All language subtitles for Grand Crew s01e05 Wine & Hip Hop.eng

- It's like ten apples
on a hot-air balloon!

[laughter]

- What are y'all laughing at?

What's ten apples
on a hot-air balloon?

- It's kind of hard to explain.

I mean, the conversation
started a while ago,

and it just built up to that.

- Okay, okay,
well, catch me up.

- It would take too long,

and honestly, you wouldn't
get it at this point.

- Oh, come on, please.
I hate missing out.

Tell me about ten apples
on a hot-air balloon.

- Okay, fine,
but this is pointless

because you're not gonna
find it funny.

Yesterday I went and got coffee
from Blue Bottle.

- And then I said,

"There's no point
in owning two microwaves."

- Now, keep in mind
that Benjamin Harrison

was the 23rd president
of the United States.

- Carlos Santana.
- Climate change.

- Three mangoes.
- Seven strawberries.

- "Hairspray" the musical.

- Susan Sarandon.
- Bubba Gump's.

- Which is why it's like ten
apples on a hot-air balloon.

[tense music]

- Yeah, you're right,
I don't get it.

I guess I had to be there.

All right,
I'll see y'all later.

- ♪ Whoop, whoop

♪ "Grand Crew"

[hip-hop music]

♪ "Grand Crew," "Grand Crew"

- Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys,
I have some very exciting news.

Okay, guess what celebrity
is looking for a house

and wants to meet with me?

- Jada Pinkett's husband?
- Beyoncé's husband?

- Amal Clooney's husband?

- Okay, these are
very progressive guesses,

but no,
none of those husbands.

Rap SayJack.
I am meeting with Rap SayJack!

- Yes!
- Say what?

- Damn!
- Okay!

- So this is a rapper
named Rap?

- You don't know
who Rap SayJack is, bro?

The man is an inspiration.

He's right up there
with LeBron James,

Michelle Obama, Jeff Goldblum.

- Goldblum is great.

You know he's also
a talented jazz musician.

- Of course I do.

You think I don't know
my 'Blum facts?

Nicky, my friend,
I'd like to buy you a drink.

- Wait, buy me a drink?
What's this about?

- Oh, I just want to celebrate
your new opportunity.

Not every nice thing
comes with caveats.

You gotta let me meet SayJack.

- Damn it, you said no caveats.

- I said, "Not every nice thing
comes with caveats."

This does.

Let's make it
a Shmicky adventure

like we used to in high school.

Sherm and Nicky together again.

You remember that one time
when we played hooky

because we heard Shaq was gonna
be at the Crenshaw Mall?

- Yeah, and we followed him
around all day saying...

both: "Can you dig it?"

- Yeah, man, ooh, that was fun.

- See?
So what do you say, Shmicky?

- Oh, I'd love to get
all Shmicky with it,

but it's my job,
and this isn't high school,

and I can't bring a friend
to a client meeting.

- Okay, so what if I wasn't
just a friend?

What if I was your assistant?

- Hmm, having an assistant

would make me look
more professional.

- So is this a yes
to my request?

- Yes, you're hired.

- Fantastic.
Thank you so much.

♪

- So I know we only been
on a few dates,

but I feel like things
are going really well.

- Yeah, I'd say so.

We just watched five hours

of "Mad Money with Jim Cramer."

You might be my dream girl.

- Well, I'm glad
you feel that way,

'cause my dad's coming
to town tomorrow,

and he'd like to meet you
if you're down.

- Oh.

Yeah, yeah--yeah, sure.
Sure, I'm down.

Dads love me.

You know, I'm an accountant,

and my handshake is crazy firm.

- Yeah.

But I didn't tell him
everything about you.

He doesn't know that you're...

vegan.

- Okay.

That's not really
a big deal nowadays, right?

- Well, not for me.

But you know
I'm from the South,

and let's just say he's very
traditionally Southern.

Also, he's kind of
a grill master.

- Wait,
kind of a grill master?

