Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,020 --> 00:00:03,375
? Oh, Mandy
2
00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:06,895
? Well, you came and you gave
without taking
3
00:00:07,020 --> 00:00:09,855
? But I sent you away
4
00:00:09,980 --> 00:00:12,015
? Oh, Mandy
5
00:00:12,140 --> 00:00:16,535
? Well, you kissed me and stopped me
from shaking
6
00:00:16,660 --> 00:00:19,295
? And I need you today
7
00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,575
? Oh, Mandy. ?
8
00:00:21,700 --> 00:00:24,895
Lucky heather, dear?
Oh, no, no, thanks.
9
00:00:25,020 --> 00:00:27,175
Get yourself some good luck.
No, I'm all right.
10
00:00:27,300 --> 00:00:29,455
For the pretty lady on a lovely day.
No, I'm OK.
11
00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:32,695
It's only a pound.No, honestly.
Fuck you, then!
12
00:00:32,820 --> 00:00:34,055
You're going to die!
13
00:00:34,180 --> 00:00:37,375
SHE INCANTS, THUNDER RUMBLES
14
00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:39,535
SHE CACKLES
15
00:00:39,660 --> 00:00:43,300
SHE INCANTS
16
00:00:44,780 --> 00:00:46,340
SHE COUGHS
17
00:00:47,740 --> 00:00:49,935
SHE HISSES
18
00:00:50,060 --> 00:00:52,015
It were dead scary, Lola.
19
00:00:52,140 --> 00:00:54,735
I'm worried she's put
a curse on me or something.
20
00:00:54,860 --> 00:00:57,695
Hey, are you going to stay up
on Friday and watch for the comet?
21
00:00:57,820 --> 00:01:00,535
The what? The comet. An asteroid
22
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:02,575
It only comes every 76 years.
23
00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:05,215
Oh, who gives a toss?
I never look up, me.
24
00:01:05,340 --> 00:01:07,855
Wouldn't even give it
the satisfaction of craning me neck.
25
00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:10,655
This is the closest to Earth
the comet has ever been.
26
00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:12,975
They say you will be able
to see it with a naked eye.
27
00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:15,535
What the fuck's a naked eye?
Sounds disgusting.
28
00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:17,855
I've been reading all about it.
29
00:01:17,980 --> 00:01:21,055
They say the comet is meant
to be a bad omen.
30
00:01:21,180 --> 00:01:24,215
The last time it came,
we got the Spanish flu.
31
00:01:24,340 --> 00:01:26,575
The time before that, vampires.
32
00:01:26,700 --> 00:01:28,255
MANDY SIGHS
33
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,175
Fucking hell, that's all I need.
34
00:01:30,300 --> 00:01:37,500
MUSIC: Messa da Requiem -
Dies Irae by Giuseppe Verdi
35
00:02:12,580 --> 00:02:14,100
Oh, my God!
36
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,415
PHONE VIBRATES
37
00:02:21,540 --> 00:02:23,815
Hello.Oh, God, Lola! Lola!
38
00:02:23,940 --> 00:02:24,895
What is it, Mandy?
39
00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:27,375
I've just got home
and there's a note through the door.
40
00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:29,815
It says, "You know what
I'm here for. The Terminator"
41
00:02:29,940 --> 00:02:31,295
It's from the Terminator!
42
00:02:31,420 --> 00:02:33,815
The Terminator?
Who is the Terminator?
43
00:02:33,940 --> 00:02:36,055
I don't know, but he's not a mobile
hairdresser, is he?
44
00:02:36,180 --> 00:02:37,735
Maybe a hit man or something.
45
00:02:37,860 --> 00:02:40,135
Oh, God, Lola, why didn't I just buy
the heather?
46
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:41,855
You should always buy the heather,
Mandy!
47
00:02:41,980 --> 00:02:43,895
Just to be on the safe side.
48
00:02:44,020 --> 00:02:46,060
I know. I've been really stupid.
49
00:02:47,620 --> 00:02:49,255
Oh, Lola, can you come over?
50
00:02:49,380 --> 00:02:51,775
I don't think I can face
being here on me own tonight.
51
00:02:51,900 --> 00:02:53,695
No, I don't think I can.
