Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,033 --> 00:00:02,873
♪ Chappelle's show ♪ ♪ Chappelle's show ♪
2
00:00:02,933 --> 00:00:03,903
♪ Ow! ♪
3
00:00:04,933 --> 00:00:06,833
♪ Whoo-hoo-hoo ♪
4
00:00:06,900 --> 00:00:08,400
♪ Whoo-hoo ♪
5
00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:09,796
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
6
00:00:10,900 --> 00:00:13,830
[announcer] Dave Chappelle!
7
00:00:13,900 --> 00:00:15,230
What's up!
8
00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:17,373
[chuckling]
9
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:19,700
Oh, man.
10
00:00:20,533 --> 00:00:21,573
What's poppin', y'all?
11
00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:24,696
I don't know if you guys know this,
12
00:00:24,766 --> 00:00:27,366
but my favorite TV show is comin' back on the air.
13
00:00:27,433 --> 00:00:29,373
It's called Making the Band.
14
00:00:29,433 --> 00:00:31,003
Whoo, it's a beast!
15
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,733
Puff Daddy takes five people
16
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,200
and puts 'em in a house together
17
00:00:36,266 --> 00:00:38,166
and makes 'em cut a record for Bad Boy.
18
00:00:38,233 --> 00:00:41,073
They argue, they fight. Oh, the fights!
19
00:00:42,066 --> 00:00:43,266
The drama!
20
00:00:43,333 --> 00:00:45,173
If you haven't seen the first season,
21
00:00:45,233 --> 00:00:46,473
you don't know what I'm talkin' about.
22
00:00:46,533 --> 00:00:48,533
Here's the highlights from the first season.
23
00:00:49,666 --> 00:00:51,566
[hip-hop music]
24
00:00:51,633 --> 00:00:53,003
[man] Congratulations.
25
00:00:53,066 --> 00:00:55,926
Y'all made it inside the house.
26
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,030
You did good.
27
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:58,430
Alright, this is what's up,
28
00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:01,800
you can live here, you can record here.
29
00:01:01,866 --> 00:01:03,896
you can be Bad Boy artists here,
30
00:01:03,966 --> 00:01:05,626
but if you wanna do it,
31
00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:09,330
first y'all gotta walk to Queens and get me a sugar cookie.
32
00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:14,430
A sugar cookie? Man, this is crazy.
33
00:01:16,866 --> 00:01:18,326
We got it. Come on, man.
34
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:20,130
Bad Boy.
35
00:01:22,966 --> 00:01:24,526
A sugar cookie, man.
36
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:27,870
Look, this is not what I got in the music business to be doing,
37
00:01:27,933 --> 00:01:29,333
to be a sugar cookie-getter.
38
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,000
You know, I'm a rapper.
39
00:01:31,066 --> 00:01:34,396
Who are the five best rappers of all time?
40
00:01:34,466 --> 00:01:35,966
Think about it.
41
00:01:36,033 --> 00:01:39,103
Dylan, Dylan,
42
00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:41,466
Dylan, Dylan, and Dylan,
43
00:01:41,533 --> 00:01:43,303
because I spit hot fire.
44
00:01:45,866 --> 00:01:47,226
That's a good-ass sugar cookie.
45
00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:51,730
You guys are official now. Welcome to Bad Boy.
46
00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:53,630
It's Bad Boy, baby.
47
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:57,030
Can't stop. Won't stop.
48
00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:58,130
Uh-uh, uh-uh.
49
00:02:00,433 --> 00:02:02,003
I'm sending y'all to the studio.
50
00:02:03,033 --> 00:02:04,573
I want you to turn Daddy out a hit,
51
00:02:04,633 --> 00:02:06,373
but I need you to be a family unit
52
00:02:06,433 --> 00:02:08,573
and love each other, or this will never work.
53
00:02:08,633 --> 00:02:10,073
That's right, man, that's right.
54
00:02:10,133 --> 00:02:12,173
Go out there and get Daddy a hit.
55
00:02:13,433 --> 00:02:14,633
I'm gonna take a nap.
56
00:02:17,766 --> 00:02:18,926
[audience laughing]
57
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:23,530
[Dylan] What'd you do?
58
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:24,570
[all shouting]
59
00:02:24,633 --> 00:02:26,503
[woman] Let 'em fight! Let 'em fight!
60
00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:30,703
[all clamoring] [woman] Let them fight!
61
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,900
I'm shuttin' the studio down.
