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1
00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:12,580
- * ONE, TWO, THREE,
FOUR, FIVE, SIX *
2
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:13,714
* SHAKE IT, DUDE
3
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:21,689
*
4
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,571
- * CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN
5
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:43,577
*
6
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:49,817
* CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN
7
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:53,587
* CUE THE PULSE
TO BEGIN *
8
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:56,056
* CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN
9
00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:00,694
[moaning]
10
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:04,332
[clattering]
11
00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:13,474
[both grunting]
12
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:23,484
- COME HERE, COME HERE,
COME HERE, COME HERE.
13
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:31,259
- [grunting]
14
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:33,327
OH, THAT FEEL...
- FEEL GOOD, BABY?
15
00:01:33,361 --> 00:01:34,728
- YEAH, YEAH. THAT'S IT.
16
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:35,863
YEAH, RIGHT THERE.
DON'T STOP.
17
00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:38,199
[doorbell rings]
18
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:40,201
RIGHT THERE,
DON'T STOP. DON'T STOP.
19
00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:41,535
- [growls]
20
00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:43,337
- KEEP GOING, I'M COMING.
- OH, YEAH.
21
00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:44,338
[doorbell rings]
22
00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:47,208
- AH, FUCKIN' DOORBELL.
23
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:49,243
- I'M COMING, I'M COM--
I'M COMING!
24
00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:51,512
- [panting]
COME ON.
25
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,347
- OH, YEAH.
26
00:01:53,381 --> 00:01:55,416
[doorbell rings]
27
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:56,550
- OH!
28
00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:00,188
- HELLO, SIR.
I'M CHARLOTTE
29
00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:01,889
AND THIS IS AMANDA,
AND WE'RE HERE TO TALK TO YOU
30
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,624
ABOUT PROPOSITION 14.
31
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:04,925
ARE YOU AWARE OF IT?
32
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,760
- YES, I'M AWARE OF IT.
- GOOD.
33
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:09,230
THEN WE NEEDN'T TELL YOU
HOW IMPORTANT IT IS THESE DAYS
34
00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:11,265
TO PROTECT THE HOLY BONDS
OF MATRIMONY,
35
00:02:11,299 --> 00:02:12,633
AND THE AMERICAN FAMILY.
36
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,535
- ISN'T THAT THE
GOD'S-HONEST TRUTH?
37
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:15,536
- ARE YOU MARRIED?
38
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:16,537
- I MOST CERTAINLY AM.
39
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:17,938
- WELL, IN THAT CASE,
40
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,907
WE'D LOVE TO SPEAK
WITH YOU AND YOUR WIFE.
41
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:22,910
- HONEY, THERE ARE SOME
VERY SWEET LADIES HERE
42
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:26,314
URGING US TO SUPPORT
PROPOSITION 14.
43
00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:27,315
- DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN?
44
00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:28,916
- A SON AND A DAUGHTER.
45
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:30,651
- OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
46
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,186
- GOOD AFTERNOON,
LADIES.
47
00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:33,787
- THIS IS MY LAWFULLY
WEDDED HUSBAND.
48
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:37,525
- AND THIS IS MY
LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND.
49
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,527
AND WE ARE GOING TO DO
EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER
50
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:42,330
TO DEFEAT
PROPOSITION 14.
51
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:43,431
- I SEE.
- OKAY.
52
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:45,266
- WELL, GOOD
AFTERNOON THEN.
53
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,567
- HEY, THANKS FOR
STOPPING BY.
54
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,568
- WE'LL BE SURE TO VOTE.
55
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:50,571
- BYE-BYE.
56
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:58,946
- I CAUGHT THAT.
57
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:00,414
- CAUGHT WHAT?
58
00:03:00,448 --> 00:03:01,849
- THAT SUBTLE EXCHANGE
OF SMILES
59
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:03,717
THAT CAN INDICATE
ONLY ONE THING:
60
00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:06,687
"IS YOUR ASS
AS SORE AS MINE?"
61
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,356
- FUCKING CHRIST,
THEODORE,
62
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,957
IS THERE ANYONE IN THIS BURG
YOU HAVEN'T BONED
63
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,759
SINCE YOUR
EXTREME MAKE-OVER?
64
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,427
- WELL, LET'S JUST SAY THAT
65
00:03:13,461 --> 00:03:15,229
IF THEY DON'T GET
A FRESH SUPPLY IN SOON,
66
00:03:15,263 --> 00:03:17,765
I'LL BE FORCED TO
MOVE TO PHILADELPHIA.
67
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:20,901
YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS
USED TO WONDER
68
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:23,471
WHAT IT'D BE LIKE TO
HAVE ANY GUY I WANTED.
69
00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:24,705
NOW I KNOW.
70
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,474
- AND?
71
00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:30,478
- AND IT'S, UH, GREAT.
72
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:33,581
HEY, LOOK WHO
IT IS. MICHAEL.
73
00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:34,848
- HEY, TEDDY.
74
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,016
HEY, EM.
75
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:39,253
- HI, SWEETIE.
76
00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:40,488
- WELL, IF YOU BOYS
WILL EXCUSE ME,
77
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:43,223
I HAVE TO GET BACK TO WORK.
78
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:49,229
- YEAH, I GOT TO GET
BACK TO THE STORE.
79
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:52,866
- BUSY DAY?
80
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,402
- YEAH. THIS COMIC BOOK
COLLECTION
81
00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:56,036
I BOUGHT OFF EBAY
JUST ARRIVED.
82
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,606
IT'S GOING TO TAKE ME WEEKS
TO INSPECT AND GRADE THEM.
83
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,808
- WELL, BETTER HAVE
SOMETHING TO EAT.
84
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:01,775
WHAT'LL IT BE?
85
00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:03,544
- I THINK I'LL HAVE...
86
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,678
- ARE YOU AND BRIAN
NEVER GOING
87
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:06,280
TO TALK TO EACH OTHER AGAIN?
88
00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:07,881
- MA...
- MICHAEL,
89
00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:11,018
YOU'VE BEEN FRIENDS, BROTHERS,
SINCE YOU WERE KIDS.
90
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:13,754
YOU LOVE EACH OTHER.
91
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:16,657
YOU GOING TO LET A LIFETIME,
A FUCKING HISTORY,
92
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:19,293
GO DOWN THE DRAIN 'CAUSE
OF SOME CHILDISH DISAGREEMENT?
93
00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:22,029
AND BELIEVE ME, I KNOW
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
94
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,431
- IT'S NOT CHILDISH.
95
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:26,367
AND IT'S NOT JUST
A DISAGREEMENT.
96
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,801
HE DISRESPECTS EVERY CHOICE
I'VE MADE.
97
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:30,638
HE MOCKS ME FOR WANTING
A FAMILY AND A HOME.
98
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,373
HE CALLS ME A DEFECTOR.
99
00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:34,575
HE EVEN BLAMES ME FOR HIS
AND JUSTIN'S BREAK-UP.
100
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,511
HE SAYS I INFECTED HIM.
101
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:38,779
WELL, HE CAN THINK
WHATEVER HE WANTS,
102
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,581
AND CALL ME
WHATEVER HE PLEASES.
103
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,684
IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER
ANYMORE.
104
00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:47,054
I'LL HAVE THE TUNA FISH
ON WHOLE WHEAT WITH A LEMON BAR.
105
00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:49,557
HOLD THE REMARKS.
106
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,093
- WE'RE GOING
DOOR-TO-DOOR TODAY
107
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,395
TO TRY AND GET PEOPLE
TO LISTEN.
108
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:56,397
A LOT OF THEM
MAY NOT WANT TO,
109
00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:57,665
SO DON'T BE DISCOURAGED
110
00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:59,066
IF YOU GET DOORS SLAMMED
IN YOUR FACE.
111
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:00,768
JUST BE COURTEOUS,
112
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:01,969
MAKE YOUR POINT
SUCCINCTLY,
113
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,938
AND WHATEVER YOU DO,
DO NOT ENGAGE.
114
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,440
- THAT MEANS DON'T LOSE
YOUR FUCKING TEMPER
115
00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:07,841
AND SHOOT OFF
YOUR BIG MOUTH.
116
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:09,843
- [chuckles]
EXACTLY. GOOD LUCK.
117
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,347
- READY?
- YEAH.
118
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:14,948
I HOPE THEY DON'T
COME OUT SWINGING,
119
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,950
NOT WITH THE FORTUNE
I JUST SPENT ON MY FACE.
120
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,886
- AH, AND WHAT A LOVELY FACE
IT IS TOO.
121
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:20,821
YOU MUST GET
LOTS OF COMPLIMENTS.
122
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:22,356
- I'M GETTING
MORE THAN THAT.
123
00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:24,825
HEH-HEH-HEH.
124
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,894
BUT TO TELL
YOU THE TRUTH,
125
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:28,496
SOMETHING'S MISSING.
126
00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:29,963
- LOVE, COMMITMENT?
127
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,499
- YEAH, SOMETHING
LIKE THAT.
128
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:32,966
- WHAT YOU NEED'S A HUSBAND.
- [scoffs]
129
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,969
FIRST I NEED A BOYFRIEND.
130
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:38,038
BUT WHAT WON'T BE EASY.
131
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,973
MY STANDARDS ARE
RIDICULOUSLY HIGH.
132
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,710
I WANT SOMEONE WHO'S
FINANCIALLY SECURE,
133
00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:44,612
WITH A FACE
LIKE BRAD PITT,
134
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:45,913
A BODY LIKE BRAD PITT,
135
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:48,716
AND HUNG LIKE...
WELL, JUST HUNG.
136
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,651
- THAT'S NOT SO RIDICULOUS.
THAT'S ABSURD.
137
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,586
LISTEN, IF YOU REALLY
WANT TO GET HITCHED,
138
00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:53,987
WHAT YOU NEED'S
A JEWISH GUY.
139
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,155
THEY MAKE THE BEST
MARRIAGE MATERIAL.
140
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,790
- THEY DO?
- YEAH, PROVIDED YOU CAN
141
00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:58,926
GET PAST THE INCESTUOUS
RELATIONSHIP THEY HAVE
142
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:02,663
WITH THEIR MOTHERS THAT LASTS
BEYOND THE GRAVE.
143
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,398
- GOOD AFTERNOON, SIR.
144
00:06:04,432 --> 00:06:05,866
WE'RE HERE TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT PROPOSITION 14.
145
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,168
WE'LL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE
OF YOUR TIME.
146
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,539
- OR LESS.
