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Upbeat Theme playing...
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? Ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba ?
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00:00:09,011 --> 00:00:10,960
? Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ?
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00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:12,570
? Da-da-da ?
HOW I MET YOUR FATHER*
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*HOW I MET YOUR FATHER*
Season 01 Episode 01
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- House, call my son.
- Lights on.
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It's 2050,
how does this still not work?
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Call. My. Son!
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And turn down the damn lights.
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00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,283
Hi, Mom.
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00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,701
Oh, hi, sweetie!
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- Oh, you look tired.
- Okay, thanks for calling.
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00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:41,833
- Are you busy?
- Not really. Just finished studying.
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Good 'cause I wanna tell you
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00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,046
the story of how I met your father.
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I already know how you met Dad.
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00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:50,842
Ah, you know the basics,
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00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:54,053
but it's time for me to tell you
the unabridged version.
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00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,765
How many glasses
of that wine have you had?
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00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:59,267
Just enough to include the sexy bits.
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Oh good god, here we go.
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00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,857
Now, like a lot of
love stories back in 2022,
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00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,859
this one starts with a Tinder date.
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00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,110
Excuse me.
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00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:12,113
Actually, it starts with me
being late to a Tinder date.
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00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:14,032
Don't hit me! Don't hit me!
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00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:16,117
- Uh, Sophie?
- Yeah!
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00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,827
- Hey, I'm Jesse.
- This is my best friend Sid.
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00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,496
Don't mind him, he's just hitching a ride.
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Oh! Ask me why I'm hitching a ride.
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00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:26,169
- Come on! Ask me!
- Uh, w-why are you hitching a ride, Sid?
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00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,546
I'm proposing to my girlfriend tonight.
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00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:31,508
Wow, girlfriend! Not gonna be
saying that much longer!
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00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,760
Someone's gonna be nothing but fianc�e!
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Fianc�e! Fianc�e! Fianc�e!
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00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:38,973
Sophie, be a dear and choke me out
with this charging cord, would you?
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00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,725
Ooh, actually, can I use it
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00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:43,144
'cause my phone's belly is hungry.
She's all,
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00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:45,731
"Feed me, Mama!"
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00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,525
Okay, tell me everything.
Who is she?
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00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,276
Okay, so her name's Hannah.
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00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:51,778
She's a surgical resident in LA,
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so we've been doing
the long-distance thing
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00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:55,281
while I'm here
running my bar, Pemberton's.
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00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,492
Uh, look at you,
locking down a surgeon!
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00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:58,952
How you gonna ask her?
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00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:01,287
So, she thinks we're gonna go
see Beyonc� tonight,
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00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,743
but really, I got all our friends
waiting at my bar to surprise her.
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00:02:05,576 --> 00:02:08,495
You think she's gonna be a little bummed
that you're not actually seeing Beyonc�?
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00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:09,629
I keep telling him
she's gonna be bummed.
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00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,715
Okay, a lifetime with me
is better than Beyonc�.
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- Sure.
- Hm...
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00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:16,261
So, uh, what about you, Sophie?
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00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:18,347
What's going on at the Rosewood bar?
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00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:20,932
Okay, uh,
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00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:22,559
I know this might sound crazy,
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00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,853
but I think I've found the man
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00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,938
that I'm gonna spend
the rest of my life with.
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00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,189
- Hm.
- Yeah.
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00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:31,151
Only thing is he's from Tinder, and we
haven't actually met in real life yet.
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00:02:31,235 --> 00:02:33,528
Oh, very You've Got Mail.
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00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:37,073
More like you've got unrealistic
expectations for this date.
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00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,354
Okay, I-I know how this sounds,
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but I am not some wide-eyed dope
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00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:45,691
who thinks she's found true love
every time some douchey ibanker
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00:02:45,776 --> 00:02:47,959
swipes right and texts, "'Sup?"
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00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:50,462
My last Tinder date was the worst one yet.
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00:02:50,546 --> 00:02:52,172
The guy showed up 20 minutes late.
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00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:54,883
Sophie? Sorry, I'm late.
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00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:57,469
Oh. That's okay.
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00:02:57,553 --> 00:02:58,636
Subway delay?
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00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,680
Uh, no, actually, I was, uh...
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00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:02,557
I was on another date
before this, and, uh,
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00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:03,725
let's just say it went well.
