,038
Really? 'Cause I don't
see a little lamb! (LAUGHS)
169
00:06:46,302 --> 00:06:48,636
I'm sorry, that was dumb.
170
00:06:48,787 --> 00:06:50,029
Uh, I'm Kat.
171
00:06:50,047 --> 00:06:52,974
So you see a little
Kat, not a little lamb.
172
00:06:53,125 --> 00:06:56,035
I'm gonna stop talking right now.
173
00:06:56,037 --> 00:06:58,354
You're everything Oscar said you were.
174
00:06:59,707 --> 00:07:00,890
Why don't we sit down.
175
00:07:01,042 --> 00:07:03,542
It's so nice to finally meet you.
176
00:07:03,636 --> 00:07:04,877
I'm sorry I'm late.
177
00:07:04,970 --> 00:07:06,879
I couldn't get off the phone
with your abuela.
178
00:07:06,881 --> 00:07:08,047
She never stops.
179
00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:09,882
�C�mo enciendo la televisi�n?
180
00:07:09,901 --> 00:07:11,642
�Por qu� no me visitas m�s?
181
00:07:11,661 --> 00:07:13,386
�C�mo apaga la televisi�n?
182
00:07:13,479 --> 00:07:16,405
(FORCED LAUGHTER)
183
00:07:16,557 --> 00:07:17,723
That's so funny.
184
00:07:17,742 --> 00:07:19,725
Oh, you speak Spanish.
185
00:07:19,744 --> 00:07:21,318
Yes, of course I do. I teach it.
186
00:07:21,337 --> 00:07:23,396
I... I mean, I used to. I did.
187
00:07:23,489 --> 00:07:26,490
But it was a whole
thing. Uh, someone died.
188
00:07:26,584 --> 00:07:28,342
And I was in the paper.
189
00:07:28,494 --> 00:07:30,160
I was in el papel.
190
00:07:30,180 --> 00:07:32,238
El peri�dico.
191
00:07:32,256 --> 00:07:34,240
Right, right, yeah, I
was in that one, too.
192
00:07:34,258 --> 00:07:36,425
Why don't we, uh, order some appetizers?
193
00:07:36,519 --> 00:07:37,834
In English.
194
00:07:37,854 --> 00:07:39,503
(IRISH ACCENT): Aye,
there's a great idea.
195
00:07:39,706 --> 00:07:41,247
We'll start at the top of the menu.
196
00:07:41,265 --> 00:07:44,174
Ho-ho, shiver me
timbers, brussels sprouts.
197
00:07:44,194 --> 00:07:47,586
Well, that's certainly a
lively take on vegetables.
198
00:07:47,605 --> 00:07:49,438
Let's order some of those.
199
00:07:49,532 --> 00:07:51,424
Oh, uh, let me get the waiter. You...
200
00:07:51,442 --> 00:07:52,683
Oh! Oh! I am so sorry.
201
00:07:52,851 --> 00:07:54,368
- It's okay. It's just water.
- Let me get in there.
202
00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:56,612
- Oh! Oh, crap.
- OSCAR: Oh! Aw...
203
00:07:56,689 --> 00:07:57,854
Oh, dear.
204
00:07:57,874 --> 00:08:00,333
But I didn't kick her in the face.
205
00:08:04,530 --> 00:08:06,380
And that month with the
tribe was life-changing.
206
00:08:06,712 --> 00:08:09,455
We had absolutely no contact
with the outside world.
207
00:08:09,548 --> 00:08:12,233
Except that one night I
snuck into town to get a pizza
208
00:08:12,384 --> 00:08:14,460
and check the score
of the Cardinals game.
209
00:08:14,553 --> 00:08:17,053
(LAUGHS) A woman after my own heart.
210
00:08:17,073 --> 00:08:18,406
Your life is so cool.
211
00:08:18,654 --> 00:08:20,654
Did you always know you
wanted to be a travel writer?
212
00:08:20,881 --> 00:08:23,491
Oh, gosh, no. I was a
bookkeeper until five years ago.
