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1
00:00:02,196 --> 00:00:04,015
- [Lively jazz music]
- Adult Mark (vo): Families on TV
2
00:00:04,100 --> 00:00:05,203
Eat at the table.
3
00:00:05,288 --> 00:00:06,720
Supper!
4
00:00:06,805 --> 00:00:08,664
I usually ate
in front of the TV
5
00:00:08,749 --> 00:00:10,915
Watching those families
on TV eat.
6
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,835
- Here.
- What is it?
7
00:00:12,982 --> 00:00:14,585
- Food.
- Eat it!
8
00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:17,101
Dad liked to eat
at the kitchen table
9
00:00:17,186 --> 00:00:19,119
So he wouldn't miss himself
on the radio.
10
00:00:19,204 --> 00:00:21,037
Eat this now
while it's hot.
11
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:24,123
- Be quiet, will ya?
- I can't hear myself speak.
12
00:00:24,208 --> 00:00:26,078
Mike preferred to eat
in his room alone
13
00:00:26,163 --> 00:00:29,023
Like a wounded wild animal
hiding from predators.
14
00:00:29,108 --> 00:00:32,133
- Mom, get out of my room!
- And knock first!
15
00:00:32,218 --> 00:00:33,607
I don't want to know what
you're doing in here,
16
00:00:33,691 --> 00:00:35,290
Believe me.
17
00:00:35,537 --> 00:00:36,969
[Rock music]
18
00:00:37,739 --> 00:00:39,938
Pop rarely made it
to suppertime.
19
00:00:40,023 --> 00:00:40,832
[Pop groans]
20
00:00:40,917 --> 00:00:43,796
My mother never stopped moving
long enough to eat anything.
21
00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:46,045
Food was
for survival
22
00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:47,757
And not something
meant to be enjoyed.
23
00:00:47,842 --> 00:00:48,976
[Mumbling]
24
00:00:49,061 --> 00:00:51,351
What's wrong, Mike,
are you choking?
25
00:00:51,436 --> 00:00:53,037
Pop:
Choking on what?
26
00:00:53,122 --> 00:00:55,429
That food was
boiled to death.
27
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:57,131
Ask him
if he's drowning.
28
00:00:57,216 --> 00:00:59,050
Will you
turn on the news?
29
00:00:59,197 --> 00:01:00,867
The cucumbers!
The cucumbers are ready!
30
00:01:00,959 --> 00:01:02,959
*SON OF A CRITCH*
Season 01 Episode 04
31
00:01:03,329 --> 00:01:05,773
After 500 years
of COD fish,
32
00:01:05,901 --> 00:01:08,867
The government felt it was time
to modernize their economy.
33
00:01:08,952 --> 00:01:10,785
And nothing says
modern like...
34
00:01:10,937 --> 00:01:12,148
TV reporter:
Cucumbers.
35
00:01:12,233 --> 00:01:14,167
That's right,
cucumbers.
36
00:01:14,406 --> 00:01:16,392
Premier peckford
announced today
37
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:18,461
that the government-funded
sprung greenhouse
38
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,131
has produced the province's
first batch
39
00:01:20,215 --> 00:01:21,814
of hydroponically-grown
cucumbers.
40
00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:24,468
Thanks to new technology,
they can now take a cucumber
41
00:01:24,552 --> 00:01:27,386
from seedling to grocery aisle
in just six days.
42
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,807
The premier says it's
the start of the green economy
43
00:01:29,891 --> 00:01:32,461
and that $22 million
is a small price to pay
44
00:01:32,546 --> 00:01:33,938
for prosperity.
45
00:01:34,023 --> 00:01:36,086
News anchor:
That's our own Melissa stoke...
46
00:01:36,171 --> 00:01:37,916
Remember this day.
47
00:01:38,001 --> 00:01:39,585
The day newfoundland
turned the corner.
48
00:01:39,670 --> 00:01:42,322
We are officially
a cucumber province.
49
00:01:42,472 --> 00:01:43,938
Are you cracked?
50
00:01:44,023 --> 00:01:45,321
Nobody here
likes cucumbers.
51
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:46,505
I do.
52
00:01:46,590 --> 00:01:48,674
That greenhouse
is buying advertising time
53
00:01:48,759 --> 00:01:50,578
on the station so,
from now on,
54
00:01:50,663 --> 00:01:52,915
This is a cucumber house!
55
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,118
You can't grow
anything here.
56
00:01:55,236 --> 00:01:57,388
Newfoundland is a rock.
57
00:01:57,473 --> 00:01:59,891
The soil is as deep
and fertile
58
00:01:59,976 --> 00:02:02,043
as that stuff
in a cat's litter box.
59
00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:03,456
What's a cucumber?
60
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,358
- It's a fruit.
- It's a vegetable.
61
00:02:05,442 --> 00:02:07,494
It's a dry pickle.
62
00:02:07,578 --> 00:02:09,329
They'll never catch on.
63
00:02:09,413 --> 00:02:11,598
I get my Greens
second-hand.
64
00:02:11,682 --> 00:02:13,266
Rabbit eats
the lettuce.
