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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,033 --> 00:00:02,873 ♪ Chappelle's show ♪ ♪ Chappelle's show ♪ 2 00:00:02,933 --> 00:00:03,903 ♪ Ow! ♪ 3 00:00:04,933 --> 00:00:06,833 ♪ Whoo-hoo-hoo ♪ 4 00:00:06,900 --> 00:00:08,400 ♪ Whoo-hoo ♪ 5 00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:09,796 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 6 00:00:10,900 --> 00:00:13,830 [announcer] Dave Chappelle! 7 00:00:13,900 --> 00:00:15,230 What's up! 8 00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:17,373 [chuckling] 9 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:19,700 Oh, man. 10 00:00:20,533 --> 00:00:21,573 What's poppin', y'all? 11 00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:24,696 I don't know if you guys know this, 12 00:00:24,766 --> 00:00:27,366 but my favorite TV show is comin' back on the air. 13 00:00:27,433 --> 00:00:29,373 It's called Making the Band. 14 00:00:29,433 --> 00:00:31,003 Whoo, it's a beast! 15 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,733 Puff Daddy takes five people 16 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,200 and puts 'em in a house together 17 00:00:36,266 --> 00:00:38,166 and makes 'em cut a record for Bad Boy. 18 00:00:38,233 --> 00:00:41,073 They argue, they fight. Oh, the fights! 19 00:00:42,066 --> 00:00:43,266 The drama! 20 00:00:43,333 --> 00:00:45,173 If you haven't seen the first season, 21 00:00:45,233 --> 00:00:46,473 you don't know what I'm talkin' about. 22 00:00:46,533 --> 00:00:48,533 Here's the highlights from the first season. 23 00:00:49,666 --> 00:00:51,566 [hip-hop music] 24 00:00:51,633 --> 00:00:53,003 [man] Congratulations. 25 00:00:53,066 --> 00:00:55,926 Y'all made it inside the house. 26 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,030 You did good. 27 00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:58,430 Alright, this is what's up, 28 00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:01,800 you can live here, you can record here. 29 00:01:01,866 --> 00:01:03,896 you can be Bad Boy artists here, 30 00:01:03,966 --> 00:01:05,626 but if you wanna do it, 31 00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:09,330 first y'all gotta walk to Queens and get me a sugar cookie. 32 00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:14,430 A sugar cookie? Man, this is crazy. 33 00:01:16,866 --> 00:01:18,326 We got it. Come on, man. 34 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:20,130 Bad Boy. 35 00:01:22,966 --> 00:01:24,526 A sugar cookie, man. 36 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:27,870 Look, this is not what I got in the music business to be doing, 37 00:01:27,933 --> 00:01:29,333 to be a sugar cookie-getter. 38 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,000 You know, I'm a rapper. 39 00:01:31,066 --> 00:01:34,396 Who are the five best rappers of all time? 40 00:01:34,466 --> 00:01:35,966 Think about it. 41 00:01:36,033 --> 00:01:39,103 Dylan, Dylan, 42 00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:41,466 Dylan, Dylan, and Dylan, 43 00:01:41,533 --> 00:01:43,303 because I spit hot fire. 44 00:01:45,866 --> 00:01:47,226 That's a good-ass sugar cookie. 45 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:51,730 You guys are official now. Welcome to Bad Boy. 46 00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:53,630 It's Bad Boy, baby. 47 00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:57,030 Can't stop. Won't stop. 48 00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:58,130 Uh-uh, uh-uh. 49 00:02:00,433 --> 00:02:02,003 I'm sending y'all to the studio. 50 00:02:03,033 --> 00:02:04,573 I want you to turn Daddy out a hit, 51 00:02:04,633 --> 00:02:06,373 but I need you to be a family unit 52 00:02:06,433 --> 00:02:08,573 and love each other, or this will never work. 53 00:02:08,633 --> 00:02:10,073 That's right, man, that's right. 54 00:02:10,133 --> 00:02:12,173 Go out there and get Daddy a hit. 55 00:02:13,433 --> 00:02:14,633 I'm gonna take a nap. 56 00:02:17,766 --> 00:02:18,926 [audience laughing] 57 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:23,530 [Dylan] What'd you do? 58 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:24,570 [all shouting] 59 00:02:24,633 --> 00:02:26,503 [woman] Let 'em fight! Let 'em fight! 60 00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:30,703 [all clamoring] [woman] Let them fight! 