All language subtitles for Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia - 04x06 - Mac & Charlie Die

Well, I guess this is probably,
this is probably gonna be it

so we should,
we should get started.

What to say about Mac.

He certainly was...

angry.

- Burn the duster!
- I'm not burning the duster!

Okay, I'm not burning the duster.

All right, that's crazy.
That's like, that's insane.

Why would I ever burn,
I mean, come on.

I will continue to wear it,
in his honor.

And I will burn some other things.
You know maybe like these,

stupid goddamn sleeveless t-shirts

that he wants retired
and hung up in the bar.

I'll burn these. But I am not
burning the duster, okay?

So forget it. It probably
won't even burn anyway.

It's not supposed to...
it's flame-retardant.

That's like the whole point.

It's like a shield of armor, so stop
asking me to burn the duster.

I'm not gonna burn it!

So, end of story, you know.
Let's just move on.

So...

Yeah, all right.

Well, uh, thank you.

Come on.

No.

- I'm not doing it.
- Come on.

Deandra, get on that stage.

Before, uh, Mac and Charlie died
they made a slideshow.

And, uh, we're going to play
a song that was a favorite of theirs.

Go ahead.

It's all the same

Only the names have changed

Every day, it seems we're
wasting away

Another place,

where the faces are so cold

I'd drive all night,

just to get back home

I'm a cowboy,

on a steel horse I ride

I'm wanted, dead or alive...

I miss you, Charlie.

This is bullshit, dude.

No one's mourning me properly.

What are you talking about, man?
Your mom's sitting right there.

She's mourning you.

Yeah, she watched an entire episode
of Mama's Familyand fell asleep.

And now, I'm going to give
them the one gun salute.

No, you're not!

All right. Oh, my God!
Let go!

Wow, that was great
and very touching.

Thanks so much for coming,
both of you.

Time to go.

See you at the next one.

Bonnie, Bonnie, Bonnie, aww,
it's going to be okay.

I'll tell you what, why don't
you go into the bathroom,

go into the center stall,
I got a little surprise for you.

It's going to cheer you up.

That's okay, Frankie.
I don't need to go potty.

Oh, damn it.

Can you believe it, sis?
They're actually gone.

- This changes everything.
- I need a ride home.

No, no, no.
Can't do that, sis.

I got to get back home ASAP and
meet a couple potential new roommates.

Hot ones!
You know what I'm saying?

All right, hey,
it's time to move on.

Would you mind not breathing
directly into my mouth?

No thoughts on that?

You're not going to say anything?
You're just going to stare at me?

That's what you're bringing
to the table? That's great.

I'm gonna... could you excuse me?

Excuse me.

Sir... Goddamn.

Thanks, I'm just gonna...

Excuse me.

No, of course, let me do it.

Thanks.

Hi.

Oh, my God, freak show back there.

Ma'am, I'm going to need for you
to step behind the line.

Yeah, look, as you can probably tell,
I'm not really a bus person.

It's just, a couple of dicks
destroyed my car and then forced me

to lower myself to this, so if you could
just cut me some slack, because...

I don't know if you've been
back there, but animals.

You're touching me. That doesn't...
this isn't weird for you?

Ma'am, either you get behind
the line or your ride ends here.

- I'm behind the line.
- You're on the line.

On the line, behind the line,
who cares?!

That's it.
I'm pulling the bus over.

No, goddamn it, don't pull
the bus over, all right?

Really?!

Okay, fine, you know what?

I will go back behind the line with
the rest of the filthy degenerates.

But I am not happy about it, lady.

Excuse me!

Oh, my... really?

Oh, my God.

Oh, no, you stay put. I'll get it.

On the floor of a bus...

On the floor of a filthy bus.

Excuse me for just a sec!

Damn it, dude.

I can't believe Dee finally caught on
and cancelled her credit cards.

This is really not good, dude.
Now we don't have any beans.

We don't have any beer, dude.
We're shit out of luck, bro.

All right, I'll tell you what.
We'll get back to the bar.

We'll get some beer there,
at least we'll have that.

Not a bad idea.

In the meantime,
I need a popper, all right.

I got to get my head straight.

