All language subtitles for The Greatest American Hero s03e10 Wizards and Warlocks

Look at what's happened to me

I can't believe it myself

Suddenly I'm up on top of the world

It should have been somebody else

Believe it or not I'm walking on air

I never thought I could feel so free

Flying away on a wing and a prayer

Who could it be

Believe it or not it's just me

Just like the light of a new day

It hit me from out of the blue

Breaking me out of the spell I was in

Making all of my wishes come true

Believe it or not I'm walking on air

I never thought I could feel so free

Flying away on a wing and a prayer

Who could it be

Believe it or not it's just me

Who could it be

Believe it or not it's just me

I think
I was followed.

We must proceed quickly.

As Keeper of the Clock,
I declare this circle now complete,

and this game of Wizards
and Warlocks may begin.

In the beginning,
dragons and other unspeakable monsters...

prowled the earth,
and magic ruled men's lives.

Matters of life, death,
good fortune and great adventure...

were often decided
by the roll of the dice...

or the turn of the card.

Searcher.

Gatekeeper.

Searcher.

The Urchin card.

Your successful evasion
of the Searchers...

can advance you to the
level of First Necromancer.

Failure will result in loss of
rank back to Apprentice Warlock.

It will also suspend your
game for a full fortnight.

I shall carry the mantle of the
Urchin to the Tower of Osiris.

Choose your destiny.

Beware the dark forces
that gather over this Urchin.

That's him.
He appears to be alone.

I hope to see the prince's
kidnapping handled better...

than your two failed attempts
on his father's life.

He is merely a college
student, Your Excellency.

The search may now begin.

Good hunting, Searchers.

As Gatekeeper, remember the Urchin
is to be protected at all costs.

At all costs.

Uh, right this way,
Your Highness.

Uh... Really, Your Highness,
I could just as easily have had...

Agent Maxwell
summoned to my office.

I'm here to seek out
Agent Maxwell's assistance...

in a matter most
important to me.

One who seeks the help of others
does not do the summoning.

Certainly, as a leader of men in your
supervisory capacity, you're aware of that.

Oh, of course.
Of course.

Uh, Agent Maxwell must have
lent somebody his desk.

He's normally immaculate.

Okay.

Which one of you guys screwed the
top of the mustard on crooked?

Agent Maxwell, I'd like you to meet
King Abou Al Fahaad of Sougali.

His Majesty is in this country on a
matter of some importance and delicacy.

His son, Prince Aha,
who is at university...

here in California, has disappeared.

He's been missing from
his dorm for 24 hours.

- We have reason to believe he may have been kidnapped.
- Aha!

PrinceAha. Maxwell,
could you show a little respect?

Uh, Your Majesty, I have any
number of very competent agents.

- Uh, Grimaldi, for example. Wonderful.
- Oh, no, no, no.

But Agent Maxwell's reputation
precedes him, even to my lands.

If anyone could locate the
whereabouts of my missing son,

it's you. Yes, sir.

A token
of my appreciation.

Oh, boy.
Look at this.

This is a photograph
of the man...

the king thinks to be responsible
for his son's disappearance.

This is Omar Stambouli. He's a lunatic.
A revolutionary fanatic.

Oh, he would abduct my beloved son Aha as
a lever to topple the dynasty of Fahaad.

He must feel this is his final
means to unseat me as king,

since most of his assassination
attempts have failed.

Oh, he has tried everything... putting
explosive devices in my automobiles...

or poisoning the food
that I eat.

Uh, you all right, Maxwell?
Is anything the matter?

No... No, of course it isn't.
It's fine.

Sir, I was just wondering, uh...
He's just a boy. Uh...

College kid and everything.
I mean, he's only been gone for 24 hours.

Maybe it's, you know...

He's, uh, out with
a young lady and a six-pack.

I mean, have you checked
out the coeds this season?

I'll have pictures of the prince sent to every
district office and a special flier to Interpol.

Well, that's just fine.

I would like to thank
you and your superior...

for assigning the infamous
Agent Maxwell...

as per my request.

- Well, let us not keep the agent any longer.
- Thank you, sir.

"Sim... sala-bim."

You know, this sure brings
back some tremendous memories.

Well, as long as it, uh,
brings back Prince Aha,

it'll bring up Carlisle's breakfast,
which is what we're looking for.

I tried holographing off of everything in
Prince Aha's room. I couldn't find anything.