61 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,900 I'm shuttin' the studio down. 62 00:02:33,966 --> 00:02:35,026 [all scoff] 63 00:02:36,333 --> 00:02:38,303 The only way I could keep the studio open 64 00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:39,726 is if y'all go out 65 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:42,170 and walk through Northern New Jersey, 66 00:02:42,233 --> 00:02:44,933 get me a set of left-handed golf clubs. 67 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,930 I also need you to take a picture with a midget 68 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,470 holdin' these balloons. 69 00:02:57,466 --> 00:02:58,866 Take a picture with a midget 70 00:02:58,933 --> 00:03:01,503 holdin' these balloons... Holdin' these balloons. 71 00:03:03,233 --> 00:03:04,673 You did it. 72 00:03:04,733 --> 00:03:06,133 You went out, you found my man... 73 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:07,370 You found a midget, man, 74 00:03:07,433 --> 00:03:10,103 and you got the pictures, you got the golf clubs. 75 00:03:10,166 --> 00:03:11,066 Here's the keys to the studio. 76 00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:15,130 Now, if y'all excuse me, 77 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,470 I'm going scuba diving with Chris Tucker and Aquaman. 78 00:03:17,533 --> 00:03:18,633 You be cool. 79 00:03:18,700 --> 00:03:19,700 Giddy-up. 80 00:03:24,166 --> 00:03:26,026 [people clamoring] [Dylan] Oh, my God! 81 00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:27,100 What's happening? 82 00:03:28,366 --> 00:03:29,966 We're supposed to be a family. 83 00:03:30,033 --> 00:03:31,503 What are you doing? 84 00:03:31,566 --> 00:03:33,066 Not like this, man! 85 00:03:34,066 --> 00:03:35,996 Y'all not workin' like a team. 86 00:03:36,066 --> 00:03:38,166 I gotta shut the studio down, yo. 87 00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:43,770 Alright, the only way I'll open the studio up now, 88 00:03:43,833 --> 00:03:45,973 y'all gotta walk Uptown to the Bronx 89 00:03:46,033 --> 00:03:48,603 and get breast milk from a Cambodian immigrant. 90 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:52,730 I only drink the finest breast milks. 91 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:56,730 Go out there and milk a Cambodian. 92 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:02,730 [sighs] 93 00:04:03,866 --> 00:04:05,726 It's 100% Cambodian, yo. 94 00:04:06,966 --> 00:04:08,696 It's the real shit. 95 00:04:08,766 --> 00:04:10,596 [bottles clinking] 96 00:04:11,433 --> 00:04:14,733 ♪ Breast milk ♪ 97 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:19,130 ♪ You made my day-ay ♪ 98 00:04:20,733 --> 00:04:23,303 Not only am I gonna open the studio up, 99 00:04:23,366 --> 00:04:25,166 I'm sendin' you in there with a legend. 100 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,700 That's right, Wyclef, playboy. 101 00:04:28,766 --> 00:04:30,766 No disrespect, I wanted to work with Wyclef 102 00:04:30,833 --> 00:04:33,233 more than I wanted to work with Puff. 103 00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:35,330 Yo, Dylan, you ready to get it started, baby? 104 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,470 [Dylan] Alright, here we go. [clears throat] 105 00:04:37,533 --> 00:04:38,933 ♪ Bumbaclaat, bumbaclaat ♪ 106 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,270 ♪ Bumba, bumba, bumbaclaat ♪ 107 00:04:40,333 --> 00:04:43,033 ♪ A rump-un-tomp, A rump-un-ting ♪ 108 00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:45,770 ♪ A rumpa-tumpa-tump, A rump-un-sting ♪ 109 00:04:45,833 --> 00:04:48,303 ♪ I rip and I rhyme, I rhyme and I rip ♪ 110 00:04:48,366 --> 00:04:50,766 ♪ This is the way That Dylan spits ♪ 111 00:04:50,833 --> 00:04:53,003 You...You tryin' to get some of this hot fire? 112 00:04:54,300 --> 00:04:56,870 We can either make this song or not make this song. 113 00:04:58,100 --> 00:05:00,170 You're too close, man! You're too close, man! 114 00:05:01,966 --> 00:05:04,266 Hey, y'all gonna choke a legend? 115 00:05:04,333 --> 00:05:05,903 You don't think I want to choke people? 116 00:05:05,966 --> 00:05:07,996 You can't just choke all your problems. 117 00:05:08,066 --> 00:05:09,226 This takes hard work. 118 00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:12,800 If I had my way, I'd never work. 119 00:05:12,866 --> 00:05:16,696 I'd just stay home all day, watch Scarface 50 times, 120 00:05:17,933 --> 00:05:19,303 eat a turkey sandwich, 121 00:05:19,366 --> 00:05:21,396 and have sex all fuckin' day. 122 00:05:21,466 --> 00:05:24,666 Then I'd dress up like a clown and surprise kids at schools. 