All language subtitles for Joey - 02x12 - Joey and the Tijuana Trip.DVDRip SAiNTS.English.updated.Addic7ed.com
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Punjabi
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000
www.tvsubtitles.net
2
00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:07,016
I am gonna love this.
3
00:00:08,525 --> 00:00:10,425
- Hey.
- Hey, Alex.
4
00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:13,255
So are we all ready to pick names
for Secret Santa?
5
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:15,864
- Yeah. We're just waiting for Howard.
- Okay.
6
00:00:16,032 --> 00:00:17,659
Hey, listen.
7
00:00:17,834 --> 00:00:21,065
Promise if you get Joey's name for
Secret Santa, you'll give it to me?
8
00:00:21,237 --> 00:00:23,797
What? You'll get him the perfect gift
and he'll realize:
9
00:00:23,973 --> 00:00:27,306
"Oh, my God, I was supposed to be
with Alex all along"?
10
00:00:27,977 --> 00:00:31,606
There would also be a makeover montage,
but that's the basic idea.
11
00:00:32,549 --> 00:00:34,414
- Hey.
- All right, Howard.
12
00:00:34,584 --> 00:00:37,314
Okay, the names are all ready
for the Secret Santa.
13
00:00:37,487 --> 00:00:40,684
And since I did all the preparation,
I'll just go first.
14
00:00:40,857 --> 00:00:44,691
Oh, okay. This looks like somebody
it might be fun to get a present for.
15
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:51,298
Well, what I want more than anything
is a white Christmas.
16
00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:55,029
Just a blanket of snow on the ground,
you know. And you can go bobsledding...
17
00:00:55,205 --> 00:00:59,005
...have snowball fights...
- Joey, we're in L.A.
18
00:00:59,909 --> 00:01:03,208
Are we just saying obvious things now?
It's Wednesday.
19
00:01:03,379 --> 00:01:05,040
No, it's not.
20
00:01:07,383 --> 00:01:08,475
Hey, give me that.
21
00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:11,745
Cheater. I wonder whose name
you put on the red piece of paper?
22
00:01:11,921 --> 00:01:13,684
Damn it. It was the perfect crime.
23
00:01:13,857 --> 00:01:16,087
I should have never left you alive.
24
00:01:16,259 --> 00:01:17,453
What?
25
00:01:17,627 --> 00:01:20,095
I get Joey. You take mine.
26
00:01:20,263 --> 00:01:24,791
No, not him. He doesn't deserve a gift.
I hate him.
27
00:01:26,903 --> 00:01:28,768
Jeez. Did you have Michael or Zach?
28
00:01:28,938 --> 00:01:31,406
I had Howard.
29
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,066
This is the life, huh?
30
00:02:07,243 --> 00:02:09,803
When you move next door to me,
we can do this every day.
31
00:02:09,979 --> 00:02:14,541
Hang out, smoke cigars, drink beers.
Just be guys, huh?
32
00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:16,810
Can you open this for me?
33
00:02:17,754 --> 00:02:20,086
I just moisturized.
34
00:02:20,723 --> 00:02:23,817
Alex, we need another one opened up.
35
00:02:23,993 --> 00:02:27,451
For God's sake. Jeez.
36
00:02:27,697 --> 00:02:29,221
Thank you.
37
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:34,962
I hope this isn't too forward,
but it just got a lot prettier out here.
38
00:02:35,672 --> 00:02:38,539
I'm not making you any more sandwiches.
39
00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:40,842
We'll see.
40
00:02:42,045 --> 00:02:43,740
- Hey, guys.
- What are you doing here?
41
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:46,973
- I thought you were with Abby?
- Yeah, we got into this big talk...
42
00:02:47,150 --> 00:02:50,517
...about where our relationship is going.
- Oh, the talk.
43
00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:53,385
- What'd you tell her?
- Well, I said I didn't know.
44
00:02:53,556 --> 00:02:56,548
And now we're taking time off
until I can figure out what I want.
45
00:02:56,726 --> 00:02:58,523
We broke up, I guess.
46
00:02:58,695 --> 00:03:01,664
You know what? You did the right thing.
