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1
00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:12,664
JAY: Wow, we really pulled
this place together.
2
00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:14,362
Do you think Kenny
and Liz will like it?
3
00:00:14,405 --> 00:00:17,278
I hope so. And I hope Liz Grams
the hell out of this wedding
4
00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:19,062
for her 300,000 followers.
5
00:00:19,106 --> 00:00:20,977
Oh, I know I've made fun
of her social media,
6
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,414
but now that it could help us
launch our bed-and-breakfast,
7
00:00:23,458 --> 00:00:25,982
weare the ones
who are #Blessed.[chuckles]
8
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,288
Oh, this is lovely!
9
00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:29,551
I hope these nuptials
go better than mine.
10
00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:31,118
Elias arrived late, drunk,
11
00:00:31,161 --> 00:00:32,443
and smelling
of the maid's perfume.
12
00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:34,208
Hetty, why would
you marry that guy?
13
00:00:34,251 --> 00:00:35,905
My father needed to close
a land deal,
14
00:00:35,948 --> 00:00:37,535
and I was deemed
his most comely daughter.
15
00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:40,127
Damn Margaret and her mustache.
She dodged a bullet.
16
00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:42,433
Hey, you got a minute?
17
00:00:42,477 --> 00:00:44,087
Something I need you to see.
18
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:45,543
Those are always
expensive words to hear.
19
00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:47,221
Oh, Mark, is it bad news?
20
00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:48,874
This could actually be
good news.
21
00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:51,007
Well, I'll bring a check
for five grand just in case.
22
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,835
No need.
I have your card on file now.
23
00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:54,271
Great.
24
00:00:54,315 --> 00:00:56,186
MARK:
So, I was doing some rewiring,
25
00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:58,425
and when I turned this sconce,
I heard a click from that wall.
26
00:00:58,449 --> 00:00:59,581
Check this out.
27
00:00:59,624 --> 00:01:01,452
[lock clicks]
28
00:01:01,496 --> 00:01:02,627
[Hetty gasps][creaking]
29
00:01:03,976 --> 00:01:06,414
And that's when I discovered
something behind this paneling.
30
00:01:06,457 --> 00:01:07,850
Is it a secret passageway?
31
00:01:07,893 --> 00:01:09,504
Don't toy
with my emotions, Mark.
32
00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:12,028
It's never a secret passageway.
33
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,943
But in this case, it is.
34
00:01:13,986 --> 00:01:16,641
How about
that mislead, babe? Mark's having fun.
35
00:01:16,685 --> 00:01:18,339
Oh! Oh!
36
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,386
Did you know
about this, Hetty? I did not!
37
00:01:22,430 --> 00:01:24,301
What is down the passageway?
38
00:01:24,345 --> 00:01:25,955
Oh, it's good.
39
00:01:25,998 --> 00:01:28,436
[Jay laughs]
40
00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:31,003
I don't understand.
41
00:01:31,047 --> 00:01:33,441
So, we just have a bank vault
under our house?
42
00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:35,660
Well, you said a robber baron
lived here, right?
43
00:01:35,704 --> 00:01:38,707
What? Babe, we might be rich.
44
00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:40,926
Unless, of course,
this is a Geraldo situation.
45
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:42,928
What is Geraldo?
46
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,669
He was this news anchor
47
00:01:44,713 --> 00:01:46,018
who did this live TV special
48
00:01:46,062 --> 00:01:47,846
where he opened up
Al Capone's vault.
49
00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:50,066
And inside? Bubkes.
50
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,155
Don't get me started
on Al Capone.
51
00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:54,940
[chuckles]
That man was clingy. Can you open it?
52
00:01:54,984 --> 00:01:56,420
Think so.
53
00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:57,900
Course, it'll take a while.
54
00:01:57,943 --> 00:01:59,510
Won't be cheap.Mark.
55
00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:01,121
Say the word. Card's on file.
56
00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:03,775
My crooked husband
must have built this
57
00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:05,255
to embezzle my riches.
58
00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:07,301
Hetty thinks there
might be riches inside.
59
00:02:07,344 --> 00:02:09,607
If this thing isfilled
with gold coins,
60
00:02:09,651 --> 00:02:11,609
I am definitely gonna
Scrooge McDuck in 'em.
61
00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:13,935
Can one of you walk through the
door and see what's in there?
62
00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:16,614
I'll do it. A Pinecone Trooper's
always up for an adventure.Mm.
63
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,791
ALBERTA: Oh! Peter![grunts]
64
00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:22,403
I've never seen
that happen before.
65
00:02:22,446 --> 00:02:23,969
Pete bounced off the vault door.
66
00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:27,190
[gasps] A surface that's
impenetrable to ghosts?
67
00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:29,714
I love it when the
mythology gets expanded.
68
00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:33,065
Puny Pete must not
be strong enough.