62
00:02:33,966 --> 00:02:35,026
[all scoff]
63
00:02:36,333 --> 00:02:38,303
The only way I could keep the studio open
64
00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:39,726
is if y'all go out
65
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:42,170
and walk through Northern New Jersey,
66
00:02:42,233 --> 00:02:44,933
get me a set of left-handed golf clubs.
67
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,930
I also need you to take a picture with a midget
68
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,470
holdin' these balloons.
69
00:02:57,466 --> 00:02:58,866
Take a picture with a midget
70
00:02:58,933 --> 00:03:01,503
holdin' these balloons... Holdin' these balloons.
71
00:03:03,233 --> 00:03:04,673
You did it.
72
00:03:04,733 --> 00:03:06,133
You went out, you found my man...
73
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:07,370
You found a midget, man,
74
00:03:07,433 --> 00:03:10,103
and you got the pictures, you got the golf clubs.
75
00:03:10,166 --> 00:03:11,066
Here's the keys to the studio.
76
00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:15,130
Now, if y'all excuse me,
77
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,470
I'm going scuba diving with Chris Tucker and Aquaman.
78
00:03:17,533 --> 00:03:18,633
You be cool.
79
00:03:18,700 --> 00:03:19,700
Giddy-up.
80
00:03:24,166 --> 00:03:26,026
[people clamoring] [Dylan] Oh, my God!
81
00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:27,100
What's happening?
82
00:03:28,366 --> 00:03:29,966
We're supposed to be a family.
83
00:03:30,033 --> 00:03:31,503
What are you doing?
84
00:03:31,566 --> 00:03:33,066
Not like this, man!
85
00:03:34,066 --> 00:03:35,996
Y'all not workin' like a team.
86
00:03:36,066 --> 00:03:38,166
I gotta shut the studio down, yo.
87
00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:43,770
Alright, the only way I'll open the studio up now,
88
00:03:43,833 --> 00:03:45,973
y'all gotta walk Uptown to the Bronx
89
00:03:46,033 --> 00:03:48,603
and get breast milk from a Cambodian immigrant.
90
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:52,730
I only drink the finest breast milks.
91
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:56,730
Go out there and milk a Cambodian.
92
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:02,730
[sighs]
93
00:04:03,866 --> 00:04:05,726
It's 100% Cambodian, yo.
94
00:04:06,966 --> 00:04:08,696
It's the real shit.
95
00:04:08,766 --> 00:04:10,596
[bottles clinking]
96
00:04:11,433 --> 00:04:14,733
♪ Breast milk ♪
97
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:19,130
♪ You made my day-ay ♪
98
00:04:20,733 --> 00:04:23,303
Not only am I gonna open the studio up,
99
00:04:23,366 --> 00:04:25,166
I'm sendin' you in there with a legend.
100
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,700
That's right, Wyclef, playboy.
101
00:04:28,766 --> 00:04:30,766
No disrespect, I wanted to work with Wyclef
102
00:04:30,833 --> 00:04:33,233
more than I wanted to work with Puff.
103
00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:35,330
Yo, Dylan, you ready to get it started, baby?
104
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,470
[Dylan] Alright, here we go. [clears throat]
105
00:04:37,533 --> 00:04:38,933
♪ Bumbaclaat, bumbaclaat ♪
106
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,270
♪ Bumba, bumba, bumbaclaat ♪
107
00:04:40,333 --> 00:04:43,033
♪ A rump-un-tomp, A rump-un-ting ♪
108
00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:45,770
♪ A rumpa-tumpa-tump, A rump-un-sting ♪
109
00:04:45,833 --> 00:04:48,303
♪ I rip and I rhyme, I rhyme and I rip ♪
110
00:04:48,366 --> 00:04:50,766
♪ This is the way That Dylan spits ♪
111
00:04:50,833 --> 00:04:53,003
You...You tryin' to get some of this hot fire?
112
00:04:54,300 --> 00:04:56,870
We can either make this song or not make this song.
113
00:04:58,100 --> 00:05:00,170
You're too close, man! You're too close, man!
114
00:05:01,966 --> 00:05:04,266
Hey, y'all gonna choke a legend?
115
00:05:04,333 --> 00:05:05,903
You don't think I want to choke people?
116
00:05:05,966 --> 00:05:07,996
You can't just choke all your problems.
117
00:05:08,066 --> 00:05:09,226
This takes hard work.
118
00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:12,800
If I had my way, I'd never work.