52
00:02:53,820 --> 00:02:56,895
Look, I know I'm late to the party,
but I wanted to binge-watch
53
00:02:57,020 --> 00:02:59,415
King Tiger tonight,
and you don't have Netflix.
54
00:02:59,540 --> 00:03:01,055
But I'm all alone here, Lola.
55
00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:03,015
I'll come and check on you
in the morning.
56
00:03:03,140 --> 00:03:05,735
You need to make a list of people
who might want you dead
57
00:03:05,860 --> 00:03:08,055
and eliminate them one by one.
58
00:03:08,180 --> 00:03:10,495
When you say eliminate,
what do you mean?
59
00:03:10,620 --> 00:03:12,175
Apologise to them.
60
00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:14,900
Oh, right.
I mean, who'd want me dead?
61
00:03:16,580 --> 00:03:20,335
I suppose I told Linda Chaffinch
I didn't like her choppy bob once.
62
00:03:20,460 --> 00:03:23,775
Can't be that, surely.
She can be quite small minded.
63
00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:25,455
Or there was Derek Dribbs.
64
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,295
He asked me out,
but I turned him down.
65
00:03:27,420 --> 00:03:30,815
Nothing personal. He just stank
and had a bit of a wet beard.
66
00:03:30,940 --> 00:03:32,335
And there was Donna Ball.
67
00:03:32,460 --> 00:03:33,895
Let her down in a bank robbery
68
00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:36,055
and now she's doing 15 years
as a result.
69
00:03:36,180 --> 00:03:37,580
What do you think, Lol?
70
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,860
Lol? Lol?!
71
00:03:43,820 --> 00:03:46,775
Hello, is that Derek Dribbs?
72
00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:49,820
Ah... Hiya. It's Mandy,
Mandy Carter.
73
00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:52,375
Yeah. I, um...
74
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:55,135
I just wanted to apologise
for the way I turned you down
75
00:03:55,260 --> 00:03:57,255
when you asked me out.
76
00:03:57,380 --> 00:04:00,815
Yeah, I know, I know, it was a long
time ago, but I was a bit rude
77
00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:03,855
and I just wanted to apologise.
78
00:04:03,980 --> 00:04:06,455
Yeah, I know, I know. I should have
turned you down to your face.
79
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,655
Yeah, not put an advert
in the local paper.
80
00:04:09,780 --> 00:04:12,615
All right. Yep.
All right, thanks. Bye, bye.
81
00:04:12,740 --> 00:04:15,820
MUSIC: Messa da Requiem -
Dies Irae by Giuseppe Verdi
82
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:31,895
All right, Lol?
83
00:04:32,020 --> 00:04:34,695
Oh, Mandy, you look terrible.
84
00:04:34,820 --> 00:04:37,455
Been up all night,
apologising to people.
85
00:04:37,580 --> 00:04:39,015
Someone's out to kill me, Lol.
86
00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:40,735
I know.
87
00:04:40,860 --> 00:04:42,975
I thought this article
might help you.
88
00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:45,215
I doubt there's anything that
could help me now, Lol,
89
00:04:45,340 --> 00:04:47,055
unless it's a second chance of life.
90
00:04:47,180 --> 00:04:49,060
That's exactly what it is!
91
00:04:50,140 --> 00:04:51,855
"I had sex with Hitler's ghost"?
92
00:04:51,980 --> 00:04:54,455
No, below that.
"I got Aids from a cardigan"?
93
00:04:54,580 --> 00:04:56,415
No, below that.
"I married my own mum"?
94
00:04:56,540 --> 00:04:58,975
No, below that.
"24 great quiche recipes"?
95
00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:01,175
No, below that.
"My second chance at life"?
96
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:03,535
Second chance at life, Mandy.
97
00:05:03,660 --> 00:05:05,695
That's what you need.
98
00:05:05,820 --> 00:05:07,860
Cryogenics.
99
00:05:09,060 --> 00:05:10,775
Freezing human life.
100
00:05:10,900 --> 00:05:14,295
I've never heard of cryogenics.
They've kept that quiet.
101
00:05:14,420 --> 00:05:15,975
No-one tells me anything.