- Five-time champion
and owns a barbecue restaurant.

- Oh, damn!
He's gonna hate me.

- No, no, he's gonna love you.

Maybe we just don't talk
about food.

- Okay, cool, I'll try not to
bring up food around your dad,

who cooks for a living.

Sounds easy enough.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

[chuckles nervously]

- You guys need another round?

- On, no, first I need a round
of Noah's dating life.

See, as the married guy,

hearing their adventures
is the best part of my week.

- Really? 'Cause their dating
lives seem pretty predictable.

I mean, Noah
falls in love too fast,

and Anthony makes love
to his calculator.

I think I'm good.

- Her loss.

All right, Noah, dish.

- Okay, so the date
started out awful.

We should try that new sushi
spot downtown called Q.

I love sushi.

- Ugh, I hate sushi.
It's too cold.

- But then...
[tires screeching, crash]

both: Oh!
- We got rear-ended.

- Wait, you got
in a car accident?

- Oh, look, who's back
and fully invested now.

- I'm not fully invested.
I'm merely day trading.

So what happened next?

- Well, that's the crazy part.

After the accident,
things definitely took a turn.

- Ow!
- That was intense!

- Oh.

- Oh, my God,
my heart's pounding.

- Mine too.

[smooth music]

- I'm sorry
I hit you--

Oh, damn.

Y'all about to get nasty.

- And ever since then,
we've been getting along great.

- I've seen
this kind of thing before.

It's called a trauma bond.

My uncle met his wife

on a plane
full of deadly snakes.

- Like the movie
"Snakes on a Plane"?

- I've never seen that film,

and I'm not familiar
with the plot,

but they survived,
and they're deeply in love.

[cell phone ringing
and buzzing]

- Hello.

- Ms. Coleman,
you have a call on line one.

It's me, your new assistant,
Sherman.

- It was actually
very disorienting talking

to you on the phone
as you entered the room,

but I am loving this energy.

SayJack will be here
any minute.

Are you ready?
- Yes, I am here,

and I am prepared
to be professional.

- Okay.
[knock at door]

- Nicky Coleman?

- Oh, snap, it's Rap SayJack!
[laughs]

♪ So much drip,
I might turn into a puddle ♪

♪ I like to be the small spoon
every time I cuddle ♪

Oh, come on in!
Get in here, dog!

Hold this.
Oh, man, that's crazy.

- Spoke too soon
about the energy.

Hi, I'm Nicky.
This is my assistant, Sherman.

I am so sorry
about whatever this was.

- All good, that's love.

- Let's talk some business.

- Oh, fo' sho.

- Yo, man, I just gotta say
I loved your latest album,

"SayJack in the Box."

And you were
lyrically unstoppable

on "SayJack-Hammer."

I love how vulnerable you got
on "SayJack and Jill."

Then there's the mixtapes.

.

- So I just got off the phone
with SayJack,

and he wants me
to be his realtor!

- Hey!
- Yes!

- Thank you, thank you,
thank you.

But I can't fully celebrate
until he buys.

But I am showing him some
really great homes tomorrow.

- Excuse me, don't you mean
we are showing him

some really great homes
tomorrow?

You and your assistant,
Sherman?

- Hey, let me buy you a drink.

- What you want to buy me
a drink for?

- Just to thank you
for helping me with SayJack.

- Oh, okay, I was worried

this was one of those
classic caveat situations.

- You're not showing any houses
to SayJack.

- Damn!
I knew there was a caveat.

Why, Nicky?

- Because I can't trust you,

not after how you acted
during that meeting.

- What? How I acted?

I just loosened his goose
and helped him get on board.

- I know how to do my job.
I loosen gooses for a living.

Getting him to agree
to see houses is nothing.

- Okay,
so put me to work for real.

I could roll your calls.

- Do you even know
what that means?

- No, but I know it's a term,

and that's a good first step.

Come on, Nicky, please!