147
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,741
WELL, IT MAY NOT BE EASY,
148
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:16,176
BUT AT LEAST IT GETS YOU
OUT OF THE HOUSE.
149
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,878
- THAT'S WHAT
MICHAEL SAID:
150
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:20,748
KEEPING BUSY WOULD TAKE
MY MIND OFF HUNTER.
151
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:22,082
SO FAR IT HASN'T HELPED.
152
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:24,418
- GIVE IT TIME.
153
00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:26,186
- HOW MUCH TIME?
A LIFETIME?
154
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,521
BECAUSE THAT'S HOW LONG
IT'S GOING TO TAKE
155
00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:30,524
FOR ME TO FORGET ABOUT HIM.
156
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,929
- OH, UH, WHAT CAN I DO
FOR YOU FOLKS?
157
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:38,165
- WE'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT PROPOSITION 14.
158
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:40,033
- IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
THAT YOU VOTE NO.
159
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,769
- WHY'S THAT, SON?
160
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,904
- IF IT PASSES,
GAY MEN AND WOMEN
161
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,939
WILL LOSE THE SAME RIGHTS
THAT OTHER AMERICANS HAVE.
162
00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:47,808
- AND WHO'S TO SAY
WHAT'S NEXT?
163
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:50,043
THE ELDERLY COULD LOSE
THEIR SOCIAL SECURITY,
164
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,580
WOMEN COULD LOSE THE RIGHT
TO HAVE AN ABORTION.
165
00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:54,515
- I SEE YOUR POINT.
166
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:56,116
YOU'VE GOT MY VOTE.
167
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:58,085
- DAD?
168
00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:00,053
WHO'S AT THE DOOR?
- HELLO.
169
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,590
UH, WE WERE JUST
TALKING TO YOUR FATHER
170
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:05,058
ABOUT VOTING NO
FOR PROPOSITION 14.
171
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:07,928
- MY FATHER HASN'T VOTED
IN TEN YEARS.
172
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,863
HE HAS ALZHEIMER'S.
173
00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:12,099
COME ON, DAD.
174
00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:16,904
- TRUST ME, JIM.
175
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,541
LOOK, WHY DON'T WE
HAVE LUNCH TOMORROW?
176
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:21,842
I'LL PLY YOU WITH MARTINIS.
177
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:26,246
AND I GUARANTEE YOU WILL
SEE THINGS MY WAY.
178
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,881
OH.
179
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:33,487
FELDON'S LOSING HIS HARD-ON
FOR THE NEW HOME STATION AD.
180
00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:37,257
- WELL, YOU HAVE TO ADMIT,
IT'S A BIT SUGGESTIVE.
181
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:40,994
- YOU ALSO HAVE TO ADMIT
IT'S GENIUS.
182
00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:42,630
- HEY LISTEN, HOW ABOUT
COMING WITH ME
183
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,832
TO BETH EMMANUEL'S MIXER?
184
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:47,868
- WHO'S SHE?
- IT'S A TEMPLE.
185
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,103
THEY'RE HAVING THEIR MONTHLY
GAY GET-TOGETHER AT WOODY'S,
186
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:52,573
AND I WANT TO
MEET A MENSCH,
187
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:53,707
SETTLE DOWN.
188
00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:56,744
- CHRIST.
AM I THE ONLY FAG
189
00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:58,278
WHO DOESN'T WANT TO PUT
A TROUSSEAU TOGETHER
190
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,681
AND WALK DOWN THE AISLE?
191
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:03,250
- LISTEN, I'M NOT
GETTING ANY YOUNGER.
192
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:06,720
I'LL BE 35 THIS SUMMER.
- 9.
193
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:08,756
- WHAT?
- 39.
194
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:11,892
- I--
- I'M YOUR EMPLOYER.
195
00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:13,994
THERE'S A PAPER TRAIL.
196
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,296
WHY DON'T YOU ASK JUSTIN?
197
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,165
RUMOR HAS IT HE'S HOT
FOR A HUBBY.
198
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,000
- JUST THOUGHT I'D ASK.
199
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,168
- WELL, THERE ARE
MANY UNCERTAINTIES
200
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:22,870
IN THIS LIFE, THEODORE,
201
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:25,639
MANY MYSTERIES
BEYOND OUR COMPREHENSION.
202
00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:27,274
BUT ONE THING
I KNOW FOR A FACT:
203
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:30,578
I WILL NEVER BE
MRS. SEYMOUR GOLDFARB.
204
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,018
- I WISH WE'D BEEN ABLE
TO CONVINCE MORE PEOPLE.
205
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:40,654
- WELL, THE IMPORTANT THING IS,
WE KEEP ON TRYING, HUH?
206
00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:43,791
- YEAH.
- OH, UH--
207
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,027
- AM I LATE?
208
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:48,295
- UH, NO.
209
00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:50,664
WE JUST GOT HERE OURSELVES.
210
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:53,767
- WHO'S HE?
- WE'LL TALK LATER.
211
00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:56,637
- WH--
212
00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,806
- HI.
- HI.
213
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,849
- KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK,
HONEY.
214
00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:32,740
- HAVE YOU SEEN A LETTER
SIGNED BY JUDGE SALTZMAN?
215
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,882
- WONDER HOW IT GOT
INTO MY PILE?
216
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,151
- OH, BEATS ME.
217
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,821
- YOU DIDN'T HAPPEN
TO SEE AN INVOICE
218
00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:49,890
FROM THE RESNICK GALLERY
IN NEW YORK, DID YOU?
219
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:53,961
- OH, IT'S RIGHT HERE.
220
00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:56,664
MUST'VE GOTTEN MIXED UP
WITH MY STUFF BY MISTAKE.
221
00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,367
WHAT'S THIS?
222
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,369
- OH, THAT'S A PIECE JUSTIN
HAS IN THE ART SHOW.
223
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:06,239
WAIT TILL YOU SEE IT.
224
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,008
YOU ARE COMING TO THE OPENING,
AREN'T YOU?
225
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:11,011
- ACTUALLY, I'M SUPPOSED
TO GO OUT WITH, UH--
226
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:14,147
- CORINNE.
227
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:16,249
MEL, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO HIDE IT.
228
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,651
THAT'S OUR ARRANGEMENT:
229
00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:19,286
YOU HAVE YOUR LIFE,
I HAVE MINE.
230
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,421
- I KNOW, BUT I DON'T WANT
TO MAKE YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE.
231
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,724
IT'S YOUR SHOW.
- THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S MY SHOW.
232
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:26,326
AND I'M INVITING YOU.
233
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,395
AND CORINNE.
234
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:29,730
- YOU SURE?
235
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,264
- I'M FINE WITH IT.
236
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,834
REALLY.
237
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,807
[sighs]
238
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:43,376
NOW WHAT HAVE I DONE
WITH "UNTITLED ONE AND TWO"?
239
00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:48,782
- IT'S RIGHT HERE,
UNDER NEWCOMBE VERSUS BUDGE.
240
00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:54,287
[indistinct chatter]
241
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,323
[dog barking]
242
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:02,162
- WHAT DO YOU THINK?
243
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,231
- OH, A GIRAFFE.
ISN'T THAT CUTE?
244
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:05,298
- IT'S A SWAN.
245
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:09,837
- OH, I CAN SEE THAT...
KIND OF.
246
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,038
- IT'S FOR MY NEXT SEGMENT.
247
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,040
THEY WANT SOMETHING CUTE.
248
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:14,174
- THERE ARE A COUPLE
OF REPORTERS
249
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:15,909
CAMPED OUT, OUT FRONT.
250
00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:17,210
- SHIT!
251
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:18,712
- AND LOOK AT THIS.
252
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,447
THEY TOOK
AN OLD PHOTOGRAPH OF ME
253
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,783
AND MADE IT LOOK
LIKE I'M IN BABYLON.
254
00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:24,317
I'VE NEVER EVEN
BEEN TO BABYLON.
255
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:26,219
- YOU KNOW, LAST WEEK
THEY PUT POOR LIZA'S HEAD
256
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,321
ON THE BODY
OF A 400-POUND WOMAN.
257
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,824
THEN SAID SHE WAS TOO FAT
TO GET OUT OF BED.
258
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:33,460
- YOU CAN'T LET THAT TRASH
GET TO YOU.
259
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:36,797
BESIDES, IT'LL ALL STOP
ONCE YOU COME OUT.
260
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:39,399
- YOU'RE GOING TO COME OUT?
261
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:42,002
WHEN? HUH?
262
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,203
WHERE, HONEY?
263
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:45,272
- I HAVEN'T DECIDED YET.
264
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:47,841
- WELL, I SAY LARRY KING.
265
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:50,744
I MEAN, IF IT WAS ME, I'D
DEFINITELY COME OUT TO LARRY.
266
00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:53,847
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, OF COURSE
HOWEVER YOU DECIDE TO DO IT,
267
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:54,848
IT HAS TO BE YOUR WAY.
268
00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:56,216
- YEAH, DEB'S RIGHT.
269
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:57,751
YOU'VE GOT TO DO IT
ON YOUR OWN TERMS.
270
00:11:57,785 --> 00:12:00,220
- OOH.
271
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:02,255
YOU GOT SOME SAUCE
ON YOUR CHIN, BABY.
272
00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:03,991
- THAT WAS MY SWAN.
273
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:05,225
- IT WAS A GIRAFFE, HONEY.
274
00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,761
[chuckles]
TRY AGAIN.
275
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:12,900
YOU KNOW, I GOT ONE HELL
OF A NERVE.
276
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:15,502
I'M SITTING HERE LIKE
SOME FUCKING EUNUCH
277
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:17,504
MAKING ANIMALS
OUT OF NAPKINS,
278
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:20,240
"TO DELIGHT THE GUESTS
AT YOUR NEXT DINNER PARTY."
279
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:23,343
AND I'M TELLING YOU
HOW TO BE OUT AND PROUD.
280
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,985
- IT'S A FUNNY STORY,
HOW WE MET.
281
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:33,921
- I'M ALWAYS UP
FOR A LAUGH.
282
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:36,423
- WELL, I-I WAS DROPPING MOLLY
OFF AT SCHOOL
283
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:39,893
WHEN, WOULDN'T YOU KNOW,
I GET A FLAT.
284
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,863
JUST THEN THIS MOTORCYCLE
COMES ROARING UP,
285
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:45,065
AND THIS GUY DRESSED
ALL IN BLACK
286
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,901
ASKS ME IF I WANT HELP.
