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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,900 --> 00:00:03,570 I can't. 2 00:00:03,633 --> 00:00:05,603 I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore. 3 00:00:05,666 --> 00:00:06,596 What? 4 00:00:06,666 --> 00:00:08,026 Why not? 5 00:00:08,100 --> 00:00:09,700 I'm burnt out, Lou, 6 00:00:09,766 --> 00:00:10,766 I got a family, man. 7 00:00:10,833 --> 00:00:12,633 I'm working 20-hour days every day. 8 00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:14,530 I ain't making no money. 9 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,600 Mr. Hanky makes more than me. 10 00:00:16,666 --> 00:00:18,726 Dave, you signed a contract for two seasons, 11 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:20,570 and I don't know if you've read USA Toda , 12 00:00:20,633 --> 00:00:22,733 but we expect you back for a third. 13 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:24,400 Oh, oh, really? 14 00:00:24,466 --> 00:00:26,266 Really? You expect me back, huh? 15 00:00:26,333 --> 00:00:28,303 Well, guess what, expect this, 16 00:00:28,366 --> 00:00:30,826 my resignation, effective immediately. 17 00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:31,800 I quit! 18 00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:33,996 Suit yourself, Dave. 19 00:00:34,066 --> 00:00:36,326 You've already shot all of your sketches. 20 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:39,670 At this point in the season, you're replaceable. 21 00:00:39,733 --> 00:00:42,933 [chuckles] Replaceable? 22 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,430 You gonna replace me? 23 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:46,000 Dave Chappelle of Chappelle's Show ? 24 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:47,770 I'd like to see that. 25 00:00:47,833 --> 00:00:50,903 ♪ Brady Show, The Brady show ♪ 26 00:00:50,966 --> 00:00:52,296 ♪ Brady Show ♪ 27 00:00:52,366 --> 00:00:54,596 -Hey. ♪ Brady show ♪ 28 00:00:54,666 --> 00:00:55,926 ♪ Brady show ♪ 29 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,470 ♪ Not the Dave Show ♪ -No. 30 00:00:57,533 --> 00:00:58,803 ♪ Not no mo' ♪ 31 00:00:58,866 --> 00:01:00,466 ♪ The Brady show ♪ 32 00:01:00,533 --> 00:01:01,703 Say what? 33 00:01:01,766 --> 00:01:04,426 ♪ The Brady show, The Brady show ♪ 34 00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:08,300 ♪ Let's start the show Whoa, whoa ♪ 35 00:01:11,133 --> 00:01:13,633 [man] Wayne Brady! 36 00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:17,533 Whoo, hey! 37 00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:24,030 Welcome, folks up top, people down here. 38 00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:25,670 Everybody! 39 00:01:25,733 --> 00:01:28,033 Comedy Central! 40 00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:29,030 Hey! 41 00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:30,400 Thank you guys so much. 42 00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:33,866 As you saw, this really is The Wayne Brady Show , 43 00:01:33,933 --> 00:01:35,633 No longer The Chappelle Show . 44 00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:40,430 Dave has been, uh...downsized, and, um, and I've been brought-- 45 00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,930 -Hey, you're so wonderful. -No, you-- 46 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,030 Oh, thank you. 47 00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:47,400 [cheers and applause] 48 00:02:06,933 --> 00:02:08,933 You know, one of the things in Hollywood is, 49 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:12,200 there are only a few of us black actors 50 00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:13,696 that happen to be working. 51 00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:15,696 And nothing makes me happier than to be able 52 00:02:15,766 --> 00:02:18,026 to take another black actor's job. 53 00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:20,700 [applause] 54 00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,666 Thank you. I'm just doing my thing. 55 00:02:22,733 --> 00:02:26,703 So Dave-- Before he was let go, 56 00:02:26,766 --> 00:02:28,226 he taped a bunch of his sketches. 57 00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:30,800 So before we go on with the third season, 58 00:02:30,866 --> 00:02:32,326 which would be The Wayne Brady Show , 59 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,370 we have to burn off all of his sketches. 60 00:02:34,433 --> 00:02:38,133 So excuse me, I'm gonna give my flowers to you, sir, 61 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,630 but not in that way, dude. 62 00:02:40,700 --> 00:02:43,270 So this next sketch, this is about-- 63 00:02:43,333 --> 00:02:45,333 You guys know the show Fear Factor , right? 