69
00:02:33,109 --> 00:02:35,285
Stand back.
70
00:02:35,329 --> 00:02:36,547
[shouts]
71
00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:38,506
[ghosts exclaim][Thorfinn grunts]
72
00:02:38,549 --> 00:02:42,336
Well, this ismysterious.
73
00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:45,339
♪
74
00:02:48,733 --> 00:02:49,884
SAMANTHA:
Hetty, do you have any idea
75
00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:51,693
what combination
Elias could have used?
76
00:02:51,736 --> 00:02:53,521
Oh, that's a good idea.
77
00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:55,087
Try 0603.
78
00:02:55,131 --> 00:02:56,785
Try 0603.
79
00:02:56,828 --> 00:02:59,179
It was our anniversary.JAY:0603.
80
00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:01,746
[inhales, grunts] Oh, nope. HETTY:
Okay.
81
00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:03,661
Fine. Uh, try 1101.
82
00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:04,967
1101?
83
00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:06,925
The maid's birthday.[lock clicking]
84
00:03:06,969 --> 00:03:09,537
01. [Inhales, grunts]
85
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:10,712
[door unlocks]
86
00:03:10,755 --> 00:03:12,755
Yes! Oh!
87
00:03:12,755 --> 00:03:13,715
Ah, that is heavy!
88
00:03:13,758 --> 00:03:16,979
[grunts, exhales]
89
00:03:17,022 --> 00:03:18,198
Okay.
90
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:20,678
Damn it!
91
00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:22,245
There's nothing in here.
92
00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:24,204
Aw. No riches.
93
00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:25,770
See, now picture this
94
00:03:25,814 --> 00:03:27,531
but with Geraldo having to vamp
for two hours.
95
00:03:27,555 --> 00:03:29,121
[man laughs]
96
00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:32,037
Sweet Lord, I'm finally free.[all gasp]
97
00:03:32,081 --> 00:03:34,823
Who are all you people? Hetty!
98
00:03:34,866 --> 00:03:37,739
Elias. How are you
not rotting in hell?
99
00:03:37,782 --> 00:03:39,741
Good to see you, too.
100
00:03:39,784 --> 00:03:42,178
The ghost of a robber baron
just popped out of our safe.
101
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,875
Hey, where's all your gold, man?
102
00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:46,008
Hi! I'm Pete. Nice to meet you.
103
00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:47,270
Welcome.
104
00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:49,490
[chuckles]:
Back, I guess. Welcome back.
105
00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:50,708
Oh, my God.
106
00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:53,189
SAMANTHA:
Is that...?! My corpse?
107
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,147
It is. The only thing
that kept me company
108
00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:57,976
when I was locked in there
for the last 130 years.
109
00:03:58,020 --> 00:03:59,369
Not much of a talker, though.
110
00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:00,849
[doorbell rings]
111
00:04:00,892 --> 00:04:03,373
That must be Kenny
and Liz. I'll get it.
112
00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:04,853
Okay. I'll just stay in here
113
00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:06,550
with the corpse
and all the ghosts.
114
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,204
I was kidding.
Sam, please slow down!
115
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,553
Sam!
116
00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:12,295
So, this is where you've been
all this time?
117
00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:14,558
Yes. What did you think
118
00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:15,994
when I just disappeared?
119
00:04:16,038 --> 00:04:17,431
Didn't you search for me?
120
00:04:17,474 --> 00:04:19,302
You didn't tell anyone
about the vault.
121
00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:21,324
I assumed that you ran off
with one of your many floozies.
122
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:23,698
No. The vault maker
locked me in here.
123
00:04:23,741 --> 00:04:26,048
He left me to suffocate.Oh.
124
00:04:26,091 --> 00:04:27,571
His wife and I had grown close.
125
00:04:27,615 --> 00:04:29,399
Oh, God. And when he
finished the vault,
126
00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:30,966
there was a debate over payment
127
00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:32,160
and the paternity
of his son, but... Oh.
128
00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:34,752
Wait, all of you are ghosts?
129
00:04:34,796 --> 00:04:37,233
Yeah, bro. We've all died
on the property over the years.
130
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,887
PETE: Most people go up,
131
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:40,734
but we just stick around
for some reason. THORFINN: Hi.
132
00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:42,717
[chuckles] I am Thorfinn.
133
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,327
I like herring and...
134
00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:48,026
Wonderful. Now,
how do-eth you, madam?
135
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,550
Really?
136
00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:52,596
Mm-mm. Not happening.
137
00:04:53,641 --> 00:04:57,079
[gasps] Hi! Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi! SAMANTHA:
Hi!
138
00:04:57,122 --> 00:05:01,126
Oh, I am so excited to be here.
139
00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:04,391
I can't believe
we're getting married tomorrow.
140
00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:06,436
[squeals]
141
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,873
[inhales]
Kenny, did you get that?
