All language subtitles for Maybe.Baby.1988.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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- Okay.

Swabbed the decks.

Did the old barbecue.

What's next?

- Place mats.

But, we're eating outside
why do we need 'em?

- It looks prettier.

- Oh, you look prettier.

- Aw, here it's ready, taste.

- Mm, it needs something.

- Oh yeah?

- Perfect.

- Oh honey, place mats.

- Right.

- I've got all this work
to do and Casey's always

at least an hour early.

- Now, remind me again why
did we invite 'em over?

- It's your birthday and
they're your children.

- Okay, so if it's my
birthday how come I have to

do all this work?

- You don't have to.

We could call the whole thing off.

- Fine.

- No presents.

- Hmm, I'm thinking.

I'll do the place mats.

- I love you.

- How much, a lot, a little?

- I'll show you later.

- Sarah, Molly stop fighting.

- They're here, honey.

- Already, that's an all time record.

- Come on honey.

- Give me one more minute.

- Too late, prepare for
attack, here they come.

- Hi grandpa.

- Hi, oh give me kisses.

- I know we're early but I wanted to beat

the beach traffic.

- And yes, my darling daughter
and her darling husband.

- Get higher.

- You get higher.

- These are new shoes, they aren't dirty.

- But the bottoms are
dirty, come on, come on

you know the rules.

- Ours are Scotchguarded.

- Girls, why don't you
take your stuff outside.

- Yeah.

- There's a good idea,
come on, won't that be fun.

Come on, let's go on outside.

- Yeah, Vince, just
relax, lunch in a minute.

I'm meeting with the District
Supervisor on Monday morning.

Why?

- Don't tell me the
mayor calls on Sundays.

- Can't make a move without her.

- But, doesn't that drive you crazy?

That would drive me crazy.

- Everything drives you crazy.

- Oh, here you go pal.

You look adorable, you know that?

You look great.

- Happy Birthday, Dad.
- Thank you.

- Presents.
- We made it.

- Uncle Mark, Uncle Mark.

- Sarah and Molly, oh.

- Better late than never.

- I'm sorry we're so late.

We got caught in the beach traffic.

- Yeah, sure, sure.

Hey, how you doing pal?

- All right, I'd like you all to meet

Doctor Elizabeth Herring.

- Doctor, hi.

- Hi, Liz will do nicely, happy Birthday.

- Yeah, happy birthday.

- Thank you very much.

- Liz, have a seat.

- Thank you.

- Well, what do we have here?

- Oh Sarah, that's only for grown ups.

- It's just guacamole,
she had it the last time.

- And, I was up half the night with her.

Children shouldn't eat exotic food.

Liz, you're a doctor, do you think that

children should eat exotic food?

- Aw, well I'm not a
pediatrician but I'd say

it depends on the child
and the child's mother.

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

- Don't peek grandpa.

- Okay.

♪ Which nobody can deny ♪

- Okay, can I open my eyes now?

- Yeah.

- Oh my goodness, a birthday cake.

- Happy birthday.
- Thank you sweetheart.

My goodness what a big
surprise, a birthday cake.

- How old are you grandpa?

- I'm 42 and a half.

- Oh Dad, honestly, there is
no reason to lie to a child.

There's nothing to be ashamed of.

Grandpa is 57, Molly.

That's more than 10 times your age.

- Oh, I hope your kids turn
on you when they grow up.

- I know, where's Sarah?

- Oh, she's probably in the bathroom.

She likes playing in the sink.

- Oh, she can't hurt herself.

- Oh, we had a little accident.

- Oh my god, is she hurt?

- Oh no, but I hope this wasn't important.

- Our Viennese porcelain.

- I guess I should have reminded you to

child-proof the house.

- I child-proofed the living
room, this was in the den.

- Little hands can open door knobs.

- Look, we'll buy another
one in the morning.

- It's from Vienna, it's
an antique signed original.

It's not important.

- I'm sorry grandpa.

- Well, that's okay sweetheart.

Listen, you wanna know a secret?

I never like that thing anyway.

I'm glad you broke it, okay, thank you.

You want some cake?

- Yeah.

- You wanna big piece?

- Yeah.

- Is this big enough for ya?

Can you handle that?

You want some too?

Here, take this one, cheers.

- Did you have a good birthday, Dad?

- I particularly liked the last present.

- Well, it was kind of a
present for both of us.

- Yeah, I had a wonderful day.

- Yeah, I just wish Casey
would relax a little.

- Are you kidding, with those two kids?

- They are a handful.

- Right about now she's
wrestling with those

two little monkeys all
pumped full of sugar.

Bruce has made about 50 trips for water.

Oh, not very romantic,
believe me, been there.

- I like our life.

- The perfect life.

Absolutely perfect.

- The bridge dedication is at 4:30.

The community board meeting is at six.

Of course we'll make it, that's why

God invented helicopters.

- Almost ready.

- I'll see you back at
the office, bye-bye.

Hal, what is in those?

- Oh, onions, anchovies,
a little Greek olives.

- Oh listen, don't make
any plans for the 15th.

There's a dinner for the governor.

- Okay.

- And I'm going to start warning you now

the Beltway Benefit on
the 19th it's black tie

so make sure your tux is pressed.

- Will do, and I told you
about this Steve and Betty's

barbecue didn't I?

- The 23rd, I'll call Betty and
see if I can bring anything.

- Okay do that.

Too spicy for you, right?

- Nothing I can't handle.

Mmm.

Oh, honey.

- Have a nice day, honey.
- You too, sweetheart.

- Bye.

- Morning, office of-

- And, the mayor's going
crazy, Xerox please.

- Relax, he's okay.

- Can you check this press release?

- Oh, it's fine.

- I need a statement on
the bond issue by morning.

- Oh, the mayor opposes the bond issue.

It's a short term solution
to a long range problem.

It's band-aid politics, not his style.

- All right, Councilman Wise needs to

speak with you, it's urgent.

- I talked to him on the car phone.

- And, the Women's Political
Caucus wants to know

if you'll speak at their next meeting.

- Oh, find out who else
is speaking and how much

time I'll have.

Oh, and the first thing is-

- Good morning.

- Good morning, Fran.

- They mayor is on a conference call.

He will buzz you as soon as he's ready.

My suggestion, drink it while it's hot.

- Thank you.

- You owe me 10 bucks.

- For the coffee?

- No, it's for Lois' baby shower.

We got her a great changing table.

- Haven't we bought an
awful lot of those lately.

- That's the fifth this year.

- Must be something in the water.

- Maybe you'll be next.

- Are we having this conversation again?

Do I have to go over the
list of why motherhood

is not on my agenda?

- Well, maybe someday.

- Never.

- Never say never.

- I just did.

- There he is.

- Oh damn.

- I'm telling you, Julia,
I can't back down on this.

If I give the cops a one year contract

it'll expire right in the middle
of my re-election campaign.

Then, they got me right
where they want me.

I gotta hang tough I this.

I gotta get a two year contract.

It's the commissioner's move.

- My grandmother always said
you can catch more flies

with honey than you can with vinegar.

- Felix, Felix is that you?

Yeah, it's Vince here.

Yeah, Felix can't we
work something out here?

The media has, they're blowing
this thing all outta wack.

Yes, yes you're absolutely right.

No, I couldn't agree with you more, no.

Well, from my point of
view, Felix, I think

that I feel perfectly
capable of handling this

to the best of my ability
and I hope that you

feel the same way on your end.

- Morning.
- Morning.

- Morning, Ebba.

- Morning, you have a nice birthday?

- Oh, it was great.

I might start having two of those a year.

- Careful, you'll catch up with me.

- I've been trying to catch up with you

for 31 years, beautiful.

- Keep trying.