102
00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:17,855
Well, it's still in its infancy,
103
00:05:17,980 --> 00:05:19,855
like aromatherapy and ear candling.
104
00:05:19,980 --> 00:05:21,695
They freeze your body when you die
105
00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:23,375
and then in
a few hundred years' time
106
00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:26,255
when they've worked out what to do,
they bring you back to life.
107
00:05:26,380 --> 00:05:29,855
Hm. Amazing.
Yes. It's very expensive, though.
108
00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:32,895
How much? �80,000.
109
00:05:33,020 --> 00:05:36,255
Oh, Lol, why come here and tease me
with something I could never afford?
110
00:05:36,380 --> 00:05:38,655
Well, I still think we should go
and see them.
111
00:05:38,780 --> 00:05:40,815
Maybe you can pay in instalments.
112
00:05:40,940 --> 00:05:43,495
Just the head? You can freeze
just the head?
113
00:05:43,620 --> 00:05:46,695
Yes. It's only �30,000
and you can always decide later
114
00:05:46,820 --> 00:05:48,815
if you want to attach a donor body.
115
00:05:48,940 --> 00:05:50,855
But I've got lovely long legs.
116
00:05:50,980 --> 00:05:52,935
Will my donor have lovely long
legs?
117
00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:55,735
Well, it might be a case of beggars
not being choosers, I'm afraid,
118
00:05:55,860 --> 00:05:57,710
but I can always pop it
in your notes.
119
00:05:59,020 --> 00:06:02,580
Lovely long legs.
120
00:06:04,540 --> 00:06:05,895
And can anything go wrong?
121
00:06:06,020 --> 00:06:07,175
I'll be honest with you, Mandy,
122
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,695
there are a great number
of things that can go wrong,
123
00:06:09,820 --> 00:06:11,535
the main one being pain.
124
00:06:11,660 --> 00:06:13,615
We just don't know how
the human body
125
00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:15,735
can handle being frozen for so long.
126
00:06:15,860 --> 00:06:18,815
There is a possibility
that you could be in great agony.
127
00:06:18,940 --> 00:06:21,980
Could you pop it me notes that
I'd like a couple of Nurofen?
128
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:25,055
Yes.
129
00:06:25,180 --> 00:06:26,340
Nurofen.
130
00:06:27,580 --> 00:06:29,935
Also, Mandy - and I'm sure
you've already considered this -
131
00:06:30,060 --> 00:06:33,455
but, um...you won't know anybody.
132
00:06:33,580 --> 00:06:36,175
You'll be all alone
in the modern world.
133
00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:39,135
Why don't you get it done?
Then we can be thawed out together.
134
00:06:39,260 --> 00:06:41,495
We do have an offer on
at the moment.BOGOF?
135
00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:42,975
I don't know, Mandy.
136
00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:45,055
I feel like it's tampering
with nature,
137
00:06:45,180 --> 00:06:46,895
like Frankenstein or something.
138
00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:48,335
It's the future.
139
00:06:48,460 --> 00:06:53,695
I mean, imagine Einstein or
Isambard Kingdom Brunel being frozen
140
00:06:53,820 --> 00:06:56,695
and having the technology
now to revive them?
141
00:06:56,820 --> 00:06:59,535
Who? Imagine showing them
Google Maps.
142
00:06:59,660 --> 00:07:01,095
Yeah, or a fidget spinner.
143
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:03,015
Or YouTube.
Yeah. Or Deliveroo.
144
00:07:03,140 --> 00:07:04,455
Would you like some fried chicken
145
00:07:04,580 --> 00:07:06,735
and a Fanta in the next 20 minutes,
man from the past?
146
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,415
Or Amazon.Amazon Prime.
147
00:07:08,540 --> 00:07:10,655
You need a new hole punch,
with Amazon Prime,
148
00:07:10,780 --> 00:07:12,815
you can get it delivered
the very same day.
149
00:07:12,940 --> 00:07:15,695
Mm. They'd wonder with awe
at how far we'd come.
150
00:07:15,820 --> 00:07:18,655
Imagine showing them a plane!
Yeah, they'd shit their pants.
151
00:07:18,780 --> 00:07:20,780
Or TikTok.
