All language subtitles for The Lady Takes a Sailor (1949).eng

This is for miss Smith.

Special rush.
Emergency. Immediate.

Oh, what do we
do now?

Here are the new
vitamin samples.

She's gotta
test these herself.

Put them in on her desk.

If we find her,
we'll give them to her.

One more vitamin pill
won't change the world.

Miss Smith's office.

No, miss Smith isn't here.

She can't just disappear.
Not today of all days.

Right this way,
ladies and gentlemen.

Displayed here are
a few of these products

Ranging from the simplest
household device

To one of the most
powerful generators

Ever built for
scientific purposes.

Miss Smith
wanted in food lab.

The Buyers Research Institute
is a nonprofit organization

conducted on a strictly
scientific basis.

Under the guidance
of miss Jennifer Smith,

it stands as a bulwark
between the consumer

and inferior merchandise.

Now over here we have our
famous mobile testing unit.

Please do not touch
the mechanism.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

at that end we are
determining the wear and tear

On the latest in tires
and wheel bearings.

This you will recognize
as our famous test

For the endurance
of synthetic rubber

Under actual walking conditions.

In fact, every single one
of these tests

Has been perfected as
your guarantee of quality.

For example,
that paint brush

Has been on that belt
for 3 days.

If it holds together
for one more day

It will receive the endorsement
of miss Smith.

Failed!
Back it goes.

Miss Smith wanted
in food laboratory,

Also electrical shop,
also textile lab,

Also in wood products lab.

Miss Smith,
call your office.

Voila, miss Smith.

Ah, mademoiselle Smith,
you are charming.

What do you think, Susan?

Isn't it feminine?

Well, nobody would
take you for a boy.

No, I want something
smart but simple.

This is simple
but in the wrong places.

But you want
to impress someone.

With my mind, Arlette.
With my mind.

On the other hand,

I would like to make a good
impression with the trustees.

They're men,
aren't they?

I suppose so. I never
thought about it,

But in their mind
I'm not a woman,

So we start off even.

This is kind of smart,
Susan.

Hello.

Hello, Susan.

Is Jennifer still there?

Yes, Ralph, she's here.

This chap named Whitcomb
claims he's your fiance.

Idiot.
- He's steaming.

Hello, Ralph. Yes.

Do you know what time
it is? What day it is?

Yes, but I have
to have something to wear.

I'll be ready.
You come on over here,

And we'll go together.

Good-bye, mr. Counselor.

We must hurry, Arlette.

My fiance's gonna pick me up
in about an hour.

Your fiance?

And you want to impress
him with your mind?

Oh, you americans.

Miss Smith.

How do you do?

Who was that?

Dr. Coombs, president
of Caledonia college.

The Tyson Foundation
built their medical school.

All those in favor
signify by saying, "aye."

Aye.

Those opposed?

Carried unanimously.
Good.

That's the way
i like to do things.

Notify dr. Coombs.

Yes, mr. Tyson.

How much money have we
disposed of so far today?

Just a little under
4 million, mr. Tyson.

Is that all?
- That's all, sir.

See, that comes
from penny-pinching.

Now let's buckle down

And get rid of
some real money.

What's left
on the agenda?

Poughkeepsie youth center.
New swimming pool.

Take it out of
petty cash. What else?

Buyers Research Institute.

Permanent endowment
of institute.

Confirmation of
Jennifer Smith, director.

Ah, that's more like it.
Is miss Smith here?

Yes, she's waiting.

Good. Send her in.
Send her in.

Let's get along with it.

The foundation's prepared to
report on miss Jennifer Smith.

Will you come in,
miss Smith?

Yes, thank you.

At the foot
of the table, please.

Well...

Miss Jennifer Smith,
ladies and gentlemen.

Won't you sit down,
please?

Thank you, mr. Tyson,
I'd rather stand.

Ahem. Fellow directors
of the Tyson Foundation,

It is now 4 years since Jennifer
Smith began her remarkable career

As director of The Buyers
Research Institute.

In this post, as we all know,

She has contributed
an outstanding public service,

But more than that,
she has set such a standard

Of truth and integrity

As to be an inspiration
to us all.

I, myself, have learned
a valuable lesson

In the meaning of the truth,
the whole truth,

And nothing but the truth.

Oh, excuse me.

Mr. Pierce is calling.

I can't see him.

No, don't tell him
I'm here,

Say I'm in florida.

Yes. Sir.

Yes, now,
what was I saying?

The truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth.

Oh, yes, yes.

Oh... well you know
what I mean.

This proposal means
that miss Smith

Would control the buyers
research institute.

Ahem. Under
the circumstances,

I think we should
discuss very fully

Her plans for the future

And her activities
in the past.

Yes, of course.
Of course.

Now, if anyone
would like to direct

A question to miss Smith?

Go ahead, dr. Sparton.

I would like
to ask a question

concerning miss Smith's
academic background.

It seems that her
schooling and teaching

have taken place
in all male institutions.

Now I would like to point out
that miss Smith...

We must consider
every factor,

Including miss Smith's
emotional potential.

Her 3 engagements constitute
an indication of instability...

As miss Smith has organized
the buyers research institute,

No emphasis is placed upon
purely cultural matters.

To my mind, that
is most unfortunate.

...participation
in this bureau.

Miss Smith's policies,
however idealistic,

Arnot at keeping with the
aims of the very industries

Which are helping her with
publicity and advertising

Of a very valuable nature.

One more question,
miss Smith...

Now in the fifth grade,
miss Smith...

Now before the war,
miss Smith...

Now during the war,
miss Smith...

Questions, questions, questions.

They fired questions at me
i wouldn't answer

If were being
psychoanalyzed.

Want to know about
my romantic life,

My childhood diseases.

Now there's a connection.
So, speaking of romance

And childhood diseases,
where's Ralph?

He stayed
to find out

What the board
had in mind.

Take it easy!

That stuff sells
for $14 a bottle.

Really? What does it
cost you to make it.

About 65 cents.
See what you've done?

You've got me
telling the truth.

In my business
that's fatal.

That's Ralph.
He must have news!

You're in no condition
to meet him at the door.

Coming.

Hello, Susan.

Any news?

Hey, wait a minute.

I've got to
talk to Jennifer.

Well, not right now.
She's taking a bath.

At a time like this?

Keep your shirt on
till she gets hers on.

Is it Ralph?

Yes, but he'll keep.

Oh!

Hey, for Pete sakes,
get something on.

You can't walk around
in one slipper.

They did?

The endowment,
the institute, the job.

It's all yours,
Jennifer.

Congratulations.

Oh, no,
I can't believe it.

Oh, Ralph.

Jennifer.

Oh, I'm all right. Just a
little weak in the knees.

Too much excitement.

Now that
it's all settled,

You're coming down to
the beach with me tonight.

Whatever there is
to do in town,

Ralph can do it.

She's right. It's only
detail work now, Jennifer.

I can handle it.

You're engaged
to your lawyer.

Take advantage
of it.

That's right,
but don't you think

We ought to celebrate?

One celebration
coming up.

There's champagne
on ice.

I thought we might
as well be prepared.

Just what
the doctor ordered.

Great idea, Susan.

This always scares me.

Glasses.

Let's drink a toast
to Jennifer.

If she weren't wearing
open-toed shoes,

We could drink it
from her slipper.

Oh. To Jennifer
and her career.

And what's more important
right now, my holiday.

Don't like the looks
of them cloud formations.

Spells trouble,
clouds like them.

Storm coming.

Stop broadcasting
weather reports.

She can handle a boat.

Small boats
and storms, ma'am,

they just
don't go together.

Well, Jennifer knows enough

to come in when the
weather's getting rough.

I think I'll phone
the coast guard.

She might've put in
farther down the beach.

Ahoy!

Did I do that?

You certainly did,
you clumsy fool!

Terribly sorry.
Accept my apologies.

Hey, wait a minute!

Yes?

What about me?

Can't you swim?

Of course I can swim.

What do you think
I'm doing,

Standing on somebody's
shoulders?

Well, it doesn't
seem very far.

But it's two miles,

And there's a storm
coming up.

All right. Come aboard.

Welcome to Davey
Jones' locker.

I'm Davey Jones.

I call this the locker because
it makes kind of a cute joke.