- You wouldn't happen
to have a spare cup of coffee

around, would ya?

- What do you think?

- I think yes.

- Suzanne from bookkeeping
brought in some doughnuts

and I snagged you a Bavarian cream.

- Oh, look at that, wonderful.

- Your only message as
Charlie Wilson confirming

lunch at the club today at 12:30.

- Ah ha, good, good, good, which means

we will probably be in conference for

the balance of the afternoon.

- In other words, you're playing golf.

- Ebba Douglas, shame on you.

Golf, indeed.

- All right, Hal, I'll see you and

I'll raise you five bucks.

- I'm out.

- All righty, I'll see your
five and raise you five.

- Hey, old buddy, betting like that

you could lose your shirt.

- What does he care, he's got a rich wife?

- How did a guy like you ever get a gal

who's young, beautiful, and
financially independent?

- Great in the sack, pal.

Robert, how 'bout it, you in or out?

- All right, here we go.

- All right Lois,
we're gonna cut the cord now.

- I don't think we have
to issue a retraction,

just a clarifying statement
as a press release.

Play it down.

Okay, if you need me
I'll be here, bye-bye.

- Julia, will you come
in here and look at this.

- Oh no, I had one of these
when I was a little girl.

Oh these bunnies are so cute.

- Wait till you see these.

- Oh, these are cute.

- Oh no, these are just
like Hal's only tiny.

- I thought you didn't like babies.

- I love babies, other people's babies.

I just don't have the time to be pregnant.

- Time, you make the time, I did.

- Well, look at me I was due last week

and I'm still working.

- I'd never lose the weight.

- The way you run around,
you would have your figure

back in no time.

- Oh, leave her alone,
she's made up her mind.

Besides, she already has a baby.

You may all know him as they mayor.

- It's not the same.

It's close, but it's not the same.

- Come on Fran, motherhood
isn't for everyone.

- Oh well, it should be.

All you need is a house keeper

and couple of good babysitters.

- You make it sound so easy.

- It is, having a baby is the
easiest thing in the world.

- Well, you've got to
have the right attitude.

- And, pick the right man.

If I had your husband I'd
have another one in a second.

- Cut it out.

- Ditto.
- I would.

- Well, we could go to Hong Kong.

I could use a new sport coat.

- I don't know if I wanna go to a city.

Rio is a definite possibility.

- Rio.

- Yes.
- It's me.

- Lois, is that you?

- It's me.

- It's Lois.

What happened?

- We made it and it's a girl.

- A girl, Lois had the baby.

It's a girl.

- If you could just see her.

She's so perfect, she's
perfect, she's beautiful.

- Well, how are you feeling?

Was it awful?

- Well, I'm not gonna
say that it didn't hurt,

but I'd do it again in a second.

It was an amazing experience.

Oh, I almost forgot we're naming her Julia

after her god mother and my
best friend in the world.

- Me?

They're naming the baby after me.

- Julia, I can't tell
you how totally happy

and fulfilled I am right now.

Listen, I gotta go, I've
gotta feed my daughter.

- Well, give her a big kiss from me

and I'll see you tomorrow.

- Bye-bye, bye-bye, can you say bye-bye.

- Bye.

- How about the Galapagos Islands?

Honey?

- Hi, mommy, oh sorry I'm late.

- Oh, I wasn't going anywhere.

- How are you feeling?

- I feel great.

- Just let me call Fran,
it'll only take one second.

- Yeah, I bet.

- Those were fresh when I bought them.

Hi, what's up?

It's on my desk, on the right side.

How's the baby?

- Perfect.

- Well then look on the left hand side.

It's in a blue folder,
I swear I put it there.

You look wonderful.

- Thank you.

- Ah ha, I told you it was there.

Okay, messenger it over and tell the mayor

I'll see him there.

Okay, bye.

- Hi Lois, it's feeding time again.

- Oh, hi princess.

- Oh Julia, oh yes.

Julia, meet Julia.

- Oh, I am going to spoil you.

I'm gonna buy you everything
your mommy and daddy

won't let you have.

She's so beautiful, she's so small.

- She certainly didn't
seem that small last night.

- I'm sorry, you'll have to leave now.

Visiting hours are over.

- I just got here.

- I know, but you're two hours late.

Now, will you stop trying to
do everything all at once.

Slow down and enjoy life.

- I promise, as soon
as this meeting's over.

- Oh yeah.

- Oh, bye Julia.

- Bye-bye honey.

- Hi.

Hi.

Oh.

- I made a very important decision today.

- Me too.

- I think we oughta go to Bali, mm-hmm.

Charter a little sailboat, fill the galley

with champagne, caviar,
maybe make a little love

on those deserted islands,
skinny dip in those

crystal clear lagoons.

What do you think?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, what would you think if,

what would you think if we had a baby?

Is it my imagination of
have we stopped speaking?

- Is it my imagination
or did we speak until

three o'clock in the morning?

- But, we didn't come to any conclusions.

- I thought we did, or
is that my imagination?

- Come on Hal, this is serious.

- Damn right it's serious.

What's the matter with you, Julia?

When we got married we
agreed not to have any kids.

You said you didn't want any kids.

- That was 10 years ago, I was 29.

Nobody wants children when they're 29.

- I had two kids when I was 29.

That's when you're supposed to have kids,

when you're young.

- We're still young.

- I'm not, I'm old.

- Oh, that's ridiculous,
I know men half your age.

- Look honey, I'm old, okay?

And, you know what?

I like being old.

I worked hard for these wrinkles.

I earned these gray hairs.

My business practically runs itself.

I've never played better golf in my life.

I still jog, I still play
tennis, I still eat spicy foods.

I've got it made.

- We'd be such good parents.

Having a baby wouldn't
change things that much.

- Oh no, honey we don't even have room.

- We could redo the den, it
has that lovely morning light.

- My den?

- It's half mine.

- Well, I like my half
exactly the way it is.

- This is ridiculous.

I can't believe how
unreasonable you're being?

- Why, 'cause I want a vote, too?

And, you wanna change the rules here.

We didn't jump into this marriage like

two love struck teenagers.

We knew what the problems
were, a little age

difference, your career.

I already had my children, honey.

You said you didn't want any.

It was a commitment between the two of us.

That was a commitment you made to me.

- Things change, I've changed.

I'm 39 years old.

I'm facing a lot of
things for the first time.

- Come on Julia, you're not the only one

with a biological time clock.

How about the picture of a 61 year old man

at the kindergarten registration,

or a 70 year old man at
Little League practice?

Helen and I spent our
entire lives together

raising those kids
'cause we thought we'd be

together later on.

I don't know how much time I have left,

but I know one thing for sure.

I don't wanna spend it
changing anymore diapers.

Julia, honey, listen, wait a minute, okay.

I'm telling you this for your own good.

I know what it's like.

I've done it before.

- Yeah, you've done it already.

You've done it with another woman.

- Well, isn't that just
great, now I'm a bigamist.

- I look forward to your prompt reply

in the hopes that we can
avoid costly litigation.

Would you run that by his
highness before you send it out?

- Will do.

You want this overnight mailed?

- Mm, we're going for intimidation here.

- Got it.

- Anybody home?

- Julia, look who's here.
- Oh, my goodness.

- I hope I'm not interrupting
anything important.

- Oh, what could be more important?

Oh, she's beautiful.

- Oh Lois, she is a little doll.

- Well, I can hardly be objective,

but I think she's gorgeous.

- Oh, but can I hold her?

- Sure, now just make
sure that you support

the back of her head.

- Okay.

- Now honey, you go to your god mother

and you be a good, good girl.

- Of course she's a good girl, aren't you?

Oh, you're the best girl.

- Are you still nursing?

- Well, I am on a very strict schedule,

anytime she wants it.

- Oh, let's look at those little ears.