213
00:08:23,676 --> 00:08:25,493
But once my kids were out of the house,
214
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:27,069
I was free to follow my dreams.
215
00:08:27,221 --> 00:08:29,071
She likes to remind us
how we held her back.
216
00:08:29,165 --> 00:08:31,165
I call them "my little ankle weights."
217
00:08:31,316 --> 00:08:32,816
- (LAUGHS)
- I'm kidding.
218
00:08:32,835 --> 00:08:34,835
You know you and your
sisters were the best thing
219
00:08:34,987 --> 00:08:36,228
to ever happen to me.
220
00:08:36,247 --> 00:08:37,730
I'm sure your mother feels the same.
221
00:08:37,823 --> 00:08:40,749
Uh, I think we'd have to go
to the source on that one.
222
00:08:40,901 --> 00:08:43,418
You know, Ma, Kat kind of
did the same thing as you.
223
00:08:43,513 --> 00:08:45,571
She was a math professor
before she opened the cat caf�,
224
00:08:45,589 --> 00:08:47,906
and one day she said, "Screw all of you,
225
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,241
I'm following my dreams."
226
00:08:49,260 --> 00:08:51,167
Actually, I left
everyone in the department
227
00:08:51,262 --> 00:08:53,095
a nice note and a candle, but yeah.
228
00:08:53,247 --> 00:08:57,358
Look at us, a couple of brave
women rewriting our own stories.
229
00:08:57,509 --> 00:08:58,509
Should we toast?
230
00:08:58,586 --> 00:09:00,194
Ooh, why would we wave around liquid
231
00:09:00,345 --> 00:09:02,029
when this is going so well?
232
00:09:02,180 --> 00:09:03,513
You're right, you're right.
233
00:09:03,682 --> 00:09:05,591
Again, I'm-I'm sorry about
that. I hope your pants are dry.
234
00:09:05,609 --> 00:09:08,018
Oh, they are. But speaking of wet pants,
235
00:09:08,095 --> 00:09:09,537
I have a funny story about Oscar
236
00:09:09,764 --> 00:09:12,373
when he was playing a
tree in a school play.
237
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,767
Let's just say he watered himself.
238
00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:16,435
Ma, Kat doesn't want to hear that.
239
00:09:16,528 --> 00:09:20,105
Oh, yes, she does. She wants
to hear every single detail.
240
00:09:20,124 --> 00:09:21,607
Honey, I'm having dinner
with your girlfriend
241
00:09:21,625 --> 00:09:23,050
for the first time...
did you really think
242
00:09:23,219 --> 00:09:24,701
we weren't gonna get here?
243
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:25,886
Fine, but no pictures.
244
00:09:26,055 --> 00:09:27,055
Of course not.
245
00:09:27,205 --> 00:09:28,463
I just AirDropped you the video.
246
00:09:28,616 --> 00:09:30,299
- (GASPS)
- Why do you have that on your phone?
247
00:09:30,451 --> 00:09:33,352
Yeah, and why is it taking
me so long to get it?
248
00:09:38,383 --> 00:09:39,474
How'd it go?
249
00:09:39,627 --> 00:09:41,217
Not well.
250
00:09:41,237 --> 00:09:42,903
Halfway through the conversation,
251
00:09:43,055 --> 00:09:44,905
she remembered she's a lesbian.
252
00:09:45,966 --> 00:09:47,149
I don't know what's wrong with me.
253
00:09:47,301 --> 00:09:49,134
Nothing. You're a smoke show.
254
00:09:49,153 --> 00:09:50,803
Maybe it's my breath?
255
00:09:50,896 --> 00:09:52,204
Blow on me.
256
00:09:53,140 --> 00:09:55,140
Ooh. That's minty fresh.
257
00:09:55,159 --> 00:09:56,733
Is it my clothes?
258
00:09:56,827 --> 00:09:58,085
Give me a twirl.
259
00:09:58,236 --> 00:09:59,420
Not gonna lie.
260
00:09:59,571 --> 00:10:01,814
You could bounce a
quarter off that ass, man.