65
00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:14,701
I eat the rabbit.
66
00:02:14,785 --> 00:02:17,470
Imagine all the things
you could grow hydroponically.
67
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,038
Non-traditional crops.
68
00:02:19,122 --> 00:02:21,107
This wasn't really
news to my brother
69
00:02:21,191 --> 00:02:22,942
who had already been
experimenting
70
00:02:23,026 --> 00:02:24,511
wh his own
non-traditional crops.
71
00:02:24,595 --> 00:02:25,994
[Psychedelic music]
72
00:02:26,997 --> 00:02:28,715
Imagine the
spin-off industries:
73
00:02:28,799 --> 00:02:30,984
Cucumber salads,
pickles,
74
00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:35,054
Some Hollywood starlets even put
cucumber slices on their eyes!
75
00:02:35,138 --> 00:02:38,158
You think you're going to sell
cucumbers to californians?
76
00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:40,059
That's like them
selling us fog.
77
00:02:40,143 --> 00:02:42,128
We could ship them frozen.
78
00:02:42,212 --> 00:02:44,130
I-I prefer my vegetables
that way
79
00:02:44,214 --> 00:02:45,732
Like peas
or French fries.
80
00:02:45,816 --> 00:02:48,334
Well, you can worry about
things you're never gonna eat
81
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:51,404
After you eat what you got
on your bloody plates.
82
00:02:51,488 --> 00:02:52,920
[♪♪]
83
00:02:54,124 --> 00:02:55,556
[pop groans]
84
00:02:57,761 --> 00:03:00,813
The next day, cucumber-mania
was rampant at school.
85
00:03:00,897 --> 00:03:02,215
Did you know
86
00:03:02,299 --> 00:03:04,751
That cucumbers
are 95% water?
87
00:03:04,835 --> 00:03:07,020
Nobody here
eats cucumbers, sister.
88
00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:08,388
Well, I will
have you know,
89
00:03:08,472 --> 00:03:09,822
On average,
90
00:03:09,906 --> 00:03:13,159
A newfoundlander eats
a half a cucumber every year.
91
00:03:13,243 --> 00:03:15,910
That's about
250,000 cucumbers.
92
00:03:17,180 --> 00:03:19,914
And how much is a cucumber
at the supermarket now?
93
00:03:20,050 --> 00:03:21,768
Well, I don't
buy them myself
94
00:03:21,852 --> 00:03:23,985
But it says here
that they cost
95
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,520
50 cents.
96
00:03:25,655 --> 00:03:29,724
And how much does one of them
freak cucumbers cost to grow?
97
00:03:29,859 --> 00:03:31,660
Uh, $27.50.
98
00:03:32,763 --> 00:03:34,714
Oh, well,
that can't be right.
99
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,716
That doesn't make
any sense at all.
100
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,199
[School bell]
101
00:03:38,335 --> 00:03:39,633
Oh, god.
102
00:03:41,938 --> 00:03:43,404
[light chatter]
103
00:03:47,778 --> 00:03:50,129
- I got ketchup chips.
- What'd you get?
104
00:03:50,213 --> 00:03:51,231
Dill pickle.
105
00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:52,799
You mean
cucumber now.
106
00:03:52,883 --> 00:03:54,567
[Chuckles]
107
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:56,369
Paula:
Attention, please!
108
00:03:56,453 --> 00:03:58,404
As many of you
are aware,
109
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,521
I'm about to become
a teenager.
110
00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:02,557
[light applause]
111
00:04:05,295 --> 00:04:06,713
Paula fanning.
112
00:04:06,797 --> 00:04:08,630
Her father owned
two dairy queens.
113
00:04:08,765 --> 00:04:10,432
She was
a dairy Princess
114
00:04:10,567 --> 00:04:12,952
and easily the richest girl
in school.
115
00:04:13,036 --> 00:04:15,655
Her father could have bought
all the cucumbers they wanted.
116
00:04:15,739 --> 00:04:19,307
To celebrate, I'm having
a birthday party this weekend.
117
00:04:19,442 --> 00:04:20,627
[Excited reactions]
118
00:04:20,711 --> 00:04:22,476
My address
is in the invitation.
119
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,265
A party
at Paula's house!
120
00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:28,249
It was rumoured that she had
an indoor swimming pool.
121
00:04:29,553 --> 00:04:31,852
Not that I would ever
take off my shirt in public.
122
00:04:36,226 --> 00:04:38,559
Wow, a coupon
for a free sundae!
123
00:04:39,462 --> 00:04:40,995
I wanted
a free sundae
124
00:04:41,131 --> 00:04:43,464
But what I really wanted
was an invitation.
125
00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:46,686
Up to this point,
I had made very little impact
126
00:04:46,770 --> 00:04:48,536
On the St. Bridget's
social scene.
127
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,292
You ask her.
128
00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:54,761
I can't talk to
Paula fanning
129
00:04:54,845 --> 00:04:56,410
With ketchup dust
fingers!
130
00:04:59,149 --> 00:05:00,581
- (quietly)
- Paula.
131
00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:04,018
Paula.