Where'd you get that little nose?

Where'd you get those little fingernails?

- Is this the woman who's
allergic to children?

- Is she hard to take care of?

- Well, you don't get very much sleep.

- Well, I don't need much sleep.

Oh, she smells so good,
you smell like rosebuds

and Christmas trees.

- Lois, do you hear what I hear?

- What?

- Baby talk.

It's one of seven warning
signs of motherhood.

- Oh, is it that obvious?

- Julia, are you thinking of-

- Having one?

- Oh, I think so.

- Oh, are you kidding?

Oh honey, I'm sorry.

- Well, I think it's always been there.

It's just waiting for the right time.

And, I think, this is the right time.

- It is.

- Oh, this makes me so happy.

It is perfect, our kids
are gonna grow up together

and be best friends, just like us.

- I know.

- Look, we'll put the crib right here.

And, we will turn that filing
cabinet into a changing table.

- Yeah, there's just one hitch.

- What?
- Hal is less

than enthusiastic about the idea.

- How much less?

- Well, judging from his
attitude my only shot

is another immaculate conception.

- So, you've already
discussed it with him.

- Well, discussed is a polite
way of saying fought about.

- Well, for some men this
is an emotional issue.

- Oh, don't worry about Hal.

They all freak out at first.

- Well, give him time.

And, when Hal realizes
how much you want this

it's gonna be impossible
for him to say no.

- Come on honey, please don't cry, okay?

I don't want you upset.

I don't want you unhappy.

It's just that I can't do it.

Look, honey, I know you think I'm selfish.

I know you think I'm mean,
but I'm just not ready

to change my life, that's all.

I mean, we have a good life.

Why change it?

If I could just make you see.

I wish I could make you understand.

- I hate you.
- No, no.

- I hate it, I hate it.
- Don't cry, don't cry.

- Morning.
- Yeah, right.

- Valerie brought in
pound cake, it's not bad.

- Not hungry.
- Oh, excuse me.

- Okay, what is it?

- What is what?

- When you turn down cake I smell a rat.

- I'm the rat.

- You?

- Ebba, we have known each
other for what, 31 years?

Through thick and thin, right?

- Mostly thin, but who's complaining?

- I was a pretty good
husband to Helen was I not?

I mean, I never beat her.

I always threw my socks in the hamper.

- What more could a woman want?

- And, when she passed away I
tried my best with the kids.

I mean, they graduated college.

They're not exactly what
I'd call serial murderers.

- They're good kids, you did a good job.

- And, when I first met Julia I was

a perfect gentleman, right?

I mean, even though she was
a so called liberated woman

I always picked up the check.

I never took her for granted.

I always encouraged her
to pursue her career.

I even learned to cook.

I mean, I'm not just a husband
here, I'm an equal partner.

It seems to me we've got a
pretty good marriage here.

- Not that this oral history
hasn't been fascinating

but could you get to the
part where you're a rat?

- Julia, Julia wants to
have a baby, I don't.

- A baby?

- A baby,

one of those noisy, messy
little things, a baby.

- Don't worry, she'll never get pregnant.

- Oh Ebba, hey even an old
rooster like me, on occasion-

- Relax, I'm not questioning
your precious virility.

Julia's the one with the problem.

- She's been taking the pill for 20 years.

- How do you know that?

- She told me.

- You, and my wife have
discussed these things?

- Put any two women in a room and they'll

discuss birth control.

It's like men and sports only
infinitely more interesting.

- But the pill, I mean, if
she stops taking the pill.

- Doesn't matter, her body's
so full of synthetic hormones

right now it doesn't
know what's happening.

And, by the time if figures
things out it'll be too late.

Julia's pushing 40, it could take years.

- Years?

- And, in the meantime,
she'll lose interest.

This is a phase she's going through.

All women go through it.

You know, what is the meaning of life?

What's my legacy to mankind?

They think a baby is some divine answer

to the mysteries of the universe.

She'll kick the idea around
for a little while but then

she'll get it out of her
system and return to reality.

- So, if she's not gonna get
pregnant why are we fighting?

- Good question, I think you
two should kiss and make up.

Play along with her, be very
supportive and understanding.

Take advantage of the situation.

This could be a very, shall we
say a very romantic process?

- Could be, if you're really sure.

- Believe me, the statistics
are in your favor.

- Yeah, yeah.

- The statistics aren't in your favor.

- I know that, but there has got to be

some hope, isn't there?

- Of course there is.

Women older than you are
having babies every day.

We just have to be
realistic about the facts

and deal with them

- Well, what are the facts?

- With every month it
becomes more difficult

for you to conceive.

And, the fact that you've been on the pill

for so long isn't going to help any.

Your chemical balance
is totally programmed

to avoid conception.

Your age alone makes this
a high risk pregnancy

with a greater incidence
of miscarriage, circulatory

disorders, high blood pressure.

- No, I am aware of the risks.

But, I am in perfect
health and I want a baby.

- Then, I suggest you start working on it.

And, looking at your chart
it seems the next three days

are your most fertile.

- Ah.

Honey.

Hi, we can't take your call

right now, please leave a message.

- Hi Julia, it's me,
it's Vince, Julia, the mayor.

Come on, come on Julia,
I know you're there.

Pick up Julia, it's important.

Julia, get over there
and pick up that phone.

Julia, Julie.

- Morning, Ebba, don't you look stunning?

Oh listen, when you get
a chance call payroll

and give yourself a raise.

Give yourself two raises.

- I take it things are still
going well on the home front?

- The last three months
have been the happiest

of my life.

The honeymoon shows no signs of ending.

- No, I'm telling you
Julia all I'm hearing is

yipping and yapping and
barking and panting.

The election's less than a year away

and already the hounds are after me.

Well, I don't wanna
take time or energy away

from my job, of course,
but I don't want them

gaining on me when I'm not looking.

What do you think, Julia?

- I'm leaning more towards Jessica.

Everyone knows you're
running for re-election.

The point is, make it look easy.

Make the other guys look like amateurs.

We've got nothing to hide.

We are proud of our record.

For us, it's business as usual.

- Right.

- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, one more hand like
this and I'm going home

to my little Julia.

- The night is still young.

- Maybe he's got more
important things to do.

- Oh, more important than poker?

- Hey, what ever happened
to romance, fellas.

- What ever happened to let it gas?

Things change.

- Yeah, nothing lasts forever.

- That's right, Jel-las.

- Oh, boys, believe me
with the right attitude

anything is possible.

- Yeah, that's what Alice always tells me.

- Last weekend we drove up to Carmel,

stayed at this little inn about two miles

from Pebble Beach.

- How was the golf?

- I didn't play golf.

- You were a couple
miles from Pebble Beach

and you didn't play golf?

- Didn't have time,
didn't even take my clubs.

- That's disgusting.

- Yeah, a little balcony,
a little fire place.

I don't think we were apart for two days.

- Hey, keep it down.

If Alice hears that I'm dead meat.

- You are dead meat.

- Ante up, let's go.

- Morning beautiful.

- Beautiful.

- You know what, I'd like
to try some new things.

Break outta the old patterns.

Like tonight, why don't
we go roller skating?

- Roller skating?

- Yeah, I don't know what it is but lately

I just feel, happy.

Yeah, that's what it is, happy.

You feel happy too, don't ya?

Don't ya?

- Don't I look happy?

- Yes, sweetheart, yes.

- I'm so unhappy.

I know every month it gets
harder, you said so yourself.

But, why didn't I plan ahead?

Why did I wait so long?

Most women prepare their
bodies by meditating

or going on a juice fast.

Do you know what I had for
lunch the day I decided

to get pregnant?

A taco, a diet soda, a
candy bar and black coffee.

No wonder the few eggs I have
left are afraid to hatch.

