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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,750 --> 00:00:03,290 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 2 00:00:03,375 --> 00:00:04,625 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 3 00:00:04,708 --> 00:00:06,168 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 4 00:00:06,875 --> 00:00:08,285 ♪ Ow ♪ 5 00:00:09,167 --> 00:00:10,667 ♪ Whoo-hoo-hoo ♪ 6 00:00:11,250 --> 00:00:12,540 ♪ Whoo-hoo ♪ 7 00:00:12,625 --> 00:00:13,665 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 8 00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:17,583 Let's start the show. 9 00:00:21,833 --> 00:00:24,083 [announcer] Dave Chappelle! 10 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,830 [cheers and applause] 11 00:00:32,708 --> 00:00:33,748 Hey, man. 12 00:00:35,167 --> 00:00:36,667 Welcome, everybody. 13 00:00:36,750 --> 00:00:38,000 Welcome back to Chappelle's Show. 14 00:00:38,083 --> 00:00:39,673 I can't believe I'm still on the air, 15 00:00:39,750 --> 00:00:40,710 this is incredible. 16 00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,168 But I've been having fun since the show came out, man. 17 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,000 I've been going out to, like, parties and stuff, 18 00:00:45,875 --> 00:00:46,785 feeling like a big shot. 19 00:00:47,375 --> 00:00:49,205 And I was out at a club, I don't know if y'all knew this, 20 00:00:49,292 --> 00:00:52,922 did y'all know that Jay-Z has a vodka out now? 21 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,500 [man] Yeah, Armadale. 22 00:00:54,583 --> 00:00:56,043 Yeah, what's it called? 23 00:00:56,125 --> 00:00:58,075 -Armadale! -Armadale, for shizzle. 24 00:00:58,167 --> 00:00:59,747 Anyway... 25 00:01:01,042 --> 00:01:03,172 Yes, I didn't know that, man. 26 00:01:03,250 --> 00:01:05,330 These rappers is getting off the hook with it. 27 00:01:05,417 --> 00:01:08,627 These guys are really the new entrepreneurs, man. 28 00:01:08,708 --> 00:01:10,998 They got clothes, they got vodkas. 29 00:01:11,083 --> 00:01:12,753 And then I stayed home the other day, 30 00:01:13,167 --> 00:01:14,167 and you know, when you at home, 31 00:01:14,250 --> 00:01:16,630 you see commercials you don't see in the daytime 32 00:01:16,708 --> 00:01:17,708 that you might see in the nighttime? 33 00:01:18,042 --> 00:01:20,332 You're not going to believe some of the commercials 34 00:01:20,417 --> 00:01:21,627 these guys got. 35 00:01:21,708 --> 00:01:23,708 I got 'em, I tape 'em, here goes one right here. 36 00:01:26,083 --> 00:01:27,083 Hey, what's the matter? 37 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,290 Pam, do you have anything sanitary? 38 00:01:30,708 --> 00:01:32,878 I'm all out and my flow is heavy. 39 00:01:33,958 --> 00:01:35,078 Do I? 40 00:01:35,167 --> 00:01:37,747 Girl, I got something that'll keep your flow 41 00:01:37,833 --> 00:01:39,333 motherfucking tiz-ight! 42 00:01:40,083 --> 00:01:41,383 Motherfucking tiz-ight? 43 00:01:41,458 --> 00:01:43,708 What's up, ladies? my name is Damon Dash, 44 00:01:43,792 --> 00:01:45,212 the CEO of Roc-a-fella records, 45 00:01:45,292 --> 00:01:47,462 and roc-a-fella's about to get all up in that ass... 46 00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:48,422 with Roca-pads. 47 00:01:50,167 --> 00:01:51,577 Roca-pads is 30% more absorbent 48 00:01:51,667 --> 00:01:52,497 than the leading brand. 49 00:01:55,042 --> 00:01:57,132 So if your period is droppin', then, we catch it, 50 00:01:57,208 --> 00:01:58,038 y'know what I mean? 51 00:01:58,125 --> 00:01:59,995 It's the roc, holler! 52 00:02:02,792 --> 00:02:04,042 You feeling fresh now? 53 00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,745 Ooh, for shizzle, my bizzle. 54 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,290 -What are you doing? -What? nothing. 55 00:02:10,667 --> 00:02:12,077 [Dash] So, if your bum is leakin', 56 00:02:12,167 --> 00:02:13,537 you need to be seekin'... 