64 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:46,770 [audience] Yeah. 65 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,873 So Dave and those guys, they found a very, very 66 00:02:48,933 --> 00:02:50,833 special episode of Fear Factor 67 00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:52,230 that they wanted to share with you. 68 00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:53,600 Let's take a look. 69 00:02:53,666 --> 00:02:57,026 I'm Joe Rogan, And this is Fear Factor . 70 00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:58,430 My name's Jeff. 71 00:02:58,500 --> 00:03:01,170 I'm a computer programmer from Redondo beach, 72 00:03:01,233 --> 00:03:05,403 and I refuse to lose. 73 00:03:05,466 --> 00:03:07,266 My name is Rita, I'm from Idaho, 74 00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:09,733 but trust me, I ain't no couch potato. 75 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,100 I'm Anne. I'm from Boston. 76 00:03:12,166 --> 00:03:13,466 I promised my mom 77 00:03:13,533 --> 00:03:15,333 I wasn't going to embarrass her here tonight. 78 00:03:15,833 --> 00:03:17,203 Huh? 79 00:03:17,266 --> 00:03:18,826 Oh. 80 00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:21,270 Hi, I'm Tyrone Biggums. 81 00:03:21,333 --> 00:03:23,773 I heard that I could win a lot of money 82 00:03:23,833 --> 00:03:26,603 And I get a pig testicle dinner with all the fixings. 83 00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:28,900 You got to play to win! 84 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,800 Here is your first stunt. 85 00:03:34,766 --> 00:03:37,666 We got to eat that? I can't eat all of it. 86 00:03:37,733 --> 00:03:39,603 You will each have to lie in this coffin 87 00:03:39,666 --> 00:03:41,196 covered with worms and bugs. 88 00:03:41,266 --> 00:03:43,096 The three of you that can last the longest 89 00:03:43,166 --> 00:03:44,966 will move on to the next round. 90 00:03:45,033 --> 00:03:48,633 Rita, you're up first. Climb on in. 91 00:03:50,033 --> 00:03:52,133 Alright, we're gonna have to add a few more to the mix. 92 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,130 Oh, Joe Rogan, You crazy! 93 00:03:59,333 --> 00:04:00,873 God. 94 00:04:00,933 --> 00:04:03,973 One of them tried to crawl in my mouth! 95 00:04:04,033 --> 00:04:06,903 One minute and forty-two seconds. 96 00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:11,370 Let me just help you out, get some on him. 97 00:04:11,433 --> 00:04:12,733 There you go. 98 00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:17,830 Look at 'em spreading. They spreading. 99 00:04:19,033 --> 00:04:21,073 Five minutes and forty-two seconds. 100 00:04:21,133 --> 00:04:22,633 Anne, it's all up to you. 101 00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:24,330 Lie down. 102 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:25,470 [screams] 103 00:04:28,933 --> 00:04:31,133 Oh, God, that was gross. 104 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:32,970 Wow. Alright, Ty. 105 00:04:33,033 --> 00:04:34,533 I'm gonna tell you something about me, 106 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,570 Joe Rogan, that you might not know. 107 00:04:36,633 --> 00:04:37,973 I smoke rocks. 108 00:04:38,033 --> 00:04:40,933 [audience laughing] 109 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,000 Mmm! 110 00:04:43,933 --> 00:04:48,003 [laughing and applauding] 111 00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:52,430 You did it, Tyrone. 112 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,470 You shattered Jeff's time. You can come on out now, man. 113 00:04:54,533 --> 00:04:56,603 Um, Joe Rogan, if it's all the same to you, 114 00:04:56,666 --> 00:04:59,166 I'd like to finish reading my newspaper. 115 00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:02,603 I haven't had a chance to sit still and read for so long. 116 00:05:02,666 --> 00:05:05,066 [chuckles] 117 00:05:05,133 --> 00:05:07,473 Technically, you can stay in there as long as you want. 118 00:05:07,533 --> 00:05:09,133 You know what? 119 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:10,570 I think I'm gonna take a nap. 120 00:05:14,033 --> 00:05:16,073 Go ahead without me. I'll catch up. 121 00:05:16,133 --> 00:05:18,603 Could you dim the lights, please, Joe Rogan? 122 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,370 [farting] Ugh! 123 00:05:29,466 --> 00:05:30,766 [snoring] 124 00:05:30,833 --> 00:05:32,433 [farts] Crack. 125 00:05:36,033 --> 00:05:38,573 Alright, it's time for your next challenge, 126 00:05:38,633 --> 00:05:41,233 walking on hot coals. 127 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:43,830 Some of these coals burn at over 1,000 degrees. 128 00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:45,200 Goddamn! 