132
00:05:06,022 --> 00:05:07,507
(normal voice)
Paula!
133
00:05:07,591 --> 00:05:08,990
What?
134
00:05:10,093 --> 00:05:11,511
Do we...
135
00:05:11,595 --> 00:05:13,179
We didn't...
136
00:05:13,263 --> 00:05:14,480
Oh,
137
00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,049
You want
an invitation?
138
00:05:16,133 --> 00:05:17,650
[laughter]
139
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,352
Sorry.
140
00:05:19,436 --> 00:05:20,720
My parents said
141
00:05:20,804 --> 00:05:22,455
I couldn't invite
the whole class.
142
00:05:22,539 --> 00:05:24,105
I'm sure
you understand.
143
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,492
Huh, they're the only two
not invited.
144
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:29,228
- No, we're not.
- Fox didn't get invited either.
145
00:05:29,312 --> 00:05:31,679
- What'd you say?
- Nothing.
146
00:05:31,815 --> 00:05:33,299
I don't want to go
to that prissy party.
147
00:05:33,383 --> 00:05:35,134
- Me either.
- I can't go, anyway.
148
00:05:35,218 --> 00:05:36,803
Me and ritchie
have plans.
149
00:05:36,887 --> 00:05:39,706
- Oh, really?
- What's bigger than my party?
150
00:05:39,790 --> 00:05:42,241
I'm sleeping over at his house
this weekend.
151
00:05:42,325 --> 00:05:43,910
- Yes.
- Wait, what?
152
00:05:43,994 --> 00:05:45,511
Oh, yeah.
153
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,714
No one had ever seen
where I lived before.
154
00:05:47,798 --> 00:05:49,063
I dreaded the thought.
155
00:05:49,199 --> 00:05:50,650
Surely this
was just talk
156
00:05:50,734 --> 00:05:52,218
And we wouldn't have to
go through with it!
157
00:05:52,302 --> 00:05:53,486
Oh, yeah?
158
00:05:53,570 --> 00:05:55,722
Guess I'll see you
on the bus, then.
159
00:05:55,806 --> 00:05:57,271
[Mischievous music]
160
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:06,247
How long is this
gonna take?
161
00:06:06,382 --> 00:06:07,900
I just have to interview
the first person
162
00:06:07,984 --> 00:06:09,268
To buy a cucumber.
163
00:06:09,352 --> 00:06:10,937
Now, the station really
needs this account, Mary,
164
00:06:11,021 --> 00:06:13,873
So, please, don't talk
to me again until I'm done.
165
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,007
Oh, they're
never gonna sell.
166
00:06:15,091 --> 00:06:16,509
What are you supposed
to do with 'em?
167
00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:18,926
I mean, you could boil
it or something.
168
00:06:19,696 --> 00:06:21,029
Attention,
shoppers.
169
00:06:22,065 --> 00:06:24,331
Who'd like to go live
on the radio?
170
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:27,768
How are ya?
171
00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:33,960
Mike critch, live on the scene
at Coleman's grocery
172
00:06:34,044 --> 00:06:35,509
In St. John's.
173
00:06:37,046 --> 00:06:39,232
And I'm here with
the first housewife
174
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:40,582
To buy a cucumber.
175
00:06:40,717 --> 00:06:42,268
Congratulations,
madam.
176
00:06:42,352 --> 00:06:43,770
[Air horn blows]
177
00:06:43,854 --> 00:06:45,271
[Air horn
onto table]
178
00:06:45,355 --> 00:06:47,473
I thought I wasn't allowed
to say anything.
179
00:06:47,557 --> 00:06:50,710
- Will you give this up?
- I need for you to stop it!
180
00:06:50,794 --> 00:06:52,378
Please.
181
00:06:52,462 --> 00:06:53,946
Well,
182
00:06:54,030 --> 00:06:56,749
I might make a nice pot
of cucumber soufflé
183
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:58,867
There tonight
for my husband.
184
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:00,401
See if he likes that.
185
00:07:01,871 --> 00:07:03,856
He's a bit of a picky arsehole,
so we'll have to wait and see.
186
00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:05,158
And there
you have it.
187
00:07:05,242 --> 00:07:07,727
Yes, the cucumbers
are flying off the shelves
188
00:07:07,811 --> 00:07:09,944
Here at Coleman's grocery
in St. John's.
189
00:07:10,079 --> 00:07:13,332
Mike critch, first on the scene
for the vocm news.
190
00:07:13,416 --> 00:07:14,901
Hm.
191
00:07:14,985 --> 00:07:16,417
[Wheels and
glass items rattle]
192
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,487
Despite my
best efforts,
193
00:07:19,622 --> 00:07:22,175
It seemed ritchie
was sleeping over after all.
194
00:07:22,259 --> 00:07:24,325
Have fun on your honeymoon,
losers!
195
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,748
Are you sure
you want to do this?
196
00:07:28,832 --> 00:07:30,817
I don't have to come over
if you don't want.
197
00:07:30,901 --> 00:07:32,967
I just said that to Paula
to make us look good.
198
00:07:33,102 --> 00:07:35,102
But then I thought
it might be fun.