287
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,402
WELL, I HAD TAKEN
THAT NIGHT CLASS
288
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:51,138
IN CAR MAINTENANCE
AFTER YOUR FATHER LEFT.
289
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:54,441
BUT I-I WAS ON MY WAY
TO AN OPEN HOUSE.
290
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:57,444
I DIDN'T WANT TO SHOW UP
LOOKING LIKE A GREASE MONKEY...
291
00:12:57,477 --> 00:13:00,881
[laughs]
SO I SAID YES.
292
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:03,283
AND IT TURNED
OUT TO BE TUCK.
293
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:05,318
- [snorts]
"TUCK"?
294
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:07,955
- IT'S SHORT FOR TUCKER.
295
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:11,058
HE TEACHES EIGHTH GRADE SCIENCE
AT MOLLY'S SCHOOL.
296
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:14,094
- WOW. MY SIDES
ARE SPLITTING.
297
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:19,466
- SO WE GOT TO CHATTING,
298
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,168
HE ASKED ME
IF I WANTED TO GO OUT
299
00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:24,171
SOME NIGHT FOR A COFFEE.
- COFFEE?
300
00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:27,908
AREN'T HIS PARENTS AFRAID
IT MIGHT STUNT HIS GROWTH?
301
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,910
- DO YOU WANT
TO HEAR THIS OR NOT?
302
00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:31,912
- [clears throat]
303
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:34,915
- WELL, I FIGURED,
"WHAT THE HELL?"
304
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:38,986
BEATS SITTING AT HOME READING
"HOW TO SURVIVE A DIVORCE,"
305
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:41,054
SO I SAID YES.
306
00:13:41,088 --> 00:13:45,092
AND THE REST IS HISTORY.
307
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:48,261
- FOR HIM MODERN,
FOR YOU ANCIENT.
308
00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:49,863
- I TAKE IT YOU
DON'T APPROVE.
309
00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:51,464
- [sighs]
I SUPPOSE A WOMAN OF YOUR AGE
310
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:54,067
IS ALLOWED TO HAVE
A LITTLE FLING,
311
00:13:54,101 --> 00:13:56,603
PROVIDED IT'S DISCREET.
312
00:13:56,636 --> 00:14:00,073
- WELL, ACTUALLY, IT'S--
313
00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:01,875
IT'S MORE THAN
A LITTLE FLING.
314
00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:04,511
WE'VE BEEN SEEING EACH OTHER
FOR SIX MONTHS.
315
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:06,479
- FOR SIX MONTHS?
316
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:09,950
AND YOU NEVER
SAID ANYTHING?
317
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:13,520
- WHAT WAS THE POINT,
UNTIL I WAS SURE IT WAS SERIOUS?
318
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,488
- SERIOUS?
YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS.
319
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:18,291
HE'S 1/3 YOUR AGE.
- HALF.
320
00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:20,393
- FINE, HALF.
HE'S HALF YOUR AGE.
321
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:22,963
HE'S STILL YOUNG
ENOUGH TO BE YOUR S--
322
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,098
I DON'T EVEN
WANT TO SAY IT.
323
00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:28,568
- AND I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR IT.
324
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,370
ESPECIALLY FROM YOU.
325
00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:32,872
- IT'S THE TRUTH.
326
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:39,512
[jazz music]
327
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:43,316
[knock at door]
328
00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:46,086
[clears throat]
329
00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:55,695
[coughs]
330
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,531
- YOU ALONE?
331
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,001
- ONE OF THOSE RARE,
UNEXPECTED MOMENTS.
332
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:04,171
- AH.
333
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:06,673
- SO MUCH FOR THE MOMENT.
334
00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:10,677
- THAT THELONIOUS?
335
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:13,947
- THAT, UH, TUNA-MACARONI
CASSEROLE?
336
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:16,149
- YOU GOT IT.
337
00:15:16,183 --> 00:15:18,418
- DON'T WANT IT.
338
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,420
TUNA CASSEROLE MEANS THAT
WE'RE GOING TO GET STONED
339
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:23,623
AND HAVE A VERY
MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION.
340
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:25,358
UNFORTUNATELY,
341
00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:27,427
I JUST FINISHED
MY LAST JOINT.
342
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:30,630
- WELL, FORTUNATELY...
343
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:33,600
I BROUGHT ONE WITH ME.
344
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:50,617
- DOES DETECTIVE HORVATH KNOW
345
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:53,320
THAT HIS BLUSHING BRIDE
IS A POTHEAD?
346
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:55,355
- [chuckles]
347
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:57,357
NOTHING KILLS A GOOD
RELATIONSHIP FASTER
348
00:15:57,390 --> 00:16:00,193
THAN FULL DISCLOSURE.
349
00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:02,629
- GIVE ME SOME OF THAT.
350
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:12,639
- I DON'T LIKE THE WAY
YOU'VE BEEN TREATING MICHAEL.
351
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,642
- BUTT THE FUCK OUT.
352
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:20,480
- YOU'VE BEEN ON HIS CASE
EVER SINCE
353
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,382
HE AND BEN
BOUGHT THAT HOUSE TOGETHER.
354
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:25,252
- HE DIDN'T JUST
BUY A HOUSE.
355
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:30,623
HE BOUGHT THE SLICER
AND THE DICER,
356
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,359
THE GINZU KNIVES,
THE ABS-ROLLER,
357
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:34,427
THE JUICER.
358
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,163
THE TOP HUNDRED HITS
OF THE '60s,
359
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:39,532
NOT AVAILABLE
AT ANY STORE.
360
00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:44,104
IN SHORT, EVERY
LIE, EVERY CON...
361
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:48,541
EVERY COLOR,
SHAPE AND SIZE OF BULLSHIT
362
00:16:48,575 --> 00:16:51,511
THE STRAIGHT WORLD
HAS TO OFFER.
363
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:54,514
- HE FELL IN LOVE.
364
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:57,217
HE GOT MARRIED.
365
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:02,122
HE HAD A FAMILY.
366
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:07,294
YOU KNOW, EVERYTHING HE'S EVER
WANTED TO DO AS A KID.
367
00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:09,262
A NORMAL HOME.
368
00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:11,331
- [scoffs]
369
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:17,170
- WHY DO YOU HAVE
SUCH A PROBLEM WITH THAT?
370
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:22,142
I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
371
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:24,177
YOU DON'T.
372
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:30,483
YOUR PROBLEM IS...
373
00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:35,455
HE LEFT YOU.
374
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:41,494
HE LEFT YOU,
AND HE MOVED ON.
375
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:48,835
ONLY HE DIDN'T.
376
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:53,206
YOU AND HE JUST MADE
DIFFERENT CHOICES, THAT'S ALL.
377
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:57,210
IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU DON'T
STILL LOVE EACH OTHER.
378
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,615
- HE WON'T TALK TO ME.
379
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:05,618
- THEN YOU TALK TO HIM.
380
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,860
- THE MONEY BEHIND IT
IS UNBELIEVABLE.
381
00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:15,728
NOT JUST WEALTHY
CONSERVATIVES,
382
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,530
BUT BIG CORPORATIONS.
383
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,632
- UH, BEN SAYS WE SHOULD
BOYCOTT THEM.
384
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:22,602
- YEAH, BEFORE THEY TAKE
THAT RIGHT AWAY FROM US TOO.
385
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,504
SORRY TO SOUND LIKE
SUCH AN ALARMIST,
386
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:26,606
BUT THESE DAYS I FEEL LIKE
I'M LIVING IN NAZI GERMANY,
387
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,475
LIKE WE'RE THE NEW JEWS.
- OH, COME ON, MEL.
388
00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:29,776
DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S
GOING A BIT FAR?
389
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,778
- LISTEN, MY ZAIDEH,
MY GRANDFATHER,
390
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:33,213
HE USED TO TELL ME
EVERYBODY THOUGHT
391
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:34,681
HE WAS NUTS
FOR LEAVING GERMANY.
392
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:36,349
"OH, YOU'RE MAKING
TOO MUCH OF IT.
393
00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:38,751
IT'LL PASS.
THAT'LL NEVER HAPPEN HERE."
394
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,753
HE DIED AT THE AGE OF 87.
395
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:43,490
THE REST OF HIS FAMILY
DIED IN THE CAMPS.
396
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:44,691
- WELL, WHAT'RE WE
SUPPOSED TO DO,
397
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,359
PACK UP AND MOVE TO PARIS?
398
00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:49,496
- WELL, LAST TIME I HEARD,
THEY HAD A GAY MAYOR.
399
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,231
LISTEN, I'M GOING
TO GRAB THIS CAB.
400
00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:53,400
- OKAY. OOH.
[chuckles]
401
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,902
- OH, BYE, SWEETHEART.
- AWW, MEL.
402
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:58,538
- [laughs]
I MEANT HER. YOU TOO.
403
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:03,410
CAN YOU TAKE ME TO, UH...
404
00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:19,226
[alarm ringing]
405
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:34,307
[alarm ringing]
406
00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:01,734
- NOTHING WAS STOLEN?
407
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:03,570
- NOT THAT I CAN TELL.
408
00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:07,340
- ALL I CAN SAY IS,
THANK GOD NO ONE WAS HURT.
409
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,442
- I'LL NEED YOU
TO FILE A REPORT.
410
00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:11,444
- THEN WHAT?
- WE'LL INVESTIGATE.
411
00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:13,313
BUT WITH THIS
KIND OF VANDALISM,
412
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:15,582
IT'S USUALLY PRETTY DIFFICULT
TO COME UP WITH ANYTHING.
413
00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:16,983
- THAT'S ALL YOU THINK IT WAS?
VANDALISM?
414
00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:18,851
- WELL, WHAT ELSE?
PROBABLY JUST SOME KID
415
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,653
TRYING TO STEAL
A COMIC BOOK.
416
00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:22,522
- WHAT IF IT WASN'T?
417
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,724
WHAT IF THEY WERE TRYING
TO DESTROY THAT?
418
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:27,394
TWO GAY SUPERHEROES,
GETTING MARRIED.
419
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:28,995
- LOOK, I KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE SUGGESTING,
420
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:31,731
BUT THERE'S NO EVIDENCE
OF ANY HATE CRIME.
421
00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:32,932
- A HATE CRIME?
422
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:35,502
- I APPRECIATE
YOUR CONCERN, BUT...
423
00:20:35,535 --> 00:20:36,936
IN ALL HONESTY,
424
00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:38,871
I THINK YOU'RE GETTING
A BIT CARRIED AWAY.