Hilarious.

It was built for one,
but two can manage.

Of course it's not
a suite at the Waldorf.

You don't say.

What is this thing?

It's an undersea
tractor.

Midget submarine...

Designed to explore
the bottom of the ocean.

Hang on.
We're going down.

Down?

All the way down.

Now look here,
mr...

Jones is the name.

Now look here, mr. Jones,

I insist you
take me home at once.

I'm sorry. We have to go
this way first.

See, the locker has no
forward motion in water.

Goes just straight up
or straight down.

Oh, that's ridiculous.
How do you get anywhere?

It has treads. Works
just like a tractor.

You mean you crawl along
the bottom like a snake? Ah!

Exactly.

Now just a minute,
mr. Jones,

Up to now I've been
very nice about this,

But the fact still remains
you wrecked my boat.

I'm sorry about that.

You wrecked my boat,

And for that I can
have you arrested.

I can sue you for
everything you've got.

Now you take me up
right away.

I'll be willing
to drop all charges.

We can paddle ashore.

Oh, ho, ho, ho.

What's your name?

Oh, really!

Jennifer Smith.

How do you do?

Well now, miss Smith,
going back to the surface

Is out of the question.

You see that dial?

That registers the speed
of the surface current.

Go on up in that, we'd
wind up in nova scotia.

Now you just relax and you'll
be home in a couple of hours.

Relax? In this and
you want me to relax.

Well, you have
no alternative.

Better get
those clothes off.

How dare you!

Oh!

Here. You'll catch cold
in those wet clothes.

What do you want me
to wear, this?

Here.

Try these on for size.

So the name's Smith, huh?

Smith and Jones.
Kind of elemental,

Like Adam and Eve.

Don't let that Adam and Eve
business give you any ideas.

Say, you aren't the Jennifer
Smith who endorses things?

Yes.

Well, isn't that...

Don't turn around!

Oh, I... I'm sorry.

You can relax, Smitty,

I'm down here
on business.

Just what is
your business, anyway?

I'm a zoologist.

Specifically,
invertebrate zoology.

I'm studying the diurnal
activities of annelids.

Worms?

Marine worms?

That's right.

I forgot you were
a fellow scientist.

I'm charting the daylight
movement of worms,

Measuring the
distance they crawl.

The tremendous contribution
your work must be to science.

We all contribute,

No matter how little.

Even the man who
invented the safety pin.

Here, need one?

Ah! I knew it,
i knew it.

We hit something.

Bottom.

Oh.

Now would you point the nose
of this deep-sea lawn mower

Toward the nearest land
and crawl there?

Just a few minutes.

Now what?

Heavy waves
pounding the beach,

But they'll
die down soon.

How soon?

Just a matter of minutes.

Meanwhile, I'll get
back to my zoology.

1.000-watt lights
for photography.

I'm frightened, Ralph,
really frightened.

There isn't a sign
of her anywhere.

I'd better come out.

Have you notified
the police?

Yes, and Davis is out now

Checking with the cost guard.

I better hang up. Somebody
may be trying to get me.

I'll call you later.

Well?

This storm...

Them carnations are
gonna be drowned out.

Oh, Davis,
for heaven's sake.

No sign of her yet.

Coast guard sending
out a launch.

If it clears up a bit,
they'll get a plane up.

It seems to be
dying down.

Won't be long now.

Come on, Smitty.
Cheer up. Smile.

That's better. Laugh and
the world laughs with you.

Cry and you cry alone.

If you ever get tired
of zoology,

I can get you a job writing
slogans for weighing machines.

Smitty, did anybody
ever tell you

That sharp tongue
never won fond husband?

No.

Are you married?

No!

See what I mean?

You're no chicken, either.

For your information,
mr. Jules Verne,

I happen to be engaged
to a very nice man

who is probably,
at this moment,

mourning me for lost.

And little does he know that
you're still alive and kicking...

Mostly kicking.

What's he like?

He's a very nice
gentleman.

Very kind, considerate,
understanding,

And completely loyal.

Good old blue search Charlie,

Endorsed by Jennifer Smith.

How would I make out

in your testing
laboratory?

Uh-uh. Don't
answer that. I know.

Minus 7.

Is that part
of your research?

Oh, that? My cousin.

She's a librarian
in Yonkers.

Those are working clothes?

Oh, now, Smitty,

If you like her,
don't knock her.

Excuse me.

Look!

Look here.

Haven't you ever seen
an octopus before?

Well not that size,

And certainly not
in Long Island sound.

Oh, nonsense.
There are millions of them.

Say, what kind of a
zoologist are you, anyway?

Even I know
the octopus

Is a warm-water creature.

Maybe he just
dropped up here to cool off.

You don't know
enough about zoology

to work
in a butcher shop.

What are you doing?

Put that thing away.

Why? Why can't I take
a few pictures?

All right. Go ahead.
Take all you want.

Hold it.

You know, if it weren't
so uncomfortable,

I think this marine
study is fascinating.

Look at this fish.
It seems to be blowing.

That is a blowfish.

And how 'bout this little
bitty one? The skinny one?

I'm not sure, but I think
it's the filet of sole.

Very funny.

I bet you're a riot
at the zoological meeting.

I get laughs
now and then.

Let's see what the
boys upstairs are doing.

You mean it?

You're practically
home.

Better take these first.

Offset the change
in air pressure.

Wouldn't want you to
get the bends, Smitty.

What about you?

Me? Oh, I do this
4 or 5 times a day.

My system's used
to it. Loves it.

Well, battle stations.

Go ahead.

Hang on.

Here we go.

Don't spare the horses.

Aloha. Regretfully
we take our leave,

But one day
we will return.

Over my dead body.

What's the matter?

I don't know.

Trapped.
You and your fine locker.

Look, it's that
confounded octopus.

Jammed the treads.

Well, have to wait
until he decides to move.

Can't you think of anything
but sitting and waiting?

What do you
want me to do,

Get out and wrestle
with him?

Come now, he can't
stay up forever.

He must have a home
and family somewhere.

Well, I want
to go home.

I'm tired and cold
and hungry.

Mind?

Can't face my friends
with five o'clock shadow.

My head feels so heavy.

That's because you
have such a big brain.

What kind of pills
did you give me?

Nothing I wouldn't give
my own sister.

Relax, Smitty.

Relax, Smitty.

That's it.

Go to sleep, Smitty.

Hey, down here!

Say, this must be her.

Hey, fellas, over here.

They found her.
She's right down there.

Come on.

Tell 'em to hurry, Mac!

It's her, all right.
She fits the description.

Where am i?

Let's put it another
way, miss Smith,

Where were you?

The police department, the
coast guard, and a posse

Have been hunting
for you all night.

You are Jennifer
Smith, aren't you?

Of course I'm
Jennifer Smith.

I've just had the most
terrifying experience

At the bottom of
the sound

With a man called
Davey Jones.

Davey Jones?

Uh, not Davey
Jones' locker?

That's right, but he only
called it his locker.

It was really
an underseas tractor.

We'd better
get you home right away.

Maybe you should
lie down, Jennifer.

I know exactly
what I'm saying.

Please let me
handle this.

Ok, it's your funeral.
Uh, interview.

You see, we had
to stay submerged

Because the storm
was raging on the surface.

But everything was nice
and snug down below,

Eh, miss Smith?

We'll issue a full
statement in due time,

But now miss Smith
has to rest...

Oh no. No, no, Ralph.

I'd rather give them
all the facts right now

While I still have them
fresh in my mind.

Miss Smith, the storm blew
itself out in a couple of hours.

Why didn't you come
back up right away?

Well, we wanted to,

But an amazing thing
happened, an octopus...

An octopus?

Yes, a big octopus wrapped
itself around the treads

And just wouldn't budge.

Well that's an experience.

Or perhaps she
came up too quickly.

You know, pressure
change, like the bends.

Well, coming
from anyone else

Your story might seem
a little implausible,

But from you, with
what you stand for...

Oh, exactly.
I knew you'd understand.

What does this Davey
Jones look like?

Rather good-looking
in a vulgar sort of way.

Tall and husky, I imagine.

That is judging from the
shirt and pants he loaned you.

I hardly noticed.

His work was
interesting, though.

He was making a study
of ocean worms,

Measuring the distance
they crawl.