199
00:07:36,439 --> 00:07:38,124
I should
let you know,
200
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:39,673
My house is a little...
201
00:07:40,844 --> 00:07:42,328
Different.
202
00:07:42,412 --> 00:07:43,511
Don't worry.
203
00:07:43,646 --> 00:07:45,364
I know your dad
is on the radio
204
00:07:45,448 --> 00:07:48,249
So you don't have to be
embarrassed about being rich.
205
00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:51,519
The 'c' in 'critch'
was most certainly not silent,
206
00:07:51,654 --> 00:07:53,421
As ritchie
was about to learn.
207
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:54,989
[Rock music]
208
00:07:59,529 --> 00:08:01,013
[Jazz music]
209
00:08:01,097 --> 00:08:02,563
[Water boiling]
210
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:11,905
[Post lid clattering
onto pot]
211
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:14,427
[Heavy breathing]
212
00:08:14,511 --> 00:08:16,496
- Ritchie's here!
- He's sleeping over!
213
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:18,130
No time to explain!
214
00:08:18,214 --> 00:08:20,315
Please be on your
best behaviour!
215
00:08:20,450 --> 00:08:21,367
That's nice.
216
00:08:21,451 --> 00:08:22,602
Pop, gross!
217
00:08:22,686 --> 00:08:24,452
Hey, I haven't
finished yet.
218
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,587
One hand's
longer than the other!
219
00:08:27,190 --> 00:08:28,422
[Knocking on door]
220
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,544
Please do not
embarrass me!
221
00:08:31,628 --> 00:08:33,093
[Upbeat music]
222
00:08:34,197 --> 00:08:36,816
Oh, don't know how you
got locked out... weird.
223
00:08:36,900 --> 00:08:39,151
Oh, well,
welcome to our house!
224
00:08:39,235 --> 00:08:41,970
Ritchie - everyone.
Everyone - ritchie.
225
00:08:43,573 --> 00:08:45,039
Mary:
Who's that?
226
00:08:45,508 --> 00:08:46,940
Ritchie.
227
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,128
Two beds?
228
00:08:49,212 --> 00:08:50,911
Cool!
Is this one mine?
229
00:08:55,251 --> 00:08:56,651
Don't mind me.
230
00:08:57,854 --> 00:09:00,020
Just thought I'd get 40 winks
before dinner.
231
00:09:01,457 --> 00:09:02,857
Get off my bed,
youngster!
232
00:09:03,593 --> 00:09:05,059
Huss!
233
00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:09,397
Ohh, ah!
234
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,066
Oh, yeah.
Nice, nice.
235
00:09:13,403 --> 00:09:15,069
You sleep
with your grandfather?
236
00:09:15,672 --> 00:09:17,189
No.
237
00:09:17,273 --> 00:09:19,025
Why would you
say that?
238
00:09:19,109 --> 00:09:21,394
'Cuz he's sleeping
in your room.
239
00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:22,877
[Snoring]
240
00:09:24,681 --> 00:09:26,747
I let him sleep here
sometimes.
241
00:09:27,684 --> 00:09:29,717
But, trust me,
you will not notice him.
242
00:09:30,353 --> 00:09:31,753
- Oh!
- Aww!
243
00:09:33,023 --> 00:09:34,488
[Mumbling]
244
00:09:35,358 --> 00:09:36,824
[Sputtering]
245
00:09:36,959 --> 00:09:38,626
Wanna go see
the living room?
246
00:09:39,696 --> 00:09:41,280
Okay.
247
00:09:41,364 --> 00:09:42,882
Ohh.
248
00:09:42,966 --> 00:09:44,617
Cucumbers are
getting mushy.
249
00:09:44,701 --> 00:09:46,218
[Knocking at door]
250
00:09:46,302 --> 00:09:48,001
Frig sake.
251
00:09:49,973 --> 00:09:50,957
Hello, ma'am.
252
00:09:51,041 --> 00:09:52,407
May Mark come out
to play?
253
00:09:52,542 --> 00:09:55,142
My god, Mark's never
had this many visitors.
254
00:09:56,212 --> 00:09:58,364
Oh, come on in, dear,
they're in his room.
255
00:09:58,448 --> 00:10:00,099
Thank you kindly,
Mrs. Critch.
256
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,701
Mm-hm.
257
00:10:01,785 --> 00:10:03,184
[Calm music]
258
00:10:04,287 --> 00:10:05,720
Just down the hall.
259
00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:09,790
Hm.
260
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,426
What's in here?
261
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:15,863
Who sleeps here?
262
00:10:15,998 --> 00:10:17,398
My parents.
263
00:10:18,568 --> 00:10:20,834
How come they sleep
in two beds?
264
00:10:21,905 --> 00:10:23,589
So, this is
your room?
265
00:10:23,673 --> 00:10:25,139
Kinda makes sense,
I guess.
266
00:10:25,274 --> 00:10:26,374
Fox?!
267
00:10:26,509 --> 00:10:28,227
Don't touch that.
It's $3 a bottle!
268
00:10:28,311 --> 00:10:29,577
[Slams bottle
onto dresser]
269
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:31,945
Fox, what are you
doing here?
