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1
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All right. Let's get started.
2
00:00:13,276 --> 00:00:14,538
Okay. Yeah,
I think I need to
3
00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:17,062
fix my eyeliner
a little bit though.
4
00:00:26,420 --> 00:00:28,335
Take two
5
00:00:32,121 --> 00:00:36,517
It's really hard to separate
how the Playboy world
6
00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:39,302
affected how I feel
about the way I look
7
00:00:39,346 --> 00:00:42,131
and just what's authentic to me.
8
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People might think,
"Oh, you must have felt great
9
00:00:44,351 --> 00:00:46,788
'cause you were on TV
and you were famous."
10
00:00:46,831 --> 00:00:48,964
They think that I should
have known
11
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:51,314
exactly what I was getting into.
12
00:00:51,358 --> 00:00:53,664
Like, "Whoa, you're stepping
into a cult there."
13
00:00:53,708 --> 00:00:55,840
But I absolutely did not.
14
00:00:55,884 --> 00:00:58,626
In my early 20s,
I didn't realize
15
00:00:58,669 --> 00:01:02,543
that getting into the Playboy
world was a dangerous choice.
16
00:01:07,199 --> 00:01:08,636
My name is Hugh Hefner.
17
00:01:08,679 --> 00:01:10,396
I'm editor/publisher
of "Playboy" magazine.
18
00:01:10,420 --> 00:01:12,335
When Hugh Hefner was just 27,
19
00:01:12,379 --> 00:01:14,729
he fashioned himself
and "Playboy"
20
00:01:14,772 --> 00:01:17,035
as the face of
sexual liberation.
21
00:01:17,079 --> 00:01:18,515
Playboy is one of
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00:01:18,559 --> 00:01:20,648
the most famous
brand names in the world.
23
00:01:20,691 --> 00:01:22,321
I would like to be
remembered as somebody
24
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who played some positive part
25
00:01:24,216 --> 00:01:26,915
in changing the social,
sexual values of my time.
26
00:01:28,395 --> 00:01:32,573
I believe that Hef pulled
one over on the whole world.
27
00:01:32,616 --> 00:01:34,575
The fantasy of Playboy
that he created
28
00:01:34,618 --> 00:01:38,013
did not allow for
the consent of the women.
29
00:01:39,231 --> 00:01:40,972
When it came to
Hefner's buddies,
30
00:01:41,016 --> 00:01:43,235
you had to keep
those secrets quiet.
31
00:01:43,279 --> 00:01:44,933
What have you got for free?
32
00:01:44,976 --> 00:01:47,022
When you get someone
that powerful,
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00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:49,372
anything could happen.
Anything.
34
00:01:49,416 --> 00:01:51,113
The people
who were really there,
35
00:01:51,156 --> 00:01:52,854
they're the ones
who know the real truth.
36
00:01:52,897 --> 00:01:54,464
I want to be a voice
37
00:01:54,508 --> 00:01:57,424
for the women that suffered
the most at his hands.
38
00:02:23,014 --> 00:02:25,234
This was the episode
where, when I saw it,
39
00:02:25,277 --> 00:02:27,976
I thought I was so fat in it
40
00:02:28,019 --> 00:02:30,587
because I always felt like
I had to watch,
41
00:02:30,631 --> 00:02:33,373
like, every tiny little thing
about my appearance.
42
00:02:35,157 --> 00:02:38,073
I was one of Hugh Hefner's
multiple girlfriends,
43
00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:40,728
and I starred in a show called
"The Girls Next Door."
44
00:02:41,990 --> 00:02:43,557
I feel like,
on "Girls Next Door,"
45
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:46,908
Hef was portrayed
as like a kindly grandpa.
46
00:02:46,951 --> 00:02:49,432
That's not how he is.
47
00:02:49,476 --> 00:02:54,568
It would make me so angry
how manipulative he was.
48
00:02:54,611 --> 00:02:57,658
Hef controlled
every aspect of our life.
49
00:02:57,701 --> 00:03:00,661
And after I left the Mansion,
50
00:03:00,704 --> 00:03:04,316
I can't really explain to you
51
00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:06,362
how strong the feeling was in me
52
00:03:06,406 --> 00:03:08,277
that I needed
to get my story out.
53
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:10,627
She has a new book out
that is making waves
54
00:03:10,671 --> 00:03:11,976
and upsetting Hef.
55
00:03:12,020 --> 00:03:13,848
It's called"
56
00:03:13,891 --> 00:03:15,850
Curious Adventures
and Cautionary Tales
57
00:03:15,893 --> 00:03:17,765
of a Former Playboy Bunny."
58
00:03:19,810 --> 00:03:21,571
You know, I think when
I came out with my story,
59
00:03:21,595 --> 00:03:25,642
a lot of people were
really hostile toward it.
60
00:03:25,686 --> 00:03:28,123
They would say, "Oh, you're
talking all this.
61
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:31,474
You were so happy there.
You loved being there."
62
00:03:31,518 --> 00:03:34,564
Because so many people who are
part of that Playboy world,
63
00:03:34,608 --> 00:03:36,044
they don't want anything
tarnishing
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00:03:36,087 --> 00:03:38,133
like that golden bubble
in their life.
65
00:03:42,485 --> 00:03:45,314
I knew Hugh Hefner for 44 years.
66
00:03:47,098 --> 00:03:48,839
He was the one
that walked me down the aisle
67
00:03:48,883 --> 00:03:50,537
when I got married to Joel.
68
00:03:50,580 --> 00:03:54,018
I had 27 years at the Mansion.
69
00:03:54,062 --> 00:03:56,934
God love Holly, I hope
she has a wonderful life.
70
00:03:56,978 --> 00:04:00,111
But what she did in her book
was a complete affront to Hef
71
00:04:00,155 --> 00:04:02,157
and everything he stood for.
72
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,028
She seemed like
she really liked him,
73
00:04:04,072 --> 00:04:05,943
that she really cared about him.
74
00:04:05,987 --> 00:04:09,164
I don't know why she would
write a book like that.
75
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:13,473
People want to villainize
women in these situations.
76
00:04:15,083 --> 00:04:18,303
But I had so much belief
in myself before I met Hef.
77
00:04:18,347 --> 00:04:21,089
And then it was just shattered.
78
00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:27,051
I want people to know why
I felt like I couldn't leave
79
00:04:27,095 --> 00:04:30,838
and why I chose to get in that
situation in the first place.
80
00:04:35,799 --> 00:04:37,584
We Playmates have
the secret to happiness.
81
00:04:37,627 --> 00:04:39,020
The secret that brings you
82
00:04:39,063 --> 00:04:41,109
the world's most
beautiful women.
83
00:04:41,152 --> 00:04:42,893
And their outrageous
video... free.
84
00:04:42,937 --> 00:04:44,373
Free?
85
00:04:44,416 --> 00:04:45,916
Is this like a lamp
you rub or something?
86
00:04:45,940 --> 00:04:48,377
No, it's Playboy.
87
00:04:50,727 --> 00:04:53,034
Growing up, they used to have,
88
00:04:53,077 --> 00:04:55,950
believe it or not,
Playboy commercials on TV,
89
00:04:55,993 --> 00:04:58,126
and they would show videos
of these women
90
00:04:58,169 --> 00:05:00,694
and they were always,
like, so flattering.
91
00:05:00,737 --> 00:05:03,523
And I was like, "Wow, I want
to look like that."
92
00:05:04,915 --> 00:05:06,787
Ever since I was a kid,
93
00:05:06,830 --> 00:05:08,658
I've had a really difficult time
94
00:05:08,702 --> 00:05:10,399
connecting with other people.
95
00:05:11,792 --> 00:05:13,707
I grew up in a very,
very small town in Alaska,
96
00:05:13,750 --> 00:05:17,711
basically, you know, living
in the woods at certain points.
97
00:05:17,754 --> 00:05:19,539
Every couple years,
we would move,
98
00:05:19,582 --> 00:05:21,236
I'd be introduced
to a new place.
99
00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:24,805
I never really felt like
I fit in there.
100
00:05:24,848 --> 00:05:27,808
I'm also not quite neurotypical,
101
00:05:27,851 --> 00:05:30,027
which I was only
recently diagnosed.
102
00:05:30,071 --> 00:05:31,875
Like, obviously, I've been
that way my whole life.
103
00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:36,556
But a few years back,
my ex called my mom.
104
00:05:36,599 --> 00:05:38,296
He was like,
"So I can't connect with her.
105
00:05:38,340 --> 00:05:39,970
Like, what is wrong with her?
Blah, blah, blah."
106
00:05:39,994 --> 00:05:44,564
And she was like,
"Well, you know,
107
00:05:44,607 --> 00:05:46,609
I'm pretty sure
she has Asperger's."
108
00:05:46,653 --> 00:05:48,263
And then I'm like looking it up
109
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,632
and like talking to my doctor
about it.
110
00:05:49,656 --> 00:05:53,094
I'm like,
"Oh, this is 100% me, 100%."
111
00:05:54,748 --> 00:05:56,967
And I've just kind of
been looking back
112
00:05:57,011 --> 00:06:00,492
and seeing everything
through that lens now.