57 00:02:13,625 --> 00:02:15,165 Roca-pads. 58 00:02:15,250 --> 00:02:16,500 It's the roc. 59 00:02:17,583 --> 00:02:21,083 [cheers and applause] 60 00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:26,920 It's incredible... it's incredible, man. 61 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,080 I mean, these dudes are into everything. 62 00:02:29,333 --> 00:02:31,133 Now, you think that that's the worst of it? 63 00:02:31,833 --> 00:02:32,793 Check this one out. 64 00:02:33,542 --> 00:02:34,502 No, I'm serious, look. 65 00:02:38,083 --> 00:02:39,253 [gasping] 66 00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:40,883 It's real shitty down here. 67 00:02:41,208 --> 00:02:43,828 Oh, my... it's Redman. 68 00:02:44,125 --> 00:02:46,415 Hey, hey, where do you get these stains from 69 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,290 with your stinkin' ass?! 70 00:02:49,208 --> 00:02:52,208 It's just so hard to keep my toilet white. 71 00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:56,332 Well, baby, that's why I got the new toilet freshener. 72 00:02:56,417 --> 00:02:58,457 My shit is da bomb, bitch. 73 00:02:58,542 --> 00:03:00,042 I'm telling you! 74 00:03:00,125 --> 00:03:02,205 Redman... well, how does it work? 75 00:03:02,792 --> 00:03:04,792 Well, the motherfucker works, like, 76 00:03:04,875 --> 00:03:06,165 spray it in the toilet, 77 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,880 and the enzymes and shit collaborate together, 78 00:03:08,958 --> 00:03:09,998 and make some kind of mixture 79 00:03:10,333 --> 00:03:13,173 and get all that shit, you got celery and Lima beans 80 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,960 and corn and chicken bones and shit in here. 81 00:03:16,042 --> 00:03:18,542 It was yummy going down. 82 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,330 You need something, why not call on your man? 83 00:03:21,417 --> 00:03:22,377 Holler! 84 00:03:22,458 --> 00:03:23,878 [announcer] Redman potty fresh, 85 00:03:23,958 --> 00:03:25,748 the only toilet bowl cleaner with enzymes and shit 86 00:03:25,833 --> 00:03:27,543 that collaborate together to make some kind of mixture 87 00:03:27,625 --> 00:03:30,075 that gets your toilet bowl sparkling white. 88 00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:32,417 You got those awful stains out. 89 00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:35,710 Flush the toilet with your pancake ass, bitch! 90 00:03:35,792 --> 00:03:37,042 Oops, sorry. 91 00:03:39,417 --> 00:03:41,287 [Redman] Yey, Redman toilet freshener, 92 00:03:41,375 --> 00:03:42,625 I'll get the brown out. 93 00:03:42,708 --> 00:03:43,918 [dinging] 94 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,000 [applause] 95 00:03:51,083 --> 00:03:53,833 I don't know if you guys watch those old NFL films. 96 00:03:53,917 --> 00:03:54,997 They inspire me. 97 00:03:55,083 --> 00:03:58,173 And I think they should also honor regular people 98 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:01,130 the same way that they honor these warriors of football. 99 00:04:01,625 --> 00:04:03,125 I want to honor the people 100 00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:06,078 who get booty under tremendous circumstances. 101 00:04:07,083 --> 00:04:08,293 so, right now I present 102 00:04:08,375 --> 00:04:11,785 "great moments in hook-up history." 103 00:04:11,875 --> 00:04:15,165 [narrator] At the Areola 54 bar and grill, 104 00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:18,415 during the cold November of 1999, 105 00:04:18,750 --> 00:04:22,170 23-year-old Martin Johnson had but one thing on his mind: 106 00:04:22,333 --> 00:04:24,463 A piece of ass. 107 00:04:24,958 --> 00:04:26,628 That was a big night for me. 108 00:04:26,708 --> 00:04:28,168 I'd been on an eight-week losing streak, man. 109 00:04:28,250 --> 00:04:31,540 I needed to pull out a win and I needed it then. 110 00:04:31,625 --> 00:04:33,165 I don't think so. 111 00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:35,630 After a night he chalked up to bad calls, 112 00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:37,422 with time running out, 113 00:04:37,833 --> 00:04:40,963 Johnson had one last fleeting stab at glory. 