119
00:05:12,866 --> 00:05:16,696
I'd just stay home all day, watch Scarface 50 times,
120
00:05:17,933 --> 00:05:19,303
eat a turkey sandwich,
121
00:05:19,366 --> 00:05:21,396
and have sex all fuckin' day.
122
00:05:21,466 --> 00:05:24,666
Then I'd dress up like a clown and surprise kids at schools.
123
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,870
Then I'd take a dump in the back of a movie theater
124
00:05:27,933 --> 00:05:30,473
and just wait till somebody sat in it,
125
00:05:30,533 --> 00:05:31,973
hear it squish.
126
00:05:32,033 --> 00:05:33,203
That's funny to me.
127
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:36,596
Then I'd paint, and read, and play violin.
128
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:38,600
I'd climb the mountains
129
00:05:38,666 --> 00:05:40,866
and sing the songs that I like to sing.
130
00:05:40,933 --> 00:05:42,833
But I don't got that kind of time.
131
00:05:42,900 --> 00:05:44,600
Playboy? Playboy?
132
00:05:45,766 --> 00:05:47,566
You just gonna comb your hair, Playboy?
133
00:05:47,633 --> 00:05:50,773
Sarah, you just gonna talk up all your anytime minutes?
134
00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:52,803
Is this anytime? huh?
135
00:05:55,900 --> 00:05:57,000
Babs, you just gonna sit there
136
00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:59,126
and chop onions right now, huh?
137
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:00,670
Good time to chop onions?
138
00:06:01,633 --> 00:06:02,573
Look at this nigga.
139
00:06:02,633 --> 00:06:04,133
You just gonna do your taxes, Ness?
140
00:06:05,333 --> 00:06:07,073
You just gonna sit there and crunch numbers?
141
00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:08,303
Huh? Is that hot?
142
00:06:08,366 --> 00:06:10,196
Is that what's goin' on in the streets right now,
143
00:06:10,266 --> 00:06:11,296
your taxes?
144
00:06:11,366 --> 00:06:12,896
Alright, look.
145
00:06:12,966 --> 00:06:16,026
I got some good news, and I got some bad news, y'all.
146
00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:18,100
The bad news
147
00:06:18,166 --> 00:06:20,326
is that I'm shuttin' down the studio.
148
00:06:22,866 --> 00:06:24,196
The good news
149
00:06:24,266 --> 00:06:27,096
is that I just saved a lot of money on my car insurance.
150
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,330
Fonzworth, bring me a sandwich!
151
00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,870
[upbeat hip-hop music]
152
00:06:39,033 --> 00:06:40,503
He can fly, man.
153
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:42,726
He can fly. He believes in himself.
154
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:48,970
♪ I like the way you move ♪
155
00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,503
Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh.
156
00:06:56,033 --> 00:06:58,703
♪ I like the way you move ♪
157
00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:00,866
[audience cheering and applauding]
158
00:07:00,933 --> 00:07:03,233
We gonna take a quick commercial break, y'all.
159
00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:04,500
Don't go nowhere.
160
00:07:04,566 --> 00:07:06,696
We'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show.
161
00:07:09,366 --> 00:07:10,966
♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
162
00:07:11,033 --> 00:07:12,303
♪ Ow! ♪
163
00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:14,496
Hey, everybody, welcome back.
164
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,200
You know, folks,
165
00:07:19,666 --> 00:07:21,596
you ever be watchin' a ball game,
166
00:07:21,666 --> 00:07:23,496
and then these beer commercials come on,
167
00:07:23,566 --> 00:07:26,496
and it just makes it seem like dudes go out and drink beer
168
00:07:26,566 --> 00:07:28,366
and have the best time?
169
00:07:28,433 --> 00:07:30,133
Let me tell you somethin' about drinkin' beer.
170
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,500
Drinkin' beer brings the animal out in somebody.
171
00:07:33,566 --> 00:07:36,096
And I know alcohol companies sponsor my show.
172
00:07:36,166 --> 00:07:38,566
I ain't talkin' about them, them shits are delicious.
173
00:07:38,633 --> 00:07:39,973
I'm talkin' about the rest of 'em.
174
00:07:40,033 --> 00:07:41,333
They go too far.
175
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,200
The ads are irresponsible.
176
00:07:43,266 --> 00:07:44,566
Why don't they make an honest commercial
177
00:07:44,633 --> 00:07:46,503
that shows the animal that beer brings out?
178
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:47,466
Like this.
179
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,370
Hey, what night is it, guys?
180
00:07:50,433 --> 00:07:52,203
[all] Dudes' night out!