142
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:10,701
Oh! Sorry, the
phone wasn't ready.
143
00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:12,375
Uh...[sighs] Okay,
this is gonna be a big weekend
144
00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:14,246
for us, so I'm gonna need
you to have your phone
145
00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:15,682
in your hand at all times, okay? Yeah.
146
00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:17,273
These two seem like a lot.
147
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,709
Oh, so, who's this little guy?
148
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:20,078
[yips]
[chuckles]Oh, this is Rooney,
149
00:05:20,102 --> 00:05:22,017
our rescue that we rescued.
150
00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:23,627
Oh, my God, Rooney.
I follow him.
151
00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:26,891
Uh, Rooney's got, like,
30,000 followers.
152
00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:28,197
What's a follower?
153
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,894
Well, in the cult,
it referred to anyone
154
00:05:29,938 --> 00:05:32,027
who'd gotten the tattoo
and slept with Bruce.
155
00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:34,222
Are you guys gonna post
any pictures while you're here?
156
00:05:34,246 --> 00:05:37,337
Feel free to tag us.
#WoodstoneB&B.
157
00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:39,469
I absolutely will,
158
00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:41,166
just after the wedding.
159
00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:43,691
Actually on a short
social media vacay right now.
160
00:05:43,734 --> 00:05:44,735
[Rooney yips]It's part
161
00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:45,780
of a brand strategy
162
00:05:45,823 --> 00:05:47,303
to make sure that Liz
163
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,672
seems more present for
life's big moments.
164
00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:50,001
LIZ: Exactly.
165
00:05:50,045 --> 00:05:52,308
Because life
is about what happens
166
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,528
when the cameras aren't rolling.
167
00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:58,009
Kenny, did you get that? Oh, sorry.
168
00:05:58,053 --> 00:06:00,925
[chuckles] Damn it. Okay, we'll
roll it back. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
169
00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:03,798
ELIAS: I still can't believe
170
00:06:03,841 --> 00:06:05,103
I didn't ascend into heaven.
171
00:06:05,147 --> 00:06:07,584
I paid the church.
There was a contract!
172
00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:10,587
Did you pay for me, too,
or was it just a solo trip?
173
00:06:10,631 --> 00:06:11,956
I was a little pinched
at the time.
174
00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:13,547
The mill workers had unionized,
175
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:15,026
which I put down violently,
176
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:16,854
but somebody had to pay
for that mob.
177
00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:18,421
That is not a great story.
178
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,423
TREVOR: So, you're an actual
robber baron.
179
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,382
I mean, you're, like,
really rich, right?
180
00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:26,037
Let me put it to you this way:
I ate meat several times a week.
181
00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:28,388
Well, it's not a Lamborghini,
but that's very cool.
182
00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:30,912
So, did anyone else from our day
stick around as a ghost?
183
00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:32,348
He's gonna ask about the maid.
184
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:35,220
Like, oh, I don't know,
say, the maid?
185
00:06:35,264 --> 00:06:36,831
Just to name someone randomly.
186
00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:38,310
No, she's no longer here,
187
00:06:38,354 --> 00:06:39,703
you syphilitic reprobate.
188
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:42,706
First off,
everybody fun had syphilis.
189
00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:44,665
And I don't appreciate
that tone.
190
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:46,318
HETTY: Well, then maybe
you should go back
191
00:06:46,362 --> 00:06:48,166
down to your vault and talk
to your withered corpse.
192
00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:49,452
There it is again.
193
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,236
What happened
to my obedient wife?
194
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:54,326
Well, modern women don't
just defer to their husbands,
195
00:06:54,370 --> 00:06:56,435
Elias, and I have learned from
the living lady of the house
196
00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:58,176
that when she doesn't like
something, she says so.
197
00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:01,116
Like when Jay spent
$500 on action doll.
198
00:07:01,159 --> 00:07:02,683
[chuckles]: Big mistake.
199
00:07:02,726 --> 00:07:05,729
That living lady
is a dangerous influence on you
200
00:07:05,773 --> 00:07:07,731
with her newfangled notions.
201
00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:10,386
HETTY: She and Jay have
simply opened my eyes.
202
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,822
They have a respectful marriage,
203
00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:13,389
and you were a terrible
husband, Elias.
204
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,869
And my least favorite cousin.
205
00:07:15,783 --> 00:07:18,786
I don't have to stand here and
listen to another word of this!
206
00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:22,180
Look, it's not important,
but how hot was this maid?
207
00:07:22,224 --> 00:07:24,574
[mouths]
208
00:07:25,575 --> 00:07:27,142
[Elias grunts]
209
00:07:28,186 --> 00:07:31,015
What kind of servant
doesn't move out of the way?
210
00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:32,277
[exhales]
211
00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:34,323
[breathing heavily]
212
00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:38,849
You want to go into that room
and have sex right now?
213
00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:40,329
I... What?