113
00:06:00,536 --> 00:06:03,670
And I think I was drawn
to try to be in the spotlight
114
00:06:03,713 --> 00:06:07,674
because I felt like
if I could be famous,
115
00:06:07,717 --> 00:06:08,892
that would be a shortcut
116
00:06:08,936 --> 00:06:10,372
to feeling a connection
with people
117
00:06:10,415 --> 00:06:13,027
because we feel connected
to celebrities.
118
00:06:15,507 --> 00:06:19,903
I was very much attracted to
like the Anna Nicole Smiths,
119
00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:21,470
who was a supermodel
at the time,
120
00:06:21,513 --> 00:06:23,603
and the Jenny McCarthys
121
00:06:23,646 --> 00:06:25,561
who was like the It girl on MTV
122
00:06:25,605 --> 00:06:27,607
and the Pamela Andersons
who was like...
123
00:06:27,650 --> 00:06:29,913
She was the biggest TV star
at the time.
124
00:06:29,957 --> 00:06:31,757
And kind of this
common denominator you notice
125
00:06:31,785 --> 00:06:33,613
is they all started out
as Playmates.
126
00:06:33,656 --> 00:06:36,224
It made a lot of sense
to infer that,
127
00:06:36,267 --> 00:06:37,660
"Oh, if I start out at Playboy,
128
00:06:37,704 --> 00:06:39,749
I could end up like that too
because they did."
129
00:06:41,882 --> 00:06:43,579
The next time I encountered
130
00:06:43,623 --> 00:06:45,450
anything from the Playboy world
131
00:06:45,494 --> 00:06:48,192
was when I moved to California,
132
00:06:48,236 --> 00:06:52,153
I was working for
Hawaiian Tropic as a model.
133
00:06:52,196 --> 00:06:55,678
Mark Saginor, Hef's
personal doctor at the time,
134
00:06:55,722 --> 00:06:58,333
was at one of
the Hawaiian Tropic contests
135
00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:02,076
and he extended an invitation
to a Playboy party
136
00:07:02,119 --> 00:07:05,166
to all the women participating.
137
00:07:06,733 --> 00:07:08,778
I was really excited to go
because, at the time,
138
00:07:08,822 --> 00:07:11,302
the Playboy parties
were really, really exclusive.
139
00:07:11,346 --> 00:07:13,827
You saw celebrities everywhere.
140
00:07:15,437 --> 00:07:17,744
You saw Playmates you
recognized from the magazine.
141
00:07:18,962 --> 00:07:20,355
And of course, I saw Hef.
142
00:07:23,097 --> 00:07:26,187
At that point, everybody was
giving him a ton of attention
143
00:07:26,230 --> 00:07:27,797
because he was going out
to nightclubs
144
00:07:27,841 --> 00:07:30,234
several times a week
with seven girlfriends.
145
00:07:30,278 --> 00:07:32,759
- These are my girlfriends.
- Every one of them
146
00:07:32,802 --> 00:07:34,717
is your girlfriend?
- Yes.
147
00:07:34,761 --> 00:07:37,285
The image I got of Hef
and his girlfriends
148
00:07:37,328 --> 00:07:40,549
was one of a revolving door.
149
00:07:40,592 --> 00:07:43,160
The women would come in,
they would all get centerfolds.
150
00:07:43,204 --> 00:07:45,075
Some of them would move on
to better things.
151
00:07:45,119 --> 00:07:47,199
And it just seemed like
everyone was happy with that.
152
00:07:49,340 --> 00:07:52,126
And then in summer of 2001,
153
00:07:52,169 --> 00:07:55,782
I got invited to the pool
parties that they would have
154
00:07:55,825 --> 00:07:57,740
on Sundays
at the Playboy Mansion,
155
00:07:57,784 --> 00:08:01,091
and I just saw this really
wholesome atmosphere.
156
00:08:01,135 --> 00:08:03,311
It was really surprising.
157
00:08:03,354 --> 00:08:05,748
The whole social circle
at the Mansion
158
00:08:05,792 --> 00:08:10,971
just seemed like such a happy
little family of friends.
159
00:08:11,014 --> 00:08:12,799
So for somebody
who has a horrible time
160
00:08:12,842 --> 00:08:14,322
connecting with other people
161
00:08:14,365 --> 00:08:16,019
to kind of fall into this place
162
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:19,457
that feels like
a little community instantly
163
00:08:19,501 --> 00:08:21,416
is very attractive.
164
00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:26,551
On Sundays, she would sit
there two or three chairs down
165
00:08:26,595 --> 00:08:28,292
from where
we would play backgammon.
166
00:08:28,336 --> 00:08:30,512
I remember her talking
to Alison and asking her,
167
00:08:30,555 --> 00:08:32,514
"How do I become a girlfriend?"
168
00:08:32,557 --> 00:08:35,822
Hef really didn't, like,
pick her out.
169
00:08:35,865 --> 00:08:38,738
She basically, you know,
came to him.
170
00:08:44,352 --> 00:08:45,962
I wasn't physically
attracted to Hef,
171
00:08:46,006 --> 00:08:48,008
but I did find him
very charming.
172
00:08:48,051 --> 00:08:50,271
And I feel like
one of the reasons I was
173
00:08:50,314 --> 00:08:53,274
so able to buy into being able
to have this relationship
174
00:08:53,317 --> 00:08:55,015
with an older person
is I thought,
175
00:08:55,058 --> 00:08:56,775
"Well, I never like connected
with guys my own age.
176
00:08:56,799 --> 00:08:58,888
"So maybe this is
what's meant to happen.
177
00:08:58,932 --> 00:09:00,890
Maybe this is a better fit."
178
00:09:03,675 --> 00:09:06,287
And in the amount of time
I was going to parties there,
179
00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:08,289
which is about a year's
worth of time,
180
00:09:08,332 --> 00:09:11,640
it was made obvious to me
that I could join the group
181
00:09:11,683 --> 00:09:14,295
anytime I wanted through
some of the other women.
182
00:09:14,338 --> 00:09:16,819
And of course, all the girls
behind the scenes were saying
183
00:09:16,863 --> 00:09:17,883
they didn't really sleep
with him
184
00:09:17,907 --> 00:09:19,474
and it's just all publicity.
185
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:22,999
And I felt like that
was probably the case.
186
00:09:23,043 --> 00:09:25,828
- Does he bang any of them?
- Um... I don't know.
187
00:09:25,872 --> 00:09:27,569
You don't know?
188
00:09:27,612 --> 00:09:30,833
I thought living at the
Mansion would be very cozy.
189
00:09:30,877 --> 00:09:32,356
I felt like it would be
190
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,490
this really one-of-a-kind
amazing sorority.
191
00:09:37,231 --> 00:09:39,407
People always want to point
to the money and the luxury
192
00:09:39,450 --> 00:09:41,844
and... you know, that was fine.
193
00:09:41,888 --> 00:09:44,455
But what really attracted me
194
00:09:44,499 --> 00:09:46,240
was the sense
of having a community
195
00:09:46,283 --> 00:09:47,807
and a support system.
196
00:09:47,850 --> 00:09:52,986
And people don't recognize
how alluring that can be.
197
00:09:55,727 --> 00:09:58,600
The first night I went out
with Hef and the girls,
198
00:09:58,643 --> 00:10:00,645
I just kind of had it
in my mind that,
199
00:10:00,689 --> 00:10:02,232
you know,
I was gonna see what happened,
200
00:10:02,256 --> 00:10:03,494
and if I wasn't
comfortable with it,
201
00:10:03,518 --> 00:10:05,868
I didn't have to do anything.
202
00:10:05,912 --> 00:10:09,611
You know, we went out
to a nightclub.
203
00:10:09,654 --> 00:10:11,743
I was sitting next to Hef,
and he leaned over
204
00:10:11,787 --> 00:10:14,529
and he asked me
if I wanted to take a Quaalude.
205
00:10:16,270 --> 00:10:17,987
I said something like,
"No, I don't do drugs."
206
00:10:18,011 --> 00:10:20,448
And he goes, "Yeah,
I typically don't either.
207
00:10:20,491 --> 00:10:21,599
"But, you know,
they used to call these
208
00:10:21,623 --> 00:10:23,059
thigh openers in the '70s."
209
00:10:23,103 --> 00:10:24,800
I just thought
it was really weird.
210
00:10:27,020 --> 00:10:30,545
That night, I drank a lot
'cause I was nervous.
211
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:32,068
Back at the house,
212
00:10:32,112 --> 00:10:36,029
after I ended up
going upstairs with them...
213
00:10:44,515 --> 00:10:46,648
I don't really wanna
talk about it.
214
00:11:04,666 --> 00:11:06,059
There was definitely no,
215
00:11:06,102 --> 00:11:07,712
like, romance or seduction
216
00:11:07,756 --> 00:11:09,192
or anything like that.
217
00:11:11,455 --> 00:11:13,283
It was dark in the room.
218
00:11:13,327 --> 00:11:16,896
But there was a giant movie
screen of porn
219
00:11:16,939 --> 00:11:19,072
in front of the bed.
220
00:11:19,115 --> 00:11:21,683
He was in the middle of the bed.
221
00:11:21,726 --> 00:11:23,337
And then the women
were surrounding him,
222
00:11:23,380 --> 00:11:25,121
but they're all backlit.
223
00:11:28,342 --> 00:11:32,433
I'd never had casual sex
with anybody before.