129 00:05:45,266 --> 00:05:47,096 The two people that can spend the most time 130 00:05:47,166 --> 00:05:49,066 on those coals will advance. 131 00:05:50,033 --> 00:05:51,873 Alright, Rita, You're up first. 132 00:05:51,933 --> 00:05:52,833 You ready to do this? 133 00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:53,830 Yeah. 134 00:05:53,900 --> 00:05:54,830 Go! 135 00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:01,173 Time, eight seconds. 136 00:06:01,233 --> 00:06:03,403 Go! Come on, Jeff. 137 00:06:04,866 --> 00:06:06,866 Time, seven seconds. 138 00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,173 Rita, he didn't beat your time. 139 00:06:08,233 --> 00:06:10,733 Congratulations, you advance automatically. 140 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,900 Tyrone, it's up to you now. 141 00:06:12,966 --> 00:06:15,226 All you have to do is beat Jeff's time of seven seconds, 142 00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:16,930 And you will move on to the next round 143 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:20,100 and be that much closer to $50 thousand. 144 00:06:20,166 --> 00:06:21,326 Oh! 145 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:22,700 Take your shoes off. Let's do it. 146 00:06:22,766 --> 00:06:23,866 Whoa. 147 00:06:23,933 --> 00:06:25,033 Tyrone, I think there's something wrong 148 00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:25,970 with one of your feet. 149 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,700 -Oh! -Go! 150 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,970 Hey, Joe Rogan, is it almost lunchtime? 151 00:06:36,033 --> 00:06:37,673 'cause I smell somebody cookin'. 152 00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:41,226 Smells like Cajun steaks 153 00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:44,530 with catfish and fried peppers. 154 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:45,600 Mmm! 155 00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:47,326 -Tyrone, are you okay? -Huh? 156 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,400 Y-you won, You beat Jeff's time. 157 00:06:49,466 --> 00:06:51,826 You advance to the next round. 158 00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:53,430 My feet are strong. 159 00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:01,866 [laughter and applauding] 160 00:07:05,466 --> 00:07:08,996 Alright, Rita, Tyrone, here is your final stunt. 161 00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:11,470 Each one of these platters 162 00:07:11,533 --> 00:07:14,203 contains over three pounds of elk penis 163 00:07:14,266 --> 00:07:16,766 in a light cream testicle sauce. 164 00:07:16,833 --> 00:07:19,303 It's topped off with diced pig bladder. 165 00:07:19,366 --> 00:07:22,096 For dessert, we have horse hooves. 166 00:07:22,166 --> 00:07:23,526 Whoever can eat the most 167 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:27,270 is gonna walk away with $50 thousand. 168 00:07:27,333 --> 00:07:28,533 Go! 169 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,430 Hurry up, girl, I want to do my turn. 170 00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:31,770 Grab that penis. 171 00:07:31,833 --> 00:07:34,573 Suck them juices off. Suck it! 172 00:07:34,633 --> 00:07:35,673 That's it. 173 00:07:35,733 --> 00:07:38,603 Mm-mmm! Oh! 174 00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:41,796 [gagging] I can't do this. 175 00:07:41,866 --> 00:07:44,296 -Are you sure? -Mm-hmm. 176 00:07:44,366 --> 00:07:46,496 Alright, I'm sorry, you're eliminated. 177 00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:47,666 Alright, Ty, it's up to you. 178 00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:49,433 All you have to do is eat a little bit 179 00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:50,930 -and you're the champ-- -And yadda, yadda, yadda. 180 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:52,870 Mm-mmm! 181 00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:55,173 You know, Joe Rogan, 182 00:07:55,233 --> 00:07:58,833 This is not the first time I've tasted penis. 183 00:07:58,900 --> 00:08:01,270 I've had several in my line of work. 184 00:08:01,333 --> 00:08:03,833 You taste penises all the time. 185 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,030 Cocaine is a hell of a drug. 186 00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:08,000 Tyrone, you are our champion. 187 00:08:08,066 --> 00:08:09,296 Congratulations. 188 00:08:10,466 --> 00:08:13,326 And evidently, fear is not a factor for you. 189 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,100 Fear is never a factor, Joe Rogan. 190 00:08:15,166 --> 00:08:17,626 I'm trying to get some crack rocks. 191 00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:19,500 Tyree, I did it! 192 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,003 I won! 193 00:08:21,066 --> 00:08:22,996 Come down on these penises with me. 194 00:08:23,066 --> 00:08:25,326 Hot sauce! 