261
00:10:01,832 --> 00:10:03,649
Well, then, what is it?
262
00:10:03,742 --> 00:10:05,408
You got rejected twice. Relax.
263
00:10:05,428 --> 00:10:07,410
No, but it's more than
twice. It's also Jessica.
264
00:10:07,488 --> 00:10:10,522
I've texted her a bunch
and gotten no response.
265
00:10:10,582 --> 00:10:11,915
A bunch?
266
00:10:12,009 --> 00:10:13,976
Show me.
267
00:10:15,679 --> 00:10:16,687
Dude.
268
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:18,588
- Dude!
- What?
269
00:10:18,682 --> 00:10:20,682
Do you see what my
thumb is doing right now?
270
00:10:20,851 --> 00:10:22,309
It should not still be doing that.
271
00:10:22,461 --> 00:10:24,670
Well, there was a typo,
so I texted to fix the typo
272
00:10:24,688 --> 00:10:27,931
and then there was a typo in
that, so I text to fix that...
273
00:10:27,950 --> 00:10:29,950
No, this is more than a typo, okay?
274
00:10:30,027 --> 00:10:32,027
You're coming off thirsty as hell.
275
00:10:32,121 --> 00:10:33,436
Am not.
276
00:10:33,456 --> 00:10:35,939
Really? 'Cause I'm seeing
a lot of emojis here.
277
00:10:35,958 --> 00:10:37,850
You taught me: one per exchange.
278
00:10:37,852 --> 00:10:40,352
This looks like a damn cave painting.
279
00:10:40,445 --> 00:10:42,296
I was just showing her I was playful.
280
00:10:42,447 --> 00:10:44,965
You were showing her you were nuts.
281
00:10:45,860 --> 00:10:47,209
I'm not a nut.
282
00:10:47,303 --> 00:10:50,045
I'm just, I'm ready to be
in a relationship again.
283
00:10:50,197 --> 00:10:51,972
I want what I had with Brigitte.
284
00:10:52,199 --> 00:10:53,866
Or what I could have had with Kat.
285
00:10:54,034 --> 00:10:55,701
And I want that for you, too.
286
00:10:55,719 --> 00:10:57,536
But this is not the way.
287
00:10:57,629 --> 00:10:59,313
Well, I wanted her to
know I'm interested.
288
00:10:59,464 --> 00:11:01,039
You said you were
interested three times,
289
00:11:01,133 --> 00:11:02,875
and the last one you wrote in all caps.
290
00:11:02,893 --> 00:11:04,652
You know what that sounds like, right?
291
00:11:05,804 --> 00:11:08,197
I am interested, Jessica!
292
00:11:11,235 --> 00:11:13,719
I swear this cat is staring at me
293
00:11:13,737 --> 00:11:16,571
like he's Bette Davis
and I'm Joan Crawford.
294
00:11:16,724 --> 00:11:19,541
Yeah, I don't know who those people are.
295
00:11:24,064 --> 00:11:25,898
What the hell?
296
00:11:26,658 --> 00:11:28,734
Phil, what are you doing?
You're supposed to be folding
297
00:11:28,827 --> 00:11:30,344
the shirts, not mopping
the floor with them.
298
00:11:30,571 --> 00:11:33,180
It's Cat Sajak, I tell
you. He's out to get me.
299
00:11:33,331 --> 00:11:35,757
Aw, Cat Sajak is a good boy.
300
00:11:35,910 --> 00:11:37,910
He's not out to get you.
301
00:11:38,003 --> 00:11:39,261
(CAT SAJAK HISSES)
302
00:11:39,413 --> 00:11:40,413
(HISSES)
303
00:11:40,431 --> 00:11:42,356
Hey, I got a text from Oscar's mom.
304
00:11:42,583 --> 00:11:45,192
She wants to hang out
again, just with me.
305
00:11:45,419 --> 00:11:46,752
- Oh, that's great!
- Oh...
306
00:11:46,770 --> 00:11:48,011
My "meeting parents" curse is over.
