Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:10,708 --> 00:00:13,578
Hi, I know a lot of you must be
just tuning in and thinking,
2
00:00:13,667 --> 00:00:15,627
shit, I missed
the “Def Comedy Jam”.
3
00:00:15,708 --> 00:00:18,038
But don't worry, I've got
highlights of tonight's show.
4
00:00:18,125 --> 00:00:20,955
And here to give me
a hand is my tag team partner,
5
00:00:21,042 --> 00:00:23,882
Mr. Stuart Scott
from ESPN Sports Center.
6
00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:25,708
Thanks a lot, Chris.
There was plenty of action
7
00:00:25,792 --> 00:00:27,672
on the boards tonight,
so let's get right to it.
8
00:00:27,750 --> 00:00:29,040
Def started the night
9
00:00:29,125 --> 00:00:31,075
with the traditional
pre-show prayer.
10
00:00:31,167 --> 00:00:33,037
Let's all give God
a round of applause, y'all,
11
00:00:33,125 --> 00:00:34,995
-you know what I'm saying?
-(AUDIENCE CHEERS, APPLAUDS)
12
00:00:35,083 --> 00:00:36,173
For making it possible
13
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,210
for us to be
up in this motherfucker today.
14
00:00:38,292 --> 00:00:39,882
All right,
can I get a hallelujah
15
00:00:39,958 --> 00:00:40,998
from the choir on that one?
16
00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:44,133
A motherfuckin' hallelujah.
I mean, where are the refs at?
17
00:00:44,208 --> 00:00:45,208
They used to call that.
18
00:00:45,042 --> 00:00:46,252
I think,
he should have known better
19
00:00:46,333 --> 00:00:47,713
than to mix prayer
and profanity.
20
00:00:47,792 --> 00:00:49,882
That youngster should just
concentrate on the fundamentals.
21
00:00:49,958 --> 00:00:51,628
You know, they work
on that in spring training.
22
00:00:51,708 --> 00:00:54,628
Now, Def got off to a fast start
with a gentleman who goes
23
00:00:54,708 --> 00:00:56,208
by the name of Talent,
24
00:00:56,042 --> 00:00:58,132
discussing
his favorite strip club.
25
00:00:58,208 --> 00:01:00,918
-I go to the booty shit.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
26
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,130
The grimy shit.
27
00:01:03,208 --> 00:01:05,168
Niggas know who make
the most money?
28
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,460
The bitch
with the most stretch marks.
29
00:01:07,542 --> 00:01:09,252
-Big Bertha bitch.
-(LAUGHS)
30
00:01:09,333 --> 00:01:11,003
They get
a little Heineken bottle.
31
00:01:11,083 --> 00:01:15,463
- ♪ (IMITATES MUSIC) ♪
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
32
00:01:18,083 --> 00:01:20,213
-♪ (IMITATES MUSIC) ♪
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
33
00:01:20,292 --> 00:01:22,002
CHRIS ROCK: Let's have a lookat that on replay.
34
00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:24,043
STUART SCOTT: Uh-huh. See, see.
35
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:25,665
That's whythis kid's name is Talent.
36
00:01:25,750 --> 00:01:28,130
I mean, look at those moves.I think, yup, we can classify
37
00:01:28,208 --> 00:01:29,918
that as the mojo.
38
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,210
-Talent is definitely as cool...
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
39
00:01:32,042 --> 00:01:34,172
...as the other sideof the pillow.
40
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,580
Next up to the plate
is a youngster
41
00:01:35,667 --> 00:01:37,417
with phat potential, Will.
42
00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:39,210
They're expecting much flavor
from this kid.
43
00:01:39,042 --> 00:01:40,962
He's got some keen observations
44
00:01:41,042 --> 00:01:43,002
on the ongoing battle
of the sexes.
45
00:01:43,083 --> 00:01:45,753
-Titty fucking.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
46
00:01:45,833 --> 00:01:47,383
Let me show you y'all
what I'm talking about.
47
00:01:49,708 --> 00:01:51,998
Titty fucking, you know when
they put their dick right here.
48
00:01:53,958 --> 00:01:57,038
CHRIS: Now, right here we havethe female breasts.
49
00:01:57,958 --> 00:01:59,578
And here is the male genitalia.
50
00:01:59,667 --> 00:02:01,207
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
51
00:02:01,042 --> 00:02:04,502
CHRIS: The female breastspresses against the shaft,
52
00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:09,133
-causing an explosion of sperm.
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, LAUGHING)
53
00:02:09,208 --> 00:02:11,378
CHRIS: You know, my uncle lossan eye like that.
54
00:02:11,458 --> 00:02:14,038
Now all hell is breaking loose.
55
00:02:14,125 --> 00:02:18,785
The force of the sperm knockshis hat clean off his head.
56
00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:25,078
The sperm is now being appliedto his hair.
57
00:02:25,167 --> 00:02:26,457
It got babies in it.
58
00:02:26,542 --> 00:02:28,172
CHRIS: This manis the next Bill Cosby.
59
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:31,083
Boo-yeah. I wish I had a nickel
60
00:02:31,167 --> 00:02:32,577
for every time
that's happened to me.
61
00:02:32,667 --> 00:02:36,377
It's always a thrill to watch
a man explore his feminine side.
62
00:02:36,458 --> 00:02:39,208
Now, the show appeared
unstoppable as a cagey veteran
63
00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:41,882
Bill Hill delivered
some provocative thoughts
64
00:02:41,958 --> 00:02:43,458
on air safety.
65
00:02:43,542 --> 00:02:45,212
Motherfuckin' planes
getting blown up.
66
00:02:45,292 --> 00:02:46,382
Y'all see that shit?
67
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:49,170
When we find the black box,
68
00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:51,830
the black box gon' let us know
what we need to know
69
00:02:51,917 --> 00:02:53,167
about what happened.
70
00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:56,630
I think that maybe we should
start making the planes
71
00:02:56,708 --> 00:02:59,168
out of the shit we make
the black box with.
72
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,580
What the fuck is going on?
73
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,920
Don't be bullshitting
with me, Ms. Media.