Look. The kid across the hall
from Aha in the dorm...

said that he liked to spend most
of his free time in the game room.

Now, somebody there should be able to give us a
clue that'll point us in the right direction.

Carlisle's expecting me to come up with a ten-pound
bag of bad air, but we're gonna fox him.

Right, Ralph?

Ralph... Uh, Ralph?

You know, I think college was some
of the happiest times in my life.

Uh, well, excuse me.

Oh, honey, come on. No, no, no, no, no.
Doesn't even compete.

But I mean, it was my first big step
out into the world, getting involved,

finding out what things
were really all about.

Yeah, you know, my sorority was
absolutely the sickest on campus.

We had this rivalry
with, uh, Gamma Gamma Kappas...

Honey, I'm not talking about locking pledges
out of the house without their clothes on.

Oh, well, then,
you really don't know what fun is.

I know what fun is.

Oh, yeah. Sss! Yeah.

To the moon!
To the moon!

No, I'm talking about, you know, the rallies
and the peace marches, stuff like that.

Yeah, burning
draft cards and banks.

Come on. My generation wasn't
exactly sitting around, uh,

listening to
their hair grow, you know.

We graduated from a little
college called Korea,

where they taught us
the old-fashioned junk...

Patriotism and honor
and all that stuff.

So, today, we burn a few slide rules and
we come up with a scenario and a prince.

All right, Bill.
Now, would you do me a favor? What?

Don't go throwing a federal badge
up underneath these people's noses.

Let me do the talking, all right?
I know how to handle it.

Come on. Oh, brother.

Start with them. Bill...

You're gonna make it.
Watch out! Serpents at 2:00!

Uh, excuse me.
Hello. Hi.

How are you doing?
Uh...

Can I talk with one of you
people for a few minutes?

Please?

A regular pied piper there, Ralph, the way you
just zinged right in on their wavelength.

Hey, no way, no way.
I had that!

You did! You were through
the maze of serpents.

You must have
pushed my hand, Curly. No, I didn't!

Maybe I did.

Uh, I'm sorry to interrupt
your pinball game. Pinball?

You're talking to the highest-scoring
contender for third-ring Wizard on campus.

The I happen to be the reigning
champion of Wizards and Warlocks.

Oh.
That's wonderful.

Uh, my friends and I are looking for
a, uh, classmate of yours.

His name is Prince Fahaad.

Aha?
Uh-huh.

Can you think of anything that would
point us in the right direction?

Certainly only a Keeper of
the Clock can point you...

in the direction
of the Fleeing Urchin.

Come.

Fleeing Urchin? Keeper of the Clock?

Must be some kind
of new Valley talk.

As Keeper of the Clock, I declare this
a first encounter on Rook Level One.

My troll has declared himself. If you
have any trolls amongst you, do likewise.

Uh... I'm, uh, I'm Ralph Hinkley,
and this is my wife, Pamela.

My God. Why do they send out
elves on troll encounters?

When I say "declare yourself,"
you state your status,

which if it's above half-elf
I'd be greatly surprised.

I'm sorry.
I-I don't follow you.

You're saying that you're unfamiliar
with the rules of the Third Ring?

How to engage in a Gnome Probe
against a Keeper of the Clock...

presiding over
the Fleeing Urchin?

Is this some sort of
mythology class or something?

All we want to know is where
we can find Prince Aha Fahaad.

They just want to know the
Urchin's destination. That's all.

That's all they want. We ought to
send 'em back to the Bridge of Clouds.

If you don't tell us
what we want to know, and quick,

it's gonna go real hard with you,
nerdley, and you, too, Curly.

Now, don't think because
you're on the faculty...

it means diddly in a game of Wizards
and Warlocks, Professor Finkle.

Only Wizards and Keepers
of the Clock are supreme.

As a presiding gnome, I can still see you
sent back across the Bridge of Clouds...

or reduced to Goblin's Dwarf,
or even Half-pixie.

Now, who is
the Keeper of your Clock?

J. Edgar... Hoover.

And he's gettin' real twisted...

that I have not
pulled your chain.

Now, you start talking English, and quick,

or we're gonna take
a little ride downtown,

and I'm gonna bust both of you
down to half a graham cracker.

I have a complete set of the rules and
who the other players are in my room.

Uh, I figure he's just across the Sea of Dreams
on his way to the Cave of the Midgard Serpent.