I'm a walking toxic dump.

- If it'll make you feel
any better I'll schedule

a series of tests for
you and your husband.

- Oh, there's nothing wrong with Hal.

He has two grown children
from his first marriage.

- Oh, I didn't know that.

- No, it's me, I know it's me.

I might as well just face the facts.

I'm never going to have a baby, am I?

- Not with that attitude you're not.

The first thing I tell my patients

in your situation is relax.

- Relax, how can I relax?

- 'Cause you're overreacting.

Your anxiety is understandable but

your hysteria is premature.

I know you're used to
having everything you want

when you want it but you
can't order your baby

from a catalog.

Believe or not, Julia, there's somethings

even you can't control.

- Honey?

- Mm-hmm.

- I wanna apologize.

- Apologize for what?

- For being such a selfish bitch.

- What are you talking about?

- I've been awful these
past couple of months.

- Well honey, I mean, you've
had a lot on your mind.

- No, I've been focusing on the negative

and ignoring the positive.

Look, I think we have got to admit that

we may never have a baby.

- But-
- No, no you don't have

to be a cheerleader anymore.

You have been so kind and
understanding and supportive.

- Just trying to do my part.

- Well, I want you to
know that I think you are

the most wonderful man in the world

and I love you desperately.

I don't need a baby to
keep that love alive.

And, if God or Mother Nature
decides that it's just

gonna be the two of us
that's fine with me.

- Nice day for a picnic.

I'm ready, a little caviar.

Oh, and that of course, pate, foie gras.

Chocolate covered strawberries,

and wash it all down with a bottle of,

two bottles, of here you go.

Yeah, a picnic, now all I
need is my little co-pilot.

Julia!

Where are you honey?

Julia.

Honey?

Julia?

Are you okay, honey?

Oh, sweetie, maybe it's something
you ate last night, huh?

Probably shouldn't have
had that third order

of onion rings.

I know what it is, yeah it's
just a little bug, sweetheart.

Probably caught a draft
or somebody sneezed on you

in one of those committee meetings.

There's a lot of it going on around.

Yeah, that's what it is,
it's just a little bug.

Nothing to worry about, sweetheart.

You'll be over it in a day or two.

It's just a little bug.

Oh Lord, please let it
be just a little bug.

- How could I have gained
seven pounds in one week

when all I eat are bananas and noodles

and that's on a really good day.

- You're supposed to gain weight, honey.

What'd the doctor say?

- She said every pregnancy is different.

Are my hands swollen?

- I don't think so.
- Are you sure?

- Oh honey, no see look,
they're still a little

smaller than mine.

- Okay.

How do I look?

- You look good.
- It's not too tight?

- No, you look fine.

- You know what, I'm
gonna have to start buying

some maternity clothes.

I'm gonna start showing soon.

- Yeah, I think so.

Okay honey, let's go.

Come on, Casey'll call the National Guard.

Hey-yo, let's go.

- I want this one.

- Grandpa and Julia are here.

- Mom, Grandpa's here.

- Grandpa's here.
- Oh, look at you.

Okay now, wait a minute,
who wants a tickle?

- Me.
- All right,

get it, get it, got it.

- Honey, are you sure
this dress looks okay?

- Oh yeah.

- It's not too tight?

- What no honey you
look fantastic, really.

- Now listen when we get
there just act normally

and then when we're all
sitting around after dinner

we'll make our little announcement, okay?

- Okay, yeah.

- I can't wait to see
the look on their faces

when we spring our little surprise.

- Oh my god, you're pregnant.

- How can you tell?

- Gotta be that special glow, sweetie.

- Well, I guess
congratulations are in order.

Come on in.

- Oh, thank you.

- Julia, you look terrific.

- Looks like I'm gonna
have a baby sibling, huh?

- Can I have a baby sibling.

- You may not.

I told you we're getting
a puppy when you're 10.

- Hal, Julia I think this is just great.

So tell me, when's the big day?

- Oh, not for almost six months.

- And, why didn't you tell us?

- Well, we were going to.

- Well, I think we needed a little time

to get used to the idea ourselves.

- I can imagine.

- Well, in all the excitement I forgot

to make introductions.

This is my friend Reva Musavi.

- Hi.

- Reva's a marine biologist.

- Ah, well that was always
my favorite subject.

- Dad, why don't you give
me a hand in the kitchen.

- Okay, we're not too late are we?

- Well, why don't we all sit down.

Can I get you anything?

- No, thanks.

- Well.

- Well what?

- Well, after all the
lectures you gave Mark and me

on responsible behavior
I never expected you

to have an accident.

- Oh, this wasn't an accident.

- Dad, for heaven's
sake, you're pushing 60.

- Oh honey, a man is
only as old as he feels.

- Oh, that's a lot of baloney.

Men your age drop dead on
the tennis courts everyday.

- You know, I
always feel so much better

after these little talks of ours.

- Well Dad, I'm worried about you.

And, I think that it was
very irresponsible of Julia

to think that she could just have a baby

without considering the consequences.

- Well, it wasn't all Julia.

I had something to say about it.

- Oh, but Julia always gets
her way, she always has.

- Hey Casey, back up a little, okay.

This is my wife you're talking about.

- Well, I'm your daughter.

Can't I be concerned.

- I appreciate that honey,
but this between Julia and me.

- Fine, forget I said anything.

Julia can do whatever she
wants, couldn't care less.

- Well, you should care.

She cares about you
and she's done her best

to keep this family together.

Do you know every time we
go away she buys a present

for the little kids, knows their sizes.

I don't even remember
whether your birthday

was the eighth or the ninth.

- It's the fifth.

- Well, she thinks about things like that.

I think it would be very nice if somebody

thought about her right now.

- Well, I saved
all of my maternity clothes

maybe she can use some of them.

- Well, you know what, that
would be very, very nice.

That's my girl.

- Here, try this one, it's real perky.

- Oh, I'd look so-

- You look adorable.

- I guess I've never
looked adorable before.

- You know, all these
dresses are like old friends.

I absolutely lived in this
housecoat the last month

when nothing else fit.

Oh, here, try this one.

I just love anything nautical.

Hello.

Yes, hold on.

I think it's the mayor.

- Oh, thanks.

Yeah, no, no, don't leak anything until

the official budget is released.

No, don't issue a press statement.

Of course you can, you're the mayor.

Sure, call me here, bye-bye.

- He better get used to
getting along without you.

- Oh, he won't be without me

for long.
- Well, don't tell me

you're going back to work.

- Well, yeah-

- Look I know, I had the same conflict.

I could of had a career,
but Bruce and I decided that

family was more important.

And, I am telling you, the kids
really like having me home.

- But, what about you?

Don't you get bored?

- Bored, the word isn't in my vocabulary.

My day is so full of laundry
and cleaning and cooking

and marketing and
driving to nursery school

and juggling schedules, not
to mention ballet lessons,

horseback riding, gymnastics.

Oh believe me Julia, your life
is really going to change.

But, you won't miss going out.

I know I don't.

But, it's so expensive, anyway.

And, like I said to Bruce
the other day what do they

have in Europe that we don't
have in our own back yard?

Besides Julia, you've done
all that glamorous stuff.

It's time to stay home and be a mommy.

- Hey honey, well don't you just-

- Julia, what is it?

- What's the matter?

- She was fine a minute ago.

- Now I know what a
hysterical pregnancy is.

- You mean Julia's not really pregnant.

- No, I mean Julia's really hysterical.

She's all high strung and sensitive.

I don't know.

I can't figure out the
right thing to say to her,

you understand what I mean.

And then, when I do
it's even worse because

she starts balling and telling
me what a great man I am.

Helen, Helen had two kids I
don't remember any of this.

- Well, of course you don't remember

because you weren't there.