74
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,670
Don't bullshit with me, media.
75
00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:08,000
Whoa, whoa, flag on the play.
76
00:03:08,083 --> 00:03:09,963
-What's the call?
-Looks like hacking.
77
00:03:10,042 --> 00:03:11,172
This premise and punch line
78
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,750
was clearly stated
by Dana Carvey
79
00:03:12,833 --> 00:03:15,083
five years ago
on Saturday Night Live.
80
00:03:15,167 --> 00:03:17,917
It's the only thing
that survives a crash.
81
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,750
Why don't they build
the whole plane
82
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:21,333
out of the black box?
83
00:03:21,417 --> 00:03:23,167
Whoo! That could have been
a show buster.
84
00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:25,130
But Big Mo
was on Def's side tonight
85
00:03:25,208 --> 00:03:28,168
as Hill stormed back
to close strong.
86
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:31,960
It ain't nothing like smoking
a blunt with your girl
87
00:03:32,042 --> 00:03:33,082
in the bed butt naked
88
00:03:33,167 --> 00:03:35,127
with a big ass bowl
of Froot Loops on the floor
89
00:03:35,208 --> 00:03:37,418
with five ice cubes
in the Froot Loops, nigga!
90
00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:39,130
Ain't nothing like that shit.
91
00:03:39,208 --> 00:03:41,418
Can I get a amen
from the congregation?
92
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:43,790
That boy is no stranger
to a good time.
93
00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:45,035
He sure is living large.
94
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:48,125
in bed with a woman, a blunt,
Froot Loops and ice cubes.
95
00:03:48,208 --> 00:03:50,748
Our side-line reporter,
John Haymin has more.
96
00:03:50,833 --> 00:03:52,003
Chris, as you can see,
97
00:03:52,083 --> 00:03:53,923
I followed the instructions
to a T.
98
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:59,830
I've got my blunt, a lovely lady
and... my Froot Loops.
99
00:03:59,917 --> 00:04:03,167
But to tell you the truth,
it's not very exciting.
100
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,670
John, you forgot the ice cubes.
101
00:04:05,750 --> 00:04:08,080
Geez, you know, I'd lose my head
if it wasn't screwed on.
102
00:04:08,167 --> 00:04:09,707
Of course, the ice cubes.
103
00:04:13,625 --> 00:04:16,665
Mm. Now, this is the bomb.
104
00:04:18,167 --> 00:04:19,457
Can I get a witness?
105
00:04:19,542 --> 00:04:22,212
Well, get one with a car, Stu,
because we're out of time.
106
00:04:22,042 --> 00:04:24,252
In the words of Russell Simmons,
"God bless, good night."
107
00:04:24,333 --> 00:04:26,543
(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
108
00:04:26,625 --> 00:04:30,285
ANNOUNCER: From New York City,it's The Chris Rock Show.
109
00:04:32,917 --> 00:04:36,917
Tonight, Saturday Night Live's
Tracy Morgan.
110
00:04:38,125 --> 00:04:40,575
Musical guest, Erykah Badu.
111
00:04:41,583 --> 00:04:45,583
Plus musical director,Grandmaster Flash.
112
00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:52,880
Ladies and gentlemen,Chris Rock.
113
00:04:52,958 --> 00:04:57,918
-(CHEER, APPLAUD)
-♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
114
00:05:09,208 --> 00:05:10,458
All right.
115
00:05:15,792 --> 00:05:16,792
Hey.
116
00:05:22,875 --> 00:05:23,915
So...
117
00:05:24,417 --> 00:05:25,497
So...
118
00:05:27,208 --> 00:05:29,748
So, y'all been watching
the show?
119
00:05:29,833 --> 00:05:31,173
AUDIENCE: Oh, yeah.
120
00:05:31,250 --> 00:05:34,960
-All right. On legal cable?
-AUDIENCE: No!
121
00:05:35,042 --> 00:05:38,332
Yeah, you got to get
that legal cable.
122
00:05:39,667 --> 00:05:42,377
You know, for those
with illegal cable, fuck you.
123
00:05:43,417 --> 00:05:45,497
Matter of fact, I'm gonna
walk off right now.
124
00:05:46,083 --> 00:05:48,043
(STAMMERS) Okay, here we are.
125
00:05:48,125 --> 00:05:50,325
What's going on
with New York, Brooklyn?
126
00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:53,287
(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
127
00:05:53,375 --> 00:05:55,575
I'm from Brooklyn,
and it's nuts.
128
00:05:55,667 --> 00:05:58,077
Man, a security guard
at a Brooklyn high school
129
00:05:58,167 --> 00:06:02,077
this week was fired because
he was a member of the gang,
130
00:06:02,167 --> 00:06:03,497
The Latin Kings.
131
00:06:03,583 --> 00:06:06,713
Security guard.
He's the security guard.
132
00:06:06,792 --> 00:06:09,132
Protecting us from the gangs.
He in the gang.
133
00:06:09,917 --> 00:06:11,287
What kind of shit is this?
134
00:06:11,375 --> 00:06:13,785
Now, he got another job
at another high school.
135
00:06:13,875 --> 00:06:15,995
Now he's
a drive-by ed instructor.
136
00:06:16,083 --> 00:06:20,173
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
137
00:06:20,250 --> 00:06:23,130
He's in a gang.
In the motherfucking gang.
138
00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:27,038
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, CHEERING)
-Put him in government.
139
00:06:27,125 --> 00:06:29,705
What's the big thing now?
New York cops are going
140
00:06:29,792 --> 00:06:31,632
to start
using hollow point bullets.
141
00:06:32,042 --> 00:06:33,382
Hollow point bullets.
142
00:06:33,458 --> 00:06:36,128
You know, they say
they're a kinder bullet.
143
00:06:36,208 --> 00:06:40,378
It's a kinder, gentler bullet,
you know.
144
00:06:40,458 --> 00:06:42,168
It just taps you, you dead.
145
00:06:43,167 --> 00:06:45,957
You shoot somebody.
Oh, that was nice.
146
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:49,710
A lot of people are mad
over this whole, you know...