224
00:11:32,476 --> 00:11:35,697
I feel like
I was kind of really asexual.
225
00:11:37,481 --> 00:11:39,614
So maybe I just
wasn't ready for that?
226
00:11:42,095 --> 00:11:45,837
It was all very mechanical
and robotic,
227
00:11:45,881 --> 00:11:49,276
and you would kind of follow
the other women's lead.
228
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:54,194
And it was really gross to me
229
00:11:54,237 --> 00:11:57,110
how Hef didn't wanna use
use protection.
230
00:12:01,766 --> 00:12:04,639
The impact it had on me
was so heavy.
231
00:12:06,641 --> 00:12:08,991
I never expected to be
232
00:12:09,035 --> 00:12:11,776
the first person
to have sex that night
233
00:12:11,820 --> 00:12:14,823
or to be like pushed into it.
234
00:12:18,609 --> 00:12:20,611
The next morning,
235
00:12:20,655 --> 00:12:23,875
I definitely felt humiliated
by the experience.
236
00:12:23,919 --> 00:12:26,095
But in the beginning,
even after that night,
237
00:12:26,139 --> 00:12:29,490
like, I still had this idea
and this fantasy of, like,
238
00:12:29,533 --> 00:12:31,405
all of us
being like sorority sisters
239
00:12:31,448 --> 00:12:33,711
and we're all gonna get along.
240
00:12:33,755 --> 00:12:36,410
I think sometimes when
you're not in control at all,
241
00:12:36,453 --> 00:12:39,108
you can lean into
a bad situation more
242
00:12:39,152 --> 00:12:40,477
because you're almost
fooling yourself
243
00:12:40,501 --> 00:12:42,807
by thinking you are in control.
244
00:12:42,851 --> 00:12:45,419
I think it's a trauma response.
245
00:12:45,462 --> 00:12:48,683
So I decided to move
into the Mansion.
246
00:12:50,119 --> 00:12:53,209
Obviously, I told people,
'cause I moved,
247
00:12:53,253 --> 00:12:56,038
and I was just shocked
at how everyone reacted.
248
00:12:56,082 --> 00:12:58,823
When you say you're like dating
Hugh Hefner or whatever,
249
00:12:58,867 --> 00:13:01,652
people assume you're getting
a money exchange for sex
250
00:13:01,696 --> 00:13:03,524
and they want to put you
in a corner
251
00:13:03,567 --> 00:13:06,788
and, you know,
call you a hooker or whatever.
252
00:13:06,831 --> 00:13:09,051
So I know there's
that judgement out there.
253
00:13:09,095 --> 00:13:11,836
And I just immediately
felt dirty
254
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:14,361
and like I would be judged
for the rest of my life
255
00:13:14,404 --> 00:13:16,711
for making this decision.
256
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:19,148
And I never thought of it
that way at all.
257
00:13:19,192 --> 00:13:21,716
I thought of myself
as involved with one man.
258
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:23,979
I did enjoy living at his house,
259
00:13:24,023 --> 00:13:27,374
but it wasn't in a direct
exchange of money for sex
260
00:13:27,417 --> 00:13:28,810
or anything like that.
261
00:13:28,853 --> 00:13:31,073
I don't look down
on sex workers.
262
00:13:31,117 --> 00:13:33,728
But it does bug me that people
want to put me in that corner
263
00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:35,164
because I don't feel like
264
00:13:35,208 --> 00:13:38,124
I was even making
that decision, really.
265
00:13:40,256 --> 00:13:44,478
I had unintentionally branded
myself by moving in there.
266
00:13:44,521 --> 00:13:48,134
And if I thought
my life was hard before,
267
00:13:48,177 --> 00:13:51,180
it was gonna be
really hard if I left.
268
00:13:51,224 --> 00:13:52,505
And it made me
just want to, like,
269
00:13:52,529 --> 00:13:54,096
turn the situation
right somehow.
270
00:13:54,140 --> 00:13:57,099
And I didn't know
how to do that.
271
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:10,417
At the Mansion,
the indoctrination, I feel,
272
00:14:10,460 --> 00:14:12,767
starts almost immediately
when you're there
273
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:15,683
and you start hearing
about how wonderful Hef is
274
00:14:15,726 --> 00:14:18,599
from his circle of friends.
275
00:14:18,642 --> 00:14:22,255
Hef provided
a stunning environment.
276
00:14:22,298 --> 00:14:25,475
He was a loving, decent,
wonderful man,
277
00:14:25,519 --> 00:14:27,129
incredible friend.
278
00:14:27,173 --> 00:14:30,741
He is such a great man
279
00:14:30,785 --> 00:14:33,396
with such a great personality,
280
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,355
and everyone was drawn to him.
281
00:14:35,398 --> 00:14:38,706
Hef was a gracious man.
282
00:14:38,749 --> 00:14:40,099
And he loved women.
283
00:14:40,142 --> 00:14:41,404
He loved them.
284
00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:43,972
He treated women with love
285
00:14:44,015 --> 00:14:46,888
and honor and respect.
286
00:14:46,931 --> 00:14:51,458
And I think that Hef
always was a romanticist.
287
00:14:51,501 --> 00:14:53,373
I'm a romantic fool.
288
00:14:53,416 --> 00:14:56,463
I mean, I was raised
in that impossible world
289
00:14:56,506 --> 00:14:59,379
where the words of the songs
are true.
290
00:14:59,422 --> 00:15:01,163
And the romantic songs,
the Cole Porter
291
00:15:01,207 --> 00:15:02,643
and the... you know, the Gershwin.
292
00:15:04,514 --> 00:15:05,994
So in the beginning,
293
00:15:06,037 --> 00:15:07,952
Hef is what you would now
call a love bomber.
294
00:15:07,996 --> 00:15:10,955
He's somebody who tells you
I love you almost immediately.
295
00:15:10,999 --> 00:15:13,654
He was always telling me,
you know, how special I was
296
00:15:13,697 --> 00:15:15,525
and you're so giving
for your age.
297
00:15:15,569 --> 00:15:17,484
And, you know,
he really made me feel like
298
00:15:17,527 --> 00:15:19,747
I was special and rare.
299
00:15:21,662 --> 00:15:24,752
You had no idea
you were being brainwashed.
300
00:15:24,795 --> 00:15:27,320
Now that's a little girl
in love.
301
00:15:27,363 --> 00:15:28,930
I was in heaven.
302
00:15:30,323 --> 00:15:32,629
I was Hef's girlfriend
in the '70s
303
00:15:32,673 --> 00:15:34,501
and early '80s for five years.
304
00:15:36,067 --> 00:15:37,547
He liked the old movies,
305
00:15:37,591 --> 00:15:41,160
and it's like
he would become a character
306
00:15:41,203 --> 00:15:45,773
and do the romantic things
he saw in the movies.
307
00:15:45,816 --> 00:15:47,688
You know,
he'd take me in his arms,
308
00:15:47,731 --> 00:15:51,082
and we'd dance around
the game room.
309
00:15:51,126 --> 00:15:52,823
And he said,
"You're the first girl
310
00:15:52,867 --> 00:15:56,958
I've liked enough to consider
having a baby with."
311
00:15:57,001 --> 00:15:59,874
That was his romantic way.
312
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,746
And people supported it.
313
00:16:02,790 --> 00:16:06,054
The secretaries or whatever...
They manipulated the girls.
314
00:16:06,097 --> 00:16:09,188
They... they spoke highly of him.
315
00:16:09,231 --> 00:16:11,015
He comes off, you know,
caring and generous,
316
00:16:11,059 --> 00:16:12,863
especially when you see him
in that atmosphere
317
00:16:12,887 --> 00:16:16,412
because he's providing this
good time for all his friends.
318
00:16:16,456 --> 00:16:19,241
And, you know,
they glow about him.
319
00:16:21,069 --> 00:16:22,568
And you just start to build
this picture in your head
320
00:16:22,592 --> 00:16:25,769
of somebody
who can really do no wrong.
321
00:16:25,813 --> 00:16:29,773
And now, looking back,
on my time at Playboy,
322
00:16:29,817 --> 00:16:31,645
it reminds me of a cult.
323
00:16:40,610 --> 00:16:43,396
The reason I think
the Mansion was very cultlike,
324
00:16:43,439 --> 00:16:45,136
looking back on it,
325
00:16:45,180 --> 00:16:47,051
is because we were all
326
00:16:47,095 --> 00:16:49,053
kind of gaslit
327
00:16:49,097 --> 00:16:53,536
and expected to think of Hef
as like this really good guy.
328
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:56,147
And you started to feel like,
"Oh, he's not
329
00:16:56,191 --> 00:16:58,324
what they say in the media.
He's just a nice man."
330
00:17:00,326 --> 00:17:03,285
Another thing that reminds me
of a cult is how it was so...
331
00:17:03,329 --> 00:17:05,940
easy to get isolated
from the outside world there.
332
00:17:07,376 --> 00:17:09,335
You had a 9:00 curfew.
333
00:17:09,378 --> 00:17:13,339
You were encouraged
to not have friends over.
334
00:17:13,382 --> 00:17:14,862
You weren't really
allowed to leave
335
00:17:14,905 --> 00:17:16,690
unless it was like
a family holiday.