307
00:11:48,088 --> 00:11:49,613
I'm gonna go pick out an outfit.
308
00:11:50,441 --> 00:11:51,532
KAT: Oh!
309
00:11:51,683 --> 00:11:52,700
I'm okay.
310
00:11:53,518 --> 00:11:56,019
I love her enthusiasm.
311
00:11:56,113 --> 00:11:59,415
I worry about her safety.
312
00:12:01,268 --> 00:12:02,951
You're very brave
inviting me out for wine
313
00:12:03,045 --> 00:12:04,453
after what happened last time.
314
00:12:04,529 --> 00:12:06,714
Offer still stands for
me to use a sippy cup.
315
00:12:07,182 --> 00:12:10,033
Don't be silly. But I do have
a change of clothes in the car.
316
00:12:10,127 --> 00:12:11,610
(KAT LAUGHS)
317
00:12:11,612 --> 00:12:13,144
This is so good.
318
00:12:13,146 --> 00:12:14,537
I don't even care that
I'll have heartburn
319
00:12:14,557 --> 00:12:17,282
and assume I'm having
a heart attack later.
320
00:12:17,375 --> 00:12:19,059
I have antacids if you need some.
321
00:12:19,211 --> 00:12:21,803
The trick is to take
one before you start.
322
00:12:21,956 --> 00:12:23,379
(GASPS, IMITATES EXPLOSION)
323
00:12:23,474 --> 00:12:25,733
Mary, you have just rocked my world.
324
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,292
Today is my new birthday!
325
00:12:27,385 --> 00:12:29,403
Kat, you're fun. I really like you.
326
00:12:29,630 --> 00:12:31,296
I'm so glad. I really like you, too.
327
00:12:31,465 --> 00:12:34,132
Good. I need you to
break up with my son.
328
00:12:34,151 --> 00:12:36,076
Sure. Wait, what?
329
00:12:36,303 --> 00:12:39,163
You're very nice. You're
just too old for him.
330
00:12:39,915 --> 00:12:42,416
I'm 40. That's the new 20.
331
00:12:42,567 --> 00:12:44,084
Well, by your logic, my son is ten,
332
00:12:44,311 --> 00:12:45,419
and you should be on a list.
333
00:12:45,646 --> 00:12:48,480
Whoa, whoa! Can you please
not say that so loud?
334
00:12:48,499 --> 00:12:50,999
Listen, I want grandkids,
and I don't see that happening
335
00:12:51,151 --> 00:12:52,334
if Oscar stays with you.
336
00:12:52,410 --> 00:12:53,877
Well, with all due respect,
337
00:12:53,988 --> 00:12:55,262
that's really up to Oscar and me.
338
00:12:55,413 --> 00:12:56,822
My son lives in the moment.
339
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,173
He doesn't think long-term.
340
00:12:58,267 --> 00:13:00,583
Or have you not seen
his Angry Birds tattoo?
341
00:13:01,419 --> 00:13:02,936
Well, you know, just so you know,
342
00:13:03,088 --> 00:13:04,772
Halle Berry had her first kid at 41
343
00:13:04,923 --> 00:13:07,274
and her second kid
at... wait for it... 47.
344
00:13:07,425 --> 00:13:10,552
Sweetheart, you're no Halle Berry.
345
00:13:10,704 --> 00:13:14,506
I know that. Or do you think
I'm old and delusional?
346
00:13:14,599 --> 00:13:16,675
I'm just keeping it real.
Things go downhill after 40.
347
00:13:16,677 --> 00:13:19,787
I was already in
perimenopause at your age.
348
00:13:20,014 --> 00:13:21,437
Okay, you've made your point.
349
00:13:21,457 --> 00:13:24,274
Do you get irregular periods,
mood swings, night sweats?
350
00:13:24,293 --> 00:13:26,276
That's your body closing up shop.
351
00:13:26,295 --> 00:13:28,020
Okay, I think we're done here.
352
00:13:28,188 --> 00:13:29,855
I, uh, I'm gonna go.