It seems these worms crawl
farther in the daytime

Than they do at night.

Or is it
- The other way around?

Oh well. Anyway,
the ship was equipped

For underseas photography.

And now I have
a surprise for you.

I know what
you've been thinking.

You can just forget those nasty,
evil-minded little stories

That you were gonna tell

Because it just so happens
that I have a roll of film

Showing exactly where I was,

Including mr. Jones,
the locker,

The octopus, and everything.

Atta girl.

Jennifer,
that's wonderful!

As soon as I develop
this negative,

You'll see that everything
i told you is absolutely true.

The film! It's gone!

I shot a whole roll!

He stole it.

Maybe the octopus
swallowed it.

Hold it, miss Smith.

Hold the empty camera
a bit higher.

I'm sure that miss
Smith has only misplaced

The octopus... Uh,
the film temporarily.

I spent the night
in Davey Jones' locker.

Well don't just stand
there, do something.

For instance?

Sue somebody.

Get out an injunction.

Shall I call out
the national guard

Or the army and navy?

There's nothing
to be done, Jennifer.

Nothing at all.

Just sit tight
and hope...

Miss Smith, there's
a delegation here.

They've got a plaque
they want to present.

It's some kind
of an award.

Oh, I'm busy...

We'll see them. Maybe
it's a consumer's group.

That kind of publicity would
be good for us right now.

Uh, send them in,
miss Brand.

That's right, Ralph.

That's a good
suggestion.

Miss Smith?

Yes.

I'm Oliver Harker.

This is mr. Wentworth
and mr...?

Crane.
- Crane.

How do you do? May I
present mr. Whitcomb,

Legal advisor
of the institute.

How do you do?
- How do you do?

Miss Smith, we are
honored to present you

With this plaque in token of
your magnificent achievement.

We have just been
in session.

May I ask who's
been in session?

Oh, our organization is

The annual convention
of the New York Liars club.

Liars club?

Yes, we really had trouble
selecting first prize this year.

There was a fellow
from duluth

Who had a lulu about
a two-headed horse

that ran in either direction.

Then there was a champ
from Birmingham

Who said he had raised
a hall tree

That grew overcoats.

But when the papers
appeared yesterday,

You won in a walk,

And it's now my pleasure to
present you with this plaque.

How dare you bring me an
award from a Liars club.

Well, it's really quite
an honor, miss Smith.

I was very happy last year
when I won the award.

You happen
to be a liar.

Oh, no, no. I'm not lying.

Just ask them. Didn't I
win the award last year?

Definitely.

I was present
when he won it.

With a magnificent
whopper

About a mosquito
that he trained

To work for a blood bank.

Now you see.

Will you
get out of here?

I said will you
get out of here.

Get out!

You and your suggestions.

Hello, Mac.

Commander Craig
reporting, sir.

At ease, mr. Craig.

These newspaper
stories are disastrous.

Your project
depends, first of all,

On absolute and
complete secrecy.

Yes, sir.

Then why on earth did you
pick up this girl?

I had no
other choice, sir.

I wrecked her boat
two miles from land

With a storm coming up.

With your permission, sir,

I'd like to explain that
she doesn't know my name

Or any detail of my work.

No one believed
a word of her story.

Those newspapers
prove that, sir.

For your sake,
mr. Craig, I hope so.

Yes, sir.

You're responsible
for the security

Of this project,
mr. Craig.

The craft you're using
is top secret.

Yes, sir.

Luckily, the story received
a very light treatment.

It should allowed to
die down naturally, sir.

I see. Your orders are

To suspend operations
for one week.

Then, if security
warrants it,

You may resume.

Aye aye, sir.

Good day, dr. McKewen.

Good-bye, sir.

Phew!

You can
say that again.

When admiral got here

I thought you were
a cinch

To be shot at sunrise.

I couldn't very well leave
that poor girl to drown.

She might've been
better off at that.

What a sleigh ride
the newspapers gave her.

Good.

Good.

Very good.
From the same spot?

Roughly. They don't have
street signs down there.

Concentrate on this area, Craig.

This stuff could
be very important.

Under your direction,
miss Smith,

The buyers research
institute is based

Endorsed by
Jennifer Smith.

I'm afraid the last
few days

Have made that phrase
a laughingstock.

I've spent years,
my whole life

Working for
what I believe in.

It's a shame
because it leaves us

With an awful lot
of money to give away.

The endowment is rejected?

Unanimously.

Furthermore, miss Smith...

I will not resign.

I'll fight.

I believe that's all,
gentlemen.

Excuse us.

Good day, miss Smith.

Zulu punch for the lady.

Nothing for you?

Aspirin tablets.

Yes, sir.

Couple of aspirin
and a glass of water.

Jennifer,
this isn't like you.

Zulu punch. How do
you know what's in it?

This is made from
herbs and roots

From the upper reaches
of the orinoco river.

They only serve one
to a customer.

I've had 3.

You don't say.
I'd never have known.

Oh, well.

I don't care what
i drink, anyway.

Endorsed by Jennifer Smith.

What a slogan.

Couldn't use it on a
secondhand can of dog food.

Oh, Jennifer, stop
feeling sorry for yourself.

If you'd just behave,
wait this out,

Relax and let
people forget.

Ralph, don't you want
me to clear myself?

You're my fiance,

You should be fighting
right along with me.

I've got common sense
enough to know

When to fight
and when not to fight.

I'm practical.

Practical.

What a thing to be.
Practical.

Aspirin.
Glass of water.

Two more.

Yes, sir.

Ralph!

Huh?

That's the girl.

Who?

The one that was pinned to
the wall of the submarine.

A librarian
in Yonkers is she?

I've got to go
backstage.

Now, Jennifer,
sit down.

But I've got to talk
to her, Ralph.

She must know
who he is.

This is wonderful.

It's not wonderful,
it's crazy.

You just wait.

I'm going
to find out.

Stop bouncing around.

You can't just go in
barging in on people,

You'll get
into trouble.

Well, what do you think
I'm in now? Clover?

I'm trying to get
out of trouble

And this girl
can help me.

Just a minute.

There's 3 Zulu punches

on your tab, mister.

Oh, yes.

Now, let's discuss
this calmly.

I'm only going to ask her
a few questions, Ralph.

Wait for me
in the car.

Now, Jennifer...

Wait for me
in the car.

Oh, all right.

Davey Jones,
Davey Jones...

Sorry, honey,
i never heard of him.

Oh, but you must
know him,

He had your picture pinned
to the wall of his submarine.

Oh, the money my press
agent made me spend

On cheesecake photos
during the war.

You know, all I ever
got out of it

Was a lot of insulting
propositions from the South Pacific.

Yes, but this was just a few
days ago on Long Island sound.

A submarine in
Long Island sound?

Well, it's a long,
sad story.

One of those
submarine boys.

They promise
a girl everything.

Bingo, they submerge, and
then what have you got?

This isn't
anything like that.

No, this is business.

Well, I wish I could
help you, honey,

But I don't know
any Joneses.

I'm sorry, I've got
a date now. Good-bye.

Violet, mister?
Fresh violets?

Violets, mister?

Pick me out
a pretty one.

How's this one?

Thank you.

Here, keep the change.

Thank you, mister.

Hello, baby.

Hello, doll.

Oh, I'm so glad
to see you.

The minute
i got in town,

My first thought,
even before I unpacked,

Was for my sweet
little singer of songs.

Hello.

How do you do?

Just to keep things
straight, lady,

This one is my date.
Let's go.

Oh, but don't you
remember? My name is Smith.

Smith? Smith.

Uh, Hazel Smith.

No, Jennifer Smith
from Long Island sound.

Say, what is this?

Well, nice to have
met you, miss Smith.

Look here!

Just a minute!

Wait a minute!

Wait a minute!

For some reason,
you've chosen to develop

A very convenient
amnesia.

Well, that's
all right with me,

But I want that roll of film
you took out of my camera.

You and that crackpot
submarine of yours

Have practically
ruined me.

Millions of dollars
are involved!

I could let you have
one million, miss Smith,

But I'm afraid...

Come on, doll.

This dame's batty
about submarines.

Go into your dive,
lady, we're busy.

But you've got
to give me that film!

My whole reputations is at
stake on account of that film.