What are you gonna do?
47
00:03:01,831 --> 00:03:04,425
Move in together? Get engaged?
You don't want that.
48
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:09,300
Oh, really? Why? Because then he might
be in a committed relationship?
49
00:03:09,472 --> 00:03:12,498
Well, don't say it in that scary voice.
50
00:03:14,510 --> 00:03:17,843
I'm just saying you don't wanna jump
into anything you'll regret, okay?
51
00:03:18,014 --> 00:03:20,710
Abby was, like,
your first real girlfriend, ever.
52
00:03:20,884 --> 00:03:23,546
Yeah, but I also hated being single.
I was terrible at it.
53
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:25,711
Yeah, but you're a changed man now,
Michael.
54
00:03:25,889 --> 00:03:29,985
Once one girl gives you the stamp
of approval, other girls can sense it.
55
00:03:30,159 --> 00:03:32,320
Women have a part of the brain
that we don't.
56
00:03:32,495 --> 00:03:34,690
It's called the fibullon.
57
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,896
That is very not true.
58
00:03:38,067 --> 00:03:41,230
Michael, being single is great, okay?
You can say:
59
00:03:41,404 --> 00:03:44,498
"Tonight, I'm gonna pick up
and go to Tijuana. " And you just do it.
60
00:03:44,674 --> 00:03:47,199
- I never did that when I was single.
- That is my fault.
61
00:03:47,377 --> 00:03:50,471
I am your uncle. It is my job
to teach you about life, huh?
62
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:53,241
Okay, so tonight, we're gonna go
to Tijuana.
63
00:03:53,416 --> 00:03:58,285
Guys' road trip. The men are going
to Mexico.
64
00:03:58,454 --> 00:04:00,684
- Alex.
- Alex.
65
00:04:03,927 --> 00:04:06,452
- Michael, come on, let's go.
- This is gonna be awesome.
66
00:04:06,629 --> 00:04:08,062
México, baby.
67
00:04:08,231 --> 00:04:09,960
- All right, let's go.
- All right, huh?
68
00:04:10,133 --> 00:04:14,331
Zach knows all the cool hot spots to hit.
We are gonna get so many women.
69
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:18,668
Alex, you speak Spanish.
How do you say, "How you doing?"
70
00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,473
Yo tengo herpes.
71
00:04:23,146 --> 00:04:25,205
Yo tengo herpes. Got it.
72
00:04:26,983 --> 00:04:29,975
Hey, guys, listen, I'm sorry.
I forgot I have plans tonight.
73
00:04:30,153 --> 00:04:32,280
But I wanted to drop off this map
of Tijuana...
74
00:04:32,455 --> 00:04:34,719
...with some of my favorite
entertainment venues.
75
00:04:34,891 --> 00:04:37,792
Like, right here, this is a great
family-owned restaurant...
76
00:04:37,961 --> 00:04:41,260
...where they hand-make
the most delicious tamales.
77
00:04:41,431 --> 00:04:43,524
It's also a whorehouse.
78
00:04:44,033 --> 00:04:45,261
Have fun.
79
00:04:45,435 --> 00:04:47,403
Michael, I wanna make sure
you have money.
80
00:04:47,570 --> 00:04:49,697
You want me to bring back
Mexican diet pills.
81
00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:52,807
Yeah, the big yellow ones.
They make me feel crazy.
82
00:04:54,477 --> 00:04:58,277
You know, I'm one of the investors
in this new club, Axis.
83
00:04:58,448 --> 00:05:01,884
We're having a party and I thought
you'd like to bring that body of yours.
84
00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:06,488
Oh, God. I'm sorry, but why
are you always hitting on me?
85
00:05:06,656 --> 00:05:08,988
And why do you think I would like that?
86
00:05:09,692 --> 00:05:12,354
I'm Dean. I'm awesome.
87
00:05:13,463 --> 00:05:14,657
How old are you?
88
00:05:14,831 --> 00:05:17,197
I'm 51. How much do you weigh?
89
00:05:17,367 --> 00:05:21,269
Hey, you asked me a personal question.