336
00:17:16,733 --> 00:17:19,083
Are there are rules like can
you have boyfriends at all?
337
00:17:19,127 --> 00:17:20,476
- No.
- No.
338
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:22,324
- You're not allowed to?
- Hef is our boyfriend.
339
00:17:22,348 --> 00:17:23,673
How do you know when you're
called to the master bedroom?
340
00:17:23,697 --> 00:17:25,438
Do you have nights?
Yeah.
341
00:17:25,481 --> 00:17:27,744
The sex always happened
kind of like the same time
342
00:17:27,788 --> 00:17:29,790
the same night.
343
00:17:29,833 --> 00:17:32,532
We would go out to a club
every Wednesday and Friday,
344
00:17:32,575 --> 00:17:35,970
and that would be expected
when we got home.
345
00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:37,904
I kept my waitressing job
at just like one day a week
346
00:17:37,928 --> 00:17:41,149
because I wanted just to have
something easy to go back to
347
00:17:41,192 --> 00:17:42,716
should things not work out.
348
00:17:42,759 --> 00:17:44,370
And he said it made him jealous
349
00:17:44,413 --> 00:17:47,242
and he would appreciate it
if I quit my job.
350
00:17:47,286 --> 00:17:51,594
So instead, we were given
$1,000 a week as an allowance.
351
00:17:52,856 --> 00:17:55,163
I know for a fact the rules
she had to follow were true.
352
00:17:55,206 --> 00:17:56,904
You're imprisoned
in that Playboy, like,
353
00:17:56,947 --> 00:17:59,602
you can't do
your own thing 100%.
354
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:02,562
When Hefner was married
to Kimberley,
355
00:18:02,605 --> 00:18:07,131
I'd invited Kimberley
to a Sunday lunch at my house,
356
00:18:07,175 --> 00:18:11,222
but she was not really allowed
out of the Mansion.
357
00:18:11,266 --> 00:18:13,137
So she arrived with a bodyguard
358
00:18:13,181 --> 00:18:16,445
who was constantly on
his telephone to Mr. Hefner.
359
00:18:16,489 --> 00:18:18,882
"She's going up the stairs.
She's gone to the loo."
360
00:18:18,926 --> 00:18:21,189
And I was like,
"Is this a joke?"
361
00:18:21,232 --> 00:18:24,975
And she's like, "No, this
is... this is how it is."
362
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,892
I think in the very early
first few months
363
00:18:28,936 --> 00:18:30,546
that I was there,
364
00:18:30,590 --> 00:18:32,548
even though not everything
was to my liking,
365
00:18:32,592 --> 00:18:37,379
I felt like I hadn't given the
situation enough of a chance.
366
00:18:37,423 --> 00:18:39,294
Love, love, love!
367
00:18:39,338 --> 00:18:41,818
So I tried really hard
to follow all the rules.
368
00:18:41,862 --> 00:18:44,038
Welcome to the Playboy Mansion.
369
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:45,668
I'm Holly, and I'm here
to give you a tour.
370
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:47,911
Come on with me.
I'll show you the game house.
371
00:18:47,955 --> 00:18:51,350
I saw Holly try very hard
372
00:18:51,393 --> 00:18:53,482
to be like the lady
of the Mansion.
373
00:18:53,526 --> 00:18:55,136
Every little boy's fantasy,
374
00:18:55,179 --> 00:18:57,399
a house devoted
entirely to games.
375
00:18:57,443 --> 00:18:59,401
We have old video games,
new ones.
376
00:18:59,445 --> 00:19:04,232
She really tried to get into
the things that Hef got into.
377
00:19:04,275 --> 00:19:05,407
They had movie nights
378
00:19:05,451 --> 00:19:07,670
on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
379
00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:09,368
1939.
380
00:19:09,411 --> 00:19:10,891
"Gone with the Wind."
381
00:19:12,762 --> 00:19:15,722
She'd be there, and she'd be
very sweet to everybody.
382
00:19:17,463 --> 00:19:19,484
One thing about me that was
different from the other women
383
00:19:19,508 --> 00:19:22,642
who lived there was
I was really quiet.
384
00:19:22,685 --> 00:19:24,992
I just liked to stay in,
385
00:19:25,035 --> 00:19:26,733
and I loved watching
the old movies
386
00:19:26,776 --> 00:19:28,735
that Hef showed on Friday
and Saturdays.
387
00:19:28,778 --> 00:19:31,172
I liked going down
to the buffet dinners
388
00:19:31,215 --> 00:19:32,391
and chatting with his friends
389
00:19:32,434 --> 00:19:34,088
or listening to them talk
or whatever.
390
00:19:35,959 --> 00:19:37,918
The other girls,
they were just there to party
391
00:19:37,961 --> 00:19:40,181
and have a good time.
392
00:19:40,224 --> 00:19:43,924
Holly was there to be
a real presence
393
00:19:43,967 --> 00:19:47,188
in the Playboy Mansion.
394
00:19:47,231 --> 00:19:48,711
Holly just cared about Hef.
395
00:19:50,539 --> 00:19:53,107
She was there to look after him.
396
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:58,155
She was a good hostess
to his guests.
397
00:19:58,199 --> 00:20:00,984
I thought she was right for him.
398
00:20:01,028 --> 00:20:04,205
Within the first few months,
I went from being new
399
00:20:04,248 --> 00:20:08,209
to being like
Hef's main girlfriend.
400
00:20:08,252 --> 00:20:10,429
I wasn't into the multiple
girlfriend thing.
401
00:20:10,472 --> 00:20:12,735
It's not about them.
It's just about
402
00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:14,737
I would obviously rather be
in a relationship
403
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:16,565
where it's just me
and one other person.
404
00:20:16,609 --> 00:20:20,003
I was expected to order
his drinks for him
405
00:20:20,047 --> 00:20:22,484
and like always stand
next to him in pictures
406
00:20:22,528 --> 00:20:25,008
and to move into his room.
407
00:20:25,052 --> 00:20:27,228
Now, what is it about Holly?
408
00:20:27,271 --> 00:20:29,317
Well, I think,
despite the age disparity,
409
00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:30,797
I think she's an old soul.
410
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:32,668
I think we have
very common interests
411
00:20:32,712 --> 00:20:36,542
in terms of the way
we enjoy spending our time.
412
00:20:36,585 --> 00:20:37,804
She loves old classic films,
413
00:20:37,847 --> 00:20:40,937
she loves the same kind
of music I love.
414
00:20:40,981 --> 00:20:43,113
I think what switched for me
415
00:20:43,157 --> 00:20:45,159
was when Hef started using me
as a tool and saying,
416
00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:46,876
"Well, why can't you
just behave like Holly?
417
00:20:46,900 --> 00:20:48,268
"Why can't you just show up
to all the movies?
418
00:20:48,292 --> 00:20:49,685
Why can't you do this
like her?"
419
00:20:49,729 --> 00:20:52,166
Then everybody hated me.
420
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:54,168
One of the girlfriends
421
00:20:54,211 --> 00:20:58,085
started working as a liaison
for this escort service.
422
00:20:58,128 --> 00:20:59,521
And she started
trying to recruit
423
00:20:59,565 --> 00:21:01,436
all the other girlfriends.
424
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,830
When she was found out,
425
00:21:03,873 --> 00:21:06,397
she thought it was me
who told on her, and it wasn't.
426
00:21:06,441 --> 00:21:08,138
And I remember I had the flu
427
00:21:08,182 --> 00:21:09,836
and I was laying down
in Hef's room.
428
00:21:09,879 --> 00:21:11,664
He was downstairs somewhere.
429
00:21:11,707 --> 00:21:14,405
And she like comes up the bed
screaming in my face,
430
00:21:14,449 --> 00:21:15,842
and I like can barely move,
431
00:21:15,885 --> 00:21:18,540
so it's kind of like
a scary situation.
432
00:21:18,584 --> 00:21:20,063
And I kind of had a breakdown
433
00:21:20,107 --> 00:21:21,345
because I thought
she was gonna hit me,
434
00:21:21,369 --> 00:21:23,676
and like I have to live
with these people.
435
00:21:25,808 --> 00:21:29,595
So I was completely isolated
until Bridget came along.
436
00:21:31,466 --> 00:21:33,381
Bridget, how did you
come aboard?
437
00:21:33,424 --> 00:21:35,490
Um, I came to the Mansion
pursuing to be in the magazine.
438
00:21:35,514 --> 00:21:37,167
I really wanted to be a Playmate
439
00:21:37,211 --> 00:21:40,693
and started going out
as the big party posse.
440
00:21:40,736 --> 00:21:42,912
I think that Holly
and I bonded because
441
00:21:42,956 --> 00:21:46,916
I was very clear about
not wanting her position.
442
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:50,833
Some of the girlfriends would
have liked to take that spot.
443
00:21:50,877 --> 00:21:53,401
They wanna just like
still break all the rules
444
00:21:53,444 --> 00:21:55,185
but still get all the perks.
445
00:21:56,099 --> 00:21:57,424
I knew that Holly
would want a life
446
00:21:57,448 --> 00:22:00,713
without all
the extra girlfriends.
447
00:22:00,756 --> 00:22:03,672
In five years from today,
Holly, what are you doing?