123 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,870 Then I'd take a dump in the back of a movie theater 124 00:05:27,933 --> 00:05:30,473 and just wait till somebody sat in it, 125 00:05:30,533 --> 00:05:31,973 hear it squish. 126 00:05:32,033 --> 00:05:33,203 That's funny to me. 127 00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:36,596 Then I'd paint, and read, and play violin. 128 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:38,600 I'd climb the mountains 129 00:05:38,666 --> 00:05:40,866 and sing the songs that I like to sing. 130 00:05:40,933 --> 00:05:42,833 But I don't got that kind of time. 131 00:05:42,900 --> 00:05:44,600 Playboy? Playboy? 132 00:05:45,766 --> 00:05:47,566 You just gonna comb your hair, Playboy? 133 00:05:47,633 --> 00:05:50,773 Sarah, you just gonna talk up all your anytime minutes? 134 00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:52,803 Is this anytime? huh? 135 00:05:55,900 --> 00:05:57,000 Babs, you just gonna sit there 136 00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:59,126 and chop onions right now, huh? 137 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:00,670 Good time to chop onions? 138 00:06:01,633 --> 00:06:02,573 Look at this nigga. 139 00:06:02,633 --> 00:06:04,133 You just gonna do your taxes, Ness? 140 00:06:05,333 --> 00:06:07,073 You just gonna sit there and crunch numbers? 141 00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:08,303 Huh? Is that hot? 142 00:06:08,366 --> 00:06:10,196 Is that what's goin' on in the streets right now, 143 00:06:10,266 --> 00:06:11,296 your taxes? 144 00:06:11,366 --> 00:06:12,896 Alright, look. 145 00:06:12,966 --> 00:06:16,026 I got some good news, and I got some bad news, y'all. 146 00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:18,100 The bad news 147 00:06:18,166 --> 00:06:20,326 is that I'm shuttin' down the studio. 148 00:06:22,866 --> 00:06:24,196 The good news 149 00:06:24,266 --> 00:06:27,096 is that I just saved a lot of money on my car insurance. 150 00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,330 Fonzworth, bring me a sandwich! 151 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,870 [upbeat hip-hop music] 152 00:06:39,033 --> 00:06:40,503 He can fly, man. 153 00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:42,726 He can fly. He believes in himself. 154 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:48,970 ♪ I like the way you move ♪ 155 00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,503 Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh. 156 00:06:56,033 --> 00:06:58,703 ♪ I like the way you move ♪ 157 00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:00,866 [audience cheering and applauding] 158 00:07:00,933 --> 00:07:03,233 We gonna take a quick commercial break, y'all. 159 00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:04,500 Don't go nowhere. 160 00:07:04,566 --> 00:07:06,696 We'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show. 161 00:07:09,366 --> 00:07:10,966 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 162 00:07:11,033 --> 00:07:12,303 ♪ Ow! ♪ 163 00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:14,496 Hey, everybody, welcome back. 164 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,200 You know, folks, 165 00:07:19,666 --> 00:07:21,596 you ever be watchin' a ball game, 166 00:07:21,666 --> 00:07:23,496 and then these beer commercials come on, 167 00:07:23,566 --> 00:07:26,496 and it just makes it seem like dudes go out and drink beer 168 00:07:26,566 --> 00:07:28,366 and have the best time? 169 00:07:28,433 --> 00:07:30,133 Let me tell you somethin' about drinkin' beer. 170 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,500 Drinkin' beer brings the animal out in somebody. 171 00:07:33,566 --> 00:07:36,096 And I know alcohol companies sponsor my show. 172 00:07:36,166 --> 00:07:38,566 I ain't talkin' about them, them shits are delicious. 173 00:07:38,633 --> 00:07:39,973 I'm talkin' about the rest of 'em. 174 00:07:40,033 --> 00:07:41,333 They go too far. 175 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,200 The ads are irresponsible. 176 00:07:43,266 --> 00:07:44,566 Why don't they make an honest commercial 177 00:07:44,633 --> 00:07:46,503 that shows the animal that beer brings out? 178 00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:47,466 Like this. 179 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,370 Hey, what night is it, guys? 180 00:07:50,433 --> 00:07:52,203 [all] Dudes' night out! 181 00:07:52,266 --> 00:07:53,426 Yeah! 182 00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:55,130 [all] Dudes, dudes, dudes. 