270
00:10:32,915 --> 00:10:34,767
Got the bus driver
to let me off.
271
00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:37,737
Wanted to see what you freaks
were really up to.
272
00:10:37,821 --> 00:10:40,555
Man, this bedroom's creepy,
even for you.
273
00:10:40,690 --> 00:10:42,557
This is his parents'
bedroom.
274
00:10:42,692 --> 00:10:45,244
Mark sleeps across the hall
with his grandfather.
275
00:10:45,328 --> 00:10:46,679
So, your parents
don't bone?
276
00:10:46,763 --> 00:10:47,947
You're not helping.
277
00:10:48,031 --> 00:10:49,481
And I don't know what
you're talking about.
278
00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:50,616
Sometimes,
279
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:52,652
Like on a long weekend
or dad's birthday,
280
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:53,619
Parents will-
281
00:10:53,703 --> 00:10:55,621
I know what she means,
ritchie!
282
00:10:55,705 --> 00:10:58,439
So, then,
are you adopted or what?
283
00:11:00,543 --> 00:11:02,028
[Electric guitar note]
284
00:11:02,112 --> 00:11:03,511
Get out
of my house!
285
00:11:03,646 --> 00:11:05,631
No, you get out
of your house!
286
00:11:05,715 --> 00:11:07,299
[Grunts and groans]
287
00:11:07,383 --> 00:11:08,868
[Mischievous music]
288
00:11:08,952 --> 00:11:10,384
Give me...
289
00:11:11,788 --> 00:11:13,272
The government
didn't know
290
00:11:13,356 --> 00:11:14,789
That improperly
bottled cucumbers
291
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,642
Sometimes explode
due to gas-emitting bacteria.
292
00:11:16,726 --> 00:11:18,192
[Frustrated sigh]
293
00:11:18,327 --> 00:11:20,528
They were mass-producing
cucum-bombs.
294
00:11:20,663 --> 00:11:21,714
[loud hiss]
295
00:11:21,798 --> 00:11:23,182
Good news, Mary!
296
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:25,284
The brass at the station
gave us some cucumbers to try.
297
00:11:25,368 --> 00:11:27,935
We're going to be eating
like the jetsons tonight!
298
00:11:28,872 --> 00:11:30,504
Get those things
out of here.
299
00:11:31,374 --> 00:11:32,807
Mark:
Help!
300
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,461
Stop!
301
00:11:35,545 --> 00:11:36,862
Ow.
302
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,831
- [Whining]
- Mark: Stop
303
00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:40,199
Stop!
304
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:42,483
I didn't know
the boy had it in him.
305
00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:43,703
She's an intruder!
306
00:11:43,787 --> 00:11:45,953
You have a lovely bedroom,
Mrs. Critch.
307
00:11:46,088 --> 00:11:47,722
Lovely of you
to say.
308
00:11:48,825 --> 00:11:49,942
Would you like to
stay for supper, dear?
309
00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:51,544
Why, yes,
please.
310
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,879
I'll call mom
to come get me later.
311
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,297
What do you kids
think about cucumbers?
312
00:11:56,432 --> 00:11:58,633
- They're okay, I guess.
- Oh, they're lovely.
313
00:11:59,402 --> 00:12:00,919
Good.
314
00:12:01,003 --> 00:12:02,436
Good.
315
00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:06,974
[Foreboding
music]
316
00:12:07,109 --> 00:12:10,162
When word got out,
my social life would be over.
317
00:12:10,246 --> 00:12:12,279
That is, if I survived
the weekend.
318
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,102
Here come
the boiled cucumbers.
319
00:12:16,186 --> 00:12:17,585
[Gasp]
and gravy.
320
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:19,238
Pop:
Oh, hm.
321
00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:21,389
Company meant we used
the dining room,
322
00:12:21,524 --> 00:12:23,658
Usually saved for
special occasions.
323
00:12:24,561 --> 00:12:26,712
Mary: Oh, look,
another card.
324
00:12:26,796 --> 00:12:28,447
Let's see
who it's from.
325
00:12:28,531 --> 00:12:30,616
Happy birthday
from Randall insurance.
326
00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:32,451
Tom mcadam
or Jeff peddle?
327
00:12:32,535 --> 00:12:34,386
- Ah, both.
- [laughs]
328
00:12:34,470 --> 00:12:35,788
Blow out
your candles.
329
00:12:35,872 --> 00:12:38,257
[♪♪] Happy birthday to...
330
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:39,959
I must say,
Mrs. Critch,
331
00:12:40,043 --> 00:12:41,861
I've never had
hot cucumber before.
332
00:12:41,945 --> 00:12:44,530
- I'll have to get the recipe.
- Oh.
333
00:12:44,614 --> 00:12:47,133
Well, it's not the first time
we've had cucumbers, of course.
334
00:12:47,217 --> 00:12:48,534
We often have them,
don't you know?
335
00:12:48,618 --> 00:12:51,070
Am I supposed to eat it
or-or drink it?
336
00:12:51,154 --> 00:12:53,472
Good god,
there's no taste to it at all.