I got a little bad news
on the popper front.

- This is the last one, dude.
- Shit! Really?

All right, well,
I think I should get it.

- Not going to have it.
- Can I just have it?

- Bro?
- Can I just have it?

- Will you let me do the poppers?
- I just want it.

- I just need it, dude.
- The poppers person.

Give me the popper, dude!
I need that popper, bro!

I got to have the popper!

Oh, you son of a bitches!

Hey, look out.
Look out!

Hey, you jerks!

Goddamn it!

Hey! No, stop the bus!
Stop the bus!

Shut up!

You shut up, bitch!

Stop the bus!

Sir? Sir, I just... I need to pull
the cord to get off the bus.

This is my stop.
You're in my way.

Can you get out of the way
so I can pull the cord?

I'll get out of your way as soon
as I get off...

Oh, my God, what is
wrong with you?

Goddamn it, you bitches!

Good-bye, Mac's shit.

Good-bye, Mac's shit.
Good-bye, Mac's shit.

Good-bye... come on, dude.

When were you ever going to use
nunchakus? Are you kidding me?

Yeah, hang on one second.

Yeah, it's perfect.

Hello.

Uh, hi.
Um, can I help you?

You're
looking for a roommate, right?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, I was looking
for two, actually. Female.

I believe I was pretty clear
in the ad here.

"Male, 30, looking for
Three's Company type deal.

Did Odd Couplething for past decade,
looking for something new."

Yeah, I did the Three's
Company thing once.

It was pretty cool for like a week,
and then I banged one of them.

- Oh... nice.
- Not nice.

Do you know what this is like?
Banging the chicks that you live with?

It's terrible, man.

Every day you have to deal
with this.

Get out, lady.

Wow, yeah, I guess I never
really thought about that before.

You know, you're... you're much
smarter than my old roommate.

Yeah, look, I'm going to be
upfront with you.

I run with a pretty wild crew.

There's probably going to be chicks
over here, like, all the time.

I'm into some pretty crazy shit.

Here's the best part: I don't
even know most of their names.

Oh, yes! It's like...

You know, I've been trying to get
into the anonymous sex thing lately.

- Oh, yeah?
- Now, are you, uh, European?

Oh, I'm sorry.
What gave it away?

Nice. Yeah, well, you know,
I could probably consider, like,

a, uh, Perfect Strangers type
of deal.

Look, I like this by the way.
This is a sweet duster.

First, he doesn't burn the duster, and
now he's looking for new roommates?

Why did you want to burn that
duster anyway?

Because he always wears it with
no shirt and a shitload of cologne.

It's totally ruined.

- Hello, bitches!
- Jesus Christ, Dee!

You scared the shit out of me.
I almost dropped all my beer.

I knew you two weren't dead.

What are you doing popping
out of our tent? Not cool, Dee!

Oh, not cool? Oh, I'll tell you
what's not cool.

Crashing my car into a building,
exploding a grenade inside of it

and then convincing your friends
your family that you're dead.

That's one of the cooler
things you could ever do.

That's really unbelievably
cool.

- I suggest you try it...
- Cooler than I thought it was.

I don't know why
you're up here doing

whatever it is that you're doing,
and I don't care.

What I do care about,
is my 1997 Dodge Neon.

So here's the deal.

You two monkeys are going to get
me a new 1997 Dodge Neon,

or I'm going to go and tell Frank and
Dennis that you faked your own deaths

and you're hiding up on the roof.

Well, now you're just talking crazy.
You can't buy a new 1997 Dodge Neon.

- You can buy an old one...
- Okay, new to me.

Dee, you got bigger problems,
because my dad just got out of jail,

and he's coming to kill you.

What?!
Me?

Are you sure?

Kill you, kill us,
kill everybody really.

He's going to kill everyone.

Why would you not tell me
this news earlier?

Oh, my God, get off our case,
Dee, all right? What's done is done.

Look, Mac and I are hobo
drifters now, okay?

We don't dwell on the past.

No, hobo drifters
live in the present.

So look, if you really want
to get back at Frank and Dennis,

you got to fake your own death.

I don't want to get back
at Frank and Dennis.