147
00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:52,580
hollow bullet thing.
People are mad.
148
00:06:53,083 --> 00:06:54,333
How dare they?
149
00:06:55,125 --> 00:06:57,375
How dare
they use hollow point bullets?
150
00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,168
The fuck do they think
they're doing
151
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,580
using hollow up point bullets?
Hey!
152
00:07:00,667 --> 00:07:02,747
If you're worried
about what kind of bullets
153
00:07:02,833 --> 00:07:05,003
the cops are using.
Chances are you're doing
154
00:07:05,083 --> 00:07:07,333
some shit
you ain't supposed to be doing.
155
00:07:07,417 --> 00:07:12,417
(CHEERS, APPLAUDS)
156
00:07:13,083 --> 00:07:14,253
Keep going.
157
00:07:17,958 --> 00:07:19,128
What else is going on?
158
00:07:19,208 --> 00:07:21,498
A theater in Jersey,
a theater in Jersey, I saw this,
159
00:07:21,583 --> 00:07:25,213
is getting death threats
and ticket cancellations
160
00:07:25,292 --> 00:07:29,082
because a black man is playing
the part of Jesus in--
161
00:07:29,167 --> 00:07:30,497
(STAMMERS)
162
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:32,213
A black man playing Jesus.
163
00:07:32,292 --> 00:07:34,672
They're getting death threats
from church people.
164
00:07:34,750 --> 00:07:36,920
From church people.
What kind of shit?
165
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,880
I thought you Christian,
you know.
166
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,828
What kind of Christian going
to give death threats
167
00:07:40,917 --> 00:07:42,037
over some shit like that?
That's like,
168
00:07:42,125 --> 00:07:45,035
love thy neighbor,
but get that nigga off stage.
169
00:07:45,125 --> 00:07:50,625
(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
170
00:07:50,708 --> 00:07:56,038
What else, what else?
Yesterday ABC announced...
171
00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:00,960
ABC announced that KD Lang
and Melissa Etheridge
172
00:08:01,042 --> 00:08:03,212
will star on Ellen this week
173
00:08:03,042 --> 00:08:06,002
when she announces
that she's gay.
174
00:08:06,083 --> 00:08:08,633
That's right, they got
a big gay show this week.
175
00:08:09,625 --> 00:08:11,075
Hey, I'm gonna watch.
I'm gonna be there.
176
00:08:11,167 --> 00:08:13,167
You never know,
something freaky might jump off.
177
00:08:13,250 --> 00:08:16,420
But in a counter move,
just to compete with them
178
00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:18,250
on Seinfeld this week,
179
00:08:18,333 --> 00:08:20,963
Kramer is going
to fuck George in the ass.
180
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:24,922
(APPLAUD)
181
00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:30,165
We got a great show
for you tonight.
182
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:33,580
We have a very funny comedian,
Tracy Morgan's here.
183
00:08:33,667 --> 00:08:36,997
-We got...
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
184
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:42,003
-We got Erykah Badu.
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
185
00:08:42,083 --> 00:08:44,133
-And we got Grandmaster Flash.
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
186
00:08:44,208 --> 00:08:48,878
-♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-But first...
187
00:08:48,958 --> 00:08:51,628
But first I want you
to take a look at this.
188
00:08:52,625 --> 00:08:54,285
NARRATOR:
You've tried the patch.
189
00:08:55,667 --> 00:08:57,077
You've tried the gum.
190
00:08:58,417 --> 00:09:00,417
Well, nowthere's a smoking replacement
191
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:03,170
that will help youto quit for good.
192
00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:05,500
Siggorette brand quitting aidwill make sure
193
00:09:05,583 --> 00:09:08,043
you stop smokingand never go back.
194
00:09:08,125 --> 00:09:09,575
Siggorette really works.
195
00:09:09,667 --> 00:09:12,127
NARRATOR: Siggorette hasthe perfect amount of nicotine
196
00:09:12,208 --> 00:09:14,998
to satisfy your daily needwithout smoking.
197
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,880
And they're easy to use.
198
00:09:23,417 --> 00:09:26,167
Each capsule is filledwith dried tobacco leaves
199
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,210
which provide the exactsame amount of nicotine
200
00:09:28,292 --> 00:09:29,672
that you get from smoking.
201
00:09:29,750 --> 00:09:32,420
A filter at the endensures a smooth taste.
202
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:35,130
All you have to dois light the end
203
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:37,378
and inhalethe nicotine rich fumes.
204
00:09:38,375 --> 00:09:40,625
And when it's finished,just put it out.
205
00:09:40,708 --> 00:09:42,538
It's that easy.
206
00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:44,705
Siggorette
is like a dream come true.
207
00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:46,332
Every time I have
the desire to smoke,
208
00:09:46,417 --> 00:09:47,957
I just light one of these,
use it,
209
00:09:48,042 --> 00:09:50,632
and the desire goes away.
It's like magic.
210
00:09:50,708 --> 00:09:53,078
All it takes is ten or 20
of these a day.
211
00:09:53,167 --> 00:09:54,827
I haven't smoked in six months.
212
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:58,077
And I feel great.
213
00:09:58,167 --> 00:10:00,077
NARRATOR: So throwthose nasty things away
214
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,247
once and for all.
215
00:10:01,333 --> 00:10:04,083
Siggorette will seethat you never smoke again.
216
00:10:06,292 --> 00:10:08,712
Siggorette is also now availablein crushproof 20 packs.
217
00:10:08,792 --> 00:10:10,292
Buy a carton,get a free Zippo lighter.
218
00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:15,077
(AUDIENCE CHEER, APPLAUD)
219
00:10:19,167 --> 00:10:20,917
How's it going?
Hey, Siggorettes.
220
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,080
Now, our guest tonight
is a New York comedian
221
00:10:23,167 --> 00:10:26,077
who has appeared on Martin,Showtime at the Apollo,
222
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,627
the Def Comedy Jam,
and you can currently watch him
223
00:10:28,708 --> 00:10:31,208
every week
on Saturday Night Live.