425
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,640
- THAT'S FUNNY.
426
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:43,543
I JUST ACCUSED MEL
OF THE SAME THING.
427
00:20:46,513 --> 00:20:48,815
- REMEMBER, MEN,
A SMARTLY-FOLDED NAPKIN
428
00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:50,950
WILL ADD A TOUCH OF CLASS
TO YOUR TABLE SETTING
429
00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:54,287
AND BE CERTAIN TO
CHARM YOUR LADY FRIEND.
430
00:20:54,321 --> 00:20:55,488
AND WHO KNOWS?
AFTER DINNER,
431
00:20:55,522 --> 00:20:57,290
SHE MIGHT EVEN...
432
00:20:57,324 --> 00:21:00,760
LET YOU SHOW HER HOW
TO MAKE ONE OF THESE.
433
00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:02,629
I'M EMMETT HONEYCUTT,
YOUR QUEER GUY,
434
00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:06,399
HERE TO MAKE YOUR LIFE
MORE FABULOUS.
435
00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:08,401
- THANKS, QUEER GUY,
AND THAT'S THE NEWS.
436
00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:10,837
WE'LL SEE YOU
TOMORROW AT 6:00.
437
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:14,541
- UNTIL THEN, HOPE ALL
YOUR NEWS IS GOOD NEWS.
438
00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:16,709
- AND WE'RE OUT.
439
00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:20,580
CUTE SEGMENT, EMMETT.
440
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:23,049
AND BY THE WAY, I'VE GOT
SOME GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.
441
00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:25,518
MANAGEMENT IS THINKING ABOUT
DOING A QUEER GUY SPECIAL.
442
00:21:25,552 --> 00:21:26,819
NOW HERE'S THE CONCEPT:
443
00:21:26,853 --> 00:21:28,921
YOU PREPARE AND
SERVE A GOURMET DINNER
444
00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:31,458
TO A HOT STRAIGHT COUPLE.
445
00:21:31,491 --> 00:21:33,526
- OH, PERFECT.
446
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,928
AND AFTER, THEY CAN FUCK
WHILE I DO THE DISHES.
447
00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:36,996
- [laughs]
448
00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:38,465
- HEY, DON.
- YEAH?
449
00:21:38,498 --> 00:21:39,666
- YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHO
I JUST SPOKE TO.
450
00:21:39,699 --> 00:21:41,601
- WHO?
- DREW BOYD.
451
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:43,436
HE WANTS TO GIVE ME
AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW
452
00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:45,472
ABOUT THE ALLEGATIONS
THAT HE'S A FAG.
453
00:21:45,505 --> 00:21:47,440
- JESUS CHRIST. OUR RATINGS
ARE GONNA GO THROUGH THE ROOF.
454
00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:48,941
- WATCH OUT CHANNEL 7.
455
00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:52,111
- OH MAN, THEY'LL BE
YESTERDAY'S NEWS.
456
00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:55,114
[techno music]
457
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,949
*
458
00:21:56,983 --> 00:22:02,522
[indistinct chatter]
459
00:22:12,131 --> 00:22:15,067
- CAN I GET A CRANBERRY JUICE
AND SPARKLING WATER?
460
00:22:22,074 --> 00:22:23,976
- OH.
- OH, SORRY.
461
00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:25,111
- IT'S OKAY.
- NO, NO, NO.
462
00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:26,646
I'LL HAVE YOUR
SWEATER CLEANED.
463
00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:29,516
- AH, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT THE SWEATER.
464
00:22:29,549 --> 00:22:30,883
I'LL HAVE ANOTHER
DRINK THOUGH.
465
00:22:30,917 --> 00:22:32,452
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
OF COURSE, OF COURSE.
466
00:22:32,485 --> 00:22:34,754
UH, WHAT WERE YOU...
- DIET PEPSI.
467
00:22:34,787 --> 00:22:36,589
- YOU DON'T DRINK?
468
00:22:36,623 --> 00:22:39,459
- UH, MAYBE A GLASS OF WINE
ON OCCASION, HOLIDAYS,
469
00:22:39,492 --> 00:22:42,629
BUT, UH,
THAT'S ABOUT IT.
470
00:22:42,662 --> 00:22:44,597
- UM, TED SCHMIDT.
SHALOM.
471
00:22:44,631 --> 00:22:46,399
- ADAM BERNSTEIN.
472
00:22:46,433 --> 00:22:49,368
SHALOM AND, UH,
NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.
473
00:22:50,803 --> 00:22:52,739
SO WHAT DO YOU DO
FOR A LIVING?
474
00:22:52,772 --> 00:22:54,774
- WELL, I WORK
AT THIS AD AGENCY.
475
00:22:54,807 --> 00:22:56,175
I DO A LOT OF THINGS THERE
BUT, UH,
476
00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:58,144
MOSTLY, I'M AN ACCOUNTANT.
- AN ACCOUNTANT?
477
00:22:58,177 --> 00:22:59,679
YOU KNOW, MY BROTHER'S
AN ACCOUNTANT.
478
00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:01,948
MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD OF HIM?
479
00:23:01,981 --> 00:23:03,550
MARK BERNSTEIN?
480
00:23:03,583 --> 00:23:04,884
- YEAH, I THINK
I KNOW SEVERAL.
481
00:23:04,917 --> 00:23:06,085
[both chuckle]
482
00:23:06,118 --> 00:23:08,755
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
- UROLOGIST.
483
00:23:08,788 --> 00:23:10,557
- A DOCTOR.
484
00:23:10,590 --> 00:23:14,193
WELL, MY MOTHER'D
BE THRILLED.
485
00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:16,529
SO, UH, WHAT
ELSE DO YOU DO,
486
00:23:16,563 --> 00:23:21,033
I MEAN, BESIDES EXAMINING
GUYS' PROSTATES?
487
00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:22,635
- I'M A TENNIS FREAK.
488
00:23:22,669 --> 00:23:24,704
I MEAN, I'VE GOT
A HELL OF A BACKHAND.
489
00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:26,706
- I'LL BET YOU DO.
490
00:23:26,739 --> 00:23:27,807
DO YOU LIKE OPERA?
491
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:30,643
- NO, HATE IT.
492
00:23:30,677 --> 00:23:32,512
UH, BUT I LOVE BALLET--
493
00:23:32,545 --> 00:23:34,046
MEN IN TIGHTS.
494
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,716
HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG, RIGHT?
- RIGHT.
495
00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:38,718
I'VE GOT SEASON'S TICKETS.
496
00:23:38,751 --> 00:23:40,953
WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE GO SOMETIME?
497
00:23:40,987 --> 00:23:42,922
- YOU MEAN,
A "PAS DE DEUX"?
498
00:23:42,955 --> 00:23:44,557
I'D LOVE TO.
499
00:23:44,591 --> 00:23:46,192
- BUT THEN...
500
00:23:46,225 --> 00:23:49,962
WHY WAIT UNTIL "GISELLE"
ROLLS INTO TOWN?
501
00:23:49,996 --> 00:23:51,964
- OH.
502
00:23:56,569 --> 00:23:59,706
- HEY, I JUST PUT ONE OF THOSE
ON THE FRONT LAWN.
503
00:23:59,739 --> 00:24:02,675
- YEAH, AND I JUST
TOOK IT OUT.
504
00:24:02,709 --> 00:24:04,677
- WHAT?
505
00:24:04,711 --> 00:24:06,212
- AREN'T WE DOING ENOUGH?
506
00:24:06,245 --> 00:24:07,614
CANVASSING AND VOLUNTEERING?
507
00:24:07,647 --> 00:24:09,949
DO WE REALLY NEED THIS TOO?
508
00:24:09,982 --> 00:24:13,019
- IT'S A SIGN OF SOLIDARITY,
SUPPORT.
509
00:24:13,052 --> 00:24:15,087
BESIDES, PRACTICALLY EVERYONE'S
HOUSE ON THE BLOCK HAS ONE,
510
00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:16,956
INCLUDING ELI AND MONTY'S.
511
00:24:16,989 --> 00:24:18,257
- GOOD FOR THEM.
THEY CAN ALSO
512
00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:20,627
WEAR PINK TRIANGLES
ON THEIR SLEEVES.
513
00:24:20,660 --> 00:24:23,095
- NO REASON TO GET YOURSELF
SO WORKED UP.
514
00:24:23,129 --> 00:24:25,732
- ACTUALLY, THERE IS.
I'VE ALREADY BEEN A TARGET.
515
00:24:25,765 --> 00:24:28,835
- CARL SAID THERE'S
NO EVIDENCE OF THAT.
516
00:24:28,868 --> 00:24:32,705
LOOK, I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED
AT THE SHOP WAS UPSETTING.
517
00:24:32,739 --> 00:24:35,842
BUT LET'S TRY AND
STAY LEVEL-HEADED.
518
00:24:35,875 --> 00:24:37,243
- WELL, FINE.
519
00:24:37,276 --> 00:24:38,845
LET'S HOW LEVEL-HEADED
YOU FEEL WHEN THEY
520
00:24:38,878 --> 00:24:41,013
ROUND US ALL UP AND
TAKE US OFF TO THE CAMPS.
521
00:24:41,047 --> 00:24:42,849
- [scoffs]
ALL RIGHT.
522
00:24:42,882 --> 00:24:44,183
IF YOU DON'T WANT IT
ON THE FRONT LAWN,
523
00:24:44,216 --> 00:24:46,619
WE WON'T PUT IT
ON THE FRONT LAWN.
524
00:24:52,792 --> 00:24:57,163
- LOOK, I KNOW YOU THINK
I'M BEING RIDICULOUS, BUT...
525
00:24:57,196 --> 00:24:58,998
I WOULD HATE FOR SOMETHING
TERRIBLE TO HAPPEN
526
00:24:59,031 --> 00:25:02,101
JUST BECAUSE WE DIDN'T
PAY ATTENTION TO THE WARNINGS.
527
00:25:04,036 --> 00:25:06,539
- WE'LL HAVE MORE SCORES
AT 11:00. BUT RIGHT NOW,
528
00:25:06,573 --> 00:25:09,175
WE'VE GOT A SPECIAL GUEST
IN THE STUDIO WITH US,
529
00:25:09,208 --> 00:25:10,677
STAR QUARTERBACK
FOR THE IRONMEN
530
00:25:10,710 --> 00:25:14,146
AND TWO-TIME MVP DREW BOYD.
531
00:25:14,180 --> 00:25:16,215
GREAT TO HAVE YOU HERE, DREW.