353
00:13:30,691 --> 00:13:33,616
For the record, I'm not
ashamed of my emotions,
354
00:13:33,710 --> 00:13:35,451
I've always been a hot sleeper,
355
00:13:35,471 --> 00:13:38,514
and my periods are regular as rain.
356
00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:41,517
Regular as rain!
357
00:13:48,624 --> 00:13:50,791
- Hey.
- Hey. How'd it go?
358
00:13:51,627 --> 00:13:54,202
(SIGHS): Good. We had a great time.
359
00:13:54,354 --> 00:13:55,963
Your mom is lovely.
360
00:13:56,114 --> 00:13:57,872
Couldn't be lovelier.
361
00:13:58,025 --> 00:13:59,615
The loveliest of lovely.
362
00:13:59,710 --> 00:14:01,693
Just a frickin' delight.
363
00:14:01,712 --> 00:14:04,120
Well, that took a turn.
Uh, what's going on?
364
00:14:04,139 --> 00:14:06,047
Well, uh...
365
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:09,884
I'm not Halle Berry, and your
mom thinks I'm too old for you.
366
00:14:10,037 --> 00:14:11,720
- Wait, what?
- Yeah.
367
00:14:11,872 --> 00:14:13,814
That's crazy. You sure
that's what she meant?
368
00:14:13,965 --> 00:14:17,542
Well, she said, "I need
you to break up with my son,
369
00:14:17,544 --> 00:14:19,377
I think you're too old
for him," but, you know,
370
00:14:19,396 --> 00:14:20,895
I could just be reading into things.
371
00:14:21,048 --> 00:14:22,990
That is so out of line.
I'm calling her right now.
372
00:14:23,066 --> 00:14:26,234
- No, don't. Save your minutes.
- I don't know what that means.
373
00:14:26,328 --> 00:14:28,403
Of course you don't. You're too young.
374
00:14:28,497 --> 00:14:31,147
(SIGHS) What if she's right?
375
00:14:31,225 --> 00:14:32,815
You know, my age starts with a four,
376
00:14:32,835 --> 00:14:35,393
- and yours starts with a two.
- Kat, I've dated women my own age,
377
00:14:35,412 --> 00:14:36,728
and it never worked out.
378
00:14:36,821 --> 00:14:38,839
This is the first time
that it feels right.
379
00:14:38,990 --> 00:14:40,841
No, it does feel right.
380
00:14:40,992 --> 00:14:42,676
But the age thing is real.
381
00:14:42,903 --> 00:14:45,495
I'm having a lot of "old
people" things happen to me.
382
00:14:45,514 --> 00:14:48,331
You know, the other day I
tweaked my back sneezing.
383
00:14:48,425 --> 00:14:51,167
Then I made it worse
reaching for a handkerchief.
384
00:14:51,186 --> 00:14:53,428
Yes, I use a handkerchief.
385
00:14:53,580 --> 00:14:55,263
I have to wear glasses
to read small print.
386
00:14:55,415 --> 00:14:56,765
And if I'm being totally honest,
387
00:14:56,859 --> 00:14:59,084
I don't even remember where
I was going with all of this.
388
00:14:59,102 --> 00:15:00,676
You were explaining to me
why you're too old for me.
389
00:15:00,845 --> 00:15:03,179
Right. And it's only gonna
get worse down the road.
390
00:15:03,273 --> 00:15:04,847
Eventually, my teeth are gonna fall out,
391
00:15:04,941 --> 00:15:07,442
and then you'll have to blend
my food and change my diapers
392
00:15:07,594 --> 00:15:09,944
and help me remember my life,
like in The Notebook.
393
00:15:10,021 --> 00:15:13,373
First, thank you for
comparing me to Ryan Gosling.
394
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,934
Second, let's just slow down.
395
00:15:15,952 --> 00:15:18,027
Can we take this one day at a time?
396
00:15:18,121 --> 00:15:19,713
But you do have to think long-term.
397
00:15:19,864 --> 00:15:22,049
Like, what about kids?
You know, I froze my eggs,
398
00:15:22,276 --> 00:15:24,609
but that's not something
I can snooze on.