I want to get at you two.

Really is that what...?

What? Is that what
your plan was?

I tuned out during
the whole tirade.

She said the 1997 Dodge Neon
thing and I totally lost her.

All right, Dee, I'll tell you
what, here's the plan.

Why don't you fake your own
death like us?

It really is the only thing you can do
now 'cause you're in this too deep.

Look, you want to die?

Now... what's your bean situation?

You got some beans on you,
or what's up?

Good-bye, son.

Aw, man, I got to tell you,
this is awesome.

It's making me forget
that Mac ever even died.

Oh, yeah, just relax, roommate.

I'm going to relax.

I'm going to relax all over
the place in a second.

Shit. Jan?

All right, I got to get this.

Hey, Dennis.

Really? What do you want?

Hey, I just wanted to let you
know I was going to go for

a quick jog in Fairmont Park
by myself.

Oh, yeah? Great.
Okay, have fun.

But, it's kind of dangerous.

Yeah, I got it, Dee.

- I don't know if you noticed...
- Go jogging! Ang go!

What's this have to do with me?

Just me out there in the middle of
the night in the dark by myself. Really?

Sorry about her, I...

She was a bag... I hate her.

Which one do you want first?
Huh, Greta or Sasha?

Oh, no. No, shit, bro.
Why'd you do that, bro?

Come here, man.

- What did I do?
- You said their names.

Come on, man,
that kills it for me.

Look, bro,
can I be honest with you?

This is great and all, but I was
really hoping for more of like a,

you know, anything goes, crazy
European sex party kind of a thing.

- Something a little kinkier.
- Kinky?

Oh, kinky. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I like this.

You like this, we like this.

Yeah, let me make some calls.

Do you think you could put
something like that together?

Of course I can, man.
I'm European.

Oh! That's...

It looks like he's got
a lot of new friends.

Yes, I can see that, Charlie.

Some of them
are really pretty girls.

Yes, they are very pretty.

Wow, that's tough, man.
That's a tough thing to see.

Shut up, dude.

I'll bet you Frank
is throwing a party, too.

It's your turn to take
the bedpan out tonight.

"Little freak!
I did it last time!"

No, Charlie, I got up in
the middle of the night,

and I walked down
the hallway with the bedpan.

"All right, Frank, I'll do it,
only because I like you so much".

I like you, too, Charlie.
I like you, too, New Charlie.

You know what, man?
I'm kicking it up a notch.

- We're haunting these bitches.
- Haunting's cool, man.

- Coming back from the grave, bitch.
- All right, that's cool.

What is this? What are you doing,
like Poltergeistor something?

- Awesome, right?
- No, no.

Craig T. Nelson.

Craig T. Nelson is the best,
dude, but Poltergeist?

- What?
- It's not scary.

It's all about psychological damage.

Big deal, look at me.

Psychological damage up to here.

It doesn't do anything for me,
you know?

Physical damage, that's what's
gonna irritate people.

All right, what do you suggest?

Well, I mean, if anything, maybe
we tie some knives to our fingers

and we get a little more serious
about this whole murder thing.

- Haunting.
- Haunting!

- We're gonna haunt them.
- I'm sorry, I was thinking...

Oh, my God, I'm so happy to
see you.

Oh, God, I had the weirdest night.
It was crazy.

As soon as I left Dennis's place,
I realized I don't have a car,

right, so I actually do
have to run home by myself

through the park in the middle
of the night.

So I'm on Spring Garden Street,
and this big car full of gangbangers...

Okay, gangbangers.
That is an awesome story, Dee.

That's the end of it, right?
That could be the end of the story?

Charlie and I are right in
the middle of something.

Check it out, we're gonna
put some knives on our fingers

and start murdering people.

- Haunting people.
- Haunting.

- We're gonna haunt people.
- Whatever.

You're gonna do like a
Poltergeistthing?

- That's Dennis.
- That's Dennis.

Hey, ladies, like I said,
pop them off.

Start popping them off.

Oh, I love it, I love it.
Hey, feel free to be free.

No American judgments here. The only
rule is: don't tell me your names.

I don't want to know your names,
okay?