181
00:07:52,266 --> 00:07:53,426
Yeah!
182
00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:55,130
[all] Dudes, dudes, dudes.
183
00:07:56,233 --> 00:07:57,803
I don't know what it is, you know?
184
00:07:57,866 --> 00:07:58,926
Oh.
185
00:08:00,633 --> 00:08:02,703
Yo, excuse me, what are you--
186
00:08:02,766 --> 00:08:03,766
[Dave] Hey, man, what do you mean,
187
00:08:03,833 --> 00:08:04,603
don't worry about it?
188
00:08:04,666 --> 00:08:06,066
I bought that bitch a drink!
189
00:08:06,133 --> 00:08:08,333
I don't play that game!
190
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,430
Hey! Look out, Billy!
191
00:08:10,966 --> 00:08:12,126
Oh! What?
192
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,370
You think this is a game, biatch?
193
00:08:14,433 --> 00:08:15,973
This is dudes' night out!
194
00:08:16,866 --> 00:08:18,326
[screaming]
195
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:19,870
Motherfucker!
196
00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:23,433
[screaming]
197
00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:24,830
[all] Dudes' night out!
198
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:27,930
Only reason I'm cryin' is 'cause of the adrenaline.
199
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,170
[retches]
200
00:08:33,233 --> 00:08:35,833
Oh, no, man, no!
201
00:08:36,900 --> 00:08:38,030
[all] Dudes' night out!
202
00:08:39,333 --> 00:08:40,473
[urine trickling]
203
00:08:40,533 --> 00:08:41,533
[man grunting]
204
00:08:46,533 --> 00:08:47,773
[all] Dudes' night out!
205
00:08:47,833 --> 00:08:50,333
Hey, hey, little lady.
206
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,470
[man] Y'all wanna party with us?
207
00:08:54,366 --> 00:08:55,466
Oh!
208
00:08:55,533 --> 00:08:57,233
Oh, nigga, that's a dude!
209
00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:59,270
Shut the fuck up, Dave.
210
00:08:59,333 --> 00:09:00,433
I am drunk,
211
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,670
and I am horny. Hey, baby.
212
00:09:02,733 --> 00:09:05,403
Ha! you're jealous, Dave!
213
00:09:05,466 --> 00:09:07,996
[Dave] No, don't do it! No!
214
00:09:08,066 --> 00:09:09,066
[all] Dudes' night out!
215
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:13,170
Let's go.
216
00:09:13,233 --> 00:09:14,233
[Dave] Let's get out of here.
217
00:09:16,733 --> 00:09:19,703
Yo, a mouth's a mouth, man.
218
00:09:19,766 --> 00:09:21,166
-[Dave] What? -I'm out.
219
00:09:22,066 --> 00:09:23,166
Billy, what are you doin'?
220
00:09:23,233 --> 00:09:25,333
Billy. Billy!
221
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,230
[Steve] I'm just gonna be a minute.
222
00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:32,500
Hey, Steve! Hey, you guys!
223
00:09:32,566 --> 00:09:34,796
[man] Yo, Tonya... Tony... Whatever your name is.
224
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:35,866
Bye, Dave.
225
00:09:35,933 --> 00:09:37,173
[man] When it's dudes' night out,
226
00:09:37,233 --> 00:09:39,373
it's got to be Schlipp's.
227
00:09:39,433 --> 00:09:41,403
[audience cheering and applauding]
228
00:09:41,466 --> 00:09:43,996
Hey, everybody, we're gonna take a quick commercial break.
229
00:09:44,066 --> 00:09:46,626
But don't go nowhere. We'll be right back.
230
00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:51,370
Okay.
231
00:09:51,433 --> 00:09:52,973
♪ Turn on your TV ♪
232
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,370
♪ What you gonna see? ♪
233
00:09:57,100 --> 00:09:58,600
Welcome back!
234
00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:02,866
Welcome back to Chappelle's Show.
235
00:10:02,933 --> 00:10:04,833
[audience cheering and applauding]
236
00:10:04,900 --> 00:10:06,400
You know, folks,
237
00:10:08,866 --> 00:10:10,396
I don't know about any of you guys,
238
00:10:10,466 --> 00:10:12,466
but I'm a parent, alright?
239
00:10:12,533 --> 00:10:14,703
There's a lot of wild things going on in the world,
240
00:10:14,766 --> 00:10:18,396
and it's very hard to explain these things to your children.
241
00:10:18,466 --> 00:10:19,796
That's alright,
242
00:10:19,866 --> 00:10:22,366
'cause tonight, I'm going to help you.