183 00:07:56,233 --> 00:07:57,803 I don't know what it is, you know? 184 00:07:57,866 --> 00:07:58,926 Oh. 185 00:08:00,633 --> 00:08:02,703 Yo, excuse me, what are you-- 186 00:08:02,766 --> 00:08:03,766 [Dave] Hey, man, what do you mean, 187 00:08:03,833 --> 00:08:04,603 don't worry about it? 188 00:08:04,666 --> 00:08:06,066 I bought that bitch a drink! 189 00:08:06,133 --> 00:08:08,333 I don't play that game! 190 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,430 Hey! Look out, Billy! 191 00:08:10,966 --> 00:08:12,126 Oh! What? 192 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,370 You think this is a game, biatch? 193 00:08:14,433 --> 00:08:15,973 This is dudes' night out! 194 00:08:16,866 --> 00:08:18,326 [screaming] 195 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:19,870 Motherfucker! 196 00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:23,433 [screaming] 197 00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:24,830 [all] Dudes' night out! 198 00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:27,930 Only reason I'm cryin' is 'cause of the adrenaline. 199 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,170 [retches] 200 00:08:33,233 --> 00:08:35,833 Oh, no, man, no! 201 00:08:36,900 --> 00:08:38,030 [all] Dudes' night out! 202 00:08:39,333 --> 00:08:40,473 [urine trickling] 203 00:08:40,533 --> 00:08:41,533 [man grunting] 204 00:08:46,533 --> 00:08:47,773 [all] Dudes' night out! 205 00:08:47,833 --> 00:08:50,333 Hey, hey, little lady. 206 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,470 [man] Y'all wanna party with us? 207 00:08:54,366 --> 00:08:55,466 Oh! 208 00:08:55,533 --> 00:08:57,233 Oh, nigga, that's a dude! 209 00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:59,270 Shut the fuck up, Dave. 210 00:08:59,333 --> 00:09:00,433 I am drunk, 211 00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,670 and I am horny. Hey, baby. 212 00:09:02,733 --> 00:09:05,403 Ha! you're jealous, Dave! 213 00:09:05,466 --> 00:09:07,996 [Dave] No, don't do it! No! 214 00:09:08,066 --> 00:09:09,066 [all] Dudes' night out! 215 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:13,170 Let's go. 216 00:09:13,233 --> 00:09:14,233 [Dave] Let's get out of here. 217 00:09:16,733 --> 00:09:19,703 Yo, a mouth's a mouth, man. 218 00:09:19,766 --> 00:09:21,166 -[Dave] What? -I'm out. 219 00:09:22,066 --> 00:09:23,166 Billy, what are you doin'? 220 00:09:23,233 --> 00:09:25,333 Billy. Billy! 221 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,230 [Steve] I'm just gonna be a minute. 222 00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:32,500 Hey, Steve! Hey, you guys! 223 00:09:32,566 --> 00:09:34,796 [man] Yo, Tonya... Tony... Whatever your name is. 224 00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:35,866 Bye, Dave. 225 00:09:35,933 --> 00:09:37,173 [man] When it's dudes' night out, 226 00:09:37,233 --> 00:09:39,373 it's got to be Schlipp's. 227 00:09:39,433 --> 00:09:41,403 [audience cheering and applauding] 228 00:09:41,466 --> 00:09:43,996 Hey, everybody, we're gonna take a quick commercial break. 229 00:09:44,066 --> 00:09:46,626 But don't go nowhere. We'll be right back. 230 00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:51,370 Okay. 231 00:09:51,433 --> 00:09:52,973 ♪ Turn on your TV ♪ 232 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,370 ♪ What you gonna see? ♪ 233 00:09:57,100 --> 00:09:58,600 Welcome back! 234 00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:02,866 Welcome back to Chappelle's Show. 235 00:10:02,933 --> 00:10:04,833 [audience cheering and applauding] 236 00:10:04,900 --> 00:10:06,400 You know, folks, 237 00:10:08,866 --> 00:10:10,396 I don't know about any of you guys, 238 00:10:10,466 --> 00:10:12,466 but I'm a parent, alright? 239 00:10:12,533 --> 00:10:14,703 There's a lot of wild things going on in the world, 240 00:10:14,766 --> 00:10:18,396 and it's very hard to explain these things to your children. 241 00:10:18,466 --> 00:10:19,796 That's alright, 242 00:10:19,866 --> 00:10:22,366 'cause tonight, I'm going to help you. 243 00:10:22,433 --> 00:10:25,133 I have created a show that helps to explain 244 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,230 the evils of the world to youth 245 00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:28,930 in a way that they can understand 246 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,300 and that's palatable to them, 247 00:10:30,366 --> 00:10:32,126 and I hope you enjoy it. 248 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:33,430 Here it is. 249 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,800 [twinkling music] 250 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:39,900 Hey, everyone, look what I found. 