- Hmm, okay, fine, but only
because I can use the help.

And speaking
of rolling calls...

- You got so much to do, you
can't answer your own phone?

- No, I have so much to do,
I can't answer my third phone.

But still,
that one is for active offers,

so if it rings,

it is important,
and just notify me.

- Okay, that's not hard.

- The real hard work
starts tomorrow.

- Showing the houses?

- No, preparing the houses.

Dust. Dust harder!

Sweep. Sweep harder!

Scrub softer.

It's an antique couch, come on.

Work! Work! Work!

Ah, put in a lot of hard work,
and we're done...

- Oh, thank God.

- With the first room
in the house.

- [bleep].

- Oh, my gosh, I like that.

- I knew you would.

- And it's thicker
than I thought.

- Yeah.

- I could get used to this.

- Well, that's what
I'm talking about.

Let me put you
on this plant life.

[knock at door]
- Baby girl, open up, it's me.

- Oh, no, it's my dad.

He wasn't supposed
to be here till later.

- Mason?

- Should we get rid
of this food?

- Yep.
One sec, Dad!

[groans]
- Mm, mm.

Hey, Daddy.
Sorry about that.

We were just moving my couch.

- Yeah,
it used to be right there,

and then we tried
moving it right there,

and then we were like,
"No, it's better right there."

- It looks like you picked
the right spot.

You must be Anthony.
Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you, sir.

- Mm, now, that's a handshake.

And he's an accountant?
I like it.

- Thank you, sir.

- [sniffing]

What is that smell?

Were you all cooking
something up in here?

both: No.

- What you got
in the bag over here?

Come on.
Now, let me see this bag.

[chuckles]

Veggie Grill?
What is this?

- We were eating
veggie burgers.

Dad, Anthony is a vegan.

- Vegan?
- Oh, that's good.

- It really is.
- No, it's not.

Her dad definitely
doesn't like me

and is insisting
we go to dinner.

I'm gonna get grilled
by the grill master.

- Oh, no, sorry.
I meant the story's good.

You're definitely screwed.

- Yeah, good luck with that.
Noah, you're up.

How's trauma girl?

- I mean, we still don't have
a ton in common,

but the accident seems
to be the only spark we need.

- Mmm, I love whiskey.

- Whiskey makes me sick.

- Oh.

I think I'm still a little sore
from the accident.

- You know what? I am too.
Can I--let me rub that for you.

- Let me rub that for you.

- Mm, oh.
- Oh.

- Oh, yeah.
- Ooh! Ah!

- We ended up getting
kicked out of the restaurant.

It was dope.
[laughs]

- So you had dinner,
but you took the sex to go.

- Nice.

- Wow, all these houses
were fresh,

especially this last one.

- Right?

You could very comfortably
have sex

in every room
of this house,

even the pantry.

- Word.
That's really important to me.

- I could tell.

Listen, the market moves
pretty quick,

so if you're feeling it,
we should jump in on this.

- I hear that.
But I'ma think on it.

Yo, check it out, though.

I'm having a little
thing-thing tonight,

if y'all trying to kick it
at a mansion party.

- Oh, sorry--

- Oh, hell yeah,
we are in, man!

- I'm sorry.

My assistant seems to be
confused about the calendar.

I think he means our schedule
is very tight with work.

- I've actually never seen your
calendar this clear before.

You're free for, like,
the next month or two.

- Ha-ha. Excuse us.
- Hey, cool.

I'm just gonna watch this
YouTube juggling compilation.

- Oh, yeah, juggle, juggle.
I love 'em.

What are you doing, Sherm?
- What are you doing?

SayJack just invited us
to a party.

- I don't have time to chill.

I have other clients to check
in on and deals to review.

I do not have time to waste

with a buyer
who may or may not be serious.

- Trust me,
just give him some time.

You said it yourself,

this could be
your biggest client.

He's gonna tell all
his fancy friends about you,

and the next thing you know,
you're on a private island

sipping chamomile tea
with Rihanna.