243
00:10:22,433 --> 00:10:25,133
I have created a show that helps to explain
244
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,230
the evils of the world to youth
245
00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:28,930
in a way that they can understand
246
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,300
and that's palatable to them,
247
00:10:30,366 --> 00:10:32,126
and I hope you enjoy it.
248
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:33,430
Here it is.
249
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,800
[twinkling music]
250
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:39,900
Hey, everyone, look what I found.
251
00:10:39,966 --> 00:10:42,066
It's...It's a dagger!
252
00:10:42,133 --> 00:10:44,803
[all] Wow!
253
00:10:44,866 --> 00:10:47,166
[Bobble] Whoa, that's not a toy, there, Robert!
254
00:10:47,233 --> 00:10:48,933
[all] Bobble!
255
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,670
Hey, kids.
256
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:51,933
Hey, you better be careful
257
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,430
when you're handlin' those things.
258
00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:56,770
That's not a dagger at all. It's called a syringe.
259
00:10:56,833 --> 00:10:59,673
People use it to inject a drug called heroin
260
00:10:59,733 --> 00:11:01,573
directly into their bloodstream.
261
00:11:01,633 --> 00:11:02,733
Why?
262
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,770
Probably because you get higher that way
263
00:11:04,833 --> 00:11:06,473
than sniffing it.
264
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,533
Bobble, why do people get high?
265
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,830
Oh, very good question, young lady.
266
00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:12,430
For all kinds of reasons.
267
00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:14,970
Some people think they need it just to get through the day,
268
00:11:15,033 --> 00:11:17,133
and some people just like to party
269
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,770
and can quit whenever they want,
270
00:11:19,866 --> 00:11:20,996
like me.
271
00:11:21,766 --> 00:11:22,896
Ah!
272
00:11:22,966 --> 00:11:24,026
Oh!
273
00:11:25,566 --> 00:11:27,366
[groaning]
274
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,530
[sighs]
275
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,500
Kids, there are a lot of double standards
276
00:11:34,566 --> 00:11:36,596
about drugs in this country.
277
00:11:36,666 --> 00:11:38,866
[twinkling harp music]
278
00:11:38,933 --> 00:11:42,073
♪ Kids, it's time To keep it real ♪
279
00:11:42,133 --> 00:11:43,873
♪ Life is hard ♪
280
00:11:43,933 --> 00:11:46,073
♪ And I can't deal ♪
281
00:11:46,133 --> 00:11:48,103
♪ I know it looks A certain way ♪
282
00:11:49,533 --> 00:11:54,403
♪ But people get high Every day ♪
283
00:11:54,466 --> 00:11:57,066
♪ ♪
284
00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:01,903
♪ Some people do it With cigarette smokin' ♪
285
00:12:01,966 --> 00:12:06,226
♪ Others treat their headaches With ibuprofen ♪
286
00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:10,600
♪ Your grandpa talks About self-respect ♪
287
00:12:10,666 --> 00:12:13,966
♪ And then he takes drugs To keep his cock erect ♪
288
00:12:15,233 --> 00:12:19,503
♪ But it's all drugs to me ♪
289
00:12:19,566 --> 00:12:23,796
♪ It's all drugs to me ♪
290
00:12:23,866 --> 00:12:25,666
[moans]
291
00:12:25,733 --> 00:12:28,203
That junk's kicking in, kids.
292
00:12:28,266 --> 00:12:30,796
It feels like I have a million teeny, tiny kitty cats
293
00:12:30,866 --> 00:12:32,296
rubbing my balls
294
00:12:32,366 --> 00:12:34,766
as I skeet, skeet, skeet all over the walls!
295
00:12:34,833 --> 00:12:37,133
[laughing]
296
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:38,600
Let me bring this bitch home.
297
00:12:38,666 --> 00:12:40,296
♪ They're all ♪
298
00:12:43,333 --> 00:12:45,603
♪ Drugs ♪
299
00:12:45,666 --> 00:12:47,766
♪ To ♪
300
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,530
[audience laughing]
301
00:13:03,633 --> 00:13:08,603
♪ Me ♪
302
00:13:11,566 --> 00:13:12,996
I'm going to the emergency room.
303
00:13:13,066 --> 00:13:14,396
Bye-bye, kids.
304
00:13:15,566 --> 00:13:19,066
You see, kids, always throw away your trash.
305
00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:22,033
[groans softly]
306
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:23,900
I'm fucking dying, man!