224
00:10:31,292 --> 00:10:33,582
Please give it up
for Tracy Morgan. Come on.
225
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:40,207
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
-♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
226
00:10:52,708 --> 00:10:57,078
All right! Tracy!
Brother, AKA Hustle Man.
227
00:10:57,167 --> 00:10:59,037
-No doubt.
-Hustle Man from Martin.
228
00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:01,165
See, that's what the people
know you from.
229
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:04,670
So you're the new black guy
on Saturday Night Live.
230
00:11:04,750 --> 00:11:06,130
Yeah. The new black dude.
231
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:08,918
-'Cause I was there for a while.
-Mm-hmm.
232
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,210
I was there, and Eddie
was there, and Damon was there,
233
00:11:11,292 --> 00:11:13,132
and Garrett Morris
was there.
234
00:11:13,208 --> 00:11:15,078
-Do they actually do--
-You forgot my cousin Bobby.
235
00:11:15,167 --> 00:11:17,127
-He was there, too.
-Tim Meadows was there.
236
00:11:17,208 --> 00:11:18,918
He was security,
but he was there.
237
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,000
-(LAUGHS)
-Bobby worked there.
238
00:11:21,083 --> 00:11:22,713
Bobby worked there
for a little bit.
239
00:11:22,792 --> 00:11:24,882
But when shit was missing,
they, you know.
240
00:11:26,125 --> 00:11:31,955
-Hey, hey, you know.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
241
00:11:32,042 --> 00:11:34,252
So now you're on SNL.
You're SNL.
242
00:11:34,333 --> 00:11:36,923
I remember when I was there,
it was like, this rule,
243
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:40,170
you going to play
every black guy we got.
244
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,210
-Everybody but Pearl Bailey.
-(LAUGHS)
245
00:11:42,292 --> 00:11:44,082
-Yeah.
-And if it's a rough week
246
00:11:44,167 --> 00:11:45,787
you going
to play Pearl Bailey, too.
247
00:11:45,875 --> 00:11:47,415
What was the first thing
you had to do?
248
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:49,580
Anything they wanted you to do
that you didn't want to do?
249
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,997
They wanted me
to do black Jesus first.
250
00:11:52,083 --> 00:11:55,583
-(CHRIS LAUGHING)
-They wanted me to do it...
251
00:11:55,667 --> 00:11:57,207
They wanted you
to play black Jesus.
252
00:11:57,042 --> 00:11:59,422
-But I gave it to that kid.
-Oh, okay,
253
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:01,170
I passed the part
on over to him.
254
00:12:01,250 --> 00:12:04,040
I just wanna make money,
that's all. (LAUGHS)
255
00:12:04,125 --> 00:12:06,165
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
-I don't want them to leave me
256
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,080
out of nothing.
257
00:12:08,583 --> 00:12:10,213
(LAUGHS)
258
00:12:10,042 --> 00:12:12,922
But now he getting all
the press, I want to play God.
259
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,420
-No, I'm just...
-(LAUGHS)
260
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:18,420
So, okay, you're there,
you do that.
261
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:20,080
You didn't play black Jesus.
262
00:12:20,167 --> 00:12:22,037
What was the worst thing
they had you do so far?
263
00:12:22,125 --> 00:12:25,625
-Get butt naked.
-You was butt naked there?
264
00:12:25,708 --> 00:12:27,628
That was the first skit I did.
265
00:12:27,708 --> 00:12:30,288
The first skit, it was like,
welcome to Saturday Night Live,
266
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:31,495
take your clothes off.
267
00:12:32,292 --> 00:12:34,172
What did you have to do
in the sketch?
268
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,250
Did they have a joke for you
269
00:12:35,333 --> 00:12:36,503
-or were you just naked?
-Yeah,
270
00:12:36,583 --> 00:12:38,793
-that was the joke.
-You was like in the office.
271
00:12:38,875 --> 00:12:40,785
I mean, let's get it.
I'm not no hunk.
272
00:12:40,875 --> 00:12:42,535
I have stretch marks
and everything there.
273
00:12:42,625 --> 00:12:44,745
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
-(LAUGHS)
274
00:12:44,833 --> 00:12:46,213
I mean, I took my shirt off,
275
00:12:46,042 --> 00:12:47,962
the whole crew got sick,
you know. (LAUGHS)
276
00:12:50,167 --> 00:12:51,707
I could clear
this whole room out.
277
00:12:51,792 --> 00:12:53,082
Want to see it?
278
00:12:53,167 --> 00:12:54,787
-Clear it out.
-That's all right.
279
00:12:55,625 --> 00:12:57,455
-We got more show to go.
-Mm.
280
00:12:57,542 --> 00:12:59,082
Naked man next week.
281
00:12:59,167 --> 00:13:01,457
I got stretch marks for days,
baby. (LAUGHS)
282
00:13:01,542 --> 00:13:05,132
-What, you had kids?
-(LAUGHS)
283
00:13:06,167 --> 00:13:08,377
You got-- "I got stretch marks
for days."
284
00:13:08,458 --> 00:13:09,998
(LAUGHS)
285
00:13:10,083 --> 00:13:11,963
-"Right around here."
-(LAUGHS)
286
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:15,132
Now, when did you first
start doing comedy?
287
00:13:15,208 --> 00:13:16,998
-Well, how did you start?
-About five years ago.
288
00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:19,583
Professionally,
I was broke, out of a job.
289
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,457
(LAUGHS) So you're
a professional broke guy.
290
00:13:23,542 --> 00:13:25,422
TRACY MORGAN: I got real funny,
you know.
291
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:28,130
So broke made you funny.
You didn't watch comedy tapes?
292
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:30,128
You said, you know,
"I'm so broke."
293
00:13:30,208 --> 00:13:33,038
"Comedy. That's what
I should be doing." Comedy.
294
00:13:33,125 --> 00:13:34,035
I was broke.
295
00:13:34,125 --> 00:13:36,165
Not having no money make
your sense of humor grow.
296
00:13:36,667 --> 00:13:37,827
CHRIS: Oh, man.