- I've always wanted
to sip tea with Bad Girl Riri.

- And you deserve to sip tea
with Bad Girl Riri.

Let's close this deal.

- Are you sure this isn't
just about you

trying to spend more time
with your hero?

- No, this is about
getting you a sale.

- Fine.
- Yes! [laughs]

SayJack, my guy, we are in.
Let's party, fool.

- Oh!

- And by party,
I mean conduct business

in a socially dynamic
environment.

.

- I have other offers, Bob.

Don't [bleep] me on this.

Call me back in five,
or I'll give you hell, okay?

Okay, thanks.
Bye!

- Nicky, put the phones down.
You're killing the vibe.

- I'm not here for vibes.
I'm here to work, unlike you.

- I am working.

- ♪ Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo

♪ Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo

- I am only here to party!

[crowd cheering]

That is a sales strategy.

Taking shots of the Goose
keep the goose loose, baby.

Oh, ow, there he is.

- Hey, guys,
thanks for coming, y'all.

This is my guy Cedric.

- Hey, what's goody?
Y'all artists too?

- Actually,
this is my realtor, Nicky,

and her assistant, Sherm.

- Oh, I heard of y'all.
Loved your latest album.

Can't wait
to hear what drops next.

Peace.
- Oh.

Cedric seems nice.
Where do you know him from?

- I don't.

I met him,
like, five minutes ago.

I called him Cedric,
and he never corrected me.

I actually don't know
anyone here, really.

- Ain't this your party?
- The label puts it on.

The truth is, the bigger I get,

the harder it is
to keep the real ones around.

- Well, speaking of real,
the houses you saw today

are going to sell
before you know it.

So any more thoughts?

- Not yet.
- Okay.

- Have you had
any more thoughts

about taking another shot?

- Oh, yes, bro!

[laughter]

- Whoa, what's all this?

- You'll share more details
if you have a solid buzz going.

Drink up.

- That's a great idea.
But wait.

- What are you doing?

- Kristen is fully
invested now too.

It's easier to record
a voice memo

than retell her everything.

- Hey, Kristen, okay,
so things took a bit of a dip

when I invited her
back to my place.

I've been reading
more Malcolm Gladwell lately.

- Great.

- Ah, you lost the trauma bond.
So you guys are through?

- It seemed like
we were gonna be,

but then
there was another spark.

Well, actually, it was a--

- Fire!
Go, go, go, go, go, go! Oh!

Ah!
- Oh, my God, that was crazy!

- So crazy, so crazy.

[both moan]

- That sounds hot.
- And hot.

- Fire pun, nice.

- No, stop high-fiving
my trauma.

What are we gonna do when--

- The fire dies?
- Nice.

- This is really
getting dangerous.

We have nothing in common.
I think I need to end it.

- And when you do,
we'll be right here.

- Mm-hmm.
- That's Noah's update, baby.

I'll see you at home.

And don't start
"Top Chef Junior"

without me, okay?
Bye.

- Bye, Kristen.
- See ya, Kristen.

- So why you vegan?
- Dad.

- What?
I'm just curious.

- No, no, no, it's okay.

My dad had some heart issues,

so I became vegan
in solidarity.

It started out
as just a health thing

and sort of became
a lifestyle thing.

- Good, good.

So what y'all eating
over there?

- It's a buffalo chicken pizza.

It's cashew cheese,
and the chicken is tofu.

- It really is good, Daddy.
- Oh, so you tried some?

- I've tried a lot
of new things

since I met Anthony.

- But not too many things.

Just the right amount
of things, sir.

- Speaking of trying things,

this brisket is some
grade A brisket right here.

Why don't you try some, son?

- Dad.

- What?
It's very tender.

You'll like it.
- It looks good.

But no, thank you.

- Come on, just a sliver.

- I can't, sir.

- Okay, how about some water?
Can you drink some water?

Oh, no, animals swim in it.