You shouldn't pose for
such pictures, miss Smith.

Naughty, naughty.

Good-bye, miss Smith.

Some guy named Jones gave
that dame the run around.

You don't say?

Jennifer,
who was that?

I won't have you
talking to strange men.

But that's the man in the
submarine, that's Davey Jones!

There they go!

After them!

Hurry, don't let him
get away!

Jennifer, it's 2:00,
we can't go on sitting here.

You wait here,
Ralph.

I'm going to take
matters in my own hands.

What are
you going to do?

There must be some
identification in that car.

I want to know
who he is.

Oh, Jennifer, I...

Ohh.

So the psychoanalyst
says to the patient,

"Madam, there's nothing unusual
about your liking potato pancakes.

I like them myself."

"Good", says the patient, "I've
got 6 trunks packed with them."

You're so cute,
I love your jokes.

Good, I've got 6
trunks packed with them.

Oh, I love to look
at the water

With the moonlight
on it.

I don't have
to look at it.

I have twin pools
of my moonlight,

In your eyes.

Racquel, I don't
know what it is,

But when
I'm near you,

When I touch you,

A violent chemistry
takes place,

Like the mating - Of
H2SO4 and KClO3.

Oh, I love to listen
to you talk.

Sometimes I don't
understand a word you say,

But oh, I love it.

There's an earthy
honesty about you.

A certain elemental
arrangement of assets

Designed to bring out a
man's most primitive instinct.

Oh...

Ah!

What's the matter?

Oh, nothing.

I was just thinking about
that girl earlier this evening.

This is a fine time
to think of another girl.

Poor kid.

I remember now,
i met her in panama.

The fleet was passing
through.

They said she'd come
from a nice family.

When I knew her, she was
just the navy's plaything.

Tsk, tsk.

She developed a crush on
me, fell madly in love.

Maybe it was because I was the
only one that was nice to her.

I bought her a pair
of shoes.

Anyway, she followed me
around like a dog.

She even slept on the
floor at the foot of my bed.

Then the fleet sailed.

I forgot about her. You know
how it is when a girl is sinking.

Never saw her again
until tonight.

Poor dame.

Say, if she's
out of work,

Maybe I can get her
a chorus job.

Aw, you're sweet.

But she couldn't
hold it. Bad legs.

Skinny?

The knees knock.

And anyway,
she's got flat feet.

Aah!

Aah!

Great scott,
she followed me again!

You... You unspeakable
thing you!

You hound!

Well, that doesn't
sound like love.

Take my word for it,
she's crazy about me.

Let me
out of here.

Hey, give that
to me!

Give that to me!

Give me that!

Gladly!

Oh!

Go home and get your submarine,
mr. Davey Jones.

Crawl across the bottom
of the lake, you worm.

Oh! Help!

Help!
Man overboard!

Help! Help!

Oh,
what a lovely room.

So handsome,
and yet so intimate.

Did you decorate it?

Oh, no,
my grandfather,

The late
fillmore d. Tyson.

Oh, I just knew it.
It has that Tyson touch.

That extra little... well,
that certain dash of...

It's just
what makes you, you.

Oh, really?
Do you think so?

You know, I've sometimes thought
of it as being a little bit stuffy.

Stuffy? Your room?

Oh, mr. Tyson,
it couldn't be.

You know, this is just a dream
come true, meeting you at last.

Jennifer and I talk about
you all the time, you know.

I've scolded her for
keeping you all to herself.

I've always thought of
myself more as a man's man.

Oh, nonsense. Who wants
to be a man's man?

Where's the fun in that?

Since you mention it,
I don't know.

Well, we must have a long
talk about it sometime,

As soon as we clear up
this mess about Jennifer.

Ah, yes, it's too bad
about that.

Ever since this
deep sea scandal broke,

It's done terrible
things to Jennifer.

Yes, I know,
I'm sorry about it.

She just can't talk or
think about anything else.

And she's tracking down
this Davey Jones character

Like something out
of Uncle Tom's cabin.

Now she's put
some second-rate

private detective
on the case,

And, well, she's bound
to get into trouble.

I'd like to help her,

But you see,
it's very difficult.

My trustees voted
unanimously that...

You've just got to stand
by Jennifer in this.

Otherwise she'll just
get into more trouble

And you wouldn't want
that to happen, would you?

No, certainly not, no!

Wonderful! I'll call Jennifer
and tell her the good news.

What good news?

I haven't done anything.
I can't!

You'll think of something.
We'll talk about it.

Oh, Jennifer's
a lucky girl

To have a good friend
like you, mr. Tyson.

Henry Duckworth agency,
field superintendent speaking.

Jennifer?

Miss Smith?

Yes. It's for you.

For me? Hello?

Hello?

Hello, Susan.

Susan, we found
Davey Jones.

Mr. Duckworth is
marvelous, he's a genius.

No, I haven't got
the film yet,

But we're going
to get it,

Aren't we,
mr. Duckworth?

Kismet. The fates
will decide.

Jennifer, whatever
you're up to, stop it.

Mr. Tyson is coming down
to the beach tomorrow

To see you
and talk things over.

Well, good.

By the time he gets
there, I'll have the film.

Look, darling, I can't talk
to you any more right now,

Mr. Duckworth
is a very busy man.

Good-bye.

Well, let's get on
with our briefing.

Now, living room, bedroom,
fire escape windows,

In case we want
to leave informally.

Here is
the bedroom closet,

And in that closet,
the safe.

And the film is
in the safe?

Purely a deduction, ma'am,

The film ain't anywhere else.

Ergo, it must be
in the safe.

And you can get it?

Madam, the combination
hasn't yet been made

That can defy these
sensitive fingertips.

This particular one
is a pushover,

It's a Webley-Martin 1922
one-bolt 3-tumbler combination.

I give it 20 minutes.

Good.

Now, in Philadelphia once,
i really had a tussle.

I was up against a Crenshaw-Davis
6-bolt 4-tumbler box.

Always tough.

Well, shouldn't
we be on our way?

Care for some lunch?

No, thank you.

Sardines? Boneless.

No, thank you.

Opening safes
is an art, madam.

I might even say
a creative art,

Like a great pianist
or violinist.

Of course,
we can't give concerts.

Naturally,
i wouldn't do it at all

Except in very unusual
cases like yours.

Well, I assure you,
mr. Duckworth,

This isn't theft.

The film is my property.

That plus your fee of $200 is what
influenced me to take this job.

Did I tell you that I was
once called in by a bank

To release a cashier who had
inadvertently been locked in the vault?

One of my toughest jobs.

The vault was
an 8-Bolt combination

Synchronized with a mallory time lock,
3 chronometer movement.

I applied
my sensitive fingertips

And within
half an hour it...

Allow me.

The way they pack
those things,

You'd think
they were rubies.

Couldn't we hurry,
mr. Duckworth?

Patience, miss Smith. The
operation has been carefully timed.

Our man doesn't leave
the house until noon.

Are you sure
he didn't realize

That you were
following him?

Please!
With my catlike tread,

I could have trailed him
through a deserted bowling alley

And never been spotted.

Henry Duckworth operates
in a cloak of darkness,

A shroud of secrecy.

I'll finish my lunch,

And then, presto,
zingo, the field.

I love you,
mr. Duckworth.

Please,
our relationship

Must be kept
on a business basis.

Sunday drivers.

Just a few doors down.

We'll wait here until
the coast is clear.

Want to listen
to the radio?

No, thank you.

Friend of mine won
12 dozen axe handles

Listening to a quiz program
the other night, and...

Miss Smith, there.

There's your man.

Let's go.

Don't forget
your car keys.

I don't need them.
This car's equipped

With Duckworth's
burglar-proof ignition.

I just step
on the starter

And the whole steering
wheel flies up to my hands.

Watch.

Cute, eh?

I'm thinking of putting
it on the market.

Well, I'll endorse it,
mr. Duckworth,

But let's hurry.

Just take it easy,
ma'am,

Everything's going
to be all right.

Had a set of keys
like this in st. Joe once.

Let's see, number 7.

I could jimmy the lock,
but why be pretentious?

Uh-huh. Everything's
just like in the diagram.

Quiet.

Ah, fire escape windows.

There she is,
old ironsides.