307
00:13:25,466 --> 00:13:27,726
[Bobble groaning] -Hey!
308
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,730
[all] It's Stinky, the grom.
309
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,500
Fuck you too.
310
00:13:31,566 --> 00:13:33,426
What's wrong, Stinky?
311
00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:34,970
Besides living in a trash can
312
00:13:35,033 --> 00:13:37,073
and having a syringe lodged in my fucking head,
313
00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:38,733
nothing, I guess.
314
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,870
Where are your parents, anyway?
315
00:13:40,933 --> 00:13:43,273
My mommy and daddy are at work.
316
00:13:43,333 --> 00:13:44,403
Oh, yeah?
317
00:13:44,466 --> 00:13:46,896
Well, me, I gave up working a long time ago.
318
00:13:46,966 --> 00:13:48,726
Don't give up, Stinky.
319
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,730
My dad says if you never give up and work hard,
320
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:53,800
all your dreams will come true.
321
00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:56,366
That's the gayest shit I ever heard.
322
00:13:56,433 --> 00:13:57,903
What?
323
00:13:57,966 --> 00:13:59,496
[upbeat bass music]
324
00:13:59,566 --> 00:14:02,626
♪ I don't believe yo' pappy ♪
325
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:05,900
♪ He may be rich, But he ain't happy ♪
326
00:14:05,966 --> 00:14:08,996
♪ Tells you 'bout work And you want to be him ♪
327
00:14:09,066 --> 00:14:12,096
♪ But when's the last time You got to see him? ♪
328
00:14:12,166 --> 00:14:15,096
♪ He works hard, why? ♪
329
00:14:15,166 --> 00:14:18,466
♪ So you can go out And buy ♪
330
00:14:18,533 --> 00:14:21,473
♪ A bunch of shit That you don't need ♪
331
00:14:21,533 --> 00:14:25,033
♪ Driven by your punk-ass Hopes and greed ♪
332
00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:27,500
♪ That's why I say ♪
333
00:14:28,466 --> 00:14:29,866
♪ Fuck it ♪
334
00:14:31,333 --> 00:14:34,303
♪ For the first time In my life ♪
335
00:14:34,366 --> 00:14:37,526
♪ I'm finally free ♪
336
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,230
♪ No mansion for me ♪
337
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:42,570
♪ I said "Fuck it" ♪
338
00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:45,073
♪ No brand-new Humvee ♪
339
00:14:45,133 --> 00:14:47,303
♪ I say "Fuck it" ♪
340
00:14:47,366 --> 00:14:49,826
♪ But you'll get no pussy ♪
341
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,130
♪ Fuck it ♪
342
00:14:54,166 --> 00:14:57,126
♪ What you don't understand ♪
343
00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:00,300
♪ Is I make love to my hand ♪
344
00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:03,526
♪ So I don't need you, honey ♪
345
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,030
♪ I beat my dick Like it owes me money ♪
346
00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:08,670
♪ Fuck it ♪
347
00:15:08,733 --> 00:15:11,133
That's right, I said fuck it.
348
00:15:12,166 --> 00:15:13,226
Now, if you'll excuse me,
349
00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:16,030
I'm gonna make me a nice feces sandwich.
350
00:15:18,366 --> 00:15:19,726
Look, it's Dangle!
351
00:15:21,066 --> 00:15:23,466
And, hey, you're Chris Rock!
352
00:15:23,533 --> 00:15:25,503
It's Dave Chappelle, but close enough.
353
00:15:25,566 --> 00:15:27,526
[kid] Where are you guys going?
354
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,630
Well, Dangle's not feeling well,
355
00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:30,970
so I'm taking him to the doctor.
356
00:15:31,033 --> 00:15:32,303
What's wrong, Dangle?
357
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:34,226
Actually, it's my penis.
358
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:35,730
what's that?
359
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:37,100
[unzips pants]
360
00:15:38,266 --> 00:15:39,826
[all] Ew!
361
00:15:42,433 --> 00:15:44,503
When I pee-pee, it burns like hell.
362
00:15:44,566 --> 00:15:46,996
I have what's known as a venereal disease.
363
00:15:47,066 --> 00:15:48,126
How did you get it?
364
00:15:48,766 --> 00:15:49,626
From fucking.
365
00:15:51,133 --> 00:15:53,803
I got so much puppet-ass, it could be from anywhere.
366
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:56,800
What's the sickness called?
367
00:15:56,866 --> 00:15:58,226
I'm not sure, Robert.