What are you, like a buck-15?
90
00:05:21,437 --> 00:05:22,870
That is none of your business.
91
00:05:23,039 --> 00:05:27,533
And I will have you know that after a bout
with the flu last week I was 108.
92
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,311
Guys like you make me sick.
93
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,675
Oh, really? What kind of guy am I?
94
00:05:32,849 --> 00:05:36,842
You're the kind that thinks that never
growing up is cute instead of just pathetic.
95
00:05:37,020 --> 00:05:39,352
You're the kind who thinks
every guy around him...
96
00:05:39,522 --> 00:05:42,582
...has to act like a childish jackass
so you can make yourself...
97
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:46,627
...feel better about your own selfish,
pointless, ridi...
98
00:05:46,796 --> 00:05:49,526
Oh, my God. What are you doing?
99
00:05:49,699 --> 00:05:53,760
I don't know. That's the way I usually deal
with pretty girls who got the yaps.
100
00:05:54,704 --> 00:05:58,367
- Unbelievable.
- Wait, wait, look, look.
101
00:05:59,509 --> 00:06:02,637
You're just this beautiful young woman.
You should be out there...
102
00:06:02,812 --> 00:06:05,610
...breaking hearts, acting crazy,
having fun.
103
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:08,546
Instead of being so uptight...
104
00:06:08,718 --> 00:06:11,118
...and attacking me and Joey
for living a little.
105
00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:14,620
I have fun.
106
00:06:15,425 --> 00:06:17,950
I power walk.
107
00:06:18,361 --> 00:06:21,888
I'm just saying, you're so sure
you're right and we're pathetic.
108
00:06:22,065 --> 00:06:25,296
But maybe, maybe,
it's the other way around.
109
00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:28,062
Well, maybe, maybe...
110
00:06:28,504 --> 00:06:30,301
...you're a jerk.
111
00:06:35,178 --> 00:06:38,614
I got a better comeback for...
Okay, he left. That's good.
112
00:06:47,557 --> 00:06:48,581
Yeah.
113
00:06:48,758 --> 00:06:50,089
That place was interesting.
114
00:06:50,259 --> 00:06:53,854
That was the first strip club I've been to
where you had to pay to get out.
115
00:06:54,030 --> 00:06:57,295
Here's an idea.
Why don't you two just shut up?
116
00:06:57,867 --> 00:06:59,095
What is wrong with you?
117
00:06:59,268 --> 00:07:01,862
Oh, when I first start drinking,
I get belligerent.
118
00:07:02,038 --> 00:07:05,599
But around my seventh drink, it's all
"I love you, man" and bear hugs.
119
00:07:05,775 --> 00:07:09,267
Then I black out, enter what I like to call
The Mystery Zone.
120
00:07:09,445 --> 00:07:10,605
The Mystery Zone.
121
00:07:10,780 --> 00:07:15,945
Very dangerous place, Michael, filled
with ugly women and delicious hot dogs.
122
00:07:16,119 --> 00:07:17,518
Come on, guys, I need a drink.
123
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,848
- Okay.
- Must be brave.
124
00:07:20,389 --> 00:07:21,754
Three drinks.
125
00:07:21,924 --> 00:07:24,154
Yeah. Isn't this great, Michael?
126
00:07:24,327 --> 00:07:27,194
- Look at all these girls, huh?
- Yeah.
127
00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:31,231
- I really shouldn't drink because if I...
- In you go.
128
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,368
- Okay.
- All right. Hey, hey.
129
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,800
Nice. There's your first victim.
Go hit on her.
130
00:07:35,972 --> 00:07:38,304
Look, Joe, I'm never gonna pick up a girl
at a bar.
131
00:07:38,474 --> 00:07:40,203
You know, I was better off with Abby.
132
00:07:40,376 --> 00:07:43,573
The only reason you're thinking about Abby
is because you're afraid.
133
00:07:43,746 --> 00:07:47,648
You know what you should be afraid of?
Committing to someone too soon.
134
00:07:47,817 --> 00:07:51,412
Next thing you know, you're on
a one-way train to Marriageville, huh?