214
00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:43,375
I want you like I've
never wanted anyone. Uh,
215
00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:47,118
sorry, I'm married. But that was
a much-needed confidence boost.
216
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:49,773
What are you talking about?
217
00:07:49,817 --> 00:07:52,036
About you hitting on me
just now?
218
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,821
You wish.
219
00:07:57,433 --> 00:07:58,695
Wow.
220
00:07:58,739 --> 00:08:00,915
And this is where
it all happens.
221
00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:03,831
Wow. The wedding planner
was raving
222
00:08:03,874 --> 00:08:05,833
about the heritage menu
you're doing.
223
00:08:05,876 --> 00:08:08,139
Now, I've never had squab.
224
00:08:08,183 --> 00:08:10,011
What's that like?
225
00:08:10,054 --> 00:08:12,883
I'd say it's like pigeon.
It's a lot like pigeon.
226
00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:14,755
Well, I'm really looking forward
to seeing
227
00:08:14,798 --> 00:08:16,583
what you come up with.[Elias grunts]
228
00:08:16,626 --> 00:08:19,281
Oh! Blast it, that hurt.
229
00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:21,196
[sighs]Uh...
230
00:08:21,239 --> 00:08:22,850
are you okay?
231
00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:24,591
Yeah.
232
00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:28,246
[chuckles]: I feel real good.
233
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:29,552
[chuckles]: Oh, great.
234
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,423
Well,
I-I'll just show you the sauces.
235
00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:34,122
All I can think about
is grabbing your butt.
236
00:08:39,954 --> 00:08:41,192
What? What is it?
What's going on, Jay? Okay.
237
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:42,536
I don't know how
to tell you this.
238
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,307
Liz hit on me.
239
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,875
What? The bride? Oh, okay.
240
00:08:47,918 --> 00:08:49,572
Wait, what does that mean?
241
00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:52,270
You don't believe me?
No, it's just, are you sure
242
00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:54,272
this isn't, like,
an Olive Garden situation?
243
00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:56,274
Okay, that waitress
definitely hit on me.
244
00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:58,363
What is the Olive Garden? SAMANTHA:
It's a restaurant
245
00:08:58,407 --> 00:08:59,950
known for
its endless breadstick baskets.
246
00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:02,629
Alberta and Sass are here. Oh, hey.
247
00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:05,501
Endless? How is
that even possible?
248
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,242
Jay and I ate there
a couple months ago,
249
00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:09,331
and our waitress was refilling
our bread basket...
250
00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:11,309
Yeah, and then I said,
"No, thank you, or I'll eat
251
00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:14,902
"'olive' them." Olive.
Olive Garden. [Laughs]
252
00:09:14,945 --> 00:09:16,512
Tonya laughed
for six straight minutes.
253
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,948
Yeah, she works for tips, Jay.
254
00:09:17,992 --> 00:09:19,950
Hey, this is a victory for you.
255
00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:22,910
You have me.
You're living Tonya's dream.
256
00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:24,781
Okay, so,
what exactly did Liz say?
257
00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:28,045
She said all she could think
about was grabbing my butt.
258
00:09:28,089 --> 00:09:29,830
Mm. That little thing?
259
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:32,528
Wait, seriously?
She didhit on you.
260
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,964
That's insane. JAY: Do we
261
00:09:34,008 --> 00:09:35,487
tell Kenny?
Because if we tell Kenny,
262
00:09:35,531 --> 00:09:37,664
then this wedding
probably gets called off, right?
263
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,013
Liz was gonna post about it.
264
00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:40,449
This was gonna put us
on the map.
265
00:09:40,492 --> 00:09:42,016
But we got to tell him, right?
266
00:09:42,059 --> 00:09:43,626
Yes.
267
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:46,629
Ugh, why do you have to be
so damn irresistible?
268
00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:49,023
Sorry. It's a curse.
269
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:51,503
[sighs] Hey, guys.
270
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,984
What's wrong, Samantha?
271
00:09:54,028 --> 00:09:55,943
It has been a day.
272
00:09:55,986 --> 00:09:58,119
[sighs] Tell me about it.
273
00:09:58,162 --> 00:10:00,164
I cannot believe Elias is back.
274
00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:03,298
Till death do us part.
It's right in the vows.
275
00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:05,996
So, why'd you have
a bad day, Samantha?
276
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,781
Well, the bride hit on Jay,
277
00:10:07,824 --> 00:10:09,802
and now Kenny's probably gonna
call the whole thing off.
278
00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:11,262
What? Wait, seriously?
279
00:10:11,306 --> 00:10:12,849
Now she's not gonna post
pictures of the mansion,
280
00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:14,590
and we're not even gonna
get paid for the wedding.
281
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,920
We're, like, this close to
defaulting on our loan.