297
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:39,497
I'm walking past
the comedy club,
298
00:13:39,583 --> 00:13:40,963
and I heard them
doing jokes.
299
00:13:41,042 --> 00:13:43,672
So I said, I'm pretty funny,
and plus, I'm broke so...
300
00:13:45,333 --> 00:13:47,423
I went up in the piece,
and I was, like,
301
00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:48,630
could I get on stage?
302
00:13:48,708 --> 00:13:50,708
And the lady was sitting there
taking-- Ms. Brown.
303
00:13:50,792 --> 00:13:52,132
How you doing, Ms. Brown?
304
00:13:52,208 --> 00:13:53,878
-Ms. Brown.
-CHRIS: Yeah, she watching.
305
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:55,128
She makes some good chicken,
too...
306
00:13:55,208 --> 00:13:57,498
-CHRIS: That's good.
-...and potato salad.
307
00:13:57,583 --> 00:14:00,543
-So, this is a nice comedy club.
-Yeah, it was a family thing.
308
00:14:00,625 --> 00:14:02,035
-(LAUGHS)
-It was up in Harlem, you know
309
00:14:02,125 --> 00:14:03,375
-they got food up there.
-Okay, okay.
310
00:14:05,167 --> 00:14:07,077
And, so...
311
00:14:07,167 --> 00:14:08,997
I went in there,
and I said can I get on stage?
312
00:14:09,083 --> 00:14:10,213
And she said, nah.
313
00:14:10,292 --> 00:14:12,332
I was about to walk out
and one of the bouncers
314
00:14:12,417 --> 00:14:13,957
was like, "Yo, hold up,
you funny?"
315
00:14:14,042 --> 00:14:15,132
And I was like, yeah.
316
00:14:15,208 --> 00:14:16,668
So he said come back
to the workshop Wednesday.
317
00:14:16,750 --> 00:14:18,750
And then like, four months later
I was on TV.
318
00:14:18,833 --> 00:14:22,543
-CHRIS: Wow!
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
319
00:14:22,625 --> 00:14:23,625
Thank you.
320
00:14:24,750 --> 00:14:28,830
Now, you know, I was on
Saturday Night Live.
321
00:14:28,917 --> 00:14:30,207
And I watched
Saturday Light Live
322
00:14:30,042 --> 00:14:32,792
all the time. They never give
you enough to do, man.
323
00:14:32,875 --> 00:14:33,995
Never give you enough to do.
324
00:14:34,083 --> 00:14:35,923
I mean, you should
have your own character.
325
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,210
You need your own character.
326
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,332
The only way to get a lot of pub
on Saturday Night Live
327
00:14:39,417 --> 00:14:42,247
is have your own character
like Wayne's World,
328
00:14:42,333 --> 00:14:44,383
or Church Lady, a Gumby.
329
00:14:44,458 --> 00:14:47,078
Something they can do every week
and make a movie out of.
330
00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:48,877
-Yeah. I agree.
-So, you know what?
331
00:14:48,958 --> 00:14:51,208
Here on the Chris Rock Show,
we're going to give you
332
00:14:51,292 --> 00:14:53,962
-your own character.
-All right. (LAUGHS)
333
00:14:54,042 --> 00:14:57,002
We're going to give you
your own character.
334
00:14:57,083 --> 00:14:58,213
Something for you to do,
335
00:14:58,042 --> 00:14:59,542
something for you
to make your mark.
336
00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:02,245
And it's called the loud,
but wrong guy.
337
00:15:02,333 --> 00:15:04,673
-(LAUGHS)
-It's the loud but wrong guy.
338
00:15:04,750 --> 00:15:06,040
Let me explain this to you.
339
00:15:06,125 --> 00:15:07,625
Now, you're always wrong,
340
00:15:07,708 --> 00:15:09,628
but you're so loud
you win the argument.
341
00:15:09,708 --> 00:15:13,038
-(TRACY LAUGHING) All right.
-You think you can do that?
342
00:15:13,125 --> 00:15:14,665
-Yeah, yeah.
-Okay, let's give it a shot.
343
00:15:14,750 --> 00:15:17,290
Okay. Loud but wrong guy,
here we go.
344
00:15:20,667 --> 00:15:24,077
Here's my point!
Ketchup is mustard.
345
00:15:24,167 --> 00:15:27,287
They the same thing.
It's just red fucking ketchup.
346
00:15:28,667 --> 00:15:30,827
People say, why you
putting ketchup on your hot dog?
347
00:15:30,917 --> 00:15:35,167
I be like, fuck you.
It's the same fucking thing.
348
00:15:35,042 --> 00:15:37,462
-Ketchup is mustard.
-What are you talking about?
349
00:15:37,542 --> 00:15:38,792
That's ridiculous.
350
00:15:38,875 --> 00:15:42,035
What's ridiculous is how
they conned you into believing
351
00:15:42,125 --> 00:15:44,075
that ketchup ain't mustard.
352
00:15:45,125 --> 00:15:46,575
That's ridiculous.
353
00:15:46,667 --> 00:15:48,577
But it's
the same fucking thing!
354
00:15:49,792 --> 00:15:51,382
What are you talking about,
you freak?
355
00:15:51,708 --> 00:15:52,958
Whoa.
356
00:15:53,042 --> 00:15:55,212
Look, you go
to the supermarket.
357
00:15:55,042 --> 00:15:56,962
Where they at?
In the same aisle.
358
00:15:57,792 --> 00:15:59,542
The same fucking thing.
359
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:01,960
-You know why?
-CHRIS: Why?
360
00:16:02,042 --> 00:16:04,632
'Cause I know
that ketchup is mustard.
361
00:16:04,708 --> 00:16:06,458
It's the same thing!
362
00:16:06,542 --> 00:16:08,422
All right, all right,
you win the argument.
363
00:16:08,917 --> 00:16:10,167
Thank you.
364
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,170
(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
365
00:16:13,250 --> 00:16:18,080
Ladies and gentlemen,
give it up for Tracy Morgan.
366
00:16:18,167 --> 00:16:22,127
(AUDIENCE CHEER, APPLAUD)
367
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:29,037
The ketchup...