368
00:15:58,300 --> 00:16:00,270
That's why we're going to the doctor.
369
00:16:00,333 --> 00:16:03,203
There's a lot of different kinds of penis sicknesses out there.
370
00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:04,826
Isn't that right, Q-Tip?
371
00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:08,630
That's right, Dave, all kinds.
372
00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:12,730
♪ Sex isn't wrong, But you gotta be right ♪
373
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,600
♪ If you're hitting the sheets ♪
374
00:16:14,666 --> 00:16:17,326
♪ Then wrap it up tight ♪
375
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:21,530
♪ Listen up, kids, 'Cause I ain't jokin' ♪
376
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,270
♪ One bad decision ♪
377
00:16:23,333 --> 00:16:25,833
♪ Your dick will be smokin' ♪
378
00:16:25,900 --> 00:16:29,730
♪ You'll catch a VD But don't take it from me ♪
379
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,430
[upbeat French music]
380
00:16:49,433 --> 00:16:50,903
[sizzling]
381
00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:52,726
Oh, hello, Dave Chappelle,
382
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,370
haven't seen you for a while.
383
00:16:54,433 --> 00:16:55,873
What's it been, two months?
384
00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:57,970
Dirty motherfucker.
385
00:16:58,033 --> 00:16:59,733
[Dave] Oh, here come the crabs.
386
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:01,700
[upbeat Latin music]
387
00:17:12,966 --> 00:17:13,926
♪ The crabs ♪
388
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:14,870
♪ Oh, yes ♪
389
00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:19,373
♪ The crab, the crabs ♪
390
00:17:19,433 --> 00:17:20,773
[both] Ole!
391
00:17:22,966 --> 00:17:24,126
This nigga's a freak.
392
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:25,500
[upbeat music]
393
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,400
♪ I'm the herpes, The herpes ♪
394
00:17:47,466 --> 00:17:49,696
See you in hell, motherfuckers.
395
00:17:49,766 --> 00:17:51,666
Ooh, baby, I like it raw.
396
00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:53,173
Oh, gosh.
397
00:17:53,233 --> 00:17:56,273
-Wow, life is hard. -[Dave] Nah, it's not, Lisa.
398
00:17:56,333 --> 00:17:58,303
Alright, look, if you just remember
399
00:17:58,366 --> 00:18:00,526
to keep your genitals out of harm's way,
400
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:04,230
don't chase money, and refrain from littering,
401
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:05,800
you'll be a winner.
402
00:18:05,866 --> 00:18:07,526
[cheering]
403
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,530
-Q-Tip, take us home!
404
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,000
Come on, kids!
405
00:18:12,066 --> 00:18:13,526
♪ it's a VD day ♪
406
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,700
♪ VD day, A VD day ♪
407
00:18:16,866 --> 00:18:18,226
♪ It's a VD day ♪
408
00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:21,830
♪ VD day, A VD day ♪
409
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:24,600
We're gonna take a quick commercial break.
410
00:18:24,666 --> 00:18:27,096
VD is in the house. What's up, VD?
411
00:18:30,366 --> 00:18:33,826
[Dave] We'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show .
412
00:18:36,933 --> 00:18:38,933
♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
413
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,430
Better not bring your kids!
414
00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:43,070
[cheering and applauding]
415
00:18:43,133 --> 00:18:45,833
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's musical guest,
416
00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:47,230
the voice of Dangle,
417
00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:50,930
none other than Snoop Doggy Dogg!
418
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,530
Yeah, what up?
419
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,970
Who let this motherfucking base-head on stage?
420
00:18:57,033 --> 00:18:58,473
Hit this motherfucker, G!
421
00:18:58,533 --> 00:19:00,603
Nah, man, I can't do that shit.
422
00:19:00,666 --> 00:19:01,666
what?
423
00:19:01,733 --> 00:19:03,333
I been dealing here for five months,
424
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:04,930
and he ain't hit the pipe in front of me yet!
425
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,200
[Snoop] So what you saying?
426
00:19:06,266 --> 00:19:08,966
I'm saying, I think you five-O.
427
00:19:09,033 --> 00:19:10,673
Five-O?
428
00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:12,303
Nigga, I ain't five-O.
429
00:19:12,366 --> 00:19:13,996
Well, then, hit this motherfucker then!
430
00:19:17,066 --> 00:19:19,896
I can feel it!
431
00:19:19,966 --> 00:19:22,526
Have to show this nigga I ain't no motherfuckin' police.