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00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,143
Like, uh...
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00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,521
Like really well.
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Like, I just had sex.
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00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:11,858
- He told you that?!
- Why would he tell you that?!
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00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:13,402
That's not even the worst part.
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00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:17,113
He actually thought that telling me
he just had sex was charming.
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00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:20,074
He thought I'd just laugh
and smile and say,
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00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:23,328
"That's so crazy!" Because,
God forbid, a woman in this city
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00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:25,622
actually expects anything from a guy,
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00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,082
even if it's just the basic
decency to not tell her
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00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,585
he just had sexual intercourse
with someone else!
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00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:32,421
What is wrong with everyone?!
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00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,633
And right there, outside that bar,
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00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,343
I decided to quit Tinder.
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00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,679
But when I went to deactivate
my account...
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00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,974
I matched with Ian.
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00:03:44,565 --> 00:03:46,601
You matched with Ian?!
She matched with Ian.
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00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:47,936
- Yeah.
- It started with
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00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:51,899
your typical flirty banter,
you know, just getting to know you stuff.
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00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,442
Who was your first celebrity crush?
95
00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,320
Tia Mowry. You?
96
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,114
Buzz Lightyear.
97
00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:02,408
Oh, an astronaut made of plastic...
98
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:03,743
Freaky!
99
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:07,872
And then we started to
actually get to know each other.
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00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:10,291
What kind of photography do you do?
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00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,710
Right now,
I shoot stuff like birthday parties
102
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,754
and engagement photos to pay the rent,
103
00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:17,424
but my heart
is in street photography.
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00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:18,883
That's when you sneak up on a stranger,
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00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:21,803
take their picture, and then run away
before they punch you, right?
106
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:24,180
That's exactly right.
107
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,224
- What do you do?
- I know this sounds made up,
108
00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:28,643
but I'm a marine biologist.
109
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:31,432
That is 100% made up.
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00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:34,482
And before long,
we were texting all day.
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00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:35,995
All night, too.
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00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:38,486
- First kiss?
- Mabel Greyhound, seventh grade.
113
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,530
- You cook?
- One of my favorite hobbies.
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00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:46,369
I've been thinkin' about you all day.
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00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,746
Oh my god, Ian,
ask a girl out already!
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00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,499
I was thinking the exact same thing!
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00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:54,794
So, are you ever gonna ask me
to meet you in real life?
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00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,254
I'd love to,
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00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:59,440
but I'm in Australia for work
for the next two weeks.
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00:04:59,525 --> 00:05:02,051
So, we made plans to meet up
when he got back,
121
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,970
and that brings us to tonight,
122
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:06,347
and my last first date ever.
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00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,349
Wow, that's romantic as hell.
124
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:09,976
I know, right?
125
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,479
- What does the killjoy think?
- Hey!
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00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,190
Look, I got a real good
feeling about this Ian guy.
127
00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:17,650
No, no. I can't do it.
128
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,527
No, the truth is the chances of this guy
129
00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:21,613
being your soul mate are lower than low.
130
00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:23,990
I mean, there's a better chance of you
giving me a five-star review
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00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:26,076
after this rude assessment I'm making.
132
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,120
Speaking of which,
don't forget your phone.
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00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:30,955
Ah. Thanks.
134
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,082
Uh, happy proposing.
135
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,251
Thank you.
136
00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,759
- What?
- Ooh... You liked her.
137
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:43,718
Did not.
138
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:44,886
- Did, too.
- Did not!
139
00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:46,972
- Did not.
- Did, too-Dammit.
140
00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:55,355
Ian?
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00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:56,564
Sophie!
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00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,024
Hi.
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00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,193
Hi.
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00:05:59,735 --> 00:06:03,238
And thus began the best first date
I'd ever been on.
145
00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:06,574
A date so good, you don't
even check your phone.
146
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,493
- Whoa.
- I know.
147
00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:13,873
You know, we should go see
that new movie next week
148
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:16,668
where walking Joaquin Phoenix
plays Amelia Earhart.
149
00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:18,461
And then it happened.
150
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:21,130
What?
151
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,758
Okay, so...
152
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,135
Sophie, the thing is...
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00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,679
I'm moving to Australia.
154
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:30,849
You just got back from there.