OK!
152
00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:25,015
Um... If you take those pamphlets
away with you
153
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:26,860
and let me know what you think.
154
00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:31,135
Uh-huh...
155
00:07:31,260 --> 00:07:33,455
CHAIR VIBRATES
156
00:07:33,580 --> 00:07:35,480
VOICE SHAKES:
Lola, I've been thinking.
157
00:07:37,060 --> 00:07:40,015
I don't think I will get
cryogenically frozen after all.
158
00:07:40,140 --> 00:07:41,495
It's too expensive.
159
00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:45,220
Oh, look. Kylie's got
a new young, French boyfriend.
160
00:07:46,780 --> 00:07:48,855
I'm going to face me fate
with dignity.
161
00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:51,255
He looks very handsome.
162
00:07:51,380 --> 00:07:53,015
I hope this one doesn't mess her
around
163
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,740
like all her other handsome,
young French boyfriends.
164
00:07:57,460 --> 00:07:59,855
Anyway, I just thought
I'd let you know
165
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,215
I'm going to go home and
have me last meal
166
00:08:02,340 --> 00:08:04,335
before the Terminator comes.
167
00:08:04,460 --> 00:08:07,255
I've had a massive jacket potato
in the oven since Wednesday.
168
00:08:07,380 --> 00:08:09,695
How big is this potato?
It's massive, Lola.
169
00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:11,575
You don't want it to be hard
in the middle.
170
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,095
No, I know. There's nothing worse.
171
00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:15,015
Did you microwave it first?No.
172
00:08:15,140 --> 00:08:17,775
Cos it's been in for a few days,
I thought it'd be fine.
173
00:08:17,900 --> 00:08:20,575
Did you prick it?
No!
174
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:22,535
I've had a lot on me mind, Lola.
175
00:08:22,660 --> 00:08:25,615
I've had death threats,
I've had ancient curses,
176
00:08:25,740 --> 00:08:28,735
so forgive me if I forgot
to prick me bloody jacket potato!
177
00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:32,540
MUSIC: Messa da Requiem -
Dies Irae by Giuseppe Verdi
178
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:54,815
You know what I'm here for.
The Terminator.
179
00:08:54,940 --> 00:08:56,815
The Terminator!
180
00:08:56,940 --> 00:08:58,775
Oh, God, just make it quick.
181
00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:01,940
You what? No, I'm a bailiff,
here on behalf of Blockbusters.
182
00:09:03,420 --> 00:09:05,855
Blockbusters?
The video rental company.
183
00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:08,375
You took out a copy
of The Terminator in 1986
184
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:10,015
and never returned it.
185
00:09:10,140 --> 00:09:12,615
What...? Did I?
186
00:09:12,740 --> 00:09:14,380
Wait here.
187
00:09:34,580 --> 00:09:37,015
Yeah, you're right. I did.
Do you want it back? Yes, please.
188
00:09:37,140 --> 00:09:39,575
Even though this format
is completely obsolete now.
189
00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:41,775
Do I owe you any money or anything?
No.
190
00:09:41,900 --> 00:09:44,055
Now it's been returned,
I'll cancel the fines.
191
00:09:44,180 --> 00:09:46,335
Given that Blockbuster ceased
trading in 2013,
192
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:48,735
I would think this is the last
you'll be hearing from us.
193
00:09:48,860 --> 00:09:51,015
OK.
As long as you rewound it.Yeah.
194
00:09:51,140 --> 00:09:52,380
Bye, then.
195
00:09:58,580 --> 00:10:00,015
Me giant potato!
196
00:10:00,140 --> 00:10:02,820
MUSIC: Messa da Requiem -
Dies Irae by Giuseppe Verdi
197
00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:07,415
MAN, ON PHONE: Emergency.
Which service do you require?
198
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,855
Oh, thank God, I've been trying
to get through to you for hours.
199
00:10:09,980 --> 00:10:12,535
Do you have anyone who deals
with jacket potatoes?
200
00:10:12,660 --> 00:10:13,735
Is this a wind-up?
201
00:10:13,860 --> 00:10:16,815
No, no.
I think it's going to explode.