432
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,830
I'm a take you on a ride, Tyrone.
433
00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:28,070
Check this out, nigga.
434
00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:30,333
♪ Creep with me As I crawl through the hood ♪
435
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,100
♪ Maniac, lunatic Call him Snoop Eastwood ♪
436
00:19:33,166 --> 00:19:35,326
♪ Kickin' dust as I bust, Fuck peace ♪
437
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,000
♪ And the motherfuckin' Punk police ♪
438
00:19:38,066 --> 00:19:40,266
♪ You already know I gives A fuck about a cop ♪
439
00:19:40,333 --> 00:19:41,503
♪ So why in the fuck ♪
440
00:19:41,566 --> 00:19:42,896
♪ Would you think That it would stop? ♪
441
00:19:42,966 --> 00:19:45,766
♪ Plot, hell yeah, That's what I'm about to do ♪
442
00:19:45,833 --> 00:19:48,203
♪ Take yo ass on the mission With the boys in blue ♪
443
00:19:48,266 --> 00:19:49,796
♪ Dre! What up, Snoop? ♪
444
00:19:49,866 --> 00:19:51,066
♪ Yo, I got the feelin' ♪
445
00:19:51,133 --> 00:19:52,503
♪ Tonight's the night Like Betty Wright ♪
446
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:53,726
♪ And I'm chillin' ♪
447
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,170
♪ Killin', feelin' No remorse, yeah ♪
448
00:19:56,233 --> 00:19:59,073
♪ So let's go straight To the motherfuckin' source ♪
449
00:19:59,133 --> 00:20:00,633
♪ And see what we can find ♪
450
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,430
♪ Crooked-ass cops that pop us And give us a gang of times ♪
451
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:05,530
♪ And now they wanna Make a deal with me ♪
452
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,930
♪ Scoop me up And put me on they team ♪
453
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,630
♪ And chill with me ♪
454
00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:11,130
♪ And make my pockets bigger ♪
455
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,030
♪ They want to meet with me Tonight at seven o'clock ♪
456
00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:14,830
♪ So what's up, nigga? what you wanna do? ♪
457
00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:16,000
♪ What you tryin' to do? ♪
458
00:20:16,066 --> 00:20:17,396
♪ I got your gauge, my Uzi ♪
459
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:18,996
♪ And your Motherfuckin' .22 ♪
460
00:20:19,066 --> 00:20:21,126
♪ So if you wanna blast, nigga, We can buck 'em ♪
461
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,430
♪ If we stick 'em, Then we stuck 'em, so fuck 'em ♪
462
00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:25,970
♪ I said, yeah, And you don't stop ♪
463
00:20:26,033 --> 00:20:29,103
♪ 'Cause it's 1-8-7 On a motherfuckin' rock ♪
464
00:20:29,166 --> 00:20:31,126
♪ Yeah, and you don't stop ♪
465
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:34,070
♪ 'Cause it's 1-8-7 On a motherfuckin' rock ♪
466
00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:35,973
On a motherfuckin' rock?
467
00:20:36,033 --> 00:20:38,033
♪ 1-8-7 On the motherfuckin'... ♪
468
00:20:38,100 --> 00:20:39,570
...rock. That's how I do.
469
00:20:41,333 --> 00:20:43,303
I can't put you on that one.
470
00:20:43,366 --> 00:20:45,126
[cheering and applauding]
471
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,530
I'd like to thank my guest, Snoop Dogg.
472
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,370
I'd like to thank venereal diseases
473
00:20:49,433 --> 00:20:50,703
and the kids and everybody.
474
00:20:50,766 --> 00:20:52,696
And I'd like to thank you at home for watching.
475
00:20:52,766 --> 00:20:54,366
I will see you next week.
476
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:58,570
[man] I'm rich, biatch!
477
00:20:58,633 --> 00:20:59,473
[horn honking]
478
00:20:59,533 --> 00:21:00,773
[woman] Hi, thank you!
479
00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:05,330
I have what's known as a sexually transmitted disease.
480
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:06,230
[man] How'd you get it?
481
00:21:06,300 --> 00:21:07,470
From fucking.
482
00:21:07,533 --> 00:21:08,733
[chuckles]
483
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,170
[laughing]
484
00:21:17,833 --> 00:21:19,203
[mumbles]
485
00:21:20,166 --> 00:21:23,096
[bottles clinking]
486
00:21:23,166 --> 00:21:24,926
♪ Breast milk ♪
487
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,630
[laughing]
488
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:32,230
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
33792
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.