Mr. Duckworth, I'm going
to raise your fee to $300.

I accept in the name
of american know-How.

Well, let's get to work.

Let me help you.

You move the light
so I can see.

That's fine,
that's fine.

Now, let's see.

Right, right again,
and again, once more.

Now left.

Left again.
Ah, that's it.

Hmmm. Must be jammed.

Left again,
and again, ah!

Now right, right.

Just like music,
clicking on all tumblers.

Right again.
Open up for daddy.

Oh, that's got that.

Hmmm.

Must be rusty.

Guess I'll have
to punch her open.

Would you get me
the bag, please.

I didn't want to use force,
but you made me.

Take that!
And that! And that!

Let that be
a lesson to you.

Rustier than I thought.

Maybe I'll have
to drill her open.

The drill, ma'am, is the
safecracker's best friend.

This particular drill
belonged to my father,

Sapper Duckworth, as he
was known in the profession.

Maybe your father
could open the safe.

Have patience, ma'am.

The drill is
our last resort,

But it never fails.

Of course,
i hate to use it,

Because it makes such
a mess on the floor.

Cover the doors
and windows, men.

Shoot to kill.

Right, sir!

Get the tear gas, men.

Yes, sir!

Don't leave me!

Out the window!
Down the fire escape!

I want these burglars
dead or alive!

Aye, sir! Aye, sir!

We're dealing
with dangerous criminals!

Hand me that
submachine gun, brown.

Yes, sir.

Thanks.

I think there's somebody
hiding behind that curtain.

Better spray a few shells
into her just to make sure.

All right,
stand back, fellas,

While I spray
some lead into it!

No! No, don't shoot!
I surrender!

Hi, Smitty.

Why, you...
you unspeakable liar.

Coming from
the american champ,

That's quite
a compliment.

Oh!

Breaking and entering,
burglary, safecracking.

Give up your life
of crime, miss Smith.

Reform before
it's too late.

Remember your poor old
white-haired mother.

Oh, let me go!

Not yet.

I let your butter-fingered
confederate get away

So we could
have a nice talk.

Cozy, isn't it?

Yes, like being in
a hole with a snake.

Why, Smitty, it isn't
like you to hold a grudge.

Petty, isn't it?

All of you've done is ruin
my reputation and my career.

I'm as sorry as you are
about those newspaper stories,

But right now there's
nothing I can do to help you.

Is that what
you had to tell me?

Smitty, you seem normal.

Your head doesn't come
to a point.

Can't you understand that
something very secret is involved?

You came here to get
your film.

Well, my first thought
was to destroy it.

But I didn't.

I didn't because in
a month, maybe 6 weeks,

I can let you have it to
help you out of your trouble.

Now, look.

Here. I give you
my word, Smitty,

That your film
is in this box.

And just as soon
as it's possible,

I'll turn it
over to you.

What do you say?
Hmm?

Well, I don't know
what to say.

I feel awful.

I took a big chance
keeping that film.

I could get in
a lot of trouble,

But I wanted
to help you.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

When I think of how
I've misjudged you, i...

That's better.

How about a drink?

I'd love it,
and I need one, too.

Good. Two drinks,
coming up.

Bourbon?

Oh, yes, that's fine.

Here.

This will
do you good.

Thank you.

I'm sorry I frightened
you with my entrance.

Well,
here's to friendship.

Well, I'd like to drink
to Davey Jones' locker,

And to everything
that happened.

I'd rather drink to
everything that didn't happen.

Well, that, too.

Whew, it's warm
in here.

Yes.

I was terribly upset when
this trouble first started.

I was hurt, I guess.
I know it was silly,

But I had no reason to
believe that you felt...

But I did.

I was concerned about you,
that's why I kept the film.

Oh.

No. No, please.

Smitty, the moment i
fished you out of the sound,

I felt something that told
me that you weren't destined

To be just queen
of the test tubes.

That underneath you
were warm and vital...

Oh, no.

No, don't touch me.

Not here, not now.

I couldn't trust
myself.

I have to go now.
Good-bye.

Hey, wait a minute!

Hmm?

You crafty little sneak.

So that's what you had in
mind, you frozen custard.

You've got all the warmth
of a Siberian ski slide.

I get goosebumps
just looking at you.

Did you think I was
going to stand by quietly

And let you ruin me?!

That film is my
property, and I want it!

Well, you're not
going to have it!

Let go of me!

Not now or ever!

How dare you! This is
assault and battery!

My shoe!

I'm going
to throw you out.

Then I'm coming back,

And I'm going to take
your film

And I'm going to feed it inch
by inch into a nice hot fire.

Then when it's
all burned,

I'm going to trample
on the ashes.

So don't come sneaking
around here anymore!

Now get out.

Give me back my shoe.

I'll save that
for my memory book.

I left my pocketbook
in the other room.

Oh, all right.

And I was going
to give you a break.

Women.

Now get out
and stay out.

And if you ever
come back,

You'll lose more
than just a shoe.

Oh, miss Smith.
Telephone.

Operator, would you hold
that call, please?

Here's miss Smith now.

Thank you.

Yes?

Duckworth never fails.

What was that?

I've got it.

What??

He who laughs last,
laughs... last.

I've got the box.

Oh, mr. Duckworth,
you've made me very happy.

Bring it over
right away.

Oh, and hurry!

Is there
anything I can do?

No, no, no.

Hello.

What are
you doing here?

I'm looking for the girl
whose foot fits this slipper.

Give me that!

Give me that!

I'll give it
to you.

Allow me.

Cinderella.

And now you shall
become my princess,

And rule
half my kingdom.

Get out.

What right have you to
come breaking into my house?

Get out!

Oh, now, Smitty,
is that being hospitable?

Remember when
your boat was wrecked,

I invited you
into my submarine.

Yes, that was my
big break, wasn't it?

What are you after?

What are you
looking for?

Oh, nothing.
Nothing at all.

I guess it's just a fatal
allure you have for me.

You beast, stop it!
Let go of me!

I'm sorry
i had to do that,

I thought
you had it on you.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

I think you do.

A steel box with a
little roll of film.

Oh, that's been
destroyed.

You burned it yourself,
inch by inch,

And trampled
on the ashes.

That box and its content
are government property.

Any special government?
Or just a government?

The only reason you're not
being fingerprinted right now,

is because I promised
to bring that box back.

Isn't that sweet?

Hawkins of the Royal Mounted
always gets his box.

You'll forgive me, I have
some business to take care of.

Hello?

Hello? Oh, yes,
this is miss Smith.

Hi, I've got it with me.
Shall I come up?

Hello, mr. Christopher.

How nice of you to call,
what a pleasant surprise.

And how is
your dear little family?

Hey, what is this?

Of course I remember you.

We met in Sands Point,
Sands Point, Long Island.

Oh, you've got company.

Yes, indeed, mr. Christopher.
Most assuredly.

It was Sands Point,
wasn't it?

Ok, Sands Point,
Long Island.

What's the party's name?

Susan Wayne.

That's right, Susan Wayne.

Roger, Wilco. Over.

# da da da

You'll excuse me.

So you're not going
to play ball, huh?

Oh, I adore
playing ball,

But not right now.

Maybe you can whip up
a game among the bellboys.

Do you plan to just go on

Standing in that doorway
like a cigar store indian?

Indefinitely.

I thought
of taking a bath.

Good idea.

Cleanliness is next
to godliness.

Now, Smitty, don't go
trying to distract me.

I just want that film.

Don't call me Smitty.

Hmm?

I don't like it.

Believe me, I'm trying to
save you from a lot of grief.

You're headed for trouble.
Big trouble!

You don't say.

Down, hurry,
shut the door!

Hey, wait a minute!

Follow that car!

Miss Smith!

Excuse me.

Hey, wait a minute!

Wait a minute! Smitty!

Now look, you don't want
me to call in the FBI.

G-Men, how thrilling.

Be sure and let me know
how it comes out.

Now, Smitty, you're too nice
a person to act like this,

You're going to hate
yourself in the morning.

Really you are, honest!

Taxi!

Follow that car!

Hey, wait a minute!

Hold it!

You know something, pal?

I've been
hacking for 15 years,

And this is
the first time

I ever got a request
of that nature.

Nobody ever said,
"follow that car!"

I'll make your
happiness complete.