399
00:15:24,628 --> 00:15:26,661
I'm not even sure I want
kids, and if we decide we do,
400
00:15:26,813 --> 00:15:29,205
there are options: we
can foster, we can adopt.
401
00:15:29,224 --> 00:15:30,782
Maybe we just get some dogs.
402
00:15:30,801 --> 00:15:32,893
- Dogs?!
- Cats, cats. I mean lots and lots of cats.
403
00:15:33,044 --> 00:15:35,954
Listen, the one thing I know for sure
404
00:15:36,047 --> 00:15:38,957
is that I want to be
with you for all of it...
405
00:15:39,050 --> 00:15:41,485
'cause I love you.
406
00:15:42,220 --> 00:15:44,529
Wait, what'd you say?
407
00:15:45,557 --> 00:15:48,408
(SHOUTING): I love you.
408
00:15:51,747 --> 00:15:53,413
I love you, too.
409
00:15:54,324 --> 00:15:57,066
(CHUCKLES): Wow. We just did that.
410
00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:58,752
We did.
411
00:16:01,815 --> 00:16:04,833
40's turning out to
be a pretty good year.
412
00:16:04,927 --> 00:16:06,985
Wait. You're 40?
413
00:16:07,003 --> 00:16:08,512
(LAUGHS)
414
00:16:10,054 --> 00:16:12,072
- Oscar said it first.
- Oh...
415
00:16:12,223 --> 00:16:13,648
And then I said it back.
416
00:16:13,742 --> 00:16:16,651
It was the first "I
love you" of my life.
417
00:16:16,728 --> 00:16:18,136
Oh, I'm so happy for you, Kat.
418
00:16:18,154 --> 00:16:20,580
I mean, it's gonna be weird
with his mom for a while,
419
00:16:20,657 --> 00:16:22,582
but, you know, I don't
need everyone to like me.
420
00:16:22,734 --> 00:16:23,825
Amen to that.
421
00:16:23,977 --> 00:16:26,753
- (KNOCKING)
- Unrelated: if you were my boyfriend's mom,
422
00:16:26,904 --> 00:16:28,904
- would you prefer flowers or chocolate?
- (LAUGHS)
423
00:16:29,666 --> 00:16:31,666
- Hey.
- I know you're closed for coffee,
424
00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:34,152
but are you open for an intervention?
425
00:16:34,170 --> 00:16:35,929
Always. Step into our office.
426
00:16:37,266 --> 00:16:38,431
What's up?
427
00:16:38,658 --> 00:16:41,250
What are we intervening? Drugs? Alcohol?
428
00:16:41,344 --> 00:16:42,769
His boring T-shirts?
429
00:16:43,997 --> 00:16:46,180
Worse. Somebody's taken
our cool, suave Max
430
00:16:46,333 --> 00:16:47,923
and replaced him with this dope.
431
00:16:48,868 --> 00:16:51,611
Wow, you live in a good school district.
432
00:16:51,688 --> 00:16:53,613
That's where I'd want
my future kids to go.
433
00:16:53,765 --> 00:16:55,431
I mean, I'm open to homeschooling,
434
00:16:55,525 --> 00:16:58,434
but that's a decision me and my
future wife will have to make.
435
00:16:58,453 --> 00:16:59,953
What do you think?
436
00:17:02,015 --> 00:17:03,773
Why is it so bad to
want to fast-forward
437
00:17:03,867 --> 00:17:06,835
through the chitchat and
get right to the real stuff?
438
00:17:08,188 --> 00:17:09,612
You got a nice smile.
439
00:17:09,706 --> 00:17:12,206
I'd love to take you to my
buddy's cabin in the woods.
440
00:17:12,301 --> 00:17:14,542
It's beautiful there. Super remote.
441
00:17:14,636 --> 00:17:16,361
No cell service.
442
00:17:16,379 --> 00:17:21,474
Just you and me in
the middle of nowhere.
443
00:17:22,886 --> 00:17:24,477
That was a romantic getaway.