282
00:10:16,964 --> 00:10:18,095
HETTY: Samantha,
283
00:10:18,139 --> 00:10:19,314
what are you saying?
284
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:21,359
Okay, I hadn't told you guys,
285
00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:23,318
but if we don't start
making money soon,
286
00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:25,015
we could lose the house.
287
00:10:25,059 --> 00:10:28,279
[gasps] No, you cannot leave us!
288
00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:30,127
Just when I finally learned
to look beyond the hideous pants
289
00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:32,675
and see the wonderful person
inside the hideous pants.
290
00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,851
You think I want to leave?
I don't know what to do.
291
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:36,636
I have it. Solution.
292
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,768
You and small man
kill yourselves.
293
00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:41,249
Become ghosts.
And then we are friends forever.
294
00:10:41,292 --> 00:10:42,990
But they might not
actually become ghosts.
295
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:45,732
Right, that's the
problem with that plan.
296
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:47,995
Hello, all. Get
your spatterdashes
297
00:10:48,038 --> 00:10:50,171
off my table. I
had it upholstered
298
00:10:50,214 --> 00:10:51,868
with the hide
of a white rhinoceros
299
00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:53,565
I shot in Kenya.
300
00:10:53,609 --> 00:10:55,480
Oh, my God.
Those are extinct now.
301
00:10:55,524 --> 00:10:57,569
Really? We got 'em all?
Bully for us.
302
00:10:57,613 --> 00:10:58,875
Man, he is evil.
303
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,616
And I used to pillage
for a living.
304
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,227
[Rooney yips]Oh! That thing ran
305
00:11:03,271 --> 00:11:06,578
through my leg. Skin that beast
and turn it into a table.
306
00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:08,450
Must everything be a table?
307
00:11:08,493 --> 00:11:10,495
TREVOR: Well, he's
308
00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:12,628
really interested
in that teddy bear.
309
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,891
THORFINN:
Ah! Look at the little guy go.
310
00:11:14,935 --> 00:11:17,677
Good boy. Yes, use your hips.
311
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,114
One walk through you and the dog
becomes a sex pervert.
312
00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:21,724
Can't say I'm surprised.
313
00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:25,075
Wait, Elias, did you walk
through any Livings today?
314
00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:26,990
Like the bride, to be specific?
315
00:11:27,034 --> 00:11:30,037
Yes, in fact, I did accidentally
happen through her. Why?
316
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,300
That's it. That's
why Liz hit on Jay.
317
00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:34,824
Your ghost power is
that when people...
318
00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:36,173
Or animals, apparently...
319
00:11:36,217 --> 00:11:38,001
Walk through you,
they get horny.
320
00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:39,394
Really?
321
00:11:39,437 --> 00:11:40,787
Okay, I know he's controversial,
322
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:42,789
but that's pretty cool.Yeah.
323
00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:44,312
It wasn't Liz's fault at all.
324
00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:45,879
She didn't mean to hit on Jay.
325
00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:47,837
I've got to stop
Jay telling Kenny.
326
00:11:47,881 --> 00:11:49,709
HETTY: Well,
327
00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:51,188
I hope you're happy.
328
00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:53,190
You nearly ruined this wedding.
329
00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:54,844
Those two are hemorrhaging cash.
330
00:11:54,888 --> 00:11:56,367
They need this to be a success.
331
00:11:56,411 --> 00:11:58,195
You're saying those Livings
need this wedding
332
00:11:58,239 --> 00:11:59,806
to go off without a hitch,
333
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:01,111
otherwise they'll be leaving?
334
00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:02,634
Yes, that's exactly
what I'm saying.
335
00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:04,375
Hmm.
336
00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:05,768
Why is he literally twirling
337
00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:06,943
his mustache?
338
00:12:06,987 --> 00:12:08,771
It can't be good.
339
00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,470
Kenny, hey.
340
00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:14,734
I've been looking all over
for you. What's up, buddy?
341
00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:16,692
I don't know how to say this.
Um...
342
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,869
Okay, y-you know how I'm always
getting hit on by random women?
343
00:12:19,913 --> 00:12:22,002
Is this about
the Cheesecake Factory waitress?
344
00:12:22,045 --> 00:12:24,656
There's an entire factory
dedicated to cheesecake?
345
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,224
It's as amazing as it sounds.[whispers]:
Wow.
346
00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:29,661
No, it's not about her. You know,
she probably writes
347
00:12:29,705 --> 00:12:31,117
"thank you"
with the little heart-shaped Os
348
00:12:31,141 --> 00:12:33,056
on every receipt.
She works for tips.
349
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:36,059
Uh, Jay, can I just,
uh, grab you for a sec?
350
00:12:36,103 --> 00:12:38,105
Actually, Kenny and I
were just about to have
351
00:12:38,148 --> 00:12:40,934
a difficult conversation. We were?
352
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:43,632
Well, no difficult conversations
are needed,
353
00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:45,373
because everything
is actually okay.