155
00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:32,225
I know.
156
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:34,144
It was only supposed
to be a research trip,
157
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:37,021
but right before I left,
they offered me a full-time job
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00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,524
on a team that's helping
endangered coral reef procreate.
159
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,278
Can't you just...
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00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:45,697
light a candle
and put on some soft rock?
161
00:06:45,781 --> 00:06:47,658
I mean, that always works for me.
162
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,704
When are you leaving?
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00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:55,249
Tonight.
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00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:57,000
Tonight.
165
00:06:57,501 --> 00:07:00,546
I only came back to New York
to pack and sublet my place.
166
00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:03,256
I know I should have
told you this sooner.
167
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,135
I was just afraid
that you wouldn't come,
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00:07:05,276 --> 00:07:06,527
and...
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00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,471
I had to meet you, Sophie.
170
00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:13,641
And so,
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00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:15,810
we decided it would be a bad idea
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00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,854
to start a long-distance relationship
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00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,440
after just a few weeks of texting
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00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:21,983
and an amazing first date.
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00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:26,238
Goodbye, Sophie.
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00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:28,991
Goodbye, Ian.
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00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,870
Uh...
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00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:36,373
I kind of wanna kiss you right now.
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00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,334
I kind of want that, too.
180
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:46,133
Uh... I think it's best if we don't.
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00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:49,386
Maybe someday.
182
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,557
Yeah. Someday.
183
00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:13,911
I was devastated.
184
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:17,038
But at least I was coming home
to my bestie,
185
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,623
Aunt Valentina!
186
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:21,000
She was just back
from Fashion Week in London.
187
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,253
Oh! I'm so happy you're home.
188
00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:24,546
I missed you so much.
189
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:26,089
We don't have time for
"I miss yous!" Dish.
190
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:27,465
How was your date with Ian? Was he tall?
191
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:29,551
- Yes.
- Was he a good listener?
192
00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:30,552
Yes.
193
00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:33,054
Were his eyes as kind as his photo?
194
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,139
Yes!
195
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,310
Why aren't you jumping?
196
00:08:39,222 --> 00:08:42,017
Because he's moving to Australia.
197
00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:47,096
Soph, I am so sorry.
198
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:49,238
Did you bang one out anyway?
199
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,002
Oh, at least I still have you.
200
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,496
You know what? We can just be
201
00:08:55,581 --> 00:08:57,988
two single New York ladies
doing it for ourselves.
202
00:08:58,073 --> 00:09:01,040
We can start a podcast called
"Who Needs Men?"
203
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:03,877
Ah! Yeah! Uh, about that--
204
00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:04,919
We can workshop the title later.
205
00:09:05,018 --> 00:09:07,672
- Oh my god!
- My god!
206
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:08,965
A pervert! A pervert!
207
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,259
- Please don't spray me!
- I have an extremely delicate face!
208
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:14,805
- He's not a pervert.
- This is Charlie.
209
00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,058
Okay, he's sort of a pervert,
but in a good way,
210
00:09:18,517 --> 00:09:20,018
You must be Sophie.
211
00:09:20,102 --> 00:09:22,145
It's a real pleasure-Oh my god.
212
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,648
I'll go round up a robe.
213
00:09:25,990 --> 00:09:27,199
Y-- Funny story.
214
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:30,612
We me at London Fashion Week.
Hit it off...
215
00:09:31,034 --> 00:09:32,451
big time.
216
00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,240
One thing led to another,
217
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:37,911
and now he... lives with us.
So, back to you and Ian--
218
00:09:37,995 --> 00:09:40,163
- Wait, what?!
- I know, this is fast,
219
00:09:40,482 --> 00:09:42,665
but when he told his crazy fancy
220
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:45,794
"high society" family
that he was heading to New York
221
00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:48,963
to be with a Mexican assistant stylist,
222
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:51,382
they made some very
outdated Ugly Betty jabs,
223
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:53,510
and then they cut off his trust fund!
224
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:56,763
They Meghan Markled you guys.
225
00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:58,139
Although, it's for the best.
226
00:09:58,223 --> 00:09:59,808
I mean, who needs
unlimited wealth and palaces?
227
00:09:59,892 --> 00:10:03,610
I will get by on my charm
and my street smarts.
228
00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:06,856
- I can see your penis again.
- Oh!