195 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,930 There you go. Pretend like it's mines. 196 00:08:33,733 --> 00:08:38,573 Tyree, this money's gonna change our lives forever! 197 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:45,570 Tyree, I can finally make an honest woman out of you 198 00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:49,900 and give you that rock you always had your eye on. 199 00:08:50,633 --> 00:08:53,573 Look, Tyree. 200 00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:57,073 Oh, Tyrone, this'll get us high for-- 201 00:08:57,133 --> 00:08:59,673 Hours, I know. 202 00:08:59,733 --> 00:09:03,933 But first, May I have this dance? 203 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,870 [classical music plays] 204 00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:12,600 [cheers and applause] 205 00:09:12,666 --> 00:09:14,626 Folks, we'll be right back in a second 206 00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:15,600 to The Brady show ! 207 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,230 ♪ Brady show ♪ ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 208 00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:22,400 ♪ Brady show ♪ ♪ Brady ♪ 209 00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:27,130 Oh, come on, man. 210 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,600 [cheers and applause on TV] 211 00:09:35,933 --> 00:09:38,033 [phone ringing] 212 00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:39,930 Hello? 213 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:40,800 Big boi! 214 00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:42,630 Uh, who's calling? 215 00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:44,230 It's Dave Chappelle, man. 216 00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:46,630 [whispers] Fuck. 217 00:09:47,433 --> 00:09:48,503 What's happening, Dave? 218 00:09:48,566 --> 00:09:49,826 Nothing, man. 219 00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:51,970 Uh, you know, I got a bunch of free time now. 220 00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:53,233 Figure I'd call you up. 221 00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:55,770 Maybe we could get together and hang out. 222 00:09:55,833 --> 00:09:58,033 Dave, I'm in the operating room, 223 00:09:58,100 --> 00:09:59,730 Um, getting back surgery. 224 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,670 Oh, no. 225 00:10:01,733 --> 00:10:04,333 Where's the anesthesia? Stop. 226 00:10:05,266 --> 00:10:06,966 Well, look, I'm just saying, 227 00:10:07,033 --> 00:10:08,433 maybe we can get together. 228 00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:11,000 Maybe tomorrow, I'll come and bring some soup by. 229 00:10:11,066 --> 00:10:12,296 Tomorrow might not be good. 230 00:10:12,366 --> 00:10:13,796 Tomorrow-- I'm supposed to be hooking up 231 00:10:13,866 --> 00:10:15,426 with Don Cornelius tomorrow. 232 00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:18,030 Alright. 233 00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:19,800 Yeah, we playing tennis, man. 234 00:10:19,866 --> 00:10:21,396 Um, well, you know, I'm around, man. 235 00:10:21,466 --> 00:10:22,966 Just give me a call. 236 00:10:23,033 --> 00:10:24,303 We playin' on the moon, bitch. 237 00:10:24,366 --> 00:10:26,196 Peace. Don't call me no more. 238 00:10:26,266 --> 00:10:27,126 What? 239 00:10:31,133 --> 00:10:32,833 I got to clear my head. 240 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,300 [sweet piano melody playing] 241 00:10:44,166 --> 00:10:46,196 Hey, son! 242 00:10:46,266 --> 00:10:47,296 Nick cannon? 243 00:10:47,366 --> 00:10:48,696 Oh! 244 00:10:48,766 --> 00:10:50,766 What you doing with Nick Cannon, boy? 245 00:10:50,833 --> 00:10:52,473 I'm living my life. 246 00:10:52,533 --> 00:10:54,833 I told you, Nick Cannon is hilarious. 247 00:10:54,900 --> 00:10:56,730 I'm done with you, dad. 248 00:10:56,800 --> 00:11:00,170 I'm hilarious too. Remember me? 249 00:11:00,233 --> 00:11:01,603 "I'm Rick James, bitch!" 250 00:11:01,666 --> 00:11:03,426 Remember me? 251 00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:05,730 ♪ Doo-da-lit doo-da-lit, Doo-da-lit doo ♪ 252 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:06,830 ♪ Doo-da-lit Doo-da-lit-- ♪ 253 00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,530 That was me, baby! 254 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,630 Dave, I'm trying to fulfill his needs. 255 00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:13,670 You know, he need a working actor in his life. 256 00:11:13,733 --> 00:11:15,703 Understand, man, you done fell off. 257 00:11:15,766 --> 00:11:17,966 Shouldn't have gave up your show, dawg. 258 00:11:18,033 --> 00:11:20,003 Still got chuck-e-cheese's, huh, little man? 259 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,100 Leave me and my new daddy alone. 