337
00:12:53,556 --> 00:12:54,955
You hate flavour.
338
00:12:55,091 --> 00:12:56,909
I need a tums now.
339
00:12:56,993 --> 00:12:58,377
Too much
exotic food!
340
00:12:58,461 --> 00:13:00,160
Mary:
Try one with gravy.
341
00:13:01,231 --> 00:13:03,149
Where's he gonna sleep,
my bed?
342
00:13:03,233 --> 00:13:05,284
Oh, I-I can do the math.
343
00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:07,820
I suppose it's the home
for me, then, is it?
344
00:13:07,904 --> 00:13:10,656
Drop me off at the harbour,
why don't ya?
345
00:13:10,740 --> 00:13:12,258
Just put me out
on an ice floe!
346
00:13:12,342 --> 00:13:14,493
Next time someone mentions
a g.D. Cucumber,
347
00:13:14,577 --> 00:13:16,262
I'm gonna shove one
up their arse!
348
00:13:16,346 --> 00:13:18,011
Cucumber, cucumber,
cucumber!
349
00:13:18,781 --> 00:13:20,266
[Exasperated
exclamation]
350
00:13:20,350 --> 00:13:21,767
What?
351
00:13:21,851 --> 00:13:23,384
Do you want
my grave next?
352
00:13:23,519 --> 00:13:24,970
Is that it?
353
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,520
[Gloomy music]
354
00:13:34,530 --> 00:13:36,997
Aren't we supposed to
tell secrets at sleepovers?
355
00:13:38,201 --> 00:13:39,652
Pop:
You first.
356
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,187
Was that
your girlfriend?
357
00:13:41,271 --> 00:13:42,354
No.
358
00:13:42,438 --> 00:13:43,689
She's his bully.
359
00:13:43,773 --> 00:13:44,857
Shut up!
360
00:13:44,941 --> 00:13:46,992
Fox is gonna tell everyone
I'm a weirdo.
361
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:48,743
Why else would she
come here?
362
00:13:48,878 --> 00:13:51,278
People do stupid stuff
when they're lonely.
363
00:13:52,382 --> 00:13:54,348
Well, that is some
boring gossip.
364
00:13:54,483 --> 00:13:56,017
I'm going to bed.
365
00:13:58,888 --> 00:14:00,354
[Groaning]
366
00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:03,142
[Sighs]
367
00:14:03,226 --> 00:14:04,625
Why is
the room glowing?
368
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,279
That's just the light
from the sprung greenhouse.
369
00:14:07,363 --> 00:14:09,130
You can see it
from space.
370
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,798
The sprung greenhouse
371
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:12,967
Was located on the
outskirts of town
372
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,521
Which meant that my room
was bathed nightly
373
00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:17,823
In the Amber
hydroponic glow
374
00:14:17,907 --> 00:14:20,207
Of the mad scientist's
cucumber factory.
375
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,843
I don't even
notice it anymore.
376
00:14:23,446 --> 00:14:24,712
[Pop coughing]
377
00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:27,547
[Coughing
continues]
378
00:14:29,385 --> 00:14:30,870
[Groaning]
379
00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:32,386
Mike sr.:
Hold still.
380
00:14:33,890 --> 00:14:35,040
I can't get the calamine lotion
on your burns if you're moving.
381
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,476
Mary: Ow, Mike, you got hands
like a bloody gorilla!
382
00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:39,044
It's from typing!
383
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:40,528
That stings.
384
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:42,648
Hey...
385
00:14:42,732 --> 00:14:45,365
Maybe we can sleep over
at my house tomorrow?
386
00:14:46,736 --> 00:14:48,135
Yeah.
387
00:14:48,270 --> 00:14:49,703
That might be nice.
388
00:14:50,606 --> 00:14:51,657
Mike sr.:
Stop squirming.
389
00:14:51,741 --> 00:14:53,726
Maybe try some
margarine on it.
390
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,275
[Pop groaning loudly]
391
00:14:59,682 --> 00:15:01,081
[Big band music]
392
00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:06,787
Oh, got too much
too much.
393
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,943
And how long
are you going for, a month?
394
00:15:11,027 --> 00:15:12,978
You think
I packed too much?
395
00:15:13,062 --> 00:15:16,382
Not unless you're planning
on beating peary to the pole.
396
00:15:16,466 --> 00:15:18,117
Here, let me
have a look.
397
00:15:18,201 --> 00:15:21,969
Maybe there's a couple of things
in here you could do without.
398
00:15:22,104 --> 00:15:23,555
Oh!
399
00:15:23,639 --> 00:15:25,157
1939
400
00:15:25,241 --> 00:15:27,493
King George
commemorative mug?
401
00:15:27,577 --> 00:15:29,243
I like a cup of tea
before bed.
402
00:15:29,378 --> 00:15:30,844
1- okay, well...
403
00:15:31,714 --> 00:15:33,299
Two pairs of pajamas?
404
00:15:33,383 --> 00:15:34,715
That set
is flannel.
405
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,236
I don't know how cold
he keeps his room.
406
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:38,837
Oh, potted meat,
407
00:15:38,921 --> 00:15:40,321
Noxzema.