251 00:10:39,966 --> 00:10:42,066 It's...It's a dagger! 252 00:10:42,133 --> 00:10:44,803 [all] Wow! 253 00:10:44,866 --> 00:10:47,166 [Bobble] Whoa, that's not a toy, there, Robert! 254 00:10:47,233 --> 00:10:48,933 [all] Bobble! 255 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,670 Hey, kids. 256 00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:51,933 Hey, you better be careful 257 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,430 when you're handlin' those things. 258 00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:56,770 That's not a dagger at all. It's called a syringe. 259 00:10:56,833 --> 00:10:59,673 People use it to inject a drug called heroin 260 00:10:59,733 --> 00:11:01,573 directly into their bloodstream. 261 00:11:01,633 --> 00:11:02,733 Why? 262 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,770 Probably because you get higher that way 263 00:11:04,833 --> 00:11:06,473 than sniffing it. 264 00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,533 Bobble, why do people get high? 265 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,830 Oh, very good question, young lady. 266 00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:12,430 For all kinds of reasons. 267 00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:14,970 Some people think they need it just to get through the day, 268 00:11:15,033 --> 00:11:17,133 and some people just like to party 269 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,770 and can quit whenever they want, 270 00:11:19,866 --> 00:11:20,996 like me. 271 00:11:21,766 --> 00:11:22,896 Ah! 272 00:11:22,966 --> 00:11:24,026 Oh! 273 00:11:25,566 --> 00:11:27,366 [groaning] 274 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,530 [sighs] 275 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,500 Kids, there are a lot of double standards 276 00:11:34,566 --> 00:11:36,596 about drugs in this country. 277 00:11:36,666 --> 00:11:38,866 [twinkling harp music] 278 00:11:38,933 --> 00:11:42,073 ♪ Kids, it's time To keep it real ♪ 279 00:11:42,133 --> 00:11:43,873 ♪ Life is hard ♪ 280 00:11:43,933 --> 00:11:46,073 ♪ And I can't deal ♪ 281 00:11:46,133 --> 00:11:48,103 ♪ I know it looks A certain way ♪ 282 00:11:49,533 --> 00:11:54,403 ♪ But people get high Every day ♪ 283 00:11:54,466 --> 00:11:57,066 ♪ ♪ 284 00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:01,903 ♪ Some people do it With cigarette smokin' ♪ 285 00:12:01,966 --> 00:12:06,226 ♪ Others treat their headaches With ibuprofen ♪ 286 00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:10,600 ♪ Your grandpa talks About self-respect ♪ 287 00:12:10,666 --> 00:12:13,966 ♪ And then he takes drugs To keep his cock erect ♪ 288 00:12:15,233 --> 00:12:19,503 ♪ But it's all drugs to me ♪ 289 00:12:19,566 --> 00:12:23,796 ♪ It's all drugs to me ♪ 290 00:12:23,866 --> 00:12:25,666 [moans] 291 00:12:25,733 --> 00:12:28,203 That junk's kicking in, kids. 292 00:12:28,266 --> 00:12:30,796 It feels like I have a million teeny, tiny kitty cats 293 00:12:30,866 --> 00:12:32,296 rubbing my balls 294 00:12:32,366 --> 00:12:34,766 as I skeet, skeet, skeet all over the walls! 295 00:12:34,833 --> 00:12:37,133 [laughing] 296 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:38,600 Let me bring this bitch home. 297 00:12:38,666 --> 00:12:40,296 ♪ They're all ♪ 298 00:12:43,333 --> 00:12:45,603 ♪ Drugs ♪ 299 00:12:45,666 --> 00:12:47,766 ♪ To ♪ 300 00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,530 [audience laughing] 301 00:13:03,633 --> 00:13:08,603 ♪ Me ♪ 302 00:13:11,566 --> 00:13:12,996 I'm going to the emergency room. 303 00:13:13,066 --> 00:13:14,396 Bye-bye, kids. 304 00:13:15,566 --> 00:13:19,066 You see, kids, always throw away your trash. 305 00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:22,033 [groans softly] 306 00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:23,900 I'm fucking dying, man! 307 00:13:25,466 --> 00:13:27,726 [Bobble groaning] -Hey! 308 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,730 [all] It's Stinky, the grom. 309 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,500 Fuck you too. 310 00:13:31,566 --> 00:13:33,426 What's wrong, Stinky? 311 00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:34,970 Besides living in a trash can 312 00:13:35,033 --> 00:13:37,073 and having a syringe lodged in my fucking head, 313 00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:38,733 nothing, I guess. 