260 00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:28,100 I'm gonna get my show back now. 261 00:11:28,166 --> 00:11:30,866 I'ma get my show back! My show back! 262 00:11:30,933 --> 00:11:34,273 [slow motion] My show back! 263 00:11:37,866 --> 00:11:39,296 'cause this your show, man. 264 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,666 -It's my show? -It's your show, brother. 265 00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:41,803 If it's my show, Can I do this? 266 00:11:41,866 --> 00:11:42,396 -You can do-- -Whoo! 267 00:11:42,466 --> 00:11:44,366 [beat boxing] 268 00:11:45,233 --> 00:11:47,003 -Whoo! -Brady! 269 00:11:47,066 --> 00:11:48,266 [cheers and applause] 270 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:49,533 Thank you. 271 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:52,730 Thank you. 272 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,130 He's better looking. 273 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,200 Agreed, agreed. Handsome guy. 274 00:11:56,266 --> 00:11:57,396 And charming. 275 00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:59,196 And the other thing, cooperative. 276 00:11:59,266 --> 00:12:01,166 I just can't believe how funny he is. 277 00:12:01,233 --> 00:12:04,703 -Agreed. -Couldn't be funnier. 278 00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:07,096 And it's not so much the shock anymore 279 00:12:07,166 --> 00:12:09,526 because the shock is really your body's way 280 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,970 of cushioning your mind against the whole horrid experience. 281 00:12:12,033 --> 00:12:13,603 It's not what you think, Dave. 282 00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:16,866 Dave, it's not what you-- They gave me-- 283 00:12:16,933 --> 00:12:18,733 She is a great critic. 284 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,870 Let's have a round of applause for my mom, right? 285 00:12:20,933 --> 00:12:23,233 [applause] 286 00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:24,430 Huh? 287 00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:26,200 Yeah. 288 00:12:27,333 --> 00:12:28,603 Whoo! 289 00:12:28,666 --> 00:12:30,096 [cheers and applause] 290 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,026 Right, right, right, right. 291 00:12:33,033 --> 00:12:34,503 No, no, no, no, no, no! 292 00:12:34,566 --> 00:12:37,126 [laughing] 293 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,100 You guys are too kind. You guys are too kind. 294 00:12:40,166 --> 00:12:41,626 Ha, ha, ha! 295 00:12:43,933 --> 00:12:45,273 Oh, fuck y'all! 296 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:47,626 It's good to see you, Dave. 297 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:49,000 What's--what's up, Wayne? 298 00:12:49,066 --> 00:12:50,166 What's up, brother? 299 00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:52,896 I want my show back. 300 00:12:52,966 --> 00:12:53,896 Oh. 301 00:12:53,966 --> 00:12:55,426 Give me my show back now. 302 00:12:56,333 --> 00:12:57,973 Just give it back! 303 00:12:58,033 --> 00:12:59,033 Come on, man! 304 00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:00,330 Okay, wait, you know what? 305 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,230 Look, Wayne-- What? 306 00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:04,430 Why don't we host it together? 307 00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:06,500 Nah, son. 308 00:13:06,566 --> 00:13:08,526 No, man, it can't be together, man, 309 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,570 'cause you do different things than I do. 310 00:13:10,633 --> 00:13:12,803 The way you do it ain't like the way I do it. 311 00:13:12,866 --> 00:13:14,826 You've got your thing, I got my thing. 312 00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:16,600 I'm trying to do my thing! 313 00:13:16,666 --> 00:13:19,066 Come on, Wayne, you know what I'm talkin' about! 314 00:13:19,133 --> 00:13:21,233 No, actually I don't know what you're talkin' about. 315 00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:22,970 I--What's my thing, Dave? 316 00:13:23,033 --> 00:13:25,603 Oh, like, remember that time we was hanging out? 317 00:13:25,666 --> 00:13:27,326 Remember that a few months back? 318 00:13:32,133 --> 00:13:33,433 Dave, I got to tell you, man, 319 00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:34,930 I'm really happy to be hanging out with you. 320 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,230 This is nice. 321 00:13:36,300 --> 00:13:37,570 Oh, man, it's just been great, man. 322 00:13:37,633 --> 00:13:38,673 Well, same here, man. 323 00:13:38,733 --> 00:13:39,833 You busy with your show. I got my stuff. 