I really wouldn't have given you any
trouble at all, Agent Maxwell, really,

but you look just like crotchety
old Doc Finkle in Psych 206.

And a lot of the members
of the faculty play.

I honestly thought that you guys were
deceitful trolls sent from the ogre's castle.

Deceitful trolls? Midgard serpent?
How do you keep all this straight?

I mean, do you have this set of rules you
play the game by? A guidebook or something?

Are you for real?

There are 13 volumes in the Fackler
series on Wizards and Warlocks.

There are books on procedure and play, a
cross indices of strike and counterstrike,

- an ascension of levels...
- Yeah.

I was unfamiliar with the
terminology that you were using.

But of course, I've heard
of Wizards and Warlocks.

I mean, everybody at Whitney
High is playing the game,

and it's very popular there and I
think other schools across the country.

Very strange game, Bill.
It's, uh, like a board game,

but you take it out on the streets,
and everybody assumes a role.

That's great.
Wonderful way...

for grown-up kids
to be behaving.

Including the crown prince
of a whole country.

Gee... Well, your friend really
explained it in simple terms.

The game itself is quite complex,
and it operates on many levels.

You're involved in creating and forming a society,
developing leadership, exploring new lands.

Sort of preparation
for the big game of life.

Um, how does this prepare
you for the game of life?

It keeps your mind
always on alert.

You never know when
your scepter will fail you...

or the sirens will
steal your soul...

or the clouds of destiny
will go black.

- Hey!
- Mr. Lederberger!

Bring him! He'll know
where the prince is!

Sandy was just picking up
some notes on bio.

Okay, Ralph. That's got to be
Stambouli's guys. Go get 'em!

I'm gonna be busted
to Half-elf for sure.

Here.

It's just so confusing.

I'm not getting anything
out of this room.

I mean, I can't find out where
Stambouli's men have taken Margolis.

I hope they don't hurt him.Nah. No way.

Not till he leads them
to the prince.

I cannot believe how this
scenario has gone down.

We got the whole bureau out looking for this
missing prince, and he's not even kidnapped.

He's off playing some new
kind of hide-and-seek.

Boy, kids are
really weird today.

College sure has changed
since I was in it.

You know, we didn't sit around on Saturday nights,
uh, huddled around a skull and candles...

fighting imaginary dragons
for troll points.

Uh, no. The way I remember it,
you told me you used to spend them...

at Marx Brothers
film festivals, right?

Oh, yeah. That's right. We were
practically responsible for their revival.

They weren't just a bunch of dummies running
around. They were pretty good satirists.

Sure, sure.
Uh, let me see...

"Tell me, Mrs. Crumbcake, they say
men worship the ground you walk on.

They don't think much of you,
but the ground is sensational."

It's the most ridiculous
thing I ever "hoid."

Okay, boys and girls,
do you mind if we just bear down here...

and come up with a clue that's gonna lead us
to the prince before Stambouli finds him?

What do you got there? One of those
books on the game Wizards and Warlocks.

The only way we're gonna have any hope of
finding Prince Aha is by playing the game.

I just can't believe these guys
can memorize all this stuff.

"A shrieking siren can countermand
the curse of a cyclops's stare,

"but only in the case that
a lute-playing Minotaur...

who has not crossed the
path of Crater Banth"...

Bippity, bappity,
boppity boo.

What kind of gunk
are you feeding me here?

How are we supposed to find this
prince with this kind of instructions?

I mean, it looks like it was
written by the green guys.

Well, maybe we can
find a translator.

You're kidding.
You guys don't know how to play?

Then what was that...
whatchamacallit you were wearing?

What was that,
a warlock's outfit?

And that mock battle that was going on.
Mr. Lederberger...

I am not this guy
Lederberger, whoever that is.

No kidding?
You look just like old Lead Bottom.

- He's a troll.
- What?

Uh, we're all trolls.

Uh, right. And we've just
crossed the Sea of Dreams...

on our way to the Cave
of the Midgard Serpent.

Uh, declare yourself.

Rook.

Only a Rook, huh?
Well, uh,

then you are vulnerable
to the Blade and Sarnak.

Not unless you've survived the Giant
Leech over the Heights of Zervos.

Uh, counselor, check it out...
This Giant Leech.

Oh, give me a break, Bill.
That was my first encounter in combat.

Excuse me. I've got to go
to my nuclear physics class.

Uh... Uh... What are you doing?

Trolls have no counterstrike
capabilities over second-level Rooks.