135
00:07:51,587 --> 00:07:54,784
And the train is dropping off
so many miserable husbands and wives...
136
00:07:54,957 --> 00:07:58,017
...before you know it,
there's so many people in Marriageville...
137
00:07:58,194 --> 00:08:00,219
...they have to build an airport.
138
00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:05,993
Then no one's taking the train anymore
and the train station becomes defunct.
139
00:08:06,169 --> 00:08:08,729
What the hell is in this?
140
00:08:09,105 --> 00:08:11,972
You know what?
Okay, I'm gonna try it just once...
141
00:08:12,141 --> 00:08:15,508
...just to shut you guys up, okay?
- Go do it, go guy.
142
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,249
Hi. Hey, I'm Michael.
143
00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:28,686
- Elisa.
- Elisa.
144
00:08:28,858 --> 00:08:30,553
You're very pretty.
145
00:08:30,726 --> 00:08:33,854
Yeah, your body looks just like my mom's.
146
00:08:34,630 --> 00:08:38,293
Wait, that's a compliment.
Because my mom has an amazing body.
147
00:08:39,068 --> 00:08:42,629
Looks like he's doing well. I think
he just said something about her body.
148
00:08:42,805 --> 00:08:45,740
This one time I saw her from behind,
I didn't know it was her...
149
00:08:45,908 --> 00:08:48,103
...I had some thoughts.
150
00:08:48,644 --> 00:08:52,045
But that's for me and Dr. Porter
to work out so:
151
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:55,641
What am I talking about?
Why haven't you stopped me yet?
152
00:08:57,353 --> 00:08:59,218
You don't speak English?
153
00:08:59,388 --> 00:09:01,481
She doesn't speak English.
154
00:09:01,657 --> 00:09:03,352
She doesn't speak English.
155
00:09:03,526 --> 00:09:06,154
Michael might actually have a chance.
156
00:09:06,429 --> 00:09:10,195
There'll be no flights into Marriageville
this evening due to heavy weather.
157
00:09:10,366 --> 00:09:14,063
Please be patient, you will receive
a meal voucher. I love this stuff.
158
00:09:20,443 --> 00:09:22,673
Hey, you know Joey's neighbor Dean...
159
00:09:22,845 --> 00:09:25,541
...and his whole lame, oversexed
Peter Pan act?
160
00:09:25,715 --> 00:09:29,617
This afternoon, he had the nerve to tell me
that I'm the one with the problem.
161
00:09:29,785 --> 00:09:33,812
That I don't know how to have fun.
I mean, that's crazy.
162
00:09:34,257 --> 00:09:38,125
Would someone who doesn't know
how to have fun be able to do this?
163
00:09:43,432 --> 00:09:44,558
Dean may have a point.
164
00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:46,224
Oh, God.
165
00:09:46,535 --> 00:09:48,628
I know. He's right.
166
00:09:48,804 --> 00:09:50,965
I don't know what happened to me.
167
00:09:51,140 --> 00:09:55,201
I used to be fun in college.
I used to go out every night, partying.
168
00:09:55,378 --> 00:09:59,815
I was in a less-successful precursor
to
Girls Gone Wild.
169
00:09:59,982 --> 00:10:02,348
What's stopping you now?
You're a sexy, single gal.
170
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:04,748
You should be out having fun,
meeting guys.
171
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,616
Yeah, I guess it's just because
I'm so hung up on Joey.
172
00:10:07,790 --> 00:10:09,849
Oh, enough of that.
173
00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:13,689
Come on. They get to go off to Tijuana,
we are going out tonight.
174
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:15,353
And I know what we're gonna do.
175
00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:18,329
Have you ever wrestled
another woman for prizes?
176
00:10:18,968 --> 00:10:23,871
Okay, I do want to go out tonight.
And that sounds neat.
177
00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:27,171
- But Dean mentioned a party, so...
- Okay, we'll go there then.
178
00:10:27,343 --> 00:10:30,938
And we are going nuts tonight.
It's gonna be better than any Tijuana trip.