"Hi, I'm Charlie.
Frankie, I love these girls."

Frank, what are you doing, man?

You're freaking the girls out
with this mannequin. Get rid of it.

Dennis, these girls are German.
German.

"We're gonna have demented sex,
right, Frank?"

That is the greatest party
I've ever seen. These sons of bitches!

Is he gonna take that stupid
little mannequin everywhere, man?

- That is freaking me out.
- Move past the mannequin.

They're just hanging out with
a bunch of half naked ladies,

and I just ran and sweated for
absolutely nothing?

Yeah, I don't sound like
that, all right.

- Goddamn it. Get past it.
- Who cares about the mannequin?

I care about the mannequin!

I look like a jerk
in front of those girls.

I'm putting an end to this right
now.

Yeah, dude, screw your dad.
Let him eat our asses.

Let him eat my butt
into smithereens.

I'm ending this.

Let's not be rash, right?
I mean, come on.

Look, if we're not gonna haunt them,
we should have a little fun, right?

Let's scare the shit out of
them.

- We got to make an entrance.
- Oh, let's scare the shit out of them.

Jan, this is what I want, man.
You've given me what I want.

Look, I have this very kinky
surprise for you, my friend.

I've arranged for you to use
the glory hole!

I forgot about the glory hole.

- I just sent someone in there now.
- Yeah?

Totally anonymous.

There are no words, man.

That's right, I'm the boss.

But I'm a good boss, and
I'm gonna allow you to watch.

"Okay, Frankie!"
Somebody's coming.

Any minute now, the German broad
is gonna knock on that wall,

which is my signal to go in my
pants, take out my penis

and stick it through the hole.

Then, she can go to town.

Hey, honey, you want to take
care of this monster for me or what?

There is no way I can picture
that is a girl.

What the hell
are you doing here, man?

- Jan sent me.
- Jan sent me, too.

This is bad.

Everybody out!

Okay, there has been
a major miscommunication.

Get your European, sex-freaky
asses out of the bar.

Let's go, come on.
Come on, move it.

Move it, that's right.
Go, go, go!

Get out!

Let's go, ladies.
Let's go, let's go.

Get out, get out,
get out, get out.

- Hey, you too, Jan.
- Hey, beat it.

- What did I do?
- What did you do?

Jan, you were gonna have him
"glory hole" me.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, my ass. Get out of here.

You sex freak, go!

Americans are so uptight.

You ruined our glory hole.
Beat it and shut the door.

Sick freak.

You didn't know anything...

Weirdo.
What?

Surprise, bitches!

We're alive, and it's blowing
your minds right now.

No, it is not blowing
our minds at all.

I knew you guys were alive.

Yeah, I knew you guys were
alive, okay?

I figured it out right before
the funeral.

How?

'Cause I could hear you guys
rustling around in the vents.

You were speaking at full
volume, okay?

Did you think you were being,
like, crafty?

I could see you staring at me
through the window.

You know I can see through
my windows, right?

- I wanted to piss you off.
- Well, what about me?

Did you want to piss me off?

You, I thought, might
have actually been murdered.

That's what I thought.
That's what I thought, okay?

Frank, you knew, too?

Yeah... I knew.

And some of the stuff you've been doing
with this mannequin here, that's like...

to teach me a lesson or...?

Did I see you bang that thing?

All right, you know what,
let's just...

But why were you guys pretending
that you were dead anyway?

That's a really messed
up thing to do.

My dad got out on parole.
He's coming to kill me and Charlie.

No, no, you got a letter
the other day.

- He sent a letter.
- Who sent a letter?

I got it, I got it.
It was sent to the bar.

"Dear son, I asked you
to leave me be...

forced me to do something that
I hoped I'd never have to do."

Oh, yeah, here we go.

"I just got out of prison,
and I'm heading to Tijuana."

I wanted to get as far away
from you as I could,

so that I could learn
how to forgive you.

Please do not try
to contact me ever.

I promise that
I'm not gonna hurt you.

Love, Dad.

"P.S. : I still love you."

See, 'cause we...

- This whole thing was...
- We didn't have to do all the...

Sorry about your car, Dee.

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