- Oh, we don't?
- No.

Oh, well, in that case, how'd you like to take
a hike down the hall to the dean's office?

- You can't do that.
- I can't?

Yes, he can do that.

Now, you'd better tell us...
Where is Prince Aha?

Uh-uh. I'd revert back to first-level
Rook if Margolis finds out.

Well, we don't have to tell him
where we got the information.

- Well, I don't know about that.
- Bill, come on. We are not deceitful trolls.

We're not. Now, come on. Uh, how do we
get to the Cave of the Midgard Serpent?

How the hell do I know that?
I'm just a Rook.

No one but the Keeper of
the Clock would know that.

Well, then, there's no one at all
who can tell us where this cave is?

No. If you're not
on that playing plateau,

you'd have to be a genius at the game to be able
to locate the Cave of the Midgard Serpent...

without having crossed
the Flowing Waters of Ithaca.

I can't think of anybody who could
do that... except Joey Margolis.

Who we don't have.

And, of course,
Wizard of the Fifth Ring.

Who? Wizard of the Fifth Ring.

Norman Fackler.

I love it, Manny.
I love it.

Get back to me when you've set the
deal, huh? I love you, guy.

There is nothing like
a good promotions man.

I just got clearance
to do the Dorothy Chandler.

Oh, boy! Yahoo!

That sounds like a...
A golf tournament. Golf tournament?

You gotta be kidding. It is the biggest
video game extravaganza of all time!

We're gonna rig up
the chairs with controls.

We're gonna fill the Dorothy
Chandler Pavilion with contestants,

who are gonna be playing Wizards
and Warlocks on a giant screen!

It's genius, isn't it? Uh, Mr. Fackler,
I think I said F.B.I...

when we came in,

and we're on a very high-level investigation
with international repercussions.

- We need to talk to you.
- Well, I'd really like to help you out,

but I got to be at my publisher's in
five minutes, so I got to "scramola."

I have 13 volumes of Wizards and Warlocks
coming out in 10 different languages.

Well, that's what we
wanted to talk about, see?

Because we got a whole Middle
Eastern empire that's riding on this.

No problem. I got a version
coming out in Hebrew. Uh, Ralph?

Uh, Mr. Fackler, I think what Agent
Maxwell is trying to explain to you...

is that, uh, there's
a prominent Arabian prince...

who is playing your game,
and now he's in danger.

We need your help to find him.

You gotta be kidding.Uh-uh.

Press hasn't heard
about this yet, has it? Uh, well, um...

You wouldn't believe the battles I've
been having with the Department of Safety.

They're actually saying
that my games are dangerous.

Not if you play 'em right,
they're not.

You want to know what's dangerous?
I'll tell you what's dangerous.

Roller skates are dangerous. You see that?
You know where I got that?

Roller skates. You got it.

I don't think there's any problem Mr. Fackler.
If you'll just give us a hand here,

there's no reason, uh, the newspapers
or the TV should hear about it at all.

I'll do what I can. Anything to keep Wizards
and Warlocks from getting any bad press.

Uh, well-well, good.

Um, all you have to do is find the prince by
playing the same game that he was playing.

This game took years to develop. It's very
complicated, with hundreds of variations.

I'd need to know certain play patterns, uh,
skill factors of some of the participants...

We'll get you
all that information.

Come on, Mr. Fackler. This ought to be
a snap for a Wizard of the Fifth Ring.

Well, you know,
you're right there.

Uh... Okay, let's go.
We'll take the stretch limo, eh?

Ready?

Go! Centipedes,
12:00 noon.

I don't believe it. Would you
look? It's Norman Fackler! Beverly!

Look. It's Norman Fackler!
Wizard of the Fifth Ring!

I want to get his autograph.
Can I have your autograph?

Yes. Thank you.

I can't believe it.
Look at this.

Well, what do you expect?
All these kids got brain rot today.

Boy, they're all over him. I mean, I could
understand it if he was more like, uh...

Groucho Marx? Would you get
a load of that nerd?

Okay, boys and girls.
No more autographs. That's it.

Uh, come on. Mr. Fackler
has a bad arm.

He's got, uh, writer's cramp from
this morning down at the bookstore.

This guy was the Keeper
of the Clock's troll.

Really?

Yes, sir. Uh, I moved
through the Sea of Mists...

and elevated from ogre's tail to troll
in only two sorcerers' r-rotations.