114 00:04:41,042 --> 00:04:44,712 [woman] Bartender, I would like another drink. 115 00:04:44,792 --> 00:04:46,082 Ashley Evans, 116 00:04:46,167 --> 00:04:49,037 affectionately known throughout the league as "smashly" Evans, 117 00:04:49,625 --> 00:04:51,075 was putting the finishing touches 118 00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:53,877 on a "newly single" party with her friends... 119 00:04:53,958 --> 00:04:56,458 and I would like a man. 120 00:04:57,667 --> 00:04:59,917 When the bartender took away her keys... 121 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:03,170 can anybody take this drunk, horny, crazy woman home? 122 00:05:03,750 --> 00:05:06,380 At that moment, Johnson heard the imminent whistle 123 00:05:06,458 --> 00:05:08,078 from the train of destiny. 124 00:05:08,167 --> 00:05:10,327 [train whistle] 125 00:05:19,083 --> 00:05:22,423 As the pass went up, Johnson sprung into action. 126 00:05:25,917 --> 00:05:29,207 It was Jimmy Mackey's 9th interception of the year, 127 00:05:29,292 --> 00:05:30,962 living up to his reputation 128 00:05:31,042 --> 00:05:33,212 as one of the bad boys of the league. 129 00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,382 Johnson was crushed, 130 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:40,130 but they say perseverance is the hallmark of a champion, 131 00:05:40,833 --> 00:05:43,503 and Martin Johnson had it in spades. 132 00:05:44,375 --> 00:05:45,995 After a night of bad calls, 133 00:05:46,083 --> 00:05:48,833 Johnson finally got a penalty in his favor. 134 00:05:49,833 --> 00:05:51,253 Johnson employed a trick play, 135 00:05:51,667 --> 00:05:54,167 one he hadn't used since his high school days. 136 00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:56,330 Hey, hey, you forgot your scarf. 137 00:05:56,917 --> 00:05:58,627 But it wasn't her scarf. 138 00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:01,078 Young Ashley didn't even own a scarf, 139 00:06:01,167 --> 00:06:02,957 but was too drunk to realize it. 140 00:06:03,042 --> 00:06:04,172 Will you take me home? 141 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,460 Oh, yes, yes, I will. 142 00:06:06,042 --> 00:06:08,002 When opportunity and quick thinking meet, 143 00:06:08,083 --> 00:06:09,923 the way they did that fateful night... 144 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,130 Good evening, sir. 145 00:06:11,208 --> 00:06:13,788 That's a great moment in hook-up history. 146 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,712 [cheers and applause] 147 00:06:18,125 --> 00:06:20,205 Hey, guys, we're gonna take a quick commercial break. 148 00:06:20,292 --> 00:06:22,922 We'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show. 149 00:06:27,083 --> 00:06:29,043 -How's this? -Go! 150 00:06:30,250 --> 00:06:32,250 [speaking in Arabic] 151 00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:44,167 Man, of all the flights to be on, 152 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,210 I gotta ride with them terrorist sons of bitches. 153 00:06:47,042 --> 00:06:48,582 I got my eye on you, al Qaeda. 154 00:06:52,042 --> 00:06:54,212 What are those negroes doing in first class? 155 00:06:54,292 --> 00:06:55,882 Must be rappers. 156 00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,002 I'd better keep an eye on Sara. 157 00:07:02,750 --> 00:07:05,040 Me no trust-em white man. 158 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,285 Me better not go to bathroom. 159 00:07:07,375 --> 00:07:08,955 White man will steal my seat 160 00:07:09,042 --> 00:07:11,212 and call it "manifest destiny". 