448
00:22:03,716 --> 00:22:05,979
Um, I wanna be married,
have kids,
449
00:22:06,022 --> 00:22:07,807
and still be working at Playboy.
450
00:22:07,850 --> 00:22:08,895
- With Hef?
- Yeah.
451
00:22:13,247 --> 00:22:14,529
I think I definitely thought
I was in love with Hef,
452
00:22:14,553 --> 00:22:17,164
but it was
very Stockholm syndrome.
453
00:22:17,207 --> 00:22:18,818
Very Stockholm syndrome.
454
00:22:20,776 --> 00:22:23,823
So Stockholm syndrome is when
somebody starts to identify
455
00:22:23,866 --> 00:22:26,347
with somebody who is
their captor in some way.
456
00:22:26,390 --> 00:22:29,176
And I feel like I did that
with Hef 100%.
457
00:22:29,219 --> 00:22:32,962
Like, I never blamed him for
any of the drama that went on.
458
00:22:33,006 --> 00:22:35,486
I always blamed it
on the other women, you know.
459
00:22:35,530 --> 00:22:37,097
Hef was innocent in my eyes.
460
00:22:38,577 --> 00:22:41,014
And then later, one of
the girls was telling me
461
00:22:41,057 --> 00:22:43,451
how Hef always
pits the main girlfriend
462
00:22:43,494 --> 00:22:46,062
against the other girls.
463
00:22:46,106 --> 00:22:48,891
This situation was going on
for years before I came along.
464
00:22:54,244 --> 00:22:57,857
- What do you see?
- Patty and Laura.
465
00:22:57,900 --> 00:23:00,424
This must have been
the Playmate party.
466
00:23:00,468 --> 00:23:02,601
And that's when I met
all these girls.
467
00:23:02,644 --> 00:23:06,648
And they were very,
very mean to me at this point.
468
00:23:06,692 --> 00:23:12,045
When I was Hef's girlfriend,
every girl wanted my position.
469
00:23:12,088 --> 00:23:13,675
See, all the girls
wanted to be in my shoes.
470
00:23:13,699 --> 00:23:16,353
They wanted to be the girl
walking down the path with him,
471
00:23:16,397 --> 00:23:18,747
sitting next to him.
472
00:23:18,791 --> 00:23:20,575
He would pit us
against each other.
473
00:23:20,619 --> 00:23:24,144
You know, there was always
a little tiff
474
00:23:24,187 --> 00:23:25,841
going with different girls.
475
00:23:25,885 --> 00:23:29,845
And, you know, if everybody was
a little unsure of themselves,
476
00:23:29,889 --> 00:23:31,630
then he could have his way.
477
00:23:33,196 --> 00:23:36,504
It was like we were
in this competition.
478
00:23:36,547 --> 00:23:39,463
And when I look at somebody
who's
479
00:23:39,507 --> 00:23:42,728
struggling to create
all this drama amongst people
480
00:23:42,771 --> 00:23:45,252
so he can feel like people
are fighting over him,
481
00:23:45,295 --> 00:23:48,298
I'm like, "What hole are you
trying to fill?"
482
00:24:01,485 --> 00:24:03,139
My name is Richard Bann,
483
00:24:03,183 --> 00:24:06,882
and I was lucky enough
to meet Hugh Hefner in 1990.
484
00:24:06,926 --> 00:24:10,146
And I knew him as one
of his closest personal friends
485
00:24:10,190 --> 00:24:11,191
until he died.
486
00:24:13,410 --> 00:24:17,284
As a kid, he was uncomfortable
approaching young ladies.
487
00:24:17,327 --> 00:24:18,851
And he didn't always succeed.
488
00:24:20,069 --> 00:24:21,723
In high school,
489
00:24:21,767 --> 00:24:26,336
he was gonna invite
Betty Conklin to a hayride.
490
00:24:26,380 --> 00:24:27,686
And she rejected him.
491
00:24:29,470 --> 00:24:32,342
She went instead
with one of his close friends.
492
00:24:33,561 --> 00:24:36,564
This was a watershed event
in his life.
493
00:24:36,607 --> 00:24:39,828
What he did
was he reinvented himself.
494
00:24:39,872 --> 00:24:43,136
He changed his wardrobe,
he changed the way he spoke
495
00:24:43,179 --> 00:24:46,574
in hopes
of being able to attract
496
00:24:46,617 --> 00:24:49,403
someone like Betty Conklin.
497
00:24:50,578 --> 00:24:52,058
I'm a rebel.
498
00:24:52,101 --> 00:24:55,061
A man ought to work hard
and play hard too
499
00:24:55,104 --> 00:24:57,411
because you only get one time
around in this old world,
500
00:24:57,454 --> 00:24:59,065
and if you don't make
the most of it,
501
00:24:59,108 --> 00:25:00,708
you've got no one
to blame but yourself.
502
00:25:05,245 --> 00:25:07,160
Betty Conklin represented
503
00:25:07,203 --> 00:25:10,467
the "Citizen Kane" Rosebud
of his life.
504
00:25:10,511 --> 00:25:15,037
She was the template
for the girl next door.
505
00:25:15,081 --> 00:25:19,433
Hef created "Playboy" magazine
and this whole empire
506
00:25:19,476 --> 00:25:21,783
to work out
the failed relationship
507
00:25:21,827 --> 00:25:23,698
he had with Betty Conklin.
508
00:25:25,526 --> 00:25:29,095
With Hef, I don't really know
what's true or what's not.
509
00:25:30,661 --> 00:25:32,315
He would tell people
in the media
510
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:33,815
and, of course,
they loved to run with that
511
00:25:33,839 --> 00:25:36,450
as like the moment
that changed everything.
512
00:25:36,493 --> 00:25:39,540
But it's not just a girl
invited somebody else
513
00:25:39,583 --> 00:25:40,889
to a hayride in high school.
514
00:25:42,064 --> 00:25:43,805
The way he treats people,
515
00:25:43,849 --> 00:25:46,199
there's gotta be something
more going on
516
00:25:46,242 --> 00:25:47,853
under the surface.
517
00:25:47,896 --> 00:25:50,203
There's got to be
something darker.
518
00:25:50,246 --> 00:25:52,858
Because when I was there,
519
00:25:52,901 --> 00:25:57,471
I felt like he wanted
to have control over me
520
00:25:57,514 --> 00:25:59,560
and the other women
who were there.
521
00:26:01,692 --> 00:26:03,564
Hef wanted to know,
522
00:26:03,607 --> 00:26:06,610
"How does somebody
control somebody?"
523
00:26:06,654 --> 00:26:10,266
When we first started dating
in the late '70s,
524
00:26:10,310 --> 00:26:12,878
he was fascinated and obsessed
with Charles Manson.
525
00:26:15,489 --> 00:26:17,970
Couldn't talk enough about him.
526
00:26:18,013 --> 00:26:19,841
How does this guy
have these women
527
00:26:19,885 --> 00:26:22,235
that have been in jail
for how many years
528
00:26:22,278 --> 00:26:23,845
and when they have a chance
to get out,
529
00:26:23,889 --> 00:26:25,151
they're still adoring him,
530
00:26:25,194 --> 00:26:27,240
and they will
till the day they die.
531
00:26:27,283 --> 00:26:29,808
And Hef liked that.
532
00:26:29,851 --> 00:26:32,245
In Hef's film collection,
533
00:26:32,288 --> 00:26:35,117
he even had
the Manson family "home videos"
534
00:26:35,161 --> 00:26:36,815
made before the murders,
535
00:26:36,858 --> 00:26:39,600
the girls with guns
and knives out at the ranch.
536
00:26:39,643 --> 00:26:40,949
You have to know it so that
537
00:26:40,993 --> 00:26:42,951
you could pick it up
any second and shoot.
538
00:26:42,995 --> 00:26:45,171
There were so many
similarities...
539
00:26:45,214 --> 00:26:48,609
The way the girls
followed everything he said,
540
00:26:48,652 --> 00:26:50,698
and we were all
one big happy family.
541
00:26:53,309 --> 00:26:54,702
He would say things like,
542
00:26:54,745 --> 00:26:56,835
"If you can get along
with everybody,
543
00:26:56,878 --> 00:27:00,186
we can be together forever."
544
00:27:00,229 --> 00:27:04,494
That's how he reeled me in.
I wasn't gay.
545
00:27:04,538 --> 00:27:08,063
But he would whisper in my ear,
you know, "Go talk to her.
546
00:27:08,107 --> 00:27:11,371
Go talk to her and see
if she wants to party."
547
00:27:13,155 --> 00:27:14,896
Finally, one day,
I just, "Oh, geez!
548
00:27:14,940 --> 00:27:17,029
Okay. I'll try it once."
549
00:27:20,946 --> 00:27:22,208
Yeah. Yeah.
550
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,646
He was happy.
551
00:27:25,689 --> 00:27:29,215
That was exactly
what he had asked for so long.
552
00:27:29,258 --> 00:27:32,522
But also, that wasn't enough.
553
00:27:32,566 --> 00:27:35,525
He had to have more
and more and more.
554
00:27:35,569 --> 00:27:38,137
It just got ugly
555
00:27:38,180 --> 00:27:40,400
because I felt like
I was a ringmaster.
556
00:27:40,443 --> 00:27:43,490
I felt like I had to put
the show on every night.