444
00:17:24,629 --> 00:17:26,554
She thought you were
gonna murder her, dude.
445
00:17:26,648 --> 00:17:28,648
She definitely made sure
her Taser was charged.
446
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:32,710
She had 911 locked and
loaded on her way to the car.
447
00:17:32,804 --> 00:17:35,563
So you're saying I'm
coming on a little strong.
448
00:17:35,715 --> 00:17:38,550
A little strong?
You stink of desperation.
449
00:17:38,568 --> 00:17:39,975
That's what I've been
trying to tell him.
450
00:17:40,144 --> 00:17:41,402
But does he listen? No.
451
00:17:41,479 --> 00:17:44,222
Which is why we are here.
452
00:17:44,315 --> 00:17:46,391
I'm just so sick of dating.
453
00:17:46,409 --> 00:17:49,151
I get it. Dating is the worst.
454
00:17:49,171 --> 00:17:50,895
- Hey.
- Shh.
455
00:17:50,988 --> 00:17:52,339
But you have to slog through it
456
00:17:52,566 --> 00:17:55,083
no matter how miserable
and soul-sucking it is.
457
00:17:55,235 --> 00:17:56,343
Again, I say, "Hey."
458
00:17:56,570 --> 00:17:58,753
Again, I say, "Shh."
459
00:17:59,739 --> 00:18:01,848
You know, Max, maybe
the thing to do right now
460
00:18:01,999 --> 00:18:03,741
is just to stop pushing so hard.
461
00:18:03,835 --> 00:18:07,412
Stop trying to force
something that isn't there.
462
00:18:07,430 --> 00:18:08,746
Well, then, what do I do?
463
00:18:08,765 --> 00:18:10,582
Just keep dating and
dating, with the drinks
464
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,193
and the small talk and
the walks in the park
465
00:18:13,344 --> 00:18:14,769
and the calculated texts
466
00:18:14,921 --> 00:18:18,531
until I accidentally stumble
upon someone who's right for me?
467
00:18:19,201 --> 00:18:20,492
OTHERS: Yes.
468
00:18:21,352 --> 00:18:23,428
- (GROANS)
- Hang in there.
469
00:18:23,446 --> 00:18:25,096
You're great. It'll happen.
470
00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:26,373
Or you'll die alone.
471
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,400
- Wha... ?
- What? We've been closed for 30 minutes.
472
00:18:28,435 --> 00:18:30,210
I'm ready to go.
473
00:18:30,286 --> 00:18:32,629
? ?
474
00:18:34,290 --> 00:18:36,107
Could I get another
glass of wine, please?
475
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,533
Sure.
476
00:18:37,627 --> 00:18:39,127
What happened to your date?
477
00:18:39,203 --> 00:18:40,778
He left. We didn't hit it off.
478
00:18:40,797 --> 00:18:42,055
God, dating sucks.
479
00:18:42,282 --> 00:18:43,282
Yeah, tell me about it.
480
00:18:43,450 --> 00:18:44,966
- (LAUGHS)
- This one's on the house.
481
00:18:45,042 --> 00:18:46,284
LUCY: Thanks.
482
00:18:46,453 --> 00:18:48,286
You're welcome.
483
00:18:48,379 --> 00:18:49,712
You want to join me?
484
00:18:49,731 --> 00:18:52,857
Uh, sure. Yeah, I can take a break.
485
00:18:56,463 --> 00:18:57,645
Sorry you had a rough night.
486
00:18:57,797 --> 00:18:59,572
(GROANS) I'm just so
tired of the whole thing.
487
00:18:59,765 --> 00:19:01,649
I wish I could skip straight
to marriage, buy a house,
488
00:19:01,801 --> 00:19:04,302
have some kids... I think
three is the perfect number.
489
00:19:04,395 --> 00:19:05,829
What do you think?
490
00:19:07,398 --> 00:19:09,541
Yeah, I think my boss needs me.
491
00:19:12,737 --> 00:19:14,662
- Is that what I sounded like?
- Pretty much.