Impressive.
Puts you in line for Searcher.

An encounter with a Wizard immediately
elevates you to Searcher's deacon.

And as Wizard of the Fifth Ring,
I declare this encounter. By your leave!

What are your circle's
boundaries?

The northern boundary
is the Tower of Temptation.

Ah. And what is the skill factor
of the Fleeing Urchin?

- Fourth level.
- I see. Is there a clock tower on campus, or a bell tower?

There's a campanile
behind the music building.

I still need to know the Urchin's
plans to traverse the Sea of Dreams.

Okay, you heard him.
Uh, how does he do that?

- Maxwell, how would a Clock Keeper's Troll know that?
- Oh.

Yeah, Bill.

Now I heard Joey Margolis say that the
prince had to get to the Midgard Serpent.

That's it! Troll!

Is there some sort of big power
generator around here somewhere?

There's a steam plant and an electrical
facility underneath the maintenance building.

Serpent's Territory.

Serpent Territory? Yes.

I love it. Thank you very much.

"Where creeping footsteps softly tread..."

"and the night is filled
with nameless dread..."

"Where turns and twists
and mists abound,

the Serpent dwells
beneath the ground."

Fackler, how did you come up with
this junk in the first place?

Yeah, it's wonderful, isn't it? My books have
already sold over three million nationwide.

I had no idea that
the readership was that vast.

Yeah, it and The Joy of Sex... two best sellers
on every college campus in the country.

The game seems awfully
time-consuming.

If the students are busy playing your
game, when do they have time to study?

On the contrary. It strengthens their
mental powers. That is my philosophy.

It gets them ready
for the... Game of life.

Yes.

Serpents lie within.

Now I see why they call it
Serpent Territory.

This is the Cave of the
Midgard Serpent we're in now.

Aha's got to be
around here someplace.

Mr. Stambouli, uh, we will be going
right back after this, aren't we?

Uh, I've got finals
next week.

Hold it! F.B.I.!

Ralph!

Margolis. Come on, kid.
It's okay.

It's all right. Come on. Come on.
They're gone. They're gone.

Up, up, up. Come on, baby.
Whoop. Hold it.

Stop him!

Looks like you guys are
gonna lose some troll points.

Yes, uh, would you let Mr. Fackler
know that Ralph Hinkley was calling?

Thank you very much.

Still not there? Uh, no, he's not.

Apparently, his office hasn't seen or
heard from him since he left there with us.

Well, he had a lot
of other appointments,

and we know Stambouli's men didn't get
him, so don't worry about it, hon.

You know, honey, the more I get into
this, the more interesting it gets.

You know all that stuff that
Margolis and Fackler were saying...

about how it gets you
ready for life?

Well, the whole game's point system is based
on, uh, uh, mental deduction, dexterity.

It's very strange,
isn't it?

Well, honey, it is at first,
but once you get into it, it's really not.

No. No, no, no. I mean, uh... I mean
how we change and yet we never know it.

I mean, going back to that college
today, seeing those kids...

I mean I was there six years
ago, and it feels like 26.

Yeah, well, Ralph, most people experience the
biggest changes of their life after college.

Do you know, the other day
I was in class,

and I heard one of my students
saying to a girlfriend...

She said,
"Did you realize...

Paul McCartney was
in a band before Wings?"

- He was?
- Honey, yes. He was in the Bea...

- Oh.
- Honey, come on.

All of those students
in my class were born...

after J.F.K.
was assassinated.

I mean that entire part of my life
is just history to those kids.

Ralph, I'm not gonna have to help you
weather a premature midlife crisis, am I?

I mean, just yesterday I was
young and handsome and virile,

and today I'm an old man.

Yeah.
I wish I knew you then.

But I guess we all
go through it, don't we?

Thanks. All right. All right.

Yeah, except guys
like Norman Fackler.

I mean, I get the feeling he went through
his life in kind of a fantasy world.

I bet it makes it easy for
guys like that to hang on.

Yeah. Well, I'm gonna
go give him another call.

Boy, I wonder where
in the world he could be?

Bill? Hello, anyone?

Hinkley? Maxwell! Anyone?

No panic, Normie. No panic.

You can get out of here real easy.
Yes, you can.

You're the wizard, Normie.

I almost caught up with him at
the Cave of the Midgard Serpent,

but this kid is, uh...
The prince...

He's real sharp
at playing the game, see,

so, uh, well, he slipped
through my fingers, that's all.