557
00:27:43,533 --> 00:27:45,274
And it's the same script.
558
00:27:45,318 --> 00:27:48,930
"Welcome to the family.
We're embracing you."
559
00:27:48,974 --> 00:27:50,889
It was all a lie.
560
00:27:50,932 --> 00:27:54,109
I watched girl after girl
after girl show up,
561
00:27:54,153 --> 00:27:57,025
fresh face, adorable,
and then...
562
00:27:57,069 --> 00:27:59,114
their beauty just washed away.
563
00:27:59,158 --> 00:28:01,247
They were tired.
564
00:28:01,290 --> 00:28:05,947
I saw clearly that
we were nothing to him.
565
00:28:05,991 --> 00:28:08,602
Hugh went through decades
of young girls, decades.
566
00:28:10,212 --> 00:28:12,954
He said to me, "What I do is
567
00:28:12,998 --> 00:28:16,131
I find somebody
whose looks I like,
568
00:28:16,175 --> 00:28:19,874
that I'm really attracted to,
for all the obvious reasons,
569
00:28:19,918 --> 00:28:24,835
and then I project onto them
whatever it is I want to see
570
00:28:24,879 --> 00:28:26,533
and I block out
everything else."
571
00:28:28,317 --> 00:28:29,971
By the early 2000s,
572
00:28:30,015 --> 00:28:33,061
the girlfriends were always
these interchangeable,
573
00:28:33,105 --> 00:28:35,368
replaceable sex objects
to Hefner.
574
00:28:37,152 --> 00:28:39,154
I think it probably
gave him a feeling
575
00:28:39,198 --> 00:28:42,853
of being more in control
if we all looked identical.
576
00:28:42,897 --> 00:28:44,986
How do you tell
each other apart?
577
00:28:45,030 --> 00:28:46,833
'Cause y'all have the same
kind of blonde hair.
578
00:28:46,857 --> 00:28:48,337
Yeah.
579
00:28:48,381 --> 00:28:49,445
The plastic surgery
amongst the girlfriends
580
00:28:49,469 --> 00:28:50,992
in the Mansion was compulsive.
581
00:28:51,036 --> 00:28:54,300
Everybody was doing it
with very few exceptions.
582
00:28:54,343 --> 00:28:56,345
I remember being made to feel
583
00:28:56,389 --> 00:28:59,522
like I needed to look
exactly like everybody else.
584
00:28:59,566 --> 00:29:02,047
When I asked him if I could
ever test for Playmate,
585
00:29:02,090 --> 00:29:04,963
he said I'm just not
photogenic enough.
586
00:29:05,006 --> 00:29:07,574
So of course, what that does
to you is it makes you wonder,
587
00:29:07,617 --> 00:29:08,967
"Wow, what's wrong with me?
588
00:29:09,010 --> 00:29:10,620
Like, what do I need
to get fixed?"
589
00:29:12,448 --> 00:29:15,321
Holly, she was getting her
nose done and her this done
590
00:29:15,364 --> 00:29:17,801
and... you know,
she wanted all this stuff done
591
00:29:17,845 --> 00:29:20,587
and so he paid for it.
592
00:29:20,630 --> 00:29:21,781
I've always been
very honest about it.
593
00:29:21,805 --> 00:29:23,590
I've had my boobs
and my nose done.
594
00:29:25,809 --> 00:29:28,595
I got to a point not too far
into my time there...
595
00:29:28,638 --> 00:29:30,007
I think I was only like
six months in...
596
00:29:30,031 --> 00:29:32,555
Where I kind of broke
under that pressure
597
00:29:32,599 --> 00:29:34,601
and being made to feel
like I needed to look
598
00:29:34,644 --> 00:29:36,255
exactly like everybody else.
599
00:29:37,169 --> 00:29:39,301
My hair was really
long naturally,
600
00:29:39,345 --> 00:29:41,782
and I was just like,
"I'm gonna go chop my hair off
601
00:29:41,825 --> 00:29:43,610
so I can at least look
a little different."
602
00:29:45,307 --> 00:29:47,179
I came back with short hair,
603
00:29:47,222 --> 00:29:49,790
and he flipped out on me.
604
00:29:49,833 --> 00:29:51,748
And he was screaming at me
605
00:29:51,792 --> 00:29:55,926
and said it made me
look old, hard, and cheap.
606
00:29:55,970 --> 00:29:58,799
I remember
when she cut her hair.
607
00:29:58,842 --> 00:30:01,019
He was very unhappy about it.
608
00:30:02,368 --> 00:30:04,892
Yeah, his world.
609
00:30:04,935 --> 00:30:07,329
Hef would be pretty abrasive
610
00:30:07,373 --> 00:30:09,201
in the way
he said things to Holly.
611
00:30:10,550 --> 00:30:11,918
She came down
with red lipstick one time
612
00:30:11,942 --> 00:30:13,466
and he like flipped out
613
00:30:13,509 --> 00:30:15,096
and said he hated
red lipstick on girls,
614
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:17,078
needed to take it off
right away,
615
00:30:17,122 --> 00:30:19,341
even though other people
could wear red lipstick
616
00:30:19,385 --> 00:30:21,735
and it didn't seem
to bother him.
617
00:30:21,778 --> 00:30:25,347
I could definitely see that she
was getting depressed and sad
618
00:30:25,391 --> 00:30:27,480
and her demeanor
was starting to change.
619
00:30:27,523 --> 00:30:32,180
I felt like I was just
in this cycle of gross things,
620
00:30:32,224 --> 00:30:34,400
and I didn't know what to do.
621
00:30:38,273 --> 00:30:41,929
You know, over the years,
I knew a lot of girlfriends.
622
00:30:41,972 --> 00:30:46,455
You know who's there for Hef
and who's there just because
623
00:30:46,499 --> 00:30:49,458
they want a place to stay
and a little money every week.
624
00:30:49,502 --> 00:30:51,112
And, you know,
you just get to a point
625
00:30:51,156 --> 00:30:52,853
where you know who's who.
626
00:30:52,896 --> 00:30:55,464
And what's funny with Holly,
627
00:30:55,508 --> 00:30:59,599
she never let on
if she was unhappy.
628
00:30:59,642 --> 00:31:01,688
You're in a relationship
with Hugh Hefner
629
00:31:01,731 --> 00:31:03,124
inside the Playboy Mansion.
630
00:31:03,168 --> 00:31:05,344
You signed up for that journey,
631
00:31:05,387 --> 00:31:08,216
and you knew you signed up
for that journey.
632
00:31:08,260 --> 00:31:13,091
If you're not happy,
pack up your stuff and go.
633
00:31:13,134 --> 00:31:16,181
Like you could have
walked out the door any time.
634
00:31:19,009 --> 00:31:21,708
His friends were always
so supportive
635
00:31:21,751 --> 00:31:24,319
and just speaking
so highly of him.
636
00:31:24,363 --> 00:31:27,105
But that's the only side
of him they ever saw.
637
00:31:27,148 --> 00:31:29,890
They had no idea what was
going on behind closed doors
638
00:31:29,933 --> 00:31:31,805
and how the women were treated.
639
00:31:33,807 --> 00:31:36,810
When I lived at the Mansion,
I was afraid to leave.
640
00:31:36,853 --> 00:31:38,333
Something that was
always lingering
641
00:31:38,377 --> 00:31:40,161
in the back of my mind, I think,
642
00:31:40,205 --> 00:31:43,208
since the very beginning
was that if I left,
643
00:31:43,251 --> 00:31:45,079
there was just this mountain
of revenge porn
644
00:31:45,123 --> 00:31:48,169
just waiting to come out.
645
00:31:48,213 --> 00:31:50,563
When you would go out with Hef,
646
00:31:50,606 --> 00:31:53,305
he's taking all kinds of
naked pictures of these women
647
00:31:53,348 --> 00:31:55,437
when we're wasted
out of our minds.
648
00:31:55,481 --> 00:31:57,222
And he would print out, like,
649
00:31:57,265 --> 00:31:59,311
eight copies for him
and all the women.
650
00:31:59,354 --> 00:32:02,401
You would pass them around,
and it's just gross.
651
00:32:04,359 --> 00:32:06,579
I drank pretty heavily
every night we went out.
652
00:32:06,622 --> 00:32:08,842
It was my way of coping
with the situation
653
00:32:08,885 --> 00:32:10,757
after we got back home.
654
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:12,846
The other girlfriends
would always try
655
00:32:12,889 --> 00:32:14,935
and bring other girls home
from nightclubs
656
00:32:14,978 --> 00:32:17,024
and get other girls
to come upstairs.
657
00:32:17,067 --> 00:32:19,374
And I wasn't into that.
658
00:32:19,418 --> 00:32:23,422
The drama between me and
the other women became so bad.
659
00:32:23,465 --> 00:32:25,946
Like, imagine having sex
with somebody
660
00:32:25,989 --> 00:32:28,514
in a room full of women
who all hate you
661
00:32:28,557 --> 00:32:31,430
and you know they're all
talking about you.
662
00:32:32,909 --> 00:32:34,955
And there was a point
where I just felt really low.
663
00:32:34,998 --> 00:32:37,871
Like, I didn't feel like
I had any options.