Follow that car.

Aah!

Hey, you!

All right,
step on it.

There she is.

Taxi, miss?

You're stuck.

May I have
your baggage?

Thank you.

Right this way.

Civilization.

Take a shortcut.

We're out of gas, pal.

So I gathered.

Any suggestions?

Would you like to take a walk?

Here, my good man.

# over hill, over dale

# we have hit
the dusty trail

# and those caissons...

"Follow that car."

Thanks for the lift.

Don't mention it.

Yeah. Just a minute.

There you go.

Is there any particular
reason why you're carrying me?

Just part of our
service, door-to-door.

I hope
I'm not too heavy.

It wouldn't hurt
you to cut out sweets.

Don't be ridiculous.
Put me down.

Just imagine
that you're a bride

And being carried
across the threshold.

Well, I'm not a bride,
and don't talk that way.

Who is not a bride?

Oh, good evening.

Just give me a receipt
for this package.

Don't pay any attention
to him, Susan. He's crazy.

Good night.

Well, just follow the Long
Island railroad tracks.

You're bound
to wind up someplace.

Oh, but it's miles. You'd
better let me call you a cab.

Well, thank you.

Oh, no. No,
he must be going.

And he just loves
to walk. Good night.

Help me get
rid of him.

But who is he?

Davey Jones.
The man I was with

in the submarine at
the bottom of the sound.

Oh. I'm Susan Wayne.

How do you do? Any friend of
Smitty's is a friend of mine.

So you' Davey Jones.

But don't expect
him to tell you.

He'll deny
everything.

My dear miss Wayne.

If Jennifer chooses to say that
she spent the night in my submarine,

I'm gentleman
enough to confirm it.

You see what I mean?
He denies it.

This is all
pretty confusing.

Oh, it's all
very clear to me.

Where were you tonight?
Chesapeake bay?

Oh, we did
bar harbor this time.

Say, he's cute,
isn't he?

Ah, ha. Thanks
for the kind word.

Oh, that's probably
for you, Jennifer.

Somebody's been
phoning for hours.

Yes, I know.

Uh, I think I'll
take it upstairs.

Good night.

Good night.

Hold on just a minute, will you?

I'm, uh,
terribly thirsty.

I wonder if I could trouble
you for a glass of water.

Oh, of course.

Oh, hello.
Mr. Duckworth?

I'm in an auto court
about 4 miles away.

Shall I bring it over?

Oh, no. Not right now.
There's somebody here.

And he's very
suspicious, so be careful.

Better wait until
tomorrow morning.

Ok.

Is it open?

No. No, I didn't
get it open yet.

But it's just a matter of time.

It's a very stubborn lock.

Ok, good-Bye.

Here you are, right from
the old oaken bucket.

Ha, ha. Thanks.

You know, you're
awfully nice.

Likewise, I'm sure.

Tell me, just what is going
on with you and Jennifer?

She has something I want.

Really? Have you
asked her for it?

On bended knee.

And?

She won't give it to me.

Well, after all,
it's her property.

It was.
Now it belongs to the navy.

Well.

The poor man was thirsty.

I thought it'd be all right
to give him a glass of water.

I was hoping it was arsenic.

Ha.

May I use your
telephone, miss Wayne?

Oh, of course.
This one or one in there.

Well, I think
I'll go in there.

Excuse me.

Operator.

Hello, operator.

Get me general
Thomas Wilberforce.

Wilberforce, that's right.

Eastern Defense Command,
Fort Monmouth, New Jersey.

Please hurry this call,
operator. It's an emergency.

X-2 priority.

Hello?
General Wilberforce?

X-2 reporting.

No, I don't have
it as yet, general.

Well, she won't give it up, and
i can't seem to reason with her.

Hello. Hello, sir, we
haven't gotten your party yet.

But, general,
I've done my...

Yes, but...

I know.

General, I beg you,
give me another chance.

Think of my years
in the service.

Court martial would mean
the end of everything.

No use, eh?

I understand, sir.

Yes, sir.

I'll report
to you on monday.

Good night, sir.

Thank you very much.

Well, good night.

Would you like another
glass of water?

No, thanks.

Are you sure
you don't want a cab?

Oh, no.
I have plenty of time.

You've been very kind.

Good night.

Well, he's gone now. What
are you so nervous about?

I'm not.
- Hmm?

Oh, I'm sorry, Susan.

Let's get to bed.

Whatever this is, Jennifer,
you may be carrying it too far.

What on earth are you keeping
that's so important?

The film that was
taken out of my camera.

I need it
to clear myself.

Yes, but if it's a case of
government security, if it's the...

I don't care if it's
an invasion from Mars.

Sure, sure.

Only the way he sounded on
the phone, his career and all...

His career?
his career?

Ha. Till last saturday,
i had a career.

Since then, I've practically become
a war criminal, all on account of him.

And anyway, he's lied to me so much and
so often, I can't believe a thing he says.

He even lied about his name.

It isn't Jones. It's...

Well, whatever it is.

Well, as long as you think
you know what you're doing.

Oh, I do. Believe me.

Ah-choo.

Ah-choo.

Ah-choo.

Jennifer, he's still
out in the garden.

What?

Ah-choo.

I think he's
catching cold.

Well, what am
i supposed to do?

Tuck him in bed with
a hot water bottle?

Ah-choo.

You might at least
say gesundheit.

Can't you see he's just
trying to play on our...

Your sympathies?

My sympathies?

It's awful damp out
there. He looks miserable.

Well, why
doesn't he go home?

Ah-choo.

No, he won't. He'll hang around
until he can report to somebody.

Roger or Wilco,
mission accomplished,

Or whatever it is he says when
he's trying to play Frank Merriwell.

Ah-choo.

I'm going to sleep.

You know, Jennifer, with all
the testing devices you invent,

How about one
that figures out

Where the career stops
and the woman begins?

Oh, I don't have
to measure that.

I know.
- Are you sure?

You've been pretty
confused lately.

Confused?

Ah-choo.

I'm not one bit confused.

I might be upset over a few things
that happened, but confused? Never.

Did I ever tell you about
a fellow named Sam Parrish?

Big bruiser of a man.

Ran a marble quarry
down in Alabama.

Looked as if he could tear
the stone out with his fists.

That guy drove me
absolutely crazy.

But he wouldn't take
my career seriously.

I was dead set on building
up a big cosmetics business,

And he just made
jokes about it.

One time he said that
women would be better off

If they used chicken fat
instead of my beauty cream.

That did it.

I gave him the air.

It was career or
nothing in those days.

But you're not sorry,
are you?

I don't know.

I just happened to think
about it tonight.

I know one thing,
though.

Comes a real cold night,

And the biggest business in the
world is just so much bookkeeping.

Well, good night, honey.

Sweet dreams.

Thanks.

Ah... Ah...

Ah-choo.

Ah-choo.

Ah-choo, ah-choo.

Gesundheit.

Ah...

Ah-choo.

Ah-choo.

Psst. Hey. Psst.

You going to sit
there all night?

You'll get pneumonia.

Well, what about it?

Hey.

Hey.

Thanks.

Uh, wait. Psst.

Hmm?

About the film.

Does it really mean
that much to you?

Everything.

But forget it.

I know how much
it means to you, too.

Brr.

Well, meet me
at the front door.

We'll talk about it.

Hello.

Hello, this is
long distance.

On your call to
general Wilberforce,

Fort Monmouth,
New Jersey,

There doesn't seem
to be any such person.

Oh.

Oh, I see.

Well, thank you, operator.

Hello.

I, um, I happened to overhear your
conversation with general Wilberforce.

I was deeply moved.

A hard man,
the general. Nails.

You said something
about a court martial.

Well, that's
the code of the service.

I... I failed and...

But if you had the film,
everything would be all right.

Well, mr. Jones...
Or should I call you X-3?

X-2.

I wouldn't want to see
your career blasted.

I couldn't have
that on my conscience.

So under the circumstances, there
seems to be only one way out.

Yes?

Why don't you buy a gun
and blow your brains out?

Yes?

Good night.

Hello.

Hello, Mac.

You blundering idiot.
Where's that film?

Somebody's bringing
it to her in the morning.

And whoever he is, he's going
to have to come through me.

I can't hold off
till morning.