324 00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:41,030 This is really cool. 325 00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:42,000 Yeah, man, you see, that's the thing 326 00:13:42,066 --> 00:13:43,366 with black actors, man. 327 00:13:43,433 --> 00:13:45,733 We need to just unify. We can't just be out like-- 328 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:46,670 Exactly. 329 00:13:48,433 --> 00:13:50,633 Hey, hold up, Wayne, I think you passed our turn. 330 00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:51,930 The restaurant's back that way. 331 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,270 Nah, that's alright. 332 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,933 Relax. 333 00:13:55,033 --> 00:13:56,903 What, you going to get some weed? 334 00:13:56,966 --> 00:13:58,296 [laughs] No. 335 00:13:58,366 --> 00:14:00,466 You gonna get some weed, holla at your boy. 336 00:14:00,533 --> 00:14:02,073 I know the spot. 337 00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:03,733 -Hold on. -Alright. 338 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,600 There he is. 339 00:14:05,666 --> 00:14:07,196 Break yourself, fool! 340 00:14:07,266 --> 00:14:09,396 Aww, shit, it's Wayne Brady, son! 341 00:14:09,466 --> 00:14:10,396 [gunfire] 342 00:14:10,466 --> 00:14:11,766 Oh, shit! 343 00:14:11,833 --> 00:14:13,773 Oh, shit! 344 00:14:13,833 --> 00:14:15,533 What the fuck you doing? 345 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,730 Riverside, motherfucker! 346 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,700 Goddamn! 347 00:14:19,766 --> 00:14:21,566 [cackles] 348 00:14:21,633 --> 00:14:22,973 What the fuck are you doing? 349 00:14:23,033 --> 00:14:24,203 Dave, calm down. 350 00:14:24,266 --> 00:14:25,496 What you mean, calm down? You just-- 351 00:14:25,566 --> 00:14:26,996 -Dave, relax. -You just shot people, Wayne! 352 00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:28,696 -Dave, Dave. -Those were people you shot! 353 00:14:28,766 --> 00:14:30,496 Goddamn, man, you got a daytime Emmy, nigger. 354 00:14:30,566 --> 00:14:32,766 You ain't supposed to be doin' shit like this. 355 00:14:32,833 --> 00:14:34,033 Dave, you making me nervous. 356 00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:36,370 You making me think that you gonna snitch. 357 00:14:36,433 --> 00:14:37,833 Now, you're not gonna snitch, right? 358 00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:39,430 No, man, come on, now, I ain't no snitch. 359 00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:40,800 Now, you sure you're not gonna snitch? 360 00:14:40,866 --> 00:14:42,066 It's me, nigger, it's Dave, baby. 361 00:14:42,133 --> 00:14:43,703 Motherfucker, you gonna snitch on me? 362 00:14:43,766 --> 00:14:45,466 Yo, nigger, come on. it's me, it's Dave. 363 00:14:45,533 --> 00:14:47,303 We black actors, man, we got to stick together. 364 00:14:47,366 --> 00:14:48,996 We black actors. I ain't gonna snitch on you. 365 00:14:50,833 --> 00:14:52,103 Come on, it's me, baby. It's Dave. 366 00:14:52,166 --> 00:14:54,796 It's Dave Chappelle. It's your boy. 367 00:14:54,866 --> 00:14:56,126 Okay. Sorry, man. 368 00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:02,633 I got to get some money, man. 369 00:15:02,700 --> 00:15:05,200 I got to go to the ATM. I don't have no money. 370 00:15:05,266 --> 00:15:06,296 I'll get some money. 371 00:15:10,966 --> 00:15:13,496 Alright, right here. 372 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,170 Where's the ATM at? 373 00:15:17,233 --> 00:15:19,133 We at it. 374 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:20,230 Hey! 375 00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:23,470 [Car horn plays "La Cucaracha"] 376 00:15:23,533 --> 00:15:25,733 Hey, daddy. 377 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:26,800 Hoes, Dave. 378 00:15:26,866 --> 00:15:28,366 Dave, hoes. 379 00:15:28,433 --> 00:15:30,403 Good evening, bitches. 380 00:15:30,466 --> 00:15:32,026 We did good tonight. 381 00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:33,400 That's what I like to hear. 382 00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:34,666 That's-- Oh, that's nice. 383 00:15:34,733 --> 00:15:36,403 Hey, baby! 384 00:15:36,466 --> 00:15:38,366 Thank you. 385 00:15:38,433 --> 00:15:40,203 Alright, more power to me. 386 00:15:40,266 --> 00:15:42,666 [laughs] Alright, thank you, baby. 387 00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:45,973 Oh--oh, Raquel, What's this? 388 00:15:46,033 --> 00:15:47,773 Mr. Franklin's lonely. 389 00:15:47,833 --> 00:15:49,033 He's-- There's only-- 390 00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,470 Sorry, daddy. 391 00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:52,503 What do you mean, "Sorry, daddy?" 