314 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,870 Where are your parents, anyway? 315 00:13:40,933 --> 00:13:43,273 My mommy and daddy are at work. 316 00:13:43,333 --> 00:13:44,403 Oh, yeah? 317 00:13:44,466 --> 00:13:46,896 Well, me, I gave up working a long time ago. 318 00:13:46,966 --> 00:13:48,726 Don't give up, Stinky. 319 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,730 My dad says if you never give up and work hard, 320 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:53,800 all your dreams will come true. 321 00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:56,366 That's the gayest shit I ever heard. 322 00:13:56,433 --> 00:13:57,903 What? 323 00:13:57,966 --> 00:13:59,496 [upbeat bass music] 324 00:13:59,566 --> 00:14:02,626 ♪ I don't believe yo' pappy ♪ 325 00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:05,900 ♪ He may be rich, But he ain't happy ♪ 326 00:14:05,966 --> 00:14:08,996 ♪ Tells you 'bout work And you want to be him ♪ 327 00:14:09,066 --> 00:14:12,096 ♪ But when's the last time You got to see him? ♪ 328 00:14:12,166 --> 00:14:15,096 ♪ He works hard, why? ♪ 329 00:14:15,166 --> 00:14:18,466 ♪ So you can go out And buy ♪ 330 00:14:18,533 --> 00:14:21,473 ♪ A bunch of shit That you don't need ♪ 331 00:14:21,533 --> 00:14:25,033 ♪ Driven by your punk-ass Hopes and greed ♪ 332 00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:27,500 ♪ That's why I say ♪ 333 00:14:28,466 --> 00:14:29,866 ♪ Fuck it ♪ 334 00:14:31,333 --> 00:14:34,303 ♪ For the first time In my life ♪ 335 00:14:34,366 --> 00:14:37,526 ♪ I'm finally free ♪ 336 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,230 ♪ No mansion for me ♪ 337 00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:42,570 ♪ I said "Fuck it" ♪ 338 00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:45,073 ♪ No brand-new Humvee ♪ 339 00:14:45,133 --> 00:14:47,303 ♪ I say "Fuck it" ♪ 340 00:14:47,366 --> 00:14:49,826 ♪ But you'll get no pussy ♪ 341 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,130 ♪ Fuck it ♪ 342 00:14:54,166 --> 00:14:57,126 ♪ What you don't understand ♪ 343 00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:00,300 ♪ Is I make love to my hand ♪ 344 00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:03,526 ♪ So I don't need you, honey ♪ 345 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,030 ♪ I beat my dick Like it owes me money ♪ 346 00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:08,670 ♪ Fuck it ♪ 347 00:15:08,733 --> 00:15:11,133 That's right, I said fuck it. 348 00:15:12,166 --> 00:15:13,226 Now, if you'll excuse me, 349 00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:16,030 I'm gonna make me a nice feces sandwich. 350 00:15:18,366 --> 00:15:19,726 Look, it's Dangle! 351 00:15:21,066 --> 00:15:23,466 And, hey, you're Chris Rock! 352 00:15:23,533 --> 00:15:25,503 It's Dave Chappelle, but close enough. 353 00:15:25,566 --> 00:15:27,526 [kid] Where are you guys going? 354 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,630 Well, Dangle's not feeling well, 355 00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:30,970 so I'm taking him to the doctor. 356 00:15:31,033 --> 00:15:32,303 What's wrong, Dangle? 357 00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:34,226 Actually, it's my penis. 358 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:35,730 what's that? 359 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:37,100 [unzips pants] 360 00:15:38,266 --> 00:15:39,826 [all] Ew! 361 00:15:42,433 --> 00:15:44,503 When I pee-pee, it burns like hell. 362 00:15:44,566 --> 00:15:46,996 I have what's known as a venereal disease. 363 00:15:47,066 --> 00:15:48,126 How did you get it? 364 00:15:48,766 --> 00:15:49,626 From fucking. 365 00:15:51,133 --> 00:15:53,803 I got so much puppet-ass, it could be from anywhere. 366 00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:56,800 What's the sickness called? 367 00:15:56,866 --> 00:15:58,226 I'm not sure, Robert. 368 00:15:58,300 --> 00:16:00,270 That's why we're going to the doctor. 369 00:16:00,333 --> 00:16:03,203 There's a lot of different kinds of penis sicknesses out there. 370 00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:04,826 Isn't that right, Q-Tip? 371 00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:08,630 That's right, Dave, all kinds. 