161 00:07:12,042 --> 00:07:14,172 [snorting] 162 00:07:19,667 --> 00:07:23,037 [ America The Beautiful playing] 163 00:07:26,125 --> 00:07:28,575 [cheering] 164 00:07:33,083 --> 00:07:35,383 You know, I'm glad to see that-- 165 00:07:35,458 --> 00:07:37,918 that there are so many different kinds of people here. 166 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,380 You guys can't see at home-- 167 00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:40,998 at home in the wide shot, 168 00:07:41,083 --> 00:07:44,923 it just looks like a bunch of black people, but it's not. 169 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,000 It's a patchwork, 170 00:07:46,083 --> 00:07:48,753 a multi-ethnic, multi-cultural patchwork. 171 00:07:49,083 --> 00:07:50,793 Now, America's the same way. 172 00:07:51,625 --> 00:07:52,995 and I know a lot of you white people at home 173 00:07:53,083 --> 00:07:54,043 might've had a feeling, 174 00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:56,882 like, you have questions for your black friends 175 00:07:56,958 --> 00:07:59,998 that you want to ask 'em, but you're afraid to ask. 176 00:08:00,792 --> 00:08:02,962 You don't want to alienate yourself or, maybe, 177 00:08:03,708 --> 00:08:04,918 get beat the fuck up. 178 00:08:09,083 --> 00:08:11,753 Well, I wanna promote conversation and dialogue, 179 00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:13,285 so I went on the streets 180 00:08:13,375 --> 00:08:15,035 and gave people the opportunity 181 00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:18,125 to ask all the questions that made them so curious. 182 00:08:18,375 --> 00:08:20,415 And I got comedian Paul Mooney... 183 00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:23,037 [audience] Whoa! 184 00:08:23,333 --> 00:08:26,173 ...to answer these questions for 'em. 185 00:08:26,417 --> 00:08:28,167 If you don't know Paul Mooney, 186 00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:30,210 He was a-- he was a writer 187 00:08:30,042 --> 00:08:31,712 for Richard Pryor for many years, 188 00:08:31,792 --> 00:08:34,042 and some say one of the best comedians working today. 189 00:08:34,542 --> 00:08:36,212 well, one thing's for damn sure, 190 00:08:36,292 --> 00:08:39,172 he's an unofficial sociologist. 191 00:08:39,708 --> 00:08:40,918 Ladies and gentlemen, 192 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,830 it's time for "Ask a Black Dude". 193 00:08:50,208 --> 00:08:51,998 Can black guys jump high? 194 00:08:53,042 --> 00:08:54,292 Yeah, black people can jump high. 195 00:08:54,375 --> 00:08:55,705 You gotta jump, 196 00:08:55,792 --> 00:08:57,292 gotta do something when you're running from the police. 197 00:08:59,833 --> 00:09:02,133 [accented] I ask you, why you walk like this, huh? 198 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,630 All you, always, all you black guy, why? 199 00:09:05,042 --> 00:09:07,082 [mimicking] Why you act like a doo-det-det-det... 200 00:09:07,417 --> 00:09:09,077 black people walk like that 'cause we have style, 201 00:09:09,167 --> 00:09:11,077 we got flavor, we got rhythm. 202 00:09:11,167 --> 00:09:12,827 I mean, the black man in America 203 00:09:12,917 --> 00:09:16,037 is the most copied man on this planet, bar none. 204 00:09:16,417 --> 00:09:18,247 Everybody wanna be a nigger, 205 00:09:18,333 --> 00:09:20,293 but nobody wanna be a nigger, how about that question? 206 00:09:21,125 --> 00:09:22,825 Carol Channing just admitted she was a nigger, 207 00:09:22,917 --> 00:09:24,747 the rest of 'em need to break down and admit it too. 208 00:09:25,125 --> 00:09:27,455 Yeah, why we black people like to smoke so much weed? 209 00:09:27,542 --> 00:09:28,882 Can you tell me why? 210 00:09:28,958 --> 00:09:30,748 Well, I have a question for that nigga. 211 00:09:30,833 --> 00:09:32,213 Well, where are your teeth, nigga? 212 00:09:33,792 --> 00:09:35,082 Black people just like to party. 213 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,918 They have that in their blood 214 00:09:38,042 --> 00:09:39,922 and sometimes they can go overboard and it's real sad. 215 00:09:40,417 --> 00:09:41,707 and don't ask me about drugs, 216 00:09:41,792 --> 00:09:43,132 ask Whitney and bobby, don't ask me that question. 