392 00:15:52,566 --> 00:15:54,166 What the hell did-- 393 00:15:54,233 --> 00:15:56,833 Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch? 394 00:15:58,566 --> 00:16:01,826 I'm gonna have to get out of this car and choke-- 395 00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:04,800 I'm not violent. I try not to be. 396 00:16:04,866 --> 00:16:05,896 I'm a-- You know what? 397 00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:07,466 Wayne, come on, man. Come on, Wayne. 398 00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:08,903 No, no, no, I'm gonna Get outta this car right now. 399 00:16:08,966 --> 00:16:10,496 Come on, will you please-- Please, man? 400 00:16:10,566 --> 00:16:13,196 Come on, just-- Just let it slide. 401 00:16:13,266 --> 00:16:15,366 [exhales] 402 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,333 You better thank Dave Chappelle. 403 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:18,600 Go ahead. 404 00:16:18,666 --> 00:16:20,066 Thank you, Dave, and I like your show. 405 00:16:20,133 --> 00:16:21,573 Run, bitch! Run for your life! 406 00:16:21,633 --> 00:16:22,473 Get some help! 407 00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:26,573 I'm just playing around. You know. 408 00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:33,696 There you go. Pay me back whenever. 409 00:16:34,733 --> 00:16:36,273 I... 410 00:16:37,166 --> 00:16:38,926 I can't take this money, man. 411 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,170 -This money ain't clean, man. -Dave, relax. 412 00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:43,433 No, man, I can't relax. I don't want this money. 413 00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:44,930 Dave, you are too uptight. 414 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,430 You know what? Here, smoke this. 415 00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:47,430 Nah, I'm cool, man. 416 00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:48,500 No, no, smoke this. 417 00:16:48,566 --> 00:16:49,666 Take it, come on, smoke it. 418 00:16:49,733 --> 00:16:50,803 I don't want to smoke-- 419 00:16:50,866 --> 00:16:52,466 This is not an option, nigger. 420 00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:55,733 If you do not smoke this, we have a problem. 421 00:16:58,266 --> 00:16:59,866 Ain't no damn after-school special. 422 00:16:59,933 --> 00:17:01,473 Smoke it. 423 00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:05,630 [coughs] 424 00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:08,170 [laughs] 425 00:17:08,233 --> 00:17:10,673 Dave, I didn't know that you liked to get wet. 426 00:17:11,466 --> 00:17:12,526 What do you mean, "wet"? 427 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,130 [laughs] 428 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:19,470 Yeah, brother, that's PCP, Angel Dust, 429 00:17:19,533 --> 00:17:22,873 Sherman Hemsley, Love Boat, 430 00:17:22,933 --> 00:17:25,333 Ashy Larry... 431 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,070 White people love Wayne Brady 432 00:17:28,133 --> 00:17:32,033 because he makes Bryant Gumbel 433 00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:33,500 look like Malcolm X. 434 00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:37,630 [distorted speech] 435 00:17:43,166 --> 00:17:46,196 [police sirens] 436 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,000 Where are we? 437 00:17:48,066 --> 00:17:49,526 We got company. 438 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,430 Just let me do all the talking, okay? 439 00:17:52,866 --> 00:17:54,066 Good evening! 440 00:17:54,133 --> 00:17:55,773 Good evening, officer. May I help you? 441 00:17:55,833 --> 00:17:56,973 [no audio] -Yeah. 442 00:17:57,033 --> 00:17:58,833 Can you step out of the car, please? 443 00:17:58,900 --> 00:18:00,500 Not a word. 444 00:18:00,566 --> 00:18:02,626 [chuckling] Coming. 445 00:18:07,666 --> 00:18:08,666 Can I see your license? 446 00:18:08,733 --> 00:18:09,733 Absolutely. 447 00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:18,630 Holy cow! [laughs] 448 00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:20,270 You're Wayne Brady. 449 00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:22,433 [laughs] Guilty as charged. 450 00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:24,600 My mother-in-law loves you. 451 00:18:24,666 --> 00:18:27,926 Well, thank you very much. Thank you very much. 452 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,330 ♪ The morning I wake up ♪ 453 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:31,330 [chuckling] 454 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,370 ♪ And I put on my makeup ♪ 455 00:18:34,433 --> 00:18:37,003 ♪ I say a little prayer For you ♪ 456 00:18:37,066 --> 00:18:39,126 ♪ Ooh, Together, together ♪ 457 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,470 ♪ You'll be in my heart, And I will always love you ♪ 458 00:18:42,533 --> 00:18:44,903 She is not gonna believe that this happened. 