229
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,234
- Stay in there, lad.
- Hm.
230
00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:11,228
There my undies are!
231
00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:13,696
That's right. Completely forgot
232
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,033
we started out here
with all the fruit play.
233
00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:23,123
You might wanna toss those, too.
234
00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:24,696
These were organic!
235
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:29,671
So, I said I know this is fast,
but I am super into him,
236
00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:32,841
and I decided I am not
gonna let something as irrational
237
00:10:32,925 --> 00:10:34,759
as rational thinking
stand in the way of that.
238
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,845
And that's when I realized...
239
00:10:36,929 --> 00:10:39,889
I let rational thinking stand
in the way of me and Ian.
240
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,599
I mean, sure, he's moving
to a different continent,
241
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:44,644
but, you know, I've got tons of miles.
We can always have Facesex.
242
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:46,646
- Whoa, what is Facesex?
- I think she's mixing up
243
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:47,647
Facetime and phone sex.
244
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,525
I'm the cool friend.
245
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,652
I have to tell Ian that
ending things was a mistake.
246
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:54,446
Yes. Yes!
247
00:10:54,530 --> 00:10:57,031
Tell him. Oh, I'd love that for you!
248
00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,533
And this is where you say you love
249
00:10:58,617 --> 00:11:01,078
my "British guy moves in with us"
plan for me.
250
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,875
Ah! This isn't my phone.
251
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:11,080
I must've taken the wrong one
when I got out of the Uber!
252
00:11:11,165 --> 00:11:13,214
I've gotta get to Pemberton's right now.
253
00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:15,967
- Can we come with?
- Can't wait to see the real New York.
254
00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:17,135
Can we take a subway?
255
00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:19,721
I've always wanted to see
what the subway's like!
256
00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:21,829
So, that's what a subway is like.
257
00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:24,642
Does it always smell like that?
258
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:26,770
No! Sometimes, it's way worse.
259
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:30,064
One time, I was in a car where one guy
was peeing, one guy was pooping,
260
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,734
- and one guy was dead.
- Ah, the subway trifecta.
261
00:11:32,911 --> 00:11:34,162
Hope you made a wish.
262
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,534
Surprise!
263
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:44,287
Sophie! You're not Sid.
Why are you not Sid?
264
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,456
Because you gave me his phone
instead of mine
265
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:47,582
when I got out of your car.
266
00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:49,167
Wait, so I've been
tracking you this whole time?
267
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:50,835
Okay, guys, we do not have eyes on Sid!
268
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,420
Everyone, back to your hiding spots.
269
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,630
Okay, what is Sid's ETA?
270
00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:55,465
Literally any second,
so I really need you to hide.
271
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:57,759
Good, good, 'cause I'm not sure
what time Ian's flight is,
272
00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,636
but I've gotta talk to him
before the plane takes off.
273
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,137
For the love of god, hide!
274
00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:03,848
I freeze under pressure!
275
00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,558
This is why I've been hit
by three Citi Bikes!
276
00:12:15,207 --> 00:12:17,000
What are you doing?
277
00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:19,948
- Still smelling that train.
- It's in my hair.
278
00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:23,321
There's a stranger's body odor
trapped in my hair.
279
00:12:24,457 --> 00:12:26,208
Um, hello!
280
00:12:26,293 --> 00:12:28,629
Sorry. Didn't see you there.
281
00:12:28,838 --> 00:12:32,215
I know. That's why I said, "Um, hello."
282
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,630
I was feeling creepier and creepier
with every second that passed.
283
00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:37,882
I'm Ellen.
I just moved here from Iowa.
284
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:38,842
- Mm.
- Oh,
285
00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:41,511
and I'm Jesse's sister.
Adopted, obviously.
286
00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:45,056
- I mean, it's not obvious to me.
- I have no idea who Jesse is.
287
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:47,434
Have you taken the train yet?
It's an underground freak show.
288
00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:49,811
We get it. You hated the train.
289
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,772
So, what brings you to New York?
290
00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:53,773
I'm getting divorced.
291
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:56,067
- Oh...
- Oh my god, you poor thing.
292
00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:58,695
Little Crescent, Iowa,
has 600 people in it,
293
00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,363
and she was the only other lesbian.
294
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,949
We both knew it had run its course,
295
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:06,203
so I moved to New York to start over,
reconnect with my brother...