179
00:10:31,113 --> 00:10:34,344
Yeah, those guys are probably
just sitting around the hotel right now.
180
00:10:34,517 --> 00:10:36,314
Joey, Joey, Joey!
181
00:10:36,485 --> 00:10:40,182
Joey, Joey, Joey!
182
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:43,017
Joey, Joey, Joey!
183
00:10:43,192 --> 00:10:45,319
Joey!
184
00:10:50,866 --> 00:10:52,857
Yeah!
185
00:11:03,179 --> 00:11:05,010
- Hey, Alex.
- Hey.
186
00:11:05,181 --> 00:11:06,910
I'm really glad you came.
187
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,142
You look amazing.
188
00:11:09,318 --> 00:11:11,286
Drop by my table later.
189
00:11:11,620 --> 00:11:13,053
I think he's into you.
190
00:11:13,222 --> 00:11:15,850
That guy doesn't know how
to be into someone. He's a pig.
191
00:11:16,025 --> 00:11:18,152
All I know is he didn't even look at me.
192
00:11:18,327 --> 00:11:20,989
- Nice.
- Thank you.
193
00:11:21,497 --> 00:11:24,057
Okay, so should we find a place to sit
and people watch?
194
00:11:24,233 --> 00:11:26,667
What? I thought you were gonna
cut loose tonight.
195
00:11:26,836 --> 00:11:28,360
Oh, yeah.
196
00:11:28,537 --> 00:11:30,437
What would college Alex do right now?
197
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:32,130
Champagne?
198
00:11:32,842 --> 00:11:36,778
Actually, I think I'll take a beer...
from your six-pack.
199
00:11:40,216 --> 00:11:41,843
And recycle that.
200
00:11:42,017 --> 00:11:43,848
Now dance for me, you dirty whore.
201
00:11:44,019 --> 00:11:45,543
Yeah.
202
00:11:47,656 --> 00:11:48,680
Was that too far?
203
00:11:48,858 --> 00:11:51,292
- No.
- Okay.
204
00:11:57,266 --> 00:11:59,166
Joey, wake up. Joey, Joey.
205
00:11:59,335 --> 00:12:02,031
Hands off me, I'm an American.
206
00:12:02,605 --> 00:12:05,472
Oh, it's you.
207
00:12:05,875 --> 00:12:08,139
Are we still in Mexico?
I don't remember a thing.
208
00:12:08,577 --> 00:12:12,411
Well, well, well. Good morning.
209
00:12:13,282 --> 00:12:15,716
Whoa, hey, what's the matter with you?
210
00:12:15,885 --> 00:12:18,581
I don't get hangovers.
It's my most irritating quality.
211
00:12:18,754 --> 00:12:21,985
Who's in the mood
for scrambled egg and fish?
212
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,820
No, no, Zach, please.
213
00:12:25,261 --> 00:12:26,888
- Did you have a good time?
- Yes.
214
00:12:27,062 --> 00:12:29,860
I don't remember very much
but Elisa's in my bed right now.
215
00:12:30,032 --> 00:12:34,025
And you know what? In the light of day,
she's still cute. Yeah.
216
00:12:37,206 --> 00:12:38,969
Different.
217
00:12:42,745 --> 00:12:45,942
You know, I don't remember a thing
after we left that bar last night.
218
00:12:46,115 --> 00:12:48,083
I know.
219
00:12:49,452 --> 00:12:51,079
What is this?
220
00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:56,013
"Our... " something. I don't know.
Why would we have made a videotape?
221
00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,155
Hey, what does that mean?
222
00:13:07,570 --> 00:13:08,594
Yeah.
223
00:13:08,771 --> 00:13:11,331
I think it means "our wedding. "
224
00:13:11,507 --> 00:13:13,771
Oh, my God. You got married?
225
00:13:13,943 --> 00:13:16,503
- How could you let this happen to me?
- Don't blame us.
226
00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:20,308
You did this on your own.
If I had been there, I would never have let...
227
00:13:25,020 --> 00:13:27,614
Well, whoever that is,
he's very handsome.
228
00:13:27,790 --> 00:13:31,521
This is how you show me how great
single life can be? You get me married?