- What the hell do you
mean I wasn't there?

Of course I was.

- Oh come on, you were there,
yes, but you weren't there.

Why, back then you were
pulling 18, 20 hour days

just to stay in business.

- Well, those were the days.

- Come on, come on, let's cut to deal.

- Okay aces, come to me.

There we go.

- Queen.
- Fiver.

- Ace, ha, ha, ha.

- Look Vince, let's not kid
ourselves, this is a problem.

I know, this could be serious.

I think we have enough
contacts for the rest of

the unions, I don't think the firefighters

can get to them all.

Okay, okay look Monday morning
we will map out our strategy.

I said, okay, bye.

The firefighters are threatening
to support Petrowski.

- You're kidding.

- Why am I doing this?

- You seen my white dinner jacket?

- What for?
- To wear.

- To a barbecue?

- Yes honey, Shirley said she
wanted everybody dressed up.

It's her 40th anniversary.

- I don't have anything like that.

Everything I have is plain.

I don't have anything fancy.

- Well, what about all that
stuff that Casey gave you?

- Well, look who's here.

- Is there supposed to be a
party around here somewhere?

- Hal.
- How are you?

- Oh honey, come on, how you doing?

And you, you look gorgeous.

- Well, thank you very much.

Hal, where's Julia?

- There she is right there.

- Hi.

- Ah, here she is.

- You have blossomed.

- Oh, I'm sorry we're late.

- How about some champagne?

- Oh yeah.
- Julia?

- No thanks some skim milk if you have it.

- I think we probably
have some in the kitchen.

- Yeah?
- Hey Hal.

Come over here.

- Larry, excuse me honey, Larry.

- I know pregnant women
say they don't drink,

but one won't hurt.

- Oh no, we're doing this by the book.

We're already had amniocentesis.

- Oh, is it a girl or a boy.

- We wanna be surprised.

- Well, it doesn't matter,
they're all the same anyway.

Let me tell you something, Julia.

I bought into that motherhood bit.

I sterilized rattles,
I nursed for two years,

baked cookies, waxed floors,
what good did it do me?

- You have two wonderful children.

- It took me one nervous
breakdown and 11 years

of therapy to realize
I have my own identity.

I'm more than just a mommy.

And, yes I do have two beautiful children.

And, I'm sure they appreciate
me, in their own way.

But, if I had it to do over again.

- Yes?

- Yes, what?

- If you had it to do over again?

- Hal, come on, let's party.

- How could you do this to me?

Your due date is three
weeks before the election.

I'll be here, alone,
facing five million voters

and you'll be home with some baby.

- Well, don't think of it as a baby.

Think of it as a constituent.

- In 18 years it'll be a constituent,

right now it's a disaster.

This is the biggest election of my life.

Julia, will you put down
that pickle and listen to me?

I was counting on you.

- You still can.

I'm not even taking a vacation because of

my maternity leave.

I am going to be here
until the last minute.

I'll take a beeper into the delivery room

if it will make you feel more secure.

- That won't be necessary.

I mean, I didn't mean to upset you

in your condition.

- What do you mean my condition?

Just because my stomach
is growing doesn't mean

my brain is shrinking.

So, if you have any complaints-

- I'm not complaining,
I'm not complaining.

I'm commenting, that's all.

- Fine, thank you for your comments.

Now, may I get back to work?

- Well, so much for
apple pie and motherhood.

- It's all your fault.

- My fault, I know it's
my job to take the blame

for everything, but I hardly think-

- You said it would be
easy, your exact words were,

"Having a baby is easy."

Well, I'll tell you what's
easy valedictorian is easy,

magna cum laude is easy,
Phi Beta Kappa is easy.

Having a baby is not easy,
having a baby is hell.

You know, it's been so long
since we've had company.

Why don't we invite Mark
and Reva over next week?

- They broke up.

- What?

- Yep, I played tennis
with Mark today and he said

they are finito.

- Well, I guess I'm not surprised.

Mark is pretty helpless when
it comes to relationships.

- Are you kidding?

Mark gets plenty of dates.

- That's my point, why
can't he make a commitment?

- Because most of the women he dates are

a little bit flakey, honey.

- Flakey?
- Yes.

- Liz was a surgeon, Reva a scientist.

These are accomplished professionals.

- Accomplished professionals
do not necessarily

make good wives, honey.

- Perhaps you'd like to
rephrase that statement.

- Liz and Reva are very demanding women

with high expectations.

Mark doesn't need that kind of hassle.

He shouldn't commit to anybody,
he can just enjoy life.

- You can't enjoy life with commitment?

- Sometimes it helps a little
bit if you're not tied down.

- Tied down, is that what-

Yeah, Vince, I will call you back.

I'm in the middle of a fight with Hal.

Is that what you men think, that we women

just wanna tie you down?

- I think it's safe to say that most women

are more interested in
marriage than most men.

- Is that the way it is with us?

- Honey look, I don't wanna argue, okay?

- That's because you know I'm right

and you know I'll win.

- This is crazy, you know that?

Damn it, Mark's girlfriends,
why you gotta get so emotional?

- I get so emotional because
I'm pregnant, remember?

- Yes, I do remember.

I'm pregnant too, remember?

Why don't I get a chance to be moody

and high strung and hysterical?

- Because you're not giving up your body.

- I'm giving up your
body, that's just as bad.

- I didn't realize I was so unattractive.

- Oh honey look, that's
not what I mean at all.

I'm just saying look,
things are so different now.

You're not the only one
going through a change here.

In fact, everything seems to
be different all of a sudden.

We're not even going on a vacation.

- Well sea sickness and morning sickness

are not exactly a winning combination.

- I don't mean a vacation.

That's not the point.

It's just that everything
seems to be so different.

Hell, you go to sleep before I even finish

brushing my teeth.

- I'm just too exhausted
to think about sex.

I mean, I think about it, but I

- Oh honey, come on, now
don't cry, all right?

Honey look, I've had enough tears, okay?

Look, I'm sorry.

- No you're not.
- Yes, I am.

I'm sorry, all right?

Just don't cry.

Honey, I've said I'm sorry.

- You don't mean it.

- I do mean it.

I've said it, I mean it.

Honey, come on, all
right look, look at me.

If you stop crying, if you stop crying

I'll do anything, okay?

Okay, anything.

- Okay, seep breaths, exhale slowly.

Deep breaths, exhale slowly,

very good, deep breaths.

- Honey, are you sure
you want me in on this?

- Of course I'm sure.

- No, I'm serious because if you didn't

I would understand that.

- Don't be silly, you're
an active participant.

Don't get be afraid of
getting a little squeamish.

- I'm not squeamish.

- Good, because childbirth
is the most miraculous

gift from God.

- Okay now, relax for a minute.

Now, we all have a
common goal, the healthy

and happy delivery of a
healthy and happy baby.

The best way to protect your
baby is to protect yourself

with the proper diet.

I overheard several of
you talking before class

about problems with fluid retention.

And, I feel I can safely
say as proud mother of eight

that it's best to avoid
spicy foods, especially those

with a lot of salt.

- Yes, may I say Tony's father used to

habituate this very spot.

And now, of course, Tony
Junior is carrying on

in the remarkable tradition.

Ah, here it is, here
it is, this is the dog.

Probably my 3,012th one.

Devour the dog.

Good, wonderful and may I say

we're so happy to have him
here and all of the vendors

who so realistically uphold the traditions

of a park feeling atmosphere with the dog-

- Now, the cervix is completely dilated

and you can start to push.

If you look closely you can
see the head beginning to show.

At this point you may
experience a momentary

stinging or burning, sometimes
called the rim of fire.

- So, there I was
standing in the middle of

the Smithsonian Institute
and my water broke.