492
00:19:14,756 --> 00:19:17,315
By the way, that wine is
coming out of your paycheck.
493
00:19:17,333 --> 00:19:19,467
And that did count as your break.
494
00:19:26,101 --> 00:19:28,852
? ?
495
00:19:37,170 --> 00:19:38,669
- Meow!
- (GASPS)
496
00:19:38,746 --> 00:19:40,746
(LAUGHS) What are you doing?
497
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:44,100
I haven't seen Cat Sajak all morning.
498
00:19:44,127 --> 00:19:45,327
He must be lying in wait.
499
00:19:45,345 --> 00:19:47,011
Oh, no. He got adopted this morning.
500
00:19:47,163 --> 00:19:49,421
So there's nothing
for you to worry about.
501
00:19:49,441 --> 00:19:51,849
And some would say there never was.
502
00:19:51,943 --> 00:19:53,501
What?
503
00:19:53,519 --> 00:19:55,019
Yeah, I thought you would be happy.
504
00:19:55,171 --> 00:19:56,337
Well, of course.
505
00:19:56,356 --> 00:19:57,429
Good riddance.
506
00:19:57,449 --> 00:19:58,781
He riled up my days,
507
00:19:58,933 --> 00:20:01,433
he ripped my clothes to tatters, and...
508
00:20:01,453 --> 00:20:03,861
And you miss him already, don't you?
509
00:20:03,955 --> 00:20:05,997
So much!
510
00:20:06,941 --> 00:20:09,042
Does this help?
511
00:20:11,779 --> 00:20:14,188
I appreciate that, but...
512
00:20:14,207 --> 00:20:16,883
it's just not the same.
513
00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:20,361
So, I got an apology text from your mom.
514
00:20:20,513 --> 00:20:23,939
Yeah, she heard me, but mostly
she heard my abuela,
515
00:20:23,958 --> 00:20:26,459
who, by the way, also wants to meet you.
516
00:20:26,610 --> 00:20:28,127
(CHUCKLES): Oh, I'm busy.
517
00:20:28,279 --> 00:20:31,964
- I didn't tell you when.
- Yeah, I'm just trying to protect her.
518
00:20:34,027 --> 00:20:35,117
Hey.
519
00:20:35,136 --> 00:20:38,287
If your mother ever
says anything like that
520
00:20:38,306 --> 00:20:41,641
to my Katherine again,
there will be hell to pay.
521
00:20:41,792 --> 00:20:44,268
Nobody messes with my baby.
522
00:20:46,039 --> 00:20:47,897
I need coffee.
523
00:20:49,559 --> 00:20:50,891
Oh, my God.
524
00:20:51,044 --> 00:20:52,151
I know.
525
00:20:52,378 --> 00:20:55,905
Wasn't that the sweetest
thing you've ever heard?
526
00:20:57,308 --> 00:20:59,992
("GOTTA DO WHATCHA GOTTA
DO" BY KELLI WAKILI PLAYING)
527
00:21:00,736 --> 00:21:02,995
? Whoa-oah-oah-oah ?
528
00:21:05,224 --> 00:21:08,084
? Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm ?
529
00:21:09,671 --> 00:21:11,412
? Whoa-oah-oah-oah ?
530
00:21:12,398 --> 00:21:15,675
? Yeah, listen, I'm asleep
in the morning light ?
531
00:21:15,902 --> 00:21:17,993
? Till the roosters start to crow ?
532
00:21:18,087 --> 00:21:20,012
? I'm-a feel a good time tonight ?
533
00:21:20,164 --> 00:21:22,181
? Yeah, the roof's about to blow ?
534
00:21:22,333 --> 00:21:24,091
? Yeah, see your best somebody ?
535
00:21:24,168 --> 00:21:26,911
? That somebody that you all know ?
536
00:21:26,929 --> 00:21:28,354
? I can feel the lights go down ?
537
00:21:28,505 --> 00:21:30,247
? It's time to start the show, yeah ?
538
00:21:30,266 --> 00:21:33,342
? But I want to see you get down low. ?39467
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