217 00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:45,248 [laughing] 218 00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:55,535 "Everybody wanna be a nigger, but no one wanna be a nigger." 219 00:09:56,542 --> 00:09:58,042 Oh, my God. 220 00:09:58,375 --> 00:10:01,035 Nigga, I am gonna get cancelled for sure. 221 00:10:02,708 --> 00:10:04,828 We're gonna take a quick commercial break 222 00:10:04,917 --> 00:10:07,577 and we'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show. 223 00:10:07,667 --> 00:10:08,997 [cheers and applause] 224 00:10:12,750 --> 00:10:14,880 Ha-ha! Go ahead! 225 00:10:18,875 --> 00:10:22,455 Good evening and welcome to inside Chappelle's Show studio. 226 00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:25,173 We're here tonight to celebrate the career 227 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,460 of a brilliant young man. 228 00:10:27,083 --> 00:10:29,963 comedian, actor, artist, magician, 229 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,790 and, some would say, 230 00:10:33,125 --> 00:10:35,205 a smooth, pimped-out player from the streets 231 00:10:35,292 --> 00:10:36,792 that knows how to get his. 232 00:10:38,042 --> 00:10:40,172 [lease welcome David Chappelle. 233 00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:42,170 [applause] 234 00:10:47,542 --> 00:10:49,002 Thank you. 235 00:10:49,292 --> 00:10:52,042 It's overwhelming, I'm so used to taping a comedy show. 236 00:10:52,125 --> 00:10:54,245 This is-- this is incredible. 237 00:10:54,333 --> 00:10:55,633 Thank you, William. 238 00:10:55,708 --> 00:10:57,458 You've done over 74 films. 239 00:10:57,917 --> 00:10:59,747 We'll cover what time allows. 240 00:11:01,250 --> 00:11:04,210 David, in 1987, you burst onto the scene 241 00:11:04,292 --> 00:11:05,922 with one of the most auspicious debuts 242 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,040 in modern times. 243 00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,035 I'm talking, of course, about your portrayal 244 00:11:09,125 --> 00:11:10,785 of private Jackson 245 00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:13,165 in "Fighting Charlie with Mr. Charlie". 246 00:11:13,250 --> 00:11:14,630 Yeah. 247 00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:17,208 [applause] 248 00:11:18,917 --> 00:11:20,747 Thank you, thank you. 249 00:11:20,833 --> 00:11:24,753 Here it is, your breathtaking, Oscar-nominated performance. 250 00:11:25,042 --> 00:11:27,132 [Chappelle] Ahh... 251 00:11:28,125 --> 00:11:32,205 Ahh... ow, little help! 252 00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:34,375 Ahh! 253 00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:37,880 Damn, dog, what took you so long? 254 00:11:38,542 --> 00:11:40,132 They got me, ahh! 255 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,080 Who you calling? 256 00:11:43,042 --> 00:11:44,172 Who that, the police? 257 00:11:44,875 --> 00:11:47,035 Tell 'em I got shot by some Chinese gangsters. 258 00:11:47,458 --> 00:11:49,038 I can describe 'em. 259 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,285 Mmm, hello, police? 260 00:11:51,375 --> 00:11:52,705 [man] Jackson! 261 00:11:52,792 --> 00:11:54,212 Get out of here, he's too far gone. 262 00:11:54,042 --> 00:11:55,382 Word? 263 00:11:55,458 --> 00:11:56,578 It'll be alright, soldier. 264 00:11:56,667 --> 00:11:58,997 You made America proud, you're a damn hero, son. 265 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,500 Hey...hey, you sneakin'. 266 00:12:02,292 --> 00:12:03,672 You might as well just shoot yourself in the stomach 267 00:12:03,750 --> 00:12:05,210 and come lay down with me. 268 00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:06,673 They're gonna see you. 269 00:12:07,208 --> 00:12:09,668 I was sneakin' the same way, sarge. 