By the time we found a hospital the pains

were coming every three
minutes and I wasn't

dilated at all.

And then, after 18 hours of
labor I still wasn't ready.

But then, everything
just started happening

so fast before they could even cut.

The baby literally tore me in half.

Julia, when they tried to
sew me up they brought out

a needle this long.

They inserted it into-

- Now that you've all been
coming for a few weeks

I assume you'll realize
that the father's role

is almost as important as a mother's.

Your job will be to time the contractions

and to be her coach.

Very good.

Now mothers the best way
to avoid varicose veins

is to stay off your feet.

Just sit back, put your
feet up, and relax.

- Hurry up, Julia, we're late.

- Vince, your honor.

- Deep breath, exhale
slow, deep breath, hold it.

Good, now fathers during
these final stages

it's very important to remember one thing,

the mother will be in
a great deal of pain.

She'll be in a state of extreme anxiety

and have absolutely no sense of humor.

So fathers now is not the time to try out

that new joke.

Just do your job and
don't take it personally.

- So, the Pope says to Saint
Peter, "Hey, wait a minute.

How come I get a studio
apartment when some lawyer

gets the penthouse?"

So, Saint Peter says,
"I'm sorry your Eminence,

but we got a lot of popes up here,

but only one lawyer."

- Didn't I tell ya, that stinks.

Oh, there you go my man.

- Hello.

Oh yeah, hi.

- 10 and a eight, hmm.

- Yeah, Hal.
- Okay, going for 10.

- That was Julia, she says she
wants you to come right home.

She doesn't sound very good.

- Oh my god.

- Well, looks like it's a four man game.

Come on, come on, throw in.

- Hey, three ladies.

- Oh, your bet.

- You never know when to drop.

- Julia,

Julia, Julia what?

- Oh, thank God you're
here, I love you so much.

- I love you too, honey, are you in pain?

- You are so cute, you know that?

I hope the baby looks just like you.

- Oh sweetheart, listen
you wanna lie down?

- No, I'm not tired, I got this incredible

burst of energy.

Well, come here, let me show you.

I've just been going crazy
moving things around all night.

- Moving things around,
you moved something heavy

and hurt yourself?

- I'm not hurt, I'm fine.

- No, you're okay?

You look scared.

- I'm perfectly fine.

I think I have solved a major problem.

- A major problem?

- Yeah.
- What?

- All of the reading I have done says that

primary colors are best for the nursery

because they're visually stimulating.

I hate primary colors.

I didn't want to go
with pink or with blue,

then it hit me.

- What?

- Green.

- Green?
- I love green.

It's soothing, it's comforting.

Oh, but that's not the best part,

lambs, little lambs.

- Little lambs, honey?

- My gut feeling was that
teddy bears are too masculine

and bunny rabbits are too feminine

but lambs, I don't know, lambs they're-

- Asexual?
- No, I wouldn't

call them asexual, but
they're soft and cuddly.

The perfect animal for the nursery because

of counting sheep.

Go ahead, tell me I'm a genius.

- Honey, let me get something straight.

Okay, you brought me home
here to talk about wall paper?

- Well-
- Honey,

I was holding three queens.

- Oh, you won your game.

- No, I didn't win any game.

I came home to my hysterical wife

to talk about a decorating crisis.

- Oh, it's an important decision,

a decision we should make together.

- Why?

- Well, we do everything together.

We decided to get married
together, didn't we?

- Yeah.

- And, we decided to have a baby together.

- Yeah, but-

- And then, we got pregnant together.

- Oh yeah, but honey that was a fluke.

- Fluke, what do you mean fluke?

- Well, I mean, I didn't
really think it would happen.

- How could you think it wouldn't happen

with what we were doing day in and day out

in every room of this house
is how people get pregnant.

- I just didn't think
it would happen to you.

- Why not?

- Because I thought you were too old.

- Me, you're the old one around here.

- Oh honey, come on, two months ago

you were saying I was
in the prime of life.

- So was I, but carrying
this watermelon around

really takes it's toll.

- Well, you asked for that, honey.

- What about you?

- What about me?

- You don't want this baby, do you?

- Aw sweetheart, I've been a
good sport about this thing

from the very beginning.

- Good sport, you're nothing but a liar.

From day one we promised to
be honest with each other

and you lied to me.

- When, name the time.

- Hundreds of times when you
said you wanted this baby.

Remember that night when we
brought the blankets down

to the beach and the moon was so beautiful

and you said, "Honey, I
think that was the one?"

How could you say that to me?

- I was just trying to make you happy.

I thought that's what you wanted to hear.

- You were using me.

- Oh, I may have been
taking a little advantage

of the situation-

- You took advantage of me.

You betrayed me, you
betrayed our marriage.

- Look Julia-

- No, you look.

Take one, last look and then
get the hell outta here.

- Honey, you're blowing
this all outta proportion.

- I don't want you here.

You don't deserve to be here.

- I don't deserve to be here.

- I don't eve wanna look at you.

- Well, I think we can
fix that, I'm leaving.

- Good, leave,

see if I care.

- Oh, whoa.

- What are you doing here?

- Don't start with me, okay?

I had a fight with Julia,

a big fight, a big, mean,

angry shouting match.

- You fought with a
poor defenseless woman?

- Don't give me that poor
defenseless woman crap, okay?

- She's pregnant.

- And, it's all your fault.

- I admit I'm a woman of many talents,

but I can't take credit for that one.

- You said she would not get pregnant.

- I didn't think she could.

- Yeah, well you were wrong.

- So, I made one teensy little mistake.

- Well, by the time that
teensy little mistake

starts to college it's gonna cost me about

$40,000 a year in tuition.

- Don't you think it's a little early

to start fighting about college tuition.

- It wasn't about that.

- I told her I thought
she wouldn't get pregnant

and I sort of said it was an accident.

- You said that?

- It just slipped out,
okay, and she went crazy.

I mean, she really overreacted.

- I bet, so what happens now?

- Well, it's her move.

She owes me an apology.

- This is exactly why I
don't watch soap operas.

- Why?

- Because the plots are stupid

and boring and the people act like jerks.

- Now, wait a minute.
- Call her.

- Ebba, she said some
terrible things to me.

- Yeah, well you asked for it.

- I knew you would side with her.

- I'm siding with the baby, call her.

- I can't, I want to but I
don't even know what to say.

I'm afraid I've already said too much.

Call her, uh-uh.

- Yes.
- Julia?

I mean, honey?

- I didn't recognize your voice.

- Well look,

the reason I'm calling
is about last night.

And, I guess I'm sorry
about the way I acted.

Don't you have anything to say to that?

- Only that I think it's
an appropriate response.

- Oh, well aren't you sorry?

- About what?

- About the way you acted.

- The way I acted?

- You mean, you think it was all my fault?

- Absolutely, obviously
you do too otherwise

you wouldn't have called.

- Julia, come on, you know
it takes two to make up.

In fact, you're the one who said we do

everything together, remember?

- That's not what I meant.

- Listen, you know what
I've been thinking about?

- No, what?

- That night on the beach,
I think you're right.

I think that was the night.

What do you think?

- It's not that easy, Hal.

You hurt me too much.

- Oh Julia, this is ridiculous.

I already said I was sorry.

- Aren't you saying what
you think I wanna hear?

I mean, aren't those your words exactly?

- I don't know, I don't remember.

- How can I trust you?

How could I ever trust you again?

- Because.

- Is that all you have to say?

- Well, isn't that enough?

- No.

- Well maybe I should just hang up.

- If you like.

- Yeah, I do like,

I like just fine.

- Hal.

- Dad, I know how you feel,
I mean, they're all the same.

I want my independence,
I want a commitment.

- Yep.

- You don't hug me enough,

don't smother me.