372 00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:12,730 ♪ Sex isn't wrong, But you gotta be right ♪ 373 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,600 ♪ If you're hitting the sheets ♪ 374 00:16:14,666 --> 00:16:17,326 ♪ Then wrap it up tight ♪ 375 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:21,530 ♪ Listen up, kids, 'Cause I ain't jokin' ♪ 376 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,270 ♪ One bad decision ♪ 377 00:16:23,333 --> 00:16:25,833 ♪ Your dick will be smokin' ♪ 378 00:16:25,900 --> 00:16:29,730 ♪ You'll catch a VD But don't take it from me ♪ 379 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,430 [upbeat French music] 380 00:16:49,433 --> 00:16:50,903 [sizzling] 381 00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:52,726 Oh, hello, Dave Chappelle, 382 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,370 haven't seen you for a while. 383 00:16:54,433 --> 00:16:55,873 What's it been, two months? 384 00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:57,970 Dirty motherfucker. 385 00:16:58,033 --> 00:16:59,733 [Dave] Oh, here come the crabs. 386 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:01,700 [upbeat Latin music] 387 00:17:12,966 --> 00:17:13,926 ♪ The crabs ♪ 388 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:14,870 ♪ Oh, yes ♪ 389 00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:19,373 ♪ The crab, the crabs ♪ 390 00:17:19,433 --> 00:17:20,773 [both] Ole! 391 00:17:22,966 --> 00:17:24,126 This nigga's a freak. 392 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:25,500 [upbeat music] 393 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,400 ♪ I'm the herpes, The herpes ♪ 394 00:17:47,466 --> 00:17:49,696 See you in hell, motherfuckers. 395 00:17:49,766 --> 00:17:51,666 Ooh, baby, I like it raw. 396 00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:53,173 Oh, gosh. 397 00:17:53,233 --> 00:17:56,273 -Wow, life is hard. -[Dave] Nah, it's not, Lisa. 398 00:17:56,333 --> 00:17:58,303 Alright, look, if you just remember 399 00:17:58,366 --> 00:18:00,526 to keep your genitals out of harm's way, 400 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:04,230 don't chase money, and refrain from littering, 401 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:05,800 you'll be a winner. 402 00:18:05,866 --> 00:18:07,526 [cheering] 403 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,530 -Q-Tip, take us home! 404 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,000 Come on, kids! 405 00:18:12,066 --> 00:18:13,526 ♪ it's a VD day ♪ 406 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,700 ♪ VD day, A VD day ♪ 407 00:18:16,866 --> 00:18:18,226 ♪ It's a VD day ♪ 408 00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:21,830 ♪ VD day, A VD day ♪ 409 00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:24,600 We're gonna take a quick commercial break. 410 00:18:24,666 --> 00:18:27,096 VD is in the house. What's up, VD? 411 00:18:30,366 --> 00:18:33,826 [Dave] We'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show . 412 00:18:36,933 --> 00:18:38,933 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 413 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,430 Better not bring your kids! 414 00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:43,070 [cheering and applauding] 415 00:18:43,133 --> 00:18:45,833 Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's musical guest, 416 00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:47,230 the voice of Dangle, 417 00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:50,930 none other than Snoop Doggy Dogg! 418 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,530 Yeah, what up? 419 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,970 Who let this motherfucking base-head on stage? 420 00:18:57,033 --> 00:18:58,473 Hit this motherfucker, G! 421 00:18:58,533 --> 00:19:00,603 Nah, man, I can't do that shit. 422 00:19:00,666 --> 00:19:01,666 what? 423 00:19:01,733 --> 00:19:03,333 I been dealing here for five months, 424 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:04,930 and he ain't hit the pipe in front of me yet! 425 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,200 [Snoop] So what you saying? 426 00:19:06,266 --> 00:19:08,966 I'm saying, I think you five-O. 427 00:19:09,033 --> 00:19:10,673 Five-O? 428 00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:12,303 Nigga, I ain't five-O. 429 00:19:12,366 --> 00:19:13,996 Well, then, hit this motherfucker then! 430 00:19:17,066 --> 00:19:19,896 I can feel it! 431 00:19:19,966 --> 00:19:22,526 Have to show this nigga I ain't no motherfuckin' police. 432 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,830 I'm a take you on a ride, Tyrone. 