- THANKS, BUD.
532
00:25:16,248 --> 00:25:18,284
- WELL, DREW, YOU'D HAVE
TO BE LIVING ON THE MOON
533
00:25:18,317 --> 00:25:20,887
NOT TO KNOW WHAT'S BEEN
HAPPENING WITH YOU THESE DAYS.
534
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:23,890
I'M TALKING ABOUT THESE,
UH, SEX ALLEGATIONS.
535
00:25:23,923 --> 00:25:25,792
"BOYD LIKES BOYS."
536
00:25:25,825 --> 00:25:27,827
- IT'S BEEN A VERY DIFFICULT
TIME FOR ME,
537
00:25:27,860 --> 00:25:29,696
BUD, AS YOU CAN IMAGINE.
538
00:25:29,729 --> 00:25:32,565
BUT I FEEL AS THOUGH THE SOONER
THAT I ADDRESS THIS ISSUE,
539
00:25:32,599 --> 00:25:34,767
THE SOONER I CAN GET ON
WITH MY LIFE.
540
00:25:34,801 --> 00:25:36,669
- LET ME JUST SAY THAT
WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR...
541
00:25:36,703 --> 00:25:38,571
HOW LONG NOW?
15 YEARS?
542
00:25:38,605 --> 00:25:40,573
WE STARTED OUT
PLAYING BALL TOGETHER.
543
00:25:40,607 --> 00:25:41,808
AND I'VE ALWAYS
THOUGHT OF YOU,
544
00:25:41,841 --> 00:25:43,910
NOT ONLY AS AN
OUTSTANDING ATHLETE,
545
00:25:43,943 --> 00:25:46,212
BUT AS A MAN'S MAN.
546
00:25:46,245 --> 00:25:47,647
SO, WHY DON'T WE PUT
547
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,682
ALL THESE RUMORS
TO REST RIGHT NOW?
548
00:25:49,716 --> 00:25:51,183
- FIRST OF ALL,
I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT
549
00:25:51,217 --> 00:25:53,786
MOST OF THOSE STORIES
ARE OUT-AND-OUT LIES,
550
00:25:53,820 --> 00:25:55,655
TOTAL EXAGGERATIONS.
551
00:25:55,688 --> 00:25:58,725
- I'M SURE THAT'S A RELIEF
FOR YOUR MILLIONS OF FANS.
552
00:25:58,758 --> 00:26:01,794
- BUT IF YOU'RE ASKING
ME IF I'M GAY...
553
00:26:01,828 --> 00:26:05,564
THE ANSWER IS YES.
554
00:26:13,039 --> 00:26:15,341
- I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
555
00:26:15,374 --> 00:26:17,209
YOU'RE SAYING
A GUY LIKE YOU?
556
00:26:17,243 --> 00:26:21,013
- YEAH, A GUY LIKE ME.
557
00:26:21,047 --> 00:26:24,283
- AW, I-I CAN'T EVEN PICTURE
YOU KISSING ANOTHER GUY.
558
00:26:24,316 --> 00:26:26,085
NOT LIKE HIM.
559
00:26:26,118 --> 00:26:27,954
- EXCUSE ME?
560
00:26:27,987 --> 00:26:29,856
- ACTUALLY, BUD,
561
00:26:29,889 --> 00:26:33,025
IT WAS YOUR QUEER GUY,
EMMETT HONEYCUTT,
562
00:26:33,059 --> 00:26:34,393
WHO HELPED ME
TO FIND THE COURAGE
563
00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:37,263
NOT JUST TO BE
A MAN'S MAN...
564
00:26:37,296 --> 00:26:40,099
BUT TO BE MY OWN MAN.
565
00:26:40,132 --> 00:26:43,135
AND I'D LIKE TO THANK HIM.
566
00:26:58,184 --> 00:27:00,186
- WE'LL BE BACK
IN A MINUTE.
567
00:27:00,219 --> 00:27:01,721
- AND WE'RE OUT.
568
00:27:01,754 --> 00:27:07,626
[indistinct chatter]
569
00:27:10,029 --> 00:27:11,397
- JUSTIN.
- YEAH?
570
00:27:11,430 --> 00:27:13,132
- I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
SIMON CASWELL.
571
00:27:13,165 --> 00:27:14,901
HE'S THE CRITIC FROM
THE "ART FORUM MAGAZINE".
572
00:27:14,934 --> 00:27:16,202
- HI.
- HELLO.
573
00:27:16,235 --> 00:27:17,904
LINDSAY'S ALWAYS
TRYING TO CONVINCE ME
574
00:27:17,937 --> 00:27:19,672
TO COME TO PITTSBURGH.
575
00:27:19,706 --> 00:27:22,174
I TELL HER,
"WARHOL'S IT"...
576
00:27:22,208 --> 00:27:26,178
BUT, UH, THIS TIME
I COULD BE WRONG.
577
00:27:28,314 --> 00:27:31,818
YOUR WORK HAS A SURPRISING
INTENSITY TO IT,
578
00:27:31,851 --> 00:27:33,820
ESPECIALLY FOR
SOMEONE SO YOUNG.
579
00:27:33,853 --> 00:27:35,287
WHAT MADE YOU WANT
TO BE AN ARTIST?
580
00:27:35,321 --> 00:27:37,323
- IT WAS THAT OR BE
A MASS MURDERER.
581
00:27:37,356 --> 00:27:38,891
[all chuckle]
582
00:27:38,925 --> 00:27:41,427
- THAT'S VERY AMUSING.
583
00:27:41,460 --> 00:27:43,029
I'LL BE IN TOUCH.
- BYE.
584
00:27:43,062 --> 00:27:45,431
SEE YOU.
585
00:27:45,464 --> 00:27:47,433
DID YOU HEAR
WHAT HE SAID?
586
00:27:47,466 --> 00:27:49,035
REMEMBER THIS MOMENT.
587
00:27:49,068 --> 00:27:50,803
- WHAT FOR?
HE'S A CUNT.
588
00:27:50,837 --> 00:27:52,204
- A VERY INFLUENTIAL CUNT.
589
00:27:52,238 --> 00:27:54,173
- A CUNT'S A CUNT.
590
00:27:54,206 --> 00:27:55,908
- WELL, FROM THE WAY
EVERYONE'S TALKING,
591
00:27:55,942 --> 00:27:57,844
THIS MIGHT AS WELL
BE A ONE-MAN SHOW.
592
00:27:57,877 --> 00:28:00,179
- I HAD NO IDEA
YOU WERE SO TALENTED.
593
00:28:00,212 --> 00:28:02,081
- THANK YOU.
- UM, CORINNE,
594
00:28:02,114 --> 00:28:03,315
YOU REMEMBER...
- LINDSAY.
595
00:28:03,349 --> 00:28:04,784
I'M REALLY ENJOYING
THE SHOW.
596
00:28:04,817 --> 00:28:06,452
- WELL, I'M DELIGHTED
YOU COULD COME.
597
00:28:06,485 --> 00:28:09,221
- I NEED A REFILL.
WE'LL CATCH YOU LATER.
598
00:28:09,255 --> 00:28:12,191
- BYE.
599
00:28:12,224 --> 00:28:13,926
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY
WITH ALL OF THIS?
600
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:15,194
- WELL, WHAT OTHER CHOICE
DO I HAVE?
601
00:28:15,227 --> 00:28:19,799
- MY OTHER CAREER CHOICE.
602
00:28:19,832 --> 00:28:24,470
- ART OPENINGS ARE ALWAYS
SUCH GAY OCCASIONS.
603
00:28:24,503 --> 00:28:26,005
- ESPECIALLY NOW THAT
YOU'RE HERE.
604
00:28:26,038 --> 00:28:28,340
MWAH.
605
00:28:28,374 --> 00:28:29,475
- I WASN'T SURE YOU'D COME.
606
00:28:29,508 --> 00:28:32,478
- NEITHER WAS I.
607
00:28:32,511 --> 00:28:35,481
THAT IT?
- DO YOU LIKE IT?
608
00:28:35,514 --> 00:28:37,116
- IF I DID,
WOULD THAT MAKE IT GOOD?
609
00:28:37,149 --> 00:28:38,818
- NO.
610
00:28:38,851 --> 00:28:41,020
- WOULD IT MAKE YOU
LIKE IT MORE OR LESS?
611
00:28:41,053 --> 00:28:42,889
- NO.
- WOULD IT MAKE YOU RICH?
612
00:28:42,922 --> 00:28:44,290
- NO.
613
00:28:44,323 --> 00:28:46,926
- THEN WHY DO YOU GIVE A SHIT
WHAT I THINK?
614
00:28:49,395 --> 00:28:52,431
I THINK IT'S EXQUISITE.
615
00:28:52,464 --> 00:28:55,734
YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD.
616
00:28:58,871 --> 00:29:01,974
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE
I FUCKED AN ARTSY TYPE.
617
00:29:13,319 --> 00:29:15,988
- LET ME GUESS.
618
00:29:16,022 --> 00:29:20,126
YOU DON'T KNOW ART,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE.
619
00:29:20,159 --> 00:29:23,863
- I LIKE MAGRITTE,
CEZANNE AND JOHNS.
620
00:29:23,896 --> 00:29:25,865
- HMM.
621
00:29:25,898 --> 00:29:29,268
- I DID GO TO COLLEGE.
622
00:29:29,301 --> 00:29:31,337
AND I ALSO LIKE YOUR STUFF.
623
00:29:31,370 --> 00:29:34,874
- YOU ALSO LIKE MY MOTHER.
- YES, I DO.
624
00:29:34,907 --> 00:29:37,209
- DON'T YOU HAVE ONE
OF YOUR OWN?
625
00:29:39,578 --> 00:29:41,814
- THAT'S NOT WHY I LIKE HER.
626
00:29:41,848 --> 00:29:46,318
I LIKE HER
BECAUSE SHE'S BEAUTIFUL,
627
00:29:46,352 --> 00:29:48,420
INTELLIGENT, SEXY.
628
00:29:48,454 --> 00:29:51,423
- HAVE YOU FUCKED HER?
629
00:29:51,457 --> 00:29:53,025
- I DON'T THINK
THAT CONCERNS YOU.
630
00:29:53,059 --> 00:29:55,227
- AS THEY SAY,
25 GOES INTO 50
631
00:29:55,261 --> 00:29:57,429
A LOT MORE THAN
50 GOES INTO 25.
632
00:29:57,463 --> 00:30:00,566
- EXCEPT IN YOUR CASE.