We can't win.

- No, we sure can't.

- They manipulate us, huh, right?

I mean, they got us coming and going.

- Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

- And, we all we ever try
to do is make them happy.

- You know, I knew you'd understand son.

- Hey, I'm an expert on the subject.

- I just didn't realize Julia could be so-

- Dad, I like Julia, you know that.

- Yeah.
- It's just that

when they start thinking about babies

all the rules change, huh?

And, they all want babies
no matter what they say.

- Maybe you're right.

- Of course I'm right.

The most high powered, hard

Eleanor Roosevelt, Margaret
Thatcher, Indira Gandhi.

- You know what, I think
you're wise beyond your years,

son, I mean that.

- Well hey,
I take after you, Dad.

Sorry.

- Well, that's it, I guess.

It's over, we're history.

- Hey, wait a minute, Dad,
maybe you're overreacting.

Maybe you guys-
- Overreacting, huh?

I'm under reacting son, believe me.

Any other man would have, I don't know.

She used me and then
she just tossed me aside

like a rag.

- Dad, look you can stay here
as long as you want, okay?

- Thanks pal.

I appreciate, I appreciate that.

- I'm telling ya I think we should just

write off district three.

I mean, Petrowski's
whole family lives there.

We don't stand a chance.

- Don't take it personally,
you have the rest of the city.

- It's late, let's go.

Are you coming, Julia.

- I'm on my way.

- Can I do anything to help ya?

- No, I'm fine,

the couch is just.
- Here let me help.

- No, I'm really I'm okay.

- Give me your hand.
- I'm fine.

- Come on, come on

just give me your hand or something.

Easy, easy, now just lean back and pull.

Oh, sorry.
- Vince.

- Are you all right?
- I'm fine, I'm okay.

Here, you take this, all right.

Let's go.

- Okay, that's it,
you're coming with me.

- Where?
- Out, that's where,

you've been sitting here
like a zombie for a week

and I can't stand anymore.

I'm gonna take you out to dinner.

- No, I'm not hungry.

- Dad, then don't eat, but
you're not gonna sit here

by yourself again.

- I'm okay son, really,
besides Julia might call.

- Oh Dad, if you wanna talk to her

why don't you just call her?

- Oh no, no way, she knows
how to get a hold of me.

I left word on her machine.

- Look, you two can play your little game

as long as you want but
I can't watch it anymore.

Now, get in the car, now.

Isn't this nice, music,
laughter, other human beings.

- Yeah, yeah, I know I've
been a drag this last week.

- Dad, look, we're not gonna
talk about that now, okay?

We're just gonna have
a nice relaxing dinner.

- Right, I'm sorry.

- And, stop apologizing.

- Yeah, I'm sorry.
- I'll have your table

ready in just a minute.

- Oh thanks, thanks, yeah.

- Hi, dinner for two, please.

- It'll be at least an hour.

- An hour, I'm starving.

- Thanks, but we'll try somewhere else.

- Excuse me, but I think I have
a solution to your problem.

- And, what problem is that?

- Well, we couldn't help but
overhear your conversation.

And, I'd never forgive myself
if I let you two ladies

starve to death when we're
next in line for a table.

- Why don't you just take our table.

- And, I thought that perhaps
you'd like to join us.

- Well.
- We're trustworthy,

law abiding citizens.

- I'm sure you are, but-
- Hey, most laws anyway.

Hi, I'm Mark and this my, Hal.

- Hi, I'm Emily.

- Hi, how are you?
- Kate.

- Hi.

- Your table's ready sir.
- Oh, would you

make that a table for four.

- Why not?
- This way.

- Come on, Hal.

- You still here?

- Oh yeah, I'm just cleaning up.

- Hey look, I'm gonna
take you out to dinner.

- No, thanks but I'm-
- No excuses,

we're gonna go out to
dinner and we're gonna have

a nice time and you're gonna relax.

- I can't relax.

- Hal still hasn't called.

- Oh, he left a message when
he knew I was gonna be out.

It's the oldest trick in the book.

- Well, you could call him.

- Obviously, he doesn't wanna talk to me

and I'm not gonna beg.

- You won't have to, he'll be back.

- No he won't, he hates me.

- Julia, he doesn't hate you.

He loves you.

- I hope you're right.

- I know I'm right,
now come on, let's eat.

- Do you really think he'll be back?

- Of course he will.

Where else would he go?

- Good point.

- I like international law.

The work is always exciting
and I love to travel.

I'm just a gypsy at heart.

- Well Hal's quite a traveler.

Hal's been around the world.

- Really?

- Well, not completely around.

- I travel light, just one carry-on bag

and my golf clubs.

- Hey Hal, she plays golf.

- It's my second favorite game.

- Exactly what you need, a night out.

- I know, but what if Hal calls.

- He'll call back.

Hi, can we have a table for two, please.

- It'll be at least an hour wait.

- Fine, Fran.

- My water could break.

- So, I'll get a sponge.

- Thanks.
- Thank you.

- Yes, thanks very much.

- You know, you're
really quite a guy, Hal.

- I am, huh?

- It's very refreshing to meet someone

who doesn't have a well rehearsed line.

- Oh.

- There's a secretary at the office and

an answering machine at home.

- Oh, convenient, huh.

- It can be.

- Hal.
- Julia,

what are you doing here?

- I'm eating for two, remember?

- Oh, maybe I should
make some introductions.

- We're all ears.

- Oh honey look, I know
what you're thinking.

- No, I don't think you do.

- Now, what's going on here?

- Oh, don't play innocent
with me, sweetheart.

- Whoa, wait a minute, okay.

This is between myself and my wife, okay?

- This is your wife?

- I don't think he meant to say that.

- Yes, I meant to say that
but it just hadn't come up

in the conversation.

Don't give me that accusing look.

- Look Dad, will you just calm down.

- Dad?
- Dad?

- Get real, he's
old enough to be your-

- Stay out of this.

- Don't even start with me young-

- Hey, could we please
not make a scene here?

Julia honey, you don't understand.

- Oh, I understand perfectly.

And, you are free to do whatever you lIke.

You can party with your
bimbos all night long.

I have more important
things to do with my life

and I am perfectly capable
of doing them alone.

- Julia, please.

- Come on Fran, let's go.

- We really should do this more often.

Come on.

- I know the term solid
waste isn't very glamorous,

as is evidenced by this meager turn out.

But, this record breaking
heat wave really should

remind us all the more of
the value we should place

on our national resources,
clean air, pure water,

green grassy parks for our children.

And so today,

as we celebrate our new recycling program

I feel hopeful, hopeful that together

we will conquer garbage
before it conquers us.

And, I salute you, my
fellow environmentalists,

may you always stand tall,
stand firm, stand united.

Julia, Julia.

Oh dear, that's it, I
think it's probably time

that you took your maternity leave.

I'm gonna call your husband.

- I don't have a husband.

- Julia!

- It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, hun.

- That fall you took didn't seem to do

any permanent damage, the baby's fine.

- Oh, thank God.

- You can thank God all
you want but even he

can't help if you keep this up.

You're pushing yourself, Julia.

- I know, but I-

- I'm going to speak frankly in the hope

that I can frighten you
into behaving yourself.

You're almost 40 years old, Julia.

Under the best of circumstances this is

a high risk pregnancy.

I want you to go home,
put your feet up and rest.

- I'll be careful, really.

- Child birth is serious business.

It's important you remain
calm and avoid all stress.

You could lose this baby, Julia,

and this baby could lose it's mother.

- You're crazy, Vince,
you can't put pressure

on Mazurski, you've got to sweet talk him.

Well, let Fran help you.

Yeah, she knows his secretary.

Well, look, you want my opinion?

You're 75 points ahead,
the election's in the bag.

Write your victory speech.