The ketchup is mustard.
368
00:16:29,125 --> 00:16:31,285
-(LAUGHS)
-The loud but wrong man.
369
00:16:31,375 --> 00:16:34,535
All right, now in recent months,
share this with me--
370
00:16:34,625 --> 00:16:36,205
In recent months,
I've been having a lot
371
00:16:36,292 --> 00:16:37,422
happen in my life.
372
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:39,460
I got married,
I got my own show.
373
00:16:39,542 --> 00:16:41,382
But I'm still missing something.
374
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,998
I'm still feeling
a little hollow inside.
375
00:16:44,083 --> 00:16:45,253
And I think, I know,
what it is.
376
00:16:45,333 --> 00:16:47,923
I need to get in touch
with my spiritual side.
377
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:51,130
I mean, basically what needs
to happen is I need to find God
378
00:16:51,208 --> 00:16:52,498
before God finds me.
379
00:16:53,917 --> 00:16:58,577
So what I did is me and my crew
went out on a spiritual journey.
380
00:16:58,667 --> 00:17:00,747
So take a look at this.
381
00:17:00,833 --> 00:17:03,833
MAN: In that was weakto the flesh could not save man.
382
00:17:03,917 --> 00:17:06,207
God did by sendinghis only begotten son.
383
00:17:06,042 --> 00:17:07,712
Are there any black Jews?
384
00:17:07,792 --> 00:17:09,172
There's lots of black Jews.
385
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,000
♪ Who can take a sunrise ♪
386
00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:16,792
I am a high priestess
in the Wiccan religion.
387
00:17:16,875 --> 00:17:20,075
-Also known as witchcraft.
-Also known as witchcraft.
388
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,380
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
389
00:17:24,458 --> 00:17:27,038
The Mennonites are...
Well, they're Christians,
390
00:17:27,125 --> 00:17:28,245
of course, first of all.
391
00:17:28,333 --> 00:17:32,083
Mennonite is an adjective
and Christian is a noun.
392
00:17:32,167 --> 00:17:33,627
In other words,
we're first of all Christians.
393
00:17:33,708 --> 00:17:35,328
CHRIS: Okay,
so you're like a borough...
394
00:17:35,417 --> 00:17:37,667
-(LAUGHS) That's right.
-...of the city.
395
00:17:37,750 --> 00:17:39,460
It's like, you're like Brooklyn.
396
00:17:39,542 --> 00:17:43,832
The lack of money
is the root of all evil.
397
00:17:44,583 --> 00:17:45,753
The lack-- So money's not
398
00:17:45,833 --> 00:17:47,633
-the root of all evil.
-Oh, no. No, no, no.
399
00:17:47,708 --> 00:17:49,288
-And you are?
-The Reverend Run.
400
00:17:49,375 --> 00:17:51,075
The Reverend Run.
Of what church?
401
00:17:51,167 --> 00:17:52,287
Run D.M.C.
402
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:54,625
-Okay.
-I'm from Zoey ministries.
403
00:17:54,708 --> 00:17:56,958
How would
I become a swami?
404
00:17:57,042 --> 00:18:00,582
First you want to practice yoga.
405
00:18:02,292 --> 00:18:04,422
-(GROANS)
-Breathe, breathe, breathe.
406
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:07,130
-Is there any hazing?
-What does that mean?
407
00:18:07,208 --> 00:18:09,208
They beat you up
before you go in there...
408
00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:11,918
to make sure
you're swami material.
409
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,130
I know you're in there.
410
00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:15,455
You're hiding, like I do.
411
00:18:16,250 --> 00:18:18,630
I need some religion.
412
00:18:18,708 --> 00:18:20,168
The American Atheists
takes position,
413
00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:22,000
in the fact that religion
414
00:18:22,083 --> 00:18:23,753
is an induced addiction,
415
00:18:23,833 --> 00:18:26,583
and it's really
a mental disease.
416
00:18:26,667 --> 00:18:28,627
Do you know how much
you can love the Lord sitting
417
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,998
in the back
of a Rolls Royce phantom V?
418
00:18:31,083 --> 00:18:32,633
You should hear me
in the back seat there
419
00:18:32,708 --> 00:18:34,378
just singing
and talking in tongues.
420
00:18:37,167 --> 00:18:40,577
♪ Oh how I love Jesus ♪
421
00:18:40,667 --> 00:18:42,167
So what would hell be like?
422
00:18:43,292 --> 00:18:45,752
Hell is something with--
423
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:49,583
You know like when you go
into your underground here...
424
00:18:49,667 --> 00:18:51,037
-Right.
-...and somebody's trying
425
00:18:51,125 --> 00:18:53,915
to chase you with a knife,
that's hell, isn't it?
426
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,210
So hell's like the Bronx.
427
00:18:55,292 --> 00:18:59,672
Hell is a soul on fire
with its own misery.
428
00:19:02,625 --> 00:19:04,125
Is there a heaven?
429
00:19:04,208 --> 00:19:06,328
We believe--
We call it Summerland.
430
00:19:06,417 --> 00:19:09,077
-But yes, there is.
-Summerland, it's like in Miami?
431
00:19:09,167 --> 00:19:11,287
(LAUGHS) No, it's not in Miami.
432
00:19:11,375 --> 00:19:12,745
How many Rolls Royces
do you have?
433
00:19:12,833 --> 00:19:14,423
Oh, I don't remember.
434
00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:16,710
-Can you drink alcohol?
-Of course.
435
00:19:21,333 --> 00:19:24,463
-They towed my Rolls Royce.
-They towed your Rolls Royce.
436
00:19:24,542 --> 00:19:26,832
Phantom V, no respect.
437
00:19:26,917 --> 00:19:29,077
They probably didn't know
what it was.
438
00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:32,207
♪ Just making you feel aboutThese problems full grown ♪
439
00:19:32,042 --> 00:19:34,542
♪ But neverthelessI'm fresh with the flesh ♪
440
00:19:34,625 --> 00:19:37,375
Help me! Let me in!
441
00:19:37,458 --> 00:19:39,288
-Is it okay to masturbate?