229
00:13:31,694 --> 00:13:33,719
Yeah.
230
00:13:33,996 --> 00:13:35,657
Why am I going up to the altar?
231
00:13:35,831 --> 00:13:37,924
And what is Zach doing?
232
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:47,042
This is a weird party.
233
00:13:56,051 --> 00:13:59,316
Wait, he said "Zach. "
What does "Zach" mean in Spanish?
234
00:13:59,488 --> 00:14:02,889
You know, I'm starting to think,
I'm not the one who got married.
235
00:14:13,903 --> 00:14:16,895
Alex is a lawyer. We'll talk to her
about how to get out of this.
236
00:14:17,072 --> 00:14:20,667
Until then, no one has to hear
about this stupid marriage.
237
00:14:20,843 --> 00:14:24,142
Wait, wait, wait. Aren't you gonna
carry Zach over the threshold?
238
00:14:28,183 --> 00:14:29,980
Hey, how are you?
239
00:14:30,152 --> 00:14:32,848
So, Michael, did you enjoy
the single life in Mexico?
240
00:14:33,022 --> 00:14:36,617
Well, Alex, yes, I did.
I did enjoy the single life in Mexico.
241
00:14:37,526 --> 00:14:38,925
Mom, here are your diet pills.
242
00:14:39,929 --> 00:14:42,921
Full of FDA-unapproved goodness.
243
00:14:44,833 --> 00:14:48,166
Alex, we need your help. You know
any lawyers familiar with Mexican law?
244
00:14:48,337 --> 00:14:51,397
Well, my law firm does a lot of work
with Mexico and Latin America.
245
00:14:51,574 --> 00:14:53,337
What did you guys do down there?
246
00:14:53,509 --> 00:14:55,670
- Okay, last night we got drunk.
- Really drunk.
247
00:14:55,844 --> 00:14:58,039
Yeah. And woke up this morning
and found out...
248
00:14:58,213 --> 00:15:00,511
...Zach and I got married to each other.
249
00:15:00,683 --> 00:15:02,674
You did what?
250
00:15:03,786 --> 00:15:05,048
How did you even hear that?
251
00:15:05,220 --> 00:15:08,712
What do you think Grandma will notice
first? That he's a dude or he's black?
252
00:15:09,458 --> 00:15:12,018
You think my family's gonna be happy
I married a actor?
253
00:15:12,194 --> 00:15:14,685
Okay, no one's telling anybody's families.
254
00:15:14,863 --> 00:15:18,697
This is what they gave us. Can you see if
there's a way you can make this go away?
255
00:15:18,867 --> 00:15:21,802
It's in Spanish. We couldn't find the chapel
in the morning.
256
00:15:21,971 --> 00:15:24,405
- Okay, I'll look into it.
- Okay, thanks.
257
00:15:24,573 --> 00:15:26,507
Don't... Don't.
258
00:15:27,142 --> 00:15:29,167
Hey, look, Joe. Joe, hey.
259
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:32,974
I know last night didn't turn out great
for you but it was awesome for me.
260
00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:35,005
Yeah? Well...
261
00:15:35,651 --> 00:15:36,913
...good. I'm glad.
- Yeah.
262
00:15:37,086 --> 00:15:40,578
When it comes to a big commitment,
I'm gonna wait until I have something...
263
00:15:40,756 --> 00:15:43,554
...as special as what you and Zach have.
264
00:15:44,893 --> 00:15:49,057
All right, I'm not taking any crap from a guy
who was talking about his mother's body.
265
00:15:49,231 --> 00:15:51,495
- He was?
- Okay, you know what? No, no, no.
266
00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:55,763
We're not talking about this anymore
until Zach and I are no longer married.
267
00:15:55,938 --> 00:15:57,530
Married?
268
00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,868
Joey, you're...
269
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,737
- Well, whatever makes you happy.
- No.
270
00:16:01,910 --> 00:16:04,242
- Howard...
- No, no. And you know what?
271
00:16:04,413 --> 00:16:07,814
If my hero Joey's gay, then so am I.