296
00:13:07,079 --> 00:13:08,371
and ask out Kate McKinnon.
297
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,582
Whoa! Do you know Kate McKinnon?
298
00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:11,917
No.
299
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:13,752
Do you?
300
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:17,964
- Where the hell are they?
- Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Look, look.
301
00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:20,633
Sid is my best friend, okay?
And if he were in charge of my proposal--
302
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:22,677
Purely hypothetical,
I'm never getting married,
303
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,304
but he would make sure
it was perfect, alright?
304
00:13:24,389 --> 00:13:26,432
So, I can't have your peeking
head ruining his big night.
305
00:13:26,530 --> 00:13:29,032
Alright, alright.
306
00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:31,644
Why are you never getting married?
307
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:34,147
Uh, I'm never getting married
308
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:37,276
because the one girl I wanted
to marry broke my heart, okay?
309
00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,862
- Wait a second.
- No.
310
00:13:40,571 --> 00:13:42,697
- I know you.
- And here we go.
311
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,200
You are the guy from the video!
312
00:13:45,284 --> 00:13:47,327
The video was an unfortunate incident
313
00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:49,412
that had recently gone viral.
314
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,707
- Jesse. I'm sorry. I...
- She's gonna say no. Oh my god.
315
00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:54,626
- What a nightmare.
- This poor schmuck.
316
00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:57,462
- What a loser.
- What a disaster.
317
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,675
Now, she's in Europe,
recording her first solo album,
318
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,887
and I'm known all around
the city as Mr. Proposal Fail.
319
00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:09,057
You know who liked the video
last week on Twitter? Michelle Obama.
320
00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:13,436
How did you forget
the Beyonc� tickets at the bar?
321
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,272
Surprise!
322
00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:18,191
What's happening?
323
00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:20,277
Hannah...
324
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,822
I remember the moment
I fell in love with you.
325
00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:27,659
It was our first year of med school,
326
00:14:27,743 --> 00:14:29,577
and we were dissecting dead bodies,
327
00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:31,079
and, um,
328
00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:33,456
you leaned over,
and you said to me, you said,
329
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,542
"Hey, you know how to get to the stomach?
330
00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:37,961
You take the spleen-ic route."
331
00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:41,298
And I thought, oh...
332
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:44,884
This is the girl for me.
333
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:46,637
Aww...
334
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,390
Hannah, I believe we can make it
through anything together.
335
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:54,561
Even if sometimes,
we take the spleen-ic route.
336
00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:56,647
So...
337
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,861
Hannah...
338
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,156
Will you marry me?
339
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,324
Yes!
340
00:15:10,661 --> 00:15:11,703
Yes!
341
00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:15,707
Oh, I can't believe I'm getting engaged
342
00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:17,792
and seeing Beyonc�!
343
00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:19,503
Oh...
344
00:15:19,927 --> 00:15:21,928
I can't believe I'm getting engaged!
345
00:15:28,554 --> 00:15:30,513
- Look at that!
- A proposal that won't haunt
346
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,182
and traumatize them forever.
347
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,058
Good for him.
348
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:37,312
- I love you so much.
- I love you more.
349
00:15:37,396 --> 00:15:40,774
And I love hilarious phone mishaps.
350
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:45,237
We swapped in the Uber.
Mazel tov, by the way.
351
00:15:45,696 --> 00:15:48,239
Uh, here. It's dead,
which feels very on brand for you.
352
00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:49,825
Um, I'm sorry.
353
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,368
Mm!
354
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:54,621
- Oh my god.
- What?
355
00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:57,457
There were so many men
urinating in there at once.
356
00:15:57,541 --> 00:15:59,543
Just a cacophony of piss.
357
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,797
Wait, now you're
too fancy for stalls?
358
00:16:03,935 --> 00:16:05,937
Darling, I use stalls.
359
00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,855
That's where we keep the ponies.
360
00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:11,346
Valentina, I think I've made
a terrible mistake.
361
00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:13,431
I don't think I can live
in this hellscape.
362
00:16:13,515 --> 00:16:16,142
This hellscape is my daily life,
363
00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:17,956
you prissy royal bitch.
364
00:16:18,041 --> 00:16:19,543
Hey...
365
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:22,982
Mm!