633
00:30:00,599 --> 00:30:03,870
ALTHOUGH TO BE FAIR, HE'S NOT
QUITE THAT OLD, IS HE?
634
00:30:09,208 --> 00:30:11,243
LOOK, SHE'S AN ADULT,
SO AM I.
635
00:30:11,277 --> 00:30:12,945
SHE'S FREE TO LOVE
WHOEVER SHE PLEASES
636
00:30:12,979 --> 00:30:14,914
WITHOUT HER
CHILD'S APPROVAL.
637
00:30:14,947 --> 00:30:16,916
- I'M HER SON.
638
00:30:16,949 --> 00:30:18,184
AND I'M AN ADULT.
639
00:30:18,217 --> 00:30:20,887
- OKAY, THEN ACT LIKE ONE.
640
00:30:25,257 --> 00:30:26,458
- WHO KNEW THERE
WERE SO MANY
641
00:30:26,492 --> 00:30:28,127
HOT JEWISH MEN
IN THE WORLD?
642
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:29,361
- JESUS CHRIST,
643
00:30:29,395 --> 00:30:31,097
YOU ALREADY
SOUND LIKE YENTL.
644
00:30:31,130 --> 00:30:32,198
- [chuckles]
645
00:30:32,231 --> 00:30:34,100
"DOCTOR AND MRS.
ADAM BERNSTEIN".
646
00:30:34,133 --> 00:30:35,201
HOW DOES THAT SOUND?
647
00:30:35,234 --> 00:30:37,336
- MAZEL TOV.
648
00:30:37,369 --> 00:30:39,071
- CAN I BORROW YOU
FOR A MOMENT?
649
00:30:39,105 --> 00:30:40,339
- I WAS IN THE MIDDLE
OF A CONVERSATION.
650
00:30:40,372 --> 00:30:42,942
- YEAH WELL, THEODORE
CAN REGALE YOU
651
00:30:42,975 --> 00:30:45,912
WITH HIS TALES OF
THE YESHIVA LATER.
652
00:30:49,048 --> 00:30:51,617
- WHAT IS IT?
653
00:30:51,650 --> 00:30:52,985
- I JUST WANTED
YOU TO KNOW
654
00:30:53,019 --> 00:30:55,621
THAT IF IT
MAKES YOU HAPPY
655
00:30:55,654 --> 00:30:57,156
BEING A STEPFORD FAG,
656
00:30:57,189 --> 00:31:02,128
THEN I SAY GO FOR IT.
657
00:31:02,161 --> 00:31:04,096
BE THE BIGGEST STEPFORD FAG
IN THE WORLD.
658
00:31:04,130 --> 00:31:06,065
IT'S FINE WITH ME.
659
00:31:08,935 --> 00:31:12,271
- WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED
TO BE, AN APOLOGY?
660
00:31:12,304 --> 00:31:13,973
- I MEAN IT.
661
00:31:14,006 --> 00:31:16,308
- AREN'T YOU AFRAID
I'M GOING TO INFECT YOU?
662
00:31:19,211 --> 00:31:21,280
LOOK, JUST BECAUSE WE'VE
BEEN FRIENDS OUR WHOLE LIVES
663
00:31:21,313 --> 00:31:24,283
DOESN'T MEAN WE
HAVE TO STAY FRIENDS.
664
00:31:26,953 --> 00:31:28,320
ESPECIALLY SINCE...
665
00:31:28,354 --> 00:31:32,258
WE NO LONGER HAVE ANYTHING
IN COMMON.
666
00:31:32,291 --> 00:31:36,395
SO WHY DON'T WE JUST ADMIT THAT
THE "BRIAN-MIKEY SHOW" IS OVER,
667
00:31:36,428 --> 00:31:39,165
AND GET ON WITH OUR LIVES?
668
00:31:52,744 --> 00:31:54,680
- SCOTCH?
669
00:31:54,713 --> 00:31:57,016
- WELL, I DON'T USUALLY
LIKE MY DRINKS STRAIGHT,
670
00:31:57,049 --> 00:32:00,019
BUT...
[chuckles]
671
00:32:00,052 --> 00:32:01,988
- SORRY I GOT YOU FIRED.
672
00:32:02,021 --> 00:32:04,156
- MM, I MAY HAVE
LOST MY JOB,
673
00:32:04,190 --> 00:32:06,959
BUT, UH, AFTER
OUR SCREEN KISS,
674
00:32:06,993 --> 00:32:08,427
AT LEAST NO ONE CAN SAY
I'M SEXLESS.
675
00:32:08,460 --> 00:32:09,695
- [chuckles]
676
00:32:09,728 --> 00:32:11,430
THANKS TO ME.
677
00:32:11,463 --> 00:32:15,567
- YEAH, WHATEVER
POSSESSED YOU?
678
00:32:15,601 --> 00:32:17,203
- [sighs]
679
00:32:17,236 --> 00:32:19,338
IT'S THE FIRST
RULE OF THE GAME:
680
00:32:19,371 --> 00:32:20,973
ALWAYS PROTECT
YOUR TEAMMATES.
681
00:32:21,007 --> 00:32:24,043
AND SINCE WE NOW PLAY
FOR THE SAME TEAM,
682
00:32:24,076 --> 00:32:27,079
I WAS COVERING YOUR ASS.
683
00:32:27,113 --> 00:32:31,383
AND PAYING BACK
RAYMOND OSWALD.
684
00:32:31,417 --> 00:32:32,985
HE WAS THIS KID
IN HIGH SCHOOL--
685
00:32:33,019 --> 00:32:34,987
EFFEMINATE, TOTAL FAG.
686
00:32:35,021 --> 00:32:38,190
- I KNOW THE TYPE.
687
00:32:38,224 --> 00:32:42,194
- MY BUDDIES AND I MADE
HIS LIFE MISERABLE.
688
00:32:42,228 --> 00:32:44,363
TAUNTED HIM.
689
00:32:44,396 --> 00:32:46,465
BEAT HIM UNTIL HE CRIED.
690
00:32:46,498 --> 00:32:50,136
HE FINALLY TRANSFERRED
TO ANOTHER SCHOOL.
691
00:32:50,169 --> 00:32:52,538
I ALWAYS FELT...
692
00:32:52,571 --> 00:32:55,007
AWFUL...
693
00:32:55,041 --> 00:32:57,776
FOR WHAT I DID TO HIM...
694
00:32:57,809 --> 00:33:00,246
BECAUSE SECRETLY,
I KNEW...
695
00:33:00,279 --> 00:33:01,513
EVEN THOUGH
HE AND I MAY HAVE
696
00:33:01,547 --> 00:33:03,382
BEEN DIFFERENT
ON THE OUTSIDE...
697
00:33:03,415 --> 00:33:07,219
ON THE INSIDE,
WE WERE THE SAME.
698
00:33:07,253 --> 00:33:10,156
SO I GUESS YOU COULD SAY
699
00:33:10,189 --> 00:33:13,392
YOU'RE MY ATONEMENT FOR
WHAT I DID TO RAYMOND OSWALD.
700
00:33:18,197 --> 00:33:20,066
- MY HERO.
701
00:33:24,136 --> 00:33:26,105
SO NOW THAT
YOU'RE FINALLY OUT,
702
00:33:26,138 --> 00:33:29,041
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
703
00:33:32,544 --> 00:33:36,248
- HORNY.
704
00:33:36,282 --> 00:33:39,251
[upbeat music]
705
00:33:39,285 --> 00:33:47,226
*
706
00:33:55,167 --> 00:33:58,104
- [laughs]
707
00:34:00,706 --> 00:34:02,674
I LOVE FOOTBALL!
708
00:34:02,708 --> 00:34:05,777
*
709
00:34:21,193 --> 00:34:22,294
- [gasps]
710
00:34:22,328 --> 00:34:23,829
SHIT!
711
00:34:23,862 --> 00:34:25,431
- DO YOU WANT TO WAKE
THE CHILDREN?
712
00:34:25,464 --> 00:34:27,699
- [giggles]
I'M SURE I WOKE THE DEAD.
713
00:34:27,733 --> 00:34:30,369
OH, YOU SCARED
THE FUCKING CRAP OUT OF ME.
714
00:34:30,402 --> 00:34:32,604
- SORRY.
- [sighs]
715
00:34:32,638 --> 00:34:35,441
WHAT'RE YOU, UH, SITTING
IN THE DARK FOR?
716
00:34:35,474 --> 00:34:38,377
- I FELT LIKE IT.
717
00:34:56,295 --> 00:34:57,363
- ANY MORE COCOA?
718
00:34:57,396 --> 00:35:00,599
- I JUST MADE ENOUGH FOR ME.
719
00:35:00,632 --> 00:35:02,334
IT'S AFTER 3:00.
720
00:35:02,368 --> 00:35:04,270
- YEAH, I GOT TIED UP.
721
00:35:04,303 --> 00:35:05,904
- SATIN OR LEATHER?
722
00:35:05,937 --> 00:35:08,240
- TALKING.
723
00:35:10,276 --> 00:35:13,345
I DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN,
MAKE EXCUSES, OR APOLOGIZE.
724
00:35:13,379 --> 00:35:14,613
- THOSE ARE THE RULES.
725
00:35:14,646 --> 00:35:15,881
- THAT WE BOTH AGREED TO.
726
00:35:15,914 --> 00:35:18,684
- DID YOU FORGET
YOU HAD A FAMILY, HMM?
727
00:35:18,717 --> 00:35:19,918
- YOU'RE HERE.
728
00:35:19,951 --> 00:35:22,521
- I CAME HOME RIGHT
AFTER THE SHOW.
729
00:35:22,554 --> 00:35:25,491
- WHICH WAS GREAT, BY THE WAY.
WE BOTH ENJOYED IT.
730
00:35:25,524 --> 00:35:28,760
- I'M SO GLAD.
731
00:35:28,794 --> 00:35:33,232
- LISTEN, NEXT TIME I PROMISE
I'LL CALL, OKAY?
732
00:35:33,265 --> 00:35:35,401
- I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT
NEXT TIME.
733
00:35:35,434 --> 00:35:38,537
THIS WHOLE IN-HOUSE SEPARATION
ISN'T WORKING.
734
00:35:38,570 --> 00:35:40,672
AT LEAST NOT FOR ME.
735
00:35:40,706 --> 00:35:42,774
IT'S FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE
OBVIOUSLY MORE SOPHISTICATED,
736
00:35:42,808 --> 00:35:46,245
OR HEARTLESS, THAN I AM.