270 00:12:10,208 --> 00:12:11,418 Ahh! 271 00:12:14,083 --> 00:12:16,463 Permission to carry out one last mission, sir? 272 00:12:16,542 --> 00:12:18,082 What is it, soldier? 273 00:12:19,583 --> 00:12:21,083 Permission to die, sarge. 274 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,130 Permission granted. 275 00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:25,542 You report to heaven at 0800 hours, 276 00:12:25,625 --> 00:12:27,075 and that's an order, soldier. 277 00:12:27,333 --> 00:12:29,753 I'll tell 'em, "Uncle Sam sent me." 278 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,790 Why, God, why?! 279 00:12:33,250 --> 00:12:35,920 Don't ask God... ask Nixon. 280 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:39,080 Why, Nixon, why?! 281 00:12:39,542 --> 00:12:41,332 Ow! Death! 282 00:12:44,042 --> 00:12:46,172 I'd love some pussy before I go, ahh... 283 00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:50,707 [applause] 284 00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:53,880 After "Mr. Charlie", 285 00:12:53,958 --> 00:12:55,878 you took what many considered the role of a lifetime 286 00:12:55,958 --> 00:12:57,748 when you played the Duke of Yorkville 287 00:12:57,833 --> 00:12:59,583 in "improper inquisitions". 288 00:12:59,667 --> 00:13:03,167 [applause] 289 00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:07,130 Let's take a look. 290 00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:11,830 [British accent] My lady, my lady, don't run from me. 291 00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:13,917 My lady... hey! 292 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,000 My lord, I need to know, 293 00:13:17,125 --> 00:13:18,665 'twas there another maiden in our bed? 294 00:13:18,750 --> 00:13:20,500 Sayeth what? 295 00:13:22,167 --> 00:13:25,127 It appears as though my lady has been rummaging 296 00:13:25,208 --> 00:13:26,578 through my things... 297 00:13:27,958 --> 00:13:32,498 and foundeth her... her birthday present early. 298 00:13:33,542 --> 00:13:36,002 Yes, surprise! 299 00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:39,633 Lieth not, my lord, I prithee. 300 00:13:40,417 --> 00:13:43,707 The last maiden that accused me of lying, 301 00:13:43,792 --> 00:13:48,172 I stuck my foot betwixt her buttocks so ravagely... 302 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,290 Ahh! 303 00:13:49,375 --> 00:13:55,035 That it broketh off and snappeth as the twig doth snap! 304 00:13:58,625 --> 00:14:00,825 So, my lady, I invite thee 305 00:14:01,125 --> 00:14:04,285 to come and watch me unsheath my sword 306 00:14:04,375 --> 00:14:08,325 and swing it and swing it upon thee! 307 00:14:08,417 --> 00:14:09,327 Bringeth! 308 00:14:10,792 --> 00:14:13,632 Ooh, oh, ow, oh... 309 00:14:14,875 --> 00:14:19,285 Oh, oh... oh, well... 310 00:14:20,125 --> 00:14:21,415 Hmm... 311 00:14:21,833 --> 00:14:23,253 It seems as though the boudoir, 312 00:14:23,333 --> 00:14:24,883 perhaps won't be necessary. 313 00:14:25,708 --> 00:14:27,128 I've soiled my Pantaloon. 314 00:14:27,917 --> 00:14:29,627 I'm going to get a bowl of cereal. 315 00:14:29,708 --> 00:14:30,878 You get some rest, ta-ta. 316 00:14:31,292 --> 00:14:33,292 ♪ Bip-i-dee-bop... Bip-i-dee-bop... ♪ 317 00:14:34,042 --> 00:14:36,172 [applause] 318 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,170 Thank you. 319 00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:39,750 David, I've spoken to many actors 320 00:14:39,833 --> 00:14:41,503 who have played the physically challenged. 321 00:14:41,833 --> 00:14:44,383 When Daniel Day-Lewis saw your performance 322 00:14:44,458 --> 00:14:46,668 in "little foot, long foot", he threw up. 323 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,580 In the movie, you played Stanley, 324 00:14:50,083 --> 00:14:52,423 a handicapped man with a heart of gold. 325 00:14:52,917 --> 00:14:54,037 It's visual poetry. 