Anyhow, the guys with the black
dishtowels on their heads, uh,

had kidnapped the Keeper
of the Clock, see?

And they were coming down one
tunnel, and, uh, the two Searchers,

who were after the prince...
That's the Fleeing Urchin...

Uh, across the Bridge of, uh,
Sighs or Mists or whatever it is...

Um, they were coming down another
tunnel, and I was coming down a third...

with the Wizard
of the Fifth Ring.Stop.

No more, please.
I can't take anymore.

I was right about you the first
time I ever laid eyes on you.

You are a burnout! Well, wait a minute.

You don't think I could make
up any of this stuff, do you?

You...

What I want you to do, Bill,
is to write your report,

word for word,
just the way you told it to me.

Here. Here's the tape.
Transcribe it.

Now, I'm gonna send
a copy to D.C...

after I check it to make sure
you didn't try to clean it up.

And after that, Bill, I don't think
you'll have to worry anymore...

about special requests for your
services from the State Department!

Good-bye. Watch out for the
gremlins in the copy room.

Well, so long as Carlisle won't let
me next to Margolis to question him,

I guess we're standing around
here in Troll City, sucking wind.

At that I'm lucky he didn't trade me off
to the laughing academy to play first base.

Trying to run that scenario by him... Can
you imagine me trying to explain to him...

about trolls and elves
and leprechauns...

and the Bridge of, uh,
Clouds, and a prince...

who think's
he's an elf, or, uh, urchin.

- Aha!
- That's the one.

Oh, boy. This thing has turned into
a real foam-the-runway operation.

- I don't think.
- What is it, honey?

Well, the more I've been
going over this game,

the less complicated
it really seems to be.

You know, like canasta.
All those cards.

Until you really learn how to
meld, it doesn't make much sense.

- Well, do you think you have it figured out?
- Great, that's terrific.

Well, uh, we can all get to wear the little,
uh, black dunce caps with the silver stars.

I'll call in Carlisle.
Counselor can cast a spell on him.

- Turn him into a unicorn.
- Will you just listen, Bill?

You know, our problem was
that we entered this game...

while other players were already
at second-level variation...

combat and counterstrike.

You know, Margolis and his
circle were already at Gnome,

while we were still passing
through Goblin Territory.

What she's saying is, Bill,
we were operating on Rook level...

trying to intercept somebody
functioning at an Urchin plane,

and there's no way that
the two can intercept.

- We went Goblin when we should have gone Gnome.
- Exactly.

I'm dyin'.

Bill, would you just
go along with us?

I mean, we're gonna
find Aha, all right?

I'm not gonna pull a gun on the kids,
Ralph. I'm just gonna badge 'em.

Bill, it hasn't gotten us anywhere so far.
I mean, you flash a badge,

and Carlisle's gonna pull it before
you get it back in your pocket.

Now, come on, Bill. We've made our
best progress playing this game.

Yeah, like with the kid in the
dorm who led us to Fackler,

and then Fackler leading us
to Serpent Territory. This is bananas.

Yeah, but it's fun.

He's all the way through
the Labyrinth of Cernak!

Look at this. He doesn't miss a thing.
I can't believe it.

Wow!
Look at that!

We are off to traverse
the River of Zog.

- The what of what?
- Okay.

I've been working out the game
against a street map...

according to the guide
in the back of the book.

Now, the River of Zog... that
should be the L.A. Reservoir,

somewhere between
Sepulveda...

and Burbank.

- Well, that's where the prince is?
- No.

- No.
- No, that's where the Keeper of the Gate is.

He holds the destiny card, which determines
where the Fleeing Urchin's next stop will be,

which could be one of three places.
Right. The Circle of Isis,

Castle of Doom, or the High Couch
of, uh, Silistra, Silistra, whatever.

I don't believe what I'm listening to.
Who told you this stuff, Ralph?

Bill, I was talking to the
Searchers dispatched by Margolis.

That bunch of flamingos?
You believe...

Let me put it to you
a different way.

Suppose they were being
deceitful trolls.

Then what? There are no deceitful trolls
in Goblin Territory, Bill.

- Sorry. I lost my head.
- All right. I'll meet you all there.

Okay. We're off
to see the Keeper

Yeah, this is going
real good now.

Uh, we're headed for
the, um... the River of Zog.

Prince is headed for the Circle
of, uh... of Isis.