737
00:35:46,278 --> 00:35:50,849
- SO WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST?
738
00:35:50,882 --> 00:35:52,784
- THAT WE SELL THE HOUSE.
739
00:35:52,818 --> 00:35:54,686
GET TWO SEPARATE PLACES.
740
00:35:54,720 --> 00:35:56,288
- SELL THE HOUSE?
741
00:35:56,322 --> 00:35:57,656
- WHY SHOULD YOU LIVE HERE
742
00:35:57,689 --> 00:35:58,857
WHILE I'M IN
SOME CRUMMY APARTMENT?
743
00:35:58,890 --> 00:36:00,659
- WE'RE NOT
SELLING THE HOUSE.
744
00:36:00,692 --> 00:36:04,596
- THEN YOU MOVE OUT.
745
00:36:04,630 --> 00:36:06,932
- FINE. YOU WANT
TO SELL THE HOUSE?
746
00:36:06,965 --> 00:36:09,468
DIVIDE EVERYTHING UP 50-50?
747
00:36:09,501 --> 00:36:11,603
HOW ABOUT THIS VASE?
748
00:36:11,637 --> 00:36:12,971
- DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME.
749
00:36:13,004 --> 00:36:14,473
- WHO'S MAKING FUN?
750
00:36:14,506 --> 00:36:15,541
- IT'S YOURS.
751
00:36:15,574 --> 00:36:16,942
- YOU SURE?
752
00:36:16,975 --> 00:36:19,278
I GAVE IT TO YOU,
REMEMBER?
753
00:36:19,311 --> 00:36:21,413
FOR ONE OF OUR
ANNIVERSARIES.
754
00:36:21,447 --> 00:36:22,681
- WELL, I DON'T WANT IT.
- NO?
755
00:36:22,714 --> 00:36:24,616
NEITHER DO I.
756
00:36:24,650 --> 00:36:27,419
[glass shatters]
757
00:36:27,453 --> 00:36:28,620
- WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
758
00:36:28,654 --> 00:36:32,324
- ONE LESS THING
TO WRAP AND MOVE.
759
00:36:32,358 --> 00:36:35,727
- THEN WHY DON'T WE
GET RID OF...THIS.
760
00:36:35,761 --> 00:36:37,896
- THAT'S MY MOTHER'S
DEPRESSION-WARE CANDY DISH.
761
00:36:37,929 --> 00:36:39,765
- IT'S ABOUT TO GET
MORE DEPRESSED.
762
00:36:39,798 --> 00:36:41,433
- YOU...DON'T...
GIVE IT TO ME.
763
00:36:41,467 --> 00:36:43,369
- HANDS OFF ME!
764
00:36:43,402 --> 00:36:45,237
[glass shatters]
765
00:36:45,271 --> 00:36:47,873
- GOD DAMN YOU!
- GOD DAMN YOU!
766
00:36:47,906 --> 00:36:50,942
[both grunting]
767
00:37:00,286 --> 00:37:03,221
- OH, YOU BITCH.
768
00:37:08,827 --> 00:37:13,665
[both panting]
769
00:37:34,085 --> 00:37:39,391
[both moaning]
770
00:37:43,862 --> 00:37:47,933
- [panting]
771
00:38:02,681 --> 00:38:04,450
- I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE
THE NEXT PICASSO,
772
00:38:04,483 --> 00:38:07,386
THAT DOES NOT GIVE YOU
THE RIGHT TO BE RUDE.
773
00:38:07,419 --> 00:38:09,388
- HOW WAS I RUDE?
774
00:38:09,421 --> 00:38:11,657
I ONLY ASKED HIM
A FEW QUESTIONS.
775
00:38:11,690 --> 00:38:13,659
- LIKE IF HE'S FUCKING ME?
776
00:38:13,692 --> 00:38:15,060
- MORE COFFEE?
- UH, NO, THANK YOU.
777
00:38:15,093 --> 00:38:16,562
- I'LL HAVE SOME.
778
00:38:16,595 --> 00:38:19,398
- [sighs]
779
00:38:19,431 --> 00:38:20,666
- THANK YOU.
780
00:38:20,699 --> 00:38:22,868
- WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION
WAS THAT?
781
00:38:22,901 --> 00:38:27,072
- I WAS MERELY LOOKING OUT
FOR YOUR BEST INTERESTS.
782
00:38:27,105 --> 00:38:28,940
- YOU DON'T THINK
THAT MAYBE
783
00:38:28,974 --> 00:38:31,410
YOU WERE FEELING
THREATENED BECAUSE
784
00:38:31,443 --> 00:38:32,711
THERE'S ANOTHER MAN
IN MY LIFE?
785
00:38:32,744 --> 00:38:34,746
- I WAS NOT
FEELING THREATENED.
786
00:38:34,780 --> 00:38:36,415
- HONEY,
787
00:38:36,448 --> 00:38:37,849
TUCKER IS THE FIRST
MAN I'VE GONE OUT WITH
788
00:38:37,883 --> 00:38:39,084
SINCE YOUR FATHER LEFT ME.
789
00:38:39,117 --> 00:38:42,554
THAT'S A LONG TIME.
790
00:38:42,588 --> 00:38:43,689
DON'T YOU THINK
I'M ENTITLED
791
00:38:43,722 --> 00:38:44,823
TO BE WITH SOMEONE?
792
00:38:44,856 --> 00:38:46,492
- SOMEONE APPROPRIATE.
793
00:38:46,525 --> 00:38:47,826
SOMEONE YOUR OWN AGE.
794
00:38:47,859 --> 00:38:49,561
- [laughs]
795
00:38:49,595 --> 00:38:51,763
THAT'S RATHER FUNNY,
COMING FROM YOU.
796
00:38:51,797 --> 00:38:54,466
- MOM, I WAS 17.
797
00:38:54,500 --> 00:38:56,101
YOU'RE...
798
00:38:56,134 --> 00:38:58,604
YOU'RE MY MOTHER.
YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER.
799
00:39:01,006 --> 00:39:03,475
- YOU KNOW...
800
00:39:03,509 --> 00:39:04,710
WHEN YOU FIRST
STARTED SEEING BRIAN,
801
00:39:04,743 --> 00:39:06,712
I ADMIT I HAD TROUBLE.
802
00:39:06,745 --> 00:39:08,714
A LOT OF TROUBLE.
803
00:39:08,747 --> 00:39:10,782
BUT EVENTUALLY
I REALIZED
804
00:39:10,816 --> 00:39:12,718
THAT IF HE
MADE YOU HAPPY,
805
00:39:12,751 --> 00:39:14,653
HE WAS GOOD TO YOU,
806
00:39:14,686 --> 00:39:18,123
THAT'S ALL THAT
REALLY MATTERED.
807
00:39:18,156 --> 00:39:19,625
WELL, NOW IT'S YOUR TURN.
808
00:39:19,658 --> 00:39:22,360
HMM?
809
00:39:26,432 --> 00:39:29,668
- THIS IS NOT A TIME
FOR COMPLACENCY OR SILENCE.
810
00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:31,069
THE BATTLE LINES
HAVE BEEN DRAWN.
811
00:39:31,102 --> 00:39:32,638
AND IT'S UP TO EVERY AMERICAN
TO DECLARE
812
00:39:32,671 --> 00:39:34,940
WHICH SIDE THEY'RE ON:
THE SIDE THAT
813
00:39:34,973 --> 00:39:38,644
RECOGNIZES HOMOSEXUALITY
AS AN ACCEPTABLE LIFESTYLE,
814
00:39:38,677 --> 00:39:41,046
AND WANTS TO REWARD
THEIR DEVIANT BEHAVIOR
815
00:39:41,079 --> 00:39:42,881
BY GIVING THEM
THE MOST SACRED RIGHT
816
00:39:42,914 --> 00:39:45,150
THAT A MAN AND WOMAN HAVE,
THE RIGHT TO MARRY.
817
00:39:45,183 --> 00:39:46,818
- DO YOU HEAR
WHAT HE'S SAYING?
818
00:39:46,852 --> 00:39:48,954
- OR THE SIDE THAT IS DETERMINED
TO UPHOLD THE VALUES
819
00:39:48,987 --> 00:39:50,756
ON WHICH THIS GREAT
CHRISTIAN COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED...
820
00:39:50,789 --> 00:39:52,658
- WHEN DID IT BECOME
A "CHRISTIAN COUNTRY"?
821
00:39:52,691 --> 00:39:54,660
- AND PROTECT OUR CHILDREN.
822
00:39:54,693 --> 00:39:56,495
- WHY DO THEY ALWAYS MAKE IT
ABOUT FAMILY AND CHILDREN,
823
00:39:56,528 --> 00:39:58,564
LIKE GAY PEOPLE DON'T
HAVE FAMILIES AND CHILDREN TOO?
824
00:39:58,597 --> 00:40:01,433
SOMEBODY SHOULD PUNCH
HIS FUCKING LIGHTS OUT.
825
00:40:01,467 --> 00:40:03,535
- THAT'S NOT HOW
WE GET OUR MESSAGE ACROSS,
826
00:40:03,569 --> 00:40:05,871
BY STARTING FIGHTS.
827
00:40:07,806 --> 00:40:10,842
- PLEASE VOTE
FOR PROPOSITION 14.
828
00:40:13,545 --> 00:40:15,080
- I HAVE THIS THING
FOR SZECHUAN BEEF.
829
00:40:15,113 --> 00:40:17,983
- OH, ME TOO.
LOVE IT.
830
00:40:18,016 --> 00:40:19,685
CAN'T GET
ENOUGH OF IT.
831
00:40:19,718 --> 00:40:22,954
- YEAH, WHAT ELSE CAN'T YOU
GET ENOUGH OF?
832
00:40:29,961 --> 00:40:32,564
- THAT.
833
00:40:32,598 --> 00:40:33,932
- YOU KNOW, I NEVER
PUT TOO MUCH STOCK
834
00:40:33,965 --> 00:40:36,535
IN THOSE MIXERS AT WOODY'S.
835
00:40:36,568 --> 00:40:38,069
I MAINLY WENT TO CONFIRM
MY CONVICTION
836
00:40:38,103 --> 00:40:39,838
THAT NOTHING WOULD
EVER COME OF IT.
837
00:40:39,871 --> 00:40:42,941
- [laughs]
THAT IS SO PESSIMISTIC.
838
00:40:42,974 --> 00:40:44,476
- WELL, IT'S NOT
PESSIMISTIC.