354
00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:47,416
FLOWER: Oh, hey,
355
00:12:47,416 --> 00:12:47,636
it's the Monopoly guy.
356
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:49,159
What are you talking about, Sam?
357
00:12:49,203 --> 00:12:50,441
I'm talking
about the fact that...
358
00:12:50,465 --> 00:12:52,467
[grunts]Criminy.
359
00:12:53,468 --> 00:12:54,686
ISAAC: Oh,
360
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:56,471
what are you doing, man?
361
00:12:56,514 --> 00:12:57,535
Just spreading a little love.
362
00:12:57,559 --> 00:12:59,343
Aw, that's sweet.
363
00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:01,824
You two are looking good.
364
00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:04,348
Verygood.
365
00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:07,134
Jay? What's going on?
366
00:13:07,177 --> 00:13:08,831
I haven't seen Sam
this worked up
367
00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:10,964
since she saw
that movie The Holidayon TV.
368
00:13:11,007 --> 00:13:14,097
Sam?[grunts] Damnation!
369
00:13:14,141 --> 00:13:15,882
You can't just walk
through people.
370
00:13:15,925 --> 00:13:17,163
It's the greatest pain there is.
371
00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:18,362
Well, actually...
372
00:13:18,406 --> 00:13:20,406
Yes, yes, we know.Okay.
373
00:13:20,406 --> 00:13:21,452
Well, hello, you two.
374
00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:24,716
Did you leave the oven on?
Or is it just getting...
375
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,370
hot in here?
376
00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:28,808
Well, enjoy the show.
377
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,331
JAY: Hey, Kenny,
378
00:13:30,374 --> 00:13:32,333
didn't you say you didn't have
a bachelor party?
379
00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:35,858
Well, how about we have
a little party right here?
380
00:13:35,902 --> 00:13:37,729
What? I could be Cameron Diaz,
381
00:13:37,773 --> 00:13:41,124
and you two could be
a couple of Jude Laws.
382
00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:42,473
Okay, that was not in the movie.
383
00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:43,823
[meows]KENNY: What is that?
384
00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:45,433
Did you just meow at me?
385
00:13:45,476 --> 00:13:48,175
What are you doing?
What's going on?
386
00:13:48,218 --> 00:13:49,456
I don't think I'm tall enough
to be Jude Law.
387
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,091
Liz. Liz. Liz!
388
00:13:52,092 --> 00:13:53,310
Oh.
389
00:13:53,354 --> 00:13:54,746
[Samantha chuckles softly]
390
00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:56,376
What happened?
I feel like I just blacked out.
391
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,228
Me, too. I-I have
the strangest urge
392
00:13:58,272 --> 00:13:59,577
to watch a Nancy Meyers movie.
393
00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:01,579
Kenny? What's happening?
394
00:14:01,623 --> 00:14:02,972
These two
395
00:14:03,016 --> 00:14:05,932
just propositioned
me for a threesome.
396
00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:07,324
They what?
397
00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:08,586
We what?
398
00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:10,153
It was Elias.
399
00:14:10,197 --> 00:14:11,894
Oh, God.
400
00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:13,872
Uh, there's got to be
some kind of misunderstanding.
401
00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:17,813
No. No. Uh, we did
proposition Kenny, actually.
402
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,946
What? JAY: Babe.
403
00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:21,730
As a test of your faithfulness.
404
00:14:21,773 --> 00:14:23,906
And guess what. You passed.
[chuckles]
405
00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:27,257
Yep, you passed. Flying colors. LIZ:
I'm sorry,
406
00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:30,260
you two tried to have sex
with my Kenny
407
00:14:30,304 --> 00:14:32,001
the day before my wedding?
408
00:14:32,045 --> 00:14:33,655
No. No, God, no.
409
00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:35,700
Oh, my God, no,
I would not have sex with Kenny.
410
00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:37,006
But you guys
411
00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:39,530
should definitely have sex
with each other.
412
00:14:39,574 --> 00:14:41,924
Okay, this is too weird.
413
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:45,623
Uh, disgusting. We will not be
having our wedding here.
414
00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:48,365
No, no, no, don't leave.
What about the squab?
415
00:14:48,409 --> 00:14:49,453
The squab![Pete exhales]
416
00:14:55,155 --> 00:14:56,610
You know, a bake sale's
a quick way to earn some cash.
417
00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:59,376
O-Our troop once raised $78
in one week.
418
00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:01,770
Thanks, Pete. What's happening?
419
00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:05,034
The ghosts are pitching ways
for us to make money. That's sweet.
420
00:15:05,078 --> 00:15:07,254
Any viable ideas? ALBERTA:
I have a plan.
421
00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:09,082
But it only works
if you have a tommy gun.
422
00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:10,648
Not really.
423
00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:12,492
TREVOR: Here's what
you do. You go to New York.