664
00:32:40,308 --> 00:32:43,964
I remember there was a point
in time a couple years in,
665
00:32:44,007 --> 00:32:45,618
after we had gone out
666
00:32:45,661 --> 00:32:47,663
and after
we'd all been in the bedroom,
667
00:32:47,707 --> 00:32:49,230
everybody's leaving
and walking out,
668
00:32:49,274 --> 00:32:51,232
and I was in the bathtub,
669
00:32:51,276 --> 00:32:53,539
and I just wanted
to drown myself.
670
00:32:57,282 --> 00:33:01,503
I just felt like I was
in this cycle of misery.
671
00:33:04,114 --> 00:33:06,160
And, you know, those feelings
would never last long.
672
00:33:06,204 --> 00:33:07,683
But you have those moments like,
673
00:33:07,727 --> 00:33:09,729
"What did I gain
from this experience?"
674
00:33:09,772 --> 00:33:11,600
You know? I knew
there would be something.
675
00:33:11,644 --> 00:33:13,907
I always had that faith
that there would be something
676
00:33:13,950 --> 00:33:15,822
that would make it worth it.
677
00:33:22,785 --> 00:33:25,266
These are so sexy.
I love 'em.
678
00:33:25,310 --> 00:33:27,660
Yeah, I think you got
a lotta good stuff.
679
00:33:27,703 --> 00:33:31,098
The first season of "Girls
Next Door" came out in 2005,
680
00:33:31,141 --> 00:33:34,057
and it wasn't a perfect
experience by any means,
681
00:33:34,101 --> 00:33:36,451
but it totally saved my life.
682
00:33:36,495 --> 00:33:38,758
Come on, honey.
Jump in.
683
00:33:40,063 --> 00:33:42,370
"The Girls Next Door"
happened at a time
684
00:33:42,414 --> 00:33:44,764
when Playboy had lost its feet.
685
00:33:44,807 --> 00:33:47,157
The Internet, celebrity culture,
686
00:33:47,201 --> 00:33:49,899
all these things...
It was like an earthquake
687
00:33:49,943 --> 00:33:51,640
and Hef was trying
to figure out,
688
00:33:51,684 --> 00:33:53,729
"Well, how do we
stay relevant?"
689
00:33:53,773 --> 00:33:56,863
Hef's documentarian friend
690
00:33:56,906 --> 00:33:59,953
did all kinds of personality
interviews with everybody,
691
00:33:59,996 --> 00:34:02,129
including us three girls.
692
00:34:02,172 --> 00:34:04,827
Here we go!
Nice.
693
00:34:04,871 --> 00:34:08,309
And someone at E!
Said, "That's my show.
694
00:34:08,353 --> 00:34:09,745
I wanna see the Mansion
695
00:34:09,789 --> 00:34:11,791
through the eyes
of those three girls."
696
00:34:13,096 --> 00:34:14,465
"The Girls Next Door"
show did a lot
697
00:34:14,489 --> 00:34:16,056
for the Playboy brand.
698
00:34:16,099 --> 00:34:17,512
We knew there would be
some interest
699
00:34:17,536 --> 00:34:19,668
because it was
the Playboy Mansion.
700
00:34:19,712 --> 00:34:21,453
What I did not anticipate
701
00:34:21,496 --> 00:34:22,952
was how hugely popular
it would become
702
00:34:22,976 --> 00:34:25,544
and particularly how hugely
popular with young women.
703
00:34:28,982 --> 00:34:31,114
The show gave me confidence.
704
00:34:31,158 --> 00:34:32,986
It gave me a sense of purpose.
705
00:34:33,029 --> 00:34:36,859
The contrast between like the
first 3 years I lived there
706
00:34:36,903 --> 00:34:39,732
and like the last 3 1/2 years,
it was... it was night and day.
707
00:34:39,775 --> 00:34:42,648
I can see myself
getting my self-esteem back.
708
00:34:44,084 --> 00:34:46,782
I had a job at the Playboy
Studio for the show,
709
00:34:46,826 --> 00:34:48,871
and I ended up really loving it.
710
00:34:48,915 --> 00:34:51,396
I seemed like I'm on my way
to being a little more normal,
711
00:34:51,439 --> 00:34:53,659
like a little more
of a functional human.
712
00:34:55,487 --> 00:34:57,402
It felt great to be able
to make the show.
713
00:34:57,445 --> 00:35:00,100
It really was a lot of fun.
714
00:35:00,143 --> 00:35:01,928
I was excited
when I finally got a chance
715
00:35:01,971 --> 00:35:03,843
to be in the magazine.
716
00:35:05,410 --> 00:35:07,890
But we weren't paid for
the first order of episodes
717
00:35:07,934 --> 00:35:10,328
for "The Girls Next Door."
718
00:35:10,371 --> 00:35:11,633
They made it very clear to us
719
00:35:11,677 --> 00:35:14,244
that if we didn't wanna do it,
720
00:35:14,288 --> 00:35:15,985
there would be a million girls
721
00:35:16,029 --> 00:35:17,813
that would wanna take our place.
722
00:35:17,857 --> 00:35:19,815
Eventually, we did get paid.
723
00:35:19,859 --> 00:35:23,036
But we were told one day that
we needed to sign contracts
724
00:35:23,079 --> 00:35:25,168
and we needed
to sign them that day
725
00:35:25,212 --> 00:35:27,127
or E! wasn't going
to renew the show,
726
00:35:27,170 --> 00:35:28,868
which I just didn't want
to sign a contract
727
00:35:28,911 --> 00:35:30,478
that, in essence,
was signing a contract
728
00:35:30,522 --> 00:35:32,306
to be in a relationship,
since the show
729
00:35:32,350 --> 00:35:34,830
was about three girls
he was dating.
730
00:35:34,874 --> 00:35:37,006
That felt very
prostitute-ish to me.
731
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,401
I was in the shower,
and all of a sudden,
732
00:35:40,445 --> 00:35:41,924
Hef is standing there,
733
00:35:41,968 --> 00:35:43,709
and he opens up the shower door,
734
00:35:43,752 --> 00:35:45,339
and he's like, "Why aren't
you signing this contract?!
735
00:35:45,363 --> 00:35:46,683
I need you to sign
this contract!"
736
00:35:48,017 --> 00:35:49,802
So we all signed it.
737
00:35:49,845 --> 00:35:53,414
But I consider
that signing under duress.
738
00:35:53,458 --> 00:35:56,809
I signed the contract,
crying and soaking wet.
739
00:35:59,855 --> 00:36:00,855
Mm-hmm.
740
00:36:02,771 --> 00:36:05,426
I always find the perfect card.
741
00:36:05,470 --> 00:36:08,690
"Still the one I love
to catch myself dreaming about.
742
00:36:08,734 --> 00:36:12,607
"Still the one I love
to talk things over with.
743
00:36:12,651 --> 00:36:13,826
Still the one..."
744
00:36:13,869 --> 00:36:15,784
Huh? You don't want me
to read it?
745
00:36:15,828 --> 00:36:18,396
- No.
- Oh... aw!
746
00:36:21,921 --> 00:36:24,053
Oh, no, I was embarrassed
and stressed.
747
00:36:24,097 --> 00:36:26,404
Like, he's reading
this card aloud that I got him,
748
00:36:26,447 --> 00:36:28,841
and I just feel stupid
749
00:36:28,884 --> 00:36:31,147
because, like,
what even is this?
750
00:36:31,191 --> 00:36:34,107
Like I'm supposed to be filming
like this romantic scene,
751
00:36:34,150 --> 00:36:36,283
but he's, like,
dating other people.
752
00:36:38,677 --> 00:36:41,549
The show was doing a lot for me
both for my self-esteem
753
00:36:41,593 --> 00:36:43,159
and just as far
as other opportunities
754
00:36:43,203 --> 00:36:44,639
that would come to be later.
755
00:36:44,683 --> 00:36:46,293
But I wasn't really seeing that.
756
00:36:46,336 --> 00:36:50,776
I still felt like I was very
stuck in the same situation.
757
00:36:50,819 --> 00:36:54,040
Hef was definitely very needy
of Holly's time,
758
00:36:54,083 --> 00:36:56,738
and he always wanted her
next to him.
759
00:36:58,087 --> 00:36:59,891
For instance, I remember
we went to this event
760
00:36:59,915 --> 00:37:01,395
on the "Queen Mary."
761
00:37:01,439 --> 00:37:03,136
We were filming
"Girls Next Door."
762
00:37:03,179 --> 00:37:05,965
We got Hef to spend the night
on the "Queen Mary,"
763
00:37:06,008 --> 00:37:07,445
and we were so excited.
764
00:37:07,488 --> 00:37:09,142
And we were gonna go
run around the ship
765
00:37:09,185 --> 00:37:11,449
in our pajamas,
and so we were like,
766
00:37:11,492 --> 00:37:13,451
"Oh, Holly,
you have to come with us."
767
00:37:13,494 --> 00:37:15,627
And he told her no,
she couldn't go
768
00:37:15,670 --> 00:37:17,324
and like grabbed her hair.
769
00:37:17,367 --> 00:37:19,084
She was like leaning down,
and he like pulled her hair
770
00:37:19,108 --> 00:37:21,197
was like,
"No. You're not going."