366
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:25,553
- Mm?
- Mm! One-one second.
367
00:16:25,638 --> 00:16:26,737
Alright.
368
00:16:27,446 --> 00:16:28,738
Oh my god.
369
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,449
A lung just became
available for my patient!
370
00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:32,826
Yes! Oh!
371
00:16:32,910 --> 00:16:34,702
Honey, oh...
372
00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:37,716
- Oh, it's all over your shirt.
- It's okay.
373
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:41,575
Babe, I am so sorry,
but I have to get back to LA.
374
00:16:42,276 --> 00:16:45,069
Hey, hey. Look, my sister's
hanging out with your friends.
375
00:16:45,154 --> 00:16:47,653
She's kind of a loner, so I
really want her to meet people.
376
00:16:49,598 --> 00:16:51,725
Yeah. Seems like
they're really hitting it off.
377
00:16:51,810 --> 00:16:53,853
- Mm.
- Hey,
378
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:56,057
as soon as my phone powers on,
I'm out of here,
379
00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:58,852
but I wanted to tell you,
you can't give up on love
380
00:16:58,936 --> 00:17:01,563
just because of your proposal fail.
381
00:17:01,647 --> 00:17:03,815
I know that there is
a Brooklyn Bridge girl
382
00:17:03,899 --> 00:17:05,984
out there for you somewhere.
383
00:17:07,778 --> 00:17:09,696
- Am I supposed to know what that is?
- Because you look like
384
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:11,406
you practically moved yourself
to tears just now,
385
00:17:11,490 --> 00:17:13,659
but I have no idea
what you're talking about.
386
00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:16,870
- It's this thing I made up.
- Okay.
387
00:17:16,954 --> 00:17:19,622
See, I've lived in New York
since college,
388
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,000
but I've never walked across
the Brooklyn Bridge,
389
00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:23,877
and after a while,
I waited so long
390
00:17:23,961 --> 00:17:27,172
that I decided I would wait
and walk it with my soulmate.
391
00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:31,634
You're one of those people whose parents
actually stayed married, aren't you?
392
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,011
College sweethearts,
393
00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:34,596
married for 30 years sort of thing.
394
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,097
So you're like, if they found each other,
395
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:37,682
there must be someone
out there for everyone.
396
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:39,643
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right?
397
00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,229
Yeah. Something like that.
398
00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:44,355
Must be nice.
399
00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:47,401
Those of us who grew up
in the real world, not so sure.
400
00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:49,945
- Looks like your phone's back.
- Yes!
401
00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:52,906
Aw.
402
00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:56,034
Ian sent me a pic holding his
boarding pass and looking sad.
403
00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:58,578
- Aww.
- I'm gonna call him.
404
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:01,874
Wait, look.
405
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:04,668
I can see all of his flight info.
406
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,754
Cool. He's got TSA PreCheck.
407
00:18:07,838 --> 00:18:10,006
He would!
408
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,342
I've always talked
about getting that.
409
00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:14,266
But it's like a whole thing.
No, not the point.
410
00:18:16,180 --> 00:18:19,057
I'm going to go to JFK
and tell him that we're meant to be.
411
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:21,851
- Really?
- Hey, uh, can I borrow your car?
412
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,770
I need to take Hannah to the airport.
413
00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:26,272
- What?
- Emergency surgery calls.
414
00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:29,192
Seems like the universe wants me
to take everyone to the airport.
415
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:30,860
- Alright. Let's go.
- Okay. What, are you coming?
416
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,196
I am! Oh!
417
00:18:33,322 --> 00:18:34,614
Wait!
418
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:36,979
You can't leave me alone with Charlie.
I think I hate him.
419
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:39,953
- We live with him.
- I know!
420
00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:44,874
- Valentina, don't abandon me!
- I have nowhere to go!
421
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,252
I'll need to sell my body to survive!
422
00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:52,174
- Hey, sis!
- Uh, we're all going to the airport.
423
00:18:52,925 --> 00:18:54,050
You forgot me, didn't you?
424
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,927
What? Who could for--
425
00:18:56,011 --> 00:18:57,345
Yeah. Completely forgot you. I'm sorry.
426
00:19:03,352 --> 00:19:05,562
And so, we all went to JFK
427
00:19:05,646 --> 00:19:08,731
to tell him that I wanted us
to be together.