-No.
442
00:19:39,375 --> 00:19:41,955
-(BUZZER BUZZING)
-What about masturbation?
443
00:19:42,042 --> 00:19:44,172
-All of that is sinful.
-(BUZZER BUZZING)
444
00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:46,330
How does
your church view masturbation?
445
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,380
(BUZZER BUZZING)
446
00:19:50,458 --> 00:19:52,458
Is it okay to masturbate
in this religion?
447
00:19:52,542 --> 00:19:53,632
(CHUCKLES) Yes.
448
00:19:57,292 --> 00:19:59,332
♪ Couldn't burn in my churchNo lipping, I'm dipping ♪
449
00:19:59,417 --> 00:20:00,537
♪ I'm keeping my crown ♪
450
00:20:00,625 --> 00:20:04,075
Godism is just a tool
to keep a certain class
451
00:20:04,167 --> 00:20:07,917
of people in business.
It's an industry.
452
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:11,210
Here's one tape album
on "how to prosper regardless
453
00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:13,212
-of world conditions."
-CHRIS: Okay.
454
00:20:13,292 --> 00:20:15,582
And whenever
there's a so-called recession,
455
00:20:15,667 --> 00:20:17,667
I teach people, you don't have
to take part in it.
456
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:20,133
(LAUGHS) Okay.
457
00:20:20,208 --> 00:20:25,628
Love of money is something
that we think often interferes
458
00:20:25,708 --> 00:20:27,168
with our love for God.
459
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,080
Do you consider yourself
a black leader?
460
00:20:29,167 --> 00:20:31,037
No. I'm a green leader.
461
00:20:36,125 --> 00:20:38,995
So, some people say,
Jesus was a black man.
462
00:20:39,083 --> 00:20:41,083
Would you say Jesus
was a green man?
463
00:20:41,167 --> 00:20:43,997
I definitely say that
Jesus was a green man.
464
00:20:44,083 --> 00:20:47,383
Oh, I'm not leaving.
I got time.
465
00:20:47,458 --> 00:20:50,128
There's not much money
because the money,
466
00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:52,378
which comes in,
goes back into...
467
00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:55,578
-Into...
-Into me?
468
00:20:55,667 --> 00:20:57,497
-Into you.
-Just show me the money.
469
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,170
Okay.
470
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:09,790
Swing low, sweet chariot.
Comin' for to carry me home.
471
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,250
Jesus is not a drag.
472
00:21:14,083 --> 00:21:16,673
(REVEREND IKE LAUGHS)
473
00:21:16,750 --> 00:21:18,380
♪ Sweet chariot ♪
474
00:21:19,583 --> 00:21:21,543
♪ Comin' forTo carry me home ♪
475
00:21:21,625 --> 00:21:24,745
REVEREND IKE: Just show methe money. (LAUGHING)
476
00:21:24,833 --> 00:21:26,213
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS, CHEERS)
477
00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:37,423
Our musical guest's debut album
"Baduizm" has reached number one
478
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:38,630
on the Billboard charts.
479
00:21:38,708 --> 00:21:40,038
Here to perform
her special blend
480
00:21:40,125 --> 00:21:42,825
of R&B and hip hop,
in her song, "On & On,"
481
00:21:42,917 --> 00:21:45,287
please give it up
for Erykah Badu.
482
00:21:50,167 --> 00:21:53,127
♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
483
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,000
♪ Oh, my, my, my ♪
484
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:02,000
♪ I'm feelin' highMy money's gone ♪
485
00:22:03,125 --> 00:22:04,995
♪ I'm all alone ♪
486
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:11,920
♪ Too much to seeThe world keeps turnin' ♪
487
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:16,250
♪ Oh, what a dayWhat a day, what a day ♪
488
00:22:17,125 --> 00:22:19,575
♪ Peace and blessings manifest ♪
489
00:22:19,667 --> 00:22:22,037
♪ With every lesson learned ♪
490
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,580
♪ If your knowledgeWere your wealth ♪
491
00:22:25,667 --> 00:22:28,957
♪ Then it would be well-earned ♪
492
00:22:29,042 --> 00:22:32,172
♪ If we were made in his image ♪
493
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,290
♪ Then call us by our names ♪
494
00:22:34,375 --> 00:22:37,705
♪ Most intellectsDo not believe in God ♪
495
00:22:37,792 --> 00:22:40,672
♪ But they fear usJust the same ♪
496
00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:44,130
♪ Oh, on and onAnd on and on ♪
497
00:22:44,208 --> 00:22:47,078
♪ My cipher keeps movin'Like a rollin' stone ♪
498
00:22:47,167 --> 00:22:50,167
♪ On and on and on and on ♪
499
00:22:50,250 --> 00:22:53,040
♪ All nightTill the break of dawn ♪
500
00:22:53,125 --> 00:22:56,205
♪ I go on and onAnd on and on ♪
501
00:22:56,042 --> 00:22:59,172
♪ My cipher keeps movin'Like a rollin' stone ♪
502
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:01,670
♪ Oh, onOh, on ♪
503
00:23:03,167 --> 00:23:05,077
♪ GoddammitI'm a sing this song ♪
504
00:23:06,083 --> 00:23:09,083
♪ I was born underwater ♪
505
00:23:09,167 --> 00:23:12,327
♪ With three dollarsAnd six dimes ♪
506
00:23:12,417 --> 00:23:15,207
♪ Yeah, you may laughWhy? ♪
507
00:23:15,042 --> 00:23:17,632
♪ 'Cause you did notDo your math ♪