326 00:14:54,125 --> 00:14:55,165 Thank you. 327 00:14:59,542 --> 00:15:00,632 [Chappelle] Short foot... 328 00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:02,167 Long foot... 329 00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:06,288 Little foot... 330 00:15:06,750 --> 00:15:08,040 Long foot... 331 00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:09,882 Ahh! 332 00:15:10,958 --> 00:15:12,038 [man] Sir, let me help you. 333 00:15:12,125 --> 00:15:17,035 Ahh, get your damned hands off of me! 334 00:15:18,958 --> 00:15:20,378 But, sir, the wet floor... 335 00:15:20,458 --> 00:15:22,208 Shut up-- oh! 336 00:15:26,542 --> 00:15:28,002 Ahh! 337 00:15:32,375 --> 00:15:36,165 I don't need your damn pity. 338 00:15:37,042 --> 00:15:39,082 Aah! 339 00:15:43,083 --> 00:15:46,173 Ahh! Hey, ahh, get away! 340 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,630 Sir, I don't want you to slip on my skateboard. 341 00:15:47,708 --> 00:15:50,128 Shut your damn mouth, you pothead! 342 00:15:51,208 --> 00:15:55,078 [audio in slow speed] Aah... aah... aah! 343 00:16:12,417 --> 00:16:14,497 May I have a double cheeseburger... 344 00:16:16,292 --> 00:16:17,252 a large fry... 345 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,040 and something cold to drink? 346 00:16:24,875 --> 00:16:28,245 [applause] 347 00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:40,997 And a cherry pie! 348 00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:44,878 [applause continues] 349 00:16:47,667 --> 00:16:48,957 And a milkshake! 350 00:16:52,875 --> 00:16:54,125 Aah! 351 00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:59,000 [applause] 352 00:17:00,208 --> 00:17:02,128 Dave Chappelle, thank you. 353 00:17:02,208 --> 00:17:03,578 Thank you, thank you. 354 00:17:03,667 --> 00:17:05,377 [applause] 355 00:17:09,125 --> 00:17:10,875 ♪ Chappelle's Show Ow ♪ 356 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,000 Whoo! 357 00:17:16,292 --> 00:17:18,922 Whoo, oh, snap! What's up, dog? 358 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,000 If you let one drop hit this motherfuckin' waverunner, 359 00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:24,833 I'm a kick your motherfuckin' ass. 360 00:17:25,708 --> 00:17:26,458 Deborah? 361 00:17:27,375 --> 00:17:29,415 Oh, girl, I should shit on you. 362 00:17:29,833 --> 00:17:31,673 Hey, when you're done, close the motherfuckin' lid 363 00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:33,500 'cause we got some business we got to take care of, 364 00:17:33,583 --> 00:17:34,633 you know what I mean? 365 00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,080 I should pee on y'all like R. Kelly. 366 00:17:41,125 --> 00:17:43,495 I would like to thank my studio audience. 367 00:17:43,583 --> 00:17:46,003 And I'd like to thank you at home for watching the show. 368 00:17:49,167 --> 00:17:50,917 [man] I'm rich, biatch! 369 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,040 [horn honks] 370 00:17:52,125 --> 00:17:52,995 Hi, thank you. 371 00:17:58,458 --> 00:18:00,578 Roca-pads is 30 more absorbent than the leading brand... 372 00:18:02,542 --> 00:18:05,172 I can't say that [bleep]. "If your period is droppin'... 373 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,580 [laughs] We catch it." 374 00:18:07,458 --> 00:18:11,708 I can't say that sh-- Yo, let me see that-- 375 00:18:11,792 --> 00:18:13,212 Roca-pads is 30 more percent absorbent 376 00:18:13,292 --> 00:18:14,252 than the leading brand. 377 00:18:14,333 --> 00:18:15,833 [man] 30% more. 378 00:18:15,917 --> 00:18:17,167 I know how to read, man. 379 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,380 What the [bleep] is wrong with you? 380 00:18:19,208 --> 00:18:20,578 You're so young, Jackson. 381 00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,627 -I'm only 19. -19? 382 00:18:22,708 --> 00:18:24,498 N-n-n-nineteen. 383 00:18:25,708 --> 00:18:27,828 Red, is my career down there? 384 00:18:27,878 --> 00:18:32,428 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 27512

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