424
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,367
You look up this guy I know.
He's gonna double your money.
425
00:15:14,391 --> 00:15:15,784
His name, Bernie Madoff.
426
00:15:15,827 --> 00:15:17,133
Miracle worker.
427
00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:19,483
I robbed a bank once,
if that helps.
428
00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:20,963
Did I ever tell you guys
429
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:22,791
about that?[ghosts murmuring]
430
00:15:22,834 --> 00:15:24,116
I don't think we're gonna
get out of this mess, Sam.
431
00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:25,533
We're up to our ears in debt.
432
00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:27,317
This house is our only asset.
433
00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:29,450
I think we're gonna
have to sell.
434
00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:32,670
Aw, are the poors
gonna have to leave?
435
00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:34,281
That didn't take long.
436
00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:36,457
I'd tell you exactly how long,
437
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,676
but unfortunately
this thing doesn't work anymore.
438
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,983
You'd think, for $5,000,
439
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:42,593
it would last
into the afterlife.
440
00:15:42,637 --> 00:15:46,075
You spent $5,000 on a watch?!
441
00:15:46,119 --> 00:15:47,859
Wait a minute.
442
00:15:47,903 --> 00:15:50,775
If Elias has that valuable
timepiece on his ghostly person,
443
00:15:50,819 --> 00:15:52,603
that must mean... The real watch
444
00:15:52,647 --> 00:15:54,170
must be on his corpse.
445
00:15:54,214 --> 00:15:56,129
What about a corpse?
446
00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:59,219
Babe, I need you
to do me a quick favor.
447
00:16:01,090 --> 00:16:03,527
Yeah, I don't think
I can do this.
448
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:04,789
It's looking right at me.
449
00:16:04,833 --> 00:16:06,052
Babe, he's not looking at you.
450
00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:08,054
His eyes are little,
withered husks.
451
00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:10,378
That is not having the calming
effect that you want it to.
452
00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:12,493
Okay.
453
00:16:12,536 --> 00:16:13,973
Okay.
454
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:15,496
Oh.
455
00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:17,019
I know what pocket
he kept it in,
456
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:19,717
but I confess,
I'm enjoying this.[chuckles]
457
00:16:20,718 --> 00:16:21,893
SAMANTHA: Guys?
458
00:16:21,937 --> 00:16:23,939
We got it. THORFINN: Yes!
459
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:27,029
All right! I bet that's worth a
pretty penny in today's dollars.
460
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:28,224
Definitely enough
to keep the bank
461
00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:29,553
off our backs for a few months.
462
00:16:29,597 --> 00:16:31,555
Take that, bank. Yes, I'm sure the bank
463
00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:34,167
will be very hurt that you're
making timely payments.
464
00:16:34,210 --> 00:16:36,667
So, this means you're
not selling the house? SAMANTHA: No, Sass,
465
00:16:36,691 --> 00:16:38,432
we're staying.
We have a few more months
466
00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:39,757
to get the business
up and running.
467
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:42,827
Well, I am
very happy about that.
468
00:16:42,871 --> 00:16:44,264
Oh, look, Elias,
469
00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:46,657
another opinion.
And nothing you can do about it.
470
00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:49,747
You think this is over?
That I'm just going to give up?
471
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:51,358
As long as I'm here,
472
00:16:51,401 --> 00:16:52,750
they will never host a wedding
473
00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:54,622
that I don't turn
into an all-out orgy.
474
00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:56,493
So just normal wedding?
475
00:16:56,537 --> 00:16:58,365
And I won't stop there.
Whatever they host,
476
00:16:58,408 --> 00:17:00,062
I'll make it horny.
477
00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:02,064
Funeral? Horny.
478
00:17:02,108 --> 00:17:03,674
High tea? Horny.
479
00:17:03,718 --> 00:17:07,417
Baptism? Ravenous thrust-fest.
480
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:09,091
Is this starting to sound good
to anybody else?
481
00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:10,507
Why are you doing this?
482
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:12,509
Because I want
you Livings out of here.
483
00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:14,555
You have corrupted my Hetty.
484
00:17:14,598 --> 00:17:17,427
No! I haven't been corrupted.
485
00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:19,473
I have changed. A little.
486
00:17:19,516 --> 00:17:22,693
For the better, I think.
Let's be honest.
487
00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:25,479
Elias, you and I
were not good people.
488
00:17:25,522 --> 00:17:27,133
We stole. We exploited.
489
00:17:27,176 --> 00:17:29,396
We profited
off of others' misery.
490
00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:30,875
We did have fun.
491
00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:32,573
But while you were trapped
in that vault,
492
00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:34,444
I have been out here.
493
00:17:34,488 --> 00:17:36,707
Learning from these people.
494
00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:39,841
Learning from Alberta
to speak my mind
495
00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:41,364
and learning from Sam
496
00:17:41,408 --> 00:17:43,192
that the Irish are people, too,
apparently.