459 00:18:44,966 --> 00:18:47,166 That's 'cause she is never gonna know about it, bitch. 460 00:18:47,233 --> 00:18:48,173 What? 461 00:18:48,233 --> 00:18:49,103 [snap] 462 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:52,900 Thank you. Good night! 463 00:18:56,166 --> 00:18:57,626 What the fuck? 464 00:18:57,700 --> 00:18:59,730 What the fuck, man? 465 00:19:02,366 --> 00:19:04,666 It's not my thing, man. It's not my thing. 466 00:19:04,733 --> 00:19:06,373 I'm sorry. 467 00:19:06,433 --> 00:19:07,803 Well, actually, I'm not sorry. 468 00:19:07,866 --> 00:19:09,526 [laughs] 469 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,400 I don't give a fuck. 470 00:19:12,466 --> 00:19:15,626 They cancel my show, and shit goes crazy! 471 00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:17,800 I just want to go home and see my family, man. 472 00:19:17,866 --> 00:19:20,296 I just want to go home and see my family. 473 00:19:20,366 --> 00:19:21,766 Dave. 474 00:19:21,833 --> 00:19:23,203 -You hungry? -I'm not hungry. 475 00:19:23,266 --> 00:19:24,396 Come on, you hungry? 476 00:19:24,466 --> 00:19:25,596 You want a sandwich? 477 00:19:25,666 --> 00:19:28,896 [sobbing] I just want to go home. 478 00:19:28,966 --> 00:19:32,396 Eat your sandwich, Dave. 479 00:19:32,466 --> 00:19:35,066 Give me your sandwich. 480 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,933 [sniffling] 481 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:40,130 I said, give me your damn sandwich. 482 00:19:42,333 --> 00:19:44,733 I make Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X, huh, motherfucker? 483 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:47,170 [muttering] I didn't say that. 484 00:19:50,533 --> 00:19:52,103 This is me. 485 00:19:52,166 --> 00:19:54,366 Whatever. Get out. 486 00:19:54,433 --> 00:19:56,203 [laughing] 487 00:19:58,300 --> 00:19:59,530 -Hey, Dave. -Huh? 488 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,400 Man, really, I had a great time tonight. 489 00:20:01,466 --> 00:20:03,366 Thank you. 490 00:20:03,433 --> 00:20:04,673 Black actors, man. 491 00:20:04,733 --> 00:20:05,833 Black actors. 492 00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,030 -Alright. -Alright. 493 00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:08,270 Oh, Dave? 494 00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:09,903 Yeah? 495 00:20:11,433 --> 00:20:12,573 Aah! 496 00:20:12,633 --> 00:20:15,403 [laughing] I'm Wayne Brady, bitch! 497 00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:19,930 It was Mooney! 498 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,870 [cheers and applause] 499 00:20:26,900 --> 00:20:28,800 We're gonna take a quick commercial break. 500 00:20:28,866 --> 00:20:30,296 Yeah. 501 00:20:30,366 --> 00:20:32,096 We'll be right back with more Chappelle Show 502 00:20:32,166 --> 00:20:33,826 right after this. 503 00:20:35,366 --> 00:20:36,226 Ahh! 504 00:20:37,266 --> 00:20:39,866 ♪ The greatest show ♪ 505 00:20:39,933 --> 00:20:43,173 [cheers and applause] 506 00:20:44,333 --> 00:20:46,403 I'd like to thank you all for being here. 507 00:20:46,466 --> 00:20:48,896 I'd like to thank my guest, Wayne Brady. 508 00:20:48,966 --> 00:20:50,426 Thank you, sir. I'd like to thank 509 00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,030 the greatest audience in the world. 510 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:53,600 I'm out! 511 00:20:54,533 --> 00:20:55,733 Take your show back. 512 00:20:57,133 --> 00:20:58,833 I'm rich, bitch! 513 00:20:58,900 --> 00:20:59,730 [horn honking] 514 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:00,700 Hi, thank you! 515 00:21:01,566 --> 00:21:02,696 Paul Mooney did that thing-- 516 00:21:02,766 --> 00:21:05,326 That thing about white people and Bryant Gumbel. 517 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,800 Next thing I know, this man calls me-- 518 00:21:07,866 --> 00:21:09,866 No one calls each other in show business 519 00:21:09,933 --> 00:21:11,273 because they're all too arrogant. 520 00:21:11,333 --> 00:21:12,973 He calls me-- "Wayne." 521 00:21:13,033 --> 00:21:14,933 "Hey, man." 522 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,370 Not like he was scared, 523 00:21:18,433 --> 00:21:20,503 but he called me and said, "Hey, you know what? 524 00:21:20,566 --> 00:21:22,396 "I really respect you, And I would love for you 525 00:21:22,466 --> 00:21:23,666 to come out and do the show." 526 00:21:23,733 --> 00:21:26,103 I canceled three of my shows to come and do this 527 00:21:26,166 --> 00:21:27,696 because that meant so much. 528 00:21:27,766 --> 00:21:29,226 [cheers and applause] 529 00:21:29,276 --> 00:21:33,826 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35364

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