771
00:37:21,241 --> 00:37:22,851
She needed to be there with him,
772
00:37:22,895 --> 00:37:25,288
otherwise, he would have
been alone in his room.
773
00:37:25,332 --> 00:37:27,465
And that wouldn't have been
okay with him.
774
00:37:30,424 --> 00:37:34,559
In 2008, my last year there,
the other girls were leaving.
775
00:37:34,602 --> 00:37:37,083
It looked like it was
just going to be me.
776
00:37:37,126 --> 00:37:38,476
I finally thought I had got
777
00:37:38,519 --> 00:37:40,173
what I wanted
out of this situation
778
00:37:40,216 --> 00:37:44,264
and was finally like in
this committed relationship.
779
00:37:44,307 --> 00:37:47,746
But during that time period,
he started
780
00:37:47,963 --> 00:37:49,835
getting even meaner.
781
00:37:51,140 --> 00:37:52,814
One day, I had all these
messages from Holly
782
00:37:52,838 --> 00:37:55,014
that her and Hef
had an altercation
783
00:37:55,057 --> 00:37:58,147
downstairs during dinner,
and she got up to walk away
784
00:37:58,191 --> 00:38:02,630
and he said,
"Quit being such a bitch."
785
00:38:02,674 --> 00:38:06,025
But not bitch. The C word.
Which I hate that word.
786
00:38:06,068 --> 00:38:08,418
So I don't even wanna say it.
Sounds so ugly.
787
00:38:08,462 --> 00:38:11,596
And that's it. She was done.
788
00:38:11,639 --> 00:38:14,729
At that point, there were
no women to pit me against.
789
00:38:14,773 --> 00:38:16,731
There was none of that left.
790
00:38:16,775 --> 00:38:19,125
And that's when I had
the realization and I was like,
791
00:38:19,168 --> 00:38:21,780
"Whoa, he's been the problem
the whole time."
792
00:38:24,086 --> 00:38:27,089
I had been locked into
the mentality of the Mansion
793
00:38:27,133 --> 00:38:28,613
and had felt like
794
00:38:28,656 --> 00:38:31,572
there's no other
future for me outside.
795
00:38:31,616 --> 00:38:33,835
But I finally saw him
for who he was,
796
00:38:33,879 --> 00:38:36,446
and I had to go.
797
00:38:36,490 --> 00:38:39,624
I just felt it so strongly
that I had to leave.
798
00:38:57,424 --> 00:39:01,907
The time at Playboy
really caused some damage.
799
00:39:01,950 --> 00:39:05,432
I've had different types of
therapy and stuff since I left.
800
00:39:07,390 --> 00:39:10,176
Other than some of
the animals in the zoo,
801
00:39:10,219 --> 00:39:13,353
I can't really think
of anything I miss.
802
00:39:15,050 --> 00:39:18,053
When I decided to leave,
it was pretty sudden.
803
00:39:18,097 --> 00:39:20,621
So I wouldn't say it was
so much that I had a plan.
804
00:39:20,665 --> 00:39:22,449
I just had more to fall back on.
805
00:39:22,492 --> 00:39:24,669
Like I'd been really careful
with my money
806
00:39:24,712 --> 00:39:26,584
and making investments
807
00:39:26,627 --> 00:39:29,282
And I knew that there was
at least a fan base
808
00:39:29,325 --> 00:39:30,805
for "The Girls Next Door."
809
00:39:30,849 --> 00:39:33,373
So maybe I could turn
that into something.
810
00:39:34,853 --> 00:39:39,379
And it worked out really well.
I did my own TV show.
811
00:39:39,422 --> 00:39:41,033
I'm out on my own in Las Vegas.
812
00:39:41,076 --> 00:39:43,035
I star in a really awesome
burlesque show
813
00:39:43,078 --> 00:39:45,777
called "Peepshow"
at Planet Hollywood,
814
00:39:45,820 --> 00:39:47,169
had kids, got married,
815
00:39:47,213 --> 00:39:51,652
basically did everything
I wanted to do.
816
00:39:51,696 --> 00:39:54,873
But every single day of my life,
817
00:39:54,916 --> 00:39:56,439
I would have a stranger
approach me
818
00:39:56,483 --> 00:39:57,963
and ask, "How's Hef?"
819
00:39:58,006 --> 00:40:00,618
And I would always say,
"Oh, he's good. He's great."
820
00:40:00,661 --> 00:40:03,664
I really started
to feel terrible about it
821
00:40:03,708 --> 00:40:05,100
and like I was living a lie.
822
00:40:05,144 --> 00:40:07,494
And after my book came out,
823
00:40:07,537 --> 00:40:11,063
no one ever came up to me again
and asked how's Hef?
824
00:40:11,106 --> 00:40:13,413
My book wasn't motivated
by money at all.
825
00:40:13,456 --> 00:40:15,589
It wasn't motivated by revenge.
826
00:40:15,633 --> 00:40:17,765
I knew he was in a place
827
00:40:17,809 --> 00:40:20,159
where he didn't really
answer to anyone.
828
00:40:20,202 --> 00:40:23,249
He wasn't necessarily
cancelable, so to speak.
829
00:40:23,292 --> 00:40:25,077
It was strictly for me
830
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:28,167
so I wouldn't feel bound
to be living this lie
831
00:40:28,210 --> 00:40:31,213
where I constantly
have to say things were great
832
00:40:31,257 --> 00:40:32,998
when I was there
when they weren't.
833
00:40:37,785 --> 00:40:40,440
What I love about my book
834
00:40:40,483 --> 00:40:43,182
is I feel some people
are finding it
835
00:40:43,225 --> 00:40:46,272
and they read it and they
recognize parallel situations
836
00:40:46,315 --> 00:40:47,752
in emotionally
abusive relationships
837
00:40:47,795 --> 00:40:49,188
that they might be in.
838
00:40:49,231 --> 00:40:51,016
I've heard a lot of feedback
like that.
839
00:40:51,059 --> 00:40:54,889
And I love it that people are
talking about abuses of power
840
00:40:54,933 --> 00:40:57,936
and imbalances in relationships.
841
00:40:57,979 --> 00:41:00,678
And I hope that helps
some people.
842
00:41:01,896 --> 00:41:04,682
We are currently in an era
843
00:41:04,725 --> 00:41:07,032
where we're breaking down
that wall of misogyny.
844
00:41:07,075 --> 00:41:11,297
Hef was able to control women
845
00:41:11,340 --> 00:41:15,562
under the disguise
of his money and power.
846
00:41:15,605 --> 00:41:16,868
Yeah, for sure.
847
00:41:17,825 --> 00:41:20,480
Holly Madison got money,
got fame,
848
00:41:20,523 --> 00:41:22,874
got everything she wanted.
849
00:41:22,917 --> 00:41:26,225
So I'm worried that Holly will
just cause a lot of eyerolling
850
00:41:26,268 --> 00:41:28,401
and therefore people won't
really take this seriously.
851
00:41:29,750 --> 00:41:32,187
When Holly was his girlfriend,
852
00:41:32,231 --> 00:41:34,059
he was old by then.
853
00:41:34,102 --> 00:41:37,584
Hef was a lot younger
when I started dating him.
854
00:41:37,627 --> 00:41:41,631
My experiences with him
got pretty scary at times.
855
00:41:41,675 --> 00:41:43,764
We love you, Hef!
856
00:41:43,808 --> 00:41:46,724
Didn't matter how many
people you brought in...
857
00:41:46,767 --> 00:41:48,682
It would only satisfy him
for the moment
858
00:41:48,726 --> 00:41:50,858
and then he'd have to find
something bigger,
859
00:41:50,902 --> 00:41:52,991
better, naughtier.
860
00:41:53,034 --> 00:41:54,775
He was like a vampire.
861
00:41:54,819 --> 00:41:58,518
He sucked the life out of all
these young girls for decades.
862
00:41:58,561 --> 00:42:00,999
If those rocks could talk,
the tales they would tell.
863
00:42:02,609 --> 00:42:05,003
I know some really
deep dark secrets.
864
00:42:05,046 --> 00:42:06,961
I can't give this up.
865
00:42:07,005 --> 00:42:10,269
And now we're speaking up.
It's all gonna come out.
866
00:42:50,004 --> 00:42:52,877
I think everybody had that
desire to be a Playboy Bunny.
867
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:54,922
There was a style
868
00:42:54,966 --> 00:42:56,968
that the Playboy Bunnies had.
869
00:42:57,011 --> 00:42:59,666
When you put on that costume,
870
00:42:59,709 --> 00:43:01,973
you thought you were protected.
871
00:43:02,016 --> 00:43:04,279
But Bunnies were easy prey.
872
00:43:04,323 --> 00:43:09,241
Everything wasn't lights,
camera, action, happy.
873
00:43:09,284 --> 00:43:13,680
I think about those girls
that were muffled, discarded.
874
00:43:13,723 --> 00:43:16,291
There were many young women
that were assaulted,
875
00:43:16,335 --> 00:43:17,727
that were silenced.
876
00:43:17,771 --> 00:43:19,381
That's how it worked
with Playboy.
877
00:43:19,425 --> 00:43:21,775
You open your mouth,
you're outta here.
878
00:43:24,775 --> 00:43:28,775
Preuzeto sa www.titlovi.com
71784
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