Suppose she gets
it to the papers?

She won't.

You'll have your film if I have to
take Long Island apart stone by stone.

Just give me
this one more chance.

All right.

But if you let me down,
I'll hound you till I die

And haunt you
from my grave.

We'll have breakfast
out on the patio, hilda.

Eggs and sausage.

I think
pancakes, too.

Oh, that'll be fine.

Good morning.
Good morning, hilda.

Good morning.

I was just about
to wake you.

Mr. Tyson should be
arriving soon.

Oh, I nearly
forgot about him.

Susan, has mr. Duckworth
been here this morning?

No, and don't start
to worry about him.

Let's concentrate
on Tyson.

You want to set
the table?

Uh-huh.

Everything's going
to be all right now.

I hope. By the time
mr. Tyson gets here,

I should have
my film.

Jennifer, what's
the matter with you?

Nothing. Why?

Well, you were mumbling all
night long in your sleep.

Kicking and turning.

Say, what became of
your bmarine pilot?

I don't know,
and I couldn't care less.

I heard you go
downstairs.

That was just to tell him
what I thought of him.

Hmm.

He's an unfeeling,
egotistical cheat.

Hmm.

And a liar.

And don't say "hmm"
in that tone of voice.

And please watch the gate.

He'll be here
soon with the film.

Then I'll tell that worm-chasing
deep-sea liar a thing or two.

I'll hang a lantern
in the old church.

One if by land,
two if by sea.

But for pete's sake,
get the table set.

He'll be hungry
after a long drive.

And with all
he's doing for you,

The least we can do is
have the breakfast ready.

Pick me up
at 4:00, Wilson.

Good morning, sir.

Ah, good morning.

Are you calling
on miss Smith?

Yes, she's expecting me.
I telephoned.

Yes, I know you did.

Uh, miss Smith
on the patio.

Oh?

She particularly
wanted me to meet you

And bring you right in.

Well, how nice.

Oh, not at all. She's
very anxious to see you.

Well, I think she feels
my coming down here

Will solve all
her problems.

Yes, I think she does.
After you, sir.

Thank you,
thank you.

Oh.

I thought I heard
something, a car.

Oh, stop
imagining things.

Let's just see that mr. Tyson has
a quiet, comfortable afternoon.

That's bound to put
him in a good mood.

Let me go. How dare you.

Help. Help.

Help. Oh, help.

Good heavens.

Mr. Tyson.

Help. Call the police.

I've been attacked, robbed.

What happened?

Somebody attacked me.

The man you sent to meet me.

Dragged me in the bushes,
took all my clothes.

Oh, for heaven's sake,
Jennifer, run upstairs

And get mr. Tyson
clothes. Hurry.

Now, just rest, mr. Tyson.

Conserve your strength.

Think beautiful
thoughts, mr. Tyson.

Oh, it's you.

Ooh.

Well, I must say that's
not much of a welcome.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Ralph,
but something awful has happened.

Mr. Tyson is here,
and he's been attacked.

He's out on the patio
in his underwear.

Jennifer.

Well, I didn't do it. You
go see if you can't help him.

I've got to find him
something to wear.

Miss Smith.

Mr. Duckworth.

I've never been so glad to see
anybody. Have you got the film?

It's right here.
Only I can't get it open.

You see, I lost
all my tools yesterday.

And the reason I was so long, a certain
party was sneaking around in the bushes.

Jones. I knew it.

Oh, I've got it. Follow
the road to the beach.

There's a boathouse down
there with lots of tools in it.

You mind if I do a little blasting?
I brought along some dynamite...

Oh, I don't care what
you do, but please hurry.

Whoops.

Are you all right,
mr. Duckworth?

Fear not, gentle lady.

Hurry.

It happened right
here, near these bushes.

I don't understand.
Why should anyone attack you?

All I know is someone
dragged me behind this bush.

Look. My clothes.

Look at my clothes.

Ruined.

Some more coffee, mr. Tyson?

No.

I... I'm so sorry
i threw water on you.

I thought you
were somebody else.

From Jennifer's viewpoint,
it was very logical, mr. Tyson.

Of course.

I thought it was the same
man who was after the film

I intend to show you
in a few minutes.

Let's let mr. Tyson enjoy his
breakfast in peace. Huh, mr. Tyson?

That is the first sensible
word I've heard today.

But you must
understand.

This man was after
the film, so he hid

In the bushes.

That's where
he hid before.

Shh.

I think I can clear up this
whole mystery right now.

Jennifer, please.

Ow.

Jennifer.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Don't come near me
with that pitchfork.

I... I thought it was
somebody else.

Oh, yes, yes. Of course,
of course, yes.

Oh, Jennifer, dear.
You need rest.

You didn't sleep last night,
and you had so much excitement.

Please believe me,
mr. Tyson.

I don't care about my job or
the money for the institute.

Oh, I want you to have
the money. All you need.

$5 million.
More if necessary.

We'll send it to you.

Mr. Tyson, I'm not crazy.

And I won't sit here and
be treated as if I am.

Oh, mr. Tyson, I...

No, please.

I know exactly
how it happened.

You thought I was
somebody else.

No, please don't bother,
miss Smith.

I know just what
you're going to do,

And I can do it
quite as well.

There.

Don't let him get away.
I'll be right back.

Jennifer, sit down.

Jennifer, come back here.

Please, mr. Tyson, just try
to forget about everything.

We'll have a nice, peaceful
afternoon on the beach.

First, I think you'd better
slip out of those wet pancakes.

Pardon me.

That's right, bark, you hound.

Hey, take cover. Disperse.
I'm blasting.

Cover your eyes...

Don't worry, Smitty. I'm
right here to protect you.

Must be a dud.

Oh, well, a miss is
as good as a mile.

I'm awfully sorry.

I thought
he was blasting.

Now see what you've done.

Look at me, I'm half drowned.

Just go away.
Just go away.

All right.

But I'm coming back,
on unofficial business.

I know this film is
very important to you.

But I'll make it up to
you somehow, someway.

Here, give me that.

Please,
that belongs to my client.

I've nearly got it open.

The fuse is still burning.

Smitty. Smitty.
Call a doctor.

There's a phone in the
boathouse. Bring her upstairs.

Smitty. Smitty, speak
to me. Say something.

Swear at me, anything.
Darling...

Get help in a hurry.

Operator, emergency.

Accident,
406 shore drive.

The boathouse.
Rush an ambulance.

She's coming to.

Get some water.

Come on, now. Open those
big, beautiful eyes.

Maybe you should
loosen her clothing.

Don't you dare.

Wh... what happened?

You bumped your foolish
little skull on a post.

Oh.

Well, I'm all right.

You can let go of me now.

You'd think I could.

But for some
reason, I can't.

Well, make an effort. Try.

I am trying.

I keep telling myself
that you're a stubborn,

Bad-tempered,
contrary girl...

And no raving beauty.

So why should I feel this
overpowering desire to kiss you?

Don't you dare.

Well, can I get up now?

Yeah, just as I thought.

That kiss was a
certified, double-checked,

Laboratory special, cold
as yesterday's test tube.

Is that so?

There.

That was just to show you
that you're wrong, and...

I'll endorse
that one. Well...

Where are you going?

I'll be back.

Meanwhile,
you get some rest.

Good-bye.

l'amour,
toujours l'amour.

That's means...

I know what it means.

He's locked us in.

What?

Henry Duckworth never fails.

This reminds me of
a case I had in reno once.

Here, give me your hand.

Hey, mister.

Hi, Smitty.

How did you get up there?

I'm standing on
mr. Duckworth.

Fine. Get some fresh air.

Yes, but you've
locked us in.

I pulled out your telephone wires,
too, to keep you out of trouble,

and so I'll know
where to find you.

Smitty,
promise me one thing?

What?

Promise me
you'll wash your face.

It's filthy.

Tough luck. We're trapped.

No we're not.
I'll hold your ankles

and figure out a way for
you to reach the doorknob.

Just be patient, mr. Tyson.

She must be
at the boathouse.

If she's not, I'm going
to phone the police.

I'm sorry, mr. Tyson. I don't
know what's come over Jennifer.

Perhaps too much
responsibility is bad for her.

A big job like
the institute.

Well, you've seen how
women react. But if a man...