433 00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:28,070 Check this out, nigga. 434 00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:30,333 ♪ Creep with me As I crawl through the hood ♪ 435 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,100 ♪ Maniac, lunatic Call him Snoop Eastwood ♪ 436 00:19:33,166 --> 00:19:35,326 ♪ Kickin' dust as I bust, Fuck peace ♪ 437 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,000 ♪ And the motherfuckin' Punk police ♪ 438 00:19:38,066 --> 00:19:40,266 ♪ You already know I gives A fuck about a cop ♪ 439 00:19:40,333 --> 00:19:41,503 ♪ So why in the fuck ♪ 440 00:19:41,566 --> 00:19:42,896 ♪ Would you think That it would stop? ♪ 441 00:19:42,966 --> 00:19:45,766 ♪ Plot, hell yeah, That's what I'm about to do ♪ 442 00:19:45,833 --> 00:19:48,203 ♪ Take yo ass on the mission With the boys in blue ♪ 443 00:19:48,266 --> 00:19:49,796 ♪ Dre! What up, Snoop? ♪ 444 00:19:49,866 --> 00:19:51,066 ♪ Yo, I got the feelin' ♪ 445 00:19:51,133 --> 00:19:52,503 ♪ Tonight's the night Like Betty Wright ♪ 446 00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:53,726 ♪ And I'm chillin' ♪ 447 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,170 ♪ Killin', feelin' No remorse, yeah ♪ 448 00:19:56,233 --> 00:19:59,073 ♪ So let's go straight To the motherfuckin' source ♪ 449 00:19:59,133 --> 00:20:00,633 ♪ And see what we can find ♪ 450 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,430 ♪ Crooked-ass cops that pop us And give us a gang of times ♪ 451 00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:05,530 ♪ And now they wanna Make a deal with me ♪ 452 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,930 ♪ Scoop me up And put me on they team ♪ 453 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,630 ♪ And chill with me ♪ 454 00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:11,130 ♪ And make my pockets bigger ♪ 455 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,030 ♪ They want to meet with me Tonight at seven o'clock ♪ 456 00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:14,830 ♪ So what's up, nigga? what you wanna do? ♪ 457 00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:16,000 ♪ What you tryin' to do? ♪ 458 00:20:16,066 --> 00:20:17,396 ♪ I got your gauge, my Uzi ♪ 459 00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:18,996 ♪ And your Motherfuckin' .22 ♪ 460 00:20:19,066 --> 00:20:21,126 ♪ So if you wanna blast, nigga, We can buck 'em ♪ 461 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,430 ♪ If we stick 'em, Then we stuck 'em, so fuck 'em ♪ 462 00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:25,970 ♪ I said, yeah, And you don't stop ♪ 463 00:20:26,033 --> 00:20:29,103 ♪ 'Cause it's 1-8-7 On a motherfuckin' rock ♪ 464 00:20:29,166 --> 00:20:31,126 ♪ Yeah, and you don't stop ♪ 465 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:34,070 ♪ 'Cause it's 1-8-7 On a motherfuckin' rock ♪ 466 00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:35,973 On a motherfuckin' rock? 467 00:20:36,033 --> 00:20:38,033 ♪ 1-8-7 On the motherfuckin'... ♪ 468 00:20:38,100 --> 00:20:39,570 ...rock. That's how I do. 469 00:20:41,333 --> 00:20:43,303 I can't put you on that one. 470 00:20:43,366 --> 00:20:45,126 [cheering and applauding] 471 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,530 I'd like to thank my guest, Snoop Dogg. 472 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,370 I'd like to thank venereal diseases 473 00:20:49,433 --> 00:20:50,703 and the kids and everybody. 474 00:20:50,766 --> 00:20:52,696 And I'd like to thank you at home for watching. 475 00:20:52,766 --> 00:20:54,366 I will see you next week. 476 00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:58,570 [man] I'm rich, biatch! 477 00:20:58,633 --> 00:20:59,473 [horn honking] 478 00:20:59,533 --> 00:21:00,773 [woman] Hi, thank you! 479 00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:05,330 I have what's known as a sexually transmitted disease. 480 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:06,230 [man] How'd you get it? 481 00:21:06,300 --> 00:21:07,470 From fucking. 482 00:21:07,533 --> 00:21:08,733 [chuckles] 483 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,170 [laughing] 484 00:21:17,833 --> 00:21:19,203 [mumbles] 485 00:21:20,166 --> 00:21:23,096 [bottles clinking] 486 00:21:23,166 --> 00:21:24,926 ♪ Breast milk ♪ 487 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,630 [laughing] 488 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:32,230 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33792

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