202
00:10:16,940 --> 00:10:19,615
That's Fire, then. I can try putting
you through to the fire station,
203
00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:21,855
but I don't think there's anyone
there at the moment.
204
00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:24,855
They're all out looking
for this comet. What's the problem?
205
00:10:24,980 --> 00:10:27,735
I've had a massive jacket potato
in the oven for days
206
00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:30,220
and I...I forgot to prick it.
207
00:10:31,260 --> 00:10:32,775
You forgot to prick it?Yes.
208
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,615
OK, here's what I'm going to need
you to do.
209
00:10:34,740 --> 00:10:36,500
ALARM BEEPS, DEEP RUMBLING
210
00:10:50,220 --> 00:10:53,375
After being watched fly through
the night sky by millions of people
211
00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:56,935
across the country, the comet
crashed to Earth here,
212
00:10:57,060 --> 00:10:59,735
in this normal front garden
in Radcliffe.
213
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:02,695
To think that the comet travelled
literally hundreds of thousands
214
00:11:02,820 --> 00:11:05,815
of light years across the sky
and crashed here
215
00:11:05,940 --> 00:11:09,215
in this ordinary garden is amazing.
216
00:11:09,340 --> 00:11:11,255
As you can see, it's still
smouldering
217
00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:13,375
from the sheer heat inside it.
218
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:15,500
RINGTONE
219
00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:19,495
Hello? Hey, Neil.
220
00:11:19,620 --> 00:11:21,695
Could you put me on to the
owner of the house, please?
221
00:11:21,820 --> 00:11:23,575
Oh, right. It's for you.
222
00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:24,900
You what?
223
00:11:26,380 --> 00:11:27,335
Hello.
224
00:11:27,460 --> 00:11:28,535
Hello. Is that your garden?
225
00:11:28,660 --> 00:11:31,095
Who's asking?
It's Professor Cox.
226
00:11:31,220 --> 00:11:32,335
Sounds like a porn name.
227
00:11:32,460 --> 00:11:34,895
No, I'm a scientist who's allowed to
speak to normal people
228
00:11:35,020 --> 00:11:36,415
because I've got a northern accent.
229
00:11:36,540 --> 00:11:40,855
But this comet, can I buy it off you
on behalf of the Science Museum
230
00:11:40,980 --> 00:11:42,495
for �20,000?
231
00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:44,855
Make it 30 and
you've got yourself a deal.
232
00:11:44,980 --> 00:11:49,415
Deal. You've done a great service
for science in this country.
233
00:11:49,540 --> 00:11:50,775
Thanks.
234
00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:52,735
I'll send a courier around
to pick it up.
235
00:11:52,860 --> 00:11:55,220
Oh, don't bother,
I'll pop it in a Jiffy bag.
236
00:12:12,140 --> 00:12:13,935
There she is.
237
00:12:14,060 --> 00:12:15,740
Come on, waking up now.
238
00:12:16,940 --> 00:12:19,340
Good, good, good, good.
239
00:12:21,420 --> 00:12:23,935
Mandy, we've brought you back
to life.
240
00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:27,415
The year is 3035 and, yeah,
you'll be pleased to hear
241
00:12:27,540 --> 00:12:31,255
that the thawing process
was a complete success.
242
00:12:31,380 --> 00:12:33,015
So, how are you feeling?
243
00:12:33,140 --> 00:12:35,815
I feel fine, actually.
OK, good.
244
00:12:35,940 --> 00:12:37,815
Now, even though we managed
to revive you,
245
00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:40,055
we are still looking for a donor.
246
00:12:40,180 --> 00:12:42,860
A donor? For what?
247
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,420
For your body.
248
00:12:47,620 --> 00:12:49,900
Oh! Fucking hell!
249
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:53,335
Would you like a Nurofen
or anything?
250
00:12:53,460 --> 00:12:55,415
Yeah, I wouldn't mind, actually.
A couple.
251
00:12:55,540 --> 00:12:58,255
And the naproxen as well,
if you want, just take the edge off.
252
00:12:58,380 --> 00:13:04,020
MUSIC: Messa da Requiem -
Dies Irae by Giuseppe Verdi
253
00:13:04,070 --> 00:13:08,620
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
19529
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.