408
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:42,990
A loaf of bread.
409
00:15:43,125 --> 00:15:44,591
[Crinkling]
410
00:15:45,995 --> 00:15:47,461
Toilet paper.
411
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,448
Mark,
412
00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:51,465
You don't need
any of this stuff.
413
00:15:52,602 --> 00:15:54,868
I've never been invited
to a sleepover before.
414
00:15:56,138 --> 00:15:58,171
You don't have to
be worried.
415
00:15:59,141 --> 00:16:00,926
Listen, all families
are different
416
00:16:01,010 --> 00:16:02,127
And yet,
417
00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:04,177
All families
are the same.
418
00:16:05,281 --> 00:16:07,199
You know, there's things
you don't like about his
419
00:16:07,283 --> 00:16:10,517
And things that he probably
doesn't like about here.
420
00:16:11,153 --> 00:16:12,604
But all I do know,
421
00:16:12,688 --> 00:16:15,088
With all this stuff,
you'll look like a fool.
422
00:16:16,092 --> 00:16:17,643
And you don't need
any help doing that
423
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:20,946
Because your parents have you
well covered in that department.
424
00:16:21,030 --> 00:16:23,431
[Tender music]
[both chuckle]
425
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:25,718
Ritchie's house
was a suburban dream.
426
00:16:25,802 --> 00:16:28,320
A vinyl siding wrapped
bungalow
427
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:31,305
With fancy steps
and a postage stamp-sized yard.
428
00:16:33,643 --> 00:16:36,028
You have a second
living room downstairs?
429
00:16:36,112 --> 00:16:38,045
Sorry, it's
our lame rec room.
430
00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:40,499
I had never heard
of a rec room before.
431
00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:42,001
But we can watch
movie channel,
432
00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:43,784
Play atari.
You like pitfall?
433
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:45,886
We have the
commodore 64 too.
434
00:16:46,021 --> 00:16:49,875
It was at that exact moment
that I realized I was poor.
435
00:16:49,959 --> 00:16:51,910
Do your parents
sleep in the same bed?
436
00:16:51,994 --> 00:16:53,412
Yeah, they have
a waterbed.
437
00:16:53,496 --> 00:16:54,829
But I have two beds
in my room.
438
00:16:54,964 --> 00:16:56,630
Well, it's a bunk bed
but still...
439
00:16:57,333 --> 00:16:58,798
Oh.
440
00:16:59,402 --> 00:17:00,919
You must think
441
00:17:01,003 --> 00:17:02,521
I'm pretty weird, huh?
442
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,204
No, your house is...
443
00:17:04,674 --> 00:17:06,191
Different,
444
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,875
Like, but really cool.
445
00:17:08,010 --> 00:17:10,143
I never saw someone
shine shoes before.
446
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:12,564
Yeah, but
you've got everything.
447
00:17:12,648 --> 00:17:14,400
But what good is that
if I don't have anyone
448
00:17:14,484 --> 00:17:16,001
To use it with?
449
00:17:16,085 --> 00:17:17,485
Hello.
450
00:17:19,822 --> 00:17:21,373
You must be Mark.
451
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,542
I'm so happy
ritchie has a friend!
452
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:25,693
I brought you boys
some snacks.
453
00:17:25,828 --> 00:17:28,562
Your father and I are going out
to a dinner tonight.
454
00:17:28,697 --> 00:17:30,416
I left the phone number
on the wall.
455
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:32,384
So good meeting you, Mark.
456
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:34,420
- A pleasure.
- Um-hm.
457
00:17:34,504 --> 00:17:35,903
Thanks, mom.
458
00:17:36,906 --> 00:17:38,290
- They leave you alone?
- [doorbell]
459
00:17:38,374 --> 00:17:39,758
Cool.
460
00:17:39,842 --> 00:17:42,261
They work a lot at the
hospital but I'm used to it.
461
00:17:42,345 --> 00:17:43,444
My parents
never go out.
462
00:17:43,579 --> 00:17:44,763
There's always
somebody home.
463
00:17:44,847 --> 00:17:46,046
Lucky.
464
00:17:46,782 --> 00:17:48,033
Ritchie,
465
00:17:48,117 --> 00:17:49,768
You have
another friend here!
466
00:17:49,852 --> 00:17:51,370
She's very pretty.
467
00:17:51,454 --> 00:17:53,238
Why, thank you,
Mrs. Perez.
468
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,374
- What a lovely home you have.
- Oh.
469
00:17:55,458 --> 00:17:56,909
Fox was like Dracula.
470
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,111
She couldn't enter your home
unless she was invited in.
471
00:17:59,195 --> 00:18:00,879
But once she
crossed your threshold,
472
00:18:00,963 --> 00:18:02,730
You were as good
as dead.
473
00:18:02,865 --> 00:18:03,797
Nice pad, Perez.
474
00:18:03,933 --> 00:18:05,651
Better than that dick's
cocoon house.
475
00:18:05,735 --> 00:18:07,986
Uh, what are you
doing here?
476
00:18:08,070 --> 00:18:09,721
I've come to get you
for Paula's party.