I'm headed for the pen,
and my personnel file...

is headed straight
into the paper shredder.

Come on. Oh, yeah. We got it now.
No question.

Just a moment, young man.

Now, where is the prince?

Uh... He, uh... He's not here.
He-He just left.

Indeed. And just where did he
go, my young friend?

I can't tell you that.

Maxwell? Maxwell, is that you?
Maxwell?

I know you're there, Maxwell.
I know you're there.

I'm gonna get out of here, Maxwell.
And when I do,

beware the wrath
of the angry wizard.

Oh, God. Ohh.

Maxwell? Hinkley?

I knew it. I knew it. It's nothing.
There's nobody here.

The deceitful trolls
got us again.

The Gatekeeper
should be here.

Well, maybe, uh, we made a wrong turn.
Maybe this isn't the River of Zog.

The River of Zog is
an L.A. storm drain,

and I'm gettin' measured
for a 208 hearing.

Don't worry Bill. I'll handle the case
for you. Get you 10% on your pension.

Thanks a lot. Wait a minute. Look at this.

The Gatekeeper's cap!

You get docked 10 points for
being caught without that on.

Well, whoever dropped that down
here got docked more than 10 points.

Anything? Well, there's
got to be something.

The Gatekeeper,
or whatever he's called,

has got to be taking the
heavies to the prince right now.

Wait a minute.
I'm gettin' something here.

I see a... a windmill.

Wha... A w... Look up
"windmill" in there.

No, wait a minute.
It's changing, I-I-I got a, uh,

a gingerbread house.

Ralph, change channels,
will you? Bill, come on.

This thing keeps fading in and out.
It's not my fault.

All right. I'm getting
a, uh... a tree house...

with a bunch of elves around it...

Okay. That's it.

I fought the good fight and I lost it, that's
all, and the prince doesn't get to be king.

Will you take it easy, Bill? He's
doing the best he can. This isn't easy.

Near a castle... by the 15th hole.

The what? Fifteenth hole?

Yeah, you know,
like a golf course. Hey, wait a minute.

I think I know where there's a castle.
The elves throw me.

Well, forget the elves.
Where is it? Okay.

There's a miniature golf course
near the freeway in Encino.

They have a castle. Now, the prince
could be headed for the Castle of Doom.

Well...
That's all we got.

Uh, we'll meet you there.
Come on, counselor.Yeah. Let's go.

I know... Be careful.

Oh, here!

I declare
the Circle complete!

All Stealers
and Searchers of the Soul,

reveal yourselves.

Okay, Omar. Out.

Out, baby. Right now.

One thumb through there. Okay. The other
one through there. Put it on yourself.

Okay, kid. F.B.I. What's going on?

They're after Aha.
They chased him around back.

You stay here.

Freeze it right there!
Drop it! Drop it!

I have the prince!

Drop your weapon,
or the prince is dead.

Wha...

Well, kid,

you really put us through the
jumps with your little game.

Well but, how... what...

Uh, your destiny card
come up rosy,

and uh, some guardian wizard
must really dig your act.

Yeah, I know, I know. I was a
nonbeliever, too, at the beginning.

But I spent a couple of days with that
stuff, and it starts to make sense.

Not only that, but right
here, we've got techniques...

that we use that could benefit from this
wizard business right here in the bureau.

I mean, for example,
look at this.

You got a felon.
The felon is on the run.

Okay. You know, be dumb.
That's okay with me.

Now, this felon
is the only one...

who knows his true
destination himself.

See? That makes him
a Fleeing Urchin.

Now, the rest of us are all operating...

at different levels of
comprehension and ability, see?

I mean, like for example, uh...
Well, Carson here might be...

half an Elf,
uh, and, you know,

Smith here's maybe
a quarter of a Pixie,

Come on. And I'm a Wizard
of the Fifth Ring because...

Come on. Let's go. What's the matter
with you?

They think
you're a yo-yo. And the other th...

Oh, boy.
Deceitful trolls.

They're everywhere.
Gee!

Well, they're just jealous,
that's all, because...

I cracked the game,
and I found the prince.

Uh, I cracked
the game, Bill.

Uh, you're still back
at the Bridge of Clouds.

Well, if anyone's responsible for
finding the prince, it's Norman Fackler.

Yeah, Fackler.
Gee, I wish he would return my calls.

I got a caseload for him... you know, of Fleeing
Urchins... I know he could help me with.

It's driving me nuts.

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