Hell, this country's going
right down the tubes.

Your generation
is taking things

right down the tubes, child.

- Daddy, please don't do this.

- You're the one doing it,
Mason.

What the hell
has happened to you?

Is this the life you want?
Damn!

- Nicky, you're never
gonna believe it.

SayJack just invited me back to
the studio to watch him record.

- How is watching him record
gonna help us sell him a house?

- I don't know.

But you gotta let me go.
This is a dream.

He's an inspiration.
He's like LeBron--

- Michelle, Goldblum, I get it.
Yeah, I do.

So just go.
Just give me back my phone.

- What?
Why would I have your phone?

- The phone
I gave you for work.

- Oh, that phone.

I may have left
that phone back at the office.

- I gave you one job, Sherm.

And it was literally
to hold a thing.

- I'm sorry,
but this fit was too tight.

An extra phone would've created

an unsightly bulge
in my pocket.

- Okay, I'm gonna go back
to the office.

I probably missed out
on other offers.

- Oh, come on!

Those offers will pale
in comparison to SayJack.

- I'm not even convinced

that SayJack
is a serious buyer.

We have made no progress
with him tonight, none.

- Well, maybe that's on you.
- What?

- Look, I wasn't
gonna say anything,

but you have been all work
since we got here.

It's a real vibe killer.

- Okay,
enough of this vibe crap.

My vibe is hard work,

but you probably
wouldn't recognize that.

- And what is that
supposed to mean?

- You're smart, Sherm,

but you haven't worked hard
a day in your whole life.

You haven't changed
since high school.

- Oh, it's like that, huh?

- Yeah, yeah, it's like that.

- So you guys trying to come
to the studio or what?

- No, I gotta head back
to the office for a work thing.

But you know what?

Sherm can go with you
because Sherm is fired.

- Actually, no,
I can go because I quit.

- He can go 'cause he's fired.
- No, I can go--

- Yo, I don't really need
to know the specifics.

- Okay, let's go. I quit.
- Fired.

- Quit!
- Fired!

- Quit!
- Little bitch.

.

- [auto-tuned]
♪ Whoo, whoo

♪ Shee, shee, shee

Still haven't found
my groove yet.

- What about something like...
♪ Pang-pang-pang

- Yo, that's tight.
I'ma try that.

- Oh, man, you in the market
for a house and a boat?

Big things, king.

- A boat, maybe.
A house, nah.

The label rents me houses
all over.

So every now and again,
I hook up with a realtor

to see what type of crib
I should rent next.

- So you were never
gonna buy from Nicky?

- No, bro!

Why do you care, though?
She fired you, and you quit.

- Right.

- Drop that beat.

[relaxed hip-hop beat playing]

[auto-tuned]
♪ Pang-pang-pang, pang

[funky music]

- [exhales heavily]

We need to talk.

- Uh-oh,
those are breakup words.

- I feel like
our shared trauma is one

of the only things
we have in common.

- Honestly, I've been thinking
the same thing.

I just didn't want to admit it.

I guess we're no
Darius and Nina.

- Darius and Nina?
From "Love Jones"?

It's, like, one
of my favorite films.

- Wait, you love rom-coms?

Hey, so do I.

- How did this never
come up before?

- I guess I was embarrassed.

My friends normally judge me
for liking them.

- Mine too.
Friends are the worst.

- [laughs]
- Rom-coms are the best.

- They really are.
I love romance.

- I love that you love romance.

- Wow, you found
your deeper connection.

- Yeah.

Unfortunately,
she was allergic to almonds,

and they were
all over her croissant.

- Oh, my God, did she die?

- No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.

Our relationship did.

- [coughing,
breathing shallowly]

- Where's your EpiPen?

- [gasping, coughing]

[romantic music]

You saved my life.

- Or did you just save mine?

- She broke up with me
right on the spot.

- And you're okay.

Usually after
a dating mishap like this,

you'd be at home
staring out of your window,

singing
"Kiss from a Rose" by Seal.