477
00:18:09,805 --> 00:18:11,657
We weren't invited.
478
00:18:11,741 --> 00:18:13,592
That's exactly
why we're going.
479
00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:14,760
She didn't invite us,
480
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:16,610
So we're going to go there
and wreck it.
481
00:18:16,745 --> 00:18:17,996
Look!
482
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,132
We take these and throw them
at the house.
483
00:18:20,216 --> 00:18:21,615
Cover it
in squished cucumber.
484
00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:24,217
- Cucumbers are hard.
- They won't squish.
485
00:18:25,254 --> 00:18:26,772
God, you're so lame!
486
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:29,423
If we're so lame, then
how come you keep following us?
487
00:18:29,558 --> 00:18:30,976
I'm not following you!
488
00:18:31,060 --> 00:18:33,011
You don't have to make up
a reason to come over.
489
00:18:33,095 --> 00:18:34,228
Trust me,
490
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,764
I don't want to stay here
with you geeks!
491
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:38,784
Fine.
492
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,118
If you guys
don't want to help me,
493
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:41,653
I'll just do it myself.
494
00:18:41,737 --> 00:18:43,822
I realized then,
for the first time,
495
00:18:43,906 --> 00:18:45,824
That fox didn't
want to bully us.
496
00:18:45,908 --> 00:18:47,174
She wanted to be
our friend.
497
00:18:47,309 --> 00:18:49,009
She just
didn't know how.
498
00:18:49,579 --> 00:18:51,029
Fox, uh...
499
00:18:51,113 --> 00:18:52,631
Why don't
you stay?
500
00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:54,415
Three people
can play this one.
501
00:19:00,423 --> 00:19:01,855
Screw off.
502
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:04,992
[Melancholy music
and woman vocalizing]
503
00:19:06,462 --> 00:19:07,927
[Video game
sound effects]
504
00:19:09,699 --> 00:19:11,164
Mark:
So...
505
00:19:21,978 --> 00:19:24,545
Home's a place
you grow up wanting to leave
506
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:27,013
And grow old
wanting to come back to.
507
00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:29,783
Ritchie had everything
I ever wanted.
508
00:19:31,053 --> 00:19:32,404
But as I
lay there,
509
00:19:32,488 --> 00:19:34,472
In a different room
in a new house,
510
00:19:34,556 --> 00:19:35,674
All I wanted
511
00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:37,376
Was to hear
pop snoring.
512
00:19:37,460 --> 00:19:38,925
[Tender music]
513
00:19:40,730 --> 00:19:42,729
If cucumbers
are the future,
514
00:19:43,699 --> 00:19:46,151
We really are in
one helluva...
515
00:19:46,235 --> 00:19:47,668
Pickle.
516
00:19:50,573 --> 00:19:53,106
Those cucumbers really did
wonders for your skin.
517
00:19:53,843 --> 00:19:55,342
You look
just like a...
518
00:19:55,477 --> 00:19:57,077
Hollywood actress.
519
00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:02,650
As small
as a home is,
520
00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:05,337
It's never small enough
to keep the people you love
521
00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:06,886
Close to you.
522
00:20:08,491 --> 00:20:10,008
[Doorbell]
523
00:20:10,092 --> 00:20:11,525
[Excited
conversations]
524
00:20:11,660 --> 00:20:13,060
Girl:
Stop!
525
00:20:15,264 --> 00:20:18,198
Sometimes, the biggest
of houses can feel empty
526
00:20:18,334 --> 00:20:19,766
Even when
it's filled.
527
00:20:27,876 --> 00:20:29,394
[loud hiss]
[scream]
528
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:30,963
Paula:
Gross!
529
00:20:31,047 --> 00:20:33,080
And, sometimes,
people are most at home
530
00:20:33,215 --> 00:20:34,647
All on their own.
531
00:20:36,952 --> 00:20:38,018
Woo-hoo!
532
00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:39,605
[Emotional music
continues]
533
00:20:39,689 --> 00:20:41,021
TV reporter:
This just in:
534
00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:42,523
The sprung greenhouse,
535
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:45,711
Built at a cost to taxpayers
of $22 million,
536
00:20:45,795 --> 00:20:47,879
Has closed
just months after it opened.
537
00:20:47,963 --> 00:20:50,482
Thousands of cucumbers
remain unsold.
538
00:20:50,566 --> 00:20:53,218
Area grocers are offering them
for free to farmers
539
00:20:53,302 --> 00:20:54,987
To feed their cows.
540
00:20:55,071 --> 00:20:56,555
Thank Christ
that's over.
541
00:20:56,639 --> 00:20:59,038
Mary, do we have
any cans of corned beef?
542
00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:02,628
I guess what really
makes a house a home
543
00:21:02,712 --> 00:21:05,345
Is knowing you can
always come back to it.
544
00:21:07,783 --> 00:21:09,635
And that someone
is waiting for you
545
00:21:09,719 --> 00:21:11,184
When you do.
546
00:21:12,054 --> 00:21:13,520
[♪♪] Home
547
00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:24,664
[upbeat jazz music]38173
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