Of all the fatheaded
nonsense.

She's a most
dependable girl.

However, today,
i must admit,

Her conduct's been
a little peculiar.

Peculiar? Since that breakfast,
i wouldn't be surprised to find

Jennifer Smith hanging
by her toes like a...

What?

Excuse me. Urgent
business in the city.

Jennifer.

Jennifer.

Jennifer.

Now, just a moment, sir.

Sorry, old boy.
I'm in a hurry.

Whoever owns this car can
pick it up in town tomorrow.

Hey, look out.

Oh. Oh.

Get out of there.

No. Ohh.

I'm not going to explain anything,
Ralph. I'm tired of trying.

What makes you think I'm
not tired of listening?

It's an ambulance.

If a man gets out with a
big net, don't struggle.

Just give yourself
up quietly.

Over here, boys.

No, not me.
The other fellow.

All smashed up in the car.

Ohh, me. I think
I'm going to die.

Oh, there now, mr. Tyson.

I'm going to take you
up to town in my own car.

You've had
a severe shock.

You need great care
and consideration.

Oh, thank you, Whitcomb.

You're a real friend.
Thank you.

Better get him
in the house.

He said he was just
going to borrow the car,

And then he crashed
into a tree.

By burglar-proof
steering wheel.

It worked. Hooray.

Take it easy, doc.

All right.

Hiya, I'm...
- Just a moment.

The doctor will be finished
in a few minutes.

Oh, miss Smith. I'm danvers
from the city news association.

How do you do? Just
a moment, please.

Here's the ice bag
you wanted. Yes?

What's Bill Craig doing here?

Who?

Him. In there.

Don't you know who he is?

Um, no.

He's the top submarine
engineer in the country.

Holds the world's undersea
depth record, submarine.

Hey, is that your
Long Island sound story?

Why, no. Uh,
that is, I...

You know, I thought that yarn
sounded too silly to be made up.

Well, now,
this is something.

Wa... wait a minute.

You've got it all wrong.

Well, you wouldn't kid me.
It all ties up.

Oh, but it isn't true.
You're making a big mistake.

You've got it all wrong.
I don't know a Bill Craig.

This man's car just got out of
control and ran up on the lawn.

I never saw him before.

Well, don't you think
I want to clear myself

Of that idiotic story about
the submarine and the octopus?

Why... Why,
I'd do anything.

Yeah, that figures.

Sure it does. Now,
I'm sorry mr. Danvers.

Me, too. Well,
good-bye, miss Smith.

Good-bye.
- It's too bad.

It would have
made a good story.

There. That'll
take care of it.

Thanks, doc.

It's a bad cut,
but he'll be all right.

Keep him quiet.
Good-bye, miss Smith.

Good-bye, doctor,
and thank you.

Hi, Smitty.

I forgot to duck.

I'm sorry you were hurt.

Oh, it's nothing.
Just a scratch.

Anyway, this is just
my plain old weekday head.

You should see the one
i wear on sundays. Ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha.

Bill... I mean,
mr. Craig...

Bill is fine, Smitty.

There was
a reporter outside.

He knew who you were.

Guessed you were involved
with the submarine.

I heard you talking to him.

That was a very nice
thing you did.

Well, anyway,
you're safe.

What about you?

Me? I should have
my head examined.

Come here, let me
take a look at it.

The doctor said you
were to remain quiet.

Last saturday, I was
peacefully sailing an open boat.

A storm comes up, and suddenly,
I'm the liar of the year,

Mixed up with an octopus,
dynamited, thrown in the mud,

My reputation gone,
my business ruined,

And I wind up hanging by my
toes from a second story window.

How do you feel?

That's the thing
I don't understand.

I feel fine.

Don't you like
my ice bag?

Oh, very much.

Well, use it.

Well, how are
things in surgery?

And who's
operating on who?

Look what
I've got.

Where did you find it?

In the wreckage.

Oh.

Well, it belongs to him.
Give it to him.

My, what a changing world.

A little while ago, she was ready to
fight the whole Atlantic fleet for this.

Sometimes one sailor gets
more done all by himself.

Well, he's won
it 3 times.

That gives him permanent
possession of the trophy.

Say, how does
that thing open?

No mystery.

It's really very simple.

Watch.

Amazing.

Just amazing.

Probably you didn't
use enough dynamite.

That reminds me of
a case I had in...

Well, if you'd excuse me,
I think I'll be on my way.

But the doctor told
you you were to rest.

If I don't get that film into town,
I'll rest in a federal cooler for years.

Could I borrow your car?

My new car?

I promise to take
better care of this one.

Sure.
- Come on, Smitty.

Drive me into town.

No deep sea stuff.

Hey.

Don't
forget this.

Not a chance.

Stick around, mr. Duckworth.

We'll blow up
something for dinner.

Hello, Mac. Look.

You'd be surprised at what
i had to do to get this.

No, Mac.
No harm's been done.

No.

I'll tell you what.

Forget about it, and we'll
name the first kid after you.

Oh, I know it'll
be a handicap,

But if the kid inherits
Jennifer's looks and my brain...

Your brain?

What's in that? Popcorn?

The roll of film you're
so steamed up about.

She gave it to me herself.

She's in love with me,
and I'm in love with her.

You moonstruck fathead.

The film you took from
Jennifer Smith's camera

Has been turned over
to the press.

What?

With full
accompanying details

And for
immediate release.

It's taken pressure from the
highest levels in washington

To keep the pictures
out of the newspapers.

The story's been killed.

No thanks to you.

There must be some...

She couldn't do that.

So you're in
love with her?

Congratulations.

She's played you
for a jackass.

And as far as I'm concerned,
she pegged you right.

Take your hope chest.

For the time being,
your work is suspended.

And I hope it's
no worse than that.

Mr. Craig?

Oh, it's you.

What do you want?
Another crack at the safe?

Help yourself.
It's in there.

Please.
This is a social call.

I'm not very sociable.
I'm busy packing.

Mr. Craig, very few people understand
the responsibilities of a private eye.

I thought it was my duty
to my client to get that film.

My client, may she always be in the
right, but right or wrong, my client.

Well, at least you were doing
what you were paid to do.

But your two-Faced
client, if I ever lay eyes

On either of her smug
scientific faces, I'll...

But wait.

She doesn't know
anything about it.

What?

She meant for you
to have the film.

I swiped it on my own.

Is that the truth?
On the level?

May the parole board catch up
with me if I'm telling a lie.

She didn't know?

She didn't give
it to the papers?

She doesn't know yet.

Duckworth, have a drink.

Open a bottle of champagne, the
chest is full of it. Help yourself.

I'll drink a toast to
your future happiness.

Good idea. If it's a boy,
you can teach him safe cracking.

au revoir.

It's...

It's locked.

Oh, well.

Duckworth never fails.

That's it.

Fine, fine. I want all these
signs changed right away.

Wherever miss Smith's name appears, paint
it out and put in "Ralph Whitcomb, director."

Huh, mr. Tyson?

That's it. I know I can
count on you, Whitcomb.

You're steady and reliable,

Not flighty
and light-headed like...

Well.

You could at least wait
until I leave the building.

Oh, Jennifer, please adopt
a more cooperative attitude.

Oh, that's all right.

This is what you wanted
all along, isn't it?

Well, you've got my job and the
institute, so take it and run it.

Oh, Jennifer, you're...

Now, I'm sorry this is
necessary, miss Smith,

But under the circumstances,
after everything that has happened.

I know that you don't
think very much of me.

In fact, you think I'm a
little bit crazy, don't you?

Well, you must admit every time you
come near me something seems to happen.

Nothing has happened that
can't be explained rationally.

And I don't care
what you think.

And here is
my resignation...

Jennifer!
- Oh, mr. Tyson...

I'm so sorry.
It's terrible.

Nice work. You're off to
a great start. Keep it up.

No, I don't believe it.
Get me out of here.

Come with me,
mr. Tyson.

Smitty, are you all right?

What happened?

Nothing. I just handed
in my resignation.

I'll give you my own
office, mr. Tyson.

Don't worry. With Jennifer
gone, you'll be all right.

Nothing can happen
to you now...

No.

No, no, I...

I don't believe it.
No, no, I don't believe it.

Bill, did you just
hear a loud noise?

Only bells ringing.