- You know what?
I am okay.

I mean, would it have been dope
to date someone

who is as much into rom-coms
as I am? Yeah.

- Okay, this part's boring.
Save it for your therapist.

Anthony, what's up?

- Well, I broke things off with
Mason, and it didn't go well.

It's only been a handful
of dates.

This is all just
too much too soon, Mason.

- So my daddy was right.
All you vegroes are the same.

all: "Vegroes"?

- Anthony, I gotta say,

that was another
satisfying installment

of young Black romance theater.

I am so glad I am married
and not in the scene anymore.

- Right, it's so much more
enjoyable from the outside.

- Wait, you're not
on the outside.

You're single now, aren't you?

- Oh, no, you're right, I am.

- Ha!
Welcome to hell.

- See you at the bottom.

[upbeat music]

- Ms. Coleman,
I got your favorite breakfast.

Overnight oats
and an iced coffee.

- I have never had that
breakfast in my whole life.

- Damn, I'm really not good
at this job, huh?

- Well, there's definite room
for improvement.

What are you doing here?

- Well, I was hoping
I could get

a fake exit interview
for my fake job.

- Okay, question one,
why aren't you

with your new best friend,
Rap SayJack?

- Well, let's just say
that me and him

got into a bit of a verbal
altercation of sorts.

- ♪ Pang-pang-pang,
pang-pang-pang-pang ♪

- So there was really no chance

that you were gonna
buy a house?

[both auto-tuned]
- No, not at all.

- Not even a little bit?
- Not even a little bit.

- Man, you trippin', bro.
- Man, what you say?

- Nicky was out here
working hard,

and you was just out here
playing around,

not giving her the respect
she was due.

That's messed up.

Snap, I just realized I was
doing the same thing too.

- I don't give a damn
about your epiphany.

- Oh, you gon' hear
my epiphany!

- But I don't want
to hear none of this!

- I'm gonna keep telling you
all of this, Rap SayJack!

- Are you okay?

It must suck
to have beef with SayJack.

You were his biggest fan.

- It sucked worse
having beef with you.

I was so excited about SayJack
that I really did start

to treat this like
we were back in high school.

- Yeah, you were
being extra Shmicky.

- I shmefinitely was.

But seeing you doing
your professional thing

for the first time
made me realize

that you are
the real inspiration.

- So I'm up there with LeBron,
Michelle, and Jeff Goldblum?

- They're up there with you.

- Aw! Hey, look,
all that stuff I said

is just because I know
how much potential you have.

- Thanks, Nicky.

- But you have zero potential
as an assistant.

Ugh.

Ugh!

What is in that coffee?

- Cream and a fruit snack I
accidentally dropped in there.

- Sherm, Sherm, Sherm,
Sherm, Sherm, Sherm.

I looked into SayJack's music,

and the first song
I came across was interesting.

- What do you mean?
- Well, it's a new song.

But maybe
I should just play it.

- ♪ I don't give a [...]
about a Sherm, boy ♪

♪ Pang-pang-pang, Sherm, boy

♪ Pang, you a worm, boy,
pang-pang-pang ♪

♪ You so stupid,
when you gonna learn, boy ♪

♪ Pang, pang, pang, pang,
pang, pang, pang, pang ♪

♪ Whoo, whoo,
pang-pang-pang-pang ♪

♪ Pang-pang-pang-pang,
pang-pang-pang-pang ♪

♪ Pang-pang-pang-pang,
pang-pang-pang-pang ♪

♪ Pang-pang-pang-pang

- SayJack made a diss track
about me!

That's so tight, ah!

♪ I'm a worm, boy
all: ♪ Pang-pang-pang

- ♪ Worm, boy
all: ♪ Pang-pang-pang

- ♪ I'm a worm, boy
all: ♪ Pang-pang-pang

- ♪ I'm a worm, boy

- Yo.

- Not a doctor. Shh.

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