272
00:16:07,983 --> 00:16:11,077
Look out, boys. All right!
273
00:16:17,493 --> 00:16:18,653
Hey.
274
00:16:18,827 --> 00:16:20,419
Hey, what's going on?
275
00:16:20,596 --> 00:16:22,621
I checked. Joey's marriage
is meaningless.
276
00:16:22,798 --> 00:16:24,425
There is no gay marriage in Mexico.
277
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:29,594
And besides, Joey signed this document,
"Sombrero Pete, Lord of the Bullwhips. "
278
00:16:30,472 --> 00:16:34,067
- Joey's gonna be relieved.
- Yeah, but not quite yet.
279
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:36,302
First, we're gonna have a little fun.
280
00:16:36,478 --> 00:16:40,938
- I like the fun Alex.
- Yeah, just follow my lead.
281
00:16:41,617 --> 00:16:45,610
Hey. This wedding ring is the best thing
that has ever happened to my sex life.
282
00:16:45,788 --> 00:16:49,349
I don't know who got more
girls' phone numbers, me or my wife.
283
00:16:49,558 --> 00:16:52,789
Alex, did you do some research?
Did you figure a way out of this mess?
284
00:16:52,961 --> 00:16:55,794
I did make some calls.
I think you guys better sit down.
285
00:16:55,964 --> 00:16:57,295
What? What's going on?
286
00:16:57,466 --> 00:17:01,129
Apparently this document is rock-solid.
287
00:17:01,303 --> 00:17:02,327
You guys are married.
288
00:17:02,504 --> 00:17:03,664
- What?
- No.
289
00:17:03,839 --> 00:17:06,501
We have to file a request
with the Mexican government.
290
00:17:06,675 --> 00:17:11,078
They require that you videotape
the proceedings. Gina, let's begin.
291
00:17:12,581 --> 00:17:17,143
Commencing video request for dissolution
of gay marriage in the country of Mexico.
292
00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:28,426
Let the record show that the petitioners
have wished the president a good morning.
293
00:17:28,597 --> 00:17:31,430
They are Joseph and Zach Tribbiani.
294
00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:35,168
Actually, I've chosen to hyphenate
my last name.
295
00:17:35,904 --> 00:17:37,303
Did you?
296
00:17:38,006 --> 00:17:40,702
There you go, belittling me
in front of your friends again.
297
00:17:40,876 --> 00:17:43,811
Does it make you feel like a big man?
298
00:17:45,514 --> 00:17:46,947
Can we talk about this later?
299
00:17:47,116 --> 00:17:49,277
When? After you've had drinks
and passed out?
300
00:17:49,451 --> 00:17:54,013
Maybe I wouldn't drink so much if I didn't
have to come home every day to this.
301
00:17:55,591 --> 00:17:57,786
What are we talking about?
302
00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:01,760
Now under Mexican law,
the only grounds for a male-male divorce...
303
00:18:01,930 --> 00:18:04,831
...is irreconcilable sexual differences.
304
00:18:05,267 --> 00:18:08,065
- What does that mean?
- It means you would have to describe...
305
00:18:08,237 --> 00:18:10,364
...in detail, the point during lovemaking...
306
00:18:10,539 --> 00:18:14,031
...where your lover became inadequate
or disappointing.
307
00:18:16,545 --> 00:18:18,706
What? This is crazy.
308
00:18:18,881 --> 00:18:22,408
Well, I'm sorry, but if you wanna get
a divorce, you have no choice.
309
00:18:23,719 --> 00:18:26,483
Sometimes when he holds me,
it's like he's not really there.
310
00:18:26,655 --> 00:18:29,681
What the hell is wrong with you?
311
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:33,658
Joey, now it's your turn.
What is your sexual problem with Zach?
312
00:18:34,229 --> 00:18:35,355
I don't have one.
313
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:39,433
- Zach satisfies Joey completely.
- No. Don't write that.
314
00:18:39,601 --> 00:18:43,901
Now the next thing we need
is
el beso final. The kiss goodbye.
315
00:18:44,072 --> 00:18:46,336
- What?