508
00:23:18,833 --> 00:23:23,293
♪ Like one, two, threeDamn, y'all feel that? ♪
509
00:23:25,083 --> 00:23:27,133
♪ Like one, two, three ♪
510
00:23:28,042 --> 00:23:30,252
♪ The world keeps turnin' ♪
511
00:23:31,292 --> 00:23:33,292
♪ Oh, what a day ♪
512
00:23:34,208 --> 00:23:36,168
♪ What a day, what a day ♪
513
00:23:36,250 --> 00:23:38,080
♪ The manThat knows something ♪
514
00:23:38,167 --> 00:23:41,667
♪ Knows that he knowsNothin' at all ♪
515
00:23:41,750 --> 00:23:45,500
♪ Does it seem colderIn your summertime ♪
516
00:23:45,583 --> 00:23:48,003
♪ And hotter in your fall ♪
517
00:23:48,083 --> 00:23:53,963
♪ If we were made in his imageThen call us by our names ♪
518
00:23:54,042 --> 00:23:57,212
♪ Most intellectsDo not believe in God ♪
519
00:23:57,292 --> 00:24:00,172
♪ But they fear youThey fear you ♪
520
00:24:00,250 --> 00:24:04,080
♪ Oh, on, on, on ♪
521
00:24:04,167 --> 00:24:06,537
♪ My cipher keeps movin'Like a rollin' stone ♪
522
00:24:06,625 --> 00:24:09,915
♪ Oh, on, on ♪
523
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,540
♪ All nightUntil the vultures swarm ♪
524
00:24:12,625 --> 00:24:15,915
♪ Oh, on, on, on ♪
525
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:19,080
♪ My cipher keeps movin'Like a rollin' stone ♪
526
00:24:19,417 --> 00:24:20,537
♪ Hey ♪
527
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:22,625
(VOCALIZING)
528
00:24:22,708 --> 00:24:25,128
♪ Mad props to the God Jaborn ♪
529
00:24:25,208 --> 00:24:28,378
♪ Ah, I'm feelin'Kind of hungry ♪
530
00:24:28,458 --> 00:24:31,958
♪ 'Cause my highIs comin' down ♪
531
00:24:32,042 --> 00:24:34,382
♪ Don't feed me yours ♪
532
00:24:34,458 --> 00:24:37,168
♪ 'Cause your foodDoes not endure ♪
533
00:24:38,208 --> 00:24:39,878
♪ I think I need a cup of tea ♪
534
00:24:41,042 --> 00:24:43,502
♪ The world keeps burnin' ♪
535
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,080
♪ Oh, what a day ♪
536
00:24:48,833 --> 00:24:51,083
♪ You rush into destruction ♪
537
00:24:51,167 --> 00:24:53,827
♪ 'Cause you don't haveNothin' left ♪
538
00:24:54,750 --> 00:24:57,080
♪ The MothershipCan't save you ♪
539
00:24:57,167 --> 00:25:00,917
♪ So your assIs gon' get left ♪
540
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:06,290
♪ If we were made in his imageThen call us by our names ♪
541
00:25:06,375 --> 00:25:09,745
♪ Most intellectsDo not believe in God ♪
542
00:25:09,833 --> 00:25:12,253
♪ But they fear youJust the same ♪
543
00:25:12,875 --> 00:25:16,785
♪ On, on, on ♪
544
00:25:16,875 --> 00:25:19,035
♪ My cipher keeps movin'Like a rollin' stone ♪
545
00:25:19,125 --> 00:25:22,125
♪ On, on, on ♪
546
00:25:22,208 --> 00:25:24,958
♪ You can't fuck with usSo just leave it alone ♪
547
00:25:25,042 --> 00:25:28,382
♪ On, on, on ♪
548
00:25:28,458 --> 00:25:30,918
♪ My cipher keeps movin'Like a rollin' stone ♪
549
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,580
♪ On and on and on and on ♪
550
00:25:33,667 --> 00:25:37,127
(SCATTING)
551
00:25:37,208 --> 00:25:40,078
♪ Cipher moving ♪
552
00:25:40,167 --> 00:25:41,417
All of you know my name.
553
00:25:41,500 --> 00:25:43,670
-CHRIS: Yes.
-Peace and blessings.
554
00:25:43,750 --> 00:25:46,380
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS, CHEERS)
-Yes. Yes, yes.
555
00:25:49,833 --> 00:25:52,043
Well, that's our show
for tonight.
556
00:25:52,125 --> 00:25:54,075
I hope you enjoyed it.
557
00:25:54,167 --> 00:25:57,077
Next week, my guest
will be Oprah Winfrey.
558
00:25:57,167 --> 00:25:59,537
Now I'd like
to roll a clip of that,
559
00:25:59,625 --> 00:26:01,075
but we haven't taped
the show yet.
560
00:26:01,167 --> 00:26:03,667
So I want you to take a look
at this pre-enactment.
561
00:26:05,125 --> 00:26:08,625
Oprah, I don't know what to say.
You look so good.
562
00:26:10,792 --> 00:26:12,042
Thanks a lot, Chris.
563
00:26:12,125 --> 00:26:14,245
You know, I've learned,
with the help of my trainer,
564
00:26:14,333 --> 00:26:16,083
that it's not just
what you eat,
565
00:26:16,167 --> 00:26:17,457
but how much and when.
566
00:26:19,167 --> 00:26:22,037
I mean, your man must be
so happy with the new you.
567
00:26:22,125 --> 00:26:25,075
Oh, thank you so much.
Stedman is ecstatic.
568
00:26:27,417 --> 00:26:29,287
That Stedman
is one lucky man.
569
00:26:31,208 --> 00:26:34,578
Yeah, when you talk about luck,
it's Stedman, the same.
570
00:26:38,750 --> 00:26:42,080
Lucky Sonofabitch,
Stedman.
571
00:26:44,208 --> 00:26:45,078
All right.
572
00:26:45,167 --> 00:26:49,167
I'd like thank our guests,
Tracy Morgan, Erykah Badu.
573
00:26:50,208 --> 00:26:52,418
I want to thank all
of y'all for coming out.
574
00:26:52,500 --> 00:26:54,130
Yo Flash, play us out.
575
00:26:54,208 --> 00:26:58,828
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
-♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
576
00:27:42,167 --> 00:27:43,207
Wake up!
577
00:27:43,667 --> 00:27:44,827
What, are you asleep?
578
00:27:45,417 --> 00:27:47,997
I know.
Feels bad, don't it?
579
00:27:48,292 --> 00:27:49,542
Come on.
580
00:27:49,592 --> 00:27:54,142
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
46308
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.