428
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:11,568
There he is.
429
00:19:12,903 --> 00:19:15,488
Oh god, don't let this be
the next Proposal Fail.
430
00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:17,365
Wait! Aren't you--
431
00:19:17,449 --> 00:19:20,618
It's actually Mr. Proposal Fail,
but yes.
432
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,120
Ian!
433
00:19:23,956 --> 00:19:26,040
Sophie? What are you--
434
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:27,917
I've been on 87 Tinder dates this year.
435
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:30,295
Okay, all of them were duds.
436
00:19:30,379 --> 00:19:33,381
Just to be clear, I don't do,
like, sexy stuff with all the guys.
437
00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:36,634
A lot of the times, I just have
a white wine and talk.
438
00:19:36,718 --> 00:19:38,928
I also want to be clear
that I am not judging anyone
439
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,388
who does hook up on every date.
440
00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:42,390
It's just not my style.
But if it's someone else's,
441
00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:44,184
that's her business,
and it's nothing to be ashamed of.
442
00:19:44,268 --> 00:19:46,228
This is getting away from her.
443
00:19:47,271 --> 00:19:49,898
Look, what I'm trying to say is that
444
00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:51,775
we live in confusing times,
445
00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:54,110
where it's really hard to meet someone
446
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,363
and-and-and connect and have it feel...
447
00:19:57,698 --> 00:19:58,740
Easy.
448
00:19:59,408 --> 00:20:02,160
And tonight, it felt easy.
449
00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:04,537
Other than the Australia thing,
450
00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:07,248
which feels insurmountably hard,
451
00:20:07,332 --> 00:20:08,667
but we can get through it.
452
00:20:10,169 --> 00:20:11,670
I know that we can.
453
00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:15,174
What do you say?
454
00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:19,970
Sophie, I'd love
to make it work, but...
455
00:20:20,804 --> 00:20:23,264
it's a 14-hour time difference,
456
00:20:23,348 --> 00:20:25,183
and I'm gonna be living
457
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:27,895
out at sea for weeks
on end without service.
458
00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:31,064
It'd just be way too hard.
459
00:20:31,148 --> 00:20:33,108
Oh, this is brutal.
460
00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:36,611
I'm really sorry, Sophie.
461
00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:38,988
But, maybe someday, right?
462
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:41,616
Yeah. Maybe.
463
00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:44,703
?
464
00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:55,672
But I didn't
want to wait around for some day.
465
00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:03,888
I'm doing it!
466
00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:07,184
I'm walking the bridge
without the love of my life!
467
00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:10,270
Sounded more triumphant in my head.
468
00:21:10,354 --> 00:21:11,647
You walk that bridge, girl.
469
00:21:12,898 --> 00:21:16,025
That... surprisingly clean and...
470
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:17,527
actually rather majestic bridge.
471
00:21:17,611 --> 00:21:20,322
You don't have to pretend
to like this for me.
472
00:21:21,657 --> 00:21:23,199
I'm not pretending.
473
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:25,786
You know,
I-I really do think it's stunning.
474
00:21:26,912 --> 00:21:29,790
Brimming with...
with life and personality.
475
00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:34,795
Like you.
476
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,467
Charlie, do you know one of
the reasons I fell so hard for you?
477
00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:44,096
Because my charm is all boy,
but my body is all man?
478
00:21:44,930 --> 00:21:46,598
No.
479
00:21:46,682 --> 00:21:48,642
It's because I thought you were brave.
480
00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:52,520
You've lived this
incredibly pampered life,
481
00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,314
but you walked away from it all.
482
00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:57,359
To take a chance on us.
483
00:21:59,069 --> 00:22:00,779
Charlie...
484
00:22:00,863 --> 00:22:02,822
this city is magic!
485
00:22:04,199 --> 00:22:05,826
And so am I.
486
00:22:08,579 --> 00:22:11,623
Do you wanna be a part
of that magic or not?
487
00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:14,710
I do.
488
00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:17,004
Very, very much.
489
00:22:23,177 --> 00:22:26,471
If Sophie can walk across
this bridge totally alone
490
00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:28,014
and Sid can have
491
00:22:28,098 --> 00:22:30,934
a good attitude about
his fianc�e ditching him,
492
00:22:31,018 --> 00:22:33,770
and you two can try to make your...