839
00:40:44,510 --> 00:40:45,811
IT'S, UH, IT'S JEWISH.
840
00:40:45,844 --> 00:40:47,212
- AH.
841
00:40:47,245 --> 00:40:50,949
- BUT THIS TIME
IT WORKED OUT.
842
00:40:50,982 --> 00:40:53,018
- FOR ME, TOO.
843
00:40:55,721 --> 00:40:57,689
- YOU MIND IF I ASK YOU
A PERSONAL QUESTION?
844
00:40:57,723 --> 00:40:59,090
- DO I EVER HAVE SEX
ON THE FIRST DATE?
845
00:40:59,124 --> 00:41:00,826
- HMM, HOW'D YOU GUESS?
846
00:41:00,859 --> 00:41:02,561
- AH, DEPENDS HOW IT GOES.
847
00:41:02,594 --> 00:41:05,463
- AND HOW WOULD YOU SAY
THIS IS GOING?
848
00:41:11,770 --> 00:41:13,905
- OH-H.
849
00:41:28,019 --> 00:41:29,788
EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT
DOWN THERE?
850
00:41:29,821 --> 00:41:32,524
- FRANKLY, NO.
851
00:41:32,558 --> 00:41:34,526
- WHAT'S WRONG?
852
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:35,927
- YOU'RE NOT JEWISH.
853
00:41:35,961 --> 00:41:37,996
- I NEVER SAID I WAS.
854
00:41:38,029 --> 00:41:39,731
- BUT YOU WERE
AT THE MIXER.
855
00:41:39,765 --> 00:41:42,000
- I WANTED TO MEET
A NICE JEWISH GUY.
856
00:41:42,033 --> 00:41:44,903
- SO DID I.
857
00:41:47,072 --> 00:41:49,675
- WELL, LOOK, I MEAN...
858
00:41:49,708 --> 00:41:52,744
WHY LET A LITTLE THING
LIKE MY NOT BEING JEWISH
859
00:41:52,778 --> 00:41:55,213
RUIN WHAT COULD BE
A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP?
860
00:41:55,246 --> 00:41:57,883
- BECAUSE I WANT
A JEWISH HUSBAND.
861
00:41:57,916 --> 00:41:59,050
I WANT TO SETTLE DOWN,
862
00:41:59,084 --> 00:42:01,219
CARRY ON TRADITIONS,
HERITAGE.
863
00:42:01,252 --> 00:42:03,221
- WELL, I'LL--I'LL--
I'LL HAVE SURGERY.
864
00:42:03,254 --> 00:42:05,290
OY, MORE SURGERY.
865
00:42:05,323 --> 00:42:08,159
UH, I'LL, UH,
I'LL CONVERT. HUH?
866
00:42:08,193 --> 00:42:10,028
HEY, ELIZABETH TAYLOR
DID IT.
867
00:42:10,061 --> 00:42:11,897
MARILYN MONROE,
SAMMY DAVIS JR...
868
00:42:11,930 --> 00:42:15,767
- LOOK, YOU'RE
A NICE GUY, TED.
869
00:42:15,801 --> 00:42:19,204
YOU'RE JUST NOT
A NICE, JEWISH GUY.
870
00:42:26,678 --> 00:42:29,581
- HEY, DEB, LISTEN TO THIS.
871
00:42:29,615 --> 00:42:32,350
"AND THEN THE UNTHINKABLE
HAPPENED.
872
00:42:32,383 --> 00:42:34,653
"DREW BOYD,
HERO TO MILLIONS OF FANS,
873
00:42:34,686 --> 00:42:38,590
"PLANTED ONE ON CHANNEL FIVE'S
QUEER GUY.
874
00:42:38,624 --> 00:42:40,692
"IT WAS THE KISS HEARD
ROUND THE WORLD.
875
00:42:40,726 --> 00:42:42,060
"THE QUESTION IS,
NOW WHAT?
876
00:42:42,093 --> 00:42:43,962
"WILL MR. BOYD STILL
BE CALLED A HERO,
877
00:42:43,995 --> 00:42:46,264
"OR WILL HE BE CALLED A LOT
OF LESS FLATTERING THINGS?
878
00:42:46,297 --> 00:42:48,066
"IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.
879
00:42:48,099 --> 00:42:49,334
"WHAT MATTERS IS,
880
00:42:49,367 --> 00:42:51,236
"DREW BOYD HAS
SCORED A TOUCHDOWN
881
00:42:51,269 --> 00:42:53,939
FOR PERSONAL COURAGE
AND HONESTY."
882
00:42:53,972 --> 00:42:55,073
- YES!
883
00:42:55,106 --> 00:42:58,109
[distant shouting]
884
00:43:00,912 --> 00:43:02,681
- WILL YOU
LET THE MAN IN?
885
00:43:02,714 --> 00:43:03,815
- DREW...
- THANK YOU.
886
00:43:03,849 --> 00:43:05,116
[indistinct chatter]
887
00:43:05,150 --> 00:43:07,118
[door shuts]
888
00:43:07,152 --> 00:43:08,987
- I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS.
889
00:43:09,020 --> 00:43:11,022
- IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, HONEY.
890
00:43:11,056 --> 00:43:14,225
DO THEY HAVE TO TRAMPLE
MY FUCKING ROSE BED?
891
00:43:14,259 --> 00:43:15,861
- WELL, WAIT TILL
YOU READ THIS.
892
00:43:15,894 --> 00:43:18,630
YOU'RE GOING
TO BE SO PROUD.
893
00:43:18,664 --> 00:43:20,732
- I'VE BEEN SUSPENDED.
894
00:43:20,766 --> 00:43:22,734
- WHAT?
895
00:43:22,768 --> 00:43:24,002
WHY?
896
00:43:24,035 --> 00:43:25,837
YOU WEREN'T
DRIVING DRUNK,
897
00:43:25,871 --> 00:43:27,639
YOU DIDN'T RAPE ANYBODY,
898
00:43:27,673 --> 00:43:28,874
YOU WEREN'T MAKING
ILLEGAL BETS.
899
00:43:28,907 --> 00:43:29,975
ALL YOU DID WAS...
- DEB...
900
00:43:30,008 --> 00:43:33,078
- WHAT?
- WE KNOW WHAT HE DID.
901
00:43:37,415 --> 00:43:41,286
- MY COACH SAYS
IT'S FOR MY OWN GOOD.
902
00:43:41,319 --> 00:43:45,123
IN CASE MY TEAMMATES
TRY TO INJURE ME.
903
00:43:45,156 --> 00:43:48,059
- I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER.
904
00:43:50,762 --> 00:43:52,964
- SO DID I.
905
00:44:00,071 --> 00:44:02,874
- YOU'RE BEING
AWFULLY DILIGENT.
906
00:44:02,908 --> 00:44:05,677
- IT'S OUR HOME.
907
00:44:05,711 --> 00:44:08,046
I WANT EVERYTHING
TO BE PERFECT.
908
00:44:08,079 --> 00:44:11,750
- YOU'RE IN IT, THAT'S
PERFECT ENOUGH FOR ME.
909
00:44:11,783 --> 00:44:14,019
- THAT IS THE MOST CLOYINGLY
SENTIMENTAL REMARK
910
00:44:14,052 --> 00:44:15,821
I HAVE EVER HEARD.
911
00:44:15,854 --> 00:44:18,589
I'D THROW UP IF I DIDN'T LOVE
EVERY WORD OF IT.
912
00:44:22,460 --> 00:44:25,430
- COME ON IN, IT'S COLD.
- UH, HOLD ON.
913
00:44:25,463 --> 00:44:28,666
I JUST GOT TO
DO ONE LAST THING.
914
00:44:37,208 --> 00:44:39,277
THERE.
915
00:44:43,014 --> 00:44:45,984
[electronic music]
916
00:44:46,017 --> 00:44:53,959
*
917
00:46:19,077 --> 00:46:21,913
- I'M SURPRISED
TO SEE YOU HERE.
918
00:46:21,947 --> 00:46:24,916
- I WANTED TO ASK YOU
A QUESTION.
919
00:46:26,117 --> 00:46:28,887
WHY DID YOU APOLOGIZE?
920
00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:31,522
- WELL, I GUESS
I MISS YOU.
921
00:46:35,994 --> 00:46:39,564
- DO YOU STILL LOVE ME?
922
00:46:39,597 --> 00:46:42,067
- ALWAYS HAVE.
923
00:46:44,936 --> 00:46:48,573
ALWAYS WILL.
924
00:46:48,606 --> 00:46:51,242
- SO DO I.
925
00:46:53,544 --> 00:46:55,613
- SAID YOU LOOK LIKE YOU
NEED A FRIEND TO TALK TO,
926
00:46:55,646 --> 00:46:59,250
SO DO I.
927
00:46:59,284 --> 00:47:02,387
- ISN'T THERE A HOTLINE
FOR THAT?
928
00:47:02,420 --> 00:47:05,190
- IN A PINCH, YOU'LL DO.
929
00:47:05,223 --> 00:47:07,993
MY DATE WAS A BUST.
930
00:47:10,095 --> 00:47:12,363
- WHAT WENT WRONG?
931
00:47:14,099 --> 00:47:17,035
- YOU COULD SAY I DIDN'T
MAKE THE CUT.
932
00:47:18,436 --> 00:47:20,405
- YOU'LL LIVE.
933
00:47:23,274 --> 00:47:25,276
- YEAH, I DON'T KNOW
HOW YOU DO IT.
934
00:47:25,310 --> 00:47:27,946
YOU ALWAYS KNOW
THE RIGHT THING TO SAY.
935
00:47:27,979 --> 00:47:30,848
- [laughs]
936
00:47:32,918 --> 00:47:34,485
- GET YOU A DRINK?
937
00:47:34,519 --> 00:47:36,955
- THAT'S VERY THOUGHTFUL
OF YOU, THEODORE.
938
00:47:36,988 --> 00:47:39,157
DON'T MIND IF I DO.
939
00:47:39,190 --> 00:47:43,494
GET YOURSELF ONE OF THOSE
GIRLY THINGS YOU LIKE SO MUCH.
940
00:47:43,528 --> 00:47:45,363
ON ME.
941
00:47:45,396 --> 00:47:46,965
- THANKS, BRI.
942
00:47:46,998 --> 00:47:50,635
- ANYTHING...
943
00:47:50,668 --> 00:47:53,404
FOR A FRIEND.
944
00:47:53,438 --> 00:48:01,412
*
65608
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