- What? No, I can't. I'm not doing that.
316
00:18:46,508 --> 00:18:49,136
If you guys want to get divorced:
317
00:18:49,311 --> 00:18:50,608
- No, I can't.
- Hell, no.
318
00:18:50,779 --> 00:18:54,772
Look, Mr. El Presidente, please,
no
el beso final, okay?
319
00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:57,111
Look, you're a worldly man.
320
00:18:57,286 --> 00:19:02,280
You understand what it's like to get
fall-down drunk and marry a dude, right?
321
00:19:02,457 --> 00:19:05,824
What's so funny?
Why are you guys laughing?
322
00:19:06,261 --> 00:19:08,627
Oh, my God. You're messing with us.
323
00:19:08,797 --> 00:19:10,287
Yes, I am.
324
00:19:10,465 --> 00:19:12,626
Not cool, Alex. Not cool.
325
00:19:12,801 --> 00:19:15,395
Yeah, you tell them, baby.
326
00:19:15,938 --> 00:19:17,963
We're done with that.
327
00:19:18,140 --> 00:19:22,804
Look, I don't mind a harmless prank,
but wasting
el presidente's time?
328
00:19:23,645 --> 00:19:26,944
Look, Joey, I went to one of those bars...
329
00:19:27,115 --> 00:19:32,348
...and I tried, I really tried,
but I can't gay.
330
00:19:32,821 --> 00:19:37,281
- I'm sorry I let you down.
- Howard, I was never gay.
331
00:19:39,494 --> 00:19:42,327
I really wish I'd known that six hours ago.
332
00:19:52,007 --> 00:19:53,304
- Hey.
- Hey.
333
00:19:53,809 --> 00:19:56,471
- Are you still mad at me?
- No, no, I'm okay.
334
00:19:56,645 --> 00:19:59,409
Because I'm gonna get you back
when you least expect it.
335
00:19:59,581 --> 00:20:04,450
Oh, by the way, I have this peanut brittle.
Would you like some? It is delicious.
336
00:20:06,255 --> 00:20:08,621
- I think I'll have it later.
- Yeah, later.
337
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:11,782
When you least expect it.
338
00:20:13,729 --> 00:20:17,790
What, you're leaving? No
beso final?
339
00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:21,197
I gotta hand it to you. You really
got me before. That was a good one.
340
00:20:21,370 --> 00:20:24,396
Well, there's more where that came from.
341
00:20:24,573 --> 00:20:26,666
What has gotten into you?
342
00:20:26,875 --> 00:20:30,367
Well, I decided to make a change.
343
00:20:30,545 --> 00:20:33,605
I think I need to have a little bit more fun.
344
00:20:33,849 --> 00:20:35,282
What brought that on?
345
00:20:36,518 --> 00:20:39,976
No, no, no. Come on, tell me, what?
346
00:20:41,189 --> 00:20:44,556
Well, I've just been kind of hung up
on this guy.
347
00:20:44,726 --> 00:20:46,751
Really? Who?
348
00:20:47,195 --> 00:20:50,062
It doesn't matter.
The point is that I'm moving on.
349
00:20:50,232 --> 00:20:52,632
- Well, good. You should.
- Yeah, I'm going to.
350
00:20:52,801 --> 00:20:54,325
- Forget that guy.
- I already have.
351
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:55,527
Attagirl.
352
00:20:55,704 --> 00:20:58,639
In fact, last night I got numbers
from three different guys.
353
00:20:58,807 --> 00:21:02,743
Of course you did.
You're cool, you're smart, you're beautiful.
354
00:21:02,911 --> 00:21:05,505
Girl like you can have any guy you want.
355
00:21:06,815 --> 00:21:09,045
- You think so?
- I know so.
356
00:21:09,217 --> 00:21:13,813
And I'll tell you another thing. Whoever that
guy is, he doesn't know what he's missing.
357
00:21:19,928 --> 00:21:21,555
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
358
00:21:21,730 --> 00:21:22,856
What are you doing?
359
00:21:23,031 --> 00:21:26,865
This is how I deal with a guy
who's got the yaps.
29831