Oh Vince, look, I've gotta go.

There's somebody at the door.

It's a long walk, okay bye.

This is as fast as it gets.

Casey, what a surprise?

- Well, I've had a bit of
a surprise myself, Julia.

I just spoke to your
secretary and she told me

you'd had quite a shock.

Now, I don't understand it.

Dad, didn't mention anything.

- That's because he didn't know anything.

He moved out, Casey.

- What?

Well, why didn't you tell me?

- I didn't wanna give
you the satisfaction.

I'm sorry, you'll have to
pardon my fluctuating hormones.

I say the first thing
that pops into my head.

- It's beastly hot in here.

- The air conditioner
broke, the maid quit,

and I'm carrying low, you happy?

- Julia, don't be ridiculous.

Why would your misfortunes
possibly bring me pleasure?

- Knock it off, Casey,
I'm not in the mood.

- What did you fight about?

I mean, it probably
wasn't money and I'm sure

it wasn't sex, so it must have
been something really stupid.

- Well, it didn't seem stupid at the time.

- So, now what?

- I thought I'd just give birth and punt.

- Julia-
- Look,

I know how you feel about
this whole situation.

I know you think it was a crazy,
stupid, irresponsible idea.

Well, you were right, but
then again, you're right

about everything aren't you?

You're even right about
this hideous housecoat.

It's the only thing that fits.

- Oh God, Julia, don't you know that

whatever happens you're still family?

- You never treated me like family.

You always treated me
like your father's bimbo,

even after we'd been married 10 years.

Even though we, oh what's the point?

- Well, the point is, the
point is I know I've been

difficult and judgemental and insensitive.

- Don't stop now.

- All right, I won't.

I was jealous, too.

I guess I thought that if
Dad loved you he wouldn't

have any left for me, but I was wrong.

And, I apologize Julia, I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry, too.

I know I wasn't exactly the step mother

you had in mind.

I probably tried too hard.

I'm probably trying too hard, now.

It's just that, this was
supposed to be the happiest

time of my life, and here I am,

alone.

- You won't be alone.

I'll be here, Julia, if you let me.

Don't cry.

- No, it's good.

It helps me get rid of
the fluid I'm retaining.

- What did Moses do for a living before

he was called on by God?

- Oh Lord, how the hell do I know?

- Dad, we're playing a game I
didn't make up the question.

Look, is this mood gonna last all night?

- Look, this is not a mood, okay?

This is my personality.

- Well, no wonder you drove Julia crazy.

- Oh, you joined the enemy now, huh?

- You know, you've got
a real attitude problem.

- Tell you what, pal, you watch your life

go down the tubes, see what
it does for your attitude.

- It's a raid.

- Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

- No actually, I figured
you'd be ashamed enough

for both of us.

- So, this is the big
swinging bachelor pad.

I'm surprised to find you both here.

I thought you'd be out at some wild disco

with a couple of eager beach bunnies.

- No, we did that last night.

- We did not.
- Can I get you something?

- Not unless you've got some penicillin.

- Honey look, your brother is
just trying to be supportive.

- My brother is rewarding
your bad behavior.

I have no intention of encouraging it.

- From that hostile feminist tone I'd say

you're referring to my
arrangement with Julia.

- Arrangement, is that what you call it?

- There's no need for
you to become involved.

We happen to be two adults.

- Don't flatter yourself.

Poor Julia is ready to
subdivide and you are acting

like a spoiled brat.

- Well obviously you've
heard her side of the story.

What you do not know-

- I know all I need to know.

I know that you had a stupid fight

and you're both too stubborn to make up.

And, I also know what it feels like to be

so pregnant you can hardly move,

to spend half of your time in the kitchen

and the other half in the bathroom,

and to have another person inside you

trying to kick its way out.

- That's right, you go ahead
and take the woman's side.

- Well, that's right, I
did take the woman's side

especially after the woman passed out

and was rushed to the emergency room.

- What?

- Casey, what are you saying?

Is Julia all right, is the baby all right?

- She's all right,
they're fine, she's home.

But, what do you care?

- Keys.
- You're an adult,

you've got an arrangement.

You've got your own side of the story.

What more could you possibly want?

On second thought,
I could really use a beer.

- What are you doing?

- Oh nothing, just thought I'd stop by.

- And scare me half to death?

Thanks a lot.

- Didn't mean to frighten you honey.

God, it's hot in here.

- I don't remember calling
for a meteorologist.

- Look, Julia, I didn't come over here

to exchange sarcasms, okay?

- Then, why did you come?

- Because I was worried about ya.

- Casey sent you, didn't she?

- No.

- Well, here I am,

weak and pathetic.

But, you don't have to worry
about me, I'll be fine.

I already am fine.

- No, you're not, you fainted, honey.

And, you didn't call me.

- Why should I?

You'd just be out with
your skinny girlfriend.

- Honey, you know me better than that.

I wanna be here.

- I don't want you here out of some

stupid sense of obligation.

I'd rather be alone.

I'd rather you, oh my god.

- What?

- It's pain.

- What kind of pain, honey?

- I don't know, it's gone.

- Oh lie down here, sweetheart.

- Oh, don't tell me what to do.

- Julia, why are you being so impossible?

- Because I'm in labor.

- Labor?
- Uh-huh.

- Oh god, honey, wait a minute.

- I'm okay.

- Oh my god, wait a minute.

Lean on me, okay, just take it easy.

Do you feel all right?
- I'm okay.

- Oh, I can't believe how much it hurts.

It hurts more than I could ever explain.

And, don't say what you're thinking.

- What am I thinking?

- You're thinking I told you so.

- I am not.

I did tell you so.

- Oh.

- Hold on, honey,

just hold on.

- Why do you keep stopping
for all the red lights?

- Because the moron in
front of us keeps stopping.

Exhale slowly, damn it.

- I can't exhale slowly
when I'm screaming.

- Come on you slut, move it.

- I don't think I can do this.

- I don't think you
have any choice, honey.

- No I have a very low threshold of pain

to me a paper cut it
torture, a hangnail is agony.

- Don't worry about it.

You're gonna be just fine.

- Hal!

- Squeeze my hand, honey.

Squeeze as tight as you, ow.

Not quite so tight, honey.

Ah, bad one, that was a bad one.

- There's no such thing as a good one.

- You're so brave, sweetheart.

I wish I could just take
all the pain in body

and just put it into mine.

- So do I.

- Another one's coming
in 20 seconds sweetheart,

you all right?
- Uh-uh.

- Here, suck on this ice cube.

- I don't want it.

- It'll make you feel better.

- I said I didn't want it.

- You're welcome.

Oh, don't hold your breath honey,

that only makes it worse.

- I've got a great idea,
why don't you lie here

and breathe and I'll sit
there and give the orders.

- Breathe, okay.

- Oh, get away from me would you please.

- Do it.
- Will somebody

get this lunatic away from me.

- Breathe.

Saint Peter says to the
Pope we've got a lot

of popes up here, but only one lawyer.

- Ah, that's the worst
joke I've ever heard.

- I knew you'd like it, sweetie.

- Good morning.

- Push.

Keep pushing.

You're almost there, Julia.
- I'm so tired.

- You're doing good honey.
- Oh, easy for you to say.

- When this is over I'm
taking you to Venice, kid.

- When this is over I'm
killing you with my bare hands.

- Now keep pushing.

Keep pushing.

Now relax, here it comes.

One more big push.

- Oh, we did it.

- It's a boy, a big one.

- A boy, I wanted a boy.

Oh he's so handsome.

- Of course he is, I swear
he looks exactly like me.

Hey there tiger, hi sport, it's your dad.

We're gonna play golf together and tennis.

Wait till you see your
room, it's got little lambs

all over it.

Yeah.