497
00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:45,475
She says it, but I don't think
she believes it. HETTY: Yes,
498
00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:47,109
I complain about being here.
499
00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:49,503
And yes, I do want to be
sucked off more than anything.
500
00:17:49,546 --> 00:17:52,984
But these people have taught me
how to be a better Hetty.
501
00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:56,553
And I say there's hope
for you, too,
502
00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:58,120
Elias.
503
00:17:58,164 --> 00:17:59,643
You're here for eternity.
504
00:17:59,687 --> 00:18:02,081
Why not use it to change?
505
00:18:02,124 --> 00:18:05,345
I don't need to be
a better person.
506
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:07,173
There is no good or evil.
507
00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:09,305
That's just a story
we tell ourselves.
508
00:18:09,349 --> 00:18:10,741
And I know better.
509
00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:13,701
So, Hetty,
get this through your tiny,
510
00:18:13,744 --> 00:18:16,921
inferior female brain.
511
00:18:16,965 --> 00:18:20,316
I will never change.
512
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:23,972
Well, then, you can go to hell.
513
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:27,410
[Hetty gasps][Elias grunts]
514
00:18:27,454 --> 00:18:30,065
[all scream]
515
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,284
Whoa!
516
00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:32,502
Oh, my God!
517
00:18:32,546 --> 00:18:34,025
He just went down on us.
518
00:18:34,069 --> 00:18:35,592
I didn't know that could happen.
519
00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:37,092
Yeah, I don't love
having to worry about that.
520
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,422
Did I... Did I just...?
521
00:18:39,466 --> 00:18:42,904
Is that my power, we think?
Banishing people to Hades?
522
00:18:42,947 --> 00:18:44,621
Or it was him just yelling
he was never gonna change
523
00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:46,362
and basically thumbing his nose
at the universe.
524
00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:47,691
That's another possibility.
525
00:18:47,735 --> 00:18:49,215
Well, we should try it out.
526
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:50,390
Trevor, go to hell.
527
00:18:50,433 --> 00:18:52,522
[all scream]Why?! Why?! Why?!
528
00:18:52,566 --> 00:18:54,916
Why?! Why would you pick me?!
What is wrong with you?!
529
00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:57,005
Guess not.
530
00:18:57,048 --> 00:19:00,139
That was so scary. Oh, calm down.
531
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:07,189
I mean, this is just a big day
532
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:08,582
in terms of ghost rules.
533
00:19:08,625 --> 00:19:10,061
So, the floor opens up,
534
00:19:10,105 --> 00:19:11,561
and this guy falls through
right in front of you?
535
00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:13,282
That's incredible.
536
00:19:13,326 --> 00:19:15,458
Well, Jay seems awfully gleeful
about this new horror
537
00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:16,827
we all have hanging
over our heads.
538
00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:18,220
You got to tell me
how it happened. I mean,
539
00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:20,246
was it hot? Was there screaming?
540
00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:21,943
Was country music playing?
541
00:19:21,986 --> 00:19:23,510
Well, there was screaming,
542
00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:26,077
but I'm pretty sure that
was just from our ghosts.
543
00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:28,210
Thor not scream. Thor not scared
544
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:30,778
of some silly hole
in the ground. [Chuckles]
545
00:19:30,821 --> 00:19:33,084
Because Thor working
towards being better person.
546
00:19:33,128 --> 00:19:35,217
[chuckles]: Very open to change.
547
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:37,915
It all happened so fast. It was,
like, this red light, suddenly,
548
00:19:37,959 --> 00:19:39,134
and then whoosh.
549
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,744
Mm! He went down on us.
550
00:19:40,788 --> 00:19:42,461
Alberta, I'm not sure
that's the best term...
551
00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:44,202
[chuckles]: What? If that's
the term that she wants to use,
552
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,619
then she can do it.
553
00:19:45,662 --> 00:19:47,403
Hello, all.
554
00:19:47,447 --> 00:19:49,405
I'm feeling in a good mood,
555
00:19:49,449 --> 00:19:53,104
so you may all remain
on this earthly plane tonight.
556
00:19:53,148 --> 00:19:54,932
[laughs mockingly] So funny.
557
00:19:54,976 --> 00:19:57,457
Hetty just came in, joking about
trying to send Trevor to hell.
558
00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:59,459
Aw, too soon, Hetty.
559
00:19:59,502 --> 00:20:03,245
Trevor, I told you,
I knew it wasn't going to work.
560
00:20:03,289 --> 00:20:05,247
I don't actually have
that power.
561
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:06,553
Or do I?
562
00:20:06,596 --> 00:20:08,381
Thorfinn, you're in my seat.
563
00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:10,600
Moving! Yes.
564
00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:15,866
Wasn't comfortable there,
anyways.
41034
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