493
00:22:33,854 --> 00:22:35,438
completely doomed relationship work...
494
00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:36,523
- Hey!
- Ellen!
495
00:22:36,982 --> 00:22:40,110
...then I can stop obsessing
over my divorce
496
00:22:40,194 --> 00:22:42,196
and ask a woman out to divorce!
497
00:22:43,030 --> 00:22:45,115
To divorce. To dinner! Dammit!
498
00:22:45,199 --> 00:22:46,658
You'll get there.
499
00:22:50,329 --> 00:22:52,622
- This is good for Soph.
- She needed this.
500
00:22:52,706 --> 00:22:55,959
- What? She's gonna be fine.
- She's got her parents' magic love story
501
00:22:56,043 --> 00:22:58,086
to keep her stupidly optimistic.
502
00:22:58,170 --> 00:22:59,796
- Magic love story?
- Yeah.
503
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:02,298
Sophie's mom is a party girl
504
00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:04,676
who bounces around
from boyfriend to boyfriend.
505
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,886
Her dad wasn't even in the picture.
506
00:23:06,970 --> 00:23:09,055
The only thing
magical about Sophie's life
507
00:23:09,139 --> 00:23:11,141
is that she still believes in love at all.
508
00:23:13,477 --> 00:23:15,812
How have I never walked
this bridge before?
509
00:23:15,896 --> 00:23:17,397
I told you!
510
00:23:18,106 --> 00:23:20,150
- Whoo!
- Now, we're talking!
511
00:23:20,234 --> 00:23:22,819
Listen, what are we gonna do for dinner?
Because it's late...
512
00:23:25,364 --> 00:23:27,574
Thanks for having us
over for drinks, guys!
513
00:23:27,658 --> 00:23:28,908
Yeah, of course. I mean,
514
00:23:28,992 --> 00:23:31,411
hot engagement sex,
515
00:23:31,495 --> 00:23:33,664
drinks with total strangers...
516
00:23:34,331 --> 00:23:35,874
Two equally good things.
517
00:23:38,502 --> 00:23:40,837
Wow. Love your place!
518
00:23:40,921 --> 00:23:42,505
Thanks. It was a total score.
519
00:23:42,589 --> 00:23:44,466
We got it from
this old married couple
520
00:23:44,550 --> 00:23:46,760
who posted it
on the Wesleyan Alumni Group.
521
00:23:46,844 --> 00:23:48,344
We even got them
to leave their swords.
522
00:23:48,428 --> 00:23:50,513
Wow. Nice touch.
523
00:23:52,808 --> 00:23:53,975
So, that's it.
524
00:23:54,059 --> 00:23:55,561
That's the night I met your father.
525
00:23:56,603 --> 00:23:59,981
? Sooner Or Later by The Grass Roots ?
526
00:24:03,110 --> 00:24:04,861
But you guys didn't even get together.
527
00:24:04,945 --> 00:24:06,446
Get together? Oh!
528
00:24:06,530 --> 00:24:08,072
That's a much longer story.
529
00:24:08,186 --> 00:24:09,929
Now, where was I?
530
00:24:10,330 --> 00:24:11,991
Where'd I put that bottle of wine?
531
00:24:12,076 --> 00:24:15,246
? Sooner or later,
love is gonna get you ?
532
00:24:15,330 --> 00:24:19,125
? Sooner or later, girl,
you've got to give in ?
533
00:24:19,209 --> 00:24:22,921
? Sooner or later,
love is gonna let you ?
534
00:24:23,005 --> 00:24:26,550
? Sooner or later,
love is gonna win ?
535
00:24:27,301 --> 00:24:29,094
? It's just a matter of time ?
536
00:24:29,178 --> 00:24:31,763
? Before you make up your mind ?
537
00:24:31,847 --> 00:24:34,391
? To give all that love
that you've been hiding ?
538
00:24:34,933 --> 00:24:36,851
? It's just a question of when ?
539
00:24:36,935 --> 00:24:39,104
? I've told you time and again ?
540
00:24:39,188 --> 00:24:41,940
? I get all the love you've been denying ?
541
00:24:42,024 --> 00:24:45,569
? Sooner or later,
love is gonna get you... ?
542
00:24:45,619 --> 00:24:50,169
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